Emergency Intercom - Your Problematic Faves

Episode Date: January 14, 2022

This episode Enya comes out as a Republican and Drew had his first period and claims he is Q…. Follow Enya on Insta: @EnyaUmanzor Follow Drew on Insta: @DrewPhillips09 To listen to the podcast on YouTube: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercomPodYT Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: bit.ly/EmergencyIntercom Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Calling all sellers, Salesforce is hiring account executives to join us on the cutting edge of technology. Here, innovation isn't a buzzword. It's a way of life. You'll be solving customer challenges faster with agents, winning with purpose, and showing the world what AI was meant to be. Let's create the agent-first future together. Head to salesforce.com slash careers to learn more. Welcome back to this episode of Emergency Intercom. Things feel different. You're so annoying.

Do you know what I mean? I feel you because it's like our first time of the new year sitting down in this location and filming. Yeah. A lot has changed um i recently changed my voter registration to republican and i wanted to break the news here first no that's well you said something feels different and i'm wearing my red to celebrate um well i start i i had my first period oh my god true okay okay the theme is red the theme is red red bloody what is it bloody valentine bloody wednesday my bloody valentine uh no there's like a bloody sunday or

something i don't know you're just making shit up no like mary beth in the bible killed a bunch of people and left bible pages who is mary beth i don't fucking know is mary beth the virgin her last name being beth is not cutting it mary the virgin is way better that's why they gave her no her last name is not beth bethlehem bethlehem me wanting to be called bartholomew i think i've told that before but i literally i'm gonna tell it again because i just had to reiterate how fucking weird i was as a kid. I sat on the bus on the drive home from school and breathed on the window because it was like a cold day out and it was like a cold rainy day. And I wrote Bartholomew in cursive and I was like, wow. Did you read like the fucking Lemony Snicket series or something?

I just thought it was a cool name and I was was like, wow, like, it literally fits me so well. I remember I used... What's... No, go. I was going to make a joke about, like, I can't even say it. You know what's funny is growing up, like, Enya was an odd name because it's not like it's not like an odd name like that's such a weird name but like i can't go into a fucking souvenir shop and find my name on the board like that's like praying for like i don't even know what that's

just never gonna happen but i just had the thought because i was gonna bring that up and be like i used to want a really normal name like fucking sar Sarah or some shit. Because I just wanted to be able to go to a shop. And like find like a custom thing. That had my name on it. Yeah. How the fuck is Stormy. Like y'all are naming these kids. Stormy, Eleven, Ocean.

Sea Swamp, Sea Moss. Like these kids are not going into the store. And finding their name on something. Granted. I don't think like that's like's, like, something they'll want. They'll get a custom one made and then sell $50,000 for merch. I know. They'll get a custom NFT made.

Exactly. So they don't need to have their fucking name on shit in shops anymore. They're going to be in VR chats going into souvenir shops. And it's going to be like... Do you remember the fucking rock piles? Like, you would get the little velvet bag and you'd get to pick five little stones out and you'd put it in the velvet bag at souvenir shops yeah souvenir shops at like the zoo or whatever and it was like it was always like crazy stones but none of them were ever real but like i remember like just digging my hands in there

and the magnet part oh and it would just make such good fucking sounds and shit but yeah um actually i just remembered that in literal fucking pre-k i went on a trip to disney with our like daycare and i sorry kai's pissing i know he's literally pissing behind the camera right now yeah keep going we'll get into that oh yeah i know i was gonna bring it up but let me finish um in pre-k i went on a trip and i i was a fucking kid like i didn't understand the concept of stealing like everything i saw the world was mine like i didn't understand property value like i didn't know that that was like a thing but i was at disney and i remember there was like you know the pins that they sell for lanyards i remember like dude i'm not kidding

i think i might have been like four or five when this was happening but i remember looking down into the pile of like pins and i just reached my hand in and grabbed one and i like squished it in my hand and like i think i had a book bag or something and i just put it in and grabbed one and i like squished into my hand and like i think i had a book bag or something and i just put it in and walked away but like part of me definitely knew it was wrong because i remember like looking at it and thinking about making the choice and i just shoved my hand and took it and then like one of the women we were with who was like our chaperones went and grabbed me and she was like you're gonna go to fucking jail like she didn't curse at me but she was basically threatening me with disney jail and i remember for the first

time in my life being so fearful oh my god um of the law and that was my introduction to capitalism i stole um from the dollar store one time i think i've told this before i've stole from the dollar store one time like one of those like stretchy lizards and a bunch of stickers and like I knew it was wrong I knew what I was doing I was like five years old like I knew I shouldn't have been stealing and me and Madeline were not slick about it like we were in the back of the car like playing with our new toys that my mom literally didn't fucking buy us and we were like like just going crazy we didn't have our seatbelts on we were just like fucking banshees um and my

mom looked in the rear view mirror and was like where the fuck did y'all get that because i didn't buy that and we were like we just got silent and um i was like did y'all take that and we were like yes and she's like she like whipped the car around like 360 like drifting and sped all the way back and she was like you're gonna go in there and apologize and give it back to them and i was like oh please no and she made us go in alone while she sat in the car watching us as five-year-olds and give it to the workers and apologize and i learned a lesson and i still steal to this day um low-key narc behavior i know like because i was gonna say my mom did the fucking opposite we would go to um like publics or target and me and dante liked the like uh the gaming magazines and like the toy magazines and we would literally she would get a case of water and we would put it under there

and my mom would put the case of water over it. And it was never an exchange that we spoke about. We did it once by accident. And then the next time we went, me and Delta were like, we could get a magazine if we really wanted. And we would just put it in there and she would put the case of water on top. And when we got out, we would just be like, oh my God. And she helped us steal. That's really cute, actually.

