Erin is the Funny One - Sex Andin The City

Episode Date: January 11, 2026

This week, Erin's written a quiz for Jack about all things "Sex and the City" - specifically, about the couple Miranda (his least favorite character) and Steve (one of his favorites). And if you don't like the quiz, you're gonna HATE the horoscope... Follow Erin and Jack on Instagram:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/2toesup/?hl=en⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/jacksfilms/?hl=en⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To watch Erin Is The Funny One on YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/@jackisanerd⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/erinisthefunnyone Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome aboard via rail. Please sit and enjoy. Please sit and stretch. Steep. Flip. Or that. And enjoy. Via rail, love the way.

Welcome listeners to lucky number 13 of Aaron is the funny one. Are you feeling witchy? Should I? It's not really the witching time of year yet. But Taylor Swift's lucky number is number 13. and this is our 13th episode and she just got engaged. How do you feel about the engagement news?

I feel like she definitely did it on purpose that it was a day after Blake Lively's birthday and they are not friends anymore. You really think she did that to spite Blake Lively. A thousand percent. That's very funny. Yeah. It was like a spite announcement.

Wait, hold on, listen, listen. It was a spite announcement, but at the same time, respectful enough, she did it the day after the birthday and not the day of. But still very intentional. Yes. According to you. I mean,

there's no way they got engaged on a fucking Tuesday. Is it more common to get and announce an engagement on the weekend? Friday, Saturday, Sunday kind of deal? I mean, I don't know. I'm not a celebrity. Like, their schedule is probably so much different than mine. What day of the week did I propose to you? And we announced it the same night, right?

I think it was the day after. The day after. Was that over the weekend? December 29th, 2016. I have no idea. Because it was like that weird time between Christmas and New Year's where there are no days. Uh-huh. Like there's,

every day is a Saturday. So I'm not sure, actually. Well, listeners, feel free to call in. Let us know your feelings on the Taylor Swift. I will. Travis Kelsey engagement. Whoa. Move past anybody that's not critical of it.

Just because I feel like, listen, listen, listen, I'm biased, I'm biased. Is that the energy you want to bring into September? Yes. I feel as though, like I was a big Joe Alwyn Taylor fan. I felt like he was really good for her. Was that the British person? Yes. Okay.

He create, like he basically, first off, he came into her life at a time when she was at her quote unquote lowest of her career because Kim Kardashian tried to like take her down. Oh, I remember that. I say all that kind of with a grain of thought because like she, was by no means unpopular at all. She still had plenty of fans. Anyway, but he then was kind of the focus of the lover album and folklore, which are by far my two favorite albums of hers.

They're good albums. They're great albums. So I'm like, and then once she and Joe broke up, like, she became like the world's worst thirst trap ever where like we can't get rid of her. like she won't go away you know how like they have you know how like they have that the the folk tale it's not a folk tale of like this plastic island in the center of the Atlantic Ocean yeah you're right that's not a folk tale that's but like there's like Pacific the great Pacific up plastic yeah plastic island like there will come a day where there will be an island in the ocean just made of like every single variation of her stupid final track, like albums, like where they've got 50 fucking different versions, if not more. And it's like, honey, stop. You made enough money now. It's good. We're good now. We're good. You can pay your property taxes forever. Like, we're good now for a few thousand lifetimes. So anyway,

and we only get one ocean. We only get one. Hey, there's no, there's no planet B. Am I right, listeners? That's right. Hey guys. Get it? Wait, did you get it? I just got it. Plan it be I married such a smart person Honey no Honey It's time for wine of the week Fine

It's this week we're drinking It's a chardonnay surprise It's Wentee Wentee Wentee Don't you think I feel like this is It's spelled W-E-N-T-E Yes

I kind of feel like this is like an Like idol vice thing Where like the W is pronounced like a V Oh you think So Vente Vente Vente Vente

I don't know I don't know maybe maybe it's Spanish though Bente Wait is it the W in Spanish That has a B sound? What has the B or though that's a V? That's a V yeah

Yeah Oops Same thing Thankfully this is a Two Vs is a VVU B B Bente Hold on shut the fuck out for a second There you go

I just want to demonstrate screw top Screw Top Yeah convenience is king No convenience is queen All right You go first Okay I always get scared with it.

Where'd you get this, by the way? DoorDash. Okay. Sometimes it comes from the local wine store and you know I obsess on how they store their wines. It comes out tasting like grass and shit. Cheers me. It's a chardonnay. Let's see how it stacks.

The last sardinay we tried, I really liked was me, oh my. How much was this? How many doll hairs was this? I think, oh, no, I like that a lot. It's okay. Just south of 20 doll hairs. Okay. I think.

Okay. 1819. Um, okay. This is. It's fine. It's good. It's fine. Maybe it's just because I've abstained from wine the last few days, but I really like this.

Maybe I'm just thirsty for wine, but this gets a four and a half, if not a five out of five for me. It's a central coast California chardonnay. I do love my California chardonnays. It's smooth. Can a wine be smooth? Because this is very smooth. A wine can be smooth, sure. You know, like, I don't know you typically reserve that for like, say, a liqueur.

