Emergency Intercom - We Got Covid

Episode Date: January 7, 2022

Both Drew and Enya got Covid and are trapped in their hometowns… it actually doesn’t seem like they’re going to make it... you should listen to this episode 3 times and subscribe to their Patreon so that their families can make money post their eventual passing... Follow Enya on Insta: @EnyaUmanzor Follow Drew on Insta: @DrewPhillips09 To listen to the podcast on YouTube: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercomPodYT Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey Spotify, this is Javi. My biggest passion is music. And it's not just sounds and instruments. It's more than that to me. It's a world full of harmonies with chillers. From streaming to shopping, of Emergency Intercom. I'm sure you're very confused. I have bad news.

Me and Drew actually got COVID over the holidays, so we're both stuck at home right now in our birthplaces drew's here but he's taking like forever to get on screen he was here for a second and then he was like oh i need to go use the bathroom and like cough like myself to peace before we start so he doesn't cough while we're talking um and he's kind of just been like gone since um but i just thought i should start oh i'm here true hold on no he's he's being such a fucking piece right now. He was fine. He was fine like 10 seconds ago. What is that? What do you have?

Hold on. Does that pee? Does he have pee, Kai? It looks like piss. Drew, can you hear us? Hello? Yeah, you can hear us, right are you you can hear us right what do you hear me yeah we can't what are you wearing good like what's going on why wait why do you have a mask on also like on top of everything where did all this come

from and why do you have a mask on you're literally home alone i have covid i know and so do i actually kai might have it too so it's like yeah what do you up with a sore throat sorry hold on let me fix my my iv why the fuck do you have an iv you don't need an IV it's this new it's this new like drug that they're giving it's called Piz um it's with two z's no I think you got scammed I think I think you were sold an IV bag full of piss well whatever it is it's working and there's there's no cure for covid also you were fine like two seconds ago you were fully wearing like you were wearing like your normal i just think i'm where do you get that you're mad at me for being safe i'm trying to be safe here and not give any of y'all covid and now you're pissed at me

dude we're on a zoom call you're not gonna give us covid oh you're on a zoom call you're on a zoom oh my god that's that's literally why we stayed like in our hometowns is to be safe like we're being safe you don't have to do your mama all right hold on let me fix this iv real quick i'm gonna just push put it around here. Just so it's like good for me. Just because I need it connected at all times because if it actually disconnects, I could fucking die is what the doctor was saying.

So I just have to like make sure it's just like in my wrist. Disconnect from what? It's like around your neck. What are you talking about? No, my wrist. How does that say? Oh, okay. It doesn't seem like it's It doesn't seem like it's actually like going into you you actually know nothing i guess we'll know if it's real if by the end it's like depleted right yep exactly and you have that set up that it's gonna be going down oh no he's gone we lost him he's done did he just pass out

drew wake up drew wake up. Drew? Wake up. Drew! Drew! Are you okay? I keep going out of consciousness because this fucking muzzle on my face is actually making me not be able to breathe. You can just... If you don't have... If y'all are comfortable with me taking the muzzle off, I'll take it off.

Yeah, of course. We're in different parts of the country. Oh, my God. Thank you. I didn't know I was in a lobby full of, like, it off i'll take it off yeah of course we're in different parts of the country oh my god i thank you i didn't know i was in a lobby full of like freaking cucks i was well i was actually just about to say this whole time i've been positive and i've just carried on with life like i can't let this like something as simple as covid stop me and like i didn't come to miami with masks and I haven't had time to go buy any so I've just been like kind of chilling like taking it very easy

like wait so you've just kind of been existing as you were before COVID just yeah it's my new normal wait so you've been like going out yeah but not every night because I'm not like an alcoholic or anything but like yes i do go out every other night for a drink if that's what you were asking so you've been giving people covid you've been a super spreader i haven't been near anyone i'm only with my friends yeah but your friends don't have covid so you've just been giving them COVID. I'm not giving them anything. Also, they said yes to going out with me. Like maybe I wasn't clear.

I was just like, Oh, like I have a stuffy nose and like a sore throat. And like at night I like get a really bad fever. Yeah. But so what I'm telling people that i'm sick i'm just not being like i don't want to scare people okay i'm the weirdo look at your setup you literally have an id and you're wearing sorry the bag keeps getting disconnected yo it's so hot in this stupid fucking okay take the fucking put it off do you have clothes on under there no oh take it off should i also um sorry but on my end it's kind of choppy you're recording right drew yeah i'm recording because my wi-fi sucks balls so it's like not the best on my end sorry i literally had to just take that off because i am actually overheating and dying that's okay

i can't i can't i'm so ugly i'm so ugly i need a hat i'm so ugly and hot well on a serious note also i just want to be clear I have not been spreading COVID I've actually been sitting in an Airbnb solo for the past week I have been just quarantining with my family they were kind of just like if we get it we get it and we've just been chilling um I'm okay I literally feel totally fine but yeah we both did get COVID though which is insane yeah I know and also I was so I was one of those annoying people who I was so positive that I would just never get it like I thought you had the God particle in you I know because I was the only person we knew who hadn't gotten it. And I was just like, I don't know.

I'm just built different. I'm different. I kept saying that. I was like, I'm different. I'm different. But I'll explain how I got COVID. And then you can try and explain. But you don't know how the fuck you got it.

