EntreLeadership - Are You Carrying Around Armor Like This Business Owner?

Episode Date: April 23, 2020

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Hey guys, Daniel Tarty here. You're about to hear a conversation I had with my buddy Brad. Brad's a business owner and, well, he's a little frustrated right now because he wants his business to be more profitable. He wants it to be growing and it's not. And he believes the reason is because he's not being who he needs to be as a leader. Well, we dive into that. We figure out where he's stuck and some of it is his kind of his mindset. So Brad needs a breakthrough by the end of the call. Well, he has one and, you know, it's pretty fun to watch. So check it out. business IT services and support. I've been in business 14 years, started in Tampa. My service manager is still in Tampa working out of his house, and I work out of my house in Illinois. And then we have some subcontracted help desk. Okay. How much of that 14 years have you had that same service manager? 13 and a half.

Okay. So you guys are pretty tight. Yes. Good. Yeah. And we were best friends going in, previous coworkers. Our clients are still. moving on with doing what they've been doing. So they haven't cut on their services. It's just

our largest client through a curveball and they were forced to close 36 of their locations in their health care. So that cut what we received from them in half. A little bit of a shock, but we've managed to work with our vendor and help them out. So we're grateful to still have something coming in and we know it's temporary. Yeah, no doubt. I assume most of your clients, our businesses. It is kind of a B2B business model, I presume. Yeah, we started residential and then I was doing some subwork for another consultant. And then we finally realized we were running around like chickens with our heads cut off, not getting where we needed to go. And so we started adding businesses slowly. Okay. Well, I think I understand the landscape. What's on your mind today?

COVID for us, as my wife and I took some time to reflect, we realized that not much has changed for us other than the kids being home and she's up there working with them all day now instead of helping us out occasionally with some of the admin's work. Part of that then enable me to look at it and say, I'm still doing the same thing that I've always been doing kind of that rat on a wheel, trying to outwork the problem. And part of that is I know I need to hire someone to help with the admin and the accounting, the data entry, the mundane tasks, but there always seems to be something. It's either resource related or maybe some fear, that sort of thing. So, you know, we go through the process,

but then something happens and we don't pull the trigger. Well, do you have a sense of what you want? I mean, why would you hire that person or do anything? I mean, what is it you're driving toward that you don't have right now that you want? Well, we would like the business to grow so that We can have a, I mean, they always said technology paid well, so we'd like to see that. So you wanted to be, it sounds like you wanted to be more profitable. Yes. Okay. And I'm not sure how to do that.

I'm school of hard knocks, everything self-taught. We've thrown a lot of money at different marketing companies and it's yielded little results. So we're really good at onboarding. We're really good at sales, but bringing people in the funnel has always been struggle. So if the business is more profitable, then you would be able to, what? Hire any staff that we need, and then we'd be discussing other issues like employee problems and things like that. Well, if you had the staff you needed, and that was part of being more profitable, but then what? I mean, why does Brad want the business to be more profitable? What's the thing that's driving you

crazy about not being profitable where you're at right now? Honestly, I feel, and I know we're not supposed to compare, but I feel like that success that I sought out for from 18, all these years of hard work and effort is just not seeing comparable results to others in my industry. I think there's something worth drilling on here. I mean, I hear you say I'm not supposed to compare, but I also, it sounds like that's impacting how you're feeling a little bit about your own success. Yes. Feels like, like you don't have it, like shame, like inadequacy. What's the, what's the feeling? Well, I mean, I'm grateful that we've been able to pay our bills and we're able to take care of what we need to. But I also know that there's a lot more that we could do,

both business and personal, if we would grow. And so I absolutely know I'm the bottleneck. I'm just not sure how to get out of my own way. Okay. We have built up. retained earnings. We have been ultra conservative. We've been able to maintain really well in spite of these few marketing companies doing their thing. Let's talk about that idea of being the bottleneck. And you know from being through Entree leadership, we believe that everything rises and falls on leadership. The biggest opportunity with your business is you as the leader. The biggest problem with the business is you as the leader. Everything in my area that I lead that's dysfunctional somehow is probably connected to a weakness or a soft spot that I have as a leader,

