Emergency Intercom - We Have Decided The Fate Of Humanity

Episode Date: April 29, 2022

Enya and drew come to terms with the fact that emergency intercom is the new sex podcast, talk about how being podcasters is one of the hardest jobs in America then spiral because this is easily our worst episode. From boners to questioning existence itself they cover it all. Follow Enya on Insta: @EnyaUmanzor Follow Drew on Insta: @DrewPhillips09 To listen to the podcast on YouTube: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercomPodYT Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I'm, like, so worried about my sister. Randy, you cannot marry a murderer. I was sick, but I am healed. Returning to W Network and Stack TV. The West Side Ripper is back. If you're not killing these people, then who is? That's what I want to know. Starring Kaley Cuoco and Chris Messina.

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And for all you audio listeners. Is your finger bleeding? Where? Yeah. What the? Get. Get. Get.

Get gone. Come back. Welcome back to this episode. Or welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom. Today, we're going to be talking about drew's plastic surgery yeah yeah he he's got some work done and he just feels like he's been setting the beauty standard for a while now and he has to speak on it i've been lying about my bbl and his big balls i've been lying about my cock enlargement it's real your b e l ball enlargement and lowerment it's to make them them hang lower ball enlargement and lowerment so b e e um ball ball enlargement and low and like lowerment shut the fuck up no go ahead no

because why would it be b e e it'd be b e a l well i thought you were saying in like e n lowerment like e n l o w oh no and lowerment but like you know when they do like um not abbreviations but like is that what it's called where it's the letters instead of like the words when they do the abbreviations they never even put in the a for the and you just got to figure out where it goes yeah why is that because i think everybody can let's just assume where it belongs it takes me a lot of work to know it does take my brain a lot of like brain power to um figure out abbreviations uh fuck i was watching something oh when we were watching sonic 2 they don't have like real government logos in them like or anything that looks like a real government logo which makes sense because they have to keep it in the world of

like a video game and i don't think there's real government involved in sonic world um or like in the sega universe i don't know like i literally could be surprised but um they support a cab in the sonic universe no they actually support the opposite at one point sonic puts on his blue coat again and goes it's good to be in blue he literally says that like and me and my friends who saw it together were like that's a little they were yeah that was their like main guy was like a sheriff so like he's literally it's like on some paw patrol shit it's like it's good to be in blue it's good to be back in blue like that's his way paw patrol is literally

a psychological operation for our children no it's literally to put way to put kids in not only the workforce but like the police workforce the fuck was i saying oh but basically i was thinking yesterday for some reason because i'm thinking about the like the abbreviation fbi and i literally was sitting on the couch and i was like federal bureau of investigation like it like it like took me a minute to think of it and i was like they don't have the the o in there like because it's not federal bureau because fbi o or fbl or f o or fbl this is just showing how fucking dumb we are like we haven't said anything of like true intellect the craziest part is we have nothing to say because this is the second episode we're recording in 24 hours yeah because we have big plans big plans so we'll be gone forever i'm probably never

coming back yeah maybe maybe running away i am running away i'm i'm genuinely running away or maybe i'm running into the fire i'm running towards my problems kind of you're running up that damn hill yeah you're pulling a cape but i'm going i'm going camping again um which is really exciting for me yeah why'd you laugh because anytime you like bring up camping you're always talking about like, you're like, something's gonna happen. No, I was gonna say something bad is gonna happen while I'm gone. It always when I go to Utah to camp, something bad happens every time.

But you know, like, I've accepted that. And like, that's a small price. Like death is a small price to pay to get a weekend away. It's a small price to pay. Holy shit. You have to change the narrative. Actually, bad things happen to you because you attract them did you know that if bad things are happening to you it's probably because you deserve them that's just that literally is the ideology of manifestation

like that's like what you bitches like preach like oh i manifest i am those bitches yeah you are the problem no i manifest all my bad problems like Like it's really fucked up. Like I'll fester them. I'll be in bed just like right before I fall asleep, just thinking of literally all the worst shit possible that could happen. And then eventually it comes true. And it's because I manifest them. Maybe I should spend my time laying in bed manifesting all the good things that can happen. And maybe they'll start coming true. I spend my time in bed manifesting having sex.

Oh my God. I do. It like comes to fruition. Like it like works out for my time in bed manifesting having sex. Oh, my God. I do. It comes to fruition. It works out for me. I'm always having sex. That's true. She is. Yeah.

I am always. I'm always like. I've always got a bone to pick at. What? Do you get it? I have a bone to pick, but I have a bone to pick at. I'm picking at that bone. You guys, I have something to admit to both of you bone bagel bagel bagel bagel bagel bagel bagel bagel bagel bagel bagG-E-L. Bagel. Bagel.

Bagel. Bagel. Bagel. Bagel. Bagel. Bagel. Bagel. Bagel. Bagel.

Bagel. Bagel. Bagel. Whatever you call them, we have them. Bagels and bagels. Available now at your local Cobb's Bread. Look over in that corner. You see that orange packet?

Yeah. I took 14 of them. Today? Those are mushroom gummies. So I'm going to- You're tripping today? Not today not yet not yet but it'll come up on the podcast and y'all will see me in a full-blown mushroom trip you're gonna have an ego death on the podcast yeah it's gonna be actually fucked up there's something casual like it's i do it like three times a day you have ego death three times a day death isn't real i genuinely believe that you can't have ego death the thing is you said this before i think you said this on like four episodes

it's it's a core belief of mine it just doesn't make you're always like because if you think you had ego death your ego is still intact because you believe it's episode 28 34 minutes in exactly watch that be right can i just listen to 28 minutes in and it's true being like i'm a fucking slut i'm a whore like i love i love having sex i love getting ran through total verse i don't even know what that means i'm just saying shit like i'm not i don't even know what that shit means so are you a slut or no i am but i don't know what verse means like i'm not that it sounds like like why would you even use that vocabulary because like

normal people don't say that kind of stuff i'm i'm a sleigh i'm a sleigh in bed with whatever partner i decide that day you're so annoying saying you're a person to be like i'm just saying these i don't know what that means i just saw that online like i don't actually know what that means um fuck i was gonna say something and i literally forgot oh are we gonna comment on my shirt like no one has any comments like i'm turning a new tide like oh yeah i was on my anti-men ship but like come on i'm just i'm gonna like like i'm gonna call it now like we're going into a pro men yeah you want to get out in front of the trend yeah like yes and here's

trend forecasting men me trend forecasting when it's like i got this shirt like i didn't make the shirt so like what am i trying to forecasting um i just, like, who got the shirts for you and who. Oh, who got the shirt for me? It's from Hollywood Gifts. It's from a brand. But technically, Kai was the hookup. Kai was the plug. Yes.

It's not the first time he's like been a third person party in terms of transactions that aren't necessarily legal. But we don't have to talk about it. He's a drug dealer. Yeah, amongst other things. And I'm about to take a trip. That's an Altoid. I'm turning to a new vibe. Have you ever heard the word Altoid?

Have you ever listened to it? The word Altoid is fucking disgusting. What does that even mean? Altoid? It's so annoying. I actually remember the first time I heard it in like third grade and being like just why not call it candy you remember that far back kai there's actually no way you remember all the way back to third grade i am that's over 20 years ago you don't remember that

like you really don't that's two decades ago kai oh my god it is holy shit wait do you actually know what age you were in third grade off the top of your head like that um yeah you're like seven or yeah you're like seven six or seven no you're like no concept of time i think i only have concept because um that's around the time my mom literally decided to like abandon and ruin my life. So trust and believe. Also. Trust and believe. I do not forget. But also. What?

