Emergency Intercom - We Ruin The Holidays - Christmas Special

Episode Date: December 23, 2022

Enya is too old for Christmas but Drew is still 16 and hopes he gets a MacBook for Christmas. Enya got way too high in Big Bear and Drew believes Drake has a romantic connection to his friends.... not his girl friends... This episode is sponsored by Better Help. Learn more and save 10% off your first month at BetterHelp.com/intercom Go to Zocdoc.com/INTERCOM and download the Zocdoc app for FREE.  Follow Enya on Insta: @EnyaUmanzor Follow Drew on Insta: @DrewPhillips09 To listen to the podcast on YouTube: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercomPodYT Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I'm, like, so worried about my sister. Randy, you cannot marry a murderer. I was sick, but I am healed. Returning to W Network and Stack TV. The West Side Ripper is back. If you're not killing these people, then who is? That's what I want to know. Starring Kaley Cuoco and Chris Messina.

The only investigating I'm doing these days is who shit their pants. Killer messaged you yesterday? This is so dangerous. I gotta get out of this. Based on a true story. New season Mondays at 9, Eastern and Pacific. Only on W. Stream on Stack TV. Welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom.

It is not Christmas yet, but it's only two days away, and my little son here, I let him open one of his Christmas presents early. I'm playing Pokemon Violet on the Switch. And he hasn't spoken to me since. Can you stop touching me, Mom? But, you know, I'll do anything for my little boy i just critical hit the hack service and the elite four you know having they always said having a little boy would be hard mom shut up mom you're being a bitch mom boys will be boys fair wait boys will literally be boys like the thing is boys will push you, kick you, spit on you,

fucking shove your face into a pile of dirt. Like, there's something about a boy being a boy like that. Like, that's just boyish behavior. Yeah. I don't know why Drew has to switch, actually. Like, I went to the bathroom before we started. When I came back, he just had it in his hand. Well, I have it because i'm in the elite four and it's a very big moment for me and pokemon

right um but fine i'll put it away i'll put it away holy shit toys away we're at the dinner table with our family right now yeah family fucking sucks but we were um before we started the episode um we were talking about this like video popped up on my feed of like one of those like tv evangelical even even galley on um uh tv pastors that like do sermons in front of 25 000 people every sunday 30 000 i, even the TV viewership, it's 150,000 people watching every Sunday and they are fucking loaded because those pastors pocket all of the money that is donated to them. And one of the video I'm watching was like this dude talking about like, I don't know the full context, but I just know that he was like talking about like buying houses and that his first home

was 14,000. His second home was 89,000. And then he like cut himself off and was like, actually, that's crazy because this watch is $89,000. And everybody in the audience was like, huh? Like, what are you saying? And he was like, I'm not saying that pridefully. And like, honestly, like I have things, watches that are, and he was going to go on to say more expensive than this, but then he was like, actually, nevermind like moved on but like those people are scamming you they're scamming you they're pocketing all the money you donate to the church i was thinking like i it's kind of like it's just celebrityism in like a different sense it's like it's like how you would like buy something from somebody you like and like even if it's maybe not good you'll buy it off of them because you're like i just like

this person and it's like i'm supporting this person it's literally that for those people because i feel like like because i was saying to you i was like that's fucking crazy they feel like they're getting closer to god though that's the problem is like when they donate to these churches they're donating to like spread the word of jesus yeah they feel like they're donating to like spread the word of Jesus. And then they're taking this money. Yeah, they feel like they're donating to like, oh, if I don't donate, the church will close and then I will have nowhere to go. Yeah. To like consume my faith. But these people are taking their fucking money

and flying around on private jets all week. Low key should we be priests. I was about to say like, we should turn up and like we should change up and become evangelical. They're gonna see all my photos from when I first moved to LA. And I thought that the only way to keep relevant was to have my tits out and they'll be like, no, you're done.

No, they'll definitely support you. For having my tits out? Anybody's allowed in the church. Right, right. Me when I'm lying. Me leaving the church because I wasn't allowed. But also it's crazy to think because this is our Christmas episode, it's crazy to think that this is super religious.

Everybody has their, what is it called? Holiday? No, the little, the Jesus, I think the word, I don't want to say it because someone's going to make fun of me because I think I'm going to say it wrong. The nacimiento, I think that's what it's called. It's like Jesus and them. Like the people like jesus and mary and it's like the baby with the lambs the wait i can reverse translate it what is that called holy shit um don't say it when you find out because it's gonna piss me off oh um it starts with a t right wait fuck they're screaming at us in the comments

right now it's like baby jesus in the manger it's the nativity nativity scene nativity scene damn it okay i was like i was like i don't think it's nasimiento that is the word but when i looked it up reverse it just said birth and i'm like like, but it's like the birth of Jesus. Way, the precious moments, birth of Jesus, the little babies. But yeah, it's crazy to think that it's like a holiday. Remember the fucking Starbucks cup pandemic? Of like nobody like-

The red cup and like you're worshiping Satan. It's like on the same level as like xmas like people be yeah taking the christ out of christmas bitch no we just want presents like also like i'm sorry but christmas is way too long of a word xmas is lit xmas is like we need to make an r a horror movie oh oh oh listen to this x but it's christmas thing and it's xmas didn't um the hot guy from stranger things literally just do that movie david harbour oh okay when you said hot guy i was like i was like which one of those youngins do you think is hot because like that's not our vibe bro trust me i only date people twice my age what the fuck was i gonna say i was oh oh it's a naughty christmas

that's what he did i think it's called like naughty christmas every time i see it looks like a parody though and i was like why is this sexy ass doing that why is your sexy ass doing that right now that fucking lana del rey actually rotted out my fucking brain like i've been thinking about that a lot recently like being young and like liking lana the pipeline is insane like that the the lana to um having an awful gauge of what relationships are pipeline is a very real thing and i won't change it for the world of me but like i don't know i just was thinking about that i mean like i think it bettered my life in a lot of ways. Right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But also, like, okay, there's something to be said, though, because, like, Lana does have an impact. And she fully did because, like, she, like, normalized those things. But, like, a lot of people who, like, feel like that and have, like, the ideas we do of relationships, it comes from, like, more of our upbringing than anything. Okay? It's from my mommy and daddy issues yeah like so like she was just the soldier brave enough

to say it right well shut me down shut everything I say down well no it's not to shut you down that's me I was just making a joke that's my guarding Lana coming out cause I'm like guys it's not all her fault even though okay fuck that star i'm gonna freak out um even though yeah i

mean it made like the things we thought like it like it just validated yeah it like romanticized it more which was like gnarly because there was no reason for me to be my age being like yes i'll wait for you when i'm 18 it's gonna be i should not have been driving the second day i got my license to a city of nevermind we won't get into that i saw this um video of simon cowell like the x factor judge um tell me why someone is wearing his skin like someone skinned him wait is there a new video of him yes someone skinned him and put his skin on and they were like we need to upkeep like simon cowell um it's like that one young thug video of him stopping the fashion show with his blunt and fixing the collar i love that um literally but he didn't do shit he just like

was kind of wanting attention yeah he just like was kind of attention yeah he just like touched him like those fucking waiters from last night we'll get into um but someone is wearing simon cowell's skin and has been for years and i think i'm the first person to say that i could be wrong but like this video that i saw of him is like insane like it actually scared me like it's since I always say on this show two or three minutes can change your life and it has and maybe this time it's gonna be you fans were quick to point out his smoothed-out complexion and bleach-whitened teeth social media is going bonkers holy moly I nearly didn't recognize him. Simon, is that you?

