Emergency Intercom - We got lead poisoning

Episode Date: February 24, 2023

We tested our cups for lead and apparently they have 10,000 times the legal limit. Drew has radiation poisoning and the selfie kid went to jail. Enya and drew may be joining him for undisclosed charges. This will be our last episode before we pass away. If you’re looking for an easier way to take supplements, Athletic Greensis giving you a FREE 1-yearsupply of Vitamin D AND 5 free travel packs with your first purchase. Go to athleticgreens.com/EMERGENCY. That’s athleticgreens.com/EMERGENCY. Check it out. Follow Enya on Insta: @EnyaUmanzor Follow Drew on Insta: @DrewPhillips09 To listen to the podcast on YouTube: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercomPodYT Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey Spotify, this is Javi. My biggest passion is music. And it's not just sounds and instruments. It's more than that to me. It's a world full of harmonies with chillers. From streaming to shopping, of Emergency Intercom. Lately. Is that it?

No, this is my ringtone. That is not your ringtone. No, call me real quick. Oh, yeah, I know your ringtone. Your ringtone is lit. You ready for this, Kai? Damn, type louder, bitch. Okay.

Okay. Oh. You fucking hit the volume button. That stops it. Come back, come back. okay oh you fucking hit the volume button that stops it why is that the lowest I know I just turned it up maybe because you're in Spotify it's because you have an old phone

yeah the speakers are just really bad on this yeah because anytime you play something out loud it's literally impossible to hear it yeah well lately i've been sad because there's that trend on tiktok that's like she lives inside me or whatever and it's like a video of someone when they're young first of all if you are 17 stop posting a video of you when you were like 10 and being like she lives inside me she is still you you you are a baby but it's been making me sad because this is something that always makes me so sad but i have no videos of myself before i was like 15 when i was self-documenting i don't have any childhood videos there's a lot

of pictures but i think like we were kind of right before the boom of it was so normal to have a camcorder, digital camera to record. 2008 was like the year that smartphones like really became like a thing and people started using them as like cameras to document people and stuff. Because that's when like the iPhone was announced. Was it 2007 or 2008? I think 2008. But I only have three videos. And one of them is my brothers beating the fuck out of me. And, like, me in the hallway with my legs up.

Like, and me, like, doing, like, that little kick where you, like, kick your legs out really fast. It's, like, unbeatable. Like, it's the ultimate defense mechanism when you're like they can't get you and then they eventually did get me and started doing what's called like a turkey tap where they like get their finger like this and they tap your chest a bunch over and over again and it starts off like harmless but then after like a minute or two it starts becoming so painful and then the worst part of it all, I wish I could find these videos. I know my brother has them. But the worst part is they would pin down my arms and legs and like do that loogie thing where they like do like a spit thing. They got that on video?

Yeah, they got that on video. And then the other ones are my brothers forcing me and my sister Madeline to do jackass. And we would get there was like a forest right next to my house. I'm using you as props. It's so funny. And they would put us in like little like the little carts, like the red wagons or whatever, and push us down these giant hills. And we would bomb these hills. And then they one time they put me inside of a trash can and rolled us down these giant hills and we would bomb these hills and then they one time they put me inside of a trash can um and rolled me down like do you remember my old house like that

how it had that big hill leading up to the garage yeah they put i moved it because i was chewing on my cookie and last time when i was eating my bread it was so much noise um and i was really embarrassed and also actually somebody had commented was like and this bitch claims that chewing annoys her my own chewing doesn't fucking annoy me it's in my head it's it's always in you like will freak the fuck out if someone is chewing around her but then she's macking on that shit like just as loud no to be fair that time i was so fucking nauseous and i was trying to eat that the fastest i've ever eaten anything or else i wouldn't have been able to give you your fucking entertainment for the week you motherfucking bitch um but i usually chew with my mouth closed and it piss okay i won't get into it

but yeah they pushed me down in a trash can and i rolled down that little incline um and i felt like a god simply you felt like a god because you didn't break your neck and in another universe you broke your neck and died but yeah so uh with that we'll move on to the real pressing matter wait I didn't talk about how sad it makes me it makes me really sad and then you know what's really sad is I found a tape in my dad's like drawer and I got so excited for really sad reasons that I'm not gonna say actually we could bleep it out and I'm gonna say it because it's actually so sad um you have to bleep and cover my mouth or I'll cover my mouth to give you less work but it made me so sad because I don't remember sad just really really sad um and then basically the fucking tape had nothing on it was from my

parents work um because they uh do houses they like remodel home they were vlogging they were they were doing the before and after my van life gutting out the house putting a toilet in the back seat the real plague is van life oh thank you yeah one of our friends yeah literally tina she is fucking lit she made a video recently killing me like the um what was it uh jesus freak jesus Freak by choice. And I was like. She goes unapologetically. Yeah, unapologetically. And then she's like living in an RV by choice. And then either she like stitched it or something. And then she was like, it started by choice.

Now, I don't know about this. Yeah. No, she, that was so lit. And there have been rumors circulating that we have beef with Tina. Which I haven't seen, but Drew said that to me. And I was like, literally, why? Well, no, she texted me saying, oh, I guess I think now we have, like, beef. No.

Yeah, we're done. Yeah. You're done. This is over. She's out. We're going to take Tina's baby and have it on the podcast. I was literally like, should we, like, fake a beef? And I was like, oh, wait, you're literally a mother and you don't have time to do that you don't have time to fake drama

um yeah but we don't fuck with tina anymore like yeah it's done it's done like you guys you guys are right you guys sent to this out yeah exactly so random to like even like start saying that i think i think from the internet people believe that when people like feather off there always has to be some huge content yeah but if you guys know we are some of the best people on the planet and we don't have beef like that like literally yeah people are mad at me people just get addicted to our presence and expect more and more and more out of us and i think when they get closer to us, they realize that, oh, maybe, I don't know how to explain it.

