Erin is the Funny One - Pill Or Pokemon

Episode Date: January 11, 2026

Erin and Jack take the most challenging quiz yet: is it a medicinal drug, or is it the name of a Pokemon? It should be noted that neither Erin nor Jack have ever touched a Pokemon game (apologies to Pokemon fans who will no doubt cringe through their guesses). Also in this episode: weighing in on moral dilemmas with callers, and a new Mad Libs-inspired horoscope for Cancers! Follow Erin and Jack on Instagram:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/2toesup/?hl=en⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/jacksfilms/?hl=en⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To watch Erin Is The Funny One on YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/@jackisanerd⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/erinisthefunnyone Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Love the way Welcome back to another episode of Aaron is the funny one USA If you know you know Yeah Um But yeah, so honey, I decided to mix things up a bit with this week's wine of the week.

Oh, I love it. Guys, and just while Jack gets out the wine of the week, I am sticking with the promise that I made that I did not keep, that I kind of tried to keep, but also sometimes can't help myself. But we're going to try to stick with the quiz format this week and get me to shut up. and zip it because I keep ruining these episodes by just like, Bap-da-b-da-bba-da-ba-da-ba-ba-ba. Okay, so Jack, tell us about this week's wine of the week. Why, honey, nothing would give me more pleasure than to tell you about this Pino-Nois rosé. So it's La Cremma, La Cremma.

La Cremma, which is, by the way, a brand from Jackson Family Wines and one of my favorite go-to-wine brands of like your regular Tuesday night. Wednesday night. It's a go-to for you. But this. I love La Cremma. I don't think we've done this before. So La Cremma, it's a 2023 wine, Monterey, Pino-Noir, Rose.

Which is interesting because I was looking up Reds first and Pinot Noir, right? That's a red. I'm a big fan of La Cremma Chardonnay. Sure. I'm a big fan of the consistency that comes from the La Cremma brand. And granted, guys, bear with me for the wine connoisseurs that are cringing out there right now. So many. I'm not a Somelier.

I just know what I like. And I like the consistency that comes with La Cremant. and I like it. But I also generally like the juice of the pino noir grape. And as far as reds go, I really like Pino noir red if I'm going to have to go red. So I have a feeling I'm going to like this wine. Well, this is, yeah, but the tricky thing is, and if you can't see a picture of it, if you're not watching this on YouTube on YouTube on YouTube on YouTube, and you're listening,

I'll do my best to describe it to you. It's a light, translucent pink color. It's a nice pinky orange. Like a salmon color, yes. Because they classify it as a Pino noir rosé. Yes. But at the end of the day, it's a rosé. Yes.

Which if you're picturing a rosé, it looks like that, I think. Which I'm assuming means that it's Pino noir juice that has been soaked in Pino noir skins for a few days. But it's technically a rosé. It's not technically a rosé. It is a rosé. It is a rosé. Technically, you can call this a rosé.

It is a rosé. Technically, 13 and a half percent ABV. I just had a sip. I love it. I love it. That's delicious. Didn't even bother or cheers me. That is delicious.

I knew, honestly, you tell me La Cremma and I know I'm gonna, like, I have a feeling I'm gonna like it. Oh, no. Yeah. You like it too. Wait, no, it's bad. It's really good. It's really good.

Bad wine. Yes. Because it's delicious, right? It's bordering, it's teetering on sparkling wine. Sparkling Pinot is one of my favorites. It has like the taste of sparkling. wine and obviously not the bubbles, but it really tastes like, almost champagne-like. It's delicious.

What the fuck? Yeah, I really like this wine. Hmm. God damn it. This is a four out of five, easy. Lecremma, you already got me fat on your chardonnay, and now you're going to make me fat on your rosé, okay? This gets four wines of the week out of five.

I'm going to, honestly. Yeah, be honest. I'm putting this at four and a half. Oh, that's high praise coming from the... I'm putting this at four and a half. The stingiest of wine givers when it comes to wine ratings. I really like Lecremma. I really like this rosé.

Uh-huh. No, this is... Jackson Family Wines, people. We can't forget this. We cannot forget. Again, for the listeners, La Cremma, Monterey, Pino-Noir, Rose. Holy moly, any wine drinkers out there, if you're feeling frisky, if you want to try something. How much was that?

I think around the 20 mark. Yeah? I think La Cremma Chardonnay is right around there. I'm pulling up my, I'm pulling up the receipts. I got receipts. Oh, I got the receipts. I got those dirty receipts for you. I don't hang out in the rosé aisle very much.

So like, I don't know how long this has been around, but La Cremma, good on you. Great choice. I was wrong. It's not $20. It's 15, Aaron. $15. $15 bottle of Pino-No-No-Rose is a 4 or a 4.5 out of 10, depending on who you ask. Why is the LeCremma rosé cheaper than the LeCremma Chardonnay?

Go fucking figure, right? It also does say, I think LeCremma Chardonnay is from the Sonoma. And I might not. I'm talking out of my ass. No, go off queen. But I do think it's like in the, shut up. I do think it's like Sonoma, Napa, ish area, whatever the fuck. And this does say Monterey, which is like Santa Barbara area.

That could have something to do with it. But very delicious. Four and a half out of five. So yeah, we both recommend this Pino-Noir Rosee from La Cremma. I love it. I can't wait to drink more of it. I love our hotline. I love the Dad Hug Me Ten hotline so gosh darn much.

