Emergency Intercom - We met beyonce…!!!!??

Episode Date: September 8, 2023

In this episode we talk about going backstage at the Beyoncé concert and hanging out with her and jay (yes we’re on a first name basis) Then we discuss creating our own horror movie. And finally how confidence truly is key…  This episode is sponsored by Better Help Visit https://BetterHelp.com/INTERCOM today to get 10% off your first month. Go to https://www.Zocdoc.com/INTERCOM and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Then find and book a top-rated doctor today. Follow Enya on Insta: @EnyaUmanzor Follow Drew on Insta: @DrewPhillips09 To listen to the podcast on YouTube: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercomPodYT Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey Spotify, this is Javi. My biggest passion is music. And it's not just sounds and instruments. It's more than that to me. It's a world full of harmonies with chillers. From streaming to shopping, of the Virginian. Ooh! Why would you do the clap after?

Would you ever wear dead people's clothing? Hell no. Hell no. Hell no. Oh, Virginia is for lovers. That's funny. You've never been there, motherfucker. Yeah, because Virginia is the worst fucking place on earth. No, I got it because my mom was borned there.

Is she actually? Yeah, she's from Virginia. And if you think about it, we're all from Virginia. No, that's not how you say that it's virginia i'm gonna why am i fucking wearing this shit um no i'm not gonna say that say say say no i was gonna barn it was gonna be no please just say you already prefaced you know it was a barn okay i wasn't like i did one of these on the couch the other night and it was really bad but i was like oh i'm gonna get all up in your virgin like i was trying to do like virginia like you know how we say like i'm gonna

get all up in ya yeah i was trying to do that with virginia but the vagina part already happens at the beginning of that so like i have one it just doesn't work y'all love bath and body works how about you put your body in a bath and go to work? Challenge. Did you actually make that up? No. Fuck, dude. I thought. I wish I did.

Oh, wow. I wish I did. I should have fucking claimed it because that's like an obscure ass meme. That's a really good one. But yeah, I had that written down for Drew's side up corner from just like screenshotting shit. Yeah, you would have never made that up because i don't know the last time i was within a five foot radius of a bed and bath and body work bed bath and beyond works

yeah what is it called bed bath body the only reason i know bed bath and beyond is from the movie click yeah yeah that's like literally the only reason why why did they use a real franchise store in that i don't know i really just know bed bath and beyond was in it and i don't remember the timeline of like click at all like i don't know what happened in that movie i remember i think he gets into a fight with his wife uh mondays and then goes to bath my eyes oh bed bath and Bath and Beyond. Why does, I actually don't know why he ends up there. I know he gets into a fight and he's like,

I'm so pissed I'm gonna go to Bed Bath and Beyond. He finds like the remote there, I guess. Yeah, a creepy man gets in there. it's because he goes to the Beyond section, right?

Oh, is that what it is? Yeah, yeah. Okay, then that is really funny. Wait, Beyonce, good transition into we went to the beyonce concert

y'all that was it was so mid that was like okay it was mid it was mid until she brought me backstage with her and jay like yeah that that was like the movie part of it because like walking through the sofi stadium tunnels was just like a crazy fucking experience because like it is like a megalith like it is a giant structure like if you have megalophobia like do not go in the tunnels with Beyonce because like it really does feel like a liminal space I was really worried that she would be too tired to hang out because she was like performing so crazy yeah no so I was like dude there's no way she's like we're actually gonna get that text where it's like oh like come here and like come backstage but we did and it was cool and blue ivy on she was so she was so nice so fucking sweet um but actually that concert was

fucking insane like it was it i i've said this 12 times and i have not stopped talking about it since then it was so funny because like before the concert like josiah was like oh i'll get us tickets i'll get us tickets don't worry about it and i. It was so funny because, like, before the concert, like, Josiah was like, oh, I'll get us tickets. I'll get us tickets. Don't worry about it. And I knew it wasn't going to happen because it's, like, the most anticipated concert ever. Of our lifetime.

Yeah. And, like, we kind of just wrote it off and we were like, if we get tickets, we get tickets. Like, but I want good tickets and I'm not spending that much money on a ticket, whatever. So, like, two hours before the concert, we're, like, we're like we're all just like bro like i don't even need to go like this i like it's like i'll see videos of it on tiktok like i don't need to go like we don't sit in the fucking house after we get drunk and watch fucking beyonce music videos and performances every single night yeah

without fail if we are in this house even slightly inebriated every single beyonce music video will get played and we will watch through the whole thing and each time we will be like holy shit and like i i already know how it goes we put it on i look up how old she was in the video and i'm like oh my god like okay i need to start doing something like i literally like it always like goes down that rabbit hole but i think we were doing that because it felt so unobtainable that we were just accepting our losses i was just like it's okay it won't be her last tour i'll see her eventually it's just not in my cards i've already accepted the loss of bay chela i can accept this yeah no like and that's

that's the final thought in my head was like okay like i didn't see bay chela and like if i don't see this i will be watching renaissance tour videos on the couch in three years being and i think they're doing a documentary and like it just literally like and then eventually we were just like fuck it let's get tickets and then we looked and they were like two thousand five hundred dollars for club renaissance and we were like fuck that like i'd rather die than do that and then we looked like an hour before the show and the tickets for club renaissance people were just trying to sell them off and make any little bit of profit they could and we got them for like at cost i think even below cost of what they sold we got like such a good deal we bought the tickets and then we literally were at a coffee shop being like

dude there's nothing to do today like i guess we're just gonna go home and sit down and then on the car ride back i just hear drew be like um the tickets are so fucking cheap right now i was like buy them buy them buy them and then like because we all got on our phone to buy them they like jumped up because the fucking scalpers were watching and seeing that people were adding into their car they jumped up and then we were like fuck dude and then we just got so honed in on the fact that we were like i am not missing this fucking concert are you stupid i'm not gonna miss this fucking concert so we all came home and we would like every 10 minutes recheck the tickets on one phone and then finally drew found the tickets again for

a really good price we got the tickets and we literally got ready in 20 minutes and then left the house again yeah so that's why we didn't throw fits because i saw someone like in the comments of a video of me like in the pit like waving. They were like, where's Drew's outfit? And I was like, girl, I literally left 20 minutes before the fucking show started. Like I did not have I put my silver on and that's that. Like let me fucking live, bro. We were not supposed to go.