You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I think there's a tendency that we can meet people. This is the most big headed shit ever. But really what it is, is we are clowns. You go film. We know we are clowns and we know that. And people meet us. And especially within the entertainment business people are so

not accustomed to meeting people and then being so like quick at the mouth like ready to be crazy like we'll read them to phil's just like not really caring and having no social cues um and they're like this is awesome we should hang out and then if they are lucky enough that we do hang out it's super fun but then that is our whole social battery for the next three weeks and we can't do it again and then it becomes like wow like you didn't like hanging out with me as much as i liked hanging out with you and it's like no i literally just cannot give you the energy i think you deserve. And for that reason, I will be ignoring you for three weeks and then coming back and be like, sorry, I almost died. But the real matter, the real pressing matter that I finally got to the bottom of it. And it took me months and months and months and months, maybe even years to figure out really what's wrong with me.

But I found out that we've been drinking from lead cups for the last four years. Okay, that's not what's wrong with you. Something else is wrong with you because you don't drink out of cups. No, no, no. I do. I do. I do. No, I do this thing where it's so easy to do and i wish everyone would

do it but i understand that it's nasty um but i have one cup or one bottle that i drink out of for a week straight and sometimes i don't wash it because it's only my lips going on it is so nasty though because sometimes in the daylight you can see the rim of saliva that's built up on the cup. It's my chapstick. It's so nasty. And I'm just like, ew. And I don't know if I should wash it or not because I'm like, he just likes this. Well, that's all the flavor.

You can't wash the flavor off. The calcium built. Yeah, the dried spit flavor. But yeah, we have lead poisoning. I bought lead testers because I was like, okay, it's not black mold. It's not co2 poisoning also i figured out that sleeping under wires or some shit i don't fucking know he heard from a friend whose parent was worried for them yeah i found out i came to the conclusion um and there are

wires came in the house and like did it well no this is so i bought i bought a geiger counter to test for EMF radiation. So I'm going to just put it up on my bed. And if it does come back that I've been sleeping under rads, my landlord is getting sued. Drew likes to do this thing where instead of recognizing that not only does he suffer from depression and ADHD, but had intense substance love in your his primitive in your primitive years my formative and in your formative years and then moved on to your adult life to only eat literally like fucking syrups

and corn flour and sunflower oil and not leave the house for weeks at a time and sit on his ipad he uses his ipad he uses his ipad so much that i think apple should give him another ipad or get into his chip and find out how much screen time over the time it started up versus now and give him an award for it and then he goes outside every now and then is like i literally he goes outside and i make sure i make sure buddy gets a good meal in him and he's like i literally feel like a new human this is so insane i can't believe the life i'm living the last two weeks i've been fighting off trying to kill myself oh what's the fight for um no i've been like battling i've been battling the strongest battle i've had in a very

long time um and i just would spend hours and hours and hours a day on my iphone and yesterday i woke up and i was like you know what like i'm not getting on my phone all day i don't care for the first time that like literally i came home and he was in the living room and it was shocking. It was bad. Like I have literally isolated for two weeks and something about me is I make myself way too open to communication. Like if someone texts me or call me, I text them or call them back immediately, which is like a really bad habit. And we shouldn't be connected in that way. And we should just be able to go three weeks without talking to someone and know that the

love is still there. But for some reason, it's society, society you know i'm really good at that i do not i wake up max to one text a day and that's like that's literally i'm like whoa i woke up to a text and usually the text is orion at 3 a.m high as fuck and the last tiktok she sent me before she fell asleep but yeah so i've but that's one thing about me is i respond to all my texts but in the last TikTok she sent me before she fell asleep. But yeah, so I've, but that's one thing about me is I respond to all my texts. But for the last two weeks, I have not been reaching out to anyone texting anyone back like I have 300 and something unread text messages, 327 unread text messages, which is so unlike me. So if you've been getting that end of my stick, I'm sorry.

But I've literally just been trying not to kill myself for the last two weeks but i i i um woke up yesterday and was like i'm not gonna use my phone today and see what happens and i didn't open tiktok or get on my ipad on youtube immediately and i put a meal in me before noon and I took a nap. That was the other shocking thing. I came home and before 2 p.m. there was a empty Chipotle bag on the car. And not an empty bag of Cheetos. That's another thing. But I've been actually like taking steps in my life to make it more livable. Yeah.

I think I've been getting off my phone as much. I've been eating at normal times. I've been trying to text the people back that I have been needing to text back for weeks. What else did I do? One admirable thing about you is you are really good at keeping in contact with your family. You talk to your family more than anyone I know. And it makes me really jealous. But I just don't want to do that because I don't talk to anybody.

When I'm talking to my family, it means that I'm really low. Like when I call my mom a bunch, it's because I'm really sad. Oh. But you, I feel like no matter your feelings, you talk to them a lot. But specifically Madeline, you and Madeline talk like a lot. We've gotten really close recently. Especially DaBaby. Yeah, literally DaBaby's in the house.

But no, all that aside aside it's because just taking care of the baby so i have um lead poisoning is what i came to the conclusion because i bought lead tester strips and i tested all the mugs and two of them had a disgusting amount of lead like those bitches lit up bright purple after i tested them so we're getting rid of those they're still sitting on our countertop because i don't know i have an emotional connection to one i'll show y'all when i show it to them they're gonna literally some of them will know the cup because i genuinely used it almost every day for a year but we've been sipping out of lead cups i am the one who probably has but that also that goes to prove my point bitch nothing could kill me like i am

literally built different than you bitches because i've been all timers is gonna kill you for literally no i would fucking kill myself if i started forgetting shit bitch what you don't that's the scariest part is you don't even realize if when i was two okay actually i'll write i'll have everybody in my life sign a thing that once I start suffering from Alzheimer's, I have to be put down. Yeah, no, I want to be euthanized. Me when there's probably people... I'm like, there's probably someone listening to this.

Literally my grandma. She's a lovely woman. No, I think she has dementia, but she just got out of rehab, which is lit. It's this cup. What's really sad, I'm yelling so that the mic can pick it up. What's really sad is this cup what's really sad i'm yelling so that the mic can pick it up what's really sad is this cup didn't have fucking lead and i was so excited because this is one of my favorite cups i got it in japan i love it so fucking much and then it was 35 dollars i went to it's it's really

expensive because it's like a hand-drawn like really nice it's a moomin mug or a little cup and i was so excited because i was like oh my god this was the one that i thought had lead poisoning in it and i only got to use a few times because i was like all right let me not push my luck because this is gonna kill me meanwhile i was literally when i was sick i drank like eight million teas out of this and that was like in the past like three weeks yeah um but then i broke this in the fucking sink and she had another one of those little baby cups that i was like, oh, that's lead. And she was like, no, it's not.

