Empty Netters Podcast - Ranking Top 10 NHL Players Going Into 2025 & Coaches on the Hot Seat! | Empty Netters EP 229

Episode Date: September 16, 2025

NHL Network is doing their player count down so the guys took care of the of top 10 for them. Where did they go wrong? Some coaches need to have their heads on a swivel and the guys let you know which ones. Plus, 'Pucked' is back and raunchier than ever! NEW EPISODES EVERY TUESDAY & THURSDAY! PRESENTED by BetMGM. Download the BETMGM app and use code “NETTERS” and enjoy up to $1500 in bonus bets if you lose your first wager! Eat smart at https://factormeals.com/netters50off and use code netters50off to get 50% off your first box, plus Free Breakfast for 1 Year. That’s code netters50off at https://factormeals.com/netters50off for 50% off your first box, plus Free Breakfast for 1 Year. Get delicious, ready-to-eat meals delivered—with Factor. *Offer only valid for new Factor customers with code and qualifying auto-renewing subscription purchase. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ice is ready, and we are back with another episode of the empty netters podcast brought to you by BetMGM. I feel like a sportscaster sometimes when I've been saying it like this, and I love it, and I am also your host. Dan Powers, with me, is a man who would tell you that he loves martinis, but I think he's kind of just doing it for clout. Chris Powers. As always, whoa. Fancy boy. I do love him, but I really just love the olives in them. I'm just trying to eat olives at the bar, but it's too weird to go.

I have some olives. So I go, can I have a martini? And then I black out just because I wanted six olives. Which, for the record, totally fair. Hey, you will hear no judgment from me, sir. And if they're stuffed with blue cheese, pal, no judgment from me, sir. Then, but do you think maybe you're doing a little bit for clout? No, I want the olives and it's the only way to get them. They're, yeah. And dude, the guy always goes dirty. And I go, no. because I literally don't want it dirty. Well, that's fine. I think a lot of people do that.

I know. It's hilarious to me because he's like asking. Why don't you try this? Get the drink that you want. Then come back up to the bar later or to a different bartender and go, hey, sorry, could I just get a few olives for my martini? I dropped him. Yeah.

That's interesting. Or just be yourself. Don't be afraid to be yourself. I wonder if a bar. Order a drink and then go also, could I get a few olives? I'd love the snack. Can you toss some olives up in the air and I'll catch him in my mouth?

I think that would be a weird way to do it. Unless you're going for the shock factor. Like you don't want him to focus on the fact that it's weird that you just want to eat three olives. You want him to focus on the fact that you're asking him to play a carnival game with you. And he goes, throw olives into your waiting open mouth. Three?

No problem. And I go at the same time. On a toothpick. Dangerous. Catch a toothpick. Would you try to, if someone threw you, three olives on a toothpick from across a bar to catch in your mouth,

would you try to clamp the toothpick? Or would you just hope that you could get your mouth open enough and you could just try to cradle it into your open and wait a mouth. I'd get the olives in and then clamp the end of the toothpick perfectly before it struck me. And then I would go, that's a dangerous game, Fredo. That'd be dangerous man.

What if you don't clamp fast enough? go straight down. Now you're a cartoon cat with all of skiers stuck in your throat. It grows. It's pointing out the front and the back. You got all those rivals. Unbelievable.

Now, it wouldn't happen to me. Couldn't be me. Could not be you. No. We've got another introduction to do. It's really exciting. Yeah. We did start about 30 minutes of late

because he might be a little rusty. But big news in the empty netter sphere. We've got a new signing, a new, a UFO. signing a return to glory, people who didn't resign. People who didn't burn their jerseys, reach into that closet, throw them on because producer Brian Baker is back. Guess who's back?

Come on. Back again. Come on. Is that Baker's music? Baker's back, dude. This is huge for the brand. Oh, my God, dude. And you know what's great?

I feel like a proud parent because when you left us, you were not an international TikTok star. This is true. But you are now. This is also true. Which is fucking crazy. So sick. It's really big. It's keeping us cool and hip.

It does, actually. I watch so much of Baker stuff just to figure out what's going on in the world. And then oftentimes I'm voting on his fit because of that, but I am, that's Baker's how I get my news. I'm pretty tapped in. Yeah, you do come through with, like, what do you all think about blank sometimes? And I'm like, shit, I don't even know about that. Yeah, I'm tapping. tapped in culturally, what I say?

It's pretty sick. Do you... Would that... You think culture is the thing that you're tapped in by... You think chronically online is a better term? What did you just say?

Do I think chronically online is a better term? No, so well done. He is on it. To say... Dude, that's how tapped he is culturally to know that someone would even suggest chronically online.

I just don't know if culture is what I'd say he's a professional in. I think it is. It might be. Online is culture these days, pal. It's unbelievable. Let's start talking about some hockey. to see if Brian can get more tapped in on that.

Okay. Because again, you're definitely rusty on hockey. Yeah, I know that Matt Rempe's the goat. True. And that's about it. Yeah, he is the goat, dude. That is going to be Baker's contribution for hockey talk. I actually think the Rangers are going to be sick this year

now that Baker's back dialed. I said this earlier. Yeah, no, that's true. He might be their thing. Last time you were with the pod, they were fucking buzzing. Yeah, and then Zaban and Jadda went ghost. Yeah, yeah, true. And now it was a Diba back.

Crider's gone. Yeah. Like everything, the fucking wheels fell off, dude. Pet heads are falling. We'll see, dude. We'll see. You know what I'm probably, like, for the listeners, for all the fans, like, Baker's going to be on the road with us now.

This is crazy. Wow. Is that confirmed? Yeah. It was in the email that went out. Did I get an email? Yeah. You're on Slack, too, partner.

I just know I landed. I got back from New York and Emily goes, I heard you recording with Dan and Chris today. And I go, am I? Yeah. And then I came up, you know, I was like, you're my guy now. You're back and you were like, am I? Am I? Yeah.

Everyone knew about Baker's new life change before him. I love it. That's so good. CP, walk me through what we're getting into here in this segment of hot ice. We are one week away from Division Preview episodes, and I fucking. Oh, dude, same. Torked. But we've got news, folks.

We've got krill shit going on. We've got a bunch of stuff going on that we'll get into. But today, CP, what's the headline? A couple things that came up on NHL.com that we wanted to talk about. They are doing their top 100 players list. I think they're up to 30 now. They've gone 100 up to top to top 30. We did this last summer.

We released a 10 at a time weekly thing. Two summers ago. Two or three summers ago. Yeah, maybe you're right. Yeah. God, was it? Yeah, it was a while ago. Very hard.

I think it was two. Because last summer I was like, I will not do that again. Yeah, very hard. So you all got mad. We also had fucking players greasing the wheels. Yeah, dude. Tyler Toffoli. I'm talking to you.

Yeah. People pissed, dude. People were being like, if I'm not in this fucking top 100, I'll kill you. Oh, if I'm not here, if I'm not there, how is he about it? And I'm like, I don't know, dude. God damn it. So I'll never do that again. So I'm not here to really chirp the NHL.

And I don't even really click on that anymore, to be honest, because I'm like, whatever. But it got me thinking, since I'll never do 100 again, if they were like, who are the top 10 players in the NHL right now? Yeah. what would they be? Yeah. And I want to see if we can either agree or come up with our own lists. We're doing that right now.

I fucking love this. Yeah. And here's... That gets me all fired up. Let's go. Doing lists? Here's last year. We're doing lists on the pot.

Dude, call me Arthur Schindler. Yeah. I love making lists. I'm incredible at lists. Here's last year 15 to 1. Okay? Okay. On NHL.com.

So, you know, take it with a grain of salt. But this is NHL Network, nHL.com. 15 to 1. I just want to call myself out. I just accidentally said Arthur Schindler and I meant Oscar Schindler, so apologies. Oh, nice. Baker, where were you on that? I'm not cutting that. Mr. Culture. No, no, don't cut it. Don't cut it. I said it and I was like, that's not right. And I was going to let it sit, but I can't. Great. If I'm going to say I'm a list master. Yeah, you can't be getting the name wrong.

