Emergency Intercom - we lost everything

Episode Date: November 29, 2024

We lost everything… while yall were being thankful we were fighting for our lives. I hope you’re happy. We sure aren’t. Also drew got a haircut. Get a 60-day free trial at https://shipstation.com/intercom. Thanks to ShipStation for sponsoring the show! Find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today at https://Zocdoc.com/INTERCOM. Upgrade your selling today and sign up for your $1-per-month trial period at https://shopify.com/intercom. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We want to take a moment to thank one of today's sponsors, Shopify. I love Shopify so much. Anything I have ever sold, I have used Shopify. I remember when I first found out about Shopify, it was a lifesaver. It's when I was first doing my zines and my chapters merge, and I had no idea how I was going to navigate setting up a website. And I got recommended Shopify and I was so scared because I was like, oh my God, I put this off till last minute. How am I going to navigate a full new website? But it was so completely easy to set up. Upgrade your business and get the same checkout all bird uses. Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at shopify.com slash intercom, all lowercase. Go to shopify.com slash intercom to upgrade your selling today. Shopify.com slash intercom.

Hey, Spotify. This is Javi. My biggest passion is music, and it's not just sounds and instruments. It's more than that to me. It's a world full of harmonies with chillers. From streaming to shopping, it's on Prime. They stole all my shit You haven't even seen Drew You haven't even seen Drew They stole something from Drew They stole all our shit, y'all haven't even seen Drew. You haven't even seen Drew, they stole something from Drew, they stole it from him!

Whoever took all our shit, please bring back Drew's hair! I was gonna make fucking wigs out of it for cancer patients and they stole it from me. They fucking took it! Two years of growth oh man you like thank god they stole it because you look so much better you used to look like shit i had to get that off my chest i'm so sorry oh i'm saying it's good they stole your hair because now you're sexy so you let me be ugly for two years well yeah because now your hair looks healthy and you're mogging me all over and yeah like the thing is like of i always think drew is hot but there is

something so nice because there was a time remember when all the comments were like drew is so sexy drew is so sexy i'm right fucking here it made me feel like when i was with my sister at school again but recently i've been the sexy one but now like i have to fight with you for comments okay see then you do something yeah that part oh well y'all thought that it was just a little haircut y'all thought i chopped everything off right babe babe wait i need them to see like what i'm staring at like i can't believe this is what we do like my parents literally like risked their lives to come to this country and this is what i do with the life they gave me are you farting you're a little farting girl true you look so good you're my little angel baby i love you baby that's how i'm gonna start talking to you oh this is kind of a vibe like i don't know if I ever want to sit on a chair ever again. Sitting on the floor is kind of fun. Our set is...

In the fucking car. Yeah. No, it's literally trapped in the car as we transported it for something very extra special. Something super special. Coming very soon. But we were just too lazy to bring it up the stairs. And we thought, oh, you know, it might be fun to just sit on the fucking floor of our nasty fucking kitchen i barely vacuumed i mean if you can see in the corner behind inya there is rotten watermelon juice because inya made watermelon watermelon juice it's a rotten

creation smoothie before i realized that juices ferment and then i learned from tiktok that you're supposed to use a little needle to pop the air so it doesn't fucking explode all over you and one time i was like i'm gonna be good i'm gonna clean the fuck out of this fridge and i found a juice in the back and i was like ew this is gonna stink thank god i didn't put my face near i had my face like this because i thought it was gonna sneak oh that literally would have given you brain eating agibas it looked like the episode you are not episode you know what it looked like the scene with uh johnny depp in nightmare on elm street that's literally what that juice did to our fucking kitchen like it shot up at the ceiling and went down this way and fell it literally coated our entire kitchen in rotten watermelon juice like it was fucking crazy it was a bad vibe but yeah

so there's that in the corner to's a rotten pile that we missed that we just said you know what keep it but well it's because it's like classic when you spill something it's i'm getting the big portions out and whatever is left what doesn't kill me makes me fucking exactly i'm not picking on it's i do you ever clean up broken glass and you get kind of lazy at the end like oh and i just like i'm just like if i step on that like it'll be i'm like honestly i'll learn a lesson later just for a future drew to figure out no like when we were breaking that tv there were shards of glass that broke all over the floor no what no no no about no um and i sat there and picked every single one of them up because I was like, oh, what if Azul, like, thinks this is a toy and plays with it?

But there were these, like, microscopic, like, tiny little shards of, like, plexiglass or some shit that, like, I literally, I'm not kidding, I just cleaned up with the bottom of my feet. I was just like, I'll just pick these up and, like, rub them. Let them rub into my skin like fiberglass. Also, I feel like we need to clarify, that is not our fucking TV in that video. Josie got that TV from the Greer budget for like 40 bucks off of Facebook market. Because I saw someone being like, oh my God, they really do just have money like that. I want to clarify. Yes, we are very privileged.

I live an awesome life. We have had the same TV for six years. I have been begging, begging to buy a new one. I don't believe in getting a new TV. Like all the TVs do the same TV for six years. I have been begging, begging to buy a new one. I don't believe in getting a new TV. Like all the TVs do the same shit, like add a soundbar so that the bass is crazy. Because I will say we destroyed the speakers on our TV. When we have friends over and we're trying to like set a vibe and put music on, the TV literally sounds like, it sounds like you're in a teenager's car,

like in a teenager's Nissan when you put the volume too much on our TV vibrating the trunk um but yeah i just want to clarify that i just don't like you can't you kind of can't tell me on a new i love new tvs if i could i would buy a new tv every single year because it's a very man thing it truly is it's like it's a very straight thing they can of course i'm straight but like it's it's probably yeah this just goes to prove for all the deniers is like i love tv you have all the grinder allegations i love tvs and basketball i love the straight man lives on yeah i love tvs and basketball um i will not touch football because quite honestly that's the gayest sport there is but we don't have to get into that we've talked about that a hundred times but it's also just crazy because it's like all sports have danger

to it but like football and ufc wrestling and shit i am so sorry the way i felt after my concussion like for like five days after i swear to god if they're getting a concussion a night like no wonder all of them like fucking killed their wives. I mean, I'm sorry. That's like really dark sided to say, but like there's like I felt so crazy and out of it for like a week after that. And like literally like I had a constant headache. I just felt dazed and confused.

