Emergency Intercom - We Ran Away To Mexico

Episode Date: February 11, 2022

Two idiots talk about Mexico.... they are thinking of staying, its very nice and Enya thinks she blends in perfectly (she doesn't). Drew is also convinced he blends in and wants to become a club promoter in Mexico. Follow Enya on Insta: @EnyaUmanzor Follow Drew on Insta: @DrewPhillips09 To listen to the podcast on YouTube: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercomPodYT Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey Spotify, this is Javi. My biggest passion is music. And it's not just sounds and instruments. It's more than that to me. It's a world full of harmonies with chillers. From streaming to shopping, it's on Prime. Welcome to this episode de emergencia. Intercom. I don't know how to say that. I don't know how to say that word.

Do you want to let the people know where we are? I don't know where we are. We are in Teposlan. I always say it wrong. I say it different every single time. We are in Teposlan, Mexico right now. I needed to say it with all the accents because I know one of you bitches would say something dirty about me if I didn't. Yeah.

We just ran away because we feel like American people don't understand us. They don't get us. Never have, never will. i've found my people literally christopher columbus me on my colonizer vibe um drew did say he's gonna come here no i saw a plot of land about an hour outside of mexico city and i was like i'm gonna buy that plot of land and make Drewtopia the thing is Kai just knocked you to the camera but that's okay we'll just ignore it. Kai gets a pass cause I've been too mean to him this trip so I can't be mean to him joking

actually mean to Kai also wait before we pass over we're literally less than a minute into this episode and you're already talking about colonizing Mexico literally less than a minute. It's in my fucking blood it's in my DNA I literally can in my dna i literally can't help it i'm sorry um i just want to openly admit to the public and apologize to the public because

i feel so evil i was really mean to kai yesterday because i was just to be fair i've been mean to elisa too i've just not been a nice girl i have not been it's been a rough trip for you i feel you know thank you for validating me yeah thank you for validating it's been you're the you're you've just been our translator the whole time it's just been i've been i've been serving mommy um bitch they're shooting oh what was that was it a firework it was a salute a fire um but yeah we what time is it probably marked the hour yeah okay at 5 44 every day in tepistan it bombs okay wait actually i'm like all over the place because i'm very like overwhelmed um and i have had half a margarita and i had to stop myself for the other half because i was like i'm gonna be belligerently drunk on the podcast and i was like which might

be fun. I already just slip up and say, I don't say bad things, but I already say things where I'm like, I should not have said that. I shouldn't be saying that to the public. But to explain why we're in Mexico, we are in, we are staying in Mexico City. But Jester is a fucking freak of nature. Somehow convinced us to cross the border. Yeah, somehow convinced us to go international.

To go to another country. For their birthday, which was over a week ago. Yes. So there's like no real... So their birthday was a week ago and we're still celebrating it here. But I love it here. Yeah, it really is amazing.

For those of you who don't know,'m honduran um and i haven't been to honduras since i was literally a little baby i think i don't think i've been back since i was seven and this is the closest thing i could get to it because my family has fear-mongered me to stay out of honduras but yeah this place is beautiful um i've literally been here for 24 hours and i leave tomorrow i flew in in your Lisa and Jester shopped all day and I followed them around with Kai all day long and then we kind of are leaving the next day like we we oh this is the this is the craziest part is we planned on getting here hella early this area we wanted to shop around we wanted

to have a blast of a time we were at a good time like get some micheladas or micheladas how do you say it yeah get some of those um get a little drunk listen to the bombs go off uh just taking the scenery um but enya drove us literally two hours away she drove us two hours away from where we were supposed to be and we pulled up no to be fair it was an extra hour past where we were supposed to be so i didn't get us two hours away from where we were supposed to be and we pulled up no to be fair it was an extra hour past where we were supposed to be so i didn't get us two hours away from where we're supposed to be because it only took 30 minutes to get here so technically how much time did i really waste like an hour yeah like an hour and a half like maybe not even though no no not because there was still traffic to get out of the city but basically i fucked up very hard and now i don't get to go through the markets like i wanted to because my one my one wish was still traffic to get out of the city. But basically, I fucked up very hard. And now I don't get to go through the markets like I wanted to.

Because my one wish was to come and get a nice rosary. Because I have been looking to repurchase a rosary. I know there's a body in there. Bitch, you're thinking of GTLA. Cecil Hotel. Your body is about to be in here if you don't shut the fuck up. Oh, my God. But, yeah, I fucked up and i was so mad

i've just been so fucking irritable this trip like we don't even have topics to talk about because we were like let's talk about the trip but the trip like it feels like we've been here forever not even for me it feels like i've been here for eight minutes total because i've been yelled at the entire time you know what it was okay i've never had to like go anywhere into spanish-speaking territory and had to like go anywhere into spanish speaking territory and had to like translate for people and i know one of you bitches is gonna be like oh but like talk spanish now we want to hear how your spanish is no because you're gonna fucking bully me fuck you um my spanish is my my mom only speaks spanish and all of my family only

speaks spanish but my dad speaks english so So I grew up speaking English and Spanish. And obviously my English is Slaytonic. Like I make up Slaytonic. I make up new words in English. Yeah, that's true. I can't do that for Spanish. Un piojo en mi culo. So yeah, I've been translating for these dumb fucks.

And I didn't know it would be hard work, you know? Yeah, you've been saying that you're not ready for children. Yeah. Just the sheer amount of questions and pointing to things and asking for what it means. Like, not okay. It's just too many questions. I was thinking, I was like, damn, I never want to go anywhere where, like, I'm burdening somebody with the language barrier. Like, does that make sense like but I don't know any other country that are no one in our group speaks any

other language like it's not like anybody in the group speaks like French or anything I've been on Duolingo practicing Swahili so you drew in 2018 in 2018 four years ago he tried to learn Swahili for literally three days on Duolingo and he brings it up twice a month like he I'm just better than that I'm better than everybody else a little bit of it no why not I don't know I just feel like we're in Mexico So you shouldn't like mix Yeah But you're here So we're already mixing What's been your favorite part? Oh Drew went out without me last night

Because he hates me Because everyone was mad at me No not everyone was mad at you You were mad at everybody else And Miss Complainer My tummy hoided My tummy really hoided She got a tummy ache

And took it out on everybody else And me and Kyle Were begging y'all to come with us. We were literally begging y'all. I am pizza bae. Like, I just need some pizza in my hole and that I'm a nice girl. And I'll do a little dance. But if I'm hungry, you don't want to see me when I'm hungry and without a coffee. So tell us about the night.

