Escaping the Drift with John Gafford - Why It's So Important to Live an Intentional Life (And How You Can Do It, Too!) EP 68

Episode Date: November 3, 2022

Why It's So Important to Live an Intentional Life (And How You Can Do It, Too!) EP 68Do you sometimes feel like you're just going through the motions? Like you're not really living your life? If that's how you feel, don't worry, you're not alone. But it is important to start living an intentional life. In this podcast I talk about why it's so important and also offer some tips on how you can do it, too!💬 Did you enjoy this podcast episode? Tell us all about it in the comment section below!On his podcast, he discusses all sorts of topics, including what made him successful and some of his core tenants for living life and managing successful businesses.➡️ He is often joined by Chris Connel and Colt Amidan who are dear friends and successful business people in their own right.The Power Move podcast stands to be one of the top sources of knowledge and insights, specifically into real estate and entrepreneurship out there! Not to mention tons of coverage of topical events and insights into our non-commercial lives as well…➡️ Learn and burn Entrepreneurship from serial entrepreneur John Gafford and his band of mayhem makers. From stripper poles to the oval office, business lessons are everywhere. If that sounds interesting to you, make sure to subscribe to my channel and don't forget to hit the bell icon to never miss a Podcast! 🔔💯 About John Gafford:After appearing on NBC's "The Apprentice", John relocated to the Las Vegas Valley and founded several successful companies in the real estate space. ➡️ The Gafford Group at Simply Vegas, top 1% of all REALTORS nationwide in terms of production.Simply Vegas, a 500 agent brokerage with billions in annual salesClear Title, a 7 figure full service title and escrow company.➡️ Streamline Home Loans - An independent mortgage bank with more than 100 loan officers.The Simply Group, A national expansion vehicle partnering with large brokers across the country to vertically integrate their real estate brokerages.✅ Follow The Power Move with John Gafford on social media:Instagram ▶️ https://www.instagram.com/thejohnmgaffordFacebook ▶️ https://www.facebook.com/gafford2/🎧 Stream The Power Move Podcast with John Gafford Episode here:Listen On Spotify : https://open.spotify.com/show/7cWN80gtZ4m4wl3DqQoJmK?si=70ad5ca4f51e4acc Listen On Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-power-move-with-john-gafford/id1582927283☑️ Featuring:Chris Connel - Esquire - https://www.connelllaw.com Colt Amidan - Director of Commercial Real Estate at Simply Vegas - https://www.amidangroup.com************* #ThePowerMoveWithJohnGafford

from the art of the deal to keeping it real live from the simply vegas studios it's the power move with john gafford back again back again for another episode of the power move i'm your host my name is john cavern welcome back as always to an episode of the power move with me to my left the one and only bulgarian mongoose mr colts what's up we need to get him like method man where he's got 14 names that's like just hot nicks aka johnny blaze be like the bulgarian mongoose aka the polo assassin no that's no that's how it was with uh what was it old dirty bastard no no no no it was uh thomas hearns yeah like 10 the hitman the inner city cobra like 10 different nicknames but of course you're the

counselor you just have the one just the counselor the counselor is chris connell everybody welcome to the power move this is the podcast we talk about life how to get better how to do things how to improve yourself and today continuing our series hopefully uh you're checking this out about what we talk about little topics from the upcoming book escaping the drift which i was going to say we're going to talk about how not to get cut off by every brand available well yeah how not to alienate yourself from 600 million dollars well okay well today we're going to talk about yeah a little bit with that which is you know living with intent

through critical analysis which i think not enough people do well it's something i struggle with in my life and i guess you know kanye could be considered a walking talking kind of example of that do you think he thought further than two seconds i don't think he thinks further than his front nose no i don't think he does either i think um i think there's certain things that maybe you can come back from i don't think this is one of them no one of your might one of my mel gibson just no no but even mel kind of made a little bit of a comeback didn't make a comeback but here's my point my point is this ready this is my this is my conspiracy theory if you will in regards this i'm ready for it i think kanye wanted to get himself canceled i think he was sick i think he's sick of being in the public eye i think he's like

i have more money than i ever want to spend i think i'm just done so i'm going to say some insane crazy shit everybody is going to drop me and i will just be free to do whatever i want to do john if that was if that was colt if that was you if that was uh yeah i don't know find me a very famous person that has all this money that one no no he's said crazy shit for years it's just he's gotten to the point where he lost a lot of the cachet he's over time denigrated his own brand yeah because he first off at some point you look at him walking those galoshes you just go we've all jumped the shark yeah we've all too far this is the balance yeah they get the gap trash bags thousand dollar crocs or whatever you jump the shark at some point and you lose the cachet because you are no longer cool you're not putting out cool music right he had a huge amount of cachet because he

had so much valuable good content like when he put out yeezus uh twisted dark fantasy like the the preceding three four albums were highly regarded very good content that people wanted right it was cool danny was with kim kardashian danny was all this right so he hit that point where he was given a lot of grace and you earn a lot of forgiveness in life if you've put out a lot of great content if you're exceptional and you do all this stuff and it hits you can take swings and misses you can be bruce Willis singing the art of Brutus. Remember that album Bruce Willis put out? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You vaguely, yeah. But you don't.

Played harmonica on it, I think. That doesn't define his career. No. Because he has content outside of that. But the problem is you do get to a tipping point where you lean the mixture too much and the engine starts buttering. Yeah. And if you don't come back with Yeezus two or don to whatever three and you don't

adjust the mixture again then your engine sputters okay so so how much of that is is kanye losing his cachet and how much of that is the kardashians just succubusing his his skill and his talent ask lamar yeah i mean those chicks are undefeated man i. I mean, it's undefeated. Listen. 12 and 0. They are. They're like 12 and 0. I mean, seriously. I mean, okay. Like, you know, they have the NFL rookie symposium where they go out and they say, guys, seriously, like you need to save for your family.

Don't go out and blow your money. Don't get a Ferrari day too. Get to your second contract. Invest some of your money. Do you think there's like a whole day now on dating the Kardashians? Like, just seriously, don't. Who's going to putashians like just seriously don't who's gonna put it on like don't the world loves it those those men are sacrifices to the mayan gods right you know like the cornfields or whatever to make the baby's tears to make the corn grow we're here as society going like tribute tribute we gotta burn somebody

in order to have so they can distract from there those people are legitimate billionaires now kylie with her makeup all this tertiary business stuff and we're all fine letting it go as long as we taste blood once in a while but you know it's just one of those things also that if it doesn't affect you sometimes people look past a lot of things right the decision makers of hollywood of businesses or you know all that don't don't say it don't stop no i'm not saying i'm not going to say it i'm not going to say we don't have a ds as a sponsor but we would like to have a ds i would like to go on record saying that I have a cancerous grandmother.