We wore what we were wearing all fucking day. Like we came home brushed our teeth and fucking left again but yeah like not to make this the dedicated beyonce episode but that concert was like a generational like once in a lifetime event that like i i will literally never see anything like that again or be a part of something like that again like like planning that show and just like being the person that like choreographed everything for Beyonce like was just such a magical moment for me oh yeah like watching it all unfold yeah watching it unfold no but genuinely legitimately

like it was like like the greatest event I'll ever go to in my life and I was telling them after I was like fuck dude like now every concert I go to no matter who the person is it will never be that because no one will ever do that again in my lifetime like no one has the swag no one has the drive like no one is the fucking boss like no one has God behind them in a way Beyonce does like it's fucking crazy I know she is like such she's so beyond any performer I've ever seen and that's the crazy thing is I feel like I've been to so many fucking concerts I am definitely a concert goer so it is by no exaggeration to say that is the best concert I have ever fucking been to and I've been I feel like I've been to really good concerts where I'm

standing there I'm like this is insane but no one compares to what that felt like also as people who were just grew up watching and like listening to beyonce like my first cd that i interacted with other than like the enya cds was the b-day album so also her doing get me bodied was so insane i'm pretty sure she did Green Light, too. Red Light! Green Light! Wait, did she fucking predict squad games? Squidge games?

It was so fucking insane. Also, I sobbed at her and Blue Ivy. It made me so happy. It definitely triggered intense, intense abandonment and mommy issues deep inside of me but i was so happy watching that like i'm not kidding i was like oh my god this is like insane you're so warm thank you i know i like actually what else is warm what the hell are you asking about my fucking cooter yeah it's actually cold i keep it on ice or else it'll start really smelling funny guys oh damn is that when is that hey hey though 2013 and then we got one from

2013 as well saying, Woman Crush Wednesday. Right of passage to call your pop idol your woman crush Wednesday. He's not gay. He wants to have sex with Beyonce. That's literally it. Like, leave me the fuck alone. She's so hot. I mean, she literally is like the hottest person on planet Earth.

And that confirmed it. But yeah, it was amazing. If you can go, you should definitely go. It was too lit, too awesome. Best money I've ever spent in my goddamn life. I would 100% do it again if I could. I wish we went last night, but I had obligations. So I wasn't able to.

Yeah, movie, fucking movie. Yeah, we'll insert the photos of me in 2013. Also us so close to beyonce yeah because y'all i don't think you understand like it was so great like where we were starting this episode with like the longest tangent about beyonce like i was gonna be like so many people have dropped like flies but i feel like most people who watch us feel the exact same way about beyonce as we do but it is genuinely so insane. Like, it was so insane that it triggered like a religious tangent from Elsie.

Like she was like, that is what a real Christian woman is. Like she was like, that is someone who like actually looks at a crowd of people and it's like, all of you deserve life and love and happiness. And she means it with every ounce of her soul. And she's like such a good person. Like. and she means it with every ounce of her soul and she's like such a good person like

I squealed like I've never squealed like that before when she started doing the Dubai riff like I Literally squealed also I predicted that shit, but let's not talk about that. She floated above us Which is fucking crazy I saw her poor she looked at my fucking camera like she graced me we won't air her out with this photo because it's not a generous photo but like she literally looked at me that's also how like i know like i love her beyond anything because i got some like i had photos of her that i was like that's just not flattering and i would never yeah i'm like so she would never do that to me. Yeah. And we spoke about it like later. Dude, like, yeah. In the hotel after, like, she was just like, we were taking a bunch of photos together.

And she was like, do you mind if I post it? Actually, I'm not going to post these. Like, you don't look the best. But these are going in the scrapbook, like the memory book. Because, like, I want to remember this moment hanging out with emergency. I never need to sit in a room with her. I never, ever need to sit in a room with her i never ever need to be across from her that is a woman who will literally like i think if she like looked in my

eyes something would break yeah something would break because even after that concert the next day i woke up i was not drunk at that concert i had a drink i was not drunk i did not get high i had a giant rock star fucking energy drink and it looked like a beer and i was like i'm not carrying a fucking beer this is a rock star which is even which is worse yeah um but the next day i woke up and i literally felt hungover like i felt like i got beat the fuck up at that concert or something like i felt so drained but it's also because we did 18 000 steps because we couldn't find the car so we walked around sofi stadium for actually 40 minutes but let's move on we'll move on we'll move on i'll stop bragging about the best night of my life yeah literally my casually best night of my life

but um it's crazy how important confidence is like really if you don't believe in yourself, no one will. Y'all, like, when I get tired, like, I'd be saying some bullshit. Like, you should see, like, the X notes that I don't read because I read them. And I'm like, this is, like, like, okay, you see the tip of the iceberg amount of cringe I am. Like, that's, like, bottom iceberg level of cringe like you're not allowed to see that shit but hold on i'm thirsty what the hell well in my notes i have beyonce called me oh actually wait speaking of beyonce i'm gonna tell this stupid fucking story oh my god what the fuck is that what is that is? Is that a beer? This is... What are they called?

Fuck, what are they called? Bored Ape. This is Bored Ape water. A lot of people don't believe that I'm an investor, and I have three or four of them. A lot of people don't believe that you've invested in something that holds no value. How would I have this?