Come on, it's Arthur. Also, fun fact with a K. Ooh, that is a fun fact. Did I just make up for it? Yep. I'm back. Come on. 15 breadman, 14 pasta, 13 moose, 12 headman, 11 Crosby, 10, Quinn Hughes, 9 Matthew Cichuk, 8, Sasha Barkoff, 7, Cooch, 6, Chesty, 5, Leon, 4, McCar, 3 Matthews 2, Nate Dog, 1, Connor. way different this year agree way different where do you want to start I think we can start at one

unfortunately like I think it's easier to go that way okay and like well I'm just going like do I have to give a number no I think we go number one best player in the league yeah what we think right now

yeah damn and then because if we start a 10 it's like there's so many people involved and it's going to move too much it's Connor number one is Connor agree

it's not close I think it is close me too but I think he's earned the right to be one here. I know. This is crazy, bro. Yeah, number one is Connor. Here's the question is who's number two?

I know. Because I believe number two is... There's three people. I think you could. say here. And I think it's a educated discussion about all three. Those, I'm going to guess your three. Yeah. Those three are Nathan McKinnon. Do you want me to confirm each guess? Yes. Yes. Hale McCar. Yes. And Leon Drys Vidal. No. Nikita Kuzraub. Yes. Dude, I, this, I'm going to get fucking lampooned. Lampunanid for this take.

I am I am pee-p-whacking and putting Kooch in jail for... Dude, because of... Because of the last two playoff performances. Dude. He has been Sasha Barcov to death. So has Connor. I don't care. It just caught him in the last round.

Like, if the bolts didn't have to play Barkoff until the final, then Kooch would dominate and then get killed by Barkoff in the final. Connor at least gets points still, though. Not this year. Yeah. Yes, this year. Not a ton, but still points. I hear you, but he's, I'm peepy-wacking him.

We might need two lists. I'm, what? I go, we might need two lists. I'm just, to me, I'm like, there's, I can't do it. I can't do it. He is so good. Dude, he's, I've never seen anything like the, Connor wins on speed and skill and I would even say skill at speed, if that makes sense.

Like what he does at such a high rate of speed is insane. But I don't think we have ever seen someone as creative as Cooch. Like he is just doing shit that I'm like... Since Pavlodots. Yeah, I'm like, what, dude? Yeah, right. His creativity is so out of control. Every week feels like there's a highlight that just...

He's just like, I have the most points again. makes me question my religion. And the lightning, the lightning are like 80% of our points have been touched. Legitimately makes me question my religion when I see some of the stuff he does. And I'm not even religious. I know, he's a Russian dude. He's fucking Russian. I think there's something to that for me, Dan.

I have a lock to, personally. Leon. Kail McCar. Kail McCar, too. Kail McCar had 92 points last year as a defenseman like so casually. I remember when three years before that or two years before that, Eric Carlson finished the season with, what, 101 points, and everyone shit in their pants and then started throwing it around, like, baboons.

Yeah. At the zoo. Kale's just like, I just had 92 as a defenseman, top nine in points in the NHL, and everyone's just like, yeah, Kale. 30 goals. And he's also. 30 goals, yeah. Yeah, 30 tucks.

He's also nasty at D. 30 goals from D is so dumb. 30 goals, 92 points from defense, nasty a defense as well. Dude. You think he's two. I think he's two. He's better than Nate? You think he's better than Nate?

Right. This year. Like, it's, you know, I love the dog. And I always, like, there have been times where I'm like, I would, if I needed to win a series, there's a world actually where I might take the dog over Connor. I've said that before. Yeah. Yeah. I just think kale, it's like every year, this guy.

and I know there are guys in the league who are Hall of Famers who think he's one. He is the best player in the image. I think I'm going to go kale too. I just don't know how you do that. And everyone goes like this. That's kale. Yeah.

What? It's insanity. When healthy, he should have 90 plus points every year. Like, I literally think he should be like, how old is he did? Like, how old is Kayle Macaw? years old? Hello. Hell yes. Dude, leave that in, Baker.

Right. Watch out for those behind you. Leave that in, dude. Baker was sharp on that. 26, Dad. He's about to have... The studios falling apart. He's about to have 90 points

every year in a row. Dude, you know what's funny? That, what just fell on me was a Bobby or... Yeah. Plaque. That's crazy, actually. Because Bobby right now, the

spirit of Bobby is going... Don't talk about this man like he's as good as me. So, dude, he goes, he goes 50 and 57. This is kale. 50 and 57, 44 in 44, 86 in 77, 66 in 60, 90 in 77, 92 in 80. He should have over 90 points every season that he's healthy for the rest of his career. So kale 2. I think kale 2.

I just Yeah It's I don't get it I don't get how a guy Imagine looking at your team And being like

Who are we getting points from And being like I mean we have to get over 75 from kale And being like that's easy Dude yeah And like yeah And they're going to for sure Every time

Okay kale two Kale two Kale two And then you aren't going to let me go Cooch three But I don't even know if I wanted because Nate No, this is how I feel about Cooch We got robbed on an I think he should have won MVP this past season

He didn't Should have won it the last two years We got really robbed this year But last year he should have won two Fucking Conner Hellebuck winning MVP It's just so laugh out loud absurd Such a clown show Just so absurd

Cooch is so good Every year he gets disrespected Every year people go Oh it's Connor, Nate and Cale Connor, Nate, and Kale, and then Kooch just keeps doing Kooch things. And it's insane. And by the way, I meant to include Leon in that. Yeah, I was going to say, I feel like he's off in that.

Connor, Nate, Kail, Leon. I'll give you three. I just, you know, he has gone. He frankly should have won back-to-back MVP's, so how am I not going to have him top three? It feels crazy, though, to have Nate and Leon not top three. but it might be the case. Nate has been better in the playoffs. 100%.

So is Connor. So is Kale, probably. So maybe it is Nate. Maybe it is Nate at three. God, Kooch is just such a weapon, dude. It's fucking crazy. Like, I think he might be won. Well, here's the question.

Like, what the fuck? If you're starting a franchise. Who are you taking? Tomorrow, do you take Nate or Kooch? Will you take Nate? You take Nate. He's only two years younger. That's not that crazy.

But I think you take Nate. I think so too. Okay, Nate. So we go Nate three, Cooch for Leon 5. I don't know if I go Leon 5. You, dude, the way you disrespect Leon is mental to me. Truly mental.

Connor, Bacar, Nate. Dear, two and three best players. It's actually crazy. Leon 52 goals last year. Yeah, fuck. You're right. He's five. He's five.

Conner? Unless, can I throw something crazy at you? Yes. This is going to fire up a lot of fans. I know. And I think I know what you're going to say. Actually, I don't know. What do you think I'm going to say?

I don't know. Why don't you try to get into this swirling pit of hate and uncertainty that is my mind. You definitely, you're saying this could be five where Leon's gone. Yeah. You're definitely not about to say Matthews, who they had at three. Absolutely not. I think there's a chance that you say Sasha Barkoff. Yeah, you got it. Yep. Because look what he's done, Dan. Look what he's accomplished. Dan, Dan, think about the man he is. Yeah. The thing about one Alexander Barkov is, is, He had 71 points in 67 games. Yep.

And he is just so impossibly the best two-way center in the NFL. He's a black hole that a gravitational pull sucks in other offenses. I wonder if I've ever seen anything like it. Would you say... To be as gifted as he is offensive. Are you saying that Prime, Copey, and Pry, Prime Berg, he's a half step above them, a full step above them if you want. When I compare all of those guys.

Yeah. I think Berg, we're getting a totally different topic. Yeah, good. Good. I think Berg, from my eyes, was the best defensive center of the three. Okay. Copey and Barkie are better offensive players. And frankly, it kills me to say this.

I think Copey and Barkov are better overall players than Berg. I mean, Copey had a 92 point season, bro. Like the fuck? That's ridiculous. Insane. Most points Barkoff ever had. And we always talk about like at... 96.

