Emergency Intercom - we think you are toxic

Episode Date: August 11, 2023

drew has no comprehension of human emotion while enya is destined to cure humanity with her wisdom and p word.... which is also rotting and i think we should all be concerned for her health... drew will probably have to fix it if no one else does Go to Zocdoc.com/INTERCOM and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Then find and book a top-rated doctor today. This episode is sponsored by Better Help. Visit BetterHelp.com/INTERCOM today to get 10% off your first month. Follow Enya on Insta: @EnyaUmanzor Follow Drew on Insta: @DrewPhillips09 To listen to the podcast on YouTube: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercomPodYT Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey Spotify, this is Javi. My biggest passion is music. And it's not just sounds and instruments. It's more than that to me. It's a world full of harmonies with chillers. From streaming to shopping, of Emergency Intercom. Inya's always got to get the last clap. I know, I got to get the clap and I have to intro the podcast.

Because if I don't intro the podcast, who's gonna? Me, hello, I'm right here. No, I just like do it right. I do it with a cadence that like gets the people's ears perked up and ready for an hour of absolute bullshit. Yeah, well, we'll start it off very quickly with the bullshit. So we all know 2012. Mayan calendar ending, how scary boots that fucking was. I was in, I think, like sixth grade. No, I was probably was like i was in i think like sixth grade no i was probably

in like first grade in 2012 i was really young in 2012 because you're 16 right now so yeah you were because i was gonna say i was in like sixth seventh grade so you were definitely weird oh you weren't like born to hang out with me um well i was hanging out with your mom because i banged her to have you oh oh so your mother you really are my mother um i'm mother too but i am a firm believer we all know how scary that was like i was literally convinced that like a tsunami was gonna eat me up in fucking granbury texas which is fucking landlocked like 300 miles into the fucking land but i was convinced i was gonna die how do we know we didn't die how do we know everyone in the world didn't die in 2012 and we are just living in hell right now? I'd be so pissed because I would at least hope that there would be an immediate change.

Like there would be an immediate flip and like the world is crazy. But if we actually did die and then life just kind of kept pushing and then got like global warming is just like progressively getting worse. I'm like, that's the hell we're living in they tricked us they literally tricked us with 2016 yeah they were like this is the last good year we're showing you what life could be like but instead you get donald trump chomp chomp please save me honestly like i'm grateful for chomp in a lot of ways um how a lot of ways being how many awesome jokes like that there are like think about like if we couldn't say donald chomp like what would be there what would be filling the air with it um please please trump save me please trump save me like praying to trump

breaking the glass because he literally wouldn't open the door like what did he think was gonna happen like he thought trump was literally gonna say these were gonna go off and it was gonna be like donald trump on the walkie-talkie and be like let him go let him go he's one of my members also i think i feel like i need to clarify i'm not actually grateful for donald trump oh you know i thought you actually were so that's what thank you for the clarification i felt like i know i know like a lot of our like beliefs align with each other, me and Chomp. So I was like, oh, I hope nobody actually believes that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, the one thing that Chomp did eat with, the one thing, he did one good thing. He said one good thing his entire life. I think I know what you're going to say. And it was fake news. He ate with fake news. He really did. I mean, that just circles back to our conversation about how like conservatives and like all those like right-wing people they are really good with

the catch words yeah but they're so good with those little catchphrases and words because that's how they ended up there in the first place they got captured they got tricked by by lingo like the lingo is what brought them in so then they get like demon krat hello demon krat is really fucking good like i stand hello are you okay i'm right here i'm right here um what was what's the other one um that you and orion really like please send it to me, Rachel. Jesus was seen. Where, Rachel? Oh, my God. Show me to me, please. Send it to me, Rachel.

It was literally seen in Ohio. Please send it to me. Oh, no, please. Oh, my God. This is crazy. Okay, Rachel, which one? Send it to me, baby. Which one? Is it on TikTok?

Mommy, I'm kidding. Rachel, don't do that. Rachel, please. Oh, please. Do you know the... Is it on Instagram or TikTok? The background behind that is that, like, it was when everyone was, like,

saying, like, their their parents favorite musician or celebrity died and she couldn't say a celebrity because her parents didn't or her mom didn't give a fuck about a celebrity so she just said jesus christ appeared in fucking a walmart parking lot in ohio like what does that look like that actually had me in a run thinking because we were like dude if you saw jesus would he be humongous or would he just be like our size? Like I feel like normal. I always imagine him like being our size. Yeah.

Just like a normal dude, like walking around. And then like I feel like there's so many people who just like kind of serve Jesus that if I saw Jesus, I wouldn't know. I mean, I gave Jesus the opposite of Jesus for sinning and going to hell, then yeah, I guess that is you. You know what a lot of people like? Satan. You know who a lot of people say I look like? Beyonce. A lot of people say me and Beyonce are like twins.