Okay. I swear they're going to rise in value. Did you get one for me why do i have this no that one's staying sealed because it's like an nft this is like the equivalent of like all the old like senile people who collected beanie babies and didn't let their grandkids touch it you're gonna be like old as fuck and have grandkids and by that time the earth is gonna be like non like livable land and there's gonna be no water and it's gonna be covered in dirt and dust and the only water left is this and you're gonna be like don't open it because when society rises back up this will make you king the only food source we'll be able to eat in the apocalypse is all of the like bananas

and apples and oranges and twinkies and burgers that have been sealed in resin because that shit will never fucking melt we're gonna have to get like ice picks and go dude we are such bored humans that we were like bro what if we put this food into like literal waste has kai not seen this i've never seen this no i kept it where did you get that okay so um there's like a weed shop that opened up like three days before i went right up the street and it's a board ape yacht club weed shop and if you go in there i saw that is it like on highland or something yeah if you go in there and you have a board ape listen to this i did some math so if you go in there and have a board ape the average cost of a board ape is like what like 42 000 or some shit like that i don't fucking know exactly can you actually look

that up real quick i think it i think they got or 28 000 but anyways the average cost of a board ape is um i'm still looking it up. Yeah, that's not something you look up and Google immediately tells you. You're flopping so hard right now. It's... Oh, I guess it's $43,000. So I'm right.

Which is still so much. I hate that you like eating me up. $43,000. If you go in there and you own a Bored Ape, you get a free eighth of weed a day. You can go in there and get an eighth of weed a day. So if you go in, the average cost of an eighth of weed is like $25, $30, sometimes $44 if they give you good weed. So it'll take you like, what is $ or 43 000 divided by um let's say 28 uh 1535 you only have to go in there 1500 days to re-up your board ape cost so it's like a good

investment point 20 years oh 420 years that's what i was gonna say like it's literally like four years but just flip it to your homies and pay for the board ape cost it's a genius idea but no it's like the craziest environment i was ever in in my entire life i can't believe you went in there did you go in there alone no i went with oh okay yeah because um just looking around they really wanted weed and it was the closest one that was open. And I told them, I was like, it might be sketchy like this late at night. And they were like, no, we'll go. And we went, and it was horrifying in there.

And all I bought was water, and it was $15 for those two bottles of water. But I was like, oh, it's a bit for the podcast. So I feel okay buying it um that is terrifying and gross like i hate when i passed that i was like that one popped up overnight because i've driven down the street 18 million times never seen it and two i can't believe that is still a thing that is going to plague society for fucking ever them putting those stupid fucking bored apes stupid fucking ugly ass cartoons all over like buildings and like murals and shit like it is so ugly more than anything the art style is fucking disgusting and ugly and i hope whoever designed that original fucking monkey dies in

their sleep and i actually don't give a fuck because someone's gonna be like that's fucked up that's a person i don't give a fuck because look what you've done to society like you genuinely have plagued society in a way that is irreversible like why is that on the side of a building right in the middle of in the middle of little havana in miami like actually i'm gonna blow you and your fucking house up and if you survive i'm gonna hang you by your feet over sharks um don't get on anya's bad side i guess that's what we take away from this okay back to beyonce i was gonna say i was the stinky i was the stinky guy at beyonce concert guys like i really was since i ran out of the house so quick i forgot to put on deodorant and like literally within eight minutes of her being on stage i was like sweating so profusely because she was like real like she

was like i don't know so weird and then i would be like but i don't think i stink to other people i think i just had hyperstinch well i was the girl with my tits out at beyonce yeah i had this fucking tank top on that like falls really easily and i was just like oh whatever like i'm just gonna wear it because i was already wearing it and um i couldn't take my jacket off and jump around because my boobs kept coming out it was the funniest shit i've ever seen like before the show and it was like testing it out and like she jumped once and then her boobs flocked out and were just going everywhere and i like i was like holy shit boobs are like so funny like they are literally

the funniest thing ever yeah i show drew my boobs all the time when he needs to pick me up when i just need to get happy but what's crazy is beyonce called me um like a week before we went to but we went to get massages me and josiah and orion and i always fall asleep during massages and i was laying on my stomach and almost immediately i knocked the fuck out but then i was in a dream that was so vivid like i was just in the room looking down that hole but my phone was on the floor oh you don't want to know what hole i spread open got to looking at um but i was staring at the floor and in the dream my phone was on the floor and i heard it vibrating so i opened my eyes and looked and my screen was just like a gray that gray like call

screen and it was beyonce all lowercase and in my dream i genuinely like it was such a vivid dream i like looked at it i was like oh fuck i can't answer that right now oh my god and i i like in the dream i was like fuck dude this is so annoying because i can't answer that right now oh my god and i i like in the dream i was like fuck dude this is so annoying because i can't answer that i'm literally getting a massage and in the dream it just felt so real and normal and when i woke up i laughed so fucking hard at myself because i was like cool dream i just thought i'm like that's what my brain can conjure up is beyonce calling me and me being like fuck i can't answer that my hands are like my hands are all oily dude well my dream also involved you and orion and we were at like a walmart doing walmart vibe

and then we went to like a diner after and we just made a pact us three to kill ourselves because we were like i was like convinced the world we were living in was hell. So I was like, we all devised a plan. We were like, if we kill each other together, we'll escape this place. And we'll be together in the afterlife, like whatever the afterlife is. And we did it. And we woke up again. And we woke up in the exact same spot uninjured. And we all looked at each other.

And I like started freaking out and writhing. And I was like, oh my fucking God, we've been in hell already. Like earth is hell. We've been in hell. Like what the fuck? And like y'all were like so chill about it. And I was freaking out and like screaming and writhing around. And I was like so afraid in my dream that like I like moved my head in real life.

