Endless Thread - The Church of Speedrun!

Episode Date: May 29, 2026

Try reading this description as fast as you can: Ben and Amory zoom through two internet stories connected to speed running, including a look at a mysterious object on Reddit and an online trend directed at the Church of Scientology. Show notes: Found in my son’s room (Reddit) Storming Scientology Buildings: TikTok Trend or Hate Crime?  (The New York Times) What is a ‘Scientology speedrun’ and why is social media suddenly obsessed with it? (The Guardian)

Support for WBUR comes from Is Business Broken, a podcast from the Mayrotra Institute at Boston University that explores questions like, why is innovation and healthcare so hard? Is ESG just greenwashing? And of course, is business broken? Listen, wherever you get your podcasts. WBUR Podcasts, Boston. Amory, have you ever done a speed run? Sounds like some gaming shenanigans. It's definitely some gaming shenanigans. You're going through a level as fast as humanly possible, or sometimes the whole game as fast as humanly possible,

aka it is a speed run. You're not like going through all the parts of the game. You are just getting from point A to point B in the fastest, fastest way possible. Today we're speed running prison escape simulator. It is time for our first Donkey Kong Bananza speed run. I'm actually a top 100 speed runner in the Oregon. and trail game. I think we have like 15 seconds to get it. Come on, come on, come on, come on.

We're going to do it. We're going to do it. Yes. So we all know what a speed run is. That's the theme of this episode. And I guess my question is, who's going to speed run first? You want to speed run or should I speed run? I think I should speed run first. All right. Let's go. I decided to interpret this theme loosely. All right. Speed run through your loose and interpretation of speed run. I'm ready. All right. So my story comes from the What Is It Subreddit. So my question to you, Ben, is, what is it? What is that subreddit?

So R slash What Is It is like one of the very broad subreddits in which someone can discover something. They don't know what it is. They post a photo and a slight explanation sometimes. And hopefully other Redditors will help them figure out what it is. Everything from like a weird unexploded munition that somebody dug up in their backyard to like an ancient tool that they found in their grandmother's hutch. Uh-huh. Those are already much cooler examples than what is probably most commonly posted, which is like someone posting an object and asking the question basically like, is this sex, drugs or rock and roll related? And a subgenre of that, which is like, I found this in my kids stuff. Is my kid using this for sex, drugs, or rock and roll? So your kids.

The answer is always yes. Yeah, usually yes. And that is. If that kid's, if he's smart, then the answer is yes. Are you speaking from personal experience? Is this something, did this happen to you as a child? Did anyone find something in your room and say, Oh, God.

Ben, Benjamin. I think my dad found a dime bag underneath the seat of our car once. Oh. And he was like, is this grass? And I was like, yes, that's grass. And you're old enough that he couldn't post on what is it and say, Is this grass? He could.

He got an immediate answer for me, which was yes, and we don't say that anymore. Yep. Okay. So I'm going to send you a picture that I found. in the what is it subreddit. Can't one. And I just want you to really, I don't want any guesses yet.

I just want you to take in the contours of this object. Okay. I have seen this and I believe I know what it is, but I am so in. Okay. So refrain from saying anything. Okay. Because this was a real,

this was a real journey that the commenters took us on. I mean, it very much is one of those things that you look at it and you immediately go, is it drugs? is it sex? Yeah. Is it rock and roll? I'm less leaning towards it when I see this image.

But it's, God, how would one describe it? It's a very clean white structure, but it's also kind of swoopy and bumpy. And it has these two, it looks like almost like dinosaur vertebrae or giant teeth kind of thing. Yeah, like ribs. Ribs is a good way to describe it. I was going to say the little. giraffe. The boops on top of the giraffe head. It looks like that too. I should know what those are.

The boops. Yeah. The boops. The giraffe boops. Yes. But then also it has this bump, which I would argue is almost more, almost more like a giraffe boop. Yeah. Nothing is completely flat on this. It's got like the whole thing is like a smooth, curvy texture. That bigger bump looks like it would fit sort of like perfectly in a in a cup tanned. And also very, very suggestive in all directions. Yes, it does. Yes, I was about to say. Yes. So the comments of this really, really delighted me.

The caption is, found in my son's room. So this is important. This is a parent. Their username is Accident with an X, which is kind of fun. Accident. They've found this object in their son's room. room and they just say, what the hell is it? So I found a wide variety of guesses. Some of them are more innocent. Someone said that they used like an internet lens feature and said, it says it's a

sculpture of some sort. That's a sculpture right there. It looks sculpted. No question. It does look sculpted. And organic. Yeah. Someone else said, looks like packaging foam or plastic to keep some sort of item in a box still during transport. Mm-hmm. I thought that was a pretty genius guess, because we've all opened something from a box that, like, is packaged with a very particular structure to hold the form. Yeah, especially these days. They're doing amazing things with cardboard these days.