No, I literally think I just got it on the plane right over here. Oh, dude. just got it on the plane right over here oh dude well I came to Miami and then literally like two three days before Christmas my little brother was really sick and I was like this motherfucker has COVID I was like there's no way he doesn't have COVID like he goes to public school and like is around a bunch of other kids who probably get it and don't say shit and like if you get it you get it and if you don't you don't is that are you saying that about COVID exactly if you get it if you don't you don't if you know you know me to people yeah okay oh y'all I'm just ugly today but you can't blame me I'm running fever I got COVID like no you look beautiful I got piss going into my system

um anyways long story short brother got it my mom and dad got it for my brother and I was being very cautious and my family was like girl like we're all gonna get it we're like here in the house and I was like no no I'm so sure that I will be the one to not get it so I literally ran away after Christmas like the day after Christmas I fucking ran away I packed all my things that I went to an Airbnb and I was safe for two days I don't even know if i told you this drew but that laxative is literally what fucking kick-started my symptoms on top of that in covid for the first time in my life i got really constipated so i called drew and i was like the constipation connoisseur. You consume like feces or constipation? No, no, I'm the connoisseur of constipation.

I just know everything there is to know about it, how to get rid of it, what drugs to take. Yeah, so I called the poop master himself. I guess you're not the poop master because you don't poop. I prefer connoisseur. Constipation. Sorry, I asked Drew what to get. And I was like, oh, what's the thing that's going to work the quickest? And it was that like, what is it? Magnesium.

Magnesium citrate. Normally they come in glass bottles, but I bet they were sold. My shit was in plastic. So that should have been a red flag. But I like can't express true i felt completely fucking fine other than the tall tale sign which everyone is realizing now is like the second you feel a sore throat you fucking have it like yeah you don't just have a sore throat you fully have covid and i had had a sore throat for like lingering and like coming up on me for two

days but other than that i felt completely fine and i was for like lingering and like coming up on me for two days. But other than that, I felt completely fine. And I was testing every day and kept coming up negative. And then on like Monday night, I tested negative literally that night. Then right after drank half of that bottle of magnesium. And I'm not kidding, Drew, within 15 minutes, I went from being like normal to my health depleting to nothing. And I was sitting on the couch, within 15 minutes, I went from being like normal to my health depleting to nothing. And I was sitting on the couch and I literally was like sweating and I got really nauseous and I got like a really bad headache.

And it fully was just like all of my friends were around me. So they were like watching my health just deteriorate. And I was like, go home because like I'm about to pass away. Like I'm about to explode shit out of my butt dude and then i like reluctantly was able to fall asleep but i woke up to like an insanely high fever shitting myself just liquid ass um and then i like when i woke up to shit i literally felt like i had drank like three quarters of alcohol like i felt like i drank like three gallons of alcohol i was so dehydrated and then i tested because i was like i don't know if it's

normal for me to like feel like this after shitting um and then i tested positive so i think the laxative gave me covid personally the magnesium citrate bottles are contaminated with covid you heard it here first y'all yeah we're gonna get our youtube video taken down again because we're sitting here talking about the one thing that got it taken down last time which is bullshit but i won't get into it i digress but you know just know i'm coming for you the thing is everyone's like I wonder what the joke was and the joke literally wasn't even anything no it was it wasn't even a joke it was literally me standing for my opinion stating my opinion see YouTube is censoring us they're coming weren't you just paraphrasing what somebody else said i paraphrased what someone said

and then i after that was like i don't know i don't believe in that yeah you like condemned it immediately yeah it's so crazy which is i think even before you said it i think i like it was about something big nick had said and i was like i love that and then you were like but he does so and so and so and so and I don't fuck with that but then after that I was like but I'll let him I'll let him do what he wants to do I'll allow it what are we gonna do spread his misinformation but yeah literally my my experience with COVID was kind of like easy I I got lucky but I think it was just because i was vaxxed um but yeah yeah everyone who's like vaxxed up is having super mild symptoms yeah

i just i don't understand no i can't i can't even make a joke about it i can't even make a joke about it because i'm scared youtube's gonna fucking take it down i know now i'm thinking about how i literally started this video off by saying like what i just told my friends i feel a little sick and i like snow go out dude i can't stress enough to y'all how overheated and hot i am i'm sure you can fucking tell because my face is like bright red and i'm greasy and oily and disgusting and sweaty i think you look great honestly i don, I don't see the grease. You're kind of serving Jesus with the, like the facial hair and the hair. Really? Yeah. Honestly, when you came on screen, I got pretty horny.