right? And so we're the problem and we're the solution. And so oftentimes we look at profit or we look at our product and service and we go, oh, there's a problem over there, but really those things are downstream from our own personal leadership. And as the owner, in your case, how you're positioning every decision you make is a decision that is either going to grow the business or is going to hinder the business. If we can go, all right, in our decision making, in what we do with our behavior, if all of those things are what actually drive the business

to be profitable and to grow, then what is going on with our decision making? What's going on with our belief system and our wiring as a leader, our thinking patterns that are causing those things to not be what we want them to be? So I want to come to what's going on with Brad when you say you're the bottleneck, that you feel like is keeping the business from, you know, it's not just hiring this person or

coming to a place where you can go, okay, if we just had more resources, then everything would be fine. Those things tactically certainly are part of the equation. But before we can get to those tactical implementations, we have to go, what's going on in our own mindset? You mentioned fear. You mentioned comparing. You mentioned feeling like compared to 18 things should be better. What's feeding that narrative in your mind? right now. So the feeding of the narrative was recently revealed, I believe, by God,

showing me that I was hurt as a child, bullied so that I've been trying to overcompensate by outworking the problem, trying to do everything in my power to overcome that and overcome that rejection, if you will, and that perceived rejection throughout the last 30 years of my life that has affected every decision. I think you're very self-aware. When you say you were bullied as a child, what did Brad when he was bullied start to believe about himself as a result of that experience? That I wasn't enough and not accepted. Is that true? It's not true. The Bible tells me otherwise. What's the real challenge for you in that? Because it sounds like you might still be behaving like that's true, even though intellectually you know it's not?

I mean, that's true. And I think part of that is not knowing where to go from here. Like, okay, I'm self-aware that this exists, but not knowing, okay, I don't want to be like this. I want to be, you know, like other successful entree leaders and have the things that I see. You know, there's been jealousy there. There's another key word. you know, because I see others with their relationships and how great they are. And I want that too, but I don't know how to do it.

And because of the fear of trust, not knowing who to trust, I've shut everybody out. And that's part of the reason that I can't stay consistent in a mastermind because one day I go in and I'm confident. And the next mastermind call, I can't even get on the call because I'm too scared to get on there. I'm sorry that you had the experience that you had. And I can understand how, if early in your life, if that's how you're treated, it's out of protection, out of survival. We pick up these, I mean, you're talking about these emotions of not being able to trust, having fear, jealousy. There is a time when all those things served you. When Brad is getting bullied out of protecting yourself, there's a time when those things are actually,

the armor you put on to say, enough, I'm not going to continue to get bullied. But then what happens is, you know, we put on the armor and then we continue to walk through life and we look up one day and we're adults and we're still carrying around the threat of being bullied is really gone or whatever trauma we had in our past is, well, it's in our past. But now we're continuing to carry this heavy armor that we feel like we've got to hang on to this stuff, this baggage that gets in the way of us being able to step into who we really are, which is we're safe. In your case, you have ideas, you have drive, you have a desire to see a better version of the business and leading this thing. You see what's going on in the marketplace

and all that stuff in your heart. I mean, you're calling it jealousy, but I think there's also a desire there to step into the full picture of who Brad is really meant to be as a person. So I think the breakthrough is going to be somewhere around what has to be true for Brad to put down that armor. What are you doing in addition to positive inputs in your behavior to develop new thinking patterns? We can have all the positive inputs come in and we just consume that like a sponge. But what are you doing to write a new story, if you will? You've got this story. You know, Brad's got an experience.

He was bullied. In that experience, he had to put on this armor. the story that you're telling yourself, and it's a story you need it. It's a story that got you to where you are. It's not something to be ashamed of, but the story you're telling yourself is, I don't have what it takes, I'm not enough. I've got a lot of fear about delegating. I've got a lot of fear about committing to doing the things I know I need to do to grow my business. I've got jealousy issues about feeling like other people are kicking my butt out there, and so it further feeds this monster of feeling inadequate. And then ultimately, I've got issues

trust because there was a time when I couldn't trust certain people because if I trusted them, I would get hurt. And that's the story you've been carrying. In order to have this breakthrough, you've got to have a new story that's a more empowering story that says, this is what's true of me, this is the story and the reality I can step into, and just consuming positive information, which I love positive input. I do that all the time. I think that's a key, don't get me wrong, that's a key part of the equation. You know, there's a verse in Romans that's a talks about transformation occurs when we renew our minds. And part of mind renewal is new inputs, but you also need new outputs. You need to be sitting down, I would even say with pen and paper