At all of their prime, who do you take between the three of those? Holy shit, so difficult. But I think you take Bark off. Probably Sasha, then Copie, then Berg. This guy's made like... two All-Star games. He's the fifth best player in the league. Now, the question is, am I boosting that ability?

However, I do think it's like when we talk about who are the top five players in the league, I feel like every list you're always seeing Connor and Leon as is correct. Yep. And for two straight years, Sasha Barkoff has like blanked these two dudes. I think with all respect, because, dude, Leon is so nasty, obviously. Is it. Leon, I need it to be very full. clear, I'm sorry to interrupt, but, like, Leon had 106 points in 71 games and was a plus 32.

Like, Leon is so good. Yeah. But if you were starting a team right now, I think you would take Connor, Nate McCar. And you're about saying, and then Leon? No, I'm saying you take those guys over him. Yeah, over Leon. Yep. And then now we're in, like, Cooch and Barkoff territory.

And do you take them over him? Dude, I, seriously, like, what's frustrating is I was about to say I'm letting recency bias take me over here. There is a, the factor of just recently, Barcov just turned 30. Yep. On the second. So he's 30. But Leon's, what, 29? He'll turn 30 in Cooch a month.

Cooch is 30. Yeah, he turns 30 in a month. Cooch is 32. Two? Yep, but a young 32. Like, I'm taking Barkoff. And again, the recency bias is... That he won two cups and back.

And he's been like instrumentally valuable to that. Like, how do I not appreciate that? Like, he's a winner. So it's... So he's four. I don't know. I can't do this. I will not...

I started this segment saying how excited I was to get Kooch his respect and name him the second best player in the league. And now Kooch is getting... Sorry, I'm locked Kooch at four. Four. Cooch 4. I'll lock that for you. Barkoff 5.

I might go Barkoff 5. Leon 6. I can't do that to my guy though. He's my man. But you have to because he's 6, I think. But he's my man. But so is Barkoff. I know.

I like too many guys. I know. It's a classic problem with me. I love dudes. Love my dudes. Then, Dan. Okay, let's live in that world. Let's live in the world of Connor, Kale, Nate, Kooch,

Barkov. Leon. Yeah. Now, are we doing goalies? Yeah, anybody's in, dude. You will not hear a fucking goalie. Where the fuck was Igor Shisterkin on that list last year? Six. Best player in the league. Baker did. Baker made the league. Yeah, why'd you chuckle when he said that, huh? What's so funny about that? That was a genuine reaction. That was not trying to be triggering. I think it was more just like, wait, what is happening? Where is Hala Buk on the list last year? No. Or I don't know, beyond 15. I only brought Yeah, like Connor Hellebuck won the Vezna last year. Shestie.

And then they gave Shestey six and then Hellebuck won the Vesna or won MVP this past year. It goes Shesti, then Kooch, then Barkoff. What a list. I, okay, I think we're in serious, serious David Posternak conversation. Oh my God, dude. I love pasta. I love Ikel. Dude, so Eichel not even in the top 15 here

Like literally not named I think he is seven Like I actually Pasta is so good We talked about this a little while ago Pasta I think I said this early last year David Posternak is literally In the conversation for the greatest Boston Bruin to ever play

And I think He is already The most skilled player the Boston Bruins have ever had Still no Bobby Bobby and Ray No Bobby Bobby no Ray Ray is Bruin you can have that

Ray's back in if you're saying And old's old heads Calm down Like I said a conversation Yeah I know it's Look he already got mad of me today Yeah I love Bobby When you make it skilled

It's just tough because of the era Yes Like again when we're talking like athleticism And what you are doing with a hockey puck And a hockey stick I'm like dude pasta is absurd That's why I take Ray out for skill Not that he wasn't skilled.

He was the accuracy God. He's the man. But like Bobby was actually doing stuff where you were like, what? How's he doing that with the puck? And every single time. We are on seven because Leon's six, right? Yeah, seven. I'm going.

But like we need Quinn in here. We need Werensky in here. We don't. Maybe not. We definitely don't need Woretsky in here. Top 10 player in the league. Are you outside your fucking mind? I love D.

Are you? Have you? I love dudes? As a fucking clone of you come in here. here that has lost its damn mind and there's a sane one of you somewhere else i want you to consider a couple things number one i literally just stepped off of an 11 hour flight i haven't slept you left your fucking brain on the plane number two check the overhead dude number two brains up there i love my dudes and i love d okay yeah okay i'm gonna get some d in there yeah you got some do you

i gave you macar at two warrenski you guys you got d in the two hole dude yeah like that if you think Quinn is dropping much further than this. Dude, he is. I'm not sure he's on the list. I think you're wrong because I don't even know who that is, and I know every other player so far. You know who Quinn Hughes is. No, but he doesn't know who Rorensky is. Oh, yeah, fair, true.

D.P. Werenski, dude. I'm just saying, like, Wrenzky's going to come up in this conversation, but we're just doing the top 10. Top 10, dude. Do you put Sid in the top 10? You're such a ball washer. No, but, dude, well, first of all, I am. You're such a complete ball washer.

But I'm telling you he's... Do you know how many points he had last year? no 91 and dude he had like didn't he fucking hit a hundred a year before 91 points and 33 goals for a fucking

yeah and 94 the year before an ageless Sydney cross 94 the year before that 93 the year before that like what are we talking about I know okay but seven though I think you have to go Ikel over pasta

yeah we have seven eight yeah I dude I mean I god I'm such a It's tough, though, I hear you. Because pasta is a threat to give you 50 every year. I think it's, we are clearly not doing goalies here. There's not a goalie on my list wouldn't even sniff.

The top 10. The top 10 in my list. Yeah. They count. I'm just saying not one for me. There's not a single going to league. Where does Miko Ranton fall in here for you? I think he misses.

Damn. Because there's four, Dan, there's four spots left. And Austin doesn't get in, does he? No, I think he does. There's four spots left for me. And pasta, Austin, Eichael, and Crosby, I think are my four. Which means Matthew Kachuk's out and I can live with that. And it means Quinn's out.

What about, fucking. That's tough. And it means mooses out. What about? I could hear Quinn over pasta. Let's have a serious conversation about Travis Kinect me. That's such a ricochet. Sorry, that was a joke for our boy, J.P., who's a huge Flyers fan, Kineckney.

you know, I think you're fucking amazing. Are we being stupid and forgetting anyone right now? In this conversation, we've got Jack Eichael, we've got David Posternock, we've got Quinn Hughes, we've got Austin Matthews, we've got Sidney Crosby, we've got, like, Mitch Marner, Willie Nealander, Kyle Conner, your boy, Kyle Conner. Like, where are these guys? Where's fucking Braden Point? They're not in the top ten. That's where they are. I'm saying in this, we're having a friendly conversation.

Where's Victor Headman? Not in the top ten. Was he in the top ten last year? Was he 11? He was 11. He was 12. He was 12. Okay.

Another year older, another year closer to death. He's basically dead. He's basically a fucking corpse, dude. Where do we put, okay, I think we have said everyone that I care to say. And yes, Rangers fans, I am not. not even thinking about bringing up breadman our Tammy Panarin.

What about Matthew Kachuk? It's a hard omission. It's a really hard omission. Same with point. Same with... Matthew Kuchukchuk... The only thing that's hurting me on... Okay, Jack Hughes is another great one.

The only thing that's hurting me with Chucky and Jack is the injuries. Matthew Kuchuk played 52 games last year and he's about to miss the first two. the three months of the season this year. Yeah. So I'm like, I think just for that reason,

we're considering that in the value element here. Kirill Caprizov. How about Kril Kaprizov? He's about to be the richest man in the NHL. That's a really good one, Dan. That's a really good one. But is Krill too hurt? I don't know.

That's a really good one. I need to think about that. Maybe. Are you taking... Are we going Eichol 7? Are you, you're starting a team. I'm holding a gun to your head. You're staring at two players.

Dude, call the police. but not for me, dude, because I have Kirill. You are standing there, and there are two players available to you. One is Austin Matthews, one is Krill Caprizov. You're thinking about it. Yeah, I am. Toronto Maple Leaf fans right now are screaming at their computer screens. Screaming at the radio.

