Empty Netters Podcast - 5. Bruins Front Office Is a JOKE

Episode Date: November 10, 2022

The Boston Bruins front office look like absolute buffoons.   Playing hockey outside is objectively cool    Dan has PTSD from youth hockey.   The playoff format SUCKS    Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

All right. Welcome back to the Empty Netters podcast here for another week talking about the NHL, talking about the sport that we love. And Chris, I'm going to tell you, I feel like shit. We need the viewers to know that we're coming off an absolute disaster of a weekend in Miami. And my brain probably at this point resembles a strawberry daughery. I think if I had an MRI, a CT scan, the doctor was... say, is this a Miami vice? Is this half Pinacolada, half strawberry, dacry? And I would say, I would try to slur the word, yes. Yeah. And you wouldn't get it.

They couldn't hear you because your voice is gone, or you just wouldn't be able to say a word that sounds like a word in the English language. It's not our fault. That city steps up when you need it most. I was going to say, Miami is undefeated. I don't think I will be able to go back in the next calendar year because it just... Maybe ever. Honestly, I, you know what's funny? I feel like my ribs are broken today. And let me be clear, nothing happened to me physically that could have led to that.

Certainly, nothing happened to you externally. No, no. My ribs are broken from the inside out. They're pointing out of my body. I put such trash in my body over the last four days that my insides are revolting, and they want to get out. So they're breaking the ribs to find a way out. Isn't it incredible when my dream is always like, I just want to be able to drink and eat a burger and fries, like, whenever I want.

And then there's an amount of time of doing that in a row that even I am like, stop. Yeah. Truly stop. Have a water and a salad, you psychopath. And I think it always comes as a result of your body just genuinely starts shutting down. Yeah. It's like yesterday I was full shutdown mode. Yeah.

Oh, I saw it first hand. You know when you've had a laptop for a while and the battery starts sucking a little bit and you'll have your laptop unplugged and you look up at the battery icon and it's like halfway. You have half battery. But if you open one too many tabs, it just shuts off. Full death. That's what happened to me yesterday. I had just done such bad stuff.

And then I think I was sitting there and I ate like one bite of pancake. and it was over. If you left the couch yesterday for anything other than to shit, I didn't see it. It's like I. And dude. There was a couple contemplate vomiting. You comically too at night were like, let's throw in a movie. Why don't we just watch a movie?

I was like, okay, so I can watch the movie. You can sleep through the whole thing. So it was a lullaby for me to put my little bitch ass to sleep. But you did, just gently snoring through the whole soundtrack. Oh, my God. I don't even think I saw the opening credits. Unbelievable. I saw the studio titles of the movie and then just tucked myself right to sleep.

You know what else, Dan, in Miami? I, uh, I, uh, I slammed my finger in a door. I know I know. Can you, dude, and by the way, you know how bruises get crazy? Emily's going to get so mad at me because I'm going to move, but look at this. Look at this bruise. Yeah, it's disgusting. Isn't that crazy?

It's like moving through my, it looks like fucking Van Gogh starry night up in here. I've never seen anything like that, dude. That's insane. You know what? You have, you have a symbiote virus inside you. beautiful twilight it's slowly moving around your body taking over new terrier it's going to be here for like a month by the way yeah it's gross you got a gross finger you might need to go full hairy styles and paint your nails for the next couple weeks whoa which is a move that is a flex

it is a move but listen we're going to try to get through this podcast and the only way to do that is to start just cut us some slack everyone that's all i'm asking which is with hot ice we're going to start with hot ice and do you have any there's a there's a very clear and distinct hot ice that to get to. And I can't tell if we should just spend the entirety of hot ice talking about it, or if we should discuss a couple of, you have any other things? I've got one other hot ice. Yeah, I have a few tiny ones. Why don't we hit the tiny ones? Then we'll come back to the one scorching, smoking, steaming ice. Yes, okay. My first hot ice is sussies. Oh, that was one of mine, too. Go ahead. We got a couple sussies this last week. I think they were both relatively

prominent sussies too it wasn't a random one that was just like you know kind of a weird play or i think uh i forget who it was but someone got they on detroit i think got sussied for high sticking david crachey a couple weeks ago and it's like yeah that was an accident the two susseys that i want to talk about mattie tripod mattie kuchk gets a two game sussie for comically eye poking our boy our boy johnny quick just truly a full-on wires cross moment for one of the the Kachuk boys just being a complete pest and just

shoving a stick right in the eye socket of Jonathan Quicks. Dude, I have a question for you though. Did you see, and I haven't seen anything, did you see any picks of Quick after or whatever? Like, did that get all the way through his cage? Because I don't think it did. I think it

either got through and made some contact or was close enough that it was in his And it's reactionary. And he was like, Jesus fucking Christ. Which is totally acceptable. Yeah. Because, like, I don't think it's a flop, but he does like flail around after that.

And I'm like, dude, Matt, he got two games and over 100K. And I'm like, as he should. He tapped his mask with the television. He's being a little shithead. You can't. Because he is a little shithead and he's doing that. There are, there are rules in life. There are rules.

And there are consequences for our actions. As we are dealing with right now. Yeah. We treated our bodies like, shit this best. and I feel like shit as a result. You cannot touch the goalie. Automatic two-minute penalty in my... Like, if you go like this,

tap his cage, you're going to the box for two minutes, 100%. But dude, to get two games... Are you fucking kidding me? He's literally just... So you don't believe in attempted murder. Like that? It's like, well, yeah, he tried to kill him,

but he didn't actually do it. They're treating it like he actually did attempt to kill him, though. He attempted, he made a clear attempt to get his stick inside. the mask to poke him in the eye. I don't care if it didn't get through. I don't even think it can get through. That's what I'm saying.

It certainly can. Does he have the cat eyes? If every NHL goalie has cat eyes. Yeah. You fucking kidding me? I just think that was harsh. No. You're like, yeah, you know, the guy was walking down the street and he shot someone and took their purse.

But they didn't die. It's like he was, if he caught him with like the butt, the butt of his stick through the mask, I'd be like, dude, go away. He literally, he's just clowning him a little bit, dude. No, that is not, that's not friendly clowning. That is Quicks on the ice, Kachuk, trying to behind someone's back to slide the blade in there. Because here's the thing, what if he does get through and rips his eye out? That's a little aggressive way. Two games.

He gets two games. Oh, you're a fucking dummy. You're a dummy. No, that was a bad sussie. And then the other big one, Josh Anderson, brutal boarding check against Alex Petranjo. That sucked. That was dangerous. I do think that.

I think the first one, I think Kachuk, was definitely a wires cross. Just being a little shit, maybe went a little too far. Josh Anderson felt very much, you know, fast-paced flow-of-play caught Petrangelo the wrong way.

Sussie, worth it. Like, you know, those are two games. That was a bad boarding. Yeah. That's actually, dude,

that's one of the things that scares me the most in the game these days is the face hitting. Like, I've seen, because it's like you hit the lip of the board sometimes, you know, those are gnarly, man. That, that sucked. No, it was tough. And loved the, not that it was unexpected, loved the Vegas team's reaction.

The bench response. The bench was outraged. Yeah. And then they just kind of pounced all over. It's awesome. But, yeah, sussies are, sussies were hot. Yeah, sussies were hot this week. How do you feel about sussies in general and the amount of games that certain players get and

other players get as well as the difference. in a playoff amount of a game, Susque for his regular season. I think, I suppose this is fair, but you get crushed if you're a repeat offender.

Like, there's stuff that, we talked about Marshambia in a past last week. There's stuff that he does that I'm like, I don't think another one, another player gets even suspended for this or at most, like a game

and he's always catching three. And like I said, I suppose it's fair because your rap sheet is your rap sheet. Like, if you are doing this stuff, then so be it. But they have amped it up. In recent years, it feels like.

Yeah, this might be a hot take. I think repeat offender, sussie situation is dog shit. But depending on the crime. Okay, okay, yeah. If you're getting sussied for slew footing, I feel like there was that period where P.K. Sue Mann was referred to as P.K. Sloughman, and he was slew footing everyone.

