Endless Thread - My Canadian Girlfriend

Episode Date: February 10, 2023

Did you have a friend who claimed they were in a long distance relationship with someone really awesome and super hot...but darn it, you could never meet their girlfriend, boyfriend, or SO, because he/she/they lived in Canada? And did suspect their SO was imaginary? Of course you did. In this episode, we meet one Redditor who really and truly did have a girlfriend who lived in Canada, whom he fell for when the internet was new.

Support for endless thread comes from Mathworks, creator of MATLAB and Simulink Software, to design and develop engineered systems, accelerating the pace of discovery in engineering and science. Learn more at Mathworks.com. Support for WBUR comes from Is Business Broken, a podcast from the Mayrotra Institute at Boston University that explores questions like, why is innovation in healthcare so hard? Is ESG just greenwashing? of course, is business broken? Listen, wherever you get your podcasts. WBUR Podcasts, Boston. Happy Valentine's Day, Ben. Happy Valentine's Day. We really need to start mixing it up. It doesn't matter what holiday is if it's like, happy New Year. Happy Valentine's Day. Happy President's Day. Yeah, that too, coming right up. Well, listen. We are not huge, you know, Hallmark holiday people at Endless Thread.

But we love love. Excuse me. Yeah, no. I'm kidding. I'm not. I couldn't name a Hallmark movie. But yes, we love love. Love is love.

His love is love. No matter who you are, no matter what you're doing, no matter who you're doing it with, love is love. That's right. And more of that in the world can't be a bad thing, right? As long as it's not illegal in 40 states, I think you're good. And we found a story about love from the community on Reddit called R-slash-Casual Conversations. And yeah, we just kind of wanted to share it with you. Can you tell us the title of your post?

I really did have a girlfriend who lived in Canada. This is the person who made that post. Their handle on Reddit is Nation State Tractor. Rhymes with Nation State Actor. Yes, International Relations 101 terminology. And also maybe terminology you would use when you're doing cybersecurity, which is what Nation State Tractor does for work these days. Long after, of course, he was of the age that you might claim to your teenage friends

that you really did have a girlfriend who just happened to live in Canada. And we're calling said Canadian girlfriend Miranda, although that's not her real name. And why this title, can you like explain for the uninitiated, if you would, the Canadian girlfriend? What would it be? Is it a meme? Is it a, like, it's just a idea? I think it's been around longer than what can be described as a meme. for us nerdy types going through middle school, who didn't necessarily have the social skills to be part of the popular group or have ways of interacting with the opposite sex.

The common thing to hear was, oh, yeah, no, I have a girlfriend, but you don't know where she goes to a different school, or the other side of that being, yeah, you don't know where she's from Canada. But in his case? I really did have a girlfriend who lived in Canada. And no, I did not also live in Canada. This was around 1995 or 1996. I was in middle school.

Nation State Tractor's real name. John Smith. I don't think anyone will believe anyone, but that is actually my name. John is fine. Get out. Really? John Smith. Yep.

See, that's perfect. John Smith had a girlfriend in Canada? Is that what you're telling me? Yep. I predicted this exact moment. I'm Ben Brock. You wouldn't know her Johnson. I'm Amory Canadian girlfriend Siebertson. And you're listening to Endless Threat.

Coming to you from WBUR, Boston's NPR station. Today, a good, old-fashioned and maybe a little bit fake sounding, but totally true, we think. Love story. So what were you like in middle school? I have a picture from my eighth grade yearbook where I am holding up a huge, thick, hardcover Java programming book. That's what I did. So at lunchtime, I'd go eat my lunch, inhale it as fast as I could, and then go to the library, and I would write programs on the ancient computers that still could, could write programs on them.

them and make them all sound like police sirens or something like that. But that's what I did basically every day. Almost an exact stereotype of computer nerd. How would you describe your interaction with the opposite sex? Like 0% just boot shaking terror, deep interest, but no interest returned. What was your middle school interaction with girls like? Goodness, it was its combination of everything that you mentioned. To say I had a phobia of rejection is not, that's probably an understatement.