It's melting off. His skin is melting off. Social media is going bonkers. Emergency intercom is going bonkers okay newscast reporters need to shut the fuck up like why is he talking about that on channel 5 news right now like why is that like on the news dude that is yeah but you know what i'm saying like someone skinned him years ago looks like um he wanted collagen and they put too much in him and now his skin is like bloated like you know when you burn a piece of your skin

and it bloats up and gets really smooth? That's what his face looks like. You know what's crazy is that I think Shrek was the downfall of Simon Cowell's career because he peaked there. That you peaked there. When he did Shrek? Yeah.

What did he do in Shrek? Didn't he just voice act one character? No, no, no. He like the... In Shrek 2, the cameo cameo yeah but it wasn't like a part of the movie it was like a special feature of them all doing and he was himself and actually oh yeah the animated character was crazy they made him like sexy in it um that that's like the mr beast fortnite skin like why did they have to sexify him i don't know if you've given him a look

but like no see because miss mr beast like we mentioned him every single has something we mentioned mr beast every single episode just like we mentioned fucking everything else every episode because we've lost things to talk about we've literally turned into like 11 year olds and what we do with our day like we wake up we sit around i go to your bed i sit in your bed we use our phones for a second and then i'm like okay i'm gonna go play fortnight and then we play fortnight and then we watch if Mr. Beast has a new video yeah think about it the whole iPad baby shit was not fake that's literally what started it that's like what jump started like very extreme iPad baby behavior very real of us but yeah like he looks good there but then you

scroll up and you see him and he's melting okay you can't compare the way he looked in an animated movie to what he looks like 30 years later i don't know man but yeah mr beast he's got something there his last video scared me i don't have to explain it freaked me the fuck out i was so high something there i was literally so high while we were watching that. It was freaking me out. Oh, my God. Also, good news. I got so high that I got scared of everybody.

So I hit my limit. Wait, what was the second time? I don't know. You thought I hated you or something. Oh, no, that was the same night. No, but there was another thing that we were doing the next night that you were like, I got scared again. Oh, I think I had a dream about it.

Like, it was like that deep for me but i don't remember but i got so fucking high and i did but what's annoying is i didn't mean to get this high that night we went to big bear as a crew like our squad went to big bear it was so fucking cute it was so sweet we did secret santa with each other and and it was the only one who didn't get a gift because your secret Santa forgot. But they showed me the gift they did by me. The craziest thing is I told that motherfucker months before what to get you. And it was that, and he didn't get it until we left.

Last minute. I was like, I bet he didn't even have it ordered while we were there. Probably. I guarantee that's what happened. But I hope I get it before I leave, which I don't think that's going to happen because I leave in like two days.

But that was so funny, though. I'm actually going to just out him. It was Christian. It was Christian who didn't get my fucking gift. And when we got there, we put all the gifts by the fireplace. I was like, oh, my God. And then I did it. What the fuck do I have?

Monkey pox. What is it? Girl, that's ringworm. No, it's just my eczema. I just. Yeah, it is because I have one right here. I had a dry spot on my arm after Big Bear. I always get it.

Or we got scabies in Big Bear. I always get it right here. We need to normalize talking about eczema. And I get it on my arms really bad for some reason. And then I was getting it on my thumb too. Oh, I'm getting it on this finger. Do you see? Like it's like scabbing over. I was so scared.

I was like, oh my God, I'm going to be one of those people that like hit their 30s and didn't have eczema at all in their life. And then like their entire face gets covered in eczema. Oh, that happens when you're on like a steroid, which is actually terrifying as fuck.

And I'm so glad that like I never got put on a steroid. And if you have eczema and you were on a steroid, you were in my thoughts for real count your days um but it was fucking christian who didn't have my gift and we got there and i counted all the gifts and i was like oh a gift is missing somebody didn't bring their fucking gift and he like looked at me and i like could tell by the way he was looking at me that it was me and then like i made another joke about it and he got really he got like so like embarrassed that he i felt bad he got up and like went to go take a nap and i was

like and then that morning on our christmas morning when we woke up to no we didn't wake up to a white christmas it was the next day but when we woke up i like did the head count i went out to orion and i was like it's fucking me i'm not getting a gift today and she was like yeah i didn't know how to tell you you're like it's you and then i was like it's you it's you it's all you guys went to cbs or something and got me a bunch of little cute gifts so i still had fun actually let's talk about that as well um tell me why me josh and lucas were like oh like let's like surprise everybody with coffee and like starbucks treats in the morning and we'll go and like we don't know what everybody wants but like everybody will just be so excited to wake everybody will be so excited to

wake up to a coffee in the morning and a sandwich from Starbucks because like you know who wouldn't be excited we came home we brought the coffees and I went upstairs and I was like Inya Inya it's Christmas morning and we got you coffee we got you coffee because we're so nice and the first thing she said was does it have oat milk in it okay to be fair i had just woken up and like like it was my that was literally my first words of the day she said does it but i was so grateful and i did drink it uh-huh uh-huh but yeah me josh and lucas were like oh since indiana not going to be able to open anything, let's just get her something.

And I wish I brought my fucking gift that I got you so you could have opened that because it's the best gift I think you've ever gotten in your entire life. But I haven't given it to you yet. I believe that. Well, your gift comes... Well, you have two gifts from me.

You have, like... They're all kind of in the same world, which is really annoying because my problem is i hyper fixate on one thing and i'm like this is this person's thing right now and then like usually it bleeds into something i've wanted before and like then i'm like i'll just give it to them because then i get to see it and like whatever and it's really dumb it's not like the craziest thing ever but i was like the other things that are going to come after christmas i think you're going to literally be like, oh, my fucking God, and love.

But the ones that are coming before you leave are like, whatever. Oh, wait, I'm going to open something before you leave? It ended up shipping before. Hopefully. I have to see because you leave Saturday. But what was I saying? Oh, yeah, but it was me who didn't get gifts, but Drew went and got me little things to open, and it was really fun.

And Lucas helped him pick it, and I could tell because lucas lucas's brain is insane lucas is actually a caveman like lucas is literally like like like it's so funny because lucas is the duality of man yeah like he is like smart and, nice and stupid. Like he's like just like he can be so emotional. He is so emotionally intelligent and wise beyond his years. When like if you have an issue and you like talk to Lucas about it, he literally is like so comforting, knows what to say, is so good with words. I had a moment with him and Josiah in the hot tub when it was just us. And I was like damn this motherfucker

like is so smart like emotionally smart because like like I like I was saying in a couple episodes ago or maybe even last episode I was like I've been like reframing my mind it's like cognitive behavioral therapy where you're just like like if someone cuts you off in the traffic and like instead of honking and get mad and flipping them off and saying fuck you you're just like dude actually you know what this person probably is either having a bad day or they're in a rush or something and you can just like change your frame on that but lucas was kind of explaining that in like a better way and was just like all these people that you have in your life that like this wasn't at me it was like advice he was giving josiah was like these people you have in your life like it's it's so easy to resort to like having like

negative emotions and wishing the worst on to them but like just don't do that and he he did it way he said it in so many other words but like it's not my advice yeah so. So I didn't want to, I don't know. You didn't want to butcher it. And I just did. No, I, girl, hey. That ties back in. Lucas is just like so intelligent, but is the craziest person to be in a room with, especially because of what he finds funny.