Isn't there a video of a girl saying that? I think her name is New York, but she's like, Beyonce. Oh. Yeah. it's uh i think her name is new york but she's like beyonce oh yeah because i that i did i'm just having too many like references of videos pop in my head so we need to move on because my brain is like spinning because i was thinking of like this is so humiliating like i was like that sounds like something bambi would have said but keep going you're weird okay i'm not though so so i know i in like the last, oh, I want to address this real quick,

this fucking thing. A lot of bitches have been saying like, Drew's always on that damn phone, like get off that damn phone. Like, no, you don't realize it's open in the notes app and it's how this podcast runs is me looking at this fucking phone. So suck my nuts from the back. I'm dead fucking serious

like i'm not even playing serious um but what the fuck was i gonna say i need to eat from the back sloppy style ew um someone's dad saw the podcast and said like i like her but like his energy is really fucking scary like he didn't like the way you touch your phone which i do agree with drew does touch his phone like he shouldn't be touching it like it's really weird exactly we shouldn't these these are the real demons let's talk about it it's black mirror that's your black mirror ever thought about that looking at it when it closes you're looking back at yourself i showed i told someone that um when we were camping and they were like, whoa. I literally never thought about that. I love interacting with people who are actually normal

and living their life as humans were intended to. When you say things that have been regurgitated on the internet 18 times, you sound like a genius. Exactly. They just can't believe it. I literally sound... I was so pseudo-intellectual on that trip. To him, you were Alan Watts in that moment.

He was like wow broke his oh my god um well shitting on your period is like if you um tried to don't poop girls don't have periods that's what i that's the nastiest shit you've literally i think ever said ever and like i'm almost like we should cut that like i was well it's only it's only nasty because one you're lying because girls don't poop hello Like, I'm almost like we should cut that. Like, I was just like. Well, it's only nasty because one, you're lying because girls don't poop. Hello. And two, girls don't have periods.

Well, no, girls like have periods. So girls don't poop. You're inferring that girls don't poop when you just. No, I'm saying like both are just like true statements. Okay. Wait, you should be a comedian because you just like true statements. Okay. Wait, you should be a comedian because you're like hilarious. Fuck you.

Oh my God. You would do so good if you like actually tried out that. Wow. But okay. So in the past couple of episodes, I've been thinking about things that are like barbaric that we do now. And one of them I thought about is, so my mom and my sister

and a lot of girls in my life all do this, but they go to a lash technician and get false eyelashes installed into their fucking eyes. And that's crazy. Like that's really, really, really crazy um and i'm like yeah it's swaggy right now i get it like full eyelashes cunt like you're giving everything you wanted to give but like it's the fantasy but like really think about that and it's like

hot gluing like hairs to your hairs like i don't know it's really crazy it's kind of like hair extensions though but like for your eyes i guess it is insane because also like how risky it is. Like we shouldn't be putting glue near our eyes. Oh. Did you have to like make that much noise of it? I'm a Stanley girl now. I'm a Stanley cup. When the fuck did you get that?

Because I came home and that was just in the house. And we've only been apart from each other for like 12 hours. On the way to Orion's, I stopped at Dick's Sporting Goods. Well, I stopped there because the title. Why did you stop there? Because Dick's, I was like, ooh, like, get Dick. Like, let's go get laid. Yeah, because Grindr was down yesterday.

So you were really. Yeah, and my pastor's name is dick um but i went to dicks because i was charging my car because i almost i literally i don't have a tesla i don't have that i never did that no yeah because you hate elon musk yeah elon must hello would never support that man but i had to stop at this parking lot to go to Dick's Sporting Goods. Because I haven't been in so long. And that store is, like, literally one of my favorite places on earth, like, as a kid growing up. Because, like, I was in and out of sports.

Like, I loved sports. Like, I literally played so many sports growing up. But I wanted to, like, see what it felt like in there. Because I was, like, having to pass the time. And then I saw, like, a whole shelf of these. these and I was like, girl, fuck Hydro Flask. Literally fuck Hydro Flask. Not for me. Not for me.

If you want to ever send me something, please do. Please. I tried so hard to get Hydro Flask PR in 2019. Same. I've had this shit. I've been by your side for years and I haven't gotten my flowers at all. So I'm a Stanley Cup girl until further notice. And this fits in the cup holder in my car.

But Hydro did start competing with that. And now they make cups that fit in the car. And I was really hoping they came out with like a came out, came down. Hold on. I was really hoping they came out of the closet. But I was hoping they would come out with one that was like brushed aluminum. Oh, my God. I love metal.

I think you get like custom hydro flasks. This isn't like an ad for these brands. I know. So we were just like going on a tangent about it. I think the shape of that cup is really fucking disgusting. It grows on you. When I hate it. It really grows on you.

Me, when you've had it for six hours you're like you'll that's what i thought when i first got it well i have one like can you hold it from down there because i just want to see what it looks like uh i have to hold my mic up actually we're gonna oh this is the heaviest thing ever yeah it's big it's got more water in it i have to fix my mic because i have to like hold it up and it's pissing me off so oh my god um well ever since i got my texting and driving ticket yes i text and drive hello i i don't anymore because now i'm actually scared but i actually i will say i think i am of all the people we know i might be the best at my phone usage to driving yeah um like i do really do my best and if i have to reply

like i will like use a voice to like i i said so many voice memos because usually i'll be in the car and i'm like yeah you are really good about that but me i'm just going through tiktok and driving like it's crazy i'm watching a youtube video like i hacked my phone like it's crazy yeah no no no i'm just fucking kidding i literally don't do that but i did do something really concerning today where like i parked my car and i got out and i had like a duffel bag and i had this big ass stupid fucking water bottle that's like so fucking big and you had like a pair of shoes in one hand and like i just had a bunch of shit in my hands and in my wallet in my other hand and my phone on top of it and i was like carrying all this shit and like scrolling and watching tiktok with all this shit in my hand

