EntreLeadership - My Dad Wants 3X More Than Our Agreement

Episode Date: June 17, 2026

💲Enter the EntreLeadership® Small-Business Sweepstakes for a chance to win $4,500 to host a company retreat for your team: https://ter.li/entreleadershipsweepstakes  Family business drama gets complicated, especially when money, expectations and old wounds collide.  In this episode, Dave Ramsey takes a call from a business owner trying to navigate a painful dispute with his father about an operating agreement—without destroying the relationship in the process.   Next Steps: ·  🎯 Figure out your business's next steps in a free consult call with an EntreLeadership® team member: ⁠https://ter.li/cjk4u0⁠ ·      📞 Have a question for the show? Call 844-944-1070 or send us a message: https://ter.li/ask-us ·      ✉️ Become a better leader in six minutes a week. Get tactical tips sent to your inbox every Friday: https://ter.li/enl ·      📌 Don’t wing it. Get a coach that helps you lead and grow with confidence: https://ter.li/eqlowqqk ·      🏢 Attend EntreLeadership Summit: https://ter.li/summit-leadership ·      🎤 Attend EntreLeadership Master Series: https://ter.li/masterseries-conference ·      📖 Order Dave’s book, Build a Business You Love: https://ter.li/b4kru2   Connect With Our Sponsors: ·      Go to Belay Solutions or text ENTRE to 55123 for their free resource! ·       Go to Christian Healthcare Ministries and use code ENTRE for a 50% credit toward your first month of membership. ·      Visit NetSuite today to learn more.   Listen to More From Ramsey Network: 🎙️ The Ramsey Show 💸 The Ramsey Show Highlights 🧠 The Dr. John Delony Show 🍸 Smart Money Happy Hour 💰 George Kamel   Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

From the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, this is Entry leadership. I'm Dave Ramsey, your host with over 30 years of experience, leading in the trenches right alongside you. If you have a question you want to ask on the show, click the link in the description. David is in Columbia, South Carolina. Hi, David. How are you? Good. How are you?

Better than I deserve. What's up in your world? Well, we're a construction management professional services provider in South Carolina. We have about 100 employees and $22 million in annual revenue. Very well done. Cool. Thank you. Thank you.

Yeah. It's been an amazing nine years. So we've grown really fast. And my question today is about nine years ago, I was in this industry. I was an owner's representative on a construction project, and my dad did the same. thing. We decided to, I started a business that was a service disabled veteran-owned small business and brought my dad on to that business. As part of that, we shared in the ownership and he had a small company that this was kind of his exit strategy, so to speak. And so he shared

some of his knowledge, but as the partnership went on over the nine years, he really hasn't engaged much. He just really wanted to work on a project as opposed to really engage in growing the business. And so I've kind of done a lot of that by myself. We set up a real detailed operating agreement with a buy-sell and a timeline of nine years, and it was going to be, you know, we were going to sell based on a specific formula. And I've come to him and, You're going to sell to each other or sell to an outsider? He's going to sell to me. Okay.

He's going to sell to his... After nine years, that was in the original operating agreement. The original operating agreement. And here we are at nine years. Here we are at nine years. Okay. And we're, you know, I came to him and I said, hey, here's the calculation. And, you know, we didn't necessarily really know what we were doing back then.

And so it was a percentage of the revenue of projects under contract, which seemed fair then. but if you really look at valuations, it's, you know, the worst of our firm is higher than it was. And so he's wanting, you know, three times what is in the operating agreement. And so. On what basis? I mean, on the basis of the real valuation. I know, but why does he think he's due that when he signed an agreement that said otherwise? Well, that's a good question.

Really, my question is, how do you honor your parents and honor the agreement? You know, I think in a lot in the agreements I've typically, you know, kind of gone towards honoring. I'm a believer, and my dad's not a believer. And so I want to be honoring in that way, but I also want to, you know, I've got to honor the company, too. And so I'm torn here to really, you know, drive a hard line of like, this is what it is. And that's it. And I have every legal right to do that. I just am wondering how to have that conversation with my dad.

Very difficult. Okay. Are they broke? No, I mean, he just went through a divorce and so lost half of his assets. And so I think he's feeling a little broke. But I think his net worth is. close probably around a million, a little over a million. How old is he?

