Empty Netters Podcast - Will The Real Flyers and Capitals Please Stand Up?!
Episode Date: November 4, 2025Marty Necas signs with Colorado so it’s time to debate the Rantanen trade all over again. Markstrom does the Devils a huge favor. The Flyers and Capitals have the guys asking all kinds of questions ...about their seasons. Pucked has returned and it’s raunchier than ever. Plus, the beer league hotline is one for the ages. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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Welcome to the Empty Netters podcast.
Can you believe what this has become?
There was a full 48 hours where I felt like I was like literally Superman.
Jumbo loves playing Fortnite, so he gets on the sticks.
Did TR show you the sauna cycle or was that all year?
No, no, I invented that.
Almost a year now that I haven't taken a body check.
That's kind of nice.
Finish tonight with some chicken fingers and a few guineasas is right into you guys.
That's where this pod came to life.
Ice is ready and we are back.
With another episode of the Empty Netters podcast, and should I say,
ho, ho, ho, because it is November 2nd, upon recording,
which means we're not one day, but two days, into the first episode brought to you by BetMGM,
and it is Christmas time.
Folks, we appreciate Halloween around here.
Some would say we appreciate Thanksgiving, but everyone who knows us knows that we are
Christmas boys.
and I am here, your host, Dan Powers, The Man,
with a 55 Christmas movie list,
and with me is a man who doesn't appreciate Christmas
not nearly as much as I do.
He'd like to pretend he does,
but he has no such list.
Chris Powers, the Grinch himself.
As always,
The Grinch is the greatest Christmas movie,
but he is not me, sir.
Do you think The Grinch is the greatest Christmas movie?
Yeah, that's my favorite Christmas movie.
Hey, can I ask you a question?
I know that you're not on social media.
I know that you are not on the interwebs.
But some would say, some accused me of doxing you.
But I did no such thing.
You took a photo and you promoted our unbelievable new hat, our new Netters hat, the
new Netters Bear lid.
And you had a nice mean mug going on.
You were holding the brim.
And a lot of people DM'd and they said that you bore a resemblance to a famous
Disney Pixar character named Hopper.
And I posted that photo.
Did you see that photo?
Did you get on the interwebs enough to see that photo?
No, I sure didn't.
Can I show it to you?
It's gone now.
It's gone.
Can I show it to you on this camera right now?
You can try.
So for those who are listening, CP and I, I'm remote.
I'm in New York because baby girl Alice ran the marathon.
She absolutely crushed it.
Way to go, Alice.
That's we should have started with that.
Yeah, that's true.
We should have started the episode with Giving Problem.
Apousalis, three hours, 32 minutes, absolutely smashed the marathon.
Sorry, excuse me, three hours, 31 minutes.
But CP, let me show you this photo.
It is...
I find it, I can't see anything.
I think, hold on.
Yeah, I got it.
I got it right here.
You, you know what someone said to me, they go, don't blame CP for having truly striking
cheekbones.
Oh, oh, yeah, is that Pixar, dude?
I thought that was, um...
That's Bugs Life, bro.
Oh, that is Bugs Life, okay, yeah.
Yeah.
Did you think that was ants?
Yeah, I thought that's my shit, dude.
Yes, that's your shit.
Yeah, you're an ants boy.
Isn't that Spacey?
What do you mean, Spacey?
Oh, oh, Kevin.
Shit.
Yeah.
That might be Spatian, dude.
Do we have to cancel Hopper?
Dude, we just need to look deeper.
We need to do a deeper dive on him.
No.
Separate the art from the artist.
Hopper is his own, his own man.
Just because I got cheekbones doesn't mean I'm Spacey.
That's all I'm saying.
Hey, you ain't Spacey, bro.
No, and I will say, I post that photo and not a single person gave me the classic way too into it.
Oh, don't compare Chris to Kevin Spacey.
I think they appreciated that they were like, that's a character, brother.
That's whopper.
Good.
That ain't, that ain't.
Yeah, dude, that is Space.
I thought it might be
A, Chris, upon further review, that is
unfortunately Spacey.
I thought that might be Spacey.
But it's Hopper, dude, it's hopper.
Do you think Hopper's a bad guy?
Or is Hopper just, he's doing his job, dude?
He's a soldier.
He got caught up in the game.
Got caught up in the game.
I haven't seen the movie a long time.
Man, grasshoppers eat more food than bugs than ants.
Yeah, right.
Are they ants in Bugs life?
They're definitely ants.
Yeah.
This is one of the, this is quickly,
CP, do your job, be a hero and guide us in
to some hockey talk because right now we're doing that classic thing where people go,
dude, we just spend 20 minutes talking about a bug's life.
Edge is fuming.
Edge is so mad, dude.
Oh, my God.
Okay, so we've been trying a new thing where we go live on Monday mornings to give you
the hot ice portion of our Tuesday podcast to give you some action on Monday.
As Dan said, he's in New York for the marathon.
He's flying to Mexico in the morning so we can't go live because he'll be on a plane
crossing the border, passport in hand.
So we're recording hot ice now late Sunday night to join.
drop this for you. You are listening to this hot ice on the morning. You'll get the full pod on
Tuesday, just like always with Bearly Kotline and Blind Ranking and a Pucked update. But here we go,
hot ice portion. This will all be in the pod. First order of business, Dan. Martin Natchez gets his
bag from the Colorado Avalanche, signs an eight-year ticket. And the last year you can do it, 92,011.
A.A.V. Buddy, I love it so much. I've got a lot to say about this, Chris. Number one being
obviously. Let's
address
the 800 pound gorilla in the room.
That's the phrase, right?
I think so.
No, it's the elephant in the room.
Elephant. Yeah.
What is the 800?
That, for...
I think he's stomping on you.
For my TV sitcom fans, that was a new girl reference.
What is the 800 pound gorilla?
I think he's like sitting on you.
Look at... Oh, is that it?
But why is he sitting on you?
Is it like guilt you feel you're feeling?
Let's find out.
You look that up while I talk about this.
I'm going to address the elephant in the room.
Everyone, when this came out, immediately referenced the Miko Rantan extension because, of course, Miko Rantan was a Colorado Amalanche.
He was Nate's guy.
He was his boy.
They won a cup together.
He was a top 10 player in the league.
Probably still is a top 10 player in the league.
And they wanted to keep him around.
He turned down a contract.
Then he went to Carolina.
and then he signed for less than was reported in Colorado that was offered to him in Dallas,
eight years, 12 million.
And now we hear we have Marty Natchez signing for eight years 11.5, just 0.5 less than Miko.
And some disgruntled fans are saying, really?
Really?
We traded Miko.
That whole rigmarole happened.
And then we end up with NACIS for just 500K a year less.
Now to that I say, I understand, but as we always say, timing is everything.
The cap is going up.
A lot of things are different.
A lot of circumstances are different.
But at the end of the day, if you want to be real, Miko Rantanin left Colorado, right?
And we heard a lot of stuff.
Miko left and he was like, dude, I didn't want to leave.
Next thing you know, I was traded.
Now, I'm not saying that that's not true, but I am saying that there.
There's a lot of pieces in these things.
We don't know what the ins and outs were with that deal.
We've heard things.
Fans have heard things.
Ultimately, Miko went to Carolina.
He didn't see a fit in Carolina.
He wanted to move.
So Carolina, Tulski, made some magic happen, moved him to Dallas.
Things worked out great for Carolina.
They worked out great for Dallas because they signed him to an eight-year good extension, 12-mill.
And now Colorado gets a winger for Nate.
for the next eight years at a great cap hit.
And if you want to be a stats whore, which we don't like to be,
and you want to look at him.
Yeah.
You could be.
I've been a stats whore in my life.
I'll be one again.
Martin Aches is having a great year.
He's having a better year than Miko Randon in so far.
And you know what I really love, Chris?
First game after the extension.
What does Martin Natchez do?
He buries a goal.
And I said, I said on Twitter,
I think it's so groovy.
When a player signs a great extension and buries immediately, to me it's a nice tip of the cap.
To the fans, to the organization and to his teammates, it's like, hey, thanks for your money.
Here you go.
And if you bet on any time goal score, you get paid too, and not everybody's making money.
I get money, you get money.
Everyone wins.
This is what we like.
We love a win-win.
I just revisited that movie, by the way, Dan, it's tremendous.
tremendous movie.
Remember that movie?
Well, thanks for your money.
Which one's that?
Win-win.
Oh, win.
Oh, my God.
Paul Giamati classic.
Yep.
Yeah.
Wrestling movie.
Yeah.
Not W.
Not W.W.E. wrestling.
True wrestling.
Olympic wrestling.
What's high school like?
Last year.
Post trade.
Post trade last year.
28 points in 30 games.
Yeah.
Moose post trade.
18 points in 20 games.
Like you said, NACIS, 9 and 8 for 17 in 13.
this year. Moose, five and nine for 14 and 12 this year. So nature's slight edge, but really close.
The thing for me, and I don't know if you saw the clip Dan Liles was on chicklets, our boy,
John Liles. He was on chicklets and he said, uh, can we just pause right there and say,
John Michael Liles is one of the best voices in hockey. He's a man, dude. He's, I know Colorado
fans are familiar with him, but every time he pops on chicklets, every time he pops on Netters,
he'll be back on netters.
