Jack Can't Name a Single Celebrity
00:00Welcome back listeners to the sophomore episodeof Aaron is the Funny One.I'm one of your hosts, Jack Douglas.And I'm the other host,but we still have yet to figure out my name exactly.Yeah.We'll get to the bottom of that.She who must not be named.
00:20Honestly, I would rather be the nameless one.That way I'm not tied to any pressurethat might be associated hypotheticallywith the title of the show.But like the nameless one makes you sound likesome eldritch God.I'm like a ghost.I haunt the show.
00:38She is the nameless one.But that's okay.I come in and I haunt a little bitand then I go, I get a snack.I do what I want to do.I do my thing.There's no pressure on me.It's literal freedom
00:52because what else are we celebrating this week?The birth of our country.That's right.What else are we celebrating the births of this week?The births of ourselves.Exactly.Yes.Both of our birthdays are late June,
01:08specifically the 27th and 30th of June.Cancer season, baby.Cancer season as my wife loves to repeat.We're living it up.We're doing it.Thank you for coming to most importantly,my birthday party, the ghost that haunts the show.Jack's birthday party, which is like second most important,
01:31or I guess like second least important.Jesus, sorry.And then the country's birthday party,I guess we're obligated to celebrate.Did you know that the country is a cancer?You know what?I never really thought about it before,but now that we're here and it's cancer season.
01:47America's a cancer.America's a cancer.It makes so much sense when you think about it, you know?Do you think about it like that?I don't know enough about horoscopes to go,like, yeah, that really checks.I don't.I mean, you heard last week, didn't you?
02:03I did.What did we say last week?What were those, what did we say about cancers last week?He said the cancers were the bestbecause it's cancer season, baby.There it is.Thank you.Thank you.
02:13That is what we said.So honey.Yeah.This week's podcast is your podcast.You're the one taking the reins this week.Technically speaking, yes.I have designed the agenda.I've curated an entire experience
02:28for our birthday party this week.And I am very excited to have me come along for the ride.I'm also, you're here, so that's cool.Good.I'm glad you're here for the ride also.So.Thank you.We are going.
02:49We are here for the ride.I am going to have fun.Yeah.Thank you, JackFilm, for coming alongto my birthday party rideand the agenda that I've curated.I feel like I'm no longer in the passenger seat.I'm just in the back.
03:05I'm in the trunk.I think you're in the trunk.Yeah.Yeah, yeah, yeah.No, no, no.You're in the trunk.That's where I see myself.You know how in trunks, they have that neon pull thing?
03:14Of course.Yeah, that doesn't exist in this trunk.No, but that's illegal.That means your car's illegal.All cars have that pull thingy.I don't know what to tell you.It's from 1987.I don't know.
03:25I don't know what to tell you.Are you in the mafiaand did you have it removed for that reason?I legally can't answer that question.Wow.Yeah.Very sorry.No, I'm not sorry.
03:35I'm not sorry at all.Also, how is your birthday week going, JackFilm?Yeah, my birthday week is okay.It doesn't feel like my birthday at all.Why not?Because I'll be working like a regular,like I'm not taking a day off or anything.My birthday's on a Wednesday.
03:49I'm not taking the Wednesday off.I'm just, I'm still working,doing my whole YouTube thing,but we will be going out for trivia.So that'll be fun at least at an Irish pub, which I love.No, my birthday's, it's fine.It feels like the other birthdays as of late,the last couple of birthdays.
04:07It's kind of interesting because I do feel as thoughthe older we get, the less your birthday feels likeany different from any other day.Right.However, I'm now coming to realize,wow, I'm way too old to realize this,but kids that celebrated their birthdaysduring the school year, if it fell on a school day,
04:30it was kind of coolbecause they would get like their locker decoratedor maybe they were like cupcakes or something.They were in school type of celebration things,but they still had to go to school the same waywe have to go to work despite it being our birthday.And then they would celebrate their birthday on a weekendwhen it was more accessible for people to celebrate.
04:51And that's kind of like what working is.As two summer babies that never had to go to schoolon their birthdays, it's like, wow,we now celebrate on weekends just like the kids did.We get that experience years later.Holy crap.We get that, that, yeah, I'm trying to put into words.That is some karmic payback, I think.
05:13Gosh.Because that was like the best partabout having a summer birthday.Right.You have to go to school.The worst part about having a summer birthday is,you know how like in school, when you're in the school year,you keep in touch with your school friends,
05:26but during the summertime, a lot of it like falls offbecause like you're not.I recall that feeling.You know what I mean?Like you keep in touch with your closest friends,but not necessarily the peripheral friends.Well, it's kind of like that.Depressing.
05:39It's a little bit like the pandemic.Growing older is like losing your friends.Well, it was a little bit like the pandemicbecause we used to have a very,we had this like group of friends.And then because I think people got tired of Zoom callsand we took the pandemic very seriously.Sure did.
06:00And I can still say the word P-A-N-D-M-I-C, right?I'm surprised you didn't censor yourselfto say Panorama.Well, I don't know.We weren't censored last episode, so I'm trying it out.Well, our podcast is marked E for explicit, so.By the way.I want to come back to that because, wow.
06:19The things that that made me feel like.We're like one of those rapper outfitswith the parental advisory stickers.Oh my gosh, I know.Naughty, naughty.Bucket list item achieved.Is that actually a bucket list item of yours?100%.
06:35The bragging rights will, I will carry those with metill I die.I will go back to my high school bully and say,hey, guess what, dick?Remember me?And then he'll be like, no.And I'll be like, anyways.Not only do I have a podcast,
06:54it'll be like everyone on the planet does.I'll be like, shut up.Also, it's marked E for explicit.Yeah, yeah, which means I'm hardcore.Don't mess with me.I can say what I want.The man doesn't censor me.And then he'll be impressed.
07:12I can say Panda.Oh my God, what if they gave us an explicit rating?Not because we curse sometimes.Oh, because you said the P word?Because I said the P word.You said panorama?Panorama.Panini.
07:24That is so lame.Honestly, that is really.You know, it's great, we'll never know.We'll never know why.We will never know why, except thatwhen I first saw the explicit rating next to our names,I was like, what?It couldn't be me.
07:40Well, it just felt very like, I don't know.I don't view myself as somebody that's very explicit.Absolutely.We give ourselves all these titles in our like.In your mind.Good, bad, mean.Right, explicit's not in there.Explicit is not something I think about as far as.
07:56There it is on Apple podcast, clear as day.I'm like, wow.When you think explicit, you know,there are certain topics that come to your head.Yeah, yeah.And I'm not talking about that.It was just, it caught me off guard.It caught me off guard.
08:11Yeah, that's for sure.Take it as a wake up call,so that you can clean up that explicit act of yours, honey.If nothing else, maybe we should lean into this.Uh-oh, what does that mean?I don't know.Maybe it should be, should we play up the,I actually don't want to.
08:25I'm not an explicit person.No, not us, not us.It's not you.No, I'm not.I'm kind of, no.As much as I am, Jack is a.Then we sound like a try hard edgy morning show.You're totally a rule follower.