and i was like that is oh i was like oh my god like this is like a this is a problem and like i need to like literally go to rehab for my phone and i'm not even fucking kidding because i went to the woods wasn't able to use it for four days and i came back and i've like quadrupled my screen time like it's oh my god i mean i've been pretty bummed this past week so my screen time has been so bad like my tiktok screen time got so bad that i have started to be fed tiktoks i've already liked and interacted with and that's when you know it's really bad you know when you're really this app is like starting to repeat on you because it's like bitch i literally don't know what else you're beating the algorithm yeah i'm like i'm beating the time it takes for people to make more content you know when it gets really bad is when you get past

that point and then they start recommending videos with zero likes it's either zero or like a like eight million like so many i almost want to see right now like i haven't been on it as much like the past two days um hello um and i want to see if it's gonna do that like if it's like top like look three likes yeah 39 exactly and then it's like a few normal ones that i would maybe interact with but then it's like gotten into a lot of like the cap cut shit where it's just yeah templates like weird templates and then it's like like high school drama like when he doesn't text you back like weird like eight million liked tiktoks and then like a hundred ads they're like oh this is like an ad watcher like they're gonna just get make us meet our quota and i'm fed like four ads in a row like yeah like four in a row and it's just

like damn crazy four motherfuckers for the bitches that were gonna clip that and say four oh he put up three like what the hell four well because i brought the ticket thing up because i was driving the other day and thinking about how most people like a ticket doesn't stop them from interacting with a habit like that like it's we just live in a day and age where grabbing your phone is such a within a split split second if you're free so if you're at a red light you're in traffic you're gonna grab your phone because that's how i got caught i was like on the highway in standstill traffic and i was fully on my phone i think i already told the story i

looked up at him i was like oh my god this is embarrassing whatever um but a way to curb that would have to be when the cop comes up to you you legally have to screen record what you were looking at and bring it to court like imagine having to go to court like so i was on google maps and i fucking hate instagram page because i needed to see their story what they were up to or like so i was texting about like this this and that like i like having to show like what exactly you were watching. See, I've literally always thought about that. Like how it would be if like I was on my phone, but I was literally looking at like Google

Maps or some shit. And they're like, I saw you on your phone. And I was like, no, I swear. Like I was on Google Maps. Like that's always if I ever do get caught, I'm just going to switch over to Google Maps really quick. My shit is connected to CarPlay, and I literally am like with it in my hand,

but the directions are right there. And I'm like, oh, I just need like, yeah. Yeah. Don't text and drive. It's so easy not to do that. Don't use your fucking phone and drive. It's so easy not to. We are not good influences.

Don't do as we do. Do as I say. I'm actually pretty good about it, though. But I was so shocked when i got stopped for that i was like are you freaking serious bro and then i already said this but i'm just gonna repeat myself when he went back to his car to write the ticket like i wasn't touching my phone as if i was on punishment i was like i already got caught using it like i might as well just get on and keep watching and you had pride and you did do it in his face yeah also i

feel like i have never mind i don't have to do anything well this is just a car episode because we have a few things that happened so we went to miss devon lee carlson's birthday um yes we were invited to like major socialite events like every party you've ever heard of in la we go to because we are the it girls. Like, the people, your favorite is me and Inya. Me and Arm. Like, we're your favorite's favorites. Like, Sasha Kobe, your favorite drag queen's favorite drag queen is Sasha Kobe. Your favorite person's favorite person is me and Inya.

So true. Because we, like, it's almost, like, bad. We always have to say no to social events. I know, because we're so booked and just doing it all the time and we're not laying in phone in bed on our phone on the bed yeah um but on the way home kai wanted us to drive him and i was sober that night so i was driving and i was driving into his car and kai like came up to me and was like hey like can you take me home like i don't want to have to uber this way and i was like sure like what is like six six minutes away or something

it was like 17 minutes out of the fucking way i know it was like when you said that also i was just chewing on my finger so crazy in the mic and i know i sounded crazy um but when you were like yeah no it's on the way i looked at the map and i was like bitch that is not on the way i know literally like out of the way but i wasn't gonna fight it because i didn't mind also i was like bitch that is not on the way i know i literally like out of the way but i wasn't gonna fight it because i didn't mind also i was like having fun being in the car listening to music like it was a key it was a literal key blast well we're pulling out and i literally crash in his car within three seconds like i drive it up on the curb and like and it's like rush the underside of my bumper everyone was like dying laughing and i was like guys it's literally not funny like this isn't funny he was like oh of course this would fucking happen to me

this is not fucking funny and i jumped out and i like went and looked at it and everything was like pretty much normal and i was like oh like we're good like let's let's keep driving um and we get on the freeway and i get a notification in his car and it's like the tire pressure and I'm like, oh, I just click OK and ignore it because like that shit always pops up. And then it pops up again and I click OK again and I'm ignoring it. And then I'm like, OK, the third time is popped up three times now. Like, I need to look at this. And it's like one tire, not the tire that I hit, but the tire on the opposite side is like 14 or 14 psi 13 psi 10 psi and i'm like guys we have a fucking flat and everyone's like no we don't shut up and i'm like we have a fucking

flat and we were on the freeway and we almost fucking died y'all like it was so scary everybody after i've been like the everybody who we saw the next day was like yeah what'd you get up to he was like well we almost died but um other than that like things have been good but it was just really scary like you're so annoying you say it to everybody and then they always look at me because obviously we were together and i'm just like just like let it literally he's being annoying but yeah no we literally almost flipped and died like 13 times and it's all kai's fault basically it was a culmination of that story i bet kai put something in there because we refused to hang out with him and he's like oh i'm gonna make them hang out with me and he knew that he'd get us on the side of the road

for like 25 minutes yeah so when the tire went flat i was i saw somebody being like can any stop mentioning being drunk or high on the episodes because i think every story i'm like i was drunk but this is just for context i was drunk and i know how to change a tire but i was like bitch i don't want to do that right now like no i didn't get who the fuck said that yeah i know fucking nerd loser loser virgin loser um but i was inebriated and i didn't want to change a tire in that moment so in my head i'm like i'm just gonna call triple a i don't want my trunk a tire in that moment. So in my head, I'm like, I'm just going to call AAA. I don't want my trunk is full of shit.