He's a freakazoid. And it's awesome. But basically, Orion gave me an edible. and i was just like orion can like handle her weed like a fucking champion but i as we all know cannot and she gave me an edible and i had to eat in all day and we had just driven up to big bear and i was like whatever like this isn't gonna be too bad you literally are in your substance abuse era like it's been like 17 days in a row no but i'm like i'm done because i i did it yesterday i you know what it was it's because also i've been in my social era so i keep accepting to go out but

then i feel this weird social etiquette where i'm like yeah i'll do it but then when i'm at home and then the days i am home all day i'm like i didn't do anything all day i'm gonna get high as bones for fun but i need to chill because like it will be a problem and guys i recognize that in myself yeah um but i wouldn't allow it to become a problem she's just a girl having fun she's a pretty girl having a pretty girl i'm a pretty girl ending my year with a bang since i didn't do anything super bang bang that song the jesse j song something is wrong with your brain what do does it go? You think there's a ghost in the room and I said bang, so you thought of the... Bang, bang all over you.

I know you want me. Wait, wait. Is that Jessie J, Iggy, and Ariana? Bang, bang. There's also a Miley Cyrus song that says bang, bang. Wait. Bang, bang. Oh, Bangers two coming soon i know it's probably just a rumor but i've heard through

the grapevine through people thinking it was iggy azalea when it was nikki oh i'm done oh whoa you're over you know what it was because there's like a wait no no no you're over wait is it a katie perry song that has iggy there's like another song that has a trio of girls in it. Bang, bang, do-dee, ba-ba-ba-da-da-ba-ba. Is that Miley's song? I don't know. I know Miley has like... Oh, but Bangers 2, I've heard through the grapevine that it's actually real and it's coming soon.

But I'm probably just being lied to because I am a liar and people like to get off on lying to the liar. Um, but I've heard from credible sources. That would be fucking awesome. That's like how I remember. I kept hearing about like Skies album, then it didn't happen. Just a single. And that was very heartbreaking for me. But, um, she gave me this edible and then we we we had like gone to the grocery store and gotten food and I hadn't eaten all day and I didn't think anything of it because since I had been like upping my tolerance I'm like this isn't gonna do anything to me like I'm fine and mind you I hadn't eaten all day so like literally within 30 minutes I was like incredibly high and we sat down

to eat pizza and the way it was sat the table is like lucas josiah and christian were here orion was here drew was there and josh was like on the other side of the table and all of y'all were talking about a book orion had read that was like this weird thing and i think she started talking about sylvia plath killing herself and i'm like damn bitch you you and sylvia plath like damn but um orion was which is honestly such a like character trait that i feel like everybody would be like oh is orion actually like talking about those bitches yes she is in like a very real way at the dinner table and like acting it out in the oven yeah and i'm like oh my god you were crazy and she's like talking about sylvia plath and then josie and lucas are getting into a fake

argument that like feels too real because i'm getting high and christian is high and he's watching and he's like can't tell if they're joking and like no one can tell no one can tell if they're joking and like i'm just sitting there and i was like oh i'm getting really high so then i was like i need to eat like that's what's happening is i haven't eaten so i'm like way too high right now the other thing i just remembered what it was it was josiah's like scary character that he was doing i know he like gets it to like this no no it's the scottish character the when we were trying to like translate it oh oh that was the second thing that was the second night that also greened christian out to a point where he literally threw up Like Josiah's like so good at like being awful that he can physically give people physical reactions to his like actions.

Dude, he like I'm not kidding. If Josiah dropped everything right now and like seriously pursued being an actor, he would be huge because he is like way too good. He like transforms. It's really nasty. And he is like born to be a performer because he can get in front of everybody and just start doing this shit and he eats up the attention that it gives i know and it makes him stronger yeah he feeds off of it um but yeah like the first night that's what was happening and then christian like was getting hot so he got under the table and took off his clothes and

started grabbing things from the table while we were sitting there eating and talking and i was really trying hard and i was the only sober one. So I was like, kind of silent. And then you thought I was like, angry. I thought he was like, really mad at me. And then like, dude, it was just so much. It was like, everything was wrapping up too much. And I like, I literally was like, dude, all I need right now is to sit on the fucking couch with Orion and look at her iPhone. Because since I don't have to talk, I can look at Orion's to talk and we could just sit there. And like, Orion is somebody who like, I could be like belligerently high

and like greening. But Orion or like you too, but you like feed into it sometimes and I can't, like I can't do it. Like you'll be like, you're too high. And then you're like, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. But like, you can't even do that. And like, it's too much.

You're greening out, aren't you? You're acting so fucking weird. You're like, why? You're silent. Your eyes are so red and you're so high and you're acting so weird and your breath is so loud like what the fuck damn your breath is so fucking hot because you've had it like your mouth closed for like an hour because you're silently greening out um but i was like i just need to sit at the couch right now and then finally like i'm not kidding an hour goes by like and it felt like the longest hour of my fucking life and i i was doing a good job of not fully greening like i was like pretty silent

but i was trying to talk also orion showed me this fucking family she likes like on instagram and i was so convinced it was a cult and it was that was freaking me out because it was like you even brought me and i was like no it's just like a weird family no and it was freaking out i was like this is cultish this is a cult this is a cult unfolding, it's just like a weird family. No. And it was freaking out. I was like, this is cultish. This is a cult. This is a cult unfolding. And it's happening on Instagram. And we're like, just we're being trained to like ignore these.

It was it was all too much. I know exactly the spiral you were going down where it was just like, oh, my God, like the government really does try to normalize this shit by putting it onto our phones. And yeah, like and then you think it's OK to see a cult and then blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then it's like, wait, why do I think it's like more normal to be like on my iPhone with all my friends than it is to be like in the middle of the woods, like with fucking 18 siblings.

And then I was like, wait, but that's weird because that's like yield in time. Like, why would you do that? Like, and then I was like, but those people could have so much more. Like, and I was like, but why do we need more? Like I was literally in my head. Oh, that's fucking lit.

That's like lit that you were thinking, why do we need more? Yeah, I was literally like, i was like but why do we need more like i was literally in my head that's like lit that you were thinking why do we need more yeah i was literally like i was like i was like but what is my incessant need to have more like why do i need to like have all these things i've been trained to need more and want more we have everything we need we need hey it's real it's that's very real we have each other and that's all you need in this life. This episode is brought to you by Samsung Galaxy. Ever captured a great night video only for it to be ruined by that one noisy talker? With Audio Erase on the new Samsung Galaxy S25 Ultra, you can reduce or remove unwanted noise and relive your favorite moments without the distractions. And that's not all.

New Galaxy AI features like NowBrief will give you personalized insights based on your day schedule so that you're prepared no matter what. Pre-order the Samsung Galaxy S25 Ultra now at Samsung.com. You're home. But I will never forget. Wait, ask me where we're going.