Yeah. Someone said it looks like a, like a SOAS tool for back pain. I was going to say, yeah, it looks like a massager in a way, which a lot, many sex toys are also massager. or literally massagers. Yep. So then there were the guesses that I feel like started. These were what I would call the gateway guesses.

Sort of got me on the road to, oh, seeing it differently. A couple people pointed out, this is 3D printed. Like maybe it's some sort of a 3D printed stand or mount for something. And getting warmer. That's getting warmer. And that ultimately led to the answer, which, Ben, drumroll. It's something something

VR headset holder. Yes! This is a holder. So the winning comment here, someone says, does he, meaning this person's son, does he have a VR headset? Could be a mount. I3D printed one for my meta quest and it somewhat looks like that.

And then O.P. posted a picture of the headset in this mount. Although, O.P., I'll say this, that sounds relatively innocuous, but depending on the age of your kid, you might want to check on what they're watching in the VR headset. So other people commented that, too, like, this tool isn't a sex toy, but your kid's just watching porn on the VR headset. Could be. Could be. So someone responded to this and said, okay, but you still have to confront him, meaning your son, you still have to confront him with it and scream about drugs when he gets home. Yep. And O.P. said, oh, absolutely.

But I also saw an overwhelming wave of people saying something like this particular Redditor saying, I never would have gone snooping in my children's rooms when they were kids. And I damn sure wouldn't have turned to the Internet for information on what they might have been doing. Novel idea. Ask your son what it is. Yeah. I mean, it's, look, I don't, my kids are eight years old, so I'm mercifully currently not having to ask these questions. but I can, I don't disagree with that necessarily. You should have a relationship with your, you know, members of your family where you can have open, honest discussion. Also, I would say, like, as a parent, you might just be picking up or cleaning up or putting something in their room and, like, bump into it.

It's not like the O.P. is, like, tearing their room apart, looking for, looking for paraphernalia or something like that. But, and then it might be a little awkward. It might feel a little awkward. might, like, really want to know what it is before you talk to your kid about it. Yeah, you don't know if you should be having the sex talk or the drugs talk or the rock and roll talk. You gotta know which talk. It's the devil's music, son. Stay away from it.

That is true, though. Like, it's, you want to be, you want to have these conversations with care. And to your point, O.P. does say, I wasn't snooping. He's at his moms and I was putting his laundry away. It was sitting in plain view on his desk. I was doing some drugs in his room And I Yeah, right

And someone said You should show this post to him When your son is older maybe And see he'll get a kick out of it And the O.P was like, I'm going to show him as soon as he gets home Like I think he'll I think he'll think this is hilarious That I thought this was some sort of

You know, something a little salacious But also a funny thing That picture of the VR headset In the stand Yeah This led to some more informative comments. What do you notice about that picture? Like, what's just to the right of the VR headset?

Well, there's a curtain. Uh-huh. A pleaded curtain. And behind every curtain is presumably a window. And a window lets in. Light. And it turns out, several Redditors chimed in, that light, even just a few seconds of light, apparently can damage the lenses of the VR headset. So those lenses are never supposed to be exposed to any kind of light.

Oh, well, today they learned to store their headset in a better spot. And this is why I say this is all very tangentially related because I was like, you know what, this sounds like a gaming thing. I'm going to go with a gaming thing and hope that Ben doesn't know what this is. Well, like in a way, what is it? The subreddit is like an attempt to speed run an answer to a question. You know what I'm saying? Okay.

So there you go. All right. Well, I've got another speed run story for you. And it does involve the devil's music. Just kidding. It involves drugs. Religion. Oh.

And it's a mixed tale, a mixed tale with mixed results about speed running. And we will get right on that. in a minute. This episode is brought to you by Activia. You might already be eating yogurt, but not all yogurts are created equal. Activia contains over one billion probiotics per serving to survive and reach the gut alive.

When it comes to gut health, Activia is the number one family doctor-recommended probiotic yogurt brand. Choose Activia. Feel good from the inside out. Visitactivia.ca for more details. Dean Russell here, senior producer for WBURR podcast. Scientists Carl Sagan once said finding truth demands the rigor of science and the freedom of imagination. WBUR's New Kids podcast has both.

The Midnight Rebellion uses the science of climate change to imagine a future gone wrong. And you need to set it right. All episodes are out now. The Midnight Rebellion. Listen at WBUR.org slash midnight or wherever you get your podcasts. Emery, are you a church lady? You going to church? I feel like I just went to my church, which is I went on a little walk in the woods right before this.