And like I just felt off. Like I felt like I was viewing life from like I felt dissociated, like I was viewing life or depersonalized. Do you realize what is the i mean i doubt football creates a space where there is like a lot of conversation around mental health but i wonder what the oh it's getting the rates of like depression and suicide are oh it's it's it's sky high because i feel like a lot of them also really addicted to gambling and all that other shit and i feel like they're all addicted to painkillers because the nfl like would supply all these players with painkillers like tom brady i think or no aaron rogers like played the best games of his life high on fucking percocet because he like broke his arm or some shit and they were

like no we need you so they like put him back out there never i know you can't get up there and do that one two steps but yeah the the depression rates post like their careers are really gnarly and all of them have like fucking dementia and cte and like what what drives me insane is i'm like there are so many like opportunities for these players to like not get cte like they invented this new thing with like a helmet cover and it looks fucking stupid, but like it stops people from getting a concussion every goddamn game, but they don't wear them because they look dumb.

And I'm like, okay, like you either look cool now. Football players already look fucking dumb. Like that shit in your mouth and the helmet combo is kind of crazy. Like you're already looking like you're doing something that God never intended for you to be doing.

So put the goddamn figure. Actually, I would argue that football is exactly what god intended man to do like to beat each other up like because i mean we've been doing that shit for like millennia like thousands and thousands of years just like that like all the seams we would just kill each other that's fucking crazy we would kill each other for sport and now i lay in bed with the anxiety of a person being hunted. Like it's crazy. Like it's epigenetic. It's like in my DNA to be anxious. That reminds me of something I wrote down.

Oh, that like reminds me of earlier today. I was watching this person review pens that they like. And I was like, oh, stationary just does something to me. And I'm like, it literally feels like it feels like how my brain feels when I see green. And it's like my body begging me to go back to the forest tradition that's how i feel about like analog stationary items i'm like like a good collection of like those stedler highlighters like oh like the pastel but then i um i don't use that shit i know i buy it and then it just sits on my desk very organized.

I will say the pens I own right now, I've had pens for the first time run out of ink in the past year, which is crazy. It's like getting through to a chapstick. The Copic markers I bought 10 years ago are still full as fuck. Because I don't know. For those that don't know know i'm sure a lot of you do know copics are like the holy grail of marker i'm pretty sure they'd be bendy thrown recently by like oh who or whatever because it's like it's literally just like a topic marker but

like a fraction of the cost and we have them and like low-key like they are better than copics but anyways that's the gag is copic was never that good it was never gagging the girl it was topic and then what was the clay because me and drew both uh grew up watching like stationary and cremo no femo femo oh f-i-m-o yeah i thought you said cremo but those copic markers i bought literally a decade ago are still juicy as fuck because there's something in my brain that like literally will not let me use them because they cost so much and that's like that is like an actual problem in my day-to-day life like if I buy something expensive I will literally just not open it for like a week at a time because I don't want to like fuck it up like

it's crazy I've gotten better about it recently though but those coping markers will literally stay juicy as fuck because i don't use them at all well also like it i i feel like we both do that and it's because our parents raised us correctly and they taught us to they made us buy our shit yeah they made us either like or budget our thing you had to wait for it or it was like a luxury thing because i'm looking at these femo clays i to me a bitch who got on youtube and had femo clays of every color don't even pull with like the drawer with the drawers damn you like to me that was i didn't grow up watching the kardashians and shit but that is how I assume people felt about the Kardashians when they would watch and be like,

damn, this is just wealth. That to me was wealth. And that's why we need to go back. We need to go back. No more Stanley cups and stuff for the kids. Also, didn't Stanley like donate to 2025, Project 2025? I'm not kidding. I think I saw, actually, you know,

this could be like crazy misinformation, but I was scrolling on tiktok i saw the and i saw a tiktok live of a girl writing down all of the names that like donated to a project 2025 and they got to the s's and they wrote stanley and i was like i mean it makes sense because stanley was originally like a working man's brand like the og stanley like middle of america but i don't know that could be misinformation so throw your stanleys away you freak bitches actually i don't give a fuck keep them and drink them like i mean we all have lead poisoning at this point like we're all bad we're all cooked it is done and i've been thinking about that

recently and it's been pushing me to really new bounds of my brain's limits that i feel like this next year is my last year to live like i I'm literally- Oh babe, me too. I'm genuinely living, like I'm being fucking like hunted, like you said, like I'm not playing. Every day I went from somebody, and this is going to sound so ridiculous. I went from somebody who waking up at 11 for me,

that's a good day. I'm like, I just beat the clock. That's so cooked. I woke up today at 8 20 and i was like god damn it i wasted two hours god damn it i wasted two hours where i could have been working because next year like everything's gonna end like that is i've been waking up every day not because i want to but i have the anxiety of a woman who has like a red laser pointer in her like peeking through her windows every night like yeah wait one second i gotta grab something damn well i can't shout out who did this we'll put it on the screen but someone on tiktok drew a million pictures of me it looks so awesome i was saying to

drew like it is so crazy how many of y'all are so talented and this is what it gets put towards but honestly it's amazing and it's perfect oh you're kicking the cloud box make sure the speaker is fine um well i'm a bit fearful that thanksgiving tradition we are going to lose it with our generation like no we're not like our generation is not getting married we're not having kids we can't get houses like where's the tradition we don't have tradition anymore we can't this is the tradition yeah this is it because i was genuinely thinking i was like fuck i don't go home for thanksgiving anymore it's because we gave girls too many rights period and and that's why and that's why i'm saying next year is going to be amazing and that's why i'm saying yeah yeah oh my god it's not even like funny anymore like every time we joke about it i'm like right right

hey guys we wanted to take a quick break to thank one of our sponsors ship station y'all last year we had a full set we were sitting in front of a beautiful fireplace in our beautiful pajamas, and everything just seemed to be going right. And now we're sitting on this dingy, nasty kitchen floor covered in rotten fruit. But at least we have ShipStation. ShipStation is perfect for effortlessly scaling your business. It has smart features and automations that boost efficiency while bringing costs down. The holiday season is one of the hardest times to navigate businesses, let alone small businesses, and ShipStation has got you covered. It's the fastest and most affordable way to ship products