Where are we going? Home. We're going home I shouldn't be doing this I shouldn't be doing this going home yeah but I will never forget I think it was like my most like like it was like an awakening in my brain I feel like it was like my gnarliest green ad I've ever had. Well, other than the one where I literally like hallucinated that I was like being reborn over and over again. And I was like a whatever. Like I was like a cell in my mother's womb.

It was fucking crazy. I'll never, ever forget that. But if you want me to explain that again, let me know in the comments and I'll figure it out. But I've explained it in a past episode. But there's new people here that probably haven't heard that but fairly recently i think last christmas um i gave you my heart and i almost did that but i i was practicing not cutting you off yeah wow see what happens when i like practice manners i just shouldn't um but i uh was greening the fuck out i I was with all of my family

and I had brought weed to Texas with me and I was like, let's like all get high together and like I'll be like comfortable because I'm with my family and I got high and it was actually really fun for a little bit and then Madeline and Steven put the most like terrifying TV show I've ever seen in my entire life.

It was like this dude doing magic and like i look why i was watching this tv show and i was like oh my god like no none of this is real like this is literally like netflix was made by aliens like who think they know humans and like it's putting shows on and when you're not high you're in this like dulled state but when you're high you're like awoken and like, you know everything. I was like borderline, like actually bipolar manic in this moment. Cause I literally was like, oh my God, I've broken through. Like I'm God.

Like I know everything. Yeah, you were just experiencing like mania. Yeah, exactly. And I was watching this show and them doing magic. And I was like, no, all of this is fake. Like none of it is real. Like this show isn't real. And then we put on another Netflix show

and like I had that same lens and I was viewing it from that same like lens. And I was like, oh my God, this isn't real and then we put on another netflix show and like i had that same lens and i was viewing it from that same like um lens and i was like oh my god this isn't real either like none of this shit is real like we're all being fed fucking garbage to keep us at bay because once we aren't watching netflix like we're gonna be like figuring out yeah we're gonna break through the fucking we're gonna break through and realize we don't have to order the thing on amazon we can make the thing dude it was so gnarly and then i like looked at my mom who was also high then i started freaking out about like women and like how they like are so scared to age and like just shit like that and i was like oh my god like that is crazy and then i was like dude also men are

afraid of it as well but it's just not fucking talked about. Wait, what is it? Book of Simon? I said just like Simon. Simon Cowell. Oh, yeah. That's literally him. He's literally so terrified of aging. But yeah, I just was like panicking.

And I was like, oh my God, everything is going wrong. Did you hear anything I said? Yeah. Why? Did I look like I was like- You did not look like you were listening. I heard everything you said, but then like- See, this is why we can't talk about these kind of things. So now I'm like greening like, he did not look like I heard everything you said, but then like, see,

this is why we can't talk about these kinds of things. So now I'm like greening out, but I'm dead sober. But like, while you were saying that I was looking at this cup and I was like, this cup is like to mimic somebody hand painted it, but a machine did it. And if you look closely,

you can see a machine did it. Like you can see like it rotated on something for like a brush to go by. And that was just freaking me out. Cause now I'm like, Oh my God, like nothing is real. It's all filler and plastic and electricity and robots and empty space. to go by and that was just freaking me out because now i'm like oh my god like nothing is real it's all filler and plastic and electricity and robots and empty space so no yeah that's how i felt that's

how you described how you felt watching that show is how i felt watching the mr beast episode because that was the second night when i got really high and we were watching it i was like what the fuck is this like he's literally dropping like burning meteors onto a house and we're watching it and we're eating it up and it's so weird but like i'm obsessed with it and i wouldn't change it for the world and i like love all the stupid content i feed myself because like there's nothing else to do really like what like i'm just like not what am i gonna do like be a scientist like i don't have that in me like i'm not gonna give anything to the world other than this so i'm like i can just eat my little stupid content and move on and it doesn't have to be that deep.

But yeah, basically, I greened out. And then I came back to because me and Orion looked at our iPhone. And then like some of the high had worn off. So I was like just a peaceful high. But then the next night, Josiah did a really scary accent. And I was like, I was like, this is too much. So then I had to go to sleep. It was like Scottish.

It was crazy. It was really scary. But I have like recently decided that I'm no longer mentally ill and I'm no longer depressed and I'm no longer self-aware and I'm going to be happy and I'm going to live a happy life. That's all it takes.

I've just decided that. Just now or like did you think about it? I've been thinking about it for a while. And I was just like, Oh, you can choose to not be mentally ill. You can just smile. You just smile and that goes away. Yeah. Well, what's awesome is, I thought I wrote down like awesome stories to tell. But it was like things I've already said, I think. So how about that? Well, we got stuck in Big Bear as well. We were being kind of greedy. And we were like, Oh, we want to see snow. And like we were going up and it wasn't supposed to snow. And then when we got there, we realized, oh, my God, it's going to snow the day we're leaving. So that the night before we left, we were all like, you know what? Fuck it. Let's stay and book another night so we can play in the snow and we have like time to do it and everything and so we did that and then we woke up to snow and it was really fun and cute and then we had to leave the next day and it kept

snowing like it started like storming yeah it was like like locals were like oh it's only saying you're only gonna get like six inches but it's gonna be more like three feet and we're like yeah fucking right there's no way the forecast is always true nope it kept snowing and blizzarding like whiteout conditions and like we were trying to go down the mountain and kept getting fucking stuck and it was really terrifying but yeah and we made it down and we're alive and it was awesome because me and orion were just like being annoying and we were like wow where are the real men in the room like who's gonna get us out of here what's annoying is that all the straight men in the house uh made me and orion fucking

shovel the driveway put the fucking chains on all this crazy shit while they were all inside drinking coffee and i was like the only other person that helped with christian and they literally came outside and would watch. And that's another thing. I was always like why are like middle of America like dudes so fucking jacked and big. And it's because they have to shovel snow all fucking winter. Because my back literally was the most sore it has ever been. And I have like worked out my back for like the last three months.

And I could not believe it. Because it's so much fucking fucking work and that's how they're all gonna be it's like actually insane also how dangerous the snow is like i can't believe some of you bitches are like driving around in that all the fucking time also it was so eerie because when i went to go christian got the wrong fucking chains for his car so i had to like drive to go get new chains the first time i went it was snowing so fucking bad that we got stuck like in this little like slope where it was like you go up a hill down a hill up a hill and i got basically got stuck in the middle it was me josiah and christian and josiah is so fucking useless in situations like this he literally just stands around and

like laughs and is like oh my god which i guess some would say is actually helpful because if i'm freaking the fuck out like it is like a little comforting to look over and see this fucking pinhead like doing a dance and i'm like okay fine like it's okay we're not gonna die but my car kept fucking sliding around down the hill and i was like cool i'm gonna kill my friends in my car right now um and christian literally got out and pushed the car up a hill after a very sexy swedish man helped us put the chains back on my car and like why is it that when a man helps me i'm like why am i gonna have sex with you like when a man is nice to me i'm like wait why a man does manly

things i'm like yeah like this man like also he's a freak of nature and i think he was a ghost because but that's me as a straight man. Yeah, I know. Like, no one was even going to question that. So, like, you didn't have to, like... Like, we know you're straight and we believe you. I saw someone on the Reddit saying, like, I've been a fan of them for three years and I still don't know if Drew is gay or straight.