Like, what did you get up to? Like, was it the most fun you've ever had because you didn't have, like, your girlfriend hounding you? No, it was absolutely a fucking blast. I went too. It was the night to remember, I think, of the entire trip. I don't think it actually got any better than that moment. No, but it'll get better tonight because everyone in the crew is going to get really drunk and have sloppy sex. I really don't think that's going to happen.

I think last night was peak, right? Except, you know, okay, yeah, maybe it won't be because I will say, like, I know I offered sex. But, you know, when we were coming across the border because i will say like i know i offered sex but you know when we were coming across the border and you had to like declare things yeah um they like looked down and they were like oh that big that big that big ass coochie has to be declared yeah my hooters and coochie and when i was crossing they like they like weighed it and they were like oh it's too heavy and voluptuous. I get that all the time on airplanes. They were like, oh, why is it so wet?

Do you have an alcohol or substance you're trying to bring over? And I was like, no, no, no, no, no. That's just me. That's just my body part. I can't really stop it. And they did make me leave my coochie in the US. Damn, they did the same thing to me with my heavy wiener. With your big boner?

Yeah, you know how they weigh the bags? Yeah. your big boner yeah you know how they weigh the bags yeah um well like i well what they don't tell you is that the 3d scan chamber is the radiation den as i call it they give you insane amounts of radiation um is also a scale for male genitalia wieners and i unfortunately this time for some reason did did not pass. And I almost didn't make it, but I bribed them. It's probably because you stuffed it. You wanted it to seem heavier, because I don't believe you.

How can you get on a plane anywhere else, but you didn't get to come to Mexico with your big wiener? With your big honking wiener? I've been trying to have sex the entire time I've been here. All of y'all are fucking fake. All of y'all are like, I'm trying to bone. I want to bone. Bone what? Oh my God kai is so horny he literally somehow put holograms in our head of a woman and

she didn't exist i'm convinced she did not fucking exist i forgot about that literally mass hallucination event um we went to this like bar restaurant thing called Jinjin. It was a classic. That's a certified Mexico City classic. Next time you hear it, go. Because the drinks are literally insane. Maybe it was something in the hookah also. Like they literally probably dosed us with fucking hallucinogens in our hookah. It's the most foreigner shit you've ever said. Maybe it was something in the hookah. I was chiefing that hookah all night fucking oh okay no actually we got we

ordered a hookah thing which i don't fuck with hookah i think it's like funny but we ordered it and tell me why kai and drew hit the fucking tip raw like they were putting on replacement tips for every table obviously because it's like wood and i don't think you can necessarily disinfect wood very well and literally that's your fiend because the second they put it in your hand you fucking suck the shit out of it i need the nicotine i need the deluxe the waiter looked at us like we were literally on meth he ran across the restaurant and was like hold the fuck on like chill freakazoids um so yeah so we went to this like hookah bar like alcohol bar whatever and kai was like like oddly like silent so i was sitting next to him and there was a table behind us or behind me and apparently there is this girl

looking at Kai constantly. Like they would like lock eyes or whatever. And I was like, yeah, yeah, right. Like that's not happening. You're making this up. Like this is a hallucination. You need help. So I moved spots and I switched over and I did see love in the air.

There was a connection there. I'm convinced she was literally jerking the boy off next to her because her hand was under the table for way too long. That was not a straight man. That was not a straight man. Yeah, I couldn't really tell. It was like three girls with three guys. Yeah, I don't think it was a straight man.

But they were locking eyes like crazy. It was actually kind of beautiful to see a couple times. I was like, wow, like I may find love. Actually, you know what? It wasn't real. None of it happened. That's what I'm saying. Kyle lied.

Kyle lied. Listen to this. I come back to the table. I'm like, why did you move to Drew? And Drew literally said to me, he was like, Kai said this girl's looking at him, but I haven't seen her look over here once. So then we are cracking up and whatever. We get the bill. We leave. And Kai's like spazzing. He's like, I should have went and said something to her. I should have went and said something to her. And all of us were like pretty drunk. So I was like, OK, do you have a pen? Like, just go. Kai was like, I us were like pretty drunk so i was like okay do you have a pen like just go like i was like i'm gonna give her my

number but i don't have a pen i was like i'll get us a pen so i went back into the restaurant went to the hostess and explained and i was like do you have a pen because my friend wants to give someone his number so i won't take your pen i just need to borrow it and she was like smiling she was like oh my god like fourth of july orth of July. Or 4th of July. February 4th. Valentine's Day. Valentine's Day. Valentine's Day is coming up. Like, of course.

Valentine's Day. And gave me the pen. Kai was too fucking nervous to even write his damn number. I had to write the number. And... I followed in there as Intel. I was back up first, Intel second to see if he actually did it. And we went in. And literally she was gone. She vanished into thin fucking air. Like, we went in and literally she was gone.

She vanished into thin fucking air. Like it wasn't even like she was there. Like her chair was pushed in. There was no jacket in the chair. Like it was literally like she never existed. You know what it was? She was scared as shit. She wasn't looking at God.

