Emergency Intercom - you guys hurt drew’s feelings

Episode Date: May 24, 2024

ky is late today because he’s gone hollywood, drew revisits his facebook era and get us on trisha’s podcast we also show off our snatched jaws so keep your nasty pheromones away https://www.patreon.com/emergencyintercom join the Patreon for bonus episodes, q&a/topic submissions, livestreams, pay for ky's lobotomy business inquiries: [e-mail] instagram: @emergencyintercom @emergencyintercomclips tiktok: @emergencyintercompod Produced By TMG Studios, Enya Umanzor, and Drew Phillips Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey Spotify, this is Javi. My biggest passion is music. And it's not just sounds and instruments. It's more than that to me. It's a world full of harmonies with chillers. From streaming to shopping, it's on Prime. well on the way here i have this cup that i stole from orion and there was ice in it and drew just suddenly starts like playing with it and like mixing my fucking coffee around and i was like stop fondling my fucking straw and wait what'd you say you're like i just washed my hand i just

washed my hand no you didn't say it like that you said it like an eight-year-old i said it like a man i said i just washed my hands no he goes i just washed my hands and then like pulled his hand away and was so mad that i told him to stop touching my you're pressed you're pressed um well press juice we just launched the new oh that sucked that sucked. That sucked balls. Okay, so there's some concerns that I needed to address right off the bat. I cannot believe genuinely that y'all thought I would get rid of the chair. I really, I cannot fathom a world where she doesn't come along for the ride with us. She was there for us in the beginning, and she will be there for us in the end and i just needed to get that off i don't know how many more years that chair has in her you're you're talking as if that chair isn't disintegrating by the day i mean it is a forever chemical and a

forever plastic so this will probably survive the nuke and the tornado like what would you have to do to get rid of that chair like grind it down into smithereens i mean even the plastics will live like even even like yeah like even the blended plastic would survive like we're here we'd start inhaling it you know we're over the chair we can like grind it down to powder form and we'll mix it in with some electrolytes and we'll sell it as merch oh that's a good idea that's literally a good idea i was gonna say you know how um with every breath you take you like take a a molecule of jesus christ into your lungs like that's basically like like there's so many molecules of oxygen on this planet a molecule of jesus christ of his breath that he breathed so like a belief? It's not like a belief. It's just like

scientifically a possibility. That's basically if we grinded it down, people would be breathing the microplastics of the chair for decades and decades and decades. Okay. Well, sure. I guess I can go on. That's the episode. Thanks for tuning in, everybody.

Oh, I killed the vibe. everybody really quick i want to apologize for being late no don't don't even bring it up because i'm gonna get pissed off well i would like to apologize well you would like to lose your job if you keep mentioning it to me well i'm a super good person i just whenever i'm at fault i want to apologize and i also want to say why it happened why i was yelling at all the pas and all the team that we have now which is like a cool perk you shouldn't do that no that's not like a perk you shouldn't be doing that that's just some hollywood shit though okay just hold on to that button that should we let him go i think it's a problem what are you guys saying i'm farther from you now so i can't would you mind running an errand

for like an hour oh yeah and then just like not come back ever don't yell at people no no i don't like this joke i don't like this joke hi you're my friend and i love you okay trisha pay this y'all trisha fucking pay this mentioned us on her podcast it's that podcast of someone wearing it and their whole wall and ceiling oh my god i'm forgetting i know it's drew and enya who's that who are they shout out emergency intercom it was goaded experience it was goaded experience it did hurt my feelings that she didn't know who i was because i have a massive fucking giant ego and i figured everyone on the internet knew who i was and it was a very humbling experience however she is my queen please don't read our dms um they're embarrassing because i

just like straight up just start like if i have an infatuation with people i just start dming them and my most my most uh modern victim is josh o'connor um you've been dming him yeah true i'm like that's my future man you can't do that that is my future man and it's gonna like he's gonna look back on it and be like oh like this is so cute like i can't believe this like he's gonna be like oh my god it's gonna be like every corny hgtvs movie where they like find out the person they're in love with is a stalker do you know what i'm talking about there's like one really everybody named josh o'connor has ears on them they got some good ass fucking ears because there's other josh o'connor what's his instagram i think it's like josh takes pictures or some shit see we got to change that like we'll tap in yeah we got to

change that we got well for me it was actually a very grounding experience that Trisha didn't know who we were because I hate to think that I am being perceived by like any like possible peers. So when they don't know who I am, I'm like, oh, my God. Okay, I'm not being seen by them. Like, that doesn't matter. Also, it was so funny. I don't know her co-host's name, but watching him try to explain to trisha who we were really put into perspective because i think we were talking to somebody and then we were like how would you describe us and they didn't know what to say and i was like oh wow oh wow like what are we but that's a good thing

there's so many different um ways to describe us um and trisha got a great version of that from him so shout out trisha paytas um the ceiling falling was real unfortunately and it has not been fixed yet they're exposed pipes and wires in the kitchen um and when drew makes me mad i just take a water gun and i shoot at the wire so it sparks on top of him exposed we do have literally an exposed wire in our backyard like right next to where you park your car or right next where you park your car and i get out of your car every time and it almost electrocutes me and i think we should get that fixed um but yeah that's the tea that's the fucking tea y'all that's the fucking tea there you go jesus fucking christ oh my god it's just like i'm just freaking the

fuck out right now like i can't we we just gotta figure it out you know wait figure out everybody everybody it's everything i always watch parents pack their kids lunch and in my head when i'm seeing what they're packing i'm like oh my god your kid is gonna be fucking famished because you're giving it like orange peels and like a sandwich and all this like random little like kid snack shit and then last night for the first time ever a slot slided into my brain i was like oh i forget that kids are actually fucking tiny as fuck so for them a white bread sandwich is the biggest meal they can ever eat and that's why it's a valid lunch but i was watching this mom and like she even to her husband was like we're giving her

the whole sandwich i don't think she'll finish that in my head i was like hello half a sandwich is nothing that's kind of fucked up and then i really thought about it i was like wait a sandwich is actually fucking huge like even like adult sandwiches are big as fuck we need to downsize sandwiches shrinkflation oh wait shrinkflation y'all y'all seen the subway shit it's crazy y'all i mean like we all know five dollar footlongs now it's like fucking 13 10 inch sandwiches and it's just not chill i will say a footlong is a bit unnecessary anyway i mean honestly it it is it's really hard to deal with what like it's a really difficult thing to live with and like a lot of to eat. Yeah. And that. Yeah.