And I woke up with my mouth open. Like I was like so scared. I was like, I cannot believe we did this. Also, what's so funny is we had that exact same reaction when he told us that dream. Like when you were like, dude, we killed ourselves and we woke up and we were still here. And me and Ryan were like, wait, so in your dream,

this was hell? And we were like, hell is lit as fuck. Like, what are you talking about? Like, I'd be so happy if this was hell. And like, we just started saying it and you were like, no dude, it was like terrifying. And we were like, no, no that sounds amazing so we should kill ourselves no no no definitely not never yeah i don't believe that anything is gonna happen i just

looked at the fucking camera frame and i didn't see you in it and i was like literally like who like i literally just almost had a psychotic break i was like i've been talking to no one this entire time like that was so fucking freaky well you're nobody to me so i always feel like i'm talking to nobody cut this kai whoa oh shit cut that hell no um no we should just edit like somehow like beyonce's face like poking in and that's being like beyonce we're not doing that we are leaving that in like that be on say get out of here girl like seriously leave um okay like literally leave bro i'm not doing that and scene that's yourself okay yeah yeah yeah yeah um okay well we'll change the pace switch gears a little bit my family was here you saw the madeline episode y'all ate that fucking shit up like what

just like how good you were like switching the topics like a robot but um my family was here madeline episode y'all loved it. We need to do an episode with my mother because y'all loved her little cameo. But Madeline and Steven slept in my room and I bought them this like pack and play for Luna to just like sleep in it while they were here. And I did wash my bed sheets before because I was like, I don't want to subject them to that nasty fucking vibe. But wash my bed sheets, it was a vibe. It was a vibe. Well, Madeline and Steven, I think it was Madeline, she sent a video, like a 360 video of my room to the family group chat

because she was like, look how much stuff Drew has in here. He has so many things. Look at all his little trinkets he's a fucking weirdo like it was just a vibe and then in the video on my bedside table there was a bottle of lube poppers and the most lewd candle that elisa got me i've ever seen and it looks it was the craziest scene i don't think any of them clocked it but when when I saw it, I turned white, and I was almost like, guys, that's a candle, but I was like,

I'm not going to stammer here and draw attention to it. So I was just like, I'm going to let it rock, and if they saw it, we'll probably never speak about it ever again. But I was fucking mortified. I couldn't believe it.

Those poppers are Inya's. They literally are't believe it. Those poppers are in yes. They literally are in yes. She told me to hide them. She was like take these from me and hide them because I keep waking up in the middle of the night and hitting them. So I was like okay I'll put them in. I haven't touched those for like a year. I got a new bottle.

Yeah. Because I like don't poppers go bad. I feel like or I guess maybe they don't. I think they evaporate maybe. Yeah they like start to like disintegrate and like, or I guess maybe they don't. I think they evaporate, maybe. Yeah, they, like, start to, like, disintegrate. Yeah. Because it's literally nail polish remover. Every time I do poppers the day after, I literally feel like my life is ending and I'm having

an everlasting heart attack. Evermore, Taylor Swift. Oh, my God. That's probably why I felt crazy after Beyonce concert is because I was hitting poppers. Yeah. That's literally what it was. Because I was like, I'm not drunk. I didn't do anything.

It's literally because I was hitting poppers. That's literally what it was. Because I was like, I'm not drunk. I didn't do anything. I refused. It's literally because I had to. It just felt right, you know? Like, it just felt like the environment. It's annoying, though, because I didn't have sex at the concert. I thought I was gonna find someone. Find the law. Find somebody who's, like, a little

taller than me, wears like ringer shirts, has a mustache. I'm right here, babe. You described me. Hello. You need to grow your hair back out. I'm not kidding. No.

Hell no. Yes, up to here. I saw pictures of myself with long fucking curly hair, and I was like mortified. I was like, I cannot believe. I think that was like your hottest era not for me i was like nasty fucking boots i literally looked like disheveled and unkept and like oh i think y'all i think you looked good with the yeah i think you looked really good yeah but i will say i do like your hair like this too guys, listen to this. We got to give him some acceptance. Someone was, Isabel Glow was in Madrid, and there's this prehistoric.

Who the fuck is Isabel Glow? Just wait. There was this prehistoric exhibition there at the Archaeological Museum, and look at this. Is that not me? Bro, I think that's supposed to be Jesus. No, no, no.

He's like a cave person napping. Oh, that is you. Is that literally not me? That is you sleeping with the knife next to you after the intruder came in. Like, why is he sleeping with the knife so close to him? Was he scared? He's probably like a hunter and gatherer. And he's just keeping them next to him for bears or something.

But that was like divine truth entering my body. Sometimes when people ask me questions, like I don't spread misinformation. It's Jesus Christ spreading his message through me. That's what you're calling the contextual clues of a caveman sleeping with a knife. Like you're not calling that just like, oh, you went to public school and learned that they had to like hunt and gather it's like divine intuition like something just comes over me and i just know the answer to all of these questions um but oh fuck oh the um knife thing man that was so fucked up like having to sleep with a knife literally so scared i had a full-blown panic attack last night like shaking and writhing and like it was really scary yeah yeah and for all

of y'all who think i mean i went in there and i comforted him she kissed my forehead really did you actually yeah i was so scared i don't know what came over me it was like it was like when i was 16 like looking at the stars like having a panic attack because i was like it's so infinite and never ending like none of this is real like but it was like i was legitimately convinced i was like dying and i like called for josh because he was in the hallway and he didn't hear me and i was like fuck dude they're gonna wake up to me dead and then i like kind of grounded myself back to reality with that whole fucking fiver trick or whatever where you like name five things that you can see taste and smell or whatever um and

i kind of came down and then by the time in you was there i was like coming down like heavily i saw india and i just broke out of my panic attack i had separation anxiety just like he saw my face and he was like oh my god like my angel i couldn't look at the lights it was so scary and you were so bright and i was such a bright light that i like cleared his mind no i literally had no idea what to do i was just like okay there's like literally nothing you can do i just want to be next to someone when that's going down so much comfort no no lust no uh lust so the the blood stops racing to your heart and starts going to your penis yeah it's actually a really good idea um

no but when i was like having my panic attacks when i was like 16 and just like freaking the fuck out every night like if you know like chronically panic like chronic panic disorders like you know like what i'm talking about but like literally just like freaking the fuck out every night and i would just like call my mom up to my room and have her sleep in my bed because that was like, it felt like my body was like buzzing and like I had to move and I was like super restless

and I was so scared. Like there were moments like where like I literally was like, I want to jump out of my fucking window because like I can't go anywhere. Like I don't know what to do. Like I'm stuck in my body. But it was like you coming into my room

was like my mother comforting me. It was very sweet. Also, why are you so shocked that I would kiss my friend? Hello, this is my boy. Yeah, I mean, you guys fuck. We kiss. So I don't know why I was surprised by that. We kiss.