Whose idea was it, Jack? Who can say? Who can say? Whose idea was the hotline? I think it was Klondakes, actually. Actually, she would have an idea like that. She's a saint. She's better than all of us.

She's a bright young lady, that one. I hope she outlives all of us. Me too. The dad Hug Me 10 hotline has never been busier, just bustling with activity. Which is actually really cool. Honestly, it makes me so happy. And guys, like, thank you so so much for calling in or texting in.

We have so much fun. I hope, like, you can hear the smiles on our faces. We love the fucking. hotline so much. Thank you for calling in. Just like we don't care what you say, honestly. But this one in particular for this week, because I have been asking for the last couple of weeks for your, am I the asshole stories, right? Like, give us your scenarios. And I have a very interesting one. It's not your typical, am I the asshole story. It kind of falls in this category. But I want to play it for us and really for you, honey, because it involves a topic that is very near,

dear and close to your heart, hon. Are you ready? I'm ready. Okay. Hi. So I kind of have an am I the asshole kind of story. I don't really know if it's like an asshole really, but like I feel kind of like an asshole. Anyway, so I work at a car dealership place and we have to park our cars like off the lot. And where we park is like right next to the woods and there's like a huge homeless camp back there. and so like we all kind of stay pretty vigilant with our cars because they're known to like walk around and like look in people's cars and things like that well yesterday i the unfortunate happened and they broke into my car i think i must have left it unlocked but i remember distinctively like locking it so i'm very sure i locked it they somehow got into my car and stole my nintendo switch

and i am so fucking mad i'm so fucking mad I love my Nintendo Switch with everything in my soul. I had over 560 hours of a Stardew Valley. Well, 560 hours in total of Stardew Valley, but I had over 100 hours on this one specific world that I was like, it was my everything, my life, and now it's fucking gone. And I hate those people so much now, and I feel guilty for being so hateful in my heart towards them. Because, like, I don't know.

I get it. They're homeless. But they stole my Switch. They stole my fucking switch, and I would play my game during my lunch break, and now I have no switch. And now I'm just sad. And I, every time I see them, like, wandering around, and I'm like, I hate you, and I hope. I don't know. I just hate you.

And you stole my switch. And I'm so mad. I'm so... I miss my switch. Anyway, yeah, that was the main thing. They also stole my wax pen, which I'm also very mad about. But I can get another one, but a switch is like... So expensive.

And so I'm very sad. Anyway, love it. you guys. I just wanted to tell you that. And I feel like the asshole for hating them. So if you include this, yeah. I love you. Bye. Okay. Yeah. I have thoughts. Yeah, same. First off, what the fuck is a laxapen? Axi pen? That, okay, that's just, we didn't pick up on what they were saying. Is there a pen that goes with the switch as like a stylus or something? No, the Wii, you had a stylus, but that, the switch does not. I'm pretty sure. Maxapen? Yeah, I don't know. That's going to bother me.

That's besides the point, Aaron. It is and it's not. Okay. Now I'm like, well, what was that? I don't, what was that? But let's, okay, let's talk about the heart of the matter. Do you want me to go first? Yes.

What do you think, I think? I think, honestly, I hope I know you well enough that I'm right. I think you feel the same way I do because I feel mad for this person. Like, not mad at, mad for. Like, I, like, I share in this person's anger. And I think you do as well as someone who also has invited. hundreds of hours into Stardue Valley on, is that the Switch? Yeah.

You also play on the Switch. Right. I play on the Switch. I'm sorry. I also have the mobile game. Addiction. So you know. Yeah.

So you know. Yeah. And I, before I go into, deeper into my thoughts and my takes and such, I, I think you feel a similar anger. Do you not? I would say, and this is why I'm more evolved than you are. Yeah. One, being angry at people. that stole your switch does not make you an asshole.

Not at all. That said, you directing your mental anger at the people that you're presuming to have stolen your Nintendo Switch. I also don't think that makes you the asshole because it's not like you're now terrorizing them. You're not doing anything to them. It's just a mental thought that you now have.

A mental thought that I honestly think is impossible to not have, given the circumstances, given the situation. So long as you're not acting out, on this anger inside of your brain, you're allowed to think whatever thoughts you have. Thoughts are thoughts. We are not our thoughts.

Our thoughts do not define us. They just are, in my opinion. I mean, how many people do I love and like that I have thoughts in my head that cross my mind that I would never say out loud that I, in my head, I go, you're a fucking ass, don't think things like. that's not nice. But like, yeah, we, we think them.

We have them. Yeah. But I am not defined by that. I'm defined by my actions. That's a very good point. Okay. The other thing is that, so you're not terrorizing these people. Right.

As long as you're not going into like vigilante mode. If you're like, you want to do my switch through and you want to break into my car? Oh, I'll give you my car. I'm going to run you the fuck over with my fucking car. Right. That'd be different. That would be different. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We're not doing an eye for an eye or, you know, a switch for. maybe the death penalty or whatever the fuck. Like, you know what I mean? Like it's like, maybe we back it back it up a little bit. Oh, I have a thought.

That said, though, the concept, I understand why you are conflicted by having feelings toward people that you feel are in a less privileged position than you are. Totally. So you're like what? And maybe I'm assuming some things. But in my, as I'm hearing this and interpreting this, you feel as though you're the asshole because your car got broken into and your possessions were stolen by people that you're assuming are living in a homeless encampment.