And that's why I don't believe in turning people into the law because you should always lie. Yeah. And steal and do bad don't believe in turning people into the law, because you should always lie. Yeah. And steal and do bad things. Exactly. I actually fully agree. I actually fully agree with that. But on to like a very important thing that we need to address is the whole Kai fiasco.

Y'all will never see that man again. Yeah. the whole kai fiasco y'all will never see that man again yeah um i don't know what the fuck got into y'all but those comments were disgusting yeah y'all are monsters i'm sorry but have some self-respect like y'all are throwing yourselves at a random man have some self-respect um sluts oh i was gonna say it but i'm so happy you did horse oh my fucking god i literally it's like i mean it's like the thing is, this is the truth podcast. We can't stop the truth from coming out of us. Yeah, exactly.

Renaming it the truth. But no, like, I'm sorry. Y'all took the attention. Kai took the attention away from us and y'all will never see him again. Like, all the comments. I bet you bitches couldn't even tell us what the fuck we talked about. I know, legitimately. And also, I want to make it clear.

This is not Kai's fault. This is your fault. No, no, no. It I want to make it clear. This is not Kai's fault. This is your fault. No, no, no. It's fully Kai's fucking fault. Like, as a man, why the fuck are you getting on camera, one, two, giggling and kicking and laughing on camera? Like, why are you doing that? Drew gets a pass.

Thank you. Drew is an exception. Thank you. But yeah, I just find it very odd that as a man you decided to one take the forefront which is very like psycho behavior you're a psychopath and you're a sociopath and you're a narcissist yeah but no legitimately um until i'm banning the word kai from the comments on the youtube channel no you know what we're gonna ban kai and all these fucking dimwits spell his name wrong. K-A-I.

I haven't said the word dimwits in so long. I don't think I've ever said it and it felt so mean. Like that felt like dimwit. But yeah, y'all can't even spell his name. So how do you think you're going to win him? Yeah, period. And you're not going to win him because... Who you think kai's more in love with me or in you leave a comment down below i saw a comment and someone was like no i get why and he's a

little meanie like i'd be nervous around kai too and i was like do y'all think we live in elementary like i'm like five years old i think you do i live in elementary i'm so stupid but um yeah i found that funny because i was like no you can be mean to men you can just be mean to them on some like fun shit it's just fun um and i rest my case and he's never gonna be on camera again um i'm actually gonna get his ig deleted too we're gonna report it mass report okay don't do that because i know people will literally go do that on some funny shit and like it will be a problem um if that happens though we'll just literally shout out his new hegi and he'll gain all the followers

because apparently kai is literally the hottest man y'all have ever seen that's another thing it's offensive to me it's offensive to me i know i was like i get on here every single fucking week and i serve and i serve look i serve cunt i serve opinion i serve bitter bitter i serve everything you fucking bitter girls and boys want and what and kai gets on there and literally smirks and he gets all the attention he doesn't say shit he literally i think all you did was talk about crypto and like a joking and the funniest thing the funniest thing is like people kai said 18 words total and they were like kai's literally the funniest person literally the funniest person i've ever seen um so fuck you um this i don't know i can't think

of the lyrics but you know the one um uh when lana says and your crypto boyfriend fuck you kevin yeah fuck you yeah i know what you're talking about. You name your baby Lala Kevin after your iPhone 11. Crypto forever screams your stupid boyfriend. Fuck you, Kevin. I love that both of us did the TikTok. That was me, though. I literally, like, nothing will replace being, like, having the fucking, what is it?

The experience. It's like when an experience is good. Like, nothing beats having the, there's a word there. Whatever. Time of your life. That's so funny. Girl, I don't know what the fuck you mean the word there someone will know what i'm saying um having the time of your life no nothing will beat the like the experience it's like there's a word

there for that for experience the experience of or what it's like oh this is oh like an honor but there's like a different word i'm thinking of and i can't think of it whatever normally we're in sync but like this is just so over my fucking kai kai's staring us both down and he's being so scary right now also to make it clear we love kai and like shut up stop yeah literally like we love emotionally abusive because the way y'all switched up from bullying this man to like literally wanting to like breed with him oh breathe no it's actually scary it's scary yeah you guys are scary that's that y'all are dangerous that's how quick they'll fucking turn on us i know well anyways flood the comments i looked extra pretty today so y'all could compliment i know and it was actually so funny there were like three or four comments

saying like oh drew looks so good in this or like and you look so good i was like y'all are pitying they had like 30 likes total they're they're like now i'm offended by a compliment because you're just saying it because you feel bad for me i know i know it's like don't even say anything at all like if you're gonna be don't pity me i don't need pity and then the top fucking comment was making fun of me for getting covid twice um fuck you fuck you um anyways uh nothing beat being around when lana released ultra violence and had the song florida kilos in there and i got to be a miami girl and i was like you rapping about cocaine as like an 11 year old my username used to be anyayo because of because of lana yay yo yay yo um but yeah just

stop talking about kai um this is disgusting can you try it yeah i decided to brew my own yerba mate this morning and actually now i realize why you fucking pointed it out because you it looks like i just it's missing something i don't know what the fuck it's missing i think it's missing like blueberry flavor i don't like um because you're thinking about carbonated soda yerba mate i need co2 um also it just tastes like honey like you put a lot of honey that was not a lot though it tastes like honey water and i i realize i'm just a person that can't do caffeine but maybe maybe i'm just not reaching that threshold like maybe i'm taking like yeah maybe you need to do a lot more. That's like everybody who's ever done a drug in their life.

I just am not making it past. You're seeing ghosts. Sorry, my ADHD kicked in. Have you seen those TikToks? Yeah. But no, literally, I just don't think my body's cut out for caffeine anymore. I haven't even told them that I had a heart monitor installed for a fucking week of my life. You had a heart monitor installed and then you got COVID.