No, I'm not saying that. No, I'm not saying that at all. What I'm saying is, how long do people get pushed off for the record? We know that's not what you meant. I know, I know. I was not going that. But my point is, there's so much going on

in life that people kind of just don't realize it. And then you'd start thinking, holy cow, this guy for 10 years has been saying stuff that should have. Oh, he's a long time, but he had enough cash to. But that's what I'm saying. Like, you know, you got him. He's just kind of. He just now wore out his welcome. And now that now it's going to be a pile on session.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. It's been 10 years. It's going to be a pile-on session. Oh, yeah. It's been 10 years. It's going to be trendy to cancel him. Well, it already was when he wore White Lives Matter a little while ago. I'm wondering why it was today. Or when he talked about what? That the African-Americans chose to be slaves or whatever.

He said something crazy like that. He did. How did this guy not? I thought for sure that getting canceled people go oh well you know it's like there's in life here's the thing about women that i've i've learned over time and this is not when a woman's done she's done with a guy oh yeah like because it's my theory maybe i'm wrong but a woman a woman oftentimes in a in a sort of a prototypical heteronormative relationship a woman often looks to men who are a protector role and that's just the way the patriarchy is

currently set up not for good or for you know bad or whatever but once a woman has lost that feeling of like that guy is the guy i want to be with and truly lost it that is over yeah there is nothing that you can do like it's just it's over nothing uh men will go back right as long as the well they never got guys don't get pushed over the edge right most of the time they kind of cut it quick where women want that that's our last resort and they'll put up with some bullshit for a long time but that moment and it's day one day two when it's over it's over and i think kanye was on that it had nothing to do he could have said society was just forgiving he could have gone after any type of class anything and it would have been over the edge

he was already teetering that was a last you could flip-fl flop anything he said whether it's about maybe not the people that hitler yeah killed and then to say to a german company and you can't say nothing about it because you're german yeah like i think i think it's literally like okay let's see i insulted my own people didn't work no well he insulted everybody makes sense and then they're like they're like like where where can I go from here? The only way you can rationalize this, John's theory, if he wanted to be canceled, now nobody would ever want to be canceled. But I mean, at this point, if it didn't work, like if he didn't get canceled, at this point, it's going to be like, okay, the Jews didn't work. You know who's unfairly prosecuted? Child molesters.

You're like, where do you go? Free child molesters. But he has. he's pretty much offended everybody if you look back over the last 10 years not like funny like a stand-up comedian it's just like boring gross yeah he truly believes it right like that's what's crazy but i think you know we can all agree what we want to talk about today is critical thinking in your decision making and your understanding. And I think where a lot of people run into trouble or what holds them back is they don't critically think very well through a situation or they don't look at a situation for what it is. And I think that is a skill set that a lot of people really need to develop.

So I want to talk about just some different things through that ideas, through those ideas. Now, first of all, I'll talk about a lot of people don't understand and downplay their success is sometimes really, really because of those around them. And this is a mistake I see a lot of people in companies and say middle management make when they start to believe their own hype, not realizing that their strength is really coming from someone behind them or underneath them. They don't appreciate their teams in the way that they should. The Russell Wilson effect. Yeah, the Russell Wilson effect.

When I was coming up in the restaurant business, it was funny when I worked for the corporate restaurant chain. I had a guy that worked for me named Dave Levins, and Dave kind of went with me everywhere I went. And I always said when they would move me to a different place or take me to a different place, I said, I'll go, but I'm taking Dave. And eventually he ended up getting his shot. I'm happy to say he was done very well for himself later in life. He owns his own restaurants that do well, and so he's done well.

But the point being was I was always very cognizant that my success was innately tied to his ability to fill in the holes. He was better at some things that I was, and I knew that. So, you know, I think that's about being honest with yourself where your blind spots are or where you're, where you lack skill and understanding that leaning into the people that surround you is sometimes there because a lot of people just try to bowl their way through those blind spots and i think that's a recipe for jack welsh talks about that in his book about leadership and management he said his greatest ability was to find those people smarter than him yeah to have surrounding them yeah yeah well i mean it doesn't say i mean smarter than he says it's smarter what he meant was more whatever task yeah you know that's is jack

welsh in his own ways was he was a bold confident man but he was self-deprecating and i i like leaders that are self-deprecating yeah you know amongst their like you know when i'm around my paralegal and we're talking to a client i said well the boss you know like whatever you gotta ask her she's the one that knows it you know yeah and and you know defer yeah because it's um makes you feel good too if you write if you're yeah if the person that is in charge or who's hired you right defers to you and recognizes your value you're also going to build up a lot of positive goodwill no i mean i mean for sure it just i think too many people just misjudge their own talents or or their or more importantly they just don't seek to surround themselves with the right people they can complement what they do to get them to the next level i mean there's a there's there's an old

saying that says if you want to go fast go by yourself if you want to go far go with others and i think that was always one of the things that I was always able to do was go further because I was able to surround myself with others that fit in where it was. That are smarter than you. Yeah. As much as you say, oh, maybe not smarter, whatever. People are smarter than you in certain things. That's right.

Right? Like, that's not to bring them up again, but like a couple of months ago, Kanye goes on blast, like, I'm not listing somebody poorer than me, right, for a gap. Like gap i know you're sitting there saying just because they got less money doesn't mean they're not smarter on how a lot of people with a lot more like a whole hour on no and i hate to bring that but that bothered me a lot because you should surround yourself with smart people and i've always said that's wrong what's wrong with our politics is we expect one guy to have all this knowledge of everything. No, separate it out. Well, that's the power between, say, a parliamentary system and a presidential system is the ability to appoint your cabinet.

Right? Yep. Yep, yep, yep. And I think also situational awareness. One of the things that drives me crazy with people is they paint themselves into a box. Like, they just assume that because of their personal experience, there's no, there's no difference to what they do.

You know, what do you mean? What I mean is like, like I'm poor because my parents were poor. I am this way because I was raised this way. And I know that that is incorrect because if you look at some of the list, well, some of the best parents that I know had shitty parents.

