Empty Netters Podcast - What Is The Most Unbreakable NHL Record?

Episode Date: August 27, 2026

We rank the craziest records in the NHL and decide if any of them will ever be broken again. Spoiler alert, one is going down this year! Fraud Watch and Top Hits are as unhinged as ever. And the blind ranking honors a true Hollywood LEGEND. Chapters: 0:00 - Intro 04:57 - Unbreakable NHL Records? 40:56 - Fraud Watch/Top Hits 1:06:19 - Blind Ranking Tim Curry Roles PRESENTED by BetMGM. Download the BETMGM app and use code “NETTERS” and enjoy up to $1500 in bonus bets if you lose your first wager! Thanks to our Sponsors! BetMGM: Use bonus code NETTERS when signing up to receive up to $1500 in bonus bets if your first bet loses. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER (Available in the US) 877-8-HOPENY or text HOPENY (467369) (NY) 1-800-327-5050 (MA), 1-800-NEXT-STEP (AZ), 1-800-BETS-OFF (IA), 1-800-981-0023 (PR) 21+ only. Please Gamble Responsibly. See BetMGM.com for Terms. First Bet Offer for new customers only. Subject to eligibility requirements. Bonus bets are non-withdrawable. In partnership with Kansas Crossing Casino and Hotel. This promotional offer is not available in New York, Nevada, Ontario, or Puerto Rico. LUCY is the only pouch that delivers long-lasting on-demand flavor. Find a store at LUCY.CO/STORES or get it shipped with 20% off your first order at LUCY.CO/NETTERS using code NETTERS. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the Empty Netters podcast. Can you believe what this has become? There was a full 48 hours where I felt like I was like literally Superman. Jumbo loves playing Fortnite, so he gets on the sticks. Did TR show you the sauna cycle or was that all year? No, no, I invented that. Almost a year now that I haven't taken a body check. That's kind of nice.

So we are back. We are horned up and we are going deep. Finish tonight with some chicken fingers and a few guineasasers and ran into you guys. That's where this pod came to life. Ice is ready and we are back with another episode of the Empty Netters podcast brought to you by BetMGM Vacation Dano continues here in Sweden. We got Evbot the doctor behind the sticks. Hi. And C.P. Broken Hands is back in studio.

A little sleaker this time. As always. It also smelled horribly. I don't know why I did that. I don't know. Cats. Don't love hearing that. What I do love is that we've got a great.

episode for you today. We've got some fun little unbreakable streak talk going on in the NHL. We've got great not ice nonsense. And it's Thursday so you know that fraud watch and top hits is back. I've got a great one. I feel very, very good about it. And I really feel good about these unbreakable streaks that CP has for us. Well, I, gentlemen, as I'm one to do when I'm bored, is I'm just cruising hockey boys. Bullshit. Bullshit. And there's this, and dude, we're going to get into something that I've been long screaming.

So I'm excited for your guys take. But there, I saw someone on Reddit kind of going off on a similar track that I've been going off on. And then it sent me down a rabbit hole of research. Stap Boy CP back in full swing. I love that. Before you get into stats, speaking of rabbit holes, can I just quickly say, Evan, are, Are you aware of the celebrities die in three's theory? Yeah, I've heard of that actually, yeah.

Has this ever hit harder and faster, Chris, than Hayden, Dolly, and Tim Curry? Did they all just die? Tim Curry passed, though. We just got the news this morning that he passed. Yeah, we lost Hayden last week, and then Dolly yesterday and Tim Graham. I did not hear about Tim Curry. That sucks. Absolutely.

devastating, but you better believe it means that we've got to watch Clue. You've got to watch scary movie, too. We've got to watch Fern Gully. Oh, we, yeah. Dude. We were bumping, we were bumping Dolly Parton in the house last night. I can't believe I was having such a good morning. And then now you've done this time.

I know, I'm sorry to do it to you. I mean, Tim had been in poor health for a while, so it's not like surprising, surprising, but it is a bummer, right? Dude, also. And Dolly, Dolly was 80, I think. And I'll tell you what, when you're a, When you are a legendary rock star like Dolly and you make it to 80, that's a, that's huge. That's a great win.

Treasure Island. Dude, it's, I got to say, not to ever make light of the dead. We would. Oh, boy. I don't do that. Where are you going? But I think if you are a celebrity. Evan, I'm bracing for you.

Yeah. I think if you are a celebrity in poor health and then two celebrities die like two days in a row, you are like, I'm, I'm, I am cooked. There's just no way it's not me. You must think that. You've got to be terrified. And that's not, that's not speaking.

Yeah, no. That's not speaking. I'm just saying, you got to be like, oh no. Like even when two, if you're a celebrity and two celebrities die and you're in good health,

you're still like, yikes. Everybody keep on your fucking toes. And then how about this CP? If you're a celebrity right now who is much, much older or in poor health, you're like,

yes. Yeah, you're right. Dude, it swings both ways. If you're in, there's multiple celebrities in poor health right now, I'm sure. So when you, when Dolly dies, all of them go, oh, fuck. But one of them pays the ultimate price and the other 10 live forever. Yeah, which makes Tim a here.

Yeah, thank you. And I, and I really do thank him for his service. What an incredible career. Yeah. Yeah, incredible career. So check out some Tim Curry movies. Please get into your rabbit hole. I'm sorry for that.

I'm sorry for that lane change. That's okay, dude. Now I got a fucking. Hold on. Pull us back up, dude. I, I, I, I know that hard bumping. I did a nose dive. Yep.

Get some Celsius going and pull us up from this nose dive. Oh, look at him. He's being energized. Woo! Have you tried the cherry coal of flavor yet? Fuck, I forgot about that one. That might be out of, they might have, they might be out of that one. It might have gone immediately.

Ev, that's so true. I'm sure the office went through that, like crack cocaine. Shout out Laz, again, two episodes in a row because he loves Stap Boy CP. I went down a rabbit hole of in my, and I found like a trillion NHL records, but I went down a rabbit hole of some that I wanted to discuss with you guys as the most unbreakable. Got it. And we're going to rank them. Like this one will literally never be, I don't know how many I have, but we're going to go and just put them in order. Okay.

Okay. And then as I was looking up, just to start us off, as I was looking up most unbreakable records in all of sports, which there are some doozies. Cal Ripkin's Iron Man Street comes up for baseball all the time. And I was like, oh, the NHL Iron Man could be broken, I think, because Phil Kessel just broke it, obviously. And I just want to see what number that is. And our boy Keith Yandel had set it at 989 games. And then Phil Kessel broke that almost immediately and set it at 1,064 games.

Wow. And I promise you I've not looked at this. I'm pretty sure, isn't Bernsey going to break that? this year. Dan, yes, Brent Burns is at 1,07 games. And then I was like, oh, but he's retiring. And then I was like, wait, he signed an extension in June. And I mean, now we fucked him, I guess, now that I'm saying this out loud, because he does have to not get hurt and play. But it is insane that he is just about to break this. I completely, that, that missed me somehow fully. And don't worry, Bernsey is bigger than, Bernsey is bigger than the two of us. Yes. We could

We could never jinx this. That's impossible. Yeah. I mean, if Phil can survive headbutting marshy, then Brent Burns can survive whatever ailments are going to give it to him. But actually, Dan, let's look up. I mean, I guess he's been logging just 82s, right? That's how this, that's how this streak works. That's, that is how the Iron Man works. Yeah. So he just has to go hard body karate and make it. But I think he will, which he does, dude. He's a far. That's extremely, that's extremely cool. And good for bread. He is built on non-GMO grass fed that he hunts. Local, local, local raw honey and milk.