I had a heart monitor installed. I had to do the most insane like tests ever. So I was in the waiting. Okay, let me just prep. Like, let me just rewind for a second see this is what caffeine does to me i just i cannot complete a fucking thought you like didn't even give yourself a sentence to start the thought what are you talking about that's what i'm saying um okay so it's no secret i've been having heart issues but i genuinely

think i'm actually fine like for once in my life i'm not like hypochondriac about it i think it's literally just whatever um it's just like natural things everybody experiences but i just wanted to get it looked at because i don't want to play with that i don't want to play with my heart like you don't want to play with my heart you know what it is i just had my heart broken my heart's been broken oh my god wait oh kai knows yeah kai knows um about what happened in miami this you better be careful because people always talk about when i said my credit score and they guessed it completely right. Also, no, I watched the clip. My ass literally went, like, with my hands. I, like, fully did numbers with my hands back here as if this isn't fully see-through. My credit score is fixed now, also.

It's back to normal. The government found me. I was evading my taxes, and they fucking found me. And they, like, hit me with so many fucking bills. But I paid them them all so don't even try to get me bitch um but i paid all my fucking stupid little taxes i gave my stupid little fucking money to the government um i've been having heart issues um so i've been going to the doctor this started at the beginning of the pandemic uh very beginning 2020 but

i wasn't able to get into my appointments because it was like two weeks after the pandemic uh very beginning 2020 but i wasn't able to get into my appointments because it was like two weeks after the pandemic started and we were like supposed to be on quarantine for two weeks and they were like yeah we're not taking fucking patients um so it just got extended extended extended until november of this year and i went to the appointment and they were like yeah something isn't right something is we going on. It's being, something's weird. So they scheduled a bunch of testing and the testing they had me do was the most insane shit I've ever experienced in my life.

I like got in there and they hooked me up to all these monitors. It's called the stress echo test if you want to know what it is the name of it and i basically had to run like a mile like it was it was insane like i started on this treadmill actually they fucked up my testing so i started on this treadmill and i had been walking for like two minutes um which also is so embarrassing because they were like do you ever like work out like why is your heart rate so high right now?

You've literally only been fucking walking. Embarrassing. And then they realized one of the connections of the EKG thing was fucking bunked. So they had me lay back down, get my heart rate back down, and then get back on the treadmill. And I like literally was like sprinting for like 30 minutes. And then they installed the chest monitor i don't even know where the fuck i'm going with this like anymore see i cannot drink caffeine

because i literally am insane like what was i even fucking talking about you're just saying the fucking testing they had you do was like insane um yeah whatever but it sounds like they just made you do like human activities and you're someone who doesn't do human activities so you're like literally baffled you're like I cannot believe they made me fucking run. They were trying to make me walk. They were trying to make me run. I thought you were going to say they made you fucking do suicide, like laps or something.

They took my heart rate or they took my blood. They took your heart. Yeah. Okay, I'm over this. I'm fine. I have my appointment on the 22nd. Like, can we move on? You have it on my birthday?

Maybe it's on the 21st. Wow. Me as if I do everything for my birthday? Girl, are you going to be here on your birthday? Oh, I literally probably will. Yeah. I forgot. Wow.

I forgot. I forgot. I forgot. Wow. Oh, I'm the villain. I'm the bad guy. I'm the bad guy. Bruh.

Bruh. Bruh. Bruh. Bruh. Bruh. Bruh. Bruh. Bruh. Bruh. Bruh. Bruh. Bruh. Bruh. Bruh. Bruh. Bruh. I'm the bad bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh I'm the bad bruh I heard you when you did it bruh bruh I'm the bad fly did you make that up?

did you make that up did you make that up oh my god true true fuck are you okay what's up yeah i'm good i was just taking a minute what's up spotify this is hobby i remember this one time we're on tour we didn't have any guitar picks and we didn't have time to go to the store so we placed an order on prime and it got there the next day ready for the show whatever you're into it's on prime are you thorough up i'm good okay um anyways speaking of doctors i need to see a gynecologist so fucking bad like i like i like keep thinking about it and every single year of my life maybe this is like adhd medicine like maybe that's what this is doing to me

it's making me normal i'm i took my yas pills and my normal pills you cannot force me to take my normal pills is that where i'm literally od'ing right now i'm like actually tweaking the fuck out that's actually really bad for you um wait is it really it's like yes you have to pick one you have to if you want a yas you can't be normal fuck wait what do i do you have to you have to throw it up but your stomach acid probably already like dissolved it so now you're about to i don't know i'm gonna die i'm not ready to die we should act out a scene where like it's like me where i actually am like i have like a bullet in my stomach and it's like me like actually

like thinking i'm gonna die and see how good i do but not now okay like where are we doing the scene i'm just saying like at a later date we can do it okay yeah i'll put that on my fucking calendar imagine just like a regular person who hasn't watched 27 episodes of this like rotting their fucking brain and they watch this one for the first fucking time i think we're very normal i do need to go to a gynecologist that's very normal that is normal pilled um but i like literally every single like week like Every single, like, week. Like, what? Normal pills. Or normie pills. Normcore. But every single year, I have the thought about how people are going to get so mad at me,

but I haven't had a, what's it called, a pap smear yet. And that is so fucking bad and not okay. Is that when they squish your boob? No, that's... A mammogram i i didn't know the word and i was trying to think of something funny so bad and then what i thought of was not funny and i can't say that out loud um but no that's when they fucking split the fucking seas and they go in and swab the sides and take a taste and see if you got something wrong with you. They put a metal clamp in your fucking hole and they literally spread it

and they take a cotton swab and they do a COVID test in your coochie. That literally has to hurt, right? I don't think it feels good. It's like the vagina. You feel pleasure. I've had a swab like that. The one time in my life I was like,