Oh yeah. Yeah. You know, but, but rather than rather than perpetuate that cycle they chose to break the cycle have you heard that that saying that you shouldn't you shouldn't seek to be a good descendant you should seek to be an amazing ancestor yes like you owe your parents nothing you should want your kids to be looking you know

to be remembering you you know, to be remembering you. I don't need to impress, you know, the generation before me. I need to worry about the generation after me. Right. Yeah. I think people just get so quick to want to label themselves based on prior experience or what they didn't have or what they did have, and it becomes an excuse. Do you think they remember you as John the Bridge Builder? Yeah, exactly.

Exactly. Well well you can you can google that joke i don't know if we're gonna quite tell that that's why i'm not gonna tell that one on the old podcast colt's already trying to get his car you know you're trying to get finished my statement on that i was not going where where you thought it was no but i'm saying if you're one of those people that has put a label on yourself based on previous experience i mean one of my favorite sayings is the past is like a paper book novel. When you're done with it, you throw it away and you buy a new one. I don't even know where I picked that up.

I think it was a line in a movie, but it's always stuck with me. Like, it doesn't matter how you were raised. It doesn't matter anything else, especially now. Dude, anybody that says like, I didn't have the money to go to college. I have the money to do it. Dude, the wealth of human knowledge is sitting in youtube there literally is almost you know short of yeah short of something you have to you know have a professional license for there's nothing you cannot learn from youtube there's literally nothing nothing

nothing but nothing but more to that point um when people say that to you do you ever hear that in a context of i don't know that because i haven't gone to school or is it I haven't advanced in my career because I don't have the paper? No, I, I, what I feel like is I don't even hear it in that context. I hear it in is people want to make excuses for where they are in life. They want to make excuses for where they are to a certain extent. And in that, what I'm saying is the thought process that you are stuck in a certain place because of circumstances that happened to you is more poisonous than the situation you're actually in.

The thought process that gets you there. Yeah. Because that thought process is a prison that you're locked in. You can't get out of it. And the only person in the world that has a key to that is you. Because until you see yourself able to escape your current situation and aspire to something more, you're screwed which is all about surrounding yourselves with other success of where you want to be at right yeah

where you can sit there and see somebody else broke out that mold or whatever it might be have we talked much about free will i mean i here and again speak up counselor so i the older i get the more the less i believe in free will i don't believe in free will okay here's what i mean by that i'm not free to go play like a most dangerous game and go hunt and eat a human there's no part of me that could do that i'm not free to go do that i am i am the culmination of all of my experiences including exposure to teratogens in the womb the genes that i was born with that combined all the experiences i've ever had up to this moment in time i believe that there are like choices that i may make depending on my day and hormonal balances and whatever there are things i'll do differently within a set, though. So to your point, when you introduce things to people that are positive,

when you introduce information, people that are going to sit here and consume this podcast, you're going to change your outcome based on basic deterministic principles that you've created new synaptic connections in your brain about how you view the world, right? The more things you consume experientially, the different the person you are. People see free will. It's like, I'm just this free will person that I can make these random things if I want.

It's like, no, you're not. You are literally the culmination of all your experiences. John, you're not going to go out and do a million things. There's a million things you're never going to do because you're not free to go do them. No one's preventing you from doing them, but you're never going to do them. So not free to go do them now no one's preventing you from doing them but you're never going to do them so how free are you to do those well i think you know what i mean well sort of sort of i i'm gonna i'm gonna i'm gonna i'm gonna i'm gonna refute that a little bit sure by saying that i think at any time and any time you do have the free will to just make a choice to do something completely different than what is within every fiber of your body. Cause I've done that. I've done that. I've said, you know what, man,

I'm not happy with where I'm at right now. So it's like, have you ever seen the episode of Seinfeld where, where George was just like, everything I do is wrong. So what I'm going to start doing is just going to do the complete opposite of everything that I ever do. Everything got better. Got a girlfriend better got a girlfriend got a job with the yankees i mean literally opposite george became like super happy but but the point but the point the point is you do have you do have the free will to make a choice that is completely outside of your comfort zone or completely outside of your belief system are

you saying like you won't you have less of ability to achieve that right like me i'm not going to be in a question right because i'm afraid of horses and genetically i'm afraid of your horses right so so for you to that what you're trying i'm not saying you couldn't be taught to learn how to like them i'm not saying try it but here's the thing when people say where's free will come from is we like to and i always kind of viewed it as there's this chris who's like just a biological entity and then there's this me and i just think these free thoughts and i'm just so open to whatever right then you look back on it you go every single thing is a culmination of all prior experiences yeah right like the chris connell today isn't the same chris connell 20 years ago

and the freedom i thought i would have had then i now recognize that I don't or do or would have made those choices, right? Sure. You're going to have preferences within a set. You're not biochemically the same all the time because you have different hormonal levels. So you may do this thing, one thing. But are you ever going to go home and beat and murder your children? Well, no.

There's literally nothing in your fibers being that could do that. You have to act within the parameters that make up your psyche that make up your mental health that make up your biological health that make up all these things you're not free you can't just go out and do anything i think everybody has has a everybody has a code of ethics and conduct that does govern to a certain extent your belief system which is why you know it's some people put the shopping cart back, some people don't. Yeah, but that's probably because you had ethics,

you were raised a certain way, you were taught certain lessons, you saw certain things. So you are a culmination of all of the prior experiences of your life. And what I mean by that- No, but see, the difference is, I think that's like Jordan Peterson says,

I could choose to leave the shopping cart out. I choose not to because I want to live good. It's like Jordan Peterson saying, a pacifist man is a weak man. You have to have the ability to go to violence and the control to hold it down. That's right, right. But all of that, though,

there are people that don't have the control to go down, and that's why they go to prison. You could choose to leave a shopping cart, but do you? Leave the shopping cart? No. Okay, so you're free to do it. I am. But you don't.

I choose, but it's my free will choice. So you're saying mentally, in your head, you're more. I just think that concept is overplayed. I think people overvalue, and this is where this comes into the learning lesson the teaching lesson of this it's overplayed to think oh i'm just free to do all this stuff i'm not free to go do certain things i don't want to go and do all these things i'm free to and i never would so really am i free to go do it yeah because it's a choice it's a choice not to but it's it's one of those things it's like still a choice well no it's not a choice if I never do it. In the immortal words of the great Neil Peart,

if you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice. But again, if you are, like I said, you're going to make choices within a set. I get what you're saying. I'm never going to just go quit my job and go be a pre-K teacher in Poughkeepsie, New York. Okay. Well, can we talk about some interesting choices?