That's like the second time this week that we've shared an account of affection or done affectionate thing. And a friend was like, whoa. What was it? Because Elsie, when we were at the stadium and we both were holding each other. And then we were going to kiss. And then we just kept moving. And she was like, whoa. What was it? Because Elsie, when we were at the stadium and we both were holding each other and then we were going to kiss and they just kept moving and she was like, what the fuck was that?

That was way too real. That was literally just us actually being affectionate to each other. It was real. Drew, you know what helps me when I have panic attacks? What? Banging your mama.

No, I'll take out my Funko Pop collection. And just look at them? Yeah, I'll throw them up. Do you let yourself open one up or do you keep it in the box? I'm not going to open one of those. Are you serious? But I will. Never then.

I'll touch the box, which I'm usually not allowed to do. Your greasy fucking fingerprints on the glass. I'll pop on a Marvel movie. Marvel movie Funko Pops. And then Harry Potter flavored popcorn. Yeah. Harry Potter flavor? Like what is Harry Potter flavor?

Like butterbeer. You know, like butterbeer, like kettle corn. Well, did you wake up feeling better? No, no. Nope. We don't have to talk about it though. Just really anxious. No, I felt up like perfect today

except my heart hurts because it was swear to god my vpm got up to 200 it was fucked up i was like almost like gonna crawl to josh's room to like use his little heart monitor but i was like i don't even need to see that because it'll freak me out even more yeah well after i finished comforting you i went and played texas chains Massacre and screamed in the living room with my friends so yeah you're jealous and then we watched Texas Chainsaw Massacre and it was like the funniest movie I've ever seen like it was so good

I love that movie it was so good but also X is such a complete rip of it that I was like oh my god dude like this is fucking crazy and Elsie and Sabrina were cracking up because we were sitting there watching and I was like this is fucking crazy and elsie and um sabrina were cracking up because we were sitting there watching and i was like this is literally the movie x like this is insane and then i was just like we were saying i was like if they stop at a gas station i'm gonna be fucking pissed and

then they drove up into one and we were dying laughing because we were like oh this is fully literally like this is just that movie but they started off with the brother in a wheelchair just falling down a hill for no reason. Like, I'll insert a clip. Like, they start it with the brother is in a wheelchair. And he just is, like, they take him out to go pee. And he's, like, pissing at the side of the road. And a truck passes and they are trying to convince the audience that the wind velocity of that truck passing was so intense that his wheelchair pushed forward in grass and he just rolls through

a hayfield like down like a hill um it was fucking hilarious because he wasn't hurt like he had like rips in his shirt but he wasn't bloody or anything he was just like laying and he was like oh why did they make that happen they just like wanted to push him yeah um that just made me think about how like every time i watched like a horror movie i'm like i would have done this i would have done that like you shouldn't have done this like why did you do that but like does it take my hand or talk to me talk to me talk to me talk to me like i was like oh wow like i would not change anything about the scary movie i'm in like my horror movie arc i'm in my horror movie arc right now um but i like

want to see i want to like make my own just ride it just for fun like it'll never get made but like i feel like it would be so fun and cathartic to like write about people getting like murdered in plane crashes and shit like i want to ride you so bad i said right oh sorry i was like but you can ride me um i used oh this also actually ties in i don't know why i wrote this down but i said um i used to be so obsessed with vfx makeup like dude and would make my own fake blood from cornstarch red and blue food coloring and chocolate syrup. Dude, same. And that was like the, when I was making that shit, like I remember it sat in our pantry for like years after my parents were so pissed that I wasted a bottle of cornstarch.

But like I would just like put it on myself and like play dead on the ground and like no one would ever fucking believe me. There was that one girl on YouTube who was really good at VFX and I would would watch the fuck out of her videos she's the redhead um yes yes and i i was really convinced like monster made or something yeah i was like i'm gonna do vfx like that's gonna be what i do um and instead i do this so some would say it's really similar yeah it's two monsters i'm causing harm somehow and misinformation spreading misinformation but yeah no i literally like i feel like it might be like a rite of passage for like creative people too like is to like make a fake cut on their face or something or like to make their fingernails bloody you're either somebody who gives yourself a fake cut on your face or you're

somebody who does the tate skull makeup yeah those are the two ends the two ends of the spectrum let's talk about the polymer clay to vfx makeup pipeline though i know also like that's every kid who liked polymer clay swearing we were going to be like stop motion animators like i swore i still swore until i was like 20 yeah i know i remember i was like oh i remember i was like oh i'm gonna do this hallow is coming up. So that means we're about to see the worst pictures that Instagram has to offer. Pictures. Yeah. That's all that means.

I feel like the Illuminati really like did their thing with the Halloween last year because like all of the biggest influencers in the world, all of their Halloween photos were edited so awfully. All by what I'm assuming to be is the same person like it was so bizarre like they all had just like shitty backgrounds in the back green screen like not even green screen like weird cut out yeah exactly and no one was like like saying anything about it and i thought i was going crazy yeah but like the world elites had the most bizarre halloween photos i'm really struggling this year y'all coming up with a halloween costume i told anyone that i was like it's only the beginning of september can we slow down that i was dead

serious about and it was um no i'm gonna keep that one because i might actually do that um but we found our joint costume yeah it's overdone it's a played out bit but like it's cute and it'll it'll kill yeah um i was thinking no i can't i can't do that why don't i see butterflies anymore i see butterflies all the time i don't literally driving in your car the other day remember i saw two we were driving and then like they went over your roof and i was like dude your car is so awesome because if a butterfly or something flies over the car i can just look up at it so maybe you have to attract that kind of positive energy to see those kind of positive things because i'm such an aura of positivity and comfort and calmness and warmth that those

things just come towards me and come on me no no no no oh i literally just saw one i'm not even fucking playing i'm not even fucking playing no no i swear to the attention dude you're trying to get oh my god oh actually is was it a green one no it's like or it might have been it was sort of like the corner of my eye. It was like yellowish. Yeah, I saw it too. Oh, yeah, Drew, you just saw one right now. I saw one. Do you believe me?