The pink man wants me. The killer. The pink killer. The killer is here. Like she didn't see love. She was like, oh my God, this scary white dude is literally going to fucking chase after me and murder me. Not us following her. killer the pink killer killer is here like she didn't see love she was like oh my god the scary white dude is literally gonna fucking chase after me murder me not us following her not us seeing

if the bat if she was up in the bathroom area like we ran up there she was literally in the stall shaking for her fucking life she's like do you think he's coming i hear his footsteps he's coming she felt the way we did it that Home Alone game. Literally. She felt like she was playing a horror game simulator on Oculus. She was hiding in the stall. But I commend Kai on going back in there and being brave enough to speak to a woman because I'm scared of women. I want to say you'll be brave. Audio technician, is everything good? Everything's good. All right, cool. That was good exposure therapy because I am terrified of women. Yep. um audio technician is everything good all right cool

yep i don't know if y'all heard it but kai just considered what we did exposure therapy that's what this podcast is anytime we go out it's exposure therapy i think not me i'm literally living laughing loving i'm fucking slaying the world here. I spoke to a man from Amsterdam last night who is staying in a hostel and was his hospital hostel and his four friends that he was with disappeared. Apparently he was like there. I don't know where they went. And I was like, can you describe them? And he was like, tall man with a beard. And I was like, can you describe them? And he was like, tall man with a beard. And I was like, so sexy. And then he. You're literally hornier than ever.

You start sniffing. You're like, you ask for his hand. You like, when's the last time you touched him? He's like, maybe five minutes ago. And you smell the hand. I smell him. And then I was like, why don't you go look for him inside? Because he was outside and he was like, I don't know.

I was walking downstairs to go look and I knocked a glass and it exploded. And then this Brazilian girl came up to me and gave me molly. And so I took the molly and I'm also on C word. I don't know if I'm allowed to say any of this shit. Coke. And then he was like, but like, it's OK, because like when I get home to the Airbnb, I'm going to take Valium to go to sleep. And I was like, you need to fucking chill is what you need to do. You need to leave.

He didn't have friends. He doesn't have a hostel. He's hallucinating. It was actually horrifying. The way he was behaving is very erratic. And then more conversation happened. Some things that I don't want to talk about happened on the podcast. And we went back down there to see if we could find his homies for him.

And we, like, went in and followed him in and he like freaked out like he tweaked out he was like i can't go in there i can't go in there we were like why dude and he was like i just can't i can't can't and then he like was like i'm going to the bar and so me and kai were like okay i'm literally running away this is like luca mcnotta he's gonna try to fucking kill us like he's literally the killer Well, I got asked to do a wire transfer when I told someone I didn't have any cash Um a man tried to sing to me and I told him to stop Because I didn't have any more cash because I had just bought cash I just bought chocolates off the sweetest kids in the fucking world And then I told him I didn't have any more cash and he literally looked me dead in the eyes and said I take transfer

Like I take wire transfer. That was insane. It was it was pretty Okay, it is fireworks so I saw it Means if it was gonna be okay. What time what time is it now? Ya mama Know what time is it on your phone? See okay that Martin that was six explosions for 6 o'clock. See, I might be a fucking genius. My IQ is...

I don't know if that's how that works. I think people are just having fun. That did scare the living ball sacks out of me. Also, it's just so beautiful here. Look how fucking pretty this view is. I hope the camera's picking it up. I honestly feel very disruptive by being here and talking about cock and balls on top of, like, this roof. Also, we asked somebody if we could sit on the roof of a hotel, so that's where we are.

We're not staying at this hotel. We just asked him, and he let us. Honestly, probably because I'm really sexy. Yeah, honestly. You know what it is? Also, I don't get hit on in L.A., and I get hit on and looked at here, and I'm like— I get catcalled here, too. We were walking out of Jinjin.

A man just looked me in the eyes and said, Oy, mujer. And like yelled that in my face. And usually I'd be really fucking annoyed, but I was feeling myself. And I was like, yes, I am woman. I am woman. I am woman.

I am baby. I am sexy. I'm divine. Also, I like... I hope nothing I'm saying sounds like very like ignorant and annoying of me. But I have been so terrified of getting the cacas from the water here. It's like the one thing on my mind. Like everywhere I go, I'm like, don't, please don't give me ice.

Please don't give me a cup of water. I didn't tell you this, but I did accidentally swish water around in my mouth when I was brushing my teeth. But that was the first night. And that's why I think my stomach hurt so bad yesterday because I did have rumbly guts like I haven't tell you this, but I did accidentally swish water around in my mouth when I was brushing my teeth. But that was the first night. And that's why I think my stomach hurt so bad yesterday. Because I did have rumbly guts like I haven't before. Like it was a usual stomachache where I'm like bloated and something hurt. But my fucking colons were literally vibrating.

Like if I put my colon to my clit, I would have. It would have been a mess. Because they were vibrating. Do you get it? Yes. Like a vibrator. Yes, we got it vibrating do you get it yes like a vibrator yes we got it do you think i should get a vibrator while i'm here a little wing bot a little wing bot junior a little turkey wing um what else can we fucking talk about like this shit's boring

this podcast is fucking boring it's taking time out of my fucking day um driving here is also pretty crazy um it's fucking awesome i have so much fun doing it but the merging is like comical to me like again i hope nothing i like i don't know if it's like ignorant it definitely is just culture it's just culture but like the driving was cracking me up like we were there's just no lanes in the road yeah some of the roads literally have zero lanes and you have to stay in your own lane you have to be an aggressor here which i am because i fear no fucking man i've said it once i say it again like only i can take me out 36 000 times you can see i'm just letting the world know like y'all be manifesting like good health and like slay i'm manifesting that I will be the one to take me out.