And she, oh, it's literally right over there. And she was like, oh, I'm just going to put, I'm not going to drink out of it. Then I'm going to put my toothbrush in it. And I was like, no, don't use anything that you suspect has lead in it. Tested that one and it was leaded the fuck out too. But yeah, just wait for the EMF R rads detector video to drop because it's gonna come soon probably in next week's episode i'm just so shocked that this one has lead paint on it i love this you should stop what's the issue with it it's really bad isn't it bad babe touching it now

isn't gonna kill me because i already had it so much 10000 times more than the legal limit is in that cup. That's so sad. I used this cup so much. Like, I wonder if somebody went on the, like, through all the podcast episodes to see how many times just on the podcast. Yeah. I used this cup. This cup was dirty. Because what's the issue?

Like, you definitely have lead poisoning because I would wash this and then wash all the other dishes with it. So everything we have is coated in it. But this cup gave me beautiful memories and good times and I really don't... I don't want to throw it away. Like, still. 1975.

Girl, that's an ice spice cup. I didn't realize you had an ice spice cup. Yeah, it was... This one was predicting her birth. Yeah, they made it when one of her parents was born because they were like, you will give birth to a queen.

Speaking of ice spice. I love her. Speaking of ice spice, I don't think you know. Oh, it's a relic now. I know. That's nice. It's our lead relic. But yeah, speaking of ice spice, the selfie kid.

Do you remember the selfie kid that took the selfie at the super bowl with uh justin timberlake yeah he was arrested on i think felony charges inside of a california pizza pizza kitchen kitchen for fighting and beating kid people up wait what does that have to do with ice spice nothing i just wanted it to transition um but yeah he was arrested and his mug shots are out there the selfie kid i actually don't think ever really happened yeah because you're saying it and i don't know who that is and when you said the selfie kid i thought you were talking about like that selfie ellen took that was the most liked selfie on the planet for a while it was basically the same vibe this kid oh yeah i think i have seen him

well he's like 10 years old what who was he beating up i don't know he's no he's old now i think he's 19 or 20 now um but yeah and if you don't know the selfie kid i'm sure everyone does because it's impossible not to know he took pictures with um justin timberlake at the super bowl became like a viral sensation like the ellen degenerate the ellen degenerate um effect um took over and she had him on a show kind of like the vans guys damn daniel um but yeah the hell um had selfie c or oh my god selfie c should have been on ellen selfie she should have got her time on ellen ran this fucking world going on ellen is like facing a prison sentence or dr phil i feel like would have been a good fit for like being bullied like oh yeah yeah

yeah um but yeah he beat people up in the kitchen. California Pizza Kitchen in Pomona, California. California Pizza Chicken and California Kitchen Chicken or whatever the fuck it is. Both of those places. I fucking hate something about them. They give me the worst fucking vibe. I just can't stand a restaurant location that I know is giving me frozen meals and like heating it up. And just playing it off that it's not. Yeah, playing it off like it's fresh

that's not fresh um the mac and cheese from panera is frozen and i would i would shove that up my pussy right now i don't give a fuck i would make an only fans i i want to know if the mac and cheese from chick-fil-a is frozen because i got some last night and it was the best that shit's bussing bussing that shit was bussin' bussin'. Well, how do you do that with your voice? What are you doing with your voice? Bussin' bussin'. You're like eating that word.

Yeah, it tastes good. But yeah, it was fucking delicious. What did we do yesterday? Like I've literally, I haven't been, my days have been going by rapidly, but all I know is that I haven't been playing Fortnite as much and I need to do it. Oh, I started Last of Us and it's really fun.

But that game is so fucking long. Like, damn, like, damn. But it is like scary for some reason. It's boring as fuck. It literally is boring as fuck. I know, I keep trying to get Drew to watch me play and he's like refusing. And I'm like, you said you wanted to come

and watch me play Last of Us. I have six hours of work in that game and I'm not kidding. I haven't even caught up to like where the show is like i i'm like three episodes behind i haven't even met um frank and bill yet in the game that's how fucking far behind i am i'm literally so far behind um but i don't it just takes me so long yeah did you see that they're gonna let you have sex in fortnite now are you fucking kidding me yeah it's like dlc we need to play we need to play later should we just turn this off yeah and play i have my switch right behind me we should just start it up and you was playing

before this and she started a game and started getting mad at us for like something that didn't even happen or no no no i was like joining the game i just jumped out the bus and i was like let me turn this off because i know when y'all tell me to put it away to start the fucking episode it's gonna piss me off because i'm gonna be deep in a game oh my god me and josie okay listen to this i had i got a victory royale and then i jumped on with josie i got a victory royale solo 12 kills then hopped on with josie another 12 kill game then another game seven kill game then you brought me on and i had a 19 kill game yeah and that game i only had 11 kills because drew is a fucking monster to play with because he runs away from everybody to go get kills and it's like we're supposed to be in this together because what's the point of the game like if i'm not

as a team um but yeah i just wanted to let y'all know that i am still out here getting vic royales i'm not flopping um i'm still on my vr shit okay well this is the craziest shit ever that i think suspect might have been the beginning of my spiral i have lead on my pants keep going but have you ever really truly thought about germs and viruses yes yes there's like an entire like micro universe of bugs of billions and trillions and quadrillions whatever the fucking number is of just little critters that we can't see that are constantly at fucking war just killing each other and like i don't know it just it was blowing my mind because i was like oh they're just like literally on my skin right now and i can't see them unless i had a microscope and then on top of that have you ever thought about a white blood cell no white blood cells are like the most ride or die fucking cell

ever made like some people call me a white blood cell because i'm just like that like yeah like i they feel you're so ride or die um and i'm here to like save your life and stuff the other thing that was freaking me out was that white blood cells still like can't live outside of your body. Like it's compared to like how we can't breathe underwater. They can't live outside your body. It doesn't make sense to me because they heal your wounds outside your body, whatever. The craziest thing is that if you take a white blood cell out and like you have an infection

in your blood and you put it on like a slide on the slide. It is still programmed to attack and kill like the infection for 15 minutes. It is too like it's already sentenced to death and it's still fighting for your body. It just it's someone like that in my life. I can't survive 15 minutes without you and I'd kill for you. I have killed for you, though. You haven't. Oh, that haven't. Oh, the Central Park Party.