Kai, I'm going to take that fucking hard drive and snap it in half. No, it's my favorite hard drive. Yeah, I'm going to take your laptop and snap it in half. That would be bad for us. Yeah, that would be bad for you guys, so don't do that. I don't give a fuck. You're my op too right now. I got so many fucking ops, and two of them are in the room.

The thing is, Drew is saying that as a joke, but Drew genuinely will make up like some of them. Like a lot of them. I understand where his brain goes as to why he decides to call someone is off. But sometimes it is the most like subpar miscommunication or like just lackluster reason. And Drew will literally hone in on one person and be like they want me dead they want me to like not be living like they they hate me they're talking about me i know they're conspiring against me never have i ever said that i just can feel an energy shift in certain people and i'm like i want to get to the fucking bottom of this what the fuck is going on

there's no communication on their end so i'm just like oh like fuck you you're my off um so what's happening is you are in a naturally anxious person and at the slightest tone shift you become panicked and you are considering this person now your enemy yeah um but don't fuck with me what's actually happening is i don't think he's absorbing what you're saying you're right he's like yup yup i will say i feel like um you are very intuitive like you've texted me multiple times just been like hey what's up like what's up yeah and it's been like when i'm like oh my god like there's too much weight on my shoulders i'll be like lying in bed paralyzed and you'll text me and i'll be like this is insane. It's happened like four times. I can sense people's...

No, that's because he has a camera in your room, Kai. That's because he's watching you. He's recording you at all moments. Actually, I won't even talk about what he was doing. Yeah, don't expose him like that. Don't expose him! I wasn't doing anything. But thank you, Kai. I do feel that way. You do. You're very intuitive. You're like a female.

Yeah. What the hell? Don't ever say the F slur you, Kai. I do feel that way. You do. You're very intuitive. You're like a female. Yeah. What the hell? Don't ever say the F slur again, Kai. That was crazy. Also, I don't know why I just thought of it. I think I thought of it because saying that you had a camera in Kai's bedroom. But something I have mentioned 8 million times since it's happened. Shane Dawson saying, look, look. The phone just like, it can see your face even when it doesn't

see your face and the phone already being unlocked and then him like swiping the camera thing that he had for a cover have you seen that he's like was making comment about like how your iPhones can just like know who you are or something it was like some stupid shit and he literally showed his face to his phone so it unlocked with face id and then he was like watch look at this and was trying to show that like the phone can see you no matter what that like it's not the camera that's a camera it's like the yeah that it's like an infrared camera that they used to stalk you and like track your facial movements like at every waking moment okay um but he had like it was so stupid. I'll show you

and then we have to insert it. Right. Oh my god, this is awkward. Come here, Kai. Give me a kiss. That was a good kiss no more slaps just kisses now just kisses okay yeah oh kisses and hugs i can't believe you were somebody i followed since you posted about beyonce being your crush 18 times and i really was like that's my man that's my man that is my man oh is that the same era where you're like I'm gonna hit uh no we hadn't met each other in real life at that point but we

were like I think maybe following each other and I was like oh my god we were like 14 I was like he's cute like I also thought every single boy I was friends with I was gonna date like it was like a problem I was like oh my god he's so nice to me like we should have sex even though like I was never going to have sex with somebody literally still you today with anyone not just boys anyone cut that now

cut that put that down that down oh fuck oh i was thinking the same thing no okay so i want to hit my jewel so bad i have to girl you're like being sketchy as fuck um no no no okay so see what she does to me i quit and then she picks up a fucking tool and does it in front of me how's your sobriety everybody has seems like it's going well every sobriety journey i relapsed comes with a relapse and that's okay you get back up on but genuinely i do believe that it's okay but genially but genially vaginally no but literally like to get sober there are going to be humps in the road and relapses is one of those humps and it's okay even if it's a day even if it's a month even if it's six months even if it's two years don't stop trying

i genuinely believe that though yeah and we like we're working on it we're working on it i'm gonna get through this and i'll follow sue one day through this one day okay so we were at a hotel for orion's birthday um we got our little hotel room and we had a little birthday and when everybody left it was just the next night it was the last night in the hotel and me and you and josiah were kind of just chilling on the couch and i don't know how it got brought up but orion was like have you ever seen like someone give birth and then you was like yeah oh it got brought up because she told a crazy story about like a like a whole birthing like a gnarly story that she had seen someone talk about and so we started watching birthing videos and inya and orion both started sobbing crying in fear and in

pain for these women. And it was like the crazy, I got it all on video. I don't know if you know I was recording. I never, like, I am like somebody who's very in between having kids. Like, part of me is like, oh, when I'm with a good partner, I fully understand it. And I'm like, okay, I understand why people have children. Because when you're in a really good relationship and your communication is good everything is good you're like why wouldn't we have children i can't believe people do that that's insane taste the biscuit something is wrong with me

oh ryan have you seen alien versus predator what the fuck was i referencing maybe face suckers because the um face sucker comes out of there no when when what's her name gets pregnant with one of the aliens and it comes out of her stomach um but i like whatever so i'm always so in between but something that i've never deep dived on but i'm very aware of is how painful and agonizing childbirth is and i've just never looked into it because i'm like that's not something i need to know that epidural is going in bitch fuck you if you were like oh fuck epidural no bitch give me a perk give me epidural give me everything like literally give me everything

shove an edible down my throat give me a perk 30 and get that epidural in me which i want to be you're doing a popper a speedball give me a popper loosen me up like make it easy um but i'm gonna invent that vagina poppers i'm gonna figure it out vaginal poppers um but it just i've never seen it and we started looking just wait till i'm a bit they laughed at mark zuckerberg too, too. But it just like, I never looked at videos of it. I always, always avoided. I've always avoided videos of childbirth. I never looked at it.

And then Orion just started playing in front of me. And I am not kidding. Like, even the thought of some of the things I said, it is so fucking nasty. There is nothing beautiful about that. It is a shame. We are so barbaric. It is so fucking weird. Like, I am not kidding.