I'm going in to get a pap smear and they fucking, I went in when I thought i had a yeast infection because i was like my shit is like not feeling awesome and that's when i found out i had bacterial vaginosis and a yeast infection so they were like we can't do a pap smear because you're literally infected like you're gonna infect everybody in this building if we do this um so but then they send me that fucking crazy bill and so i guess my pussy's just gonna fucking rot and fall off it's gonna crumple up like a little raisin and fall off like you know you know when you go and get a skin tag removed and they freeze it and falls off that's literally what's gonna happen to my pussy um i don't know i was just visualizing

skirt around you guys i'm just gonna be standing and my pussy's gonna Look her pussy fell out She's just gonna fucking hit the floor And it's gonna be loud cause I have a fat pussy So she's gonna be like Her vagina fell out Um so yeah Hold on I have to look that up

Do you know what I'm referencing What did you say Her pussy fell out That word is so naughty So yeah. Hold on. I have to look that up. Do you know what I'm referencing? What did you say? Her pussy fell out. No. That word is so naughty. Pussy? Yeah.

Pussy power. Stop. Okay. I'm going to put a big pussy power sticker on my hydroflask. Stop. Oh my fucking God. I looked up her pussy fell out and literally all that came up were vaginas on Google. Like I thought I was going to find an obscure ass meme from 2014. No, I don't know what that is.

Yeah, I'm going to put a pussy power, a feminist, vote Hillary. Hillary 2024. Hillary 2024. All those stickers on my hijab. I'm with Hillary. I'm going to put a lot of ice on it so it shakes and people have to look over and see what's happening. Joe Biden will die in this presidency. We will have a woman president.

I literally said that the other day. I was like, he's dying this year. Like, I'm calling it. Are we going to get in trouble? No, everyone thinks he's going to die. Something big is happening. No, the something big that was gonna happen was us getting coveted and we already got it no it's giving her uh no vid lighting

should we talk about the patreon um what about the patreon oh but one of the things i wrote on my note because i was i've been thinking about my coochie a lot is my uh vaginal infections are normal and it's okay because it's like your pussy getting a light cold like it's not like a disease that's like really gonna kill it but like if i have a yeast infection it's like if i had a sore throat like it's just building up immunity medicine in that hole and it's good wait do you have to put medicine up there um there is like suppositories yeah there are suppositories for your coochie but i've never done that i've've only taken a pill for it. But who knows if I have.

Guys, let's hope I have a yeast infection again. And if I do. You're going to try out suppositories and give us a review. I'll pop a pill in there. I'll pop a perk before I get on the podcast. Pop a perky. Okay. So, in the Patreon Discord, there is a person who goes by the at Rat Germ. And Rat Germ, for the last, like, month, has literally been giving away thousands and thousands of dollars.

So, guys, you guys should definitely sign up for the Patreon. You will win lots of money. It is an investment. You will get your money back. thousands and thousands of dollars so guys you guys should definitely sign up for the patreon you will win a lot of money it is an investment you will get your money back i i legitimately like i was i i felt bad because i was like no like i should probably put an end to this like this is too much money because literally rat germ started at a hundred,000 and is now at $22,000. So he's given away, or they've given away, what is that? Is that $78,000 or $22,000? Wait, they started with $100,000? Yes, and they've given away $78,000.

Oh, like they only have like $12,000 left? $22,000. $22,000. Yeah. Wait, what's the math? Is it $88,000 or? $78,000. $78,000. $78,000, yeah, so it's $22,000. Okay, yeah. 22k yeah wait what's the math is it 88 or 78 78 yes that's 22 okay yeah given away apparently

rumored in the discord 78 000 to discord patreon members um which is belligerent fucking insane so i messaged that german i was like hey like don't do that like you should keep some of the money for yourself um and they were like yeah maybe you're right i probably should do that and i was like yeah do that but uh yeah that's literally what it sounds like when you try to give me financial advice and i just don't listen i'm like i should do that and i turn around and get open depop right away yeah but i asked rat germ if i could talk about this and they were chill with it so here we are um so go subscribe to the discord patreon go subscribe to the patreon um and maybe rat germ will give you a thousand dollars and there's screenshots

of like people literally receiving thousands of dollars i didn't get any of that money i was like i'm like okay don't be fucking stingy you have 22 left give me 12 give me 12 no but i just had to talk about that because that is fucking insane um people are actually making money off of the Patreon. I just knocked out my tooth. Also, this note means nothing. I want to relate to people, but I hate people I don't know trying to relate to me, even though it's my job. And I only say that because of yesterday when i posted that tiktok

that i deleted oh yeah um also yes i'm wearing this sweater for like the third day in a row whatever cares um no but like this exact shirt and sweater like this shirt has like layers of deodorant on it like i'm pulling a kai right now like i'm just like really stacking this shit up you laughed like a little too hard at like my expense so i had to take that i love those tiktoks that are like when the friend who has a dead mom starts laughing a little too hard in the roast section okay i'm playing five nights at freddy's tonight we are playing yeah we should stream it we should low-key stream five nights at freddy i that would be fucking fun though i we should hit up weston and kaylin and just have them give us like a huge tutorial on how to stream or we could figure it out ourself because it's not their job to teach us why have people around you if you can't use them like pawns i i do agree i

do agree like what's the point oh but yesterday i posted a tiktok where i was like oh entering the part of my adulthood where like i um all i care about is like furniture having a home building a home and like thinking about my parents a lot and there were kids kids kids who were 15 saying they weren't even 14 you're saying i'm i'm only 14 and this is already me and i was like what the fuck are you talking about you're almost a decade younger than me trying to relate to my brain right now like can you shut the fuck up um and for some reason that like pissed me off so bad because I just fucking hate kids. There I said it.

I fucking said it. I don't like kids. A 14 year old is literally a kid. I could squish you up in a little ball and throw you up and fucking punch you across a yard. You want to be seen so bad. Like you are so threatened by a woman who is speaking that you need to be seen. Exactly. You're just like Kai. Exactly. You're just like Kai.