Let's talk about some free-roll interesting choices, which is this. So last night at the Knights game. He bet on the Patriots. No, no, no. Last night at the Knights game, sitting behind me, I'm like texting Chris,

is Toronto the equivalent of Arkansas in Canada? Because, oh my God, I had the funniest people sitting behind us. And this was, and it was like, I had the most Canadian hockey experience I think I've ever had. It's the equivalent of, and you said it was the New York, which is worse, which is funny. You said Toronto's like New York.

Toronto's like New York, but you got to remember, New York is still surrounded by. Oh, yeah, I get it. By yonkers. But the people behind us, the people behind us, so I had these people behind us that were Maple Leaf fans, and they had a friend with them that they obviously came with that was an Oiler fan. And I knew this because he was wearing head-to-toe Oilers gear.

And he was rooting not so much for the Knights, but against Toronto. That's pretty solid. Right? And he was very loud and very vocal about it. And his friends were getting so mad. And all I could think of was like that. Fuck you, Shorty.

Fuck you, Shorzy. Shorzy. Whatever it was. But they were yelling at each other. When the guy got hurt last night, he went down. No, Tavares. This guy. He was yelling about Tavares.

It was a tirade. Oh, my God. Get up, you bum. Why don't you break your fingernail? They were like stretching the guy guy out and it was relentless he wasn't from like bay and bluer street he wasn't from charles he was that guy was from ajax and he just says he's from toronto it's like the closest major oh god it's funny it was fans get so what do you think about people that wear other teams shit to a sporting event like you know the

yankees aren't playing right yeah why are you wearing a yankee they're not playing well i i loved it because like dude by the end of it right the the maple leafs fans over here were like we hate vegas i wish i could get a flight right now this guy's like yeah get out of our town you idiots you lost three dollars playing last night that's like 40 bucks canadian i just yelled like i mean it was they were literally picking a fight kind of with each other it was so funny we were just we me and gage were dying laughing at that which was which was a little canadian politics though yeah edmonton's a west coast right yeah and um when you talk about the south not liking the north yeah the west not like in

the east that's how it works because the population is all very concentrated in the east yeah it's ontario and quebec so saskatchewan manitoba bc those alberta those provinces feel disrespected by the east and that their opinions aren't taken it's valid because they can't vote out the east yeah it's like the midwest it's like the Midwest. If you're from Chicago and you're like, oh, you know, those New York guys think they're so cool or whatever. So that's it. That's it.

It was so funny. But, you know, obviously this guy had well thought out his approach last night to the game, which was funny. My enemy is my friend. That's it. Exactly.

But I think critical thinking and where my life really got better was when I started living with intent and critically thinking through situations. And like I'll give you some examples of some stuff that lessons that I learned the hard way, things that I didn't. One of which is I was in a partnership a long time ago and it was a tech firm that I was a partner with. And I didn't, you know, truth be told, looking back at it, I could have done a lot more. This is right around the time I was on The Apprentice. And this is before social media. And it was really bizarre at the time to have tens of thousands of people talking about you in chat forums.

It was a really bizarre thing. Yeah. And it was constant. And it was really bizarre. And I kind of got sucked into it. So I didn't necessarily do the best job here, right? Holding up my end of the deal there at that tech firm. Anyway, I had a little bit of one of my best friends owned the joint or was the main partner that had brought me in his dad and his best friend were the investors. Right. And when it, when we would kind of start to go bad with me and Dan, right before I took a buyout there, um, you know know dan had gone away on a trip or something and i was and for some reason i don't know why like this is checkers thinking not just thinking like look his dad and his dad's best friend are the major investors in

this company the die is cast there's no there's no winning this war right but i took it upon myself to like send an email to the main investor like I don't know what's going on with Dan I'm a little worried about it and blah blah blah blah blah. That was not a well thought out move It still ended up with me kind of getting bought out from the company and the Dan going on to great things God bless and I'm so happy for him that he did that and very apologetic I didn't do I didn't do well there but the moral story is Not thinking through the situation and so many people play checkers with decisions they make and not chess. They don't look at how this decision is going to affect that decision or this

domino is going to make that one fall down. And they don't take the time to really explore their decision-making process. So I wanted to kind of talk a little bit about, you know, you're an attorney. So critical thinking is so important. And game and game theory of, of how you walk through these decisions when you make them, how I do it and how we all, how we all do this. Because I think if you just get, get an idea of how successful people think, like the process that goes into it, um, really what can help you on a daily basis. Oh, it's, that's all law school is by the way, when you talk about leaving with a piece

of paper, it's irrelevant. Yeah. It's what it is, is how school is, by the way. When you talk about leaving with a piece of paper, it's irrelevant. Yeah. What it is is how to think in a certain way. Law school is there to prepare you how to think. And that is in a very practical, skill-based way. It's not this ephemeral philosophy, right, where you say, how do you philosophize? What is good thinking?

Well, you can fall into the pedantics. You can get into this that you're not necessarily good thinking but with very strict regimented socratic method where you're responsible you have to go through this free form discussion and debate where you have to question your own thoughts yeah and a law professor what they do is you have you know there's cases and so one day it'll be, they'll just follow along. That's all law school classes are. They follow along and you're up. So when it's this, they'll ask you a question

and then you answer it and say, well, what about this? What about this? What about this? And you're just keep answering the same question and they'll say, well, why would it be this and not that?

And you have to go, well, I don't know. Sometimes then you get stuck. Right. And then, or if you're wrong, they'll literally just go to the next person. Yeah. So there's this huge social pressure of not looking like a moron.

Because you don't want to get clipped by the professor. You're getting clipped bad. Like, you're just like, oh my God. Okay, Mr. Connell, that's enough from you today. Mr. Smith. No, it is. And you're going, well, no, hold on. Come back to me.

Oh my God. My ego. Yeah. Right. My ego is completely. Thank you for those thoughts. Yeah. No, but it's, so, no, hold on. Come back to me. Oh my God, my ego. Yeah. Right. My ego is completely. Thank you for those thoughts. Yeah. No, but it's, so you have to be prepared.