Bitch, I'm straight. Yeah, you're straight. I know I made that comment, like, a few episodes ago. But suck my balls. You just have to remind everybody because sometimes it's easy to forget. It's easy to forget where you come from yeah but in high school um i just remembered while we were in big bear i was on instagram because there wasn't really much else to do because we were kind of stuck inside and it was like nine degrees so i was

like scrolling through instagram and this motherfucker that bullied me in high school for liking miley cyrus and beyonce and lana del rey and shit um would always be like you're so fucking gay you're so gay like what the hell um that's weird blah blah blah blah blah this motherfucker came out and is like a gay man now and me a straight man i know isn't that funny like he was projecting something onto you that like wasn't even true like it was all him so you like you won in the end because you were able to maintain your your straightness yeah but yeah i was just like damn it like really is a pipeline like everybody that bullies someone for being gay in school in high school is like genuinely gay yeah you're gay you're gay so it's actually like so sad but that's like most bullying

like kids who like are bullying kids it literally is like either out of like insecurity or like problems at home or they're actually the fucking killer and scary and like get away from them but like i feel like that's more rare it's usually like problems at home and they're actually the fucking killer and scary and like get away from them but like i feel like that's more rare it's usually like problems at home and then insecurity and projecting um yeah that's why i was fucking mean yeah so insecure dude i was so fucking insecure um but yeah i was mean because i was scared of being bullied so like i was like i was like i will bully before i am bullied and that is how my life will go also if you're somebody falling for the led acne masks like just stop because i don't

think that's real like the the big masks somebody i forgot what i was watching but somebody was like yeah like the like led lights are really really good for acne and like anti-aging who said that girl where is that from? It's literally there. Yeah, like that's like not helping you. There's probably fake scientific articles out there that all you bitches are falling for, but I do not believe it and I will not believe it. Like literally red light.

You can't convince me that. It probably has something to do with fucking UV or some shit. And like, I don't know, it does not. Like go outside. Yeah, literally go lay in a sun challenge. Like you'll get all the same light rays, but whatever. Yeah.

It doesn't register with me either. There's a lot of skincare scams that like everybody is falling for. Like drinking water. You don't have to drink water. I've only drank Pepsi for like the last like 14 years of my life. No, Drew, you have to drink water. Like that's not like a scam. Like that's been around for like centuries.

Hello, I'm still here. I literally have not had a cup of water in 14 years so true that's really what color is your pee it's like red i posted it on literally the emergency intercom ig before it's like red and orange red and orange yeah but i have what does it smell can i should i smells like just straight up pepsi it's like it's opaque at this point. Ew. It's cloudy. No, like. Some cloudy.

Yeah. It's like dark. It's dark. But yeah, just you don't have to drink water. Stay hydrated. No, don't listen to that. That whole fucking drink a glass of water and stay hydrated. Like the high horses that those bitches that were tweeting that were on is insane.

Like they really thought they were being like, you really are telling me like the basic human necessity right now. And you think you're eating. You're like, drink water and take a shower. Yeah. Oh, you're sad.

Have some water, babes. Have some water. Oh, you're dehydrated. Hey, you look really dull and like shit right now. You should fucking take a shower and just water. That's literally what they're fucking saying to me.

But the LED lights, I just don't understand and I don't believe that. And I'm like, okay, like you just look like you're fucking like cosplaying the Purge right now. But I'll let you live because you think it's... Also, it's always the bitches who have always had clear skin saying shit like that. Like, you've never had acne. What the fuck are you talking about that's the weird shit is like so many people online who are like how i keep my skin clear you've never not had clear skin yeah it's just like wash your fucking face bitch you don't wash your face though i don't you don't wash your face you don't wash your hands i was watching this thing yesterday um that it was like this youtuber who was like getting back at scam callers

and like one of the things he did like it was like he was just pulling pranks on them and one of the things was he had somebody plant a soap that had like a blue ink in it um so when you washed your hands it stained your hands oh at the scam factory yeah at like the scam call place and he was like um at the scam factory um and he was like joanne the scammer i know that fucking arc was lit oh i'm watching i think she's still up like i think she's still posting but i don't know i don't follow her anymore but um basically the whole thing was like you could see who washes their hands after they piss and I'm gonna do that in our house because

Drew will never have blue hands. You'll see. You'll all fucking see. You come out of the bathroom and your whole body's blue you're like I fucking took a shower bitch. Yeah. We should dye your hair blue. That was mean because you should not do that. That is the most hateful shit you've ever said.

No wait why should we dye your hair like yellow today? wait why should we just go put deodorant on wait why should we brush our teeth and floss today yeah why should we put deodorant brush our tongues take a shower wait let's go to the dentist yeah oh i have a dentist appointment and i'm so excited for it because i get high as fuck when i go to the dentist but what if you don't have any cavities to fill oh trust i will find out a way to get on laughing gas um i will find out a way but that's literally just what fucking whippets are but yeah my if my nine-year-old brain can figure out and put the pieces together that oh if i have cavities i get high as fuck dude that's how i know like i'm a real fucking

addict it's like my at nine years old i was addicted to laughing gas but whatever and nine years old i was addicted to loving my family and being a good person so you need to get your fucking priority straight wow you're wow it's really good wow wow. Wow. No, yeah, wow. No, yeah, wow. Whoa. It is deathly sad. We freed the kids from the coal mines in 1920, and now all the kids do is play Minecraft. There is an inherent and incessant need for children to be in the mines.

It's in their genetic codes send them back send them back to the mines you know what's really fucking annoying is while we were cleaning the snow off of my fucking car drew is dead silent and i was like he is pissed right now and then he broke the silence to start that thought and he was like i gotta write that down i gotta i gotta i gotta flesh that thought out the inherent and incessant need for children to be in the mines send them back to the mines why were they doing that like why were they putting kids in the mine because they're like the canaries that like if there's like a toxic gas they like uh the canaries die first um and the children die no it's because they're little and they can get into small spaces. That's why they're like chimney sweeps too

because they can fit inside the chimney. I'll never forget. There's this one man who works at a cafe in Paris that we went to and I literally was like, why do I feel like he lives in a home where he's the chimney sweeper? Like he gave me that vibe.

Like he gave me the vibe that if he came back to the table to give me my coffee that he'd have a little bit of coal on his face and he was really nice and like kind of sexy but like something about him i was like i feel like he lives in like a dripping home does that make sense like he just had sad eyes like he felt like he like was transported here from like the 1913 bro okay i was like damn, that is such a funny thought for me to come up with. The Mines one, 100% definitely saw this at some point.

So, because I was like, there's no way. Yeah, because that's a really funny joke. That's so funny. That's a really funny joke, and there's no way you would say something so funny. At underscore Pat, R-Y-C underscore. Oh, Supreme Patty. Yeah, but it is, oh, is that Patrice?