Exactly. You're just like Kai. Exactly. And like, what's your point? You're being, and you're being a whore right now. Your ass is fucking crazy.

Thank you. And, and he's jealous. That's what it is. This bitch is jealous. No, actually it's because I have self-respect and I sit here in my fucking sweater, all covered up and you're being a fucking slut.

It's winter time. This man has shorts on. I just don't get cold. Like I don't get cold. Yeah. Because you're being a fucking slut it's winter time and this man has shorts on i just don't get cold like i don't get cold yeah because you're a hoe and a hoe never gets cold no and he's jealous because my ass is fucking stinky and fat like and like it fucking shoots big fucking turds out of the colon you wish you big turns out, bitch. I am so constipated right now. Oh my God. Oh, I already said like, wait, I think I said that laxatives started my symptoms in the last episode.

I still can't believe that. I'm never taking a laxative again. We have a bottle up there and I'm going to chug it. I'm addicted to it. Oh my God. This man can't believe it. Like y'all are gonna get kai fired and you have to fill it all the way up i've never seen you drink water in my life and now you want attention so bad you never drank water once while recording the episode and all of a sudden

that you're not on camera he got a taste of the limelight i know this is our fault i know it is it's you you you try to be a good friend and you put a friend on and just like that they show that they don't deserve that fucking chance i'm just filling up water oh so now water's a necessity no literally that's what i'm saying so now you need water to survive okay okay um and yeah that's it dude also fucking the other thing that a kid said like a kid has said to us in the past 24 hours and i'm like can you shut up because you think you sound smart right now but you're showing that you're a child is people yesterday were asking me and Drew yesterday we're being like oh my god you're just now seeing Coco

yeah bitch I'm a fucking adult that wasn't on my top agenda like oh my god you're just now seeing this as if you were talking about a Wes Anderson movie like what the fuck like you're just now seeing like literally

you're 15 and you're asking a 23 and 24 year old, you're just now seeing... What the hell? Like, literally, you're 15 and you're asking a 23 and 24-year-old if we're just now seeing... I'm 15, bitch. If we're just now seeing a Disney movie that came out in 2017, which means you were, like, 11 or 12 when it came out. No, actually, they were younger. They were literally 10. They were 10 when that movie came out. When did it come out? 2017. I saw it in 2018 um you're a fucking child and a lame bitch but no what i'm saying is like

why is a kid literally being like you're just now seeing this girl you saw it in theaters because you were 10 and your parents took you yeah you don't even remember the fucking movie maybe you need to re-watch it for the first fucking time and like because you're sentient now um that movie is actually what are you gonna say me just being mean as fuck to like a huge demographic of our like podcast but obviously i like fuck with y'all but like don't talk to me like you're not a kid let me hear i'm sorry you're 15 wait what is the wendy williams yeah shout out to people with anxiety yeah shout out to the 15 year olds like yeah i feel bad for you i feel bad for you no literally i think what also annoys me is like

can you enjoy your youth because every other day all i can think about now is that i'm officially at a point where being like a freshman in high school was a fucking decade ago damn there's a word for it but literally um and i'm jealous i want to be 15 again there's a word that i think it's like getting older younger is like what it is um and it's literally just like brands uh pushing products that like i don't know how to really explain it so i'm not gonna try but it's literally just boils down to capitalism has infected like a younger generation like way quicker because of like how accessible buying shit has become so when we were 15 we wanted things but

we didn't have the access to them so we didn't like feel like these adults making these adult decisions because we were still at a point where if we wanted something our parents really had to go out and get it for us and the likelihood of them getting the things we wanted was very low but now 15 year olds can do a shian haul from their iphone for 20 yeah and also it's just like they're being influenced by older people like ourselves so like they're consuming things that we consume um and yeah it's just like trickle down it's just like kids that's why like when you look at a 13 year old now, they don't look like what we looked like when we were 13. They look like grown people.

And with that being said, shut the fuck up. I never said anything to me. I lied. Actually, I need attention. So like if you did like shut up, I would actually disappear and die. Oh. But Coco. Maybe. Yeah, Coco. shut up i would actually disappear and die oh um but coco maybe yeah coco um the most

fucked up movie ever made i mean it is so good like don't get me wrong like i think that's one of disney's best movies they've ever made easily but they did things in that movie that they did not have to do and they just wanted to make you fucking cry and like sob your fucking eyes out. Like that was their goal. At the end, they were like, I want people to cry harder at this movie than anything they've ever seen in their entire life. And that's literally what happened. Coco, every single time I've watched it, I have cried my eyes out. It's like not okay.

No, literally. Because also, it was my first time watching it. And I literally, Coco, spoiler alert, but apparently everyone in the world has seen it. Like, whatever. When fucking, they found out whatever De La Cruz was in his grandpa. And Hector was his dad. And dad and like they had their like song and they talked about singing to coco i thought that was the peak of sadness and i cried at that so i was like and i was sitting over there like oh i know it's coming like you're done oh this is the

movie y'all like boohoo cry over like okay bitch when they put up that fucking they did not need to put up that's what i'm saying literally it's like great abuelita it's comedic them doing that because you're just like oh like a year has passed what what could have changed she conked she fucking died she keeled over yeah she fucking she had her last dance it It's done. Remember me. Also, wait. Fuck the licensing on that movie. The licensing on that movie is so fucking insane. Like, if you didn't watch my story, you don't understand what happened. But, like, literally, if you go to my story, it doesn't make sense.