If you're getting multiple slew foot sussies, I am okay with eventually being like, this is normally a two-game sussie, but this is your fourth slew foot of the season. That's five games. Okay. So, yeah. Because then it's a,

you're doing the same shit, you fucking idiot. Stop doing this. But if you're a repeat offender for being just a hard-nosed player, if you're Tom Wilson, I think you'd be hard-pressed to say Tom Wilson does the same shit. You know, maybe he goes too hard in a fight. Maybe he's, you know,

I forget who it was, but he bashed someone's head against the ice. And that's not great. But it's just bullshit when someone's playing hard as fuck and they're getting under someone's skin. And they're also a great player in the league. If you think Tom Wilson's not a great player and a valuable member of the Washington Capitals, you're a fucking crybaby bitch. Same with Brad Marchand. The things that Brad has done that I think people lose their shit about, the licking is wild. It is a wild move.

You should probably stop doing it. But it's also that. hurting anyone that is a little bizarre and absurd and no one's trying to get licked out there of course but I think most of Brad's sussies are you know he tossed someone over his back once

a couple times but yeah and then like the next time he slashes someone too hard in his scrum face washes someone too hard he I forget what maybe was it uh who was it last season that he went nuts with the goalie and was like slashing the goalie

and jabbed him in the face but that one is like, yeah, get sussied. But don't get five games for that. Dude, I'm kind of on board with you now, I think, because I was going to say, repeat offenders deserve to be punished because they're being idiots. And like, when Godry boards another dude in the playoffs, I'm like, okay, you can't play no more, dude.

Like, that's how this goes. But I'm now kind of like, I kind of like the idea that certain infractions have a certain suspension. So like a slew fit is a game. A boarding is three games. And these are the rules. And if you're a repeat offender, that count goes up, but only for that crime.

So, like, let's say it's Brad, board someone, it's three. Board someone again, it's five. Board someone again, it's six. Slew foot someone, they go, just one. Like, you're not a repeat slew foot offender. Agree. I kind of like that. I think Sussies should operate on a Jersey Mike's subcard system.

Yeah. If you get five slew foots, hey, look at that. You get a game free. Add it to your Sussie suspension. Oh, maybe, I thought you were going to say a slew foot free. Like, that's five. No, no. No.

No. Six one. . Boom. no penalty. It's got to be all the same. If you get five slew-foots, sorry, bud, your next slew-foot, sussie, is five games. Okay, I'm with you, but I'm going,

your next slew foot is free, no penalty at all. And the other teams have to be aware of that. They go, Martian's got a free slewfoot today. He's going to get a slu-foot today. Maybe he saves it for a rivalry game, but having a free slew foot is a nice weapon. I like when you get on a role of thinking something's funny and then introduce utter chaos that makes no sense. Like, you're just

your logical brain decides to go fully illogical sometimes when you're like, oh, you know what, that's kind of funny. Let's just add slewfoot's into the game. Strawberry daugery up here, dude. Yeah. Give me a break. You're an absolute mush brain. All right, what is your other hot ice before we get into the baby?

Two really quick ones. One, OV breaking the single team goal scoring record. I said, I told you last week it wasn't cool. I was wrong. It actually was pretty cool. He did it in the reverse retroes. He did it from his office. Like, it was the perfect.

Like, I couldn't have dreamed up a better way for him to be. break that record. He went nuts. The fans went nuts. I was completely wrong. That was cool. By the way, we did our reverse retro rankings a few weeks ago when the retro dropped. We sure did. We had the Caps screaming eagle at number two.

After taking one single look at those sweaters, it might be number one. That was the fucking swaggiest look I've ever seen. Just with the exception of Buffalo dropping the red and black goat heads last night. good god those are money it's unbelievable so the fact that he did it in those made a cool thing

even cool so sick that was fucking and then uh second thing um the penguins have lost seven straight and the this whole last dance is starting to look a little bit like the six inches apart slow dance too everybody hurts from bi rm and i wanted it to be a little bit more a little bit more EDM. You know what I'm saying? I don't love the dance I'm watching right now. We wanted this last dance to be something straight out of dirty dancing. We wanted some suasy action, some suasy

talent out there. Yeah, and it does Geno lifting sit up, spinning him around. It looks like you're dancing with your friend's grandmother at his bar mitzvah because you're trying to be a nice boy. I still think they're going to be okay, but this is these add up, dude,

you can't lose ten games in a row. Also, not to beat a dead horse, but St. Louis is also six, right? Winless since being undefeated in their first three. So some teams are slipping here. Yeah. It's brutal. Okay, let's talk about it.

All right, we got to talk about it. Without question, the hottest ice right now in the NHL. The Bruins front office has outed themselves, if they haven't already outed themselves, frankly, amongst Bruins fans, as the dumbest fucking morons. in the history of the NHL possibly, with a free agent signing that they made several days ago. So I don't even really know how to discuss or justify this, but the Bruins go out on the 4th of November,

and they sign Mitchell Miller, who is a former coyotes draft pick, who was immediately dumped by the coyotes when they figured out that he is a, frankly, piece of shit. In 22 days. Yeah.

Like literally 20 days they're like, you're a bully. But to catch you up, Mitchell Miller was drafted in 2020 in the fourth round by the Yotes. He had his draft status revoked by the team

after it was reported. He was convicted in juvenile court for bullying Isaiah Meyer-Crawthers. The Bruins, after everyone in the entire league, has been like, this kid is not fit to be on an NHL team. He's not fit to represent any NHL team

or the NHL. in general, the Bruins front office signs this kid to an entry-level contract when they are the hottest team in the NHL. Like, keep going, because I want you to give everyone the full rundown and then I'll give you some thoughts. They sign this fucking kid. Instantly, the entire hockey world, every single hockey writer and every player is in an uproar going, what in the actual fuck are you morons doing? they get lampooned across the internet by everyone to the point where it's a complete and utter distraction for the entire organization and they dump a game their first, their second loss of the season to the Maple Leafs and a great rivalry game.

So what a fucking another element of the boneheaded status of this. And the players come out, say how much they hate this. Nick Flino is quoted saying it's really hard to swallow. Burjaron comes out saying that this guy is not someone that they want on the team and it gets so bad that last night, Sunday night, the Bruins say that they have ended contracts, they have cut ties with Mitchell Miller. So let's just get into how fucking mental this is.

Okay. So dude, and first of all, I'm wearing my long-sleeve shirt. I'm going to say, what a brutal time for you to be rocking a bee shirt. So first of all, it's raining in L.A. it never rains here. So I was like, oh, you know, it's kind of crummy out. I'll put on my long sleeve. And by the way, Dan and I from working here

and all the merch we have, have a lot of the same stuff. So sometimes I'll show up and we have the same t-shirt on because we didn't leave at the same time or whatever. So I threw this on today because I was like, oh, you don't have this shirt. And then I got halfway here

and I was like, I'm such a moron. It's the biggest PR scandal since the Blackhawks. And I'm walking Billboard. You walking in with that shirt on? I was like, how fucking dumber you? You're almost as dumb as Camelian, God, man. So, yeah, big win for CP today so far.

Here's what I'll say, Dan. The things that really irked me about this story are, one, Cam Neely having multiple quotes being like, we didn't vet it well enough. We didn't talk to the family, things like this. And I'm just hard pressed to think what you did do. Who did you talk to you? What did you read?

There's quotes like, oh, new. information came to light and then they're like oh the agent lied and i'm like so it's not new information it's just new information to you it's old information that's new to you because you were just hearing about it for the first time because you're a fucking moron like a moron and didn't do any research whatsoever which by the way there was no research to do that's that's what i'm saying there was no need to ever explore fucking signing this kid and then it'd be one thing if this kid was you know the fucking next kale mccar and It was like, oh my God, he's so fucking good, but, you know, the Yotska ties with him because he did this truly horrendous thing.

And you got to wonder, maybe he has made up for it, blah, blah, blah. No, it's all there. Everyone who knows the story or has fucking Google. Yeah. Just looks the situation up. It realizes that this kid does not belong in the NHL. And this could have been over and done with. But what's really wild is the blue.

the blue checkmark brigade amongst hockey writers that sometimes likes to get very high and mighty every single one of them is being like this is a complete and utter calamity by the boston bruin's front office and will be a stain on the team for the entire season if not their entire time like this office is tenure this office's tenure is going to be marked by this forever and genuinely i think borderline everyone is like nope that's true you're not exaggerating this is fucking mental to the point where I don't there's not a single fucking justification for this signing. You're 10, you're 9, you're 10 and 1 going into before the Toronto game. Yep.

