Espresso - 100m dash of ppl u hate

Episode Date: September 1, 2021

🔒 𝗷𝗼𝗶𝗻 𝗺𝘆 𝗽𝗮𝘁𝗿𝗲𝗼𝗻 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗲𝘅𝗰𝗹𝘂𝘀𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗽𝗼𝗱𝗰𝗮𝘀𝘁𝘀 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮 𝙬𝙚𝙚𝙠 (𝗼𝗻����𝘆 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗳𝗮𝗺) https://www.patreon.com/benedictpolizzi ♦️ 𝗦𝘂𝗯𝘀𝗰𝗿𝗶𝗯𝗲 𝗼𝗻 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗧𝘂𝗯𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXRwNZpU67AK24r5QGfIfCw 🔹 𝙙𝙤𝙣'𝙩 𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙜𝙚𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙧𝙖𝙩𝙚 & 𝙧𝙚𝙫𝙞𝙚𝙬 ;) on this episode Ben answers the Espresso Question of the week: what's some shit you DON'T LIKE? (like when people walk with their toes pointing out really far) Ben remembers the anxiety of leaving a voicemail, he examines how annoying people are in elevators and he explains his dream of lining up 5 people he hates to run a 100m dash (and if they slow down they get shot in the leg) ♦️ 𝗦𝘂𝗯𝘀𝗰𝗿𝗶𝗯𝗲 𝗼𝗻 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗧𝘂𝗯𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXRwNZpU67AK24r5QGfIfCw 🔸𝗦𝗲𝗻𝗱 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗵𝗼𝗺𝗶𝗲 𝗮 𝗖𝗮𝗺𝗲𝗼 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗝𝗢𝗛𝗡𝗦𝗢𝗡: https://v.cameo.com/E48BXekQ29 🔹𝗧𝗶𝗸𝗧𝗼𝗸: https://www.tiktok.com/@benedictpolizzi?source=h5_m 🔸𝗜𝗻𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗺: https://www.instagram.com/benedictpolizzi/ 🔹𝗧𝘄𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿: https://twitter.com/benedictpolizzi

Shot 174. Espresso podcast. This sounds like some actual Halloween shit. Huh? Yeah. Okay. Okay. Halloween season, PSLs in my mouth, yeah I got a big nose like a scary witch

I'm not a pumpkin, I'm not a little bitch I'm a scarecrow in the night Don't fuck with me though, I'm a scarecrow in the night. Don't fuck with me though, I can't fight ya. Halloween ding dong on your porch. Don't know the words to my own story. Yeah, trick or treat, bitch what what up, shorty? God damn it, dude.

What's up? Shot 174 Espresso Podcast with Ben Polizzi. Remember to subscribe, rate, review. Follow on Twitter, Instagram, Cameo, TikTok. Everything. At Benedict Polizzi We dropped a special Exclusive espresso On the Patreon

It's dope I love it I love the flow On the Patreon It's like I'm saying it all That's what That's the vibe

I'm saying it all I'm not holding back Cause I'm just talking to the fam That's it It's just the fam So go over there And join For real

It's gonna be fun Got some good ideas cooking and join for real. It's going to be fun. Got some good ideas cooking. Literally. I'm going to do a little cooking segment on there this week. It'll be fun. Yeah. But remember, follow, subscribe, tell the homies because this thing's a, I like, I like the direction this podcast is going. Let's keep doing it. What's up, man? Dude. Oh, my God, man. I went to a golf outing today, this morning. I've never been to a golf outing. It was Kyle Guy's foundation. Kyle Guy, basketball player, Lawrence Central.

Went to Virginia, won a national championship. Now, he played for the Kings. Now he's in the Warriors organization. He's probably, I think he's shopping around for a new NBA team now. But I was at his golf outing. Got the invite. Hyped. Never been to one before.

