Emergency Intercom - we are so crazy

Episode Date: November 8, 2024

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Right. Right, right. We weren't going to post the episode we filmed this week because we filmed on Monday when we were still, like a lot of you. Hopeful. Very hopeful. I truly thought. With my heart and very hopeful I truly I truly thought I yeah with my heart and soul I truly truly believed but it is what it is and I don't know we weren't

gonna post it because we really obviously don't want it to seem like we think this is something that's not a big deal because like a lot of you we feel the heartbreak of what just happened. It has consumed my entire being for the last three days. Yeah, and it's really devastating, but we thought about it and we decided this morning that the one thing we can do right now is hopefully make y'all laugh. Yeah. That's like like a little a little safe space and like a little moment of levity just like where you can like dissociate and just like not think for a moment because yeah because i know we've all been doing a lot of thinking and a lot of and a lot of watching of things that are not making us feel any better. And I think there is a lot we would like to say, but what we will say for now, before you can just, like, release yourself from fear, is it's super heartbreaking. It is devastating. So many people are going to be affected by this and are actively affected by this, whether you are POC, a woman, a part of the LGBTQIA. It is so hurtful to know that

half the country feels the way they do. But the thing we are trying to lean the most on is the reflection that is so many people who believe in equal rights, blank, blank, period. I can't believe it. I can't. I can't. I can't. Okay, we're really bad at trying to be positive.

So we thought we would just kind of like let you guys have a space where you can remove yourself and just like laugh at this episode again because we were gonna refilm an episode but we are so sad and upset and we don't want to because it's sad and we thought yeah we're just gonna be silent and like back away and really our dream was to disappear for the next four years as i'm sure a lot of people's dreams are too but the reality is that's what they want that's what they want that would be letting oppressors win and to exist and live in the spaces we all live in is the important thing I think also we forget that we can quite literally be the most annoying people on earth if we wanted to

um i'm not saying that's like maybe the right move right now but like if it gets there like we truly like i i have no problem ruining lives like i really i have no problem like don't get me started because i've been sounding crazy yeah like at like the most out-of-pocket crazy shit but everything in india said and more but i don't know just hold out hope like stick to your communities i think that's the most important thing um and just like look out for each other be aware and this too shall pass really just trying to lean into the positive that yeah okay guys enjoy the episode please enjoy the episode go brain dead for a moment just let it let's act like it was last week shall we when there was hope joy Oh, you're eating.

You're going to eat in my fucking face. I stay eating. I hate the sound of eating. Hi, back to emergency intercom it's been so long oh my god like seriously i have been crashing the fuck out literally d1 level crash outs me when i send that text to your iphone what text the crash text we talked about this last episode the episode the text that makes your phone die oh my iphone be like d1 level crash out um why have you been crashing out what's wrong uh i actually haven't been crashing it i was lying i was lying about it all. It's a weird thing to lie about.

I am going to start this episode off by saying probably the most circa 2012 Twitter thought I've had in a while. But I just one night was really sitting with myself thinking about this. Red receipts are the craziest invention you've ever done. Like there is genuinely, there are no pros like it's negative it is like net negative it is just psychological warfare even because in my head i was thinking like i was really going deep i was thinking about this for like an hour the other night because also drew wasn't in town and i have also decided that i cannot be left alone for more than 12 hours

because things happen things happen audio messages are being sent because i need to speak it like it's really it's not even like you're being trapped in your mind you just need to hear your own voice yeah i just want to hear me talk and i listen back to myself and i'm like oh god i'm so i love listening back to a voice and then i send i literally love it when you send a really funny one you're like wait like exactly or like even like a serious one and sometimes i'm like what damn i really do have that in me don't i like i really do have it in me um but the good news is i wrote down what i was thinking and i was going to post this on my story but i was like i'll save it for the podcast so you guys can hear it from me directly red receipts are still the craziest thing iphones ever did to us like what i genuinely can't

think of a single fucking benefit to that it's literally just psychological warfare like this feels like the most twitter circa 2012 comment to make but it's not even funny or original but i'm seriously just concerned as to why we made that a thing there is no benefit like i was and i was trying to think like okay maybe it's just so if i'm like oh i'm i'm five minutes away i can see you read it bitch i still want you to say okay. I don't give a fuck if babies are crossing the street. Hit them. Text me back, challenge.

Yeah, I want you to tell me that you saw my fucking text. I just don't understand. Also, it ruined it for the people that leave people undelivered. Because now there's this whole idea that like, oh, I got left undelivered. I got left undelivered. Yes, you did. I don't want to talk to you. And that's okay.

Also, why do I have to fucking respond to everything? Everything doesn't need a response. Also, if you were like one of my friends who has DM me, you know more than anybody. If you think I don't reply to text, bitch, a DM is not getting a reply like a DM. Also, I am crazy. If anyone is my friend, I think I've even done it to y'all. When I post a story that a lot of my friends reply, y'all all are getting the same fucking response.

I don't reply to stories. Dude, people respond to my stories because I'm just like so enchanting and like fun and witty. Oh, I get that too. And I carry all these things like sex in the city. I reply to every story. Kai hearts every single story. Every girl story he sees, he likes.

Well, when I'm high, I start liking stories like they were sent for me so i think i do that also i just need to call out that i was quoting miss wait oh my god hello hello hello what the hell is her name well her her username is white male ego in a blunt that's what i was saying where when i said like i carry all these house like sex in the city am i silly or am i insane i'm giving me sativa mary jane oh sorry well i'm not joking i was in texas screen time was about at 14 hours a day for two days like i was i was really in the thick of it and like i think some of the best moments i've had with myself is when my screen time is the highest like really truly like that's when i feel the most alive is when i'm on the phone as much as i possibly can well i was scrolling through the old tick tock tick tock tip top and i saw a video of a dog just chilling like it was

just chilling like minding its own fucking business and this big ass like rottweiler scary motherfucking dog pulled up on this dog and went to like actually go kill this dog and without a fucking second thought this cat that was hanging out with the little dog jumped in and beat the fuck out of this bigger dog. Like it was it was literally like it didn't even have to think about it. And I'm not kidding. I sat there and was like genuinely inspired by that video. And I was like, oh, my God, like be more like the cat.