No, I can send it to Kai because I screen recorded it. But, my story it's just it doesn't make sense because i screen recorded it but basically it's it's completely banned like that version of the song of the little boys singing it is completely singing it together you cannot post it on social media you can't even send that song like a snippet of it via dm like drew took a picture of me like crying and wanted to post it and that song wasn't on the ig like music roster so i was like oh i have a hack to do it so like i added the song to the photo for him and sent it to him and he posted

it it was a literal millisecond and all other responses like how the fuck did you do this how did you make it so fast and i'm not telling you actually y'all just got the sauce i know we just said it um but yeah that was so fucking funny and drew was literally freaking the fuck out it like actually was stressing me out like i was so mad i was so mad um but yeah it was a good movie and then we literally watched that thing about i we're kind of talking about our media like more in depth for the first time but then we watched that thing about the cave it's not funny like the the soccer kids in thailand that got stuck in the cave yeah like i'm laughing because i said this to drew but they kept talking about like oh like it's so inspiring like their morale and like how much like positivity they had in their hearts and how like

positive they were that they would make it and they just like had this like really sweet and almost like naive belief and trust in other people that like they would make it and they just like had this like really sweet and almost like naive belief and trust in other people that like they would make sure they were gonna stay alive bitch i would kill the fucking vibe after eight hours and you would be like we're dead we're done we're done bitch after the first hour i would touch that water and see how cold it was i'm like no we're done we're done they're not coming no they're not coming they don't even know we're fucking here like i don't have find my iphone on i don't have my iphone on me they died in the water i would be i would die of boredom i would literally die of boredom i would

oh yeah dude so scary 17 fucking days stuck in there no i don't want to be anywhere for 17 days like i don't want i'm like no imagine literally being alone to be anywhere for 17 days. Like I don't want, I'm like, no. Imagine literally being alone without iPhone for 17 days. Bitch, y'all would drown me. Y'all would fucking have to kill my ass. And I would eat you. I'm sorry. You would be the one that we ate. If you think I complain a lot right now,

bitch, trap me in a cave. I feel like another side of you would shine. I feel like you would be the positive one and I would be like, because I'm normally blindly optimistic, but like like i feel like the roles would reverse like i feel like my facade would crumble and i'd be like we're dead we're dead we're dead we're dead yeah we're done no i feel like you would be like i think we're gonna be fine because we pick each other's slack up because you know what it is too i just have the intuition and the gut feeling of like literally i think i might be psychic and

psycho and a narcissist bitch you're delusional this is the year of self-diagnosing yes everybody let's self-diagnose in the comments let's self-diagnose in the comments i'm literally living in wonderland right now the wonderland system um but the fucking yeah if like because technically if we were there like and we were gonna be saved i would just know so like i'd be like okay we're chilling like i'm just a little annoyed but like this is a minor inconvenience but like it's character growth we'll get actually no like i literally i can't oh if i couldn't wash my face before i went to sleep i don't know what wait that one thing or that one question where it's like you just uh your wife's been missing for 24 hours you just were searching for her for 14 hours all day long do you come home and wash your face before you go to bed yeah no because when i need to make my um

my like when they find her dead body and i have to like go on the news and like make my really sad like remark i gotta look good oh my god i can't be like breaking out and like really nasty looking like i have to look good you know what i'm coming home washing my face and i'm putting on an asap damn okay i'm exfoliating i'm doing the face mask i'm taking a bath okay my feet hurt my legs hurt like i've been like trotting around looking for her picking off the deer fucking cunt because i don't know why she would have like an air tag on her but actually okay no let me not say that i would literally like why yeah like why are people still disappearing we have air tags he's like why y'all saying why did people disappear because people are getting like murdered like that's why they're disappearing

is because some fucking psychopath is being a psychopath. But like... No one. And you got me new shorts for Christmas. Yeah, and you're being a slut because those are summer shorts and it's winter and you should be covering your body.

Well, you're being a prude i literally used to always call myself a prude in high school because i like was and i was so embarrassed about it but i was like one of those really annoying girls who was like yeah i haven't done anything is the is this the l does it look right for you or is this the l that's l that's interesting that it's on the right hand. Not really. Oh, no. It makes sense because I've always used my right hand because I'm a righty.

It's weird if you're a fucking lefty freak of nature and you shouldn't be. Eradicate the left hand. Yeah, like, why? Like, oh, like, yeah, because I can read this. Bitch, I'm like, why would I use my left hand? I'm calling myself a lefty. Eradicate the left handies. Like, you're weird. You're scary.

What are you doing? Derogatory left handies like you're weird you're scary what are you doing derogatory left handies you know they are ruining society you know mom i'm sorry see i literally told y'all i told y'all i'm not using this year to prove i'm a good person you just have to know i'm a good person and that i'm joking there was a comment that said that and that was very relieving because on the podcast i do say shit that like i know is a joke and we all know it's a joke but there are moments where i'm like if someone fucking takes this out of context and decides to be a fucking cunt, I guess I'll have to shoot them. We should kill everybody who's done something wrong. What was that, Kai, that you were talking about?

We literally disappear off camera. We get eradicated, everyone. What was that one person that was like so you're like pro suicide oh yeah I was talking to this girl that was like she's like oh I'm glad that suicide rates amongst white men is going up and I was like wait are you serious and she was like yeah like honestly because then there's gonna be less racist people and i was like so you're you're pro suicide like you're pro people i'm with her yeah i'm pro i'm pro choice

that is a curious those same men would be like bitch, you can't have a fucking abortion. Obviously not those same men, like I don't know those people. Wait, not me saying, not me like in my head like rationalizing like, Broke choice suicide. I was like, wait, that's like- This is an evil fucking episode. I know. This last five minutes is all getting cut.