08:36I'm a little bit of a rule tester,but I am not somebody who is comfortabletalking about very risque topics.We balance each other out pretty well.I'm gonna go ahead and say thatas much as I would love to lean in,I don't know if I can, though I do love cursing.Yeah, but like.
08:55It's my vice.There's a whole balancing act of the thing.Well, yeah.So you're leading the podcast.What are some of the things you have planned for us today?Well, Jack, first, I would like to start offwith talking about our wine of the week.Wine of the week.
09:14Which this week, we have stepped up our game a little bit.By the way, I know I said I would divulge on Twitterthe status of our hangovers.You did make that promise.Well, I only responded to one person'sbecause I was like, maybe it just makes more senseif I talk about it in the second episode.Oh my God.
09:34You were feeling it, Mr. Kress.Oh my God.Okay, hangover in full force.Wasn't the worst I've had, but it was one for the books.It was not great.It was not a good day the next day.Do you blame that hangover on the quality of the wineor rather the quantity of the wine
09:59or a third factor I'm not considering?I'm not sure.It also could have been that I didn't drink any wateror that plays into it.There you go.On average, I drink about 12 ounces of water a day.So that could play.Wine should be a water.
10:17I agree.Tell Weight Watchers that, right?For some reason, it doesn't compute.I am writing a strongly worded emailto the Weight Watchers Foundation.Really, just to Oprah?Yes.Yeah, yeah.
10:31So, Jack, what wine do we have with us today?A very special wine, and it's specialbecause it was gifted to us by my parentsfor our birthday.Birthday week!Cancer season!Hey, listeners, take a shot.Every time Erin screams cancer season,
10:53she's clapping her hands in the air like a trained seal.It's quite something.My parents gifted us a lovely bottle of Chardonnay,specifically Rombauer.It's one of our favorites, one of their favorites.And mom and dad, this wine is not going to waste.No, not going to waste at all.Pure golden, oaky goodness.
11:15Very, oaky's the word.It is about $40 a bottle.So we've stepped it up from our $8.99, $7.99.$7.99.I don't know why.I still can't compute the $7.99.We've stepped it up.We have stepped it up considerably from last week.
11:32But again, let me remind everybodythat good wine is the wine that you like.Not necessarily the wine that they tell you to likeor that somebody says is good.It's the wine that you like.And in this case, yeah.In this case, we like Rombauer.Rombauer happens to be about $40 a bottle.
11:52If you are into dark, golden, oaky-ness and Chardonnays,you're going to love Rombauer.You could do much worse than Rombauer.And listeners, please note, this is not an upward trend.Do not expect even greater, more aged wines in later episodes.Oh no, Yellow Tails next.So yeah.Yeah, yeah, yeah.
12:16Francia is on our list.We're ping ponging all over the spectrumof wines and Chardonnays and such.But yes, that's our wine for the week.Donna, Dave, thank you so much for sponsoring this week'sWine of the Week.It's delicious.Thank you so much.
12:3310 out of 10.Also cancer season.So.All right, drink up.All right, with that, let's get started.Oh boy.For everybody that is joining us that alsolistened to last week, Jack tried to embarrass me
12:56with an Erin Tries Her Best segment.I don't think I tried to.I'm pretty sure I did my job.Who doesn't know Kazooia from the Tekken series?So this week, I would like to try a segment calledJack Tries His Best.So kind of sending.Except in this version, we are going
13:22to play a game of celebrity trivia.Oh, god.And or show Jack photos of celebrities.Oh, you have photos?And see if he can identify who those celebrities are.Let the record show.I am kind of a celebrity guru.It's certainly one of my guiltier pleasures.
13:43I just love eating up that TMZ.I EAT that TMZ.You know what I'm saying, listeners?Love me that goss, that hot goss, and that hot tea,and those dirty dishes.Just dish them up, all that gossip.I hate you so much.Sorry, blacked out.
14:00I don't know what I just said in the last 10 seconds.But yeah, serve up that hot tea and that dirty goss.All right, guys, welcome to round one of Jack Tries HisBest.Yeah, he does.Barely.All right.Hit me.
14:22I first would like to get a lay of the land.Guys, I'm so excited.So I'd like to understand what decade you're living in.OK, that's easy.Could you just ramble off some of the hottest celebritycouples right now?I just want to get a sense.Are you in the 97 era, the 2004 era?
14:45I can tell you.I can tell, maybe even 2018.Who knows?But I'd like to, what do you think?And who do you think is popular right now?OK, so I think Dave Matthews is incredibly popular right now.You know, the hits just keep on coming with him in his band,his Dave Matthews band.
15:06This is worse than I thought.OK.He's still very much the zeitgeist.That's where my head's at.Nope.What are you talking about?Nope.Celebrity couples.
15:16Do you know any?I do.I do.I do.I know.I did hear that Justin Timberlake and Britney Spearsrecently broke up.I did hear that devastating.
15:26It was devastating.No, you know what?It's for the best.Is that right?It is for the best.Yes.So I think, yeah, I'm pretty caught upon my current news and my current trends
15:36and my current celebs.I know that Dave Matthews is still very hot right nowin the cultural zone.And who the heck else?Oh, man.Wow.This is really embarrassing.Wow.
15:51Who's the hot actor right now?Wow.Oh, my god.I will say, of all my questions, I specifically did notpull any actors from Marvel that I knew of.Mostly just seeing one Marvel movie.So I tried to avoid those just because I was like, no,they're too easy.
16:10You would know them.So to give you a more definitive answerof where I'm at culturally, because youasked for like a year or a time frame,I would give you like late 90s until like 2010.2010 is when I just cut off all.So like kind of like the advent of dubstep and all that shit.That's when I kind of like tuned out a little bit,
16:29certainly from the musical universe, the musical sphere,and every other sphere as well.Yeah.I go right up to 2010, and then I just shut it off.All right.So this should be an easy one for you,mostly because I didn't include any real athletes.OK?
16:50Thank god.Yeah.Thank god.I never, 90s or O's or now, I can'trattle off more than three athletes.All right.Period.So are you ready?
17:02Yeah.Question one, who is Justin Bieber married to?Justin Bieber is married to his music,because he respects the craft.He's all about the melodies and the harmoniesand those dash really little time signatures.Be his music final answer.Next question.
17:33Do you even care to know the answer?Does it sound like I do?No, I do.I genuinely do.I genuinely do.OK.Because like here, I genuinely don't know.Like this isn't a bit.
17:45I do not know who Justin Bieber is married to right now.You have no idea.It's not Selena.It's not Selena.I actually, I'm a little impressed that you knew that theywere together.I am too.Pull that out of my butt.
17:59It's not Selena though.It's not.Or Gomez.Shit, who else is there?Is it?Yeah, I can't.I literally can't name any other.No, I give up.
18:11I surrender.Dorothy, what is it?Justin Bieber is married to Hailey Baldwin,who now goes by Hailey Bieber.Hailey Bieber.But her dad is, I think, Stephen Baldwin, who is an actorand brothers of Alec Baldwin.It's a whole thing.
