Escaping the Drift with John Gafford - Winning at Life through Stoicism EP 34

Episode Date: January 19, 2022

The Power Move Episode 34Winning at Life through Stoicism Learn and burn Entrepreneurship from serial entrepreneur John Gafford and his band of mayhem makers. From stripper poles to the oval office, business lessons are everywhere. This Week:Winning at Life through Stoicism Do you find yourself anxious, angry, or over affected by outside circumstances in life? This episode takes a lot at some of the great stoic thinkers of all time and the keys to unlocking sustained peace. Oh, and Colt circumcised his own head at about the 50 minute mark. With Chris Connell and Colt Amidan

from the art of the deal to keeping it real live from the simply vegas studios it's the power move with john gafford back again back again for another episode of the power move i am your host john gafford to my left colt the wacom cobra am it in strong one today strong like that the wacom cobra matches my dick that missing for the second he'll be back shortly but missing i'll show you yeah there he is the empty chair the empty the empty vessel that is normally chris connell best chris has ever looked on that it's the best he's ever looked you know it's amazing that uh you know how unimportant our podcast comes when you have a when you have a very high value client lawyer it's like yeah it's like i can sit here and talk nonsense with you morons or i can uh go make money move on and

do that make money yes today on the show we're going to talk about, man, 2020, you know, the new year 2022 has already started off for a lot of people the same way that 2021 kind of ended, which was, you know, with some drama and some problems. And I want to talk about, you know, people always ask me what the most important book that I've ever read is or, you know, what's made the biggest impact on me. And that book is the obstacles away by ryan holliday and actually his whole series of books on stoicism i can't get enough of it i'm actually reading one right now called the ego is the way um i'm sorry ego is the enemy is the one i'm reading right now um that sounds like a good one it is it is a good one. The ego is the most loving thing.

I love to learn about the ego. It is, the ego is what will wreck you as a person. It will. One thing. So what we're going to do today is not do a paraphrase of a book or not summarize a book as we have before. What I did was I just kind of went out and found a bunch of quotes from famous Stoics that I like. And these are quotes that have come through. I've read them in different books that I've read, just different things that I've consumed on this topic. Because

this is, I'm going to warn you right now, man, this is one of those topics that once you get started on it, it's gonna it hopefully will appeal to you as it has to me it is what allows me to do what i do and get me through the day um and hopefully it'll appeal to you and you'll start you'll start looking for more of this stuff out so what i wanted to do is i just highlighted i got i don't know a handful of quotes on here and i just kind of want to go through and we'll talk about as we go through so love it love it a lot of marcus aurelius who was you know an emperor of rome some seneca some epictetus some different stuff as we go along so we'll start out real quick with one from seneca that says you have passed through life without if you have passed

through life without an opponent no one can ever know what you are capable of not even you and i love that because it is one of those quotes that came through that so many people shuck adversity so many people don't want to compete so many people are scared to take that chance so many people are scared to get out of their comfort zone Colt to see where the world will take them I totally agree and I think you're it goes to you know you really never have a true enemy or obstacle if you don't have an ego. But there's always obstacles. Like there is.

It's so funny. I felt like crap. People are reaching out to me. It's like, you look great. Yeah, thanks. But it's, yeah. So when I'm sick, thank God that I'm still alive. I've got the ability to get up and get going again.

And if you just pass away, like, oh, poor me, I'm not going to fight against something. I'm not going. You'll never live life. You'll never be successful. If you're afraid of somebody yelling at you on the phone, you can't be a salesperson. The obstacles, if you push them away.

No, you need opposition in your life. Absolutely. You need something to measure. Come on. Oh, Chris. Hey, Chris Connell comes in. Hey, perfect. Absolutely. You need something to measure. Come on. Oh, Chris. Hey, Chris Connell comes in. Hey, perfect. Hey, don't worry about us.

We just do this every week. Don't sweat us. It's fine. What kind of power move would it be if you didn't get some commerce? If we didn't get some common sense. If we didn't get some commerce. If we didn't get some commerce done. No, I agree.

Welcome. Welcome, counselor. How are you? How are you doing, gentlemen? So how was the call? Incredibly productive. Incredibly productive. Incredibly productive. Very optimistic.

Very optimistic. Say that a lot. For all your legal needs. Legal needs. 702 Connell. Connell. 702 Connell. 702 Connell.

So back to what we were talking about. You hurt in a car accident or you tripped and fell. Dial C-O-N-N-E-L-L. So no, to bring you up to speed, you already knew we were going to talk about stoicism today. So essentially what we're doing is we're reading great quotes from history, and we're just going to kind of dissect them as they go along. The first one, because I didn't get your opinion,

was if you have passed through life without an opponent, no one will ever know what you were capable of, not even you from Seneca. That is absolutely true. You need opposition. You need failure. You need failure. You need it. Because you've got to measure yourself against something,

or you never know how you measure up. Look uh look at the georgia coach oh yeah sweet is that victory it was sweet for him for kirby to win how sweet is that because he's failed before yeah yeah it did i i agree with that i agree another one from seneca whatever can happen at any time can happen today. This is something that I use a lot to insulate me. Again, whatever can happen can happen today. When I'm running through plans, it's like so many people just want to see the positive in things they're going to do. They don't model out the disasters. They don't look at the worst case scenario. And I get accused sometimes by some of my partners as being the Debbie Downer sometimes, and I'm not. I just want to model out every single possible scenario that

could happen before I get done. This is how, when I evaluate a business deal, I evaluate risk in all things. This is how I do it. What is the absolute worst thing that could happen? I mean, let's assume that the wheels completely fall off and this thing tanks. Is it going to end me? And where on my risk meter does that, where does the damage go and where does the reward go? Right. And I weigh those two things out.

And I also think you've got to take it as sometimes you can't control life, right? Like so many people are so afraid to live life right now because of COVID because of what, if that could, well, anything could happen to you today. You could die of a heart attack. You could fall and trip and hit your head that you could even look at it that way is anything bad could happen. You got to live life. You got to push through, you got to get going on. I think about that a lot. No, I think, I think the general, I think the general, and you'll see these themes run through all of these things we talk about today,

but there's a couple of themes that run through most everything, which is number one, you have, you have complete and total control of your emotions and how you react to things. That's one. Number two is the concept of memento mori, which I say to my wife, I said it this morning. I mean, she's like, cat's got diarrhea. I had COVID, you know, blah, blah. Hayden broke his wrist, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I was just like, I met Domori, which means someday you will die. And compared to that, what is this? This is nothing compared to that. Well, think about it.

The worst part of death is you're never even going to know when it happens. Yeah. Right? Hopefully. I saw The Sopranos last episode. It just fade to black. You know, it's fade to black. And you think about the people you leave behind.

