Empty Netters Podcast - Empty Netters Break Down of The Mighty Ducks Movie ft. Rusty Featherstone | 126

Episode Date: August 14, 2024

The boys are joined by Rusty Featherstone to break down one of the most iconic and memorable hockey movies of all time. NEW EPISODES EVERY MONDAY & WEDNESDAY!  SUBSCRIBE TO OUR YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCuf52MHW1O7guPMzsMvv2kA FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/empty.netters/?hl=en FOLLOW US ON TIKTOK: https://www.tiktok.com/@empty.netters (0:00) - Intro (2:30) Plot Breakdown (48:40) Awards Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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These two teams are just like warming up and Gordon's like standing up in the press box. It appears Gordon just got there. He walks in and he goes, oh, the hawks. Why did it have to be like, did you just arrive? He's like, did you not get a schedule? Yeah. How did you game plan for these guys? Ice is ready and we are back with a very special episode.

episode of the Empty Netters podcast, we are joined by our boy, Rusty Featherstone. Thank you for having me. Very excited. This is my first time on. Yes, it is. Long-time listener. I've also... First time, long time. I have never been more excited to do an episode in my life. I have a lot of thoughts about what we're going to talk about. I'm pretty excited. It's the off season. We decided we were going to jump into a lot of hockey fans' favorite movie of all time. We wanted to watch The Mighty Ducks. And if I'm not mistaken, Rusty, You've never seen this. It was my first time, and we actually went to a Rams preseason game and got kind of drunk.

Yeah. And came home, ordered a pizza, put it on, cracked a couple of beers. Beautiful. It wasn't what I thought it was going to be at all. Really? No. Okay. It wasn't what he thought he was going to be.

Can you elaborate on that really quickly? Well, before he does that, what we're going to do here, folks, is we are going to break down the entire film of the Mighty Ducks. We're talking plot. We're talking characters. we're talking, is this realistic or not realistic? Basically, we're going to do a deep dive into the 1992, Emilio Estevez starring Mighty Ducks film.

And then we've got some awards at the end. Yes, we do. Can I just right off the top? Yes. So, you know, it feels like each sport has their iconic movie that's tailored towards children, but you kind of love it throughout life. Baseball, there's like a handful, right?

And they all kind of hold up, and people talk about the very fun. Fundly. Yeah. Rookie of the year. Rookie of the year. I thought this one, I didn't like love this movie. Well, I think the problem.

I don't think it's a very good movie. Dan doesn't like it either, dude. Hold on. This movie's fire. You guys are idiots. Well, I think the problem is you watched this for the first time later in life. Like you didn't fall in love with it as a child like we did. Yeah.

I think if I watched it for the first time at like nine, this would be one that I would like defend till my like death death. Yeah, look at me. But that's great. You're looking in the mirror. You're looking in the future, pal. We've got great perspective here. So, without further ado, let us jump into the story and plot of The Mighty Ducks.

We begin our film with a young Gordon Bombay playing pee-wee hockey in Minnesota. The movie starts as he gets a penalty shot. I already have an issue. I do as well. This movie begins with this moment of Gordon Ba'ay getting a penalty shot. He gets talked to by his piece of shit, Coach Riley. He's the worst guy ever. Here's the thing.

The announcer says, with a chance to win the game. this shot is to win not to tie it's tie game and when he misses Gordon drops to his knees he does the triple deke shoots it hits the post goes out wide misses he drops to his knees and the entire team like collapses

coach Riley's like oh my god given that that was a chance to win nothing bad has happened yet here like a goal he could make a save a next player on the hawks could score but they act like the entire world has ended because Gordon has missed it's in the diner It's just, he says in the diner to Charlie way later,

where he was like it was two, two, we lost in overtime. Yeah. So they went to overtime. Like, what were you going to say, Jack? It's also like, presumably other players were also at fault. Yes. Like, it's like for some reason all of the weight of this has fallen on one penalty shot, which, by the way, the goalie's mask.

Oh, dude. The gear, the gear is chaos throughout the whole movie. Also, this might be later, this might be later. It looks like, I don't know if just, the 90s were a crazy time for hockey gear. It looks like the costume designer had never watched the game hockey in his or her entire life. Oh yeah.

The half bubble, half cage. Oh, dude, yeah, it gets worse as we go. There's no doubt about it. So, wait, I have one thing on that. The, um, later they talk about Gordon has like, you know, 190. Stop jumping ahead, dude. We're talking about the plot here. I know, but it can't keep jumping ahead.

It's about this exact scene. That's why I've talked about. Okay. The hawks, that hawks team, is like they've won a thousand championships in a row. They've won a thousand in a row after. And Gordon has set Minnesota Peewee hockey records. In what universe are they tied to two to?

Well, again. Like, why are you not pumping them full of lead? Here's the point, Chris. We don't know that yet. So make that point when you then find it out because it's ridiculous then. Well, you know, he says with the jersey win the game. Yeah, but in this moment, we don't know those stats. All we've seen so far is just a hockey game.

Okay, okay. However, we do hear Coach Riley go, what's his line? You miss this shot? You're not just letting me. down you're letting your whole team down too. It's like so it was like he had never he's nine years old. Never read any like sports psychology. This child is in his hockey infancy.

Yeah. He's presumably your best player. Yeah. And I think he knows this gravity of the moment. Oh yeah. Why are you like adding so much pressure? So much pressure. Pop collar.

Dude. Not a fan of this guy. Yeah. Insane. Absolutely insane. So Gordon missed the shot. We cut two years later, presumably a Gordon Bombay in his mid-20s, he's now a lawyer in a courtroom. He is a complete scumbag. Just truly, like, this guy is pulling shady stuff in the courtroom. He catches the judge on a sketchy overruling

thing that makes him be like, you know what? Sorry. Withdrawing that overrule, Gordon, you win the case. I imagine, like, he's probably the prosecutor. I don't know. But the other lawyer is like, come on, Gordon. He's like, got to go for the W, dude, which is funny because he's clearly taken coach Riley's mentality later and just learn nothing. man who's like ruined him yeah yeah i had a problem with that scene it doesn't i get that he won he doesn't seem like a very good lawyer at all he's leaning over to his client he's cheating he's cheating but he's also just wasting everyone's time and he looks at the uh he looks at his client and he goes you got to make him wait like they're going to eat this up or something and it's like no it looks

like it's actually having the opposite effect yeah they're so annoyed the judge is so mad at he's pissed yeah yeah totally totally pissed so he does that we see him cheating the courtroom. Then he's walking around his office. He brags about like fucking a court reporter to somebody. For the one case he lost, like yeah, I love who he won't admit that he's 30 and one. Like the Hawks are 30 and one and so is he. But neither, both of them hate the one loss they've ever had. Yeah. It's so true. And then he also, I think it's his assistant, drops that someone has left some North Stars tickets. And the one thing we get from Gordon is, oh, I hate hockey. He like scoffs at the idea of going to a North Stars game in a sweet,

I would imagine. So things have seriously changed for Gordon here. Then we see Gordon in Duxworth's office. Duxworth, the head of the firm. Gordon's bragging about his case, thinks he's going to be made partner or something here. And then Duxworth basically tells him like,

you got to take a break here. That presumably makes Gordon spiral into savagely drinking and driving. Yeah. Like this man, it's not like he went to the bar, got a little tuned up, and he's like, all right, I'm going home.

This guy's driving in the, the middle of the night in Minnesota, there's snow and ice all over the road. And this guy's brown bag in it while driving. It was almost like, it was almost like out of spite. Like he, oh yeah, it, uh, you would assume he probably has the funds for a driver. Yeah. Absolutely. A hundred percent. And he, it didn't look like he was having much fun either. No. Like he was just drinking and driving for the sake of drinking and drinking. Yeah, just to get a head start on what he's going to do at home. Blast in music, swerving all over the road. My man gets pulled over. Yeah. he doesn't get popped for

swerving across a double yellow lane the car probably stinks like a bar he gets popped for saying a whittle noisy what if he had a lisp dude what if he had a speech impediment this cop goes a whittle all right get out of the car

you're under arrest you're going to jail unbelievable dude you liked a line in that scene well there was one part I didn't know if you wanted to save it related but you can jump in there I love this jack because he had well you say the line because it was fucking hilarious I have it but yeah

The officer pulls him over and he's like, get out of the car. We're going to make you do a sobriety test. And he says, all right, you're doing a test, breath, blood, or urine. And Gordon Bombay goes, no, thanks. I'm full. No, thanks. I'm full. Dude.

Killer line. But that is a killer line. In a 1990 PG film. Here's what I love, though, Rusty. He goes, right before that, the cops lights appear in his rear view. And Bombay says out loud, he goes, this is not good. Because he knows he's drunk driving, right? So anyone else that goes, oh shit, this is not good,

like snaps in and you're like, what is it, officer? How can I help you? And he hits him with a no thanks on full. Like the zinger was too good that he had to just bury him. He had the presence of mind. This is a serious situation. And then the cop teed him up and he could not resist. Dude, he had to have it.