I'm just laughing at like. The trauma. That was. The trauma. Also I have siblings who are that age. So it's just like off top. Off top of dome. Which I give a lot and very well um i watched um like 36 movies last night i could not sleep i couldn't sleep

either i don't know what the fuck i was doing i have work to do like trust and believe i have so much work to do i have to like pack i have things to do but instead i sat on my bed and made tiktoks forever which is exactly why i shouldn't have the app like i sat on my bed and made tiktoks forever which is exactly why i shouldn't have the app like i'm so bored um because fucking fortnight was down last night it was literally the worst thing that happened to me kai i played one round it was so good i was on such a good streak last night and then fortnight went down it was it was really the worst thing that happened to me i can't stress enough yeah i just like laid in bed till like 6 a.m watching movies and shows all night like i watch honestly it almost broke my top four on letterbox but then i thought about it and i was like you're just being like fucking

stupid like you're just trying to be different and weird which i can recognize sometimes i like my brain works in that way where i'm like I want to be as different and weird as possible but I never give in to those weird thoughts because I am who I am at the end of the day but I watched the Lego movie last night and first one yes that shit is actually so advanced it's like really like there are some like really like actually real shit that they're like commenting on in such like a fun i was laughing out loud and that's genuinely super good it's super funny super good and like the subject matter is like super advanced i was like oh whoa this is like a lit ass movie i was back to someone on a plane recently and they were watching it and cracking the fuck up it's actually that funny

um it's actually that funny i don't know if I believe that. Like, come on. Like, come on. Like, come on, man. Two man babies talking about how much we love the Lego movie. It's actually really good. It is good, though. Drew texted me that last night, and I was like, all right, I'm going to bed.

That texted me to bed. He texted you from his room. Yeah, because I got up to pee, and he was like, I'm up too. I was like, I can't sleep either. I can't sleep either. Literally just like that. With a hundred E's. And then I was...

Drew hinting that he wants to crawl into bed with Enya so bad. We haven't had to spend the night in a very long time. When Drew was suffering very awfully from his PTSD from the break-in, he would sleep in my bed almost too often. No. It was awesome for me. My little wing was like not getting the treatment she deserved. She was shriveled.

The clitoris was shriveled. Yeah, she was like evaporated. She was like a little dust bunny. Well, no, I just gave you your sensitivity back. You were abusing her. You did give me a tolerance break. Yeah, I gave you a masturbation tea break. You were abusing her. You did give me a tolerance break. Yeah, I gave you a masturbation tea break. You were abusing her.

Simply. I'm nofap right now. Huh? You're nofap right now? This, like, why? Like, how did we become, like, one of the most sexual, like, podcasts other than maybe, like, Tanmojo? And I haven't watched her podcast. I'm just assuming she'd be talking about sex.

We don't talk about sex. We talk about, like, playing with we don't talk about sex we talk about like playing with ourselves we talk about our own members we talk about like the really lame shit if i'm gonna talk about something it's gonna be my wing bot like we're just relatable everyone does a podcast it's just a jacking off podcast it's the masturbation podcast um sorry I thought of something I had a thought and it's not coming out do you want me to pry? no you shouldn't

because I literally can't say it and that's it for this episode that's what it feels like I have nothing else to say to y'all I literally felt like I just talked for an hour I have nothing else to say to y'all y'all are sucking me dry I need to be sucked dry

I need viewers are literally stealing every ounce of conversation I have and it's y'all's fault what's insane is the fact that I still talk my fucking ass off you would think I'd do this and it's y'all's what's what's insane is the fact that i still talk my fucking ass off i you would think i do this and it like leaves me dead and silent for a week bitch i get off of here i get on my iphone for like an hour and i'm right back to it like i just need

like a few minutes on iphone having monkey brain like dopamine to like recharge and then i'm like all right now i dabble in Fortnite. You do without fail. Every single episode for, at this point, 42 episodes. As soon as we turn off the camera, you just go to the couch and are on TikTok. Yeah. For like an hour straight. And then you're good. Yeah.

And then I'm like, all right, I'm back. Like I literally like, actually after the camera gets turned off, my brain is like, it feels like an old TV turning off like when like like when it would like like that's what my brain feels like for like an hour after it is like actually so draining to talk for an hour like people don't realize that but I have

the hardest job in the world I'm braver than the fucking Marines it's like I'm I do harder work than the average American. Yeah. I was going to say, because like, yes, we can argue like whatever, nine to five, you have to get up. But like, I have to sit here and like be myself.

Which is so hard. And like that is the bravest, like that is the most courageous thing you can do. Which is so hard. In this day and age, nobody wants to be themselves. And like the hardest part about it is being loved by everybody. I know. Like I... Not being able to go outside, like living in a city like la and not being able to go outside without the chance of someone knowing who you are i mean it's just a nightmare it literally is it like i'm at least we have each other to understand because like these these people watching like they

literally have no idea what we're talking about yeah like we might just like really it's unnatural yeah like humans weren't meant to be seen by this many people yeah but we but the thing is like we are the people to put ourselves in that position for their enjoyment we're like we're like oh my god we are good people yeah like we are we are good we are better than we lock ourselves in the zoo so they can observe us yeah if only y'all could see the cage that's around us right now we literally record the podcast in a cage and go and sleep in the corner and wake up in the morning and do it again and there's a little stack of hay in the corner that has an imprint from our body yeah and then i eat the hay that you sit on why would you eat the hay that i sit on drew i eat the one like i sweat on that the dookie flakes

like you're eating my doo-doo flakes your stink my little stink oh i love a good smell is that i love a good bad smell is that like your texas accent you say stink stink say stink stink but isn't it stink stink stink stink no it is stink but doesn't drew say stink stink yeah but i guess that's like what do you want to say stink stink stink i also say i'm going to draw a picture that has to be texas too right that's that texan draw wait somewhere i saw oh i think i saw saw on like the Reddit page or something like the other day that someone was like, it's so crazy how Madeline still has her accent. And then like Drew does it. And I was like.

It is. It is crazy. I had that accent. But I also just think like I never really fully had like an actual Texas accent, Texan accent, like a Southern accent. I think like like oh my god she's always stealing she's always steals the attention from me she always has to steal the i'm not kidding that burp actually took the breath out of me it was one of those ones that stretched

right here like it actually like knocked me a little but i don't think i ever really had a texas accent i think like or texan accent i think i ever really had a Texas accent I think like or Texan accent I think I just like have a better vocabulary than the average person so it's just like it was hard for me to have that no genuinely I like just didn't have one and then but I actually have noticed a bunch recently that people are like uh when I talked to Madeline on the phone they were like Drew's Texan accent came out or comes out when he's talking on the phone and I watched that clip over and over again to like try to hear my text and accent and there were like 50 comments talking about it and I for the life of me could not hear like a change in my like accent but then when I'm on the phone with my grandma or like one

of my Texas friends like my accent like literally comes out like crazy it's literally like um Elsie talking with her mom yeah like and it's like it's something so like like instinctual in me like i don't even like consciously do it it just happens but yeah in granbury we say like slay and serve oh okay that's cool um oh my god my hometown i just like i haven't thought about it and like since the billboard video and like that place is psycho my on my i love it though it's like literally such like a change of pace it's like a different world yeah it really is just like i go back and i live and that's like i don't do anything but eat mcdonald's and drive my mom's car 120 miles per hour up and down the road you've been in it dude that was probably that was so fucked up of me to do to you because like i was

literally like not suicidal but i was like at like a very low point in my life after my brother died and you were in granbury and i was like look how fast we can go and it was like midnight and i was like just zooming up and down the back you know what though like i um i didn't experience a death but i was like in like also a tumultuous time so i literally did not second guess it because that's like we were in that shit together i was partaking in the same kind of like really like let's see how high i could get my adrenaline so i could feel alive again exactly so i just I just like, I literally. Don't do that shit though. Yeah, do not do that.

That is genuinely like some of the dumbest shit that I've ever done or do is like go fast in the car. Like that's like actually like I can, I recognize that that is like really, really stupid and dangerous. But I just like doing it but i also to clarify do it on like desolate desolate back roads in texas where like literally there hasn't been a soul driving on it but me for the last eight hours so it's just like whatever but yeah very dangerous time in my life sorry i went to go smell my fucking armpit because something in this area stinks and i thought it was me and i hit my fucking forehead with my ring. Girl, that's my ball grease.

No, that girl at fucking Coachella. Yeah, it smells like an onion. It smells like a single onion. Like an onion. Bro, there's probably rotten food back here. Like there's always something rotten on this. Something smells like it's rotting. The girl at Coachella that was like raising her hands and she was like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I saw that. And she like looked away. The thing is. She's my hero. She's my hero. Yeah my hero like i i've gotten comments like i'm smelling the onion now yeah oh it's josh's food he probably ordered onion food oh no it fully is josh's food um the thing is i've had gotten comments where people are like are we gonna ignore that and you smelled herself who fucking cares because y'all are the kind of bitches to be in a room smelling bad wondering what's smelling bad and it's you because you don't fucking smell yourself like you need to you need to take accountability yeah let's talk about that she did accountability for smelling like shit she did what she had to do and like like, she like, yeah.