and journaling and writing out, this is who I really am, and therefore this is how I'm going to behave, and this is who I want to be, and then talking about those things with people that you trust. Okay, I was writing down some of this this morning. It's a little uncomfortable for me because I haven't lived this way. But when you talk to your mastermind group and talk to your coach, hey, I'm struggling to step into this, but I also know it's true. And I know intellectually, it's who I am and who I'm supposed to be, but emotionally I'm still struggling putting down that armor. And then getting other people into that story with you, and by degrees over time, you will start to write a new story. Your mind and your neurology and your emotions and everything you

feel in your body will actually start to get rewired and you will become a different person. But I would say that just having the positive inputs and stopping at that, you're getting about half the equation by having the positive inputs. We need those for inspiration, but we've got to take the inspiration we get from that and then start to actually turn it into a new story, a new document in my notes, in my journal. It's really like goal setting for personal development. not goal setting on here's how many books I'm going to read, but here's the version of me that I want to live into and actually making that a reality on paper. You know, we talk about this metaphor of if you're going to build a building, it's actually created twice. Once it's created in our minds in the spiritual realm, and then it's created on paper in a blueprint, and the building is built off of that being on paper.

So I think you've got to get some of this out of your mind and these feelings that are just drifting around all the time throughout the day and actually get some of it on paper. because once it's on paper and you can point to it and remind yourself, then paper could be a yellow pad, it could be sticky notes on your bathroom mirror, affirmations, it can be, you know, word documents. It doesn't matter what the format is, but the point is it doesn't just all exist as these fleeting emotions that fly in and out of your head all day because that's where we get paralyzed is when it stays in our head. Yeah. I think it would be helpful to identify and take inventory of all the armor.

and then to ask, in light of what's true of me, do I still need this armor? And when we say armor, we're talking about these limiting beliefs. So again, at one point in your life, they served you. But is this armor still serving me? That's the question. Does this still serve me or has it become a limitation? Yeah. And then in that moment, you can go, okay, it doesn't serve me anymore.

So I'm going to put down the armor. Well, it's fine to say that. That sounds inspirational, but what does put down the armor look like in my behavior? Well, today, in the situation that's coming up, I have a meeting with somebody. My tendency when the armor is on is going to be to hold back, not say what I'm really thinking, go to that voice of fear, but instead, I'm going to be bold, and I'm actually just going to say what's on my mind. So I want you to make these practical and actionable steps that you can start to test throughout your day. and it's going to feel a little bit weird because it's uncomfortable and you haven't been living this way. But then the next day when you do that exercise and the yellow pad and you go, okay, yesterday, I said what I was really thinking and I'm still alive. It's okay. And Brad is going to

learn, you know, the adult Brad is going to start talking to little Brad who is bullied and start telling him that he's safe and he's okay because that's where all your emotions live back in these experiences that we had when we were growing up and when we were developing. And so our adult selves can start to coach our child selves, which is where these emotions are coming from that take over in the moment and end up controlling how we're behaving. And so these new behaviors, new truth, and the new stories that we're writing down, I want them to make sure they all have new actions that you can take. Because just saying that you want it, but then not giving yourself, okay, today here's three actions I can take that are going to get me to reinforce and experience this new pattern. that's where you're really going to start to fill that traction. Yeah.

Okay, so I want you to tell me, if you start doing this, if you take the time and you get a yellow pad, take inventory of the armor, challenge, is this still serving me to believe and behave this way, what you said, which I love, what is actually true, and then identifying actions I can take that day to start to live into this new story. If you start doing this on a consistent basis, what do you think is going to happen? It is going to rewire and it is going to build confidence. In some ways that already has happened because of a couple of action steps this week is just making some calls that I really didn't want to make. And going through that and then getting to the other side of it and that good feeling of, hey, I did it.

I did what needed it. And like you said, it didn't kill me. Well, it didn't kill you. And what did you learn? You didn't want to make it. And then the other side of it, what did you learn? I learned that I can do it. It's not just I can do it, but what was the gratification on the other side of it?

Not just it can be accomplished, but what else? I was proud of myself for doing it. Yeah. And what is that feeling of being proud of yourself compared to feeling like I'm not enough? Oh, my goodness. A world of difference. It feels wonderful. I'm watching you on video and I can hear your voice.