18:33It's a whole familial connection.But yeah, so he's married to a Baldwin.So Justin Bieber is now part of the Baldwin crew.Hailey Baldwin Bieber.Yes.Isn't that a comment?It's not funny.OK, so I was close.
18:48I was close.Because you could argue that he's making sweet music.But that's.I don't know what that.Give me half a point and let's move on.OK.I'm nailing it right now.Name the adult, immediate family members
19:05of the Kardashian and Jenner family.God damn it.OK.Kardashian.Let's go with Kardashians first.There's Kim Kardashian.One.Now the others are tricky.
19:22There's, there's, oh, fuck.Fuck.All right, there's.Come on, think.Use your brain cells.I'm going to use them all.Yeah.Kim Kardashian, Khloe Kardashian.
19:36Two, who shares a birthday with me, by the way.Cancer season, bitch.Boooo.How about that?Yeah.Yeah.It was Khloe's.The Arizona never sees.
19:43Yeah.Khloe Kardashian, Kim Kardashian.And then who's that mom?Who's that mom?Who's the mom?The camcorder.Who's that mom?What?
19:56Oh, from that.Yeah, OK.Well, it was a mean girl.Yeah.Yeah, it was a mean girl's.Yes.Oh, God.What's her name?
20:05Her name.She's like the brains behind it all.She is.The devil works hard.This person works harder.Damn.Harder than the devil?Yeah.
20:13That's pretty hard.That's the saying.Christine Kardashian.I literally, I'm, no, I'm ashamed of myself.I know I should know this.I'm not kidding.Oh, wait, wait.Isn't it, isn't it?
20:25No, it's Kris.It's Kris.It's Kris?I think her real name is Christine.Holy shit.And she goes by Kris.That was a stab in the dark.OK, I just looked it up.
20:34It's not Christine.It's not.Kristen.But she goes by Kris.OK, well, I did say Kris.You were close enough.Didn't I correct you, Kris?OK, so you got Kim, Khloe, and Kris.
20:46Yeah, and that's it for the Kardashian.But Kris does not go by Kardashian, by the way.Yeah, yeah, I know.I know, I was just saying.So that's it.So it's just, yeah, it's just, it's Khloe.It's Kim, and it's Kris Jenner, right?Kris Jenner.
21:01Yeah, and that's it for the Kardashian.So moving on to the rest of the Jenner.Wow.There's Caitlyn Jenner.OK, OK, Caitlyn Jenner.There's Kylie Jenner.Kylie Jenner.And then, is there a Kevin Jenner?
21:16There's no Kevin Jenner.There should be.Not to my knowledge.Well, yeah, you might not know about Kevin.That's fine.Sorry, I read a bunch of TMZ all the time, so that's it.That's all the, I think I named them all.OK, so there is Kendall Jenner.
21:37Oh, that sounds familiar.There is the eldest Kardashian daughter,who is Kourtney with a K.Oh, there is a Kourtney, isn't there?There's a Kourtney.And then they also have a son.Yeah, I know there's a male one, yeah.And his name is Rob Kardashian.
21:55I was just going to say Kardashian, OK.Yeah.Rob Kardashian.Yeah.He's on the tip of my tongue.And Rob was with Black China, and they have a daughter namedDream.Remember Rob?
22:06Remember Rob?No, I know Dream.Yeah, the YouTuber.OK.Oh my gosh.OK.That's kind of cool.All right.
22:11I didn't know that Dream was tied to Royalty.OK.That was a fail.All right.Jack, I'm going to need you to fill in the blank a little bithere.I'm going to lead you to.Love filling the blank.
22:21Beyonce is married to.Jay-Z.Nice.OK.And their oldest daughter's name is.Isn't it like Blue Sapphire?Oh, you're so close.You're 50% there.
22:38Is it Blue or Sapphire?You're not going to tell me, are you?It's blue.It's blue.Thank you.It's blue.Blue West.No, it's blue.
22:48It's blue.Blue.Is it like a stone?It's not a stone.It's not a stone, so it's not like Sapphire.It's a plant.Oh, a blue tree.Blue tree.
23:03No, blue.OK, it's like a blue flower, blue sunflower, blue.Blue pines, blue, blue rose.Blue.Blue rose would be pretty.Blue.Tell that to the Animal Crossing people.Do you know how hard it is to make a blue rose?
23:23There you go.Oh, you haven't played Animal Crossing like a year.You can't even talk.Excuse you.Blue River.Blue Ivy.I have heard of Blue Ivy.Yeah.
23:39But I think I blocked out all the Blue Ivy shitwith video game news.My brain only has so much capacity.This is so sad.Ha, ha, ha.I guess I'm just a little like.I pushed out Blue Ivy for updates on Smash or something.I guess I'm just a little taken aback.
24:06So we live in a house.Jack and I live in a house.We have shared the same work space and living spacefor the last 15, 16 months now.And it's a one story home.It's a nice sized home for two people,but it's not huge by any means.But the universe that you live in and the universe
24:30that I live in couldn't be further apart.And it's just so wild to me that whatyou absorb during the day and what I absorb during the dayare two universes that just couldn't be more different.You know all the Kardashians and the Jenners.Only because the Daily Mail feeds me that stuff like no other.And I know that it's called a PlayStation 4 Pro, not a Turbo.Different worlds, different strokes for different folks,
25:03I guess.OK, Jack, are you ready?I'm loving this quiz.I wish this would go on forever.Yes.OK, Prince Harry and Meghan Markle.You are a big fan, right?Didn't you name one of your dogs, Meghan Markle?
25:16I did.People often berate me for being the biggest fan of MeghanMarkle and Prince, did you say Harry?Oh my god, yes, yes, yes.OK, so you're a big fan.All right, they recently welcomed another child.What is their newest addition's name?I think I read about this in the paper.
25:41It was a little.In the paper?You read the paper?I think it was a little stinker.Is there?Sorry, is there like a royal titlebefore it was a duke or something?I'm not kidding.
25:57You're kind of close, actually.Oh, little shitter.You're still kind of close.Little, little, still kind of close.Deal, Phil.Colder.Colder, OK.Lil.
26:14Lillian.Closer.Lilith.You're almost there.I actually, I will say, I don't think it'san unusual name for us, I think Americans.I don't know if it's an unusual name in the United Kingdom.Does his name start with Lil?
26:33Yes, but.It's not Lilith?No, but it's an unusual name.It created quite a stir in the mediabecause people thought that it was an offense to.The royal family?The queen and potentially Prince Philip.Little colonialism?
26:53Oh my god, what?I don't even know what that means, but I'm assuming it's bad.No, the name is Lilibet.Now, why would that be considered offensive to the queen?Apparently, allegedly, it was a personal, private,like, nickname that Prince Philip usedto use for Queen Elizabeth II, QE II.Wow.
27:17And people were saying, you didn't get permission for it.And then they came out and they said, no,we did get permission for it.And it just like, it was a, yeah, it was a, he said,she said type of.Messy, messy.Messy, messy.And once again, what is that name, Lilibet?