How often are you eating a footlong? No, no, I'm not eating the footlong. You're serving a footlong. Yeah, I'm giving you. Okay. So speaking of footlong sandwiches, I asked Inya this the other day and I was like, actually, we need to shut the fuck up because we need to talk about this on the podcast. And I'm very curious if this was an experience in either of y'all's lives. But I saw a TikTok that people didn't relate to. And I related to extensively and I related so much that I sent it to Madeline. And she was oh my fucking god like this is crazy but we had fend for yourself dinner nights when we were younger where like we would like have to like I know literally it's not her fault it's not her fault but we would have to like scavenge meals from inside the house and I was like it was like a fun thing for us to do like we would eat like raw pasta when i tricked my kids into thinking not feeding them is fun i'm like oh how fun would it be if you

went ate like raw sugar no it was like raw pasta chocolate chips and like sometimes beef stroganoff what is beef stroganoff hamburger helper beef stroganoff. I fucking hate Hamburger Helper. I hate that shit. That shit, eh. But was that not an experience you had? Hamburger Helper. And also we would drink Modellos a lot. Like, what? That's really bad.

We were like, but no, it was like juice. It was like very high in carbs. Oh, did they water it down? No, it was just like straight up beer. But like it was good carbs. When you were drinking Modellos as a child? That's what I'm saying. It wasn't like a child that was like eight.

That's like as child of a child you can get. Well, when you have to fend for yourself for dinner, you have to grow up fast. So your parents weren't feeding you dinner and giving you beer? We were smoking cigarettes. We were chain smoking. We were hotboxing the bathroom with Badalin

with cigarettes and like ate Modelo's. We were bad as fuck. We would do shit like that. Like my older brothers and siblings um they would smoke cheetos like cheeto puffs they would like chief on cheeto puffs and then like my dad caught them one time and made them run around the block which was like a mile like until they threw up and they never smoked another cheeto again but there's like different consistencies like a cheeto puff like hits better than like a regular Cheeto. Or like you kids would smoke Smarties.

Do you remember that? Oh, yeah. Crush up a Smartie and then like let it out a little. So it looked like you were smoking it. Bitch, we were bored as fuck before we had iPhones in class. We were doing whatever the fuck passed the time. I was smoking Smarties in class. Yeah, 100%.

I never smoked a Smartie at home. Dude, it it's like it's like drinking with friends versus drinking alone at home oh yeah or kai does that but um you should try it it's awesome it really stopped it stops the crying it stops the crying in the shakes no like one time since we were talking about smoking smarties in class like um i did like a crazy bong rip in the back of class, and my teacher got livid at me. She got so fucking mad. Wait, you did a bong rip in class? And I was like, stop being a bitch, bro.

This is super chill vibe. I ate that first second. I believed that. I was like, what? You didn't get expelled for that? Wait, but did y'all have Finn for yourself dinner? No. I never had that.

I did, actually. Okay, yeah. Actually? It might be a white thing like genuine it is a white thing i will the lights would go out the caucasity of it all no literally well i remember what i my go-to meal was uh like a burrito made out of sugar and butter a butter sugar roll-up yeah a butter sugar roll and you put cinnamon in it yeah and i was like oh this is dinner i guess it was so good and then also did your mom ever make a cinnamon sugar toast

where it was just cinnamon sugar on some white like wonder bread cut into a triangle popped into the oven with some butter and it like crisps up and it becomes like so fucking good that actually does sound really yummy well i would i think my mom made it for you one time because i was like i was like you have to try it it is yummy i well i used to take refried beans and eat them on toast and it's really good don't knock it till you try it it's really good i have refried bean trauma like actual trauma of refried you haven't had that good shit no i know no it was like i well i like refried beans. Because you haven't had that good shit. I know. No, it was like, well, I like refried beans now, but like growing up, it was like nine out of 10 meals

were fucking canned refried beans like wrapped in a tortilla. Actually, that is unfair to my parents. My parents were good parents. They cooked. They wilded out. They did their thing. But the refried bean burritos

were horrible. It's been 10 plus years. They can't be prosecuted for that. I know, I know. They're crimes against humanity. Yeah, well, I didn't have that because my parents made sure I ate and I've always been eating, sis.

We can tell. We know. No, I didn't. But I feel like there was an era when like the lights were going out and the recession really hit hard that I was eating a lot of cup noodles. But even then, like my dad would like spruce up our cup noodles and put like onions and cilantro

and like veggies in it and like make it into a soup. Am I giving jawline right now? You're giving jaundice. Unironically, you guys both look good as fuck. Oh my God. Thank you. Seriously. Kai, you do too. I'm shrouded in darkness. You can't even see me. No, actually, the lighting on you looks good. Really? You're glowing, king. You're beautiful. Oh my god, wait. Look at me because your eyes are shining bright.

Are they? Oh, wait. It looks like you've been crying. The iPhone's doing the thing where it looks like shit when I take the picture. That's just Kai's aura. You guys are gaslighting me. No, you look cute. Wait, I'll show you.

Oh, whoa. i look way better than i thought what the hell um okay me and anya have been thinking and it feels like our life um is yeah pointless exactly it feels like everything is happening so fast and we don't have a moment to just like savor it and just sit and like be proud of our accomplishments and i really feel like the reason why we've been feeling this way is because we have not been going to sex shops to hang out like i'm not even kidding that's where you get to be real like that's where you get to be you get to laugh you get to have fun like we will laugh about it even like people have a key well i wanted to bring a baby bong to the sex shop oh you don't know baby bong unless you saw me post it wait i'll show you baby bong oh i miss him

already i forgot to bring him he's at home we like picked this thing up and then like literally what shifted it's a real it shifted It shifted everything. Is it Baby Yoda? Yeah, it's Baby Yoda with a bong in his belly. And I love him. Disney's going to come after us and take us down. Well, no, he has to go to the... We were asking, we were like, who made this? Like the guy who runs the sex shop or the smoke shop.