Right. Assuming that is the case. And let's just for the sake of argument, say that is the case. That is the case. I understand why you feel like the asshole because you're like, I should not have these feelings. If anything, I'm like, oh, you know what, they need it more than me. I should just be giving. No.

Yeah. Having things stolen from you. And by the way, when I was in college, I was held up when I was at Temple. I don't know if I've talked about that. Once again, don't remember what I've talked about and what I have. Even though I was unharmed in the situation and nothing was stolen from me, the act itself was incredibly violating. That's the word.

And you are well within your rights to have the feelings that you're feeling, even though at the same time, two things can be true, three things can be true, four things can be true. All of these things can be true. Did the people that stole your switch potentially need money more than you needed the switch in that time? Maybe. I don't know. But you are allowed to feel what you feel and feel violated by what occurred to you and like what happened to you because this happened. I mean, I can't even imagine. Imagine if your home were broken into, even if your home didn't have those people inside of it anymore, you still feel dirty as a result. Everything still feels like somebody was in here without my consent. Right, right. And even if they only stole one thing or like the whole thing,

it's an incredibly emotionally violating experience to go through. So you, one, you are not an asshole for having those feelings. Not in the slightest. Yeah, NTA. So long as you don't, act violently or in any, in my opinion, against people because, again, innocent without, wait, innocent until. Thank you. Innocent until, I was going to say innocent without proof, but yeah. That's a whole last other thing. Innocent until proven guilty.

That's right, honey. I mean, you can't act on these feelings or you can't act on any. anything as retribution for what, yeah, retro, that's the perfect word to. And retaliation for what occurred to you. That said, you're incredibly valid in having something was stolen from you from your car while you were at work. And you, like, yes, you are allowed to have these feelings. You are not an asshole for having those feelings.

And what they did, regardless of whether or not they were in a more vulnerable position than you and in need of money. Because I'm assuming they're not playing fucking Star Do Valley, the people that stole the switch. No, they wanted the save file. Yeah. They wanted someone with 500 hours like, oh. Assuming they didn't want to play Star Doe Valley, assuming they wanted to sell it for money of some sort. Even though they were potentially in a more vulnerable position than you, what they did was not right.

And so, but that's not to say that they are in the right state of mind. That is not, like, we don't know what's, what their current circumstances are, but it still doesn't make it right. That said, this is what I mean by like, there are five, six, seven things that can be, like, wrong with the situation. It's like, where are our mental health resources? Maybe this is a hot take. I am not somebody that is of the belief that, oh, you give a homeless unhoused, whatever the correct term is, you give them shelter, they are cured. I don't think that that's actually the case. I think that's maybe the case for some,

but most definitely not all. I think a lot of people, I think a very particular percentage fell on hard times, quote unquote, and are now without shelter. That said, I think quite a bit of them are facing addiction, mental illness, and are without resources and help and family and support. And so I'm like, there are a lot of people in this equation, government, politics, money, capital, like there are so many people to also be mad at in this

situation. But at the end of the day, no, you are well within your rights to be angry. And two, talk to your fucking employer that has you park, you and all of your fellow employees park next to a homeless encampment. Great fucking point. And you can use this as an example as to why you no longer feel like this is a safe place for you to park your car. I don't know what state you're in, but this comes down to employment, like treatment, basically, an employee treatment and basically making sure that your employees are safe. So I would talk to your employer, like, first and foremost.

Extremely good point. But you're valid in all of your emotions. I think you're so, so allowed to feel, even like, I don't think you even have to think about the justification of like, oh, well, they probably, you know, need the money. I think you're so allowed to just be angry in the moment so long as again, you don't act on it in a crazy way. You hit the nail on the head with violating. That is the perfect word for that. And I'm so sorry that you had to go through this.

Yeah, sucks beyond belief. Even though, and that's what, like, you feel like an asshole because you're like, oh, I'm lucky enough. Right, right, right. To be able to play Stardue, to have been able to afford a switch in the first place, to have a car, to have a job, to have all these things. But at the end of the day, what happened to you was not right. It was without your permission. And it's straight, it is very violating because not only was it done without your permission,

it was done behind your back. It was trespassing property that you own or lease or what have you, that something you consider your own. the only advice that I, by the way, don't ever take advice for me, but I listen to this morning radio show, Preston and Steve, on. Oh, it's a Philly one. It's a Philadelphia morning radio show. And something I think about almost every single time I leave my car is one of the co-hosts talks about how every single time they leave their car, they don't leave a single personal item in the car, not a cup. not a straw, not a dime, not a thing.

Do I abide by that? No, I'm lazy. I leave food in the front seat. I leave, I'm pretty sure I've been driving Jack's car around because we covered that about how I don't have a car. That's right. But I've been driving Jack's car around. I think there's a monster energy drink

and a sugar-free root beer in the front seat right now. Aaron. Don't worry, I threw out the chicken swarmer in the back seat. Oh, Aaron. Oh, God. But where do these rats come from? I wonder. Christ.

But the only, like real true advice I can give you, like is, not that you ask for it, sorry, is like, don't do as I do. But sadly, nothing is to be trusted in a car. And it sucks that it's that way. Fuck, it sucks that it's that way. But no, you're not an asshole at all, not even a little bit. I don't blame you for these feelings. and I feel like this is actually quite a controversial pick for not the asshole convoy, Jack.

