Escaping the Drift with John Gafford - Escaping the Drift - The Weekly Drop: Anchoring in Values Through Life's Turbulence

Episode Date: January 23, 2025

Strolling through the vibrant Atlanta nightlife, I was once basking in the glow of running the city's hottest nightclub, a realm where every door opened effortlessly. But a high-profile incident shuttered that chapter and with it, my identity seemed to collapse. Join me on a poignant exploration into the shifting sands of identity, as I recount how losing that role forced me to reexamine what truly defines us. My dear friend Steve Sims's courageous battle against cancer further echoes this journey, as he wrestles with the changes chemotherapy has wrought upon his own sense of self.   In this week's episode of The Weekly Drop, we unpack how tying ourselves to transient roles or activities can lead to a crisis when those things inevitably change. Through personal stories and shared experiences, we delve into the pivotal role core values play in anchoring our true selves amidst the turbulence of life. Embrace this opportunity to reflect on your own core values and discover how they can serve as a compass to authenticity, guiding you through life's uncertainties with resilience and grace.   💬 Did you enjoy this weekly drop? Tell us all about it in the comment section below!    ☑️  If you liked this video, consider subscribing to Escaping The Drift with John Gafford  ************* 💯 About John Gafford: After appearing on NBC's "The Apprentice", John relocated to the Las Vegas Valley and founded several successful companies in the real estate space.   ➡️ The Gafford Group at Simply Vegas, top 1% of all REALTORS nationwide in terms of production. Simply Vegas, a 500 agent brokerage with billions in annual sales Clear Title, a 7-figure full-service title and escrow company.   ➡️ Streamline Home Loans - An independent mortgage bank with more than 100 loan officers. The Simply Group, A national expansion vehicle partnering with large brokers across the country to vertically integrate their real estate brokerages.   *************   ✅ Follow John Gafford on social media:   Instagram ▶️ / thejohngafford   Facebook ▶️ / gafford2   🎧 Stream the new Weekly Drop here: Listen On Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/7cWN80gtZ4m4wl3DqQoJmK?si=2d60fd72329d44a9 Listen On Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/escaping-the-drift-with-john-gafford/id1582927283    *************   #weeklydrop #johngafford #Atlantanightlife #nightclub #identity #highprofileincident #SteveSims #cancer #chemotherapy #corevalues #authenticity #resilience #grace #transientroles #changes #crisis #uncertainties #personalstories #sharedexperiences #pivotrole #anchor #turbulence

From the podcast that gets you from where you are to where you want to be escaping the drift. This is the weekly drop with John Gafford. No matter what platform you're watching or listening to us on, make sure you like, subscribe and comment. And now the drop. Welcome back to the program everybody. This week on the weekly drop, we are talking about core values, what they mean, why you should have them. So I was just surfing through the old interwebs as I do sometimes. And I ran across a post by my good friend, Steve Sims, who is fighting a battle with cancer right now.

He is aggressively fighting it. I like to say that he's winning. It looks like he's winning, but he's kind of in those throws where a lot of his identity and what his post about was today was about losing his identity and what his post about was today was about losing his identity to chemo and he says my identity was always kind of wrapped up

in riding motorcycles and drinking whiskey and having a goatee well right now obviously because I'm in the hospital I can't ride motorcycles and I can't drink whiskey and because the chemo now my goatee is falling out so everything that I would have said is my identity is now gone away. And I wanted to kind of take that a little bit further than what Steve said today. And because I tell a story in my book, which is when I talk about being very careful with what you make your identity out to be, and especially what you can't do is make what you do your identity

I tell a story in my book that's coming out where I talk about many moons ago, I was Running a very hot nightclub in Atlanta. I mean Esquire magazine had called us the number one nightclub in the United States It was a very swanky spot and then because of some random, you know swanky spot and then because of some random you know grains of sand coming through the hourglass the world turning a certain way the butterfly effect whatever it was we had a very high profile crime that happened at the club and it put it out of business and when the club was going I remember there was not one door that was shut to me in Atlanta I could go to any restaurant any

table any bar in nightclub and everything was always comped. The ropes always opened, and whatever I wanted was always provided because I was the guy running the coolest spot in town. And there was a new bar opening up downtown in Midtown in Atlanta. My friend Ray was opening a new place called Lava Lounge. And this is after our club had gone out of business.