We were like, who made this? Like, where did you get this? And he was like, I don't know. The wholesalers just sell me stuff like that. And they tell me it's going to sell. So I buy it. And then he was like, apparently they fucking you like a wholesaler for smoke shop oh oh oh my bad they're selling holes is that what you were gonna say that was the joke yeah

yep here we go oh my god you almost fall i was gonna dab you up zach did you hear that moan i heard it yeah but i feel like it because we haven't been going to sex shops as often something has shifted and we need to like reign in the evil and just like tap back in and go hang out it is so fun like you get to just like browse around and it's like it's fun window shopping with your friends it's really fun to just look around i don't give a fuck like sex is funny it's no it's the funniest thing ever like every time we're in there we're like giggling i feel like some people look at us and they're like oh so disrespectful but i'm like girl it's not that fucking deep like we're in amazon.com the store right now like it's literally not that deep

also it's so funny everything in there is plastic like we don't talk enough about how many sex toys are going to be left over on the planet like they're gonna be relic oh my god they're gonna be our relics i'm always like oh like what is like like in a thousand years like what's gonna survive and outlive us and it's gonna be those fucking like rose toys like dead dead ass. Yeah, they have to make dildos out of those straws that are made out of like bamboo. They do? They should. But maybe it would dissolve.

Yeah, like a bamboo toothbrush, but it's a dildo? Yeah, like no. Actually, yeah. That'd be good. Nope, nope. And then you could wood carve. Hopefully you're not listening with your parents in the room

because we just got serious. It just got real so should we go to one today i think so we should go key at one later today but that brings me to my next topic oh fuck what was it it was so good it was such a good transition bro oh my fucking god it probably was um oh it's actually a horrible transition and it means nothing to me but um you mentioned earlier about seeing someone on tiktok live well i was watching a live or screen recording of someone on a live and they were prank calling people like it was like a live where you like send dm them a number and they prank call them

for you and they're like good at prank calling well i saw someone. It's ending. It's happening. The big thing came. The big earthquake. Literally. I saw a screen recording of someone submitting the sheriff station's number. Oh, no.

So they, like, ties it in. And they were like, dude, they actually gave us a number. They actually gave us a number. This is crazy. And then they were like, we're calling. And then they had the sheriff. They were like, Orange County Sheriff Station station and they hung up and freaked the fuck out immediately because they prank called the cop cop what even happens next do they follow up i feel like they would have called them back um probably but it wasn't like 9-1-1 it was giving

like the front desk worker nobody noticed drew just flipped me off for no reason. Well, you deserve it. If you think hard enough about the things you've done, you probably deserve it. Well, I saw this video that was making me cry, fucking laugh. Okay, I can't show you. So you're just gonna have to use your ears. Okay. Pregnancy announcement gone wrong.

You got a surprise for you. You're gonna open your present, okay? Bitch, who the fuck is calling me scam ass number open it what is the present for because we love you so much what'd it say i don't want to be a sister open the rest of the game so whatever she just goes on to be like I don't want to be a sister and she just starts crying Cause she's like you guys aren't gonna love me anymore Why not? I don't want one

Milan You're not gonna love me anymore Yes I am I'm gonna love you just the same. That's the only child things wrong with. I don't know why I said I wanted a baby. Dude, I've never seen a child become so existential so fast. In that moment, she woke up. In that moment, she entered adult reality within the span of three minutes of hearing that news. And then it had me thinking of like, what is she watching that the like very obvious love distinction between like an older sibling and a younger sibling is so evident that that's like a fear of hers that's now being unlocked.

And she's like so fearful of it. But she just goes on to talk about it. She's like, but then I'm going to die first. And then she was just like, she just kept saying things like that. And the parents obviously didn't know what to say. They were like, oh, like, no, it's going to be fun. And then I went, boy, she goes, is this a dream? Am I overreacting?

This might just be a dream and I'm overreacting. And I was like, holy shit. Knowing she was going to be an older sibling set her into psychosis. But it's understandable because I have a younger sister and it was the worst thing to ever happen to me as a kid now it's awesome but i was the baby so you got more love i was i was like taken care of and i was the boy baby of a twin set yeah and you know that though you know that though no i feel like my parents loved madeline more than me and that's why i like would fake like i was gonna kill myself several times never forget the pill story y'all um well i was a middle child for a long time growing up until i

was like 12 being a middle child is probably so beat. Yeah, it was bunk as fuck. No one fucked with me. I was hella annoying and no one fucked with me. So that's probably why I'm here. But I feel like I don't know what's worse, being a middle child of like a smaller family or being the babies of like a big family. Well, in my head, being the baby of a big family is lit because your older

siblings will take care of you but also they'll like bother the fuck out of you because once my younger siblings were like brought to this earth and in my eyes i was a demon to them i know i got i would find anything that bothered them and i would troll the fuck out of them like i would chase them around with pictures of horses and sharks because they were scared of horses and sharks like i would like act like i was calling the police on them every time they annoyed me and they would freak the fuck out evil bro my brothers would pin my arms down and then turkey tap my chest for like five minutes into and it would be the most painful thing i've ever experienced they would just like do that over and over and over again and then they would like pinch this part of my

leg all the time y'all it was brutal out there they would also shoot me with airsoft guns and my older brother had ninja stars and he would act like he was gonna throw them at me and shit like um we were cooked well when natalie would get on my bed i would take her off with my feet really i would literally i think i had an old vine didn't you spit in her bed or some shit no that was to my sister who's like three years apart from me um i got tired of beating her ass when we would get into physical fights and i felt like that was unfair so instead of physically fighting her i just started spitting all over biological warfare i started spitting on her bed um and i would get home from school

in my outdoor clothes and roll around in her bed after sweating in the Miami Heat Miami Heat basketball team you love basketball should we talk about basketball? my Mavericks won, they beat the Thunders men do the same thing with basketball that they do to their pregnant significant others

where they're like we're having a baby we we we we we and they're not doing any fucking work and that's how men talk about basketball i was like oh we're going to the finals oh we won oh my god i'm so happy for us i bought jerseys and supported the team i paid their salaries i bought movie or i bought uh tickets to the games i bought hot dogs at the stands like i supported i'm a part of this team it's a community that we built you know it's real as fuck y'all ever heard of urinal cake huffing what urinal cake huffing urinal there's jankum is where you take your waste your shit and your piss and you put it in a bag and ferment it in

the sun and then you huffed huff yeah i was a jankum plug in high school yeah kai like cooked um i was i was the heisenberg of jenkin it gives you it gives you like um hallucinogenic it has a real thing because it's pissing me off it's real but urinal cake huffing is like people grab the urinal cakes out of like the urinals in bathrooms and crush it up and sniff it that is so what does it do you get high you break through yeah you get high do you actually like or are people just like kind of kinky nasty monsters they're it's like hitting the jackpot if you find an unused one so like the urine has nothing to do with it but why don't they just buy urinal cakes online i don't just buy drugs okay literally just

smoke weed i had a guest idea for the podcast. The hat man that you see when you do Benadryl. Oh, Babadook. Yeah, the Babadook. But you know what I'm talking about? The Benadryl thing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. When you see spiders and they're crawling over you.