It's a killer line. Come on. Like he's just like, well, I'm fucked. I might as well let this zinger up. So Gordon gets given 500 hours of, community service. He's given a leave from work with salary. And a driver. And a driver. And a driver. It seems like they're almost rewarding this behavior. In a limo. Yeah. They're like, dude, drink more. So you got caught, you got caught drinking

and driving. We're going to keep paying you. Yep. And we're paying for a driver. A limo. A limo. And why don't you take like a couple weeks off? Yeah. Go coach some hockey. We should be drinking driving more. That's insane. We then meet a group of kids who are dumpster diving for like a wall. What did they find? A purse. The kids dumpster dive for. We should. We should be a purse. They feed chili to a dog who then shits. They put the shit in the purse with a dollar bill sticking out of it to prank some guy.

The classic poop dollar. Can I also say one of their boys is named Dumpster Dave? How often are they dumpster diving? His nickname is centered around is just like a weekly thing? It must be. How do you know that you're going to find an old purse in a dumpster? That's a crazy. It's a very savvy

veteran. That's a veteran dumpster diving move. So after they pull their little prank, get an idea of these kids, then we then see these kids are playing pond hockey. Gordon goes to the first practice. Can I just say a man in this movie stops his driving car? Like not like

he was walking on the street, is driving a car and stops, exits, sees a person on the ground with a one American dog sticking out and steals it. Like I could not believe the car stop. And then CP after like the whole chase, like the fast forward chase scene,

he is so mad at these kids that he pulls up his running car, puts it in park, opens the door, chases after them, leaves the door. Leaves it. With the keys in the car, the car is running. Minnesota. This guy's going to steal a purse with $1 bill sticking out of it, but he's, it's okay. Cars fine.

So then Gordon rolls up to their first practice, his first team practice, they're playing pond hockey. Goldberg's in net with no pads on. And Gordon drives the limo straight onto the ice, baller. Yeah, I actually, as much as I dislike this guy, I'm always a big fan of, you know, how like your dad's friends are always very confident of when the ice is thick enough to drive their truck onto it yeah it was like okay this guy i might not like him he has you know he has like knowledge of the land yes that was our first for me like he's talking about how much you hate hockey but when

he goes drive it onto the ice i was like oh this guy yeah he's also flexing on nine year olds oh yeah like he knows what's up he drives out there goes out there talks to some of the kids they're a bunch of snarky punks love it classic 90 snark coming from them connie Moreau informs them that it's midseason they're 0 and 9. Oh and 9. Their old coach had a heart attack. Fucking unbelievable stuff. Presumably have never scored.

Yes. She says 0 and 9, but last game we almost scored, which to me is like we haven't scored all year. Yeah. Yeah. They have no business being in this league. Maybe we move them down. Yeah, dude.

There should be some like reclily. Pwee A, Pee B. It feels like they should not be competing against like this elite prospects. Yeah. Adam Banks going to the NHL. Correct. We see, if you're one of the kids on this team and a limo pulls out under the ice, you're pond skating. What's your first thought?

We're all getting abducted. Okay. I think that's reasonable. Mine might be like. I think, and what we get to is I would have gone, is this going to break the ice? Oh, yeah. Okay. But clearly Gordon knows. But they know, but they know. Maybe they know too.

Yeah. But they know so confidently that roughly 15, 12-year-olds, climb on top of this limo that is on ice. They're really pushing the legs. And then Charlie Conway's mom comes in and cracks the one. She screams at Gordon. Gordon then confirms to us. He's like

I know when you can drive on the ice. Basically sets the stage. This is kind of our team mom. Gordon gets his first taste of like you're not hot shit, buddy. Like you're working with kids. Just jump in. These are two of the most preposterous things in the Ducks movies. I'm being

dead ass. I have a movie with a lot of preposterous things. Number one, just because I don't understand what the writers we're possibly doing. Goldberg goes, they go, do we have a goalie? He goes, yes, but I'm moving to, just for a little bit. I'm moving to Philly. Which we never hear. Obviously, Goldberg does never move to Philly. Yeah.

Like, I cannot believe that line is uttered with no payoff ever. It was such a like, like they created a ploddle. Yeah, it wasn't like they tried to work around something. Yeah. It was a throwaway line. Yeah. Which Rusty could have been such a cool moment like, yo, don't move. Like, stay.

We're building something here. Like, nope, just. Like, they lose their goalie. He's not moving to Philly. It was like literally for us to know that he's from Philly. Because he says moving back to Philly. And then he's wearing a Flyers jersey. So I can, which leads me up to my next point,

I can excuse his Flyers jersey. Because they are in Minnesota, where the North Star, like people live and breathe hockey in Minnesota. The North Stars are a team. Yes. The Dave Averman wearing a San Jose Sharks jersey is banana. You don't know that he's not from San Jose?

He's bananas. But what about his heckerman? That brother is not from Bener. His heckling is kind of California. Dude, I just quickly on Abramon, I hate him. You hate him so much. He's a polarizing guy. He's a polarizing guy.

He, he, I wrote down, I cannot stress this enough. I really do not like Abramon. I don't think he's coachable and I think he's a no talent bitch. Dude, he might not be coachable actually. He might not be coachable. He's a no talent bitch, dude. He's when you're shark's jersey. He's just always reap in his mouth, dude.

we get to the first game so first game of the season of course it's against the hawks even gordon says that my first note is the two teams are on the ice in full gear doing warm up and gordon and coach riley are like up in the snack stand why are the coaches not on the ice yeah how are you guys not here

these two teams are just like warming up and gordon's like standing up in the fucking press box it appears gordon just got there oh he walks in he goes oh the hawks why did you just arrive It's like, did you not get a schedule? Yeah. We also get... How did you game plan? Yeah.

We get a great flashback, too, where, you know, we see the penalty shot that he missed again. Coach Riley says, wish your daddy had been here to see this. So we really get the daddy issues layered in there. Yeah. Maybe why Gordon cared about Coach Riley so much. But, I mean, it's also like, Coach Riley, why are you up here, too? Unbelievable. Then the game starts, and, like, this is when the true insanity begins.

Jesse Hall is wearing a skateboarding helmet. Yeah. we're now in an actual game Goldberg remains wearing normal I think he's wearing like catch his pads No goalie pads on they're letting him play Isn't there a guy wearing a football home as well? Oh yeah yeah

carp's wearing a football Half the Ducks team does not have a cage Every other team in the league of jerseys This is 1992 pee hockey I assure you anywhere you're wearing cages There's some sort of governing body that should be enforcing that I get maybe it's a poverty issue

Absolutely You would think maybe we could just Like if you got your hands on a skateboard helmet. Yeah. That's no cheaper than a hockey. Especially in Minnesota. Yeah. Absolutely. The Riley is so mean, right? Like, oh, we got a great moment. Great mean Riley moment in this scene. But even before that, when he goes like, when he goes, Gordon's like any good kids this year and he goes, yeah, Banks, not quite as good as you were, but he wants it more. And I'm like, Jesus. Yeah. You know, like, and then. And my favorite is he points to the banner, obviously.

That isn't, that isn't the Hawks ring. Like, you know how the Colts hang like, oh yeah, the FC tramp runner up. This is, this is the rink. of pee-wees. It would just say who won. Like, it would be like hawks, hawks, hawks, Jets. Like, it wouldn't go, that's not the Hawksville. Well, I don't know about that. Maybe it was so notable. When we were playing pee-wee hockey, we'd go to Summersworth and play

Summer's worth. But did you see the map? I don't want to get ahead, but like Hans is like, you live here, you live here, you live here, like, I don't think each of those reasons has their own. Let's go to front of the island. It's like East Dillon, West Dillon. They've got to be... Maybe in Minnesota. I think it's understandable that maybe that's the Hawksworth. Okay, okay. I think that's

gotta be the hospital. It feels like the same rank every game, but yeah, it's probably a shooting situation. They're always playing a home game. Yeah, of course they're like they work out. Yeah. In this scene, Charlie Conway gets a breakaway. Carp calls him spasway. He falls after whiffing a shot. And then after he's whipped a shot, Adam Banks charges him from behind, cross-checks him in the spine

into the boards. No call. And Coach Riley cheers it and collar pops, dude. Yeah. He literally cheers and he's like, all right, all right. Caller pop. Like this guy is a villain, like a true, unbelievable. villain. So, the guys get banged up 17-0-0 in their first game with Gordon on the bench. Unbelievable. Such a ridiculous score. Like, you'd think the rap would just pick enough. Yeah, yeah. This game is over. We get it. We get it.