Dad slash daddy, no one 18 and younger is allowed on their profile, so proceed with caution. I hate that. I hate that so much. But yeah, I've also been thinking about Elon Musk. And this is really hard for me to admit. But I was blinded and I was wrong. He's a fucking freakazoid freak bitch. And I can't even actually believe that I ever looked at that man

and was like, oh, he's an innovatorator like he's actually doing things because he's literally not like he's not doing it's in humanly impossible for someone to run that many companies all on their own and make up all the ideas and shit no he's literally just a sheep in wolf's clothing yeah he's just not chill but also the other thing is is with the whole twitter shit he's just rage baiting everyone like y'all literally just need to stop falling for rage bait at all everything is rage bait to increase the numbers on twitter he says this insane shit so people go and interact with him so he can go to the board meetings and be like look like this this is how much um twitter has risen since i bought it no just stop interacting with it let fucking fucking Twitter die. Should we just like blow up the Twitter offices

since there's nobody in it? From the beginning. We've been saying this. Because there's no one in it anymore. Wait, why don't we low key predict the downfall of Twitter? When? In like episode probably like 17 or some shit. Well, it's because we had an in

and we knew he was gonna buy it and we were like just waiting on it. Yep, it's because we had an in and we knew he was going to buy it. And we were like, just waiting on it. Yep, yep, yep. But yeah. I redact everything positive I've ever said about Elon Musk. However, I still want Neuralink and I want to be the first human with Neuralink. Girl, he's going to give you Neuralink and just

make you like a Twitter worker. He deadass killed 2,500 monkeys for that shit. No, he did not. Yes. And there's like a whole lawsuit being opened up about it. And doesn't it not work? It probably works. I don't know.

You not knowing if it works and still wanting it. You just like, you could just get a fake chip. Like, I think there's like, like, what are they called? There's like under the skin, like things you can get that like look like little chips. Yeah. So just get a transd skin, like things you can get that like look like little chips. Transdermal chips. Yeah. So just get a transdermal chip so you can be. You know the craziest thing is vaccines. They literally put chips in us.

We were talking about this with our friend the other night. They put chips in us with the fucking vaccines and it was all TikTok. It wasn't the liberals. It wasn't the cuckservatives. It was TikTok because that bitch, that fucking app algorithm is insane and it's a fucking chip under my skin like measuring the levels of dopamine that when i have a good thought and it can fucking piece together the thoughts and put it onto my for you page like it's crazy it is sinister dark-sided evil it's literally because it's just key logging and

watching you which i hate because i watch embarrassing things and i don't like like i don't mind being watched i remember i got into a huge oh like a lot of porn yeah um but i what did you do yesterday you came into the living room and i bullied you for three seconds and you were like you get mean at night i'm going to my room and it gets fucking mean and violent at night so i have to leave she attacked the size of my fucking penis my big and i'm sorry because we all know that like that's like a point like how big it is isn't insecurity for you yeah because i want a small penis so when you say i have a small penis it really hurts me because i yearn for that you urinate for that what the fuck was i just

saying we're not laughing at each other no no i was about tiktok it was like i um oh it key logs gave you all the porn you watch it key logs all the porn you want oh but i remember i got into the biggest argument with my ex about this at dinner once like he was just like oh um like do you not care that you're being watched like that is not okay like it's not okay that we're being surveillance and i was like i don't care because i don't exist like and we got to the biggest argument about it and now i'm like damn maybe he was on to something and like it is weird i'm still kind of like i don't give a fuck if i'm being watched like sell my data i don't. The only thing I'm upset about is that they're selling my data and I don't get money for it. Because that's the only thing I'm like, damn.

But, like, there was, like, a bipartisan legislation, like, introduced to Congress to, like, ban TikTok in America or whatever. And, like, there are so many other American-owned companies that are doing the exact same things they're trying to get tiktok for but since it's chinese owned they just want to like get rid of it because of that but there's security risk but like fucking facebook and twitter and everything is doing the exact same fucking thing they're doing just probably not as good um and they're not seeing any is like just as fucking like um they have they have like observatory. Yeah. Because like literally, I mean, everybody talks about it all the time. Like you see your ads change within your like interest and it is key logging everything you do outside of that app. Because why the fuck am I on a website outside of Instagram? And then when I open Instagram, that's my first ad. It's

because it's just watching everything I do on my phone. So that means it is seeing my tits. Yeah. Damn. You've showed IG your tits, but you haven't shown me your tits in three hours. So let's fucking talk. Why do you need to see them every three hours? I need to see them every hour, maybe even every 30 minutes. You don't like, are you forgetting what my tits look like? Is that why you need to see them so much? No, I just like them because they're nice boobs. Then take a picture. It'll last longer. You have nice boobs. You have nice breasts. Thank you. Can I see your balls?

Yeah. Can you lift your shaft so I can get a better look at those balls? How about you lift it for me? But yeah, I don't know. I think Drake is gay and is faking that he's straight. And he's definitely taken Molly with all of his homies and had gay experiences and made out with each other as a joke or as a bit, but it's turned out to be real.

And I'm just kind of like, there's something a little sus about having 43 failed proposals. Let's talk about it. That's a little weird. Any man who's like that hyper obsessed with women, I'm like, maybe you're looking in the wrong box. In everything, you're looking at the wrong box, sis. You should look at a clock.

I don't know. I just really don't know. But yeah, I think Drake might be a little gay, but that's my opinion, not Enya's, because if Drake came into this house right now and was like- Yeah. Honestly, I think I'm almost to that point too, where I would like, yeah, I'd bone Drake. Even though he's like really embarrassing he's just so embarrassing that last album like

he said a lot of things where i was like you were so embarrassing and you need to actually shut the fuck up dude i love how you listen to music because you listen to it and you're like i fucking hate this is the worst album i've ever made but then you listen to it over and over okay to be fair because there are always like songs out of the albums that i'm like this is lit but then you know what happens is because i don't make a playlist of it because i'm a cunt and a piece of shit and i listen to things that i don't want on my spotify on apple music so i'm not making you know play uh make playlists on spotify or apple music you can but i'm just like too lazy so i'll like go in and cue songs but as i'm getting ready the album would just start to play and then i become like a forever 21 consumer in the terms

of like i'm in the store and i'm listening to it and like when you first enter the store you're like this is the worst shit ever and then as you're like in the store for long enough you're like you it drowns out and you don't what was that store in japan um the don quixote no uh the electronics one we went to oh book off yeah it's like in book off it's hard off in hard off there's like this like uh thrift store that sells like strictly electronics like musical instruments or whatever but it is insane i don't know what the tactic behind this is or like what the reasoning behind it is but there is a song that plays over and over and over and over again and it plays oh like infinitely forever and i could you imagine being a worker there like at some point like i tuned it out but like yeah i don't know it sounds you start off every day like tuning it out which has to be a lot of

brain work oh also um this is just a funny tidbit but like your gaydar being awful okay i wasn't gonna say that but i was gonna say me and orion showing each other our pubes because we were like oh yeah we're like what do yours look like and we've seen each other naked but like we haven't like given it a good look yeah so i was like oh i want to join but i know you got jealous be weird for me to show you on my pubes actually at this point no it fucking i don't think it would be very weird i just don't want to see, but it would just be weird for me to show you all my pubes. Actually, at this point, no, it fucking wouldn't. I don't think it would be very weird. I just don't want to see it. I'm like, because I'm like, ew.

I also have not shaved in a very long time. That's what everyone's saying. I was like, ew, y'all need to get a grip. You don't even give it a good trim. Like, that's fucking crazy. No, because I'm fucking celibate. I literally don't need to. True, true.