I'm almost in my physical fighting era. Like, I'm almost to the point where, like, I want to get in a brawl, like a physical brawl. Why? What's pushing you there? I don't know. I just, like, felt it. I'm rubbing off on you. Like, low-key, like, I'm just feeling like I need to be in a fight and have my ass beat and be humbled. At the end of the day. See, that's where we're different, because I don't want want to be humbled i want to beat the shit out of someone but i would i do think

some like blunt force trauma to the head would help me a little bit like i've thought about that i'm like i need a bit of like a dome reset like where like it feels like um like a nuke went off in my brain or like a flashbang from call of duty like that's kind of the feeling i want in my brain a little bit the way i'm not even joking last night we hung out with bella hadid no we hung out with the spanish dub cast of euphoria they were all there they were all there and we hung out with all of them how do you find that out like did they just like they brought it up really yeah i would ride that shit too wait the whole the whole cast the spanish dub so it was like 13 like of a crew like it was it was not rolling 13 deep it was like three people so who was it like rue see it's not for the fucking minutes dumb boy i am woman but you're not like going deeper on that like what

do you mean did they like how did they on that. Like, what do you mean? Did they, like, how did they prove that? Like, how did, like, I don't understand. They showed themselves in the recording booths. They showed, they could have been in any single recording booth on planet Earth. Did it have, like, euphoria watermarks on it? They showed them reading, um, what's his name? Jacob Elardi's lines. But you could find those on the internet now okay well did they

wait did they show you the episode that's coming out like 50 pesos for a photo and we gave them the money and took pictures with them you got scammed no we got pictures with the cast of euphoria no i think you got scammed or like there's no can i see the picture getting scammed can i see the picture did they also take it on their phone me getting scammed yeah right is it are you actually about to show me a photo yeah where is it kai's laughing really hard so like is this a planned bit that's literally me and euphoria cast am i wrong no you're literally showing like early signs of alzheimer's right now i don't know what you want me to say to that like i need that on screen so people know that i'm not being a cunt i just don't know what to say to that

you know what's really annoying is maybe I should have gotten drunk Wait How does it go Yes No Fuck wait You're really fucking bad I'm a little nasally You're really fucking bad. I'm a little nasally. You're like tone deaf.

Like am I chirping or what? It's really bad. I'm singing in my head voice and I don't have a head voice. I can sing in my chest. No, let's hear it. Let's hear it. Like. Yep.

See, that was good fuck me man hmm hey Stop because I can't get my gravity to like But we did go to this really cool club That just had a bunch of people dancing I know I will say I am really jealous Like we have to go out tonight because I just ruined my night Well we do have

An event to go to tonight. It's called Pervert Dress Code. It's called Pervert Dress Code. It's bondage. Are you trolling? I'm not trolling. It's bondage recommended but not required. But I think

we go to a sex shop, all dressed up in bondage we get really close and personal with each other really like explore each other's bodies and see us for what we truly are each other's bodies i can see who you are without touching you you also stink you haven't showered like you literally went out last night and didn't fucking shower and in the car today was like every now and then i get a whiff of rotten cabbage and all all of us are like, we don't smell that. You're smelling yourself. No, there's like a scent of sauerkraut following me everywhere I go.

And it's not my balls. It's literally your fucking upper lip and your balls. No, I swear to God, Kai knows what I'm talking about. No, I think Kai might have smelled you last night. No, I swear to God, Kai knows what I'm talking about. No, I think Kai might have smelled you last night. No, see? But did you smell it in the car? I did smell it. It was Drew.

It's still Drew. Do you like the smell kinda? It does smell good. It does smell good. It gets me kind of worried. It's my... Talk about the thing where people were dancing in the circles. Yeah, that's what you just showed me. They were having the most human experience i've ever seen in my entire life it was it was pure what what is the word like pure euphoria pure pure euphoria it was like pure like innocence like really just i the only way i can describe it is just like humans

exactly expression of happiness and celebration i've ever seen it was beautiful the least pretentious um celebration of happiness why are you repeating i think he was hurt he's 18 miles away i'm you need to know you need to let our white men have his voice heard. You're speaking over white men voices. No, we fucking don't. Do not snap. We do not need another white voice. Look at you. I'm the white voice. I'm the white voice in this podcast.

I am also the white voice. I'm the female white voice. You're the male white voice. We need to be heard. I need to be seen. I need to be loved. I need to be seen. I need to be loved. I need to be fondled with a little bit. Like my butt cheeks. I see the type of person that you are. You're looking through me.

I feel bad this episode isn't really... I don't know what we've talked about. We're literally just talking. I think it's a miracle that we even got this spot. Because, like I said, I've just been so fucking... Wait, Elisa. Do you think Elisa will be mad if i say what happened to her uh if anything we'll cut it yeah it's not it's not even that big of a deal okay so i feel bad there's no this is the second episode in a in a row where i'm airing elisa's shit out like and she listens to these literally wait elisa

she got a dm saying like i don't care that you choose loud. No, she got a comment. Someone publicly was like, you're so hot. I don't care if you chew loud as fuck. Like, and she hasn't watched that episode yet. So she was like, what is that? Why are they saying that to me? But I'm going to air her out again because that's my girl.

And that's what I do. Even though I've been so mean to her. She's been asking me a lot of questions because her phone's been broken and i feel so bad i literally like she'll ask me something and then at this point i just be lying and saying exactly what she like doesn't want to hear like she was like what did she ask oh she asked if we were going 140 miles an hour no the fucking rinky dinky ass car fucking gadget baby clown pioso fucking car we have does not go 140 miles it starts shaking when we hit 40 miles per hour kilometers an hour or per meter i don't know what i don't know what the fucking like thing is here

like i don't understand it but on the dash it. And I was like, I need to slow down because the speed limit is 90 and I'm doing 180 or 140. And she was like, are we actually going 140 miles an hour? We're not going light speed right now, Lisa, no. And I got, like, upset. And it's the way that she's literally the smartest person I know. I know. She asked that. I was like, really?

And so I got upset and I was like, yeah, actually, we're going 140. I'm going gonna see if i get 160 like i just like start answering her like that that's how i answer you when you you're like should we be walking in the middle of the road while there's a car trying to go and i'm like yeah like i think we should be it's like really fun and sometimes i say instead of like because i don't want to be like get out of the road yeah um so i say it because i don't want anybody to feel like i'm bossing them around, specifically men. Yeah, because I do have a problem with female authority.

No, you have a problem with authority, period. But specifically with me because it's on some brother-sister shit and you don't want to be told what to do from me. It really is. And I'm boss baby. I am baby boss. You're giving pizza bae boss baby. I am. I'm giving angry boss baby. Pizza bae boss baby with a mustache tattoo on their finger.

I'm giving, I'm giving like... Galaxy tights pizza bay. Everybody doesn't, nobody wants to make a decision because nobody wants to say what they want. So then I just make the decision and then I feel like some people are mad at me. So then I get mad at everyone else. What was I saying about Elisa? Oh, sorry. I don't think... Ow.