So really actually. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Especially because you came in with your stick of piss. It looked like when Moses or like whoever the fuck was going to split the sea and they had their big stick except yours has piss on it and apparently it's going in your blood that's what i was going for that's what i was going for splitting the sea of piss i love that you caught on to that no he didn't split a sea of piss it was like just the ocean i think the sea of period blood no drew it's just in my head it is red so i do believe the period blood seat yeah because oh oh okay now i'm remembering moses was like get on the boat the girls have their period i don't want

to be around them i'm gonna chill with the animals and he split all the period blood the squirt blood the um did you know that there's uh sorry i got a notification on my screen saying there was like a 40 minute time limit and we reached it but then it was like but i gifted you more hours so i was like okay whatever so i wasn't really paying attention however no same when I I like moved my light because I got the notification that I was like the host extended the meeting which is like okay um but did you know that church doors like you know like the doors that like go like this and they like they like meet at the top like that they're like arched a little bit did you know yeah churches stole that from like pagan ideologies like pagan whatever and

the pagan idea behind those doors was like you're walking like you're being welcomed home to the vagina every time so now every time you look at a church, you're walking through a vagina and there's vaginas all over the churches and they don't even realize it. I'm serious. That's the most uber fat shit that's ever come out of your mouth. You're pulling like a Christian

in like 2018 right now. No, okay. I actually think it is true um but i know that is the most absurd thing i've ever said simply drew if you're too hot you can you can take the the hazmat suit off i've committed to the gag and i have to keep going no you have to keep it on look at me overeating and sweating i look like i just like worked out 14 hours no you can't take off your fucking hazmat suit because then you'll expose that that piss is not going in your body it has not moved a single like it you actually don't know anything you're fucking saying and i will expose you right now if you want me to do you want me to expose you can we see can we see where it goes

into your vein can you just like prove no no like where it goes where the piss is going in it fucking fell out it fell out okay so why are you okay if you're not getting your like piss iv because i've been fucking drinking it have you not been seeing me drink it i don't think that's how ivs work but all right oh okay dr fucking kyan in you y'all know so much oh no he's getting angry now you know i was i was i was gonna give you the plug to get a free negative test but now i'm not gonna and you're stuck home how about that that's that's how i'm getting home i'm just faking a negative no one's talking about how like maybe that's something we exposed this episode it's just how many influencers were actually like faking negative tests negative it was it was a real thing it was like that was a real thing that they would be positive but they would get a

negative test um and fake it and fully the amount of times like we wouldn't even have covid and so an influencer would just be like well if you need if you ever need a fake negative let me know yeah i mean we're like y'all are fucking psycho and this was like early in the pandemic this wasn't like late stage like this was like like two months in like if you need a negative test to post online to prove that you're negative just hit us up we got you it was pre-vaccine which is insane oh what did you use the negative for like what would you use it for to post online that you're a negative if you got exposed at a party oh i see okay the whole exposing party like like that shit's so funny like you know what i was thinking at a party

so what i was thinking was i have so many positive at-home tests because i'm neurotic and i swear that like i'll test positive in the morning and then test negative at night so I have so many positives I'm gonna start flipping them and like if you guys want to miss like work or miss like school and you don't want to go to school like hit me online like I'll fucking sell you my positive test he's got a bunch of positives and then I'll just like I'll like take random different like photos like angles of like the test kit before and like after it's being used um and whatnot if you guys want that drew are you okay drew wake up oh fuck sorry like the biggest symptom that i have is i just like fall asleep it's like so fucking weird so fatigued you fell asleep on the microphone like a cartoon it's so weird i can't

explain it i just feel like you're faking it you're doing one of those because like i have it like i'm in it but i'm sitting here i'm like pretty like I look good like I look put together like I look really good like someone some people would say like and yet are you sure you have COVID because you look so good and I'm like yeah I do and like for some reason that's one of the symptoms I'm having is I just look really good no literally actually I was blown away when I saw you first pop in the camera i was like oh and you looks really cute right now with their little bow ties in her hair this is the first time i've put on real clothes and like looked normal for so long that's actually a lie

though because since my whole family had covid i got to spend new years with them um so we had our own little covid fiesta because we were we just had it so we were like let's blow up fireworks and it was fucking awesome i wish i bought more fireworks i'm literally a pyromaniac no same that night i was like you get it yeah fully there's like dude they're so expensive it's it's actually if you think about it it's legitimately burning money like it's it's setting money on fire but I wouldn't change it for the world like it's so much fun just like watching shit blow up and also just like knowing that something could go wrong at any moment and it doesn't just makes me feel so alive um I will say that was making me so anxious I got a really funny

video on my handy cam of just like a tiny firework like zooming up and almost hitting my mom in the head um and the first firework that my family had set off that night I think it was just like my dad and like maybe my uncle it was like someone in my family like set it off and it just fucking exploded incorrectly. And it literally sounded like a nuke went off in our yard and like everyone was very off by it and like uncomfortable and just like, we shouldn't do this. But of course we kept going because God can't stop fun. I was about to say literally like actually nothing can stop me from blowing up fireworks like my literal brother died like three days before and i went and bought like a thousand

dollars worth of fireworks and blew them bitches up nothing can stop it was a celebration exactly celebration of life yep but like yeah like i i said this a couple of days ago, but like if I wasn't doing what I'm doing right now, like I would be a pyromaniac and I would be burning down buildings for fun fully. You might find that you'd be in jail. No, I'd be the best arson to ever live. Simply. No, arson is a poison. True. Are you sure yes look it up like for real arsenic is a poison who is that you are literally dumb i'm leaving i'm leaving i gotta go so no one's talking about this is my first coffee

in like a week because i wasn't having any at the like when i was like symptomatic oh my god he fucking left all right i'm leaving too like i'm not gonna wait what no we could just okay okay um now that she's gone boys can have a conversation and we can just chat have a good old time a grand old time alright you wanna talk about like crypto