She had her hands up. She put her hands down. And that's self-awareness that I love and support. She did what she needed to do. She had her hands up and put her hands down. Yeah, and I support her thoroughly. Sorry, I like need to light a fucking candle because it smells like fucking. I need a J right now. Like literally so fucking bad.

Do you want me to roll you one? Yeah, roll me a j just suck that down imagine i did just now that would be awesome no one's commented on my mud water because we're over it hold on actually because i like literally wow that looks so fucking gross wow yeah wow wow wow again i know i say it every episode, but it's very real. It's very real for me. I am surrounded by dangerous people. Ty and Inya are dangerous.

Me when you just admitted to going 120 miles an hour with me in the passenger seat. They're sick and twisted, and they play mind games with me. You should see what they do to me. Yeah, we do. When the cameras are off off it's a different story it may seem light-hearted and fun true but they attack me you're acting crazy yeah you're fucking belligerently did you take your meds today oh my god did you take your pills see open your mouth let me see it on your tongue oh has that been in your mouth the whole time?

Chewing the lithium. What? I haven't spoken to my therapist for like two months. You're ghosting her again? I have not spoken to her. Did you get the last response in or did she yeah she got the last response in i've just been or no no like the conversation ended cordially yeah yeah it was really cordial um i basically emailed my therapist and i was like oh sorry i've been like mia i just like haven't really had time to talk. And I feel like I've been doing okay enough that I don't need to.

Which is. You need to talk. Like clinically insane. Like actually like, you know, I'm like in the beginning of interrogation, like YouTube videos where people are like, it starts with like this video has been like analyzed by like a psychologist. Like we need that for Drew. We need like a psychologist to analyze footage of him.

One thing about me is I thoroughly believe that I could, no, no. I was gonna say I could like commit a crime and then lie my way out of an interrogation. You, Orion. But absolutely not. Orion, set us up i i would genuinely like i could not commit a crime and go to jail for life for the crime i didn't commit because i would freak the fuck out and freeze all the time we were watching this interrogation and i was like this is how you would look like

like this girl thinks she's killing it and that's exactly how you would look. It's just like, no, yeah. I want my lawyer. That is a whole ride. I want my lawyer. I mean, like, I don't know what you're talking about. Dude, I would fold so hard. I was in there, I was here. I have never had a doubt in my life.

I am so transparent when it comes to being stressed out. Like people will be like, I feel like one time we were hanging out. I clocked you forever every time i clock you yeah like we were in the car and and you've done this to me too we were in the car not even looking at me maybe even on your phone and then my body will like tense up or something and you'll go oh like you are acting weird as fuck and it's like me just no no me no but i say you you're acting weird well you'll just call me out for like no i don't call you i'm like kai are you all right like what's up what do you think

i this is what i say i'm like what are you thinking about yeah yeah you'll be like no a couple times you'll be like no i'll be like you're being weird you are being a freak i'm like the killer is in the back and you won't even be like i'm driving and i just feel something in my back shift and like kai when he is like like not a mood, but like when you are like feeling something, you will get in my car and disappear in the car. Like I'll be driving for 20 minutes and I'm like, then suddenly I look in my rearview mirror and I'm like, oh my God, he's literally there. I am so bad at like faking it, but whatever.

Well, you got to fake it till you make it and push all that shit down. So get better at it. Exactly. Yeah, totally. I'm really good. I'm not good at faking it i don't think no i think i'm good i'm awful well no i'm good when i need to be good but when i want people to be like what's wrong or like you're terrorizing the vibe right now i like it sometimes intentionally do it like when we were walking up to coachella that was unintentional i but i wasn't even trying to hide it i was just like i'm in a bad mood but like when i intentionally want someone to be

like what's wrong like i'll like play it up a little bit you're so annoying i'm it's true he's like no i'm good no exactly i'm telling the goddamn truth. Like, that's what I, that's the thing about me is I tell the truth. I say what people are afraid to say. You are not, you're lying. Like, how are you lying as you're talking about telling the truth? Like, you're lying about telling the truth. I don't think I'm a good liar at all. Like, I think I'm really bad.

Like, I fold really easily. But mainly I, I speak before I think so often that I don't even think to lie before i tell the truth like i just am naturally like oh yeah why is that um because i don't think to lie because i'm not a piece of shit like i'm literally one of the best people on earth see i quote me on that fuck you shut up don't quote me they're like okay this this is like i lie when it's fun and funny obviously like we know that about me. Half the shit I say is literally like a funny lie, like whatever. But when the time to tell the truth happens, like when it's like a serious moment, I don't lie.

I tell the truth. Yeah. Except when someone asks me about my own emotions, then I lie. So. No, I'm happy. So. I'm happy. And then I bottle it up and shove it way deep down yeah honestly

i'm surprised i honestly bottle it up and shove it up my hole like everyone's so concerned with shoving it down but i bottle it and put it in me exactly no i like there's something like actually i like recognize this wrong with me because like when i bottle shit down like everyone's like oh it's gonna boil over it's gonna boil over i've been bottling shit for like 15 years and it somehow just like evaporates in my gut and i shit it out that is literally not true that is like that is so far from the truth no it's true no it's literally not like i i think like you don't you think you're good at it but like it comes out do you remember that video of the Kony 2012 guy? Like getting naked? Yeah.

Yeah. That's going to be Drew in literally two years. He's going to be like, no, I've bottled it for 15 years. But it's good. I've said that. No, I'm going to snap one day. It's going to be crazy. People are going to be like, oh, is this like a bit?

What is he doing? And I'm going to be literally rolling around naked on the floor of fucking Hollywood. Literally putting rocks in my ass. It's going to be like literally rolling around naked on the floor of fucking Hollywood, like literally putting rocks in my ass. It's going to be crazy. That's going to make you like way down. I'm going to recreate the movie at Hauntland Drive. What was that? What was that? Because I blinked and then I heard something.

What was that? Did you almost drop something? Actually, that was just a moment between me, Kai, and the viewers. Oh, the thing is you put out the fucking candle somehow. No, it just died. Is that a Glossier candle? Yes, and I want another one so bad. But.

Dude, burps get Kai every time. If you want to make Kai laugh, just burp. That was insane. Like yours was like a baby burp. That laugh, just burp. That was insane. Yours was like a baby burp. That's how babies burp. I'm literally drinking baby diarrhea shit right now. Babies don't have any social awareness to know that burps are funny yet. So they'll just shit and burp and just be serious.

Yeah, you just did it like Bray. Wait, why do I want a kid? You, she would be an awful father. No, I recognize. You, you, you, you have to say like, yeah, I just bottle everything up and I've been doing it for 15 years. Why do I want a kid? I drove my parents around in Los Angeles for a week.

And on the way to Malibu, I had a very serious conversation with myself in my head where I was like, like, this is what it's like having children. And I actually like it. That would be dangerous. Me, you considering. It would be dark sided. You considering thinking a conversation with yourself. Girl, you're just thinking. No, we were having dialogue.

Me and my authors. Okay. Drew, should we try for a kid? I'm so happy you finally asked. I can't reach. Yeah, we should start trying. I'll carry. Yeah.

Just deciding who's going to carry the child. Also that quick, just like, yeah, I'll do it. Like, it's on me. It's on me. The baby's on quick just like yeah i'll do it like it's on me it's on me the baby's on me like i'll do it um i still literally i feel like we've talked about like wanting kids possibly on this podcast so much um it's a relatable topic for their mid-20 girls i'm down but i'm still like i think i'd be a really bad mom i think i'd be really like without realizing it like fucking awful because I genuinely

had this thought. I was going through my closet and folding everything. And I was like, dude, I have like such a cool like collection of clothing building up. I get to give this to my daughter. And then I really thought about it. And I was like, let me see my daughter look better in my clothing than I ever did. No, I'm going to be like, damn, you look fucking bad. Like you look really bad in that

like oh my god it's gonna be so cute when like my grandkids are going through like my kids addict and they find like a rack of like all of my clothes on there and they're like look at this like vintage shit like look at all this hello this is gonna be worth like 200 in the future the sling tour clear merch yeah Yeah. It's a grail. There are so many people watching right now that want this shirt. The bidding goes at

let's say 640. Okay, I have a surprise. What? Damn, I always bring out all the surprises. Where's my surprise? The thing is

whatever he just pulled out was out of our fucking fridge so like I Where's all my surprises? I probably put it in there. Oh. he just pulled out was out of our fucking fridge so like i where's all my i probably put it in there oh which one do you want no you choose it's it's your surprise i'm getting this okay inflation isn't real because these are still 99 cents like y'all are actually fucking insane i genuinely literally making it up because they want to like community this is proof that it's corporate greed inflation wouldn't be real if everybody just stuck to their prices

all the time and we could just live in harmony forever that's what you are one of the smartest people i know thank you like literally that's all i needed to hear holy shit kai what were you gonna say you were gonna say something you took a minor break oh because something really bad happened to me guys so you should comment like people were what are you saying uh people were okay you can go you can go you can go

we'll chill we'll chill people were oh fuck alright it's down it's out of my hand I'm not gonna do anything and you put your

zone taken this shit takes so fucking good. What the fuck is in this? Miss Arizona put her pussy in this. I swear to fucking God. This is scary. What is in this?