You went to the church of Mother Nature. That's right. Yeah, I love that. But otherwise, no, I think I've been in an actual church. I could count it on not one hand. Let's say two hands in my whole life. Yep. Okay.

So those more than five but less than ten, you can count them on your hand visits to a church. Amory, were any of those visits to the Church of Scientology? You know, they were not. Don't think I'm breaking any news there about my own. Okay. My own religious practices. And are you familiar with the Church of Scientology? What's your familiarity with?

Well, we've covered it a little bit on the show. I know that it was founded by a sci-fi writer. You know what's interesting is that I mostly know, I don't know a Scientologist in my life. To me, Scientology is a religion of celebrities. It's like Tom Cruise, John Travolta, Elizabeth Moss, Leah Remini, who left the church. Yeah, so as you said, you know,

this is a religion created in the 1950s by El Ron Hubbard, a sci-fi writer. It has a very big presence in Los Angeles, because, as you said, many famous actors are members of the church. But people who have left the church have really just kind of described an awful culture within the church, a culture of violence and abuse, cultism. And we could say that it is a very controversial church in the list of churches that exist around the world. And before we did anything on the show about it back in the day, what was your familiarity with it or relationship to the church?

Well, I had almost a non-existent relationship to the church, except I used to go to Austin, Texas, once a year to try to go to South by Southwest. And when I did that, I would spend some time at KUT, shout out our local NPR station in Austin, Texas. And near to KUT, there was a Scientology building. It was a weird spot. It felt a lot like a semi-abandoned department store front window. Okay. You know, it doesn't look like a church. Definitely not church-like.

But whatever the case, this was a very odd spot. And I was curious about the Church of Scientology just through looking in this window. I was like, man, this is very different from your average church that you might look into the window of the front door of. That will become relevant in a second. So I want you to do me a favor. Mm-hmm. Go to Reddit.com. That's very formal of you.

Okay. Reddit.com. Okay. Okay. Search Scientology speed runs. Oh, my goodness. Okay. Now sort by new.

Oh. Okay. What are you seeing? Tell me what you're seeing. Well, the top one is from R-slash cults. Any Scientology speed runs coming up in the Boston area, not the onion. Hundreds of youths descend on Vancouver's Scientology building as part of speed running trend.

Yes. Okay. Okay. What is a Scientology speed run? Over the last month or so, I have been seeing on my feeds these so-called Scientology speed runs. And this apparently started as a TikTok trend. it may have started with a user whose username is at

S-W-H-I-E-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y. S-Y-L-E-Y-Y-L-E-Y-Y. Okay. Posted a speed run and started this trend. And it is really, really blown up over the last several weeks, as you can see with basically youths,

mostly boys, teenage boys. And what will happen is they will essentially run into Scientology buildings and see how far they can get. Wow, this is a very literal speed run. Yes, it is a literal. What are teenage boys, if not literal beings? Take a look at that. Come on.

Dude, let's go. Come on. Okay. So it's a guy running through a church of Scientology. He must have a camera on his head in addition to he's filming on his phone. Yep. And there are people, he's just like, Scientology Speed Run, and he's just running through hallways of what look like basically an office building almost,

a pretty generic looking building. Doesn't look like a church, right? Doesn't look like a church. There's clearly, like, someone behind him. He says at one point, like, Don't push me, sir. As if, like, someone is trying to get him out of there. And then as he's approaching the exit,

There's at least one police officer, maybe more than that. And he's been caught, and he's just trying to, he's just trying to boogie his way through the church. Boogie is a good description. So I've seen some other versions of this video where there's like 20 kids all at the same time, charging into the building and running pell-mell through the building. And why? Do we know why? just because it's sort of a mysterious place and this is a

fun challenge? I think that's basically it. I mean, fun is relative, but you know. It's chaos. It's this sort of chaos thing. Whatever happened to a good old flash mob? I mean, that's kind of what this is, right? But it's like a little bit more aggressive

in that it's like these kids are like running into this building. The person who apparently started this trend told the Hollywood reporter, I do not condone what I did, even though I didn't break any laws. This is a person who started it via TikTok. Anyway, there's now been a number of reports about this. So there was an NBC report. Hollywood reporter did one. The Guardian has done a few pieces.

It's now in the New York Times. Like you said, it's been done in Vancouver. People are trying to do one in Boston now. It really has swept the country in the past few weeks. in this really interesting way. I think one of the posts I saw was from, if it's the same Hamburg, from Hamburg, Germany. What do you, what's your impression of how the people in these buildings might react to this kind of thing? Well, I guess I have a question and a comment.