Like I was literally like, like, I need to actually like get into a situation with Enya so I can like take up for her. Like that was literally the last time you did that you literally like i was a child awful night and you thought you were gonna die oh like at the smoke shop drew and drew stood up for me and then he spent the next like literal eight hours in a psych i thought he was gonna kill me i literally thought i was gonna be killed like i saw my death flash but for my eyes also i don't think we talk about how someone literally broke into our house i mean we do talk about it enough but someone broke

into our house and chased me chased me through my own fucking home like also every time we say that to people they are literally their faces are like they can't believe it still and you're still there yeah we still are because we're showing them we don't talk about it enough we don't talk anymore how do i search so much shit up listen like listen to my searches literally the last i was looking for the search that i found the cat video pop the balloon for gays lavender marriages damn i forgot twilight imperium adam sm6 band balding marcia p johnson i'm forming my own cloud baphomet hand symbols baphomet not okay sophie vacuum by arca niacinamide supplement on tiktok you're looking this up yeah this is like and then i looked up

uh vlada the slavic doll because she tore that runway her coke walk was incredible which is that the girl who was like really really tiny she was like the slavic doll like she was she wore that like one blue dress with the frills up here and had the bouncy angelic hair it's weirdly you know a lot more about like model culture than i do like i don't know models i just think the girls are so fucking hot like that's really what oh i forget yeah the girls are so fucking bad bro that's why you're that's why you want to start watching project runway dude well i feel like they're really hot but they wear too much makeup right honestly i'm with kai on that girl should girls should wear less makeup because like it

none of those guys you're natural no none of us guys like makeup period like none of us like it i've never really understood that like i've genuinely like there's that like on a core level i've just never understood the beef with makeup like like there's that like on a core level i've just never understood the beef with makeup like it really just feels like something to talk about it's just it feels like such a right right right conversation like right dude i also hate when my girlfriend wears lipstick right right is it saying my wife my wife my wife did i love when you're trying to remember something and you say all the things that are chiming in your brain to remember it like what's the borat thing the uh my wife dude oh my god i'm

so smoked but i don't think we really focused enough on my searches this is just today by the way baphomet into what the fuck is baphomet as above so below what is it oh is that like a universal symbol for balance but it's been taken by the illuminati really like people are like what is it what does it mean what's the meaning though of as above so below girl i don't know i just heard it today on tiktok oh okay i mean i think it's like demonic like heaven or like earth and hell like balancing shit like that but i truly don't know but i was just looking at baphomet because i just want to know the hand symbols so i can throw them up and people think like oh my god is drew a part of the illuminati all i know is this why is that oh shit that's that was cool for me that's my slime that was cool for me to see y'all are making me feel fucking crazy like something is like really something scary is

happening post halloween like the day after halloween everything shifted and from that day to now i have genuinely felt like i was living in the twilight zone like i think i slipped between a crowd and you literally came into my room after sitting in her car for an hour like crying and just like writhed around on my floor wrapping herself up in my crumb blanket so you know it's bad when she's all up in my crumbs from my like food from the last month because like something she and it wasn't even like a sadness or an anger or like an emotion at all it was like nothing there was nothing behind i feel nothing wait what week of your ssri are you on i just upped it oh really yeah was it week four

right i've been on it for like two months so i was like oh there's other factors at play yeah there are other factors yeah but we don't have to get into it halloween yeah demonic halloween basically um i think i i just think i'm gonna die and that's okay also i've been so fucking cold i genuinely don't know how i'm gonna survive the winter i think i'm gonna die this is the craziest thing i'm about to do but i literally need to show the layers i'm wearing right now to like attempt cold this is crazy like me and dressing but this feels really inappropriate because kai's right there i'm not looking take that shit off oh that's fucking sick do you have any other layers on should we see those

should we just shed another layer randomly i don't know i have a big diaper on yeah and he's been wearing this fucking vibe is crazy this is genuinely how i feel though oh wow um but yeah i don't know if i'm gonna make it guys so yeah no it's been so cold in our goddamn house it's been brutal the winter is going to be awful here and i don't remember it being this cold last year honestly i don't but i also i say that every year i never remember it being cold yeah and but i did run the heater all day every day last year the second the temperatures dip below seven. Wait, what is dip below 70? What is that? Dip below? Dip. Oh, a Frank Ocean song.

What? Dip below? No, dip below 70 because I'm biking. Oh, I don't remember. I don't remember. Also, I decided I really still don't like sports because it is still so fucked up. The Dodgers just won. Yes, go LA.

That's awesome. And I really have no part in any of it like i have no sportsmanship for any team on the planet but i will never get over how fucking sad it is to see the people losing like there is something so sad like it should be illegal to record the losing team like seriously they just fucking lost like now you're gonna put a camera in their face and there's always a compilation of the team like seriously they just fucking lost like now you're gonna put a camera in their face and there's always a compilation of the team like the best is when it's like the confetti that's colored like the other team well they're just like walking through and it's like you they're just so sad be better do better try harder like i don't give a fuck also fuck the yankees sorry but i also do agree like in the um the super bowl that was the saddest shit I have ever seen. Dude, it's just always so sad.

Because that was America's team this year. Like the team that lost. I'm not lying. If you put a gun in my face right now and you said, what teams played the Super Bowl? Just fucking kill me. I like, I can't think of it like. I literally don't remember.

I didn't even know the World Series was happening. I just heard fireworks the night that it ended. I know Dodgers and Yankees. I can't think of a single. The Dolphins. I know the Dolphins didn't play, but I'm just trying to think of names. I'm going to show you logos. I almost said bands.

I'm going to show you NFL logos, and then you have to tell me what the team name is okay should i pull my pants back up no it's kind of a fucking vibe like keep them down the fuck the fuck oh green bay packers but that's it says pack oh and i know that because harry styles i think really liked the green bay packers i'm not even kidding or it's like i know it's the san francisco 49ers i know those are two teams and i know the san francisco 49ers because that's who played in the super bowl is that is that the rams i'm like loki cheating texas yeah it's texas uh the houston texans that's what they're called just the texans

why are the rest of them that's rams right yeah okay you know no oh you know a little bit i just told you who played wait who played a girl 49ers the fucking beatles i don't get this one this is the last one i'll be genuinely upset dallas cowboys okay because the cheer show i was gonna say that is like i know a thing or two you know and now you should show me fashion designers that everybody should know and then I can guess. I feel like you would know them. No, I know too much.