So did you tell your loved ones you loved them recently? Did you do that? I had a good talk with a guy that died for like 14 minutes. Was this the white beard guy? No, no. That was my angel that saved me. But if you've never talked to anybody that's died and come back, it makes you feel good about your life.

It makes you feel good that people love it. People love dying. People come back and they're like, oh, the peace that come with it and everything like that. Unless your life is the executioner, then you should feel bad about that because you failed that day. But I think that's a cool conversation to have, somebody.

That was a good joke. That was a joke that I was not going to laugh at. Just a bit outside. Yeah, look, folks I was not going to laugh at. Just a bit outside. Yeah, look, folks, they can't all be gems. We try. The good news is you can see from that response, nobody here humors me about shit. If I miss, it's a hard miss.

It just is what it is. That's all right. But no, that's a cool conversation to have with people that have died, right? People have died. They've got a perspective on life that's a lot different. That's it. Marcus Aurelius, again again emperor of rome said today i escaped anxiety or no i discarded it because it was within me in my own perceptions not outside right um you know i think you run right to the again this is the world is there's no right or wrong i think nietzsche said there's

no good there's no good or evil just simply your it just is your perception of things is how it is and if you are someone that has a high level level of anxiety if you're somebody that right this stresses out all the time about what's going on they say that if you are stressed you are either if you're depressed you're reliving yesterday if you have anxiety you're're worried about tomorrow and you're at peace. If you're living today is the best advice. And, and, you know, that's another thing that, that I always, you know, tell my wife all the time is don't borrow trouble from tomorrow. You know, look, what will be, will be, if this is going to be a problem tomorrow, it's going to be a problem tomorrow. But right now we don't know that it's a problem just because again, when I look at,

and I talked about my, how I evaluate risk and how I do those things, I don't, I don't obsess over the worst case scenario. I don't focus on the worst case scenario. I just consider it so I won't be surprised. That's, you know, if it comes up, okay, look, yeah, we knew that might happen. It was considered, you know, one of the quotes is not in here that I wish was, it says, you know, one of the things that a general can say, a general, one of the things that general can say that is unforgivable is I didn't know that could happen. Right. Right.

Completely unforgivable is I never thought that could happen twice. Right. Right. That's unbelievable. You're watching it actually happen. Yeah. How is it unbelievable? It's not unbelievable.

You're watching it happen. I've often wondered how it is that every man loves himself more than all the rest of men, but yet sets less value on his own opinion of himself than the opinion of others. Oh, it's unbelievably insightful. Oh, my God. I mean, listen, I'm going to say that again. I'm going to say it again. Here it comes.

Here it comes. I have often wondered how it is that every man loves himself more than all the rest of men but yet sets less value on his own opinion of himself than of the opinion of others this is the truest thing i mean i it's funny whenever i teach a class and i talk about you know being likable or being attractive i'm always like who's your favorite person i ask that every time out to the room who's your favorite person right I ask that every time out to the room. Who's your favorite person? Everybody's like, my mom, my sister, my best friend. I'm like, you're all full of shit. Your favorite person is you, which is why you love to talk about you.

You love to hear about you. You love to hear your own name. Yeah, you love to hear your own name. It's magic sounding to you. And yet, as a society, through now social media, we've become so consumed with the approval of others through likes, through shares, through comments, through all of those things. It is insane. You know, Cody Sperber, who's a friend of mine, he's the clever investor.

He did a video the other day that was shockingly honest. I loved it because it feels it was very truthful to me how it felt. And Cody, if you're watching this or you see this clip, this is for you. So Cody did a clip where he basically said, I am getting out of the social media game in one year. I'm out. I'm done with this. I no longer get any, I never, I don't derive any pleasure from this.

It causes me irritation. It is a job. I am at the whim of the algorithms of Instagram. My stuff doesn't get seen. I am at the whim of the algorithms of Instagram. My stuff doesn't get seen. I'm done. He's like, for me, in life, it's either a fuck yeah or hell no. And this has become a hell no.

And so many people, so many young people get caught up in the approval of others through social media that the approval, no matter how much you get, will not be enough. So I just want to push back just very briefly because I don't, sometimes people will, there's this whole thing about stoicism where they think it's just these mindless quotes about being, you know, whatever. It's not. It's about understanding that, you know, what you can control, you can control how to approach life and all that stuff. There is something to be said, though, about how you feel naturally about other people, how they feel about you, because we are still tribal animals. So as much as you can be

an intellectual being, you're still primal and a lot of different root places, right? So the clicks you get are approval, right? We have Dunbar's number, how many people are within our village. Cause I need the acceptance of others to be tolerated within my own village. And I think sometimes that's a balance, right? You have to be for yourself and living for your family, worried about yourself, what's in your control, but you also don't want to do it to the detriment of how you fit in in your tribe. Well, I think the point that Marcus is trying to make here, no, no, I get it, but I think

the point that he's trying to make is, is if your self-value comes through the eyes of others, you're never going to be happy. You're never going to be at peace. It's not only happy, it's at peace. Peace is just acceptance of the moment, right? Well, and I think you've got to be smart enough to realize whose opinion you should value. Right?

If I've got business issues and I ask both of you, I'm going to value your opinion probably as much as I value my own opinion. Now, if I'm going out and you guys are idiot business people and I'm putting your opinion value in the same, it's different. Just like I've got a brother that when he makes fun of what I'm wearing, I'm like, thank God

you don't like it. Tell me I'm doing something right. My brother's name is John Gafford yeah assholes like but no but it is like if you're no if you worry about what other people think of you god man you can be picked apart like well i did i did i didn't highlight this quote but it goes with what you just said and i don't remember who said it and it's gonna i'm never gonna be able to find it but it says uh take counsel of your friends because their lens may not be clouded by self-love right yeah i love that very smart yeah it's very it's very self-awareness yeah having self-awareness of it i don't i don't know where it was and who said it but there it goes

back to marcus aurelius it can ruin your life only if it ruins your character otherwise it cannot harm you inside or out so So often, I think the perception, you are only harmed if you choose to be harmed by people. I mean, everybody's like, that person did me wrong. Biden's out to get me. Trump screwed up my, but it's all about what this external force did to you. And the reason, right, or going to do to you.

And the reason that, I find the reason that i can be so ambivalent to it we talked about a little bit last time and it's not about you know not staying up for my country and my freedom is being eroded one time it's just the fact that it doesn't affect me i'm going to figure out a way to make it work right you know i i don't i don't let this stuff consume me it's like jay-z said put me in anywhere on god's green earth i'll triple my worth that's right and that goes back to you know your ego again a lot of this comes back your ego you're you're sitting there letting you know somebody create an enemy which who cares if

someone comes up and says chris that stupid shirt you're an idiot and now you're like he's an enemy and now now you've wasted energy you've wasted your time it's it's hurt you now like no it didn't hurt your ego who gives a crap like i i get i don't know the ego thing's crazy ego is enemy you know what's smart about you even reading these printing these out john what's that there's that whole quote i can't remember who said it was i think it might be rogan always says it that motivations motivations like showering, it works for a little bit. Yeah. You got to do it often.