Yeah, that's why I'm so good is because I do things for you that you don't even realize I did. Well, I don't know that I ever wanted you to kill someone for me. So, like, if that falls on you. Oh, you know what I thought about the other day? Also, yes, I have thought about the fucking germs because when I get out of the shower. Also, this is another thing I haven't said. One of my like little my rules of my life like this is one of my rules of my life. When she's washing her ash in the shower, it's the most disgusting thing ever. She gets shit under her fingernails.

And instead of washing it off in the shower, she wipes it on the shower curtain. She's like, let me get the shit off. And she does that. It's disgusting. Dude, no. Like, why would I do that? I don't know. It's nasty.

But one of my rules is that after I get out of the shower, I cannot sit on the toilet. So, and it sounds like it doesn't make sense. No, that makes sense to me. But here's the thing is if like two hours or like an hour goes by. Okay, it all depends. If I take a shower and I'm about to hang out with you guys in the living room, I can get on the toilet. But not immediately. I would have to put my clothes on and then go chill and then be like, okay, yeah, now I really have to pee.

But I'm all dried up and I'm going to be up for a few hours so I can go pee. But the thing is, if I get out of the shower and I'm about like right after the shower, I'm go lay down and i need to pee i need to pop a squat like i'm in a public bathroom that is my rapper name pop a squat just came up with it pop a squat that's lit josh has a really good one it's pop a pill pop a pill is good p-o-p-pA. I feel like it should just be P-A-P-A Pill. Because like Papa Pill, like Pop A Pill, like that's like. No, it's like, it's like I'm daddy. Also, that's another thing. But that's what I'm saying.

It should be P-A-P-A Pill instead of P-O-P-P-A. Because who calls their Papa? Do people call their. But do they not spell it p-a-p-a people do but people spell it both ways i just think it looks phonetically it flows better when it's p-o-p-p-a well i think it's better when it's p-a-p-a pill well this is fuck what was i gonna god damn it um oh the fact that i'm like literally daddy as fuck i want to kill you like i'm sexy hot like no one's talking about that you are talking about it help help um you've laughed at me but i'm i'm all porous my pores are open and if i sit on the toilet all the pores will get into me

and then when i get in my bed all the germs will be on my bed get into you all the fucking germs will get into my pores and then when i get in bed i'll just be covered in germs and get it on my bed so i have to pop a squat that's a very debilitating lifestyle, but I understand the logic. The logic is there. Yeah. And then, but then sometimes, I think I've said this, sometimes like if I've washed my hands, like the calculated like four or five times that I have to after using the bathroom. But then sometimes before I go to bed, I'm so convinced that I'm going to piss myself. So I'm like trying to force myself to pee because I'm like, I can't get up again. I like can't do this.

I need to get my pee out. And sometimes like a little more pee will come out and then I'm like, can't get up again i like can't do this i need to get my pee out um and sometimes like a little more people come out and then i'm like okay and i'll wipe my also why don't you ever flush the toilet when you pee in the middle of the well because i don't want it to make a loud sound like i get like worried that it'll like wake someone up but i think i do that because in my in the house i grew up in the bathroom was right between both rooms and it would wake people up. I assumed it was just so you didn't wake us up. Also, sometimes that's like when I literally am having my issue where I'm like, oh, I have to pee, I have to pee, I have to pee.

And I keep like fake peeing. And then I'm like, I don't want to flush the toilet like eight times. That's so wasteful. And I'm like, it's literally like two drops and a fucking wish of a paper towel. So like I'm not going to flush it. But that's why I don't do that. But then- Cause that shit is potent.

Like when I, like I smell it and taste it. The smell wakes you up sometimes. When I get my fucking toothbrush in there to brush my teeth, like it honestly- Wait, no, in the water, in the sink? No, into the, you, like your toilet water, like your pee water. It just, it gets your teeth like extra clean.

I guess. It's just very acidic. The acid, yeah. Well, sometimes next time I have BV, I could just give you some of that because I'm sure it's very acidic. Bacterial vaginosis. I use my BV discharge to whiten my teeth

because it's so acidic. So I'll put some on a tin foil and I throw out my teeth in it. And then so i'll put some on a tin foil and i throw out my teeth in it and then it does suck when it gets on your tongue but you just got to do a good job of like sitting still um and sometimes it can be splotchy because some of those chunks are a little more condensed with acidity than others i have good news i've been be vaginas are fucking nasty wow vaginas are fucking scary that's not shocking coming from you i think they're beautiful oh my god i'm just saying i haven't you haven't said anything if a guy tells you that he's really

good at head girl just fucking don't let him do it you're looking at kai and that thought coming into your head yeah i know it was kai saying vaginas are beautiful i feel like men who are like oh fuck they're so gorgeous kai's bit for the first fucking six months that we knew him was that he was really good at giving head he was like the og munch like that was his vibe patrick the other day was talking to Josh and I don't think I did I say this already. I don't think he's ever heard the term munch because he lives in a different planet. Yeah. And he was like, oh, like, I just love a girl who munches. I like a girl who munches.

And then he's like, I'm always munching. I'm always munching. I am always munching. Oh, yeah. Did I finish my pee stories? I think that's it. Like, yeah, it's. Oh, but sometimes after the third time I've tried to pee, I'm like, I can't wash my hands again because now i'm stripping the oils from my hands i'm gonna get old lady

hands because i keep washing my hands and i already put lotion back on my hands so i'll not use i'll not wash my hands but before i wipe i use the most insane amount of toilet paper because i'm like i have to do everything to make sure that i don't get bacteria on my hand crazy it is like i'm surprised it's not clogged every time i walk into the bathroom after and you used it because it is literally like you know when you would like or i never did this but when you would cover toilet paper and water in the bathroom and throw it at the wall and it would explode okay it's that much um you do you do i don't i'm gonna

catch you and i'm gonna post a picture i do use a lot of toilet paper but i think most girls could vouch and that's your that's your reaction to me mentioning oh my god i thought you were like i thought you were on the side of women like i thought you were like no not when it comes to fucking periods bro is it the smell yeah yeah did anybody else grow up with their parents telling them they can't have eggs on their period because it'll make it you've said this 36 000 times i think about having my period i think about it and i don't i just don't think it's real and you know what i've asked this question a million times i've never looked at the comments to see any answers. Well, you left me at home for two weeks.