27:35That is a very unusual, uncommon name here in the States.Yeah.Yeah.Yeah.I should know since I was birthday with our country.And apparently, I mean, I would assume it must be a nicknamefor Elizabeth for QE II.I don't know.
27:49Like, why else would he call her that?But I don't know.What do you think?Is it a slight against the queen and the family?I don't know because I don't know who to believe.I don't know if they got permission or they didn't.Quite honestly, if they say they got permission,I'm going to assume they got permission because.
28:07Why would they lie about that?Yeah.Yeah.That feels weird to lie about something like that.Like.OK.So what you're saying is I get another half point.Gotcha.
28:17I mean, you take a half the name, right?I guess.That's why.Mm-hmm.But.So for those counting, that's five for me.All right.Name.
28:26OK.Actually, you know what?We'll make this a double whammy.I love double whammy.How many children?Yes.Do the Jolie-Pitts share.OK.
28:38As someone who is very up to date on the Jolie-Pittfam-mally.Fam squad.Call them the fam squad.It's call them what they are.The Jolie-Pitt fam squad.You're right.That's what they are.
28:51As someone who is well versed in the Jolie-Pitt fam squad,I am going to have to divulge that the number of children.Children?Is that who we're at?Children, yes, children.Five.OK, no.OK, so now I need you to name one of them by first name.
29:07Oh, I can do this.OK.I can do this.OK.Because I have an anecdote for it.Love it.Shiloh, right?There is a Shiloh.
29:15Shiloh-Pitt?Yes.And the reason I know?Yeah, why do you know that?A long time ago, this group in Washington, DC,known as the Capital Steps, it's like this comedic troupe thatdoes comedy sketches about politics.It's a lot more fun than it sounds.
29:32I doubt it.They performed for my college campus when I was a freshman.Where's this going?OK.And in 2006, I think that was very topical news for Shiloh-Pitt.Shiloh was their first biological child,and people were still reeling off of the Brad, Jen divorcewith Angela.
30:00Like, yeah, that was very.It was recent.It was sensitive to all of us, yes.And so one of the bits that the Capital Steps is known foris they have this big grand finale where they do this very fast-pacedskit, where they switch the first letters of two words in a row.So it's just like a litany of tongue twisters.And it's very fast-paced, and you have to try to keep up
30:23with everything they're saying.So instead of George Bush, it would be Borges, Josh, et cetera.At some point during this very fast-paced thing,the guy says out loud something about Shiloh-Pitt.And he turns to the phone.Jolie-Pitt.And what's that?Jolie-Pitt.
30:39Well, it doesn't work for this.He says Shiloh-Pitt, and he turns to the crowd,and he says, don't want to switch those ones around.So Shiloh-Pitt would be.Pilo-shit.That's right.Wow.There you go.
30:53Yeah, no, that's a reach, because it's Jolie-Pitt.Like a pile of shit.No, it's funny.No, it's not funny.It's Jolie-Pitt.And that's how I remember Shiloh-Pitt and virtuallynone of the other children.You don't know any other names.
31:08That is correct.Wow.I'm like eight for eight.Let's keep going.All right.What is?I don't need a last name.That's how easy I'm going to make this for you.
31:17I'll give you a last name.What is Taylor Swift's boyfriend's first name?Shit.OK.Come on.You live with me.How many times have we talked about just the goings on?Isn't her boyfriend a DJ?
31:35No.No.Not even close.I know.I was just like asking.Is her boyfriend famous?Well, yeah, he is an actor.Yeah, it's not John, because I was like, dear John.
31:50No.His name, I know she has some songs.No, she doesn't.Taylor's current beau's name.You're horrible.I can't believe this.It is John.It's not John.
32:07It was John.Well, like 15 years ago, maybe.His new name.No, his name.His name is Kevin.His name is not Kevin.I love defaulting to Kevin.Can I get a hint?
32:20This is a very hard question.This is like a five star question.And I didn't know we were going to go like obscure.How is this obscure?How is Taylor Swift's boyfriend obscure?No one knows.Everybody knows.Literally, everybody knows.
32:33Anybody that's ever listened to a Taylor Swift songknows her boyfriend's name.Because I think what happens in Taylor's lifeshould be private.So I think it's a kind of criminal that people know.She thinks so too.But at the same time, she's like barely trying to hide it.Give me a hint.
32:46Is it Trevor?It's not Trevor.I don't know what kind of hint to give you.Well, I'm out of guesses.I don't know what kind of hint to give you.What does the letter begin with?It does begin with a J.Oh, it's Jules.
32:58It's Julian.It's Julian.Is it?No.It's not Julian.It's Joe.It's Joe.That's why I said John.
33:05That's why I said John.That's not why you said Joe.That was probably thinking Joe.OK, we have now entered into the photo round of Jacktries his best, even though I feel like I kind of feel likemaybe you're not even giving it your best.That's fair.But that's only because of this lovely glass of rhombauer
33:29that my parents have gifted us.No, if anything, that should give you superpowers.Look, I'm going to kick it in a high gear.You just watch.We are entering into the photo round of Jack tries his best.Oh, I thought we were entering the twilight zone.That would have been way cooler.Listeners, I am showing Jack a picture of Gigi Hadid.
33:52Jack.Yeah.I'm going to show you a picture of somebody.OK.I need you to tell me who this person is.Easy.Who is?I love pictures, and I love people.
34:02This person.Wait, wait.Let the record show I've never seen this person in my life.Also disclaimer, Jack may or may not suffer from face blindness.But also, no, no disclaimer.Jack just suffers from ignorance.All right, that's quite a claim.But I'm looking at this picture of this girl up close and personal.
34:28I love that you called her a girl and not a woman.I love that you gave me a photo of a nobody and not a celebrity.Oh, wait until you find out who it is.Is this one of Brad Angelina's kids?Like.No, but that would have been perfect.Oh my god, I should have done that.I'm mad that you did.
34:50I should have done that.I'm not mad.I'm disappointed.I'm so sorry.I should have done that.No, this is Kathy Kathy.She's one of the premier bloggers.She has all the hot goss and all the dirtiest dishes
35:04on Hollywood's primo elito.Final answer, Kathy Kathy.Ladies and gentlemen, this is a picture of Gigi Hadid.She is a supermodel, an actress.Love her, love her.I know all her songs.I'm showing Jack a picture of Gigi Hadid with Tyler C.from The Bachelorette.
35:29You also may recognize her by Jack.Jack, tell me who's in this photo.That's Gigi Hadid with whom?Oh.Uh-huh.The dude from The Bachelorette.Uh-huh.Tyler.
35:42Tyler C. They used to date.You did tell me that once upon a dream.Yeah.Well, they broke up.And Gigi Hadid is now with this person.I am showing Jack a picture of Gigi Hadid with Zayn Malik.Who is that person?Oh, that's one of the Jonas bros.
36:06No?No.Oh, shit.I was so confident.Oh, shit.Who is that man?No, not at all.Well, he has, like, metal on his arms.
36:20Is that one, the Daft Punkz?Well, no, they were at the Met Gala, I think, Met.Hence all those stupid vassals.Yeah, they were dressed for the occasion.I'm sorry.He looks like a Jonas bro.That is Joe Jonas.Final answer.