Yeah. So you can read meditations by a realist. You can read Seneca, right? Yeah. And you get these really great kind of, a bit of positive inertia in your own thinking about self-love or letting the little stuff go. But slowly, it'll start chipping away at it.

Mm-hmm. So make it a priority to read sometimes. I actually highlighted a quote from that, so we'll get to that in a minute. You don't even need me now. No, no, no. I think that's why, if you look at programs like 75 Hard that Andy Frisell does, if you look at those programs, you're going to see that consuming pages every day are part of those programs. If you look at-

To reinforce positive- You look at the billionaire morning and get up at six, do this, meditate. I mean, you see where they're consuming that as a part of the- It's as important as consuming food. Right. Is what you put in your brain. I like that. Which brings me to my next thing, which is this. Marcus Aurelius, again, the happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.

You know what you think you become. I mean, I, you know, if, if you are thinking about being broke, if you are constantly thinking about, about your girl cheating on you,

if you're constantly thinking about everything in the world that could be negative, right? That's the quality of your life. That's what you're going to manifest. Yeah. They talk about the law of attraction. This is what they're going to manifest. Go and think it. Yeah. Think of the realization. They talk about the law of attraction. This is what they're talking about.

Wayne Dyer. You remember Dr. Wayne Dyer? He was like a motivational speaker. He always had some on PBS. And I thought, I turned on his program one time, and I thought it was- I was strictly a Bob Ross on PBS. Oh, there you go. Oh, God.

Did you watch that documentary? All in on Bob Ross. All in. It was like a religious sermon or something. I was waiting for him to start being religious, but it wasn't. He was quoting Buddha and Jesus and Muhammad, like all these people with stuff. And one thing he said about just listening to violent music,

he wasn't being old man poo-poo on. He goes, just listen to the content of your music, though. Listen to the words. Dude, we've talked about that. I mean, because when I was coming, like for years, Social Distortion, distortion one of my favorite bands yeah oh my god we talked about this on the show yeah same exact thing i love social distortion and then one day i kind of sat there and started listening to what i was screaming out and i'm like dude mike i mean bro go to night school figure it out figure it out but it's not an e-com store or something mikey doesn't have to be this bad bro

and i could and i had to stop listening to social d because well that was because i was vert i was verbally yelling manifesting manifesting not the best stuff and it can be tv shows social media it can be music you don't even realize it like there's times i'm like that's what that music's saying that's what i'm not pro-censorship at all and i don't think that it's a good policy but i do think that being self-aware and reflecting on what's the content of rage against the machine you go okay yeah yeah there's all these power struggles whatever it's fun to like rock out and get all angry but reflect on it like just don't don't let it come in without some kind of check on it well i'll say i'll say more i'll say more to that you You know, we talked about this before.

Triggers. As you're going through social media, look, if you're watching this video, if you see this video on social media and you're like, fuck that guy, delete me, dude, because I'm not helping.

I don't want to be the guy that triggers you in a negative way. I'm not helping you. First, tell four other people first. Yeah, tell four other people first. Yeah. Tell four other people. Tell four other people.

Second, think about why that would trigger you though well i was take a second and just go okay delete me i'm not i'm not adding anything i don't want to take anything away from anybody ever because people people look for things they they seek negativity i was watching private parts howard stern's movie the other night and they were talking about when he first went to New York and the ratings came in. They said the average Stern fan listens for 60 minutes a day. The average Stern hater listens for 140 minutes a day. And both answers were the same. I want to see what he's going to do next. And it's like people are looking.

If you're looking for things to upset you, you're going to find them. You see the same fights between the same people on social media. It's like delete each other. I'm starting to make sure that I only follow artists, people that do awesome shit like Jacob Acrobat, these guys on Instagram doing amazing human feats. Because I get fueled up by watching incredible things of of humanity right yeah i don't i don't i don't slag the kardashians they do nothing for nothing for me they've never

hurt me i think it's good that that one is trying to help people now that's the end of my opinion on that entire family so it's because like i said it doesn't happen for you love to hate that but i will say this about the kardashians skinny white boys, we're back. Hell yeah. We're back. We're back, baby. We're back. Bringing a comeback. We're back. Dude, Pete Davidson. Good for him, man.

I mean, Kate Beckinsale. Kim Kardashian. Dude, that dude is knocking down a Mount Rushmore. I asked my sister about it. She goes, maybe he's just cool to hang out with. He might be. He'd have to be. Overblow how difficult it is to land an attractive partner or spouse, right?

If you're an enjoyable person, if you're not sitting there like a negative asshole all the time, if you're kind of cool to be around, I mean, I've heard some other things. But I was just going to say that. I mean, he seems like he lost his dad in 9-11. He seems like he is somebody who just lives positivity, which is good, right? Maybe he's he seems like he is somebody just lives positively maybe he's you know which is good right maybe he's entirely empathetic yeah i mean instead of being could you imagine being married to kanye and then go from that to this and there's a guy that's perfect love is not surpassed by his opinion on anybody 100 and that's the opposite of what you don't want

to be either 100 well here's a great quote from Seneca. Life is very short and anxious for those who forget the past, neglect the present, and fear the future. Again, going back to the same thing we just said, where if you're depressed, you're reliving the past. If you're anxious, you're fearful of the future. You just want to be at peace in the present is what you want to do. That's a big one. That's good.

Marcus Rios, again, everything we hear is an opinion, a fact everything we see is perspective not the truth totally i mean this should that should be a disclaimer on social media yeah everything you're gonna see is an opinion everything you know not fact everything we see is perspective i mean you know this is the easiest one if you've never heard it glass empty glass half full true that's it's the easiest one. If you've never heard it, glass empty glass half full. That's it's the easiest way to look at perspective is everything in life. I think, what was it? You heard the story, uh, the Chinese proverb where the guy was like, uh, uh, what was it? Uh, guys, his horse, his horse runs away. Right. And then the whole, the whole village comes over and says, Oh God, sorry about your horse. It's terrible. And he goes, well, we'll see. Maybe. And then the next day, a whole bunch of horses come back,

and they say, oh, man, that's terrible. That's great news that all these horses showed up. He said, we'll see. And then his son got on one of the wild horses and broke his leg, and they said, that's terrible. He said, we'll see. And then the Army came along to draft all the young kids. He couldn't go.

He said, we'll see. I mean, the point is, perspective is everything. Have you heard that one? Have I ever? I don't know if I've mentioned it, but it's one of my favorite stories. Is it the moth joke? No. It's a family. They have two kids, about the same age, two boys, twin boys, somehow totally different.