He is, he's born for this.
He's so funny.
He's got great insight.
He's the best.
Look at the wine cave.
He said, everybody loves to point at that hat trick in game seven by Miko.
Yeah, they do.
But actually, and a hat trick's a hat trick, dude.
Don't get me wrong.
But actually, the first goal was in snipe and was disgusting.
And a goal that really him and only a few people can score.
The second goal was like a power play with a busted play wrap around and the third was an empty netter.
So it's not exactly the narrative that like Miko Ranton and fucking shoved you in a locker in the game and just dominated.
You know, he scored three.
You can never take that from him, but just keep that in mind.
But even accepting that fact, the big difference when you're doing this comparison is Martin Natchez.
Marty Natchez playoffs last year, five points in seven playoff games, Avalanche Luce.
Miko Rantin at 22 points in 18 playoff games to lead the Dallas Stars to the Western Commerce Finals.
all the Carolina fans said when that trade happened yeah natius is fast he's going to live he's
going to thrive with Nate disappears in the playoffs that's all everybody said to us he's had one
shot he didn't do nothing he had five points in seven games it's actually quite nice but this trade
miko rantan has never not once vanished in the playoffs that's his bag and marty
Natchez will need to do that to help me sleep at night if I'm an Aves fan.
If I go, I give up Miko fucking Rantinanin because who, dude, who tweeted like, then this
might be harsh, but someone tweeted Miko Rantanin is five times better than Marty Natchez for
500,000 less, or more dollars.
And that's excessive, but I see the point.
Because, dude, if you are an Aves fan and you're like, oh, my God, this is amazing.
If Marty Nate just doesn't show up in playoffs the way Miko Randon always has, then I'm like, bro, this was, the money was not a problem at all.
How did you let this happen?
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That's so fair.
I have to give Marty Natchez a season, a full season with Nate,
with Landy too.
Don't forget Landy back for a full year.
I have to give him a full season.
I have to give him the benefit of the doubt.
Now, if they get into playoffs and they struggle and Marty struggles,
then we have a problem.
Then we have a significant problem.
Now it's not...
What if they lose to Dallas again,
what if it's first round
and Miko Ranton and plays great
and they lose to Dallas?
I've been tough in the past on teams.
I'll always be tough.
You know, my model is,
if you...
We were actually talking about this with,
I don't want a harp.
Don't give me a harp, CP.
Don't turn me into an angel
with a harp
plucking the chords,
the strings.
I don't want a harp
on the city of Toronto
and the Toronto Blue Jays right now.
What a tragedy.
But we were talking about baseball the other day
and that absolutely tragic game seven.
And you and I were, you know, we're hockey boys
and we were shitting on baseball players
and the MLB in particular
for celebrating every fucking win.
Oh, you make playoffs.
Champagne shower in the locker room.
Oh, you win the wild card.
Champagne shower in the locker room.
Oh, you win a five game series in the DS.
Champagne shower.
and long you win the CS champagne chowel hey pals celebrate when you win the fucking big one yeah that's it that's
the only thing you celebrate because you know what is the difference as you and i have said many times
between the person who loses in the stanley cup final and the person who comes in the last place
a better draft pick a better draft pick that's the difference so i'm so sick of these best
losers celebrating stuff. I've been harsh on teams in the past when they lose to a great team and you
want to say, oh no, it's fine. You lost to the champion or you lost to this great team. But that's
bullshit, right? Because if you are a great team, you have to beat great teams. And that's why we've
given credit to Edmonton Oilers for the past couple of years, right? They beat the avalanche. They
beat the stars. They beat the Vegas Knights. Like, they beat these great teams. And that's why
they deserve their flowers. And we, when we, remember when we,
we did our preseason rankings and we said the abs might be a B tier and Aves fans went nuts on us.
But we were like, guys, you've lost, you've lost in the first or second round the last two straight
years. I don't care who you lost to. If you want to be an S tier team, you can't be losing in the
first or second round. That's just simply how it works. So, I'm with you, dude, yeah. Here's, here's
my, or do you have more? All I was going to say is just answering your question and talking about Marty
is like, yeah, I'm going to give you this year.
I'm going to give you a full year with Nate, with Kale, with Landy, with these amazing players.
But if you show up and you guys make playoffs and you lay an egg, buddy, you've got a disease now.
This is not a, oh, yeah, he's not quite fake.
No, like, you've been in the league for too long.
And if you continue to get, because, I mean, what, he was born into the hurricanes.
He's never not been in playoffs, right?
I don't think Martin Aitchis has missed playoffs his entire career.
That's probably right.
And he's never really excelled.
He's never overperformed.
And you're now playing with one of the best players to ever live, two of the best players to ever live.
And if you don't perform after a full season and then some with these guys, now we have a problem.
What about this, though?
Well, I'm with you on all that.
Here's I guess just my question.
this feels now that this is sorted and it's done right like everyone's got their extensions
and they're on their teams and here we go it's it's odd to me i don't know i don't want to ignore
that natius is 26 like he's he's uh he's younger so young than ranting in by i think three years
so that's that's a factor for sure yeah yeah but now that it's like the same terms and the same
money essentially i still find it odd that it's just
it's the same position.
Like sometimes in fantasy football,
you have excess running backs,
they have excess wide receivers,
and you're like, let's trade one.
These guys are equally good,
but I need it and you need it.
For the most part,
I feel like you go natius and rantan
and are equally good.
Like, I don't know,
you can land on either side of that.
I think most people land on the ranton inside,
but like, yeah, they're equally good wingers.
Can we be real, though?
Is there anyone?
Is there anyone
who's looking at them just from a sheer player perspective
who thinks
Moose isn't better than Naitis?
Probably not, but I don't want to discredit Marty
because he's very good.
Marty's gross.
So you know what I mean?
So like if it was forward for D,
if it was a winger for a center
because you're like, we need help down in the middle,
I get it.
Yeah, yeah.
But the swap when they're like,
dude, they're just two good wingers
and you knew what you had with Ranton
and Nate liked him and he wanted to stay.
Like it just, the only way this would make sense from the avs POV for me is if NACIS ends up being like producing much more than Rantan and they go, see, we saw something. That's why we did this?
But since I'm like, what are you hoping to get just a Rantanin level season? Then why did you do this when you paying him the same amount of money? Like, why did you disrupt any of this? Like, why does Rantan hate the abs now? Why does he have the extra motivation? Like it just seems so weird. But that's the question, right? It's like the reports were that Nantan or, uh, uh, Rantan was.
asking for 13 and a half, 14?
Last year, right?
Right.
So you saved.
There was no tax.
Yeah.
Yes.
So like let's say you saved two million a year.
Then it's a different story.
That's a different story.
Well, I think that's the story.
I think no matter what happened, it sounds like no matter what Ranton and said, if we're
going to let's find a happy middle ground of the truth, you probably saved two million a year.
And even with the cap going up, that's a lot.
It's a lot.
Oh, agree.
Oh, dude, no, once you're there, it's real.
I guess I'm like, he wouldn't have taken 12 mil.
He wouldn't have done 12.
I know.
And maybe he wouldn't have.
Maybe he straight up wouldn't have been asked many times.
And I don't know that.
I won't find that out.
But if he would, if you could have got there, this feels weird to me if I'm Colorado.
So here's my one question for you before we leave this topic.
I was asked this on hockey talk today.
It was like with Nate just signing his extension, who's the winner, Colorado or Dallas?
And they ignored Carolina.
And I'm like, it might be Carolina, honestly.
I know.
They did so well.
They did so well.
We dogged them.
We were like this Tulski needs to answer to someone.
And then he figured it out so well.
It's unbelievable.
But let's talk about just Colorado and Dallas for the time being.
And I actually think this is one of those beautiful things where set aside all the
bullshit about what might have happened, what did happen, what didn't happen. Ultimately,
Dallas got a player, a phenomenal player that they've locked up for the long term.
Colorado got a phenomenal player that they've locked up for the long term. Everyone's happy.
I'm kind of like, you know what? This was a crazy situation, but everyone's happy. And for me,
the big question I have, and this is the thing I'm going to pass to you as we close out of this topic,
is it is it not so crazy that both these teams are way worse than they should be so far 15 games
to the season yeah dude that's that's i think my point with my rant before why did you rock the
boat you had a completely fine thing where everyone was building the community inside and it was
and you were going well and if you think if you think you were going we can't win with randon
that's why we're losing we need something different than okay we can have that conversation
but I highly doubt that's what they were thinking.
So what's funny is Colorado's in first in the central,
7, 1, and 5 through 13 games.
And it's hilarious to say that they're way worse than they should be.
But ultimately it's like you have 5 OT losses.
Yeah, they're nearly 500.
They're nearly 500.
They're 7 and 6.
Like, let's be real.
You have one regular season or regulation loss.
And I know there's going to be a lot of people who jumped on our throat on that.
And that's true.
You have one regulation loss, but you have technically lost six games and won seven of them.
And I know that Aves fans are like, that's not good enough.
Dallas is six, three and three.
