Emergency Intercom - We Have Fleas

Episode Date: August 27, 2021

The rumors are true, Drew and Enya have fleas. We lost our home for the time being and are in the car, our life is a nightmare please send love and support to us and tell us how much you love us. We are the kindest people ever fuck you.  Follow Enya on Insta: @EnyaUmanzor Follow Drew on Insta: @DrewPhillips09 To listen to the podcast on YouTube: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercomPodYT Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Calling all sellers, Salesforce is hiring account executives to join us on the cutting edge of technology. Here, innovation isn't a buzzword. It's a way of life. You'll be solving customer challenges faster with agents, winning with purpose, and showing the world what AI was meant to be. Let's create the agent-first future together. Head to salesforce.com slash careers to learn more. Hello, welcome to this... Back to Emergency Intercom. We're in my car.

This... Hell. Pure hell. Unadulterated hell. It's actually not... Unadulterated, pure chaos. It's not like the biggest deal ever, but it literally like, it broke something inside of me. It's pretty uncomfortable in here. I but it literally like it it broke something inside of me. It's pretty it's pretty

Uncomfortable in here. I'm gonna be honest. Yeah So you're probably like why are y'all in the car like funny little bit hee hee ha ha Honestly, it's like a nice temperature in here So filming in here literally feels better and you don't have your uncomfortable chair But you're still uncomfortable because you have to like crouch. I have to crouch to be in the frame basically, we're in my car filming this episode because And you don't have your uncomfortable chair, but you're still uncomfortable because you have to like crouch. I have to crouch to be in the frame. Basically, we're in my car filming this episode because we have fleas. You're probably like, ha ha, he he, lice joke, lice joke, flea joke, flea joke, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Not funny. This is our fucking life. No, we literally actually have fleas in our fucking house. We have a flea infestation. Not anymore, but we did. It's in, it's in the air. It's, it's, it's more of a question now. Yeah. Do we have fleas? Anymore? I mean, we did have an infestation and they ate the fuck out of us and sucked our blood. No, they literally destroyed my legs like maybe i'll insert pictures but i don't think i'm gonna because they literally make me so uncomfortable and insecure but like i look i i literally was like i've heard about monkey pox like do i just have monkey pox that's what's happening like i got delta and i have monkey pox yeah um so it all started when I came home the other night from running an errand and it

was like around midnight and, and I come inside and there was actually a mosquito in the car that night. And that's why when I came up to your room, I, I, I went upstairs and I went to Drew's room and I was like talking to Drew and I was like, wait, I feel like there's a mosquito in my pants. So I like drop down and I like pull off my shoes and lift up my jeans. And it's not a mosquito. There's a I see a flea and I'm like, what the fuck?

And I like pick it up and I squish it, which is disgusting and literally makes me want to throw up. And I was like, that was so weird. And then I keep talking to you and I'm like, I feel like they're so fucking biting me. Like, mind you, I'm like 15 feet away and probably like eight feet away in my bed, just under the covers. And I see Inya like literally saying there's they're on me. They're on me. They're all over me. And I can't see a flea from fucking eight feet away. So I'm like, Inya, you're like hallucinating.

Like you're making this shit up. This is like this is like a hallucination of your deep subconscious. Like, you need to figure this out because it's starting to scare me. Yeah, it just looks like I'm going crazy. Because also, I was, like, they're, like, attracted to my socks. And I took my socks off. And I'm just sitting on the floor, like, looking at my socks. Like, no, he's going to come back.

Like, he's going to, like, he's going to come back. Yeah, she, like, put her sock out his bait on the ground to like attract the flea to get back to her so i could see it and i was like i genuinely like i don't believe you um but basically i found all the fleas were on the socks it was like three and i crushed all of them and killed all of them and i was like that's weird like blood blood blood so gross but like it's flea season and like i'm not that like i that, like, I'm not, like, scared of fleas or anything. So I was like, whatever. Like, this isn't a big deal.

Whatever. I mean, Azul probably has fleas. We need to get the fleas off Azul. Mind you, like, two weeks ago, I was sitting on the toilet in the bathroom after coming in. I was shitting out of my ass. I was, like, I was dropping big doo-doo loads into the toilet, like, stinky butt loads. And I looked down at my feet, and i saw a flea on my foot and i completely forgot to tell anya but i was like oh there's a flea on me i need to tell anya because azul probably has fleas but we were wrong we were so wrong because okay so basically that night i

was like oh okay i'm just to make sure i don't bring fleas into my room and like if azul doesn't have them maybe i just got them from outside um i'm gonna like take i took a shower i like went to my room and i didn't bring the clothes to my room i like left them in the bathroom and the next morning or the next day we were gonna go hang out with elisa and orion so we like get in the car i like lightly spoke about it because i remember i woke up and I had bites on me. Yeah. And I was fully freaking out. I was like, I have bedbugs. Like, no, like you guys don't understand.

Like I was literally driving us around and I was just like with my leg up on the dash. There was a conspiracy of us having bedbugs and we still invited Alisa and Orion over to get the fucking bedbugs from us. No, they had already come over. And like in my head, I was, you you know when you find yourself in situations like that where you're like oh i'm probably gonna fuck my friends over accidentally right now just out of like naive immaturity and like you get like intense anxiety but you can't say it out loud because you don't want to like ruin anyone's day and you're like be like oh we might have fleas like but i i mentioned it and everybody was like okay whatever like that's not that big of a deal.

Sorry, I just started cracking up because I, like, saw Kai. Also, for anybody wondering who's the random dude in the back, that's Kai. He's our audio engineer. He slays. He's an engineer. He got his degree. Yeah. He actually used to work for Apple, but we, like, swooped him up. We poached him.

And he's our unpaid intern now. You have anything to say? No. Awesome. That's how we like it. Silent but deadly. Yeah like just barring us on the podcast like whatever. But yeah Kai's literally the reason episodes get uploaded. He keeps his whole ship afloat. If it wasn't for Kai, we would be nothing. So everybody, just think Kai. I wouldn't gas him up like that. I don't know him that well. Or not, I mean the podcast would be nothing. Like, who is he, really?

We just start shitting on him. We're like, who is he? Like, out of the grid, skiing and things. Okay, but basically, we are like going to a thrift shop, and I'm like sitting here with my leg up while I'm driving, and I'm like, literally, I was silent the whole ride, and it was because I was internally panicking you were freaking the fuck out I was like no if it's not fleas like I have bed bugs or I have like skin mites or like dust

mites or like some parasite is like under my skin you know you made it very clear that you were freaking out several times you're like sorry guys I'm just like freaking the fuck out right now like I have bites all over me and I don't know what they're from I think I have bed bugs and everybody was like no like you probably just have flea bites like that's what dude i was freaking out and you know what it was later on in the day what i realized was we went out all day and i was like all right fine like it's not a big deal bitch we got out to go get a coffee and i lifted my leg to tie my shoe and there was a fucking flea on me and i was like oh my god that's why my legs were getting bit

up even more is because in the car they were still on my socks getting up in your jeans and living in there and sucking your blood and i know i had shorts on so they were literally attacking the fuck i'm such an asshole because i like looked at flea bites and like a picture of someone with like fingers rotting off i was like i was like inya this is gonna happen to you and she was like stop like seriously stop no because i was actually freaking out it was like inya this is gonna happen to you and she was like stop like seriously stop no because i was actually freaking out it was like the part of me that needs to wash my hands like eight million times after i pee like that was freaking out in my brain and it was the part of me that like thinks the house is gonna explode that also didn't help i've talked about

it on the podcast before like my thing where i'm like oh the house is gonna explode and like the cars are gonna like i'm like i don't know someone's gonna crash into me and like burn the house on fire and azul's gonna die like all those like crazy thoughts i have before i leave the house i was already feeling that that day so that on top of thinking i had like bed bugs and mites and fleas i was like literally like it's like i can't take this like this is i was literally i went to war like you go to war on your computer and i went to war mentally literally i go to war on call of, and I went to war mentally that day. Literally, I go to war on Call of Duty. Every day, Drew's like, I have war at 3. I have war scheduled at 3 with my older brothers.