He's 76. And the operating agreement dollar amount that the formula created was how much? 1.2 million. Okay. And so if he has a million and he gets another million, he's just fine at 76 years old. He's not going to be hungry. Right. That's my thought.

Okay. So let me pan back then to what you kept talking about I'm a believer and honoring your parents. When the Bible talks about honoring your father and mother so that it's well with you and you will prosper, it is not talking about honoring every single behavior that they have. It's talking about honoring the office of father, the office of mother. Right. Just like when the Bible says we're supposed to. to pray for our leaders that are in office, that are the pray for the president. Right.

That doesn't mean you have to agree with the president or like what the president does. We're just called to pray for them. Right. But it doesn't mean we condone what Donald Trump or Joe Biden does, right? Yeah. We don't have to condone that to still honor the office of president and honor our leaders and pray for them. We can do that without going along with it.

So in other words, when, let me do it, you're an extreme thing. Okay. You can't, you would never ask the question, how do I honor my father while he's being addicted to cocaine? Right. You would say, that's a misbehavior. God's not asking me to honor that misbehavior, but I, I can honor the office of fatherhood. He's my dad. I love him in spite of his whatever's.

And so, you know, so. I guess the question is, how do I have that conversation? I don't think you can make him happy if he doesn't want to be happy. And it's not your job biblically to make him happy. If he gave his word to something, you have prospered the business with almost no involvement of his, for which he's getting $1,200,000. If my son did that, I would say, thank you. Right?

right i mean i think that's part of it's been a challenge for me is it like i thought i bet it's a challenge for your wife too uh i was going to say that yeah yeah she's like what yeah so so so and my experience has been when someone does something like this let's say you doubled the amount you gave him still not going to be enough that's my experience so instead i think we've got to go to the root of it and um and and have a hard conversation and it would sound like this dad in person sitting down just the two of you I need to have a conversation with you and it's going to be unpleasant this is a difficult conversation okay it starts with I love you and I want to honor you as my father

but you and I made an agreement and now you're backing out on that agreement if any of my vendors or my clients did this I would name their ears to a tree. There's no chance I would let someone get away with this. Right. The only reason I'm even having this conversation is because I love you and you're my father. So I don't understand why when I've done all the work for the last nine years or most of it and grown this business, that I don't understand why you think that the formula that we came

up with originally is not sufficient for you. You've already got a million. That'll give you a million two extra. you'll have $2.2 million. You're 76 years old. I don't think you're going to be hungry. Explain to me why you think that the operating agreement and the handshake that we gave gives you a right to go back on your word.

Tell me why. Right. Because I want to walk away with this still loving you. I want to walk away with this still being your dad or still being your son. I still want you to come over and play with the grandkids. I still want us to have Thanksgiving dinner. But I don't understand. you're going to have to help me understand why you are breaking your word because it's not what

you told me to do it's not how you taught me and it's not who you are and i don't understand are you afraid are you greedy what is going on yeah and then let him talk for a few minutes you may learn something right and if i were in your situation you're doing very well um and you self-admitted in this conversation that the formula you all used was a bit naive when you put the original thing together. And so probably was not the best possible formula. And so after he unloads whatever his reasoning is, which I have no idea what that's going to be, and you don't either apparently, I don't know where he's coming from on this, but let,

hear him out. Let him get it out on the table. And then go, well, you're not due money just because you showed up or you're my dad. right you're due money because we did this and we made economic impact on the community and that's why i'm due money as the owner as well right now based on that i will give you this dad i will tell you that i think the formula we used when we did this originally was a bit naive we didn't know what we were getting into probably wasn't the best way to do a a buyout valuation and so you know i i I will give you that.

That is a fair statement. However, it is our deal. So in an effort to try to meet you part of the way towards your concerns, I'm willing to raise this whatever, half a million dollars and make it a million seven. I'm not willing to give you one third of an actual valuation. That is not half. That is not fair because that's not your contribution. Right.

Because I've got a feeling. I got a feeling that's like $7 million, isn't it? Yes. Yeah. I'm guessing, but I'm listening, looking at these numbers and thinking about it. And that's not his contribution. That's not fair. Right.