They are first and fourth in the central respectively.
And it's like, I think those teams both think that they should be one and two in the central by a heavy margin, even 15, 13 games through the season.
So it is interesting.
And to your point, my, I think the last thing I'll say before we switch topics is,
what you just said
rocking the boat.
I don't like that topic
because say what you will
about Landy's injury, about Nishushushkin's
absences.
Ultimately, Colorado won
one cup and then
they fell way too
short for the next four straight years,
in my opinion, for how good
that team is. So I
reject the, why did you rock
the boat? Because I'm like, it wasn't working.
That's plain and simple, dude. It wasn't
working.
Yep.
I don't think
Marty Natchez was the answer.
I don't think swapping
Miko Randon for
Martin for Mardi Natchez
was the answer.
Okay, next order of business.
Jacob Markstrom
signs an extension.
Two years,
12 mil total,
six Aav.
Which is an absolute
fucking steel
in the big picture,
I think.
The plus side is
last year,
26, 16, and 6
with a 2.5-0
goals against in a
9-0-0-sade percentage.
Four shout-outs
in 49 games
for the devil's last season.
You take that all fucking day.
I thought he gave them
everything they wanted. This year, despite his great game with 40 plus saves against the Kings
last night, he is 3 and 2 with an 875 save percentage and a 417 goals against, and that's after
like a 40 save one goal effort. So it was horrible before that. And he's been hurt and he's 35.
So where are you, how do you feel about this number? I'm going to be Lightning McQueen on this topic.
to me, I think last year, the numbers are not exactly where they might have wanted.
The two five is good.
I'd like a little bit less.
The 900 is not that great.
I would have liked at least like 916, 917.
But I do think the devils were marred by injury last year.
I think they're hoping for better and they've gotten better so far this year.
And then ironically, his start has been.
bad numbers wise but i think it is the injury now it's similar to demco and say what you want about
vancouver's struggles to start this year i think dempco has been very good so we were like wow
surprise extension for demco is he healthy to me i think he is healthy based on some of his
performances this year i see this extension for markstrom 35 years old two years at an incredibly
palatable number.
Oh my God.
When we know, and we've talked a lot about
the devils
are ripe
with phenomenal contracts.
I think it's the devil's going.
We have a window.
Capitalize this window.
I don't want any questions for the next three years.
Markstrom's the guy.
Go, go, go, go, go.
I love the contract.
I think Markstrom is dealing with an injury
that he's getting over.
And the next 30 games
are going to tell us a lot about him.
I think they're going to be way better.
I absolutely love it.
Dude, you know I'm high in the devil,
so I'll continue the stroke off session,
but I think this is a fucking home run.
This is a,
this is a,
McGee Rojas, top nine,
one out dinger,
because he could have,
in my opinion,
been like,
fuck you, dude.
I'm Jacob Markstrom,
and I want,
like, what's everyone else getting?
Like,
they're also in that 8,5, 9 range, right?
Yeah, 100%.
He easily could have been like,
give me eight for two more years.
Like,
and I'm going to give you elite goals.
goaltending. So I think this was a, um, this was an, uh, like an Eckblad surprise for me where I was
like, oh, wow, nice. That's a great discount. Because dude, let me run through this lightning quick
with you. Yeah. I'm going to go through teams in the league. Tell me if Markstrom would be their starting
goalie. Ready? Yeah, go. Canadians. Yes. Yes. Red Wings. Yes. Yeah. Uh, yes. Uh, yes. Uh, yes.
nor like we just traded for kids.
No, you're right.
Yes.
Yes.
Lightning.
No.
No.
Well, am I answering this or you, you fucker?
Well, we both are.
Okay.
I'll let you go first, though.
Penguins.
Yes.
You agree.
Hurricanes.
Yes.
Agree.
Blue jackets.
Yes.
Yes.
Rangers.
No.
No.
Senators.
No.
Are you fucking crazy?
No.
Probably not.
Bruins
No
No
Islanders
No
No
Capitals
No
No
Panthers
No
Maple Leafs
Yes
Yes
Yes
100% dude
No
Healthy Stolar's
No absolutely not
No dude
You're fucking
You've lost it
You've lost it
You got marathon brain
He's got noodle brain
He's got fucking
Nudal Brain
He doesn't know what's going on
I love Stolars
Sabers
Yes
Yes
Flyers
No.
Yes.
Yes.
Avalanche.
No.
Uh, yes.
Yes.
Jets.
No.
No.
Mammoth.
Yes.
I think so, too.
Ducks.
No.
Yes.
Are you fucking nuts?
Nights.
You are an idiot.
Um, right now 100% yes.
I love Hill, but right now yes.
Oilers.
Yes.
Yes.
Stars.
No.
No.
Crackin.
No.
Surprise, no.
Yeah.
I would have said yes last year.
Absolutely not.
Christ.
Absolutely not.
Kings.
No.
Yes.
No.
I think yes.
I mean, he's been fucking horrible.
But Blackhawks.
Literally a Vesna finalist last year.
Last year.
No. Blackhawks, yes.
Predators.
Are you sure?
Spencer Knight?
No way.
They play Marksville.
No.
Dude.
No way.
Spencer Knight right now?
Yeah.
No.
They play Markstrom.
You are high as a kite, sir.
Predators.
You are on some pineapple express shit.
No way.
Spencer Knight is starting over him.
Um, no.
Dude.
Yes.
Nope.
Okay.
Well, literally everyone in the league is starting over him right now because he has
five goals against.
But assuming he goes back to form, then that's what we're discussing.
You're nuts.
Okay, go on.
Predators?
No.
No.
Canucks?
No.
Yeah, no.
Wild.
Wow.
Also a Swedish battle.
I know.
Going into the season, I would probably have picked bus.
But now.
And now they're both struggling, but I don't know if that's Buss's fault.
I'm going to say no.
I would go Gustafson.
I actually think maybe you're right there.
Sharks?
Yes.
Yes.
Blues.
Yes.
Sorry.
Claims.
Probably no, because Wolf is so nasty.
Yeah, yeah.
You got to say no, but it's tough start, but no.
So point being, I forgot to tally it, but he is your starting goalie on over half.
Over two thirds of the two thirds of the teams.
I don't even know if it's a, I don't know if it's over.
Not over, but I bet it's about two thirds.
Yeah.
Having that for six million is wonderful.
That is the bigger point.
In the national hockey league, when you are a playoff team and you're starting.
Carding goalie is only making six mil.
That is the biggest fucking win of all time.
So this extension is fucking phenomenal.
Well done devils.
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We're staying in the Met, talking about the devils.
We're moving on to Philly.
You inspired me, Dan?
I've been watching a lot of task.
Yeah.
So I've got the good Philly accent going on right now.
The fucking flyers.
The flyers are unbelievable, dude.
They're buzzing.
What do you think about the boys from Philly right now?
I just finished that show right before we stepped on to this recording, Dan, so we will discuss offline.
Can't wait.
I bet that show fuck you up emotional, you bitch.
No, dude, no.
You inspired me with, I think, Hawks talk maybe, or maybe mammoth talk.
No, it was definitely Hockstock.
It was definitely Hockstock.
I just want to having some fun with some other fan bases that deserve a little love.
Yeah.
So we get two coming up here.
Flyers first one.
Let me rip you some top line shit, okay?
Trevor Zegris, our boy.
Oh, my God, man.
Let it rain.
Mr.
Let it burn.
Let it burn all night.
We need to start incorporating that thing you do, quote, in every episode.
Agree.
Dude, Mr. Let it burn.
Trevor Zegris, no goals for the first seven games.
And I was like, here we go, dude.
Like, it's all over.
Everything I believed in is dead.
Then, wouldn't you know, four goals in his last four,
13 points in 12 games so far, leading the team.
Leads the team.
He had a career high 65.
He had that 61, then 65, or whatever it was,
three years ago, and then two tough seasons,
on pace for 83 points right now or something like that.
connect me seven points in 11 he's coming off the 76 last year
Bobby brink who we love
well uh I think I think Trabs got eight now after
oh yeah yeah yeah he's got eight now yeah he's got eight now
Brink seven in in 12 actually I probably didn't add his last
the game that just happened he's got seven she's got seven
yeah seven and 12 coming off his 46 and we're really excited about him
Dr. Locke's really excited about him um
Mitchcoff who scored for Philly today
Mitchcoff's got six
Mitchcoff has six points.
One goal of five assists.
Yeah, yeah.
We've talked a lot about the sophomore slump.
Every time we were keeping our eyes on past rookie years, that's usually right.
Did we do this?
I want to take some responsibility here.
I swear to God, the sophomore slump was not as significant as it is in the NHL until you put it on Maddie Baneers.
And now since the inception of the Empty Netters podcast, boys who mean a lot to
this show suffers significant sophomore slumps.
Yes.
Except for the boys in San Jose.
And also, hey, fucking rebuke, rebuke.
Revoke, revoke, revoke.
Revoke, revoke, revoke, revote, disavowed, erroneous.
Also, you're right, but it was like the sophomore slump existed the whole time, but no one knew, and then I shined a light on it.
Yeah.
And then everybody's-
You stupid rat.