I don't, this has a bunch of words on it that I don't know what it means. Our family was the first in California to produce a verily. varietyly labeled chardonnay made from our Vente clone. What? But is it like a clone or is it like is that a word for something else? Right. In the wine world. They have clone. Wait, clone is capitalized. What does that mean? It means it's a proper noun. Right. No, yes. Thank you.

Aaron. That grammar list. Today, many of the great shardinay vineyards in California are planted with the Vente, Vente, clone, not capitalized. So there's a clone that's capitalized

and a clone that's not capitalized. I'm so confused. Which originated from our family's estate. This chardonnay has crisp flavors of green apple, tropical fruit, vanilla, and a touch of toasted oak

on the finish. I don't taste any of that guy. I taste the vanilla. I don't. It's fine. It's good. It's not offensive. If you can taste the vanilla

in a wine, I'm a fan of that wine. So I think that's why I like this. I know. And I don't like that part of it. And that's why I'm like, I don't taste that and I'm okay with it.

Sorry, I'll have your glass. Out of five stars, how many stars do you give this one? It's like, um, it's like three and a half. Three and a half. Yeah, typical Aaron. It's pretty good.

A lukewarm three and a half from Aaron and a resounding four and a half, two five from me. Really? Yeah. Yeah, you need to drink more. I'm an F-A-N, baby. Your, you're like standards are just dropping.

Like we're flatlining. My standards. Dead on arrival. Charge. Poo-Boo! Charge! Maybe the fact that this is the 13th episode is bewitching you. Maybe it's the thing that Michael Scott does where he's like scanning for life.

Yeah, yeah, he's waving his hand slowly in front of people, right? Yeah. Disagree entirely. But that's fine. Honey, I've been very busy. I am very excited for today's quiz, just so you know. Okay. We're going to get to there.

I want to speed run through these hotline calls. Okay. Because as much as I love the hotline. I love the hotline. You just want to get to the quiz? Well, I do want to get to the quiz because I'm an eager little baby. No.

Cut that. Gross. What? No, keep it in. Overruled. I was speaking about thinking once it came out of my mouth, I was like, ew. Wait, what? What did I just say?

But I'm an eager little beaver on the quiz. I'm very excited. It's something that you love dearly. And I wrote it. it myself. Oh, you did. Yes, and it's just for you. I'm actually really excited. Okay. All right, but I do want to play a third anyways. Doesn't matter. Okay. Nobody cares. Nobody cares. Do you guys care? Text me if you care. Oh, yes, by the way, we have a hotline. It's dad hug me 10. Like, if you want to text in or call and leave a voicemail, dad hug me 10. Your voicemails are

very funny. I have a lot of fun listening to people trying to like, oh wait, can I redo that? and then realizing, no, wait, it's Eschen here forever. We have a lot of people leaving very embarrassing voicemails. Jack is very good at listening to the voicemails, and I am very good at replying the text. Yes. No, Aaron is the queen of replying, and I'm the king of listening. Speaking of, here, I got some voicemails for you.

So I have a moral conundrum for you. Ooh, I love those. Let's say you have a button in front of you. and if you pressed it, just a million people would die. Okay. Press it? I don't know. Hell yeah.

Usually there's also a benefit to pressing the button. It's not just a con. Sir, sir, are you scanning for life? Beep. So that made me get good. I really I really likes that one It's a great moral conundrum Okay, so honey, the way I understand this quiz

It's it centers specifically on one of my favorite And one of my least favorite characters That's right, Jack Phil. Oh God, okay We are giving you the Sex and the City quiz About Miranda and Steve Steve, hey Miranda All right, Jack How prepared do you feel?

How prepared do I feel? How well do you think you know these characters you've judged so intensely? Sure. I know they're like core tenets pretty well. In terms of trivia and facts and like, what was the name of the first man, Miranda dated on season two? Like, no, zero. In terms of vibes. In terms of energy, 100%.

Like I know Miranda and I hate her. And I know Steve. And I love Steve. You're a disgusting man trash, okay? No, no, I'm sure listeners Back the way up And see Miranda and see the good qualities in her Like just tells me how much of a misogynist fuck you are

It's not misogyny She's just a ghoul She's it's she's You're disgusting Because I love the other three girls All right, let's do a warm up round Yeah, warming up honey What's Miranda's last name?

Sings How many fucking hours of fucking sex of the city, have you watched? Well, they don't bring up her last name very often. All the time. Constantly. They never say it. All the time.

Miranda. Wait, isn't it like Hobbs? It is Hobbs. Holy shit, I got that. Okay. What's Steve's last name? Um, I love him. Steve, Steve.

Ah, it's me, Steve. Adorable. I don't, I don't. You don't know Steve's last name. Does he have a last name? Yes, he has a fucking last name. Is it also a ha-ha? No. I'll just take yours, Miranda.