One's ultra dysthymic, sad about everything, lugubrious, just kind of a downer. Whoa, I mean, that is fast and furious. I didn't even get those to get in. That was like a triple letter word score twice. Hey, you got to keep up. Bam, bam. And the other kid is just eternally optimistic. We missed you.

Bringing the highbrow up in here for sure. So one eternally optimistic one's not. So they say, well, we're going to give the one kid a pony, the one who's down, that's sure to bring him up. And the other kid, we're going to fill up his room with horse shit, whatever, the whole time. So the kid with the pony is like, oh, God, now I've got to get up and feed it and do all this stuff with it.

And the kid whose room was full of horse shit was freaking out, totally excited, and he's clawing through this horse shit, and the parent's just, what's going on? He goes, with all this pony shit in here, there must be a pony somewhere. Yeah. Right? It's that whole thing about how you look at something, right? Perception.

Perception is reality. It's everything. Sometimes there is facts, and the facts are facts. Yeah. Sometimes. Sometimes. It's a problem. You know, like sometimes it's like, you know,

there's always that thing that there's a six, right? One guy's on one side and one guy's on the other. It's like, well, it's a nine. Well, it's a six. Well, it's a nine. We'll figure out which one it really is because it's. Yeah, but looking at it, if there's a two beside it. Yeah.

And then you get perspective. Yeah, you can get perspective and realize what the fact is. It's not. Not everything can be correct. No. No, I agree. Everything we talked about that. Tran the fact is. It's not. Not everything can be correct. No. No, I agree. Everything we talked about that tranquility comes. I'm sorry.

The tranquility that comes when you stop caring what they say or think or do only what you do. Again. Remember that whole comment about a young man cares about what other people think. An old man stops caring what other people think. And a wise man knows they're not thinking about it at all. They were never thinking about them at all. They didn't think about him at all. That's true.

That's the best one. All right, I love this. Be tolerant with others and strict with yourself. That's great. I think that too much in this time, we hold others to too high of a standard and don't hold ourselves to a high enough standard. One of the best pieces of advice I ever got

was expect nothing from anyone, and then you can never be disappointed. If you don't nothing from anyone, and then you can never be disappointed. If you don't expect anybody to do anything, you'll never be disappointed. So my mom gave me this book on relationships when I was younger, and there was this whole dichotomy of people in relationships, sometimes it's a giver, sometimes it's a taker, and a lot of times that doesn't balance, right? Sometimes there's somebody that does everything

and the other person does nothing, it's imbalanced. And then there's the relationships that are 50-50. But with a 50-50 relationship, you're still meeting in the middle. Because this person said in a relationship, expect to give 60 and expect to receive 40 because just giving isn't satisfying because you have needs too. If each partner gives 60 and demands 40, there's going to be overlap yeah there's going to be excess of giving and a surplus right of expectations of receiving yeah so you know when you do that when you expect to give more than you're going to get but still retain the fact that you're a valuable person and you deserve something back yeah right nothing can just be everything right you can't just give away the

farm right when you do that you know you create excess for both parts it's i taught my son that lesson this weekend last weekend because it was he wanted to have a bunch of his friends over during the day and he said uh you know i said that that's a mom department thing i'm not saying because i don't care if you're 10 or if you're 40 when you come to our house my wife goes into full-on like hostess mode and it's it's her. You know what I mean? So you don't just do the throw the bag of chips out and that's it. It's got to be a whole thing, right? And so I never am the one that says yes to that because I am the all three. 13-year-old boys, here's a bag of chips, and don't break anything,

which didn't work out either. So I'm telling Hayden, so she says, yes, you can have these boys over, and she left, and I said, Hayden, I need you to clean up the whole downstairs, like spotless, before she comes back. Like clean everything up. And he goes, why? And I said, trust me, it'll go a long way. So she walks back in from the store for buying all the stuff

that she needs to entertain these four 13-year-old boys. And I go, that sounded terrible. But there you go. But I said, no, no, no. But I said, she looks at me. She goes, oh, the house looks great. I said, Hayden no, no. But I said, she looks at me. She goes, oh, the house looks great. I said, Hayden, clean the whole thing up. And I said, dude, Hayden, relationships are like bank accounts.

There's deposits and withdrawals. And her letting your friends come over, that's a withdrawal. So you needed to make a deposit to make sure that you still had some in the bank to cover it. Same thing. Or just let her know that you value what she's going to do. Yes, you appreciate that. Now I love, love, love this quote. I think if you are a millennial out there that doesn't quite know what's going on, what you want to do, what you want to be, you know, just whatever it is. This, I think is your quote. You're writing from Seneca. If a man knows not which port he sails,

no wind is favorable. And I absolutely love that. that again if a man knows not which port he not to i'm sorry if a man knows not to which port he sails no wind is favorable from seneca what that basically means is if you don't know where you're going in life or you don't know where you're trying to get no help no assistance no leg up no handout none of it is gonna matter it doesn't matter so many I think somebody these younger kids now they just want somebody to do something for them in a way but they don't know where they want to go it's like even if somebody came by and gave you the best opportunity in the world you couldn't grab it because you have no idea what you want but that is so but I think

people also need to be equally forgiving of themselves for not knowing what the hell they want to do I think a lot of people kind of just think, I'm going to do this because I kind of think. But they haven't gone. Like we were talking about your son who wants to be an architect, right? Well, last week, this week, whatever. Well, that's what I'm saying. Maybe he goes and starts working on cattle then and goes, this is bullshit.

I want to coach kids soccer. You don't know. That's why I think people should go try a bunch of shit. Yeah. I totally agree. But again, the point being why I think people should go try a bunch of shit. Yeah. Oh, I totally agree. But again, the point being is I think so many people look for the wind. Oh, go find your port. No, they're looking for the wind before they're trying to figure out where they're trying to go.

Go find your port first. Yeah, it doesn't matter. You've got to figure out where you want to go before you look for the wind. Yeah, too many people's ports money, right? Whatever it is. A lot of times their port's money. It's like, okay, well, why are you really trying to get there i promise you this if you make your goal about your professional goals or whatever about money you're gonna be a sad motherfucker yep dude

it's the you better if you need if you need a business guy dude i i have friends in this business in the real estate business that you know look if anybody calls me or asks me a question i'm happy to sit down with them. I'm going to help them. I don't have any secrets to anywhere. I just work at somebody Vegas. I give them our entire playbook. We spent, I mean, I'll tell them everything I'm doing,

but I know so many people that hoard that information because they say like helping somebody else. And I'm actually people say, there's, there's nothing in it for me. Well, what are you talking about? You know what I mean? Like, like that, that's going to be an empty existence in the long haul. But those people

are always fucking miserable because they think the next bag is going to be the one that breaks them into happiness. That's the one. It ain't it.

It doesn't. You better have a reason for your existence and money's not it. I've been poor and I've had the fortunate opportunity to have moments of wealth.