The pussy of the green tea leaf. They literally like what? This is squirt. Like what? It's like fucking me up. This is apple flavor. Try this. It has like the essence of apple. It's really pretty. I. This is apple flavor. Try this. It has like the essence of apple.

It's really pretty. I used to get this one. Arizona, sponsor us. Kai, what were you saying? How much caffeine is in this? Keep going, Kai. Okay. People were...

I swear to God, I was just going to take a sip. I was literally just going to take a sip. It's just funny because this is so big. I used to drink like three of these like every day in high school. So bad for you. And middle school. It's only 210 calories, which is surprising. I thought it would be like 600.

How many grams of sugar is in that? It's got to be like 40 grams, right? Oh, 49. Literally 50 grams, basically. That's not good for you. I mean. I need glucose to survive, baby. That's true.

I'm an idiot. I shouldn't have even said anything. It's like how they give cow skittles. Say what you're going to say. Oh, people were Ubering back from Coachella to LA. No. I heard of like... Wait, but how much would that be?

Dude, some people spent like $1,000 because it would hit... The Ubers were driving from la anyways like all the ubers that i had were from la at coachella really yeah they all drive down yeah so they were probably gonna go back anyway and they were just like damn i'll make a bag while i but you know like we would try to get an uber to an after party and it was like 110 dollars just like to go like what 10 miles or something. Yeah, and then it's like literally 200,000 people are all trying to yeah so one of my friends I guess blacked out and ordered an uber back to LA and

It was like during the rush of everyone going to after parties and it was like eight hundred and fifty bucks Oh my god blacked in but I guess The drive wasn't bad at all. So was at like 3 a.m in the middle of the festival so it wasn't like it took like two and a half hours but it like got caught in like the surge pricing did they mean to leave um i think that they did make the decision they were like i want to go home oh okay because they're like being blacked out and like three hours from home and being like i'm and like just blacked out and like hitting home on your Uber.

I think that's literally what Inya was trying to make me do on day three. She's like, I was like, you know, like 8 million people here, bitch. Get a ride. I do forget that I am a bit of a socialite and everybody I know loves me and would be so willing to give me a ride back. I forget that. Yeah. But you do have to do things for them

like in a sexual way so it's like is it love or are they using you it's not using me because i want it badly okay um 800 uber that's actually fucking insane like the uber prices in general for coachella me and or i were talking about this we were like literally thank god we can afford to like come and leave here or like specifically leave because you could get an uber for like 50 there if you like timed it right but to leave it was always 150 plus and i was like holy shit like and that is insane that is unreal like even that price 50 uber is like insanely high for how far we were going no yeah it was literally a 25 minute drive yeah so like it's it's already insanely high but like yeah like what else would you do like yeah yeah like it's like you either be safe i guess it's making the decision like okay do you want to go there and stay sober and drive or do you want to like be

safe and not take your car because you probably won't oh my god stay sober what are you looking at you're looking at my tits right now what were you just looking at my boobs did you think that was subtle true what i wasn't even doing that you fully just bent your body forward to look at my boobs i'm not even looking at your fucking boobs like no you're looking right now like stop what oh my god y'all are you're such a perv like everything you do everything i do kai why are you covering yourself everything i'm showing respect by holding my hand i'm holding respect by not acknowledging that there's a woman in the room because i will indefinitely sexualize you if i look at you exactly that's the male gaze or no that's

literally not what that means yeah you are a male gaze oh y'all are some male gays um we had a five minute bit of us just slurping fucking i know when we were doing that i was like dude you guys are such freaks for watching this every episode they're not freaks they're actually like brave like they're warriors if you make it through every episode, like if you make it this far into this episode, I literally need to see like a comment or something. You're getting a badge of honor. Because yeah, you're literally like, like I will like acknowledge, not acknowledge it because I don't have the time,

but I will read it and I will see. There's comments of people that'll be like, I just found out about this podcast I watched. I binged every episode over the last like two weeks and i'm like i need to see an mri scan of that person's brain no their brain is this big now it's this no it's not even it's just a green skittle yeah it's literally a green sour skittle yeah it's a sour skill that's the yellow ones it's just nasty dude that is so insane yeah y'all but like just say something say i made it this far into the episode whatever the time i want to play fortnight so bad right now i'm gonna be really honest like it's all i can think about let's do it on uh patreon i'm not

kidding that would be fucking awesome me literally fucking you have a video of us my video fortnight coming out tomorrow i'm itching i'm literally it Fortnite. My video of Fortnite coming out tomorrow. I'm itching. I'm literally itching. Wait, when is your video coming out? It should be today, but I might be late. Okay, work. Mine is probably going to come out tomorrow then. Sorry, we're discussing work and scheduling. That's what it's like being an influencer, scheduling out your videos.

Yeah, taking meetings. Exactly. I love a good influencer saying like yeah like i wake up and then i take meetings i'm like you don't do that you don't do that because i don't do that but like maybe some of you bitches actually have that but like i well i just call like any phone call that i have a meeting like any like i'm like oh i was doing meetings literally just to make myself feel like i'm productive when like in reality i do nothing all the time all the fucking time i am fucking munching these down they taste really fucking

good i am actually destroying this you're never gonna hear me say it again because i'm gonna kill myself oh my god and then then you're gonna i love saying that to people then you're gonna miss me and then you'll be like damn i shouldn't have taken that for granted. Like that thing that you didn't like, you're going to look back and be like, you know what? I could use that right now. Oh, I think about that shit all the time. I'm like, what I'm annoyed by, like with like my friends or relationships or family, I'm like, you know what?

It may be annoying in the moment, but when they eventually pass away because I'm going to outlive everybody, it's going to be sad when I'm all alone. I think I'm gonna outlive everybody it's gonna be sad when I'm all alone I I think I'm gonna be like 156 you went from thinking you're gonna die at like 30 well it's 25 because I have to make a million dollars from 25 which I have like seven more months or what is it you have literally one more month yeah so i'm like i don't know how you're gonna make it y'all this may be y'all better savor these moments seriously because i'm not kidding i have such little fathom of real life i don't know what making a million dollars would even do for someone like i'm literally like genuinely what does that do for you like this point it like

means nothing to me yeah i'm like you were literally just doing that you're just doing it to say you did it like you're not no that's not it's not changing anything about your life you're literally just doing it to be like i did that one time and it's like cool like you still suck i'm sorry and i'm having fun me that's the thing about me is like i am alive to have fun have sex and have a laugh yeah at the of the day, the meaning of life is to breed. Yeah, it's to breed and live. For me, it's just all about helping people and just being positive and chill and awesome. You are like one of the most negative energies I've ever met in my life.

That was beautiful. Thank you, Drew. You are beautiful. That's really just like so good um yeah that used to be like my idea but then i was like wait you could be really nice to someone and they still treat you like shit you know what i'm here to have fun even though i still bend over backwards i do i was about to say i do make it an effort to just be nice to literally everybody like just give everybody the benefit of the doubt and see their side and maybe i don't agree with it but i think everybody deserves that much you are one of the best people i've ever met in my life like did you just like teach yourself that or did someone

teach it to you it's just like this intuition that i have like ever since i was a young child yeah i came naturally yeah i'm basically a philosopher yeah you've always been a caretaker and like just like a giver i've been a giver you're an empath i'm an empath i've been a giver my whole life i just give so much i am giving it's giving wait the giver the giver is literally giving like oh my god dude I have nothing useless to give to the world I know y'all sorry this is you're seeing us just like deteriorate like I'm done like okay how do actually how do people have podcasts

for like three years what the fuck are you talking about like what are you talking about that and also how do people record podcasts every day like I actually like or even like multiple times how do people do anything every day? Like, I actually, like, or even, like, multiple times a day. How do people do anything every day? Like, I'm done.