Yeah, you know way too much. I genuinely, I'm not kidding. And this is not an ego thing at all. I literally know too much. Like it's at, it's to a point where like genuinely like, like it freaks me out. No, last night on the couch, it was literally cracking me up. I don't even remember our conversation, but we started just like talking about humans in general. And Drew was literally freaking me out because also I want to make something very clear because

there's this idea because I call myself dumb. Like I downplay it. I call myself dumb because I have from a very young age. I keep standards very low and I like to call myself dumb so that I surprise people when they find out I'm not actually dumb because I'm not fucking dumb. But I genuinely think I block certain information from my brain for my own sanity because there are just certain things I shouldn't fucking know. I genuinely like I shouldn't know the world is strange magic by elo i love start i love that the world is magical like it really truly is like it is it is pure magic once you go deep enough into like i don't know once you go deep enough and you start like

really like connecting dots you're like oh like actually truly this is magical also you know what i found out recently is that like quantum experiment where it's like oh like the uh the i think it's called like the slit experiment but i'm gonna i'm gonna like put my penis inside of the uh quantum slit experiment slit if you put your penis into the slit and no one sees it, did it go into the slit? It's like Schrodinger's penis. Schrodinger's body count?

Yeah. Five below. This feels like the straightest episode we've ever had. No, I'm just talking about the quantum split. I don't know what that is. It's like, basically, the people that do know it is we've been like fooled and lied to it's not as crazy as it sounds like people the idea was like that everyone has in their head is that like uh these like quantum particles when they're being

observed they like know they're being observed but i i can't remember what the real thing is, but I saw Mike, not Mike Tyson. What's the other, like the other dude with the last name Tyson? Neil deGrasse Tyson. Yeah, Neil deGrasse Tyson. He was like, no, we've like been taught wrong our whole life. Really?

Yeah, but it's not as crazy as it sounds. Well, whatever that is, I think it happened to me after Halloween. Like I genuinely think that- Quantum immortality, that shit freaks me the fuck out. Hey, guys, I wanted to take a quick break to thank the sponsor of today's episode, Shopify. Y'all, I say it a million times and I'll say it again. Shopify changed not only my life, but your life as well. Shopify was made for people like me and Drew.

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Shopify.com slash intercom. Oh my God, wait, should I talk about on Halloween how I fucking fell? Like I literally busted my ass. I was at a party and I wasn't drunk and I didn't get high because I was like, I don't know how many people at this party I'm going to know. I was already feeling really anxious and like I didn't really want to go out. So I was like, fuck it. I'm just like not going to smoke because earlier in the night I had smoked and we went to a party with friends who I knew

and even that was like overwhelming so then like two hours later when we ended up at this other party I was sober and I was like I am not doing that bitch how the fuck did I still fall like I fucking fell and it's so embarrassing because I got into this party. One thing about me is I will be falling at the party like I will be. And it's not even like you're drunk to the point where you're like falling over you just like slip and fall i just fall so easily like your bloodline is cursed me is like i one thing about me is i'm gonna fall i'm gonna bump into something i'm gonna wake up with a bruise like i'm just like i'm a clumsy kind of girl and i was going downstairs behind rain and she told me all she heard behind her was like like me falling and i

was loud as fuck and also my vocal cords were just prepped to scream like that because the second i got into this party my puff bar died so like imagine me an hour without nicotine no substances in my body only fucking water and i fell in front of everybody and it was so humiliating and um it made me laugh really hard I've just had very embarrassing moments this past weekend because also I went to a spa and I won't say who I ran into um I went to a spa alone because I was just Drew wasn't around no one was around I was like I'm just I'm on a new mission to like find a spa I like so I went to this spa and I was like this is awesome i'm never gonna see anybody i know here it's really horrible really i mean it's not horrible but it's just so funny of course

this would happen to me we have to like bleep and like blur who i saw but i had just gotten the worst massage of my life first let's start there I got a massage and the woman hated me like something about her she wanted to beat me up and honestly god bless but she was going so fucking hard on my tendons on my back like left shoulder blade at one point I was like can you go a little softer and she genuinely said no you're tense you need this and kept beating me up the whole time so I got out of that and i already felt fucking weird because i was like okay that was like the worst massage in my life also actually it was a hot stone massage and she gave me third degree fucking burns on my back like i genuinely

like it was so hot that at one point i went like i like not kidding not trying to be funny like anytime i would find comfort and finally fall asleep and got used to the pain she was inflicting on me she would bring out a new weapon and her weapon was the fucking stones and they were so fucking hot like they were the hottest thing that's ever touched my skin and there was oil on my back it genuinely felt like it was sizzling on my back and it hurt so bad and then i get out of there and i was like, whatever. I'm going to go do like the sauna and cold plunge and then fucking leave. When I walk out, I am like near the entrance and I look to the left because I heard a familiar voice and I was like, oh, what? And then I turn and I see like someone and I'm like, and it's fucking.

But I like saw them and I'm talking to them and I'm being really awkward because all I can think immediately is I'm like, oh, my God, we're going to see each other naked. We're going to see each other naked. And I don't care. Like, I'm not somebody who cares about being butt naked nasty around people. But I just like to go into it knowing that and going into something like I didn't prep like I was going to a One Direction concert. We'll just say that I was very much like who's gonna fucking see me bro like

there was no sounds in the house that was like like before i left not a single razor i was like all i could think is i was like oh my god oh my god oh my god i'm gonna have to see this person naked like they're gonna see me naked this is so humiliating i'm gonna freak out but then she was like oh i'm going to get a massage so i was like oh okay thank god like i'm not gonna see them naked why the fuck were our lockers right next to each other and my fucking freak ass had my vape in the pocket of my uh robe and I was like I need to go put this vape down because like I'm gonna jump in the water with it or like it's just it's inappropriate for me to be walking around the spa with my fucking vape so I was like I'm gonna go put it in the locker and when I was turning the corner I like turned and I saw both

of them naked and I like went to go away fast, but had turned and looked at me. And I literally, oh my God, my pants. I'm so awkward. But I literally was like, I walked out. Oh, and like walked in covering my eyes. I walked in covering my eyes. And then she made fun of me and she was like oh my god like it's not that big of a deal and I was like yeah and then somebody else was in front of my locker so

I just had to stand but I didn't tell you this I just had to stand between them while they were naked and I was in a robe and just looking away from them because I was like and they were talking to me but I just couldn't oh my god I couldn't face them because i was like i like also i think the other thing is it just felt inappropriate because i wasn't naked so it felt like i was being pervy because also like they're both very gorgeous i find them attractive like as people and i'm not close enough to them so it was just like this really weird interaction i think i was over reading it um yeah they definitely talked mad shit about you after they were like and you was being so fucking weird. That's all I could think is I was like, I'm being so creepy.