And that's why everybody in law school is crammed and reading or whatever. They need to be prepared to answer those questions outside of just rote memory. Yeah. Cause it's not rote. It's you have to interpret it. You have to. Well, I think one way or the other. I think again, you know, when it comes to making a decision, I try to look at, you know,

I try to go out at least five steps, right? Especially, you know, obviously if it's not which taco am I going to order off the menu at Tacos El Cuarto, I'm talking about when you're like, okay, I need to, I'm going to fire this person or I'm going to change this plan or I'm going to pivot to this arena or I'm going to change this plan, or I'm going to pivot to this arena, or I'm going to get in business with this person. Now, the problem I think most people make, and I've been guilty of it in my younger years, is what is the best case scenario? Wow, what's going to happen? What does the performer say? That looks great. Let's do this. High low middle.

Yeah. And here's the thing, man. And I'll tell you, I am a sucker. I dude, I get, I've been caught up in the, in the glitz and the flash. I've been caught up in the quick proposition, the quick dollars. I've been caught up in that man where I'm like, this looks great. I see this, let's go for it. I only see the best. I only see the best case scenario and you've got to stop and get rid of that, that completely rose-colored glasses thought process. And you've got to start thinking almost like the scientific method. You've got to break it down to, okay, what am I really working where? So for me, if it's a human being, if I'm dealing with a human that I don't really know, I'm looking for people that I know one step away that have done business with this person.

I'm trying to find somebody that I can vet them through that is going to stamp them and say, this is a good dude or whatever else. High character. High character. Not even necessarily a friend, right? I wouldn't go after somebody's friend because most people don't have the guts to talk bad on their friend, right? Yeah. Like you said, if you found somebody that's done some one-off deals or some stuff like that they're more

inclined to tell the truth about somebody than you know yeah their best friend do you guys look at best case scenarios because i never do i always i mean the only reason i'll do it if there is a best case scenario yeah you have to have a high end you have to for me all these things come down to this risk and reward risk and reward and mitigating damages yep minimizing potential for loss well that's that whole um you know when you look at what production possibilities frontiers when you look in game theory when you look at all these things it's culmination so in the harvard negotiation course um you go through these things and you set yourself you know high low what's my walk away number what's my you know whatever and when you're in mediations and alternative dispute resolution is a whole process of this you can set a high low i'm willing to take this i'm willing to

sell you for this i'm willing to give you for this uh you know yeah and it's nobody wants mediation everybody's met a good mediation everybody should be late everybody should be equally angry everybody should be equally angry that's a good but yeah no so that's how now i make decisions for other people because i'm oftentimes put in a position to advocate as an attorney you people think you just go in there and start yelling at people and change the law it's like well the other side is an attorney too that knows the law what you need to be is persuasive yeah and you have to find solutions right the best attorneys out there can find solutions where everybody's better off for doing business or everybody's better off in the settlement than they will be without it yeah i mean but the idea is to stay away from a settlement by vetting the person right up front

that's right what you want to do and and and papering it yeah front just yeah jesus i got a call today and i'm'm not going to get into it because it was a referral from a friend. And they're like, hey, can you get me out of this deal? I'm like, well, who got you into the deal? She's like, well, me. Like, with who? Well, the seller.

Like, well, did you have an attorney look it over? Did you have agents working on it? Nope. I just walked face first in this thing and just started signing shit. And it's like what like what how do you have how do you operate like that and have the money to purchase commercial property it's people think they're smarter than what they are right i'm smarter than this i'm a better negotiator than my agent i'm a i don't need an attorney and that's why i told some of the other i had this talk last night i go you're nuts i put you're going to double no i did because they're trying to do stuff and they have not a clue they couldn't purchase a car on themselves by themselves

they left their dad's stuff and they're trying to do stuff to their current place right now and i'm like you're nuts well that's it's gonna be costly so vetting the person yeah number one get off you got to vet number two but also if you're dealing with a situation where you're going to do something that's going to affect somebody else and you don't know how they're going to react you've got to take stock in what you've seen that person do before if you are dependent you know because we're, no, just one of the things that one of the things that one of the, here's a real quick way to become constantly disappointed. It just, it just is, is to depend on the integrity of others. We're holding someone else to the same standard of what you will. That's right. Right. That is, that is an excellent way for you to constantly be disappointed because even today, you know, like, like today I had a

deal where, you know, I'm doing this coaching thing for a bunch of our agents at the company and the prices, you know, loyalty to the brands, that's the price. And I made it very clear. I value my time. My time is very expensive. If you figure out what I actually earned per hour of work work, it's just a lot of value that I'm giving. And it's a lot of work to coach these guys. And I look today and some of them were still marketing like other title companies in their listings. And I was thinking to myself, I'm like, so I reached out to a bunch of them. And it was like, they're like, oh, they had that before this. I'll change it right now.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But there was a couple of a man that I'm like you knew what you were like you knew like you knew like i know that you knew right and i'm like at the end of the day like i've told them all if you have relationships you value and this isn't for you fine you don't have to be in this i'm not mad at you if that's the choice you make but if you're in here you're in here it's what we're doing and to me that's an easy like integrity deal like it's a super simple thing like that is a line in or out if you say you're in you're in not like i'm gonna say i'm in and they won't check tepid water yeah like dude like like i hate and i and i made a video i didn't post

it because because that's another thing we'll talk about which is drafting the angry email yes the best cure for anger sometimes it's saying sometimes and kind of just was was my disappointment like dude you gotta understand if you're stealing from me like like if you choose not to do this i get it's one thing but if you if you choose to say that you're gonna do it and not do it and i'm giving you the most valuable asset i have which is my time you're stealing it or, John. I'd say your hair. Yeah, my hair's right. Somebody asked me yesterday, he said, do you ever have a bad hair day? I'm like, once in 1987.

It's a long day. It's a bad day. It's a bad day. But vetting the people involved in your decision making, you have to look at what they actually have done in the past and how they behave. Don't project how you would think you would behave in this situation. What you think you would do, you need to look at what they have done in the past you need to look at their track record of what they may do because this is how you're going to come up with an actual

honest idea of how they're going to respond if this is you're saying attacker doesn't change their stripes right exactly and and frankly it it over time I think that's maybe not true. No, I think to a point. To a point. But again, like I've said so much, like even on this show, I think people who are who they are. Well, I think. I really do, John. I really think.