36:34You can't fool a fooler.Come on.Who is that?That is Zayn Malik.Oh, Zayn.They look very similar.What was Zayn in?One Direction, 1D.
36:45You know what?I'm glad that you knew that at the very least.Sure.I made a whole Yai episode on Zayn, actually.Wow, and you didn't even know what he looked like.I'm disgusting.Did you know they have a child now?No.
36:57They have a child now?Good for them.Yeah.Is their child's name Shiloh Pitt?No.Joel Leapitt.The child's name is Kai, I believe.Awake me when it's Shiloh.
37:10I am now showing Jack a photo of Addison Rae.Jack.Who is this person?I've never met this person in my life.I don't think you have, either.I think I would remember that.Wait a minute.Uh-oh.
37:28Is this Rebecca Black?Oh my god.It's not Rebecca Black.Wow.No, it kind of looks like Rebecca Black.No, I don't think so at all.A little bit.I don't know.
37:44I haven't seen Rebecca Black lately, but I don't think so.Can I get a hint of who this person is?She's a big TikTok star.Oh, oh, oh, is she one of the D'Amelios?Nope.OK.Wow.She has ties to the Kardashians.
38:01She just came out with a single.She's going to be in a movie.This doesn't do a leapa.Oh my god.This is like, wow.All right, no, no, she's going to be in a movie.What?No, no, no, no.
38:13No, her name is Addison Rae.I would never would have gotten that.You don't know Addison Rae?No, I don't know Addison Rae.You don't know Addison Rae at all.No, but she seems great.This is amazing.This is like, you know those stories about people
38:27who meet celebrities, but they don't know they're celebrities,and they're genuine about like.That is my life.That is my life story.Honestly, Jack could legitimately meet a celebrityand not know that they're a celebrityand say like, am I supposed to know who you are?Like who are you?
38:44What?I feel like that's happened.Which is somewhat charming, but also somewhat like.Infuriating for people like you.And also like, it creates a level of like,can I trust that they actually don't know who I am?Because I could imagine they might get that a lot,and then they don't know who to trust.
39:02Because like people might say, I don't know who you are,but then they hang out with them and they start like gettingsome kind of like friendship, but then they start using themfor, I don't know.But scary place to live with people like Jack film out there.No, it's the best place.I'm beautifully ignorant of these people and their lives.So I'm outside of the cluster of gossip, and that's it.
39:26It's very pleasant here in Jack's world.I gotta let you know that.I'm now showing Jack a photo of Harry Styles.All right, Jack, who is this person?Oh, I know this dude.This is a watermelon sugar guy.Yes, his name is.Yes.
39:50Oh, no.I know, I know, I know.He's basically like the lead of 1D.Well, he was, I know, I know, he was, he was, he was.Oh my God.Oh, no.Get it together.What's his name?
40:05What is this gentleman's name?Not Zane, but Billy Billy.No, his name is Harry, Harry Styles.Harry Styles.Holy shit.Holy shit.I forgot Harry Styles.I blacked out and forgot Harry Styles
40:22for like a very uncomfortable 60 seconds.But damn it, listeners, if I didn't get there.Honestly, I guess I'm just glad you got there.I'm glad I got there.I would have put myself down if I didn't get that.All right.Embarrassing.Jack.
40:40Yeah.Last round of Jack tries his best.Again, I really don't feel like you're eventrying your best.I did.No, I got Harry Styles.I'm trying so hard.I don't know.
40:53But you only knew one of the Jolie Pit Kids.Name the other Jolie Pit Kids.Maddox, Zahara, Pax, Vivienne, Knox.All right, nobody likes to show up.What else we got?What else we got?All right, this is your final round.All right, let's go.
41:13Final round.I'm showing Jack a photo of Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello.Are you ready?This is worth all or nothing.So if I win this round, I win the game.This is a couple.That's unfair, but I'll say.Who are these people?
41:36Oh, my God.Wow.My pandemic was so different from your pandemic.OK.I'm looking at a picture of a very attractive couple.Where are they?They are seated at some event, like Grammys, Oscars,one of these awards ceremonies.
41:54OK, so they're dressed up.They're dressed up.Yes, they're dressed up.The gentleman is wearing a very customized suit,like a dark suit with a green tint accent.And the lady is wearing a lovely award show type gown dressthing.They look very happy together.
42:16The guy is killing me.Who is this guy?Who is this gentleman?It's really amazing.Can I get a clue?What is a gentleman's profession?He is a singer.OK.
42:29Do you want a clue on the lady?I would love a clue about the lady.She is also a singer.Oh.Yeah.Two peas in a pod.Uh-huh.You love to hear it.
42:40Love to hear it.OK.It's not Harry Styles again.Oh, my God.No.No, I'm saying it's not Harry Styles again.It's not Harry Styles again.No.
42:57Is he famous?Yes.OK.See, this is why this has to be a recurring bit.I genuinely don't know, like, anyone in Hollywood.I don't know famous people.It's really sad.What type of music does he produce?
43:16Pop?OK.Well, it doesn't matter.Of course, he makes pop.He looks like a pop guy.So does she.Does she make pop music, too?She does.
43:27Yeah, of course.Yeah, yeah, good for them.Great.I'm happy for them both.Great.OK.That's not Dua Lipa.I'm just going to keep screaming Dua Lipa.
43:36No, no, you have Dua Lipa up on your screen.We were jamming out to Dua Lipa before we started.Listeners, we were vibing.We were vibing in just the best way before this podcast.We were partying.And we were, we got the Dua Lipa going.I got to tell you guys, Dua Lipa, man.Play it when you want to vibe.
43:55Also, Jack, who are those people?The guy's name is Kevin Bezos.Uh-huh.And the girl's name is Christie Harmony.Next time, maybe step it up and get some harder questions.Thanks.All right, Jack failed at not only not doing his best,but just like in general, he just failed.
44:20Failed, failed, failed, failed, failed, failed, failed, failed,fail, fail, fail, fail, fail, fail, fail.Can you please enlighten me on who these total strangers are?Sure.First, I want you to turn around to your computer.OK.I want you to look at the top suggested song on your YouTube.That's Shawn Mendes?
44:41Yeah.See, I hear that name a lot.I never put a face to the name.He just looks like that guy.Yeah.So that's Shawn Mendes.I've been a big fan of Shawn Mendes for ages.And the woman is Camila Cabello.
45:01What does she do?That sounds familiar.I know I keep saying that, but Camila.Oh my gosh.Alzheimer's sucks.No, it really is.It's like it's dealing with like, it's like I'm in the notebookor something.
45:12And it's kind of constantly like, how do I know that name?How do I know that memory?That's me in music.Like, I can't tell you a Shawn Mendes song,but I know the name.I don't know the face, apparently.Apparently.Do you remember the song, Havana?
45:27I do.I did not realize that was Camila.What was the last name?Camila Cabello.Camila Cabello.Oh my god, get it together.Dude, you've had like half a glass of wine.You're acting like a kid that didn't make the fucking tennis
45:43team.Too real.Too mean.OK.You've had half a glass of wine.That was a tough memory for me.I repressed it.What's your name?