Yeah. You know, even if brief or whatever my situation is I will tell you that money is not what creates happiness no no it's not it's not all right let's take a quick break when we'll be right back and talk about more stoicism hey it's John Gafford if you want to catch up more and see what're doing, you can always go to thejohngafford.com. Where we'll share any links that we have, things we talked about on the show, as well as links to the YouTube where you can watch us live.

And if you want to catch up with me on Instagram, you can always follow me at thejohngafford. I'm here. Give me a shout. Back from the break, where today we are talking about stoicism and how, you know, hopefully it's going to inspire some of you guys. Look, honestly, we do this, man. I try to get great information, be it sales, be it business, be it whatever it is. And, you know, we try to be entertaining. But literally, this is like an important deal for me today.

Like this is an important show because this is a big part of how I run my life. And it's a big part of the methodology that I use. And I've never given this information to anybody or recommended a book to them on this topic, and they haven't come out of the other side of the better place. So hopefully this will inspire you. Hearing some of the greats talk about stoicism will inspire you to continue your journey on that way. You know what made them great? What?

The concept of a benevolent dictator. They say Marcus Aurelius came as close as anybody could have. So when you're truly just and you're truly looking out for the benefits of all as your main priority, that's what made him such a great leader. You live what you say,

right? That's the second thing is you can listen to all this all you want if you don't implement it in your life and actually live it you're wasting your time yeah no you're there walk it talk walk it like it talk it there's a good way to say it so back to seneca who once said whatever you've been expecting for some time comes as less of a shock again back to if you go through and you weigh out all of the options of things that can happen, both good and bad, you're not surprised when they happen. I got, you know, a couple months ago or nine months, like maybe a month ago, I lost the president of one of our companies.

And I never saw that coming. Like I was not prepared for that. I thought this dude was making a ton of money. I thought he was a lifer with us. And I never saw it coming. And now in the months since I've structured that business in a way that makes it impossible to ever go into that scramble again. It just, it's just not possible. You know, have you, that was a mistake that I made.

Oh, and it's kind of, you see it in real life. You see, uh, somebody dying from cancer for two years when their death comes, life doesn't stop as sudden as somebody in a car wreck. And people take months of like, can't get their shit together because they didn't see it coming. Right. Right. If you see it coming at that shock is so much less. I mean,

I've, I've seen people and it's like, how are you over it? Well, we knew they were sick. Chad, Chad with Bozeman, the guy who played black Panther.

Yeah. His final words were like, I love my family and thank you for everything you've done. It was this peaceful sort of transition, right? Yeah. Because you knew his company had mental time to prepare and you go through your Kubler-Ross stages of death and dying and grief. But his final words were kind of very beautiful and poetic and peaceful. And then you hear other final words from people. Like, ah!

But it's true. Or they're just like, hey, I'm going people. Like, ah! Yeah. I don't know if it's true, but it's like, or they're just like, hey, I'm going to go get some milk. Yeah. Yeah, that's, oh. It's like, what the fuck? Bob Saget, great show tonight. Great show tonight. Great show tonight.

I really loved it. And find him in his bed just toast. Yeah, dude. Good guy. It's great. One of the best aristocrats ever done. Oh, dude, the best. I actually watched it again.

Did you? I watched it yesterday. He's got a great aristocrats ever done oh dude the best I actually watched it again did you I watched it yesterday I watched it yesterday that was the first thing I did when I heard that was I looked up his telling of the aristocrat joke

that's great that was one of the first things I did and again man what a life for him and Betty White not to jump on that but dude

you are doing it right because there's gonna be people fighting over the mic at your funeral and I think that should be everybody's goal to have people fighting over the mic at your funeral and i think that should be everybody's goal to have people fighting over the mic when you go i think i think it should be it's not that we have little time but more that we waste a good deal of it seneca here's a fun

exercise boy here's a fun here's a fun go look at screen time yeah well screen not screen time just take calculator so my father passed away when he was 74 years old right i don't like where john's going because i've been thinking about that here we go no dude but here's the point memento mori yeah you will die it bothered me i had this conversation with jim the other day with this guy i was talking to and he's like ah my family's here my family just left and i was very happy to have them it was wonderful um i got to see them all right and so but you are thinking hey dad's turning 71 this year. Yeah.

How many, how many more times are you going to see? How many more times are we going to do this? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Five. It's not as much.

It's not, it's not a fucking lot, but here's, but here's the, here's the, here's the problem. The problem is everybody wants to ignore death. They want to act like it's never going to happen.

It's the only thing in your life that you have no, you seriously have zero control over. It's going to happen when it's going to happen. Well, I mean, there's things you can do. If we just look at this, you know, my father passed away at 74. If I multiply that by 365, that's, I got, you know, 24 years left times 365. You know, going on that, I got 8,760 days left. You're good, huh? About 10,000 days? Yeah, 10,000 days. 27 years. If, if, if. If you're lucky, you go down.

Everything goes that far. But it could go tomorrow. I could get in a car wreck. I could come down. Dude, 10,000 days is not a long time. Yeah, I mean, when you look at these super healthy people, like Black Panther is a great example. The guy's a superhero for Christ's sakes.

Stud. Stud, great. And gone. And gone just that quick. Blink of an eye. When you look at that that that's what happens that that's the problem so understanding you know how many days have you said you know and this is what's so kind of infuriating about like my mother-in-law like

and it was one of the one of the reasons i couldn't take it when she was staying with us living with us and my father was was like fighting for his life or doing what he was doing she would just get up and just watch tv all day long and i'm like my dad would give anything to be able to just go where he wanted to go do what he wanted to do and you're choosing to waste the day watching game shows and your help not to be corny but there's not a single person on earth that like warren buffett probably wouldn't trade with yeah yeah i'm projecting clearly yeah yeah but Oh, yeah, yeah. But would you trade position with Warren Buffett? No. Not in a million years.

No, because the guy's going to be dead soon. Your money is worthless when you're at the end of your life. Yeah. No, it is. I totally agree with that. Speaking of which. Like I said, I was dating a girl that had MS. I mean, for him to sit there and say,

I wish I could walk across the parking lot. I'll never complain about that stuff again again you can't beat yourself up over it no but it's good to always you know you gotta understand it okay moving on to that seneca it is not the man who has too little but the man who craves more than is poor that's right so so many people just well so many people just like talking about earlier, it's the next bag. It's the next thing that's going to make them happy. Dude, being rich is about being very content with what you have. Now, I know that conflicts a little bit with the hustle culture that we have. And dude, there's nothing wrong with wanting more.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to level up. There's nothing wrong with any of that. It's not your happiness. Here's the deal. As much as I want to level up and as much as I want to take my life, my business, my health, everything to the next level, I'm never depressed about where I am today. You're not going to sacrifice your marriage. No, absolutely not. I'm very content in where I am today. I have a drive to get to the next level, but it's not. Because again, this goes back to, because I want to measure myself against something. If I don't have an

opponent, I never know how far I am. For me, the opponent is getting to the next level. Michael Jackson or Michael Jordan, I've got to create an enemy. Yeah, I have to have an enemy. That's so funny because I was just talking about that last night. I went to the store in Summerlin yesterday. Everybody's getting a Mercedes, Lexuses, BMWs. Then I ran to the store down by my house, and it's a Hispanic store.