You're 10 and 1. You're hotter than any team in the NHL with the exception of maybe Vegas. The band looks like they have got back together and they're fucking cruising. You have a certified number one defenseman in Hampus Lindholm and he's not even your best defenseman who you're getting back in less than a month. You don't need any new signings. You're already in a situation where you need to trade. people because you're over the cap and you go and sign this fucking kid for no reason whatsoever

who is a clear clear avoid at all cost situation how rarely do you see the internet united it's so it literally never literally never and the very very rare times it happens it's a beautiful thing where you can go well at least everyone can agree on this get rid of daylight savings don't sign mitchell miller that's it dude those are the two things and It's just watching these fucking dipshits. And I hope you're hearing this Cam Neely and Don Sweeney. I'm looking right at you. You are fucking moronic for this.

And there's no other way to slice it. Listening to Cam Neely with this befuddled, lazy look on his face in the press conference this morning being like, yeah, you know, I don't know how this happened. We didn't talk to the Meyer Crothers family. And I don't know how that happened. I got to figure it out. And some reporters like, do you think that this is a problem in your vetting process in your office? And he's like, yeah, definitely.

I think you got to find a new job. And I'm like, you're the president of this team, dipshit. And Don Swini, you're the GM. And when you were already, these two guys, when you're already constantly on the chopping block because you have made some of the most hysterically bonehead decisions, signings, trades, draft picks in your time in office when you've had this unbelievable core of Bergeron, Creachy, Marsham, and. Chara, now McAvoy, and you're always getting shit to then go and do this. It's fucking, it's truly remarkable to see how stupid someone can be.

Dude, the second thing I was going to say that bum me out is because all the players sounded off, like you said, after it happened, I started seeing all the quotes from Folino from Berg. And Sweeney, Berg made a comment that I read today that was like, Sweeney asked me a week before it happened, my thoughts. Because initially it sounded like Sweeney just did it. Of course, Bergeron's not a part of the player personnel decision. and now he's sounding off. Hearing that Sweeney asked him a week ago and Berg told him,

don't do it, we don't like this. And then Sweeney did it. And then Berg again was like, yeah, we're upset. And then he cuts him. That just blows my mind, dude, that you could look, Patrice Bergeron, a living saint in the face as he's carrying the corpse of the team that you fucked up assembling to a 10-and-one record,

trying to make one more run at the cup. And he looks you in the face and says, if you fucking sign this guy, you're going to ruin everything. And you go like this, signed. He's signed. Go away, dude. Go away. I'm telling you, it seems like

if we don't learn that there's some conspiracy here, like if Mitchell Miller doesn't have a video of Cam Neely and Don Sweeney having sex with a pig, this makes, this just doesn't make sense. That is the only justification for doing

what these two fucking idiot buffoons have done. And it's truly remarkable. It's a remarkable watching guys have such important high-paying jobs in the world of sports and look like marionette puppets up there just being the stupidest people who've ever lived such a bummer dude it's it's it's it's horrific for the bruin's and to be on as hot of a start as they are to have this then happen is just like can you fucking can you imagine being the players on that team no and being like man we're rolling this is amazing

Nothing can go wrong. We're getting Maccoy back soon. We already got Marshand back and he immediately scores two goals in his first game. Grizzlick is back. All of our new players are doing amazing. Uh-oh, is that Don Sweeney's music? Oh, no. Chair across the back.

These two fucking idiots do the dumbest thing they could have possibly done? Would you look at that? I would fucking lose my shit if I were them. Such a bummer. Unbelievable. So we've got nothing good to say about that situation. It's absolutely pathetic. It's embarrassing if you're a part of this front office.

And it's just, it'll be so interesting to see how quickly or slowly that goes away and they get over it. So it is what it is. All right, let's move on from hot ice. That's hot ice. That's hot ice. And now we're going to get into quick little segment. We're going to call take it or leave it. Can't wait.

Taking a quick break from the podcast to talk about Labat Blue Light. I was thinking about this the other day. There is no question that the right drink can enhance any situation. You've got to pair it well. If I'm at a canteena, wolfing down a couple tacos, I'm going to get a margarita. But if I'm sitting with the boys watching a hockey game, I'm going to have a Labat Blue Light. Going to get a Labat Blue Light.

It's obvious. So, no question about it. When you go home tonight after work, whether it's in the morning right now, you're listening to this podcast, whether it's at the end of the day, the second you pop on those games, the second you start watching some puck, pop open a bottle of Labat Blue Light and make the whole situation better. It's a no-brainer. That's what I'm going to do.

Put it right in a frosted mug. Can't think of anything better. Now let's get back to that empty netters podcast. All right, we're going to get into Take It or Leave It. New little segment here. We're going to bring up some things in the sweet, beautiful game of the NHL and decide if we're going to keep it, take it, or leave it, healthy scratch that shit. Health bomb, night floor, see you later.

Get the fuck out. Enjoy your chicken fingers. Yeah. You'll feel like me. Which I got to tell you is not good. Not fun. Coming out of both. I think you should go first.

So I'm asking you first. Well, you just present me your take it or leave it. Okay, Dan, first take it or leave it from me. Okay. The current playoff format, go. I'm kicking that shit to the ninth floor. Leave it. It's terrible.

I hate it. Tell me why. I, you're going to hear something from me right now that you will not hear often. I'm going to use an example of why this is so dumb because it was horrendous for the Toronto Maple Leafs last year. The fact that the current playoff form. Matt can see a team like the Toronto Maple Leafs, arguably the second best team in the league last year, have to face off against the Tampa Bay Lightning, the defending Stanley Cup champions

in the first round of the playoffs is quite possibly the dumbest fucking thing I've ever seen. Catching a hundred point team, I can't remember if this happened last year if Tampa had 100, I think they might have, but if you're catching a hundred point team. Sorry to interrupt you, but wasn't last season, it was either all eight of the, Eastern Conference teams were 100 points or it was like five of the eight. It was absurd how many. It wasn't all eight, but it was something like five or six of the eight teams and the Eastern Conference were

100 point teams. Catching a hundred point team in the first round is not appropriate. If you're that good. Yep. And you're right. Yeah, right. I was like clown car. If you're an eight seed,

that's exactly what you should get. That's 100% what's going to happen and what should happen. So you are out on to build the rivalry. You're going to play each other all the time. I think it's fucking so dumb. Okay. So can I take you a can I pitch on your pitch? Can I take you a pitch on my pitch? Do it. I'm kind of out on the conferences. Like I straight up wish there was 16 they just took the 16 best teams and played one versus 16 two versus 15 until we had to stand the cup champion.

So I thought for a moment there that you meant to say the divisions. You misspoke. I thought for a moment there you were being a rational human being. And you meant. to say I'm out on the division, which I would have heard you on. Like going one versus eight in each one, regardless of where they come from. You're just in the Eastern Conference and the Western Conference. You play those teams maybe more than the other conference, but at the end of the day, your playoffs are going to be the top eight teams in that one 16 team conference. But you went, you think, you went not only get rid of the divisions, but let's get rid

of the two conferences as well, and just have 32 teams. We're going full Premier League status here. But, dude, the conferences and divisions were made up when teams were traveling by fucking train. And it was hard to get places. It's not hard for the Bruins to play the Kings, or the Habs to play the Kings. I'm trying to figure out the furthest team that could travel.

You're on private jets bopping around, no-brainer, playing VGs in the back, chilling. And then you show up in L.A. and play a game and fly home. It's all good, dude. Everybody play each other and then take the best 16 teams in the league in battle. No, it's still, it's not. a matter of difficulty of getting there. Yeah, they can get on a plane.

But are you saying that we should just get rid of road trips now, too? Oh, no. The Florida Panthers just play the Kings one day, and then they come right back, and then two days later they go and play the ducks. They're going to be out of their homes for seven days at a time. Yeah, we'll keep road trips. I'll get to work the schedule a little bit.