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That's Z-O-C-D-O-C dot com slash intercom. ZocDoc dot com slash intercom. Anyways, I think Thanksgiving is going to fall off. So all the corporations- This already had a major- It's flopping. It's actively flopping right now. And you know how I know why?

Because crumble cookie- Oh my God, y'all. I have been craving crumble cookie for literally months now like i've been wanting it so bad and then every fucking week they release the nastiest goddamn cookies i've ever seen and i'm like i will not be spending my money on that holiday season brings out the nastiest shit from motherfucking bakers ran back to like the tradition i do not need to be eating black food dye i'm sorry like stop putting it in the halloween cookies like purple food dye tastes like fucking dick and balls like it's so gross like you know exactly what i'm talking about even like swear i want a fucking cranberry butter milk

biscuit cookie like to me that actually sounds good as fuck that sounds disgusting but i am like so anti pie and fruit being mingled with my fucking sweets like i don't want it literally it's like discharge fucking cake like i was gonna say that's how i know charge cake it's literally just like a little gushy a little wet like that's how i know thanksgiving is flopping because crumble i went to go get some and they only have fucking pies like are you out of your goddamn mind your god forsaken mind like oh my god and one of them literally does look like a poopoo platter like it literally looks like a diarrhea shit what's the one pie like butter pecan pie oh that's just you can't get me with that i just didn't grow up in a pie household. Like Miami, it wasn't like a pie place.

I never heard of it. No bitches were bringing pies out to any holiday. One of my dad's best friends, shout out Liddell, she would make pecan pies from pecans because we lived in an area where pecan trees grew. So she would collect all of the pecans and then make a bunch of pies and give them out to all her friends and family that shit i actually need to hit her up because that was literally like my most favorite thing

about this time of year i mean this time of year for me is like tamales like my my like aunt aunt how i was gonna say my tia but that sounds so like ashley trevino of me to just like is that the is that the pumpkin spice latte or that girl actually trevino is this girl like it's gonna maybe gag a few people that i know who the fuck this is but i'm like she's oh yeah yeah yeah every time i say just a single spanish word that's what i feel like like me moving i'm no like i'm not no sabo and i'm never beating the no sabo you're not beating the no sabo um but i uh oh fuck what was i gonna say what was i gonna say fucking bitch damn it the pecan pies no it was about a tiktok oh y'all there is that i think the greatest video ever happened on the

internet recently like it's truly like i watch it over and over again like y'all know that picture of inya in the back seat of the car at like one of the videos we made on joshia's channel when she's like like she looks up y'all i can even think about it and start crying laughing that picture i don't know how and i've tried to make that face for you a lot because you love that picture but i can't do it it was just like it makes me cry laughing even thinking about it when let alone seeing it if it just pops up on my feet i cry laughing at that picture it is one of the greatest photos of any of all time to you brings like the same amount of joy as like wicked does to chisha payton yeah exactly exactly or elfaba the british girl but anyways um the way they feel about getting the role about the picture of me exactly but i oh my god y'all this video brings me the same amount of joy

it is this girl at like a traditional like hawaiian luau like the white girl yes and she's like vibing she's living life she meant no harm by it and like i think that's why it's so funny to me is because it is so pure and it's just like purely just like it's just funny like it's just like i don't know like it just freaks me out we'll play it here but her scream is like in her look around for like approval is like so good and i don't know i just like moments like that make me think everything's gonna be okay like moments of like where we can all watch something and be like oh i don't you shouldn't have done that but it's like we can all laugh with i don't know no i know what you mean because it is just like like something about like she was feeling herself about white women when they're experiencing culture.

Like they cannot fucking believe it, dude. Like it really is like. Sorpresata? Like just like asking, like just like using the language. It's like the same thing as like a woman with a one year streak on Duolingo going to Mexico for the first time. Like you're not going to meet someone happier than that woman in that moment. Like ordering for everybody at the table at the restaurant. It is so funny. I thought you were going to

say the meme. The damn I forgot. That's really good. None. None. One. Nope. There is none.

Damn I forgot. Let me me and it's really scary and also there's something about like there's something unraveling with internet culture right now like it's it reminds me of when we were growing up in vine so like vine when it started was this platform and there were people who were our age right now. So there were people who were like 23 to 25 making content, like whether it was like a King Bach or like a Lele Pons who probably aren't that much older than us, but that's where they land in age range from my head. And they were making that kind of content that was popular with other adults. We are seeing that with AI, if that makes sense. Like ai is used so much by older people to make dead

serious things of like this is what the earth is going to look like in 20 years and all this shit but we're seeing the counterculture of that being like stand culture making funny memes with it and just abusing it in the dumbest ways and it makes me miss being a teenager a part of counterculture because oh no it's it's a lovely thing to be a teenager right now yeah it is like it's always so nice it's so fun for me personally to be a part of that as a teenager oh i sorry i forget you're 18 damn i forgot um that will insert that video to uh what india was referencing literally fucking iconic like truly but it is really scary like what people could make but then i think about the shit we were photoshopping like i'm