Like, I can't go out. Like, I have to go to war. You have to play Call of Duty. It's fun as fuck. I play Call of Duty now. It's actually a blast, and everyone's jealous of me. No, it looks really fun, but I, like, have a life. So I'm like, well.

You can have both. You can have a life and so I'm like, well. You can have both. You can have a life and play video games. No, I play video games. I'm, like, a gamer girl. I'm a nerd. I have a PS2. Like, I'm crazy. And you get those games.

And you games. I do get down. I get down and stinky and dirty. We'll get into that. Wait, no, not you doing that we'll be like we'll discuss that later discuss what so basically we go home and at least say no oh so we're like oh there's like fleas azul probably just has fleas like that's the conclusion we kind of come to and we're like it's not that big of a deal cats get fleas like all the time we'll just call the vet get the flea medicine and like it'll be good it'll be solved yeah actually even that day i had already

called and i was like i'm just gonna pick up medicine i think she has it but then oh my fucking god this is actually like traumatic for me and i have ptsd and i can't walk it i can't no i i'm not going there this house is a nightmare it actually is a fucking nightmare um so do you want to like take the lead because i've been talking my ass off so basically um we get home after a long day out and we're like oh like flea problem solved basically and like we're walking up to the house and like we have this like grass wall that like we share with our neighbor who has an outside dog who they, yeah, already, whatever. We, like, are walking up there and Inya just is like, hold on, I'm going to check my socks real quick. And she looks down at her socks and they are fucking covered in fleas.

Like, I'm not joking. Like, I had never seen that many fleas in my life. Like, probably 60 fleas on her socks alone. And she freaks out she takes her socks off oh ryan and elisa like check their pants they have fleas on their pants like it's a nightmare then i look at my socks and like hundreds hundreds if not thousands of fleas like i had white socks on and like it looked like i hadn't washed my socks in 15 days like and i just wore them straight like it looked like they were glued to my fucking feet they were so dirty because there were so many fucking fleas

on there but like literally just in an absurd amount of fleas and I should have taken my socks out off outside but I just didn't and I immediately went to the bathroom and threw them into the sink or I mean into the tub the tub and poured water on them because I was like, oh, like, the water will kill them. Like, it'll be fine. Like, whatever. I'll drown them. I'll waterboard these fleas. Like, literally me waterboarding the fleas. You piss on your socks.

Literally. I pissed my pants that day several times. But no, like, fleas just covered us. Like, everyone now is, like, in a fucking panic. And we're like, oh, my God. Like, there's fleas all over the house like and we would step on our carpet and they'd jump up off the carpet and jump back onto us and like we would swipe them off and they'd be all over us mind you we're getting bit the fuck up like like did i like inya's inya like for some reason inya

had like a completely different reaction to the bites than everybody else. Because like my bites, like I had red splotches where they bit me like microscopic, like millimeters wide for like maybe three hours. And then they went away and they never itched. But for Inya, like they welted up. Like they were really gnarly. They were like gnarly mosquito bites. And they still fucking hurt. Like if you see me like moving around, it's literally because my legs up here and I'm like, I'm like squeezing and like tapping and rubbing my legs so that I don't scratch them. She's also terrified of getting an infection in

one of her flea bites. But I literally am because one time I've told you about this. I don't think I've ever said this publicly. When I was in Honduras as a kid, my eczema got really bad because I got really sick when I was in Honduras and And my eczema started to welt up and, like, kind of look like that. And I have, like, divots in my inner elbow. I just, like, moved the mic so far. I have divots in my inner elbow from, like, scarring from welting up like that and scratching it. Because I, like, literally, like, dug fucking wounds into my skin from scratching. So that's what I'm worried about is that it's going to like, it's not like it only, I'm

worried about an infection, but I'm such a germaphobe freak that I like, my hands are usually clean when I scratch. Um, but it's like, and you also have like the immune system of like a normal person, like an average healthy person. So you wouldn't get an infection, but I get, you don't want scars all over your legs because that would suck because i'm vain i'm vain you're so vain what is that song no you're the king of you're so gay what you're doing like boys dude i've been doing that so much recently like you're always going to sing a song it's like four songs in one like i don't know how the fuck my brain does it maybe i I'm a genius and we need to like actually observe that.

No, okay. Anyways. I should be. I should. I genuinely think I should be like observed by scientists. Like, I think I'm a fucking monster. Like, I am a rare breed of human. Like, one of them.

There's other stinky, scary white men in the world. I hate to bring it to you, girl. Girl, I'm not stinky. I shower. I wash my hands. Well, this proves we're fucking stinky. I know. We literally, like, we have fucking fleas.

Like, that's, like, it doesn't get actually, it actually doesn't get more embarrassing than that. Like, this is the rawest and realest you've ever seen us. Like, we're telling you, like, very real shit. No, we're telling them because we have no choice. Yeah, because we have to film the fucking podcast in the car podcast yeah usually we don't post content for a month so shit like this can happen and we could just be like whatever we don't have to tell anybody but like now it's weekly i will say um getting fleas i was like i was like oh like gross we have fleas but like now we have podcast content now we get the podcast that we have fleas i literally told a friend and

that was the first thing they said. They didn't ask if we were okay. They were like, podcast though. Yeah. Actually, that's a lie. They asked if I was okay because I was like literally crying over my bites. I literally was like crying.

Yeah, so like as the situation evolved, like we spent the night in the house because we were like, oh, they're not going to be in our bed. Like whatever. Like we took all the clothes and put them in the washer. We all all showered like made sure there were no fucking fleas on us before going to our bedroom and like we got under the covers like whatever

um and i took the covers off my bed too like i was very proactive um i woke up had a few bites on my ankles but like nothing, but there were fleas in bed with me, like, and I was like, oh my god, like, this fucking sucks. Inya, on the other hand, ooh. Dude, I, so I wore pants, like, thick pants, and tucked them into my socks, because I saw that on, actually, I did it first, like, just out of my big brain shit, and then I read online that that's good, and I was like, yas, because at first I was like is this a bad idea because if they get in there they get stuck bitch they got in there um they got in my pants in my like sweatshirt azul decided she needed to sleep with me so i just got like destroyed by fleas and i woke up like so covered in like itchy bites that i like started crying because like like bawling yeah like bawling like because i couldn't do anything like I was like trying to move around and I was like we just need to get a hotel I like

I need to get out of this house like I can't be here because everywhere I go like I'm getting a new bite somehow like I'm not even noticing that they're biting me anymore because my other welts fucking hurt so I don't notice when they're on me and i can't take them off um and i yeah i literally got bit all up my legs and my back and it was like i it straight up looks like chicken pox like it fully looks like chicken pox on my legs and then i don't know why there were none on my arms but all on my back yeah that's something i noticed like the bites were literally just at my ankles and like they didn't go anywhere else on my body dude they literally went like on my hips like weird they were trying to get in this coochie like they wanted a taste they wanted a taste they were like girl if the leg if the leg blood tastes good what that coochie blood tastes

like in there right now like if i was a flea i would live in there yeah it's nice and warm yeah it's like a nice warm environment yeah nice like nice warm and soggy. It's homey. But yeah, so basically we ended up having to leave the house. Like I was just like, I can't do this. Like if I stay here another night, like I'm probably going to die. Like I'm going to pass away. And I was kind of like, I'm okay getting bit. Like I was genuinely like, I'll stay in the flea infested house.