Dude, he's, um, he's, um, he's in his beard. Yeah, it's in his beard. He keeps a little, what do you think keeps his hair up slick? Uh, he, um, he's like, here's our red rising crossover. He's like several. He's literally just out like killing elk with his teeth in his bare hands and in his farm and then comes in. He's like, dinner's ready. Yeah. I'm sure he walks into practice someday with blood all over his clothes and people are like, what were you doing? And he's like, just skinned a deer. Yeah. We're good. Ready for him. I'm a skate. I built my kitchen. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So here's, here's, I'm going to take you through the records. Okay. And then we'll rank him at the end. Dave Williams has the NHL record for PIMS penalty minutes, 3,966 in his career. And the

Next closest guy is at like 1,000 something. So it's like, it's a bloodbath. But in an 84 game season, because we're going to 84 now, don't forget with a lot of these, in an 84 game season, if someone joins the league next year and they had a 20 year career, if they took a minor penalty every game of the season for 20 years, they would be at 3,360. They'd still be 600 pym short of Dave Williams. Yeah. That will never even be.

But, dude, but like there are majors, though, you know, like, it's fighting guys that are like, oh. Well, that, but that's what I'm saying, dude, fighting is leaving the game. We're already fighting way less. Fighters are a dying breed that will never, ever, ever be sniffed. Can you imagine, too, if you took how many years into a career do you think you'd have to take a minor penalty every game before a coach was like, hey, douche? You, so let me tell you what, I was just thinking about that.

You would have to score every game as well. before through 20 games a coach would be like this, you're going to the mindsies pal. You are an absolute liability. You're a beer leagher. You're a beer leaguer. You're a beer leaguer. If you're genuinely coming out there in the national,

taking a penalty every single game, you would get through five games before a coach was like, what is the positive of having you out on the ice? Also, like, look at, if you look at a picture of Dave Williams, like he looks like he smokes two packs a day. He was probably like 25. in some of these pictures. But it's also like shifting demographics

where it's like younger, more affluent people are playing the sport now. Whereas like in the 70s, it was like rough and tumble dudes who would like work on an oil rig. You know, it was just a different type of guy and the league was way different. So it was so much more fighting,

but it's way different. They were coming up out of the coal. Yeah, yeah. And just part of it all. Dan, I don't imagine Dave took a lot of slashing. You know, like it wasn't like a lot of hacks. I bet a lot of cross-checks. I bet there was a couple spears in there, too.

Dude, I want to ask AI after this to break down Dave Williams' penalties by, by penalty and see what that cooks up. I bet it's gnarly, man. I bet Dave Williams was holding nothing back on those hacks too. Okay, so that's looking like Paul Bunyan out there. Good point, dude. Jesus Christ. Horrible.

A wooden coho going across the forearm from Dave Williams will send you back. No padding. No slash cards back then. So that's, for the people listening at home, that's 20-year career, a minor penalty every game, 84-game season, you'd still be under. I actually wonder how good would you have to be offensively for someone to live with that? If Connor McDavid took a penalty every game. You 100% live with that. Would the Oilers be like, yes, damn?

Guys, as a Penguins fan, Malkin almost takes a penalty every time. Yeah, like Malkin does get a lot of games, which is funny. He's a passionate play. Yeah, you don't care at all, dude. I think the production, Dan, would be lower than you think. Who did Malkin try to murder last year? Oh, you like cross-checked him in the mouth. Oh, yeah.

I forget the player. I forgot about that. I'm going to look it up. Malkins wires crossed heavy last season and he tried to murder somebody. Dan, you know when Dolan gets going on R-Bob and he's like, I'm too much of a vet to have to deal with this shit? That's what happens to Mollah. It was Rasmus Dahlene. It was.

It was Dahlene. He tried to murder. Malkin just is too much of a vet now to deal with shit. So he's like, I'll cross-check you in the face. What was funny is when that happened, a lot of people were like, Dahlene's an undercover rat. He probably had that comment. Yeah.

I was like, whoa. I love it. I love it. Okay. The next one, the next record I'm bringing up is a gentleman named Bill Mickelson. He has the NHL record for worst plus minus. In the 74-75 season, Bill finished a dash 82. Oh, my God.

And, Dan, he only appeared in 59 games that year. Oh, my God. Bill. No, Bill. No. When I saw a dash a game, I was like, oh, so, so hold on, hold on. So Billy, Billy Mix, is this is single season, single season, worst, plus minus.

For the capitals, right? For the caps, yeah. Yeah, they were pretty bad. He only had a 174 game career and he finished Dash 174. So he was, he was point per game on dash. This guy was committed. Dude, a dash 82, I started laughing so hard. And then when I saw only appeared in 59 games, I shit my pants, dude.

That is, I wanted to say dash 82 could be, I'm honestly slightly surprised that is still the worst. Really, Dan? I, dude, think about a couple of these teams we've seen in the last several years. And I think I'm legally allowed to say this because of how much we've pumped their tires coming forward here, because they are on a great trajectory. But even the most diehard Blackhawks fans will say, the Blackhawks team that was put out on the ice a couple of seasons ago was pretty tough.

And I think about the guys on those teams that are asked to do so much. And it's like, how could you possibly have a positive plus minus? Yeah, right. But that's just so many, dude. Dash 80s. Chris, that's one per me. Yeah, like it's so many.

The quick check. And it's like when you think, about how many games you need to be playing to have that bad of a plus minus. You got to think you're winning some games. But then you talk to a guy named Billy Mix and he's like, doesn't matter, dude. I'm on the ice. Dude, it's going in our net. You want to put me out there? It is going in our net. Can you imagine how good you must feel if you're in a bit of a slump and you step out on the ice and you see Billy Mix lining up against the face off dot from you? You're like,

boys, get it. I'm getting one. Don't have to dump it in. Find me in front. Don't have to dump it in on this shift, dude. Find me in front. So statmuse.com only gives you the first 25, worst plus minuses ever,

and then it locks it. So I can only see that. And the most recent one that's even in this mix is the 83 season. And it gets down to minus 54 is the 25th worst. So like we haven't even been close to dash 82. So I, dude, I just think if someone, was getting this bad dashed in today's league

you'd be gone. You're done so, dude. Because, like, this is also what Ev was talking about. It's like, if you, like, when Billy Mix was playing, dude, they were pulling guys off the sailbobs. Like, this. Billy couldn't skate, dude. Yeah, dude. Like, your Billy Mix was probably your local barber. And, like,

the capitals were like, dude, we're running low on bodies. We need you to pop out on out there on right D. And he was like, I mean, we're going to get scored on. Like, so, yeah, like, I don't, I think, like, we've got the Minesies now, if you're getting lit up like a Christmas tree this bad, you're getting sent down, dude. You're going to go to Providence. I'm sorry. You've got to plug some holes down there, dude,

and then maybe, then maybe you come back up. You might be going to the coast. Okay, so that one's up there, dude. That one's an early contender for like, that's a big time. Billy Mick. In dash 82, 59 games, legendary work. Okay, the next one that I have, Bobby Orr points by a defenseman in a single season. He had 139 points in the 70-71 season. And the interesting thing about this record is Paul Coffey had 138 points in the 8586, which is the closest has ever been. But it still feels pretty tough to get. Even though we were one point away once, I'm still like, God, I don't know if we're going to get there ever again. We have an annual moment where we just all have to raise a glass to Paul Coffey for the most overlooked player.

Yeah. History of sports, gentlemen, not hockey, the history of sports. I'll drink to that. Paul Coffey, if truly, if not for one Robert Orr, ball coffee would be considered one of the greatest, if not the greatest defensemen. And Raymond Bork, it's like two brewing defensemen, like completely caught Paul Coffee. Yeah. Bobby Orr and Ray Bork were put on this earth to ruin Paul Coffey's career. Fuck you.

It's insane. It's so funny. So you think that one's gettable, Dan. I feel like we're seeing 100 points and it's like a miracle. Like a defenseman gets 100 points and we're like, oh my God. You know what? I'm getting a little too horny here by saying definitely because what, sorry, what was that? 139, dude.