or sex or something that sounded so fucking crazy on my end that was the most insane sound I've ever heard the zoom tried to like tried to like mitigate level it out yeah try to like censor it i was like can we talk about me and jared for the first time in our lives made zoom accounts because you made yours today and i also made mine today like I yeah no I went the entire pandemic without using Zoom because I think this is a cursed app and I think it is like actually evil what it's done to society and I want to go I so badly just want to attend in-person meetings but I know it's just not good but like i think this is actually making us like socially dumb

zoom zoom why expand on that i don't have to yeah kai like oh no kai gets a camera and a mic on him and all of a sudden he wants to ask this question and prod us and explain things oh i'll turn his fucking camera off next time he comes can you guys hear me still can you at least hear me oh i forgot to mute oh my god can you mute him damn okay he's muted see this see this is the way things should be did you feel like a sense of like calm and like like just like a good energy just rush over once that happened they're in my trip no like for real like when he was in here it felt like this weird like omnipresent like evil like something evil was lurking over us and at first i was like oh it's because we have covid like so

like the universe is out to get us they see us thriving and they're like we need to kill off this podcast it's doing too well but i just realized it was it was literally kai oh my god he's fucking texting me oh my gosh put me back okay just um i don't think we should have him back like what is what do we we're a guest having podcast i'll let him ask the distractions. And that's not all. New Galaxy AI features like NowBrief will give you personalized insights based on your day schedule so that you're prepared no matter what. Pre-order the Samsung Galaxy S25 Ultra now at Samsung.com. I'm, like, so worried about my sister.

You're engaged. You cannot marry a murderer. I was sick, but I am healed. Returning to W Network and Stack TV. The West Side Ripper is back. If you're not killing these people, then who is? That's what I want to know. Starring Kaley Cuoco and Chris Messina. The only investigating

I'm doing these days is who shit their pants. Killer messaged you yesterday? This is so dangerous. I gotta get out of this. Based on a true story. New season Mondays at 9, Eastern and Pacific. Only on W. Stream on Stack TV. Can you guys hear me? Oh my god, that's your

fucking question? Bye. I gave him one question and he asked, can you hear me? That has to be stupid. He has to be dumb. Wait, actually, I saw stupid he has to be dumb um wait actually i saw uh because now there's like all these clip accounts coming up on my for you page on tiktok of the podcast and someone had a comment where they were like oh like i can't believe like these bits they do are just improv and someone some smart ass i was like if i could fucking

reach the phone and smack the shit out of you i would they were like isn't every conversation improv i'm like are you in fourth grade you are like the worst person ever i can't get over how fucking greasy i am it's the fucking piss it is the piss i think it's i should disconnect no should i disconnect yes you should probably stop your piss intake also because we had a vow that you would only take my piss and i don't know whose piss that is and i was i didn't want to bring it up it's pharmaceutical i didn't want to seem jealous i made one exception pharmaceutical grade piss you know this okay oh because mine isn't good enough anymore how am i gonna get your piss in america i mean in texas new year new piss i guess that's the

new saying yes actually it is because if you're gonna be a hate and ass bitch i'm not gonna drink your piss anymore sorry okay well you probably shouldn't have my covid piss anyways so so are you gonna apologize why would i apologize to you typical i need a cigarette does it look like i need a cigarette right now girl i need you it looks like you need to be put back into the asylum you're serving american horror story asylum i need a cigarette man no i wanted a cigarette so bad one of the first nights i was here i was like i was itching but i didn't have one my mom has a puff bar so thank you guys thank you world my mom smokes puff bars now but um she's just like me she just likes the flavor of it i did not see her inhale a single bit of it she was just tasting

it new year knew me i stopped puffing and then at the very beginning of this year i started puffing again well because according to everyone like the world is ending so you might as well do whatever you want did you see the like not to make this whole episode about disease but like did you see the florona thing no and i refuse it's really it sounds pretty it actually sounds beautiful it sounds like a beautiful flower that if you touched it would like kill you it plants a seed in your brain and it sprouts and you become a new person i might be spreading false information but i like saw on the news in miami which is like red flag one it's on the news in miami um it's like

florona it's the flu and covid together um so we're literally done we're done no the craziest thing is all these okay this is another thing is all of our friends that are like testing negative negative negative but are sick aren't testing themselves right oh fully because um like if you're sick, it's like, I'm pretty sure it's COVID. It could be the flu, but like all of them have been like exposed to COVID. So I'm like, there's no way you're sick right now. And it's not COVID and it's something else. But like, I was, I watched this video and it was like telling you how to like properly test.

If you have like a negative test, you should use the second one immediately. And it's like, okay, okay so they you do the nose swab but for omicron it really like congregates in the back of your throat so like if you test negative in your nose you should test in the back of your throat with um an at-home test and if it's negative with that both those methods then wait test the back of my throat yeah you're the throat goat i mean it would be really easy honestly i've like gone as far as testing like like whatever is down here but like your deep esophagus

yeah i don't test my throat i actually test my like esophagus oh because like i feel like the the covid is like all down here so i just like you don't have to do that at all you don't have to do that true i mean i've been testing my butt that's not okay kai it just sounds like you wanted to like finger your ass which is like you can tell us that you just want to finger his fingers look no i i like wash them since i did that so um my little vanity light has been covering kai the whole time like my mic has been covering kai too it felt very weird when he moved up into your section like he moved up into the top and like i had to turn his camera off one more time and then what stop turning my camera off come on guys why do you want to be seen all of a sudden? I just thought it would be cool. It could be like a cool little, you know, we're doing like a special episode.