It was the Stardue Valley that attracted me and just a whole violation and the conflicting feelings. I thought it was an interesting topic choice. But I also have an idea for what the caller could do. Oh, is it driving over the homeless people with their car? No. Jack would do that. Whoa. He's horrible.

No. He has like React bot on his like his like right shoulder and left shoulder. One with the halo, one with devil horns. One is like reciting Bible verses from the New Testament. And the other ones reciting Bible verses from the Old Testament. And like basically the Old Testament one's like, get them. Get them. Get them.

Get them. And the new one's saying, yeah, get them. No. Jesus would never. Jesus loves. I don't know. He got violent sometimes. So no, what I would argue.

He did love himself some wine. That Jesus. I didn't know where that sentence was going. He didn't love himself. Like, whoa. I didn't know where they were going. Jesus is like water. What the fuck is this?

Let me help you guys out. Let's turn this party up. So what I think the caller could do is Mark Rober, the situation a bit. Oh, no. You know where we're getting? I do. With the exploding package thingy. You make a, right.

You make a dummy package and you just print some fake switch. labels on it, you know. But this, and here's, here's the downside. It's going to be expensive, but it's so worth it. Was it a switch light or was it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let us know. But like, regardless, the boxes, all four sides of this box, they have holes for, you

know, smart cameras from a smartphone that are recording it all times. Or no, the camera is triggered once it's been, anyways, just make a glitter bomb, right? Just a nice glitter bomb that goes off once the package is open. Can I tell you what's way better than a glitter bomb? Don't actually do this, by the way. No, but why are we making like skunk bombs? Wait, why aren't we? Yeah.

No, there are the glitter, those glitter bombs. They smell? Yes, there are fart sprays, like concentrated. No, I don't want fart spray. I want skunk spray. Okay, skunk-filled glitter bombs. Yes. For like porch pirates and now for...

The people that steal are switches from our cars. Right, right, there you go. Yes. There you go. We're just, look at us. We're solving the world's problems. Go us. But let's be not forget, we're allowed, many things are allowed to be true at once.

That's true. But I don't think it's as complicated as the caller is making. I mean, like, I appreciate, like, the collar has a conscience. There's a moral conundrum. Yeah, exactly. There's a moral conundrum of sorts. And they have a good conscience. I understand that.

You are, but you are so justified in your anger. Absolutely. Yeah. I, like, no doubt about it. There's no, like, well, think about where, no, no, you can be angry. By the way, listeners, we love Am I the Asshole stories and even things that are like, is this even an Am I the Asshole story? Send them our way regardless on our hotline at Dad, Hug Me 10.

I'm on Reddit all the time. I'd much rather hear from people that actually know who I am and like I can get to know you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because otherwise, I'm not going to believe it's real. I swear to God, I had unsubscribe from Am I the asshole? None of this is real. This would never happen. Nobody behaves this way in real life.

Yeah, but you callers are different. Tell me your shit. I want to read about it. I want to hear about it. Like call in, text me. Please tell us. Dad hug me 10. Honey.

Yes? I have a quiz for us. Another quiz? Yes. Guys, look at me. I'm sticking to my promises. And I, and I think I speak for everyone else, we are all so proud of you. You're impressed, right?

Impressed and proud. But I think we're going to mix it up. It's a brand new quiz, honey. It's called Pill or Pokemon. Oh, my God. Oh. Which one is it? Guys, this was the one from last episode that I was like, I actually think I know pills, but I'll be honest.

Thinking about it now, I'm like, not really. I only know the pills that I'm on and that about sums it up. So this quiz, I believe, was made by councilmember elise.com. Okay. Damn, I can't believe Jack hired an actual health care provider with a real job to help make this quiz. All right. Anyway, welcome to the pill. or Pokemon game, y'all.

All right, the rules are simple. Wait, do we know? Is Elise also a Pokemon person? I think Elise is. Oh, yeah? Okay. I think so. Okay.

Okay. The rules are simple, all right? The rules are simple. Okay. We will be given two options. We have to decide whether option right or left is a pill slash medication name. Okay. Or a Pokemon.

I, guys. Answer is on the next slide. I don't know if you follow me on Twitch, but all I do, I have five no nay seven days a week eight hours a day all I do was open Pokemon cards and and and so I'm gonna ace this quiz I know my Pokemon's as well as I know my Pokemon cards okay we're best friends me and my Pokemon's I have so many rare cards you've so many rare cards do they come with bubble gum in them they they sure do they sure do honey it's a bubble gum like stale it's like four years old at this point.

No, it's delicious. You guys would have had to be alive in the mid-90s to get that. They used to sell baseball cards with fucking the staleist gum. No, it was awful. On the, Jack, please. I'm just kidding. You never bought a baseball card in your fucking life. Hold on.

We have more slides before the quiz starts. Do you even know what baseball is? Yeah, it's the one with the kickball. Honey. Pill or Pokemon. Oh, no. All right, listeners, here we go. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Wait, is each? answer. One is a pill. One is a Pokemon. I did confirm with the council beforehand. And yes. So the way that this quiz works is like one is a pill and the other is a Pokemon. Okay. So we have to determine. So for each question listeners, you are going to hear two words. You're going to hear two options and we have to decipher. We have to figure out if if the word, if one word is like we have to determine which one is a pill. Thank you. Which one is a Pokemon. Thank you. Exactly. So here are your two options. Okay. Remerade, Remeron. Oh, this is hard.