Getting the spare out is too much. I didn't want to do it. But then something clicked in me because I remembered how much fun I have changing tires. I literally get a kick out of it. Like it is so fun. I've changed like four tires in the past two years and they always pop around me because God wants to give me a fun game to play. If that kind of stuff was happening to me all the time.

Actually, no, I don't want to, nevermind. I was gonna say that would be fun, but like- Yeah, my tire's gonna explode on the freeway and I'm gonna roll 13 times and God's gonna be like, fix that, bitch. And I will, I'll fucking like- Like hammer it back together. In cartoons when it's like really fast going around,

it's like zzzz. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But basically I was the saving queen of the night because i fixed the tire all by myself and insert video now girl putting the tire on yes how dare you guys we try to help but she wouldn were like putting the spare on and uh screwing the bolts in drew kept saying to kai and josie like be careful putting the spare in the trunk because don't push it off of the what is it called like a crank yeah he was like don't don't push it off of there don't push it off of there bitch they didn't fucking listen and they pushed the tire into the trunk too hard and the

car fell right onto the spare and this the screw thing knocked into my mouth and i got a busted lip because of kai and josiah yeah so never let them live that down because they literally fucking hit me which is so weird because i'm their friend and i like i do care for them and i'm always looking out for them but just in a split second for joy or like as a joke they decided they wanted to bust my lip yeah they really weird literally made any fucking bleed and they almost ripped my fingers off. I was so scared. I was literally so scared. But then the next day we go to the beach. We have a key at the beach for Zamar's birthday.

And then we're driving home. Guys, I've never seen this happen before. But me and Inya witnessed Roadhead happen. Oh, I totally forgot about this. Dude, it was so insane. It was so lit too. I was trying so hard. I was like, what else happened in the car? Yeah. It was so insane. It was so lit too. I was like, what else happened in the car?

Yeah, it was so lit because like we see the car in front of us like swerve out of the way and then he's like, what the fuck is that? And we drive.

It was like the middle of the day on a Sunday. So in my head, I'm like, there's no way you're drunk. Something's happening in there. And then like, and you're like,

says she sees a girl's hair like pop up really quick. Because like when he swerved i saw through the thing like his arm go like this and her head was lifting up so i was like hmm wait and so i'm like and you speed up i'm like speed up please speed around so we like jerk out of our lane and start jerking off and like we pull up next to the car and we look over and she was nowhere to be seen she was nowhere to be seen she was nowhere to be seen and he's like looking over he has like the biggest smile on his face

he's like cheeky he's like happy about it and he knows we know and then like he just watched me literally like a fucking pervert yeah yeah he knows we know and so he's laughing we're laughing and then we've slowed down a little bit and then we speed back up cuz I'm like wait hold on no there's no way and then she's now back in the seat and they're both like cracking they're looking at us like cracking the fuck up and then we're just like yeah and like we celebrate with them cheering back and in my head i'm like damn y'all are so cool because it was weird for us to like i mean they're doing no i was gonna say they're literally getting head in public like we were just into that yeah we were just seeing if they were like drinking that just in

case we had to call it they weren't drinking off the floor yeah yeah exactly because it's really or she passed out like yeah i just want i was just like uh looking after her also on the way to the beach we had another car interaction i really had to poop and somebody just so happened to have a thing that said honk if you need to poop And we honked and they were I've never seen someone happier about someone else needing to shit, but it was really cute Yeah, we celebrated together guys. The roads in LA are so fun Yeah cars bring us together. Everybody's like stop car stop car stop cars Like we live in like a car dominated population, but look at what it does for us. Yeah, we get roadhead stories and poop stories Right. Well and feminist anthems no

um well last episode two episodes ago i mentioned that i'm afraid of getting blood clots now i have a new thing i'm afraid oh i thought you were gonna like lie and say you had a blood clot yeah i almost died guys um no i literally did almost die though so my new fear is rabies like i'm convinced that i'm gonna get rabies y'all okay wait what animals carry rabies like is it mammals most of them bats carry rabies what do they really do though like what does rabies really do to a girl it makes you literally homophobic or hydrophobic oh i have rabies i think wait makes you hydrophobic literally it's so scary and you already are you stinky bitch

you don't like to fucking shower but you got rabies and that's Dr. Pepper. Wait, does hydrophobia actually also have to do with, like, drinking water? Yes, dude. Bitch, I know a lot of y'all who have that because you refuse to stop squirting those little fucking liquid IVs and, like, strawberry packets into your water. I saw this girl take this huge gallon and she put, like, a bunch of Red 40 in it like strawberry celsius like all this shit i can't talk my shit on this like i think it i want like like you're not drinking water i want strawberry cake flavored water i'm sorry like that sounds good to me that is disgusting so

the thing with rabies is so you can like be sleeping in a tent at night or you can be chilling in your bed with your window open while you're sleeping and a bat flies into your room. Okay, so the probability is already incredibly low. So basically you could be in the beginning of like a Halloween movie from Disney Channel. That's what you have to start with. They bite you in your sleep. You don't even feel it because their bites are so small. You wake up, you look at your arm, you're like, oh, fuck, a spider bit me.