I don't think I've ever even taken Benadryl. You have, but you haven't taken enough to break through. But there's like that specific guy when you get high on Benadryl who wears a hat and stands in the corner of your room and watches you. i feel like he'll be a good guest he would well that's drew when he wears his hat that's literally that's me in the show actually somebody recently told me that they had a scary dream and drew was in it and drew had a straight bob and headphones in and like this is somebody who like we haven't seen in a long time and that drew just kept being like and like saying all their business to them and like knew everything about this person's life yeah um i mean that's just like me in reality i have i have little plants that collect information for me and i know everything y'all say and i know everything y'all do because it all gets back to me

because i have people i have people out there but you wouldn't know that i would know because i keep that information to myself for later yeah josiah is my boyfriend josiah is my boyfriend i don't know why that sentence alone makes me laugh so hard i think it's just because we'll be standing around the house and Drew will walk by me and be like, Josiah's my boyfriend. And then go back to his room. And that's like the only words I've heard from him in like 30 hours. It was like 30 hours.

I've also seen like way too many dicks on my TikTok feed. Has that been a thing for anybody else? Penises? Yeah. Like straight up dongs like it got banned it got banned a guy on live who was like recording himself and just like panning down and grabbing his fucking nasty wiener yeah it was it's crazy i have since when can you do that that's the thing it got fucking banned we got banned in america and the moderator said

all right fuck y'all like oh that's why you've been down recently that's why you've been depressed probably wait no that makes much well you can't even say kill yourself but you can put your cock on the live yeah i think it might be like it's it's pretty it's pretty insane and there's like this side of tiktok called leak talk where they like just post pictures of their wieners what yeah wait how do you know i've never seen that yeah i didn't know about any of this true i think the algorithm is like working in your favor i'm just making all of this up y'all no no stop it that video of michael jackson like no stop stop well do you think when you get really old every night you go to sleep, you're scared

you won't wake up? Because that was scaring me last night. Like, that is terrifying. Like, imagine being like 78. I go to sleep every night praying I don't wake up. Already. Already? What does that mean to say already after that?

Like I already do. do oh i get it okay i've been going to sleep and then i'll stop breathing and i'm convinced if it if i didn't catch it i would have died do you do you guys know what i'm talking about that literally happened yeah yeah actually yeah yeah yeah okay you're just hitting that wait i'm 29 i'm in my 20s um no uh you're in the like the point like zero zero zero eight two percent of your 20s holding on like white knuckling you're the oldest 20 year old alive there will be a second where you are the oldest 20 year old um but that happened to me the other night like i was like laying down and i just like like i choked and like woke up really quick, and I was, like, freaking the fuck out.

Like, it was actually scary. It didn't happen to me, but I do hit my puff bar so many times before I go to bed that I always wake up with almost a sore throat. And then I wake up, and I'm like, I need to stop fucking smoking. Like, I need to stop. I know your lungs hurt. And then I wake up, and I'm like. I know your lungs hurt. My lungs don't hurt, though.

Because I can run. True. The second I get on a treadmill and I can't run, I still won't stop. I simply will walk. The streets killed me. The fucking streets killed me. Wait, who did we say grew up into that?

Josiah. No, no, no, no. That's Josiah in two weeks. Jojo Siwa drunk at Disney World. Oh, see, I don't give a fuck. I do not give a fuck. I like Jojo Siwa there. I said it.

Boom. Yeah, we saw the video of her like in her kitchen dancing around and I was like, oh, she's. You see the one with Mario Lopez? Yeah. That shit's great. And everybody's silent around her. Is she the tallest like person on the planet?

Why does she look like so like or is mario lopez just a smaller man i feel like he might be smaller but she does look like 6 11 in that video yeah she seems like she'd be really fucking tall yeah also the fact that she's just now turning 21 is like actually scary but i've decided that the only way i could keep track of time is there are a certain amount of like pregnant women are you looking at that? I was just looking back at my Facebook because I just opened my phone to Facebook for some reason and I haven't posted on there since 2018. And I went on this psycho two-week span

where I was trolling the fuck out of all of my locals. And I posted this pic as a selfie selfie like i was like guys i feel good today like this is a vibe and then my next post after that was this pic kylie jenner no it's a broken crown still colors with crazy emojis um and then I posted this pic. Oh, this pic. And then I posted this. I feel like this is before trolling was worldwide and like before TikTok blew up.

So people from your hometown definitely were like, oh, he lost it. Cause then I also said, so happy to be back on the bike. It's been a while. I posted this. Hold on.

And then I moved on. And then I posted a picture. Got to fly the plane the other day. It was awesome. And I photoshopped clouds into the background. Dude, I had a full look at that. Dude, I distinctly remember sitting in bed with you while you were editing that yeah you know it was it was a process and then i posted my uh my uh mullet slash airpod 360 or not mullet my um what is that bowl cut 360 and now if you look up

drew phillips bowl cut or something like that if you look up bowl cut or shitty haircut that those pictures come up like if you look up like terrible haircut like the 360 of me comes up and then on thanksgiving it posted this just cooked up um and then i posted a picture with kylie jenner did anybody believe that like what were the comments yeah so many people believe that kylie invited me over for dinner the other night travis was so funny and stormy was a little sweetheart haha i'm living in a movie i can't say who commented and believed it but yeah that was my most recent post i Facebook. So yeah, I went on like a crazy troll binge. But then I think about it and I'm like,

that is like the most selfish thing I can do is be a troll. Cause like, it's only good for me. Like I'm the only person that gets a laugh out of it. No, because people are laughing at you. True, true, true. Yeah, there are people out there who are laughing at you. That is true. Cause like, if there are people who believe at you. True, true, true. There are people out there who are laughing at you. That is true.