You should be seen by a therapist. Don't be trying to be seen by us. Okay. All right. Message received. Kai, actually, how have you been? I've been good. I woke up.

I think I have coronavirus or omnicron whatever where's your fucking mask dude i'm in a room alone by myself i don't think yeah but we're talking to each other so really fucking safe of you and yeah i don't think drew like understands how the internet works i think we we need to explain to him that there's no you don't have to explain 5g to me buddy you don't have to explain 5g to me what kai isn't understanding is i will always pick your side so don't fucking talk to my girl like that kai like put your fucking mask on if if drew says put your mask on put your mask on like you're just one of those people who you have to fight it which i find very i'm not fighting anything we're on a zoom call like it it's not i'm not gonna give

you guys of maskless people that's what i'm saying i'm afraid of people we're technically in a room full of people right now i don't know whatever that's just me though also if you're watching this and you don't have a fucking mask on, what is your problem? True. Yeah, you're a freak if you go out unmasked, except for me. I just, like, I don't really – it fucks with my makeup, and I don't like that, so I'm not going to really do it. It fucks with my makeup and gives me, like – So we just get into New Year's resolutions?

Yes. Yes. Okay, I guess I'll go first um so one of my new year's resolutions is in 2022 I'm gonna be honking more honking like my car horn more or Inya's car horn that's a good one I've actually thought about that i feel like i don't honk enough no exactly i'm gonna start being like a more like aggro driver okay what is that it i mean that was one of them let me read this other fucking stupid ass note that i took that i was talking about earlier

um never seen a moldy hot cheeto that that has got to be some strong ass bacteria to eat hot cheeto dust bacteria bacteria have you ever seen a moldy hot cheeto well no but i haven't seen moldy chips in general oh i've seen moldy chips but i've never seen a moldy hot cheeto well no but i haven't seen moldy chips in general oh i've seen moldy chips but i've never seen a moldy hot cheeto and that's because maybe we need to look at the hot cheeto coating because it could be anti-microbial and oh my fucking god anti-microbial i got who's gonna come hello are we gonna focus on the mic or me baby no no no i'm sweaty again i had to like shrink down in this corner i had to shrink down to here because it like the light doesn't reflect off my face properly

drew you honestly look fine. I think you look great. Yeah, I might just be like. I was going to say, you look really good. I think you're just, you're in your head. Aw. Keep going. You look really good, and I get super horny whenever I see your face.

Did Enya leave? Okay. She left. You're not going to leave though, right? Like, you're going to stay with me? You want me to leave, she left you're not gonna leave though right like you're gonna stay with me to leave don't you no i don't want you to leave i was just making sure you should leave please don't leave i'm gonna freak out in here alone please don't leave fuck all right so i guess i could just do the podcast no you're not supposed to be talking you're

literally not supposed to be talking okay um you're an attention whore i you guys literally left like i didn't i mean i didn't know what to do oh so now it's the when any andrew leave it's the kai podcast that's what the title is i was just trying to you know it's the, when Enya and Drew leave, it's the Kai podcast. That's what the title is. I was just trying to, you know. It's interesting, actually. Dude, the voices without the video is really crazy. Hold on. Oh my God.

Kai, carry the podcast for a second. Okay. Wait, what? No. Why does he have to carry it? Hold on, Al. All right. kai carry the podcast for a second okay wait what no why does he have to carry it all right so basically the way that cryptocurrency works no oh my god i'm gonna freak the fuck out shut up no he asked me to carry the podcast oh hi your 2022 resolution should be to ground yourself in reality with some bitches and get over nfts and crypto that's what

that's what 2022 resolutions for all you nft bitches should be is look for bitches in real life oh my god i thought that was actually drew first oh my god when you i forget what episode it was when you were like, there's no bitches in the metaverse. That was one of the most iconic things that it has ever said. It did not get enough love.

Simply. It was fucking hilarious. Well, you know, jokes are funnier when they come out of the mouths of men. See, I can be for men. Like people only listen when men are in the room. Like when men are in the room, they dominate the room by default. Like I can say things that are positive about men. Wait, there's no bitches in the metaverse.

Yeah. Zero bitches in the metaverse yeah zero bitches in the metaverse let's go that was actually really can someone clip that can someone clip that we're not on twitch what the fuck are you talking about guy who are you talking to how about you find some bitches in the metaverse

oh not even in you weren't even in focus oh fuck no i wasn't you were look at this silly little camera um what are your other resolutions drew it can't just be honking in my fucking car it actually can be uh no legitimately one of my resolutions is i want to try to gain 15 pounds of muscle by june actually do you want to split um a gym membership uh yes actually i've i want to do that with you and orion so bad where we do that three-way one and then come on can i fucking focus on me damn um you look beautiful thank you i want to do because you're not in focus but i have to sit down here because i'm like i'm hella greasy you don't look greasy just put the blur up on zoom and you'll look beautiful is there a way to do that yeah

because how do i do that um go to preferences and then i don't know you're on a pc you can look pretty like me um but yeah, I am so down to, um, do a gym membership three ways, two ways. Dude, we fully should, because I would love to, I was thinking about going on more bike rides as one of my solutions and just like working out a little bit. Cause that was like probably the best I felt was like when I was working out just to like get my like endorphins moving and I felt really good um and I want to do that and then I thought about how I would have to definitely take my bike to a bike shop because there's no way that the tire isn't flat on it and I immediately was like I'm never going to do that I'm just like never that's never happened the dream dies there um but yeah