I'm tapping out. Like, I'm literally, like, y'all. That's so funny because, like, we're going to turn the camera off and then you guys are going to be talking for seven hours straight. No. I'm not going to shut the fuck up. We have somewhere to go after this and then after I'm trying to meet with more people. I'm like, yes, yes, yes.

Who are you trying to meet with later? Um, Ryan. Oh, okay. Because I was like, yes, yes, yes. Who are you trying to meet with later? Ryan. Okay. Because I was like, I made plans with Axel to go see a movie today. Axel? Yeah. Weber? The TikToker?

I'm not kidding. I don't know who that is. I'm not kidding. He's the guy that lives in the world's smallest apartment in la or in new york oh the guy who's on the news are you joking no but i am meeting with axel i was like you're not but not him you're not going to see me with that kid like what are you talking about dude that's like west that greened me the living fuck out i was like why are you going to see a movie with that kid like why like why is he here like the little actor boy

yeah the psychological operation like i feel like he real is that a real person or is that i've discussed this like i think he is an industry plant and he's like an actual robot like i know last night i was saying like like there is some human behind Mark Zuckerberg and his decisions, but Axel Weber is a literal robot and he actually gives me Uncanny Valley and I'm scared of that man. I'm sorry. He's just so good at being in front of a camera for TikTok. Not even for like TV and film, but for TikTok.

You don't know that? He's going to be probably will be no i agree like what he does he's so good at yeah and i'm just like it seems he's infectious which is annoying to me because i want to be that but i'm like the opposite you're like like hazardous like I'm infectious, but it's like deadly. You're biohazard infectious. Yo, we're on the podcast. Josiah's on the podcast with us. Hey. What do you have to say?

What? I have a question. Okay, I have to call you back text it to me just believe what he said like i'm so ugly i'm like mass mandate getting lifted out the airplanes it's not that i'm anti-mask is that i it's just i don't believe in the muzzle exactly exactly like i know it it is like me wanting to be comfortable literally i'm so i'm so i'm so drunk right now holy shit she's fucking lit this photo being taken like someone's gonna see that photo and be like oh that was taken like once they were done i was like while we were still in the middle of the fucking episode you know what it is i actually have absolutely nothing fucking happening in my life like i genuinely i've said this for the past few months i cannot stress enough monkey

brain like i don't know what's happening i never know what's happening i'm just letting life happen and i'm like okay i guess i gotta go do this and i go and do the thing and then i'm like i'm waiting for another task and then i avoid the task and then i do it because i need to do it i guess yeah i have so much shit going on i have like deals and meetings that i have to make i'm like moving money around constantly so you're laundering money no no no i'm just moving it to different investments kind of like reevaluating what like how much this is what everybody who accidentally got involved in the money laundering scheme that is crypto trying to explain to their parents why they're out like two thousand dollars i was looking i was doing my taxes for 2021 and i was like looking at my like

statement and i was like oh my god like in 2021 i got addicted to gambling again it was just like not actually gambling but like like throwing money at crypto which is just essentially gambling yeah um to me. But I still believe in it. And I got addicted to investing in myself. That's how I got addicted. That's actually me. Just like getting myself.

Investing in pieces of clothing. Did you know that you don't have to pay taxes? What? Yeah, you don't even have to do that. Are you serious? Yeah, you can actually save a bunch of money by not doing it. H&R Block scammed me. They scammed me. Today?

Yesterday. Because I was filing for an extension. Because I'm like, I'm not paying my tax. I'm not doing that shit right now. I'm like literally master procrastinator. I masturbator. Exactly. I went to file for an extension and I did it on my own, but it said it got rejected.

And so I called H&R Block and I was like, I need to file for an extension. And they were like, well, you have to pay us $99 to even talk to us. And I was like, okay. So I gave them $99 and they were like, oh, we'll file it for you. Like it says you're not filed. It's not filed. And then we like on the phone, I had like a 30 minute it for you. Like, it says you're not filed. It's not filed. And then we, like, on the phone, I had, like, a 30-minute call with them. They filed it.

And then she called me back, like, an hour later and was like, oh, it got rejected. Don't be worried. It's because the first time you filed it on your own, it went through. And I was like, so I paid y'all $99 for nothing? And she was like, well, it adds to, like, when we do our taxes together at the end of the year. And I'm like, I don't do our taxes together at the end of the year and i'm like i don't do my taxes with h&r block so like y'all just stole money from me it's so crazy that there's like facial recognition we're all being tracked constantly but there's no like automated

way just to take taxes it's because the tack like h&r Block and Intuit and TurboTax all lobbied against the government for years and paid congressmen millions of dollars to vote that they have to be the one in power during the tax season and all this crazy shit. And that's why taxes are so convoluted. It's because of places like H&R Block. I literally. I also, but you're supporting those places. That's a funny part. Isn't that weird? Well, there's no other way. drives me insane yeah like actually like every tax season i like

get so angry thinking about it because i'm like just please you know how much fucking money i owe you send me that send me that on january 1st and i will pay that to you and i'll do my little stupid deductions like i won't even do the deductions for you i will literally just give you the money that you think i owe you just so i don't have to fucking worry about going to jail it's like the worst vibe um why don't you just like call the irs and figure it out i actually did like in 2020 no i literally did in 2022 or in 2020 because um since my like identity was stolen like literally like for some reason my like social wasn't working and like when i filed my taxes like i wasn't being recognized as like a real person and i had like

it said i didn't file my taxes and i was like i filed my taxes and paid y'all and they were we'll sort this out and then i had to be on the phone with him for four hours when i was back in texas in april in 2022 or 2020 um nightmare also your identity like wasn't like stolen for some reason it's because you used to carry your social in your wallet yeah and then you lost it at universal when you were under intriguing see you know see how karma catches up to you when you do illegal things keyword underage i was a little child. And you were feeding me alcohol. David Dobrik. Yeah, because you needed it. It's giving David Dobrik.

It's giving David Dobrik. It's giving defamation lawsuit. I mean, he said it himself. He apologized for it. For giving you alcohol? No, I'm saying you gave me alcohol. I thought you were saying it's defamation lawsuit because David Dobrik's going to sue me.

Yeah, he is. Well, he said it. He admitted to it. He apologized, so it it's defamation lawsuit because David Dobrik is going to sue me. Yeah, he is. Well, he said it. He admitted to it. He apologized. So it's not defamation. I have my bases covered. You've thought about this. I am a lawyer.

I'm training. I'm taking my bar exam. So you're a lawyer. You're an empath. You're clinically insane. We need to get that on a shirt. Lawyer, empath, clinically insane. One of those ironic shirts.

That's literally all over the place. I don't think you can be, like, a true empath and, like, be a lawyer. I think there's, like, a certain, like, a defending lawyer. But, like, even you could get on cases where you're defending something that you don't morally agree with. I think you choose. I guess it's not about being an empath. It's about being, like. You can kind of choose your cases.

You can be, choose your cases. You can be like a lawyer and choose cases where you're like, oh, this dude. Like there's this dude on TikTok. I think his name's like Lolo or something. Lola Bunny? Yeah, Lolo. He is like, I think, a good lawyer. I know nothing about it.

No lawyer is a good lawyer because all of the whole system is fucked. Throw the whole system away. T, T. Me saying shit that I know nothing about. I know. No, both of us just like regurgitating what we think sounds good. No, I know that sounds good. I don't think it sounds good.