Um, what's his last name? I don't know his last name. Brady. Oh, right, because they named their kid Brady, right? That's spoiler alert. Oh, my God. All right. Are Brady, Brady? Like Mario, Mario. Like the Brady bunch. Uh, all right. Are you ready? Yeah, hit me, baby. You feeling good? You feeling good? You feel warmed up. You feeling, you feeling, you feeling, you feeling. Ew. Why'd you have to say lubricated? Because that's ready. That's what, no, no. God, that's a real Samantha thing to say. Okay. I'm lubricated. All right. You know?

Question one. Yeah. What city do they travel to for Miranda's mom's funeral? Shit. I was hoping it was what city does the show take place in? Like, I know this one. I got it. Wait, Miranda's mom.

Passed away. Yeah. Okay. Okay. I think I got this. Hamptons, right? Wait, no. Is it out of state?

Is it outside New York? Why would I take it? tell you. Because you love me and you're a loving life. The Hamptons, by the way, it's not a city. It should be. It's not a city. I know they go to the Hamptons.

Okay. Because I feel like... What did they go to the Hamptons to do, Jack? Did Miranda go to the Hamptons too? They had access to a house in the Hamptons, right? Like, someone was like, oh, just go to my house in the Hamptons. Was it Samantha? Because she's kind of a girl boss too.

Samantha's totally a girl boss. You know what I mean? Yeah. Anyways, we're getting off topic, Aaron. Can we please stick with the question at hand. What city do they travel to for Miranda's mom's funeral? Damn, and I thought the summer I'd turn pretty was the dead mom show. Not funny.

Nothing? No, no. Did you hear the echoes? Not I nor anybody listening laughed at that. Not a one. The city, I think it's Boston. I think they go to Boston. They go to Boston?

Yeah. Guess where they go. Is it in New York? Is it like Albany? It's fucking Philadelphia. Oh. Well, Miranda is from the Philadelphia area, making it one more thing I have in common with her. Miranda's from Philly, or the Philly area?

Yeah, yeah. I know I didn't like her for a reason. Yeah. Damn it. But it's called sex in the city. Wait, is it, I always do this. Philadelphia is a city, Jack. Wait, time out.

I do this all the time, right? Like, I always stop myself. Is it sex and the city and not sex in the city? It's sex and. Okay. Amper stamp. Right. Oh.

Just like Penn and Teller where they made that Amperstam really famous. I should remember that. The city. S-A-T-C. Because the city is like a character in its own right. Oh my God. Okay. You're an idiot.

By the way, I was just re-watching. You're zero for one. I was just re-watching this amazing comedy movie. Nobody cares. They came together with Paul Rudd and what's your name, Amy Poehler. And nobody cares. And at some point, like. I'm trying to fast forward to making you.

look like a dumb dumb. They're talking about their love story to another couple, played by Bill Hater and someone else. Why did you point at me as if I would care about that? Because you love Bill Hater. He's fine. Yeah. And Bill Hater's like, wow, it's almost like New York City was itself a character in

your love story. It's so good. It's so fucking good. Okay, bitch. Yeah. Hit me. All right. I'm going to try to like kind of go in order here a little bit.

I'm going to try to do like Miranda focus and then Steve focus. Love that. I love that. I love that for me. Or maybe like Miranda and then Miranda and Steve, et cetera. Can you do your Miranda impression? I'm a lawyer. She's, what you're not seeing, listeners, is her kind of bobbing her head around.

Like that's, also just say the word no a lot and that's kind of Miranda. Shut the fuck up. All right. She's awful. Question two. In the beginning of the series. Uh-oh. Miranda has an on again, off again relationship.

Oh, no. Do you remember this man? Is it kind of like a little twerpy man? Sure. Oh, gee. What was his first name? Billy. It was something...

Wasn't... Was he the guy who, like, they tried to make, like, a regular character? Yes. And then he never took off. Because nobody wanted him to be a regular character. Nobody wanted that. He was kind of, like, he was a nice guy.

You know what I mean? He was a nice. He was the ultimate nice guy. He was like, why isn't anyone like me? No one's going to like me. I'm a nice guy. Like, he was that guy before that was a normalized term. Yes.

Because didn't the show start in like the late 90s? Yeah, I think so. Yeah. That's why Billy. Just I don't know. Like what's a nice guy name? I'm Billy. It's worse than Billy.

It's worse than Billy. Fuck. In fact, I have known female characters be named this as well. Oh, Christ. Okay. Okay. I mean, Billy kind of works. Billy Elish.

Billy, then it's not Billy. It's Tommy. Does it start with the T? No. Or B. No. No. Evan

Miranda could never like me Because my name's Gilligan Gilligan No it's not Gilligan What's his name? Skipper Skipper's stuff

For once I'm on Miranda's side Don't you want to know who the girl is That's also named Skipper? Oh that the character Yeah You know a female skipper Yeah Can you think of a female skipper

Besides, wait No The skipper from Gilligan's Island Was that Was there a skipper? Yeah, the skipper to... No, that was a... I don't fucking know.