I know. I was like, you're fucking crazy i i if i like if my bites weren't welting up the way they were i would have stayed in the house because i think by the second day oh drew socks also like they fucking multiplied by the millions oh yeah like my socks like they didn't drown in my socks i didn't get fucking waterboarded they like had sex in the warm environment and made a billion babies overnight and like i opened the bathroom door in the morning and like went to go brush my teeth and like it looked like i had burns on my feet like it looked like my feet were like charcoal like burned because there were so many on me it was like

insane but like i hope we're getting across like it wasn't like three four five ten fifteen fleas no it was like actually thousands it was like we couldn't like walk around our house without like our legs getting jumped and also me just like scratching the fuck out of my dirty head during this whole thing yeah but like i i was gonna say we'll tell them about the hotel and then we'll tell them where the fucking fleas came from. Yeah Um hotel was beautiful. The hotel was a good hotel was such an awesome It was like literally like a memory for me It's gonna be like a memory forever because it's like it was like

Cute like we went swimming in our clothes in the pool like past pool hours and for some reason no one fucking kicked us I know literally no one kicked us out and the waiter tried to have sex with me He was like you're bad. We just live life live life. I know. My life is a movie. I'm an anti-masker movie maker. That's not true. I'm not an anti-masker. I believe in masks. I love saying that. Then I get really insecure of someone believing it.

Yeah, someone can just cut it and be like, this bitch doesn't wear her mask. But yeah, it was fucking awesome. We like went to the hotel. I left Azul behind, obviously, because she fucking was covered in flea dirt. She was pissing me off. And I just booked like we also we stayed the night that first night because we thought the house was going to get fumigated the next morning. But then turned out it didn't get fumigated until today, which is why we're filming in

the car, because our house smells like gasoline. And it's also like a million degrees in there so hot um we need to get a studio before it gets hot hot because like i don't know how the fuck we're gonna do this we'll make it work we'll film in the car that'll be our special it's like we film in the car when we like can't take the kitchen literally if you can't take the heat we got out of the fucking kitchen um so we got a hotel it was beautiful it was a very it was actually so funny we like got there and we had the like smaller room yeah and then we were like where's the fucking bathtub like it's a hotel i want to take a bath i want to take a bath it's a fucking hotel like what's the point someone's gonna be like that's so nasty bitch y'all be pissing in the pool don't talk to me about a tub being nasty y'all be getting peed on like don't talk about

don't talk about a dirty tub to me um so we upgrade to a suite y'all be getting pissed. Squirt is piss and I'm okay with it. So we upgrade to a suite with a hot tub. It was like actually not that much more expensive so we were like whatever let's just do it. Let's splurge on the money we're not making. And long story short we don't

have fleas anymore. Yeah we don't have fleas anymore. Dude no we have to talk about dinner. Oh bitch. Wait let's tell them where the fleas anymore yeah we don't have fleas anymore dude no we have to talk about dinner oh bitch wait let's tell them where the fleas came from oh the fleas came from our evil fucking neighbor if you're fucking watching this evil neighbor we hate you and i want you to know that and i hope your house burns down okay no don't say that i don't like her like she knows she is so fucking mean she's literally evil she's like i'm like she's so fucking mean. She's literally evil. She's, like, conniving. I'm like, she's so fucking mean. She tells us to be quiet. No, but we're not loud. Like, okay, it was, like, 10 in the morning. No, it was 11.

And I was, like, playing music on a portable speaker, like, and moving it around the house and cleaning the house, like, in the morning. Also, the neighbor we're talking about isn't in our building. It's literally the house next to our building. Which is so annoying. Like, shut the fuck up. But, like, I'm cleaning the house next to which is so annoying like shut the fuck up but like i'm cleaning the house like playing my music and i am very adamant to not make it loud because i'm like oh like some neighbors might still be asleep and i'm like oh she's yelled at us in the past like i'm not gonna play our music loud and she like instead of texting me

or in you like marches her ass over like bangs on my door mind you like i'm still ptsd ridden from fucking uh home invasion i'm like who the fuck is at my door right now this is actually scary like it was like it wasn't a normal knock it was like it was it was rooted in anger yeah it was a rage filled knock and she banged on my door and i was and i was walking down the stairs and she banged again and i i was i was angry and i was like I'm fucking coming like I said that really loud at the door and I opened the door and I was like like what like what's the what's up like why are you banging on my door like that and she was like oh I'm sorry your music's really loud um blah blah blah blah like fucking classical yeah it was like yeah it was it was not like crazy music she was like

your music's really loud blah blah blah blah and I'm like okay don't bang on my door like that and she's like okay and i'm like i'll turn down my music and then she goes away um but like it she like came guns blazing yelling at me if we could have just had a normal fucking conversation it would have been okay and i wouldn't be holding this grudge and i wouldn't be as mad about her fucking giving us fleas but since she gave us fleas and yelled at me I'm like okay like you're done for like you're you're like going in my burn book you're out I'm literally putting her in my death note like I'm sorry she's like okay no the fucking annoying thing is like bitch how are y'all not getting bit up I know y'all are getting bit up and we know we know it's them because the night it all started when orion and elisa were

leaving they literally had to like change clothes in the front and our neighbor was leaving to go walk the dog and i was like this is a crazy question but are you having a flea issue right now and he was like i'm not but my girlfriend literally just came home and she was covered in fleas before she entered the house and we both come into our houses at the same side and i'm like bitches bitches giving us fleas and the exterminator today was, yeah, there's not a lot of fleas on, like, that side. But on this side, like, the gate where our shit is separating. He was like, dude, it's crazy. Like, I have to go spray back there again.

And I was like, bitch, fuck you. Go take care of your shit. Like, how was, no, anyways. That's going to piss me off. But, yeah, on top of that aside um we're like fuck these people who are like annoying and like so evil and like mean to us because we're loud and we were literally being so evil we're the evil loud ones me and you're just getting to this like fit where we like want attention from like strangers but it doesn't have to be good attention it can just

yeah no it can just be like we're like obviously annoying like like what the fuck literally i was just now in air on like it's just fun i just like getting looks from people i like giving people stories that's what it's all about yeah they go home and they tell the stories about like i just saw the craziest fucking people ever at the grocery store and we're pretty good at who we like annoy because it's usually like young people our age and like specifically like white random people like it's always fun when it's just like random white people because it's like you deserve to be a little annoyed like i don't know like who you are what your story is but like you deserve to be a little like you deserve your feathers rustled it's just

fun but we were literally at dinner and we were just like on one for some reason i don't know what we were on i literally had a drink and i like was so tired and i i like had forgotten that i like didn't eat because i was too busy crying and like shedding my skin all day and i was just so exhausted that i literally felt like somebody fucking put meth in my ass like i was off one um i was off my rocker off my $20 margarita and we have been in sync emotionally recently. I know. I know we boasted about being, like, out of sync, but, like, recently, like, when I'm low, Enya's low, and when Enya's high, like, we're higher. And it's because we feed off of each other.

We feed off the energy. So, we were, like, at dinner, and you started it, bitch. Yeah, I was just, like, I don't know how I started it. Dude, you just started it don't i don't know how i started dude you just started it by being really loud about nothing you were just like oh yeah i would just like just randomly just laugh as loud as fucking possible like i'd be like like really really fucking it's like not funny to anyone it's like cringy probably but i just do that really fucking loud and it like makes me crack it's like bassy. It's like, it's not something you hear. It's something you feel.

Like it's, it's like a feeling. One of the reasons we started this is because the couple, the older couple next to us, like actually if anybody has, like, I could probably look this up and it's like, I don't need to be asking this, but we went to BCD Tofu House and someone put beer into their, um, into their rice. And I was like, I'm so intrigued by that. Like, I don't know like why they did that. And I didn't ask and I didn't Google it cause I'm a piece of shit. And I just like want to know. And if I don't know, then I guess I'll never know. But me and Drew were just making the joke that we were like, what if we were like so out of touch and just like i thought it was just like no what is that for that looks gross why are you doing that

like just like really out of like just like super like tone deaf like oh you're not like you're not supposed to be doing that like actually that's bad like um and we were just like cracking sorry my car is literally overriding to turn off um and we were just cracking up from that and then oh from us laughing from that this like couple was on like what was very obviously a first date and this like maybe a second day yeah maybe a second day and the white girl of the duo was like giving us death stares she was like looking us up and down so like we were just like okay we'll fucking look back so we like we're making that face so we were just like, okay, we'll fucking look back. So, we, like, we're making that face. So, we're just like.