And it was so positive in there. People were laughing. You know, just living life in that store. And I'm like, God, man. Like, it was so crazy. Then I think about when I go to Mexico and go to these small little villages, they have more fun, they're happier in life than when I go outside my neighborhood. These people are all living nice lives.

It's like the Philippines, right? Some of the happiest people on earth in the Philippines. Who voted the happiest country on earth? Probably. I guess being a VC makes you super happy. Or VA, a virtual assistant makes you super happy. No, but people are happy when they have their priorities straight. super happy or VA, a virtual assistant makes you super happy. Yeah, no, no, but,

but people are happy when they have their priorities straight. And if you value family time, you value this, you know, as long as you're balanced, it's a food on your table being, I've said this a lot. Driving an ultra luxury car is not that much better after your first couple of days of having it,

then it is driving a nice Toyota. No, it's virtually status. Well, again, as I said, when you can literally get to a point when you can drive anything you want, I think you might be surprised with whatever you want. Well, you would, yeah. I think you might be surprised.

That's why so many people are F-150s. I know so many billionaires. There you go. Billionaires, people worth $100 million, they're all driving F-150s, Jeeps, stuff like that. I love this. The good things of prosperity are to be wished, but the good things that belong to adversity are to be admired. Seneca said that.

Now, what that means is this. Yes, it's fine to – there's another parable that I'll tell that explains this better, which is this. A man said, my grandfather walked to his job every day my father drove a ford i drive a mercedes my son will drive a ferrari his son will walk because greatness is built from adversity it's where it's it's where it starts hard men create good times hard men create good times good times create soft men 100 and i think that's what it is. Hard men create good times. Hard men create good times. Good times create soft men, 100%. And I think that's what it is. So don't be opposed to adversity.

This is what the obstacle is the way is all about. Dive into adversity. Understand the thing standing in front of you or between you and what you want is going to build you in a way, to strengthen you in a way that even if you don't necessarily achieve what you wanted,

it's going to make you stronger. I love it. The whole no good thing comes without adversity, right? Like if a Ferrari was $40,000 and everybody could drive it, Ferrari's not cool. It's not a good thing. It's actually kind of a shitty car. This is why.

No, but I get it. But even if it was, let's say it's the best car ever. If everybody's got it, there's no adversity, then who cares? You know what the best car on the road is? It's a Tesla, period. I don't think. Toyota. Toyota.

It literally is. I got one the other day, and I was like, meh. There's no moving parts. I think it can dance for you. It is infinitely more interesting. I didn't like it. I got a brand new one the other day, and I kind in like dance for you, it is infinitely more interesting. I didn't lie. I got a brand new one the other day and I kind of looked around and went, meh. I agree.

When you look at a combustion engine, it is a moronic thing relative to an electric car. That's what it is. How many times have you heard this and had no idea where it came from? You ready? Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity. That was actually from Seneca. That quote's been around for millions of years. It wasn't Tony Robbins.

Yeah, it wasn't Tony Robbins. No, Seneca actually said that. So everybody's like, oh, you got so lucky. You're so lucky you have that. No, dude, you don't see the grind, the work, everything else, the overcoming adversity behind the scenes that got me to a place when the opportunity presented itself, you didn't get there. I don't believe in luck.

Luck is preparation. Well, just like the great philosopher Pitbull says, the harder I work, the luckier I am. Yeah. Right? Did you just? Okay. Great philosopher.

I thought that was Socrates, but it's probably Pitbull. No, no. But Pitbull's been pushing it back out to people, and they're loving it right now. And again, these quotes. So Mr. 305 is just dropping the heat right now? That's not even his quote, though. No, it's not.

No, that's what I'm saying. And none of these are. If you go watch everybody on it. I don't think Seneca's going to hit him up for royalty. But that's what's so funny is these have been, like you just said, around for hundreds and hundreds of thousands of years. I know, hundreds of thousands of years. That's the good thing about platitudes.

Hundreds of thousands of years. Are you going to start talking about Jesus now? But it's been around that long. Neanderthals? But now all these guys are just taken. I got my 23. Grog, lucky. Grog, we're crying.

But it's been, honestly, not 100,000. That's what I laugh. Everybody's like, oh, how can you be it? You killed John. The COVID spreader over here. You absolutely killed me. No, but you sit there and it's like, oh, that guy's a great. Gary Vee says this or these guys.

All they're saying is the same shit that's been around. That's what they're spinning on. I say that all the time. I go, there's no new information. There's nothing new. It's just a new spin and it's a new frequency on it. Well, George Carlin had a good bit on that. He goes, I've said something no one's ever said before.

I want you to take that red hot poker and shove it up my asshole. He's like, no one's ever said that. I created something finally original. But outside of that, there's very little that's going to be terribly original. And that's what's great about this new generation is because if you start throwing out these guys, half these people only know who they are. They don't study this.

But all of a sudden. Go to the source. Don't get the remix. Go to the source. No, but sometimes the remix is better 275 hard no sometimes no no no jesus when is the remix ever better than the original have you oh man name name a remix better than the og uh i mean anything that uh jay callid that jay cole one jay callid the jay kelly's r kelly's remix jay cole's got one where i love

the beat and then he fucks it up and the beat goes really soft after it but this one just kept the beat hard the whole time like that was a much better remix no but only one i can think of they can you can relate to somebody else right right like somebody's going to relate a lot more to let's hypothetically say pitbull than king david's version of that bobbymurder song. That's a better one. That's the one. Alright. It's like it's made for you from Kato.

It's made for you. I begin to speak only when I'm certain what I'll say isn't better left unsaid. That's like Lincoln, right? Well, it is because if you think about it. It's Lincoln. Was that Lincoln? It's better to the was that lincoln he said it's better does it's better to be thoughtful than open your mouth yeah yeah

i think it might have been lincoln i'm not sure but yeah i i begin to speak only when i'm certain that what i'll say is is it better left unsaid you can't unsay things and i think more importantly you can't untype things oh yeah so on social media like you got to take a break when something when you get triggered and you want to write that diatribe on social media. Like you got to take a break when something, when you get triggered and you want to write that diatribe on social media, just wait a second. Or even maybe if it's something a little too controversial, you might want to hold back on the like button. Like we have a policy here,

social media, like here's, here's our policy within social media, within the company. If you, if you write something on social media that is of a detriment to a protected class you're gonna go and that includes like when somebody writes something that is blatantly racist or idiotic and the first thing it says is

liked by this person that's the same as saying it that's the same as saying it so it happens a lot it does it does so think about what you're doing just think about it 10 seconds on lips a lifetime in the heart right like whatever you say they're going to listen that's it they get a heart that's it associate with people who are likely to improve you seneca said yeah i think you guys yeah i mean of course show me your friends i'll show you your future. Like everybody says. I mean, if you're not hanging around people that are making you better, that's good. And here's the thing.