Oh, that's really hard. Okay. Wait, where is Pokemon from? Is that Japanese? Yes. Are the names of the Pokemon in English the same as they are in other countries? Terrific question. Let's say, for instance, if Remeron is the Pokemon, is it also Remeron in other countries and other languages?

This is really ignorant for me to say, I think so. and I genuinely don't know. But I feel like Pikachu, I feel like Pikachu is also Pikachu, like in, you know, English and Japanese. And I, boy, oh boy, I have no idea. Like, M-2, that's a different one. I don't know if M-2 would translate.

Wait, you just, spoiler alert. Yeah, there's one called M-2. How do you spell M-E-W and then T-W, like the number two? Because there's a M-E-W, and then there's a M-E-2, but it's all one word. Are they related? I think one, I think. I think one is like, one's like the evolution of the other, I think. So it's like a mom.

Like a mom. But then Me Too, not to be confused with Me Too, which I will, we will be talking about in another episode. Do you think Me Too has a Me Too story? Probably, a dude, if you are a woman or any person on this planet, that's not a disgusting, filthy man, you have a Me Too story. Christ. Okay. before this gets two off the rails. Okay, the options, we have to determine which one's the pill, which one's the Pokemon.

Remarade is the pill. Pokemon is the Remeron. Final answer. And I say that because remorade is like Medicaid and also, what do they call those things? Hemeroid. It's like hemorrhoid. So, Remerade is the pill. Remeron is the Pokemon.

Final answer. I'm going to agree with that actually. All right. Remerade pill. No, it's the other way around. Shut the fuck. up. Remarade is the Pokemon. Remeron is an antidepressant that also helps

with sleep. Holy shit. Should I get on Remeron? Yeah. I love sleeping. You do that while I catch Remerade. I probably need less help with sleep though. I sleep a lot. I love sleeping. Oh, fun fact. This Pokemon's originally... It's a fish. I mean, it's fish like. Are Pokemon allowed to be fish? Yes. Because they're fish-like.

They can be. They can be like any animal. But like Pikachu is not, it's not anything but a Pikachu. So a remorade is not a fish. It's a remorade, if that makes sense. Sure. Pikachu's kind of rabbit-like. So remirades can be fish-like. It's fish-like. Yeah, fish-like. Does it, do we know if it lives underwater? Because it looks like... Here's what we do know about it. Ready? This Pokemon's original design was a gun. You can still vaguely see the gun shape in its design. No, I can't. Why are we supporting violence? I you're the one bringing violence into it god damn look honey I got another one

oh I know this one I know this one do you act okay oh I haven't seen it yet I do or Pokemon here are your two options selexa selebby selexa is a pill I feel like that sounds like a fucking pill I feel like I know it I feel like there have I feel like there have been commercials for Selexa ask your doctor if Selex is right for you yes exactly that's you know that's how we can do that ask your doctor if Seleby's right for you know which one sounds like one's better as like Selexa. Selexa. Selexa. Selexa.

All right. Selexa. All right. Selexa. Wait, what? Can we guess what? Okay, if we're going to. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. What is a celebrity? Celeby. Seleby is monkey like in my mind. Oh shit. Okay, so Celeby's a little monkey.

And he carries a camera. He's a paparazzi. Oh my God. Seleby. Fuck you. He's a he's a paparazzi monkey. That's genius. And he like he cannot be stopped. He's up in the trees. He's taking all those topless photos.

He's selling them the radar online. Dastrely. Celeby. Celeby's like not a fan favorite, but he is what he is. And he gets the good ass photos because he's like Spider-Man because he has like the monkey-like abilities. He can hang from trees. He can like get the good angles and shit.

He's the richest of them all. He sells all the fucking nudes. He gets all those topless photos. He gets the one who got Orlando Bloom when he was doing. Oh, celebrity. What do you paddle boarding when he was paddle boarding? I remember that. And he was, you know what I thought was so weird about that?

Why are you full? on butt-ass naked, bro, when your girlfriend or fiance, whoever at Katie Perry was at the time, was a free spirit, was in a bathing suit. She wasn't topless. She wasn't like, she, why was he? He felt comfortable, darn it. I never understood that. I never understood that. You want to be nude, go nude. Do you? Yeah. I'm, no, I'm saying if you want, like, theoretically. As somebody who doesn't even like looking, like, in the mirror at my face, I can't wrap my mind around. Maybe paddleboarding nude is just like a very freeing activity that, you know, we're sleeping on. And I'll continue sleeping through the night on that.

Well, I do know that. So, Soleby got photos of that. So let's see if Selexa and Selevi. Solevi made so much money off of that. Clearly. Oh, man. All right, here we go.

The correct answer. Selexa is an antidepressant. Wait, what does Selebe? Seleby is not a monkey, sadly. YouTubeers, you'll be able to see this. Monkey like, Jack. Monkey like. Sorry.

Listeners, let me try to describe. It looks like a fairy kind of creature. It's got wings. He does the Naruto run. Yeah, arms back. Yeah. Fun fact, celebrity time travels to visit forests at their most vibrant, which is why nobody ever sees it anymore.

Damn, that's sad. That's a real environmentalist statement. I love that. Wait, I want to hang out with celebrity. Take me to your vibrant forests. Take me to your leader. Take me to your forest. Okay, next one.

All right, pill of Pokemon. Uh-oh. Oh, fuck, dude. I've got a prescription for Clonopin. Are you kidding? Okay, honey. Here you go. Here you're options.