Like, I was looking at everybody in the restaurant doing that, though. Like, I was trying to make eye contact with everybody. It was so funny when you scared. And you were like, I literally just looked everyone in here in the eye. No, it was crazy. Like, I had never felt the way I felt that night. And I was, like, making full eye contact with people. And, like, looking them up and down like and they were probably like dude

who is this why is he judging me like this? Dude and for some reason we were hella focused on the TV like if we weren't doing that we were dead silent watching TV and all the tv was was commercials for the restaurant we were in celebrities love bcd tofu but basically and then drew's doing that and i like to him i was like what if i did this but i just ended up doing it anyway i was like no but what if i did this and like she was sitting here next to me and i like turned and i was like what's up spotify thisavi. I remember this one time we were on tour. We didn't have any guitar picks and we didn't have time to go to the store, so

we placed an order on Prime and it got there the next day ready for the show. Whatever you're into, it's on Prime. And like, turned back to see her. Like, looked her up and down. Also, someone's gonna be like, they're fucking bullies. No, but she, they were, I will say she was really pretty.

Like, she was, yeah, she was really pretty. But, like, she just gave an energy. Like, she just gave an off energy. And, like, she was really angry. Like, us trying to excuse it. There's no excuse for this behavior. Like, something's wrong with this fucking stranger. Like, they don't find us being like obnoxiously annoying and also we were like talking so loud we were being like there's no

excuse for our behavior and if you were there like i am wholeheartedly wholeheartedly sorry that you experienced the wrath of drew and inyo like on one but like it we mean no harm by it like we love you like yeah i'm sorry if you're ever caught in the crossfire just know like it's fun for me you can talk shit about us like we give you full permission yeah everyone can talk shit about us call us annoying we know we are and at the end of the day like i love myself guys if we should kiss in one episode let us know let us know the kiss cam the kiss cam episode but yeah that was literally so fucking fun and then even walking back we were like Guys, if we should kiss in one episode, let us know. Let us know. The kiss cam, the kiss cam episode. But yeah, that was literally so fucking fun.

And then even walking back, we were like screaming in the streets, which has also been something we're doing so often. Screaming at Erewhon is literally so fun. It's so fun because like all the like wealthy people are just like, this is not the place to do that. It's, it's such a club. They either try to act like they don't care and they like try their best not to look but they like you'll catch them kind of being like like looking at you like because we're literally screaming like dude i'm like they're such fucking

freaks that literally we're sitting around and i'm like we try to justify it but we there's no justifying it we're the wrong in every situation we're the obnoxious evil, but there's no justifying it. We're the wrong in every situation. We're the obnoxious evil ones. Like, there's no justifying it. No, like, but it's so fun. And, like, it's especially fun when, like, someone's on a date because, like, they'll probably get married and they'll be like, I remember on our first date, everyone around us was so fucking annoying. We probably ruined, like, three relationships already. Like, three soulmates have been on, like, dates with each other, like, three couples.

And we, like, fully destroyed it because we destroyed their vibe. And they had to see each other, like, really agitated and annoyed on the first meeting, and they were like, I can't handle that. I can't do that. I can't do that. Maybe the people around us should put a therapy. But, no, we're anti-Cupid. We, like, we see the couples that aren't supposed to be together and make sure they're not together.

I think that is Cupid. I don't, like... No, Cupid puts the couples together. No, but I don't think he's putting bad couples together. No, that's our job. Anti-Cupid. No, I want to be Cupid. I'm just Cupid. You're trying to make me someone I'm not.

Well, you're Cupid and I'm anti-Cupid. Okay, yeah. Shut up. Anyways. Where did that come from? where did that energy come from because you're being really fucking rude right now also i had to wake up at fucking 8 a.m no actually at like 7 30 a.m to go drop a little stinky dirt flea covered ass at the vet and then i went back to the hotel and i like fell back asleep for an hour before we had to go and like Literally drew when you tapped on my shoulder this morning to wake up I was like the most upset i'd been in my whole life and also I was like so stressed out and like we shared a bed

And cuddled last night. Yeah, we made love Should we tell them or no? No, we shouldn't we shouldn't Um, I have pictures of us sleeping. Do you really? Yeah, you you want to see them? Oh, yeah. I want to see them. Show them. Oh, actually, I did a video because I wanted to post it and put Anaconda when she's like, Pussy, put his ass to sleep. Yeah, we shared a bed. It was really nice. It was really warm.

Aww. I'm a cute sleeper. No, you're not. That's graceful. That's really cute. So, we'll not. That's graceful. That's really cute. We'll just have Kai put it there. Yeah, it looks like nothing. I'm a cute fucking sleeper, though. You also get that.

You get dirty sheets, but a cute sleeper. Y'all want to see my tits? Yes, please. Like, please? I cannot. But, yeah, that was our night. I'm like so annoyed because we have to go home and wash our sheets and do all of that. I call it first.

Actually, I already put my sheets to wash, so they just have to dry. No, I was going to try to push your button so you could be like, well, I went in there. I went in there. Oh, yeah. Also, the guy who fumigated our house literally didn't go in Drew and Josh's room because the doors were closed. Literally bullshit. So I think he thought he just, like, couldn't go in there. But I was like, bitch, what the fuck?

You're fumigating a house. Fumigate the house. Go in the house. The house down. No, fumigate the house. The house down boots, Houston. We have a problem. No, Houston, I'm deceased. The No, it's Houston, I'm deceased.

The house down, boots, Houston, I'm deceased. Boots. No, that's like actually fucking boots. Bootsy. Next up on the agenda is the fact that literally people with like multiple siblings are fucking evil. That's why we're so annoying is because we grew up annoying siblings. Yeah. Like our siblings and being evil to them and now that we don't have that relationship we have to do it to strangers fighting for the light fighting i said it before

fighting for attention you gotta you gotta be annoying to get to the top of the attention food chain in the family no it's literally so fun family of six sorry yeah i'm a family of six, sorry. Yeah, I'm a family of five. Five siblings. Well, we were six, but you know what happened. No, what happened? My brother died. No, he didn't. Are you gaslighting me about my brother dying? I just think you're lying about having a dead brother. Why would I lie about that?

Because you love attention. You literally just said it. Like, we could go back and you literally just said that. I'm lying about my brother dying. At dinner, he was hella confused. You're like're like he's not dead what are you talking about my brother's in the 27 club confetti falls from my roof um but actually before i forget in air one um kai was like looking at sweets and stuff and this girl walked by. And I literally laughed.

I said it to Kai. And she just so happened to walk by as I was saying it. And she literally was like, are you fucking talking to me? And to Kai, I was like, what did I say? Tongue you. I was like, when are you going to let me tongue you, bitch, to Kai? And she turned and she looked at us and she was like, what the? What the hell?

What the hell? What the hell? What the hell? It's not like that. There's two. No. Mario Judah does... No, I like the... What the hell?

The guy who talks about the shoes. Why can't you just let me be me? Because I... Let me do me. Anyways, I was a fucking evil sibling. This is my admission to guilt on the internet. I would pick up a knife and be like, I'm literally going to stab you if you don't leave me the fuck alone to my siblings. Oh my God.

I just realized the sibling story I'm going to tell. Can I go first? Yeah. Dude. So me and Madeline, we were like, I used to love staying at my mamaw's house. Like my grandma. Sorry, I'm white. I'm white.

Big whoop. I have a mamaw. I'm like, bro, mamaw. I don't know my abuela's name. Like, I don't know her name. Her name is Abuelita. What the fuck did you just call her? Abuelita.

He said Abuelita. Like I just said, I'm white. I'm white. I'm sorry. Okay, okay, go. I'm not apologizing for being white. I'm white. I'm sorry. Okay, okay, go. I'm not apologizing for being white. I'm literally going to shit myself. I haven't shit all day.

I have to pee so fucking bad, and I just peed. But, okay, so I'm staying at my abuela's house. I'm staying at my grandma's house. Mamaw. And it's, like, pretty late at night. And I used to love going there because we could watch whatever we wanted on tv oh so your grandma like didn't like supervise you and take care of you the correct way well you'll you'll hear what happens so basically we put on um billy and mandy and you know like billy and mandy has Grim Reaper character, like, representing death or whatever. And, like, for a child's cartoon, like, being, like, nine years old is kind of, like...