139 is that is an insane year for a forward right now. So I'm being a little horny saying it's definitely getable because we saw Carlson hit the Hyundai spot four or five years ago and that was preposterous. So listen, it's getable, but it's still very unlikely. Like, dude, that would have... Like, who is the last four to get up that high? Was that Connor? Dan, I'm going to tell you, since 1990 on...

139 has been done how many times, twice? One, two, three. So from 1990 on... on, Bobby Orr would have won the Art Ross every year but three. Oh, my God. Like, it's the most points in the league every year by three. Even last year, Dan Connor had 138. He would have lost by one point to Bobby Orr.

So I'm like, I don't know if we're ever going to see that, even though we got close once. It's like, that's going to be tough to sniff again, fellas. Matthew Schaefer, come on, baby. Shafor, dude, he's our only hope. Okay, let me stay with Bobby Orr. I actually, I think, like, if I'm betting on a horse right now to get that crazy. It's probably I think it's lame

Oh with the apples Actually I love that take down I think lane dude is like He's just dude He'd have like He's only gonna have a 20 goal season probably He's gonna have to have a 120 He's gonna have to have a 120 assists

You'd have to like literally set like this single season One of these single season assists records He can do it The kid almost had an assist per game last year Damn dude dude He's the anti Bill Mickelson. Fucking nails.

Bobby Orr finished the 7071 season plus 124. And the closest we've seen anyone get after the year 2000, because some of them are like kind of high, but just so old. Yeah. The closest we've ever seen anyone get after 2000 is Johnny Hockey was a plus 64 in the in the 2020-21 season. and that's in the top 50, but plus 124. That's like half, he was only halfway there.

I don't think we'll ever see that either. Like that is banana land to be plus 124. So wait, did you just say that that was the same season as the 139 points? Yeah, 139 points plus 124. Yeah, it's like, if you're going to sniff that, you've got to be an over 100 point guy. and you've also got to be on the biggest wagoon team in the league where you're like you have to have the best defense

and tendi as well otherwise you're not getting anywhere near that so like that I think it's way way more likely that someone could I think we're more likely to see a Billy mix than that honestly you actually you actually might be right because it's like a

the team's horrible and you're just the minutes eater you know you're like oh man I got to just play all games on D and we suck. Like you're the number one D man on the team that is absolutely fucking blown it the fuck up. It's like when, I'm not going to take a shot at any team in the league right now.

But when a team soon here goes like this, we're blowing it up. And there's one horse on D that they don't get rid of. And they go like this, you're playing 30 minutes. Yeah. And he goes like this. Did you just sign me to a Billy Mix contract?

And they say, Dude, I actually want to look, Dan, because, no, he's actually done, well, he's had a couple tough ones. Because this, this sounds a lot like Mario, who has just been grinding on some of those sharks teams. Like, literally, he was playing 23 minutes a night on horrible sharks teams, just being like, I'll do it, you know, like falling on grenades. And he got up there.

That one year, he had minus 38. But even that, like, Billy was dashed 82. Insane. What a fucking piece. Okay. to the next one. Here comes CP Controversal Take Part 1. Marty Brodor NHL record career

691 wins. And this is often listed boys as like one of the unbreakable NHL records. For context, Flower just retired with 575. So well over a hundred short. So it's like, oh my God, Marty, you're insane. Bob has 456.

So like well over 200. hundred short. And Bob feels like this long-aged legend, okay? The thing about this one, sorry. No, you can interject here. I have some data points, but go ahead. The thing about this one is, we forget it's rare. Like, Marty was starting when he was like 22. And playing like 70 games a year. Yeah, they would ride the one goalie a lot more than they do now. But my point was, even before that fact, guys don't really get the net until like 25. That is also a good point, Dan. So like that it's a, Marty was a perfect storm of an era where they rode him like fucking Seattle slew and made him play 70 plus games a season. They were, they were also on a

wagon team and he was starting at the same time he could drink a fucking beer legally. That combination, that trifecta ain't happening in that. And he's nasty. Like that helps too, right? Like he was very, very good. And he is a weapon. So here's the only thing I want to bring up to you guys. Marty played 22 years, which is fucking nutso, right? But I can't remember what we saw flower, 20 or 21. Like, it happens. Okay, Bob's getting up there, right? If a goalie started now and had a 20-year career, so two years less than Marty,

but if you had a 20-year career, which is a lot, they need to win 34.55 games per season, which is, like, obscene. That's so good for 20 years to break this record. However, Vassi, since he became a starter, Vassi's been a starter for 10 years, and he's averaged 35.2 wins, so he's over it. And again, he'd have to do that for 10 more years, but I'm kind of like, this feels less impossible than when you hear it out loud to me. Like when you hear flowers, 120 shy, you're like, no one could ever do this. But now I'm like, someone could do this. Vassi ain't doing it, but I am going to, I'm going to leave Vassi,

but I'm going to stay in the same nation. Evan, how old is Ascaroff? Let me look I think Ascroft's like 23 Because like And listen 24 Rush

Okay But still Russian machine Don't break He's already got the Starting job How many wins does he have already The sharks

The sharks might be a fucking Like what if they become a 20 year dynasty with Mac And Ascroft's just the goalie the whole time His career records 26 wins 27 loss Yes you've got 26 in the

cap already. And now he has to play for like 18 years. Can't get hurt. It'd be tight. But dude, he could be winning like 40 games a year, you know. Well, that's the thing. It's like you got to look at like, I think Knight, Knights, maybe the same age, 25 or so. Oh, good one. I think he's a little older. Look up how old Sp-I. I think so too, actually, maybe, because he's been, but like, Spencer Knight is 26 max, is what I would guess. He is 25. Okay. See, like Spencer Knight's an interesting one too. 68 regular season wins. You got to have the combination to have a team that is on the precipice of like a 20-year

domination. I mean, dude, like let's not forget about Sway. Like, Sway's only 27. He actually probably has a lot of wins already versus like Spencer Nights. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. He's probably got a lot of wins already. And Sway, dude, he's got that, you know, he's Alaska tough. He's playing until he's fucking 45.

He's also a sicker. Yeah, see Sway's basically there. Sway's halfway there. Okay, I actually now think Sway is the frontrunner dead. It's Sway or Asgraf are the only two that could hunt down Marty Brodor? And he's 27. So, fuck, he is 27. I think, God, I'm on fire with the numbers.

No, I'm not. I fucking got Spencer Knight way wrong. But I, listen, this one's not, we're not ranking it yet, but this one, I was just surprised to see when I did the math and I went divided by years, I thought it was going to be like, you have to average 42 wins here. And I was like, okay, this is dead. But when it said 34, I was like, that's not dead dead. It would take a fucking insane run.

But very interesting. Okay. Next one I'm going to is, and there's a couple of Waynos in here that I'm building to a larger point. But next one I'm going to is Wayno most assists in a single season, single season. He did it in the 85, 86 season. He had 163 assists. And that was when it was an 80 game schedule. So.

Never. Absolutely. Because Connor and Cooch had 100 and it felt like a literal miracle. Yeah, and then you need 60 plus more of those. You have to do like a full season. Literally never. Yeah. So never in a million years.

That one feels very hard. Okay, the next record, the New York Islanders consecutive playoff series wins. Consecutive playoff series wins. From 80 to 84, the New York Islanders won 19 straight playoff series. Oh my gosh. What? That's probably number one.

That's probably wild. That is the craziest stat I have ever heard in my life. because that's also not like in the fucking 20s when there were three teams, you know? That was like the other day. That's like five cups in a row. They won four cups in and then lost in the cup final of the fifth year. In the cup final. Yeah, so they won four, four, four, three.

And then lost to Gretzky in the Oilers. And then Gretzky won a million in a row. God, man. Can you imagine trying to beat that team as the Oilers? Oh my God. Dude, yeah, right. Because Gretzky's already great at that time, but the islanders were just dominating. And they had bossy who's like, who's my goat?