45:53Camelia.Camila.Cabello.Cabello.Oh my gosh.And Shawn Mendes.Oh my god.Are they, wait, time out.
46:04Are they a couple?They are a couple.Oh, I didn't know that.Allegedly.Good for them.That's a real power couple.They've been together all of quarantine,and they were oft seen taking very random, empty coffee mug
46:18walks in Miami throughout the pandemic.They were literally just like walk at a snail's pacedown the street with an empty coffee mugthat they sometimes would just like put down to their side.Like put down.It seems like so much work.I don't know, maybe.I don't know.
46:37I would hate carrying a coffee mug on a walk with you.It's very apparent they didn't actuallywant to be on the walk, but they went on the walk anyway.I don't know.Are you suggesting that it was staged?I'm not suggesting anything.All I'm saying is that they would walk with a snail's pacedown a street in flip flops, looking like they
46:56weren't all that enthused, but they were doing it anyway.That's what I'm saying.I just want to get you in legal trouble.That's all I want to do.OK, that's all I'm saying.OK, so well, that was a cute little quiz.It was cute in that we've unveiled that you kind of suck.No, I hope you step it up next time,
47:13because that was kind of easy.That was kind of like low brow.You didn't do well.I don't know how else to tell you.Were you listening to the same quiz I was?I got so many of those dang celebrities.You didn't do well.And then not only that, but you insisted on just saying pit
47:32when it's jolly pit.Whatever.As somebody who kept her maiden name.I know, but Shiloh Pit is so memorable.I'm sorry.Only because of pitch.Capital steps, yeah.Yeah.
47:44Yeah.God bless him.Still killing it.Rude.That was fun.That was a fun.I'm glad you enjoyed it.Distraction from the perils of life.
47:52Thank you for setting up that quiz.You're so welcome.I feel dumber and yet smarter.I'm proud that I don't know these people and these cultures.I'm actually very proud of myself for that,for not getting sucked up in the eternal battle thatis Hollywood hot goss.The fact that you said to me yesterday morning that you,
48:16I have bad news.Samsung didn't say anything about their note flippypatty thingy.And guys.Oh dear listeners, let me tell you,I was so amped up about hearing from Samsung talkingabout their new Galaxy Z Fold 3, which has been longin the works for a while now.
48:36And they were supposed to talk about it in a conference,yesterday or whatever.And they didn't.It was the wrong conference.That's my celebrity gossip.That's my news.That's my Super Bowl.That's my Grammys and Oscars all wrapped up into one.
48:51So lame.I don't understand it.I'm a man of tech culture, honey.Get with it or get out of the way.You know what I'm saying?Yeah, nothing like a man telling me to get out of the way.Love that.All right, so moving into our next segment, which,
49:11at least for this week, I'm goingto call That Don't Impress Me Much.We're going to talk about things.As we kind of talked about in the last episode,things that I have unpopular opinions on,hot takes, what have you.But when I was thinking about it,just when it comes down to it, it's
49:32things that don't impress me much.I'm intrigued and yet confused by this concept.And I'm dying to hear what you have planned for us, love.I was very inspired by what we are celebrating this weekand what we've been enduring this week, whichis the 4th of July and those motherfucking fireworks.Can I be the first one to say?They don't impress you much?
50:04They don't impress me much.I have never been a fan of the 4th of July.Do you hate America?Do you hate baseball and hot dogs and warm apple pie?It is mostly that I can't get behindand I find myself dreading and not enjoying holidays thathave a lot of hype around them.And it's getting more and more as I get older.
50:33But the 4th of July has been one of my earliest holidaysthat I can't understand the hype behind.Is there a lot of hype behind the 4th of July?People love the 4th of July.Who are these people?They have barbecues and they have.It's less about loving the holidayand just having an excuse to love barbecues.
50:54Like people love barbecues.People love grilling.People love those experiences.I don't think it has much to do with a love of 4th of Julyperiod.I disagree.I think people set an expectation like,what did you do on the 4th of July?
51:08Did you go to a barbecue?Did you eat grilled food?Did you watch fireworks?What did you do on the 4th of July?It's like, why can't I do nothing on the 4th of July?Why do I have to do anything on the 4th of July?Why can't I just use it as a day off and enjoythat I have a day off?
51:27I'm not necessarily, and you know this,I love to sleep in late.I do know this.If I have a day off of work.You're going to treat it thusly.Why do I have to go do anything?I see.I don't want to have to grill food or eat grilled food
51:42or eat corn or hot dogs or chicken.You should do.No.You have to.No.This is what I'm talking about.I have.But America.
51:53Honestly, I can't get behind the bug bites thatare associated with the 4th of July barbecues.And like, what exactly are we trying to achieve?And then there's all this expectationthat you go watch fireworks at the end of the day.And it's like, but why?Because it's what our forefathers did.They all had frankfurters and buns.
52:14And they all hung around the grill with their tummies out.And then they waited for the fireworks at night.That's what Benny Franklin and Georgie Washoe,that's what all those guys did.I will never, ever, ever be able to understandthe hype around fireworks.I don't get it.I don't get it.
52:34Maybe I'm missing a pyromaniac gene.Maybe I'm missing some type of dopamine signalthat I'm supposed to get from watching fireworks.But I will never understand why people watch fireworks.Why people go hours in advance, hours in advanceto lay a blanket in the grass to watch pyrotechnics in the skyexplode.I don't understand it.
53:04I can't wrap my mind around it.Why would I wait in a line of carsto go try to find a spot in the grass to see fireworkswhen I could just see them on the TVor see them on the internet?I can't wrap my mind around it.Waiting all day to see fireworks?I'm with you.
53:27I'm with you, love.I'm on the same page as you.Waiting in a car or waiting on a blanket all day,being bait for all the mosquitoes and bugs and everything.Just for a brief little display of pyrotechnic ability,I'm with you on that 100%.This is why we need a hotline, because I need people to call inand tell me, what do you like about fireworks?
53:49I can't wrap my mind around it.I will say, in defense of fireworks, they are cool to see.Why?When they're right on top of you.Why?Not in the far distance, but when they're in your face,when they're right on top of you and about to burn you.When they're about to burn you, yes.
54:09No, I will say this.I have fond, fond memories growing up on the Jersey Shore,watching fireworks from the rooftop of a beach housethat my grandparents used to own.We would have the best view in town of these fireworksthat would go up for like half an hour, all around the island,of Long Beach Island, where we were.Now granted, we didn't wait all day for these
54:38on like a picnic blanket.We didn't wait in cars and traffic all day.We had the luxury of just waltzing up to the rooftopand looking up, and it was great.And fireworks are pretty cool when they're enjoyed like that,but when you hinge your whole day upon them.Most people do not have the opportunity to be surroundedby fireworks on the roof deck of their beach house, Jack.
55:06I'm aware.So I need you to just try to fit into my shoes as a plea.I can't fit in them.A plea.Too small.OK.And understand what it was like for us.Normies going to go see fireworks.