Didn't know what to expect. Got in the car with Joey, and I was like, all right, well, at least be there you know what i mean so at least like i won't be by myself i got somebody there i can like mess with and like ask stupid questions to you know like you never you can't ask dumb questions to like just some random guy at least i don't anyway because i'm like i don't want this much actually when people do that to me I feel so much more comfortable around them god what a relief when you're in a big nervous group and somebody's like hey what the fuck is this place even called I'm like thank you it is such relief but nobody does it that often but like it's it's so it's super like it's super tight around golfers you know it's like uh it's like when you're a freshman on like a football team or like

freshmen on your high school sports team and you go up to the seniors and ask them a dumb question. They're like, Oh my God. How would you not know? Oh my God, how did you not know the tradition we do after every practice when we sing the song and then three people stand up and sing that one part that's like, we don't need no education. How would you not know that but that's what that's what I I didn't want to

ask any golfers because like I know nothing about golf the invite was like yo man come to the golf outing it's gonna be tight and if you don't want to golf you can just chill I just would love you to be there and like that's the best invite for me the whole time because i hate doing anything like competitive for fun like what's the point man and when people are like drinking golf's like a drinking sport so everybody was kind of like okay by the way it's 9 a.m if you're if you're drinking anywhere else at 9 a.m they're like this guy's got a fucking problem but if you're at a golf course, it's like, what, get a fucking beer in your hand, you goof? Come on. Fucking, what are you doing out here?

I'm not drunk. Look what this is. It's 830 already. That's the vibe. So we get there. Me and Joey are like, all right, we're just going to go there and chill. We're not playing at all. So we get there and there's just so many, I don't know, a soul except for Kyle guy. I've only talked to Kyle guy maybe two times in my life on Instagram. I don't even know if I've

talked to him in person. So we get there. I'm kind of, kind of following Joey's lead. Cause I'm like, you've been in a couple of golf outings. Go ahead. And then like, we're, we're like five, five minutes till like tee off time. So everybody's like, get by your cart, get by your cart. And this group of dudes just takes Joey and they, you're on our, you're on our foursome. So Joey fucking gets in a golf cart and leaves. And I'm just looking at this group of four dudes that are like VP of sales at like some medical place. And I'm like, I had no,

it was the most of course thing in my life. Like, of course, I'm not with Joey. I'm like, God damn it. Of course, it's a golf outing i don't know what the hell i don't know any of the lingo i don't know what i'm doing of course i have my own golf cart and of course i'm not golfing for the day so there's so many questions already i just get stuck with these four dudes that are like golf pros and like all work together and like know everything about each other.

And they're like, what the hell? Hey, are you playing? Or I'm just like, I'm just chilling. The whole time I was waiting for them to just be like, why the fuck are you even here? I was, I was just literally guys, four guys were just playing golf and I was just like in the golf cart and like behind to being like, ha ha, good shot. Just, just following them around. I felt like their intern. I was like, you guys need any water? Um, just let me, let me know.

Do you, do you guys want me to go? I was literally almost like, Hey, can I go to Starbucks for you guys? Get you like a couple of coffeesees I don't have to do dude but halfway through like I had my own I forgot for a minute I had my own golf cart so I was like all right I can kind of like Venture off here so it was like I completely forgot what golf was and I like they're playing 18 holes I was like it's a golf outing there's a lot of people they'll probably play like six holes or something like normal. You know, they got to get back to work and shit. No, bro. Full hard 18.

Dude, nine holes of golf I can see happening. 18? Bro, I've never been more tired in my life. And all I did was sit down and drink fucking ice tea all day in a golf cart. That shit is incredible. 18 holes of golf. Watching it? No. Playing it?

So I was on like hole four and I was like, damn, bro. We got all day. This has just begun. So I fucking dipped. we got all day this has just begun so i dip i looked at him and i was like hey brb like i was going back to the clubhouse to get like a drink or pee or something but keep in mind i've already done played that card like four times it's the fourth hole i've left four times and this time i was just like i might not come back so i go like this time i look at them they're on a hill like trying to like like doing their practice strokes. And I was like, yo BRB. And

I gave him the like piece like, Hey, you guys need anything? I didn't even say that. I didn't even say that. And then I just, I just fucking dipped off, dude. When those guys were golfing, it was just, it was nuts, the stuff they were saying. Balls in the air. They're like, sit, sit, sit. Keep running. Keep running. I haven't had a rim job like that since sophomore year.