Oh, my God. I'm so burpy. It's kind of crazy, right? No. I guess... I don't know that we read it like that, though. No, I definitely didn't. But, like, in a grandparent's view who grew up in, like, the 1800s or whatever.

I don't fucking know how old they are. 1800s. Literally ancient. It kind of know how old they are. 1800s. Literally ancient. It kind of looks gnarly, right? But so we're watching it and my granddad comes into the room and is like super angry about it because he's like a very religious man. Boo! He's like, what the heck are you guys watching?

And turns it off and is like, kind of just like starts like talking to us about it. And it's like, y'all shouldn't be watching that. Like that's the devil's work, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, whatever. Fast forward, like 30, maybe 15 minutes later. And I forget what Madeline did, but she did something to piss me off enough where I like grab, I was nine years old I grabbed a knife from the fucking kitchen and chased her around the house with a knife saying I'm gonna fucking stab you I was like nine years old I was like I'm gonna stab you I'm gonna stab you and like I wasn't gonna stab her but I wanted to scare her I wanted to scare her and she was

running I don't think she thought I was going to stab her. Maybe I should be locked up. I'm like, I think she thought you were going to stab her. You were literally chasing her. But yeah, long story short, I didn't stab my sister. My granddad had now more ammunition to not let us watch cartoons at his house. And for the rest of time, I'm pretty sure we watched fucking Strawberry Shortcake Girl. What's her name?

Strawberry Shortcake? Is What's her name? Strawberry Shortcake? Is that her name? Yes. Okay, we watched, like, that in Tinkerbell cartoons. Like, explains a lot. No, but it was cool. I literally, I tried to stab my sister. I can't remember, like, me, like, I know Dante and Sophia would piss me off and I'd be in

the kitchen making a coffee. This is me growing a shit. I was like in like ninth grade and I would pick up the knife. No you weren't. Dude, I've been doing that too where like someone will say something and I'm like, why are you lying? Like you're lying right now. Like why are you lying?

I'm doing. Um, and I would literally pick up the knife and i'd be like i'm gonna stab you and then stab myself if you don't leave me the fuck alone it would literally be them talking to me oh my god actually one time i was taking a nap i i was really angry in middle school like i had like drew's seen it like i had very like intense like anger issues um one time i was taking a nap on my sister's on on Natalie's bed because we had a bunk bed and she was a top bunk. And I was like taking a nap up there and Dante came to wake me up because I had to wash the

dishes. It was like my turn to wash the dishes. And I woke up and I was so mad that I went to go like, I meant to go hit the wall and the window was next to me and I punched a hole through the window. Oh my God. And then I like taped it up because I was scared that my dad was going to see it. And then like weeks later he was like, what happened to the window? And I was like, oh, I was like sleeping and I woke up and i was scared that my dad was gonna see it and then like weeks later he was like what happened to the window and i was like oh i was like sleeping and i woke up and i like stretched out my legs and i kicked it by accident and i got

away with it but i literally got away with i literally punched the fucking window and i would like break shit all the time when my siblings would talk to me because i'd be like literally and they wouldn't be saying gnarlier shit than that gnarlier shit than that yeah i talked about oh yeah you've done gnarly shit tell them you're like no go ahead um sophia used to piss me off um when we would get in arguments and like if i didn't feel like fist fighting her because i was so mean to sophia like i don't know if we've talked about it but i was so fucking mean like me and Sophia were like about the same size when I was in high school um so she always thought she could like fist fight me and win and I was so evil about it and I would let her like go to touch me and I'd be like no fight me like it'll be a fair fight and I would literally grab her by the hair

and like throw her on the floor and like hold her down and like oh my god like literally be like don't fucking talk to me my brothers would be the shit out of me yeah i would do this thing called turkey tapping and they would literally hit my chest why do things like fleas happen to us like it's all the karma they would get them they would pin me down and like literally like spit loogies in my face like like do the thing where you like let it droop down and then it would hit my cheek and then it'd like literally no it like i there are very few things i'm afraid of in life but like loogies are like the absolute most disgusting fucking thing ever to happen to humanity and like if i see you hock a loogie around me like i'm sorry but like i'd be hocking

loogies and i call you out every time i'm like that's like the worst thing i've ever yeah no i will say like that guttural spit tastes awful that guttural spit like no it's actually like especially if it's not your spit it literally tastes like fucking butt butt like it tastes so fucking nasty who's hocking loogies on you and who whose loogies are you eating oh oh my therapist yeah my therapist gives me her little gut luki um that's actually really sweet but basically what i would do um when sophia would piss me off and i'd be like when we were getting a little older and i was like we shouldn't be fighting like this because i'm like literally 17 and you're 14 and if i slap the fuck out of you it feels illegal now even though i would still slap the fuck out of her when she pissed me off but i would literally be like i'm gonna go spit on your bed and if she kept being rude to me i would go

and i would hawk lookies all over her fucking bed so she would have to wash her sheets or sleep in my spit and like there were times where she pissed me off and i didn't like have it in me to fight or do anything and i would just spit on her bed in silence and let her and like watch her sleep in it and i'd be like that's so evil that is pure fucking evil and you relished in it. And I'd be like. That's so evil. That is pure fucking evil. And you relished in it. Like you relished in her. Do you know how good it felt to like all of us to go to the room to go to sleep and me watch her crawl in bed after she pissed me off. And I'm like. Do you think people spitting in food at like restaurants is a real thing?

I think so. Because I'd fucking do it. We know you'd do it. I don't think it's a real thing. But at the same time like just like how you were like y'all like y'all literally be getting pissed on y'all be getting spit on like i'm like it's not that bad like no like i'm like frame it a little different and you might find that you enjoy it i've seen i've like thought about it and i was like if someone's spitting my food

now and i'm eating it like honestly I don't care like don't tell me I'm ignorant ignorance is bliss and also if I find a piece of and you know how delta I don't care if you have delta give it to me I want delta like low-key do not fucking say that because we live together bitch um no but if I find like a hair in my food like I also don't give a shit yeah I don't fucking care I'm like bitch we're humans like I don't care like oh that's what I was gonna say literally us getting fleas like is really cute and human I also don't give a shit. Yeah, I don't fucking care. I'm like, bitch, we're humans. Like, I don't care. Oh, that's what I was going to say. Literally, us getting fleas, like, is really cute and human.

Like, it's the most human thing you can do. It was. I literally, like, involuntarily was picking them off of me and started singing. We were, like, picking bugs. Like, it was really cute. And it was just like, oh, like, humans, like, are just cute. We just do cute little human things and just be like cute little humans like this is the most human this is human shit like like us talking no this is the most dystopian thing we're sitting in my car with the ac on low so we don't suffocate in here and filming something

we like that is our job don't make me existential um but yeah i was fucking evil but sofia was fucking evil too. I have a very distinct memory. One time I pissed her off and we were outside in the backyard. And this is, this is fucked up because this is when Sophia was like five. And I was like, she was maybe like six or seven. And I was maybe like nine or 10. And I was outside and I was standing on our like playground thingy in our first house.

And I don't know what I did to piss her off but i pissed her off and my dad works in construction and he had like these big metal stakes that like you like hammer into the ground to build fences with she literally picked one up on the pointy end and held it up to me while i was standing and like pressed it up against me and she was like i'm gonna fucking kill you and i'm not kidding she has like hazel eyes. And I swear to God, I saw her eyes turn black. And I was like so scared. And it literally scared me so bad. I like jumped up.

I was like, ah. And I ran inside and I cried. But I didn't snitch because I'm not a fucking snitch. But I did beat her ass later. Good. And that's how you do it. You don't snitch. You beat the fuck out of the person.

Yeah, I think that's what siblings are made for is like hardening your shell. Like just getting, beating each other up. Like if I like, no, okay. I have like a story where I don't even want to tell the one I told earlier. That one's just gnarly. I like frisbee to hang her at my sister and like it hit her in the neck.