I know legitimately I do want to like I want to just get healthier um I know everybody fucking says that but um yeah I think it's time for me to start like using my fucking body a little bit and not just be like sedentary all the time and rotting you could use your body in a uh bedroom setting preferably at night with me i could just like binge press you is that what you mean yeah sure whatever um okay so anyway the way that uh blockchains work is instead of having like a centralized um database you take that you take that centralized my foot right up your fucking ass i explain what an nft is oh okay yeah i can explain that

now do you actually not have any more resolutions you've only talked about honking your i guess no you want to get healthy yeah i um uh i have um that i want to appreciate and rejuvenate is that the saying that girl says she says innovate and elevate she actually took out innovate i don't know why though what's the tea there why'd you take out innovate i don't know yeah but i want to appreciate a little more um and that's my vibe um my vibe is to be more um incoherent I don't want to have big lengthy conversations about moral dilemmas or like moral ideology and integrity i don't care about integrity i care about having fun looking good having sex um and that's it that's literally all i care about for

2022 that's actually like really fucking powerful no actually something that i told kai is i i want to try dating this year girl what the hell i know oh is it because you're terrified that you're about to turn 24 yeah actually it is no no i just was like i've've been like, um, alone forever. And I think I I've grown up enough where like, I kind of like know myself a lot more now. And I think I'm ready to just like, figure that whole dating shit out. That would be fucking awesome. But also, oh my god, you're terrified because i think what i'm looking at for in a partner doesn't exist so you said what you're looking for in a partner doesn't exist yeah what are you looking for in a partner i don't know that's the thing it doesn't exist i have very high expectations in other people and yeah i love dating i'll put my life on the line today

i want a partner and i want friends that's literally all i care about in clothes and looking pretty and having sex um yeah and having conversations yeah i think this is like a good year to just like have very surface level conversations with everybody no literally i'm so fucking tired of getting into like nauseatingly long conversations some people are gonna get so annoyed with me because like the more the podcast goes on the more i show my colors of just being like pretty like surface level and like I don't give a fuck but trust me at one point I was the most like no we need to talk about it we need like high communication we need this that no no no no no no no no more I want I want nothingness I want to have fun I want to shake my ass I don't want to

do anything intense no something else actually for 2022 that I want to do is like like I feel like the second half of 2021 like we worked our asses off and I also want to carry that into 2022 and I want to just like drown myself in work not like drown myself in work but just like like do every opportunity that comes my way and like um just kind of say yes to more like to like advancing my career I feel like um I feel like that's like yeah because I've I've been like stuck in this mind state where I'm like no like I'm very comfortable where I'm at like I like I love the people that I've like like the audience that I've garnered but no I'm going I'm going big like I want to I want to expand go big or go home exactly and also that that starts with um everyone who's watching this stop fucking gatekeeping me and then yeah stop gatekeeping

us bitch how about that i think tell your family the problem we'll run into is that um the people who do stumble upon this gatekeep it, not because they want to gatekeep it, but because they know their normal friends won't like it. Yeah. They're embarrassed to share us with the world, which is understandable. It's like one of those things where like you get in the car and like the song at the top of Apple Music is playing like that's just the one that automatically plays and that one can be really embarrassing. That's how people feel about the podcast is like, they'll be like, Oh, can I get the aux? And they get it. And the last thing playing was this and it starts playing and they're like, Oh my God, sorry. I was just like, I was, I was just cleaning my room. And I just needed like, like nothing. Like, sorry, I was just hate listening to them actually.

That's great. We do. I'm sure we have to have some hate listeners and i wonder if we've converted any hate listeners to yeah actually if you're if you were originally no exactly if you're originally a hate listener leave a comment let us know if you love us now but if you still hate us go die stinky bitch sweaty stinky bitch if you if you are listening to this with hateful ears right now i'm gonna blow up a balloon with my covid breath and go in your face and fucking pop it on new year's eve we had balloons and my mom was blowing them up with her fucking covid breath and i literally said there i was like you're across the table from me right now creating like nuclear bombs yeah you're literally creating bombs it was like that one joke in the very

beginning of the pandemic where she was like I'm gonna she put like breathe into a plastic bag um her name is like Riley on TikTok yeah yeah that's so funny that's literally what my mom was doing I was like you're lucky everyone here already has covid because if you didn't know you were symptomatic and you're sitting here blowing these things up you would fucking kill someone um and yeah but actually on a serious note a resolution a few resolutions of mine is to read more books I would like to actually read more books and stop buying books like read the books I have um work more work harder um and kind of I am serious about like being more chill like I I don't't want to have any of the anxiety I've had for two years about morally being good

and trying to prove I'm good. I'm a good person and I'm over trying to prove it. I'm a good person and I give good head. I don't know why I have to sit here and fight to prove that. Oh, and grow my hair if by the end of the year my hair isn't past my fucking tit let's just say drew you will find a new host you will you will i give you permission to move on kai you're probably first in line okay no actually that's the one thing is kai i can't replace me you have to get like orion okay okay yeah actually that's perfect yeah you have to get like um my

three contestants are like orion elsie or like elisa those are the ones that can it has to be another girl you can't what y'all are just gonna have like the white guys who like like crypto and stuff podcast there's like literally 80 of those like but maybe number four would be me on that list you didn't mention talking about number four i think i you are like number 18 oh 18 safely maybe 20 because i could i Safely. Maybe 20, because I can think of a lot of people. 20, okay. It's okay. Yeah, no, it's fine. I mean, you can climb the ranks a little bit. I'm not going to tell you how. I think you know how.