We then cut to the team, presumably from dumpster diving again. Yeah. They have found a bunch of thrown out porno mags. Again, PG movie. Kids are looking at porno mags. The Hawks players roll up on rollerblades, literally roll up. Really establishing the bullies is this hoax. team, Adam Banks included. And then we meet Fulton Reed. Yeah. Fulton Reed, not a member of the Ducks team. What was your first impression of Fulton Reed? Just a rag tag guy. Yeah. I think it's a it feels like I don't know how, I don't know what his contract with Disney looked like. It feels like he is the just the bigger kid in like

every movie, right? Yeah. He probably made a lot of money. Yeah. In that like five year span. And what they always he was he wearing a scarf? Yeah. scarves for some of it's a Minnesota winter baby it's a heavy scarf movie you're right tough kids don't wear traditionally wear scarves yeah and it felt like everyone had one yeah I think the Hawkshill had matching ones yeah they they had very preppy they all had the same haircut too yeah they had that like kind of part right here fold over like Brooks brothers model he went scarf trench coat too yeah which like which is like an adult in a nice like in a nice trench coat in a scarf is like a thing but I'm not sure like the he kind of had that uh that

breakfast club. Yes. Look. I was just what to say that. The boots untied. And he growls. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There might have been a bandana tied around his ankle.

Like, he really out. Yeah. Yeah. So, Fulton shows up, body bags, the Hawks. We get our first dose of Fulton's a cool guy. Yeah. He's a mysterious guy. He's a mysterious man.

They don't even talk to him. So then, guys, we see our first actual practice at the rink. Probably the hawks ring. Yeah. Yeah. I want to note here, while Gordon Bombay is preaching, take the fall, act hurt, get in Dignant. He's teaching the kids to cheat. I do Google what indignant man.

Do we just talking about that? It's kind of a wild word to throw in this week. He's teaching them to cheat just like himself in the courtroom. Like at least we are very, we are very consistent with Gordon's personality. Yes. He just got ass whoop to buy Coach Riley. He's pissed off.

Now he's teaching the kids to cheat. Gordon Bombay is wearing a full-length peatote and no skates at practice. Yeah. Like this guy, truly unbelievable. So we're teaching the kids to cheat. then we get our next game. At that practice, though, like, here's his strategy, right? He's like, I'm a cheater. I'm a cheater in the courtroom. I know how to cheat out here.

We'll take the fall. My only thought, though, was what has he seen out of the ducks so far that he thinks a power play will help them. Yeah. Like, he's like, if we just take falls, we'll be on the power play all game. The problem isn't more men on the a ice. The problem is, like, general, like, skill. Lack of hockey ability. I was like, dude.

Lack of hockey ability. I'm not sure the peeper is going to save the day here, dude. Maybe like the taking the fall should be, like, a fourth or fifth practice. once we have like skating. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, like, I think really the best case scenario there is you're hoping they get so many game misconducts that the game is forfeit.

Okay, they have to forfeit. Like, that's what you're hoping for. But at the next game, it's going so poorly against the Jets that the ref comes up to Gordon and says, Ducks, enough with the diving. Or District 5, they're not Duxie. Enough with the diving. Gordon's like, what are you talking about?

I'm insulting. Right after that warning, he literally calls Charlie over to the bench and is like this, grab your eye like, got caught. Like, he just got warned, and he doubles down on Charlie. Charlie, good guy, refuses to cheat. Won't do it. Gets in a situation, refuses

to cheat, they lose. Gordon. Charlie was, like, there were multiple penalties. Committed against Charlie. He committed against him and just no calls. No. There was a stick in his cage. It's a little bit. Hey, big dog. That's high sticking. That's high sticking. And I'm like, Charlie. Very least roughing.

Charlie, you're not cheating. Like, you have been actually hitting you in the eye. Yeah, yeah. Like, that's a penalty. It's not a. die like it just embrace the penalty people are going to hit the eye that's amazing but Gordon yells at Charlie he's lost the locker room

then Jesse and Terry Hall's dad comes in and motherfucked Gordon yeah says I took I took PTO to come out of you no I gave up my overtime my overtime yeah I gave up my overtime to come watch my kid taking falls pulls those two out of the team yeah unbelievable moment and now guys

we got our turning point yeah Gordon Bombay goes into the pro shop and sees Hans old friend Hans After seeing him. After seeing him. I don't care who you are. This is a good scene.

Hans, just the voice of reason. He is our guiding light. And he teaches, he tells Gordon, he's got skates that he sharpened him up for him, gives him to Gordon, and he's like,

dude, get back on the ice and teach these kids how to fly. Chills. Chills moment. I do want to say, he goes nine and a half, right? And Gordon goes, actually I'm a nine. He's like,

wear two pairs of socks, Gordon. Yeah, wear a thick socks. I don't know. I don't know if you're aware of this, Rusty. Yeah. Skate sizes are about two full sizes smaller than your shoe. There is literally no planet that teeny ass Emilio Estevez wears a size nine skate. Yeah.

So that, to me, was a clear moment of no one involved in this movie has any idea of what skate sizes are. I think it's also like, I would assume Gordon still has kind of his skating prowess. Yep. And like, I think you guys would probably agree. Skating with two pairs of socks on is pretty not ideal. It's bonkers. I skate barefoot. It's awful. Yeah.

Like, he, I think would be like, thank you for the offer. This is awesome. But like, I literally am not going to be able to skate. These are too big. If you're just giving me a pair of skates, I'll just, I'll take the nines. Like, we're still here in the pro show. Also, Hans is like, I believe he says a line like nine and a half, right? As if he's like recalling.

Yes, he is. And I'm like, the last time you saw Gordon play, he was nine years old. So like, at what point did he ever have nine and a half of the little skates? Yeah. You are recall, you are pulling from memory. It's his best educated guess. He's like, I'm guessing you're now and I'm going to have. He's got a chart of Gordon's growth, projected growth.

I think he actually might even say, like, my memory serves. It's like, memory of what? He's like, I quit in pee-wee, dude. The only option is like, there was a stint where Gordon tried to get back into it. Yes, okay. Or Hans has like a foot thing. Yeah. And he's like, I like this a lot.

How would you know that? Sizes him up and he's like, how do you eyeball that? Dude, he eyeballed it from the fucking bleachers. Oh, yeah. Because he saw him at game one. I'm wearing like loafers. Yeah. Like what are we doing?

Yeah. We get an epic Gordon ripping the pond scene. Yep. Just getting the wheels back. Some cool flashbacks. We see Gordon's dad for the first time. Great dad. Yeah.

Great dad. It's good to see Gordon falling in love with the game. What's his first stop? Decides he needs to apologize to the team. Yeah. But not the team. To Charlie's mom, dude. First stop is he goes to Charlie's place.

How does he know where Charlie lives? I assume it's a time. a sheet somewhere? He doesn't even have a schedule. He doesn't know who he was playing, but he knows his exact address. So he goes to the one kid's mom who he's met. Absolute dog behavior. Knocks in the door, say he wants

to apologize to Charlie, but it's just convenient that you're here. So he apologizes and then Charlie immediately invites him to stay for dinner. Yeah. Charlie's got a thing with Bombay. Yeah. That's all I'm saying. His infatuation with Gordon banging his mom is pretty strange. The eagerness to have him come in and pound

his mom. Yeah. He's a wild move. It's also like, I understand maybe wants a father figure. This is the worst adult you know. Dude, he is here. He's the worst guy you know. He's a court-ordered appearance that he's here.

He literally met you because of drinking and driving. So, facts. And he's also really mean to you. Yeah. He's like a really mean guy. Yeah. He, as far as Charlie's mom's concerned, put them all in danger driving the limo on the ice. Yeah.

But Charlie forgives him. The team forgives him. we now have an epic montage. Gordon goes to Ducksworth, convinces him to sponsor the team. They get 15 grand. That's going to I, by the way, for back then. I was like, 15 grand for the jerseys with these kids.

Well, it's all equipment, too. They got no equipment, okay. He outfits the entire team with equipment, New jerseys. They name the team the Ducks. We also recruit Tommy and Tammy. Figure skaters. No one bats an eye at that, by the way.

He's like this. Get those figures get those figures. They go, done. But here's the deal. We're buzzing now. Yeah. Also, by the way. You guys play beer league hockey.

Yeah. You have to order jerseys like six months in advance. Oh, dude. Takes a full season to get. A full team of nice jerseys. A thing you can figure out it on like a Wednesday. Names on the back too. And those are stitched names.

Oh, bro. That ain't screen prints. Unbelievable. Top class. But we are buzzing now. Also, Fulton just in the pro. Like, they're buying shit. And Fulton's just there.

Yeah. Like he's just. He's not allowed to play hockey, but he's in the pro shop. But we're buzzing now. We get our first real practice. I also want to point out another Gordon Bob named Fit. He's now got a knit sweater out there. Yeah, yeah.

It's like, this guy's the fit God. But they're doing the egg pass. Unbelievable stuff. He gets Goldberg not to be afraid of shots. They tie him to the net. The team is jelling. That's actually a fun moment, I think, when Goldberg's scared and then it gets really happy again. He's like, come on, you wussies.

Yeah. That's a big moment. Someone calls another guy Wuss Breath at one point. Yes. Like, that is too close to Puss Breath for a PG movie. Yeah. I'm telling you. What does Wuss Breath even mean?

There was adult comedy in this movie. Yeah. It's unbelievable. I had a thought. you know in Super Bad when McLevin spills the beer and the janitor comes out and he's like, fuck my life.

The Zamboni driver after egg practice must have been like, are you fucking kidding me? Dude, I have to fucking... Because you know that eggs freeze. I literally have to like scrape and flood this entire

is the hawks ringed it. Yep. Like, what are you doing? You have access to an outdoor pond. Dude, like... And you guys love going there. Yeah. Why are we inside doing this?