But that's my point, though.
It was already happening.
There was something to shine a light on.
If there was nothing there, I would have shined my light on nothing.
But I shined your light on something nice.
Shine your light on good things.
Why did you shine it on a bad thing?
Because everyone's talking about it.
So, I would like to see him pick it up.
But I fear, I fear the slump a little bit.
The biggest change is last year, the Flyers Golly Room was a fucking tragedy.
A travesty, a preposterous sewer of sives.
Chris?
It was a head-on collision between two moms driving minivans full of kids.
Yeah, that's exactly it was.
It was absolutely horrific.
And then in comes Darth Vladar, dude.
He's got to come up with that, right?
Four and three so far, 924, save percentage, 2-1-1 goals against both easily.
career highs for him or whatever you want to call it career best for him um i talked in the preseason
dude about year one talk it say what you want about talk talk talk talk you talked the last
episode about ladd and you're talking about how he could be a big factor and here he is yeah um
i always like a year one talk it sometimes uh you know eventually he doesn't pull it all the way
together people some people love him some people hate him but i love a year one talk and i just
year one talk is a lock um do you think you think you think you're one talk is a lock um do you think
think that there's a market for talk being a streamer.
Like he jumps team to team every year?
Literally every season.
Yeah.
I don't know that other team.
Actually, there's an opening every year, bro.
Like, I think he could, yeah, I think he could make a good living this way.
If I were talk, I would sign month to month contracts.
Yeah.
Why not?
Like, if I were talk right now, I'd be like, yo, Kings.
So.
Hey, stars.
Things going a little rough.
So, sup.
I would just bounce.
I would whip the boys into shape and then you, and then you get your guy.
What are they, what do they call those?
Good luck, Chuck.
He's like, good luck talk.
Yeah.
What do they call those in the business world?
It's like, they're not motivational speakers, but they're, they're like that.
They, they come through.
Yeah, it's like kind of a consultant.
We'll call it a consultant.
Yeah.
It's like, people come through and they gas up your team.
And it's, it's fucking.
Baldwin in Glen Gary Glenn Ross, dude.
How about Glenn Gary Glenn talk?
Glenn Gary Glenn talk.
Yeah, that's really good.
Bring in talk.
Dude.
And he goes like this.
The leads are shit.
You are shit.
Hit the bricks, pal, because you are out.
Dude.
Talk will come in and motherfucker your room to high heaven
and get you performing at an elite level.
And then next thing you know, you're in playoffs,
and then talk's gone.
Before you even know it, he's...
He's already advising someone else.
Yeah.
It's Fugazi, Fugazi, it's a Wazi, it's a woozy, it's fairy dust.
He's gone.
Dude, when ball...
He's on to the next team.
First prize is a million dollars.
Second place gets a set of steak dives.
Third place is you're fired.
You're fired, dude.
Third place is you're fired.
Talk comes into these teams.
and he goes like this.
First in the division is what we expect.
Second in the division is a pat on the back.
Wild card is your fire.
You're out.
You're out, dude.
Bro, the flyers, the leads are weak.
Yeah.
The Flyers.
The power plays week, you're weak.
Like, it's, this is, this is a no, what is talk doing being a head coach?
Talk is now a consultant.
He's a consultant.
And he, I think you are.
right, he should be an NHL consultant and just keep doing this because the flyers were 33, 39, and 10 last year and dead last, dead last in the east. This year, they're six, four and one so far. Actually, they lost a six, five and one now. They're right in the mixer. You know, it's also tight. It's like one point away. Everything's jumbling all about. But I want to hear you say out loud how high the flyers can finish in the Met. And I want to hear you say out loud how many points Trevor Ziegers could have this year.
I think the flyers at best this year
Because here's the deal dude
I'm looking at it Z
You know 13 points in 12 games plus two
Absolutely love to see it
But the problem is no one else is going
Like Sean Cotri 8 9 and 11
That's Cotr
And hurt and hurt and hurt
Yeah yeah connect me
8 and 12
That's connect me
The guys that you need to go
Tyson Forrester
He's got 4 and 3 and 11th
That's great Bobby Brink
And 4 that's great
Owen Tippett
Five goals
We know that Owen Tippett is a 40-50 goal guy.
That's great.
I love those five goals, but he's got one assist.
He's a 50-goal guy?
Four, I said, did I say 50?
I thought 40-50.
Yeah, 40-50, 45.
50 goals?
40-50 means 45.
Jesus.
Just sounds better.
I think, oh, congratulations, tip.
I didn't know.
That's awesome.
I'm pumped for you, dude.
I think Owen Tippett's got an elite scoring touch.
I really do.
50 fucking goals.
Mitchcoff.
Everyone, I mean, give me a break, dude.
Pam York.
Like, there's a lot of guys on this team that people expect big things from.
And I don't think anything is big right now.
I think this team is fighting for a wild card at best.
And I don't think they're going to get it.
But that's a, that's no one expected that.
Like, I think if this team is fighting for a wild card, you're like, wow.
Good job.
100% agree.
Okay, give me Zegris.
73 and a half.
Oh, oh, that's the over under.
I was like, wow.
to get to half point.
I mean, God, that would be a fucking, that would be tremendous.
That would be, that would be literally like career saving.
And I know that sounds so dramatic, but legitimately I'd be like.
He looks comfy, man.
He looks comfy.
I also think it's like, I want people to be very aware.
I think a lot of people go crazy about his power play points.
He's got six of those, but he's got seven even strength.
Like he's, he's doing it.
People say that about Kreider.
They're like, oh, yeah, he's, he's, he's,
All he does is score on the powerplay, and I'm like this.
Wouldn't that be nice to have if someone fucking scored on every powerplay you got?
Look at Colorado, look at Dallas.
Every one of those fans, it goes, fix our power play.
And I'm like, isn't it nice when you have players who score points in the fucking powerplay?
I don't give a shit where your points come from.
Get points.
What a dream.
Imagine if someone went like this.
Yeah, you had 100 points.
99 more on the power play.
What a bum.
I'm like, yeah.
That's actually gas.
I love that.
Give me a fucking clean.
I'm calling it right here, Dan.
October 2nd, day 2nd, day 2 of Christmas season.
You just, hey, hey, relax.
Back up from your mic, you just got so loud.
You're out of your mind.
The first gift I will be giving this Christmas season is this call for the world.
Trevor Zegris finishes this year with 82 points exactly.
Actually, I'm taking it back already.
He finishes with exactly as many points as games he plays because I want to leave room for he misses the game or two.
You're a fucking bitch, dude.
He will finish exactly the point of game.
You know what this is?
You know what this is?
This is your fucking retroactive.
bitch-ass jack ikeobet that forced me to eat 3,000 pounds of shrimp because i was on the right
side of that stick to your guns for once in your life you coward say 82 or don't talk again
don't open thank you for trevor zegris and i want to say this i was um talking to some people
uh this weekend and some i i brought up the seasonal depression thing and somebody said uh
Zieg says a point. And I was like, what are you talking about, dude? That's insane. And they go,
listen, when you wake up and it's so nice and perfect every day, if you, if you ever try to just
like have a lazy day, like watch movies, you feel like a fucking bag of shit because it's so nice out
and everyone's always doing something. Correct. You never ever just get a day to be like,
oh, sick, it's raining. Yeah. I'm just going to like clean up the house or like, do, you know,
you never get to shut off. You have to be on every.
day because every day it's perfect and people are like, get outside, get outside. And I was like,
dude, I still think this is the wrong take, but that was a really well described way to justify
that. It's a good rationalization. But I'm saying we've been telling fans for a long time and this
is the truth. I apologize for the delay. Z is coming on the show. I can't wait for him to come on the show.
And when he comes on the show, because we love him so much, I am roasting him for, and by roasting him,
I mean, I'm putting him on the hot seat. We're going to have a full segment that's called
what is depression. I'm going to ask
Trevor about various kinds
of depression and go, what would you call depression?
Because calling
sunshine and like beautiful days
every day, season of the depression,
I just didn't like the way he phrased it.
Yep, same. And we're going to give him an opportunity
to fix the phrasing. It's your phrase.
I don't like your phrase.
I don't like your phrase.
Okay. And now we'll actually
stay in the Met. Another team want to show us
some love for or at least discuss a little bit,
it's a little love, hate, is the Washington Capals, little caps talk.
Top line, Tom Wilson, best player on the team, best player alive.
Six and seven for 13 points in 12 games.
Then you've got Strom three and eight for 11 and 10.
Protas five and five for 10 and 12.
Ovi, maybe doesn't like a chase as much as we thought he did.
We were all saying, I can't wait to see when he gets his third goal.
We all bet on it, me, you, and red.
He has two and five for seven.
in 12 games he's stuck on 899.
PLD started the season, missed two weeks, came back, hurt again, no points in the six
games he's played after a career high, 66 last year.
Yeah, yeah.
So you don't OV, PLD, concerns for me.
Not a concern at all, LT.
He's the best goalie alive.
He's the best goalie in the world.
He's so good.
Oh, my God.
In the league.
Five and three with a 9-3-5 save percentage and a 151 goals against both leading the league.