Barbie's kid sister. What? How the fuck was I supposed to know that, Aaron? How... Everybody knows that. No. Everybody knows Barbie and her kid sister, Skipper. Listeners, back me up if you're like, no, I didn't know Barbie's fucking kid sister's

name Skipper. Fucking everybody knows that. That's not true. That is everybody knows that. I'll... And the redhead is midge. I'm sorry. Say that again.

Say that again. The redhead is midge. The redhead is midge. In Barbie universe? You mean like the redheaded version of Barbie is midge? Well, her friend is midge. She's not a version of Barbie.

She's a version of Midge. She's a virgin? What are you saying, Erin? And her name is Midge. That's a terrible thing to call it a dog. Mom, can I go and play with Midge? Right? It doesn't work.

Question three. What can I say? I'm a sex in the city pro. Where did Miranda, aka Midge? Where did Miranda go to law school? Oh, she was one of those Harvard girlies.

Ding, ding, ding, ding. Holy shit. Wow. Stap in the dark. All right. You're one for three. I'll take it. I'll take it.

That's a passing grade in some schools. Did she talk about that a lot? she like bring that up a lot? She wears a sweatshirt that says Harvard law. God, I fucking hate her. Fucking hate her. Hey, she earned it. She paid those bills, baby.

What was Miranda's housekeeper's name? Oh, come on. Because there was also Midge. She was, okay, so, Miranda's housekeeper. What do you know about Miranda's housekeeper? So, she was Russian, right? No, I don't think so. Was she like Eastern European?

She was something. I don't know what, though. I think she was Eastern European. She had like some Eastern European accent, right? I don't know. I don't feel comfortable categorizing her accent. Yeah, okay. Pop off, Queen.

Go ahead and racially profile people, Jack. Please. No, she was, she would. Please be my guest. She would walk around and be like, I will fix. You know, like. Christ almighty. Men are trash.

Oh my God. I'm trying to repeat what I know. about Midge, the Eastern European housekeeper employed by Miranda. And her name, she was an interesting character because she would try to force her religious ways on Miranda. Wow, I can't believe you remember that. Yeah, she would try to smuggle in like the Mother Mary candle, right? Like where Miranda kept her dildo and her like, this is real, by the way.

You know where I'm going with this? I cannot believe you remember this. Okay. Things I remember. No, there's like a Miranda, you know, goes for her,

you know, trusty old, her only friend, a fucking dildo and just like, in her, her bedside, you know, drawer,

she pulls it out. But instead of her, you know, faithful companion, it's a mother Mary, uh, candle, like holy candle.

No, it's not. It's not a candle. It's like a little figurine. Oh, okay, okay, okay.

Yeah. Got it. But it, it was the Holy Mary. And that was, that was, that happened. Or the Virgin Mary,

whatever. Right. The Virgin Mary, yeah. And her housekeeper did that. So I'm trying to like talk my way, you know, like into the answer here, right? Yeah. So she goes, Midge? No, like Miranda.

Miranda pulls out the Virgin Mary sculpture and she says, Ethel, like what's a fucking like old housekeeper name? I actually now want to look up where she's from. She goes, yeah, yeah, please look up where the housekeeper is. Hold on. Let me find it. I hope to God, I'm right. I said Eastern Europe. Was she Greek maybe?

Hold on. Was it like Marta? Oh, she died. Oh, yeah. She died in 2020, right before the pandemic. She never got to see the pandemic. Or, and just like that, the sequel series. Or I'm just like that.

Which honestly, I mean, good for her. Good for her. Okay, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. She was like, Miranda's like, what did she, what did she scream when her dildo was replaced by the Virgin Mary? What did she say? She was like, Ethel. What was her fucking name? Midge, Skipper.

Can you give me the first? Oh, okay. Hit me. She was Ukrainian. What I fucking say. I don't. I fucking rule. Can we give me the first letter of her name?

M. Midge. Magda. Magda. Yes. Oh my gosh. Let's go. All right.

So we're two for four. Thank you for letting me, um, stumble my way into that answer. You're so welcome. I will fix. Okay, hold on. Beep, beep. What can I say?

I know my sex in the city. Okay. All right. What holiday? Oh, yeah, let's go. Did Miranda confess to Carrie that she ruined her marriage to Big?

Guess what, bitch? Not only do I know the answer. Uh-huh. I know the episode, quote unquote, this is from. Okay. It's from the Sex and the City movie. That's right.

Not the first one, the good one. Okay. And it's motherfucking Valentine's Day. Wait, what did you just say? Not the first one. I said the good one. The first one. Maybe I stumbled over my words, but it's the good one, the first movie.

Okay. It was Valentine's Day because she's with Carrie. It happens to be Valentine's Day. There are like balloons and graffiti everywhere. And then she makes that faux, Miranda makes the most, most fucking ghoulish faux pa. ruins the mood. And I think this poor fucking waiter comes in and like, you know,

makes it even worse trying to like pour serve wine, pour wine. Anyways, the answer is V. Valentine's Day, final answer. Bonus points. Yes. Do you remember what she said to big? Miranda said to big. What Miranda said to big.