You left me at home and it was really scary. No, one of the nights I was home alone again. It was after I heard the people underneath us like celebrating a birthday. but I thought literally aliens had come to destroy the world. I was home alone. It was like 1130 and I was getting ready to bed because I've been going to bed like literally two nights ago. You were getting ready to bed? Yeah, to like have sex with my bed. To bed my bed.

But I... What the fuck was i was saying oh i've been going to bed at like 10 um i've been going to bed at like what i've been going to bed at like 10 to I get blown backwards wait who's this worse wait our neighbors we're good we're good we're just acting it's all acting

but i've been going to bed at 10 every night i've said that 15 fucking times now um and waking up at 5 36 a.m um and that night i was like well i'm gonna stay up a little bit later i'm gonna see if i can like do it so i was up at 11 30 watching vinlin um which is an amazing anime one of the best animes i've seen in a very long time the fighting is so sick and the storyline is amazing and it's kind of like game of thrones but anime uh but besides that i was laying in bed and i started hearing sounds by the front door and i was like oh that's just azul and then i heard more sounds by the front door and i looked above me and azul was above me and i was like huh that was a Zool I hope and so another like couple minutes passed and I hear more sounds by the front door and this time it sounded like someone was trying to like actually come into the house but I was probably just like fucking hallucinating and so I ran to

the kitchen grabbed a knife and locked myself in the bathroom with my iPad for probably 35 minutes, freaking the fuck out that someone was in the house. And when I went to the front door to see if it was open, I saw it was latched. And one of the sounds I heard when I went back when I was coming to grab the knife, it was unlatched. And I was like, oh my God, someone literally just came into the fucking house. And when I was standing in that doorway, I literally had like a fucking PTSD flashback

of like someone standing in your room in the living room being destroyed. So I avoided the living room and your bedroom because I was like, if someone's in here, like I'm going to lock myself into the bathroom. They're not getting through that door and I have my iPad but then I realized that I just locked it logged out of my iPad so I couldn't call anybody off my iPad so I grabbed so I had to leave the bathroom and I ran to I sprinted to the bathroom or to my bedroom with a knife grabbed my

iPhone and sprinted back and went back into the bathroom you were sprinting you literally fell onto your knife and died that's what i was hoping would happen because i was so fucking scared but y'all i was like literally crying i was so fucking scared like i thought about like locking myself in my closet but then i was like okay i'm being too extra right now but i was literally panicking and then i was like okay you're a grown-ass man you're fine you have a knife you can protect yourself so i went to my bedroom and i was like, okay, you're a grown ass man. You're fine. You have a knife. You can protect yourself. So I went to my bedroom and I was like, fuck, I don't have a lock on my room. Like they're going to come in. So I purposely left the light on in the hallway and laid in bed for literally an hour and a half watching the sliver under my door to see when footsteps would

come so I could like get into action. And I unlatched my balcony door so I could just swing it open really quick just in case I needed to escape. And I unlatched my balcony door so I could just swing it open really quick just in case I needed to escape. And I laid in that bed for an hour and a half looking for those footsteps, waiting for them to come. And the entire time I was imagining like what it would feel like to be stabbed and like what it would feel like to be stabbed to death

and how awful of a way that is to die. And I just like kept replaying it in my head. And I replayed it in my head so many times that I like know what it feels like to be stabbed now. And I always have it like, I feel like I know what it feels like to be shot. I feel like I know what it feels like to be stabbed. I feel like it wouldn't die in a car crash, whatever, because I've experienced those in past lives, or I've experienced them in dreams which is like another reality um that we visit um when we're asleep um but yeah i freaked the fuck out and i was like oh my god like i'm gonna be stabbed to death and that's a terrible way to die so then i watched a bunch of videos

on stabbings um to prepare just to prepare myself and then i did a bunch of research on reddit um about what it feels like to be stabbed that what he was telling me this i was like dude being stabbed to death sounds fucking awful and then you were like yeah but actually yeah well after the first stab your body goes into like fight or flight mode and um you have a bunch of adrenaline built up so like you're basically in shock so you don't feel after the first stab what it feels like to be stabbed 104 more times which i assume would happen to me because people love me so viciously that it would be a crime of passion rather than a random isn't it scary that most times when someone

gets killed it's someone they knew that's insane i wonder what that statistic is i'm gonna look that up i think i know who would kill us. I have a feeling. I didn't finish the selfie kid story. Or did I? Yeah, you said he... Got arrested? Yeah. Who would kill you?

Somebody who's very jealous and scary in my life. Who? But we still let him in the house every week. Dude, fuck that person. Is he in the room with us right now? Who is? You know what I just thought about? demi singing to the ghost we were like we need to save this for patreon like we're gonna do that on patreon and then it became like a big fucking thing online so we were just like whatever we'll let y'all have it

everybody else started talking about it because we're fucking trendsetters. But the video of Demi Lovato on the Ghost Series show when they're all convinced that there's a girl ghost in the room and that the girl ghost only likes other women because she doesn't trust men because she has trauma with men. And Demi Lovato proceeds to sing acapella skyscraper or one of those songs to the ghost and then the machine beeps and she's like she loved it she loved it the coast loved it doesn't she give her an encore yeah yeah yeah more you want more can i have some more please some more please can i have some more guacamole please

more some more please what is it exactly i don't know i don't remember that's your magnum opus yeah that was my my top my top time of my life was going viral on tiktok as a tiktok sound um can i uh wait i don't remember what it is more please can i have some more please don't be shy oh don't be shy put some more don't be shy put some more put some more please dude what's funny is that's literally because i just walked out of a pokey place that immediately made fun of this woman who was in front of me in miami there's this poke place that the people who work there are usually like teenagers and this older woman was talking to them like they were fucking indians and she was like no