When we talk about people that are going to make you better, I think, again, we've talked about this a lot. If every single person in your friend group thinks exactly the same as you, you've screwed up. You've screwed up because you're not exposing yourself to alternative ideas, to alternative thoughts. You're not growing as a human. You're not, you just, you're in an echo chamber that just is going to rattle around and hear the same thing. What do you think of the kind of groups, group texts with guys have where you'll have a bunch

of different people, left, left wing and right wing buddies, and you'll send memes. I have one that's a LeBron versus MJ and I got one that's, you know, right wing and left wing. And I got one, I got a bunch of different ones ones right yeah and everybody just roasts each other but i think guys can do that yeah i think so i don't know if it's i don't think women have i don't think women have those in my experience there's a lot of sense of guys nowadays what's up there's a lot of sensitive guys nowadays no no no but what i'm saying is i don't know if like my wife doesn't have a chat group with girls where they're breaking up no no no no no no no no no no no no no, no, but what I'm saying is I don't know if, like my wife doesn't have a chat group with girls

where they're breaking each other's balls. No, no, no, that's a fail thing. Or like she likes this one thing. No, but they're supporting, they're actually supporting each other. They're supporting each other. No, but we support each other by breaking each other's balls.

That's what I'm saying, the way different men communicate. Men communicate by having, like I have very right-wing friends and I have very left-wing friends, right? And sometimes they're all in group chats together. Right. It's like fun.

Oh yeah. You know, you break it up and see what happens. Yeah. But it's not, but it's not hostile. It's not, they don't track each other down and start roasting each other because

you're friends at the end of the day. Yeah, of course you just disagree on something. You can't do any of that anymore because they screenshot it, crop it and say, yeah, look at this guy. He's an asshole.

He's a racist. He's a racist. He's a sexist. He's this. He's that. You know, people, when you're just messing around, the whole Raiders against the Chargers. Oh, they called the timeout because all these receivers were left open. No, it's because they cropped the screen so you couldn't see the DBs and stuff.

And I think that's a problem is nowadays. You got to be careful what you're doing because people can take and make and run with it. I can't wait for the deep fakes to come out and get really good. That way you can do everything. That's how I'm ready. Tom Cruise, everything.

Deep fake Tom Cruise guy. You see the Joe Rogan's chimpanzee hockey team. I haven't seen that. Oh, it's good. The deep fake Tom Cruise thing looks exactly like tom cruise now tom cruise would be like oh that wasn't me yeah of course you can be like that was a deep fake that was deep perfect way out of stuff you almost wanted to get to that point yeah so now

nobody knows so now it's just up in the air as a me there you go seneca said we suffer more in imagination than in reality 100 which is um you know again worry anxiety uh all of those feelings borrowing worry goes back to your ego all that stuff man in most cases i think if you look back in situations where you've been hurt in life or hurt in business or whatever it is if you look back at your reaction to what happened your initial reaction is always worse than the actual outcome. And I think that's human nature. And I think cause it, cause one of the hardest things to do is to maintain being level when the C's are, when the C's are high, it's really difficult to do. And it takes a lot of practice and it takes a lot of, uh, confidence though, to be measured, to be measured is a

certain level of confidence, right? You want to, you's – there's this thing I like to say that sometimes people that appear inflexible, they want to pretend like it's because they're strong, where in reality they're brittle. Yeah, it's a flex. So I don't bend. It's not because I'm so strong. It's because literally I'm going to snap if I do, right? So if you can be measured to a response and say, I'm going to take a minute and think about this. If somebody called you up and said, hey, John, I just smashed into your car, blah, blah, blah,

and your response is, let me think about this for a little bit. I want to reflect on it. Because you're pissed off. So much better than telling you to go F off and do something stupid. No, no, no. Well, the whole thing this is written about is you can't control what happens. You can only control how you react. How would you respond if I did something bad,

crashing or whatever, and if I said, you said to me, hey, let me think about this. I just want to, you know. And that's one of the cornerstones also of stoicism is sometimes you've got to understand not having an opinion is a choice. Yes. Like not, you don't have to have an opinion right away

to every single thing that happens to you You cannot have a trick. You cannot have an opinion. That's that's an opinion. You can defer you can defer it Yeah And and that's one of the things if any of this thing in the stuff we talked about today that I can admit personally that I really struggle with it's that because When adversity comes up this I said a couple weeks ago I stopped watching Yellowstone because when people piss me off, my first instinct is to take them on the barn and strut them up.

That's like my first instinct is take them on the ride. I'm like, maybe I'll stop watching Yellowstone. But yeah, that's one of the things that I do struggle with. And that's honestly where Gavin is a great partner to me in the business is when things happen and I go, like I start to push that nitro button.

He's like, slide your hand away from the controller, turn the key back, and let's think about this for a second. And yeah, and I definitely dial it back much quicker than I used to. But yeah, being very pragmatic in high-press situations, that's not going to the nuclear option sometimes. That's one of the things that I would say I still struggle with on this. So there you go. Well, let's talk about Epictetus,

because none of these quotes were from Epictetus. He's probably my favorite philosopher. Godfather. Yeah. Born in Turkey, lived in Rome until he was banished and moved to Greece and finished out his time there. But I'd actually find some quotes from him because I think he's great. I love Epictetus' stuff.

And here we go. So first I'm going to read his books are the training weights of the mind. This is what we talked about earlier when I said I had a quote coming up because I knew it was from Epictetus. If you don't invest in reading, and I'm not talking about the Twilight series, I'm talking about you need to make an investment in, I love philosophy. I love it. Honestly, retrospect, if I could have gone back in time and gone to school, I could probably see myself studying philosophy maybe you still will i could see that happening um but see here's the problem i don't need you because i can find it yeah you're studying you are you do you study the process of academia though sometimes gets lost it's like actually somebody gives you an

assignment you have to draft something right no i i agree but also the the social media youtube stuff like that is such a double-edged sword because it media, YouTube, stuff like that, is such a double-edged sword because it's so amazing for stuff like this, and it's so true. I find myself doing it. So I actually registered at CSN because I'm going to probably start taking some chemistry classes. Of course you did.

God damn this guy does everything. That's because you want to be Walter White, though. No, no, no. It's not. He's going to be cooking in another RV. I remember I took some. The power move. We kind of went after that. He's like, Cole, I got an idea for us. It's going to be cooking in an RV. I remember I took some. The power move. We kind of went after that.