It like, I like threw a hang like that. It was kind of a joke, but it was out of anger also. And it hit her in the neck and she like couldn't breathe for like two minutes. And like, I was like, Oh my fucking God, I just killed my killed my sister but we're twins so it doesn't really matter um one time i got into a physical fight with dante and um he literally like pinned me up against the wall like a high school bully and like lifted me off the ground he was like

don't touch me and then we never got into a physical fight again good um because he was pissing me off and i think i slapped the fuck out of him i'm trying to think like i know like me and my friends were shitheads um to my brothers so then they would like retaliate but like i don't know if that's like legal like what i if i'm allowed to say that the taser story well nothing happened i can't bring that up and then not say it but basically oh i don't know if it's legal. Like, me and my siblings, something about tasers. So basically, I had a taser when I was like... This is going to change people's perspective on us.

I had a taser when I was like 11 years old. And like, my oldest brother was like, yo, if you want this taser, you have to tase yourself so you know what it feels like. So you don't go around tasing people. That's a pretty good. Yeah, it was a really good idea. So he tased me in my leg and that was that. I had that taser now.

Mind you, like, he was like the cool older brother. Like, he had weapons and shit. It was fun. And then, like, I don't know how much time passed but like me and my friends were being shitheads and like one of my friends that i wasn't really good friends with um had the taser and he like went and tased one of my brothers and like they didn't do anything immediately but they were pissed off they were like oh we're gonna retaliate and like this kid was like kind of nerdy like i felt really bad for him.

So I was like, yo, like, come hang out with us. Like, I want to take you under my wing so you can, like, not be alone all the time. And he lived in the same neighborhood, so it was, like, convenient. So, like, he came over. And my brother said the funniest thing the other day. But he was like, dude, like, if you could, like, there were very few people who could, like, survive the Phillips household. And, like, if you made it, through like you were chill like you could if you could handle like the first few days of haze or the first couple months of hazing like and you made it out like you're hard-bodied like whatever

but like this kid like tased my brother and they were pissed or that maybe he tased one of my brother's sons whatever doesn't matter but basically my brothers we were playing basketball on the basketball court and my brothers like came out there with a taser and like started chasing him around the house with this taser like tasing like making it make sound yeah and he ran upstairs and then like like cornered himself like a dog it's like the saddest thing in the world and my brothers were like we're gonna tase you now like and buzzing the taser and tasers are loud as as fuck. And, like, scary to, like, anybody who's about to get tased. So, they're, like, doing it.

Getting closer and closer and closer. And then he just pisses himself. And, like, he pissed his jeans. I know he pissed his cargo pants. Like, he had cargo pants on. This is a fucked up story. I know. He pissed his cargo pants.

And, like, I gave him a pair of jeans and he went home. And I never saw him again. Stop, Drew. But he never got tased. He it he tried he tased my brother Okay yeah I forgot that this all started because he tased your brother But I was gonna say this is something that like you get like you get asked to like host the Grammys or something And then that kid comes out the woodworks He's like his brothers tased me

He never okay he never got tased. He tased the person. No, yeah, yeah, yeah. He deserves to piss his pants a little. He deserves to be a little ashamed. Yeah. A little shame only did good for people. I was actually going to say, I, like, literally, I'm like, this is going to change people's

perspective on me. I have, like, two, like, old vines where, one, I just kick Natalie off the bed for a vine. Like, she's like. one I just kick Natalie off the bed for a vine. You threw bananas at Natalie all the time. Yeah, she's fine. I push her off the bed and she's like the last snippet of the vine is her screaming, crying. And then the other one is like Natalie and Leo when they like had their iPads when they were younger. iPad babies.

Literally iPad babies. And they would be like, oh, can you look this up? Like, can you like. But Natalie and Leo, like their first language was spanish it was actually so fucking cute but they would always be like can you put me like can you put me something like they'd be like can you put me um like whatever fucking cartoons they would watch and like but sometimes it would fucking annoy me because i'm like bitch i'd like i'm like 15 and i want to like be on my iphone like stop talking to me and natalie like asked me to go get her a banana or some shit.

And, like, then she asked me to do that. And I was like, what? And, like, before recording it, I just, like, threw it at her. And the banana would, like, cup her face so nicely. And it was, like, a soft, like, almost rotting banana. Yeah. And then I just kept doing it. And she surprisingly kept fucking coming back.

I don't think she cried at the end of that. She was literally just annoyed. She was just can you yeah i know like in the vine it just looked like she was having fun like it literally looked like a good time for her it looked like another tuesday and then i had other ones where i would literally throw her on the couch like i would launch her around the room but me and anthony like that's literally how we played it's like literally me like launching her around and like spinning her around oh i have a vine where i literally like with my foot like kick her in the head and she falls on the sofa like but she falls out of frame on the vine and it looks like i just launched her like i have so many vibes of

me doing that oh and leo was terrified of monkeys like terrified of monkeys so we would put monkeys like with big smiles like on his screen and we would chase him and he was scared of sharks and horses so there was like that picture of like the shark from jaws like coming out of the water and With big smiles like on his screen. And we would chase him. And he was scared of sharks and horses. So there was like that picture of like. The shark from Jaws like coming out of the water. And we would put it on and be like look look. And we would like put it on the iPad and run around. We used to do the gnarliest shit to Madeline.

I've told you this before. But like. Like. Is this gnarly? I don't know. I don't think so. No it's not. She was like ugly girl. We would look up ugly girl on Google and be like, Madeline, this looks just like you.

And I'll insert the picture that we said. I'll guy insert it. You're not kidding. The day you, like, told me that, I, like, literally started crying from laughing. Like, that is so funny. It was so mean. Shit, like, that is awesome like it's just sibling shit like it like it's never I mean do you know this shit I took a little Disneyland and he was scared to get on every ride and it was literally stressing me out so I started crying at

Disneyland cuz I was like dude I'm just torturing her in my bar me and he's like scared of everything please you couldn't even get on the fucking Ferris wheel, which is kind of scary, actually, for a kid because the Ferris wheel that topples around is literally terrifying. It feels like you're about to fall. The Jimmy Neutron ride was awesome. But the last ride we were getting on was the Haunted Mansion. And I was like, no, no, no, no, it's the Fancy Mansion.

And we just told him it was called the fancy mansion i think i like to think he had a good time and he just wanted to say he was scared on the fancy mansion or the haunted mansion dude calling it the fancy mansion is literally so fucking funny like and then i remember the moment he realized it was scary is when we were all in the lobby and the lights turned off and like there was like spooky sounds and he was like like started screaming the wallpaper going forever wait can we talk about how disney's like really nice i haven't been in so long and i actually want to go back so bad but that's where the delta variant that's where that's where it came from the lambda chi variant is there the what the lambda chi variant alpha omega alpha ruby omega sapphire

are you boulder or crystal those are you're naming off pokemon types they're so annoying you're you made that weird that was um you're gaslighting me i was gonna say we have to talk about um your fucking Popeye thing you said out loud. Do we have to talk about it? Yes, because I cannot believe you said that. Like, it's not funny. I was like, Drew, is there anything you want to talk about for a podcast? And this is something he said.

Okay, I was like, I thought about it. We could use Popeye biscuits to curb flooding. You just throw them in the streets and they absorb all the water. Literally, that's what I thought a ShamWow does. You could throw them in lakes. What the fuck happened to ShamWows? The dude literally, I think, was like evil. I'm not kidding.

I think he was like a bad person or something. I don't know. Oh, we were going to talk about how I think and I think a lot of people think right now that the weather app is fucking lying about how hot it is. It is hotter than the weather app is saying because I'll look up a temperature. The other day, Siri had the audacity to tell my ass at 1 p.m. that it was 78 degrees outside. In Los Angeles. No, it wasn't. I got in my car. I do believe that that it was 78 degrees outside in los angeles no it wasn't i got in my car i do believe that because it feels way hotter than it is outside no yeah it's always like oh

it's like 82 when you go outside and i'm not kidding i'll get in my car and my car temperature is reading it that it's like 90 something outside well it is like actually confirmed that ios the ios app it no it's real i swear to god it's real it confirms they don't show the temperature 69 i swear on my entire life in the the ios uh weather app and it's because like no one knows why but it's literally written into their code to not show the temperature 69 so it's either 67 6 or 68 70, but they won't show 69. And it's like, if they can lie about that, they can lie about the weather. Big weather.