don't be shy come on and like was literally like going like this to them over the glass like come yeah come that one yeah and i was i just watched her and didn't say anything because i couldn't believe she was alive i love this that's such a good sound um yeah but yeah 46 of violent crimes are committed by someone you know yeah kai that's what i'm saying it's gonna be kai if something happens to us it is kai that's the worst person oh that was what i forgot i'm not gonna kill myself it was kai 100 it was me if i die it wasn't me it was kai um but the thing i was gonna say is i was getting into this hypothetical the other day with some friends and it was about it was it was about so you cheated

that's all we need to know so i know you lost the hypothetical because you poked holes in it no i i did but the hypothetical was if orion killed a partner would i snitch and i was like no but here would be the game plan and i told her this yesterday she thought it was really funny so the thing is i orion comes to me but she's smart because she's a smart cookie girl and she comes to me in person and she's like anya i killed my partner we got into a fight it escalated i felt scared and i killed them and i would be like okay here's what we're gonna do we would get together buy round trip tickets to europe and we would go on a two week or realistically maybe not europe because she brought this up to me and i was like that's a really good point because you can't like you can't go on a crazy trip and have too much fun because then

when it gets oh also a part of this hypotheticals i would help her pay for the best lawyers ever like i would do everything in my power to make sure my girl is not going to jail but we can't go on too fun of a trip because then the police are gonna be like bitch like self-defense self-defense. You literally went to fucking Portugal with your homegirl, like, right after. Like, that doesn't look good. So, but what I would do, the original hypothetical, as I said, I would take out two days. We would have two days where we have the best time ever. Act like she didn't tell me. She promises that when it comes down to it, she will be like, no, I went around and, like, was hanging outnya, but I didn't tell her I was too scared to tell her because I knew she would snitch on me.

And I would snitch on her with her consent, like two, three days later after we had the best three days of our life. Because then I'm scotch free. And I'm like, she did it out of self defense. She told me blah, blah, blah, like blah. And then she now has like an alibi that she didn't just claim self defensedefense in court. She told her friend, no, that's what happened. And yeah, that was my story. I wouldn't tell immediately. I would have fun with her and then snitch.

If I were to kill someone, I would commit the crime, make sure there's no cameras. I would make sure there's no cameras. And I would do it in the nighttime where there is no light. No one can see my face. No, if I had to, though. If I had to kill someone. There's a lot of like good things you can do but the main one that i would do is i would bury their body next to the big rock in central park if that were me if i were to do that the thing is this isn't the first time you said that

and like oh my god imagine there are bodies there like literally imagine that dude on this episode i'm like thinking about like 10 years from now this being used it'll be like when david dobrik was like if i kill someone but it's drooping like oh my god next to the big rock and i spent a month in new york yeah and i didn't see you for a lot of those days shut up i'm actually like scared now no i wasn't around drew drew would have days where he's like oh i need to do a solo day oh like kind of in like japan in his vlogs he was like oh i'm all alone i'm i'm having a solo day and he would and then he would come back really tired and covered in dirt huh but i was like oh he's just playing but he was going to

parks i was sliding down the mountains oh okay you weren't digging around in the park no but i'm really genuinely thinking about this like i'm suspect number fucking one now yeah i'm probably number two so i say the big rock like there is a single big rock in is there one there's a bunch there's a bunch of like those really big like a hundred huge rocks and if i was no i need to stop getting like where did they get those when those weren't there i think no words no rocks are like man or no rocks are earth made like they're all placed there every rock placed on earth looks too perfectly to be there.

Like even if you say they were there for thousands and thousands of years, I don't believe it. You can't convince me. So you think we're making rocks now? Yeah. We tricked rocks into doing math. And that's a computer. That's true. That's a computer.

That's a mic. That's a computer that's a mic that's a bluetooth um also i decided that whatever battery they put in our garage clicker they need to put in my vibrator because we've had that shit for five years and i've hit that button probably the same amount of times i've hit my vibrator in the past two weeks and that shit is still going how many times do you use your vibrator? We don't need to talk about that. You use the garage on average 3.7 times a day. Damn, that is a lot. So I guess maybe I use that more than that. The vibrator more.

Yeah, yeah, for sure. Like, if I'm like, oh, if any time we're about to run out of the house. It's fucked up too. Sorry for cutting you off. But I was going to say, it's fucked up too that you don you don't let me watch well because you used to watch and then you would start crying and it would make me really uncomfortable yeah like i said vaginas are scary and your bacterial naginosis was spraying all over me well that's the thing is like why do you want to watch it's like oh it's great no babes it was globular and you know what my

squirt is like have y'all ever played Hill? You know when the monsters like spray the like, the like gunk at people? That's what my squirt is like. Mine is like the acid that comes out of aliens mouth. Yeah, yeah. The xenomorph. We watched the craziest movie on the planet last night. Oh my God. Okay, you intro it and then i want to talk

about like where we i'll let you talk about it because i was like so enamored by it that like i really didn't even pay attention okay but so i just i'll just start yeah i found this movie um called another gay movie um which i have heard of before but it's basically like parody movie era 2000 probably six or some shit i don't know when the original was made um like american pie or not another teen movie something like that like the same vein or like scary movie just like parody take it away so drew tells us about this movie and our friend is like oh i saw that like when it came out because me and my friends were like oh that's funny we want to watch that that sounds

like a funny movie because it was in that era of parody movies and he said that it was just like so much sex like it was like just full of sex and that him and his friends were just like oh okay yeah we're just like watching porn right now and me and drew were like okay we need to watch that like we need to watch that sounds like the funniest fucking thing ever like a funny movie that for no reason they want to have sex in it eight million times like sign me up i'm gonna watch it and so we order our dinner our din din we sit down and we ordered um chick-fil-a to kind of balance out the vibe balance out the atmosphere um so you were so nasty you were so nasty i need them i bitch if you like jelly beans something's fucking wrong with you jelly beans are like the bottom of the barrel candy and this motherfucker

went and bought them they're sweet tart jelly beans. Try one. Because don't get a blue one. Give me like a red one or something. No, the... I think it's the... I think orange is the best. I'm not joking. Or blue? Blue is nasty. Blue is nasty?