That must have been the coolest cup of all that. Oh, wow, what a good point, dude. That's two tigers. You're taking down a literal god. Like that is insane. I mean, Ev, you have watched some epic penguins runs and Dan, we got one cup out of it, but like we had some great Bruins runs. Imagine winning 19 straight playoff series.

Dan, put it to Brady. Like, even like, I'm like, I'm a Tom Brady fan. In my mind, I've watched the greatest dynasty ever. We lost Super Bowls. You know, like the Islanders just literally one playout series over and over and over and Over at over. Crazy record. And it wasn't that long ago.

Like, it's not like they were doing this in the 50s. You know, like this is mental. Totally agree, dude. Like, that is, that one is moronic. Okay. Like, that happened. Like, our dad is alive. Oh, yeah, watch it.

And he was like, damn, the Islanders are good. Like, he was, like, thinking about making you at that moment. Whoa, true, dude. Like, I actually kind of ended the Islander's dynasty now that I think about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's tough, dude. Bossy. Dude, it's actually fucked because.

Mike Bossy is such a hero of mine, and he probably deeply hates me now. Now that I'm, you arrived and he went like this. My back hurts too bad. This is boring now. This actually would be so bad, Dan. What year did his back go out and then he retired? Yeah. I think it was literally a year.

1987. He scored 38 goals and quit hockey right when I was born. Dude, you literally ended Mike Bossy's career and the Islanders dynasty. That is such a dagger. That's tough. dude. That's tough to hear. God damn it. Okay. Wayno, career assists, 1,963. So Connor McDavid right now is 29 years old. To break this record, McDavid would have to play 12 more years, which I believe he could. He's 29. But he would have to have 96 assists a season for the next 12 years.

Yeah, dude. That feels very tough. That feels very tough. I'm telling you, Chris, I'm telling you right now, where you wanted to do, this is already too long of a conversation and you wanted us to rank these. We're not ranking. No, no, we can't. I'm telling you.

No, we are not because you, last episode proved, if we try to rank anything, it takes 10x longer than anyone wants it to. So we are not doing it. This will be easy, Dan. This will be easy. Most goals,

I'm telling you right now, I refuse. I will not participate. I will give you the ranking in speed. We can go through and we can rank them on a scale of one to 10 how hard it is if you want, but we are not

putting these in order. Okay, I could do that. Timu, most goals by a rookie, 76 by a rookie. Can be broken. Ovi is the closest in recent memory and he only had 52 and he's a freak. So I'm like 76 goals is a rookie. We haven't seen 70 goals in like since Brett Hall, I think. Like 70 goal mark is impossible. We are going to 84 games, but like holy shit. Again, dude, we're talking with some of these things that you've listed are the most impossible things I've ever heard in my life. Fair. That one is like, it could happen. I don't know.

Okay. Next one, the Montreal Canadiens, 10 straight finals appearances. Yeah, that's not happening again. Literally never. No. Just the way teams are built now. Literally never. And this one, Dan, compared to the Islanders one, they did this when there was six teams.

Yeah. Right? So like this is why. The Islanders one is even more insane because there was actually fucking a league. No, never in a million years. Okay. This might be my favorite. Actually, I'm going to save that.

that one. How many more do you have? This is out of great. More more. Rocket Richard most cups as a player. Eleven. You could be broken. You think so? 11 cups? 100%. I mean, dude, like, again, these are all, like, I want to slap you right now. These are all seven or a lot in the ricketer scale. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

That's what I wanted to wreck them. But like you're talking could it ever happen? Like, yeah. Like, I don't know. Like a guy, you know, let's say a guy gets, let's say the Panthers win another. And then like a young guy, like Lundell gets traded and he gets a to the next dynasty and they went four. You know, it's like, could happen. Okay, I like that take.

OV goals, 929 and counting. And this is controversial CP take number two. I've been saying this a long time. And you clearly, not clearly, obviously you need health. Like OV's durability has been everything. Yeah. And Matthews is already proving like he's missing time in here and there. But I just, in the same way I thought it was interesting for Marty.

Matthews is 28. If he played 12 more years, he would need 41 goals a year. which doesn't sound like that many for an elite goal score. Like, he scores 50, 60 goals a season. No, dude. You just said this guy who's already had some injury problems needs to play until he's 43. No, no, 40.

I gave him until 40. 12 more years at 28. I'm like, okay. And he needs to score 45 goals a year. 40. 41. But like, if he scores, if he has another 65 year, now he can afford a 15 year. You know, like, there's, you can get that average up so, like, he just has to be good

in his prime. Right. That's all I mean. It's just more possible than people think. I would put it lower on the list. Everyone's going OV's like, this is unbreakable. And I'm like, we could get it. It's possible, but Matthews ain't your guy.

Okay, this one's hilarious. Glenn Hall, most consecutive games played as a goalie. So the goalie Iron Man, 502 straight games. Like, he played every game of the season. When did Glenn Hall die? No, dude, he died the other day. Remember? I'm joking.

Yeah, actually glide. He died January 7th of this year. Dude, 53 or 55 to 63, he just played every game of the season. Like literally their backup did not play. He died at 94. He's the Iron Man of Life. He's a legend, dude. That is unbelievable. Okay. And then the Peace Day Resistence, which is why I brought this whole thing up, and I'm going to read you this quick blur, because I actually would love your guy's takes on this because I thought it was amazing. Yeah, go ahead. This is what I found, because usually the most unbreakable record in sports unanimously is Wayne's points.

Like, everybody says that because the closest is like thousands of points away, you know, or a thousand points away or something. So listen to this breakdown, and what do you think, Dan? This is the Reddit person. Shout out, Notorious LLL.L. Gretzky has 2,857 points in 1,487 games, plus 382 in 208 playoff games, 21 seasons played till he's 38. McDavid is at 794 games, 1,220 points. I'm going to ignore our playoffs because I don't care right now. He needs 209 points to get to half of Gretzky's total,

which will take him 1.5 seasons at last year's 130 point pace. Does that sound fair? Yeah. In one and a half seasons, he'll have 209 points, which will put him exactly half of Gretzky. Which would mean he'd be at 15, 20 points heading into his 14th season at age 31. He would now need 1,3,3. 338 points to do it. If McDavid's true prime lasts for six more years, and he's able to rack up

150 points, his best season was 153, which is obviously a lot, that's 900. So he'd be 438 left at age 37. Assuming better sports medicine actually makes an impact, he could play till 42. So five seasons left at 37, 24 seasons total. Chelyos and Howe played 26 seasons, so that's well within the realm of possibilities. It all depends on how healthy and McDavid can stay and how he can change his game as he slows down. You'd think at some point at his salary dwindles he'll be able to facilitate some really good scores and keep up racking assists. At this point, he would need 88 points a season for his final five seasons, which is 60% of his peak. OVee in his 24th season, 21st season, is scoring at 60% of his peak, so it feels possible. So it is very possible because you don't

need to have McDavid produce the numbers he's already producing, just need to say consistent and ready to play until he's 42. And he's an assist king just like Gretzky. So if those numbers hit McDavid would hit Gretzky's numbers, and he seems like such a student of the game that I feel like if he was within reach of Gretzky's all-time record, he would come back and play one more year at, you know, get 40 points and do it.

Like, I don't think McDavid would retire 35 points shy of Gretzky's all-time record. This record, I thought, was literally not even in the scope of anything, but with this math, it's actually not that crazy. What are your thoughts? I agree. Like, that is nuts, dude.

I don't mean for this to be boring conversation, but agree. Like I think it is Connor literally wrote an article this year about how he's a robot. And I don't know that we're going to see a change in Connors. I must get 120 plus points of season attitude in a long time. So I think that this is going to continue. And I think he is a genuine alien on the ice. And I can see him sniffing. Because, dude, asking for 150 a season for the next,

like six years is a big ask, obviously. But asking for 88 as he ages, even though that's a point for game, it just doesn't feel that crazy for him because of the assists. You know, I'm like, whatever, dude. Like, you will obviously have 88 fucking points.