They are. We'll talk about it later. They don't change. But the point being is, the point being is like, for example, we talked about it before about not doing business with people that cheat on their spouses. Because if they cheat on their spouses, they're going to bang you out there's no question and i was going to say the exact same thing how many people are out here getting married because they have all this you know gushy feeling and they don't get a prenup yeah yeah and that's the ultimate sign that's

the ultimate thing you should do when you get married and i don't care that you're in love i don't care if you have the same whatever you should get a prenup yeah period and here's why if things aren't agreed to beforehand they'll become an issue at some point in time and i don't just mean you know you know spouse it sounds cold or whatever and you know obviously a lot of people don't have let's put a happy let's put a happier spin on that same thing because I always talk about when people form real estate teams with partners. Partnership agreements. I always say, what happens if this falls apart? That should be understood and agreed, though. Up front.

And it's not an affront to your relationship to say, hey, if you start fucking the neighbor, you don't get my house. You know what I mean? That should be pretty much. But that goes back to like partnership. You've never seen how they've acted before in a partnership green. The whole thing with the Will Smith, Chris Rock slap everybody's like, oh, I didn't knock them out. No, you wouldn't have because you didn't anticipate that because you've never seen somebody walk on stage and slap

you. Now you've seen that. Now somebody gets angry and walks on stage. You're going to be ready to fight now because now you're now you've seen that before right and that's what john's point is talk to talk to the next business partner right like i've always been told slot people where they're at you won't be disappointed i am very very comfortable doing that well i just don't get disappointed by people like i've had deals with people they're like how can you be around those people? Like, cause I slot them as an asshole. I saw him as selfish. So when they're an asshole or selfish,

I'm not shocked. And I run my business or my way through that, you know? So slotting people off of their past behaviors is something. I know part of you watch WWF as a kid though, WWE, when he started walking at him, that maybe he should have just speared him or

something he didn't see it coming no i didn't see that i didn't see it i know i thought i know honestly no everybody in the world thought it was gonna be like one of these ha ha ha yeah whatever like i know i'm just kidding i just but now that nobody's iceberg slim coming from seat 3f and uh landed across from the the uh left four i've left eyebrow to lower right lip it's funny that you went to pimp instead of actual wrestler yeah i did i did but again so understand what these people will do and look at look at the scenario because again we're talking about analyzing making decisions look at your upside understand what your upside is in a decision what do you have to win and then what is the absolute worst case scenario?

What is your walk away? No, no, no. Not what's your walk away. If I do this and everything that happens goes badly, what is going to happen? Where will I be? That's what I mean. What's your blow? Where will I be?

What is the catastrophe that happens? And the problem with this catastrophe is this. Here's the thing. A lot of people do this, but they don't necessarily take it to the 10th they don't take it all the way out for example they do things like they say okay like i'm the real estate business right let's say i i made a change i did something here to the company and it really only affected like call it one agent right but this agent had some juice and i said okay if i make this change and, this agent gets mad and they leave, I lose that agent. But what if I didn't account for the fact that that agent has six best friends and now they take all of those people as well. Sure. Like I've got, I've got owning a business.

I've got to take that decision all the way to the end of how bad it could be. So that's, so I can really, really be honest about what the worst case scenario is so that's the value of experience though yeah yeah so you you would know that better than i would right yeah for certain businesses that you're in that i'm not there there's things right where you would know hey here's why that ends up being a bad idea that's why i try to collect information from experienced people in the industries because they'll say, there's been times when I thought I had a great idea. And someone will say, no, no, no, that would equal encroachment. Right.

Or, oh, well, let's, you know, let's talk about that too. Because, so decision-making, analyze all the pieces, analyze all the people, look at the worst possible situation, look at the best possible situation, analyze the risk. Right. Is the win worth the worst case scenario if it is move forward but what you just said is really interesting because that is also kind of a mistake that that i've made many times in my life which not now there's a way to do it well no which is

this which is and i and i talked about it this morning in my coaching thing which is don't fall too in love with your own ideas man you you can't do that you've always got to keep the scientific thought process going through especially with your own ideas because if you fall in love with your own ideas, man. You can't do that. You've always got to keep the scientific thought process going through, especially with your own ideas. Cause if you fall in love with like a kid, it's a disaster. And one of the best lessons that I had them in here and I took them back was my vitamins. I talked to the a hundred thousand dollar bottle of items, man. You've got to make sure that there's a demand for your ideas or there's something that people want before you do them, which is why I love Kickstarter because now you have an idea so you can fake a prototype that works none of the none of the stuff you see on kickstarter actually works

they're just have one plastic mold and they're faking it's a it's a prototype it's a prototype to see if you actually are interested in buying it so yeah test your ideas i mean that's that's a big part of intentional thinking is understanding that every idea every new idea i'm having i'm going to test it before i dive head first into it it's a weird phrase and i don't know why thankfully people understand that this is actually like a phrase but it's called chinese math right yeah it's based on the size of the population of china so a lot of businesses they do chinese math they go all i need is one in a thousand people and i'll have a million customers so i just need to capture one a thousand people

without understanding cultural context without understanding that if you don't get one in ten people in china you're not going to get one in a million yeah like you're either going to get everybody or nobody so it doesn't work like that you don't get to split and buy. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Whatever. That aside. And it's not until you have true research, information, focus groups, whatever you get your information from, that you'll understand what the positives and negatives or potential outcomes are. So that's where talking to people with experience come in. That's where a broker is valuable.

Because you'll come up, and there'll be times when I've called you, John. Yeah. I've personally called you, and I'll be times when I've called you, John. Yeah. I've personally called you and I'll talk to you about an interesting thing that happened very recently. Okay. But you and I spoke about it and I took your opinion of it very to heart. So I've told other people, you can't do this for this reason. Or if you want to find out, it's going to cost you a ton of money. Yeah money yeah thankfully this is a happy ending i found somebody in a scenario we were talking about and it just so happened that it doesn't

matter anymore so this is why we'll talk about experience and and how you never know the outcomes of stuff um in those contracts that people were sending out all year saying um 30 000 over appraised value yeah you remember those yep and and the las vegas realtor board said those uh lack definitiveness right they were saying those are unenforceable well the court disagreed yeah the court actually says no that has a definitive value yeah there's an appraisal plus 30 over yeah and you and i were talking about i said john do you think i should pursue this and you're like it's gonna be a dice roll because lvr came out and said that it lacks definitiveness right the courts haven't talked about it and who wants to go spend 30 000 litigating the proper value whatever well i found a gentleman that was who put um

principle over money which is often rare because people won't put their money where the mouth is. Sure. And he did, and it was successful. Wow. So. Yeah. I think the big thing you said, or you just said that I was going to say is focus groups,

right? You don't need to go pay for a focus group, but you better ask some people that'll be honest with you. Yeah. Because that's the biggest thing I see people. Oh yeah, that's a great idea. It's a great idea. Find somebody that tells, that's a great idea. It's a great idea. Find somebody that tells you it's a great idea or a horrible idea.