But Krill could score 60 goals, dude. Like Austin scored 69. I know, but I'm like, that's my whole thing with Austin where I'm like, yeah, you're not even going to get 100 points from him, but you are going to get 70, which is impossible. but I'm like, krill is like, I'll score 70. And I'm like, oh, shit. I didn't realize you could also do that. That's what's scary. Because now, dude, there's four spots left.

I need Eichel for sure. Yes. And you need pasta for sure. And you need Krosby for sure. So now you are in this. We have one spot for Krill and Matthews. You were in a position for Krill, Matthews, Quinn, and Zacharensky. Fuck you.

I will not back down. Okay. I'm going. I'm going Ikel 7. Like Krill had 25 goals and 56 points in 41 games. He was going to score 50. I know. He's going to win MVP.

Give me Eichol 7. I'll give you pasta 8. Dude, this is so tough. I hate that we're doing this. We need to move on and I need to stop torturing myself. And we're just mother fucking, yeah, like we're motherfucking Mitch Marner. Oh yeah. Oh, yeah, dude.

Bye, night night. Bye, bye. Yeah. I mean, the fact that Sydney Crosby was top 10 in the NHO in points last year is just like, what are we doing here? I'm, dude, like, he, what's fucked is, I can go higher. Miko Rantin and getting motherfucked is tough. Yep. Should we go Crosby 7? I think point is so good. He is, dude. That's a really tough one. It's really tough. It's really tough. I think we go Crosby 7. No, we're going Jack 7. Crosby 8. Pasta 8.

Crosby 9. Crosby 9 and now the 10 spot belongs to Carrillo Capriza Prisov Austin Matthews or Quinn Hughes I think it's Quinn Hughes No no no no I've crunched the numbers I've thought about this a lot and I think at the end of the day

it's going to be Quinn Hugh It's unfortunately It's unfortunately Carrill And I thought it was Matthews and I I think if we're going to pee-p-wack people for poor playoff performances and injuries Like Matthew Chuck we're not even talking about Chuck Yeah a tough one tough omission

It's a tough omission. We have to do the same to Krill. He keeps getting hurt, dude. Okay, Austin Matthews. I love that. The 70 goal score. I know. And he was...

That's a special talent, Dan. He's a special talent. He is a special talent. He does not find Austin Matthews. Austin Matthews does not grow on trees in Arizona. Yeah, and I mean, listen, he's had a tough time in the playoffs in his career. He is still a very good player. How many, how many...

My decision is final time. How many Habs fans right now? Do you think right now are listening to this going like this? What about Lane? Lane. Lane, Lane, Lane, Lane, Lane. I'll show you a fucking lane. Stay in your fucking lane.

Stay in your lane. Wow. Austin or Quinn? Austin Matthews, Decision final. 70 goal talent. Austin Matthews. Thank you, Baker. Thank you, Baker. He's a great two-way center.

Yes, Dean. He's blocking shots. What are you high? What are we talking about, dude? How is this a conversation? Austin Matthews, let's move on. It is definitely a conversation, but let's move on. Austin Matthews.

Hell of a list. Top 10 players in the league. Connor McDavid. Kale McCar. Nate Dog. Cooch. No, I missed someone? No.

Cooch. Sparkoff. Sparkoff. There we go. Leon. Ikes. Pasta. Crosby.

Austin. Quinn. Hughes. Quill. Quinn. Quinn. Crill. Top ten players in the league.

Okay. Unbelievable. Now, Dan. Another cool thing that was making the news waves. finally Pete DeBoer has spoken. Really cool article. Pete DeBore breaks his silence. And he says the right things in the article.

I mean to, I don't mean to it. It was the most hockey thing ever in the response. Like Pete DeBore just said what needed to be said. And then Jake Ottinger commented on it and he said exactly what needed to be said. Pete DeBore goes, yeah, listen, in my press conference, I said Jake Ottinger has lost his last seven games to the Oilers. last seven of eight games of the Oilers. What I meant was, we have lost the world. And I'm like, no, dude, what you meant was you hate Jake Odinger.

You meant what you said and you said what you meant. And an elephant is something 100%. It might be faithful, yeah. Dude, you are an elephant. Dude, DeBoer, DeBoer, here's a who. Yeah. You said exactly what you meant. You hate Jake Othinger and that's fine.

And you are entitled to your opinion, okay? Pete DeBore spoke and I was like man what a crazy thing that was that he got axed and it was he said that shit and I was like man

dude the coaching character in the NFL is crazy and it got me thinking I would like to come up with two or three coaches that are on the hot seat coming into this season I love it

do you have any to come to mine? Yeah there's one that I would fire already Ooh okay Lindy Ruff. We don't rule to lose jobs here. But he was on my list too, Dad. Genuinely, dude, if I were Lindy, I would resign to disgrace. Like Ben Wyatt in Parks and Rec.

I would literally go, I've made a fool of myself. And also, like, just, I mean, that fucking franchise, everything needs to implode. because it's like we talked about a while the Pagula family is like they just put more money into Penn State hockey than the Buffalo Sabres get like stop it let them go but that Lindy rough return remember we talked about it we when that job became open and we were all like the sabers have the opportunity to do the funniest thing in the world right now is after Lindy got fired in New Jersey and then they did it and we were like oh my God and things went so poorly. Oh, dude. You got worse. You regressed. Yeah.

And you lost more of your insanely talented young players. Who, what do you, like, what would they have to do to start this year to see him terminated? If in your first 10 games of the NHL season, if you have less than four wins, you have, I think legitimately you have to fire him. Yep. does he make winter classic are you asking me if he makes it to the winter classic

no way but dude why I kind of agree but it's such insane logic Dan where I'm like if we all think this way then why hasn't even fired already so someone could have the whole summer to do something because it's the break glass in case of emergency move

dude, like, firing your coach in the NHL is literally Kevin Spacey announcing that he was gay, and that's why he molested kids. Like, it's the most, like, I, this is my, I'm going to just throw a complete Hail Mary and look like an asshole when fucking GMs fire their coaches when it's like, dude, I think there's bigger problems than that. Dude, you're right. It's a save play. Like, they're going, oh, shit, people are going to be mad that we've put a bad team together.

Yeah. So they go, the coach has been fired. Yes, so they're waiting for that. You're right. Dude, like, they know that they're like this, dude, if the season starts shit, we just fire Lindy. Yeah. And like, I'm sure Lindy probably knows. I'm sure Lindy is, I'm sure Lydia is in that meeting.

Dude, he's like, actually, I'd take Christmas off. They literally are, no, they're in a room having a meeting of like what could possibly go wrong. And someone said that out loud and Lindy was sitting right across from him. And he'd go, no, he's asleep? Yeah. He's like, go to bed. He's ordering lunch? Go to bed.

He's ordering lunch from fucking Applebee's. Oh, fuck. That's funny, dude. It's crazy. Okay. Here's my other one. Hot seat. I'm not saying he's Lindy Ruffe.

He's not. Okay. But I just think, because there's coaches that I'm looking at, new hires aren't on the hot seat. You just got hired, you know. There are guys that are established that I'm like, you're not on the hot, something that's be hardly wrong. L.A. King's Jim Hiller. Oh. I think.

You still think there's questions. It was the interim thing. Dude, and then Holland is also a big, like, uh-oh, like new GM. Exactly. You got the new GM. It wasn't your guy. You have the whole playoff debacle of like up to O and the fucking challenge. And I'm like if the Kings, and the Kings, I expect a good season this year.

I expect a good season from the Kings this year. If the Kings come out and are horrible to start the season, that is one where I could see them going. We need a quick trigger shake up to save this season because we are good and we're just not getting it here. Yeah. I don't think it's going to happen. but I'm saying that's you I'm not sitting comfortably on my air-conditioned chair if I'm Jim Hiller. I like that.

I have a few. Okay, can I give you a couple hot, steaming hot, steaming piles of hot takes? Yes. Rod Rendemore. No, I almost wrote this down, but like he's just not. No, I should be. No, I agree, but actually let me, let us discuss this. Yeah. Just for a moment.