Three days later, you're like, well, I'm a little sick. It's already too fucking late. The second you show signs for rabies, no. And what's even crazier is like the videos of people with hydrophobia from rabies is fucking so scary because like you put a water in their face and they're like. Oh, I need to give some bitches rabies because that would be too fun no they're literally like my party trip being going up to somebody who's literally terrified of liquid and then you just die slowly that's really mean and then you literally die slowly and there's no cure for it you can't get like liquids pumped into you no you don't you don't die of like dehydration you just

die from fucking rabies why Why would they have a cure? How many people are getting rabies a year? It's not that many. So I guess. It's really not that many. But I'm still fucking scared because when I'm camping, there's bats out there and they be swooping. Bats fucking try to bite me.

I love bats. You said try to bite me? They literally try to bite me every time I'm out there. I have like people that can vouch for me every fucking time. I'm literally the victim of a bat attack. Like it's literally so scary. And I'm out there, I have like people that can vouch for me. Every fucking time, I'm literally the victim of a bat attack. Like it's literally so scary. And I ain't talking Batman. It made me so happy.

And I ain't talking Gotham. And I'm not talking the church. Okay. Like seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you? Well, in Honduras when I was like seven, one time I went to go take my little bucket bath. You're lying. You're literally lying one time I went to go take my bucket shower bath and my grandma had just heated me up some water on the stove I had like a nice little big warm bucket so I went into the bathroom with my bucket

about to shower and I just hear like and I'm like like freaking out and I look up and there was a bat stuck in the bathroom with me and I freaked the fuck out and ran out. And my grandma had to go in with a broom and trying to get him out. But like my grandma like accidentally closed the door behind us. So then we were just in there with a broom, a bat and like me and my bucket of water. And I didn't get rabies, but I actually love bats. They're so cute. Oh, my God.

That would have sounded like, wait. It would have not been OK. So, you know, like I'm afraid of getting rabies like i'm convinced i'm gonna get rabies you're convinced a bat is gonna come through your window at night in the middle of los angeles yeah yeah i guess i did see a bat the other night it's a thing um but just like i'm convinced i'm gonna get rabies i'm convinced i'm gonna win the lottery like it's on the same level of like that that's yeah exactly but we were talking yesterday and I was like I was like doing like I had bought a lottery ticket because it was like two billion dollars or something I was like I literally can't buy not buy a lottery ticket and then I was like oh my god I forgot I had this and

then I checked the app and I was like oh my god someone won like oh my god i literally won i just know i was like i just know i fucking won so i made in your record um i didn't win but i thought about it and i was like if i won like two million dollars on the lottery like i would be so pissed like i would like so much of it gets taken for taxes yeah like if you win two million versus like two billion, like. I would actually know it would make me happy, but I'd be like, damn, I could have made two billion. I know. Literally, that's what I'm saying.

Like, if I won just two million, I'd be like, bro, like, what am I supposed to do with that? Like buy a fucking Lamborghini Urus? Like I can only buy one, not 300. Like what the hell? You're basically saying like if you're going to be gluttonous and win the lottery you needed to be like to the full extreme not like yeah i guess oh my god living in la like you can't even get like a really nice house i know you can't even get like a house in la it's fucking terrifying housing markets collapsing soon like i promise just wait guys wait it out we'll be good well

this is what i wanted to show you um that made me laugh oh yeah your note it's like not that funny but it still is making me laugh because you have to look at the time and everything yes the fuck i do bitch yes i do literally i think period it's like i like was really feeling emotionally charged in the middle of the night the other night and I was like I need to write this out and then I went to go start and I was like my brain was like and then I just left it alone and I thought I would circle back but I instead circle jerked with Drew's mom and then we fell asleep so imagine being so brave your first date is at the beach. You are a killer. You are the killer. See, whoever I'm dating will not see my body for three years.

Yeah, I mean, I think that's correct. Yeah. Because, I mean, but I'm speaking more like as a victim who has seen your body. I know. It's really traumatic, y'all. Like, it really is like a scary, it's scary as fuck. It's like when Neptune in SpongeBob shows his head. That's what it felt like for me. Oh, yeah. it's like pharrell in the big hat yes neptunes you get it neptunes pharrell big hat

drew scary body like there's just like everything i say there's like levels and layers to it and y'all just like aren't intellectual yeah yeah to like fully understand the grasp of what I'm saying. Okay. So this is another thing. I think something bad is going to happen again. I really do think something big is coming because it's been almost a year since I've predicted that something big was coming. Not an earthquake.