I literally just scratched myself way too fucking hard. That literally hurt so bad speak i don't even remember what the fuck i was saying because i was talking about making decisions and people being mad at me um what decision did you make that people are mad at you no just in general i'll be like we're doing this we're doing this go here then we do this um i think people i i mean personally i like being told where to go and where to be. But, like, yeah, I don't know. I literally was just like, I don't have a problem with authority. And now I'm like, please boss me around.

See, I'm a walking conundrum. We need to get, you know what we should get here? Tram it all from the pharmacy? Yeah, no, we shouldn't. We shouldn't do that. Should we do that, guys? You keep saying that, and I don't know what that is you don't want to know oh ew you should grow up because it's actually really gross that you want those things

oh i would never but airing elisa how so elisa is allergic to alcohol um but we all went out to drink and she had a drink and then she had another one. And like, she usually gets like red and like, like very hot and like has an allergic reaction to it, but she wasn't. So she was like, fuck it.

I'm going to keep going. But the drinks were like getting us all like drunk as alcohol does. And she got really, really drunk and like literally was stumbling in the streets of Mexico City. It was crazy. I've never seen her drunk before. Yeah, I've never seen her drunk either. And then we got back to the crib.

And I remember right before we went to sleep, me and Alisa are sharing a room. Right before we went to sleep, she was like, oh, I'm really worried that I wake up with a headache tomorrow. And then, like, I'm like, I feel sick and I don't want to go out. And, like, goes, like, shopping and stuff. And I was like, girl, if anything, you'll wake up with a little headache from, like, small hangover. We'll pop a fucking croissant in your ass and you'll keep it pushing. The thing is, every time I speak, Drew sings over me. No, it's like beautiful background vocals.

It's adding to the story. It literally is. It's adding ambience. No, it's because you have a defect in your brain where you need attention on you at all waking moments. No, it's literally not even that. I guess this was literally Lisa's euphoria moments. No, it's literally not even that. I guess this was literally Lisa's euphoria moment. Yeah, exactly. So she got all fucked up. We went to a

rave. It was fucking awesome. She was like, but she was like shaking before we went to bed. And then I just went to sleep and I woke up. Also, for more context, you're so annoying. For more context, our bathroom, there's a window in it and every time you open and close the door it slams the window and i like just kept hearing

that and i heard elisa walking back and forth in the room to her bed it back to the bathroom and i just woke up at like five and it sounded like she had shoes on oh my god i forgot literally i you like actually traumatized me okay let me finish let me get there and then you can tell that part um so I I like just woke up and I was like are you wearing shoes like inside right now I know it's annoying for me to interrupt but actually like just look behind you at the mountains it's like legitimately the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my entire life like that over there does not look real it's literally you that, but you're sitting right in front of me. Ignore that.

That was like God saying, run away from you immediately. It was God trying to feed you from the love I have to give you. But, um... Now I forgot what I was fucking saying. Elisa in the bathroom. Oh, yeah. She was literally... I woke up and I was like, are you wearing shoes?

And she was like, no, I feel really sick. And I, like, opened my eyes and look. And she's, like, basic, borderline butt naked, shaking, like, hard as shit. Also, for more context, is, like, I have this, I have this too. But, like, I am very sure Elisa has it worse than me. Like, a fear of throwing up and, like, hearing people throw up. So, I thought she was shaking from, like, being so scared to and like hearing people throw up so i thought she was shaking from like being so scared to throw up but i felt so bad and i like called drew

the worst meal no it was the best shit i've no it was fucking delicious like it was the most delicious thing i've ever put in my fucking hole in my life Look over here, this is what Drew's looking at It's a plate of beans and eggs It was delicious, but it's so funny looking Um, anyway, okay, and then I called Drew I really can't live in the moment, can I? Are you looking back literally at yesterday and being like that was a dream? That was such a good day

I wish today was that good i wish i could experience yesterday today okay so i call you because also the place we're staying in the rooms are separated like you have to go outside and then like go to other rooms so i was calling drew to ask for help and this was what was it 4 30 in the morning no this was like 5 a.m it was the scariest moment of my life like i get a call from inya and it also is for some reason my phone vibrated which i don't know why it was vibrating i had the ringer on and it was such a weird vibrate that like i'm in a bunk bed and my phone somehow got on the wood floor and it literally vibrated my entire fucking bed and my whole and I it was like so fucking scary it felt good though yeah no it like stimulated me um and I woke up and I was already having a nightmare I do not remember

the nightmare at all but I was I was already having like a horrific dream and my phone woke up and I was like, oh my God, like this is, that was so scary. Like, who is it? And I looked and it was Inya calling me and I was like, why the fuck is Inya calling me at four 30 in the morning? Like something is going on and I answer it and I hear literally like tape, like cassette tape, like, like crackling and like, like like kind of like uh what is it called um vinyl yes like vinyl album oh my fucking god like vinyl album like um cracking and it i'm like hello

i like him yelling at any i'm like hello and i don't get an answer. From my side, I also hear nothing, but I'm saying nothing anyways. I'm just like, I called him to wake him up because I texted him. I was like, he's definitely dead asleep. A call will wake him up. And that's why I called him. So I'm a fucking genius and it worked. But I was literally like, yes. I'm like, hello?