Because like if there are people who believe that you are actually going insane, for the most part, people are probably cracking up and air playing that. I mean, like, OK, y'all need to see what Drew did. I didn't get reached out to once during that era. And that was like six months of posting when I was just like tweaking the fuck out on Facebook, like literally like going batshit crazy. Like and no one said i mean but in all honesty like it was a little real like that was like kind of coming from a real place if you think about it the dirt bike photo is not no no i'm not saying like what i was doing but like even like me trolling vibes like you wanted someone to reach out exactly like it was coming

from a real place and i was busy ignoring you no literally i had shit going on myself so i was too busy um sleeping from 7 a.m to 5 p.m and then taking melatonin soon after i woke up so i was tapped in i was busy as fuck i like missed that though that sounds like kind of fun to just like drug myself to sleep all the time and stuff yeah oh that's not chill sounds like comforting yeah it's awkward as fuck i was thinking about because um i feel like when nathan for you came out that was like the first time that it became like a very mainstream concept to like fuck with people as that's not like the first time but like i feel like that's like the first like big cultural moment where people are like oh this is a thing and i got kind of sad recently because i feel like that is that form of comedy or whatever

is now like the default form of comedy on the internet like when you open up tiktok it's like some guy running up and like he asked him a question like farts on them or something i don't know that's way funnier than for you actually it's like scary to think about though is like to us we i always forget what a bubble we live in because even on those things it's like you could see a video like that with a million likes but that doesn't even go to touch even like a small percentage of the u.s because every time i see a video of somebody getting trolled i'm like how did they not think for a second that they were being like okay there's an iphone in my presence i'm definitely about to be trolled people it happens to people all the time like people just like forfeit to it

but i also think it's like a shame thing it's like nobody wants to be like leave me alone on camera because they don't want to see me as a sore loser so they just like i was talking to my friend about how like chipotle workers in la should have should be paid more just as like a um like 30 more just to deal with like the emotional toll of like um an annoying white guy like every week going in and like holding his phone like this in front of like the thing and being like more can you add more uh more cream more sour cream to the burrito don't be shy put some more please don't be shy don't be shy put some more please put some more please don't be shy put some more please you know why i did that um and you'll say it and i'll remember um i don't know if you know what

he's talking about kai the stupid video of me saying that oh i remember 2019 um and james charles saying that girl i know that girl bitch the girl that is like a prolific i feel like that's like tiktok canon no it was like right at the genesis of tiktok like hitting the mainstream i think that was like one of the first videos I posted also. But I did that because I was at a poke shop and this lady was doing that to the employee. Like she kept being like, don't be shy. Come on. Like, what are you doing?

Why are you playing with me? To the worker. And like the worker was around my age and me and him just kept like he just kept like doing her bowl and looking over at me. And she was like, well, I'm right here here i'm right here and she was being so scary and she was cooking um she might have been on something honestly she's probably happier than i am because i could never speak out for myself like that in public oh yeah but you're pretty that doesn't help it actually makes it worse like being pretty is hard i fully fucking agree thank you someone fucking said it all right y'all since then you brought it up i'll talk about it um being

all right as gorgiana grande as i am as hermosa hermosa bella as i am like um guapo gordo guapo um grande like all of it wait you said gordo that's fat like handsome you said you have a fat wop yeah guapo guapo is like sexy it's like guacamole um no i it is just really difficult existing. Um, I mean, I've said it several times, like as the beauty standard, because like people almost expect things out of you. Like I'm actually almost crying, like thinking about it, like I'm dead serious. Like people like look at you and want you to be what you want them to be in you no i get it it's like you're so sexy people expect your personality to be perfect but

really what nobody thinks about is because you are so hot you're like one of the worst people on the planet no like people always look at you and they're like oh my god he's so sexy he must be the best person ever but then they get to know him and they're like you are evil and something about you is so awful and i actually don't want to be around you. Because this is just 100% true. I mean me and Kai couldn't relate to that because nobody thinks that for me. It's our closest friends to be super fucking honest with you. No, no, no.

I'm going to fucking kill myself and write y'all on my note. That's fine. Y'all are going to be the reason. That's how you want to deal with this. No, actually I'm burning the house down. Then don't please damn i do not play when it comes to this i do not don't fucking play with me no no no you were like oh i don't i don't fuck around with that like i can't remember what it was fucking it was something so stupid like we were playing a game or something and drew was like

because i don't fuck around with like fucking this up or something and it was the dumbest thing ever i wish i remember what it was because i was like i've never heard somebody so seriously be like it might have been on the patreon episode you were like because i don't fuck around i don't fucking play y'all i do not getting really serious about something will always be super funny like it's never that never but something to actually be serious about is being as gordy gorgeous as being as gorgeous as i am you're so gorgeous i think subconsciously you were thinking about how gorgeous but you're being fetishist oh bitch oh my god and i forgot about the sandwiches like don't be fetishist you should have a sandwich because you're gorgeous

exactly inside the gym inside the gym subconsciously me and jim were trying to figure out if we were gonna do the lingo thing but maybe that's our thing inside the gym it's like when somebody's being like a little mysterious i bet y'all feel so left out right now like these are all of our inside jokes don't be fetishist don't be fetishist all of those come from josiah also most of them most of them no inside the chim is just you fucking up while you were speaking y'all i like have like audible typos like 90 of the time i'm speaking and he gets so mad when you repeat them because i'm like girl like you knew what the fuck i was trying to say like oh my god even though you can't make a like

mishap in your vocabulary around true because he'll repeat it and be like oh my god even though you can't make a like mishap in your vocabulary around true because he'll repeat it and be like oh what is that what is that back to me being the beauty standard bitch it is a it is a hard fucking life out here it is a hard fucking life okay annie it's hard oh should i do my stand-up because i've been writing stand-up. I have like a tight probably three minutes that I did at a show. And you're like bracing yourself physically. No, it's actually good. It's actually good. She's taking a breath to laugh.