We didn't need to eat practice. Inside, dude. Also, like, you know, I like the constant. That's kind of every dad's favorite, you know, metaphor when you're trying to teach a kid how to, like, you know, catch a pass. It doesn't, they have shown him nothing that suggests that they are ready to do that. Maybe just say it and then do it with the puck. Yeah.

Be like, yeah, just cushioning it a little bit. Also, I love most movies. In one of my comments, compliments with the movies, there's no fluff. Like, we just get right to the shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But one of my favorite things is in most movies, they go, okay, they're going to get good. So they show like a montage across several practices.

And they're good now. Yes. This was just one practice. Like they start practice and can't skate. And at the end, they're like, they were all in their bubble. Oh. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. I get it now. So after this practice, guys, we get a nice little scene where Gordon drives Charlie home. Yep. Also kind of weird. And then they have a nice moment where they're hanging around outside. Charlie flicks Gordon's nose and then they wrestle like a couple cuties.

Again, weird relationship. Alarming. Alarming. If I, and if correct me if I'm wrong, his, Charlie's mom watches it and loves it. He's like, that's a sweet moment. Yes. If my son's hockey coach. An alcoholic. An alcoholic is pulling him out of a limo or like a van or whatever they were in and then wrestles him to the ground. I would be outside like, this is really, really strange. I think anything beyond like a pat on the back is pretty inappropriate for a, coach player relationship. Oh yeah. And let's also remember, like, Gordon's like, Gordon can't be more than 26 years old.

I have so many questions about his age. So many questions. So many questions. So after that, we get a nice shot of, they're out of the limo now. They're in a van now, presumably because of the 15 grand. We had to cut the limo. Window gets blasted out by Fulton Reed. Gordon chases him down, not to yell at him,

but to say, let me see that shot again. This kid's a weapon. We've heard he's a football player. He clearly wants to play hockey, but he can't skate. Gordon goes, we can figure that. out. No, no, sorry, Dan. He says, that's all that's stopping you? And I'm like, yes. That's a huge thing. That is 100% what's stopping him.

You can't do the one thing you do. You want him to play in a league against, as you said, the elite prospects Hawks team. And he's like, he can't skate. He's like going to the, oh, in like two years. I'm like, what? Fulton can't skate and naturally, how do they teach him by rollerblading around the mall of America guys? Because everyone knows who has rollerbladed or

skated, they're totally the same thing. So, Fulton is now rollerblading around the mall. And yeah, he's good, dude. He's ready to play for the team. unbelievable stuff and the next scene we get the team getting their jerseys Adobe acrobat studio your new foundation use PDF spaces to generate a presentation grab your docs your permits your moves AI levels of your pitch gets it in a groove

Choose a template with your timeless cool Come on now let's flex those two Drive design deliver make it sing AI builds the deck so you can build that thing Do that do that do that do that with acrobat Learn more at Adobe.com slash do that with Acrobat. Yep. Gordon pulls the ducks jerseys out,

distributes them to the team. Some of them aren't impressed. They're like, come on, what about ducks? They're wimpy. Connie even says they're so wimpy, but Gordon gives an impassioned speech about how ducks fly together. They are team.

That's a nice moment. And then... I liked the... Ducks don't even have teeth. Neither do hockey players. Boom! Boom! That was clean.

That was clean. I also got to say the next chills moment for me, like true chills moment, Gordon gives that speech and he goes, I'm proud to be a duck. Who is with me? You remember who steps up first? Fulton, I'll be a duck. Fulton goes, I'll be a duck. I think Fulton has been yearning for just any sort of family.

Yeah. He's wandering the alleys. And he's not going to... Where are his parents? We're any of their parents other than Jesse and Terry, honestly. And Charlie's mom. Guys, we get our first game in the new threads. Fulton's terrifying the other team

The Cardinals. He's blasting shots out there Freaking the shit out of everybody. He's like one out of five, yeah. One out of five. I'll take it. That's like pretty good number. Dude, if you're shooting 20%

Yeah, that's pretty fucking good. Yeah. Unbelievable. But he's blasting bucks all over the rank. The other team's intimidated. They're buzzing. Jesse scores a goal while also taking back the phrase the Oreo line.

Yeah. When they're playing the Hawks, they go, what is this? The Oreo line? Racist. Racist. would never fly now. Never fly.

Never fly. But they score and Jesse takes it back. He owns it. Absolutely love it. Calls out Oreo line. Their first goal of the season. That's the duck's first goal of the season, to be clear. Carp gets knocked out with a puck to the face.

They're down to 1, 30 seconds left, and they pull out Fulton and they pull a trick play. Unbelievable, they get a tie. Hans then goes on to say that with that tie, they're in playoff contention. Yeah. Because apparently the last two teams get eliminated. One team has forfeit the season due to a measles. The measles. The whole team has the Panthers.

The Panthers are devastating. So, 09 and one, you're in. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You're fighting for a spot. You're fighting for a shot, apparently. Really lopsided league because the Hawks have definitely not lost a single game. Now, with that information, we know that the Ducks playoff hopes are alive.

And also, Hans tips off Gordon that Adam Banks, Oh, yeah. Due to an address should be a duck. So we have a scene where Coach Riley, Mr. Banks and Gordon. have this discussion with a league official and we find that Mr. Banks is a fucking savage. This man is a Nazi. Like the way he says,

my son would rather not play than be a duck. Like the stank he puts on duck. This guy is disgusted at the thought of him not playing for the Hawks. Riley thinks this is crazy. He thinks this is personal with him and Gordon. It's unbelievable. He implies that the lessons that he taught Gordon as a pee-wee coach is like I made you into the man you are.

Yeah. I made you. Dude, it was kind of weird to me. I have something to say about this all. And it's like thinking about Maine, it's not totally different because if it's across the state. Like it's weird peewee versus like high school. But what I think, what I found crazy is if it's not you pick where you play

or like the Hawks are drafting the best players basically, if it's literally just where their address is, it's weird to me that the Hawks have been so dominant because I'm like all the best players just live in this part of town. And then equally it's so weird to me, that the Ducks kids are so mad that bomb, they're like, you were a hawk? And I'm like, yeah, I just lived right there.

I can't believe it. I didn't like pick being a hawk. I lived on 5th Street. Yeah, you were on 3rd. I was on 5th. So perfect lead in CP. After the conversation with Coach Riley, Gordon lays on some sarcasm, says,

yeah, they are losers, blah, blah, blah. Peter and Jesse hear that. They go into the locker room, and they scream at Gordon. They go, this guy was a fucking hawk. He called us losers. Don't deserve to live, dude. Yeah.

Instead of Gordon going. Rusty, they don't deserve to live. Instead of Gordon going, guys, I was being sarcastic, he's just like, what? That's not what I meant. He says that's not what I meant. The team under Jesse's leadership, stages a walkout, and they're not playing. Gordon's like, I'm going on the bench. I hope to see you out there.

All but two players, Fulton and Charlie, don't show up. The Ducks forfeit. They can't afford to lose games. No, too, not at this point in the season. But this team forfeits, they bounce. Gordon goes, tells Charlie about the championship game. how he missed the shootout. Charlie gives him the great

if it was a half inch to the other one, a quarter inch the other way. Good stuff. Gordon tells Charlie he's leaving the team. Jesse and Terry's dad is going to take over.

Gordon's like, the guys don't trust me. Charlie's like, dude, what's the fuck? He hasn't even nearly fulfilled his legal requirement to be there. You can just quit.

This is community service. You're like a week in. 500 hours. Unbelievable. That is such a ridiculous amount of community service. That is a lot of hours. That's a year.

of community service. That's several seasons. Like, I think G2 he's still serving. Yeah. He's not out of the woods. He's still serving it. So Gordon Bales, he's like, listen, I'm handing over the team. Or Charlie runs out. He's devastated. Charlie starts bawling cry. Oh, yeah. He's like, it's a meltdown. So, like, dude.

The entire Ducks team apparently has the same class together, which is fantastic. And we see them in class. I forgot about this. They get in a bit of a fight when the teacher leaves. Carp drops Gordon's fucking your mom line. Charlie loses his mind. principal comes in

what happens the team starts quacking at her unbelievable moment now these kids are it feels like they have no like loyalty it feels like they're flipping on a dime constantly they're a very emotional bunch

they hate the ducks they love the ducks they're easily persuaded oh yeah absolutely they're flipping loyalties left and right now Gordon meanwhile goes back to work meets with with Duxworth and who's there but coach Riley and Mr. Banks apparently Mr. Banks

Apparently Mr. Banks grew up with Duxworth Great friend of Duxworth Yeah, it didn't grow up They're fucking 800 years old But they're boys though They have come up with a plan To keep Adam on the Hawks

They cut a deal with the Pee-We hockey league Which credit to the movie Gordon calls out He's like you're cutting deals with pee-wee hockey now But they basically say Gordon Your community service is good You can come back to work You just need to withdraw your protest to the league

Adam can play for the Hawks We're all good Gordon says no He will not do that. He will not cheat because he is seeing the light. He's changed his mind. And what happens, dude? Ducksworth fires him.