I do know how. I have to give you head. I understand how to do this. I know what you're talking about. It's the industry. I can't even say what I was going to say because if it happens, we lost.

Let's just say what... No. I can't. I can't say it. I can't put that into the world. No, say it. You have to. I have wood to knock on.

Okay. I have wood too because I do have a bulging penis under my blanket right now that's what my wood was oh true yeah um because i was gonna say i was gonna be like no the fourth runner-up to replace me would be fran lebowitz duh and then i was like thinking about like Eve Babbitt and Joan Didion and Betty White like all passing. And I was like. Girl. How old is she?

She's a bag of bones. I don't think she's that old. I feel like she's like 78 now. I don't know. She might be. Yeah, she might be 70 something. Oh, she's like 78 no i don't know she might be yeah she might be 70 something oh she's 71 oh she's got time hopefully lad's got time should i just start reading some of my notes um you guys didn't ask me what my resolution is what okay actually i'm sorry kai i'm being mean to you okay what's your resolution as long as it has nothing to do with crypto and nft and it has to do with real life maybe getting a new sweater

or like new shoes or something all right um so i just like i was thinking about it and i was like i want to do like a real one, obviously. And I kind of for... No, Enya, come back. Come back. I'm serious. This is like serious. For my resolution, I want to like have less sex. I had too much last year, so.

Can you hear me still? You guys can hear me, right? The only number that's less than two but more than zero is one so he wants to have sex once because he said he just needs to have sex less times oh yeah this year so it's like so who's you having sex with? I've been having sex with Drew. I've been having. I think it's muted off the rest of the, like the video recording.

I just wanted to apologize. And yeah. rest of the like the video recording I just wanted to apologize and yeah it's not that deep it's not that serious you like you know how I feel about like having sex with people and like it is that serious for me so the fact that you would even come to my face and tell me that's not that serious when it is for me like you know you're my little cream pie if you didn't already have covid i cannot wait why is no one calling somebody their cream pie? I want to be someone's cream pie. Oh, wait, I have to invite Kai back to the video. Okay, so I'm just going to start reading my...

I was just waiting. I was like, damn, they're just not going to give me the camera back. Kai, what's your real resolution, though? My real resolution is to not be so dictated by fear i feel like a lot of my decisions if i'm really honest with myself are kind of rooted in like fear and just worrying about what the outcome is going to be instead of just doing it because i want to do it or if i think it's best for me that's fucking awesome yeah that's like um I was talking with Quinn and she was just like kind of explaining like sort of the same

thing she was just saying like uh the second like it's it's not really the same thing which it's like this quote it's like the second you start creating for like financial um purposes like god leaves the uh room and that really resonated with me in a way because i was like oh like not everything i create is for like financial gain but like i have like found myself like um doing less because it's not profiting me as much as possible and i think that's another thing for me this year is to just like create more um just for myself type vibe um that's fucking awesome kai and also you Drew yeah I feel like I don't really I don't know if I'm dictated by fear um but I am like I one thing I do want to let go of is like anxieties with like timing and feeling like I have to be doing certain things work-wise I need to get better with that

so like that maybe kind of coincides a little is like I always see people going on these like granted who knows if we're gonna fucking be able to travel because god forbid there's a fucking other lockdown but something I think about a lot is like there's like a lot of like places I want to go and something that always stops me is I get like really anxious about like the timing of it and like like oh but if I do this then I'm not working and like blah blah blah and I want to kind of like go with that and like have more experiences that aren't my like normal just like random key experiences I want to go out also key not like k-e-y but like key like k-i like that's something I was thinking about

i was like when you said that on the podcast i was like how many people think inya's like a coke head that she just does key bumps i need a key right now i like need a key um a key let's have a kiki um yeah like uh that's another thing is like spending money on experiences uh is like something i want to like start doing is like because like we all know that like i literally hoard my wealth i'm like the problem in america i hoard my wealth and i want to start spending it on experiences and i'm the complete opposite i don't hoard any money i don't think it's real and i have a problem and that's why we have emergency intercom that's actually

something i should have a resolution for in 2022 is be better with spending except since i've been sick and just at home i've been ordering things you've been trapped in your bedroom so that's what you've been doing is oh my god drew i got the cutest necklace pendant ever i'm literally gonna show you on here and then maybe we should get into media yeah i have one more note that i want to read um but um it's kind of really gnarly so when i first came to texas i like felt fine um and then like two days after i got here oh you got one holy shit it's so fucking cute wow that's such a cute necklace oh um but when i first got here uh i don't know what the fuck i ate i think it was like my grandma sent one of those like um like charcuterie board in a box things and like they were like uh like gourmet slim jims in it or whatever and i like uh was like i'm gonna um uh eat a bunch of these so i like started eating

like a shit ton of these like gourmet slim jims and i ate like fucking five of them and like immediately my stomach was like oh what the fuck did you just do to us and then like for the next two days i swear to fucking god on my entire life i was actually shitting oil like orange oil like there would be like oil slick on the top of the toilet water and it was like beads of orange oil it was the strangest thing of my life and i my stomach was so upset it was fucking insane it was literally beads of oil and i would flush the toilet and they wouldn't go away so i had to like flush like three times are you sure this wasn't just like a nightmare that you know i swear to god what like why did this come up it It's just in my notes. I just, I needed to talk about it, but I shit orange oil.