james charles and white face we gave him a platform in a career and i don't think i'll ever forgive myself for that i don't think i wonder i will say and he's like he's like damn fuck them or if now he looks back at that he's like that's funny there's some tea there but um the greatest or no no i will say i hate to say it but i love his car review series he like reviews like the straight man and you coming out and he's good at it too like he's good at it unfortunately and i have to give flowers where flowers are due i just don't really care about things like that but i also like what do i really watch on my phone i can't tell you actually i can't tell you because the other day i had a phenomenon wait before we move on can

i say this ai thing while we're on topic oh my god hold on to that and sit with that what i was gonna say regarding ai is i was on facetime with my parents and my mom was just showing my dad's instagram feed and he was scrolling through it and like there was this girl on his feed that popped up like three times and i was like dad who the fuck is that and why are you watching that and this was the video i saw and i was like dad the fake girl what is this this is an entire account of a girl ai girl with big knockers bouncing around and like it's all ai not real and it has 8 000 followers and my dad fully thought it was real so there are other people that think that's fucking real and it's probably an entire market and what's that one girl that was with little michaela little michaela like she fell off after that photo with epstein came out like let's talk about that

like little michaela with epstein like come on now um but she fell the fuck off after like ai came out but uh yeah that literally just like because the novelty of little michaela got boring as fuck once everybody could 3d render like anything yeah i'm trying this side part vibe and i don't know if i like it y'all tell me what you think like you don't want their fucking opinions that's why i haven't asked a single fucking question about my haircut because i know i know what they're gonna say um but i would also hate hate for my name to be nina right now nina just just vote literally just vote you know somebody who's named nina needs to run for like high school president or wherever the fuck it is like valid victor valid victorian whatever the fuck it is we didn't do that at my

school i don't think we did that at my school but maybe we did i just didn't know but we didn't do any kind of i ran for class president and didn't win and i made custom pencils that i gave out that's con oh yeah and i ran and i because you wanted it too bad they knew exactly exactly you have to be kind of nonchalant like i feel like only the kids who were kind of like i wanted it so bad and then that was a very pivotal moment in my life where i fiended for attention more and wanted even more what i couldn't have and now it created you're you're an empty pit you're a void i'm a i'm a void of a person um but yeah your hole is kind of an empty void just like you put so many things

that yeah you've put so many things in there it's just not yeah i'm ran through yeah like they like literally the turds just slide out it's i mean they quite literally don't like why we got to talk about that i guess you got you you did like reverse from being celibate too long that's probably why you're more constipated i broke celibacy you're disgusting you like actually appall me fuck i don't know what we're gonna eat for thanksgiving by the time this shit comes out thanksgiving is gonna be done and like i really don't know what i'm gonna do i think i'm just gonna fucking like chew on my fingernails and get high i mean fingernails do taste good i will say fingernails and fingernail skin have been tasting like a lot better recently oh they've been too good because

look at my nails yeah i've been like i've been macking i've fully fully relapsed on the fingernail skin um but nail biting is like one of the worst habits to start with like not drug addiction heroin heroin no no no not not none of that like not drug addiction the gateway drug like it literally is just like nail biting addiction the gateway drug addiction alcohol like it literally is just like nail biting is the worst especially just as anxious people like bitch i would actually know i guess there's quite literally worse but we pick at our skin that's what sucks is we're not bitch because i'm not just biting the nails my skin is getting bit up i need my i need my cuticles to look clean um and now my new obsession is the nail clippers which i actually

think i said in an episode already but i've been really obsessed with like cuticle cutters um and that was the worst thing ever because this is really gross to tell y'all but my anxiety has been so peaking recently that i have this new obsession with using the cuticle cutters on my toes and at least twice a month i have an infected toe just vote just vote literally just vote just vote i know i i said i don't think you heard me but nail biting is the first gateway drug they want to say oh weed weed weed weed weed weeds i love yes nail biting is the first gateway drug then you get to vaping or a pacifier maybe yeah they train us. Your mother's nipple. That's why. I cannot believe that y'all let me.

This is very like natural. Like the reason I gravitate towards this is there's something like the divine feminine lives here. Yeah, no, literally. And this is my babe. The divine feminine lives on. The way I cannot believe that y'all let me breastfeed until I was 24 and didn't say a fucking word to me.

Like coming out of it, I was like really sad that I like didn't have my mother's nipple to latch on to and anxious moments. Wait, wait, wait. Looking back, I was 24. Most kids stop when they're like 12 months old, 14 months old. I'm confused. I thought you were 17. Just cut. Just cut. 14 months old i'm confused i thought you were 17 just cut just cut just vote just just fucking vote just vote fuck i was gonna say something i forgot oh i didn't even tell them because people think we lied about your concussion i was gonna say yeah i didn't even tell him about my concussion but i literally got a concussion

in the uk because i was like trying to facetime luna and like luna like asked for me to having a fucking condition yeah we can't have kids i knew exactly where your brain was yeah i was like freaking the fuck out because my phone wasn't connecting because it was connected to the car that we were driving and like you couldn't see me and she couldn't see me and she was asking for me and i was like oh my god she's like not gonna think to ask for me again because i'm not showing up there for her when she needs me most when she's asking for me so i was freaking the fuck out and then like i did it like called her back like three more times and it still wasn't connecting and i was outside of the car so i was freaking the fuck out and having a meltdown and then i was just like walking through the

threshold of our fucking wizard's thatch nasty fucking gross ass house and the door frames are literally like fucking two feet tall and you have to duck under every single door frame well i just didn't duck down far enough and i was like i was basically running at that point and i ran straight into the door frame fucking rigamortis immediately like shaking and dropped everything out of my hand phone included and was like I just was stunned like I literally I know it was like I feel like I'm a good gauge for if there's danger and in that moment I genuinely started freaking out too because he was holding his head and there was we don't know if he hit his head on the wooden post of the door frame or I think you hit your head there's a huge lamp there that's or I think you hit your head. There's a huge lamp there.