Then go to an attorney and find out worst-case scenario. Like, hey, you know what? The world could fall. They die doing that or you get in a crash because you're doing whatever it is. There's a lot worse-case scenario than you as an average human are thinking about. Probably figure what it is. You want to hear something else shocking about something like a focus group and people undervalue them you take a jury we focus group juries before cases right so you'll focus group

juries there's not a single time that i haven't been completely perplexed about what the jury came back with it would they'll say well no this is whatever and and you have stereotypes i don't care who you are right everybody has stereotypes so you're sitting there thinking okay this person is gonna be on my team because this is a uh let's say i have a left wing issue i have a liberal issue i have a a me too case there's this woman you know uh approached by her boss and got drunk and hit on her in her car and and then he said you know whatever and then whatever so i'm sitting there going oh my goodness i have a a woman you know on the jury she's going to be sympathetic to me and then they'll come back

and go she's the one yeah you know i just i don't think a manager would do that really you know you're like everybody you can't you can't assume that people are on your team um when hillary didn't go a campaign in ohio right it's just sort of like no i've got this thing one right it's like you don't know that you don't know what people are thinking what they're thinking so you better find out and you better be there and you better make sure that your um you know value proposition is being put out there. Well, I think it's funny you talk about that. I think the biggest problem with people living with intention is they don't go into a scenario with any goals,

with any knowledge or any thought of what's going to happen, and the interactions happen to them. I mean, I think this is actually something I was always pretty good at, which was having a good angle to it. And my sister taught me this, and this was the best thing ever. And I'll teach you how to never get a B. If you're a student listening to this, this is how you never get a B on a subjective test again. This is how you do it. Because this is what I did. This is what my sister told me to do. So if you have a test or a paper or something that is in college, especially that is subjective,

right? Like your thought process is being pulled apart to subjective, subjective grade, and you get a B, you go to the professor during their office hours and you just sit down and say, hi, I was just, I got to be on this. I was wondering if you could just, you know, go over with me and explain to me what your thought was as to why I got a B and then have them go through their entire thought process. And then you say, I'm sorry, I just still really don't understand. Can you explain it to me again? And then you do it again and again, and you burn their whole time. There's as much time as you can. You burn every second until they are literally like, I have to go home. You do it as nice as you can you're like well i just really

don't understand and literally as you're walking them out to their car if you can't i just yeah just because i made this point i just thought this the very next time they go to grade you they'll be so terrified to give you a b because they know you'll come back they'll never do it again that was very successful tactic for me. It was successful for my sister. And that. Or just write a really good paper the first time. No, no, because here's the point. This is about understanding the rules of the game.

It's about knowing the game. And that person valued their time more than they valued their opinion. Their opinion of my work was not as valuable to them as their time was, rightfully so. So they didn't want to waste any more of their time arguing their opinion of mine. Now, if it's a Scantron ABC test and you get it wrong, it ain't going to work. But anything that's subjective, you can absolutely do that. But even in life, people, I've got a client that's like, everybody fires me. And I said, because you're wasting their time.

He's that pushy, but in work with certain things. So he can't get contractors to work with him. I got a couple. Yeah, property management. So you got to be careful on who you push. Time burglars. Yeah, you start becoming getting that behind you. I had somebody walk in my office today,

and they said to me two things. And it's so funny, because they were asking me questions that we pay people to do this stuff. And they said to me, they go, hey, can you do me a favor? I want to get my banner up on your back agent site. Not me, can't do that.

Talk to this person. And I also want you to help me, because I want to do some videos in the studio. Again, not me, talk to this person. Why, just for that to help me because I want to do some videos in the studio. Again, not me, talk to this person. Why just for that come right to you? Nope, not doing it. Go to the guy. Not doing it.

He's right there. Here's a funny one. We had a meeting with somebody the other day and it was funny because they told us, they go, yeah, you guys, I wanted to meet with you so I'm not going to charge you the hundred. It was like, what? He goes, yeah, like a year ago,

I just started charging people a hundred dollars if you want to meet with me so when salesman called me anybody calls me they want to come to meet with him i'm like yeah it's a hundred dollar rate wow you want that's what i how do you feel about that i think it's so i think it's amazing i thought it was great you didn't like it when ari gold when i said you should send an invoice if people are wasting your time no no no no no no but fake invoice that you can't no, but this, you want to try to come in and sell me something? You want to come in and chit-chat? You want to burn me something?

You better believe in it. Yeah, exactly. I'll know exactly. If you believe in your product enough, you're going to make a ton of money. You know what? I think I'm going to start doing that because there are a lot of people. No, no, no.

I think I say for sales calls to pitch my business, it's $100. $100. I will listen to your pitch. I will sit through it, but100. $100. I will listen to your pitch. I will sit through it, but it's $100 now. I will listen to your pitch with open ears, and if it's honestly something for me, I will purchase it from you. It's all bleep. $100.

You'll weed out people that don't believe you. $100. I'd pay $100. I'm doing that now, by the way. No, but I think you can do that. Hit the horn. What's that? Hit the horn.

That's the problem. Oh, there it is. There's the problem. No, but I think you can do that. I'm a student. I am 100% every time I get a sales pitch yeah i am now doing that sure if you want to come to the office pitch me it's 100 bucks god think of the value the power move is created for people just so much right one just that one little tip but here's the thing i think if you do that you're living intentionally you're intentional with your

time you know the value of your time you're you're living intentionally so there's a little tipperoo like i said i still stand behind that thing if somebody i agree not not colt calls me up yeah let's chat about stuff but if i did it numerous times constantly constantly i'm just gonna start sending invoices i like that i know john didn't care for that but i did like that especially when I charge for time well everybody's charged for time they might not realize it but they are so I sit there and think man people waste

so much guy goes to me today I'm gonna say hey I just saw you in the parking lot of another place my god we got a meeting in 10 minutes so I guess we're not doing this meeting. I'm like, I'm back already at my office. Like you were going to lunch.