That's not honoring his son. And he doesn't need it. Right. We'll get right back to our episode. You run a business so you already know that bad information leads to bad decisions. And everyone is talking about AI, but AI is only as good as the data behind it. The best AI is built on the best data.

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divorced okay yeah we didn't i we didn't really grow up together so we've had a tough relationship before we got into business together. So the other thing you need to be prepared for then that this might not end well because he tends to exit relationships that he doesn't like. Yeah. He doesn't do conflict resolution. That's true. He just leaves.

Yeah. Yeah. That may happen to you. You ready? Yeah. I mean. If you don't cave to his wishes, he may bail on you. Well, yeah.

I think, you know, my wife's concern of even doing the, extra 500,000 or 200,000 or whatever it is, is that it feeds that entitlement or whatever it is that's going on there. Yeah, I don't know. The only reason I would do it would be because I think that if I'm you, the only reason I would do that is not to make him okay because I don't think he's going to be okay emotionally. I think he's just that guy. But the only reason I would do it is it's an admission that our original formula is probably not fair and accurate. Yeah.

Even though it's the letter of the law. And that's you, that's you coming a little bit off that. And I don't care what, I mean, you could do 100,000. I don't care. You can do nothing. I don't care.

You don't have to do that. I'm just, I'm just spitballing with you here. So if you don't want to do it at all, then, you know, I think we're pretty well sure what's going to happen. Right. If you hold the line on this,

I think you're probably going to have a limit. relationship with him. Yeah. And that's okay. That's a decision you make. And sometimes you have to have boundaries with family members that are unreasonable. I will one more time reiterate that that's not dishonoring to him being a father. It's dishonoring to his behavior.

Right. He's the one choosing to do this. You can't control what he chooses to do. All you can do is say, dad, I love you. I want you in our life. I want you to come over and be with the grandkids. This is what we agreed to. This is what we're going to do.

You could end it there. Right. I think I'm hearing that this guy has a pattern that that's probably not going to go well, and you need to really be prepared for that. Right. And, you know, you've had somewhat of a connection after a fracture for the last nine years, a fracture during childhood. Yeah.

And you've had this reconnect for the last nine years, and you're going to lose that, probably. Right. And that's sad, but that's not you doing it. it. It's him doing it. Right. No, and I, yeah, you're like you're saying, it's the behavior and it's hopefully the conversation at least we can have a witness to what's really getting going on in the bottom. If he'll open up and tell you what's really going on, maybe you can put a band-aid on it

with a little bit of some kind of an olive branch, some kind of an extra offering of some kind. And that's probably worth it. right for your for your peace of mind because when i come out of something like this if they decide to walk away and have nothing to do with me i want to know i did all i could do i did my part yeah without becoming an enabler without caving and being a wuss and i'm not suggesting you to either one of those because i don't think you can give this guy enough money to be happy if he decides to be unhappy yeah that's true that's true you can give him seven million and he'll feel like he was due more because somehow one idea he had four and a half years ago was somehow worth more than his half.

Or he didn't like the exact cap rate you used on the valuation or whatever. Right. And, you know, he's going to find something to bitch about if he wants to bitch. Right. You can count on that. So, oh, man, I'm sorry. That's so, it's so hard. It's so hard to draw these lines.

And so, yeah, I tell you what I would do. I would pick up Dr. Henry Cloud's book boundaries. Yeah. And I would read that. And if you actually want to read another one, it's called Necessary Endings. Okay. And it's when we end a, under what circumstances do we end a relationship?

Do we end a job? Do we end a marriage? Do we end this kind of a thing? And so what I want to do is I want to put myself out there at a position that is fair, that is based on integrity and kindness and compassion, but not enabling and not trying to make an unhappy person happy with my actions, they have to choose happiness on their side. And if I put all of that out there, I've done all I can do, then they get to choose what they're going to do.

I can't choose for them. Right. And he may choose to distance himself because right this second he's kind of hurting going through a divorce number three. Right. And he's kind of in that mode. And so thrashing around a little bit like a wounded animal. So, but that doesn't give him permission to steal from you.