She said, I curse the day you were born. No, I'll tell you what she says. I'll tell you what she said to big. Memory Palace, don't fail me now. I don't, you know what, I don't remember what she says to big, or what she said to big. Because you're going to have to watch it again to find out. Okay. I'm even going to tell me.

If not for me, do it for the listeners. You two are crazy for getting married. Marriage ruins everything. When did she say that to big? She said, you two are crazy or were crazy? Are. Remember, they hadn't gotten married yet, Jack. Right, right.

He stood her up at the altar. So this is before he stood her up? Why else would it have really? ruin their marriage. Were you watching? Like, why do I not remember this? At the rehearsal dinner? It would have to have been that. Or no, it was got it. It was outside. It was outside of the restaurant of the rehearsal dinner. Right. That's right. Let's fucking go. I know my second. Give me bonus points. Do you know what stirred her that made her say that to him? This is before Steve cheated or she knew about Steve cheating, right? You tell me. You know what? Why else would she have said that? Yeah. Right. It would have to

been, right? Steve came to the rehearsal dinner at and she had just found out that he had cheated. And that's what stirred her to say that. Yeah, so I'm right. You have just... Give me bonus bonus points. No, you have just earned yourself another watch of the Sex and City movie. Oh, no, poor me. Okay.

I'll go to sleep faster. It's great for that. Shut the fuck up. All right. I'm acing this quiz. I've got five... Actually, I've got five official questions left. Yeah.

But I've got an extra hard bonus round. I love it. That if you don't get them right, you get Nuggies. Okay. Don't get me Nuggies. Nogies! Okay. Now we're on to the...

Steve part. It's high school all over again. How did, nay, where did Miranda and Steve originally meet? Yeah, I'll tell you, baby. They met at Steve's bar. What do you mean, Steve's bar? It's my bar. It's my bar.

I work at it. So he was bartender. Miranda goes up and she's like, I'll have a gin and tonic or whatever. And he goes, please. She's like, what? He's like, I'll have a gin and tonus. Please. I'm pretty sure she was drinking white wine, but that's fine.

Oh, she was. Yeah, you're right. She was an alcoholic. One more thing. No, that didn't come until later. I know. I know. But one more thing, she and I haven't come in.

But yeah, boom. Okay. Yes, that's correct. Except, you're incorrect. Steve did not own that bar. Oh, he didn't? He was just working at that bar. I thought he did.

Okay. He later went on to own a bar. Got it. Okay. But that was not the bar that he owned. Okay. Whatever. I'm mostly right, which is all I care about.

I'm going to give you a half point. No, you're going to give me a full point. I'm going to give you a half point. I'm going to. You did not. You made the mistake. You made the fucking mistake of adding more detail that you said he owned that bar. But he wanted to own a bar.

That's close enough. No, it's not. Steve. Who did Steve own, co-own a bar with? Ooh. Now we're talking. Was it Miranda's ex? Keep going.

Yeah. Skipper. Not skipper. Didn't she? Is it the same? Okay, did Steve co-own a bar with Miranda's ex who, like, moved into her apartment complex and they had a little trist for like a hot second. And then they had a bad falling out.

You're talking about Robert. He was the doctor for the New York Knicks. Yeah. Is that not correct? You tell me, Jack. I don't know. Because I could also see... I love that you've paid so much attention that you know all of Miranda's relationships.

Like, it sounds like maybe you don't hate Miranda as much as you claim to hate her. I can also see this with Charlotte's hubby. What's Charlotte's hubby's name? Yeah, was that like Anthony? No. No? No. That's Charlotte's Bestie.

I know, I know, I know. Okay, hold on. Charlotte's husband's name. Second husband. Trey or Troy. Trey. Trey. I'll give you that.

What was his fucking name? Some fan you are. I know. I can't remember his name. His name's Harry. Harry. Harry. We like Harry.

Yeah, did he, did Steve try to... You tell me. That's the question. Who did Steve co-own a bar with? Harry, final answer. Wrong. Aidan Shaw. Carries X.

Oh, I should have gotten Aiden. Damn it. Bonus points. What was the bar called? Stephen Aiden's. Okay. What was it called? I'm not telling you.

What the fuck? Tell the viewers. I'll tell you later. Tell the listeners now. I'll tell them later. Wow. Who did Steve cheat on Miranda with? No.

Okay, okay. Was it their babysitter? I don't know, Jack, was it? It was someone, like, it was someone young. Oh. Right? Like, wasn't it like... How young, Jack?

Where's your head going? No, no, no. I thought, like, I feel like maybe I'm completely mismuram, miss Mirandaing right now. Yeah, uh, uh, it's within your Miranda rights to do so. Shut the fuck out. But I feel like that was part of his defense when he was, like, when he's trying to, like, you know, beg for her. forgiveness. Like, she was X number of years old. It didn't mean anything. It happened seven times

max, you know? By the way, I'm just realizing that a Steve impression is just a Columbo impression, but higher pitched, right? Like, just one more thing. Like this Columbo, you go like, it just, I just one more. Just one more thing. Miranda. Yeah, that's all it is. It's just a higher pitch, Columbo. All right. Steve, um, I think, I think it was their 19 year old baby. final answer. Fuck. We actually don't know who he cheated on her with. He just said he cheated.