I'm like literally being creepy right now. Yeah, I love the word creepy. But also, you know what it is too? As I was thinking about it, I was like, I think I was overanalyzing it too. Because like, this is somebody who like, both of them are like so attractive. Like, I've like, told friends that I like, think like, is cute. And like, I was like, fuck i like think like it's cute and like i was like fuck i feel like that's gotten back to her so i'm like really actively trying not to be a fucking creep right now like i'm trying i'm trying so hard not to be a creep that i'm coming off

really yeah really you putting your hands up is like the funniest visual ever because that is so not you like you were so shocked and stunned that you put your hand in front of your face like i don't know that that that visual is like so and it makes no sense because i'm straight so i don't know why i was acting exactly because ew but um yeah i was trying really hard not to be creepy and i think i just made don't say it about girls and then i also on top of everything i ended up running into them one more time at the bathroom before they went to the massage and i was talking to them and like one of them was like oh your headphones are like so interesting

because i had the little like beats headphones that go in your ear and i pulled it out and i was like oh yeah like i love these headphones blah blah and we like talked about them for a second and then i was like all right I'm gonna go like enjoy your massage we split off into separate ways I go in the sauna and I sit in there for like 15 minutes and all I could think about is like what is wrong with me like I felt like the way you felt when you interacted with that uber oh my god I don't we never talked about that oh my god dude I was in this uber and we were on the way home from the Conan concert. And Josiah was playing awesome, good music.

It was a great playlist, and I could tell the Uber driver was vibing with it, too. Yeah, because he put certain songs up really loud. Yeah, he would turn them up really loud without us asking, and it was just a little party in our uber and then like when we were getting out he was like um he was like that was like a really nice like vibe you curated like those were like that was a good playlist and i was like you like that as i was getting out of the uber i just like that i was like huh you like that and i got out of the car immediately and was like oh my fucking god i hate myself i'm so fucking stupid and awkward and like why can't i talk to people and i was like having a fucking meltdown for like 20 minutes after because like oh my god you like that you like that

like and it wasn't even like oh it wasn't even supposed to be funny. I was just, like, genuinely, like, having a conversation with him. It felt dead silent. Like, it was, like, so awkward. I know. We just dropped out of the car and, like, ran into the apartment. It was so awkward, y'all. And, like, I have so many moments like that where, like, I am just so bad at talking to people. Like, even people that I, like, have known for years and years and years.

Like, I still am still am like intimidated by their presence for some reason and i don't know if it's because like when i was meeting them i i all had them on like a pedestal and like da da da da da da and like now i see them as my friends and i i don't know if there's this like weird psychological thing every now and then yeah oh my god like look at who i'm talking yeah i don't know it's it's such a bizarre thing but then like it takes me like maybe three minutes to like get into it and then once i'm in it like i'm a hoot and holler i was not i was quite literally anything but a hoot you were a creep and a purr i was being freaky as fuck and then i finally like removed myself from the situation i'm in the sauna removing yourself from the situation i'm in the sauna and removing yourself from the situation

i finally have like de-escalated and like walked myself off a cliff and i was like it's okay like you're overthinking it because my immediate thought was like to text them and be like i am so sorry if i was awkward but i'm i've been trying not to do that because like it just makes things awkward and it's all in my head and i'm faking it. And like, what is I'm making it awkward. And if it is awkward, you don't need to know. It doesn't matter because like they, like,

I will never know if they like see me like that. Like, it doesn't matter. But like, and I, I finally just like, I had removed myself from that. And then I'm sitting in the sauna.

I'm like, damn, I'm about to fucking knock out. I need to go get in the cold plunge. And mind you, my headphones that I just, Oh my God. I fell asleep in the sauna,

by the way. Really? Like I fully, fully fell asleep. And sauna by the way really like i fully fully fell asleep and then i like woke up and was like because like i was so hot and overheating i was like oh my god i like almost just died like my body woke me up at the perfect time before death but sorry um and then i'm like listening to my music and i'm getting into it because i'm listening to like my new playlist and i'm like damn these songs are so good like I feel good and I'm like smiling to myself because I'm in such a good mood because I love cold plunges so much I'm like oh my

god like it's so awesome I like put my foot in a little bit and I was so overheated that I didn't even feel cold and I was like this is amazing and I just jump in and I'm like in there for like three minutes just kind of like dunking my head in and like like damn my music stopped like why did my music stop that was such a vibe bitch i got in the fucking cold plunge with my headphones and then i proceeded to look embarrassing as fuck because i got out and i tried to act casual but i was freaking out and i was taking them out and like drying them and also the like soft parts of the earbuds fell into like the big used towel thing so then i looked like more like a pervert you were smelling people's towels like digging through this towel soiled towel and then i looked like more like a pervert you were smelling people's towels like digging

through this towel soiled towel and then i just had to give up because there was like a few girls behind me i was like fuck like i have the kind of ass where you just see butthole and you don't see cheeks and i was like i need to stop like bending over in front of that i hate bending over in the this when i like am in the locker room butt ass naked this is how I bend over like if I drop something I like crouch down because no one is allowed to see my butthole and yeah that was my this is the video that inspired me

that's where I've been at mentally this is the video that inspired me by the way like look damn it's actually impressive like he's taking on four big ass dogs and then the other cat was saved um there was another one that i saw that was even like more easier oh also in terms of like red receipts being psychological warfare so is the citizen app because my phone somehow sensed i was home alone for the first time in like over a year i haven't spent time alone fully to myself in so long and i was on such a good vibe I was like not fearful of my life I didn't think I was going to be murdered which is genuinely like such a relief and then it is a like 11 something and I get a random notification that I can't see because that like show because it