That's what I thought you hit your head on because there's this like sharp metal lamp right there. I thought you hit your head on that and you were holding it and you were like muttering and not getting words out. And I was like, oh my fucking God, he just split his head open. And I started freaking out and I was like trying to navigate going outside. And then I heard like Luna and Steven on the phone. So I picked up the phone. I was like, hi. And I'm like trying to navigate going outside and then i heard like luna and steven on the phone so i picked up the phone i was like hi and i'm like trying to just be normal because i don't want luna to associate drew's phone calls with like a concussion because drew was like screaming and me and him were freaking out and when i picked up the phone she did look a little starter so i was like oh my god hi luna luna doesn't give a fuck about she don't play about any of you she does not

fucking care do yeah where's do where's do i will say our hair being similar was i think working oh i didn't tell you i called her after i got my haircut and she was terrified of me oh really she was horrified but she like warmed up after a second but she did not i was gonna say because i feel like when my hair is like curly and parted in the middle and i get on the phone with luna that's when she's the nicest to me. If my hair is like pulled back or straight, Luna sees me and she's like, hmm, hmm, what was that? But yeah, I thought Drew was going to die. I literally gave myself a concussion by walking into a doorframe.

Really embarrassing. And at first when you were saying concussion, because I grew up in such a lax household about health i was like okay a concussion like a concussion has never sounded like shit to me i'm like what you hurt your head boo fucking who and then i was looking into it because you were like really dizzy and i was looking into it on my phone and i was like oh my god a concussion can fucking kill somebody and then i got really scared to leave drew alone and me and jess i refused to leave drew alone for the next like 12 hours because i went to sleep I went to sleep and I could have died in my sleep. And who knows?

Quantum immortality. I could have died in my sleep. You probably did. It's your new life. Do you like your new life? Yeah, honestly, I feel a lot more at peace. The other Enya was a fucking bitch, bro. She was so annoying.

But this Enya is like cunt. I mean, I guess I could still take the compliment part of that. Yeah, I mean, you're just like so like, ugh. Like usually, yeah. You know what I've been realizing is as we've grown older, I really have just shut the fuck up for the most part. Like.

That is not true at all. Well, not with you you but i mean in like social oh yeah yeah yeah like when we're out at like a work event or something i'm just like right right well i mean you literally were laughing at that interpretive dancer guys okay we need to talk about this we need we really we really need to address it because i was like y'all are pushing it but this whole idea that i won't meet beat the mean girl allegations look around the room a lot of people fucking like me ho i'm not actually mean you might find i'm a fucking pushover and people pleaser and i'm too

nice and this whole front i put on for y'all is actually a defense mechanism because i'm tired of never being taken seriously so when i get on camera in front of other people i act a certain way but really i'm a fucking pushover and most people might find that they could slap me across the face 18 times and if they said sorry and they started crying i would feel bad and i would erase the pain and i would be nice to them but the fucking this interpretive dancer like she killed it. Let me get that out. She was good as fuck. Great. It was it was the setup for how it happened. That was really just bizarre and jarring.

So we were all sitting minding our fucking business, having a dinner, like chatting up, like whatever, whatever, whatever. And it was a vibe. There was no announcement. No announcement. Then out of the fucking blue,awday starts playing in the fucking corners of the room like loud as fuck like it goes from a normal volume of i keep saying volume like volume different because all i could think about is josiah making fun of how it's value um but the

volume was very normal speaking level we were all speaking over i can't remember a single goddamn fucking song that played before that moment and like so it blasts over the speakers and we're like there is a woman in somalia and it was just like it was like oh okay like switch up on the vibe cool and then like out of the corner of my eyes i see this girl in the middle of the room just like what i thought taking like cunty ass yeah i thought she was getting her ig pics i was like per she's working down mind you no one has made an announcement my dumb ass is stuck in a conversation not stuck in a conversation i was finally like it was a work event dinner so when you're sat at these dinners you're usually sat

around a few strangers and you have to get good at socializing just talking to new people i'm not very good at that it takes me a minute to ease into it. And I was finally easing into it. And I was talking to somebody getting to know them. We're talking about like LA and Spain and like Miami. And we're just talking about we're deep in conversation. At one point, me and him are the only ones still talking. Do you remember that? Cause like Alex had to be like, something's happening. Like to like get everybody to stop talking. So I'm yelling, screaming this girl's back here and it looks like she's just getting her photos taken so i'm like damn she's getting her fucking pictures y'all she we literally got flash mobbed with an interpretive solo dance and like

i'm sorry like that is just inherently funny like she she, she, again, she was so fluid. Her movements were amazing. She like bodied that song. You couldn't pay me to learn how to do that because that's something you have to be born to do where you just like don't do it. Yeah. But it was just like, it went dead silent.

Also, she's in this like gorgeous dress and in any other situation, like if I saw this for a music video, I'd be like, damn, this girl's so good. Like, this is amazing. There's just something you can't put me it's like one time we went to our friend's concert and there was an opera singer for the first 10 minutes for the first 10 minutes i like me and drew could not stop laughing and then and then we got into it and it turned into the most magical concert that i've ever been there's

a sincerity epidemic and like i don't know why people being serious makes me laugh but like it's it's it really is just a it's a defense mechanism like you were saying earlier like it really was like there was nothing funny about it but it was just funny the guy right in front of us who i was talking to before had he did have his phone in 0.5 and when she came sliding towards us i was looking at his phone in that second so i just see like the like the doorknob in substance is what happened literally like her coming close to the camera and sliding towards his camera and it just made me laugh and i am so sorry i had a feeling that was my biggest fear the second all that stopped i was like oh my god at one point

during that i laughed and there were people across filming and i knew i just knew someone got on camera i was like without context this is gonna seem like i'm just being a fucking cunt but i am sorry y'all listen to the podcast you know i am the serious person. I don't know if the context makes it any better. Honestly, like, I mean, I don't know. Hey, guys, we want to take a quick break for today's sponsor Shopify. The thing is, a lot of people don't think about their website until it is the last moment getting a website together is one of the hardest parts of building your business. But it doesn't have to be hard. If you use something like Shopify. One thing about me is if I go to a website and it is easy to navigate, I am 100% more likely to get that product. And Shopify does exactly that. It makes

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selling today shopify.com slash intercom i don't know like maybe i am just a bitch because i'm the same person who i can't go to haunted horror nights because the like theater kids are acting their ass off and they're like in the world like i'll never forget we were at one of those halloween uh haunted house like places where there's a bunch of halloween haunted houses why do i keep saying that but there was one yeah scare actors and there was one behind a fence inside of a building like climbing up on and that it was like the least scary thing i've ever seen in my life but i screamed in fear for her because i wanted her to feel good. And like she was doing a good job. You have to remember, I am not somebody who I live like I don't live a peaceful life. My life is overanalyzing everything.