You said you know it sounds good. You don't know anything. Holy shit. This is the worst episode we've ever recorded. Like this, I'm sorry guys. This is fucking awful. Like I don't want to be doing this right now i love you so much like i love that you watch this every week and i'm sorry sometimes i can't turn it on i've been turning it on for 42 weeks in a row or 41 weeks in a row like drew just like and it's just

today is just not on for me and i'm sorry um but like next week if there is a next week the world might end i might die in the forest i may get stranded who knows who knows no that's it'll be better the good news is this is the last episode of the podcast because i don't plan on coming back to this like i think i've just like kind of like said what i needed to say and i think i could just like disappear for like three years and everybody just has to kind of like be okay with that and sure you might get like a little bit of like abandonment issues and like ptsd because you'll be like oh my god this is someone who i used to see every week and although virtually like i built a connection with this person but now they're just gone and like i don't

know what they're up to and like i'm feeling this weird sense of like detachment and it's making me freak out because it's making me overanalyze my like parasocial relationships with people on the internet and like that's good you're being self-aware but like i really don't give a fuck and i'm actually going to abandon you and i'm i'm done like i'm gone oh my god yeah yeah well i'll be here next week oh fuck okay no we'll be here we can't let Kai take it we cannot like Kai's gonna be here next week alone but like he's not gonna be

on camera the chairs are just gonna be empty and you're still gonna be right there you're just gonna be adding like you're gonna have conversation you're gonna be like yeah or you're gonna like laugh in the background at nothing for like 10 minute intervals yeah it's gonna be really cool you can't why do you like trail off like that huh oh i'm getting

massage i need a massage i could miss i the thing is i can turn you on i can give you a massage i can do all the things you want and you don't want me to be that i have asked you i've genuinely before i asked you to give me a massage or walk on my back and you're like ew no i don't i don't believe in that i genuinely don't like even like like i have to really love someone like in a romantic way to give them a massage because like no bitch like what like i just want someone to walk on my back every once in a while i'll walk on your back i love that i used to do that with my siblings and then my parents yelled at me because they were like that's so bad for you that's literally so bad for you to be doing a hardwood floor. I used to have my parents walk on my back and I would walk on their back when I was like nine.

How the fuck were your parents stepping on you? It was just it was just like. Oh, like lightly. Yeah, it wasn't like they were fucking jumping on me. But yeah, we would like there was like bars above my parents' bed, like, cause they had like a canopy bed. Yeah. And we would like, I would hold on and just like be walking on my dad's back.

Really good memory of mine. That's so cute. Yeah. I, I think I used to do that with my parents too, but I don't really remember because I've just like, my life was like actually a nightmare. So like, I've like blocked out a lot of things and I don't like to think about it. Holy shit. I just like spiraled and I had crazy thoughts like actually crazy thoughts can you share your crazy thoughts right now I was just like thinking about how I like slept in my parents bed for like a very long time like until I was like like eight or something like I was like I

did not like sleeping in my own room and then I was like I was like did that did not like sleeping in my own room. And then I was like, I was like, did that like affect me as an adult? Like, is that like why I can't like form like romantic connections with people or some weird shit? And then I went into the spiral where I was like, like, and then I thought I was like, like, why did I sleep in my parents bed at the ripe age of 21 when my brother died? But then I was like, oh, that's like cute. It's like, whatever. But just thoughts thoughts literally thoughts um i was thinking about that literally while we were at coachella because i kept not obviously exactly that but i kept looking at people and thinking about how i was like damn like it's so insane like again this is nothing new to say ever but it's so easy like within our own

experiences to like look at people and not think like oh this person used to be a child like this person used to be dependent on like other adults around them and they used to be so small and like it was in the hands of the people around them to try and do a good job to raise them and like keep them safe and like teach them the right things but like nobody knows how to do that so that's why there's so many people struggling with that and then those people are gonna like either like self-reflect and change their own attitudes and like do their best to not repeat that or they're just gonna repeat it without really realizing it because we're just fucking people and what are we supposed to do like as

much self-reflecting as you do i literally think there is no way to not project like things onto other people like there i genuinely don't think even the most self-aware like well i've done i've done mushrooms before oh what does that do to you it just makes me like a better person oh yeah just like i know more things and i know that the like world is like connected and i really can't believe men need to take mushrooms to know that humans have feelings like that is like literally like that is it's a true it's literally true i did a bunch of ketamine and i realized that I know nothing. Exactly. Exactly.

But then you did mushrooms and you were like, wait, I literally know. That's what I took away from my actual first mushroom trip was that nothing matters. Like that's literally, I came out of it like seven years ago and was like, oh my God, like nothing literally matters at all. We're all connected, but nothing matters. And then that was like an unhealthy very very unhealthy spiral for me yeah for like six years seven or five years and then by like year five like i like had like a very um deep self-reflection moment where i was like this is like this nihilistic like view on your world or on the world is like really destroying you and your relationships so then i like just

read a bunch of philosophy and read a bunch of books on nihilism nihilism however the fuck you say it i don't give a shit um and kind of just like discovered this like it's not even possible like i know someone's gonna have to have an argument with me but like the idea of like optimistic nihilism where it's like yeah nothing matters at all sure but like since nothing matters you can do whatever the fuck you want and why not enjoy your time here while you have it and that's like kind of my view on the world and that made me a better person find the beauty in the life and you'll stop seeing what's ugly. I'm serious. Why do you laugh? I feel like so much of going from your early 20s into your mid to late 20s is becoming nihilistic and then figuring out a way to like transform that into optimistic nihilism.

Or you're just like delusional and you're like, I actually do matter. Yeah. And maybe if that's i wish i wish i thought that way i genuinely wish i could be like dude like there's this greater purpose in life like but i just don't have it which i i don't think is unhealthy i don't think that's an unhealthy thought i think it's like for me it's like the healthiest thought i don't think necessarily that i don't know i don't know that I believe that nothing matters. Because this is the wackest way to phrase it.

But because nothing matters, literally everything you do does matter. That's how I feel. That's my train of thought. It's just be sure you could be super objective. Which isn't a thing because I agree. Like, I don't think that I never look at my own life as a thing of like, I don't matter. But realistically, yes. Yes, I do.

Because not only on like a grander scale of like the position we're in, where we obviously like, although what we do is very silly and it could be pinpointed to like pinpointed to nothing but like us just being like funny people who like talk shit and do stupid things like there is no way around the fact that like the people who watch this are like very intensely affected by it in a positive manner and and then even just on a smaller scope of like the way you go out through your life like whether it be holding a door for someone, like chipping in, like doing small things, like those things have such big domino effects. And then especially in your like day to day life, like you do really like matter. But I know what you're saying. Like I used to when I was younger, be like, I need I need to be something I need to be like i need to be remembered forever like i need to like make

myself this historical figure because like my biggest fear was being forgotten but now i almost find like solitude in that because i'm like i love the idea of being forgotten because in 200 years my body is going to be recycled back to earth and no one's going to have any idea who the fuck i was yeah literally it's just a very comforting feeling because i'm like good yeah because that doesn't matter it makes it easier to digest like i think your own faults in that way because it's it's like yes i could like look at my own mistakes and like self-reflect to the point of almost self-harm where i'm just like not really helping myself and i'm like oh i'm this piece of shit. Like I'll never learn.

Like I make mistakes all the time. But who fucking cares? Yes, of course, self-reflect, try to better yourself. But what? You're going to like be fucking evil and be like, oh my God, like I'm just this awful fucking person and everyone will remember me that way. It's like, no. Sure, some people you interact with will remember you one way or another.

But at some point, even those memories fade. then it's like you you just had your fun you lived you loved like literally to me genuinely i always say this but the reason i am alive like through thick and thin is because of my relationships with people and my love for people and like sure to a certain extent it is unhealthy but like if it's what keeps me afloat like by all means like keep me afloat um is like the love i know i have to give and like the fact that i do matter to the people around me because it is really insane to think like i would be so different if i didn't know you drew like if i if i didn't have you i'd be completely different i think like in so many ways i can't even pinpoint how I would be different. But I know I would be.

And, like, even, like, without Kai, like, I haven't known you for super long. But, like, there is no denying that, like, our friendship has, like, had so many effects already. Life is about learning. Yeah. But it is really funny how, like, nihilistic you can be as like a teenager like just being like this shit is so fucking stupid i'm so fucking small and like what the fuck is this for like and then you're just a person floating on a rock through a vast empty of nothing like yeah that i do resonate with that thought but it goes like your scope is really big

at first and you're like everything is so big and important and then for me it was like in my like i think it was around 20 i was just like oh shit everything is meaningless completely meaningless and then finally coming around like you said we're like since everything is meaningless what's right in front of you all of a sudden has all this weight yeah it didn't have like before um and yeah that's kind of what i was saying like without saying it is just like find the beauty yeah like that's literally all it is it's just like if you can find the beauty everything becomes less ugly i genuinely believe that just look for it yeah literally also i only laughed when you said that because the way you moved your finger and said it at first i thought when you said it you

were you were gonna follow up being like i just made that up like i thought you were gonna follow it with that and that's why i laughed because basically no what i was getting at is find the beauty me oh oh so that is what you were doing i'm everybody's north star oh so look to me for your answers and you'll be a good person. If you're ever depressed, just pull up a photo of Drew. Exactly. And smile. Yeah.