Man, that was such a nice drive. I'm going to bottle that thing up and sell it. But it was the most, of course, scenario of all time. I felt like I was at like a golfing camp and i just got put with four fucking strangers and i was like oh my god where do i go what do i do i don't know why like every time something like that happens i'm i feel so uninformed anytime i go to anything i'm like where do we stand like give me a fucking i need to practice everything i do one entire day before i go do it give we stand like give me a fucking i need to practice everything

i do one entire day before i go do it give me the sheet where it says where i need to fucking be and stuff i won't read it but at least give it to me but overall it was cool i'm down with golf outings i'm gonna have like a clause in my Instagram bio that says like Will Golf if I can just not golf Will go golfing if I don't have to bring clubs That was lit Shout out to Kyle Guy Cause even though I had no idea what I was doing

I still had the most fun I could ever have playing golf Playing unofficial games bro I can't really do it Like beer league softball i have no idea how i would ever i would just sit there i'd be like the team mom that's my job i'm team mom if you ask me to play on your flag football team i'll be like yeah sure when i get there you're gonna be like ben where's your cleats man where's your? And why'd you bring a big cooler full of flavorized

popsicles? I'm going to be like, you misunderstood. When you pick me, you get fucking cupcakes. You get hot dogs. You get all that shit after the game. All right. Win or lose. We're eating popsicles and shit. It's not my job to carry this team. I'll just feed you after, huh? Sound good? I know you kids play hard. I'm excited about the question of the week. Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack. Let's get to it. Espresso, quack, quack, quack, quack.

Question of the week. So let's get into this. Shit I don't like. Hey, Mayo, Mayo, Maine. Hey, Mayo, Maine. into this shit i don't like hey mayo mayo main hey mayo main i don't know why i always fucked that up but you you know who it is he's he's he's damn near fam he's not patreon fam but he's he's damn near fam shit i don't like construction zones slowing down traffic when there is zero construction going on you ever just super tempted to do some like crazy shit when you see construction barriers like you know those big ass barrels they just put in the middle of the fucking road i want to weave those so fucking bad

and then you got the signs that are like hit hit a construction worker, you'll spend 10 years in jail, fines $5,000. I'm like, oh my God, that sounds horrible, but get them the fuck out of the way. Why are they always so close to the road? Holy shit, the guy holding that slow sign? Scoot over! I'm so shocked.

I haven't fucking nipped a construction guy before. But yes, construction zone slowing down traffic. Let me drive on that fucking dirt. God. That big ass dirt storm I want to cause. Oh my God. That's tempting and when I see some new fresh fucking blacktop. Blacktop is the most satisfying shit. Like the blacktop just fucking fresh as fuck and then the way they paint on top of it you've seen those viral videos

with the people put like like putting lines on pavement oh why do i damn near want that job? I might just risk it all and take that job. They're so nice with it. And it's always the guys that look like total shit doing that job. You're like, how do you have any idea what good penmanship is? And I'm sure his handwriting is like a fucking... It looks like Satan's. You know what I mean? It's always the guys with horrible handwriting that have like the cleanest, most organized garages.

I'm like, what the fuck? How does this work? Oh my God. Here we go. Shit I don't like. Kyle Kedra. The sound of whistling. Slow walkers in front of me.

Whistling is my fucking worst nightmare. Slow walkers in front of me whistling is my fucking worst nightmare slow walkers in front of me people who say it's a long story and we'll make it short but tell the whole long story i've got this problem where like when i tell any type of story i always give like this super laid down background information about the story i'm like did, did I tell you that time? Uh, we tried to parallel park and got out of the car and Reggie Wayne was right there. Reggie Wayne. Yeah. The receiver for the Colts. He was right there while we were parallel parking. Oh my God. Nuh uh. What'd he say? Well, first I woke up at 7am and like, that's the thing. Like, I was like, where are we going? Oh, we're going to the game. Where should I park? And then like, that's the thing. Like, I was like, where are we going? Oh, we're going to the game. Where should I park?