And I'm sitting in this restaurant. I'm like this fucking overly upper echelon thing, which I'm so grateful to be a part of. But I can't help but look around and be like, oh, my God, this life is so funny. Like this is what opulence is like we always come back to this we always come back to the same thing and like the fact that opulence is having just like a single human come in and like dance for us like it feels so barbaric but like it's a gorgeous thing but it's also the same thing like when we saw the in the synchronized swimmers in person that pushed me to a place that

i never needed to be there's just certain things that like my my brain shouldn't see humans do that like they're just funny it's just it's it's not funny like this is this is the t is like them doing it is like not it's not funny like it but it's just the fact that like we're observing them doing it. That's funny. Like that's what's funny to me is I'm just like this regular fucking guy watching people swim in water or like watching someone climb on a fucking fence in a scare house. To be clear, I literally grew up wanting to be a dancer. So you're talking to the main person who I, one thing I will always respect is a fucking dancer because bad dance is bad, but good dance,

like she was such a good dancer. I don't know how the fuck she had the stamina to do all that because I would have fainted on the floor and everybody would have had to call the fucking ambulance. We really would have. At one point she genuinely, she literally was doing a handstand and was like twisting her legs for her dress to flow.

And that had me memorized. I was like my god she has the she has crazy upper body strength she could like walk around this room and knock all of us out in one swift punch but just the sliding the sliding i think is it's it was it was the spins but i'm sorry i'm sorry we'll move on we'll move on um okay i have a note that says i don't know what this is referencing but receipts have been pissing me off lately actually no i do know what's i know i know what it's referencing bitch fuck receipts actually literally fuck receipts if you give me a receipt i'm gonna freak out stop asking me i know it's your job but stop asking me if i want a receipt no i don't want that fucking receipt like i literally don't and then it's your job but stop asking me if i want a receipt no i don't want that fucking receipt like

i literally don't and then it's like oh well like you need them for taxes literally no i don't like literally no i don't dated idea to me at this point for the most part like i understand receipts in terms of like return and to keep track of what you've spent but because so many things are like linked to accounts and emails just i always have my email linked to every store whether it's like a sephora a fucking whole foods like i have trust me i will be knowing what i got i have one bank account and i can go in and just keep tracking my spending in there like i really i do not need this fucking piece of paper covered in bpa hormones like i don't i don't believe in the i don't believe in the the

harassment against receipt inks i think it's pushing it we have much greater things to deal with leave the ink on receipts alone no that's like the bottom tier of what we gotta get okay yeah it's the bottom tier but it's still like a thing that i think about when i'm touching receipts i'm like i don't want this like why why is this in my hand and then i think about the service workers that have to handle receipts all fucking day long. And I just feel bad. I feel truly bad for them because it's like they have to touch this vile, toxic piece

of fucking paper. But anyways, receive. Imagine me. I have to touch this mic all the time. Yeah. And it smells like your fucking vagina. I don't know why I said that. I really I don't know why I said that.

And I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Imagine those comments actually made me hella insecure about my uchi smell. I'm not kidding. The smell of my vagina does not cross my mind once, like, ever. Oh, baby, it crosses mine at least six times a day.

When you're laying in my bed, like. Especially with the heated blanket on. It's like when you sit like nuggets under a hot light a hot lamp at a fast food restaurant yeah it's like cooking tuna under the bed like it's like salmon raw salmon being fried in the air fryer oh my god cooking fish in a microwave actually should be considered a war crime and i'm not kidding like it really should be fish in your house period remember when i was cooking salmon all the time i had the house stinking the house was like humid with the scent yeah it was really an ocean breeze it was really not okay it was it was not fucking okay well there's one last thing that i need to get off my chest before we go um and

i have had a pet spider in the corner of my kitchen of our kitchen for about six months now seven months now and he just lives in the open air i let him do his thing i let him make his webs which you might be like drew that's fucking crazy like why would you do that well i was gonna go and kill him one day or like take down his web and then i looked closer and i saw about 50 fruit flies in his web and then i thought to a moment about four months prior where i was like oh my god it's fruit fly season and i literally haven't seen a single fruit fly in our house yeah this spider single handedly eradicated the entire fruit fly population in our kitchen all on his own so i was like you

know what like he's actually doing us a service like i don't have to worry about these goddamn flies flying in my fucking nose. And the spider gets to eat. And he's minding his own business. He's not poisonous. Like, he's not going to bite me. He's just, he literally stays in that corner. If only society could take notes.

Exactly, exactly, exactly. He just stays in that corner, collects his bugs, and just minds his own fucking business. And like, I mind my own business and it was like it was a very very symbiotic relationship like i literally did not give a fuck at all well i started to grow like a love for him like i really started to care for him and like there it was points where i was spraying water onto his thing because i was like how is he drinking water where is he getting water from like do spiders drink water i was doing a bunch of research so i put water droplets on his webs and like y'all his web grew huge and like i was actually proud of him

and i will say i let drew have that but it made the corner of our kitchen look fucking batshit crazy every time i would clean i would sit in this kitchen for like two hours working my ass off cleaning look around and i'm like oh my god it's spotless in here but then there's the biggest cobweb you've ever seen in your goddamn life in the corner because it wasn't making thank you for letting me keep pinterest like inspo for the season webs it was making nasty fucking dusty webs yeah his webs were busted like yeah it was soggy bottom webs like it was not giving cute but but i i understood what it meant for Drew. So I let him live.