And God, remember how crazy it was with Ovi when he got close? If Connor got close to this record as he was at age 41 and shit, it would be awesome. Like the fucking buzz would be insane. It would be so cool to watch. All right.

Let's go through and rate these before this conversation gets to an hour long, which is insanity. But let's go for it. Okay. The Bobby Orr points by a defenseman. Why are you not going in order? Dave Williams Pims. Okay. Literally 10. 10. Never be broken. Billy Mick dash 82. I will, I'll be willing to say like an eight. Do you go loud? Should we go decimals here? Let's go like an 8.5. 8.5. We can go half. I can't believe that. Because again, I could see what you brought up in like a horse defenseman on a brutal rebuilding team that's getting blown up. Bobby Orr 139 points in a single season. For a defenseman. Eight. Eight. Okay. I don't think anything's going to be below me. I can't believe that's the lowest one. Bobby Orr plus 124 in a single season. I think 10. Truly I do. I think you might be right. Actually, make that one.

9.5 and make the PIMS 9.5 also, Evan. Okay. No, dude. Pems, we're allowed to go to 10 here. I know, but there are things way bigger than that one. But, no, but those will also be tens. Like, if something is impossible and another thing's even more impossible, they're both equally impossible because they're impossible. Both of those are tens.

Marty Broder, 691 wins. 9.5. I consider a 10th. Okay. We'll go in 9.5 because I was considering a 10%. 9. Wayno assists in a single season 163. Me too.

Literally never. Islanders 19 consecutive playoff series wins. 11. The biggest 10 of all 10. Yeah. Wayno 1,963 career assists. 9.5, but probably 10?

10, dude. Like McDavid. Just go 10. 10. Timu goals by a rookie 76. 8.5. Okay. Okay. Habs, 10 straight finals appearances. 15.

Yeah. No, dude, this is the 15. Make Habs 11 with the Islanders. Glenn Hall, 502 straight games as a goalie. Literally, no goalie will even play 82 games ever again. Literally, no goalie will ever play a full season, ever again. That is actually correct. This one is 15.

That's the craziest record I've ever seen. Henri Rechard, 11 cups as a player. 8.5. Yeah, 8.5, maybe 9. OV career goals. I mean, God, I'm being a little crazy. 11 is insane, yeah. The most ridiculous scenario of all time. I was trying to, I think, that's possible. That's probably a 9. Yeah, 9. Make that one a 9. Let's call it a 9. OV goal record. I think at 9. 8.5. Let's go down 8.5. 8.5. 8.5.

Yeah, and then Wayno career points, which I thought was a fucking 20. Now looking at it, I think we have to go 9.5. Yeah, All right. Let's go 9.7 for Connor. Oh, there you go. Oh, fuck yes, dude. Give him a little juice.

Incredible. All right. So those are the most unbreakable records in NHL history and it turns out some of them are kind of breakable. And Statman CP, like those, that was great digger out.

Those are all crazy. 500 and two straight games as a goalie is the funniest thing I've ever seen in my life. Those are all in the sense. How did he still have a face? Dude, I was like, what do you do it? Like, why did you,

what was the backup saying for five years? Was he like, can I play? I don't think he existed, Chris. I don't think he existed. I don't think he existed. Dude, it was Bill standing in the net. That's why he was a dash 82. He's like he wouldn't have pads on. That's that's unbelievable stuff. We're taking an ad break. We'll be right back. Uh-oh. Do you smell that? Do you smell that autumn crisp? Do you smell that pumpkin spice? I know. I know. I don't like it either. But listen, Thursday night football is back. And it just got a whole lot better with the legendary Thursdays at Bet, MGM.

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I know you were waiting for this legendary Thursdays. Come on. That M-G-M makes it legendary. All right, let's get into fraud watch and top hits. It is Thursday, after all. I said I was very excited about one of mine here today. And now that I think about it, I might be excited about both. Do either of you want to kick us off?

Let's start with Fraud Watch, as we always do. Either of you want to start? Sure, I'll start. And I had a couple, and I'm going to go with this one, because one of them kind of surer to buddy of mine, and I don't want to do that right now. I'm in too good a mood. Oh, boy.

This one might get some pushback. And I couldn't figure out how to phrase it, but I'm going to phrase it this way. I think that not, if you're out to dinner with your significant other, not splitting I'm putting on fraud watch like you are at a restaurant and you have the chance to try two things

and you're with your significant other I'm like get... Oh, I thought you meant the bill. No, I thought you meant the bill. You each get something like you should go what should we get? Let's get two things here and then we'll try. We each get to try both.

And because if you end up getting, if you accidentally order the worst thing, your meal is saved by getting the better thing that he or she ordered. And if he or she ordered the worst thing, you are now saving the meal of someone you love because you're like, hey, you get to try some of this too. Nice, hey, nice attempt at a spin zone at the end there, you fucking loser.

You're, like, you try to make it seem like when you're getting half of your great meal taken. It's a good thing because I thought some people were going to go, this thing sucks because I want to defeat my significant other. And I'm like, that's kind of weird, dude. Nice try. I think it's a missed opportunity. If you're at a great restaurant with your chief another, do not try two things. listen you're going to get no pushback from me i'm i'm just pulling your leg with that comment there i i

personally i would revise your statement to not being open to it is on fraud okay because i get that's just my take you can your your your fraud watch uh there are definitely times where we're at somewhere that we go too often and i'm like i know exactly what i want i don't want anything else i don't want to have half of your inferior dish, given what my taste buds want right now. I would like all of mine. So there are times we're on like, I think I should have said new restaurant, Dan. I think like if you're at a new spot, I'm like, yeah, try, try two things. Now we're cooking. Because like, yeah, there are definitely times where I know exactly what I want and I don't need to do it. But at a new place especially, or like if you're on vacation, I'm all in on Splitsville. Splitsville.

I was going to say this too. This was the original phrasing of my fraud watch. Ordering the same thing as your significant other at a restaurant is on fraud watch. Oh, that is. Because I'm like, that's insane. What are you doing, dude? I agree. I hate that because sometimes I'll be like looking at the menu and I'm like, oh, I think I'm going to get the, you know, the chicken parm or whatever.

And then I'm with somebody like, oh, I'm going to get the chicken farm. I'm like, God damn it. Now I can't get it. Yeah, dude. If you're going to get it. So agree. Sometimes there's a Mexican restaurant Sandra and I go to sometimes after golf. And I'm like, I always want, we both just want the fajitas.

So I'm like, oh, I have the steak fajitas. And she's like, me too. And I'm like, we are fucking loses. Like, this is insane. We can't do this. It's a tough look. It does make you look like a boring ass. Like, hey, you guys do this yesterday, too?

Clowns. I'm going to sewer myself on this topic. You know what I do a lot? And like, listen, I don't do it intentionally, but Alice and I will go somewhere. She'll get something. I'll get something. And like, I just inferred it's something I really want. And Alice will take a bite of hers and she'll go, oh, this is so good.

Do you want to try it? And I'm like, no. I don't. And then, like, like, I don't. like I know because she is a functioning member of society. She is waiting for me to be like, would you like to try mine? But I'm like, I like to afford this. I can't open this door.

Genuinely, I'm like, I would like to eat all of this. So I'm not going to offer it. But like I'm an asshole. I'm not like, would you like to try this? But it's like every time it starts to happen, I'm like, I know how this is going to go. And I'm just such a piece of you. Yeah. I mean, sometimes it's like, if somebody's like, you want to try a bite on my sandwich?

Unless I'm like married to that person, I'm kind of like, no. I don't want to put my mouth where your mouth. was and like have the slimy like onion come up peel away as you're eating it and then i'm eating that same thing i'm like i'm good man i don't need a bite of your sandwich dude is so correct and i think there's there there's a lot of etiquette that gets thrown around in the in the sharing if it's a fork situation if it's like have a bite of my meal to try yes splitting one in half though i don't know about yeah yeah this this is kind of bumping up against our uh Double-dibbing conversation.