And then like I ate lunch and like we, we grabbed a few drinks and stuff like that. And then like we, like all of a sudden I got really tired, took a nap for like two hours. And by this time they're like looking away at their phone and shit. And I'm like, and then they like, listen to this part. So, so I have no idea what to wear. And they're like, what the fuck? I asked this motherfucker about what he, what he said after you parallel parked. And I'm like, so no, no, no. what to wear and they're like what the fuck i asked this motherfucker about what he what he said after you parallel parked and i'm like so no no listen to this part though

i put my reggie wayne jersey on yeah yeah yeah yeah person's in the bathroom taking a piss during the story yeah and then like we got there and stuff and we got there we couldn't find a place to park so i just did it and we got out and we saw and this is what he said we got out and we saw him i go yo what's up reg and he just nodded it was so cool like i'll tell every story like that and i'm like i wonder why they kept looking around during that story. Right when a person, when I'm telling anybody anything, and they start looking somewhere else, I'm like, all right, bye. Lost it. Lost them.

They're gone. They're out of this one. Lost them. Gone. Hey, what's that guy's name? Oh, I used to work with him. It's, ah, right when they look away, I'm like, they look back at me. I'm already in my shower.

I'm out. You look away while we're telling a story i'm out you ever you ever roles reversed you ever fucking you know somebody's about to tell a shitty long story and you just you stare into their soul so they fucking fast forward that shit okay listen to this last night if somebody ever starts a story like that just look them dead in the fucking eyes and they'll be like whoa they're really fucking paying attention holy fuck holy fuck oh and i gotta i gotta get on my shit and they'll fucking you know how you fast forward a podcast they'll do that to their story that's my trick story Story tricks with Ben Palazzi. Alright, here we go. Shit I don't like.

Travis fell off. Shit I don't like. Like when your sock slides under the back of your shoe. It's not a big deal, but tell me why I start walking like I've got a broken foot. Dude. You ever have that uncle that just never wore socks i swear i had one uncle that just never fucked with socks i was like damn uncle charles just does not even bother doesn't care i always tried to be that guy it just feels it just it looks so much better when you're not wearing socks. It's like, wow. Is that guy from the Keys? Fuck, man. One second into not wearing socks being fucking Ellis Island, dad,

you can smell your own feet. Holy shit. You ever smell yourself? Whenever I can smell myself, I don't care where I am, what I'm doing, I'm finding a shower. I'll drive to a fucking Flying J and get in that truck stop shower. Those are fried. You ever go to a truck stop and like, oh, bro, I did not know it was like that.

I was at a truck stop just like looking around. They sell the weirdest shit at truck stops Like how do you guys have fucking machetes And like actual fucking Like fish you can buy here Everything in between Dude All these are so fucking good

I could talk about them for 10 years Brian Pierce, 12. Shit I don't like. Anything related to UFC and guys talking about the fights and sitting there for 89 hours waiting for the best one to show up. Even though it comes on at 1am and lasts

47 seconds. Shit gets so annoying. Yeah, I can't get into that. I'm like, how do you guys know the fighters? They're like, oh, Ramirez versus Vasquez tonight. Are you watching the card? It's UFC 58. I'm like, what language is this?

It's such a B-dub sport, you know? I feel like if I'm watching UFC, I have to order, like, ghost pepper wings and sit at a B-dubs and be like, All right, let's keep going. I'm going to do a voice memo. There's got to be a voice memo up in here. Here we go. Shit I don't like, John Tennant.

Hey, Ben. All right, so shit I don't like is when you're trying to leave a professional voicemail and you just completely stumble over all your words and you sound like an idiot and there's no way you can take it back. For real. Dude, I did.

I started writing out my voicemails and I'd still fuck them up. If I had to leave a voicemail at like a dentist's office when I was 12 and my mom was like, you make the appointment for some fucked up reason. Like, if I had a cavity, she'd be like, well, it's your fault, so you set up the appointment. You can be a big boy.