Dude, it's so funny when goalie has a start like LT,
and the team's record is what it is,
and he's looking around going,
fellas.
Dude, Chesty's, like, high-fiving.
Can you believe?
Igor Shasturkin, how he must feel in that locker room.
It's unbelievable.
So, and dude.
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We can, I've been trying to save this because there's so many like projections on Olympic rosters,
but I always find that stuff stupid to talk about till it's the roster. You know, like,
why are you throwing a foot over like someone's ratings?
But I had said to you during when Four Nations happened that I was like the one unappreciated
perk of Four Nations is you kind of have a seat now.
Like it's hard to pull you off the team.
Yeah.
Because you were on this team.
It'll happen.
It won't be identical rosters.
It feels like such a statement to to not select someone unless it's age, right?
If you picked a guy who's over 35 and you don't pick them for Olympics this season,
you can chalk it up to that.
but if it's anything under that, you're making a statement.
Agree.
And to think that a team Canada that won the whole thing, Dan, and largely, not largely,
but certainly a huge, a good piece of it, won it on the back of the incredible play by Jordan Bittington,
it is kind of insane to me to think that they could have that win and he play the way he did.
Yet if they were to go into Milan and not say it's LTE when the blue.
when the Blues are literally have the second to worst record in the league
and LT hasn't doesn't let Pucks go in the net would be insane to me at this point
Chris the Blues record is so helpful to Bennington well what do you mean it's helpful to
binnington in that if and when he is not selected either on the team he's like as the starter
there's like he and the the the
Whoever makes those decisions gets to go, I mean, what do you want from us?
Like, there's nothing to say.
But there are, there are, we don't even need to get into it.
Logan Thompson is on this team.
And if not, you're all a bunch of.
Logan Thompson is your starter, dude.
That's what I'm saying.
Like, it would be fucking.
I know they're like, Binner's a big game player, but I'm like, bro.
No.
You're, you're, you're all a one-five-one goals against ours.
This is what you're all, you're all a bunch of cowards.
I don't care.
what you think you know. I don't care what you think you want to say. If Logan Thompson is not on
this team and frankly, your starter, you are you are hurting your team's chances. Yep. So what I wanted to
get into with the Caps is one, are you, I was predicting going into last year that the Caps team
would be a three seed in the Met or one of the wild cards and that you would see a bit of a slowdown from Ovi.
And I was dead wrong.
Like they had the best record in the East and just off the president's trophy.
And OV looked fucking reborn.
He was T2 chasing down records, breaking his leg, coming back in five seconds, all that shit.
Bang.
Cut to this year.
I'm always off with everything I say is wrong.
by a year. But this year, they kind of look like both those things.
Where you're like, obviously Ovi is always a threat, but he doesn't look as dangerous as he has.
The caps, you know, I don't know, we can update the standings right now in real time.
Let's see where they are. The caps are...
Chris, they're in seventh, but can I tell you something really awesome?
Yep.
Right now, on sheer wins, losses, OT losses.
Okay. Yep.
You want to hear a very cool stat?
Yes.
There is not a single team in the East that is sub 500.
Wow, really?
Yeah.
No, that's not true.
Yeah, in the Atlantic, again, if you're doing it cheating.
Oh, I see what you're saying.
If you don't count the OT losses.
If you're cheating with the OT losses.
So the Maple Leaf, the Panthers, the Bruins are seven and seven in the Atlantic.
The Sends are six, five, and two.
That would technically be sub 500, but if we're doing it that way, you get what I'm saying.
Yep.
Leaves are 6.5.1. Sabers are 5, 4, and 3, cheat code. Lightning are 6, 4 and 2.
And then in the Met, the Flyers are 6, 4 and 1. They would be anyway. Caps are 6.5 and 1.
Islanders, 6, 5 and 1. Every team in the East has more wins than they have either singularly loss
and OT losses.
And again, it's early,
but I think that's kind of cool.
That is cool.
And I guess, yeah,
so where do you shake out on that?
Which caps?
Do you feel like they just have a slow start
and they are the caps of last year?
Or are you like,
oh, last year was a bit of an outlier
and this is actually this cap team?
Because keep in mind,
they're where they are
with LT playing the way he is.
Yeah, yeah.
I think the caps are,
there are a few things that I really love.
I grabbed my
mallet and I banged the drum last season.
We don't need to make another clip of this of how special I think Tom Wilson is.
I think Tom Wilson is all encompassing one of the most valuable players in the
NHL.
The points that he gets, the physical game that he plays, the leadership role that he plays,
the character that he has in the locker room, in the community.
there are few people all encompassing that I would put above Tom Wilson.
I mean that.
I stand by that.
He has 13 points in 12 games, six goals, seven assists.
He's a plus four.
I mean, at what point do you keep?
I don't care who you're a fan of.
I don't care if you hate that he's dirty, he's this, that, or the other.
Denying him and his value means that you don't see the game.
You're too emotional about your favorite team and your dislike for him that you don't see the game.
That's just a fact.
Sorry.
He's amazing.
Dylan Strom continues to be amazing.
Alexei Protas was not a flash in the pan.
Jacob Chikrin, I'll say as well.
That was not a, whoa, a special year from Jacob,
like Jacob Chikrin is who Jacob Chikrin is.
I love the start to Ryan Leonard's year.
You know, he's nothing, he's not lighting the world on fire,
but after a slow start, having three and three,
six points in 12 games, that's solid.
So a lot of the guys that were good last year that we didn't expect, I think the only one who's not off to a hot start is McMichael.
So I think that there's a lot of things that were exciting about the caps last year that continue to be exciting this year.
So given that, I think their slow start to me feels a little fluky.
LT's on fire. OV is slow.
I would expect and I would buy stock in them picking it up a little bit.
But again, last year the big conversation that you and I had was, are they this good and they're going to continue that success for the playoffs or are they going to get beat by a better team?
And they got really beat by a better team last year. And I do think that will continue to be them. I think this is going to be a good regular season team.
I think they're going to figure it out.
I think they're going to be a playoff team.
But I don't see enough from this group that's going to make them make a run.
So I'm like, yeah, you'll figure it out.
You'll get in playoffs, but you're not going to make any noise.
Dude, I love that take.
I'd be really happy if they make it for a lot of our friends in that team,
but count me as a worried guy.
I'm a little concerned.
I think they were riding the OV chase last year as a team.
Like, I just think that was such a vibe, and it fired them up and gave them something to play for.
And I don't know, maybe people slept on them more last year because they were like, the caps aren't good.
And then, like, by the time the caps were good, everybody was like, holy fuck.
And people are giving them more of a punch this year.
And just there's a couple tricky ones, dude, like Pittsburgh.
Like, if Pittsburgh keeps fucking around and winning games, like, if the blue jackets are going to be competitive, it's just not as automatic that you're in.
anymore, right? Because like we think we both probably think Carolina and Jersey are like set. And then
you're like, okay, well, that only leaves one to two spots. And you can't start slow for too long, right?
So it'll be interesting. But the goalie is the great equalizer, bro. If LT keeps playing like this,
I don't know how they could miss playoffs. If he was going to like win a Vesna.
Yeah. The last thought for me is that there's nothing more interesting to me so far through, you know,
13 or so games of the season,
than the fact that everyone in the Met is pretty good.
Like, yeah, I think I'm going to say the devils and Carolina is destroyed with injury.
Those are my two teams, regardless of the fact that Carolina is technically fourth right now.
But everyone in the Met is just like pretty good.
Yeah, yeah.
It's the most confusing.
Like, even the Rangers who stink in a lot of ways, I want to be clear.
I'm adding that in a lot of ways.
The Rangers don't stink, but they stink in a lot of ways.
They're six, five, and two.
They're, how in the world do the rain, how did we ever win eight?
Like, how do the Rangers have six wins based on how they're playing?
And like, they're top scorers on that team.
And you're telling me they've managed to win six games is hilarious.
And I'm just like, what the fuck is going on with this group?
But it's like quietly, Adam Fox, who I predicted to have a career year, has 11 points in 13 games.
Has anyone noticed Adam Fox other than a Rangers fan?
Yeah.
The answer is no.
But it's like they're sneaky.
Like they sneaky have figured out six wins.
And I think that's amazing.
Like that's credit to the Rangers in all of their, amidst their bullshit in the no BS year.
They're figuring some shit out.
They have six wins here.
And it's shocking.
So this division that we all rode off, we were like, the Mets sucks, save for maybe two teams.
Literally every team is pretty damn good.
Yep.
It's why.
Yeah.
And it'll be interesting to see, especially OV for me, if they can really kind of like recapture last year.
Because if OV's like, you know, limpid.
I just think they count on him in so many ways, you know, just be in the fuck.
And obviously he's still doing everything in the room.
He's the fucking man.
But just when Ovi's going, they're going.
You know, because it's like, that's their guy.
Okay, sick, dude.
That's our, that's our fake live for this Monday because.
The fake live because we're not live, but we will be live every Monday after that.
But beautiful stuff.
We are back and I have officially transported to Mexico.
So you were watching him.
He was in New York one second ago.
Poof.
Look, now he's in Mexico.
I'm still under the Christmas Reef.