He's Duxworth literally valued you. He's 30 and one, dude. He's like your best young lawyer. Easily. You would rather have a nine-year-old play for the right team or the wrong team. Like this guy's making you like hundreds of thousands of dollars. Yeah, easily. These are like $1,000 lawsuits.

He probably does one a week. He's only been there less than a year. Yeah. He's probably first year out of law school. Definitely. He's a hot prospect. Guy is a stud. He's lost one case.

He's lost one case. And he fires him over this peevee hockey league. Unbelievable. But that leads Gordon back to the team. He apologizes to the kids. Explains the sarcasm moment. Yeah. He's back.

They get. Like Peter goes, no, I don't know sarcasm. And I'm like, Earth to Peter. I don't think you do, dude. Because he was being sarcastic. Unbelievable. He then also introduces Adam Banks to the team. Best player in the league now on the Ducks.

And what happens, Jesse motherfucks him immediately. He's like, you may be on the team, but you're not a duck, bitch. So aggressive, unbelievable. They go into the game. He doesn't want to be here as much as you don't want him here. Yeah. They begrudgingly pass to Banks. He immediately scores.

Games tied 1-1. They bring in Fulton, and he fucking blasts a shot through the twine. Dude, I will say, bro. Ducks win. A pulled goalie in hockey, a pulled goalie with the game tied because you need a win to make the playoffs in the last game of the season and scoring a goal that rips through the net that beats the buzzer is an all-time moment. That's an all-time moment. That would be like in headlines. That's making ESPN top 10.

A 12-year-old put a puck through the net. At the buzzer to make the playoffs. Unbelievable. Then Gordon takes the guys to a Minnesota North Stars game and we meet Mike Madano and McCray. Yeah. McCray says I played P with this with this guy he's amazing you ever want a shot I'll get your tryout in minors Are you kidding me he was sick as a nine-year-old he was sick Yeah he used to be killer unbelievable like let's talk about the Portland pirates

Let's talk about fucking nepotism dude we also see at this we got a bunch of kids at a Minnesota North Stars game Jesse staring daggers daggers at banks yeah still hates him Now Gordon hanging out with Charlie and Charlie's mom again they're cooking dinner well actually Gordon's just cooking dinner with Charlie yeah yeah Charlie's mom gets home and is like oh hi you're here again are we not going to be like get out of my house

why are you with my 12 year old son without me knowing are you wearing my apron yeah what the fuck is going on here you just light yourself in very cool but Charlie urges Gordon to go to the winter festival with his mom again like desperate to have this guy pound his mom weird weird weird stuff the winter festival scene is

bonkers. It's the only fluff in the movie. Gordon makes the crazy comment about like, where do I live in your dream apartment? Like, this guy's moving in mentally already. Yeah. But he lays a line on him. He goes, I'm glad to be here with you. lays a kiss on her. It's all intense stuff. Now the team is buzzing, guys.

This team is, they're beating the Hornets. They go to the semifinals against the Cardinals. There's an announcer now, announcing all the game. Banks is scoring left and right. He's also taking like stop, clapers that are on the ice. Yeah, yeah.

Like, they really didn't do a good job of finding a kid who could, like, kind of play hockey. Like, he looks awful out there. It's also, like, he's not a good enough actor. Yeah. To sacrifice hockey ability. It feels like he has, like, short enough lines that we could just get the best hockey player. Yeah. And just teach the, say, how to act.

Yeah. It's a lot easier to teach an actor how to play hockey. Exactly. It's like, what do they say about Armageddon movie? It would have been way easier to teach astronauts how to drill than to teach drill. than to teach drill crew to become astronauts, which is what we did. This is literally what's going on. So now, guys, we go to the state championship game.

State final, Hawks, Ducks. There's a newspaper headline that looks like the face-off movie poster of Gordon and Coach Riley. I was going to say, I wrote down, why is the local news so invested in youth hockey? There's no world where this would be front-page news. Even Minnesota high school gets more hype than any high school ever. Yeah. Certainly not pee-wee. Yeah.

It's like a house league This isn't even like travel It's one town, dude That's what I'm saying They all live in sections of the same town It's unbelievable But the barn is pack Riley's fired up

Jesse Hall still hates Adams It's unbelievable So game starts Immediately there's a penalty off the drop Cross check to Banks's face No call Just game goes on It's also like he didn't

He's still your boy He didn't do anything He fought tooth and nail Like he's not a traitor He doesn't want to be here Yeah He's getting motherfucked by his own teammates and these kids are still being like

go to hell dude you're the worst yeah but he's getting targeted yeah Riley wants it these kids are cheap shotting them there's trips there's cheap shots everywhere dude we then see a brutal turnover goal for the hawks won nothing we cut up to the stands

Mr. Banks is literally wearing a hawks jacket in the stands his son is on the ice playing for the dogs getting murdered by these kids he's getting assaulted by these kids and he's like I still rock with the I'm still a hot guy I'm a hawk sky.

Unbelievable. Goldberg gives up a wrap-around is 2-0-0, then another turnover. It's now 3-0. They loved, it felt like they... Wrap-around, dude. It felt like the person that wrote the movie found out about the wrap-around halfway through writing it and was like, are you fucking joking? We got to get this in there.

It's the coolest thing I've ever seen. We're going to do it 150. We're going to keep rapping. Keep rapid. No doubt about it. Like, Goldberg has not learned how to kick off. No, no, no. Like, if he's on the left post, he's done.

He might as well be on an island. Yeah, his lateral movement is tough. He is not making the right. The revrons are not particularly fast. No, God, no. So, they're up 3-0. It's the state championship game. Yeah.

And Coach Riley grabs his players and he goes, I want Banks out of the game. Yeah. This is a grown man. Yeah. At least in his fitness. He knows what Banks is capable of, dude. Is this, sorry, what were you going to say? I just said he knows what Banks is capable of love.

Yeah. Is this Riley's full-time job? Fantastic question. Why is he so invested? I get like, you know, give it you're all. But like he has been doing this for 30 years. He's been doing it since late 60s. Yeah.

How did you get this gig? How much are they paying? And like, like how did you become so wrapped up? And more realistically, it probably isn't his full-time gig. So I'm now dying at what he's doing nine to five. Like I need to know. Where does Jack Riley go nine to five? He's like a general manager of like a Ralph.

Truly, it's unbelievable. So he tells the kids to take Banks out of the game. Banks then gets a breakaway. Scores also gets cross-checked in the back, goes careening into the post and boards, gets knocked out of the game on a stretcher. Yep. On a stretcher, dude. Can I just say a year from hell for Adam Banks?

Oh, dude. Because he's like, what that dude? He's playing on the Hawks. He's playing on the Hawks setting records and believes he's going to win a state championship. And he has two best friends that he rolls around with. And then not only does he get kicked off. the Hawks, goes to the second worst team in the league, because one team has the measles.

And he goes, well, there goes my state title, but at least I still have my boys. But then the ducks get kind of good, and he's like, maybe I will win a state title, but now his boys hate him and are trying to injure him and do injure him. And then he now misses the state title game. Like a year from hell for Adam Banks.

That's a really good point. Banks also kind of takes all of these blows, like, on the chin. Oh, yeah. It says nothing, dude. If your buddies were like literally trying to break your femur, you would be like, hey, boy. I'm your best friend Yeah

We're doing dinner at my house later What's up guys Like I got forcibly ripped off of this team Why are you trying to break my fucking life? I literally tried to cut a backhand deal With a law firm Yeah To get back on the team with you

It's unbelievable What else do you want from me? After the injury As we said Banks gets stretched off Gordon motherfucked off Yeah he's like get out of here dude They drop a PPP After a goal

There's an ozone face off Yeah dude right like bank scores and then the next face-off is in the hawks zone instead of in at center like there was like an icing or so we just don't address it yeah they're just like nope but just uh in the zone draw but they get a pee-p give it over to fulton Fulton literally drives the goalie into the net score, it's now 3-2. But brutal turnover by little Tommy. No, oh, was it Tom? Yeah, Tommy and Tammy, he's tiny out there. Yeah, yeah.

He shouldn't be out there, but a brutal turnover, it's now 4-2. Is he like a good enough? No. My memory's a little fuzzy. Like, she's a really good figure skater. I don't think Tommy is. He wants to play hockey. He just wanted to play hockey, yeah.

It felt like Tommy isn't particularly good at figure skating or hockey. Was it like a package deal? I think it's a package deal, and it pays off immediately because then they put Tammy out there. She's doing pirouettes all over the ice. Distracts everyone. Boom. Scores four, three. But she then gets punched in the face. By that dickhead again. For being a girl

by McGill. Yeah. Son of a bitch. And then Fulton comes in and bundles him, takes a game misconduct defending Tammy. There we go. Dude, you know what? And this is totally not, I'm giving them probably a lot of credit here, but because they would never have considered this, but as the writer, POV on this, I was like, you know what?