55:25I married a normie.Shit.We had to wait in line in our minivansto try to get a space in the parking lotand then carry our blanket to a hill that was covered in WhoKnows What?And try not to get the blanket on top of the person next to you.Right, you got to fight for your space.
55:51And then you just wait.You just sit there and you wait for the fireworks to start.And the weirdest part about the fireworksis that nobody talks while the fireworks are going off,as though there's some kind of plot happening.Because it's God's phenomenon.Why would you?As though there is a movie that's being played that you can't.
56:09It's God's movie.You can't miss any dialogue, because what if you missed the plot?What if you missed a twist?It's like, why are we talking?Yeah, I can look at something that's prettyand also talk at the same time.No, it's disrespectful and sacrilegiousto speak during a fireworks display.
56:26This is why I have problems.You honor them with your silence.And every time you spoke during a firework,you were pissing on the makers of those fireworks, honey.May a firework strike me down.My dying wish is that I be killed by a firework.What a dope dying wish.My dying wish.
56:52Honestly, I'd be like, all right, checkmate.You win.You win.The ultimate karma.Otherwise, I hate you.I hate fireworks.I'm dying to understand why people love watching fireworks.I don't get it.
57:07Like, when we went to Disneyland, they show them at like,whenever it gets dark, it probably depends on the season.Like 8, 9, yeah.It depends, I think.So 8 o'clock in the summertime is different than 8 o'clock.It's fair.The wintertime, but people literallywait hours to get a good spot, quote unquote,
57:28to watch the Disney fireworks.And it's like, why?That's not the way to do it.That's not the best way to do it.You could be on rides right now.You could think about all the dummies that are sitting upstanding like waiting for the fireworks.And there's a line anymore.
57:45There's a whole world out there.There's a mountain or whatever the hell.Like, Thunder Mountain.There's nobody there.What the heck?You're lined up for hours to get a good spot, quote unquote.To watch the Mickey-shaped fireworks.No, they're not even Mickey-shaped.
58:02They're not even Mickey-shaped.I've been there.I've seen them.They're not Mickey-shaped, OK?They're not Mickey-shaped.They're pretty cool, though.They're not that cool.They're not that cool.
58:11They happen every night.Get a hotel room that you can see them from the park.You know what?Wasn't that a memory of ours every time we went to play in the slide?Yeah, that was my signal of like, OK, I need to hurry it up.But we didn't watch them that actively.No.It's a passive.
58:26It's a passive like, oh, that's cool.That's cute.Yeah.Dude, I can't.I hate the 4th of July because people put all this expectationthat you need to eat this food.You need to be at this party and barbecue by this time.And now you need to go watch fireworks.
58:42And I don't want to go do that.Well, then can we at least backtrack and saywe need to make a movie called Oops, I Married a Normie?That's what I've been latching on to this conversation.Hardcore.I just don't understand.Also, can we admit there has neverbeen a single 4th of July barbecue day party thing that
59:05was ever fun?Have you ever had a fun, external, not family-related 4thof July party?No.No, I don't think so.Yeah, exactly.Because we went to one in LA a few years backabout sucked donkey dick.
59:19We showed up.They had marked their blanket in a studio lot for hours.That was miserable.That was absolutely miserable.That was rough.That was like one of the years I couldn't make it to that.This is what happens.It's like New Year's Eve in that everybody
59:34sets up all of this expectation for the 4th of July.And it always sucks.Things fall through.It's just not what you think it is.It's just never, ever as fun.That's interesting.You made the comparison to New Year's Eve.There aren't a lot of movies about 4th of July celebrations.
59:56There are like, no.Because they all suck.No, great.There's an obvious.There's Independence Day, sure.But that's not really about the 4th of July.Not really.Not about the holidays.
01:00:05There aren't movies revolving around that holiday.Yeah.I know.There's Jaws.I think Jaws takes place during the 4th of July weekend.Yeah, Independence Day.In the Independence Day, but like.That was about aliens attacking the United States.
01:00:21Right.And the world.The world.That was about aliens attacking the world.It was much less about grilling dogs by the grill.And I'm trying to think like, yeah,it's not an off celebrated.No, Grant, New Year's Eve.
01:00:33That's different.There's that wonderful movie called New Year's Eve.Is it called New Year's Eve?Robert De Niro.Incredible.Hillary Swank.Halle Berry.Leah Michelle.
01:00:43Right, right, right.Ashton Kutcher.Right.Katherine Heigl.Katherine Heigl.Who played Bat?John Bon Jovi.John Bon Jovi.
01:00:53Catwoman.Who played Catwoman?Halle Berry.No, the other Catwoman.There are two Catwomen in that movie.Anne Hathaway.Oh my god.The Tim Burton Batman movies.
01:01:02Who played Catwoman?Oh, Michelle Pfeiffer.Michelle Pfeiffer's in that movie.Zach Efron.That was a great movie.I mean, it wasn't.But it was.It's a guilty pleasure of mine.
01:01:10It's a shit movie, but like.It's a guilty pleasure of mine.Hey, listeners, new drinking game.Take a little half shot.Every time a new cameo pops on screen,you will die 10 minutes in, because it's justthe hits keep on coming.Technically, it's not a cameo, because a cameo
01:01:29is only when an actor comes on screenand they play themselves.Oh, I guess you know what?By that definition, there are zero cameos in that movie.But what a billing.Yep, I've seen that movie like 10 times.But anyway, back to the fourth of July.Overrated, not impressed.
01:01:43How many stars out of 10?It's definitely not 50.That's for sure.Anyway, thank you for coming to this episodeof that don't impress me much.I'm sorry, I called it the wrong thing too.I called it overrated, and it's the segmentis really called that don't impress me much.
01:02:01Honey.It's either way, either way.I love that segment.I love that.That's a great.Genuinely, that's a great vehiclefor your mad, mad tangents and your rants.And I look forward to what else
01:02:15doesn't impress you very much next time.Wait until we get to the Jacksfilms episodewhere Jacksfilms don't impress us that much.So listeners, if you turn up the volumeon whatever device you're listening this to,you can pinpoint when and where my heart breaks intowhen she just said that.It's a loud crackling sound.
01:02:38And I think I'm gonna have to see a doctor now,but Jesus Christ.I love that you pretend like you have a heart.There it is again.Now it's in quadrants instead of haves.Just rude, you know.What else?Can we get a new co-host please?
01:02:52I need to talk to you guys.I'm serious.I'm not even a co-host.I'm the ghost that haunts this thing.I just haunt this, okay?There is no pressure for me.Can we get Camelio D'Amelio on?Oh my God.
01:03:10Charlie D'Amelio or Camila Cabello?Who are you trying to talk about?Yes.Wow.I love music.I love Hollywood.I think I just established that.Honey, honey.
01:03:22Yes.What else is on your list of podcast things to do?Well.All right.So now that I've finally gotten that off my chest,I don't think enough people know my passionfor how much I think the fourth of Julyand fireworks are overrated, if you will.