I was like, what? So I had to, like, leave the message. Dude, I would fuck that up. I'd write down everything perfect and be like, I'd probably hang up when it was ramping up to be the, sometimes that little beep catches you quick too. Like it can either be the, this is family dentistry on Smith Valley Road.

If you'd like to make an appointment, press one and wait for the tone. If you'd like to make an appointment, press 1 and wait for the tone. If you'd like to know our hours of operation, press 2 now. Or if you'd like to return to the main menu, please press 3. Hit 1. Please leave your message for Dr. So-and-so after the tone. Boop. Hey, Doc Andrew, is this it? Then you leave your message like that's

a normal procedure. Some dentist's office are like, please leave a message. Boop. And you're like, hey, um, this is, uh, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, bitty in the jets. I don't know why you said that, but anyway, I'm 12 and I, um, uh, I end the call and I'm like, what did I just fucking do? Mom, we need a new dentist. I, we can't go. I don't actually, nevermind. I don't even need to fuck. I, I'll just, uh, I'll brush.

I'll start flossing. Dude, that shit is irritating. Those quick ass, they hit, they know too. That voice message system that's like, please leave message. Boop! Oh, um, hey, I'm, I don't know how to speak. And I love you. Oh, fuck.

Why did I just send that to my, why did I send that to my guidance counselor? Nothing hits quick, boy. Oh my God, dude Hector Alvarez Shit I don't like I hate it when I arrive at my office building And none of the three elevators are on the ground floor So fucking annoying Dude, it really is

That's like the most like Bougie ass shit to be annoyed about, but it really is like a pain. Why does it hurt my fucking heart? If the elevator's not on the floor when I need to go up, I'm like, Fuck it, dude. Fuck this place, bro. I don't want to break my lead. Fuck this.

Fuck you. Like pointing to random people in the lobby. Fuck off. You've been pissing me off Weirdo, bitch Go back in your car and fucking sit there Fuck Go back inside, see all the same people And just act like nothing happened

Hey, what's up, how you doing Cool, yeah You get groceries? See that salsa in your bag act like nothing happened hey what's up how you doing cool yeah you groceries see that salsa in your bag party time fiesta yeah yeah yeah anyway what floor that's literally how i fucking feel when the elevator's not on floor one. The elevator is not dude. And this is the worst part of the fucking elevator. I hate people that when you're like, you're L okay. Say you're on floor six and you're going down to floor one and you go down to floor one in the fucking door opens. And there's somebody standing right in front of the fucking door, trying to come in the elevator. And they're like,

Oh my God, I'm so sorry so sorry i'm like did you not know that this is a fucking elevator like people you you didn't you didn't know that people would come in and out maybe they're like oh i'm like did not expect to see you here i'm like is this a fucking haunted elevator what do you mean dude it's like going into a bathroom and thinking there'd be no chance that someone would be in there at a Colts game.

Imagine walking into the Colts game bathroom and being like, oh my god, you guys are in there! Oh my god! Who would have thought? Well, alright. Guess we're doing this. It's like, dude, it's an elevator Don't be so goddamn shocked

And back up! Right when I open the door to leave Oh, sorry, excuse me Back the fuck up, man I hate elevators Jesus Christ Every time I'm in an elevator I have to piss shit

And I get three FaceTime phone calls. I'm like, what? When I'm playing hide and seek and when I'm in an elevator. Auto piss. Oh, man, this has been fucking me up lately. Joel Whitford shit I don't like. The difficulty of getting the straw cover off a straw it is crazy and it's been more like when i was a kid i feel like i used to own straws

now i'm adult i'm like fuck dude i started doing this thing where i ripped the paper off the top and then like put in my hand like that because nothing have you the worst experience of your life is trying to get the straw out of the paper and that like pre-ripping it and you and it's it's like so hard to do in the straw snaps where you're like fuck it it never really does anything when the straw snaps i'll be fine it never like hurts it just plastic and then you try to drink your drink and there's a bunch of fucking air going up your straw And you're like why can't I actually drink this You try to stick up for yourself You're like no no no no no no

I did this to myself I can finish the drink with a broken fucking straw They're like hey man It's been two weeks and you're still trying to fucking finish that smoothie are you sure you just don't want another straw you're like no no no

I can fucking do this there's been so many times of that shit a metal straw I feel so fucking I feel like a bitchy prince when I'm a metal straw. I'm like, I feel like I just want to hear gossip when I have a metal straw. So who is she dating? That's my, that's what I say every time I fucking drink out of a middle straw. All right, so what'd she say about me? I turned into the biggest fucking bitch.