I've got to take a look. You know, I've got to wave my magic wand on the schedule, but I think we can make this happen. What is the... Okay, so I suppose the... benefit of this is that it is the best 16 teams in the league in the playoffs. If you're like a 92 point team in, and let's do what you thought I was going to say. Let's say it's just the top eight in each.

Yeah. If you're the ninth place team in the west and you have 92 points and the sixth place team in the east has 85 and is in, I'm like, so they're in the playoffs for no reason while I sit here having, I played better in the same amount of games against a harder league. Like, this is stupid. Put me in the playoffs. Do you think that the conferences and divisions help parity in the league? I think, I guess the answer to that is yes because of what I just said, like a bad East team could get in in this hypothetical, right? Yeah.

A bad East team could get in and hockey, as we've seen a million times, like the one versus eight can go. You know, it's not the NBA. Like anyone can beat anybody in hockey. So yes, like it lets bad teams sneak into the playoffs by action. and then once you're in, you're in, anything can happen. So yeah, sure. But I just feel like when teams grind 82 games and have more points than other teams, they should be in the fucking playoffs.

That's how I feel, but I think you need some sort of governing to happen to avoid complete calamity. Inject a little anarchy into this. I think we can inject a little anarchy. Get rid of the divisions. Okay. Let's start there. Let's see how that goes. Yeah.

I don't know if I'm totally, if I actually want that or if I just hate the playoff format. I think that what do the divisions do, like division winners right now? What it should be, it should be the division winner gets, is automatically in, which, you know, meritocracy top 16, that's it, no free passes. It should be the division winners are automatically in. Whoever has the most points of those division winners is the, is the, is the, gets the automatic one seed, and that would happen anyway. And then from there, get rid of those top division teams.

The next playoff spots is a whatever you are. You are the top, whatever your points are. The next best point totals gets into the playoffs. That's what it should be. And I would hear getting rid of the divisions entirely, and it just, of those 16 teams in the Eastern Conference and then the Western Conference, the top 16 in points get it

okay I'd hear that either way I am leaving the current playoff format I fucking hate it okay what you got for me all right my first one for you I am gonna go a little off book here

okay this isn't necessarily something it's not a rule it's not in the league yeah yeah take it or leave it adult human beings wearing hockey jerseys. Okay.

Take it. I'm going to take it. Okay. And I think, I'm just trying to figure out where your head's at here. I'm going to take it. I think I know you, dude, and I know that you love yourself a jersey tea.

I think you think they have merit, which they do. I agree with you. But I just think that while a jersey tea has value when I'm out in public, I don't think it's lame. think if you're going to chirp someone for wearing an NHL jersey to an NHL game, then your lane.

And if you have a problem with that, I invite you to look at a picture of Margot Robbie in a rags jersey and tell me that that isn't awesome. It's, you know, it would be better, her in a jersey tea? Yeah. In a nice vintage jersey rags tea. Don't you think that's a sick look, though? No.

She's got that baby jersey. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I'm going to get in trouble here if we keep talking about her. I was going to say, you're just, I know exactly where your brain is going, and that's the only reason you like it. You pathetic.

You pathetic one brain-celled man. But it's cool, dude. No. You get to wear your jersey. It's a cool thing. No. Here's where I'm at. If you haven't put it together now, I am leaving.

Adults wearing hockey jerseys. I'm leaving it so hard. Is it now? Hockey jerseys can be purchased to be shadowboxed, signed, and displayed in a great setting. Whether it be an office, whether it be a, a sports. Sports cave, whatever it is, a bar. If you pass the age of 15,

I'm going to go as high as 15, if you pass the age of 15 years old and you were wearing a hockey jersey, you look like a fucking knobhead. You look like an absolute dip shit, and I'll tell you why. I want a 16 year old to walk into a rink

and you just rip the jersey off and dummy him in the head. Yeah, just pull it over his head, fucking smoke him in the chops, and go like this, grow up, you fucking loser. Okay, I have a question. They're too big. You look dumb.

They're too big and baggy. They're too expensive. There are other ways to show support to your favorite team. Get a T-shirt. Maybe wear it on a more appropriate day than what you're doing. Get a hat. Get a jacket. You can get a jacket with your team on there.

Getting the jersey is just such a fucking whack look. And I'll go one further here too. again, this is adults. If you're sub 15, sure, throw on that Anzi Kopitar sweater. Throw on that Chris Kreider sweater. I get it. If you're over 15, you can't do it. And this isn't that dumb take that I think people have that are like,

why not throwing on that? I can't, I'm not going to wear another man's name on my back. Yeah. That is the fucking most hilarious hardo take I've ever heard. It's such a, oh, dude, I'm too. fucking cool to have another man's name on my back. Like what am I idolizing this, this adult man that's my,

yeah, I also have a huge dick. Yeah, like I'm fucking such a cool dude. I, I am idolizing that guy. That's why I get a Jersey T. I'll walk around with Patrice Bersion on my back all day.

There's nothing wrong with showing support, but there's just a better way to do it, and it's the Jersey T. You look fucking stupid in that big, dumb jersey, and that's obvious. Quick question for you. Is it,

are you equally against, like a Bergeron jersey as you are a customized. Oh my gosh, Chris. I'm so glad that you asked that question. Uh-oh. Can I take it back? No. Because I think there are few things in this life that are more embarrassing than wearing a customized, personalized professional jersey.

If you, if I walk into a game and I see, you walking around in a sweater from that team and on the back is like, you know, fucking 24 and a name on top of the jersey that I don't recognize from that team. And it's definitely not an old school sweater. It's definitely not some player that I've never heard of because I know the team well enough. And I am just like, oh, it's, I'm walking down and I see, you know, Oh, Sullivan on the back. And I just see some fucking fat slugly.

slob dickhead wearing that jersey. And I know that you went online and you bought this $200 jersey and then paid the $50 extra to get your name and number put on the back. That's possibly the most embarrassing fucking thing I've ever heard in my life. Dude, I do, I do hate the, you see couple ones sometimes, like married since, you know, and it's like 19, whatever. Or then you see the dude who's like, your mom, 69. And I'm like, okay.

That would get a chuckle out of me, but I will still be like, you're a fucking idiot. my people that put their last name and their number from fucking high school hockey on a pro jersey are deranged like you are a deranged person it is the most delusional like i want i am so fucking pathetic and delusional and i am picturing myself skating around on the ice with my favorite team that i need to go out and buy a jersey and get my name and favorite number put on the back to show my support for this team like are you okay fucking kidding me it's the most insane thing I've ever heard. I, when I was in college, I was playing fucking, you know, like, NHL whatever.

Yeah. And I did the 88. Yeah, yeah. Back when I was in school, I'm playing NHL fucking, you know, 12 or something. And I do the be a pro mode. And I make myself and I, you know, go through the juniors. I get drafted to the NHL. And a friend of mine walked in to my, to my private room and sees me playing NHL

Bia Pro mode and the Bia Pro is me. And he looks at me and goes, you're the biggest fucking tool I've ever seen in my life that you make your Bia Pro yourself. And while I thought that was slightly hardcore, I was like, well, he's right.

I ain't, I ain't going. It's like, this isn't happening. And while fantasies are lovely sometimes, don't, don't have certain fantasies out there for the entire world to see. You know?

I don't need someone walking into my room and seeing my be a pro mode be me. And I certainly don't need a arena full of other people to see me walking around in a sweater with my own name on the back. Do you want to hear something devastating? Yeah. The NHL we have downstairs in the basement has a be a pro mode with me in it. And I got drafted third round by the penguins I'm playing with Sid. Yeah. It's fucking awesome.

But to be fair to you, you didn't create it. Someone else in the office did it also looks stunningly like me. It's absurd how much it looks like you. But yeah, last thing. I am leaving adults wearing jerseys, and I am fucking health bombing, burning alive, getting a custom personalized jersey. I'm still taking it because I think you're being disrespectful to the people that put,

like, I think it's kind of cool if you have a nickname. Like if you had like Johnny, Johnny, or just hockey, I guess, on the back of a bluejacket's 13. I think that's kind of funny. Or maybe John. Maybe you should just say John. If you had John 13 on the back, that's kind of funny.