has an address in it it just said like 0.3 miles away um a new sexual offender just moved onto your street okay first of all it's fucking midnight i know he didn't like register like he didn't get the application for that home right now also why would you send that to me as a notification like that's not something i want to just randomly be reminded and then i sat and i looked through how many fucking i've done that before live near me and i genuinely was shaking in fear and i was convinced i was going to be killed um and then i watched a murder documentary i was gonna say y'all you know like we're like going through it down bad tremendously because like we're watching murder shows again and that's how i gauge my mental health now i can't like have an internal dialogue with myself anymore because like i'm so fucking deranged and i don't want to think thoughts um is i look at like physical

things that i'm like consuming or doing and i am watching people murder their friends and family um or people's friends and family getting murdered by a random fucking person and oh my god it is so like i hate that i love it i hate that i love it because it's so fascinating to me to see like like how these people get caught and whatever it's really just like oh i feel like i'm solving the mystery with you i cannot believe that i literally only got two weeks of not being seasonally depressed like i feel like two weeks ago was like the first day that the veil lifted and i was like oh my god like i actually feel good like i feel like lighter like oh my god seasonal depression is over like it only lasted nine months it only lasted nine months

bitch i'm back in it like i'm immediately back in it like i know bro i literally had dinner yesterday at 5 30 p.m and i i think that's also what set me off is i had dinner way too early and then i looked at the time and it was 7 p.m that's how i feel every night i'm like can i just like can it be midnight so i can go to bed like i don't want to be awake and it's so cold in the house that i literally also like blah blah blah complain complain complain but this is just really where i'm at i wanted a heated blanket so bad because i've been dying in the house and i went to target and to cbs and they didn't have it and i sat in the car for hours like the whole time i was gone yesterday i was just in my

car like i wasn't in any i was in both of those shops for a maximum of five minute each and then i they didn't have it and then i tried to instacart it from like a kohl's that's like fucking five miles away and they didn't have it either so i just froze over in bed last night um and that's my story and i ordered a heated blanket. But I'm also scared. I feel like I'm the kind of person who will die from a heated blanket. Because every night before I go to bed, I look at my heater. And I'm genuinely convinced it's going to set on fire and kill me.

I know heaters don't just explode. But I genuinely feel like mine is destined to explode and kill me. Yeah, I think yours is going to explode and kill you. And I can't sleep with it on because i'm convinced it's gonna kill me and then i turn it off and i have to wake up in the middle of the night and turn it back on because in my sleepy haze i'm like whatever if this explodes i don't give a fuck but before i go to bed i'm like the killer is here i love sleeping with the heater. Well, I realized I can't think. You can't think? I can't think straight when I'm not home and a package gets delivered.

Like there's something like in my brain that like it's the only thing I'm fixated on. And I'm like, it's not even like I'm worried about it getting stolen there is an element of that in there but it's literally like like it's it's all i can think about and it could be like the most minuscule like meaningless like parcel ever but if i know that it's sitting on my front porch and i just want to fucking open that i want to open it like i want it right now like like i could have an empty box or like if i could have a box delivered to my door every morning even just with my morning coffee in there i would be so happy even just to rip it open like even if there was just a letter in there with like a receipt and nothing else in there just the joy of opening a box something that was sitting on your front porch

like yeah it was like made for me like that was for me this was handcrafted with the expectation that enya umanzor would open it um but then also once i bring that box inside it actually makes me want to fucking blow the house up because i can't stand a box i hate fucking boxes y'all they just sit like we know we know what are you trying to say? You know. That sounded crazy. Oh, that sounded crazy. My God. I really love a a vagina but i hate a box no i can't stand i can't stand when there's a box in the house like i will genuinely go out and do like if i need to run an errand and grab something say i like fucking ran out of foundation i will go to the store buy the

foundation and whatever other piece of useless shit i somehow got while i was out don't take in your support bro i will unbox everything before i get into the house because the last don't take your girl to sephora for real don't take your girl to sephora no oh the last thing i want to don't hit me also um the mass singer genuinely needs to stop like it's the creepiest show ever it is the weirdest thing like i remember you talking about that it's demonic whatever it's funny what the fuck is the point of that like i i still don't understand the point of the show like are the are the judges supposed to guess who's behind the mask because also i feel like i could hear anyone singing and if i didn't see their face or it wasn't an artist i

listen to all the time how the fuck am i supposed to know who you wasn't jojo siwa like a masked singer i think she was yeah and is it like a new person every episode or is it like a group of masked singers that like get voted off because they're not as good as the other ones and at the very end they do like a big reveal and it's like i don't know how it works or is it the point of the mass singer is to keep the identities of the celebrity contestants a secret while they compete in a singing competition so it is a competition the goal is for the contestants to keep up as the judges and audience vote for their favorite singer the mass celebs with the least number of votes must unveil their true selves oh so it's a humiliation ritual yeah at the end of the day at the end of the day that's all it is at the end bro but like the

costumes is literally i can't believe we made fun of furries for so long and then the mass singer happened like are you dead fucking serious also some of these like costumes suck dick and balls they're the weirdest thing ever like what do you mean that's a victorian cheetah like literally that one reminds me of like hunter x hunter i kind of like the panda what the fuck is this is that a fly is that a sexy fly yeah i think it's a sexy spider i don't know it's got wings though but the panda's kind of cute ew these are fucking creepy bro the beady eyes um i don't know how to get back to those because we should send those um yeah fuck the mass singer period like unless i'm on there that'd be kind of iconic if i was like a mass singer you like can't sing to save your life i know but it would be like a funny moment it would be like the like the joke character they always bring on to like america's

got talent where it's like so very obviously what would your animal be um you're gonna say some weird shit like a fucking bug probably a dog because i got that dog in me oh the puppy you could be the dog yeah the dog that votes um fuck fuck i was gonna say something i forgot someone help i sit in bed with the anxiety of i need to stop just like trying to read my notes verbatim because it never ever works out for me i know when i read them verbatim i have to add a bunch of words because i also do voice to text a lot of times and i don't know what about my voice siri does not know what the fuck i'm saying half the time but i was trying to say i sit in bed with the same anxiety level of a human that was being hunted for sport and it's literally just me actually just scrolling on my phone and i feel like i'm literally gonna die at some points like i'm literally laying there and i'm