And I was like, okay, am I tripping or like, like, like, am I dying? So I like Googled it. And it's like something, if you eat like really fatty food or this certain type of fish or like a bunch of these certain type of nuts. And I didn't think I ate any of that, but I'm assuming it was just like really oily meat sticks that like made me actually shit oil like i was like i should have fucking collected it and put it in my mom's car and throw that around um yeah but no and i thought i was tripping but when i was telling my dad this story he was like i was wondering what that was in the toilet

it was like there's orange beads in the toilet literally me because my shit always leaves skid marks and y'all are like what is that i'm like a little snack for later okay um well thank you for sharing i got you i'm gonna start with my media because I'm about to piss and shit myself. Let's think. Let's think. What? I feel like I've watched a movie. Oh, my media is True Story.

It's the show with Kevin Hart in it. I'm entering a loving Kevin Hart era. I used to be a Kevin Hart hart hater like most people my age but i think he's an awesome actor i might have even said this in the last episode but i finished the show so i don't think i did but true story is fucking awesome it's very just like like drama for drama um and then for oh i read slow days fast company by eve babbitts rest in peace um so good duh such a fun read also made me like on top of being stuck in miami that book i'm like i need to go back to la right now and i haven't felt like the urge or love or want for being in la in a long time so that book is really good because she's just like unapologetically like so into being in la awesome and i was like

you know what maybe i do like it there and then for media Bavarian fruit bread by Hope Sandoval and the warm inventions or is it intentions yeah and the warm inventions um Fallen by Lauren Wood and Not a lot just forever by adrian lenker yes um okay the uh eat babbitts recommendation was awesome i want to read that um there's another there's a book that i've been meaning to read uh by another the late jo Didion that Orion recommended to me recently Blue Nights yes yes um but I have that one oh we should start reading it together I'd actually be down is it a sad book though yeah because um I think that's about um her grieving yeah the grieving one um so i don't know if i'm gonna do that because that's another thing um kai inspired this one but like i'm avoiding like everything that i don't even

know this is probably something everyone does but like i'm avoiding everything that like makes me sad and existential like in 2022 like if if i if i like if it's not actively making me like happy maybe maybe that's what it is i'm gonna have like a hedonistic 2022 except like not like fully hedonistic but like i'm just gonna do everything that makes me happy and like avoid all the shit like that like stimulates me intellectually intellectually but like makes me fucking cry myself to sleep at night um but yeah uh my songs for this week are all over the shop by luke sanger um half-blood prince by baby tron um four horsemen by jacob er and this one's for you and otis by the dirty column um yeah the dirty column i love the um like because most of the dirty columns music if i'm not wrong it's just like like mod, like, run through a bunch of pedals.

Yeah. But this one has, like, some nice percussion in it, and it's really, really fun. And then I've just been watching a bunch of, like, shitty TV and YouTube, so I don't really have any media. I did watch Spider-Man No Way Home. Oh, that is something I watched too. Yeah, that was fucking really fun.

And that's another thing is like, I'm going to start appreciating literally all the media that's put out into the world instead of like having like pretentious brain. I think I've already been doing that though for the last two years, but like I'm going to just start enjoying everything. And like, that was just like an unforgettable,

like cinema experience, like for, I think like myself and I just really loved it. It was really fun. Dude, wasn't it so fun? Like I won't spoil everything, even though I feel like everybody in the world has seen that movie but like when everyone would clap when certain like characters came up and it was just like dude i went i went into watching that having no idea

what it was about and even i was like no i was genuinely blown away by all of the like all of the crazy shit that happened like i i same like when all of the yeah i won't get into it but yeah that was really a blast and if you haven't seen it which i'm pretty sure everyone who has readers watching this has seen it go watch that um and that's my media i will say it also made me realize i was such a spider-man kid when i was a kid like i watched every single spider-man movie like it was one of my repeat movies and we also had all the games on ps2 and like even up to ps3 those games are so fucking fun i like need we should get spider-man for my ps2 and like play it again it's like so fucking fun um and yeah well um thank you for tuning in to this episode of emergency intercom

um it was a little weird one but we had to quarantine so i hope you enjoyed it regardless uh happy new year i hope all of your dreams come true and i hope you have a triumphant 2022. Also, fuck you, TikTok, for taking my video down. Everyone probably saw that and was like, oh, he took it down because it didn't have enough likes. No, I took it down because fucking TikTok took it down. Asshole. Why would you even take it down? For harmful activity?

I don't fucking know. Maybe it was me holding a gun. But I was like, literally 30 videos on my feed today where I had people holding guns in them. So I don't know. Fucking stupid. All right. Well, thank you guys for listening.

Hopefully next episode we'll be back in our grimy little corner. Peace, love, unity, and respect. Bye.