Last thing, I don't know if this counts, but where are you at on fictional? like Gilmore 18 Bruins jersey or like a mystery Alaska John Beebe or you know Charleston

Charlestown Chiefs stun up like cool uncool I it depends what you're using it for I still say just get a fucking jersey

tee yeah you look so dumb in that big ass sweater dude I got a lot of there are two there are two times

where wearing a hockey jersey is appropriate in the bedroom playing hockey and sometimes skiing Oh, yeah, yeah, I see that a lot. But I think if it's skiing, it's got to be some sort of unique jersey for it to look cool. It's got to be a old school Korea Salani jersey.

It's got to be a Bruins Happy Gilmore jersey. It's got to be a Minnesota Waves Gordon Bombay jersey. If it's just a normal jersey, I think you're a fucking dickhead. Dude, on the slope specifically, everywhere, but on the slope specifically, you see a lot of green mighty ducks jerseys. Those are good. Those are good. But, dude, I got news for people. The Hawks jerseys are fucking smoke.

Oh, my God, dude. Holy shit. Adidas and Disney and, obviously, Anaheim, like, teamed up, and they just released that. Those OG Mighty Ducks green sweaters and then the Hawk sweaters. The hawk sweaters are absolutely filthy. It's unbelievable. I'm going to need a 99 banks yesterday. Holy shit.

Holy shit is right. They're really, really nice. Okay. I'm asking you the next. one. Ready? Yeah, go. Take it or leave it.

Letting the home team captain win the ceremonial puck drop. This is against the spirit of competition, but I'm taking it. What? I'm taking it. Because too often the ceremonial puck drop has something very meaningful going on, and you cannot have the home team lose that draw. Dude. You can't.

I'm leaving it because you fight. and claw for that inch dude you get that draw you might have as well want to fight the boys are so fired up if you win that opening draw first three shifts you don't leave the offensive zone I like how you're considering a ceremonial puck drop as the opening draw of the game yeah what if the what if the ceremonial puck drop counted in the face off circle in the stat column they were like sorry dude you charra is actually uh eight no yeah his his face off percentage is fucking crazy no you got to keep it out of respect take it out of respect for for what's happening.

Someone, some legend on your team's getting their jersey retired, can't lose that draw. I agree. And one thing that's tough is when you have a defenseman captain, if you're going to leave it like me, you know, if one team's captain is Chara and one team's captain is Sid, you know,

the defensive team's up against it on that draw if we're going hard. Dude. He's not going to win that every time. This is extra fucked up of me to say to take that. Because in youth hockey once. I was going to say this, dude. You were a mite. I think I was a mite, and I played the first game ever in this new rink in New Hampshire.

Not Washington, right? Yeah, and I did the ceremonial puck drop, and I fucking snapped that thing back like it was my job. Dude, they paraded you out there against another eight-year-old. And the woman, I was there. I was at the game. And the woman doing it is like a mom of the player who just survived breast cancer. And she walked out there. No joke, dude.

She walked out there against her son. Yeah. And then you step out to the face I've thought. and snapped that shit back. I was like, oh my God. I thought there was going to be a brawl in the crowd. I'm a defenseman too, dude. That was completely unhinged.

Humiliating for that kid. But that's when I knew it was a move. Because you guys got fired up and I was like, wow, we need to get rid of us. See, we have the reverse here. This is like a war hero coming home and telling stories and you being like, damn, that's so fucking cool. But I lived the trauma of that. I know what I did to that kid and his mother, frankly.

And he quit. That's why I'm like, you got to take it. You got to let the home team captain. win that draw. Okay, man. 100%. Practice what you preach. Something to think about. It is something to think about. That's for sure. Okay, take it or leave it, fighting after a clean, big hit in game. Take it, dude. People want to get rid of fighting can eat my shorts. That's not what I'm saying. Eat my gym shorts. That's not what I'm saying. I'm not saying get rid of fighting. I'm talking

your star, it doesn't even need to be your star player, but one of your player on a team It's coming across the ice with the puck, maybe just catches a pass, and gets absolutely fucking stapled by someone on the other team. And then instantly someone comes flying in and gets in a fight with the guy who just hit him. But it's a clean hit, no high hit, no blindside, no nothing, just a clean hockey hit. And now this guy has to get in a fight. Okay, so I think fighting gets a bad rap. I think we both agree with that.

From idiot, foots. Yeah, miss me with the C.T. stuff literally miss me. I don't want it. But avoid. I don't want to get it. Miss me with the CT stuff because 99% of that comes from dangerous hits, which I do want out of the game. It's not from the fighting. And I will also hear you that it's kind of unlucky if you just hit someone clean open ice and you're like me. By that, do you mean a gigantic bitch boy?

Yeah, like I'm a little cutesy little forward and I hit someone open ice, which rarely ever happens but then when I do it's the goon that comes to clean up this mess and I'm like oh whoa whoa whoa I didn't want this at all so I hear you on that but dude I'm still taking this because I think that fighting protects the players and if you hit a star player even if you crush him clean yeah I still think you have to answer the bell for that dude here's the tough part though I don't know where you draw the line at star player because like let's say you're like R&H or Zach Hyman and you get fucking buried and the boys don't step up and you're like What the fuck man?

I'm like I'm not Connor. I'm not Leon but like you're like I'm a 75 point guy someone fucking get my back here like I don't know there's got to be like some unwritten rule like top two lines that day get Defended bottom two lines don't or something because it's a tough look if you are like that Fringe guy and just no one's no one's come no one's coming a bat for you this is what I'm saying though I feel like in the league now it doesn't matter It doesn't need to be a star player. If you're a fourth liner and you get fucking pulverized out there, someone's jumping in and fighting.

And I think it is so dumb. So I'm leaving it. Get it out of here. You should not be... You know why I hate it? I hate it because there's the one element that you said, if you're not really a fighter, you're not necessarily a grinder, but you fucking lay wood on someone. You shouldn't all of a sudden now have to get in a fight for that and probably get your face mashed in.

the reason I really hate it is you lay a clean hit in a game and then someone jumps you and now you're in the box for five minutes yeah right that's bullshit like you shouldn't have to pay the piper in the penalty box for laying a clean hit I am down with you having to answer the bell but it should be just a tit for tat situation

if you come flying across the ice and you absolutely crinkle someone you need to have your head on a swivel because you're going to get cleanly crinkled later Yep. That is fine to me. It's the immediate, I just made a great hockey play. Got news for you, dude.

Hits are on the fucking stat book. Yeah. It's part of the game. So I don't think that you should get in a fight and then ultimately penalized because they're like, yeah, you just made a great play. And then because the rules of the road, someone jumped you and now, and even if you don't drop the gloves, you get tossed too because they're like, yeah, you know, matching penalties, blah, blah, blah.

What if this one never happened? But what if you drill someone open ice, then someone. then someone comes in to fight you and because you're me you get your head snap back a few times but then that guy who fought me gets five and you get nothing

you still had to answer the bell and fight like if I'm going to hit you open ice I still have to get my head snap back but I didn't get the five it'll never happen but how would you feel about that? I love it okay if I'm the hitter

okay fine you're the hitter am I allowed to fight back and still not get tossed oh yeah you could defend yourself dude I love this isn't nom I love it I love I love this. I love that. That is a, we're keeping the defending your teammate in the game,

but we're not penalizing someone for a clean hit. That's a perfect compromise. Because I just think, and again, tough to draw the line, and maybe this fucks up team camaraderie, but I do think if you are going to smash a star player clean or not, and you have to answer for it, and I'm not that mad about that. So I'm taking it.

All right. Okay, you ready for your next one? Yeah. Take it or leave it. The new rule from like 2020, 2020, 2021, the new offside rule where you can hover your foot over the blue. You don't have to actually drag across the line. If your foot is over the blue line, even in midair, you are still on side.

I leave it. Leave it. I think that's dumb. We talked about a couple episodes ago how much we hate the off sides challenge because it's just slowing down the game. It's ruining the game. The foot hover I hate because. it's just

just stay on sides dude stay on sides that's that's my only thing with this it's like yeah you could go the it's the 360 degree plane in football right where you can you're out of bounds but you throw that football over the goal line it's a touchdown that's the argument here it's like technically

I'm on sides because I'm hovering a leg over the blue line be a fucking athlete and just put that on the ice and stay on sides it's it's off sides was not something that needed to be changed And I think they changed it for the, oh, rate of play, you know, guys are mid-stride. You're getting over. Buddy, I'm a pigeon. I know that. But I also know how to play hockey.