Oh, it is true. I know. Everybody's always like, boy, shut the fuck up. No, it's real. Like, it's literally in the code. Boy. Boy. And, I mean, literally, what else are the big companies

telling us about? Okay so the weather app won't tell us that it's 69 out but they give us the peach eggplant and wet wet emoji. Ooh and you know they know what we're using them for have you ever used the eggplant emoji seriously? No I don't think I've ever done that. I've never used that

emoji seriously and I've never used the squirting emoji seriously. Maybe I've used the squirting one seriously. I am like I'm a serial the squirting emoji seriously. Maybe I've used the squirting one seriously. I am, like, I'm a serial, like. You sexed with emojis? No. But I've, like, jokingly, but, like, flirting, but, like, kind of serious. But there's, like, some irony in it.

Yeah, there's a little bit. But I do fully. I'll use the, like, smiley devil one, like, seriously. Yeah. Like, I use emojis fully seriously. I know. It was, like, once I turned, like, 20, 21, all emojis fully seriously i know once i turned like 2021 all emojis became serious yeah and i don't jokingly use anything like i i the only one i still can't

use is the crying laughing emoji i use i use it all the time i can't use it i don't know it's like so seared into my brain like ironic and like oh my parents use that seriously like i can't use that and now i want to use it so fucking bad this can't use that and now i want to use it so fucking bad this little kid popped his head up i want to use it so bad and i just i don't know i use the crying cat all the time and i use the regular crying i use all the emojis seriously like if i ever sent you an emoji i was being a hundred percent yeah all my emojis are real like every single one of them are real and i find ones that like are like rare i'm like oh no one's using this i have my signature i'm like yeah my my because of the flea thing my like my emoji right

now is a mosquito emoji if anybody else uses i use the cockroach you are a cockroach bitch fuck you fuck you wait not me going to read off my god cockroaches are literally terrifying yeah like i seriously use the the smirking devil emoji, like, in a, like, sexy way. Where's my phone? You don't need your phone. I know. I want to look at my emojis. No, but, like, not, like, I don't want to hear all of them, bitch.

Emoji city. What's one that you use that, like, most people would find ironic, but you, like, have seriously used? The American flag. You used it seriously? Yeah. No. Boy, come on. Like, why is your car that fucking loud asshole no the war this one um no i use it because hillary clinton can still win 2020 you are so the 2016 election i use that that silly emoji unironically and i use the uh head exploding all the fucking time unironically yeah i use the head

exploding all the time um they literally just ran over like all those poles we need to i'm gonna i'm gonna say their license plate publicly jocks them shame shame um but yeah i use all my emoji seriously because i'm a fucking adult and that's what you do when you get old and i know know some like 17 year old is going to be like, ew, I can't believe that. Trust me, once you turn like 20 something in your brain, clicks and emojis are serious. Once you stop irony poisoning yourself, life becomes so much better. Like I saw someone talking about like becoming basic again. I think it might have been downwards by all. I don't know.

Someone was talking about like, I i see the appeal appeal of being like just a normal fucking person like i want to be that so bad it looks so fun i oh it was dana it was dana saying it i just like i don't know that i care i don't care about being seen as like cringy or corny or anything like i'm like bitch you you care because you're insecure because i was once insecure and cared a lot about being seen as corny will i still see something and be like that's fucking corny you're whack yes but that's like because it's actually corny and whack yeah and i'm also like i'm okay and i'm like self-aware that i'm like also projecting because like actually no some shit is just whack i'm like kill the part of you that cringes not the part that's

cringy one and we need to kill corny culture i think i i think it's like you said all stemmed in um no it fully is security because and that's why i'm okay with being a bitter fucking hater because i know a lot of times i'm projecting and i'm a piece of shit and i'm okay oh look that's sweet they're picking it up oh no they just kicked it assholes oh they're gonna go smoke on the roof i'm literally like where are they going? They look like they fucking stink. Okay, not us being like.

Not us being like. They saw it. That was real. That was real. That was us in live time being bitter bullies. I swear I wasn't doing that on purpose. Like they literally do look like they stink. They're like two white dudes with flip flops on.

If you're wearing thong sandals out as a man, you need to go to fucking therapy. You need to figure your shit out. I know your shit stinks. I know you don't cut your toenails and I know your shit stinks. Period. Like I know you fucking smell like balls. Just wear slides. Please just wear slides.

Please. Also men, men. Anya has a lot of opinions on men loving themselves and taking care of themselves. I can't be the only person, straight men, like, feeling themselves and taking pictures of themselves. I'm like, why are you doing that? Like, I want a man who is, like, confident and, like, likes himself. But I'm like, if I'm driving us around and I look over and you're taking a fucking selfie because the sun is on you or something i'm crashing the car i'm crashing it into the median i'm crashing it and i'm blaming you i'm unbuckling your seat belt and crashing

yeah i'm unbuckling your seat belt and getting us in a t-bone accident because you shouldn't be doing that like like you don't have like the fucking new york times app to be looking at like why are you looking at yourself play chess play chess actually don't be, like, the fucking New York Times app to be looking at. Like, why are you looking at yourself? Dude, play chess. Play chess. Actually, don't be on your phone. I also can't stand, like, a man who's on his phone so much. Like, what do you have going on there? Who are you texting?

I wish I was kidding. Like, I was in the car with, like, I've just been in situations with, like, men. And I'm like, I literally will out loud be like, why are you on the phone so much? Who are you texting? I'm like, you are so, not even that. I'm like I literally will out loud be like why are you on the phone so much like who are you texting? I'm like you were so not even that I'm like you were so embarrassing like you Outside and like be like what is there to look at in LA? We weren't driving around a concrete jungle Also, maybe like again I'm projecting because I get carsick and I can't look at the phone. You're jealous.

So I'm like, bitch, can you fucking talk to me? You're jealous of what I can do. No, you just, like, why the fuck are you looking? Like, what is on there? Stop. I fucking hate it. You're literally losing. I'm not kidding.

Men should have burners. Like, you don't need an iPhone. What do you need an iPhone for? If you want to post on IG, wait till you get home. Go have an iPod Touch.'t need an iPhone. What do you need an iPhone for? If you want to post on IG, wait till you get home. Go have an iPod Touch. Go have an iPad. Bring your burner and your iPod Touch with no service. If you have a phone with service, as a straight man...

No, like, what are you up to? Like, no good. Like, you're up to no good on that thing. You're either... Yeah. You're sexting someone, and I don't like that. I was gonna say, you're sexting someone. No, I just don't like it.

It's so gross. But yeah, I could go on for days. Enya goes on for days. And days and days and days. I just have a lot of opinions about, like, straight men. I'm like, ew, you should, like. You shouldn't love yourself. That's what she gets at.

No, like, you should be confident, but don't take off. Like, ew, when a man stops someone, the other. No, I won't. I will say it is really cringy. Oh, my God. Here I go. Like, I won't. I will say it is really cringy. Oh my God. Here I go. Like, I'm so hypocritical. It is just like something else.

No, there's something a little funky about a man who's like posting a lot of pictures of himself. I'm like, a man's IG, a straight man's IG shouldn't just be pictures of himself. I'm like, something's going on here. Well, as a straight man, my IG's all pictures of myself. What did you just call me? As a straight man, my IG's all pictured in myself. What did you just call me? As a straight man. Oh, okay. Mm-hmm.

So now we're just saying things. Okay, as a politician. Yeah, I just like, you didn't see something on your walk you want to post? Like, do you go walking? You didn't see the magnolia tree? You could take a picture

of the magnolia tree and say, it smells like pussy. It smells like pussy out here. And it's the magn magnolia tree y'all know what i'm talking about the pussy willows the stinky tree no they smell like a sneeze they smell like cum they smell like cum and sneezes tomatoes taste like cum no one wants to have that conversation saying that because every day my like my go- my go-to, like, meal right now, anywhere I go, like, no matter where I am, I get, or I make it myself, is soft scrambled eggs, avocado, and slices of tomatoes.