But celibacy ends on Christmas. But I give it a trim because like sometimes when that shit gets too long it like makes my coochie sore and I think it's because it's like no mine is so long that it's like soft I hate that. Well, no, like, I don't know. Okay, it's like when I'm on my period sometimes, sometimes like my vulva just hurts. Like it's sore for some reason.

I need a massage yet. I'll help. Next time, just let me know. I'm not going to let you know. Okay, this is something I've actually been thinking about for a while is um when you're on your periods and like your uterus and shit hurts just shut the fuck up i thought you were gonna say stupid joke like just like let me get in there and fucking like that's what i was gonna say but i was like let me not say that oh yeah so instead the safe bet

was to say shut the fuck up just stop fucking complaining as i've gotten older why are my periods getting like actually like they're starting to hurt and they usually i used i used to never ever get cramps and this last one was like hard enough and like bad enough that i had to take like medication and that has never happened to me and i refuse to let that happen so i don't know what the fuck i'm gonna do i'm either gonna kill myself or like get those things removed you either kill yourself or get killed so fucking right like that was like that was like the first piece of like comedy content that i consumed and i was like that is is so rooted in truth. Shocking.

That is on the same level as be bisexual, lie, eat hot chips. Yeah. That is on the same level. Probably a little higher. But literally think about it. You either kill yourself or you get killed. Yeah. Your body kills yourself.

Oh, my God. Wow. Damn. But yeah, I got to stop saying I'm going to kill myself. I just... Why? Because I'm going to kill myself if I keep saying it. Right, right.

No, it's just a little violent. But I... I'm trying to get all of the violence and hatred and anger and negativity out of my life. I'm really trying hard to. We work together together babes you can't get rid of me i know it really is so hard when you're so mean if people were just nice like me oh when you i was like you mean the world would end i was like if everybody was like as nice as i was like it would be so lit um but the world would explode also i took that from you because

you said it you were like why can't everybody just be nice like me and you signed so i was like her like you thought about it and you're like i'm not that nice like yeah right no no you're surrounded by people that are also like doing drugs with you or doing the same drugs and you consider them friends and you see them all the time or like in my case like all of my friends smoke puff bars and i'm trying so hard to quit puff bars but then they come around and blow puff bar smoke in my face and i'm like oh let me hit that and then i get back on the fucking wagon um or i fall back off the wagon it's like the same idea with like negativity and hatred for me like i've tried to practice it but then i get around in you know ryan and see them hating on people and i'm like damn you know what this is fucking fun and i like this okay i fall back on i still like i just i think

everybody is a hater and the people who like act like they don't hate on anybody i'm like you're lying because like it is so within human nature to like be competitive or be like like easily upset or like just have like these weird bias that you maybe don't understand and maybe they're rooted in like again like i was saying like projecting insecurities and stuff but like i know that i am flawed so like i don't i will continue to be a bitch but also i'd like to think that it's like a lot of it is like there's a difference there's a difference like there are some people that are just hateful and fucking mean and like actually i'm gonna hate you but every every single person or like thing that like upsets us like it's not real like we're not actually upset by this just and you just need

something to be angry at it that's what i've been saying lately is that if there isn't if and you doesn't have a person to be upset with she she will find one. And we'll be upset with that person. But it's like upset, like behind closed doors and like it never leaves like between me and Drew. Yeah, exactly. And that's okay, that's okay. I'm a little fake. You're a little flawed, a little fake, but we all are.

But yeah, like trust me, trust me. Like I do believe that everybody is judgmental to their core, but I'm just like trying not to put that why can't we be kind yeah literally why can't we be kind christmas christmas is in two days when this comes out think about that and but right now it seems so far away and all the gifts that i got from my family have not gotten here yet i haven't finished ordering my gifts and i'm gonna get fucked wait did you order them here to take their oh no but it's just two books and um like a 3ds case and a 3ds oh my god we kissed holy shit we just kissed wait did we actually just kiss you kissed me yeah i am so sorry for

touching your lips with my fingers because i know you fucking pissed and you didn't know i shoved them up my ass earlier this morning. And I washed my hands, but I didn't get under the nail. And there was shit under my nail after I was fingering myself all fucking morning. All morning? Damn, bitch. Yeah, it was a big thing. Like in the AM?

Wait, tell me why I kissed a girl. And I liked it. I know. And I liked it. Are you going to? I feel like she wouldn't. No. I was like, are you going to? I feel like she wouldn't. No. I was like, I need to let the people know.

Should I? No, no, no. Let's keep it a secret. Your secret kiss. Your secret kiss. I kissed a girl on the second date. On the second date. And the second date in a week.

I know. Do you think y'all are going to get together and I can just watch forever? I think we are in a throuple situation in Ex forever i think we are in a throuple situation in x yeah we are in a throuple situation but it's okay um but we need to have this person on the podcast to talk about it i know i so i won't go too far but i'm a tease and no one can have me really so i'm a throuple like like I'm the watcher, I'm the observer. I'm the girl. Yeah, Inyo watches me and her. And there's pegging involved, but we won't get into that. I need to clarify that this isn't real, but I did kiss a girl.

Yeah, he actually did. And I got literally so horny when I saw it. I know, and tell me why Inyo got a little jealous. She was like, damn, you haven't kissed me yet. I got jealous and I was like, should I join? And I was like, no, no, no, I can't, I saw it. I know. And tell me why you got a little jealous. I got jealous. I was like, I got jealous. I was like, should I join? I was like,

no, I can't. I can't. I'm just too prude. And like, I'm like, I'm like, you got to do a few things

for me before I, before I get you on these lips. But it's crazy that me and Anya have been best friends for this long and we haven't kissed.

I was thinking about that this morning. And then I was like, should we do like a New Year's kiss? But I'm like, oh no, that's like like too but it is crazy how i never have kissed like any of y'all new years i've kissed orion i've literally kissed like every single one of these motherfuckers yeah have you kissed orion yeah damn i'm the only one with her boobs oh yeah i remember that because we all we all went in for like a reach. She had like a shirt on that her tits were at. And we were all like.

We were literally like eight years old. We're like eight years old to get left in a room. Looking up boobs on the family computer. Airplane the most searched porn things on the TV. And going up to it like it's a presentation and pointing at it. So what is VMW or PM pmv mv what is um rub yeah look hey look that up look that up um but there is this there's this thing that like i feel like everybody on youtube has seen it like everybody who has access to an iphone where

it's like 10 boys and 10 girls get left alone for like 10 days without adult supervision and they're just watched by a camera crew and like how they interact and like how they move around and that's literally our friend group when we get left in a house it's like 10 like boys and then like two girls who have morphed into boys in that moment and we're all just like literally playing hide and seek hiding things from each other leaving snack crumbs everywhere and then like going after each other to clean up and then immediately they're being a mess again that was the most angering shit is i cleaned up for literally two hours before i went to bed and then i came down in the morning and it was a disaster war zone i know the boys in our group do not pick up after each other they literally after themselves like it's crazy it is

disgusting and if you're hearing this i love you with my whole heart. But please fucking put a dish in the sink. Get a grip. But yeah, I need to kiss everybody in the friend group now. Well, you might kiss next episode. So you just have to tip in. Tip in? Yeah. You know what it is?

Maybe if we kiss, it would be too real. Don't do it! Get away from me! I've been doing this thing recently. You know what it is? Like, this is outing myself for a lot, but I have a really big kink about my head. Like, the back of my head.