This is a hard one. So sorry, honey. I've literally got a fucking bottle of it in my purse. This is a hard one. We're good. How would you even say that? Kyurum. Kiorum or Klonopin?

Hmm. Both K words. For our listeners at home, these are both K words. This is, Clonipin is what they prescribe to you if you have panic attacks and think you're about to die. Fortunately, I've had the same bottle of Clonopin since 2022. Let's go. So it's like long gone and dead.

but I haven't needed to use it since 2022. But still, I know what that shit is, because I carry it around with me everywhere I go. Are they, what are the size of the conopin pills? Like, paint a picture for us. They're little. Are they white? Are they ovoid?

Mine are orange. Orange. Are they like tic tacks? Are they? They're like round, minor round. They're like the size. I'm trying to think of like the size of something. What is like round?

That's that size. Have you ever seen hail? Like where it's like, oh my God, there's like hail. Uh-huh. It's like that. Oh my God. It's like the size of like maybe a Pepsi D.C. So it's not like big, but it's like, oh, it's hailing.

Gotcha, gotcha. It's not big. Okay. I can't remember mine are orange though. And I used to like break them and like maybe I shouldn't talk about drugs on here. I don't know. But whatever. I don't.

I didn't like them because they didn't make me feel less stressed. They just made me tough. tired. Like all of a sudden I was just like, who. Hmm. Like, interesting. I'm not less stressed. In fact, my mind is still a foot and moving. Oh, I hate that. But I need to. You just can't act on anything. I, yes, I'm, I'm now fucking down for the count. Like, and I need to go. I guess that's a solution? I guess. I don't know. I don't know. Yeah. All right. So what kind of pokey, before we reveal, like, we know the answers,

but like, oh, Kyuram. Yeah, what's Kaiyrim has a moha. No, Kyram's a kangaroo. No, he looked. No, no, no, no. Kairam looks like the, uh, they're in Mario. And they have, they pop out like spiky balls from their throats. Uh-huh. And then they spit them at you.

I know, yeah, I know. And they have mohawks. I hate that I know what you're talking about. And they're little stubby. Yeah, yeah, they are stubby. Little stubby men like, like, and their bipeds. They stand on two feet. Wow, good word.

Yes. Uh-huh. Okay. I think. That's Chiaram. I think you're foolish. By the way, listeners, neither of us know anything about Pokemon. Your answer for Pillar Pokemon, Chiarum versus Clonopin.

Oh, look at that. Clonopin. I don't know this. It's used to manage anxiety. Do you know that, Aaron? More like it's used to manage wakefulness. Got him. Wow.

Good one, honey. Way to take down big pharma. Caiuram. Oh, I'm way closer. Oh, my God. Okay, so Kyur... He's a dragon. He's a dragon.

He's a dragon. He looks like a fucking dragon. Dragon. Looks like a dragon. Fun fact. It used to be one big dragon, then split into three. This is basically an empty shell. Also, it kidnaps and eats people.

Allegedly. I love that. Thank you for the allegedly. I appreciate that because, like, you know, that's a heavy accusation. Innocent until given proof. Right. Or until, or like you would, like you say. That's why I said, innocent until.

Innocent without proof. That's what you said. You idiot. it. No proof didn't do it. Okay. Aaron, Aaron, please, this is serious, all right, focus up. Pill or Pokemon.

Okay. Oh, no. Arctabax, a carbos. I'm going to say Arcobos. Arcarbos is the pill. Arctabax is the Pokemon, and I'll tell you why. Arc de feels like Arctic.

So I bet you it's a cold-loving Pokemon. You're totally right. And a Carbos, is like sucralose and like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I bet you it's a diabetic. Fuck. Yeah. I hate when you're like smart and you use like logic at me.

I try. Because I can't argue. I can't be like, Ermax. I have nothing. I can't weasel my way out of, because I don't know the answers, but like I can't think of a better,

like you have me with Arctic. That's so true. That has to be like a snow based polar based Pokemon. Yes. Thrives in winter wonderlands. Yes. It's like a, it's a snow fox. It's a snow fox.

There you go. And then a carbo's, yeah, like sucralose yeah that's fuck all right let's go you're exactly right oh my god oh my god archibos a carboz or carboz or archerbos that's the answer that's correct answer we just were checking so archibos lowers blood sugar oh high five high five should i work in pharmaceuticals apparently you already do jesus love that for me but honey let's talk about the arctabacks okay does he live in the arctic it looks a little like okay it it what would you call he also looks

he looks like a dinosaur looks like a little he looks like a little he looks Like an old man dinosaur. So the other one, the previous one, was like a hardened dragon. It looks like a hard, like hard-edged dragon. And this looks like a cute kind of plump, curvy. Not like curvy, easy. He's got a mustache and a goate though. That's how I see it.

He's got a what? Mustache and a goatee. A mustache and a goatee. Yeah, I kind of see it. He's got facial hair. Fun fact, they can do a flip. But we don't know anything about their habitat. I'm going to say totally polar base because they've got to be.

Arcda. Yeah. They've got to be. Last one for now. Honey, pillar, Pokemon. Listeners, pill or Pokemon. Okay.

Fenitoin. Piploop. I'm gonna say Fenitoen is the pill. Fenitoen, yeah. And I only am re-pronouncing it because I'm like,

if I were a doctor, that's how I'd say that. Fenatoan. Phan. Okay. Croitoa. Right? What's that from?