I say this every fucking I know and everyone goes absolutely not like they just love him too much he's too much of a legend but let me say this dude

if this team does what they have done re-signed stank go out and get Eilers to a great contract Keandre Keandre is now on the team signs a huge contract

Jarvie is obviously you know last year signs his big contract dude this team is I actually got into it in a fun conversation with an Oilers fan over the weekend talking about the moves

the teams need to make and I was like, I think the Oilers do feel a little bit desperate right now with the fact that Connor hasn't signed it is going to sign but the fact that like

dude they have so much money wrapped up in not necessarily the best ways they have no cap space and I think that they are a little bit like fuck me like we gotta make Connor happy like they're a little bit desperate

and that this Oilers fan was like Carolina is desperate. And I was like, dude, Carolina has like eight dudes who are under 30, who are signed for the next like seven years to great contracts. They're in money. Like they are not desperate at all. However, after all those moves, with cap space too, like we talk about like what teams have cap space to go get like a two C. Like they still have cap space somehow. If you do all these things and you get fucking swept in the second or third round again,

how do you not fire Rod? Dude, if... It's a serious question. How do you not fire Rod if in the last four years what will his record be in the third round? If they get...

One and... Because they went five or six of the Panthers. Five? Five. I think it's one and 16. Dude. If he's one and... and 20? If they go down

3-0 in round 2 or 3. I don't even care if they pull it back to 7. If they go down 3-0 in round 2 or 7 this year, he needs to be removed from the bed in the moment. I don't even... Actually, Baker. Look up, because I want to get this stat right.

Will you look up the Carolina Hurricanes playoff performances of the last four years? And tell me in how many games they lost in their final round. And while you do that, I will continue. Do you remember a while ago when Marvin Lewis just kept losing with the Cincinnati Bengals?

And I one day announced if, I think I did it on social media. I was like, if Marvin Lewis has a job next year, I will pee my pants on camera. And he did. Yeah, he had a job. And then you did it be your pants. I was so bad at you. I didn't pee my pants. This is one of those things where like, I don't care.

I do not care how you feel. I do not care how good of a relationship. be as I don't care what the boys think. It turns into the definition of insanity. Yes. Where I'm like, dude, I don't care how much everyone loves him. This man has a problem. And it's costing your team. Oh, dude. You're right. You always read from 2025 backwards.

So this past year they lost in the conference final in how many games? Four to one. Yeah. So one, there's one win. Yep. 2024? Lost in the second round, four to two. So that's not going to. That's not even conference final, yeah. So the year before that. Lost in conference finals 4-0.

Okay. So 1 and 8. Lost in second round, 4-3. Okay. Lost in second round, 4-1. Okay. Lost in first round 4-1. Okay. One more. Lost in conference finals 4-0.

Yeah. So he is currently 1 and 12. 12 in the conference finals. In conference finals. I think it's even worse than that if you keep going. but yes, it's a fucking nightmare, dude. So, like, that's just my point. Like, is if you get to the, if you get to the conference final and you should, and you lose in three, in four or five, I am kind of like, dude, this man has to be fired,

potentially. And then my other spicy take to move on abruptly, because I do not feel this way at all, but because of the chatter that we were hearing last year, I do wonder about John Cooper. Oh, my God. You think John Cooper's on the fucking hot seat? I do not want to have like a click-bady take here. I'm just, I'm bringing up a conversation. Yeah.

Because remember, it was happening. Oh, yeah, no, that was, you didn't make this up. There were so many articles that came out that was like, it was after someone had like hired a coach. Yep. And they were like, I can't believe someone just hired a coach when people are talking about the fact that John Cooper might just get might get fired right now. It was a big thing with Boston. Like Boston was like, dude, holy fuck. If Cooper gets fired, if Boston doesn't offer him literally.

everything. So I think it would be absolutely insane. I think Coop is such a fucking disgusting coach. He obviously just won four nations with Canada. I do wonder, though, because, like, there are some who are getting fed up with Tampa losing the way that they are. And if Tampa loses in round one to Florida, you do wonder. Is, I think it would be insane.

It's actually a good transition, because the next thing we want to talk about is coaches who have something to prove. You don't have any more Hotsie guys? No, those you would name the guys. Oh, hell yeah. Okay. Coaches was something to prove. Yes.

And I would kind of put Cooper there a bit more than hot seat. Not that, which also sounds equally insane, considering he had 102 points of the second in the Atlantic last year. For sure. But I hear you where people are like, dude, we want, we feel like we have perfectly handled the dip of like our window didn't close. We are still nasty. We lost stammer, but we've got point.

Everybody's here. and good still. And it hasn't quite translated to playoff success yet, or recently, I should say. Yeah. So I would be more willing to put him in a something to prove category in the posties. I like that. So the next hot ice topic is coaches with something to prove your first one is a caveat. I'll move Cooper in there. I'll move Cooper. I'll move Cooper in there. Okay. I like, I like Coop. That's interesting to me. I think. Do you have others? Yeah, I got a couple. Come to mind.

You want me to go? Yeah, stay hot. One I passionately agree with. This one I kind of think, but I'm just, I'm mostly curious. Mike Sullivan. Because Mike Sullivan has coached this Penguins team the last few years to a bad run. Yeah. After making the playoffs for every year of Crosby's life that's like, oh, miss, miss, miss.

So they miss three in a row, I think. Yeah. And Sid is not slowing down. And you're not even, I would argue, seeing a massive dip. I would actually be curious to you what you think but Penguins fans and Penguins Beatwriters think. I don't think you've seen Gino or Latang fall off a cliff. They obviously have slowed down. No, no, definitely.

But it's like, they're still good, dude. Like, what the fuck? Definitely not a cliff. They've had great goaltending. The Carlson deal was probably bad business. and he, like, you get into that conversation we have with WIS where you're like, you have Tang and Carlson.

I'm like, what are we doing here? You're the same fucking car in the garage, twice. But he has coached that Penguins team. The axe falls on him and you're like, oh, okay, I think he goes to a Rangers team in a similar spot. Better goaltending, for sure. But a lot of questions on that team, at least from my POV. And I think Mike Sullivan and a lot of Rangers fans are going,

we're fine, dude. We're back. we're going to be good. And I think if he coaches the Rangers into a top three seat in the Met, I go, wow, great job, Mike Sullivan and you are going to coach your golden. You've really helped your reputation here. Yeah, I like that. But I think if he's like, we suck again. Like if the Rangers are like, we're seventh in the Met, yeah. I'm like, oh, dude, that you might be done. I dig that. I dig that. I'm going to throw, I'm going to stay in the Met. I'm going to throw Paddy Wa in here. I think they bought a lot of time with their rebuild.

And as I've said, I've loved their rebuild. I've loved what they've done. Getting that first run pick was the fucking, I mean, the grace of God they got that and they used it perfectly. Chief Daddy. But I think he's a little bit, I'm like, are you guys just a fucking bubble team all the time here? Like what's going on here? But again, they trade Dobson away. I think he bought himself at least another year for sure.

But something to prove. You're right, though. I was thinking hot seat because I don't think he's on the hot seat. Yeah. But you're right. Something to prove. This one feels unfair. However, I think because of what I expect from them this year, and it feels unfair because

it's only year three, but I think I'm throwing Heinz on there. Yeah, I don't hate that. I don't hate that. Dude, Minnesota is just like, when is something going to happen here? I know, but it's this year. Good news. Good news, Dan. It's this year.

When is something going to happen right now? MVP. And Krill is like, by the way, or he goes, can we tease what we're doing here? Because I know people are tuning into this episode going, why the fuck are you not talking about Carl Caprize of? I will say right now, we should have said it at the top. We are talking about Krell Caprizov with an awesome guest on our Thursday episode.

So that's where you're saving it. Obviously, you want to get him signed. But, like, you've got Boyham coming in. You've got Boldie, who's getting so much better. A lot of good depth, I think, on the team right now. But, like, I think it is time. It is. It's right now, like, we did it.