I love seeing the vagina. Like, after when you have the baby, it's like, oh. The gaping vagina. Like, so cute. But first of all, clean that shit off. It's fucking nasty. It's covered in sludge and slime. And it's so gross.

It is so gross. Like, I don't think I need to have's so gross it is so gross like i don't think i need to have a kid because that is so nasty unless you give me a perk 30 yeah well can they give me a perk 30 why don't they give girls perk 30s when they're giving birth i think so they can i i don't want to be turnt the fuck up bitch i want to be crossfaded as fuck giving birth to that baby like did you know immediately shove some fucking tequila and an edible down my gullet like the second that baby's coming out. But I guess then, is the baby going to get fucked up because it's still talking to me?

Yeah, the baby's going to be faded. The second the baby's umbilical cord touches the air, it has to start breathing through its nose. Okay, so once that happens, once that head is out, someone come pop a can in my fucking mouth. I really believe this. If I gave birth, I wouldn't feel pain. Like, I feel like it would be so easy for me. For, like, a man. Like, compared to, like, a woman.

Like, yeah, we're just stronger. It would just be, like, so. Yeah, Drew. Where would it come out of? The tip of your wiener? Yeah. Or your butt? Butthole.

Butthole. Yeah, butthole birth. Yeah. But it would just be, like, so easy. Dude, I know. And, like, literally just, what like you're screaming bro you're being so fucking just like relax you're like freaking literally enjoy it you only do this like a few times maybe enjoy enjoy live in the moment like why are you be present no i need to be

fucked up like i need them to hand me that baby in my arms be so limp from being fucked up that they're like oh she can't hold the baby yet like we gotta give her a few hours I remember I was in like middle school I remember I was in middle school and for like a class we had to watch a childbirth video and a kid next to me fainted

oh my fucking god someone fainted at Beyonce behind us the second she got on stage we heard like and then I heard shit fly all over me Beyonce behind us. Really? So the second she got on stage, we heard like, we heard that. And then I heard shit fly all over me. You just like felt water kind of on your legs. And we were like, what the fuck? And people were like, oh, like running towards someone.

And we turned and there was just a girl like on the floor. And then. That's crazy. They like got her up. When she was like awake, she was like. What? What? What? She was freaking out and she

got up and then literally like her boyfriend or whoever she was with took her out and she came back because he was like she's not drunk she's not drunk she just fainted um because i think like the security is probably like oh she got too fucked up but she literally was so taken aback she fainted literally respect honestly but wait a dude fainted in birthing oh yeah it was like this kid that like everyone he was just mean to everyone and i remember like dude being the bully and then being like he was like a bully yeah he was like yeah he was not yeah people did not fuck with this bad home life yeah and then basically like the video came up and his head just hit the desk.

He fell asleep. And it was awesome. Bro, he was awful hurt. Put him in a coffin. Also, can I just say I wish I was at that Beyonce concert throwing ass and dick around. No. There was a reason you weren't fucking there. There was a reason you weren't fucking there.

We knew you were going to pull up in tiny shorts and we couldn't do it. We've already... In booty shorts. You in the American Apparel disco shorts. What y'all don't know is Kai can make it clap. That is true and that's not even a joke. I'm not kidding. Men's asses.

Maybe later. Specifically straight men's asses are the most disgusting thing ever god was supposed to do some sort of design rework there because anytime i have seen a man's ass it's a dumpy not like a dump truck it is like a dumpy little saggy like nasty like why does it look like that it always looks so gross it's so hairy too well i got one more thing to say it's a cute little one oh my god here we go okay so you know the song beautiful beautiful beautiful beautiful let me let me see what the song title is it's david bowie right um yeah i think it's called like darling boy i think it's called beautiful no you're right you're

right i just want to know in this no it's john lennon uh 1980 double fantasy anyways my ira i have a very vivid uh remembery a memory of like my dad in a driver's seat and me in the passenger seat. And my dad playing that song on fucking blast. And I just remembered that. And I was like, this song fucking sucks. But he's like, this song's for you. This song is about you. And I just have a very vivid memory of that now and it was when i heard that song last night i

was like holy that was so sweet of him to do that is really nice and i was like i'm gonna do that for my kid if you get to have them if you live that long. Okay. What are you doing? Sorry, I'm tying my shoe. Damn. Damn. Whoa. That is actually crazy. Dude, I just imagined

like something disgusting. You imagined my butthole? Yeah, your bare like lower half doing that and i like actually my balls between my legs like man anatomy is actually disgusting i'm not kidding it is so gross they need to like figure out how that when y'all bend down it just goes away yeah no it does go inside it's just when it's so big for me it just like doesn't go up yeah that's really fucking disgusting i saw texas chainsaw massacre so fun so fun i'm trying to think of like what movies i've seen i feel like i've seen a bunch of movies this week but maybe i re-saw Coraline

Coraline and that was really really fun talk to me yeah oh I finished How To with John Wilson so good so so good I started watching One Piece um like the live action and like it is so incredibly mid at best i've never seen past like the first 25 30 episodes of one piece so i don't really know how accurate it is but i will say it's fun but like why doesn't someone like when they're making a live action anime like movie like why doesn't someone hire like someone with a clear fucking vision and a clear like swag and like why is it like always just shitty like why why are they always fucking terrible like it's an actual problem like yeah why is it always it seems like they're wearing party city yes dude like the the acting too was like really there was another butterfly a white one the acting too was like really, there was another butterfly, a white one.

The acting too was subpar. And like, I don't know. It was just like, but I'll watch it and I'll probably like it. But like, bro, come on. Like that's not a hot take at all. But like, I'm going to start giving like incredibly cold takes.

Like I'm going to be that guy where I just give like the most awful worst takes ever in a room full of people and just silence the room like that's my vibe and there you were with the first one that is a cool take should i do drew's high up corner yeah go for it girl welcome to drew's high up corner y'all love cuddling with skinny dudes until we get lost under the covers like a remote. Or like a jewel. I was going to say like a jewel.