So he was just chilling in there for months and months and months and months and months. And then, like, we're supposed to do this, like, photo shoot in our house this week. And so I was like, oh, we should get, like, a professional cleaner to come in and clean the house. And just, like, so it looks nice. And so it's not fucking scary and dusty and nasty. So before the cleaner came, I was like, oh, I need to put a note by the spider saying don't kill him. Because I really, I really did not want them to kill him. Y'all. They fucking decimated his ass.

Decimated him. Like not a trace left. He's not there anymore. Like literally they got his ass. This all could have been a dream. He never existed. And then they like moved a bunch of shit into the corner. So he couldn't remake his web if he is alive.

Like they fucked his ass up in a crazy way. And I'm not going to lie. I actually cried. I literally shed a tear. Josiah watched me cry over my goddamn pet spider because like we did grow like a relationship like we i gave him meals i gave him water he was like a cat to me like i took care of him like he was like my azul and it's the exact same as if azul died like my spider you need a fucking animal or something in your life, bro. Yeah, I really do.

But it was a very dark time in my life, especially while being concussed. It's just too much to handle. Well, I slept for 24 hours straight. Oh, yeah. I don't know what happened. Saturday, she slept. straight. Oh, yeah. I don't know what happened. Saturday, she slept. Saturday. Saturday, Sunday.

What are Saturdays for? Saturday. Saturday, Sunday. What's his name? I don't know. Yo, Drew, what are Saturdays for? Saturday. No, Saturdays are for the?

Saturday, Sunday. No, Saturdays, we're going to. Saturday. Yeah, I don't know why I slept 24 hours, but on Friday night, technically Saturday morning at around 2.30 a.m., I went to bed and we were really jet lagged and we had a busy week that's why we didn't have an episode last week and i was so fucking tired because we had like such long stupid ass like talking days like we just had to talk a bunch so i was just so tired i stayed up late so we could hang out with josie before we leave for like work and stuff and i go to sleep i woke up at 11 and i felt like shit about

waking up at 11 on a saturday even though my plan was to spend the whole weekend just like lounging around and chilling i woke up at 11 i took my medication and i sat back in bed i knocked the fuck out woke up to drew's haircut around like 4 p.m said a few words to him about that knocked back out immediately i had full intentions on about that. Knocked back out immediately. I had full intentions on staying up. I just knocked back out. And then I thought we had a dinner later that night. So I ran to Inya's room and was like,

bro, it is seven. You got to wake up for dinner. And she woke up for about 10 minutes. Yeah. And also, mind you, I was like, I think I just got kind of sick. Like I fully broke fever because when I woke up originally at 11, I had a crazy migraine. I felt nauseous. I had like sweat through all my pajamas and all my layers, but I was still really cold. It was so weird. And then Drew tried to wake me

up again. And he was like, I figured out that the dinner wasn't that night. And he was like, dude, you need to eat something. And I was like, yeah, I'm going to order something. Like I'm going to order soup. I got on my phone. I don't remember knocking out. I just knocked back out. And then I woke up again at 1150 PM and I was like, holy shit, what is happening? But I couldn't stay up because it was already late and you were already asleep because I went to the bathroom. I didn't hear anything. And I was like, fuck, I guess I just go back to bed because it's not like there's anything open. I don't have any food in the fridge. I'm just going to go back to bed. I went back to bed and I woke up at 4 a.m. And I was like, fuck, I need to at least sleep for two more hours.

Slept for two more hours and woke up and just started my day at 6 a.m. And I was just like, I've never done that. I've literally never done that. I mean, you were sick. Yeah, I fully broke fever and I was sweating and it felt nice. It kind of felt like, again, it was just going back to tradition. It felt like being like a 14 year old who was going to die of the plague and there was something about that that my like dna really yearned for and it felt

really good i kind of love being sick i'm not gonna lie i love like having a cold like actually no i fucking hate colds because i have like fucked up sinuses so i'm clogged up for like three months after i get a cold but like having like the flu or something is kind of like a vibe. Like, I don't know, there's something to it. Just like, I think it really just goes back to me wanting to be taken care of. I was gonna say because the idea of it sounds good to be taken care of. But I grew up in a family that didn't take being sick serious. So I don't know what that feeling is like. And now I can't take care of people who are sick because I have I just have where I don't take it serious from them. And then I don't take care of people who are sick because I have I just have where I don't take it serious from them and then I don't take it serious from myself I just have preconceived notions of like

what it means to be taken care of like from like movies yeah I know I'm like I want somebody to come and put a wet rag on my head and tuck me like if if I was sick and there no one else in my family was sick I would be eating spaghetti for dinner with everybody else i wouldn't get a special little meal yeah no no they would be like art you're either eating spaghetti or you're not eating yeah they'd be like come sit up at the table and projectile vomiting red spaghetti all over the counter has literally since that moment i have not eaten and spaghetti i love a good spaghetti though um well no infantilization with this comment but my dream is to get given a bath but like you know what really triggered that like want for it was in i can give you a bit let me give you a bath let me give you a bath i'll give you a bath come

on i'll like rub everywhere everywhere and i can stop fucking touching me maybe that's why i like taking baths with my like girlfriends who i love because it feels like being like sisters like to me like taking a bath with a sibling is like so cute but what triggered that thought for me was in pen 15 when maya's mom gives her a bath in that really nice bathroom i love that bathroom in the movie in the show um it's like a japanese style bathroom which is my dream bathroom and um she gives her a bath and it's such a cute moment and her and her mom are taking a bath and i really want that because i wish i had a mom okay well happy uh thanksgiving guys i hope you had a good thanksgiving i hope you ate lots of food what