I did not talk to any girls at all in person. If they talked to me, I was always under the assumption that it was on a dare that they were talking to me. Because that was the truth a lot of the time. So it was a lot easier to assume that was the case all the time. So, yeah, there was a lot of fear for sure. So how did Miranda come into your life? So Miranda came about not in person, which removed a lot of the fear. This was back when I was on, when CompuServe was still around,

when I was doing basically like role playing, D&D role playing, taking the characters that I had in my, Lego figures and pretending that I was those people on these CompuServe D&D roleplay chats. And can you just like give us a quick description of CompuServe? CompuServe was the precursor, believe it or not, no one will believe this, but the precursor to America Online, AOL. It was a portal-based internet service provider. So you met Miranda in a particular channel. in this CompuServe system?

Clearly, I don't know what I'm talking about. You're that rare dream. You really are that rare dream of meeting a girl in the chat room. Yeah. Yes. Yep. And how did the, yeah, how did the conversation start? So I was learning, in addition to the other programming languages that I was still learning at the time.

I was also learning HTML for how to make web pages. And I forget how I found out about GeoCities, but I ended up with a site on GeoCities where it was mostly about my favorite video game at the time, which I had never actually played called Chrono Trigger. It was like half that, a lot of video game graphics from that. And then the other half of it was all of the programming stuff that I was doing. And someone was asking about something programming related, and I posted a link to my site.

A few minutes later, someone else sent me an instant message. You have a Geocity site? And you're into Chrono Trigger? That's so cool. I have one of those too. They sent me a link to their Geocity site, which was all about Scarlet Witch, yes, the Marvel Comics character, on which she based her D&D character. And what did you learn about her as a person? Like who she was, where she was, what she was into. What did you actually feel like you knew about her? I think one of the first things that anyone asked anyone around that time is,

so where are you from? How old are you? And by the way, are you a guy or a girl? Typically known as ASL at that time. ASL? Yeah, age, sex location. Oh, okay. I'm learning.

For you youths out there, am I? Yeah. Yeah. What was her, what was her ASL? She was 14 female Canada. Over the next few weeks, we would chat almost daily. I learned her real name, Miranda, her age, 14, where she was from, Montreal, and all the games she liked, which were also all the games I liked. It was awesome.

Here was this girl I had never seen before, but she was into just about everything I was into. And she was nice to me and actually enjoyed talking to me. I asked, hey, I know you don't live anywhere near me, but would you like to be my girlfriend? And yes, absolutely, she totally went for it, which I was not expecting, but I at least wasn't afraid to ask because she wasn't there in person. It was a lot easier. Did you stay open to the possibility the whole time that she might be? like a 50-year-old guy, or were you just really overcome with, no, she's exactly who she says she is. I'm in love.

This is great. Yep, absolutely the latter. It never once crossed my mind that she was anyone other than who she said she was, because to me, that could not be possible. She sent me a scanned family photo, pointing herself out, even though she was the only teenager in the picture. She was so out of my league, it was ridiculous. League? No. Not even the same sport. When you said, I have a girlfriend in Canada, people thought you were making it up.

Oh, yes. Yeah, did people react in the way that you would assume they would react? Yep. Yes, they, well, yeah, a lot of eye rolling. Like, oh, okay, that's cool. I spent the better part of two weeks mentioning to anyone who would listen at school that I had a girlfriend who was in high school. And she was so hot and smart and you couldn't meet her because she was in Canada.

But take a look at this picture of her that I used an entire ink. cartridge to print over the course of 20 minutes. But it gets better. So when did it, when was the next step taken? You've talked a ton online. You've swapped photos. You're each other's, you know, quote-unquote boyfriends and girlfriend. When did you, when did you finally see her? The answer right after this shortbread. After the break, John goes to Canada to finally meet his Canadian girlfriend. At Radio Lab, we love nothing more than nerding out about science, neuroscience, chemistry. But, but we do also like to get into other kinds of stories.

Stories about policing or politics. Country music. Hockey. Sex. Of bugs. Regardless of whether we're looking at science or not science, we bring a rigorous curiosity to get you the answers. And hopefully make you see the world anew. Radio Lab, adventures on the edge of what we think we know.

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Whatever your goal, we can help. Discover how the magic is made at WBUR.org slash creative studio. After eighth grade I did during the summer, we kept talking on the phone. Right before school was supposed to start, my mom decided that she wanted me and my sister to kind of spontaneously. Like, let's go to Niagara Falls. I went there when I was little. You guys haven't. So it was kind of my mother's doing, which if she had known my plans, never would have let this happen.