Okay. Okay. This is how I open this up. Are you all all right? Yeah. Yeah. No, you're all all left okay water be like let me be clear you know like the obama yeah that's let me be clear

rulers be like let me get one thing straight so do i i'd be like that i'd be like that too haagen-dazs ice cream be like get in my stomach what what was that no wait i thought it was okay haagen-dazs more like haagen-dazs ice cream oh okay people are so crazy okay yeah this is where it heats up people are so crazy wait hold on people are so crazy nowadays they will pee in a bottle and put it under their bed what am i the only one who does that wait so how do cameras work i'm actually confused because every time inya and kai step in front of it it breaks that's why we keep them off camera everybody because the cameras break thousands of dollars in damage

my rugs in the living room have started to stink i knew i shouldn't have let my dog inside and yeah you're sleeping outside again imagining drew doing this on kill tony that's all folks drew doing and yeah and kai jokes on kill tony no i cooked y'all yeah you did i mean it makes your favorite part what's your favorite part uh you doing a two hog and does jokes in a row yeah see y'all think y'all think y'all got me why i see i keep seeing that in the reflection and i'm like so curious what it is um what you are a crazy person no see what the fuck like the thing is also wait last night when ryan came over and drew was sitting with us for like three minutes and then me and ryan started talking and he left and then he came back with a question about himself like he literally left his room and i was like where do you go and he's like i'm painting and

i was like oh damn he doesn't want to hang out with us and then me and around we're like oh what characters from sex in the city are we and drew ran And he's like, I'm painting. And I was like, oh, damn. He doesn't want to hang out with us. And then me and Ryan were like, oh, what characters from Sex and the City are we? And Drew ran in. He's like, wait, who am I? Who am I? Like, who am I? Yeah, because I need to know. Sorry, I was a baby child.

And I didn't get all the fucking attention that y'all got. No, but y'all like in the stand-up, how I set y'all up where y'all are like, oh, I got him. I'm like, what the fuck does Haagen-Dazs be on my stomach be like? And then I come back and I'm like does haagen-dazs be on my stomach be like and then i come back and like haagen-dazs more like haagen-dazs ice cream okay well i fucking ate um well i'm going on a strike against going to drew's room at night because his bed sheets started to smell like all his food and your room smells like cat piss okay wow well that was and that's just my piss that is just in your it's my tuna ball no y'all it's it's a fucking vibe like y'all don't get it like bed food hits differently past 11 p.m like i haven't been to

buffet to drew in like a few days actually you haven't and i was really sad last night because um you know the snacks i bought three days ago that we just kind of been like for the past three days um wait y'all sour gushers so good please send us sour actually no sour gushers are fucking gross like they're actually so nasty do not go fucking buy them i'm oh yeah actually no because if i go to the store and they're not there i'm actually gonna freak the fuck i'm gonna have a conniption fit i feel like they're the best we can and literally some fucking person is gonna make a tiktok on them and they're gonna be fucking sold some people have self-respect and they're like i don't need to put that in my body no but sour gushers y'all they fucking cooked but i accidentally threw away like

six of them last night and i was gonna eat them those are a hot commodity in the house i know they're very rare they're very well you guys still have that um sour fruit stuff fruit riot right yeah that i like so much kai y'all this is like the craziest thing kai has ever done like never in kai's life has he been like I just I'm gonna come over and chill and we're like yeah come over Kai came over and chilled for five minutes and then was like so like what about like do you have any more

of that like sour fruit stuff and we were like that's why he wants to come over he comes over to eat my fucking fruit riot that is not why that's not the whole reason is it a big part of why yes honestly fair but the other part is just enjoying life with you guys and spending time with you guys do i want to get that sweet sour pineapple in my fucking gut yeah yes i literally finally broke

kai's ketosis though it's been like a very big goal of mine it broke it yeah it broke it but i'm fucking it was worth it i'm back but your jaw is like so snatched really like you're giving like jowls or not jowls jowls no no no no god i didn't mean that like it's giving gone jowls i'm gonna be an ugly old bitch like i'm really gonna be fucked up And I'm going to fucking Dr. Kim What's his name? No he can cook we just see it in the healing process Yeah no like give it a few months Yeah exactly

No Kai I'm saying you give like gaunt Like you don't have any buccal fat like it's a vibe I'm giving gaunt? Should we all go get buccal fat removal? Yes I gotta take some of this cake and put it in my face or do a reverse take the cake from my ass and put it in my face take the cake from my ass y'all small asses are gonna be back in very soon i do all of you little ass bitches out there just like

your day is coming to me i'm tired of my bubble butt erasure that you guys are always. No. Pick that up. Stop playing with me. Oh, wow. That was actually fire. What is Grindr though? Like I keep hearing this app called Grindr.

Like people are like talking about it all the time. No, me and Kai never mentioned that to you. What is that? You tell us. Oh, you must be the Grindr No, me and Kai never mention that to you. What is that? You tell us. Oh, you must be the Grindr expert. I've actually never downloaded Grindr. Genuinely, I'm actually so confused. Give me your phone.

Us ending the episode all by chewing gum and destroying. But what is Grindr actually? And what is Sniffies? And what's the difference between both of those? And which one's better? I genuinely don't know we've talked about this i don't know it doesn't know i just got really high up at grinder so don't fuck with us yeah no we literally do we literally we were like a podcast. Our only connect to social media managers and shit is literally a Grindr. Yeah, we were voted as,

the first year we were doing the podcast, we were second runner up in voting for best gay podcast. I was like, bitch, fuck y'all. That is literally not me. I'm going to start releasing bees. Well, I still have my proof of diagnosis by my doctors of being straight.

Oh, nice. You got the diagnosis. You know, you can test for that now. I got to go in. I got to test. I got to get updated. No, you literally do have to go. I have to get an updated registration.

I actually do. You do. They ask for all your symptoms. It's like when you get tested for ADHD. They give you a little test and they ask your symptoms and stuff yeah did i tell y'all about i don't think i told them about how i almost got asbestos like i probably do have asbestos in my lungs why do you think that i don't know that um you always think you got bitch i could tell you what you have in your lungs but you're not gonna like it no do it let's come you have come in your lungs

how is that even possible you should hit me to get the anger out or the frustration you should hit me i'm over here go ahead what bitch i don't have shit else to say to you i already said what i had to say you want me to repeat it oh my god you're actually fighting this is crazy yeah i don't have shit else to say to you. I already said what I had to say. You want me to repeat it? Oh my God. You're actually fighting. This is crazy. Yeah. I don't give a fuck. Is it over? Is the podcast over?