Dan is now in Mexico.
Literally one second and then bang. I'm in Mexico.
Also, can we talk about the fact that I should be being paid double right now?
I'm on vacation and I'm still fucking delivering the heat for the people.
Really great stuff.
It's phenomenal.
It's almost as phenomenal as Brad Marchand.
Can we talk about Brad for a second?
Yep.
We did kind of to round out the hot ice portion.
We did just want to say everybody I'm sure saw this last.
week where Brad left the Panthers to go home to Nova Scotia to be with the McAllum family after
Cila McAllen passed away from cancer at age 10. He was helping raise money for her on the GoFundMe.
He coached Celia's dad, JPs coaching the U18 team, U18 team. Brad went behind the bench for that.
And then I just thought it was so awesome that when he returned to the Panthers this past weekend,
he had a goal, first goal against the, and then the shootout winner against the stars.
and he saw him point to the sky after the goal.
And, you know, oh, dude, it's just such a sad story.
And just I love when sports just help you feel positive in ways when so much tragedy is happening.
And that was a great thing.
And it was really cool.
He gave an awesome interview that, you know, that one was for her upstairs.
And I guess we just wanted to say all the love and support in the world to her family.
And an awesome gesture by the Marshan family as all this happened.
Yeah, so much, so much love to the McCallum's.
These are always those moments where life feels so insurmountable,
and then you have a great community who rallies around you,
and it's so great that the hockey community has been able to do that.
And the gesture that Brad has just done is so incredible.
And it just, it's another one of these moments
where I feel as though in the past few years people have just really embraced
how wonderful of a person Brad Marchand is.
and we talked about earlier this year on the podcast,
how when Brad came back to Boston,
we had that whole discussion of, you know,
if you're emotional about Brad not being a Bruin
because you're sad, he's not a Bruin, I get it.
Stuff like this, in addition to the fact that with all these injuries,
Brad, 37-year-old Brad is carrying that Panthers team
with, you know, six goals, six assists, 12 games,
or 12 points and 11 games.
I'm just like, God damn it, this guy is, he's an all-timer man.
I mean, he's genuinely going to go down in history as one of the all-timers.
Isn't that wild?
Yes, dude.
To think about where he started, it's absolutely incredible, man.
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We are back and I've got a really terrible feeling that my vacation is going to get ruined by some dumbass shit.
Yeah.
Oh.
Chris said leave.
Chris said leave some space for a segment.
Uh-oh.
I got a little excited because I was like, oh, maybe, you know, it's November.
Maybe he's got something up his sleeve, but then I just quickly, I was like, oh, it's going to be pucked.
And here we are.
And here we are.
Chris gets to tell us about Pucked again.
Okay.
This is everyone's favorite segment, especially Dan's.
Dan, let me give you a quick recap of the plot of Pucked since we left off and since I started reading.
You know what?
I'm going to time you and I'm going to make sure you make it quick.
All right?
Give me a quick recap.
Do you remember that she banged Alex in the locker room?
I sure do.
I got kicked out of the game for fighting and she went in and banged him.
and the locker when the whole team walked in.
Yeah, everyone walked in.
So what happened since is she's mortified
and she wants to leave the locker room
and she thinks there's no way out.
She tries to climb into a hockey bag
and have them carry her out,
which is just unbelievable.
And then they're like, just kidding,
there's a back door, let's go out that way.
They leave and then at a party,
she meets Alex's parents
who are in town and his sister.
Remember she thought he was banging his sister
because she saw them pictured in a tabloid
And then it turned out it was his sister.
So she meets them, has a horrible interaction with the parents.
And she's like, oh, my God, they hate me.
And Violet's stepbrother, Buck, who's also on the Hawks, he starts cozying up with Alex's sister.
And we can't tell if it's like revenge.
Is he revenge fucking his sister because you're fucking his step-sister?
Or does he really like her?
We don't know.
Alex's sister's total hippie, and that's not really Buck's type.
That's not Buck's type at all then.
He likes more or more gothic chicks.
and now he's with a blonde hippie.
Sure.
Then she goes...
You're out a minute, by the way.
She gets invited to Alex's house, her parents' house for brunch.
They think it's just a brunch.
The parents want them to stay over, so she stays.
She gets there and she's kind of mortified and they have like a tough first meal.
That's what happened in the section I read.
Okay.
That was pretty good.
That was really quick.
I would have gone longer, but you were up my ass.
But here are my highlights, Dan.
And there's one that I'm so excited to read to you.
Just amazing.
Okay, this is her in the locker room.
She's trying to get out of the locker room, right?
Yeah.
And she goes, people are going to think I'm your puck bunny, or I'm gang banging the team.
Then you know what will happen?
Alex opens his mouth, but I cut him off.
I'll tell you what's going to happen.
Some porn producer will try to put me in a movie.
It'll be called puck bunny does the team.
And I was like, we got to beat that title.
Puck Bunny does the team.
Helena, this is another one of these moments where it's like,
You're literally a writer.
You're parading around here as a writer,
and that's the best you can come up with for a title.
Apparently pucked, sucked her dry.
After pucked, she couldn't come up with anything.
Unbelievable.
Okay, then same section I highlighted this too.
She says she can't go out, and she goes,
I'm full on panicking.
Alex better fuck me into oblivion later tonight
so I can forget about this fiasco.
Jesus.
How is that?
How is that what you're thinking of?
Oh, this was crazy, Dan.
I couldn't believe this commentary.
In this book, of all books, Dan, this happens.
She says to Alex, oh, he's like, why didn't you, why weren't you texting me when you surprised me here?
And she goes, do you have any idea how expensive the roaming charges are in Canada?
It doesn't even make sense.
Canada's kind of like a huge state in the north.
I know it's a commonwealth and all, but wouldn't it be more convenient if we had the same money in government?
And Alex says, I'm going to pretend you didn't say any of that shit about Canada being an extension of the U.S.
pilot.
I know you don't mean that.
And I was like, whoa, dude.
That might be the best and most accurate writing of the entire book so far.
Can you believe that?
No, did you have a problem with that?
That's some 51st state bullshit.
That is actually the only accurate thing that's ever come out of Alex Winter's mouth.
Is that his name, Alex?
What's his name?
I think it might be Winters.
That's incredible recall by you.
I don't even know that.
this book, Dan, was published when?
2015.
So, like, can you believe she's going to 51st state in 2015?
Well, she didn't say 51st state.
It's more like a giant state to the north.
Yeah, she does say state.
It's like another state.
Yeah, she was ahead of the 51st state.
She said, okay, Helena, Helena, Helena.
Helena.
I like it.
This is, again, this is like, that's,
I stand by.
I think that might be the most accurate thing
out of Alex's mouth.
Very interesting.
Very interesting commentary.
Okay.
Now she's,
she's getting,
you know, everybody's looking at her
because she's trying to get out of the locker room.
And this is just another,
this is Helena in her bag again with some,
remember she does those metaphors
that are just so crazy sometimes?
Oh, yeah, they're horrendous.
She says,
everyone's looking at me.
As a,
as the lone female among the throng of giant males,
I stick out like a pair of boobs
in a sea of dicks.
I will never get over this woman's inconsistency with the vulgarity of words she uses to describe genitalia.
To have dicks and boobs in the same sentence is hilarious.
Stick out like a pair of boobs and see you dicks.
You sound like a middle schooler and then a horny college bro.
Yep.
Unbelievable.
This wasn't that good.
But when she has to meet her mom, she's worried that she's worried that she's
sporting the quote freshly fucked look and I was like yeah I guess that's a thing I suppose you know you don't want to meet the mom freshly fucked um oh dude says so then she meets his parents and she is like their names are Daisy and Robbie and they're both really attractive which I guess makes sense because she's saying Alex is hot so like the parents are hot and then uh when she sees the dad she's she's like Jones she horned up saying like I can't be ogling at Rob I
at Alex's dad, Robbie, but she keeps saying that.
And then Violet's mom shows up and introduces herself to them.
And she goes, you must be, and it's Alex's dad.
And the line is, she goes, you must be, dot, dot, dot.
And then it says, Robbie Waters.
He's speaking.
Robbie Waters.
Not, no, yeah, Robby Waters.
And then it says, he gives her a beaver exploding smile.
Of course.
Hold on.
repeat that for me
Robbie Waters
end quote
he gives her a beaver exploding smile
yeah yeah yeah
I just want to make sure I heard that right
and uh
you you did in fact say
beaver exploding smile
I was sure
for a moment that you misspoke
but it turns out that's exactly
what it says
then
uh
Violet's mom makes a comment to Alex's dad
about how his huge dick must run in the family, which is just so out of pocket.
Like, I cannot believe.
She's like, like father like son.
And then she says it about Buck, too.
She says, Sidney told me when Buck was born, the nurses wanted to take pictures.
They said he looked like he was sporting a kickstand.
And I'm like, did the nurses say that about the infant child?
Yeah.
And in the delivery road.
What are we doing in this meeting of parents being like this?
Let's talk about all the men's dicks in this little coffee.
this coffee hour.
Yeah.
I've said this before, Dan,
but the amount that they use bunny implies that we are saying this all the time,
but there's just, that's not the case, you know?