I'm thinking something on the microcosmic level of our house. I'm thinking someone is going to invade us or someone's going to try to burn our house down. Why would we even like want to think that? I can't control my thoughts. I mean, I guess I did have the feeling two days or yesterday

that I genuinely am convinced right now that I'm going to die soon. Yeah. And I made it in your record. Actually, we both did that. We both recorded our will. Yeah. So we have our wills right right but i just like

sometimes i get into these um points where i'm like oh i need to feel everything i'm supposed to feel right now because one like very soon i will not have this and then i was listening to a song yesterday before i fell asleep i was like this is genuinely what i think dying feels like um it's listening to the song it's a robin gutri song that's really good but i'm like this is definitely what it feels like to name the song i want to listen to it i can't name it because i was listening to the whole cd so i would have to go like listen through because i don't know the track but um gay keeper okay gay keeper gay keep yeah i do keep them i have a lot around me it's like weird honestly um fuck i was gonna say oh opening

a pad in a public restroom is the equivalent to opening a bag of candy when the movie starts at the movie theater it's just like that same pressure you feel where you're like fuck am i like how am i gonna do this am i gonna be brave and just like fucking get it over with and rip it open or am i gonna like slowly like dude no like like those people translate like the girls in the movie theater who just rip that shit open are the same ones in the bathroom who are just like and that's me like when i'm opening my pad in the bathroom i'm like i don't give a fuck about your feelings like i'm gonna open this and i'm gonna to own it. You should be embarrassed, though, because you're using it like a pseudo diaper because you shit out your butt. I have a soggy bottom.

On the back of your underwear. I have a soggy fucking bottom. OK, like a gaping bottom hole. Oh, there it is. Being forced as a young girl to go to a swimming pool in like a family setting when what like when you first started your period and you were only allowed to wear pads that is the kind of like trauma that i don't think i see anybody talking about like being forced to wear a pad in a pool like that is like so fucked up like is that a thing that's like i think that's a universal thing is like most girls who start their periods start using pads you're always around

family events and like situations where you're gonna get in a pool you don't want to be the weirdo who's not in the pool so you're oh my god i didn't know we were talking about that oh nasty all of y'all are fucking nasty oh my god like what's wrong with you where's the love what did the barbie move oh you haven't seen it yeah where's the fucking tits they don't talk about periods and barbie actually maybe i should go see it so you can learn about period no so i cannot have to learn about periods because there's not they do if you haven't seen it like i don't know just ignore me but they do i don't know why i'm telling you that you haven't seen that movie i shouldn't do that no i don't know why I'm telling you that. You haven't seen that movie. I shouldn't do that. No, I don't want to say it. Right.

Right, right. Well, the other day I was looking in the mirror. The other day I was looking in the mirror. What? Seriously, what's wrong with you? No, no, no. I was just looking at myself and I was playing a game. I was playing a game, seeing how long I could stare at myself in the eyes for before I like completely like experienced ego death I really don't suggest

anyone does that but like if you really want to have like a for real like a psychedelic experience like look at yourself in the mirror for longer than three minutes like actually be examined in a really really serious way like to think i was probably just on the couch playing fortnite and like 10 feet away that's what you're doing in the bathroom like you seriously need help like there's people around you listen i was staring at myself i was like it was like a game i was like how long can i do this for and then i got lost in it and then i like snapped out of it and I saw myself for the first time like for really what I am

and what I look like. This is literally me when I get addicted to the grind and I got to step back. Yeah, exactly, exactly. I get lost in the sauce but I saw myself for who I really am and what I really look like.

I know who you are. And I'm convinced I see you for who you are. We switched timelines like in the last like two months. So you have this thing when you're experiencing emotional events you just convince yourself you switch timelines so that you can leave

i didn't take that as a note and i didn't write that down and i was just trying to be funny i didn't actually think that this is like every time i talk about any relationships like romantic relationship problems i'm in with drew he always loops it back to the economy. Like he within 12 hours of me, like just talking through something with him was like, dude, it's literally like the economy. Like you, you got to like, like get your place in and like you either like thug it out and you end up good on the other side or you pull out and like you never know what happened. Like, or like you said something like that. And then you said something else that and then you but did i eat did i eat look look look you can apply it both ways like listen listen listen listen listen when you invest invest in the stock market if it dips down a little bit and you pull out you actually lost money but if you stay in and it goes

back up you didn't lose money and you gained a profit. So basically, stay in your own fucking lane. And it's like that on the goddamn highway when we're in traffic. Stay in your goddamn fucking lane, bitch. Something is seriously wrong with you. I guess, yeah, it makes sense. But just to be in a position where I'm crying and I'm like, yeah, I don't know. This is like whatever.

And you're just like, dude, this is exactly like, this is what I've been telling you, Lizzie McGuire, Lizzie McGuire. No, but I literally twice. But the second time he did catch himself, he was like, Okay, I need to stop doing that. I was like, this is the second time I've related your emotions to the economy. And it's proving your point that I am like not a robot or i am a robot um but yeah that's what you get for coming to me of all people um with emotional problems because i am emotionless also i'm sorry i started laughing because my top three notes are all about my coochie but like what the fuck is that machine i eat so much

cheese and pickles my p word probably tastes like electric shock from a defibrillator i mean you're right like a defibrillator is like the and i could it tastes like battery i feel like those taste like i feel like your vagina tastes like a nine volt battery. Yeah. I won't lie. Like, I can see that. Like, you know, when you used to lick the old Android. That's what I'm saying.

Like, that's what I'm assuming. You know, oh, you know, the new Nintendo Switch cartridges. Oh, that's what your Bronson tastes like. It's bitter and scary. It's like alcohols. And then the last thing I said about periods and coochie is if someone told me doing meth once a month stop my period i'd try it also i'm just in a mental state where i think i'd just try it in general yeah that would be lit we should like start on meth once and then it's like

once a month just like stops your period pain yeah i mean it's like it's a lot of things it's a literal win-win situation because you get high from meth and you also don't have a period. Yeah. So yeah, but don't do that. Don't try that. Don't even test that out. But yeah, I feel like lately

I'm giving like fishy cunt. Okay. Okay, wait. Okay, so I got to say a lot of the famous people y'all know aren't that cool. I don't know. Oh, it was a joke. And the cadence was all wrong. It was supposed to be like I know all of them.