So what fucked up shit is going on in your head that you've now replaced something with a 19 year old babysitter? So like here's how. We did not know the age nor the person. Okay. Okay. Here's what's going on in my head. Steve is such an angel.

He can do no wrong. So the only way, only way. Is somebody who's barely legal while he's 50 fucking. years old. K. Not 50. He was fucking 50. Close to it.

No. Not. Close fucking to it. Well, I pull that number and profession from somewhere. If you were 40, would it be any better? It'd be just as weird. It'd be much better. It meant nothing.

Miranda. How many times? You should have seen. Here, bonus question. How many times did he cheat on Miranda? I think there's just the one time. Okay, moving on. Boom.

That means I'm right. And you don't want to admit that. You thought you would bamboozle me. little trick question. Nice fucking try. Remember when you mentioned earlier in this episode that Miranda was a ghoul because she didn't like the puppy? I still stand by that. Did they get the puppy?

What do you mean? Did they get the puppy? As opposed to what? Throw it in the river? Like, did they get the puppy? She was like against getting a puppy and Steve wanted the puppy. Did they get the puppy? Of course, because a fucking sane human isn't going to be like, put it back in the pound. That's what she was trying to do. She's all.

Wow. She's awful. They weren't at the pound. They were on a fucking pet shop. You're not doing a very good job defending the worst character in television. It is very easy to put the dog back when it's a pet shop, not the pound, not a kill shelter, okay? No, Miranda wanted to take it to the kill shelter. Did they get the dog?

Yeah, of course. What did they name the dog? They named the dog, Brady. Okay. All right. What did they name the dog? I should know this. I should know this.

What did they name the dog? So the little dog, all right, memory palace, you failed me a lot tonight. Do you remember what kind of? Like, okay, describe what did the dog look like? What did the dog look like? I don't need the breed. Just give me the type of, like, what color was the dog? I want to say brown or white?

And I don't know. I don't fucking remember. Okay, so it was a beagle. Okay, so it's the name is Shiloh. Okay, so far we've got a beagle named Shiloh. What else we got? First off, it was not named Shiloh. I saw that movie.

Okay. I don't think it was a beagle either. I don't fucking know. I don't know. You said brown and white. First thing I thought it was beautiful. Sure. Sure. And it could be a beagle. But let me get the name right. Skipper Midge. Steve. Maybe it was just Steve. Magda? Did they name the dog after their favorite housekeeper magda? That would be really confusing when Miranda just shouts, magda. Who made this mess? That'd be really confusing. It was other magda. I swear. Right. Right. Right. That's what she said. It was all their neck. God damn. What a shame.

This is what and just like that could have been. It could have been so fucking good. It could have been incredible. May it rest. May it rest. Yeah, dude. No, it died as soon as the first episode air. That shit died and died hard and ugly.

Oh, man. Okay, I'm sorry. The dog's name was Spot. What was the dog's name? Give me the first letter of the dog's name. S. You're not that far off. Scout.

Scout. Scout. It was scout. I know it was scout. I knew the whole time. I was just fucking pulling your leg. I would watch a spinoff called Scout and Magda. Okay, that one I'm also going to give you a half point because you asked for the first letter and that doesn't count.

These little half points. Okay. You're dumb enough to give it to me. Wait, I will let you. I will let you gain the other half point back. Thank you. Miranda also had a cat. Did you know that?

Actually did not know that, but she absolutely screams cat person. I'm not I have no memory of her having a cat But I'm not surprised in the slightest She's the kind of banchy To also like love cats And nothing and no one else What was the cat's name?

Satan I don't know Like Then you only get a half point You don't get any You get a half point for the dog Okay hold on The cat's name was Was meowskers

Um No it was probably Harvard Something shitty like that It's actually no lie a hilarious name hilarious how i don't know if i met somebody if i met somebody that had a cat named this i would honestly i'd be like that's actually really funny and i think i want to be friends with that person pisser no what was the cat's name fatty fatty okay because i call my dog's fatties all the time that doesn't really no that's a good cat name that doesn't make me like miranda

anymore he fatty come your fatty that's a fun pet name that's a very fun it's a fun pet name Dude, we fat shame our dogs all the time, and it's so much fun. It's fun because they're not fat. Well, we've got beefy. We call it, no, when I say fat shame, I mean, every time Sunday, like, walks to us, we call her beefy. Beefy. Because she looks like a little, like Winston Churchill.

She also, like, her legs, her front legs are, like, bowed out. Right, right. So she looks like, like, like a Mario. They're turned in that way. Brom, bomb, bomb, bomb, bam, bam. Right. Like, what even? From like Super Mario 3 or whatever from the.

Nintendo, like the OG. Like the boss music, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Her arms are out like a fucking, like she's like a sumo wrestler. Oh. She's so funny. Beefy. Beefy.

So we fat shamed her by calling her beefy and she loves it. She loves it. She gets excited. She's like, beefy. Me? That's right. Every time. She loves it.