Hit me. Me and Drew haven't fought in a while. When's the last time we fought? Don't fucking play with me, bitch. Hit me, guys. No, I got a toy. I found out whoa you got a toy he wasn't playing about their sex shop like we all three need to go to a live screening of snL and be like Oh yeah going to SNL and doing that

like super late like once all the laughter tapers off I got this CSI toy growing up Wait I think you have spoken about this Not on the pod though but I got a CSI kit growing up and wait i think you have spoken about this not on the pod though but i got a csi kit growing up and it was a really fun toy it was like my favorite fucking

toy and i was very precious with it i would not let anybody else touch it it was like my favorite fucking toy and i literally used it every day for like six months me about my wing my favorite fucking toy i it every day for six months. Girls should not pleasure themselves. The plastic is beat up on that hole. Girls should not pleasure themselves. That's what I'm here for. I should be your wing bot. You are when it dies.

When I lose the charger. Wait, wait, wait. Let me finish. So I bought this CSI toy. Why are y'all laughing at me? Like, let me finish this goddamn story, dude. You're funny and sexy. Continue.

How am I supposed to continue after that? Because actually, that is a fucking problem. No. Why haven't we kissed yet? I can't finish a fucking... No, no, no. I can't finish a fucking story without being objectified. And that's the problem

with being beautiful that is the difficulty with being beautiful because beautiful it would be beautiful i haven't been objectified enough lately like we need to talk about that like what's that that might just say it might be on my part like i'm not doing a good job we you want to be objectified and we want to be perved on like we need to act yeah i want to be objectified but like not by men like ew but girls just like girls aren't as pervy but i can respect that um but i bought this csi toy used it all the time and then it came out like years later like i mean i use it every day and my favorite part was doing the fingerprint like you put your fingerprint on something and

dust it off well turns out that like basically the fucking fingerprint dust was straight up asbestos and i would just like dust it off and breathe it in for like and i did that like every day for like six months so and look at you y'all y'all know what munting is what is that uh it's me and kai we go do it all the weekends all the week when when me and kai go out just know we're fucking munting down and kai was the one that introduced me to it which is i don't even know what he's talking about i'm sweating i'm freaking now you now what does it mean please tell me what is that i'm not i'm not gonna be the one that fucking says it because kai is the one that put me on what did i do what let me look this shit

up the last thing in my safari was something i want to get for drew by the way just to like let everybody know i'm a good friend find and dig up a semi-decomposed corpse you're saying we find a decomposed a semi-decomposed you don't have to finish that this is fucked up you don't have to finish that but yeah we do that all the time why is there a word for that how many people did that causing the juice no no no munt maxing we've been munt maxing oh i saw this kid who was like pheromone maxing like i ended up on a really weird i ended up on like drew's side of tiktok last night where it was like the scariest people ever and i didn't know what was happening like it started on like eternity necklaces which is like a kink thing like oh it's like somebody is like it's like a sub and dom like situation we do genuinely need

to bring back bandana culture but that's all i'll say bandana culture there are no mine oh like for like no no anyway and then i found that and then i went on a deep dive of that and i couldn't believe it because there's like a specific kind of person who um posts about that and i just won't get into the details but it's very specific um baramoon genre no i meant the eternally eternity necklace very specific y'all should hit up your family and be like oh anybody know like eternity necklaces because that's like kind of the vibe it's white people it's a very white thing and i like went down a rabbit hole in it and i was like okay this is crazy and it was freaking me out i don't know

what eternity maxing is no not eternity maxing you're just adding maxing eternity necklace is like a collar like a forever collar that like somebody wears if they're in like a oh like the chain yeah oh it's like they're the sub yeah um and that was freaking me out because i was like i can't believe people like come on the internet and say see he knows um but then i found this kid who was pheromone maxing question mark and it just meant he wasn't fucking showering and it was his like mom being like please shower please please and then he was like my mom made me shower and then he was like talking about how like one of his friends invited him over and he thought he was gonna hang out but like they gave him like a um a bucket bath no they gave him a bucket bath like they like washed him um and that's just really gross and i'm really scared

is there any validity to that though no none yeah okay i'm just wondering because sometimes i'll be like i'm always learning about women i'm always getting blown away by women i'm always being impressed by like what i don't know the the multitudes of the female whatever and i'm so i'm just asking questions i'm just asking no it's not a thing bitch you can smell pheromones immediately and some of y'all bitches fucking stink. God didn't give you the good pheromones. Get the fuck away from me, nasty fucking monster. Ew, I hate.

I can't stand a bitch with nasty pheromones. That shit pisses me off. One time Drew said something really insightful. And he said sometimes. One time, you mean like a million times? No, a ton of times. But just with a specific time, you said, and I'll never forget this. I'm actually getting chills

just thinking about this but you said sometimes the prettiest people do the ugliest things and i was like wow what the fuck and the way that he had me screaming and and this and this the truth will set you free or the truth will set you free but first it'll piss you off incredible what's another one when i click the equal sign on my keyboard because i for a while i had like a long bit going where i had like on an iphone i had like a text signature oh the subject yeah so when i do it it says it's a quote by me be yourself everyone else is already taken and so i would just click that's a quote by me be yourself everyone else is already taken and so i would just click that's a quote by you yeah so yeah i cooked so if y'all want a little goof and a gag and y'all want to

um yeah y'all get it y'all get the fucking vibe let's do media y'all sex in the city what the fuck why is everybody looking at me well because you're about to do your media we're waiting and you were talking i feel really scared right now i'm i'm really uncomfortable by y'all's presence then go home call a fucking uber and get out of here um sex in the city you're not riding back in my car with me you're getting i'm gonna start i'm gonna ride hold on i'm gonna ride kai all the way home yeah he's gonna ride the shit out of me or with i'm gonna start banning drew from being in my fucking car because he has a bad habit of getting in my car and playing tiktoks next to my ear and it is so infuriating

if you get in someone's car and you play tiktoks with the volume on burn in fucking hell you pissed me off studying i was better than what drew does in my car where he'll get in and he'll immediately pull his pants down and then he'll bare ass fart into the leather seats and then he'll tickle me until i piss myself yep do a psyop or i'm gonna freak out i don't know we're doing media oh um okay and you put me on to sex in the city it's all we've watched it's all i've been able to consume also oh my god i had the new season of young sheldon spoiled for me and when i saw the fucking video y'all i started crying dead serious i'm dead serious i started crying something very dark happens and my favorite character gets

fucking murked and gets killed and they kill him no hell no he goes in wait somebody dies yes and it's really sad actually it's like it literally is like choking me up i'm like oh that's like papa like stop that show sucks also ig has been flopping and all of my dms come in a day later so i keep seeming like a piece of shit because i'm just not replying to any of my friends but i like literally don't respond to people on ig like i have like five people i dm back but like i literally like i'm not even on there enough to like text man for text no literally my phone is so dry fuck and whose fault is that yeah all right well look oh wait this is another quote

by me the action well why look at that it's the actions to my consequences consequences look at that it's the consequences to my actions um how do you say beautiful beautiful really quick drew did say another quote that i'm just now fucking remembering. And he said, karma's a bitch. And I was like, whoa. That's fucking crazy. But continue.