And I was kind of a little bit lost with what I was doing, uh, trying to figure out what I was going to do next. And you know, it had been a minute and anyway, my friend goes, we should go to the opening of Lava Lounge. I said, okay, yeah, let's go. So much like I had a million times before, I didn't think to call anybody. I just figured I'd walk up and play nice. And there it was. And I walked up to the front of the line, which was a mile long wrapped around the planet. And there was a bouncer standing there that I did not know. And I knew most of the door guys around town. I did not know this guy. And as I walked up, I said, Hey man, I'm John

from Cobalt. And the guy just looked at me with this blank stare and said, Matt bars, been out of business for like three months, you know, whatever back of the line. And in that moment, I know it sounds stupid and you may listen to this and think it's crazy, but in that moment, my identity was completely destroyed because I had wrapped up everything about who I was based on what I did and if You do that, especially if you're in a situation where things can change in an instant you're gonna set yourself up for failure gonna set yourself up to have a crisis of identity or

In worst cases not be your true authentic self to anybody that's out there. So how do you take that story and what Steve was talking about earlier and really protect yourself going forward from doing that and it's to identify your core values. Now in business if you look at this a lot of companies have core values you see those motivational posters that are written on the walls a lot of companies just have this is who we are and they put it up there on the wall. And then they don't ever look at it again. The employees, if you ask them, couldn't tell you what they are. They have no idea.

I try in our companies to develop core values that everybody knows. And then we make all of our, our all of our business decisions based on those core values. But more importantly, you should identify and pick out core values for yourself. Because if you don't, your identity is always gonna be wrapped up in something that's shaky or can go away.

Another time in my life when my identity got a little rocked was I'll never forget the last time that I told people instantly that I was on The Apprentice, that show. It was we're in New Orleans and this girl walked up to me and she's like, you look familiar. This is before I was married. So I'm allowed to have this conversation before I was even dating my wife. So I'm allowed to have this conversation. So she walked up to me and said, you know, hey, you look familiar. And I said, uh, oh well, you know, you may know me from season three of the apprentice. And this girl looks at me with this Southern accent. She goes,

I thought you went to Mary high school. I don't watch that shit and just walked away. I was like, wow, okay. That is no longer going to be part of my identity to say that I'm on this television show because that's over and it's behind me. It doesn't work that way. So when developing your own core values and when should you use these, right? Let's talk about when you should use them first before how to develop them. Number one, I talk about a networking. When people come up and ask, you know, in those networking events, I would rather tell

somebody who I am as a human rather than just rattle off a resume. I find it much more interesting and I want to hear about I would rather hear somebody's core value than what they do for a living because I don't care what you do for a living. If I if I don't respect or I don't resonate with what drives you or your what you find important in life as a human, I don't really care what you do because we're probably not going to do business anyway. So understanding how to use that or saying what it is is very, very important. Now obviously one of my favorite books of seven habits of highly effective people by

Stephen Covey, he talks about the importance of having the end in mind. So when you're, you know, when you're first thinking about developing core values, think about where you're trying to get, not necessarily where you are today, but where you're dev- you know when you're first thinking about developing core values think about where you're trying to get not necessarily where you are today But where you're trying to go, you know, I think core values should inspire you So you aspire to something greater than what you are currently are so you've got to make sure that you're aspiring to something great so a good way to start figuring out what a core value is for you is So a good way to start figuring out what a core value is for you is think about defining moments in your life.