01:03:47I want to move into somethingthat is a little bit more spiritual.It's a little bit more meaningful.It's a little bit more realand just it says something for most of us.I'm on pins and needles, honey.What is it?I'd like to go into horoscopes.
01:04:05Horoscopes!I am rooting for this segment.So goddamn hard.Unlike last week,Jack wrote all of the horoscopesthat we read last week.Well, in a twist,I have written six of the 10 horoscopes
01:04:26that we are going to read today.What a twist.And I wrote the other fourthat my lovely wife, Erin,will read for the first time today.All right.So we are going to start with cancer.But unlike we did last week,
01:04:44we are going to go backwards.So we went Cancer Leo, blah, blah, blah, blah,Virgo, et cetera.This week we're going to go Cancer, Gemini,Taurus, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.I have written the first six.You have written the last four.Do you want me to start or do you want you to start?
01:05:06I think you should start, honey.All right.As a cancer that is fully celebrating cancer season.Yeah.We're going to start off with Cancer's horoscope.Horoscope, horoscope, horoscope, horoscope, horoscope.Cancer, today you will look into a mirrorand be overwhelmed with gratitude
01:05:27because thank God, you're not a Scorpio.Cancer season, baby!That's good.That's good.All the Scorpios up there will love that.Gemini.You're going to have a pretty shitty day todaybecause you're not a cancer.
01:05:50So close, but no cigar.Could be worse though.I mean, you could be a Scorpio.Shit on the Scorpio today, my God.Taurus.You're going to get cut from the tennis team,which is so weird because they don't usually cut anyonebecause there aren't even enough kids
01:06:14to constitute a whole team.Anyway, I guess it could be worse though.I mean, you could be Jackville.Yeah.You had a cut deep at the tennis team joke.I almost made it too.It was very close.Aries.
01:06:34Spend some time alone today, Aries.Your BO is so out of controland no one has the guts to tell you.Remember when you weren't invited to that party,but you saw all your friends there on Instagramand they kept using the hashtag,Aries gives me the scaries.Yeah, that was why.
01:06:56Oof.Very targeted toward Aries.I hope they pick up the hint.Subtle hint.Pisces.Be mindful of your boundaries today, Pisces.Aries is going to blow off the advice we gave themand the fact that they smell like rotting fish carcasses
01:07:18and they're gonna try to hang out with you.Good news is that you'll smell themfrom like four blocks away,so just lock the doors and make sure to shut the windows.Silver lining, silver lining.Dude, Aries needs to take a hint though.I hope they do.I hope they can read between the lines.
01:07:36Some of these might be over their head.Aquarius.The moon's alignment with Elon Musk satelliteswill cause you to grow gills.Be optimistic and just imagine how much clout you'll getfrom the only gill person with an only fans.Potential channel names include, fill my gills,diddle my gills, daddy's little gills,
01:08:06and guilty AF.You can imagine how guilty is spelled.I'm so fucking happy with that one.That one's perfect.Listeners, take your pick.For me, it's a tie between fill my gills and guilty AF.Can I sub to them both?That'll be eight dollars a month.
01:08:26Yeah, that's fine.That's a price worth paying.So I will read, so.Wait, but you just read.Yeah, yeah.Well, here's the deal.The way I read them,I kind of want you to read all of them.
01:08:39Okay, I know.Working with a man is hard,but they're always changing the goalposts.We're gonna iron this out by next week, I promise.Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.Sure, okay.Capricorn.You will take a very long shower today,
01:08:54but the stink just won't.But the stink just won't wash off.Better luck next time, champ.I feel like Capricorn and Ariesmight be a match made in heaven.I think so too, it sounds like they're very compatible.They have a symbiosis.Yes, almost a parasocial.
01:09:16Yes, a bacterial.You know what I'm saying?Parasital, parasocial relationship.Yes, it's working for them.One's a big fish and the other is like the fishhanging on the tongue of the fish.I'm gonna add this.You guys should date Aries, Capricorn.
01:09:32I think that's fair to say.Look into that.Sagittarius.During your next trip to Starbucks,when it's your turn to order,you'll notice that the barista is none otherthan legendary film star Bill Murray.It's such a Bill Murray thing to do, isn't it?
01:09:50No one will ever believe you,hill whisper, before throwing hot coffee in your faceand running off into the unknown.Listen to your emotions.That's a good takeaway.That's the thing Bill Murray does.Bill Murray does that all the time.Is that right?
01:10:09I didn't know.You knew?I must have told you that.You would never have known that, but Bill Murrayhas a penchant for just taking pizza slicesout of people's hands and eating a biteand then saying no one will ever believe you.Oh, that's funny.
01:10:24That's a good little Easter egg game.It is a little bit egocentricthat you think somebody's gonna know you.There's probably a whole generation of people thatdon't know Bill Murray and he's gonna do that to people.And they're like, what are you doing, old man?You crazed old man.Exactly.
01:10:40Let me hear for Dua Lipa and no one else.Scorpio, we already know about Scorpio,but Scorpio, a little girl will ask you if Santa is real.No matter how much it hurts, you have to tell her no.I mean, if you knew Scorpios, you would knowit doesn't hurt them to tell her that.That's right.Because that little girl, that's right.
01:11:07She will be president someday.Libra, treat yourself.You've had a hard week, so go to a fancy restauranteither alone or with a friend.Order a luxurious appetizer, then look up to seethat the waiter is none other than legendary film starBill Murray.Oh, wow.
01:11:32No one will ever believe you.Hill Whisper, before pouring ice cold Pepsidown your shirt, they don't have Coke.And running toward the exit.Lucky numbers today are three and six.Nice.That rascally Bill Murray, sneaking into multiple horoscopes.Find hot single girls in your area.
01:11:55Oh, that was for a future horoscope.That was just gonna be like Gemini, find hot single girls.Yeah, that's for a future one.I'll try that out next year.Also, and that Bill Murray, he's everywhere.So that's a horoscope.So that's horoscopes.Thank you guys so much for coming to our birthday party.
01:12:16What we learned today is that Jack film knows nothingabout anything.It's not a thing.We also learned that the July, that Independence Day,we also learned that Independence Dayis the most overrated holiday of all time.We also learned that our birthdaystake priority over Independence Day.
01:12:36That's right.Next week, I plan on reading some of our podcast reviews.I would love to do that.We need to look into that hotline.We've got to get Klondike on the podcast.She's such a diva today.She was like, she had all these demands for like,she needed green M&Ms and preparation
01:12:54for being on the podcast.Only Avion Water.Avion Water and she wanted a humidifier.So we needed to go out and get that and stuff.So next week, we're going to start if dogs could talk,but we weren't prepared to have her as a guest today.Dogs could talk.And otherwise, we look forward to hearing
01:13:14about Jack's films creepy, most recent Google searches.Not looking forward to that bit.All the other news that's going on in the world,thank you so much for joining us today.Thank you so much listeners.As the ghost that is haunting this podcast,I will leave you to the host, the host and the ghost.And can't wait to be with you guys next week again
01:13:40for the ghost is the funny one podcast.Quite a lot of name changes there.Yeah.And I've been Jack.Thank you guys and we will see you next week.Bye, be good.
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