And it will reduce like so much stress. The way that's actually true. Yeah. I mean, you know what's fucked up is like it is true for some people. This is why Drew and I were walking around Coachella telling women to smile. Yeah. We were just like, you need to smile more. You guys were at Coachella harassing women?

No, we're not harassing. We're helping. You look way prettier with a smile. We're literally helping. Why did you have to comment on her looks? You weren't even inquiring about her emotional state. You were just... We are third wave feminists, and you don't understand that.

It's beyond your... You. Explaining feminism. It's beyond me as a woman yeah i didn't want to say it i didn't want to say it but yeah it's like it's a man thing i wish i could like say explain this better but i'll never forget when i met someone oh my god you know what i'm talking about i know exactly when i started to like i used to like i think for context is like i am this is annoying to say but i'm like a boy's girl like there's like i think it's very obvious like of course i have my female relationships but like i am usually around men more often than not um and like when i was growing yeah because it's like she likes getting filled, I'm like, I need a good filling.

But like, so I don't think I ever like step back to things like, oh, damn, like even in these close relationships with men, like I still have like lesser power in the room because there's no denying it. Whether I'm being treated fairly or not, like once we leave this room where I'm being treated fairly, like's still unfairness like it doesn't make sense whatever we don't have to get into it what are you saying like in our like close circle yeah like no i get what you're saying yeah like there's just certain like things that come along with being a man that yeah that like it's just unfair yeah um whether you try to build a safe space or not, it's like at the end of the day, bitch, I'm a woman. So I am like playing at a lower level than you. A hundred percent. But I like, so I never, and then I got to a point where I was really thinking about that. Like when I was like, especially when I moved out to LA and I was 19 and I was like fully just around like guys all the time. I didn't have close girlfriends.

Like me and Orion weren't very close yet. And I kind of started to realize that as I got closer to Orion, I started to really look at that. And I had someone, someone I knew who for my birthday gave me books about like feminism and being a woman. And I remember I was really like offended by it not that there's anything offensive about being a feminist but when a man is this has to do with what they said about it but they said that they got the books for me because they felt like I was just like really into being a girl right now like I was really into it like I was just like that was like my thing right now which really was like excuse me like oh just right now oh okay yeah yeah like this this too shall

pass like that was like kind of the vibe was like all this feminine like feminism shit like you'll be back to being the cool girl you'll be back to normal you'll be back to being like you'll be back to being normal none of that feminism shit. Exactly. But yeah, I just thought about that because that is fucking hilarious. Yeah, well, being a male feminist is actually really hard. It's really hard for us. Like taking... I don't want to say it. Drew, don't cry again.

Don't cry again. Remember when we cried in your room and we held each other? Thinking about how hard it was. how hard it is for us. Okay. Thinking about how hard. I didn't want anybody to know about that. How many people watch this? A lot of people, Kyle.

Like hundreds of thousands. Oh, no. How good. How we cry. How we're different. How y'all are like gay. Like you're literally like when we cry, we're different how y'all are like gay like you're literally like when we cry

we held each other in bed we're clothes we're clothes on or off they they were off but I don't know why that matters yeah why does that matter

no but what I'm just like I don't know like I'm like we were in our jock straps if that's who you guys are I'm like I'm so for it and like I'm here for you

but like why weren't your clothes on like what are you guys we were in our jock straps. It was very homoerotic. Yeah, we had our BDSM stuff on, but it doesn't really, it has nothing to do. You had like a gag present? No, not gag, leather. Oh, just leather.

We were in a swing. Yeah. A sex swing. Yeah, we were looking at the 2016 voting results and just sobbing. Falling out. Kai voting for Hillary Clinton three times. No, it was four. It's crazy.

It's four. It is now four times. Yeah, it is four. Five coming soon. Yeah. Get to the fucking booths. Write it in. Let's fix this. in miss clinton like

yeah sorry clinton oh i said something to her the other day in the car like it's gone into my real life of being like um can i like finger i mean figure it out with you fuck like like that's gotten to my real life of being like um can i like finger i mean figure it out with you fuck like like that's gotten to my real life i used to say that so and orion literally was like can you fucking stop like can you keep can you keep like shut up and i was like what i literally like i like when i have those slip ups you should be there for me and like just know that i'm a person and i'm making a mistake like a Freudian slip yeah like in the in the video i did with casey when i was like i'm i'm fingering it out figuring it out yeah yeah dude um it is not normal how sexual our group is together that no that insinuates

that we actually do anything sexual but all we do is like when there is silence there we oh we fill it there is tension there is a lot of tension between us and one day we're all gonna do ecstasy as a group and it's just all gonna come out and we're gonna like don't say that we're just gonna do it it's just gonna happen and it's gonna be weird i'm not kidding that actually makes me fucking sick to my core it's just gonna happen we're gonna be weird for two weeks and then it's gonna go we're gonna forget about it that was me at coachella making sure that anya didn't do molly's to make sure that you and drew didn't have sex that's why that's like yeah that's that's why i didn't do molly's because like i know i was gonna freak i was gonna have sex with drew you were gonna

me and drew are literally like too close at this point like it really is some sibling shit literally like we were in the hotel together and i just like went and like peed while he stood right in front of me like not looking at me but he was like in the mirror and we were talking and i was just sitting right behind him peeing with the door open and i was like this is like so funny we're too close and then also my boobs like felt like fucking bags of rocks and i almost like drew like like go to grab my boob because i was like this is actually insane this is actually insane to grab my boob because i was like this is actually insane this is actually insane like how dense they are because i genuinely for a second i was like oh my god i definitely am going to lose my boobs to i wanted so badly to grab your boobs

so badly i will say that i wanted you to ask me so bad that's why he didn't get to because like i was like um pretending that you're gay for 15 years just to milk her knockers girl like let me massage them for you i got you you and they need to be sucked because you're producing milk and it's building up and you just let me suck your boob you have a you have a clog you have a clog i'll get it out i'll pinch it out have you seen that like yeah that literally your nipples will clog and like some partners will just like suck your fucking tit yeah drew and i cried about that yeah that's one that's another you wait no that just sounds like you don't like want to suck a boob like you guys cried about the idea of ever having to be with a woman and sucking her tit we were just crying periods divob clogs, periods, diva cups. Yeah.

Toxic sock syndrome. Sock? Toxic? Toxic shock syndrome. Toxic thought syndrome. Just to name a few. Cramps? Cramps are really hard for us to think about.

Wait, hard for us? You are getting the pause. No, periods in general are really hard for us to be around i literally am the luckiest girl in the world i like barely ever get cramps or anything also my period was so short this time so hopefully let's pray let's pray something is wrong something is very wrong with me oh my god we can only pray though guys like we can really only pray for i watched prometheus last night um and there was a scene where she got pregnant by an alien baby

and she had to cut it out. It was the funniest thing I'd ever seen in my life when it was in the surgery container flopping around and slinging slime at her and shit. Didn't they do a C-section in that movie yeah she she like went into the um like surgery pod that was only made for men and like they did a c-section on her she was like abdominal um invasive object like remove it and they like cut her open and pulled out the fucking baby ew i'm not kidding like and then it turned i don't watch um like horror movies i am really like squeamish to like even like the idea of like

gore like like i can't i can't do anything that's like mimicking like like skin being like cut up or whatever i was watching a movie that was very real the c-section was very the c-section is really i saw that movie eight years ago probably and that i remember that like yeah i i for some reason i remember sorry i like come to cut you off no it's fully okay i i like remember like her like taking care of the baby like i always thought she like grew attached to it but that might be like another alien movie where like she's impregnated by the alien. And then she's like in the corner, like trying to protect it.

I always, I thought that was coming next. Cause I had seen it, but it wasn't in this movie. But then the baby she birth grew up to be a giant squid face sucker. And then face sucked the, uh, engineer.

I need that sucker to go on my member. No, it's like your wing bot. Yeah, it's like your wing bot. Yeah, it's like your wing bot. And then. Oh, sorry. I just had to use it. That movie like is simultaneously as bad as it is good.