And I can stay in the flow of play with my teammates entering into the zone and just drag a leg. And if you can't do that, that's a problem that you need to work on, not the league. We have healthy disagreements on a lot of stuff in here in this war room. I have never agreed with anything you've said more. All right. Thank God. Get, dude, take the fucking pacifier out of their mouth, you baby, and drag your fucking foot. It is a simple, simple rule.

Just do it. It is mind-blowing to me that we had to change a league rule because so many guys were going off-side. It's when they instituted the replay. And they were like, wait, you're all off-side. You've all been off-side this whole time because you're going in so fast. Drag your foot, dude. This is so, so idiotic that this had to change. It makes my heart hurt for the game that you're allowed to hover.

It's unbelievable, and I know that we're going to hear a bunch of things. the you fucking benders don't know that next level, that next gear, how fast the game is at this level. That is true. You're not wrong. I don't know that. However, you're being a hardo defending this stupid rule change with that argument. That argument may be true.

But dude, I'm sorry, that's not why this is happening. It's not so fast that these guys can't drag the leg because I got news for you. They're dragging the leg. And they've been dragging the leg since the puck was frozen cow shit. Dude, it's a very simple thing that's been around since the start of time. Stay on side. Stay on side, you moron. Stay on side.

It's fucking obvious and it's not hard. And also, man, you don't need to just drag the leg. Change your trajectory. Change your angle. Just stay in line with the puck carrier and stay fucking onside. We don't need to add a leg hover. Oh, dude. Simple.

Horrible. Simple and easy. God, thank you so much. My next one, take it or leave it. Stadium series. Oh. leave it, dude. I think that the,

I like that it makes, without it, I want the Winter Classic to be special, and I think that being, you know what? Take it. I'm going back. I'm all over the place. Hold on.

Mush brain, dude. Strawberry, daquery. Dacquery. He's up in here. You know what? As I was talking myself into an argument, I switched gears. I think it's cool.

for the fans. I think it's cool for players that haven't done it yet. I think it's cool for league exposure. I get that there's cons to it, right? Like, sometimes the ice can suck if it's like a warm day.

Sometimes it can be fucking freezing like you saw it. And then sometimes there's like a glare. You know, I get that there's some cons and maybe it grows stale. But I do think it's, how many are there? I believe it's a total. of we've got the

Winter Classic, the Heritage Classic, which are two games, and then I believe there's a total of like four games. I think last year was like four other games were in the stadium series at various locations. Yeah. You know, because it's

this because it always becomes such a circus, right? And it's crazy because it's not just a fucking scrimmage, dude. Like these are, these matter. Like these teams need these two points, you know? So maybe a lot is made out.

I'm like two minutes away from leaving this thing. thing again. But I think if they keep the number to a reasonable level, then I'm going to take it, and I think it's cool because it's like sick venues. And honestly, it's a take it for like the us of the world alone. Like I like watching them outside and seeing the venue and being a fan. If I was a player, which I could never be, I might be a leave it guy. But I think I'm going to stay with take just for our experience alone with the asterisk that they keep it to three a year, four a year max. If they're like, if they're like,

yo, we 10 games a year, 15 games a year outside, I'm like, you wrecked it. And this is stupid now. Okay. You kind of met me at one point. I was about to call you out being like, you sound to me like a,

you like the fact that the Olympics is every four years because it would get not as important. I think that's one of the stupidest arguments in the world. If you're telling me that if we moved the Olympics to every year or every two years, it would be less important. I think you're a dumb dumb. Yep.

You know what's important every year, the Super Bowl, the Stanley Cup, the World Series, the NBA Championship, it is just as important, and we should do awesome things as often as possible. Yeah. The stadium series is objectively awesome. I love it, but I agree it shouldn't be too too often

because then it's just, this is just what we're doing. And I will disagree with you that the cons even exist. There are no cons to these. outdoor games, in my opinion. Even for the players. Well, there's a literal con in the moment, but as the overall game experience, I'm like, dude, the glare

is a cool factor. It's one game. You can deal with it. You can deal with some soft ice. Everyone who goes and plays in Boston deals with soft ice every fucking night. To me, these things add to the, I thought the Tahoe games with that unbelievable view and the sun was a cool

added element to the game. And I'm speaking as a selfish viewer. But that's kind of dude it's kind of what we're doing here who was it who was it before that game that was like they were giving an interview and he's like I'm psyched I got to tell you what you know I grew up I didn't grow up

a place where we could play pond hockey and you know looking out at the frozen lake and just thinking about finally getting to skate on that lake and play an NHL game out there it's just going to be a total bucket lift like life changing moment and the reporter was like yeah I mean the rink is on the fair way you're not you're not playing on the lake it's like

they built a rink and he was like I don't know who did this It was awesome. Someone's completely disconnected. We're going to be out in the lake, man. It's going to be crazy. And they're like, you're not, you're not playing on the lake. We're not going to risk all of you.

You're not going to be on the lake. Millionaire professional athletes, like something horrible happening and possibly dropping through into the lake. Yeah, he's just so bummed. He's like, I don't even want to fucking play anymore. So my, I love the stadium series. I'm taking it all day. What I suggest and, and forgive me if this is kind of what they're doing.

It's definitely not fully what they're doing. We've obviously got. is a winter classic this year at Fenway again. Sure is. So Fenway, Bruins, Penguins this year. And I love how the Winter Classic is a, you know, they pick a city and a venue and then that team plays. I think the stadium series,

what would be really cool is like the Super Bowl, pick a stadium that is not necessarily in a city that the home team is at or that that home team is going to play in and then do like, pick two cool, stadiums and do two games in each of those stadiums with different teams. And an example is... Do you think the fans would show up, though? 100% they show up to the Super Bowl.

I know that that's a way bigger thing, but I think it'd be sick if, for example, take Wisconsin and put a rink in Lambo and pick two random teams. I think Wisconsin people fucking love hockey. They would show up to Lambo for a hockey game, and I think the fans would. the fans of whatever teams you pick are going to show up to go, I get to watch an outdoor hockey game at Lambo. That would be sick.

Okay. Yeah. And that would be a cool cool way. That's a nice spin. You could pick cool college arenas or stadiums and things like that that maybe there's not a professional team in that city. It'd be cool for that city.

It'd be cool for the fan bases to travel to an icon stadium. Let the college teams plan it after, right? That's what I'm saying. That shit would be. I know they do that. I think that is a way to make the stadium series even cooler. In. Done.

Give me your last one. Take it or leave it. White tape on the blade of your stick. Not the top. Take it. That's exactly, that's what I do. Yeah, I know, but you should leave it. Is this a targeted?

You're a plug. You need to stop. Fuck. Take it. I, and you're... Just try to tell me why, I guess. That's why. I'm going to tell you why, and it's the only reason I need.

White tape on your board. blade looks so much swagger and it's not close. So it looks so much swagier and it's not close. And I don't care if goalies come to your defense in the, well, with black tape, it hides the puck. Because it does. If your mitts are so molasses slow that you're stick handling like a fucking geriatric that the goalie is going to be able to see the puck on your blade anyway, that I got news for you. Your tape ain't helping you.

Dude, you are so wrong. Do you tape toe to heel to? No. Don't lie. I know. Oh, I thought you meant, do I cover the entire blade?

No, I don't. I got a little bit. No, but you don't tape the direction, toe to heel. I tape heel to toe. Okay. Thank God.

Yeah. If you tape, toe to heel, I don't know what the fuck is wrong with you. Give up the game. Yeah. Dude,

black tape is the way, black tape is order. It's the way things are supposed to be done. It's done for a reason. It hides the puck. It's more effective. I will heal. you, I will hear you only in that when you have white tape down there and you kind of like

nick it up with a puck. Which happens every game unless you're dust and you don't touch the puck on the game. But even before the game, I mean, like when you're kind of pressing the tape down, you do like the puck streaks on it. I do think that looks cool. But not so cool that I'm not getting an extra two tucks a season because my puck is hidden and yours isn't and you're a loser. There's just no, I'm telling you, it doesn't hide the puck enough that it's helping

you out that much. It's all about you got to look good. look good, feel good, feel good, play good. And you look much better with white tape on your blade. It's so much swagger. No, dude, hide, hide, hide, hide, hide, insecurities, feel good, play good, play good, score. Don't put those two things together. Hide puck, hide insecurity all day.