I've turned into a brunch bitch. All right, let's find one more. One more voice memo would be lit. I don't know if it's going to happen though. Oh my god. I don't think that is. Hey, next time. Voice memos.

Espresso question of the week. It just makes it cooler. And if you're like, I don't like my voice. I don't like mine either. Nobody does. Except for like Drake. Yeah. Alright, let's go viral. But first,

the Espresso podcast is brought to you by Wave1 Media. If you want to start your own show, visit thewave1.com Alright. Viral. your own show, visit TheWave1.com. All right. V-v-v-v-viral. And r-r-r-r. Hashtag

fake theme park facts. Fake theme park facts. Theme parks are a brilliant idea if you think about it, man. Like, yeah, they have to do ride maintenance every now and then but like It costs a hundred dollars to get in and everything in the park is fucking expensive as shit everything bro Oh my god

You ever pull up to a theme like I used to go to amusement parks every year So i'm kind of like obsessed with them. It's like a childhood shit. It's like a thing, bro. My family did this lit shit, and they went to Cedar Point every year. Like my cousins and shit. My actual family. That'd be a fucking nightmare. We went to Cedar Point every single year.

Even my dad would go with us. And he'd ride like Fucked up rides I didn't understand it My dad's like not a guy That does like Fucking Like

Thrill shit You know He's like nah Like I feel like he'd be like Nah that's not good For your brain or your body What do you think I am Some kind of fucking

Piece of crap That's gonna turn your brain To mush Like a So you're gonna be You're gonna be Mr. And piece of crap It's gonna turn your brain to mush I guess So you're gonna be Mr. Thrill Seeker Okay Okay evil

Knievel have a good time If you die on one of those rides don't come Calling me old fucking mush brain I thought He'd be like that for sure but then He was like yeah I'll go to Cedar Point With you guys And we were like oh fuck

This is a nightmare why did we ask you And then he fucking He went on the fucking dragster I was like he'll probably go on some little Kid bullshit ride with like one of my little cousins And be like I rode all the rides This motherfucker Went on the tallest roller coaster in the world. And that shit, and the line for that motherfucking ride.

Cedar Point's lines are not a game. When waiting in line for an hour seems like torture, dude, the dragster waiting line was four and a half hours. Holy shit. Half of my life is just time waiting in line for the fucking Millennium Force and dragster. Holy. Dude, and people in those lines are just all over each other. You start looking at people, you know know because you like pass people the lines

are like you know the line at a bank the line when you're like going you're inside a bank and there's like the fucking velvet ropes you gotta like walk in a walk around i'm like you're a psychopath like it's the grand opening of some strip club in Miami you gotta walk through that line like it's like it's so stupid you can't I feel like I'm gonna get fucking arrested and tased if I like jump over one of the velvet ropes but like dude the line the line like is segmented like that so you just keep passing this you look at the same You look at somebody 900 times Cause you just keep passing them and shit In the line

Dude and every time you're like Oh yeah whatever The next time around you're like Oh yeah The next time you see somebody Yeah Actually By the end of the fucking ride

You're like married to that person She's not bad She looks Okay You could damn near date somebody From the start of a fucking roller coaster line To the end See ya