Karma's a bitch. Yeah. Well, she stole it. But we're in ongoing litigation. But I can't talk about that right now. Yeah. Little Boy by Death Grips. Alberto Balsam, AFX Twin, just some random little artists that not a lot of people know about.

Yeah. Who is the twins? It's like two guys. They like DJ together. That's cool. My favorite video of all time is that girl that went to Coachella and was like, it was such good EDM vibes. And then we went to that stage and it was just like really demonic energy and like babies crying the whole time. And she said, Apex twins.

I'm pretty, no, I don't know how to say that. I'm not giving y'all that. Y'all, I've been on a Blink Banshee vibe recently. If you know, you know, like very... Oh, fuck, oh, fuck. Very... Oh, what's that aesthetic called? Vaporwave.

Vaporwave. Very Vaporwave coded, like Blink Banshee goes crazy, teen pregnancy, be startup, Wave Step is a GOAT song, and then Ecozones. They actually put that album on Spotify late, but great album. But yeah, Blank Banshee, tune in, tap the fuck in. And that's my media.

My media of the week is... Is yo mama's vagina. Yo mama's stinky pussy in my butt. Oh. Birds of a Feather, Billie E eilish drama baby slash malibu baby sosa chihiro i don't know how to say that and i don't think it's supposed to be said with the spanish oh the billy i don't know what it's like chihiro i think chihiro no i don't know how um but you've been tuned to tap the fuck into that album yeah that album's got me got me. That one and Lunch, those three songs from that album are really good.

Oh, it's the, yeah, it is Japanese. It's the little girl from. The little girl. It's the little girl from Spirited Away. Yeah, from Spirited Away. From Spirit Away. Chichiro. And that's like honestly it because I've just hit a phase where I'm like,

okay, maybe listening to the saddest folk song anybody's ever heard is only gonna make me sadder so I need something that's gonna make me happy I just wanna be happy it's not really working but womp womp and sex in the city that's all I've

been watching I love sex in the city you didn't like Aiden oh yeah I don't like Aiden as fuck. You didn't like Aiden? Oh, yeah. I don't like Aiden. You're crazy. I don't like Aiden. Aiden is like perfect.

How far are you in the show? How far are you in the show? We just started season four. Give it another season. We'll see how you feel. Even if he fucks up, I'm like, he was perfect. And if he fucks up, look at it.

It's the actions of my own consequences. I don't even have a real reason to hate Aiden. You're jealous. Am I the actions of my own consequences. I don't even have a real reason to hate Aiden. You're jealous. Am I sexually intimidated by him? Yes. But. That's literally Dalton.

There's. It literally is. I know. Okay. There's something about like an artisanal guy who's like a, who lives in Venice and like. You can't say that about people, Kai. It's 2024. No.

I said artisanal. Stop saying that. I know. It's weird. No, I said artisanal. Stop saying that. I know, it's weird. Oh my God. Look, Aiden's sexy, but I don't like him. And I do like Mr. Big for Carrie. I do. You do?

I do. I think that that is who she should be with. That person. I guess they're both messy boots. Yeah. As much as I don't like Aiden, I think- I fucking much as i don't like i fucking hate when big comes around i fucking hate when big comes really every time he's on screen i'm like oh my god but i did i did like their little moment on her birthday when she got in the limo with him yeah and then she got out yeah when she got out i was like god good for you carrie

like get the fuck out of that car but um that was the conversation when i walked in and i was like who am i from sex in the city who are you i don't know we decided he was like a bit of miranda and charlotte i used to be samantha yeah you used to be samantha now you're a bit of charlotte and miranda i used to be charlotte as fuck and then i became i i feel like i used to be Charlotte as fuck. And then I became, I feel like I used to be Charlotte Miranda. Now I'm. Orion said Carrie for me. Oh yeah. Yeah.

She said Miranda son, Carrie. Well, Kai, you're Shana. So who? Those are girls reference. Just be like,

Oh, I'm just, anyway. I feel like you're the the chicken's outside of her window cocking okay and and who else oh you're steve as fuck no no you're trey i'm harry i'm harry have you met harry yet no no no okay i guess i'm no one you're no. Have you met Harry yet? No. No. No, Kai. I guess I'm no one. No, no, no. I feel like you get the same vibe as me, like Charlotte Miranda vibes.

I agree with that. I'm a little neurotic. I wanted to add to the media just because I saw Phoenix live. Oh, really? And it was good as fuck. When? Like a couple days ago. Saturday.

Well, thank you for the invite. Dude, I'm ignoring that and i'm just gonna continue to enjoy this moment but that shit was so fucking good damn if anybody gets an opportunity to watch phoenix i would recommend it it's super good well shit had to fucking and what about gay porn you've been watching a lot of i said that one maybe three times and i still get punished for it i like to have a little bit of fun on the podcast okay now speed that up to two times speed and it sounds good. Some of y'all's AirPods be looking like they was in y'all's ass, not y'all's ears.

Me and this bitch got high and she has no food in her house. So now I'm eating a bag of cough drops. I hate it here. That was me last night. I was so hungry. I wanted to sneak into your room for talking so cough drops. I hate it here. That was me last time. I was so hungry. I wanted to sneak into your room for talking so bad. And I hate them all. I ate a whole bag of toxie, tocky sticks.

Toxies? Toxie sticks. La toxica. La toxico, la toxica. Ugly bitches be like my, I don't know if this one's gonna hit. Ugly bitches be like my man gotta be 6'2". Bitch, you make me sick to my stomach. 6'2 to my stomach.

That's good. Just chill. Just chill. That's all I got. Did you hear that? Your stomach? Mm-hmm. Yeah, I'm pretty hungry.

All right. Well, thank you guys so much for watching. If you're lucky, we'll be back next week. If we make it. If we make it. Oh, it's be back next week if we make it if we make it oh it's not that camera if we make it I'm out.