My comment is from the little bit of reporting that we've done on Scientology in the past. the officials that we've spoken to or people we've reached out to there is more of a defensive approach in their responses like they are expecting to have to defend how they run the church and so

it's not surprising to me that there would be you know to have seen the police in the video and to see a sort of like get this person who's running through our church because I can appreciate that no matter what the religion is or the organization is, that would just feel kind of violating if someone is, you know,

stampeding through your space. I think churches in general, they're meant to be places of respite, places where anyone is welcome, right? Like, that's the idea. Scientology, as we've talked about, is pretty complicated as a version of this. People have called it a cult. It displays lots of cult-like aspects in the way that people are asked to worship and contribute and be a part of the Church of Scientology. So it is definitely complicated.

And lots of other churches display problematic ways of existing as well, we should say. The Church of Scientology said in a statement, quote, these are peaceful spaces designed to welcome parishioners, visitors, and members of the public. Turning them into targets for viral stunts is not journalism, protest, or civic activity. It is trespass, harassment, and disruption of religious facilities. A spokesperson for the church also told the Associated Press that a staff person there was injured and required medical attention. In May, Sandy Springs Police in Georgia also arrested a man there as part of yet another Scientology speed run attempt. This is, you know, it's getting, it's getting complicated.

The Guardian article quotes Leah Remini. She says something that I think kind of speaks to my own non-church of Scientology, El Ron Hubbard's soul. which is, she says, if someone is brainwashed for years into believing the outside world is filled with dangerous lunatics who wish to impede Scientology, a group of people running through a Scientology building is only going to confirm that belief and lead them to dedicate themselves even more to the cause they believe in, unquote. Hey, I love, in many ways, I'm still an adolescent boy, and I, you know, I'm a pro being ridiculous person and doing ridiculous. particular things person in many ways. But I also think it's gotten crazy, guys. Let's maybe back it off. I don't know. Yeah. And I think a question of our time, and this has sort of come up across different episodes, whether it's, you know, our Jeffrey episode, the gentleman in Hong Kong or, you know, from Hong Kong originally or this topic, I feel like the question of our time is.

how do we demonstrate? What is, how do we show up and resist things that we want to resist and demonstrate our beliefs and basically like how to win friends and influence people? You know, like, I don't think that we're very good, broadly speaking at that right now. Yeah. I think like you're pointing out, it becomes clearer when you see an example of something like this, that you go, oh, that actually is not helping anyone. That's not making the world a better place in any way. And I just hope we all are looking for our own sort of forms of

resistance or protest or whatever that actually helps bring someone to whatever light we want to bring them towards and not turn them off from whatever it is that we're doing. It's tricky, though. These kids might be trying to turn people onto the Church of Speed Run. You know what I mean? That's tricky. This is how they... I had not thought of that. Thank you for introducing me to that perspective. My mind is open. The Church of Speed Run. Maybe that'll be the one that rounds out all the digits on your hands.

you could go to the church of Speed Run. What? You said you could count the number of churches you visited. All right. We can start that. Can we speed run solving the world's problems? I really like to do that. There we go.

Hey, before we go, endless therters, we have a question for you. Do you use WhatsApp? We want to know about that. We are making an episode about WhatsApp. We've got some great stories from some listeners. looking for some more. We want to know if you use it, not just to like chat individuals, but like maybe you have a huge wild and crazy family chat group on WhatsApp.

Maybe you get your news on WhatsApp somehow from another country. Maybe you're part of a yoga group on WhatsApp. What are your massive chat groups that you participate in in WhatsApp? What are the interesting ways in which you use WhatsApp? We want to make an episode about that. We need your help. If you have interesting stories, please tell us.

We'd love to hear from you. You know what to do. Email us at Endless Thread at WBUR.org. You can send us a voice memo. You can send us an email. You can send us some screenshots. Whatever you want to do. Just get in touch with us.

We'd love to collaborate with you on our upcoming WhatsApp episode. And now we shall speed run the credits. Endless Thread is a production of WBUR in Boston. This episode was produced by Koliani Sikzana. It was co-hosted by me, Amory Severson. And me, Ben, Brock Johnson. and we also reported and brought the stories. It was edited by Dave Shaw,

mix and sound design by Marquis Neal and our production manager, Paul Vikis. The rest of our team is Grace Tatter, Dean, Russell, Emily, Jenkowski, and our senior managing producer, Sumit to Josh. Endless Thread is a show about the blurred lines between Scientology and those things in our bedroom

that we really don't want our parents to know about. Have an unsolved mystery, unsolved history or other wild story from the internet. You know what to do. You can email us at Endless Thread at WBUR.org. Speed run over.