So don't, you know. But yeah, she had a cat named Fatty. That's a great name. It was cute. Still hate Miranda. Okay. All right. Last question, Jack.

You've been doing horribly. It's quite embarrassing. I think 10 times better than I expected. So that's all I care about. That's my metric. Against the odds. Miranda and Steve consummated their love for one another. Ew, Aaron.

And made love that resulted in having a baby. Why are you talking about sex and sex in the city? What were the odds that were working against Miranda and Steve? So I know there was that one weekend where, like, they got away, Steve's like, Miranda, let's get out of here. That was their honeymoon, Jack.

That was her honeymoon? Yes. She was awful. Like, this is why she's a band. She was awful on their fucking honeymoon. Because the entire time, she's like, I just want to be alone. No, no.

No, that wasn't what happened. He wouldn't stop hounding her for sex. And it turns out... It's a honeymoon. Who gives a fuck? You're allowed to not want to have sex 24-7 on a honeymoon. Yeah, but she did it in like a ghool. way. No, she didn't. She ran out to the woods so she wouldn't have to disappoint him.

But who does let on their honeymoon? Who runs away from their fucking life partner on their heart? I tried to drown in the ocean and my plan didn't work. I wouldn't let you, babe. God, this 4.5 to 5 out of 5 wine is so good. It's making me better at sex in the city. So, what was working against them in terms of having a kid? Yes, for both Miranda and Steve. What was working against them? Did Magda keep peeking in going, you fucking yet? No, because remember they had premarital sex? They weren't married when Brady was conceived.

You know what? I didn't remember that. Thank God you're not quizzing me about the specifics of that. Because Miranda actually did not want to go through with the pregnancy at first. And then when she went to the clinic, she changed her mind. I don't remember that at all. Sounds like one of the less interesting B plots. But there were, Steve was facing a health issue.

and Miranda was facing a health issue, which is why they were in the act, I think it was a surprise to everybody and mostly Miranda and Steve that... A bit of a whoopsie, baby. Yes, yes. Okay, what was that? Was it, was it, was it cancer? You tell me. I don't think so, because Miranda had, I mean, sorry, because Samantha had cancer.

I don't think, I feel like they wouldn't do it twice in the show. Steve, did Steve have like a low sperm count? I'm going to say Steve had a low sperm count because I really don't remember this, this tidbit of the show, honey. But Miranda also had a health ailment. What was hers? Right.

Besides being a ghoul. Her health ailment, let's get serious for a moment, if we could. Please. This is what I've been wanting. She was overworked at her own. She had the shingles. Oh my god, you really are, Miranda.

I don't, okay, she had a wicked headache. What was it? What health ailments did they have that made having a kid unlikely or whatever? Steve lost a testicle due to testicular cancer. I don't remember that. And Miranda had a lazy ovary. So he had one testicle and she had a lazy ovary. Right.

So the odds of them having a kid were kind of low and then... And then she got pregnant. Because they were fucking... Anyway, you got one out of ten. That's not true! That's true. That's not true. All right, I'll give you half, one and a half out of ten.

That's not fucking true. Congratulations, you failed. I'll give you... Here are your two bonus questions. I want a bonus... Yeah. When Steve and Miranda were going to decide the fate of their relationship, where did their couples therapists suggest that they mean?

meet and why. Okay, I know this one. First, you're referring to, again, not an episode, but the first and best sex and the city movie. Sure. Their therapist suggested they meet in the middle of the bridge. Which bridge? There are so many.

New York Bridge, of course. The New York Bridge. No, the Lincoln Bridge. No, that's a tunnel. The Lincoln Bridge Tunnel. The Brooklyn Bridge. And why? Because it was exactly halfway between both of their locations at the time.

I think it was less about it being exactly halfway and more about one being in Manhattan, the other being in Brooklyn. But I'll give you that, okay? Thank you. What was the name of the person that Miranda ended her marriage with Steve for? Che? Che what? Che.

Give me a second. Guares? No. Che. If you don't know this, you fail completely. You get zero points. Chee. This is the most important question on the quiz.

It's really not. It is. Nobody, nobody liked Chee. Doesn't matter. They're the most important and hilarious character. Hilarious how? Their stand-up fucking sucked. Hilarious in the fact that they thought that that was going to be like, like the writers thought that that was like a good idea.

Oh my God. And the writers kept like giving the material for like all of their epic comic. stand-up and it was just so bad oh my god i wanted to hurl tomatoes at this character that the writers were like this is epic and topical and just what just what viewers want um chay chay oh i should know this you should know this chay dyes you failed you get a zero thank you for playing come back next week for the charlotte and carry quiz good job. That was really, really fun. Thank you. It was really, really fun. Thank you for humiliating me on them. But in a really, in the best way possible. But guess what? It's my turn. It's my turn

to have some fun with you. Because guess what? It is still Virgo season. And I have a kind of- Can we make it back to cancer season yet? No. We have a themed horoscope for all the Virgo listeners out there. Okay. And it's, I feel like it's nearly done. It just needs, you know what? It needs a woman's touch. You're right. So honey, could you help me out in completing this week's horoscope for all of our Virgo listeners? I'm ready. Give me a greeting. Bonjour. Yeah. Give me, what's an insult you call someone? It's like, yeah. Like get out of here. You, don't let me see you here again, you, blank. Epitome of mediocrity. Perfect. A little wordy, but it'll do. What is a color that you hate. I don't know that I care for a short truce. Give me a, any body part. Inside and outside?