But I guess I've not really thought about, that's a good point. Like, taking a bite of someone's sandwich is, you are getting really. Oh, yeah, that's worse than double-dip. That's worse. Have you guys ever had a hot wet beef sandwich in Chicago? Oh, yeah. So my wife and I, when we were, like, dating, we were traveling cross-country. And one of the reasons I felt comfortable enough to get married to, or is that, like,

we both shared a wet-dipped beef sandwich together? And I'm like, all right, I guess we can get married. Yeah, I got married. We've shared a ju. Yeah, like we certainly have to get married. Yeah. You've got the juve down your chin and you're like, where am I?

Okay. And what are you done? Okay. My fraud watch is this fucking Super El Nino. What is going on? Whoa, dude. Yeah. And I had been away, dude.

I came right back and got hit in the face with it. I didn't know what this was happening. I got off the plane, I was suffocated. This is sort of like a, I'm just like baffled as to why it's like every couple. Like we've had like more El Nino's in the past few years. Like the, like there was one in 97. Dude, was that, I was just what to say. Was there a first, it's almost like, it's almost like climate changes.

I know. Yeah, it's so true. But the, the, um, there was one in 97. Then they said there was like a couple smaller ones like 20, 20, 20, 23. And now we're having in this like super one. Whoa. And I don't know if you've noticed, but like more mosquitoes are coming to Southern California. Fucking sucks.

So I'm kind of like all encompassing like Super El Nino and mosquitoes can fuck right off. Mosquitoes are literally good for nobody. Like wasn't Bill Gates trying to eradicate mosquitoes or something? Like for, like, come on, Bill. Dude, you have a trillion dollars. They're good for the frogs. Are they good for the frogs? Yeah, but they're bad for malaria.

Fuck the frogs. Dude, it's humidity. Yeah. It's humid in L.A. for the first. time in my life living there and it's it's it's it's blue town but I also love hearing this from you and looking at you right now in the studio wearing a sweats freezing it is cold yeah yeah dude the first i thought i remembered the first el nino i remember like i remember the craze in like the nineties like el nino i just remember the chris farley s and l satchette where he goes el nino means the nino

like that's all i remember as a kid dude the first historically recorded el nino was in 1578 and i'm like what? Yeah. We've been Ninoing for hundreds of years, dude. Everybody calmed out. I know. It's just like, it just bums me out because when I moved to California, it was dry, relatively well, like, you know, wasn't, didn't get incredibly hot, but this just sucked so much. I'm like, get this El Nino

out of it. Get out of here, dude. Get out of here. And apparently we're going to get a buttload of rain in February. Yeah, yeah, right. Maybe. Yeah, like historic fucking gas for skisos. It's true. It is. But you might get a landslide in. your car or something. Sorry, Malibu. Yeah, yeah. Something might happen where like, oh, the road has caved in because the infrastructure sucks. We failed. But all I'm saying is I don't like, I mean,

it's not as humid as like Georgia. We're not like New Orleans humid. Dude, when you go back, you're like, oh yeah. Yeah, that's way worse. But this still is kind of like, come on guys. Yep. I'm with you, dude. Lower my rent, please. Yeah. It's not what I sign up for. Cost of living better start going down if we start if the bugs start going out. That's what I'm saying. I'm with you on that, bro. Fuck right up, Super El Niño. For sure. I love it.

You're a fraud and I hate you. Dan, what are you so excited about? Yeah. No, well, this is not the one I'm excited about. I'm going to preface this by saying this has nothing to do with anyone that I know. This is not related to any. Clear lie. No.

No. This has nothing to do with anyone I know. I'm getting ahead of the story. I was watching a rom-com on one of my flights. this came up, my fraud watch is not telling your friends when their significant other is ass. Oh, wow. Heavy, heavy fraud watch. That's a hard one.

Yep, it is a hard one. But you're right again. It, dude, it is insane that we accept a society when you're, when your friend, whether it be a girlfriend, dating a douche, loser guy, whether it be a guy friend, dating a bad gal, going. the generic response is, dude, it's just such an uncomfortable conversation. Sometimes you've got to let people figure things out for themselves, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. That's just all lip service for you not wanting to have a hard conversation with someone that you know and love and have known in love for much longer than this other significant other person. So it's like, dude, we got to start stepping up to the plate. We've got to start saving our friends.

Saving Silverman. Wow, what a fucking movie. That's literally the movie I won't actually. Yeah, yeah. Yes. Literally, that's the movie that I watched. And I was watching it and I was laughing. And I was like, this is such a funny, you know, relatable thing.

But the fact that it's relatable should be the tell that this is a problem. Does that end with her being kind of cool? Or she is bad. No, she's a psychopath, but she ends up with Steve Zahn because Steve Zon is also a psychopath. When she drops a big mac sauce on her boobs in that movie, I really enjoyed it. Can you be less of a 13-year-old fuck? He was 13. I guess.

Just telling you how I felt about 13. I said when I saw that, I really enjoyed it. That's all I'm saying. Yeah, but I'm trying to have a serious conversation about my fraud watch and you just go to 13-year-old horny CP, you fucking loser. You brought back some good memories. Stay focused for one second. I think that this would be less of a narrative if we as a society stepped up more and started saving our friends. This should not be a thing that people relate to.

It should be because, you know, the more common place it gets, the less difficult the conversation is. Because if your friend goes like this, hey, by the way, your significant other stinks, you can do way better. That is now a normal thing. And they go, oh, wow, I've heard that. This is happening all the time. It must be true. The normalizing or being afraid of uncomfortable conversations in general is on fraud botched, Dan. We should be having uncomfortable conversations that are helpful all the time.

Communication is key. Absolutely. Communication is key. And I just, listen, I'm just on team, save your friends. Your friends mean the world to you. And it stinks when you see, like, you know, one, of your girlfriends just like get sucked in by some douche guy and you just go like this she's got to learn on her own. I'm like, or we can help. Or I can be the hero. Like what the fuck? I think we got to

start up right. Right. Because right now you're getting messengers getting killed left and right now. Nowadays. Yeah, Chris. We're saving the message. Protect our buddies. Protect our messengers. I love it, dude. Do you want a snake draft into your into your, yeah. I sure do. I'm going to snake draft into mine and fellas, I am I am jazzed about this one. My top hit this week is ketchup. Oh my God. Oh, like the kind on a man of Pete's boobs? Yeah.

That's big mess. Well, there's ketchup in that sauce, Dan. You better believe that. There's an orange tinge. If I called on 13-year-old, yeah, I remember it. I can see it perfectly. There's an orange tinge to that sauce.

Evan, I needed you on my team here so bad. And now you've got them off topic again. My top hit is ketchup. This is terrible. I knew you would say that. but hear me out sir ketchup is a gold standard staple and you know what this is why ketchup is my top hit because i believe that ketchup deserves more respect okay ketchup is constantly dismissed constantly shit on you'll hear a lot of people when it comes to dogs broths sausages they'll be like

dude, if you put ketchup on a dog, you're a fucking child. And it's kind of like, relax, man. Like if someone likes ketchup, let him put it on there. It's funny because I do say that, but also you're right. Yeah. Here is my number one point, okay? Let's think about some other popular condiments. Let's talk about barbecue sauce.

Yeah, incredible. Let's talk about mustard. Incredible. Let's talk about mayo. Incredible. All three of those condiments are famous. for what? They're variations. You've got spicy barbecue. You've got hickory barbecue. You've got barbecue, honey barbecue. Mustard. You've got spicy brown. You've got multi-grain. You've got

honey mustard. You've got everything. Dejean. Mayo, you've got garlic aoli. You've got like jalapeno, blah, blah, blah. All of these different iterations and variations. And don't get me wrong. I love those two. They're great. But you know what you never see a variation on is ketchup. And the one time that three or four year period where the bougie stuck up restaurant industry tried to do it, they tried to institute some like spicy ketchup. It was Chipotle ketchup.