Yeah. So, prove it. Prove it. Prove it. Prove it. Prove it. And then, I don't know, man. Like everyone else, like, barring disaster,

I don't think I have anyone else with something to prove. I got one more. Yeah, I know who you have. I agree. Also in the Met. Yeah. A lot of proving. A lot of proving it needs to happen in the Met.

No, this is a really good one, actually. Sheldon Keefe. I'm a huge fan of his. I was a huge fan of his in Toronto. I thought he was much maligned during the playoff failures. Sure. In the same way, like, I'm like, what is the difference between what happened to Baroubi this year? Where, like, I was a great regular season.

And I owe Burubi, a million tips of the cap for what he did this regular season. But I'm like, and then you lost again. Yeah. But I was like, man, he is going to, the devils are going to be a wagoon with him. And of course, Jack got hurt and it fucking derails everything. But I'm kind of like, that shouldn't derail everything so catastrophically, which it did. and they just need to, they got him, they got Markstrom, like they need to be good. And if they, for whatever reason, injuries or whatever it is, if they miss playoffs again,

or I guess they got in and got pumped, but if they miss playoffs or limp in, that is a bad look. I don't think he's on the hot seat. To be very clear, different category. But I do think he has to put his nuts on the table in Jersey this year. Before we wrap this up, can I give you another kind of spicy one that you, it's similar to the one you led with? Yeah. Jared Bednar. Dude, I don't hate that at all.

Because again, when they won, the year before, they had a great year, they lost, but it was like, ooh, they're close. Then the next year, they took down the fucking three-time cup finalist, Tampa Bay. And people were like, he's the best coach in the NHL. He's got some of the best flow in the NHL. Mr. Float team. And we have talked a bit about the last cup due to a lot of misfortune with Landy's injury and Val's. stuff. But I do kind of want like a

Remember Me season from the Aves and from Bednar. So I could see him being in the... Something to prove. Kind of like Cooper. Oh, that's what you meant. Yeah, so you met my Mike Sullivan lead. That's funny. I was like that.

What? That's what I said. Yeah. No, I think both those guys kind of, I could see them wanting. And maybe we should be saying you need to do it. A, like, hey, don't, you forgot about me, bitches. Yeah.

I could see that. And I'd like that. I love it, dude. All right, we're going to take a quick ad break, and then we'll be back. I've got to talk to you guys about our epic deal over at BetMGM. If you want in on this action, all I need you to do is download the BetMGM app and use promo code Netters. That's N-E-T-T-E-R-S when you sign up.

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We are back, and it's time for some not ice, which means... Come on. Which means pucked is back. It is time for an update of everybody's favorite hockey smart. Wrote written by Helena Hunting. I am so... Dan. No, dude, you are not.

That's what I've learned. You're not. The amount of dog ears you have in that is stunning. Yeah, this was a good section. I got to tell you. There's no way it was. I got to tell you, Dan, this is a good section. This is also just not.

It's not a bit for me. I think this is, it's just... It makes me want to die. Oh, dude. This is a thing. So, if you'll recall, quick plot, refresher Alex Waters

Chicago Black Hawk Captain and Star had asked Violet out for a real date Dan He was like I really want to take you out on a real date Yeah

Okay So they They go They kind of like Make out at his car After Sure sure And

This is real Baker They get like They get into it Dude you're gonna love this You won't believe What's my lap I heard it's erotico bro Yeah dude it's porn

to straight up born they get really into it and like you know he's like oh sorry I gotta like I gotta take you out then he picks her up for the date the next day and he picks her up at her mom's

which actually that was insane I was like dude meet there or something like because she doesn't want her mom to find out but like obviously now he's in there with her mom just the the plot that this is an NHL player

picking up a girl at her mom's house whose brother is on his team Yeah. Go on. So he picks her up, takes you to a fancy dinner. And boys, Alex is being a gentleman, but also flexing. You know, like everywhere they go, they go to the restaurant. It's like private room, menu with no prices on it.

Sure. You know, he's doing the damn thing. And then he, and he's doing like, he keeps being like, I don't, this isn't about sex. Like, I just want to take you on a real dinner. Like, you don't have to come home with me. not about that, even though they've already fucked in the hotel. But like, he's like, no. She's described by her as

fuck hot. Yeah, fuck hot. He's a fuck hot guy. So, he, but before the date, he says it's not about sex, but then before the date he buys, he gives her a Victoria's Secret gift card. And dude, bruh. Brow's giving her the playbook. Yeah. This guy's horny

as shit. So she goes to the Victoria Secret to buy some lingerie for the date. Yeah. Bies $100 worth of lingerie. probably like 120 and she's like ah gift cards probably gonna knock and cover it I'll just pay the last 20 so she swiped gives the goate to the gift card she swipes and she goes

you have $880 left on your gift card damn she's like $1,000 $1,000 before you're saying so they go on a date. Bros balling dude they go on a date switch to an Alex chapter we get the date from an Alex chapter yeah I get the game of bones again the fact that we are game of bonesing

this story and getting multiple perspectives Game of bones they go on the date they obviously like the date go so well. They get back in the car. He's like, do you want to come home? It's not about that, but like, come home. She goes back. They bang. Hell yeah. They, he goes sleep over. She's like, why didn't bring any clothes for work? And he's like, it doesn't matter. I want you to stay here. I'll drive you home in the morning and get your clothes. Sleeps over. Bangs again in the morning. And then he take, they wake up and like they're having breakfast and shit. He makes her like a nice

egg white omelet and then takes her to work. He does. Yeah, yeah. He makes her an egg white omelet? And then... My brother's got class, dude. He's like, I'm going on a six-game road trip, but I'll, I want to see you when I get back. Yeah. She gets into work on her friends like, how was it? And that's where we are, plot-plot-wise. Hey, thanks for that recap.

Okay. So here are my highlights from this section. Baker. You're really going to enjoy this. Dude, this is so ridiculous. So this is outside the coffee shop. Like, this is predate when he's like, I want to take you on a date. And they start making out.

Wait, wait, wait, oh, have we gone back in time? We're going to get that whole date from his perspective now. Well, you'll get a highlight of it. Fuck. This says, they're making out, it's cold, she has a jacket on. It says, meanwhile, Alex has turned into a jacket, McGiver. He manages to get two buttons undone. Now I can feel him, and he can feel me up.

I plunder his mouth with my tongue and shamelessly dry hump him for all I'm worth. It's fabulous until someone shouts, woo-hoo, give it to her good. The mouth fucking ceases instantly. Alice spins to take her. Bro. There's no way. This is what you're making me do on my first day.

Can you believe that, dude? I'm not fucking... Okay, dude. Also, the use of plunge there. Plunge, dude. Dry humping him for everything I got, dude. In the middle of the fucking street, dude. In the middle of the street.

Oh, fuck. Dude, okay, so this one, this one's actually crazy because this is, I didn't even... Girls in the comments, because people are commenting on this. I need to know if this is fucking unhinged or whatever. So she goes home and she's like, I'll get this date tomorrow, and she's like, Oh, I need to clean up down there. Yeah. So I get this big date.

Yeah. Do a little spa tree. So this says, this is a long section, but I just was fascinated by this. She says, if I'm going out with him tomorrow, I have work to do. By work, I mean some beaver escaping. Dude. Hold on, dude. It's been a month since I visited my waxer.

I'm currently living up to the furry nickname below the belt. I must return it to its mostly naked status in case Alex should want to pet it or kiss it. or bury his wood in it. I root around in my bathroom cabinet from my waxing kit. Typically, I only mess around with my legs, but this constitutes an emergency. The date is two last minute to schedule a waxing appointment. I heat the wax in the microwave. Since I'm used to putting it on my legs rather than my cooter, I don't account for how damn hot it is. I have to wait 20 minutes for it to cool so I can work on ripping out the beaver pelt without burning myself. Mimicking the actions of my waxer, I lie on the bath mat, apply the wax, and give a firm quick tug. It hurts like hell. Usually my

waxer leaves a wee triangle. I trim every week, except it's all wonky now, so I'm forced to rip that out too. On the final strip, I mess up and redo the same spot resulting in a modeled purple patch. It looks like I've been punched in the beve. Verdict, beaver escaping is dangerous. And I was like, dude, is that

girls self-waxing? Like, that sounds insane, I mean, you guys don't know. I don't know. Someone please tell me if that's possible. And then in Helena Hunting's greatest work, Dan, that actually comes back around. Just women can't speak to themselves in their internal monologue like this.