And I think that's what it is. Like, it feels, like, too real. Like, this is really outing my... But, like, I mean, that's not that crazy. But it's, like, it's, like, my, like... really adding. But like, I mean, that's not that crazy, but it's like it's like my like my head being like smushed. I'm with you. I'm with you. I'm with you.

So in your head, when you're like holding the back of my head, it's like way too real. I think everybody is subtly homophobic and they don't want to talk about it and we're in there yeah I think everybody I'm going to add to it but I think everybody has like subtle things that they don't realize they carry

because like it's I mean nobody especially I mean this generation we grew up and learned so much but like we were not raised on that information. No. So there's a lot of learning. But I'm not homophobic. I just like...

I'm not even going to make that fucking joke. I'm just like... Oh! Oh! Me when I see a gay person. I hate that we haven't laughed all episode. That's what's like. No.

Is it melting it? Oh, lucky you. Oh, wait, that's gorgeous. This is my fucking expensive ass candle. You have a really good fake throw up. I think that's what it is. Me when I, no. Mean when I, me when I see someone with acne.

That's really mean. I was so you to me when I was 17. No, literally, why? Me to my back right now. Okay, why did I go from having cystic acne to no acne and then cystic acne again? Because all acne is hormonal and y'all are falling for the scam that is skincare. No, it literally is because when I started having really, really good sex with this person, I started getting really bad acne. And then it just became fucking mid and I fucking tossed it to the curb.

I also have this theory that if a baby is born with a head of hair, they won't bald in life. That's not true because I know some people who like were had like a lot of hair and then they balded is it not is it not like you're like my so basically my kid because of my dad not balding my kid yes it's your mom's dad's hairline is what you'll have um and i i don't believe that though but i i'm not balding and i should be balding if I was going to be bald. Maybe it'll just be an older thing and then you get to be Oscar Isaac. If you're like a 20-something-year-old man and you're balding. He needs a zombie.

I think balding can be sexy. Oh. Take balding is you and me both i'm like hey can i touch your head it's just that fucking um shit we were talking about in the beginning of the episode with lana like hi the extreme need to be taken care of when you felt lack thereof in your childhood even though i like the thing is i was taken care of like very felt lack thereof in your childhood. Even though I, like, the thing is, I was taken care of, like, very well, but I still have, like, so many issues. I literally just, like, I agree with, what were you going to say? Sorry.

I was going to say maybe it was because we were too tended to for, like, a period of time. So now we, like, really crave that. Like, I crave to be, like like taken care of in like yeah i i think for me it's uh there was just a lot of bullshit regarding a specific parent that was going on and i didn't get the attention that i needed from that person so now i seek that attention and validation um via my sex life yeah i like don't think that i necessarily like have a real no i i know i have my reasons i know my reasons and i don't fucking care because it feels good yeah and i like what i like and i'm gonna get

what i want i know and like the way i'm gonna get what i want. I know. Wait, the way I'm gonna get what I want. I know. Wait, are you actually gonna break your celibacy for Christmas? Or, oh my God, you should do it for New Year's so that you could be like, I didn't have sex all of 2022. Which is like kind of a stretch, but like when it's like that small of a lie,

it's not a lie anymore. That is tea. I'm gonna see how I feel when I get there because I'm not gonna like go seeking it. But like if it happens, it happens. But also Zamar is coming right now to drop off a courage bagel. Yeah.

Are you kidding me? Only half of one though and it's for me. Bitch. Why would you tell me that? Because I'm lit and you're not. You know what is annoying? No, but we can share it though. But they put cream cheese on it

and Zamar doesn't want cream cheese. Dude, it's crazy that we live six minutes from Zamar and six minutes from Petra. But yeah. It's crazy that I live in your head because you're such a fucking hater and you can't get over it.

Not me living in y'all's fucking heads. Rent free, bitch. You're dumb. You're done. Yeah. Wait, I live in everybody's head rent free. That's the thing is like people want me. Okay.

Well, thank you guys so much for listening to this episode. I hope everybody has a happy holiday season. If you don't celebrate, I hope you're having a good week, a good end of the year. If you don't get to be with family for whatever reasons that may be, I hope you are around your chosen family. You're going to be so lonely, I bet. I hope you're around your chosen family.

And if you can't be around your chosen family, just know that true will true love will find you in the end true love will find you in the end and i know the holidays can be very hard for some people so i hope that we were able to keep you company it's been getting it's been getting there for me lately i've been having a difficult time with the holidays. Yeah, but you're seen, you're heard. There can still be happiness within your loneliness. Peace and love, peace and love. And if you're with your family, good luck.

And if you're with... Okay, let's do some media. Mediocre. Mediocre. So I've been listening to Selected Ambient Works Volume 2 by AFX Twin. Specifically, got it, 1, 3, 13, and 20. Those are really fucking lit songs um then i've also been listening to the powers that be by death grips uh billy not really say hey kid um and but the craziest thing is that death grips is going on fucking tour again and wait when are they coming to LA? In May, and I'm going.

They're doing, I think, the Palladium or some shit, and I don't want to be in the fucking pit because I'm scared of being in the pit. So I think I'm just going to spend a little bit of extra money and go sit down. But also, it's a fucking Death Grips show. Yeah, you want to move around. I'll go with you.

And then, what's the fucking song? the song you had playing in the cabin i really loved the eyes are a mosaic mosaics that's like my favorite that's my favorite fucking album and i don't but i don't think it's in the set that christian got me because i was like oh i need to buy that he was like it's in the set and i was like i don't think that's in the set because i remember when i was looking but i'm gonna see but see. But that's like, oh, that album is so good. That album, Sea Swallow Me, reminds me of Summertime, which sucks because it's a really good winter album. But that album kind of reminds me more of Summertime than Wintertime.

But it felt good listening to it. Wintertime, all the time. My listens for the week, Alone in Kyoto by Air. Shown by Ball Greasy. Petit Fil d'Amour. Sing Shown. Who just

sucked me off with no problem till all of it's gone. And you know what I'm talking about, little mama. You're grown. Greasy. Hater. The Pure and the Damned by Iggy Pop. Yeah. And 10 Tricks Point Never.

The Pure always act low. That's like really the only Iggy Pop song I know. The Damned always act low. And then, of course, I've been listening to SZA's album, like, duh. Duh. And then of course I've been listening to SZA's album Like duh S.O.S. Blind Far and Forgivelous Are my favorite songs

Forgivelous is so good Not enough attention on Forgivelous I know What's the air song Alone in Kyoto Yeah yeah No I'm just adding it to a playlist. Because we just gave really fucking good media.

This one? I was playing it in the car on the way down the road. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Cascade by William Basinski. But I think some of these I've already said. I've been kind of just listening to things. I just found a really good album, but I'm not going to give it to y'all yet because I like to have things for myself first, and then gonna give it to y'all yet because I like to like have things for

myself first and then I give it to y'all you get me? Asleep from the day by the Chemical Brothers okay well thank you guys so much for listening Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and you know what sometimes it's not about the gift

you get under the tree, it's about the gift you get with the people you're around. And their hearts. The gifts of them. Yeah. Right. Damn, I'm so smart. OK.

Bye. Thanks for watching!