Like, it's, like, all I will eat right now. And Drew said that the other day, and I literally was eating my breakfast, and I wanted to throw up because I, like, I chewed on the tomato for too long, and I was, like, really getting into it. I'm like. It's like, it's like when you It's like if you're eating red meat, you can start tasting the farm. We always talk about cock and balls and pussy on here.

We always make it a point. You can start tasting the farm when you're eating red meat. And also, yeah, just like they... It's just a big part of our life, cock, balls, and pussy. No, we are just like... I can't say...

I literally... The word... The P word makes me uncomfortable. Yeah, okay, man. With a straight Instagram. I'm straight as hell. Me too. This is my girlfriend.

I can't... This is my girlfriend. Yeah, this is my... Yeah, no. This is my boyfriend. That's like chill. Yeah. I am straight.

And don't get it fucking twisted. Yeah. Absolutely. It got in my fucking eye. But yeah, we always bring it to cock and ball somehow. But I think that's it for the episode. Maybe we don't have to talk about cock and balls anymore. We can just shut up.

I literally have Red Bull in my fucking eye. Okay, well, let's get on to the goddamn media. balls anymore we can just shut up i literally have red bull in my fucking eye um okay well let's get on to the media um so also like i just want to like like maybe we could put no i was gonna say maybe we could put a disclaimer like this episode might change your views on us like we're pieces of shit like we're not good people i like i think people know we're not good people no we are good people but we're just like i say that, we are good people, but we're just, like, I say that all the time. I'm like, I am nice. I just, like, am a bitch. A nice person doesn't have to explain that they're nice.

I don't give a fuck. Yes, I can. I can do whatever the fuck I want because I'm nice. No, we are nice people. We just, like every fucking human on goddamn planet Earth, we like to judge people. Yeah, it's literally, like, Friendly Woods, like, the key to life is complaining. Like, that's why I would finger bang the fuck out of Friendly Woods and let her do the same to me. It's because, like, a bitch who loves to complain. She is getting, like, the key to life is complaining. Like, that's why I would finger bang the fuck out of Fran Lebowitz and let her do the same to me. Because, like, a bitch who loves to complain.

She is getting, like, pretty old, though. I would still have sex with her. Really? Yeah, I would. Because, like, what? Like, why wouldn't I have sex with her? Are you kidding me? Like, she would not have sex with me.

I'm so fucking annoying. She'd be like, you are annoying and, like, two years old and I fucking hate you and I want you to die. Oh, my God. You're going to be Fran Lebowitz when you're older. Yeah, that's, like, a dream. That's the goal. That's the goal is to be a bitter old haggardy bitch who lives in New York and, like, wrote a book and, like, is living off of that for the rest of your life. Actually, she's done a lot more than that.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Fran. Like, we can still fuck. Like, please. We should get her on the podcast. My public hit list of celebrities now is Drake, who I don't know who that really is. I've just, like, heard, like, things about who he may be oh the rapper drake the what the rapper you don't know what a rapper is no i don't know what that means i that we have so many

celebrity hit like that's like oh wait and literally bob odenkirk yeah those are my three like hits public public but there's there's a lot more and me and nina had this conversation today And literally Bob Odenkirk. Yeah, Bob Odenkirk. Those are my three, like, hits. Public. Public hits. Yeah, public hits. But there's a lot more. And me and Nia had this conversation today, like, about someone. We were like, can, like, what if I. Oh, I'll publicly say. No, I'll say one of them because I told her to her face.

It's Devin. Like, literally, I told Devin that the delusion we both have is, like, I told her about. I don't know if I told you this. At the heaven, like, thing. Uh-uh. we both have is like i told her about i don't know if i told you this at the heaven like thing i told her that i had that we had that conversation when it looked like her and jesse were like engaged and i was like dude i'm not kidding i literally went to drew's room and i was like it's over like we like our chances like we missed our chance and i was like telling her like that we both have the delusion like one that like that would happen between us and then also like that

that would happen between y'all and she like was very flattered by it I was like. You think I'm just being like a funny person right now. But I'm like being serious. We are in love with Devin Lee Carlson. As. I think. There might be something wrong with you. If you don't. No.

Literally there's. I don't know anybody who like. Doesn't want to like marry Devin. Yeah. I just want. To hug her. You hugged. You've hugged her. Let's get let's get onto the music let's get onto the music um all right you want to go first um no i'll go first yeah you can go ahead um the first song is

by i cannot say her name i can't say names, but yeah, that one. Stay with me by Pharrell. I feel by the Sundays hole in the earth. Deaf tones. Please don't attack me there. I don't know why I'm scared to say that. I dabble in deaf tones. I'm like, I think I'll get bullied.

Um, well, I've been listening to beyond saving by me. He's hitting it again on purpose. Oh wait, no, he's not. No, by Meat Computer. He's hitting it again. He's hitting it again on purpose. Oh, wait. No, he's not. I was being nosy. And they did fix it. Beyond Saving by Meat Computer.

Beam on Your Toes by RxNephew. And let's say Trois Gymnopies by Gary Neumann. I let you take that one because I haven't seen that. I re-watched Climax recently and it still stays in my top five. I think maybe top one of all time. I fucking love that movie. I didn't re-watch it. I watched the parts that I wanted to watch.

It's fucking awesome. Magnum Opus. Really, really great movie. And then I watched, um, let me go to my letterbox because I can't remember what I think what you're about to say is literally what I was going to say. Oh no, nevermind. I'll just go ahead. Um, I watched fear and it was fucking... Dude, the ending is so funny. Oh, my God.

It was a really good movie, and also The Sundays is, like, one of the main songs is Wild Horses, which is also, like, one of my top songs. I've just been, for the past, like, seven months, like, in such a, like, rut for The Sundays. Like, I love The Sundays. Like, that's probably one of my favorite bands ever. Like, all their music is so good. Literally loving. So annoying.

The deus ex machina at the end when he just fucking whatever happens happens. Just watch it. It's pretty funny. It's really, really great. Oh, bitch. This is what I was going to talk about. I watched the worst movie I have ever fucking seen in my entire life. And I've watched all of the i am so

stupid i'm looking at your letterbox right now and i saw that ad and i was like i was like why is your phone call going um no but it was legitimately like like actually hard for me to watch like it was physically hard for me to watch and like i normally like movies that are fucking awful like the worst movies ever like i'm down for it was it like um what's that one that's like with everyone spontaneously combusting that yeah like i think it's called spontaneous dude that movie was fucking awful um it like i just enjoy a bad movie as much as a good one because like it's fun to laugh it's fun to like make fun of this movie as you're watching it but this one was fucking terrible beyond like comprehension i don't understand like what how they missed so far missed the mark so hard it's

called fangirl um but it just really is like fucking absolutely rancid and here's i'll read my review for it on letterbox I can normally enjoy a bad movie as much as a good one but this one was genuinely the worst movie I've ever seen and not in a good irony poisoned way the movie made my skin crawl and cause restlessness in my body to the point where it actually felt like I was experiencing opium withdrawals again with every fiber of my being I wanted to leave but I couldn't look away from this train wreck I think the director was actually in full-blown withdrawals, the way nothing correlated or made sense.

It was like one big hallucination. I understand that this wasn't meant to be a masterpiece, but come on, bro, like what the fuck happened? The single redeeming quality of that movie was a guerrilla run-and-gun style photo shoot at the end with fucking Tina Fey, and I guarantee she doesn't know she's in this movie i one one million percent can guarantee that she doesn't know

she's in this movie but just like absolute madness just terrible terrible movie but fucking watch it watch watch fangirl so you can suffer with me so you can be sympathetic and feel what I feel. And that is that on that. I hope you guys have an awesome day. Be back next week because we're going to have sex. Next podcast, we have sex. Peace, love, unity, and respect. Say bye, Kai.

Bye, guys. Do you have anything else to add um next episode drew and any are gonna folk oh you heard it here first folks bye Outro Music