Like that's. I feel the same way. I'm like that. I did not like that movie. When's the last time you watched it, though? Because like you keep. It was a long ass time ago. Yeah, you must have amazing memories. But that movie stuck with me oh my god my god that movie stuck with me though yeah like there's

something about it's just the visuals like visually that's very also like story-wise it's really interesting like um i'm just gonna spoil it because it's fucking 12 years old 10 years old but like it's like what is it the prequel to alien versus predator old. But like, it's like, what is it? The prequel to Alien versus Predator. Alien, basically. And it's just like these human or these like beings created humans out of boredom. And then they like developed this like bio warfare shit, which were the aliens, like the acid spinning aliens that like were supposed to like wipe out planet earth but um yeah it's really curious dude i used to be obsessed with alien movies um but like i was

saying uh gore like i literally can't do it like any movie i'm watching i like i can't look like i haven't finished um to tom because that movie is like i literally i like can't watch that kind of stuff i don't know why like it just like actually freaks me out and obviously i'm very well aware it's not real but something about it like it literally makes my body crawl i'm the same way i feel like i used to when i was like a teenager i'd be like fuck yeah like blood getting their heads like blown off and now it was like, I don't know, around like 24 or something. I was just like, wait, why am I watching this? This is fucked up.

I said that I think literally last episode where I was like, I was so desensitized because I was watching beheadings when I was like 12 years old. And then for like the last like eight years, I didn't give a shit. But when I turned like 21, I was like was like oh this shit is gnarly like like why it's just like why was i indulging in that behavior like it's something to do with like seeing like the darkest parts of human i do believe that sometimes when i'm like you have to see the darkest sides of humanity to like appreciate the good shit because like it's out there you have to be aware of it but like there they became like became unhealthy where i was just like surrounded by like like just dark thoughts and

like i don't know intrusive thoughts and now i'm kind of just like i don't need that turned off by all of it well we were talking about that too is there's so many movies that like i wish i watched when i was younger because now as an adult i'm like i don't i don't want to see that i'm like i don't like specifically movies where it's like kids doing shit like literally kids i'm like i don't need to like that's not something i need to like partake in although like obviously like everybody knows it's culturally important like we don't have to get into like the deepness of it or like the like nitty-gritty but like things like that where i'm like now as an adult

i don't see why i need to partake in that necessarily i say that like i don't have the vhs sitting in my fucking room but like yeah i think you get what i'm saying like what re-watching 13 i was like oh i was like oh this was insane like no wonder my parents like didn't want me to watch that although i know it did the opposite for people like a lot of parents randomly wanted their kids to watch it because they thought it would like make them not act like that but i was like bitch if i saw that shit when i was a kid i'd be like i'd be like yeah oh i'm trying to get like you like that is me like that's literally me um but yeah i just like can't like but i don't know if i've ever been one for like gory shit i've always been one for someone like the description of like gnarly shit. Like I don't want to see it, but like I love like 48 hours dateline.

Like all like bitch. I like I eat that shit up like it's fucking porridge. Josh and Josiah describing the aristocrats joke. Have you heard? Do you know? Yeah. Yeah. Like that shit is like crazy.

Yeah. But that's another topic for another time. Because that's really gnarly shit but i think we're good there's parts of me no one will ever know isn't that fucked up as close as you get to someone i think i said i was telling judge that last night as fuck like i think about this all the time because i think about my siblings and i'm like me and my siblings are all so like insanely different and those are people who i spent almost every waking moment with but there are so many things they have no idea about me even during that time when we

spent so much time together same goes both ways and we all ended up so different and like there is literally like no matter how much time you spend with someone there there are so many parts of that person you will never know i was saying this exactly to josh last night but i was like i like wish there was a way like when like i passed away that i could like download my subconscious and like make like a fucking clip of like my highlights and low lights and all the weird secretive shit that i did in between because i'm dead like i don't give a fuck like i can't be humiliated or shameful so like just being able to like put that out there and just like it's like I'm basically describing a memoir but like it but like just like no I know what you're saying it's like all of it like all of it would be so fucking sick just so because like I lead like a pretty like

although like I talk for an hour like every week and like I like I'm pretty open with my friends I lead like a pretty mysterious life especially like with my sexuality and like exploring that shit. Like literally like even y'all like don't know like fully, fully what goes down. But like it's just like like I think like just like the most embarrassing moments that people don't know about. And like the highest moments that like affected me the most like i think that would just be such like a cool like idea for like a passing away like thing i don't i don't know what that would ever that's like never gonna happen but i just was telling josh like that or that last night that i think that would be so like fucking fascinating just like to put that out there yeah literally because i mean i could say the same like

not fully but i feel like i'm a fucking open book but there's still so much shit that i'm like no like that doesn't need to be shared and i would never say that out loud and i feel like i'm a very open person like i'm a pretty open book like especially now i used to be so fucking closed off but now i'd be like i just say shit but um i know what you're describing because what's the scariest part is like okay cardi a girl i don't know i was gonna say i wish but i was like i literally don't like i don't at all um but even when you describe like experiences to the deepest like of their core and try your best like you could have the best fucking vocabulary in terms of talking

about like your emotional experiences but it will never ever translate exactly like how it feels to you because even your most intense moments like even if someone can kind of relate to it because they've been close experienced something similar like it's just not the same like you weren't there like it's crazy like i'm trying to like use like intense verbiage to like explain to you how it felt what was there like what was happening around me but like if you weren't there and you don't know even how it affected that person exactly it's like so insane to think about that like used to really freak me out especially with my siblings because i was like oh my like, if you grew up around siblings, you know that, like, you're with them all the time. And it's crazy how close you could be to your sibling,

and, like, there's still so much you don't know about that person. And vice versa. It's, like, so insane to me. I was just sitting here, and I had, like, a really weird moment where I was like, wait, I've had these on my wrist for so long, and it's not even, like, a conscious choice. Like, they've just these on my wrist for so long and it's not even like a conscious choice like they've just been on my wrist and i don't know why and now i'm like they've been on there for like i was just sitting here thinking about that i was like

wait why are these on my wrist like i know why one of them is on my wrist but the other three like i don't really know why i have them on but they've like become like a part of me and now i can't take them off i was like i was freaking out about that for a second i was like wait these have been on me for so long like i literally like haven't taken them off remember my fucking nasty ass anklet that i had on forever i used to have this anklet that i got in sixth seventh grade that i had tied in a knot that like one of my like uh family friends brought back from like nicaragua or something and i tied it onto my leg and i didn't cut it off until i was like like 20 years old in la it stayed on it's not like it was something i could take off and on like it had showered with

me it had gone like it was like on me for literally like it was on me for more of my life than it was on for less of my life. Like if that makes sense. Wow. And then and cutting it off felt like really like intense. Like I didn't want to. But I was like, this is so ugly and nasty. Like it's just like rotting on my fucking leg. So I cut it off.

I remember when I did. I was like, dude, that is so weird. Because like I was so used to the feeling of getting out of the shower and it being wet. And like on my ankle. I put my yoni egg in like 10 years ago. And I just realized like it's still in there. One time I actually genuinely thought I left a diva cup in me for like ever. What?

Like I was like because one time I just had one single diva cup. And I was like, I can't find it. And I don't remember taking it out. It disappeared inside. So it just like it went up into me. it's like a part of my organ oh god um if you knew the female anatomy you would know that that's literally not i literally have no idea about that at all and yeah i don't care to learn yeah and i don't care all right um let's do the media the media of the week all right i'm's do the media. The media of the week. All right, I'm going to do the shuffle thing again because that was fun.

Snowy Lava by Emmett Stubb. A-M-E-T-S-T-U-B. I used to love this song. Kim's by Burial. I've said that one before Rosetti noise Crystal garden And a

Coda Harold bud Those are my Whatever how many that was Well mine is Literally just reading Writing and arithmetic The Sunday's album

Because I like Heard it in that pop-up i went to yesterday pretty's one and i see the album artwork um it's the seashells oh you're classic that album is so fucking good the sundays are so good and the album on earth like oh they're so good like such feel good like i feel like a girl also good days by sZA i was like driving around last night listening to that that song used to make me like cry like i remember like there was a moment like in 2021 where i was like sitting in the car with a like friend and like listening to it i was like oh my god like these are my good days like i'm finally like hitting them in my good days the good old days the solid day and the dog days the dog days over the dog days go watch the lego movie

um and go watch something about murder remind yourself that the biggest threat to your safety is another human and go watch the patreon episode that we're recording next bye see you on patreon if you actually care about us Bye.