Two sides of the same bird, Republican and Democrat. I know I'm a fucking liar, I know. This last five minutes is all getting cut. Two sides of the same bird. Republican and Democrat. I know I'm a fucking liar. I know I'm a cunt. I know I got a tight coochie at the end of the day and that's all that fucking matters. I can be a bitch and have good pussy. No one's talking about that. True. Well,

I guess we could talk about this photo that I took. No, bitch. We could talk about the fucking rock. The literal rock. No, no. So, oh, I don't know if y'all remember when these fucking idiots, these goddamn hooligan foolish nerds showed me a picture of a rock on the moon and tried to make me feel like the freak for not believing it was some extraterrestrial cube. Bitch, it wasn't a Rubik's Cube. It was a fucking rock's a rock on a rock they're lying to us ball in the sky the democrats there was a rock on the rock the democrats are lying to us they're saying it no because i'm not up there to see that it's not a rock. So how do I know it's not a rock?

Then fucking go. Bye. Take your fucking away suitcase and get the fuck out. No, because what if it wasn't a rock? What if it wasn't a rock and it was like an actual extraterrestrial object, but society's not ready? Think about this. They hired 12 theologists from around the globe randomly to, like, calculate how the world would reaction to an extraterrestrial threat or, like, discovery of extraterrestrial. Why are they doing that? Why are they hiring theologists across the globe?

It's a good point. Yeah. Why are they doing that? They also did release the movie Don't Look Up. So that is, like, at the same time, it's like, oh, my God the government lies to us like that like that that movie was very eye-opening and good yeah but think about it that movie was fucking god awful yeah that's the conversation a lot of y'all don't want to have but that movie fucking suck look up was one of the worst and they're gonna be like oh no it sucked because it's targeting you uh bitch, I've been having these thoughts since I was 12 years old.

Shut the fuck up. It was just a bad movie. But what were you saying, Kai? Since it's the Kai episode? Well, it's okay. I mean, it's... No, no, go, go, go. It's the lamestream media.

Period. If you might be real, I mean, you're just... Yeah. Period. Lamestream. Lame stream. Lame stream. Two sides of the same coin. CNN.

Fox News. What I'm about to say might have to be cut, but y'all literally sound like the people who think QA non is real. I'm a QA non-er. I'm okay. Through and through. Tried and true. Come on, Q. Listen to QA non through and through. Tried and true. Come on, Q. Listen to Q-Anon through and through, tried and true.

Come on, Q. That's our saying. That's what we say. Review yourself. You better work, Q. You better work, Q. We're going to get our comments flooded with fucking Q-Anons. You better work the house.

They've become a part of the like they're like you know what you're gonna fucking talk to me i'm gonna fucking talk to you yeah literally um wait what if i told y'all that i was cute the whole time i'd be like okay sir i have no idea what the fuck that motherfucker says like i don't i don't know any of that shit that's just like qaon is the same conversation as like y'all talking about aliens where i just like q anon crypto aliens that's how i say q anon what do you say it's q anon it's anon anonymous q is anonymous anon when you like when someone dm'd you on tumblr anon it's not anus anus

you say anonymous right i'm kind of funny that you're speaking to someone who's bilingual and like my accent and the way i choose to pronunciate my words your turn i actually speak the language from the avatar movies, so. Period. I'm gonna fucking slap the fuck out of you. You're gonna let him talk to you like that? Um, I just said I'm going to slap the literal fuck out of him. Are you gonna let her talk to you like that? Yes.

You're pushing 30, you better watch yourself, cause you're about to crumble. Girl, I'm pushing 30. That's like the thing, like you better be chill with those comments because I'll kill myself When anyone's like talking about we were at the Kanye show and you were like yeah, you better put makeup on that old ass mug I think about that like everyday when I look in the mirror and I'm like fuck I'm getting older You better put makeup on that old ass mug You know what's fucked up is I do not remember saying that I don't remember that at all either Beat that old mug

Beat that old mug The house Literally beat a RuPaul You better beat that old mug RuPaul being 6,000 years old You wanna blame it on the edit Hey blame it on the. You wanna blame it on the edit. Hey. Blame it on the edit.

You wanna blame it on the edit. Hey. And then RuPaul released a new song that's giving Charli XCX. A run for her money? Mm. No, it's just giving. Charli. It's Charli.

It's Charli. It's giving Republican. It's giving plant. It's giving Yerba Matelie it's giving republican it's giving plant it's giving yerba mate it's giving claymation it's giving recount it's giving it's giving hillary 2024 like i said last episode i'm just in the air everything is fucking funny you bitches are crazy i am the only one in real life. Like none of y'all are real. You're all fucking crazy I'm just here to vibe to chill to look good It's giving recount the vote It's giving recount the vote

It's giving stop the count Like you know what it is It's giving I'm with her There needs to be There needs to be a class in elementary Where it's literally dedicated to finding a hobby Because when you don't find a hobby at a young age You end up being on twitter talking about Some recount the vote

You bitch you can't even count What the fuck are you talking about You go recount it then you go you like half of them half of them just don't even know they're just regurgitating what their uncle said like none of them know what they're actually saying like that's the thing that's the the thing what's awesome is they're so bad at arguing that if you said that to them they would literally be like you're doing you're doing that I once learned not to argue with a fool I learned not to argue with the fool is that it think about it don't argue with the fool I can't think about it oh also the other thing

with the fuck y'all the cave documentary is like the people who are helping i would tap out i was looking at them i was like how do you like i can't even think i am so fucking stupid i was like if you put even like a hypothetical problem in me in front of me and explain the situation was like how are we gonna do it i'd be like we're not we're just not i think if if i was trained enough i would be able to do it i would never be trained enough i just don't i don't believe in using my brain power fuck let my girl throw up like let her throw up. That's going to sound crazy. Not only am I QAnon. Republican. Okay, we need more Republicans who like euphoria.

QAnon pro-suicide. This episode is so funny. Girl, this turned into the Red Scare. I know. Immediately. I always mention Red Scare. Never once have I listened to that shit. Never. Never once.