Yeah. That's really funny. This one's just literally a classic. We quote it all the time. And I was like, I cannot believe I haven't read this one yet. Girls that stink are cool as fuck. Like, you know what, onion powder? I kind of like you. You know what, Suda are cool as fuck like you know what onion powder i kind of like you

you know what to the can i beyonce um okay you might onion powder as fuck yeah you might listen to the same music as me but i listen to it in a much deeper and more intellectual way than you ever will that is yeah that's why i'm a gatekeeper because i just don't believe you guys have like the like emotional bandwidth wherewithal to understand it in the way i do um ain't no way god told noah to put two podcasters on the ark damn we do breed too dude it's so funny when we were in the coffee shop and elsie was like this feels like we are in noah's ark right now where she was like there is there is like walk of life there's every walk of life in here and the door is going to be shut and we're going to

watch like the world obliterate and it's only going to be the people in this coffee shop. Okay. So I'll do this one and then that one. I admit it. I'm a lame girl. I don't party. I don't twerk on guys. I don't stay out late.

But I do stay up late. I do read. I do smoke. I do vibe to music. And I do think. That was more just like a deep thought that's you minus the smoking yeah yeah yeah

I mean and I'm the other girl I be smoking penis ayyy oh my god ayyy and vapes ayyy

okay okay wait wait this is a good one and this is the last one and then I'll do music tag someone gay in the comments to out them all of them are literally going to be at Drew all of them are going to be me drew yeah it's like all of them are gonna be me

this one i'm glad you're not actually gay though and it's cool that we've built an environment where we can like joke about being gay but neither no one is gay of us yeah okay this is just like something i want to leave you guys on and then actually i'm going to do this one this one will probably get cut and leave that but cut it because I want them to stay wondering. Cut it. And then the last one, the thought manifests. Wait,

wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,

wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,

wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,

wait, wait, Okay, try again. Okay. The thought manifests as the word. The thought manifests as the word. The word manifests as the deed. The deed develops into the habit, and the habit hardens into character.

So watch your thought and its ways with care, and let it spring from love born out of concern for all beings. Wow. unironically that was like extremely difficult for you to read well i'm missing all the colons and the semicolons and shit so i didn't know where it ended and i also have a bunch of typos on it like a bunch like i don't think I was supposed to say into the habit. Yeah, that was deep. The second I stopped thinking about banging your mama, I stopped doing it and it stopped becoming a habit.

Because I didn't care about her. It was just a habit. The thought manifests as me banging Inya's mom. The word manifests as me banging Kai's mom. The deed develops into me banging Kai's mom and dad. And the habit hardens into me banging Inya's mom the deed develops into me banging kai's mom and dad and the habit hardens into me banging inya's mom so watch as i bang kai and inya's parents and its ways with care and let it spring into a love born out of concern for banging all of y'all's parents um kai's popping perks back there.

I know, he's literally like fucking popping something. He just dry swallowed a pill. I just need something. And it came out of his wallet. Look, I realized I didn't turn the clock on for you guys, and I've been having a panic attack that I'm going to get fired at the end of the episode. You were fired by the time

you walked in the door. I was fired six months ago i've just been coming you're just coming because you want something to do yeah okay here is my media of the week i've been listening to the album fountain baby by amare i don't know if i'm saying that right because i can't say names or words correctly and the more you make fun of me the more you need to realize that i have immigrant parents and you are fucked up for making comment on me not being able to find certain things that's kai to t what um princess going digital from that album sociopathic dance queen and big steppa are my favorite from that album and then um my other music of the week is Baby, I'm a Want You by B.R.E.D.

And I'm Still Looping on Earth by the Sundays. That song makes me so happy that I want to kill myself. Kai's grabbing a knife. Okay, mine is King David style DJ escrow. Wreck, Ray, Hari, Kami. Pearls, Sade, It's a Fine Day, Opus 3. And mine

is Guardians of the Galaxy, Captain America, Civil War, and Iron Man. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6. Is there actually more than one of those? I think there's like 6. I think there's 4. i think there's i think

there's four there's four there's avengers bro they need to fucking stop if there's six i'm literally gonna have a heart attack and die but they did kill him off he's done really yeah yeah oh there's three of them three but he's in all of them i would have sex with him if i had to yeah robert downey yeah robert downey jr oh yeah if i had to. Yeah. Robert Downey? Yeah, Robert Downey Jr. Oh, yeah. If I had to. And I feel like he's also a nice guy. He gets genuine kindness, but also sometimes it feels superficial.

He sees the comments of people being like, he's a nice guy. Look. And then he just acts nice. Have you seen the video of him on Wall Street when he's 24 or something? Yeah, and making fun of stockbrokers. He's so sexy. He hasiz like yes he was rizzing all over the camera at one point

yeah well i had a tab open for like a furniture spot and we really need a lamp so i was like oh yeah i forgot i was doing that oh yeah the lamp he sent was really cute we should just get one of those candle holders and put it in the corner and go medieval style. Shut the fuck up. Candles are so fucking expensive now. When the hurricane was threatening to take out our power, I bought candles because I was like, just in case, like, I want to be able to see, like, my book that I'm reading because I won't have Wi-Fi. And, like, what else am I supposed to do? And it was so fucking expensive.

Okay. What? Like, dude, sometimes you're such a 25-year-old, or we both are. Like, you're sitting here talking about how expensive candles were. We're, like, so done. During the hurricane, like, right before, like, when it started to hit, which it was just rain here, me and Drew went outside, and he followed me outside so I could smoke and drink a coffee

and look at the rain. And we sat on the front porch just sitting out there in silence and we were like damn we are in our mid-20s like it was such a mid-20s vibe like and you're smoking a cigarette and i was sitting outside watching the cigarettes after sex because that's what we were doing because we had just boned great we just fucked and there was juices and cum and fucking shit sprayed everywhere. All the fucking walls. It was so fucking smelly. It smelled like fucking sex.

I can smell fucking sex from a mile away. I can smell that you just had sex. Yeah, I'm looking at you. Nasty, nasty, rotten sex. Oh, and the condoms tied up and put in the toilet. In the toilet. Alright. Bye. I the toilet. Alright. Bye.

I almost said goodnight. I mean goodnight. Goodnight. Goodnight. Bye.