And she's finally apologizing for getting mad about him taking pictures with his sister
and the tabloids.
And she says, I'm sorry, I should have called and let you explain.
I was worried you'd tell me you were hooking up with someone else,
and I was just going to be your side bunny.
And I'm like, he wouldn't say that to you.
Like, he wouldn't go, listen, babe, you're my side bunny now.
No one has ever said to bunny ever.
Yeah, yeah.
They just get so, they get so obsessed with the bunny term in this space.
It's unbelievable.
So then, Dan, she gets, she gets some new.
lingerie for him, including panties that she has Waters' ass painted on her backside.
And...
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Wait.
You're saying that the panties are custom-made.
Yeah.
And it says Waters Possessive.
On, with his number.
It says 11.
And then it says Waters possessive ass.
Ass.
Yes.
This woman, what's her name, Vivian?
Violet.
Violet.
What I just don't understand about this chick Violet is like she's, the whole story is about her being adamant on saying that she's not a puck slut.
And then she just does huck bunny things at every turn.
This makes no sense.
After being like definitely no hockey players.
Like under no circumstance will I bang a hockey player.
Just kidding, I will do anything I want to won at all times and be an absolute ho.
It's crazy.
So custom underwear.
Yep.
In this chapter, Dan, we start circling a hint of anal.
He keeps mentioning something and she goes, no, no, no.
Jesus Christ, dude.
Did you just take a hard turn into butt stuff?
You're telling me that we're going into butt stuff now in this story.
That's what you're telling.
There's a whiff of it.
There's a whiff of it.
No pun intended.
There's a whiff of it.
And then
Here, she says no to the back door.
So then he takes her bra off and she says, quote, you can dot, dot, dot, fuck my tits, end quote.
And then she goes, it sounds dirty.
I like it.
Chris, there we go again, dude.
Tits now, not boobs.
Yeah, right.
Good point.
Helena can't make up her mind.
So then she goes, they do that.
They do that thing.
And then he is nearing the crescendo.
And she says, I mentally, so she, she caps it, Dan, without being too graphic.
They're doing their thing and then she caps it.
And then she says, I mentally pat myself on the back for taking one for the team.
I'd rather swallow than have his jizz cooling on my chest.
Jesus Christ.
I'm like, really?
Like, I don't know why.
I don't know why you even thought that.
This book is just getting too graphic for me.
This section has been the most vulgar section since we began puck.
For the record.
He says, you didn't have to do that.
He says breathlessly, I can always use the vitamins.
Violet, just snapping it around.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, did.
Here's another one.
Here's an incredible Helena bag.
Okay.
they're like hooking up in the car or something
and it says this is just an action line
the sexual tension in the car
is thick like potato leak soup
and I'm like what in the fuck are you talking
there's a chance
that Helena hunting is a genius
and is just like writing these books going
I wonder how confused I can make everyone
as they read these and fervently read
chapter after chapter
because going from hardening
Hardening, cooling, hardening jizz to potato leak soup is truly special stuff.
It's incredibly special.
Okay.
And then the last chapter, Danz, remember, we switched to, it's game of bones.
Don't forget.
So we switch to Alex P-O-V.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I love when Helena writes Alex.
Like, she's already crazy with the girls.
But when she starts writing the dude, it's just fucking all time.
Yeah, she really lets her fly.
Yeah, dude.
And this, um, Alex had been.
doing some hand stuff.
And then it says,
and then Violet goes to the bathroom
and it says,
she disappears into the bathroom,
locking the door behind her.
I drop my head back
and scrub a hand over my face.
The same one that was just inside Violet,
which means I've rubbed her pussy
all over my damn face.
And I'm like,
dude, this, I'm telling you,
we've lost all plot.
Yeah.
And, no, I'm not even blaming,
Helena.
I'm blaming you.
Like, we can't be doing these recaps
if this is all you're going to share with us.
Chris, there are people who listen to this shit out loud in the car or at work.
And you're not even giving a story.
You're just reading us.
You made me rush the plot.
You made me rush the plot.
We got to be done here soon.
This is out of control.
All right.
And then here's the last one from this section.
This fucking killed me, dude.
He goes, oh, I actually want to say this.
There was a callback later in this where they, the judge.
the boob banging again and she does do it on the chest and she goes huh that wasn't as gross as
I thought it was going to be and I was like what why why did you think that was gross ever but this
one kills me Dan they're having sex again they have sex so much in this book it's fucking
incredible they're having sex again and this is you're of you're you're a fucking piece
of shit dude like you are such a fucking bad guy this is this is Alex dude like you these
books are officially for you. Like, you're acting like you think this is funny, but you're such a
fucking childish pervert that you're like, this is so cool. I'm reading a book about a bunch of
people having sex all the time. Listen to this, dude. This is an all time, all time line from Alex.
I couldn't believe this one. She digs her nails into my skin and bites my shoulder to
muffle her moan. Her pussy clenches so tightly. It's like my dick is being held in the warmest
velvety vice on earth.
So, of course, I come like a fucking bulldozer.
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A bulldozer.
Dude, that doesn't make any sense at all.
At all.
There's nothing about a bulldozer that I'm like, yeah, that's, oh, you're fucking coming like crazy, pal.
That is insane.
Insane.
And you know that.
Helena came up with that one and she let it go and she was like,
fucking 100 miles per hour on the black with that one.
I absolutely nailed that.
Incredible, incredible stuff, dude.
I could not wait to use that.
I came like a fucking bulldozer.
Holy shit.
Okay.
Everybody cooled down.
We're taking an ad break and we'll be right back for some games.
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Welcome back to the Empty Netter show.
It is time for a Beer League hotline.
And Dan, I'm going to read this one.
and this one,
I'm not even sure how we're going to make this a clip,
but we're going to make it a clip.
This is the longest beer league hotline we've ever received,
which is why it's going to be hard.
You said this one was crazy.
And I chirped him.
Remember, dude, I hadn't seen it yet?
And I go, dude, who is sending in a Beer League hotline
that's a fucking 500-page novel?
And you go, because we don't look at them, you know,
and then you go, the guy said it's pretty crazy.
And I go, okay.
And then the producers go, it is crazy.
And I go, okay, I'm going to read it.
I'm going to read the whole damn thing.
And this is also one where I'm like, I hope no one gets in trouble.
But here we go.
No names, Beer League Hotline.
So I've been playing at the same rink about 10 years now.
I've gotten to know everyone, refs, rink staff, et cetera.
So I'm always friendly.
Say what's up, how you doing?
The scorekeeper is like a 50-ish woman who's been there forever.
her. So I'd always make small talk with her before the game, in the box, and so on. I wished her a
happy Thanksgiving once, and that was all she needed to think I'm into her.
Jesus. One night we had a chippy game, and I caught a stick to the face. When I was driving
home, I got a random text saying, hey, how's your face? When I asked who it was, they wouldn't say.
I thought it was someone from the other team chirping me. No. Turns out it was this lady. Eventually,
I figure out it's her, and I thought, man, this is weird, but maybe she's just being friendly.
After that, every night after the game she would text me good job or nice goal.
But then it started getting weirder and weirder.
By the way, she's fully married and has kids.
She starts asking me for pictures.
I was on vacation with my girlfriend and she would say,
go to the bathroom and send me picks.
I would tell her no, and she kept going on and on.
And then she wanted to create this whole fantasy,
where I called her a different name and she had an alter ego.
I straight up asked her,
are you trying to get with me?
And she would play dumb and be like, no, but my alter ego.
her ego would. Obviously, I'm telling the boys about all this. And this is where it's my fault. I should
have stopped answering, but the boys convinced me just to see what she says. That's when it got really weird.
After every game, her car would be pulled over on the shoulder of the road, and she'd wait for my car and start
following me. She'd call and tell me, pull over so we can talk, and I would never take the call. Then after
games, while we were getting undressed, she'd always find a way, find a reason to walk into the locker
him as I was naked, saying like, oh, yeah, you left a water bottle or Pucks on the bench.
I'm convinced she was bringing Pucks from home just to do that and catch a glimpse of me.
I never responded to her at this point. Fast forward, it's game day. Or I would never respond
to her at this point. Fast forward, it's game day. I got home from work around 1 p.m.
Game is at 10 p.m. I drive to the rink and stop at the gas station right next door to get a
Gatorade. When I come out, I notice there's a heart written in lipstick on my driver's side window.
So finally I text her.
I was like, you need to stop this.
It's gone too far.
You're following me on the road,
sexting me weird shit while you're married.
Now you found my car at the gas station and you rode on it.
She responds back.
I thought that would be funny.
I did it earlier today.
I didn't think it would be a big deal.
I said, what the fuck earlier today?
She showed up to my apartment building,
which is 40 minutes from the rink,
found my car and rode on it.
I was like, what the fuck?
How do you know where I live?
Her excuse was she was going to T.J. Max and happened to see my car.
My apartment is miles away from any T.J. Max.
I, of course, freaked out.
She's now showing up to my home where my girlfriend lives, too.
This has gotten so out of control.
It took a lot of convincing, but she finally stopped texting me, and I have moved since then.