They had to have banks get a game ending injury and Fulton to have a game misconduct to justify Charlie's penalty shot because otherwise you'd be like there's literally no way Banks wouldn't take like if they got a penalty shot and Banks was healthy you would have been like pretty good force this is the worst movie I've ever seen

pretty good force and they had to have both and Fulton they'd be like just go fucking fire a slap shot into the goal they both had to be actively gone so I was actually kind of smart so after after the game misconduct Jesse goes out there pulls the flying V first flying V ever yeah goes out with the Oreo line we are introduced to the flying

Correct me if I'm wrong. The flying V is off-sides every single time. This one, it's on sides. How would they pull it off? Well, you see it, and I was so ready to go, this is off-sides, but they get the puck to the front man, and they cross the blue line, and then the drop pass never goes beyond. It's brilliant.

It is brilliant. They pretty much are just hitting people. Oh, yeah, everyone is just, there's interference everywhere. It's absolutely ridiculous. But they score, it's tied 4-4. Then with less than 30 seconds left, Goldberg makes a monster save. Springs Charlie Conway on a breakaway. Charlie gets hauled down.

They go, anyone can take it. Insane. Absolutely insane. But the ref goes, anyone can take it. They send Charlie out there, no bucket. No Bucky. Killer move. Killer.

Killer move. Great moment. I guess that kind of addresses the like, why were they letting him play with like football and skateboarding? Yeah, yeah, right. He could take his helmet on. We didn't blink at that because they're like, these kids were playing with skateboarding helmets.

Yeah. It's fine. Conway goes out there, no Bucky, pulls the triple deak, post it in, quarter inch the other way. Yep. Ducks win. Unbelievable. Do you think Coach Raleigh should have been like,

he's got a triple deke? I know their coach. He's like, hey, so Gordon's been dealing with missing the triple deke for like 20 years now. Yeah. And surely he's going to want some like retribution. I guarantee you he told that the nine-year-old to do the triple dek.

Oh my God. Not a great deke. Awful. It's just stick handling. It's not a dick. It's just stick handling. But we get a great celebration. Gee and Connie Kiss.

I've never noticed that before. Hans is out there. Gordon thanks him and our movie ends guys with Gordon Bombay getting on a bus to go to a minor league hockey trial still owing 400 hours of community survey yep and and who sees him off his ducks pee pee wee team does Gordon Bombay not have boys? It's a really good point to really good point. He's like this dude I'm going to go I'm getting an HL trial maybe not though the way he was behaving in that courtroom I could see he doesn't have a lot of friends unbelievable stuff but that is the end of our movie that is the mighty

Ducks. So now folks what we're going to do is we're going to give out some awards. We're going to start with our Heart Trophy Award. Your MVP of the movie. Rusty, take it away. Who is your And this is a person, not a movie. This is best character. Yeah. This is your best character. Wow. And here's why.

I have him kind of akin to He is to Mighty Ducks what like Allavander is to like Harry and Harry Potter. Wow. Where, let me see, I wrote this one I was pretty drunk. He's the all I've entered a Gordon's Harry.

He gives him the tools to succeed and gets him back to what hockey's all about, ripping around with your buddies. The flashback of Gordon on the pond made me want to call my dad and tell him, I love him. Wow. Huge. And you're right.

Without Hans, that moment does not happen. Yeah. Like, Hans really unlocks everything for golf. Can I be honest? Yeah. I think I got, I think I thought Hans and his dad are the same guy. That's okay.

That is great. That's great. That's okay. That's okay. Because it's still kind of worked. Yep. Yeah. Hey.

After a few beers, who's to say they're not? Who's to say they're not? Me? MVP. My MVP, Gordon's driver. Wow. Okay?

They assign this guy to him and he goes, I forget what he says, but he's like, I used to drive the tour bus for like the Grateful Dead or like something. He's a legend. He's back in the 70s. No regrets, except for the 80s.

Like Hammer, Zinger, right? But he's driving around the limo. He goes out on the ice. No questions asked. And then he's driving around the van, doesn't freak out when Fulton's blatant in his shit out. And then, dude, God knows what's happening with the community service, whether it's over or not.

But certainly in this man's job description was not become the assistant coach of the Mighty Ducks, which he does. Oh, yeah. So, like, he is just out there. He's celebrating at the end. They tape him to a chair at the North Star Skate and they're pushing him around. Like, this guy is for the boys. Yeah. Also, they, he, it was, you would think that that was probably the limo, like his limo or like the limo from the company.

And they just, like, trade it in. Yeah, right. Yeah, for sure. Whatever the team needs. Didn't care at all. He worries me a little bit that he got so addicted to a band that he, like, drove their tour bus, and now he's clearly addicted to this minor league hockey team that I'm like, we might have some issues.

We might have some deeper issues in here, but I love the guy. He's longing for something. I want to, this is kind of cheap. After everything I've said, it would seem like I was going to say Fulton. Yeah. Fulton's unbelievable. But my MVP, my heart trophy, goes to Mr. Hall. Jesse and Terry's dad.

Yeah. Interesting. this guy for me is the unsung hero of the movie. Ready to coach the team. He's the first moral compass. He is the one who comes in and is like, I'm pulling my kids up this team because you're teaching them to cheat. He's the only voice of reason in the entire movie.

He's one of the only parents other than Charlie's mom who stands up to Gordon. He's like, dude, fuck you. He is willing, after he's giving up his overtime pay, he's willing to take more time off and coach the team when Gordon needs to step down. He's doing that for the money, though. Single. Yeah, true. Apparently it's a pretty high thing.

Apparently you can make an entire career coaching these kids. But he's also the first parent they cut to every time it cuts to the stands. This guy, dude, he's got a custom ducks hat already. To your point, that takes the full season to arrive. Where's he getting that? The second he found out they were being named the ducks,

he was on it. Got a hat made. Well, it's also like you could probably come to the conclusion that they need any money they can get. Right there, like a blue collar family. District five. District five kids. I mean, dude, Charlie's mom's a waitress at a diner.

Yeah, pretty nice house for, uh, wonderful. The 90s. What a great town to be? What a great time, yeah. But you could buy property. But Mr. Hall, great hockey. Awesome. We're gonna move it on to our healthy scratch award. This is our least valuable player, someone we just could not stand.

I think I know yours, Russi. Yeah, I'm not a big Jack Riley guy. And I said he, I think I was for some reason I was really into like what hockey's all about. I said he doesn't understand what hockey's all about. Yeah. There is a certain level of toughness that is completely necessary as a coach. But I think when you're coaching U-10, maybe lay off a little bit and be a nice guy. Also, I don't like people who pop their collars.

Of course. All good reasons. I do like it's not worth winning. Coach Jack Riley is a piece of shit. Yes. I do like when he says it's not worth winning if you can't win big. Some part of me tingles when that happens, even though it's the most preposterous messaging of all time. I'm like, I taught you to go for the W.

He's almost there, too. Yeah. If we just maybe came in and tweaked a couple behaviors, I think his heart is actually in the right place. He just doesn't know how to get there. He wants the best out of him. Yeah. You know, he's a little too far.

There is also something to be said for, it doesn't really matter how it got done, but he's built like this dynasty that is, they're so good. It was more notable that they lost. Yes. Yeah. Than the other team more.

Totally. Totally. Insanity. Insanity. All right. C. P. I'm afraid I'm going to take yours.

I'm afraid we have the same. No, it doesn't matter. Mine is Mr. Banks. This guy, not mine. Because, bro, this dude, first, as you, we've said everything, but when we first meet him, he's like, is there a problem? And he comes down, and they're like, oh, you've been rezoned. And I actually understand that being like, what, dude?

But he's so mean. He's like, I would rather not play. This guy's a scumbug. This guy's a scumbent. Or play for them, be a duck, whatever. So mean. Then he's doing back deals with Ducksworth and the fucking Peewey Authority to get his kid moved. And again, I'm like, I know this is kind of annoying.

But you said it, the real killer for me is showing up to the state final game in a hawks jacket. But cheering for Adam. Like when Adam gets a breakaway, he's like, come on, Ad. Like, he's clearly rooting for his son, but he wants the Hawks to win. Like his dream is Hawks win four, three, when Banksy has a hatty. Yeah. I'm like. Oh, yeah, that's interesting.

Yeah, he would rather the team win than his son win. Yeah. And I'm like, hey, Mr. Banks, I have a factoid for you. You live in District 5. Yes. Fact. You are a district. five family. Also, this kid is

your son. What are we doing? There's no team allegiance here in pee-wee hockey. Just unacceptable parenting and fandom from Mr. Banks. For real, dude. My healthy scratch is going to be carp. Oh, dude, I almost do that. I just hate carp.

He plays Gerald Garner and heavy weights too. But this guy, carp is just like, Carp's dumpster dive in in the beginning. He's clearly a bad kid. He's making the charles. He's making the Charlie's mom joke when they're clearly at a tough spot. He stinks at hockey. He calls Charlie Spasway.

He gets hit with the puck in the head. He's just always a little fuck. He wouldn't have known that if he wasn't concussed. Yeah. How many numbers? Yeah. Like he never really has a good moment. He stinks at hockey.