Yeah. Rib. Perfect. Um, could I have a comparative adjective? Something that's like, you know. Easier. Right. Okay. Sluttier? That's actually on the nose. Uh, give me a city. Philadelphia. Give me a public place of business. Like restaurant, bar, library, something like that. Wall Street? Not so much a proper noun. Okay. Gymnasium? Perfect.

That's very good, actually. Oh, this is going to be a really good horoscope Virgos. Okay. What's an animal you'd find in an aquarium? Accidentally or on purpose. Aaron. Fuck. No.

I'm not going to answer that. Beluga whale. Thank you. God damn it. I can see you straightening your glasses as you. Um, actually, only are on purpose. Or perhaps porpoise. Fuck you.

Does chum count? Too late. Give me an I-N-G verb. Lolling? Like L-O-L-L-L-L-L-E? Sure. Sure. Okay, bear with me.

Imagine one of your work friends just got pregnant and you weren't really expecting it. What's the first thing you would think to? yourself. Hmm. Okay. Just knee jerk. That sucks. Cool.

Give me any adjective. Sharp. Give me a trait, like a personality trait noun. Witty. Give me another. Cunning. Give me another. Fat.

Perfect. How is being fat a personality trait? You had denied my first three, so I just started naming things. Well, you'll see why. Maybe. Maybe you won't. You're not that smart. Give me a family relation.

Grand nephew. Perfect. Yep. Okay. Here you go. I need four physical traits. So give me one at a time. Give me a physical trait.

Blonde. Yes. Give me another physical trait. Ugly. Incredible. Give me another physical trait. Weathered. Incredible.

One final physical trait. Leathery. I have one last one. What is something you would say at a funeral? Whose funeral? Is that the thing you would say? No. I need context.

Am I sad or am I happy? No, you're sad. You're sad. It's not too close to you, but like a friend of a friend. And you care about your friend. Will wine be served at the luncheon? That's pretty cold heart if that's the first thing you would say. All righty, let me go through this Virgo horoscope real quick.

sure all the planets align, et cetera, et cetera. Okay. Are you ready, honey? I'm ready. All righty. Virgo. Bonjour. Epidemi of mediocrity.

Okay. That is Virgo after all. Whoa. This week's gonna be nuts, particularly for all my chartreuse ribbed sisters out there. Wow. Speaking of sisters, you'll be sluddier than Samantha out of Philadelphia Gymnasium. But you'll also be a real beluga whale in the office, like my girly murek. Aaron, what does that mean?

I love that we didn't even talk about having a Sex of the City themed episode, and yet here we are. But on the weekend, you'll be lolling Charlotte's famous catchphrase, that sucks. Classic Charlotte. Then you'll end your sharp week by writing. the perfect email with all the wit, charm, and fatness of who I consider to be my spiritual grandnephew, Carrie. Hmm. Yes, ma'am, this week you'll be all for Sex and the Cities.

Wow. The blonde one. The ugly one. Oh, my God. and even the super leathery one. Good luck out there, Virgos. And like Samantha would say, will wine be served at the luncheon?

Classic Samantha. Damn. All right. Do with that what you will, Virgo's. I'm jealous, Virgo. I wish my week was going as well as yours, it sounds like. You're going to be all four sex of the cities. That's so sick.

I mean, people make podcasts about you shit. That's how cool this is going to get. Thank you guys for listening. Call me. Dad Hug Me 10. You know my number. I love to talk late at night. Oh God. Can we bring those commercials back? Remember those commercials where it's like, one nine hundred. It's two dollars a minute. Yeah, exactly. Bring that back. Also, also just for for survey sake, would you pay two dollars a minute to talk to me just wondering for just just, Honey, I love you. I'm just putting feelers out there.

I wouldn't pay two dollars. I wouldn't talk to you for $2. I wouldn't even talk to you at all. That's too much. God damn. We also have a Patreon though. Speaking of, we got a really good, a couple of bonus episodes just for patrons

and of course, jumbo-sized versions of all these podcast episodes, only on patreon.com slash jack's films. I'm not going to lie last week's episode. I talked about, I went into major detail about how, how I've been conversing and might be, you know, leaving Jack film for somebody who's has their falconry license. Yeah. So.

Yeah. It's pretty rough stuff. I've been corresponding with on the Dead Hug Me Ten hotline. So anyway, follow me on Patreon if you want to get, you know, updates on my love life as I plan to leave Jack's films. I'm trying to get those updates too because she's being awfully squirrely about them. Is that an animal joke? Peluga whale in the awful.

Text me your animal photos. All right. Love you guys so much. Thanks so much for listening and we will see you next week. Until next time, haters.