like oh my god like i am so close to death dude we have just strayed so far from our purpose. The plot has been lost. Like we need to like go back to the forest or something like really bad. Like I think me and Drew are genuinely getting very close to spiritual psychosis. Like we always joke about it, but I'm like, it gets to a point. Like recently I've just felt out of breath, like just from existing. Like I have to keep catching my breath and it feels like every waking moment i am on the verge of a panic attack all that has to be said to me is one like sentence and it will send me there drew almost sent me there yesterday when you were talking about like evolution yeah like i literally had to stop i had to stop the conversation because

i was like dude like this is too much because also mind you like 20 minutes later i downloaded a game on my ps5 called squirrel with a gun and it was the greatest thing that's ever happened to india for like five minutes she was like drew come look at this drew no seriously come look at this game i'm playing and i was like how much is it and she was like oh it was 20 bucks and i like almost fell to the floor i was like i could not believe that you spent 20 bucks on that shitty fucking game and i'm gonna play the fuck out of it like i think i'm gonna stream it without saying anything like i'm not gonna have like voice chat on or anything i just want to stream it because like dude that was like the most at ease my brain has felt like to just be a squirrel also then i got really sad yesterday because i was like

fuck i like would have oh that's what was freaking me out is i feel like i'd have such a good life as a monkey like oh i'd be so happy and i wish i was michael jackson's monkey like i wish i was bubbles because you know bubbles was living it up yeah bubbles bubbles had a good life um well when i don't text someone back it's because i saw the text and i was scrolling on t and I didn't want to respond. And that's truly okay and acceptable. But when someone doesn't text me back, it's because they want me to die and they fucking hate my guts. And I truly, I truly believe that. Like, to my core, I'm like, okay, what did I do? The way you talk about people not texting you back is crazy.

Like, what did I do? Like, actually, like, what did I do for you to treat me this way? I just like, I can't remember the last time I didn't get a text back and it like killed me. There is like one scenario, but that was kind of work involved. So I think that's why it bothered me so much. But I don't know if I'm somebody like when someone doesn't text me back, I kind of get like this overwhelming feeling of relief.

Like I've been freed. Like you freed the genie. Like I literally like, I feel like the the genie like i literally like i feel like the fucking genie yeah because when you do text someone back it's like opening pandora's box in a way and it's just like a whole conversation going i have to keep saying things and i have to keep thinking of new things to say like i don't want to think of anything else to say unless i just i'm like i don't have a burning desire to speak anymore. I think I need to, I think I need to get hit in the head really hard.

I was gonna say, I need a 72 hour psychiatric hold. I truly, I think that, I'm not joking, I think that would save everything for me, but I don't know if I would make it out. I think I might get trapped in the system

because I'm so fucking crazy. They'd be like, how are you feeling? And I would be like, oh yeah, the like Illuminati is like recruiting me right now because i genuinely believe that archive because i have something to show you after this that i'm not gonna fucking mention on this goddamn podcast because the killer it's genuinely fucking creepy it scared the shit out

of me and i had just gotten back at home after a long travel day i didn't sleep a fucking wink on my goddamn flight home because i don't i literally don't know why and i watched disturbia which freaked me the fuck out because i was like cool the killer lives next door to me also shia labeouf is like a decent actor yeah and it was just like really just like wait did you guys see megalopolis yes it was so horrible it was ass it was horrible it was like literally butt crack it wasn't even ass like it was like so so terrible like i literally but i will say it made me kind of happy for him to be able to create that movie because it felt like it was like his like dying wish he was like we're gonna change the world and it was like sweet in that way but i got home and i was like already teetering on like a psychiatric break and i walk

into the front door and i'm like oh i got a package the package was scary the contents of the package was quite literally the most horrifying thing i've ever received in my life really yes like genuine like genuine terror like my blood went cold and i texted everybody and i was like who did this who the fuck did this and everyone was like it wasn't me it wasn't me it wasn't even it wasn't me and i even texted like my family and i was like did y'all do this? And they were like, no. It's like really genuinely cooked for me. Well, this is going to sound like a very ignorant thought and I'm not naive. I understand that this is a necessity because we have just gone too far with plastic. But something about a recycled

plastic container holding the food I'm eating doesn't sit right with me. i don't want to eat my sloppy soup out of a recycled container because all i can think about when i look at it is like literally what the fuck was this plastic before this like it quite literally could have been a rose toy like i we don't know how anything i want that plastic like i know like when you burn it down like the bacteria gets killed but something something is so evil about it like i don't want my things and i'll always do it like i don't give a fuck like yeah per recycle like yes but give me plastic straws back i can't stand a paper straw

i'm so sorry like i don't give a fuck if that's like if i'm over because i believe that but like i give me a bottle of kolonapin and a couple land mines and i will get plastic straws back into our ecosystem like i'm serious well haven't you had the plant ones those are pretty good oh the like the like brown like yeah they're kind of like they're kind of plasticky yeah they're like yeah i think that shit's just fucking plastic and they're just like making it brown because humans are stupid and they're like it's like 98 plastic but since there's no like fda regulations they can claim the two percent like plant yeah like the weird forks like i hate a wooden fork too like a wooden i love a wooden fork the texture of it dragging my fucking skin it reminds me of being in school and eating like a cup of ice cream like bluebell ice cream i like chewing

biting down accidentally on like you know with ice cream they have those little like spoons that come with it and if you bite down on that i'm it makes my body like it flavors the ice cream like it makes it like wood flavor like if you get a vanilla with a wooden spoon if you bite it you don't cringe i thought that was like a human reaction like i like a basic human reaction there's a difference like i like to chew on it like if i bitch if i eat a popsicle that wood is getting it crazy like i am chewing on that fucking stick till literally it's like i think i really just like wood products but if i'm like eating something i for me it's more so like grazing my teeth by accident or

grazing my lip by accident have y'all ever eaten tinfoil like bit like chewed on yeah it's horrible like that truly like is the worst sensation ever. But that is also coming from someone who like genuinely ate paper for like nine years of his life. I was just about to say if I could go back in time and do anything, I would eat the brown paper from school. I would eat just regular white printer paper or the suckers like the paper sucker sticks. I would like bite into them. Oh, like a lollipop? Yeah, I'd unroll it and eat it. Yeah, I would eat the lollipop sticks. That's probably why I have stomach issues now.