Oh, pink. No. Oh my God. You're going to eat five more when the camera turns off no jelly beans are just so like why would i want to eat like chewed up gum those are fucking delicious there's no way our bodies can digest this there's no way because i couldn't even chew it all the way my probiotic says hello so we also drew started taking a probiotic with his diet the other day and so he's probably gonna pass away in three days well no it's breaking it

down better the red 40 um oh i saw that red 40 is a carcinogen um so you'll have alzheimer's cancer cancer from the radiation and the red 40 you're just making sure your odds are like and i do think at one point we had black and gold because look at any of the vents in our house yeah they did like let out like fucking the vent in my room has like lines near it it's really bad no that's because we didn't realize that we had to change the filter and we lived here for three years and never changed the filter and then finally got to it and it literally it was this thick like so the filter was this big like a quarter of an inch and the pile of dead skin fur, nasty particles was like four inches.

It was insane. Like we filled the garbage bag with it. Like it was really bad. Grown ass man. I know, you were like 25 years old. I did that not even as a bit. Like that was real. You blacked out.

You are the guy running out of the fucking gas station with sweets turning 25 i'm not i'm i had a um moment yesterday where uh we'll get back to the gay movie after this but i was on the way to the gym and i was like doing something on my phone and I was finally like what I'm laughing at like your reactions to the movie like you you see sex on a screen you're like okay okay no matter who's having sex like when we were randomly like putting porn on to be funny you were like oh okay yeah okay and i'm like why you get such a visceral reaction out of drew if there's like actual sex happening on a screen he's absolutely not absolutely not um but um i was on the way to the gym and i had to do something on my phone that I've been like putting off for a while and I just didn't want to do it and so my brain without even thinking about it I was like I literally audibly was like and I like slid up on it and then opened TikTok and started scrolling and for the

first time in my life I caught myself subconsciously like avoiding getting a dopamine hit to avoid like doing something gnarly and i was freaking out i was like oh my god i just did it and then i did it again right after it and it's like completely just like it just happens without even fucking like it's literally just like caveman monkey brain like that thing made me feel good i'm gonna do it so addicting it's so bad and that's what happened with those jelly beans i was like those made me feel good i'm gonna eat more that's like me with my wing bot i'm like that yeah i'm gonna i'm gonna do that again even if it's dying and i have to press the button eight million times so we we're like let's watch this movie and eat and we're looking i'm looking it up and i'm like

dude you literally can't stream this movie like it's like nowhere to be found unless you sign up for another streaming service on top of an Amazon streaming service and I was like I'm not gonna do that because I'm not gonna remember to cancel it because that's exactly what happened with Apple TV and I haven't seen a single Apple TV series but I pay for

fucking Apple TV because I just forgot to do it and every time I think to do it I do exactly what Drew just described and I open my phone to go look for it and i just open tiktok and instagram and like look at people um so we like we josh's family's amazon is on our tv and the second one was on there i think it might be mine now oh is it i think so oh um but whoever's amazon was on it we know it is josh's parents it is yeah because i i think we did it on his mom's account yeah we bought like a gay sex movie on josh's um but to be fair i feed josh very often so even stevens um so we rented it for four dollars and as i was renting it for some reason i thought it was the first movie.

And then we saw it. We were like, fuck, it's the sequel. And I was like, well, I already bought it on someone else's dollar. So we have to just watch it. It was the most insane movie I've ever seen. Like me and Drew were, for the most part, silent the whole time. We were enamored by it. Like the only thing that would come out of our mouth was like, oh, my God.

Like what the fuck is happening? Like those are the ad libs the entire time by the end of it i tapped out there was like 15 minutes left and i was like all right i'm gonna go take a bath by the end of it i was convinced that like it was genius like i was like oh this is like actually like a really really entertaining and awesome not even by the end you like 45 minutes in also it was the longest movie ever it was like almost a two hour like it was only an hour 36 like they they made the time of that movie so that they could possibly nominate it for awards like that's what i'm convinced is that they were like this time we're gonna get something out of this um oh did you say we bought the sequel yeah we were watching the fucking sequel so we

were like is there things that we're missing here like that we would only know from the first movie um which i don't think some of the jokes were really fucking funny but like i'm like some of the jokes are really fucking funny but it would be like when someone turned around and had shit on their ass yeah literally it was so crude it was so vile definitely the most crude movie i've seen in my whole life like it's like our podcast like personified into like a film like it's so nasty us making poop jokes and that's exactly what they did i think our calling in life hard wieners in it and it was that was too much just like completely at like the most unexpected parts of the movie as well too and you're just like oh my god like i made 745 000 in the box office that's actually

the budget was half a million so they made them and rupaul was like a huge producer on it really and she was in it a bunch yeah um but yeah it was honestly amazing and i loved it but don't watch it um if if you were under 21 under 21 like it's really really gnarly it's essentially gay porn like at the end of the day um but it was really fucking insane and it was a fun watch i wish i watched it really high yeah um because that would make me crack up it was genuinely awesome and also like oh my god never mind i was just gonna say like it's cool that like that was made back then because it was like in the peak of like anti-gay rhetoric going around oh yeah the fact that they were able to get that funded created and put out was a feat in its in of itself but like not to like analyze a movie that

is literally all sex but like no that's literally because when we were watching it i was like isn't it crazy that this when this movie was out gay marriage was literally still not legal and they were just like fuck it i'm literally gonna make the crude funny ass movie that also has a bunch of sex in it i think that's the most sex I've seen in a movie. I will say. 100%. Like, but it was fucking funny. Drew made this comment. I was like, that's a stretch.