He's like, Cole, I got an idea for us. It's going to be the supercharged power move. It's going to be great. Super power move. It's going to be no more space in the valences. Full of valence shells. Avogadro number. No, because there's things where I find what's challenging to me.

Well, bio and chemistry in undergrad. So I took them in undergrad, biology and chemistry. I thought I wanted to be a doctor for a stupid minute. So I took hard sciences, and they were they were difficult yeah far more difficult than the other stuff so yep no i can totally see that uh epictetus where then do i look for good and evil not to uncontrollable externals but within myself to the choices that are my own take back to your own your choices now i'm gonna skip right into this one because i love this one i love it i love it i love it i use this i use this with my kids all the time and it's this

epictetus said anything or anyone capable of angering you becomes your master dude you want if your kids okay here it is look if you got kids and they're fighting you want to shut that down in a quickness this is what you do and one of them comes in and says dad he did this and blah blah blah blah blah i'm just gonna go oh so he's your master he's your man he's controlling you well he's got complete control over you because look how upset you just look how powerless all he had to do was say something and you're completely powerless against it so he must control you and immediately dude, dude, no, it is a snapback of epic. Yeah.

There is no more talent on that. That is just, Oh my God. You know, cause when you realize that people that can anger you or trigger you or upset you are your masters, that's your master. So I have a t-shirt.

It's actually from killer Mike from run the jewels. Yeah. I love running the jewels. It says kill, kill, kill your masters. Right. And that's,

that's a concept that actually means a lot to me at a philosophical level. Yeah. Where my whole goal is to kill my masters. I want zero masters. I mean that even myself, I want to master myself, right? I don't want people to control my happiness or anger, my finances or anything. Your only master is who you create. Your ego creates your only master. Your only enemies, your only masters who you create your ego creates your only masters your only enemies your only thing if you if you kill your ego you will kill everything negative

let's talk about some more ego stuff colt we have two ears and one mouth so we should listen twice as much as we speak you've heard that for a million years probably epictetus said that that's where it came from that's where it came oh that That's where it came. Oh, that came from a meme with Jonah Hill on it. So a lot of this stuff has parallels with Buddhism, by the way. Oh, yeah. If people want to enjoy some of these other sort of things with a different sort of delivery, you know, they all kind of resonate in the same way, but that ego is your enemy. Yeah.

It really does. It all comes back to it. No, it does. Just keep in mind, the more we value things outside of our control, the less control we have. So if you are someone that is, you know, very upset about something that's happening to you right now or around you, you've got to remember you're giving control away to that situation. You know, you've got to harness how you feel about things to, to find peace,

to find happiness. And the more, the more, again, this is kill your masters, man. The more people and things that have control over you, the worse it's going to be,

whatever they may be. That's almost a great way when people are bitching about the political landscape either way and be like, I'm sorry, you're a victim. Yeah. I'm not a victim. Yeah,

you are a problem. Cause you're just triggered. 90% of people out there live in a victim mentality. No, they are. They are. Back to Epictetus. If you want to improve, be content to be thought foolish or stupid. This is the number one reason why people don't get good at things.

Because they don't want to look like the idiot on the tennis court, on the lacrosse course, in business, whatever else. I mean, there's so many times when you have a conversation and, you know, and I'll give this. I love my partner that I do flips with, Nick Marietta. I love him for this point. And we'll have a conversation about something and he'll just go, I don't know what you're talking about. And just be as matter of fact about it. Talk to me like I'm two years old. Like I don't know what you're talking about and just be as matter of fact about it like i'm two years old like i don't understand what you just said and i love that about him because so many people their default their default response in a business meeting if something comes up or a concept or something that they have never done before a bunch of bullshit

no no no it's fake it till you make it yeah a bunch of bullshit it, I'm going to sit here and act like I know what you're talking about because if I act like I know what you're talking about, then I'm so terrified that you're going to think less of me if I don't understand what you're talking about. And the stuff we were talking about, he had no reason to know. No, yep. And I knew he had no reason to know it. But again, a lot of people's ego would get in the way.

I had a guy. And so I said. Yes, sir. I had i had a guy yesterday i had to tell a guy hey can you take me off speakerphone i could tell he's on speakerphone with this client i could hear his client and everything i finally decided i go man you are way in over your head you're going to look like an idiot asking these questions on commercial this isn't residential why don't you call me when you're not with your client so we can have a talk right like he just sat there and pretend i'm like oh my god and i won't i won't even go show him what's the cop right there

because i heard that somewhere yeah lockbox ad and you know can i go in it right now yeah just stupid stuff you're like no 199 he who laughs at himself never runs out of things to laugh at epictetus. Totally. I find self-deprecation when it's genuine. I find I'm, I am very self-deprecating. A lot of times I like to crack jokes at my own expense. I think, I think the funniest jokes I tell are at my own expense,

honestly. Except for maybe that, you know, the foreskin turtleneck is pretty strong today, but other than that, it was so funny. I just want to go. No,

no. It's just popping out of the top of it. Yeah. Yeah. No, Jesus. That was a big. Yeah. If you don't watch us on YouTube, the visual that he just dropped.

Colt just docked himself. Please go to YouTube. There's a reason you should watch this. Colt just basically circumcised his own head on there. It was. I can't even explain what just happened, but there you go. Needless to say, he's still laughing himself, which is great And we're gonna finish this up with one last quote from Epictetus, which is freedom is the only worthy goal in life

It is one by disregarding things that lie beyond our control if you Stop focusing on things that are beyond your control. You will be free if you like this And you want to continue if you really want to get like scientific about it, read meditations by Marcus earliest is a great place to start. It can read like stereo instructions in certain places. It's his diary. It's his diary from ancient Roman times. So it reads a little bit,

but if you want something, but if you, again, where I normally tell people to start out is the obstacles, the way by Ryan holiday, it's classic stoicism written in a 21st century tone is a good way to put it and ryan is a really smart dude um that book probably changed my life and business in life more than any other book i've ever read i do revisit it

and um like i said i'm currently reading his uh his book um ego is the enemy i'm i read everything he puts out when it comes to this stuff. Couldn't recommend it more. Wish I got money every time somebody heard that and bought a book, but I don't. But if you enjoy this, man, like we always say,

if you hated it, you know, sorry, but if you loved it, if you loved it, tell four people because remember, it doesn't matter

if you're talking good or bad, Colt. As long as they're talking about you. As long as they're talking about you. See you next time. And your sweater. And my sweater force. Hey, it's John Gafford.

If you want to catch up more and see what we're doing, you can always go to thejohngafford.com where we'll share any links, things we talked about on the show, as well as links to the YouTube where you can watch us live. And if you want to catch up with me on instagram you can always follow me at the john gafford i'm here give me a shout