Funniest part of all this is that we have a new young stud 19-year-old on the team, handsome guy, and she's into him now.
And she somehow ran into him in public somewhere, and this is not some local rink in a town everyone knows each other.
She's full on stalking dudes.
Okay, sorry, that's a lot.
I know it's hard to read and put into words exactly.
Thank God my girl hates coming to games.
To this day, she doesn't know about any of this.
Well, she knows now.
You know, at the beginning of this, you said, first of all, this lady's fucking awesome.
This, you know, we've got a certified lunatic on our hands.
And I love it.
Is there any better place for a woman with this kind of mental disorder,
these kind of sick thoughts than being a scorekeeper at a beer league.
Unbelievable.
This is wacko stuff.
And you at the top saying, I hope we don't get anyone in trouble.
Maybe we should.
Maybe we should get someone in trouble.
Maybe we should.
Maybe this person should be in jail.
Oh, my God.
You are stalking this man.
Dude, dangerous game from the boys going, dude, just run this out.
Just, hey, let's play this out.
Let's see what happens.
But I always with this stuff, I need.
receipts because I'm like, dude, you had to have played along a little bit, a little bit more than
you're letting on to, for this to have gotten to where it's gotten to. I just, I don't believe that
he was fully innocent being like, wait, who's this? What's going on? What are you saying? I bet he,
I bet he played in a little more than he's saying, but don't get me wrong. This lady's nuts.
Yes. But I bet you like it. I bet you liked it at first. I bet you enjoyed the attention.
A nice gold text. You get a nice gold text. Do that.
fires you right up. Yeah, I bet you put a straw in, took a sip. Dude, saw how it tasted.
The, I also loved dude, that off the cuff, like she's been put up, she's been put up against the gun, dude.
What are you doing near my house? And before she can think a calculator response, her knee jerk is,
I was going to T.J. Max. Like, of course. Of course. I'm so glad you brought that out. T.J. Max
catching strays here. Just like, T.J. Max, mine in their own business. And they're, they're like,
whoa, whoa, whoa, don't involve us. We don't need people thinking that.
stalkers frequent T.J. Maxes.
They don't need that.
Unbelievable stuff.
We got to protect the 19 year old, too.
I don't know what.
It's like everyone's...
No, no, no, no, no, no.
This kid's going, we've moved on.
We're good.
Now you've left this kid to die.
I think that this is like the coolest initiation ever for this beer league.
It's like this...
You back to the scornkeeper yet?
This crazy lady just finds a new squeeze, a new obsession.
Every couple of years.
And we got to see how the boys deal with it.
God, dude.
Scary stuff coming here.
Yeah.
I'm glad he's out of it.
I'm glad he's out of it.
And I'm worried about what happens when his girl finds out now.
But I'm glad he's out.
That is wacky.
Wacky, wacky, wacky.
Now we are getting into a Bower Hockey blind ranking.
We love a Brian ranking.
And we love that it's a Bauer Hockey sponsored blind ranking because they are the founders of
of the Pulse, the greatest stick known to man.
And blind rankings are our most fun segments known to man.
Perfect combo of two perfect.
things. Thank you to our friends at Bauer
for this amazing blind ranking. And Dan,
even though I want to
I want to just point out a couple of times there, you said
brined ranking. No, I don't think so.
You're doing a really inappropriate accent,
and I don't think it's funny.
I don't think it's funny. And
even though we are past Halloween,
we got a ton of DMs
saying, oh my God,
please blind rank Halloween
candy to acquire.
And I said, okay, no
problem. So, we
have a list of 15 Halloween candies. And Mrs. Marathon herself is going to randomly give us numbers
1 through 15 to confirm the authenticity of this blind ranking. And then Dan and I will blind rank
them. Okay. So yeah, we've got Alice here. She's going to give us numbers. And that will be
the first thing said. One through 15. Give us your first number. 14. That is Laffy-taffy.
Laffy. We're blind ranking Halloween candies.
Laffy-taffy.
I like Laffy-Taffy.
I know you do.
It's a great song.
It's a great song.
But listen, it's not for everyone.
And I actually really like it, too.
Is there a chance we go high here, Dad?
Is there a chance we shock the world and go high here?
Absolutely not.
In fact, I think we should probably say five.
What about a good three?
What about a three?
I'll do four if you want.
Let's go four.
I love a Laffy Taft.
I think it could possibly be five.
I love Lafey Taffy, but it's not great.
So we're going to go four.
Okay, next number.
Six.
Six is one Reese's cup and the ones in the gold wrapping.
Not a long thin.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The compact cup.
It's a single Reese's cup.
Like the gold foil wrapped one.
That might be one, brother.
That one's really good.
Do you like that more than the long and flet me too?
I think there's something really lovely
about the two-pack, the long-thin
Reese's cups.
But those make me think of the holidays
more.
Ooh, interesting.
The gold tinfoiled Reese's cup
is more Christmassy
to me than it is Halloween.
Oh, the gold one is more Christmassy.
Yeah.
So this is the one we should put it in a bowl.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
In a crystal bowl on a tableclothed
dining room table.
Maybe three then.
No.
We got to go to.
That thing, that thing is go.
They do hit it all hard.
You just pop.
Yeah.
Okay, two.
Two.
Like it.
One.
A starburst two pack.
A starburst two pack.
Wow.
Okay.
Starburst two pack.
Dangerous game.
Do you get two yellows?
Dangerous game.
You get two yellows.
Fuck you.
Two yellows are, that's the dream.
You could get two yellows.
Two yellows.
I've ranted about this before on the pod.
That is an.
internet thing. People thought it was cool. People thought it made them cool to be like, is there anything
worse than when you get a starburst two pack and it's two yellows? And I'm like, yeah, they're
delicious. It's a delicious. But all the other ones are more delicious. That's the problem.
I disagree completely. I think, uh, I think orange is the worst starburst. But I think starbursts are great.
I'm going to say three here because for me, there's a lot of risk. There's a lot of risk here.
And then also, man, starbursts and skittles are both in this category of you're eating them.
Yeah.
And it's great.
Everything's wonderful.
This is amazing.
I love.
I love.
I love.
And there is no ramp.
You have one more in your mouth.
And you go, this is the most disgusting thing I've ever tasted.
My mouth feels like shit.
I have 3,000 cancars soers in here as well.
Yeah.
Never show me a starburst again.
So I'm going to say three.
God.
I love a two pack.
A red pink two pack.
Yeah, that's a dream.
It's a dream for you.
It's a dream for you.
Bury me with one of those.
But I'll go three with you, even though this should be one.
Okay.
Next number.
15.
A nerds box.
Nerds box.
No.
Five, dude.
Five easily.
Oh my God.
I love nerds, dude.
Nerds are disgusting, dude.
I don't get it at all you idiots who eat the nerds rope, too.
horrendous.
Dude, the nerds clusters are fucking.
That's like the most popular candy on earth right now.
Nerds feel to me, nerds feel to me like the second they enter my mouth, I have a cavity.
The second.
No, dude, I'll suck on those things for hours.
Until they become little see-through crystals.
I turn them into sea-through crystals.
Yeah, you do.
Yeah, you're making blood diamonds in there.
Yeah.
I think that's a five for sure.
Nerds box.
Are you at all worried about the bad shit that could come?
Yeah, I'm terrified.
Whenever we have a list that a one,
one is left.
Like,
this could so easily be like a fucking everlasting gobstoppers shit.
Or like,
uh,
or,
uh,
or, uh,
free,
you know,
fruit,
I was gonna say fruit tutsy rolls,
but those aren't bad.
Those aren't bad.
Okay,
we only have one left.
I just can't,
I cannot live in a world where we give nerds box one.
So five.
Okay,
five.
What's the last number?
Eight.
Eight.
Eight.
Don't you dare say fruit tutsi, Earl.
No.
Fuck.
Dude, and she just missed almond joy, so it could have been worse.
Oh, okay.
But it's a singular twizzler.
You know, it's a singular twizzler.
You know, like the individually wrapped twizzler, that's pretty shit.
That's what the best kid?
And I like licorice.
I'm a licorish guy.
But give me like Swedish black licorish.
Don't give me a single.
Oh, the individual wrapped.
Twizzler might as well be a crumbled up piece of toilet paper.
That is one of the worst candies that it could possibly exist in the realm of trick-or-treating.
It's almost disrespectful.
When you get that, I'm like, what is this?
What do I, what am I supposed to do with this?
Oh, that is brutal.
Oh, my God.
Well, we fucked that.
That was a solid list up until that point, but you can't, you can't win them all.
Listen, brutal finish to the blind ranking
on an otherwise phenomenal episode.
Pucked is the most disgusting and depraved book of all time.
Great stuff going on in the hockey world.
We got some really fun interviews coming up for you guys here in the college world,
some top NHL prospects.
We've got new merch.
I'm decked out in it.
Buy the hat.
Buy the beer league shirt.
Buy CPS hat coming.
Beautiful stuff.
Guys, go subscribe to the.
YouTube, send it around, have your friends subscribe to the YouTube. Let's keep buzzing.
We'll see you next episode. Until then, Christopher. There we go.