But he was like, if this was a 45 minute movie, it would be the most awesome movie ever. But I do agree. If it was 45 minutes long, it would literally be fucking perfect. And just like, that was a funny, short, like random thing. But it was so long. I did like, thing but it was so long i did like if you do watch it i did like the bad luck guys yeah arc that was like a fun tidbit yeah um oh yeah no there's so many little moments in it then i'm like oh that was awesome um and i loved it i genuinely liked it yeah it was fun it's not like a five star film but naked nasty on the beach in

miami though they were like in fort lauderdale i wonder if maybe they said they were in fort lauderdale and filmed somewhere else because like literally everywhere films in fucking like croatia but they're set in um atlanta it just looked like miami to me tell me tell me oh no they they were in miami because they were shooting in a venetian pool but if you're from miami to me tell me tell me oh no they they were in miami because they were shooting in at venetian pool but if you're from miami you know you if you know you know i'm not from miami and i know because you're well traveled babe i've seen the world i've seen the world i've been super the last two weeks um i've been really badly wanting to just go on like a two-day vacation like somewhere um and i really heavily considered getting a flight and leaving the next day um and staying there for

24 hours and then coming home um i'm not telling you where i'm going let's just say that well with that being said drew's's going to run away. I'm going to do my music. I'm going to play Fortnite while he's gone. I'm going to make music. Okay, so for my songs, we got Bamboo Banga by M.I.A. Let's Make a Stain by MC Mac. Driving on Nine, The Breeders.

And then I'll give you one more. In a Silent way miles davis i think this is 12 minutes long yeah it's 20 minutes long 1951 uh also uh i don't know if i've ever said this artist on the podcast um but the musician hymera h-i-m-e-r-a um one of my favorite like musicians like not of all time but like i i really like their music um and i play it all the time it's just so peaceful and pretty um but yeah check out hymera h-i-m-e-A. I was paid $58,000 to say that by the label. There's no way. Yep. Well, mine is, I think I already said this song, but we are finally hitting springtime,

which is so fucking awesome. Spring is coming with a strawberry in its mouth by Roger Doyle. Doyle. Doyley is really good. Quiero Bailar by Ivy Queen. You would love this song, Drew. I was just about to ask you to. Ooh, Ivy Queen?

Ivy Y Queen? Yeah, Ivy. Quiero Bailar. What is that? Let's Dance? What what it's let's dance quiero yeah or i want to dance i want to dance oh also this xavier wolf song um that samples oh fuck what is it sample. Hollow be they squad. I think it samples number three by Apex Twin.

That's number three right. But I had like a. Xavier Wolf. Like Suicide Boys arc. For two years in high school. And Bones. And like all of them when they were like. Uploading to SoundCloud and shit.

And I kind of just. fell out of love with it naturally because I listened to it every day for two years straight. Revisiting and it's lit. Remember when you got so mad that I played music all the time? Yeah, it was a rough patch in our relationship. Those Eyes, That Mouth and Love's Easy Tears by Cocktail Twins. I say Cocktail Twins eight different times every time I say it. patch in our relationship um those eyes that mouth and loves easy tears by cocktail twins i say cocktail twins eight different times every time i say it like yeah i say cocktail twins cockatoo twins yeah i say different every time what which one was that um those eyes that mouth and loves easy tears you've heard me play this one this is like... Easy Tears.

This one is Those Eyes, That Mouth, and then Loves, like Ownership Loves, Easy Tears. I Won't Hurt You, The West Coast Pop Art Experiment. And 1991, Azalea Banks. That song really reminds me of the beginning of quarantine when we were so bored. And that was the best time of my beginning of quarantine when we were so bored um and that was the best time of my life honestly and then is actually does azalea sample crystal castles in

that song i actually don't know but maybe uh i don't think so, but maybe. I'm curious because there's a 1991 by Crystal Castles and a 1991 by Azalea Banks. Oh, I don't know, though. They sound pretty different, but maybe. And then Dessert Song by Takako Minekawa. That's the girl who did Fantastic Cat. That album's really good. But Dessert Song is so good.

I'll never forget. I lay claim to Fantastic Cat. Fantastic Cat. I lay claim to it. And I showed it to someone. And then they claimed that they showed me that song. And that's the one fucking thing that I don't fuck with. Is when I show someone a song and they say they showed me that song and that's the one fucking thing that i don't fuck with is when i

show someone a song and they say they showed me a song like i don't know why that boils my blood so much i guess it's like my individualist complex or like um superiority complex or some shit but no and i will take that to my grave i will die on that hill you know who i'm talking about i think so yeah that song i just i like that song but i don't like that as much as the other songs on that album but that's a really good song um dessert song is so sweet i put it oh did you see my story with the monkey with the monkey with the look i'll i'm gonna show it to you sorry this is so boring and like uninteresting for literally everybody else probably because look how big that is. What is that?

Is that my tricep? Oh, no. That's a tumor. It's a fat deposit. This. Sleeper build. Oh. Oh.

And I think that's it. And then I'm really behind on last of us because i've been watching the sopranos and i say sopranos every different every time and i was in a room full of people who were saying like sopranos and i say sopranos and i'm gonna keep saying sopranos um i've been watching vinland saga i finished season two of Demon Slayer. Started off, I didn't like the vibe of it. By the end, I was like, oh, they just set this show up for a fucking slam dunk and they better go with the idea that I had for like the seasons, but I doubt they do.

And then I started watching Vinland Saga and I got, that's why I stayed up so late last night was because I started watching, um, Vinland Saga and I got, uh, that's why I stayed up so late last night was because I was watching it like falling asleep. Yeah. As I was watching it. But Vinland Saga is fucking epic. It's like everything you'd ever want in an anime. Like it's so fucking sick.

I just, for some reason I like post like 2021 i just have not even thought about watching anime i think i just like in 2021 i started watching breaking bad and then i was like dude i have to catch up on all these so that's been my vibe because i'm like if i'm gonna start a show i feel like i have to watch all the human shows human shows also every time i look at my phone i'm not like scrolling through socials i'm not like super addicted i take notes for the week leading up to the podcast and if he thinks of something he jots it back yeah and i jot it down and yeah i just got i got really insecure about that like the last like five episodes of people thinking that i'm just like ignoring everything

you say but no i'm just looking at the topics that I have written down so we can move on from that conversation okay you're a fucking bitch I'm not gonna be here next week yeah thank god let's give a goodbye kiss remember when we fake kissed and I smelled like Doritos yes it was so fucking nasty that video of me and Drew like on the wall like fake kissing

he had just eaten Doritos and it smelled so nasty and yeah that's it alright bye so nasty um and yeah that's it all right Outro Music