Calling a beaver escaping is diabolical. Diabolical. And then saying, I got punched in the beave. No, I refuse. Dude, okay, this one, she comes out for her date. She slips and falls because she's clumsy. Yeah, classic. Alex is already at her mom's house, which she didn't know.

And he was like, oh, hey. And she goes, I fall, he runs over, are you okay? and then Violet's mom goes. It's a good thing. Violet's so booty-licious. The extra padding comes in handy. Did imagine your mom? In front of the captain of the blackhawks.

The fact that this is allowed to be published and sold to human being. So it's aided. Okay, they go to dinner. There are no prices, right? There aren't any prices, I whisper. after the waiter fills our water glasses. Just pick what you like. His smile makes the fountain of beave turn on.

Oh, bro. Come on, dude. No, absolutely. We got another beave in this chapter. I better not soap through my dampen. That's God, he's so good. It's okay. What's so fuck is like, this sounds like if a creepy old man were writing the dialogue of a woman.

I hope the fountain of beef doesn't. turn on okay so now we're out dude now we're at Alex's brain

baker and he's fucking he's brutal so he goes uh he goes uh

she sits down the table or stands up and he goes I stand behind her admiring her ass it's really it's really nice

soft she is boonelish soft plush good for grabbing I'd like to feel that curve against my dick again

okay then then they go back and he goes Oh, she goes Oh, he goes through the old But he has air hockey Oh, and his man came She challenges him to air hockey

Because she's sick at it Violet takes a ready stance The deep V of her dress Gapes slightly And the luscious swell Of her breasts pressed together To create amazing cleavage I'd love to fuck her tits

Alex Dude, you know what's funny Is that boy? I was going to comment And say Bullshit that this dude's Internal monologue would say breast

there. Yeah, yeah. He does follow it up with tits. So then he goes, he goes, she's playing and he goes, she pokes the inside of her cheek with her tongue. The image of Violet's lips wrapped around my car. Her warm, wet tongue swirling around the head diverts my attention from the game.

What happens to you when you're reading? Dude, I'm reading it. Like, out there. Are you just like laughing or are you getting boned up out here? Like, what the fuck is going on? Dude, this by the way, this is my first note. I'm going to fucking break a rib, dude. It's my first note ever for Helena, Dan, because she's up to some fucking shit in these chapters.

She beats him in air hockey, and then he, like, picks her up on the table. And it says, cupping her ass, I lift her onto the table and then turn off the air. And I was like, I feel like that would have been nice. Like you leave the air hockey air on. Yeah, I don't think that that would have been an issue. Yeah, like Helena. I was like, dude, that's a miss. That's her first miss ever, dude.

Needless to say, she comes on the air hockey table. It's a whole thing. Hold on, I'm skipping over. She comes on the air hockey table. She's not in all over the table. He goes, did you just come on my air hockey table? And she goes, uh-huh. Wait, that's not a real lie.

Yeah, that's a lie. He goes, she goes. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Her quote is uh-huh. Yes, dude. She goes, oh God, Alex, I, I, I, I, she sounds confused, maybe a little desperate. There's no way. I never get to ask what's going on.

It becomes self-evident. Violet trembles, eyes closed, lips parting on a sexy moan. Her body goes lax and her legs drop from my waist. Did you just come on my air hockey table? Uh-huh. Bro says there's no way. Dude. Oh, okay, dude, so this was insane.

This is the first time Alex Waters has ever scared me. He is... Do not try to get us invested in it. The first time. He's about to go down on her. Yeah. And it says this, dude. Don't tell me he's a certain Dallas star player who doesn't do that type of thing.

Dude, her panties have shifted to the side, exposing more of what I want. For half a second, I'm in my own personal heaven. I don't, hold on, time out. Don't you fucking dare start reading this shit to us with that type of level of intensity ever again. I'd say he reads it really well. Don't you ever, ever do that again? Dude, okay. You can read, but don't you dare do it like that.

For a half second, I'm in my own personal heaven. Then I'm not. What the fuck is that? I jerk back. Violet's head lulls forward. What? A huge purple mark. marrs the crest of her pelvis

as you'll remember. She got punched in the beef. I clench my jaw to keep from saying something I may regret and search my brain for a reasonable excuse for what I'm seeing.

I can't find one. It looks as if someone else has been touching my fucking pussy. I don't understand. Why Violet would agree to go out with me if she's been letting someone else get all up in there. My voice is nearly an unrecognizable growl.

Is that a hicky? Do you guys mean? fucking pussy. Territorial, bro. Good God, man. I think these are the last ones. This is back to a violet because that blows over immediately.

She's like, oh, sorry, he's waxing. He's like, whatever. This one just, I didn't love this description. Oh, yeah. This is Violet. You didn't love this one? He has a huge dick baker. Okay, noted, yeah.

Bro's got a world-class Viking horn. At one point, she says it's beer can. It's a beer can. A tall boy or like a good? Yeah, tall boy. It's long, dude. girthy. She says, I wrap my fingers around the hard, damp shaft of his monster cock. And I was like, damp? Because he's not like, they haven't fucked yet. I was like, why?

Damped, dude. Wait, she wasn't like blowing him at all? No, no. Oh, so he's just got a wet cop. Yeah, dude. That's, I'm, so sweaty. Yeah, maybe it's just sweaty. He's like, you know? He's getting wet. This was a turn from Violet, too. I thought, I want to be his servant of love, an image of me in a black corset wearing a collar with a leech attached to it pops in my head. I was like, Jesus. I've seen that from her yet. I also can't get over how, like, the entire premise of this is that, like, this girl is not this type of person.

And she's just, like, too good for this shit. Now she's like, put a fucking collar on me. Okay. And the last one was just, this is more plot for you guys, honestly, but this was classic. Right when he's about to come. He's like, oh, and they're raw dogging, by the way, I forgot to say. Great, good. No, but she's like, I'm on the pill.

And he's like, I've never had sex, though. con my whole life and I was like the captain of the black guy he's a responsible boy but he says violet you're going to make me and before he can scream come but this is violet before he can scream come I'm so glad but I scream I love you oh dude she hits him with an

elbow whoa and then she goes uh uh your monster cock I mean which I hastily tack on at the end he doesn't buy it I'm up he in now the whole breakfast his whole the whole breakfast in it's him like so what did you say last night?

Yeah all of a sudden, I'm in. I can't wait. Damn. I cannot fucking wait to see what happens. Monster God. Dude, the Beave Fountain? When I left you guys, you were talking about hockey, you know?

Dude, the fountain of beef, I actually think it was. Well, it's about time. I don't even know what's going on. We have to take a break. We're going to give the listeners to a chance to cool down while we take a quick hour. I got a towel off. Seriously.

I got pities over here. Babes, we are taking a break to talk to you. you about factor right now and I could not be more excited for an ad read. I'm not even kidding. It is fall. Summer is over. It's a nightmare. And we want to talk about the fallacy that is summer is when you get your best bod going. CP is right, man. He made a point of saying this the other day. Summer is when you go to a bunch of barbecues and you eat like seven burgers in one sitting and then you drink so much and you get out of shape and it's an absolute disaster. But now it's fall. We got football. We got hockey coming back. We've got basketball. We've got basketball.

coming back. We've got Euro soccer going on. There's tons of sports, tons of excuses to go to the bars with friends, lose your routine, fall out of shape, and we do not want that. The other thing that I want to talk about right now, the other factor, if you will, when that sun starts going down earlier, dude, the motivation you have to get home and cook a healthy meal plummets, goes into the basement. So that's where factor is going to come in and hook you guys. up. They're going to give you the greatest variety you could ever imagine of these chef-prepped, dietitian-approved, delicious meals. You can get unbelievable seafood options like salmon and shrimp for no extra cost. You can broaden your horizons, get some nice international fare, get some

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As someone who loves to cook, loves to stay healthy, loves to hit my macros, get all the right proteins, good, delicious meals. And again, the variety. Don't eat the same thing every day. Factor is going to hook you up with all of these things. and this deal is genuinely unbelievable, guys. If you go to factormeals.com slash netters 50 off, that's N-E-T-T-E-R-S-5-0-O-F, you use that code. You're going to get 50% off your first box and free breakfast for a year.