It was it? Yeah, and I actually liked it though. Really? I don't even know like fucking remember this. Kevin, shut up and let me cook. All of those things, boom, kicked out the fucking door after a few years because the ketchup industry went, you know what, dude, these things suck. If you were one of those loser, L7 weenie restaurants that Evan was getting hard at because they had Chipotle ketchup, they eventually got booted out the door because people went, I just want

fucking Heinz tomato ketchup with my fucking French fries. Get all of your fancy ketchup out of my face and bring back the classic. And that happened. You never see that nonsense anymore. People just want their ketchup because it's perfect as it is. Ketchup did not need variations. It did not need alterations because ketchup rocks and ketchup people knew that from day one. Dude, that, I have a, if this was a debate, if this was the old school Will Farrell, what's that guy's name with the bald head? James Carvel, dude, the Raging Cajun.

If this was a debate, my team would have a prepared response, which I will say, I mean, briefly articulate, but I just want to say that that was an incredible. logic take. Like, I have a, I have a, a rebuttal. It was inspirational. Yeah. Because it's, it's,

everything you said is right. My rebuttal, or go ahead. I'm sick of it, God. No, I was just gonna, I'm sick of it. I'm sick of the, I'm sick of the ketchup slander.

Because like, listen, if you're not a ketchup person, that's fine, but that's your problem. ketchup is incredible. And like, I'm sorry, dude. It is rare when you see a food like a French fry,

for example, that is so universal. I know there's some mayo people, and that's cool, but it is so universally, like if you ask a kid to, we talk about the Ferrari thing all the time, Chris, you ask a kid to draw a race car, they will color it red. If you ask a kid to draw a plate of French fries, they will put ketchup on it. Totally correct. I think that the rebuttal take is ketchup. And you're going to disagree this, but it is largely true. Ketchup is much more popular in a younger demographic. Like ketchup is a is a younger palate taste. And I think all. these variations apply to adult palettes. Like I an adult want Dijon. I'm like, ooh, this is now good because I'm not older. Kids, if you Dijon ketchup, like a six-year-old is like, this is horrible. And adults who might like a Dijon ketchup like you, like me grew out of ketchup a while ago. So I'm like, I don't need this, whatever. Like, I moved on. And may I respond? It was not long ago on this pod where we were discussing Peebee and J's and Mac and Cheese.

Yeah, correct. And this is my point. Just because something was good when you were a kid doesn't mean it's not good still. Dude, and yeah. And I really don't like how people like, I mean, I'm like, I don't really like PB&J because I like other stuff. But the reality is, dude, I still like French fries. I still like a grilled cheese and I want to dip that shit. Bro, ketchup, as you know, I don't really like ketchup. But there is something about fries.

Like French fries and ketchup is really good. And I don't, if I put ketchup on other things I like, I kind of don't like the bite. anymore but for eyes for whatever reason i'm like no this is the this is the correct flavor palette to make this try good i so dude top top hit ketchup i've got something to say to dan and as a proud pittsburger hinds field you know hinds's britain so this is my home stuff yeah and i love ketchup lately in my life i have found that the ultra-processed sort of chemically taste of it i'm like if you could give me like homemade ketchup yeah i'd probably fucking love it Yeah. And I'm saying this is a Pittsburgh guy.

Yeah, Heinz coming for you. The regular bottle of like ketchup with like a billion chemical ingredients, I'm always like, don't know if I need it. But if I'm like hanging out and eating unhealthy shit, it doesn't matter. So I will say that as Evelyn Beatrice Hall said, I may not agree with what you say, but I will defend to the death you're right to say it. Yeah. So I completely agree with your point, even though I may sometimes find ketchup to be like. Dan, you should, Dan, you should make,

you should try to make a homemade ketchup once. Like, get some, get some, like, try to broke tomatoes again. Like, I don't know if your balcony has enough sun, but, like, that would be cool if you had a many veggie garden and then made your own homemade ketchup. What is it? Just like tomato. I don't know.

I have no idea, but, yeah, it can't be that hard. Yeah. That'd be sick. B vinegar, yeah. Okay, Dan, that would be gas up now. That really, excellent work, Dan. Okay, Ev, what do you got? Thank you, gentlemen.

Similar in the food vein, but also completely hypocritical to what I just said. I love movie theater popcorn. Oh, dude, same. It's fucking unbelievable. This guy's talking to me about chemicals and he's putting movie theater pop-upers. Are you buttering, though? Are you buttering, Evan?

You know he is. Look at him. Okay, because I used to be, I used to be layered butter. Like, I'd be like, hey, layer it the butter in so I can get it everywhere. And now it is. Chris is like putting a straw in the bucket and dumping the butter straight down the straw. So, yeah, to make myself a complete hypocritical asshole, like the smell that chemically smell when you hit the movie theater it is like fucking crap

it is incredible and even when I go in and I'm like you know what I'm going to see schindler's list I'm not going to be munching on popcorn drinking a fucking leader of cola yeah but that smell hits me and I'm like large popcorn yeah yeah every time dude I literally go in I've I've recently told someone that it's like in casinos where they pump in oxygen I will go into a movie theater and I smell, I will go into a movie theater after being at Fogo to Chow, having a full all you can eat dinner with zero space in my stomach and I will order popcorn. So I think it's an addiction. It's a problem. But I used to work at the Arklight movie theater, rest in peace. So this was like, people that don't know this, this was like sort of a SoCal

it was my first job in L.A. when I was like 22. And we used real butter. Yeah, wow. So they, so you would have to heat the, the butter would be in a heated tin. So it wasn't like chemically butter. So the butter would go in hard and you had to let it get liquefied. But people would ask us, they'd be like fill it up halfway, pump some butter, put a little more in, pump some butter. So I, but I rarely get butter because I'm like, I don't need those chemicals. Exactly now we just can't.

But if I'm having a real fuck it day, if it's like a Saturday and I've just had a week, I'm like, I want to put some butter on that. Yeah, dude. And I have gone the arc light in Culver, we used to live by there. Yeah. There have been times in my life. Actually, it's kind of bad. It's not an arc lane anymore, but the theater's there.

again. Anyway, I would go, if we were watching a movie that we were renting at home on our big screen, I would go to the Culver Theater and buy popcorn and then just bring it back to the house. And we would eat the Culver movie theater popcorn at home. That is so dope. That's how good this is. We like during COVID, my, uh, I got a projector because I missed going to the movies. I got like a nice projector. And I was sitting there going like, ah, you know, I just really miss movie theater popcorn. So for my birthday, my wife, she was my girlfriend then, bought me like a movie theater. I've seen those.

Not like the huge, huge ones, but like a pretty good size one. And it was supposed to be a surprise. And it showed up in a box on our door. And like it was one of those like boxes where they don't really put it in a box. It's just like the box says popcorn maker. And she's like, well, surprise. Happy birthday. Happy fucking birthday.

That's awesome. Do you still have it? Oh, yeah. Yeah. I like brought it to people's parties. And if they're doing screenings, I'll like, I'll bring my popcorn maker if you want. And it's good as hell. That's fucking great.

We had one for a while then. Remember? That was a small one. Yeah. Yeah. It's just to clean. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

It's a process. Okay. Two really good ones here. Mine is way more low key, but I think we'll still hit. My top hit is long phone chargers. I remember getting one of them. And I was like, oh, this is such a luxury. And then the other day I was like, I'm just going to buy like five of these.

I'm going to replace all my phone chargers that are scattered around my house with the long ones. So now there's a long one by my bed. There's a long one in the living room. You know, there's a long one by Sandra. And now it's just like, there's no issue. My phone is charging. I have to check something. I got to show her.