But yeah, my mom decided let's all take a family. trip to to Niagara Falls. And when I found out about that, I let I let Miranda know, hey, I'm going to be kind of near there. Is there any chance we can meet up? She had moved from Montreal to Toronto over the summer. So she was a lot closer at that point. So I figured if there was any chance of this happening, this was going to be it.

I had no way of getting myself there otherwise. Timing had to be perfect since Miranda's mom. mom had a two-hour drive to get us there, and I wouldn't be able to call after they left. At best, I'd have to wait for her to call the hotel room from a payphone after they arrived. I distinctly remember wondering and worrying if Canada even had payphones. I was not well-educated in the ways of the world at the time. Eventually, the day of the trip came, and it was the longest six-and-a-half-hour drive of my life. Much of that morning was a blur.

I just remember trying to convince my mom and my sister that we should eat lunch. at a picnic table conveniently near the meeting spot. You know, to enjoy the falls of the meal. I was constantly looking over my shoulder, making sure I could see every face with invisible vicinity, just in case one of them was Miranda. But Miranda found me first. She came running up to me from across the adjacent grass

and threw her arms around me. I picked her up and spun her around. It felt like a movie. I was beyond thrilled. Then, just as quickly, she backed off with a scared look of concern on her face. You are nation state tractor, right? I confirmed, yes indeed, I was me, and it was nobody else.

Then she smiled and she kissed me. It was my first kiss. Hell, it was my first everything. First time being hugged by a girl I wasn't related to. First time holding hands. First time a girl put her head on my shoulder. I was so happy. We spent a grand total of about six hours together.

That was it. That was the only time we would ever see each other in person. When you and Miranda left Niagara, who was that John? And how did he move differently through middle school, high school, and onward? Yeah, it wasn't an instant change. But yeah, I just, it was an amazing confidence boost. Like I realized that I could talk to people and people could talk to me and there weren't necessarily ulterior motives in what girls were saying to me. My conversations with not just girls, but everyone in general, they were a lot more genuine and I had a lot less to fear. The blood pressure lowered a lot in social interactions after that. It made things a lot easier. there's so much about this story that feels very like surprisingly wholesome.

I just wonder how you think about the internet now and these possibilities for connection. Like you work in cybersecurity so you probably see some dark stuff. But this story is so wholesome in the way that it played out. And do you still see that opportunity and that power for goodness in the way that we can connect online? or is this a nostalgic story from the past for you? And that's it. Unfortunately, I do. It really is a nostalgic story.

I miss the way the internet was. I wish it was still the same in most aspects. Communication-wise, everyone is always connected all the time. The world is so much smaller now, which, I mean, and it felt small then, too, just because now I have access to all of these people from all over the world that I can talk to. But now it's constant. Whereas back then you had to go seek it out. I don't know where Miranda is now and I'm happily married with a family of my own.

So I don't care to go internet stalking. Last I knew she learned Spanish in addition to French and got a master's degree and worked for the Ontario Ministry of Health. That was over a decade ago. Even if she's done nothing else, that's still better than. than anything I've done. So I hope she's happy and still doing what she loves. I know you don't want to go internet stalking, right? And you have a family and you're happy.

And so, like, I totally get the kind of like, like, I'm good. I had this thing, you know, it ended. That's fine, right? But don't you kind of want to know? Like, wouldn't it be nice if you could just, like, know what she's up to? or like for her to know, for instance, the impact that this had on you and for you to maybe see if she also felt the same? Like, I'm just curious if you have any sort of curiosity there. I imagine you do.

I think, I mean, I do. I do have curiosity. I, in Miranda's case, I know what she was like as a teenager. And I know people change. but she was so genuine about everything that she said. She, I mean, I talk about the confidence that I had, the confidence that she just had in general. I know no matter, no matter what she did,

no matter what she came across after our meeting, I'm sure she's doing great things. She must be. That's just the type of person she was. I, yeah, I guess that's why I don't really have that much curiosity regarding it because I just know that she's doing great things. Well, we are into some well-intentioned internet stocking, but we haven't been able to find Miranda, the Canadian girlfriend, yet.