He's a braddy-ass little kid. He never has his come around. Like, Jesse is a bit of a shit. But at least Jesse's good at hockey. And like when Banks is hurt, Jesse's right there. Yeah. And Banks is the bigger man. And he's like, go kick some hawk butt.

And Jesse's like, I got you, bro. Like, they, he's, he's hard to win over, but Jesse's got a good heart. Carp's just a fuck. Yeah, he's just a fuck stick and I'm not about it. Every, like, locker, every youth sports locker room has a carp. It's like, hey man, let's fucking, let's just be a little bit cooler. Let's just be cooler than you currently are. He's probably dealing with some stuff, though.

I know, I don't want to judge him, dude. All right, now it's time for our game seven moment. This is a moment that gave us chills. was a good movie moment. Rusty, I like the smile on your face. What do you go? This one's funny. I kind of forgot about this.

When Gordon pulls onto the ice in the limo, I don't know which one says it, but he goes, this is a drug-free zone, and I'm feeling generous, so I'm going to let you get your sorry butt out of here before we use your eyeballs as hockey bucks. Yeah. That is a real threat.

To a grown man who you have yet, to find out what his business is. Dude, don't forget, Rusty, like, possibly right after that or maybe right before, he reaches for the roster, and they think he's about to kill them. Like, they think it's a gun. Yeah.

These are hard-nosed children. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Hell yeah. We are threatening to cut out your eyeballs and use them as hockey box. And I am not particularly interested in finding out what you're doing here.

Yeah. Like, by all accounts, you assume this man is important. Not a drug dealer, not some of danger, but they're ready to cut him, dude. Unbelievable. Dude, there's two just truly chills moments for me. Both of them have been mentioned.

I'm going to go with this one. I hope you pick the other one. Bombay getting his new wheels. Because when he goes out there, no twig, dude. He's not out there, shooting. He's literally feeling the wind.

And even like that scene, even now I watch that scene and I'm like, oh, I agree. Get me the fuck out there right now. I agree. Sometimes I watch the movie with my skates on. Just for that scene,

just for that scene. That's so good. That is fucking chills right there when he gets the new boots. My Game 7 moment is a moment of great line delivery, great character stuff, and just good cinema.

After Adam Banks gets injured, and gets stretcheded off the ice. Gordon's walking back to the bench and he stops in front of the Hawk bench and looks at Coach Riley and he goes, you're going down, Riley. And the needle drop, dude. The needle drop of the movie score.

The needle drop. of that after you're going down, Riley, Goosebaum City. It's also like it's a classic, it's a classic line instead of like stooping down to their level and maybe like making a threat or something, it's just you are going down.

You're going down. Yeah, yeah, nothing mean. I'm going to beat you in this youth hockey game. I'm going to start saying that again. There's no cursing, no violence threatened. You're just, you're going down. It's always followed by their last name. Yeah, I like that powers. Yeah, Jesus Christ. I didn't like that at all. Like, I don't need, I don't want to hear that at all.

That's fucking threat. My honorable mention is Fulton saying, I'll be a duck. Oh, I'll be a duck. That's because this score goes up there to it. It's unbelievable. They do, they kind of nail some moments with the music. Yeah. Some of them are so bad.

Brutal. The one where they are running around in fast motion. And it's like, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, it's like a three stooges. Yeah, Benny Hills. Yeah. What are we doing here? Completely took me out of the moment.

So stupid. stupid. It's like the fucking first time you meet the kids too. I'm like, we're too early for this. Am I watching Little Rascal? Yeah. What is happening? It's literally a little rascal scene. All right. Now, the opposite of Game 7 are sent to the miners' moments. Sent to the Minesies.

What do you got? We already talked about this. So actually have two. We've talked about both of them. Say them both. So when Charlie and Gordon get out of the car and he's wrestling. Oh, yeah. Just to the insane scene. The mom, I said, the mom

watches it like it's a sweet moment but that's really bizarre um and then the sped up old timey running scene yeah both of these moments it was like they almost had me yeah right i'm like okay i'm getting into it and then something weird happens and now i'm like i don't agree with this at all like what the fuck what are you doing also the neighbors are like is that charlie like wrestling with his hockey coach like who is that man hey hey buddy it's february yeah get him inside He's going to catch a cold. You're going to go to jail. He's also poor.

You're getting his one jacket wet and dirty. It's insane. Give him a break. Okay, here's mine, dude. And it's the playoff structure in this movie. And just hear me out here, okay? Because I did some screenshots. I'll show you this to you guys.

There are 10 teams in the league. Okay? At this point in the season when Hans is like, here's what happened. Everyone has played 12 games. The Hawks are 12 and O. The Panthers are in dead last because they have the measles. Yes. And they are out.

Savage for the Last are the Ducks at 011 and 1 And in second to last Are the Huskies at 1, 11, and O So they are also horrific Okay And also I love how Hans got the ducks

But they have a win? They have a win Okay so there are two games left in the season It's a 14 game schedule The next game So they can catch them right The next game the Ducks forfeit So they're now 012 and 1 We can presume the Huskies lose their game

they're now 1, 12, and 0. Sure. And then the Ducks have their last game in the year, which might even be against the Huskies. No, it's against the Cardinals. That's the tie, though. Oh, that is the tie. They beat someone at the buzzer.

Maybe it's even the Huskies. But either way, we can presume the Huskies lose again, so the Huskies would be 1, 13, and 0, and the Ducks would finish 1, 12, and 1. Sure. And jump them. Okay. Yep.

And then the playoffs start, and the Ducks win one playoff game, and they go, the Ducks are in the state semis. Yeah. And I go, well, that tracks if eight teams make it. Yeah. So then you win one game and the next round is the state semis. But if eight teams make it, there are no buys, right? So one plays eight.

Like in what fucking universe are you not playing the Hawks first? They're fucking 14 and 0. You're 1, 12 and 1. Eight teams make it. You would play the Hawks right away. Yes. So I'm like, so what, did the Hawks get a buy? They played 60, like this.

It just makes no fucking sense what possibly happens. It's a division thing. You play in your division and apparently the Hawks and Ducks aren't in division, even though Adam Banks lives on the town line. Dude, there was a way to do it too where you could have been like, there's a bot, hawks get a buy, that's why you didn't play. You know, like, they could have figured this out

and they just were like, fuck it. The ducks made the playoffs and they're playing the hawks in the finals. It's one of those things where it's like, you could literally on like a napkin. Yeah. Just draw out a bracket if you know nothing about hockey and be like, okay, like, let's have some semblance of reality here.

Yeah. And they were just like, fuck it. No, let's just make sure the one other team has one win so the ducks can get in and then they'll play the hawks and the chip. Yeah. Mine is kind of similar. Logic thing. In his meeting with Hans, he's talking about

first of all, Hans like has framed in his office the like heartbreak as Hawks lose the championship game. Like, why would you frame that? There's so many, like you've seen so many beautiful moments. It's like Gordon goes, all these guys are so hung up in the past. Truly insane. And Hans goes, it's important to remember the past.

Yes. And Gordon's like, did you need that headline? But in that moment, he mentions that Gordon in that Pee-wee season scored 198 goals. Jesus Christ. Not even assist. 14 games. 14 games.

First of all, never. Never in a billion years. Are we, is Gordon scoring over 19 goals a game? Let's see what that is. Or whatever it is. 14 games, yeah, do that math. If he is that good, he would probably have the penalty shot down pretty past. So here we go.

14 goals a game is that ever. 198 goals. This is, again, it's not points. And again, even if it was points. And you're not playing like teams you've never seen. Like you're just, you're in your bracket. Like they have played 14 games. They're 14 and 0.

He scores 14 goals a game himself. And now you're in the state final. So I'm not even going to talk about that. Yeah. I'm talking about how insanely illogical that is. I'm not even going to talk about the fact that they were apparently in a 2-2 deadlock in the state final. And then this guy misses a shootout. Let's not even go there.

Maybe Gordon's just like really bad under pressure. First game of his life. What we're going to talk about is in a 17 to nothing. shit pumping, Hawks versus District 5. Coach Riley after that game screams at the team saying that they should have done better, but he then looks at Banks and goes, except for you, Banks.

Great game. New Hawks record. In what world? We're only on game 10. What record could Adam Banks possibly have broken that Gordon Bombay doesn't have? I don't care if it's in-game points, in-game goals, or season points. There's literally

no way, because again, that doesn't even count. assist. There's just no record that he could have broke. He had 20, he had 20 goals a game. Yeah. For 10 games. Unbelievable. Newhawks record. Newhawk. The 17 they put on District 5 wasn't enough. That was below his average.

Yeah. Ridiculous. Assuming he scored, he potted every single. He went everyone that game. He goes, everyone, you guys were all bad. Good game banks. He had 17. Yeah, nice job. You scored all 17. The other guys are like, yeah, we didn't play well because he scored 17 goals. It doesn't pass, dude. Literally like,

he has to score every 30 seconds. Yeah. Like, yeah, dude, those games are like 12-minute periods, too. He doesn't pass to us. It's unbelievable. All right, now let's kick it off to our Keith Yandel song moment, a moment that made us legitimately laugh. Yeah.