Well, I ate those and I'm fine. You have stomach issues because something's wrong with you. I was addicted to Percocet in high school and I think it seized my colon permanently. Aw. Yeah. Story for another time um but yeah i think if i could go back to school and just like eat some paper put it in the water throw it at the ceiling i think that would help a lot for my

i really do think it would shift things i think it would i literally feel like i genuinely feel like I broke the code like I think falling at that party like did something like I ended up in a I fell into a different timeline another dimension another dimension another dimension another dimension well the scariest haunted house that I experienced this year was my own when I finally cleaned the or hung up the pile of clean clothes on the floor of my bedroom I am normally so good about hanging up my clean clothes like it's the first thing I do and I one thing that Kai said to me that has literally like become a permanent reminder in my brain anytime i'm doing laundry and like i don't know why but it like has stuck with me and it's like jonathan like saying i had a good nose like that stuck with me forever kai one time i was like doing laundry in front of him and i like before i hang up all my shirts i like fold them and I put them on a pile like in a pile on my bed.

And then I grab my hangers and I like hang up the folded clothes in my closet. Like I unfold them, hang them up. And Kai was like, why are you folding your clothes to hang them up? Like you are literally wasting so much time. I know. I didn't know you did that. And it has literally every single time I'm doing laundry, I think of you, Kai of that comment do you still fold your clothes before yeah of course it's more of like an organization thing like it's like okay there's like a pile of weird it's like there's a pile of

my shirts there's a pile of my sweaters there's a pile of my hoodies there's a pile of my pants there's a pile of my underwear there's a pile of my socks and then i can go through and hang them up by the pile because like doing it like pulling it out and like hanging it up and throwing it in and just having like a bunch of random clothes like this is like some serial killer shit i know i'm like what no someone out there relates because it's like it just feels so like like primal to just like pick out a pair of underwear and fold it and put it away and hang up a shirt right after i like kind of get that but i don't fold the clothes like i fold

the clothes that need to be folded and i make all my little piles and then anything that needs to be hung i like have like a pile of shirts that need to be hung or jackets that need to be hung or skirts that need to be hung and i like line them up but i don't fucking fold them you freak bitch oh my god you're really weird and it makes me like look at you in a different light um I need to be hung. And I like line them up, but I don't fucking fold them. You freak bitch. Oh my God. You're really weird. And it makes me like, look at you in a different light. Whoa.

Next time I leave the house and I haven't filled up my tank and I'm rushing somewhere and my car needs to be filled up and I'm like rushing and running more late than I already am. I think I'm just going to kill myself. Yeah, I feel that.

Cause I hate, also I just hate gas station pumps because in miami wait should we kill ourselves together i think so like that's kind of what it's giving if we got rid of ourselves at the same time we wouldn't have to worry about how it'd make each other feel yeah i have to die before my family and india because i realized that if india dies before me and all of my family members die before me i'm gonna be the creepy pervy old fucking nasty man in the like government owned like insane asylum old folks home where like all of the stds are going around like and i'm just gonna be like lonely and creepy

oh stds are like rampant in old folks homes really yes it's like a genuine problem like they all have mad stds because they're banging each other get freaky deaky while you can like time is clicking no literally yeah i wonder how much a syphilis diagnosis at 98 like really fucks with you yeah not at all what i don't give a fuck like like i'm just gonna spread this shit too like i don't give a fuck i mean i already do spread my stds around like i have sex with people without telling them that i have them that's illegal and that's awful okay but you're not supposed to do that oh and i'm not supposed to send unsolicited dick pics next like what the fuck you can't do like anything anymore like the liberals are ruining this dude if i found out that was like what you were getting

up to i genuinely be so mad like anytime we talk about a hypothetical like that more than anything i did just pisses me off at the idea of like any of my friends doing some shit like that i'd be like bro for what like why would you do that you could have just been chilling and like having a good life and you destroyed it for what um well when i'm old i already said this last week i'm gonna have a spectacular death but i didn't talk about my funeral i want like a destination funeral i was gonna say i want to go on tour like i want my body to be embalmed and i go on like a stadium tour i know i want a destination funeral that's covered by vogue like it's a wedding like that's what i want i want like

all my girls to get gowns her cas casket was designed by Loewe. I'm going to have like. It was. Oh, it's like your casket is like a Loewe like purse, like texture with leather, like weave the leather. But coffins are really expensive. So like actually don't like genuinely burn me. Come on. Like I was thinking I was like, I don't think I want to be burned when I die anymore.

Like, I don't think I want that. Like, I think I want to be like buried next to anymore. Like, I don't think I want that. Like, I think I want to be, like, buried next to a tree or, like, buried not in a fucking cemetery. Do not put me in a fucking cemetery. Like, I swear to God, if I find out that I'm put in a goddamn cemetery when I die, all of you bitches are for real unironically getting haunted because fuck that. Oh, hell no. So I need to be, like, buried like buried like in the middle of like a forest with a seed planted on top of me i think i want to be buried like a dog like a dog who got hit by a car oh in the backyard with like a rock on top roll me under there and like yeah put a rock

on top so everybody remembers like oh yeah and it's like painted yeah that's what i want or like honestly what i want is like i don't give a fuck like that's how i genuinely feel like once i am dead i don't give a fuck that has actually nothing to do with me how you choose to like treat my body after that is your fucking business but actually don't do an open casket because that's pushing it because i know i'm gonna look fucked up like don't do that to me i saw something that was really dark-sided and sad about someone's like mom talking it like the the daughter was like I was I hate that like I saw my like sibling looking like that like I I would never want an open casket for myself and then the mom said something like really dark-sided and sad and like poetic and was just like well like that's the last time I can hold her or something I don't know it wasn't it wasn't that gay but it was like really it was really deep but this is a really morbid episode well i can talk about um oh this is a good one those i don't know if y'all remember skydiving and cut up my parachute okay i don't know if y'all remember this but those goddamn reversed songs genuinely had me feel like i was tapping into something like deeply sacred like

some like really esoteric like illuminati level of knowledge like backward songs dude when they would reverse songs and it would be like it sounded like the mnemonic chance like that shit like really had me feeling like that requiem for a dream song let me play it like the hold on right the things that make you think are so funny like i really can't make fun of you because i'm like headed down that same path i think just like the older i get like i genuinely i used to be like drew's gonna be a crazy old person i think i'm gonna be right there next to you because i'm losing it oh yeah that's it they like when i heard those songs i legitimately always was like i'm putting the pieces together like i'm solving deep deep mysteries like

uh that song is so fucking good, though. But the context of it. Wasn't it like a Beatles song that you play backwards? Let's look one up. Billie Eilish has one. In this video, Billie Eilish's song when the book... Kill it, kill it. Kill it, kill it.