And I'm like, oh, fuck. And I say hello again, like even more angry. And I'm like, why the fuck is she not answering? And then in my like sleep deprived, like half awake, half asleep brain, I was like, oh my God, Inya got like taken. And like this is her like last like moments, like her last hurrah to get like her location out there. So I like stayed on the phone for literally 14 seconds

because I read or heard somewhere that like if you stay on the phone for 14 seconds like they can track your location um and i stayed on the call for 21 seconds because i was like okay like i need this so they can triangulate her location um and then i like she blew up my phone and text and i was like okay she's alive yeah i was just trying to see if we could go get her anti-nausea medicine um because I felt so I was not getting out of that fucking bed like you could not have convinced me I was like what do you feel and she was basically just saying what you feel when you have too much alcohol and in my head I was like I know what she needs is to like throw up and then get a good meal in the morning and water so I went and got

water from Drew and gave her water and I was like I'll give it five minutes because I know damn well I'm gonna go get in that fucking car to drive the 25 minutes to the only pharmacy open and she's gonna throw up while i'm gone um and i just watch her throw up while i'm gone i just watch her hobble back and forth while i'm shaking and then she ended up throwing up and she felt fine and i went back to sleep um i had a really horny dream but then i woke up and it was my reality no i had a really sad dream last night dude i had a fucked up dream and i explained it to kai and kai literally had zero reaction to it and i was like fuck you oh i think i told you because he's in his time he's heard a lot of drake literally was in my dream like one he was like hitting on

me it was like he was like in love with me following a ptsd written dream no it was like sexy hot like drake um wait but you've had i i thought you had sex with drake i did that's why i'm saying i'm dreaming oh yeah it was like good um and then he was like filming me on like a video tape recorder um and then there was like a hole in the ground oh my god i literally almost pissed myself in my dream like i well i did pee in my dream. Like I, well, I did pee in my dream, but I had, if you see a toilet, do not use that motherfucker in the dream. And it was like a urinal, like this big on the ground. And I had to like lift up a piece of carpet cause it was also surrounded by carpet. And I missed a little and pissed into the carpet.

And I like peed and started peeing in the hole. And I was like, then my, then my like oh I don't even know like my reality brain was like wait like we're pissing in a dream right now we need to wake up so I woke up and yeah that's my life I had a dream that I was dating someone and that they um um were being really mean to me and it scared me and i woke up and i was like and that's it that's all i'll give that's the only context i'll give that made you really horny ew did you say uck

all right well how much time are we at kai oh my god literally time does for five minutes it's like the kilometers the pesos to usd kilometers to miles per hour minutes are slower here i'm gonna twerk on drew technically we're three years old on saturn right there's no way your mom didn't do meth with you in her stomach there's like actually no way where the fuck did that meth with you in her stomach. There's, like, actually no way. Where the fuck did that come from? I really want to know. I know, like, the conversation we had about it in the car. That was Kai's, like, bar, I think.

I don't even remember anymore. I don't even, like, literally. We're all minors. We all are minors on Saturn. If you think about, like, the orbit of it around the sun, like, we are all minors on Saturn. If you think about the orbit of it around the sun, we are all minors. The thing is, am I the only one who is so sloppy toppy right now? I am a minor. I'm turning 16 in March.

I keep forgetting that. I'm only 15. Guys, I'm literally only 15. I'm so traveled for a 15-year-old. Yeah, you're fucking doing that. Neurodivergent. Kai. You're only 15. I'm so traveled for a 15-year-old. Yeah, you're fucking doing that. Neurodivergent. Same. Kai.

In Kai's dream, is he 15. Okay, the only note I have I already talked about. Yo vien en Los Angeles donde puedo encandrar su mix. Where can I find your mix? I was trying to tell Drew how to translate things. I'm trying to think of anything else that's happened on this trip, but that's kind of been it. I've just found out that I'm, like,

sexy as fuck here. That's a lie. I literally haven't been hit on like that, which is, like, really sad because I am very sexy. No, I get hit on a bunch. You know what it is?

It's because I'm with y'all. It's probably because I'm with Jester, and people think me and Jester are, like, dating slay. That's a lie. That is not the fact. That is not the fact of the matter.

That's actually... Jester is my long lost cousin that's my prima no that's my prim we've it's so funny at the table also for context uh jester's our non-binary homie and we were sitting at the table and jester kept like saying who we all were to them. So they were like, pointed to me, it was like, hermana and like pointed to Elisa, it was like, mija and to Drew it was like, mijo. And then to Drew it was like, papa. It was like, or to Kai.

And Drew was like, papa. And then like the waiter came with the horchata and was like, who's this for? He was like, papa. And like pointed to Kai. And then Drew tried to do the same thing and pointed to me and said, mija. And then pointed to Justin and went, me. Me.

Because how do you get, I don't know how to get around that. If anybody has any tips. Any tidbits. Any tips. Me X. It's so fucking pretty out here. I'm about to pull my fucking coochie out. What?

Wait, should I give my... Should I pull my coochie out and give it a bit of a rub it up? No, give her a look. Give her a taste. Give her a look. She wants to see. Oh my God, I'm wearing Abercrombie and... This is gross.

I'm wearing Abercrombie and Fitch shorts. And literally my big fucking papaya is like pushing. Like I feel like I'm crowning. I'm literally... My coochie is crowning at my knees. No, you're chafing the insides. I know. My coochie is, like, grabbing all the fabric and sucking it up like a little vortex.

But that's enough about my coochie. Oh, also, I will give an update. I don't have a UTI. I don't know what was up with my coochie, but, like, for two days, like, she was just not, like, not on her best behavior you one i think you said that before too no i did not there's no way i said that i probably said it no go ahead fucking say it no i i said it in public i didn't say it on the well this is public i didn't say it on the podcast no go go for it no no no no it's not even my joke no but say it you just took up a 30 seconds say it what if elon musk is an alien trying to get back to his home planet she's gonna impale me on these fucking spikes and she's gonna

put my head on it like i can't believe the things like you only get so many words in your lifetime to say and the ones you choose to put out are insane are the best fucking words ever point blank period the best words i don't know there's no competition don't do that you're gonna fuck up the mics i mean i like i am freaking the fuck out because i am literally withdrawing from alcohol like no the alcohol here like they see me and they're like okay you're a little too drunk we're gonna give you reverse alcohol and they give you a shot of like something that absorb that tastes like alcohol but absorbs all your drunkness it happened to me i will say whatever was in our drinks yesterday i had half of mine and i was like no you know also i realized

because when we were at lunch just now i had half my margarita this is going to sound so stupid and obvious because alcohol is technically it dehydrates you but that's why my contacts were getting so fucking dry was because i was drinking that margarita my contacts were already dry when i got to the table so i just kept drinking and like being like oh if i get past the sleepy stages like i'll get drunk and i can go out but as i kept drinking my contacts just kept drying and drying and drying and that's what i just figured out is that the things you put I haven't found that with wiener. Penis. Can I have a penis calada, please?