American Arsor? I was gonna say, that was American Arresto. And then Piplup is definitely a Pokemon. Piplop sounds like a Pokemon. So, but, okay, so, Fenni. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

What is Fennet? Like, it's like, phenolephrine. Phenelephrine. What's that? Wasn't that, like, speed? Was it? I think it was, like, fake speed

that they used to put in, like, pseudafed. And then people were starting making meth out of it. Oh. Maybe it was phenephedrine. Phenelephedrine? Okay, no. Aphedron. Oh.

Oh, that's what it was. Okay. Good one. Ephedrin was what they were making speed out of. And then they were like, pseudafed. No more. No more speed in that shit. Right.

And it was like, then Sudafet became not all that effective because they replaced it with phenolephrine, which apparently doesn't actually, if I trust the pharmacists that I follow on TikTok, just because I love science. Right. I don't love science. But you don't love science. No, I like science. Science doesn't love me. But I'm going to, so, but that's phenolephrine. Fenilephrine is the active ingredient in pseudofed now.

Okay. I'm pretty sure. Okay. What it stands for. I'm going to say phenottoin is something to do with the sinuses. Ooh, okay. All right. The ears, nose, and throat or something associated with the sinus systems.

M-T-Shut. Pipplup is. Yeah, tell me about the Pokemon Pip-Lip. He looks like my dog Chipwich. And we're guessing. So listeners, like we have not revealed yet, we're guessing. He has a big tail that strikes lightning. Pipplop.

Pipplop. Pee-lop. So you know that Pokemon say their own name, right? No, oh, no, I did. Do. Oh, that's really funny. I was just saying, that was me as, like, the trainer, like somebody like PIPLU. Yes.

No, no, no, they like, I think another thing, like I don't know a lot about Pokemon, but I do know that I think a lot of them, not all of them, a lot of them say their own name. Like, like, like, Pikachu. Yeah. Says Pika, Pika, Pikachu. Like, that's how they communicate for whatever reason, right? So I think PIPLup, like, I thought you were acting out. Piplup is something cute, maybe like a flower for a head or a flower on its head. Like, I'm a little Pip-Lup.

Look at me. Oh, that's cute. They're small. They're like, they're like two foot and nothing. So that means you agree with me that you think fennel toin. Is the drug? 100%. Okay.

110%. No, no. I convinced you. No, fuck yourself. Of my logic. As soon as I saw Piplup, I'm like, oh, that's a fucking Pokemon. That's a name. That is a Pokemon name.

You ready for the answers? Yeah. All right, here you go, listeners. The reveal, Piplup is the Pokemon. Phenettoin is the drug. And here's Fennitone. Fennitone is used to manage epilepsy, seizure disorder. Fuck.

So you're... I was so convinced. I do wonder... What is Fenni? I wonder what Fennet means. Yeah, we gotta learn the Latin origin or whatever. What is Fennet mean? P-H-E-N-Y for our listeners.

And then Piplup is really cute. Look at this. That's a penguin. Did I say that? Did I say it looked like my dog Chipwich? Penguin. You know, Disney. Chip Witch is so cute.

This is my weekly. That reminds me. This is my weekly like, oh, I have a story. Because you get seven and I get one. I remember seeing on fucking Reddit or something that like Disney had an old animation guide on how to draw like cute animals. Like like puppy animals. Like, like, you know. What do you mean?

I get seven. Oh, by the way. Yeah, by the way. Oh, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What are you talking? What do you mean? By the ways, yeah. Okay, okay.

My, by the way was, like, I remember seeing this, like, Disney animation guide on how to make cute animals, cute characters. And one of the things they hammered in was big head and big eyes, right? Like, proportionate to the body, the head's got to be like, wait, that's why you love girls with big eyes. Jack loves girls with big eyes. I got to wait. That was my big fucking weakness when I met your dumb ass, because you had these, you're shining

these big old eyes at me. Bing, pink, pink. Oh, she's doing it right now. Damn it. I'm like a real Piplup. I'm transported to that bar in Philly in 2012. December 2012. Damn.

It's like no time's past. Oh, it's like so much time. It's best. She's got a cigarette in one hand and 20 cigarettes in the other hand. No times past, my ass. No, honey, I'm trying to talk about how cute Piplup looks. Okay? Because like it's following the Disney animation guide of like big head,

big eyes, right? Like, oh, me? It's a little penguin. It's a penguin. It's emotional warfare. Yeah, it really is. It's fucked up. And here's the fun fact about Pip-Lup.

This stupid idiot can't walk very well and falls down often. God damn it. They made it cuter. His feet are too big for his body. Too big and too stubby. Oh, that's so fucking cute. They outgrew his body. That's so good.

Oh, my gosh. Well, that is the pill and Pokemon quiz. I learned a lot about medication and Pokemon. I'm going to come up with my own. pill and Pokemon. I hope you do. Do you know what a Cidaminin is? Do I look like I know what a Cidometin is?

Do you know what a Cidamepin is? Not at all. Oh, really? Yes. Clawnite, do you know that? She does. She's smart. She's the smartest one in the house.

Wait. Do you hear that? I hear something. You hear it too. I hear it. What is that? It's Madlips time. Let's go!

As we continue through cancer season, we're trying to channel. Jack, I need you, I need you to be serious right now, okay? I'm always serious. Fuck you. Also, can I have a refill of my rosé? Yeah, the Pinot Noir Rosee.