Laugh out loud. Yeah. Or chuckle in this movie. When they knock that random old lady into the thumb. She's just like completely minding her own business, dude. Level her. Yeah. No one even fucking bats an eye.

Yeah. Keep it moving. Yeah, we got to learn. Bullons get to learn how to skate. Yeah. I don't have time. Part of the game. Sorry,

I'm okay. Just bundle an old way. Physical game. Like, she could have died. Yeah. Yeah, dude. They look seriously.

They didn't even, like, badly injured. There are nine children who are now an accessory to potential manslaughter. No one even bats and I. Yep.

Dude, this moment, I had a few coming into the movie. I've seen it many times. Obviously that I was expecting to land on. This was not it, and it genuinely made me laugh.

You were standing right next to me. I laughed out loud. And dude, you were just talking about this. it's the follow up to a line you just gave. Gordon shows up to the pond. And Jesse goes, get your vanilla booty out of here

before we start using your eyeballs as hockey pucks. Blamed him. And Gordon goes, thanks, bro. Dude, I could not believe he hit. The bro. He goes, thanks bro. Thanks, bro. It's like, what? I forgot he said that.

Can I ask you guys a question? Yeah. So I was under the impression that Emilio Estevez is this world class actor. Okay. Is he not that? Because he, I get it, it's a cheesy

script. Yeah. He didn't, he didn't do a very good job. The 80s, 90s was his era. I don't think he's world class. Like, he was the heartthrob. He was in the brat pack, but he wasn't winning Oscars or anything like that.

That's true. Yeah. But he was like in the outsiders, in breakfast class. Like, he was in shit. The people were like, this is sick. Yeah. And then, yeah, this. was probably not where he

this is probably not a movie he wanted. Did he hang it up after this? Well he did all he did all the right things dude. There are more? There's D2. Oh and three and three baby. Come on. There's D stand for. Division? Well it's like mighty ducks and then they were like D2

D3. Yeah. Well done. We talked about mine. Yeah. Mine is the breath, blood, or urine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is just one of the funniest lines in history. Like that is that movie, belongs in like diehardt. It's such a funny line.

Completely out of place. Fucking hilarious. Like I don't know. Who wrote it? Who thought of it? But it made me like I fucking laughed out loud. It feels like the writer probably thought of that line when he was like, you know, starting his writing career and he was like, I'll save it for, you know, like a big,

like badass feature. And then he was like, my career is not kind of not really going that direction. Like, do I just burn it now? Yeah, I don't know how many shots I'm going to get. I got to just get it in here. Maybe I get it in here in mighty. That's so good. Unbelievable.

He lost a pitch for some sick cop movie and was like, whatever, I'm putting it in this. That is our plot. That is our awards. As we close out here, I want you guys to give me two scores here. One to ten, decimals allowed. Yep. Oh, two scores. Quality movie and then enjoyment level movie.

And to be clear, like, is... No, no, no. Just, it doesn't matter. Yep. Like, we know it's a Disney movie. Like, we're not... This isn't an Oscar movie. Yep.

So, like, is like, is like, Goodfellas, like a nine. That's what I was right about to ask. Or are we kind of operating on a different plane because they're not really competing? Let's say we're operating on like a Disney sports music play. Remember the Titans miracle is like a counts because that's in like the nines. Yeah. Okay.

So like even if we're just going like hockey movies, like miracle is leaps and bounds. Yeah. Quality. Quality. I'm going to say if Miracle is like a nine four. Yep. the Mighty Dux 1 D1

is like a 6.1 like it's a good like they did they accomplished what I think they were trying to do yeah and then your enjoyment level I actually had a really good time but it was more I felt like I was kind of laughing at them

yeah and that's okay that is enjoyable sometimes I would say I had like an 8-1 enjoyment Like I, it was good for, I had three guys with me. We ordered a pizza. Yeah. And it was like, this is fun. That's a fun time. That's a really fun time.

I love it. CP. Quality movie of like Disney sports movies, quality. D1. Give me like a seven. Give me a seven seven. There you go that high. I like it.

Where does like air bud sit for you so I can have like a bench. Yeah, airbud. Got to be lower. Low, lower for sure. Yeah. lower for sure, but not horrible, by the way. Airbud won, actually. The first one is pretty good. The Airbird won probably

7.2. Do you have any idea how many airbud movies there are? Dude, I recently, because we were talking about this, and I was like, there's no, it's the same dog. They used like so many of them. I don't even know if it's the same

one throughout each movie. Good point. There's probably labor rules. Multiple dogs. Labrador rules. That brother plays everything. Oh, it's unbelievable. There's Airbud World Pup, Golden Receiver. We were talking about this.

Like, if I lose my spot to a dog, I am appealing that with whatever, like, athletics board will hear me. Yeah. Like, it is a dog. Yeah. I'm a human who wants to play basketball. Yes. And you are robbing me of this because there is a golden retriever that, like, headbutts the ball. I think if I'm going to appeal

and then if I lose the appeal it's going to be hard for me to not on a lot of myself. I'm going to call the pound. Yeah. Agree. 7-7 quality enjoyment because of the quality

and on nostalgia alone. Yes. 9.3. Wow. Okay. A lot of this started because I have very famously trashed these movies.

About the like ridiculousness of these movies. Yeah. I obviously grew up with them and loved them, but I have since been like, everyone stopped defending these movies so much. They're nonsense. Yep.

So this might surprise people. Mighty Ducks, this first movie. I'm giving this a 7-3. Come on, dude. I was actually... He came in so negative. I was very, very... I haven't seen the movie in a while.

I was very, very impressed with the, like... There's actually decent to good character development. Like, Gordon's arc is a bit preposterous at times. Like, the leap from missing. a shot in peewees to quitting hockey completely and becoming a lawyer is a little crazy. But like him being a cheater and then trying to give that to the kids and then a guy from his youth

making him, like, I was like this is a good movie. Yep. So 7-3 and then enjoyment level 100% 9-1. Like yeah, okay. Same deal. Nostalgia out the ass. Genuine chills moments and just a good clean, victorious Disney

movie. Great score. Aside from the little rascals moment, great score. So how old were you guys when you saw it for the first time? I was... 1992. I was... You guys were alive? I was 12, 13. You know, like... It came out when you were 12.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Damn. Yeah? No, dude. Well, it came out when I was 13. That's crazy. And, like, I was a pee wee hockey player. Like, this movie was for me. Yeah. And did you like it back then? Loved. Okay. Loved. The Mighty Ducks came out in 92.

Yeah. That's what I just said. Yeah, so you were three. Oh, wait. Sorry. I'm fucking out of my mind. I was like, how fucking old were you do? Sorry. No. I'm. I was, this movie came out in 1993. I was three years old. But we probably saw them. Right.

Sorry. You were in 1980. Yeah. It's like, we probably saw them when we were. Yeah, probably watched it when I was like nine. Yeah.

Yeah. That was the biggest brain malfunction of all time. I was like, I was crazy. I was thinking 2003, my bet. Or 2002. Hell yeah.

Yeah. So came out with three, probably watched it like nine. And yeah, it was just, I was like, oh my God. Like I'm playing youth hockey. Yeah.

These kids are playing youth hockey. It was just like the, it was the most movie for us ever. Yeah. It's unbelievable. Yeah, it was gas. Yeah. What team did you guys play on in men?

York. York, yeah, yeah. Did you play like a travel team? We were in the Seacoast League and it was like the Spartans. The Spartans were like the Hasko Bay exists. Hell yeah, we played them all the time at Jackson's Landing. Yeah. All my buddies were Casco Bay kids.

Because that became like the fucking Greeley, like all the Portland. You know, like that's what you got all the Casco Bay kids ended up going to the Portland schools. Those jerseys were so tough. Dude, brute how. Dude, my, my. It was like mesh, see-thru. Yeah. Remember Oyster River?

Yeah. So you're terrible. It was like a knockoff flyers one. Yeah. The Casqueray one. There was, my buddy was on the Thrashers. He has like his like nine-year-old jersey.

Sick. Still in the basement has the C on it. Oh, come on. Thrashers like a wager. Yeah. That's so tough. That's so six. That's a nails jersey.

Yeah. Well, listen. I thought this was going to be the most fun I've ever had and it was. That was unbelievable. Rusty, thank you for joining us. Thanks for having you. And there was literally no other option than to move this along to D2. Correct.

So we will do that. And until then, that is it. Well, first, everybody go watch Rusty and Willie D on PlayDate. I have a podcast called Will and Rusty's Play Date on any platforms. Give it a shot. It's a nice, easy watch. We talk about silly things. Silly things.

It's fucking hilarious. Yeah. Anywhere you get your podcast, make sure to check that out. Follow these guys on Instagram, Twitter. Fun fact, we do it in this room too. Yeah, yeah. This is home. This is your home break.

Yeah. This is the home game today. Yeah. If you like this room and you want to watch. watch two more hours of it a week, give it a shot. There you go. Well, thank you again.

Thanks for having you. This is a blast. And until we do the next one, skate hard and go, yeah, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack.