Epic Real Estate Investing - 5 Sure Fire Ways to Become More Likable | 1066

Episode Date: July 1, 2020

When it comes to business, people give their business to people that they know, like and have confidence in their competence. All 3 qualities are important, yet being liked can compensate for some deficiencies in the other two in a way that those two cannot. Therefore, this Wednesday, Matt shares with you his 5 sure-fire ways to become more likable so that you can increase your business and sleep better at night. Tune in and find out more! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is Terrio Media. Success in real estate has nothing to do with shiny objects. It has everything to do with mastering the basics. The three pillars of real estate investing. Attract, convert, exit. Matt Terrio has been helping real estate investors do just that for more than a decade now. If you want to make money in real estate, keep listening. If you want it faster, visit R-E-I-Aase.com.

Here's Matt. Hey, Matt here. Welcome to another episode of the epic real estate investing show. It is way back Wednesday. This is the day where we reach back into the archives and pull out old classic episodes. And we've been reaching back into the archives of the Doover podcast, the podcast that started it all. And I got another great one for you today. Enjoy.

During an era where countless people, businesses, and organizations are feeling the pinch, running out of time. running out of money, losing confidence, feeling as if life is unfair, praying for another chance, and unless something is done, life is going to pass them by. Fortunately, in the nick of time, there is now a place where the ignored, underestimated, and unknown steps to producing results, and making life work are revealed. Save your career. Save your business. Save your health.

Save your relationships. Save your life. Get from where you are to where you want to be faster and with greater ease than you ever thought possible. Say hello to your do-over. Welcome, this is episode 65 of the Your Do-Over podcast. And this is Matt, the Do-Over Guy Terrio. And this is the podcast that will show you how to start over, whether that's in life, in a relationship, in a career, in a business, spiritually, physically,

Whatever it is that didn't work for you the first time or didn't work for you last time, this is your chance to do over. To learn from your past mistakes, to learn from others past mistakes so that you can build a life of peace, joy, love, blessings, and abundance. And enjoy life during the most active years of your life. And you can get the three pillars of creating the ultimate do-over and get a jump start on your do-over for free at freedover. There you'll download this 55 MP3 audio program that I created to help you start over. And I just want to acknowledge first, I haven't been here for a while. I made a commitment to be more consistent with the podcast at the top of the year. And I've just been terribly sick, almost nine weeks worth.

And I didn't want to start doing this again until I actually felt 100%, because I felt about 99% several times. And then all of a sudden I had a relapse. I went around our family just around and around and around. It went around with my friends and my clients and my vendors. And, you know, I've basically got nothing done since probably mid-December. But here we are, a week. I'm going to knock on wood. Then I am better.

So I am back. And I'm starting something new today. I launched this on my real estate podcast last week, or the last episode, I should say. And it's working very well over there. And it has very quickly made my time on that podcast actually much more enjoyable. I already enjoyed it. but it's much more enjoyable now. And the time for the listeners, I think, more valuable as well.

And I think that's very, very important. So I don't see any reason why it won't have the same effect here. The reason it has been more enjoyable because of this new feature of the show, I know I'm sharing something with you that you actually want to know about. And what that new feature is for now, I'm just going to call it the do-over hotline. All right. And this is a special dedicated phone line I've set up where you can call in and leave me a do-over question about your specific do-over question.

And it can be a question about something that we've discussed in the past, or it can be something that you're dealing with in your do-over right now, and I'll play your question on the air, and then I'll answer it on the air. Or if you just want to call in and leave a comment about the show, you can do that too. My only request with regard to your questions is, be as specific as you can, okay? Big, broad, general questions, like, how do I start over? I mean, I wrote a whole book on answering that one, and I've read a whole book on answering that one, and I've recorded a series of this show on the subject as well.

And I don't have enough time in this show to answer that type of broad question. So just try and narrow it down and be as specific as you can, okay? And I'll answer whatever I can as completely as I can. Now, having said that, if you do have an idea of a bigger subject that can be covered over several shows, I hate, I guess I'm open to that too. Let me take a little bit of that back. I'm open to that. I'll actually just leave it open to see what we as a community come up with.

Fair enough? Cool. So the do-over hotline is 888-88-8-85-95-14. 8-88-88-9-5-15-14. Oh, and you can still leave your comments and thoughts of the show over at iTunes. I appreciate those a lot. I'm not sure how, but they somehow factor into iTunes rankings of which the higher the ranking, the more visibility the show gets, and the more visibility this show gets,

the more people that find it. That allows me to help more people. and that's really what I'm here for. All righty. So here's a couple of the most recent comments, actually. So this comment comes from P-E-Y-M-P-M. I think that's how you pronounce it. The headline is, thank you, five stars.

And they write, this is a fantastic tool for anyone looking for a fresh start in the way they approach life. The advice is straightforward and easy to understand, but extremely truthful and motivating. So glad I found this podcast. Well, I'm glad you found it too. Another one from the photo hiker.

five stars. Matt, you referenced episode 11 in one of your podcasts, but I don't see it in iTunes. How can I find it? I appreciate what you do. Great information. Thanks. That's a good question.

Let me see if I can actually help you out with that question. Hmm. You're right. The podcast starts at episode 15. Huh, maybe they only allow me to have 50 podcast episodes at a time. I didn't know that. Okay, well, that opens up an opportunity, doesn't it? All right?

So I'm going to have to find a place on my website. site of where I can put all the back episodes. So the photo hiker, I'm very sorry for the inconvenience. I didn't even know that. Thank you for bringing that to my attention. Next comment comes from Texas Lou. Awesome action steps. Five stars.

Thanks, Matt. Your action plans are phenomenal. Truly blessed to have your podcast. Well, Texas Lou, thank you. And I'm truly blessed to have you as a listener. And please stay in touch. All of you, please stay in touch. So these people actually logged into iTunes.

They left their little number of star rating and they left a comment. And I really appreciate those. And like I said, they help more people find the show because it increases the rankings on iTunes. So thank you very much. So you can leave a comment at iTunes or call in to the do-over hotline. Or do both. Call in and leave questions or thoughts. I appreciate them both and they both help.

Alrighty. That number last time is 888-88-95-94. Let's get to the subject of today's show. Let's get to the meet. You know, there's a saying out there that goes something like, people do business with people that they know, like, and trust. And I believe that to its core. But I have a slightly different take on it.

I prefer to say people do business with people that they know, like, and have confidence in their competence. And I suppose that could be interpreted or interchanged with the word trust. But when it comes to business, I like a little bit more specific that way. I mean, indeed, people like to do business with the people that they know, people that they like, people that they trust and the people that they have confidence in their competence, meaning people, even if they know you and like you and trust you, if they don't believe you know what you're doing or they believe that you're not very good at what you're doing, most people

are going to shy away from doing business with you. And that's why I'm such a big proponent of developing a skill and practicing and drilling and rehearsing that skill in your do-over. It just makes you more valuable. I mean, people in our society are compensated according to their skill and that skill's value. People are paid based on what they do, how well they do it, and how difficult it is to replace them. So if you want to be paid well, develop a skill that people consider valuable, a skill that solves a need, a skill that takes some time to learn because that makes you more difficult to replace,

of which combined equates to higher compensation. So develop a new skill or improve on the ones that you have, and people will gain confidence in your competence. Okay, know, like, and have confidence in your competence. Those are the three things people are looking for of whom they will give their business. And all three are important, but there is one that if you're heavy on it, meaning you are strong in that department, it probably makes up for the lack in the other three more than any of the others can. And so it's very important. and that is likeability.

How much do people like you? That will compensate for if the person you're dealing with doesn't know you too well. If they like you, you're probably going to get the business. And if they don't have a lot of confidence in your competence or are unaware if you are competent or not, if they like you, you're probably going to at least get a chance at the business. So today I want to go over some things you can do to get people to like you. In fact, I have five surefire things that will increase your likability.

And in my opinion, I think if everybody adopted these five things, not only would they be more likable, the world would be a much nicer place to live. Okay, so number one, and this is very simple. Number one, to become more likable is listen. Listen more than you speak. God gave us two ears and one mouth. You should be using them proportionately. If you want to be liked, you must first,

like people. And if you want to be interesting, you must first be interested in people. People like people that like them. People like people that listen to them. The most important subject to most people is them. So show interest in people. Like them before they like you.

And the easiest way to do that is to simply listen and listen genuinely. So that's number one. To become more likable. Listen. Listen more than you speak. Number two, be generous with compliments. Be generous with compliments. And as I mentioned, the most important subject to most people is them. So a simple and genuine compliment, it goes a long way. The operative word there is genuine compliment and don't overdo it. One is typically enough per conversation. Two, absolute max. And whether you give one compliment or ten compliments, they must be authentic. I mean, if the person is wearing an ugly sweater,

don't compliment the sweater just because you can't think of anything else to compliment. Look for subtle details that other people might not notice. For example, everyone notices someone's nice smile or their pretty eyes. I try to look for something that most people might miss. You know, with women, I always look at shoes or I look at jewelry to compliment. And men, you've got to be careful with the women compliments, okay? You got to be careful, particularly in business environments. To keep it safe for both parties, I'll try to naturally.

fit in my girlfriend into the conversation. Just a slight mention is all that's needed. Something like, those are beautiful boots. My girlfriend would love those. Where did you get them? So I worked into the conversation, so they don't think I'm trying to pick up on somebody. You got to be careful.

And for the guys, I pretty much look for the same thing. I look at the shoes or the watch to compliment or I'll listen for something within the conversation to compliment something about their character. Like, wow, you've been running your own business for five years. Congrats. I mean, it takes a very special person to keep their business going that long. Or, wow, you're running a marathon next month. That takes commitment. Is this your first one? And as you might have noticed, I like to end a compliment with a question.

It keeps the conversation going. So the two rules with compliments. First, don't overdo it. And second, be authentic. And if you want a third rule, end the compliment with a question. Like, nice hat. Where'd you get it? And that leads us right into number three for getting people to like you is to ask questions. And you might be sensing a theme here, right? For most people, the most important subject is them. Pay attention to that. And it gets people to like you.

Asking questions and getting them to talk about themselves and some weird way causes people to like you. And what that means you can get most people to like you without ever really talking about yourself, without really sometimes not even talking at all. Well, one of the secrets I've noticed about asking good questions is you've got to go back to number one, you've got to listen to the answers. You've got to listen. So when you ask a question, listen to the answers as if there's going to be a test

afterwards. Be interested in what they have to say and listen for your next question so that the conversation flows naturally. Don't always resort to the, do you come here often or where are you from or what do you do? I mean, sometimes it's appropriate, but it can be kind of boring. and sometimes if you don't do, if you're not good at that, it can become across inauthentic. You know, maybe use one of those as an icebreaker. But once the conversation is going,

listen to their answers and formulate your next question from that answer. And another tip when asking questions, because if you're not careful, asking too many questions can sound like some sort of interrogation, and you don't want that either. So by repeating a little bit of what they just said before asking the question,

creates a more natural flow. And it also helps you remember their answer. For example, the person you're talking to might have mentioned that they've played the piano their entire life. And you'd say something like, oh, so you've been playing the piano your entire life? What's your favorite type of music to play? Something like that. You feed back a little bit of their answer before asking the next question. And it won't sound so interrogation like.

And here's a biggie. My third tip around asking questions. If the person should respond with something that you have in common, resist to jump in. Okay, resist to jump in and interrupt and start talking about yourself. Don't do that. That's not the object here. That's not what you don't, you don't want to do that. For example, if the person says they played tennis this past weekend and you happen to play tennis too,

don't interrupt them with, oh, I play tennis too. You understand? I know it's almost counterintuitive. It feels like you're making a connection because you want to create that relatedness, but you're actually not. Not if you jump right in and say, me too. you'll get to share about you when you're asked about you. And right now your job, though, is just asking questions and listening to the answers and being

interested in that person. And if you wait to share that Me Too moment and don't interrupt, you're going to come off much more likable. And if you want to come off really likable and really interesting, instead of a, oh, me too, I play tennis too, comment, try asking an intelligent question about tennis, a question that insinuates that you do play also, but you didn't say directly, I play tennis. You didn't say me too. For example, what did you think of Serena Williams getting beat this past week by a 19-year-old in the Australian Open? Or sometimes even better, and I like this one a lot. If you have tennis

in common, don't mention it at all and allow the person to find out on their own that you happen to be, say, the club champ. You're going to come off far more interesting when they discover a special little fact like that on their own. Resist with all your strength of playing the Me Too Me Too card, trying to create some sort of rapport. Because if you do, who is this conversation now about? It's now about you. And you don't want that unless you're asked.

Remember, the most important subject to most people is them. All right, number four, the number four thing to do to become more likable. Be yourself. Don't pretend. Be authentic. And I like this one, be vulnerable. Simply put, do you. It's actually a great book by that same title by Russell Simmons,

Do You. Highly recommend it. And that book's about being your authentic self. And that's who you should be. You should be yourself. And maybe being yourself is common sense to you. You've heard it before. But maybe not. A lot of people subscribe to the idea of fake it till you make it.

You hear that all the time. And what I've found is that even people that believe in being themselves, like they would say, yep, Matt, you're right. You should be yourself. You might be thinking that right now as I'm talking to you. Yep, you're right. Be yourself. Tell me something I don't know.

You should not pretend to be someone you're not. You should be authentic. You should be vulnerable. Even if people believe that, even if you believe that, it can still be a very tall order to follow through on and be your authentic self. You know, through some courses that I took at landmark education, I really gained some clarity around what it means to be authentic and vulnerable. And I've built a massive podcast following around this concept, letting you, the listener,

know exactly what I'm thinking, exactly what I'm doing, whether it's my strengths or my weaknesses. I'm an open book. I'm totally transparent and I'm vulnerable that way. And if you're listening to my voice right now, you probably are listening because you like this show. You likely find me likable. And I frequently hear from others that I'm,

down to earth. I never really understood what that expression means or where it came from, but I think I hear that a lot because I strive to be my authentic self all the time. And I say strive because it's not easy to be yourself. That's actually a challenge. I mean, especially if you've been pretending to be someone else for a while. Just, you know, just natural security reflexes and instincts will take over and conceal your authenticity, your vulnerability. So it does take some practice. And I got that distinction through my work at Landmark Education, having authentic conversations with people. And when you practice them, you'll find the results nothing less than amazing. They are amazing. That word's overused, but they are amazing. I can't think of anything else

right now. I mean, conversations are much more enjoyable and interesting. Relationships go deeper. Relationships grow stronger. And guess what? You find more people like you when you do this. So how do you do it? I don't know if I have the best explanation for it, but I can probably give you an example. I mean, just say what's in your head. Just say what's in your head. You know, that's one of the secrets

that I heard Howard Stern talk about without the success of his radio show. And love him or hate him. I mean, he's definitely a successful guy and he's got a huge following. And I don't remember if I read it or I heard it or I watched it on TV or something, but he just says what's in his head.

He's so entertaining because he's saying what we probably, while we're listening to him, all want to say, but would never dream of doing it. So just say what's in your head. For example, I mean, have you ever asked for advice from somebody on how to approach a certain situation? You're asking for some advice. Or you ask them how to have, say, an uncomfortable conversation with somebody or even a strategic conversation with somebody when you're trying to produce a specific result. You're asking this person for advice. and you might ask this person that you're close to, because typically that's who we ask for advice,

people that we're close to or people that we respect. You might ask them how to ask someone for a favor. It might be a sensitive situation. It might be something that you're nervous about asking, and it might be where the stakes are high. So most people try to figure out a way of having that conversation. They plan that conversation in their head, and how can I do this in a more comfortable way

and mitigate potential damages? But your authentic self won't have a strategy. There is no approach to having that conversation with someone, to ask about a sensitive situation or to cover your nerves or to mitigate damages. Your authentic self wouldn't have a strategy. Your authentic self would be just that. Authentic. Something like, hey, I've been meaning to ask you.

And I've been putting this off for a while because it's actually been a bit uncomfortable for me to ask you this. I've been very nervous because this is a rather sensitive situation. and your response to my question, it can have a significant impact on my business. And that scares me a little bit to be in this type of situation. But, and then you ask your question. Those are all the thoughts that you were thinking in your head,

but you're afraid to show them because you thought it might demonstrate weakness. You don't want to be invulnerable in that situation, especially when the stakes were high. I guess that could be considered a strategy of itself of being your authentic self, but it really works. It works amazingly well, and you just kind of preface whatever you're uncomfortable asking

with how you're really feeling. And then you ask your question. It doesn't matter what the question is. But I was authentic about how I felt before I asked the question or had the conversation. Just say what's in your head, say exactly what you're feeling, and be straight with people. Don't beat around the bush. Be direct. And that can be very scary, especially if you've never communicated that way before.

And here's how you know if you're doing it right, especially. in the beginning. If you're having that conversation and you're sharing exactly what's in your head and your lip, if your lip is quivering a little bit, when you're speaking, that's being authentic. That's being vulnerable. It's scary. And it's when you as a human being are your most powerful. You're most powerful in producing results. And speaking of the result, this is where some faith is required. You must detach. yourself from that result. Detach yourself from the outcome.

Now, you're not always going to get a favorable result. You're not. It's not perfect. But you will be surprised how many more favorable results you do get. But what will blow you away is how many miracles that you create. Not necessarily of the spiritual kind, but results that you didn't expect or even remotely think about

of which far exceeds your thought to be, best case scenario. like stuff that will happen that you didn't even think like you saw a best case scenario and you're like I hope they say this I hope it plays out like this and something even better happens happens all the time so you get double benefit for being your authentic self you're going to produce bigger and greater results you will also be more likable refreshing isn't it I mean refreshing is a word I frequently hear alongside down to earth when it becomes a habit for you meaning when you start being comfortable, being yourself, it's a lot less work too.

A lot less work. You sleep better at night, absolutely. And you typically live with no regrets. There's a lot of benefits of being yourself, being your authentic self. All right. So last one. Number five. The number five thing you can do to become more likable.

And this is probably my favorite. Be your word. Live with integrity. And it's not probably my favorite. It is my favorite. It's what has produced more results, created better relationships, and made more money, and led to less stress than anything else I can think of in the last five years of my life. But what is integrity? You hear it all the time.

Do you really know what it is? And most people will nod their head in agreement that integrity is a good quality to have. But most, I don't think, really know what integrity is. Most think it has to do with being a good person or an honest person. You hear that frequently, the words honesty and integrity use interchangeably. But integrity is not honesty. It's bigger than that. It has to do with your actions and your being, not just being a good and honest person.

You can actually be an evil person and live a life of integrity. So this is as simple as I can put it. Say what you're going to do and do what you say. Always. That's integrity. Do what you said you is. do for no other reason than you said you would do it. That's integrity.

I mean, integrity, it can be described as the opposite of hypocrisy. I mean, how awesome would the world be if everyone did what they said they were going to do? It would be a very likable world, wouldn't it? At least you'd never be wondering, you'd always know what you're going to get with people. Life would be so efficient. And, I mean, not only does integrity make life work, it'll make you love. likable. I mean, who wouldn't like someone who says what they're going to do and then actually does it. And when I was in the music business, I always thought, you know, after 10 years

into the music business, I just thought, God, if only half the people I met that made me promises, if only half of them did half of what they promised to do, I'd have been a superstar. I'd be a household name. So I always thought, how great of a place would this world be if everyone just did exactly what they said they were going to do? Sounds simple, doesn't it? but it can be very difficult. Just like being yourself can take some work, so can living a life of integrity. So try it out today.

Go make a promise to somebody, just anything. Go make a promise to somebody. Just anything to anybody, go make a promise. And the bigger the promise, the better. And then keep that promise. And keep it on the timeline that you promised it. You know, if you want to lose 20 pounds by spring break, go promise somebody that you're going to lose 20 pounds by spring break.

And then do it. not any longer because you want to look good in your bathing suit as spring break, but because you promise to do it. That's integrity. And if you find out that you're not going to be able to keep your word and you're not going to be able to lose those 20 pounds by spring break, as soon as you know that you're not able to keep that promise, you get back into communication with the person that you promised it to

and let them know that you won't be able to keep your promise and then make a new promise. That's integrity. and speaking of which, I made a promise back, I believe, in September, October, that I was going to lose some significant weight. I forget the exact promise. So I'm even acknowledging that, that I don't even remember what the promise was. I know it was to get into shape.

I know it was to lose weight, but I don't know if even remember if I put an actual number in there. So I need to restore that. I need to restore my integrity with you. I used the holidays as an excuse, and I used me being sick for nine weeks as an excuse, I don't really have an excuse. Those are reasons, but I still was out of integrity, even though I had great reasons.

And I want you to get that for yourself. You know, if you make a promise and you can't keep that promise, you might have the best reason in the world, and everyone in the world might not doubt you and they might totally understand that. But as soon as you know, here's where the integrity comes in. As soon as you know you have to break that promise, you get into communication with the person that you promised it to and let them know.

You don't have to go into a long explanation as to why. You just say, hey, I didn't keep my promise. I made a promise to you. I broke it and I'm re-promising to you. So you fell out of integrity by not keeping the promise, but you restored the integrity. And now your life is back in integrity. So I'm promising to you.

Spring break. It's coming. I'm posting a picture online of my fine, find cut self. Okay? So I'm re-promising that to you. I'm restoring my integrity. And think about where you've made promises in your life,

whether it's to your best friend or your spouse or your parents or your boss or a coworker. Where have you made promises and not kept them? If you want a little practice in living a life of integrity, go acknowledge to those people that you haven't kept your promise and re-promise. or also you can say, you know what, I broke my promise to you,

and it's really not that important to me that I keep that promise. So I just want you to know I'm not promising that anymore. Kind of ugly, maybe, but it's integrity, and it might not be received well, but it's integrity.

People know where you're coming from, you're being direct and straight with your communication. So that's my favorite one. That really makes life work when you live a life of integrity in that way. By saying what you're going to do, making promises,

and then doing what you say, keeping those promises. And then if you're going to break that promise, get communication right away, let the person know that you promised, that you're going to be breaking the promise and make a new promise. Got it? So here they are. The five things you can do to become more likable.

Number one, listen, listen authentically. Two, be generous with compliments. And be generous with authentic, genuine compliments. Okay? Three, ask questions. but ask questions and listen to the answer. Go back to number one, right? So it's one, listen, two, be generous with compliments,

and three, ask questions. Four, be your authentic and vulnerable self. Be authentic and vulnerable. Be yourself. Number five, live with integrity. Live with integrity. Now, after we've covered all that, being liked actually is rather overrated.

Being respected is really what. what you want. Being respected is what you want. Being liked is way overrated. Think about how many people you've tried to please and what type of return you've got on that, right? Being respected is what you want. The intent of this episode is not for you to go out and strive to be liked by everybody.

Not everybody is going to like you. That's just the way it is. But let it go. Don't worry about it. Live by these five rules and more people will like you. And most importantly, you're going to like yourself a lot more too. you're going to sleep better at night. You're going to live a life with no regrets.

You're going to like yourself a lot more. Now, I created this episode for what it is. To be more likable by others and by yourself. I want other people to like you more, and I want you to like yourself more because when you do that, your do-over is going to be that much more productive and that much more enjoyable. But I also created this episode

because I'm going to be starting a series of episodes on what's possible for you financially, on what's possible for you financially. Most people don't even know what's possible for them financially. They know only one way to do things. So they do those things in the way that they know how, and they haven't a clue as to what's really possible.

They just have, they know one way of doing things. They know what they're going to get if they do it that way. And a lot of times they still don't even get it. They don't even know what's possible. They don't even know there's other ways of thinking. And after I share with you in this series of what's possible, we're going to go into a follow-up series of episodes and transform your possibility, what we've created for you that's possible.

And we're going to make it probable. we're going to transform your possibility into probability, meaning the action steps required. I'm going to give you the action steps required to bring your possibility into your reality. I'm excited for that. Hope you are too. So that's it for today.

God loves you, and so do I. I am Matt, the do-over guy, and I will see you on the next episode of your do-over. Thank you for tuning in to your do-over, where the ignored, underestimated, and unknown steps to producing results and making life work are revealed. And remember, knowledge is potential power.

Take action on what you learned today. This is not your learnover. It's your do-over. To view the resources referenced in today's show and to retrieve a complete show transcript, visit www. www.the-dover guy.com. Stay connected with Matt the do-over guy terrio

on Twitter at the do-over guy and on Facebook at www. Facebook.com slash do-over guru. This podcast is a part of the C-suite radio network. For more top business podcasts, visit c-sweetradio.com.