I'm with you on that. But that has nothing to do without the puck. When you're hiding the puck, no one knows how bad you are to stick handling, which means you feel more confident because you've hidden your insecurities and then you snipe, dude. That's, you're trying to loophole me on that, but that's a decent argument. But you can't get it. me. No. You're honestly

telling me you're leaving white tape on the blade. Yeah, change your tape. It makes me sick. I hate passing to you. That's out of control. All right. My last take it or leave it for you. Take it or leave it. Regular season OT. Take it, dude. What the fuck? Do you hate three on three? I am leaving this so hard. What the fuck are you talking about, dude? Three on three is so sick.

This is another situation, Chris, where your small little pea brain is just getting comfortable. You like comfort zones. You, find a comfort zone and you grab a blanket and you pull it up to your chin and you nestle in and you go there's no way that this could get better you're right that's a huge mistake changing regular season OT to three on three and then a shootout was brilliant it was a brilliant decision are you but but you know what is even better is going that extra step

and improving it more if this is about lose the shootout I'd hear you because I think continuous three and three would end soon enough and that's correct but I actually like to shoot out more than most people but go on I think shootout the shootout is cool every now and then you get a highlight real shootout goal that you're like Jesus fucking Christ and those highlights are wonderful I am going to propose something that is going to lead to even better highlights I think we should go three on three for five minutes and then when that five minutes expires instead of going to a shootout because I'm all about team victories. Yeah. Rate of play, rate of play, rate of play. Let's go to a 2v2 five minute. Whoa. And then after that five minutes, let's go to continuous running clock 1v1 over time until the game ends.

I believe that this situation would end before we get to 1v1, 90. 99% of the time. We might get three 1v-1s a season. But if you're telling me that you wouldn't go fucking bonkers for two... This is like NHL arcade status here. Oh yeah.

If you're telling me, we've got a game between the Edmonton Oilers and the Toronto Maple Leafs and you are going to balk at a potential five-minute overtime with Connor McDavid and Leon Drysiddle on the ice versus Austin Matthews

and Mitch Marner on the ice, that would be the most electric shit I've ever seen and it would be absolute chaos you are a anarchy king and you're telling me that you wouldn't love this and then if we ever did get to that one view on just watching the face off alone

would be fucking do you go forward yeah you can't pull it back it goes right by you you just like you have two guys on the ice I don't know what you do if you pull it back you're so in your head about like all right if I do get this back I've got to immediately turn around and book it do you just try to slap it to the side and then just win a battle along the board. I don't know. I don't know

these things. I can't wait to find out. Maybe it's a face-off move I've never even heard of. It might be a face-off move that I've never seen before. And all of a sudden we're seeing new things. And just the chaos of watching these two guys on a full NHL sheet being like, all right, on guard, motherfucker. Like that would be... Pitch on your pitch again, the 1V-1, if we ever get there,

no changes. You send out the two guys only with a whistle? Or just... No, no changes. No, because then... then we're getting, we're getting away from it's a team win. Okay, but I just think that'd be pretty epic. But the changes would be so funny,

like, because when would it be okay to change? He's going to flip it in and get off. But I don't even think that, because they're giving the puck away. Like, you're going like this, here you go.

I think you straight up need to, like, possess the puck and start charging in and then quickly turn to your bench and hop off and be like, it's right there, just come on and take it. It would,

I think it would honestly lead to the best highlights of the year every single time. The 2V2, would be amazing and then the rare 1v1 would be stop what you're doing and turn into this game. I would honestly demand that the NHL issued an alert system where if any game went into 1V1 OT, your phone would light up if you signed up. Free for anybody.

Yeah, it was just like, turn this game on right now. We've got a 1V1 OT coming. And NFL Redstone, this would be just like NHL OT. And it's like, here we go. I sometimes wish that regular hockey was four on four just for the. the speed and chaos of it. So I love the countdown. I'm still taking the current OT because I think it's a beautiful thing, but I hear this

argument. I think it's amazing. And I've said this to you before. I wish, even in three on three, because the league kind of cracked how to win, not how to win, but like what's important in three on three. Yeah, they've adapted the game. Yeah. So they're like, they come in the zone.

If they don't have it, they like loop back out. I wish it was like touch pawn hockey rules, basically. That was like, once you enter the offensive zone in the current overtime rules, once you enter the offensive zone, if the puck comes out of the zone, by you guys carrying it out, you just have to dump it back in. Like you lose possession.

Or like a whistle and face off. Yeah, because I'm like, I just wanted to promote the up and down action, which is why they built three on three in the first place. We would. It still is. It still is up and down action,

but I feel like you. The regroup creates a lot of the shoelace goal, which I created the other week, the loop at the swoop at the tuck. Loop at swoop at tuck. Which is pretty sick. It's a patented move. It's pretty sick.

So I do like that. But I want more. up and down, I want more chaos because it is awesome. One question with your rules. It will, and I guess O.T. is kind of doing this now, but it would fuck with the stats a little bit. Like the big guys would start scoring a lot. You know, he'd be like, oh, my God, the Austin Matthews has 75 goals because he'd be like, I had 20 overtime goals. I think it would, I just, I would be curious to see how many games this, let's actually track this.

how many games go to shootout this season. And however many games that is, is more opportunities for these guys to get points. And that's fair. I would bump it up a little bit. But like I said, I want the points. Give me all of the points. Okay.

Have you ever had an OT tuck in my life? Yeah. Yes. Many. Was it? Many? Yeah. I have, I think I have over five.

Oh, my God. Not shootout. No, no. O.T. Tucks. Wow. I had one, dude. It's one of the great feelings of all time.

It was, though, dude. It was when I was at Duke against UNC playoff, O-T, on the power play, moronic penalty by them, on the power play, on the right side, because I was playing the point back then. One T, high-stick side, water bottle, shelf job. I spaz so hard, I didn't even know how to celebrate. You know, I pictured that like O-T. Well, I did too much.

I did, like, the arrow and then, like, the Superman. I was just, like, losing my mind. They got speared by a bunch of boys. You're a kid playing video games. through just mash every bus celebration button and it was just like chaos. I'd never had one. You know, like all of those years,

I was like, I had the shootout winners for sure, but I never had the OT finisher. And what in a moment. What a feeling. It's an incredible feeling. Those are our take it or leave it's. Those are them. I stand by all of them.

I stand by about half of mine. All right. That sounds about right, dude. Let's close out the episode with our regular scheduled programming. First up, you can take this one away because it is your rub in segment. Give me some Jack Eichel watch.

Can you give me a little sound effects? Iko watch and Dan, I got great news for you. My friend Jack, 13 games played, five goals, nine assists, 14 points, back to over a point of game. And he's on a five-game point streak, wouldn't you know, another OT point on the winner against the caps? Listen, he's my good friend, and we're all rooting for him here in the office. How do you feel about that?

That's been a big development. The whole office is rooting for him now. How do you feel? Everyone is very attuned. to Jack, I can watch at this point. I'm going to say that we need to come up with my punishment for if he's over 90, right? Yeah, over 90. Over 90.

Over 90. I can't even believe I gave you that much. It should have been lower. Yeah, it should have been 80, frankly, but you're an idiot. So I think we've got to come up with my punishment so we know what it is. We've waited long enough. I'm rooting for Jack too. I love Jack.

I love Jack. I just, I wanted you to be wrong. And I was an idiot. Listen. Because he's not slowing down. Your only hope, truly. Don't even say it. Don't even say it.

Don't even say it. I love you, Jack. He's my good friend. He is your good friend, I know. And he looks so good. He looked so good in that first game of the season, and he's just getting better. The dominance that he had in that overtime was preposterous. He's sick, dude.

So, Jack, he's at 13 points. Great job, Jack. Or he's at 14. 14 points. 13 games. Fuck me. All right. Well, we're going to move on from that into some more bad news for me.

We're going to go into where in the world is Austin Matthews. Where is he? I am so upset to say the Leafs are pulling it together a little bit here. They've got three wins. There are three in no this past week. Seven, four and two now. Sitting at seven four and two. They're in a playoff spot currently.