Yeah, it was supposed to be a joke about you knowing every famous person. But like, dude, you reading through your notes and trying to understand your tone before saying it out loud was the craziest thing i've ever heard um oh this is a good one i think we've talked about it before but i literally don't give a fuck how are people still breaking records like while they're running like how are people getting faster and faster how are people getting faster and faster and i know the technology it's that fucking celsius it's that math it's like in the technology and the sneakers and like whatever the running form but like really think about it like how are we getting faster it makes no fucking sense and then that brings me to the next thing it already is talked about it's like two weeks old now but

the girl that like kind of cheated her way into the race and literally recorded the slowest the world's slowest fucking time fuck i wish i remember exactly because it wasn't a popular video that you showed me that like had this voiceover but it was like this average and unhealthy woman yeah that's literally how people describe me yeah exactly but she recorded the world's slowest time, like, in a race. What? I'm, like, laughing at myself being like, that's me. Okay, Shane Dawson. Me.

Okay, that's literally me. Okay, I'd rather be at home with a pizza. What the heck? The ghost. The Gucci ghost. Full track suit Gucci ghost ghost i'm farting welcome to true shy out corner i've noticed enough and i'm going to stop paying attention now

that's actually how i feel like i was sitting and talking to Elisa and her homie about like law school and stuff. And I was saying that I was like, damn, bro. I don't think I've ever felt this stupid in my life. Like I literally couldn't tell you the first thing you do at law school. But I don't know a single thing you're supposed to learn the laws. Like that's literally where my knowledge of that ends. Like also what you just have to know every law. Like what is the test like that for?

Like I don't understand we're literally talking about the same thing about like mathematics like looking at people like solve the code to nuclear bombs and it's like a bunch of letters and numbers on the board I'm like yeah fucking right you're lying you just wanted to fake it like that's not real that doesn't mean anything also like

I could put symbols on a board and then just tell you what I think they mean and it's gonna make sense like so I just don't believe you and it's really weird um but yeah i just will never learn anything ever again i don't think exactly exactly yeah which is exactly what our parents did at one point yeah our parents literally cheated the system isis and fettywop were running shit in 2014 for real. That's a crazy mix. Think about it, though.

I mean, it is true. That's all. That was the talk of the town. Yeah. Talk of the town. Remember when the talk of the town was swine flu? Yeah. I was convinced I was going to get it. Yeah.

Everybody thought they were going to get swine flu. But I guess I feel like that's equivalent to you thinking you're going to get rabies. But I did know a kid growing up who actually did get swine. Yeah, it was starting to grow around in my school. Like three kids got it, but they caught it before it spread. But yeah, I think I'm responsible for the demise of ISIS. Like I think I single-handedly stopped them. I actually do believe you.

Somebody from their team definitely saw you. Yeah, because I was posting like IG stories back in like 2016 of me saying like i just like literally please fucking stop and it literally worked dude i cannot believe what the internet has fed us since we were children like the fact that we were even a part of that conversation we were literally babies yeah that is insane i know and i'm just thinking so much about like i don't know like our moral ambiguity that's come with the internet and how it's like such a toss-up and like you really have to choose one side. But do you?

There's so much great context in the world. Yeah, it's really, really fucked up that I was 13 years old going through puberty actively and watching people die on my iPhone. That's so fucking crazy. It's insane. And it's not like we stopped it. We all are at the age it we were we like all are at the age where we were like okay there has to be a way to stop this yeah like i don't know

that they're i cannot believe and like there's nothing my parents could have done about it like i i was going to watch people die anyway and like i like a part of me is like bad shit exists and we should be able to consume it but like there has to be like a way there has to be a line that we just can't cross especially for children yeah me at 13 years old watching isis behead someone is like that line like i shouldn't know what that is um right right oh this is the last thing i'll talk about then we'll get into media but me and india left the house yesterday for the first time in like three weeks and we went to sephora and if you're watching like this isn't a dig at you it's literally like we were dying

laughing after this interaction but but um one of the like uh people who work there i can't remember her name she asked her name and she uh she was like oh can i get a picture and i was like yeah sure and she was like oh but like how are we gonna do this like and i was like oh i have long arms like i'll take it so i was like holding her picture and i was like taking like a bunch of photos because i'm like oh like let's it's nice to like do enough for you to like feel cute and want everyone yeah yeah someone's gonna look good in all of them but's get one. It's nice to, like, do enough for you to, like, feel cute and want everyone. Yeah. Yeah. Someone's going to look good in all of them. But one of them is everyone's going to look good.

Like, that's my philosophy. So I was taking pictures. And then, like, I'm like, oh, let's look at them. And she's like, okay, that's enough. And then, like, just leaves. And I'm like. We took our phone. It was like, it was nice meeting you guys. Yeah.

And I'm like, okay, like, literally, too. Dude, I love that. Okay, that's enough. Yeah. She was like, you took, like, way too many pictures on my fucking phone. Yeah, because you were literally fucking taking a burst on her goddamn iPhone. As I should. People, that's enough. Yeah, she was like, you took like way too many pictures on my fucking phone. Yeah, because you were literally fucking taking a burst on her goddamn iPhone. As I should.