I mean, I looked for her. Our producer Dean Russell looked for her. John gave us her real full name, but it was a maiden name, of course. And we've really poked around, but no dice. So maybe this story is fake. John, you scoundrel. No, we believe you. We want to believe. We totally believe you, John. Totally.

Totally. No, we really do believe you. And we're going to keep looking. And we'll keep dreaming. What if you and your families met up? I'm imposing a family on her. I don't know what her situation is. But like, I'm picturing your family and her family meeting up at Niagara. Oh, man, that sounds great.

Going on the maid of the mist and talking. about the kids hanging out. Geo cities. Yeah. So I don't know if my wife would be cool with that. You're right. This story already has a happy enough ending. I'm pushing it.

Yeah, it has a happy ending. I'm asking for trouble. You don't, yeah, that's true. So Miranda, if you're out there, please get in touch. But then we should say that John told us how he met his wife. He had failed out of college and was in the military trying to get his life back on track. He was stationed in Japan. and had gotten really into this band

Sushi Cabaret Club, which didn't have Japanese band members and didn't sing in Japanese. So I went to their MySpace page, and MySpace, you know, they had like your top friends or whatever. And I would just, you know, just happened to snapshot in my mind

of their top friends. And so I went to go see them in Tokyo. Afterwards, like when the lights come up and everything, and I notice to the right of me, is there's this girl who she looks really familiar. She's on the band's top friends list. And so I kind of turned to her and I go,

are you Miyuki? I didn't even know if she spoke English. And she turns to me and she goes, how do you know my name? So, oh, yeah, I'm John Smith. And like, as the, the words came out of my mouth, like, well, that's super helpful. And she goes, from, from my space, like, wow. That's, that's how I met my life. It was kind of also from the internet.

Do you think, do you think pre-Miranda John would have had the guts to go up to Miyuki and say, Hey, great question. I'm John, you're shaking your head. No? Absolutely not. Not at all. Not at all. Wow. This is the best timeline. You live in the best timeline. Yes. Well, yeah. I consider myself probably one of the luckiest people on earth. Because there's no skill involved in this at all. It just sort of happened. Wow. Well, you tell Miyuki that Miranda doesn't mean anything to you in that way now, but she gave you the gift of confidence that allowed... There would be no...

That's right. There would be no Mayuki without Marinda. That's right. That's right. You can't have Miyuki without Miranda. That's really what life is, isn't it? You look back and you're like, wow, all of the various Miranda's that happen lead up to our Miyuki's. And hopefully it all works out for the best. You know, Amri, I almost never say this, but, but, you know, this set of stories really, it almost makes you want to say all as well that ends well on the internet. You know? Yeah. And it's a good reminder that, you know, middle school is a phase. It too shall pass.

It will prepare you for better, brighter, more love-filled days. Yeah. And I feel like once someone told me, cool is not something you're better than it's something you're into, if that makes sense. School is not something you're better than. It's what you're into. So it's like...

Yeah. Yeah. And I feel like love is that way too, you know? And like John found his fellow gaming nerd on the internet. Even though he had never played the video game, he found his fellow gaming nerd. And that's beautiful, you know? Yeah. Find your people. And hold on to him.

Yeah. So with that, we wish you all that. the chocolate, strawberries, and chalk chocky candy with tiny messages on them that your heart could desire. And a donut. Just for good measure. I love donut. I love donut.

I like that I said a love donut. And you started to say, I love donuts. Oh, boy. She's done it again. Classic. classic. I thought you were saying like, I love donut as if it were like hamburger. You know, I could really go for some hamburg. What are you talking about right now?

I think you better take a short bread. I'm high on love. You better take a short bread, you know? I'm high. Happy Valentine's Day. Happy Valentine's Day, y'all. We'll see you in a week. Endless Thread is a production of WBUR in Boston. This episode was produced by Nora Sacks

and co-hosted by me, Amory Severson, and Ben Brock Johnson, who, you know, he said he had to go see about a girl in Canada. Mix and sound design by Emily Jankowski. The rest of our team is Dean Russell, Quincy Walters, Grace Tatter, Amy Gorell, Matt Reed, and Paul Vicus. Endless Thread is a show about the blurred lines between digital communities,

and nation-state actors. If you've got an untold history, an unsolved mystery, or a wild story from the internet that you want us to tell, hit us up, pretty please. Email endless thread at wbUR.org. Tell someone you love them today, will you? Bye.