Scold the girl. Yeah, hmm. Mumbling whisper noises. No way out. Wish to tell him I'm in hell. Wait. These never sat with me. They never like struck a chord with me.

This exact video. Proof of subliminal messages. Now backwards. Okay. Oh, the Beatlesles one all the people now backwards the war beside me the people were beside me? Okay. I shot John Lennon. Yoko Uno Kiss Kiss Kiss forward.

Okay. I just want to know who made this video and at what point were they just want to know like oh wait who made this video and like at what point were they just listening to songs and they were like i need to hear this back i need to hear it back i mean apex twin has always done some like really creepy shit like with his music with like the visualizer and he's always done like good like he a lot of his beats he like will play backwards and like vocals will play backwards and that's how you get the like. He samples his like own music. He's really sick. Small artists.

Y'all wouldn't know about him. I mean, even FKA Twigs did that in that one song. Like, I can't think of the name. Have y'all ever heard of Bjork? Who is that? She's like this small like musician. Her music probably sounds like shit. Like I actually don't give a fuck.

Yeah, no, she makes good music. But like, I feel like she's not known at all well i don't know heraded literally so goaded um and the last thing i want to talk about is um these are my curses of the week and oh yeah yeah yeah and yeah and you're starting a new segment called inya's Curses of the Week. It's a working title. Yeah, we're working on it. But right now, here are my hexes that I'm giving out to people. And this week, I was going a little light. We've already had a morbid episode, so I'll keep it light.

People who are rude to customer service workers, specifically the man who was rude and aggressive to my little sister, you will be perishing and i am casting chaos and bloodshed onto your bloodline your children will have the most dark sinister futures they will perish everyone in your bloodline will have awful awful lives we bought etsy spells yeah i'm buying etsy spells for you and then the men who stand too close to me in line at the airport those are the people who i'm cursing um i'm so sorry but you will not be waking up tomorrow yeah just something like and also um And also, Enya found your address. Oh, no, I actually did.

Enya found your address. Enya found all of your socials. This man attacked my sister at her job. I found, like, that man will never see this, but trust and believe, I know your name. I know your address. I know your birthday. I know, like, where you live. I know where you work.

Your life, your children, your eight Facebook work. I know how many siblings you have. I have everything and you will perish and burn. And if I see anybody, my new thing is, bitch, I'm about to turn into fucking Zorro. I'm about to go out and find all you bitches who are rude to customer service workers because something is fucking wrong with you. You will perish. You will burn. You will fucking die. You will pay for your sins.

You are better than nobody. You think you could just walk into an establishment and belittle somebody who's just trying to do their job just like the fucking rest of us they're just trying to live and work and fucking live a life and you will die you will have such a painful and yet painful chill chill chill because who am i supposed to yell at if i'm having a bad day not the no i always yell at my waiters like i always scream in their face true don't do that yeah i just feel like they like i can't even say it drew's eye up corner if your girl can change attire and you can't it's your job to scream during sex that's good you'll be having a good day then someone your age has their you'll be having a good day then someone your age announces they're buying a house

like literally get the fuck away from me dude somebody like our age accomplishing anything and telling me, I'm like. Like literally get the fuck away from me. Actually get the fuck away from me. You're actually doing that? Like, what do you mean? Am I supposed to be doing that? Because I like can't.

Ugly bitches be like, my dudes gotta be at least 6'2". Bitch, you make me 6'2 my stomach. And then the last one sorry i only talk to people whose soul i recognize from a previous life when i read that that truly resonated with me in a way that i like could not even like comprehend or verbalize because like that's really what it is like every friend every person i've ever interacted with that i have a long meaningful relationship with i know off the i know their soul i know off of like the first look i know off the first couple words i know off like just so many factors that are like bordering bordering like not even from this like plane of existence i also feel like there's that

weird thing like we meet people sometimes too where i have a really good night with them and i genuinely want to hang out with them but my soul isn't reaching for them the way i reach for other people and it feels like i'm building the foundation for my next life and then when our souls intertwine it'll be like oh my god i feel like we've met um i won't be alive next week i I'm one singular karmatic cycle away from... Yeah, never mind. Okay, thank you guys for watching.

No, we haven't done media bit. Oh, shit. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Well, mine is Lux Eterna by Clint Mansell. well mine is luxe eterna by clint mansell um period just heard that um and then oh what did i watch i watched something oh i watched uh disturbia that was really good i watched the borderlands movie that was a box office disaster um i thought it was gonna be like the worst movie i've ever seen and it was very very close to it um it wasn't fully there yet um but that's simply because that's simply because

it preyed upon my nostalgia and i love the borderland game um games so it was like okay for me it's okay and then i've been watching a lot of gay porn just studying really like just like trying to understand that those choices yeah yeah that's how I feel too. I'm like, why would you ever want to do this? I just kind of trying to understand. Trouble by Lindsey Buckingham. I have listened to that song 8 million times. Like where does the penis go? Like when it's guy on guy.

Like I really just need to know. Does it go inside the other penis? Yeah. Pernis? It kind of like opens up like an alien sucker. Oh, it like bites it yeah who decides who's gets eaten it's kind of like um it's like how we were talking about past lives when you like meet someone and it's like that's how it is just like our souls no um but my media is trouble

by lindsey buckingham and chasing moving trains by roy Blair. That album is fucking awesome. And I've actually been listening to it a bunch. She listened to it while getting ready this morning. Purr. And that's it for media. Oh, do I get to do it this week? Hey, let's go. my media is porn i love all right okay jerking off to porn Outro Music