Pro-suicide Republican. Did you know that the... I'm done. I'm literally just thinking of the most problematic things to say in my brain and I'm like, shut up. I was going to say, did you know that the, um, that Euphoria hit a record for like most streamed premiere on HBO Max? It was actually because the extra half were Republicans who were finally turning over

and they were like, I want glitter on my eyes glitter in my eyes glitter in my heart i'm gonna show you what you want what was that glitter in my eyes it's the euphoria i literally that first episode i like the first sentence in i was like okay okay and then by the end i was crying my ass off and i was literally like i felt like um when characters like that wolf character in old cartoons would see a hot lady and start stomping its feet and be like oh like that was me like the wolf that like killed itself came back to life and kept cat calling ghost was cat calling the horniest man alive um yeah and that's that's my review of the new Euphoria episode. Every time I think about Euphoria, though,

I get immediately triggered to how before that show came out and I had my bleached eyebrows and bleached hair, people called me a literal fucking... bum. And were so mean to me about it. The camera's not recording. Ew. Oh he is he's so fucking annoying um but yeah where's my oscar i get triggered that how people believe performance of a birthday dinner

like what does that mean it's the new awards they're giving away okay um that's it we're done this episode's done we need to give me that scared the shit out of me Josh is asleep I have a really good like terrifying, terrifying, like, like, woman in pure, disgustingly, like, nauseating pain scream.

Do you want to hear it? No. Have you heard it? No, no, no. There's a different one where I'm, like, kind of muffling my mouth because it's, like, a woman who's, like, like, a murderer is around the corner. She, like, can't help herself and she, like, can't hold it in. True. corner she like can't help herself and she like can't hold it in i feel like i'm at like daycare right now at daycare i would sneak out of my fucking nap time and go kiss this kid

and i would get all up in that mouth try to tell me this isn't a computer chip take it to the airplane at night that's a computer chip okay we need to end this episode media of the week um okay can you say that for me i'm just gonna butcher it and i'm not even going to try it. The first one? The second one. Gazebo? No pink cover. Oh, El Muchacho de los Ojos Tristes? Yes. El Muchacho de los Ojos Tristes. I was like, you can't read Gazebo?

Okay, by Jeanette. Yeah. That's my number one song. And then Dreams of Surf by evangelist um and then red alert by dj cam girl okay i challenge you let's see who does it better you or me all i could think is i was like so many of these kids have no idea what like Aved means, but maybe they do because of context clues. But after experience what I did at the Rose Bowl, I'm like, damn, people who can't understand a language and don't know more than one language have no context clues when it comes to human language.

To explain, I was at the Rose Bowl and these three white motherfuckers were at a tent and they were like, mira, mira, mira. Like, what does that mean? Like, and then they were like, you speak Spanish a tent. And they were like, mira, mira, mira. Like, what does that mean? And then they were like, you speak Spanish, right? And they were like, yeah. And he was like, mira, mira, mira. Like, kept saying that. Ayúdame, ayúdame.

Un pezón en mi culo. They like, he kept saying that. And then he was like, what does that even mean? Like, family? And I couldn't believe it. I was like. What is pezón? Pezón? I honestly i honestly don't know un pezon en mi culo i don't know fuck what did i just say it probably like but it's like how pepita like for me means like pussy and then like i don't

know what it means for other people or like what am i saying is in my ass anyways they thought mira means family and i was like it means look and then they're like huh i was like it means look like look and then they're like that makes sense because every time he says it he points and i was like you mean he's looking at you pointing and saying mira and you don't understand that that means look what does person mean i don't know i couldn't find it i i don't know i don't know what that means you told me does pezon mean? I don't know. I couldn't find it. I don't know. I don't know what that shit means. You told me to... I remember I was like, how do I say, help me, help me, there's blank in my ass.

Un pezon en mi culo. Nipple. Yeah. There's a nipple in my ass. Because I've never had to say the word nipple. Anyways, here are my top songs. You know, because I watched Euphoria. This has to be one of them.

Right Down the Line by Gary Rafferty. The next ones aren't Euphoria related. Crying by Roy Orbison. Cherish the Day by Sade and Like a Prayer, Madonna. Oh. When you come on me. We also watched Gummo on 35mm it was fucking awesome so good um love that i'm sure there's gonna be some slick dumb fuck who's like you've never seen gummo but you

like were in the like you liked bunny hats um because i have original thoughts bitch i am just in a bitter hateful mood today i know know. And it's fun. It's like, like literally one of my resolutions, like subconsciously was like, I'm just going to like live and let live. Just like shut the fuck up. Mind my own. I don't give a shit. Like whatever.

But then I remembered how fun it is to be mean. I was born to be bitter. Like I was born to be bitter. Like they put something in my bones that it just feels right when I'm bitter. It literally makes me horny. See, now I'm, like, in thought and I'm like, why do I think it's cool to be mean? No, because that's how it's going to be like, because I want your mean to kind. But no, I'm mean to everybody because it boosts my ego.

It makes me feel good. I'm an insecure person. And being mean makes me feel confident. And I'm going to do what I got to do to get mine. And if that means hurting other people, I'm going to fucking do it. That's what Coco taught me. Now I'm back on my shit where i'm like no i don't want to be mean because why do i think it's cool to be mean because i'm fucking i just said i'm hateful i'm spiteful you're a mean one mr grinch all right that's it for this video episode wherever the fuck you want

to call this little thing this little fucking gadget love you i love you guys no guys i love you guys so much i actually do but you know whatever fuck you but yeah legitimately but i would never say it yeah that's i know because then that goes into the thing of like people were like i don't hug my best friend i'm like can you grow up hug the people you love because one day you won't be able to hug them because we're all gonna die and someone could walk out your front door right now and there's a chance you would never fucking see them again right giving them paranoia the the the yassification of experiencing

a close death at an early age so living in extreme paranoia about everyone's mortality for the rest of your life yes bye

wait we should do the bye Bye!