is it gonna take for me to do something like i i will literally for weeks be like oh yeah i think i'm gonna go do this or i'm gonna do that or i'm gonna start this painting or i'm gonna finish this painting i'm gonna wake up tomorrow and do it and i'm just gonna fucking do it and get it done y'all i have been talking about this goddamn painting and every single night before I go to bed, I'm like, oh, I have some time tomorrow. I'm going to go and I'm going to wake up and I'm going to go start painting. Bitch, it has been three weeks to it's almost been two months. It's almost been two whole months since I've picked up that fucking paintbrush to paint and every single night before I go to bed,'m like i'm gonna paint tomorrow there's something seriously

seriously seriously wrong with me and i cannot do anything and it pisses me the fuck off and if you have any goddamn fucking advice for me other than adderall because i was on adderall in high school for my add and it made me wallpaper and i wanted to kill myself and i wanted to jump out of the window in my bedroom um i don't know how y'all bitches do it it really really really turns off my brain in a way that's like not fun no adderall is the devil adderall will make me if i'm driving my car when i'm coming down from adderall it will make me decide whether or not i'm gonna crash into a pool and end my life. Yeah, it's... I mean, it's like really hard not to.

Yeah. All right. Well, Drew Siop, you telling me a crab gooned this rag? Crab rangoon? Hashtag the underscore do. Salami meat tastes like nickels and quarters yeah it does i can and sometimes i feel like i'm eating like a rubber bone yeah i really don't like i like salami meat but the taste it leaves in my mouth makes me feel like i just went outside and fucking bit a cat yeah did a cat tendon yeah like i did the leg the Achilles tendon of a cat.

Yeah, that's exactly where I was thinking of biting the cat. Don't make me bite the cat. Don't make me drink alone. Don't make me drink alone. Oh, shit. Where are all my sops? There was one that... Oh, here we go.

This is a tweet from Christopher at Molo... Moloch Official. It's increasingly clear that Ellen DeGeneres was an environment. It's, it's increasingly clear that Ellen DeGeneres was an environmentally significant apex predator in the media ecosystem. She'd have already extracted or she'd have no i got it i got it i got it i can do it i can do it again it's increasingly clear that ellen degeneres was an environmentally significant apex predator in the media ecosystem. She'd have extracted all entertainment value from the Hawk to a girl in a three-minute segment

and banished her back to anonymity, maintaining ecological balance. Oh my fucking God. It is the realest tweet ever, though. It is extremely, extremely extremely extremely real and um ellen degeneres you must die oh my god she must die um well when drew doesn't speak at my funeral it is not because he is a psychopath it is because he cannot be trusted to go up to a microphone with any written yeah yeah it'll either have to come

from my heart or not happen at all and like babe nothing of significance comes from my heart we are living in a sincerity epidemic and i fear i am at the forefront of that issue and i don't think i've been authentic or real with myself or y'all once in the last four years let alone my entire life I don't know if I am a real person I think I am a character and I think I'm lost in myself and I can't escape but when I tried to my brain developed inside of this character so I don't know if I am myself or if I am a character. I know you. Artsy girl pussy will have you watching

A24 films and reading. So it will have you do the bare minimum. Yeah. Am I schizophrenic or is everyone kind of an op? Kind of an op. Congrats. This time next year, you'll be paying 10 cents less for milk.

Also, your girlfriend is dead from sepsis and you've been drafted. This is like, I think I've read this one before, but I have to do it again. I just called the Chinese place and said I need 25,000 wings. They said 10 minutes.

That's good. And then it's this emoji. My curse of the week goes, honestly, like I haven't had a volatile week. Like there's no one to curse. You've been pretty chill. Yeah, there's no one. You guys are lucky this time. There's no one to curse.

I can't think of one to curse. Yeah, you've been pretty chill. Yeah, there's no one. You guys are lucky this time. There's no one to curse. I can't think of anybody to curse. Yeah, I have a curse this week. No, there's got to be someone out there that needs to be cursed. Like pop culturally. Like, I mean, we've been pretty chill. Like as a society, like recently. Wicked has definitely tamed the mind. Yeah.

I want to see that goddamn movie so bad oh media popular i honestly don't have media you're gonna be popular you're gonna ride brightest horse and your simplest sugar hey love by the telphonics give me just a little more time chairman of the board um that's it oh baby baby um i'm gonna say frosty bjork till i die the beach boys and requiem for a father the dirty column oh 30 100 million by soldier boy and little b um hoe cakes mf doom yeah all right what's my seat uh did i watch any movies i know i watched like eight movies on the airplane i watched the notebook finally um wow really wow i thought y'all bitches were joking and exaggerating but i fear i cried and i shed a few tears yeah i need to watch that movie i haven't seen it since i was like. But then I immediately forgot about it because something even more sad happened to me.

And you deleted every picture I've ever taken off. He got it back. He got it back. I deleted every picture. It was $90 to get it back. It was $90. Yeah, because I had to download the software and they wouldn't let me do it for free. But I could have gone to sammy's camera but

i didn't find out until after i got them back but fun fact if you delete all the camera photos off your sd card on accident don't format it do not take any more pictures take it immediately out of your camera and set it on the desk don't rewrite any data on it then take that sd card oh then take that sd card to your local camera shop or call them before and say i need all the pictures put back on my sd card or you can go online and find a software that will do it for you but you have to pay 80 bucks, but it worked. Some of the pictures are glitched and like lime green, but like for the most part,

my favorite pictures were untouched. Untouched, XO. Let me polish your pearl. What the hell? I saw the TV glow. That was a good one. I saw Girlfriends. It was really good, but it was kind of slow.

But it was good. It was good nonetheless. I saw this thing called gay porn. What is that? It's like when a man and another man do sex. Is that real? Yeah. No, that has to be AI.

Bitches need to stop saying small world and just say i fucked him too all right bye Bye.