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Eat well. All right, we're back. And now it is time for Baker to get back on the horse and get us into a beer league hotline. What do we got, baby? Guy in our team is a terrific teammate, but his locker room routine is absolutely insane. He comes from home, already wearing his base layer under his street clothes, then he puts his gear on in the following order. Shoulder pads, elbow pads, jersey, takes a break to tape his stick, jock, shin guards, socks, pants, skates, helmet, gloves. He's a great guy and solid player.

Are we bad friends for making fun of him for getting dressed completely? backwards? It is literally completely backwards. I wish he was putting his helmet on the whole tie. Could you imagine? Imagine if after he put on the tarp he threw on his bucket. With a cage. Mouth garden.

I want to say, I want to say the shin. Wait, Baker, can you read after taping the stick again? I think it was jock, shins, socks. pants, skates. Okay, that's exactly how I start. I know some people are pants early

and then they do the shin pads and shit. I just never was that guy. So like I go jock, shin pads, socks, pants, and then I tie my skates. So once he,

like, the fact that he does anything before that is bat-shit and we will discuss. But that part at least is, I'm like, okay, yeah, that's how I dress.

Okay. I love, that this dude started the message with, he's a terrific teammate. Yeah. Dude, I love what I really got it. It starts like that, so I'm like this. Okay, something horrible's happening.

Like, grand scheme of things, this isn't terrible. Oh, dude, it's so. But like, these guys are so affronted by his performance that they had to preface it with, he's a good guy. Dude, if somebody put their fucking shoulder pads, elbow pads, and jersey on first in front of me, I would lose my mind. So I actually give them credit.

because I'm like, dude, what in the fuck are you doing? Leading me to my next point was going to be, not only are you guys not bad friends for giving him shit, I would question your sanity if you didn't give this guy shit. You'd be bad friends if you didn't. Yeah. I would almost say the move here is you need to continue to bully him until he changes his ways.

Because this is fucking preposterous behavior. Deposterous. And let me tell you this. I think, first of all He looks, fuss looks so dumb. Like an absolute asshole. He's fully Johnny Bravo. He's taping his stick, Johnny Bravo.

He's the Winnie the Pooh version of a hockey player with just a tall, top, no bottoms. But I want to be very clear. The way you get dressed is not crazy. Him? You. Oh, yeah, yeah. You and we, I've long publicized this.

I think you have bad style. But the way you get dressed is not. Not crazy. However, I personally think anyone who doesn't go, like I go jock, shin pads, socks, skates. Yeah. Because I'm like, stop bending over your pants, maybe. To not only bend over your pants, but also go through the arduous process of putting on

and tying your skates with your shoulder pads, elbow pads, and jersey on is the most self-destructive behavior I've ever heard. Think about how good he might be if he just, like... If he wasn't so tired. He's just the tension, baby. If he wasn't, dude, he gets out under the ice. He must be exhausted. Dast, dude.

We are also completely skating by the base layer thing. Under your, dude. Bro, I imagine that means like a fucking war road, you know, or whatever he's wearing. Yeah, he's got dry fit. Yep. Shit, I guess it's not that crazy, but like... No, don't... That's not that crazy.

Because I imagine he showed up to barely get in, like, a hoodie. Yeah, fair. And I guess it's not that crazy, but it is just weird. I'm like, why are you doing that? I wonder if he showers. I wonder if he showers with the boys. Because if he does shower with the boys, then the need to not get naked at that stage is weird to me. If he doesn't shower with the boys, kick him off the team.

Kick him off team. Because this man, this man now has so many psychotic traits that he cannot be trying. He's not doing helicopter cock. Then good day, dude. if you're telling me this guy isn't tucking it back and showing him mangina coming out of this shower and he's also getting dressed like this then you have to kick him off the team the fucking half tape job is insane too this one I always say we do you better be nasty if this is what you're doing you better be three goals of game sounds like he's a good teammate great take great guy unbelievable let's finish this up CP Baker

take us into a bower hockey blind ranking so for this one we Everyone saw the news. Corey Perry has been injured, which sucks. So fucking shit. And I'm super bum for everybody's gut. But luckily, dude, I always say this about that Brady suspension year. At this age, dude, who cares? Miss the beginning of the season.

You'll get into rhythm. You'll be fresh when they fucking need you in playoffs. You know what I mean? Into it? Okay, you're fine. But it made me realize that we really do need to protect our old players in the league still. So protect our goalies, protect our olds. Protect our olds.

This is blind ranking. Active NHL players. 38 years or older as of today. The 38 inclusion feels very specific. The list was too smaller. 38 club. Okay. All right.

Evgeny Malkin. Good one to start. Very good one to start. I actually want to go pretty high here, Dan, because I don't think Baker is, Baker's going to be on his bullshit, is what I'm saying. I think Gino being on the same team as Sidney Crosby's whole career and getting worse than Sidney Crosby faster, it will forever make him an incredibly underrated player.

Yeah, I really like that take by you. With that said, five. I'd like to go three or four here. Okay. If you want to get saucy, two. I, no, I would go four, but I think it's a bit dangerous. Evgeny Malkin is a very good hockey player. There are not that many 38 and older guys.

I know, and that's my point. And there's obviously two guys that will be higher than him, but I'm not sure we're getting them. In that case, I'd want Gino at two. No, absolutely not. Okay, then we're going three. Okay, three. Ryan Reeves.

Five? Five, and that's... Said with all the respect in the world. And that's okay. I think Revo would be the first to be like this, put me five. And I actually think I give him, credit for being a largely part of a dying breed, I would say. Absolutely.

And still being in the league. At this age. The fact that you're still going through camp, you're still fucking grinding your ass. Dude, unbelievable. Five. Brent Burns. Man, he is so good. I like four here.

I think so, but now you're banking on people. We are, but I like four and I'm like, and this is correct. Like the list is correct. Yeah, yeah. Fair point. Fair point. Fair point. Brent Burns still got it.

Very excited. Four. He's going to do in Colorado. God, we only have one, two. Okay. Four. Nick Falino. Baker, coming in.

That's so good. That's so good. Well, we're going to go to. We have to go two. And you'd like him. I don't think anyone would have done this differently. Except for me, he would have put Gino two. And then Brent.

If we're going to retroactively go all the way back, then maybe sure. But we're going to go to and let's pray to God. Baker, you better have already had this lockdown. If you're fucking us immediately, we're going to have a problem. I made Baker reads listen to the book, dude. I knew he was going to fuck us. All right, Felino, too. And our number one is, he's fucking with us.

He didn't have it locked. No, he did. No, he's just picking whatever he fucking wants now. Cut up, I was just like, get pucks, but now, um, Jonathan Quake. Son of a bitch. Hey, dude. Hey, you know what?

Quickie's number one in my heart, dude. He's the fucking man, dude. He's the man. Two cups. Fucking, uh, three cups. Three cups for Jonathan Quick. Still doing it. Still making big time saves.

Number one player in the NHL over 38. I absolutely love him. Me too. Not the best blind ranking, but a great episode. Baker's back. We've got a fun one for you Thursday. We're going to break down in a big way, a fun way with a very special guest the krill caprice of drama going on in Minnesota.

Guys, hockey season is nigh. Stay tuned all week as we come down the pipeline here of hockey being back. We got meaningful games going on. It's unbelievable stuff. Subscribe to the YouTube, buy some merch. We've got some great new shit coming out soon. We love you. And until we see you next episode, skate hard.