You feel like you built a relationship with them At the beginning of the ride You're like fuck these people Fuck off. Ew. Piece of shit. Get out of my line. Ew. They're going to be on the ride with us after the roller coaster. Oh my God. Maybe I can come up and see the family sometime around Christmas. Yeah. Like the stockings, the stocking game you said you'd play with your entire family. Give me a, give me a stocking. I'll be there. I can't wait

to see you guys. Oh my God. You know what? Actually, I'm coming with you. Where are we going? Where are we going next? You want to get some fries together? You spend so much time. I've never spent more time looking at someone than in a fucking rollercoaster line. Fuck. Hashtag tips to prepare for fall. I had a, I had a, I had pumpkin cream the other day for the first time at Starbucks, bro. There, there might be like one thing I like more than fucking pumpkin cream in the world, bro. I totally forgot that that was a thing. So it's all like pumpkin spice, pumpkin spice, pumpkin spice in October. But God damn. I was like, I'll try the, I'll try, I'll try the pumpkin cream cold brew. Can't remember if I had that or not last fall. Right when my tongue hit that fucking cream,

Right when my tongue hit that fucking cream, I turned into a fucking wicked witch of the West, and a broom just fucking slid right under my ass, and I fucking took off. Oh! Bro, that shit is so goddamn sweet. I sound like such a fucking bitch Saying that but pumpkin cream I don't like anything more than pumpkin cream

Unless it's Mark McGuire Oh my god At this golf outing today Somebody started talking about a league of their own That's one of the weird five movies That I've seen Uncovered gem Unlocked memory

That's what happened when someone said A League of the Dude I actually did this They were like what's that movie Tom Hanks is in The baseball girl movie And I was like A League of the Rhone They're like I thought you left five minutes I thought you were at the clubhouse I drove by on the golf cart

A League of their own. Bro, on so many road trips, my dad had this little fucking portable TV. I have no idea why he did it. My dad just likes buying like technology shit. My dad like prides himself on like knowing technology. He always like wants like the best like fucking tech shit, which is dope. I can't stand old people that are like, yeah, a touch light. I'm like plagued by that.

Old people that don't know technology. I'm like embarrassed to like show like show them an iPad. I'm like, oh my God, I don't want to have my iPad at around grandma. She's going to think I'm a spoiled brat We just had a pen and paper Like I always feel weird But yeah dude my dad had this little portable TV in his car When we took road trips

And we watched two movies Best of SNL Chris Farley And A League of Their Own With Tom Hanks I watched A League of Their own probably 79 times growing up. When he takes that piss. Might not be anything more satisfying in my life other than blacktop paint. When Tom Hanks takes that piss in the locker room.

He like farts at the end. I'm like, haha, fuck yeah. It goes forever. God god he pisses for 10 minutes and that's half the movie hashtag my parents never said first time you saw you heard your like parents cuss you're like when your parents first cuss I'll never forget the first time my mom said shit I was like oh my god I actually said some shit like that we got a fucking car wreck right in front of Coles this car fucking hit us I was a bitch bro every time we got in a car

that's how big of a bitch I am every time we got in a car accident like we'd get we'd get hit and the car would be fucked up and my mom would be mad and like to make it like more dramatic I'd act like I was hurt

every time but like I wasn't kidding i was being serious i was like my fucking knee and she'd be like you're not hurt and i'd be like all right yeah you're right i do that every anytime there's anything so so like overbearingly dramatic i always try to add to it like even a little bit like if you're telling a dramatic story like oh my god and then like I fucking dropped my keys in the sewer and I'm like oh my god and that was the sewer they said last week in the paper that like once it goes down there's a quote in the paper that said there's no getting it back yeah i know it

was horrible and the person who dropped their keys that like said that initially looks at me and they're like no it didn't i'm like oh yeah i just i was good i am that fucking bitch getting a car wreck ah i don't know i think i can walk it off but like i'm seriously fucked up no you're not we got hit on the opposite side ben you're not hurt i'm like all right yeah and i just yeah it still does like kind of like sting but like i'm not that bad oh fuck that's so stupid i do that shit every time like just to make sure everybody's, on the same page with being sad. Hashtag sushi songs and shows.

No fucking idea. Sushi's weird, though. I don't know if I'm the only one that thinks this, but they fucking serve way too much. Like, the portions for sushi are too much. When people order, like, four rolls of sushi for two people, I'm like, are you sure you can fucking eat all that? That is a shitload of sushi. I have a hard time taking down, like, half a roll of sushi. After half sushi, I'm like, ugh.