Yeah. So I'm sorry, man. It's so hard to decide. But yeah, and the problem is, the other thing is, I'll give you one other thing. Get this over with. Don't drag it out two years. Right. You're burning up a whole lot of creative calories screwing with something you shouldn't

have to screw with at all. Right. So, yeah, put it behind you within 90 days. Be done with it. I'm done. This is it. over. And, you know, otherwise this, because in an effort to try to wiggle and make everything right, you can drag something like this out so far and you play, play over the tapes in your

head every morning when you're sitting over coffee, every evening on the drive home, you're playing the tapes in your head on this instead of solving a business problem. And you'd be solving a business problem with those same calories and growing this business to a $40 million business. And so get it, get it behind you as fast as you pull. possibly can. Hey, that's a great question. Okay, so things to remember, honoring people you love is different than enabling. You can honor the fact that somebody's my brother, my dad, my mom, without honoring their drug use, without honoring their greed, without honoring their frack their ability to not do conflict and come to resolution.

And so, and I can honor someone that works on my team as a friend, but I'm not going to honor their incompetence, or I'm not going to honor them treating someone else in the organization poorly. Just because, okay, I've been here 38 years, yeah, but that doesn't mean you can yell and scream at people. You don't get to work here anymore if you yell and scream at people. We don't do that at Ramsey. And so I'm going to talk to you like one time about that.

Maybe, or maybe I'm just going to fire you. You've been here 38 years. I'll probably go talk to you once at least and give you a shot. But we don't do that. Well, I've been here 38 years. That doesn't mean you get to do that. You don't get to misbehave just because you sit in this seat of friend or 38-year employee or mom or dad.

It does not give you permission to tread through my living room in your muddy boots. My living room. and you can't tread on other people in that process. So you've got to separate the relationship from the behavior and the way they used to say it all the time is love the sinner but hate the sin. And sometimes the sin causes separation, not the actual sinner. But I can't be having lunch with you if all you do is yell and scream. I ain't got time to do that.

And I'm not going to revisit this negotiation 14 times in the next 14 years. We're going to decide it. And then I'm through talking about it. And by the way, I'm through thinking about it after that, too. I'm done. That's the other recap. That last thing I told him is very important. Get it behind you.

Because all of us have been in this where the drama queen in our head is doing a dance. Like Abba's in your head singing or something. And it's just dancing around. You're ruminating. You're playing back. I should have said this. I could have said that. And I wonder if this.

And I wonder what's really going on. You can't figure out what other people's crap is. That's their crap. you just got to give them room to deal with it and love them where they are but that doesn't mean you get to steal from me or negotiate a unfair deal because of this so but i think it's helpful to the third point is we'll go back to the original suggestion early in the call and when you've got a situation like this it's always good to to say let's have a difficult conversation so let's have 10 minutes of discomfort here in awkwardness, and I want you to tell me what's really going on,

because I'm having trouble with this. You're going to have to explain to me why you're not keeping your word. You're going to have to explain to me why you're doing X, Y, Z. Because I'm not okay with it, and you need to help me get inside your head for a minute, and so I can try to help meet you where you are so we can maintain relationship. But if you can't give me reasons, then I'm going to just set it down, and we're going to decide, and then you're going to have to live with my decision because I'm actually in control of this. So those are the recaps on this, but a hundred percent of the time. So let's go all the way back in this particular call and know that this is with all of you

out there. This is the same going on. There was a time that David was a little boy and his dad divorced his mom and left. And his single mother, divorced mother raised him. and they had a fractured, intermittent relationship. That little boy is still here. He's still, his dad still left. And now he's trying to be a man and all of us face these things

and square his shoulders and make these decisions. But that little boy that got hurt by that divorce is in this conversation. And I don't know why that dad left. I don't know what was going on. maybe the mom misbehaved. I don't know. I don't know what happened. But this thing began then.

It didn't begin 90 days ago. And so go all the way back and that helps you have empathy and sympathy and understand what's going on inside your own heart, plus what's going on with the old man as well. And that's what you're looking at. So very, very interesting. Folks, if you enjoyed today's episode, be sure to like, share, and subscribe for more world leadership content. I'm your host Dave Ramsey. This is Entree Leadership.