Think about moments in your life when you were like, wow, this major performance of adversity, something terrible happened, something pivotal, pivotal, sorry, that happened and what that taught you and think what mattered most to you in those times. Was it the relationship or your family? Was it the relationship with your family? Was it the support of your friends? Was it your ability to stand on your own two feet and persevere through really, really tough and troubled waters? What was the thing in those moments of those defining moments that really, really was important

to you at your core? Another thing I can say is look for role models. Look for to you at your core. You know, another thing I can say is look for role models. Look for people you aspire to be. What's important to them? Consider the people that you absolutely admire. What values do they embody? When you think about the people you admire the most and you have to sum them up with three words,

what are those words? Is it truthful? Is it honest? Is it steady? Is it strong? Is it vulnerable? Whatever it might be, that's a great place to look because again, these are not just meant to inspire you, but you should aspire for greater things through these words. Once you start laying them out and you have all these words down about who you are and your core values and what's important to you. You want to narrow this down to like three or five. If you have my core values are 20 things, it's crazy. You're never going to do anything with that, but just get down to like three or five, three

to five things that are hyper important to you that are your non-negotiables, which is how you do things. Um, there's a book called Dare to Leave, Dare to Lead that's out there by Breen Brown, that says the reason you should do this is because if you don't, there's a whole section on this in that book, but it talks about if you don't do this, you're gonna become overwhelmed and you lose clarity. And if you don't have clarity with your core values,

what are you doing anyway? You shouldn't have that. Once you get these things down and you think like this is my core values This is what I believe in. I believe in truth at all in all moments. I believe in You know, I believe in strength. I believe in whatever it is Whatever those things are for you. You need to audit your actions and ask yourself If this is what's important to me, am I living this life? Am I living true to these words?

Is this something I wish I was me, am I living this life? Am I living true to these words? Is this something I wish I was? Or is this who I really am? You know, in the book, The Four Agreements, one of those agreements is to be truthful at all times, is to be impeccable with your word. And that means honoring and value. It means honoring and doing all things, guiding by your core principles, by your core values. You can't just sway in the breeze. That's not being honest with yourself.

So ask yourself if your actions are, do they, do they jive with this or is this just something you're doing as an exercise? And if they don't, you got two choices. You can either change your core values to what really reflects who you are. But if you don't like who you are, maybe you got to change your actions to get more in line with what you wrote down. And then once you had these, start living them. When people ask you who you are, like for example, wouldn't you, wouldn't it be better to say, you know, the things that are really important to you as core value. I'm a great father. I'm a great husband. I'm a

wonderful mentor to the people around me. That's who I am. Because here's the thing, a lot of things in life can change, but your love for your kids probably won't. Your ability and your desire to mentor others and see them grow won't. The situation in which you apply that skill might change. However, that at its core will not change. And then you got to live this stuff. You know, when you're faced with a difficult choice or you're facing a crossroads or trying to make a decision, you've got to look at your core values and ask yourself, does this work with what I do? I use this in business every single day. Every single

day we ask ourselves that we make decisions in all of our businesses based on the core values that we've set forth. Things that say like simply Vegas, my real estate company, things like integrity above all other things. Does this jive with that? Is this person that we're talking about maybe having to get rid of, are they, are they living that? And if they're not, they have to go. They cannot stay culture of collaboration or all of our people bringing something to the conversation. That's important to us. Easy exit. Is this the easiest? Do we ever give anybody a hard time about leaving our company? Absolutely not because in our core values not to do that.

We live those things because a it makes everything better, but primarily it makes your life easier because you don't have to think as much. You have this set of internal guidelines, this barometer of what works for you and what doesn't. And as long as you're using those core values to manage your day-to-day decisions, your life will fall in line with them. So I hope that helped. Man, if this helped you, please share it with somebody else. Please like, subscribe, do all those things that help us with the advertising that pays for this thing. It keeps it going.

We appreciate your support so much and I'll see you next time. What's up everybody? Thanks for joining us for another episode of Escaping the Drift. Hope you got a bunch out of it or at least as much as I did out of it. Anyway, if you wanna learn more about the show,

you can always go over to escapingthedrift.com. You can join our mailing list, but do me a favor. If you wouldn't mind, throw up that five star review, give us a share, do something, man. We're here for you. Hopefully you'll be here for us. But anyway, in the meantime, we will see you at the next episode.