People should be thanking me. Oh my God. Imagine going to take a selfie with like somebody famous and your phone has no more storage. Literally, what do you do? That has to have happened to somebody. That probably happened to Ellen for the Ellen selfie. Guys, dude, have y'all seen this? There was seen this where we didn't get that fucking selfie dude

have you seen this new fucking photo what ellen in like all of the celebrities at the award show like a selfie neither of us can name a single other celebrity or the award show because as you were doing it i was like yeah like waiting for you to say something I know it's Ellen I feel like Jennifer Lawrence had to have been in there that was just the era like Christy Teigen has to be in me Christy Teigen um

and the one dude not McConaughey and not Pitt but the other I know it's what you're talking about um he was in Limitless

is he in A Star is Born yeah yeah I oh my god what is his name wait i really need it's like bradley cooper bradley fucking cooper bradley cooper wow i saw someone the other day saying jennifer lohan like they were like grouping up every like early celebrity they were like jennifer lohan jennifer lohan should we just get really deep

for a second like do you have anything you want to talk about oh absolutely no because my personal life is crumbling before my eyes and it was difficult to get on here and be funny yeah we weren't gonna have an episode this week but inya persevered she is unironically going through some shit i'm just like literally such a giving and caring person and if i'm feeling down i just want to make sure you feel good but maybe that more has to do with the fact that i don't like myself so i don't focus on myself because i'm scared of myself so it has less to do with my caring for you but more to do with my lack of caring for myself yeah that's that's what i was talking about like let's

get deep let's talk about some deep shit like you know the mother friend of the group it's crazy hearing someone else from the philip family say that because that's what your mother says to me she's always saying that it's so weird you guys think so like oh wow this i just didn't know i was gonna be violated like this on the podcast i'm gonna start saying i was violated and you violated me with that comment maybe don't like i don't like the way that sounds like a really harsh finger to point at me why just say like i was violated by anya like oh my fucking god like do you know what i'm saying like you violated me i feel like if i wanted to everyone would be like oh oh yeah maybe i'm not gonna make that my vote i'm not gonna do that that is so funny um okay well i got one more thing um to leave y'all off with and then we'll do media and then we'll move on

one more um don't show me anything on the phone anymore there's nothing i need to know that's in the phone show me a bird's eye and a child's smile i love like there's nothing else in the phone well i fucked up because it's supposed to read on the phone it's supposed to read don't show me anything in the phone anymore there's nothing I need to know that's in the phone show me a bird's eye or a child's smile

that is still funny I know that's the way it's supposed to be but I replaced the first in with on it's still so fun. In the phone. Show me a bird's eye and a child's smile. Wow. Wow.

Bird's lament. All right. Let's do media, guys. Okay, so I watched a movie today. Okay, you sound really happy about it. Yeah, I watched Mirror Mind 2005. And the only reason I watched this movie was because I saw a video of people being like, album and a movie that complements it really well or like that carries the same energy.

And one of my favorite albums ever, Bjork's best album is vespertine and i saw it in the list and the person said this movie mirror mind is like vespertine and i can confirm it gives the same energy like the sounds in it are really pretty like it's it's a it's really like a mundane movie but it like it's a mixture of like mundane and like how to pass time of how to like pass mundane time with like spirituality and like how to like how they like intertwine it's really cool um so check it out it's really fucking pretty here let me show you i was like screen recording it because i was like look at this fucking shot um but like oh don't know wait wait wait and then they just like intercut between sunsets and oceans with their it's really criterion no it's literally on youtube so go watch it it's on

youtube um 2005 me or mine um and then my music yana is I actually have a new song that I've been listening to. What the hell was that sound? Is that our doorbell? There's no way that's the noise it's making. The new song is Hannah's Son by Lomelda. Come on, y'all. That's a good fucking song yeah it is really good um oh so good and then in mcdonald's by burial if you haven't listened to burial yet do it classic love love love and i'm airing out my shit right now so i'm gonna shut the

fuck up but yeah um i've been listening to moto mommy by rosalia because i never yeah i never really listened to it like that and then i was like damn i'm so bummed i didn't see her live so i've been listening to that album a lot only you know by dion everything reminds me of her elliot smith armin doily, Maman Sani, and Ebtide, Houston, and Dorsey. This is literally going to be Josh. That's funny. Okay, then last thing I'll lead you guys off with

before we go is me canceling my membership, the email I sent. Hello, I want to cancel my membership. The sauna is always closed. I was scanned by my last trainer, then ignored by the staff once I asked for help. And quite frankly, I don't feel safe in the locker room. Also, the price point just feels outrageous for what you get thanks wow that was a good read i love quite frankly yeah and quite frankly like i like went karen and i don't give a fuck like suck my nuts yeah that's the new fall vibe that's the fall

trend list is being a karen so next time someone's trying to sell you on TikTok shop items, if it's not a Karen suited fit, then you don't need it because you're going to be off track. That's the angle. And you know what I'm talking about. That's the angle. Yeah, that's exactly it. You know what I'm talking about? No.

I said, oh, I'm going to get a billboard for it. Oh, that is it. There's like an intersection there that people aren't talking about that I'm going to make commentary on. Dude, you say, that's the angle that is it there's like an intersection there that people aren't talking about that I'm gonna make commentary on dude you say that's the angle like it literally was

freaking me out I was like yeah that is the angle alright well thank you guys for listening as if anybody gives a fuck

what I'm going through I guess yeah guys love yourself love your family the nuclear family is being destroyed and it's the root of all of our problems so like wait no jk jk jk but love yourself love your family chill please like you're freaking me out all right and peace and love and unity and respect. Bye.