So good. Uh-huh. I need you to channel your strongest, most spiritual, most connected, cancer self. Okay. Okay. I'm there. If you were a crab, what noise would you make? Hi!

When we, when Jack and I would go to, when we went to Tahiti, we would, every night we would watch the crabs. We'd go like, we brought flashlights with us just specifically to like walk the island to like. Go crab watching. Go crab watching. So fun. And they, they were, I guess you'd call them land crabs. I don't know. Like, because they all burrowed in these holes that they dug all around the island.

And they slowly crawl out. It was so fun. It was so much fun. It was so cute. Anyway, so if you were one of those crabs, you would say, hi, that's what you'd say? I would go, hey, everybody, look at me. Oh, my God.

I disagree, but that's fine. Okay. It's fine. All right, and I thought I nailed it. I'd say they were probably like, what the fuck, bro? I'm trying to, like, be chill, and you're being unchill right now. That ain't me. Okay.

So, I'm going to need you to dial in to your most cancer third eye, okay? All right, dialing in. I'm there. Give me. I'm dialed. An object. Pincushion. It's just fun to say.

It's okay. I have a clown deck in my lap, by the way, so she's... Give me an animal you'd only find in a rainforest. Ooh, a poisonous tree frog. They're little and poisonous. Give me a type of car. Fort Fiesta. Wow.

Give me the name of a reality TV star. Oh, no. No. Amarosa? Gun to my head. Wow. Okay. That's all I got. Give me an adjective or how you might describe a house from hoarders. I'm trying to do better than filthy.

No? How judgmental have you. Fuck you. Yeah. How about disheveled? No. Just write filthy. I don't mind judging.

Give me an adjective. Rude. I'm a hoarder. An adjective. Rigid. Give me a strange habit. Mm. Soap eating.

Eating soap. Okay. I've been told I should shop stop doing it, but it tastes all good. Give me the name of a fast food chain. Wendy's. Give me an adjective. Furry. Come on.

Do better than furry. Fuck y'all. That's so basic. I'm looking at my furry dog. Okay, fine. I want to say soft just because I'm holding a... Come on. All right.

Fine. an adjective. Use your actual brain cells. Okay. I told you to tap into the third eye. You did. You did. I'm sorry.

All right. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Creepy. Creepy. Give me a synonym for the word fight. Fistakuffs? Like the noun or the verb? That's mad lips, John.

Okay. Give me the name of an omnipresent force. Ooh. Is gravity too basic? Nope. Okay. Give me a number. Any number.

20. Give me a superlative adjective. Roundest. Give me what is an item that you own? Keychain. What is an item you want to own? Cybertruck. For real?

No, I don't, no. No, really, do you want me to put that? You want, that's what you want the cancers to feel? Fuck it, put it. Unless you protest, unless you think otherwise. Give me an item you will never own. Heart. It's going to be a good horoscope for cancers.

Give me an item you want to get rid of. Can I say my wife? Yeah. All right, my wife. Boomer. Boomer. I hate wife. Boomer humor.

Give me the name of a reality TV show. Love Island. Really? No, not really. Fear Factor. Okay. She was way more enthused about Fear Factor. Get Cho Rogan back on Fear Factor.

Stop podcasting and just. Give me a React bot saying. Aw. Aw. Aw. He makes me so happy when he says awkward. Please read to us what the spirits have foretold for cancer season, which is, by the way, this is the last. Maybe, well, it depends on if you consider the 22nd Leo or cancer.

Right. So this might be the last of cancer season, but I might extend it if I'm. Bossy. Once upon a time, there was a pincushion who loved a poisonous tree frog. Ooh. But that poisonous tree frog loved a Ford Fiesta. Weird. I don't even think they make those anymore.

I don't think they do either. How did a poisonous tree frog even know what a Ford Fiesta is? No, really, how? The internet. They live in the rainforest. It turned out that the Ford Fiesta was actually in love with Amarosa

What a filthy scene. I told you guys I wanted to hear your drama, okay? And to make matters rigider Amarosa was in love with soap eating. Ew. And had no interest in anything besides soap eating. And being present. of the Wendy's fan club.

I mean, who isn't? It's pretty cool. I mean, you know what? I didn't know there was a fan club, and now I'm going to join. Wendy's is good. They put mustard on the burgers. And the burgers are square. And they're square.

Amarosa has taste. Say what you will about Amarosa. Cancer, if you're not creepy, this could be your future. To help fistacuffs the fates the gravity has chosen, pray 20 times an hour. Wait, that's a lot. That's a lot. And promise them your roundest keychain, cyber truck, and heart. And swear on your wife that you will never watch Fear Factor again.

I mean. That's pretty easy. I think we can swear to that. It's pretty easy. I think we can swear to that. Finish the prayer with awkward. Tadda, fixed your fortune. There we go.

There we go, guys. Wow. Guys. That was a real showstopper of a horoscope. I mean, I think we, this is, I was talking about this last week, but we've got a lot of really bright things happening. You weren't kidding, honey. This is like the season of cancers, the year of cancers. Yes.

The year of cancer. Our cups overfloweth. Oh, I, look at it go. It's overflowing. Oh, no. We got to go. Use your hands. I got to stop the cup it.

I gotta stop. It was great seeing you all. Thank you so much for joining us. I can't wait to see you at the Patreon and on our Dad Hug Me Ten hotline. Please join us. See you soon. Bye.

Until next time, haters.