Un penis calada. Un penis culo, please. He said, oh my God, penesculito please that's good gracias that's not good gracias un pingaculito

please un peson in mi culo that doesn't that means nipple like you we already went over this no I know

I just like saying it okay well I think that's it for this episode because we literally have nothing else to talk about we are so brain dead um I just like saying it. Okay, well, I think that's it for this episode because we literally have nothing else to talk about. We are so brain dead.

No, no media this week. Sorry, guys. Peace and love. No media. I've just been off my phone because I've been living life. I have also been off my phone. I'm going to give y'all... I want to stand up to go get my phone, but my whole coochie will be out

because I definitely have a big fat camel toe right now. Okay. How do you say the new Echo song? Why are you looking? Oh, my God. Kai was literally just looking. No, he did not. He was.

And Miss Camel. What was the other thing? Oh, when I was sitting on the couch and he looked at my butt and he was like, you're going to fart on me. And he literally looked at my fucking hole right in the eye. He did. It was crazy. Kai wants to get eye contact with my holes. It's crazy, actually.

The looking hole. That's what he wants. Through the looking glass. Through the looking glass. Can you give me my phone from over there? It's behind you in my bag. Okay, well, I am going to say, I already said all these songs. The new Blade and Echo song is really sick.

Amy Gigala. Is that the one that's like, I want it. I want it. Iconic. Iconic. I want it. I think you can do that. I want it. I want it. Iconic. Iconic. I want it. I want it. I want it.

I want it. Oh, Kai's wearing different pants today. Iconic. Iconic. Kai lied to me when we were at the airport, because we were at the airport alone together for a minute, because I had to go somewhere else to bring my bag, and he came with me. Yes, during TSA, they had to pat him down, and I was like he came with me yes during tsa they had to pat him down and i was like no i'll do it and i did pat kai wow um but your mom i put a bunch of painkillers killers into my brother's soup when i was 14 years old

then he overdosed i'm gonna end my life the the fucking good thing we had an arcade The reservation Finn got me He got it on February 5th Instead of March 5th So I just got a text from Carbone Saying You're running an hour late Oy

Whatever I'll text him That's awful But the new Blade song Is really nice Oh By Ciara Is really nice

That's what Kai told me. Kai was like, he had a new shirt on. I was like, oh my God, finally, like new shirt. It's like, did you bring new shirts? And he lied to me and he said he had new shirts for every day. Oh yeah. He was like, I got a new fit every fucking. Oh my God, man.

She's so beautiful. I just can't get enough of it. It's making me really horny. It's fucking beautiful out here. My songs of the week. I think I already said this in the last episode. I didn't even finish. Oh my god.

He had so long. Am I tripping? No. Because you literally over... You talked over me for like 30 fucking minutes just now. How does it feel? It does not... You literally talk over me every fucking time I speak. Literally, when I, fuck you, bitch. When I speak, Drew literally is like.

But it adds to the ambience. Like, yours just cuts me off viciously. Yours confuses me and makes it hard for me to focus. This is Romance Tommy Dorsey. I'm not kidding. I'm staying in Mexico. I'm not going back to LA Find someone else

To do the podcast Girl okay Actually the podcast Is mine You go start another Actually that's another thing They started a podcast Without me

I went into the room And they were filming Something without me No And they had their clothes on So it wasn't sex again We did five episodes They're all a minute long

Each we're testing out A new format of podcast We'll play one here Okay there's Beatles Under the bed Okay uh my check beetles under the bed episode one of drew and kai's competing podcast to emergency intercom which is all about guy stuff i tried to kill myself last week oh man do you know what i really really wanted this to be like a fun one. Do you want to know why? Why?

Do you want to know how? How or why? How and why? You can choose one. Why? I woke up in the middle of the night. Okay. And I walked into the kitchen.

And I saw what I thought was a ghost but it was an intruder and the intruder looked at me and spoke in tongue or binary or I couldn't describe it but it was almost like a Morse code

like clicking and the clicks for some reason resonated with me and they said kill your family or kill yourself choose one um so i tried to kill myself and it didn't work and i later learned that it was a schizophrenic delusion and now i am on antipsychotics. Okay, cool. Have you ever tried to kill yourself? I did, yeah. I did attempt.

All right, guys. Thanks for tuning in. You have to dive in. Please, please, please. There are only a minute. Please dive in. On the next episode. Oh, my God. It just so happens that you always go first.

What's the opposite of emergency and calm? Calm vibes. Thanks again, guys, for tuning in to Chill Quiet Announcement. Let me know what you think. Actually, we probably won't put it on there.

Because I know there's going to be comments who are like, I would watch a podcast with just you two and I will kill myself. I will actually commit suicide. I will kill myself. And that is a threat to all of you. And I'm not kidding. Girl, I would never leave you. I would never cheat on you. You know this. You would cheat on me.

You're my only one. I swear to God. You're a slut. You would cheat on me. No, look at me in the eyes. I swear I would never ever do swear to God. You're a slut. You would cheat on me. No, look at me in the eyes. I swear I would never, ever do that to you. You look away. Why did you look away? You're a slut. Because I'm scared of eye contact with pretty women.

I would never cheat on you. I swear on my entire life. You're looking through me. I'm not. I'm looking at your beautiful brown eyes. My eyes are blue. Imagine. I would never cheat on you

ew true you're scaring me um I think I said this last episode but I'm getting used to you by Zalina

I thought the camera said something I was like if we're not recording I actually will jump off this building I will literally jump onto the tower roof

I would go right out to the fucking cobblestone I would know the thing I would do is I would get on the next level up and dive. And jump. Dive into the pool head first. I'm getting used to you by Selena Unhappy.

Crack my school. I don't want to play around by Ace Spectrum. And for the hungry boy, Johnny Greenwood. Nice. And I have not watched anything. I've been watching this. That's what I said earlier. Like, why do we need entertainment?