Congratulations, you guys. And, dude, you said it, but after that tuna melt against the ducks, they have like a week off. The schedule's weird at the start of here, but they had like a week off, and they came back, they came back ready to go. They look good. They look good. And Austin looks good. He is six and seven for 13 and 13. He's at a point per game place. He popped two in the, I believe, right? He had both

against the Bruins. Both against the Bruins. Which is just like, he hurt me and I don't blame him for being upset. So I'm putting Austin Matthews in Michigan. Maybe like a little upper peninsula action. He's a yupor. He's a yupor. He's a yupor. Shout out to old time hockey, by the way, must follow

for anyone listening and not following. That's a good. Good shout-out for old-timey hockey. Yeah, I think he's a yupor. Because he's, I'd like to say it's Detroit, but I think he's even closer. He's a little up there. He's not quite back in Canada, but he's not in Kansas City anymore. He's up there.

Old-time hockey. There you go, buddy. You can have Austin Matthews this week. There you go, buddy. Austin's closer. He's back and closer to Toronto. I hate to say it. He's playing great. But I will say, Leifes don't get comfy because, whoops, you just had another goalie injury. Looks like another one of your attendees went straight to the IR. And then I will say this, that little dust up with the flyers, I know a lot of these sensitive Leifes fans online were getting upset with us.

Hey, come, man. Oh, what do you want Austin Matthews to do? You want him to get in a fight and possibly break his hand, you fucking idiot. I want Austin Matthews to fucking show some passion. Show some balls. Show some hair on that shriveled up beanbag. He looked so disinterested, and he was trying to do the too cool for school thing. He's smiling, not getting in it, connecting.

He's slashing him, trying to go. You don't have to fight to stand up for yourself, to stand up for your teammates. You don't have to fight. Throw some cross checks. Throw some face washes. You've got a 39-year-old Mark Giordano, a fucking wily vet, going full Happy Gilmore, skating across the ice, and spear tackling. Travis connect me

And you're telling me that you can't show some grit I want it And I'm not This is not a critique of Austin Matthews This is a critique of Austin Matthews Being happy in Toronto Okay, yeah

Yeah, I would If he was wearing a Yote sweater maybe Yeah, maybe he fights Maybe if he had that chin on the front of his sweater Maybe he's fucking dusting it up He's down in the desert He's got that dog in here, yeah Yeah

Just saying if he was down in the desert I think that dust up comes a little more natural. That was a good one. That was a good one. So that's the critique here. So Leash fans, sure. He's a little closer to Toronto right now, but don't get comfortable. Don't get comfortable.

Don't get comfortable. Love it. All right. Quack attack. Top three hottest teams of the week. And we didn't do the Leafs. I know. We just said that the Leafs are, you know, this week.

But you're not quite in there. They just need to show me a little bit more. You're not quite in there because you got a, you got a freebie win against the Bruins because the Bruins are the dumbest fucking organization in the NHL and then like I said that dusted up with Philly

wasn't a good look okay so number three team this week the Eden Hall JV quack attack number three team the Vegas Golden Knights and you might be saying the Vegas Golden Knights guys they were the number one team last week

a two I think or the number two team that's right so Vegas Golden Knights three and no this week four and no last week and that guys I'm saying, I know that there's some other teams that were 3 and 0 this week. Shout it's Detroit.

Shout out Toronto. But if you're 4 and 0 last week or the week before and then 3 and 0 this past week, that's going to roll over a little bit. And you're hot. They are the hottest team in the league. And you might be asking, how is a team 7 and 0, 7 game heater, longest winning streak of any team this season? How did that team go backwards in the hotness scale boys?

I'll tell you how, because this is the quack attack, three hottest teams of the week made by. us, not you, so go fuck you. Our answer to that is quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack. So, quack, quack. The Vegas Golden Knights are the third hottest team in the week.

Some big wins. Yeah, dude. They look hot. And honestly, Dan, that was it. They beat the caps in OT. They edged by the senators and got by the HAB six four. And that senator's game was like five, four, I think. Give up a lot of goals to some bad teams.

But three and O, number three team of the week. All right. The number two, hottest team of the, week the District 5, Mighty Ducks. The Seattle Cracken, let's go. The Seattle Cracken are 3 and 0 this past week. Snucked by the flames, that's not an easy win.

Not an easy win at all. They shut out the Minnesota Wild. Really tough for the Wild, still struggling. And Pitt is on a skid, just a really, really bad stuff. But for the second time, in 8 days. Yeah. So 4-0, win streak, really, 3-0 this week. Yeah.

They are second in the Pacific and shocking the entire NHL. It's insane. And I couldn't be happier. Me too. I want the cracking to be good. They've got a top sweater in the league. Yeah, according to you. Okay, and the number one team, the Junior Goodwill Games, Mighty Ducks team, is the New Jersey Devils.

Are you kidding me? Three in O this week. Beat the Canucks, beat the Oilers, beat the flames in O-T. And listen, they almost made it last week, if you remember. They had a great week last week. I think they were three in one. Yeah. I can't remember the exact step.

Devils are hot and Chris, why don't you go ahead and tell the people where the devils are currently sitting in the standings? Dan, they, last week, they got pummeled by the wings last week, I think. Well, the wings are a fireman. No, sorry, I think they murdered. I think they murdered the wings in the blue jackets. Beat the abs last week. That's what it was. They shut out the defending champs, two massive wins.

They had one bad loss. Anyway, so now they're on an absolute tear. I think they've won six straight. They're sitting in first place, Dan. And also, in their division. In the metro. Thank God we've got divisions. Yeah.

And then, Dan, by the way, I need you to personally apologize to the Devils, the organization, and Jack Hughes, who is sitting at 12 points in 12 games and looking every bit the first overall pick. I will not apologize to the Devils. I said a couple weeks ago on the pod that I was surprised that they're doing so well. And I think Devils fans would say that they're surprised that they're doing so well. I even went on a rant congratulating them for how all of their players for the first time in fucking six years are actually stepping up and playing to their potential. So I won't apologize. I will say, I'm surprised. And I'm, and congratulations. Pleasantly surprised. Happy for you. I'll never let you forget that you said they were three and two early and it was a shocker. It was a shocker. Three and two. It's even a shocker now. This is a shocker.

even I'll admit that. But they are the hottest team of the week. They are. And they look great. And to Jack Hughes, I will say, great job, buddy. Let's see if you can keep it up. Yep. And he can. He's listening to you. As sure as I am that Connor McDavid is listening to me, that's how positive I am. Jack Hughes is listening. to you. It's tough too because I love Jacko and we'll just see. We'll see. We'll see. All right. You got any games to watch as we close out? I sure do. Let's go

Thursday night. You know I like giving a Thursday night game dance. Actually, wait. I'm going to go my Thursday night first because I'm worried you're going to take it to it. I'm going my Thursday night game of my number one game coming up this week that you've got to keep your eyes on is this Thursday night. We're going to an original six

matchup, rags and the Red Wings. Sick game. Two hot teams. The Red Wings are looking every bit of the Izer plan that we called out. The Rags are just a fantastic team, as always, as they were last year. That is an original six game that is going to be an absolute blast. We'll keep you updated on the money lines on that one, too, because that'll be a good one to get some action on. You know it.

And then I'm taking Thursday night Vegas Golden Knights Buffalo Sabres. Oh, I love that game. The Knights Super Hot first place team. But the Sabres, dude, you know, like they're up and down, certainly. Bit of a roller coaster start to the year. But when they're up, they're up. Like they will beat the brakes off you if you don't, if you're not careful. And when they're down, they're not even that down.

The sabers are a wagon. They are. They're looking like a wagon. They're looking like a wagon. So that's a good Thursday game. And then my Saturday night game, a little late one for the East Coasters. We got the abs and the canes. I got the same one.

Sick game. There you go. Great game. Could have been the final last year. Could be the final this year. Like those are two really, really strong teams. Teams packed with All-Stars. Teams just playing great fucking hockey right now.

That's going to be a beautiful one to watch. Excited. Unbelievable stuff. All right, guys, that's it for us this week at the Empty Natters podcast. We will see you again next week.