Boom, it's still plugged in. The living room, it reaches all the way across to the other seat that she's in. I cannot believe we were ever selling, I don't know, you can't believe we even sell regular-sized phone charges anymore. Like, why? Maybe we'll get to the point where they're like a dog leash. You know, they like zip out and they'll zip back in. But having a short phone charger is insane these days. Like, what are you possibly doing?

Dude, I was right about to say the fact that non-long ones even exist anymore is insane. But then you just blew my cock off my body with the fucking dog leash version. It's already a little block. It's a little bit. That'd be incredible. Why don't we should delete this? Evan, delete this. Delete all this.

Oh, so we're going to make some money? Yeah. We're going to invent that. The letters long charge. It's incredible, dude. Yeah, the long change, Dan. We'll call it the long change. Yeah.

Oh, my God. The netter's long change. Second period long charge. crack. Yeah, brother. They're amazing. Genius. Genius top hit.

They're incredible. I have them all over my house as well, and they are necessary. Just not having one. Absolutely, dude. Crazy. And like when you go to an Airbnb and you're like, oh, I only have my short charger. Now I have to, like, lean 15 feet over my bed to look at my phone. Truly.

I'm like, dude, I actually bought a box of multiple long chargers. And after day one, Gavin stole one. And I almost committed. Oh, my God. I was like, dude, anything but the long charger. Take all the shoe my eyes. Have you been to like gas stations where they sell those chargers that have like almost like a like a, like a cloth cover on. Oh, no.

And then like they just don't work. Like I've had experiences where you buy like, oh, phone charger, gas station. And then you plug it in and it's like this doesn't work at all. Yeah, like thanks. If you buy a phone charger at a gas station, it better be an emergency and you only need it for one day because that's as long as it will last. That is a fact. Hey, fellas, that was one of the best. That's a great round.

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All right. The first one we're going to take a look at is Rocky Horror Picture Show, Dr. Frankenfurter. There was literally 0.0% chance that this wasn't on Evans' list. There was literally no chance. Well, it's the role that broke him out. Exactly. I knew it was coming.

I'm actually glad it's first stand, so we didn't get shoehorned into something. Now we can make a logical, sound decision on Rocky Horror. What is your instinct? I know what yours is. Well, no, you don't. Yes, I do. You are itching in your seat to put this at five. No, but I was going to say four. But I'm afraid you're about to be like one. It's iconic, which it is. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. I really like Rocky Horror, but I'm not a nut about it. I love that it broke him out. but I'm going to say three.

It is so popular. And if you wanted to wrestle me, in the people that love it. It's incredible. If you wanted to wrestle me to the ground and go four, I am fine. Maybe it is a good three

due to how legendary it is. It's a legendary. Because it is that, like, oh my God. Iconic. Yeah, okay. You've actually talked to me up. It's got to tuck me up.

I'm going three. All right. The next one is homilin two. the hotel concierge. I mean, I mean, this is, I think a lot of,

I think a lot of people see Tim Curry's face and they think of it. Dude, when he, there is like, when, when,

uh, they're being shot at, you know, they're doing the, like, they're doing the, uh, what's that movie called again,

Dan? Oh, angels with dirty, uh, angels with filthy souls. Yeah, they're doing like the angels of filthy souls bit, you know,

and he's, he's like, they're, it's him and like the, the bell, the old bellboy, whose name is Cliff. you know and like they mentioned

that's Rob Schneider no no there's that he's the young there's like a really old guy in the scene oh yeah oh yeah okay and they're like in the movie they're like Cliff Cliff's gay or something and like they all look at the old guy oh yeah yeah yeah what to fuck

so funny um okay well we can't blow Evan's head off his body but I do think god this is kind of why I wanted to go for I think I want to go to here Dan I mean home alone too is like

all kind. Listen, dude, I know. I mean, like, I could go. Fuck. I'm down with two. We could go four to protect some, to protect some, like,

haters that could be coming. What are, what are we protecting? Guys, you don't even know. Like, I'm gonna, like, don't do bad ones. I'm not. Yeah, yeah, that's, he's not. He's not.

He's not. Don't do psycho ones that we don't know. Trust me. That's why I'm thinking, like, God, but I do love Home Alone too, though. Yeah, he does. I mean, dude, the 90s were good. Yeah, that's why I'm like, fuck, do we go?

We should, yeah. That's two or four. I mean, the home alone, four. Oh, my God, dude. Yeah, you got it. I would say that's smart just because he just isn't in the movie that much. I know, I might regret this, but okay. All right, it, Pennywise, the clown.

Jesus Christ, dude. Did you remember that he was that fucking clown? I now do. Absolutely, dude. And I made a career when the new hits came out of being like this. Did you know that 1040 is actually the original Pennywise? that's going to be two for me. Terrifying.

TV movie. Yeah, I mean, technically it's like mini series, but yeah. Yeah. Fucking weird. Okay. Two. I mean, talk about iconic, dude. Jesus Christ.

Yeah. Yeah. Two. Okay. Wadsworth in Clue. See, now we're fucked, dude. Because I'm going to have to give something, but I might have to give something a five now that I really am upset about.

Yeah, but. I mean, dude, this is my, when I think of Tim Curry, I have clue. I'm in clue. And also, if you haven't seen Clue in a while, it's so fucking perfect. It's like, sometimes things get adapted and I'm like, what are we doing? And that is like a, I'm like, oh, of course. Was that the first time they took a board game and turned it into a movie? Great question.

It might be. That would be awesome. Yeah, maybe. That's the one to do. Like, if you're going to turn any board game into a movie, I'm like, yeah, clue. That's an obvious one. Yeah, yeah. I'm going one.

I think we unfortunately have to go one, which means I know I'm about to fucking dad. a movie I truly love. Okay, are we daggering this one? Muppet Treasurer. I knew it, dude. I literally fucking knew this was going to be it, dude. Like, I would have put this at one, Dan. I literally would have put this at fucking one,

and now it's five on my blind ranking. God damn it, dude. That is a nightmare. I'm fine with this. I'm totally fine with this. You're so wrong. You're so wrong. No, no, no.

No disrespect. Muppert Treasure Island. I love that. But like, the four in front of it are all the timers. This movie, dude. This movie. Guys, think about, think about, this is, okay, I understand this might not, this might not reflect your personal taste, but number five, but he's also got movies like Fern Gully, I know, wild thornberry. Yeah, yeah.

Like, so many other, like legend, he was the devil in that movie legend. Oh, yeah. Yeah, dude. I'm really glad. I am, I will say this, as sad as I am that Muppet Treasure Island is my five now on record forever, because the internet will never die. But I'm glad it wasn't Fern Gulley, yeah, because that would have been, we would have never recovered from that. I would have logged I would have logged

off of this episode immediately and retired I would have retired but I just I assumed knowing Evan he was not going to put an animated out of that

I did want to keep it to live action so that it wasn't the Sophie's choice for you guys thank you because Hexas one of the great villains

of all time in one of the greatest animated films of all time that would have been one I mean dude Tim Curry we know what I really

love about this first of all I actually think we did a very good job you did and second of all I think if any time we do an episode, we hope to do something to give back to the world, I hope we inspire people to watch some Tim Carrey movies this week.

Because, God damn, you were right, Ev, like this man had a phenomenal career. Yeah, excellent actor. Phenomenal. That's a beautiful episode, folks. We've got fun stuff coming out. If you didn't check it out yet, episode five of Red Rising dropped yesterday. Make sure to watch that so you're caught up. We only have two Eps left of the first book of the series.

We've got unbelievable merch available. go check it out. Give us five stars on Apple. Spotify. Pause right now. Before you end this episode, go do that for us right now, then subscribe to the YouTube.

We love you guys so much. Have an incredibly safe, fun weekend. We've got amazing interviews coming up for you in the next couple of weeks as we rip up towards hockey season. Beautiful stuff. We love you guys. Until we see you next time.

Skate hard.