You kissed my fingers and they were all over this grubby ass floor. I don't care. I said this earlier. Like, why do we need entertainment in movie and TV shows when our eyes are the television and what we see is the show and we should just absorb all the content around us? No. How the fuck do our eyes work? Like, actually, like genuinely,, that does not make sense.

Well, it's because after we got iPhones, we put them in our heads. No, it does not make fucking sense, like, at all. All right, well, thank you guys so much for watching. We'll be back next episode. They have Bluetooth towers here. I mean, 5G towers here. Okay, I'll see you guys next week. They have Bluetooth towers here. I mean, 5G towers here. Okay, I'll see you next week. You can't escape it.

I'll see you next week if I decide to go back to L.A. If I die young. No, if... When I die young, bury me in silence. Oh, satin, satin. Bury me in satin, lay me down on a... No, no. Bury me in silence, lay me down on a bed of satin. Satin. Bury me in satin. Lay me down. No, no. Bury me in silence. Lay me down in a bed of satin. On a bed of roses. Fucker.

Motherfucker. I don't fucking know. I was singing it right. That's the thing. Okay. Bye, guys. I know. I keep getting closer and closer to the edge. It's my fucking secret. I have to fix my big coochie. Maybe we just do a moment like this where we look over. My ass looks really flat in these because they're kids' shorts.

Don't look. Kai is looking at my butt again. Keep going. Keep going. Life is like a movie. Life is like a box of chocolates. Life is like a box of chocolates. Life can be whatever you want it to be.

Wait, I wonder where the chapel is. We didn't get to see it. Life can be your own imagination. Damn, it's really pretty out here. It actually is fucking beautiful. I lucky wish we had an extra day because then we could have just stayed in this hotel. Girl, I'm literally changing my flight. I'm not even joking.

I think you should. I'm not kidding. Really? Actually? Yeah. Stay one more day. But I couldn't get back to the airport. How the fuck would I get back to the airport?

You were there. Actually, yeah. But I guess technically Kai would probably want to stay too. Kai, would you stay another day? But then how would we extend the car? I think typically you could keep the car for a day and just take it back. Yeah. I mean, that's a lot to think about.

Lots to think. Yeah, why not leave tomorrow night? Low-key vibe. Like, if anything, see if you could change your flight to later. All right. I want to go and climb that mountain. I want to get to the top of it. You see that cross up there?

You watch Free Solo once and you think you're going to do that. I could Free Solo these fucking mountains. I swear to God, I could. Like, I'm not even joking. Do you think that guy could Free Solo these? He would look at these and scoff. He would be like, these are the easiest fucking mountains. He'd be like, I'm getting up there in two minutes.

Yeah. No, I actually think I could. Like, that's not even a joke. No, you couldn't. Like, I could get up there. No, I swear to God, I could get up to the top if I wanted to. That's, I'm not even saying that. But you want to and you're not doing it that's the funny part well that's there's a difference between want and can like i can't what you want and you need and i need you

look you see that thing right there the pool no that's not a pool it's like to wash your clothes but my grandma had one that was like cemented in the ground in Honduras. And I used to get in it and I would call it like a piscina because I thought it was a pool. And I'd be like, can I please get in it? And I would get in it all the time. And then I got too big and she'd be like, stop fucking around with me. You're going to break my shit. You're going to break my balls.

You've been busting my balls recently. You've been busting my fucking balls. I'll bust you balls again. My wife. Are you going to buy me something nice at the market or what? I've got a thousand more pesos to spend. Are you going to spend them on me? We'll see.

If you're nice. What are you going to give me tonight? I can give you something. What are you going to give me tonight? I can give you something. This is probably such a strange vibe. I think it is for a second. I forgot we were like

after i said the imagination thing like i forgot i was on camera like actually all right imagine all the people wait i have this idea okay so you know how covid you know how COVID is happening? What if me, you, and all of our influencer friends sang the song Imagine? Imagine all the people. And we put it out on the internet. And we were like, we're all, look, I may be a celebrity, but we are in this together. We're just people. We're people too. I will say.

Our life is affected just as much as yours no i i'm gonna be honest i think i'm better than most people i'm okay sorry sue me sue me i'm not kidding like okay you're gonna tell me that i'm not better than most people i agree i really am like look at me i'm on camera right now i do what i want i live how i'm i'm sorry guys like i'm better than you especially kai i'm better than kai sorry he. I'm better than Kai. Sorry. He can fucking hear you. No, he can't. He literally... We're in his head. If I screamed right now, it'd be over.

Okay, should we both scream? Wait, should we... I don't know if we should because... No, yeah, we won't because there's other people. Bottle flip challenge all right let's get out of here dinghy card challenge thank you guys so much for watching sorry about this next time you see us we'll be in brazil wait someone commented and was like drew's's low-key been giving Jesus recently, like slowly transforming into Jesus.

And someone was like, no, he's quickly becoming Jesus. And then someone was like, you know, it's crazy. Drew's fucking lost. And then someone was like, it's crazy. He's making up comments. He's making them up. And then someone was like,'s crazy because like the next episode he'll probably be like recording in front of a lake or something someone did say that but

there is no lake it's just mountains yeah we're in the most beautiful place on earth i thought you were gonna try and bottle challenge that over my head okay bye guys oh imagine i just like lost it and i just pushed you and i recorded all the way down and i was like and yeah why would you do this to me no he swings the mic cable and like grabs me and it slingshots me back up and i'm like don't fuck with me bitch no but like don't fuck with me, bitch. No, but like the mic. Don't fuck with me. The mic cable is still on me.

I'm built fucking different. And you give me a chance and you pull me up. And you're like, don't fuck with me. And then you push me back down. And then I, what is it? PJ you in Spider-Man. What's your name? PJ.

No, what the fuck? You BJ me. No, what's the girl? MJ. MJ. I MJ you. My Andrew Garfield type beat? Yeah, but instead of it being spider web, it's cable and you like snap at the bottom.

But I still hit my head. And I die. No, but you wake up in another reality. Okay, no. Bye, guys. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Outro Music