You wasted my time. You just didn't realize that people waste and waste and waste your time. I think, you know, what's funny about that is when telemarketers call me, you know, my wife knows when telemarketer calls me, I just hang up on them, right? If they like, as soon as I know they're selling me something and i'm not here just hang up and get just like that's so rude

and i'm like no it's not absolutely no it's not because they're just dialing for dollars i'm not gonna buy i think trying to save the guys some time oh yeah yeah just save them time i used to be that guy that i would try to be polite and all this no you're wasting their time you're there's nothing but did you check and call with me to see if I'm with my kid right now? There's nothing. You don't care. It doesn't matter. They're working.

I just – Chambers called me, right? And I told the guy, hey, look, this isn't for my real estate. This is nothing. This is for roofing. I just need the very cheapest thing right now because we're just starting up. I'm not going to sit here and pretend like I can be on your president stuff and everything. I go, just give me the cheapest.

I'll sign it. Let's go. He goes, usually this is 45 minutes of people pretending they have all this money. It was Bobby Big Wheels. You know, and he goes, thanks. And that guy has introduced me in one month to so many people because he's like, he's a straight shooter.

He doesn't waste your time. No, that's a good reputation to have. This guy will not bullshit you. Yeah, he doesn't waste your time. Doesn't waste your time. Gets the deals done and that's it.'s it so finish up connell one bit of advice for people to live in intentional with their life what would it be if you had to give them one piece of advice what would it be know what you want to do no no what's what you're working towards

i mean you you talk about it a lot which is wonderful because to be conscious of the drift now i'm drifting out there and and it's funny too and this stuck in my craw because you accused me of it at one point in time too who me no no john because because i have this business where it's it's part of it's difficult to say who's going to walk in the door there's a lot of variables in my business i can't say okay well i'm going to get these three people that are going to have these issues you know it's it's hard to plan for you can't be like that you it's hard to scale up like that right i'm going to have these issues, you know, it's, it's hard to plan for. You can't be like that. You can, it's hard to scale up like that. Right. I'm going to cold call a hundred people till I get two car accidents.

It's like, that's not how car accidents work. That's not how real estate transactions work. Could be just kidding. FBI, just kidding. State farm.

Just a mill of people like trading off policy. No, don't do that. Don't do that. No, I take it very seriously. But, you know, it's difficult. So for me, sometimes I feel the drift wherein I'll be slammed one week and the next week I'll have time and then I don't. I'm like, oh God, I had all these things I was planning to do

when I had the time to do it. And now it's here and then something will happen. Then I'll have to go here. Then I'll go. I had time that day to do some written discovery. And now it's gone. I got to plan this. And you start to feel that drift because maybe you're in an industry that has a bit of built-in drift. Yeah.

Some ebbs and flows. And just minimize that if you can. And remember what you're working towards. Yep. Colt, what say you? I think that just there's been numerous studies, right, flows and just minimize that if you can and remember what you're working towards yep colt what say you i think that just there's been numerous studies right of people either on their deathbed or at least 80 and above right and everybody's biggest regret in life's not doing something yep not something they have done just not doing something so i tell people all the time

read people slot people know where they're at use them for you to go where you want right just because somebody hates somebody i mean i'm sure there's people that hate all of us at some point right but we could utilize it imagine imagine being that guy imagine i mean one out of three but all three of us at the same time no but i think just you know doing what you want to do and again slot people has been the greatest advice people have always given me. I love that. Slot people. Nobody regrets the things they do.

They regret the things they didn't do. Well, I got two. Number one is, you know, this morning I was working out. I don't know why I was thinking about this while I was working out. But I thought, you know, I spent a great amount of my life not being in the gym regularly like I am now. Not having a regimented gym thing. And I thought, I didn't really get serious about it until I got a why, why I wanted to do it, why I wanted to do it. I was thinking to myself, you know, I really wish my son would be in here

more regular now that he's, you know, he's going to be 15 and he's being here moving up, moving weights around a little more often. But I realized me telling him to do it isn't going to make him do it. He's got to come up with a why of his own, which is why I i realized me telling him to do it isn't gonna make him do it nope he's got to come up with a why of his own which is why i don't even ask him to go in there when he figures out it becomes important to him do you know what they'll do it you know what that why is going to be for him but girls what yep 100 when that becomes important he will come in and do it um girl he likes one day is going to be dating that big box dude. And that's going to be a lie. Well, here's, and here's the next thing, which is this live with a sense of urgency. And I, you know, I got to tell you, and I got to tell you this, which is, this has been

bothering me ever since it happened a couple of weeks ago, which is this ever since I saw our Egypt stuff come up and realize that was a year ago, I was like, I need to go to some of the cool every year because I'm 50 years old man i don't know you know i'm in great health now but who knows how many years of adventure i have so i feel this mad i felt a mad burning urgency to say we got to figure something out somewhere i climbed the tallest mountain in the united kingdom in may yeah well it's like six blocks no no no no because a buddy of mine was having a kid and getting married yeah in europe and i met him over in scotland with ireland and what all that but i get in urgency i have urgency i definitely

live with a sense of urgency and i i what happens is like my arm right now is jacked up because i'm doing jiu jitsu but i realized that i only got so many good years left to do jujitsu so now i know i want to get to a certain place so i do it i play basketball tonight i have you know gym monday wednesday friday because i realized my meat machine is going to break down one day and i'm going to regret if i didn't climb that if i didn't yeah you know whatever so i couldn't agree with you more i think that's wonderful well man i hope this helps i hope some of the tips helped you today. I hope some of this stuff helps you out. I hope you start billing people

that want to sell you stuff for your time. I love that, John. I hope you do that. I mean, I may cut a deal. I'll say for friends and family, it's 75. Yeah, there you go. But I hope this helps you, man, live with some intent in your life.

And if you're going to move, man, you might as well move forward. We'll see you next time. Hey, it's John Gafford. If you want to catch up more and see what we're doing, you can always go to thejohngafford.com. We'll share any links that we've things we talked about on the show, as well as links to the YouTube where you can watch us live. And if you want to catch up with me on instagram you can always follow me at the john gafford i'm here give me a shout