Your entire countenance is 180 degrees different than, I mean, 20 minutes ago you're talking about, I'm not enough, feel inadequate. I mean, your shoulders are tight. And now you're chuckling and laughing and you look light and free. And you're going, I feel proud of myself. Yeah. That's the Brad that I want showing up. Absolutely.

That's the Brad that is meant to run this business. Yep. That Brad showing up every day, proud of yourself, kicking it to the experiences you had of being bullied as a kid and writing a new story based on truth. That's the Brad that deserves to run this thing. Yeah. And imagine how fast you're going to run without all this heavy armor that you're having to carry around. And you've been carrying it for a long time. A long time, yeah.

So let's put down the armor. Let's bring the joyful I'm proud of myself, Brad, to every equation. And it's not just telling yourself in your mind, I've got to do this. But it's this practical exercise of the yellow pad. You said it. Yellow pad and the time to get it all out of my head and to get it onto some paper. So I can actually attack it as something that, now exist outside of me versus this thing that controls me from the inside. Yes. Absolutely.

Brad, you're doing a lot better than you feel like you are, man, and you have a whole lot more going for you than you've been tapping into. So I'm actually optimistic that if you start working on these things and the story in your mind, you're going to get more dialed into your purpose. You're going to be better at working with people. You'll have better ideas for your plan. That's going to result in a better product and business model, and that's going to yield better profit. So we could talk for days about tweaks on your product and your service offering and all the positioning of how you make it more profitable. We've got a lot of stuff there in Entree leadership and in your mastermind group. You can talk more about that. I'm happy to follow up with you on that.

But I think you and I both know that those are the fruit out on the branches that will come naturally as a result of working on the roots of what Brad's telling himself every day as the leader. Agreed? Yep. Agreed. That sounds like a bold Brad. we're there maybe maybe that used to be your superhero name is bold brad you can have a little action figure bold man you're bold man you're bold man that bold man got bullied at one point but that's not who you are and so i think you have absolutely what it takes to figure this out you have that boldness inside of you

let's just start bringing it out and i think we've given you some keys it's going to help you unlock that on a daily basis yes all right brother hey go get them hang in there if we're we can do anything else to help you guys out, obviously don't hesitate to let us know. Stay plugged in with your coach and your mastermind group. And I would encourage you to share this conversation with and I get a little bit of feedback. You know, the more people that we get speaking into what we're dealing with, the less alone we are and the better ideas we have. And so we can't go it alone. Now, we all need community. And I think you know that. But just a reminder, your mastermind's a lifeline. It's a place you can show up and feel like you don't have it all together. That's the

whole point of our masterminds is you can come. It's a safe place. even if you feel insecure or scared or you feel like you're on the ropes that day, that's the day you need it the most. And so stay committed to getting on those things. And I want to follow up with you. You can shoot me an email or a note. Let me know how this is working for you. And we'll check back in a little bit.

But I'm confident you're headed the right direction. Awesome. Thank you so much, Daniel. Brad started out in a funk, frustrated by the end of the call. He's feeling bold. He's feeling optimistic. He's ready to step in and, you know, claim his destiny. Oh, what happened?

Well, I think what happened is he had the permission to take the experience of his past where he felt broken and bullied and beat down and all the armor that he put on based on those experiences. He's letting go with that armor. That armor's heavy. He didn't have to carry that around anymore. I've been bullied. I've got brokenness in my past. I've put on that armor and, you know, I've wondered, do I have what it takes? And, you know, as leaders, we all deal with inadequacy at some level.

But it's not true of who we are. We are all more than adequate. And when we remember that, we have a breakthrough and step in and lead from a position of confidence, of boldness. We still have humility and we still understand we have limitations. But those limitations don't have to limit our leadership. So right now, think about what does it look like for you to break through? Where are you feeling inadequate?

Where are you feeling like in your past there was something that happened that caused you to believe less about who you are than what's really true. Take all that. Throw it out. You don't need it. Put down that armor. Remember what's true. And step forward into who you're supposed to be as leader.

Because you do have what it takes. So stay tuned in. Keep leading. Keep loving your teams. Keep hustling out there. We got your back. At Entree leadership, if we can do anything for you, just give us a buzz. We'll be glad to help.

And until next time, keep leading.