Goddamn. I'm gonna fucking... I'm good with like one roll those big sushi fucking boxes they sell at the store if you want sushi those big thick ass fucking rolls I'm like that is fucked up you ever eat sushi and just pretend you don't feel weird as

fuck I scarfed some sushi down one time and I felt weird for like six days I was like I didn't talk to anybody. You ever eat a whole roll of sushi and then just think, what the fuck did I just do? So weird. Just raw fish. Camouflaged in good rice and like decoration.

You can get me on some sushi. I've had some weird-ass sushi and I'll just finish it because I bought it like I feel bad like buying something and throwing it away so I'll just finish it and be like I did it miss my money I did it hashtag i am faster than dude i don't even know if i oh gross bro i just had an image of me running full speed my tits were just everywhere picture yourself running full speed down a fucking 100 meter dash i would love to fucking see that dude that my dream. I wish I could just have a dream 100 meter dash. And just put whoever you want in it.

I would love that. I would pick the most fucked up people that I hate. Right in lane 7, baby. Get your fucking khakis on. And they have to wear whatever you want. Just people from your work and shit that you can't stand. Just fucking line them up. Lane 3, Jerry. Yeah, get ready, bitch. Uh-huh. Just people like from your work and shit That you can't stand Just fucking line them up Lane three Jerry

Yeah get ready bitch Uh huh You gotta run full fucking speed If you slow up I get to gun you down from the press box On your marks Can you imagine that They're all wearing like their office clothes Heels and shit

Just screaming and running They office clothes heels and shit just screaming and running they're all hurt and shit you know one guy would be like kind of actually fast the weird the weird guy there's always there's i hated the person that didn't look fast but was blazing fucking fast bro there's always one guy that you're like How is he fucking faster than me Some motherfuckers can just fly And you're like where's that coming from Am I not running right There's always like a sneaky fast guy

I just want to line up Your high school track Line up five people you hate at work And make them just fucking finish it out Maybe even make them do hurls Some lady with like big curly blonde hair just fucking stride for stride with

some fucking IT guy. Ha ha ha ha! I wish, dude. They start to slow up or quit, you just fucking shoot them right in the back of the leg. Ah! Ah! Told you, Jerry!

Fuck off! Ha ha ha! Told you Jerry Fuck off Let's do days Days of the week Wednesday National burnt ends day I love some burnt fucking food, dude. Burnt corn and peas. I'm on that right now. Burnt corn and peas in a skillet.

You're like, oh, bro, you know what's so good to me? This is the weirdest shit. When you're making corn, like corn and peas in the can, drain the juice, put them in a fucking skillet, and you're just cooking it on super hot. Every time I cook anything, it's on like 8,000 heat. I don't know why. I feel like I have to do that. It's the most guy shit. I don't cook it on like four.

Every time I turn the oven on, I'm like, fast hot! Fast and hot! Hot and fast! That's what plays in my head. Hot and fast. That's what plays in my head. And I put all the fucking peas and corn on the skillet. And then I just let it fucking.

And then it gets to the point. It gets to the point. Listen, it gets to the point where. Here I am telling this fucking full background story. It gets to the point where the corn and peas, like you see a little black burn mark on it. That's when it's fire. Okay, and then you're like scraping it off the bottom of the skillet because it's burnt so it's kind of sticking on the skillet but it's still good shake it up a little bit so it

burns the other like part of the peas and the corn and you look at your spatula and there's like that chunk of corn and peas that's like burnt to the top edge of your spatula like and there's like that chunk That's the best tasting shit ever Debris that's been seasoned With like Everything bagel seasoning salt and pepper And that shit tastes So fucking good I want pea and corn debris

What's your favorite thing to eat Pea and corn debris Imagine saying that shit going around the room In fourth grade What's your favorite thing to eat? Pea and corn debris? Imagine saying that shit going around the room in fourth grade. What's your favorite thing to eat, Jake? Pizza. What's your favorite thing to eat, Natalie? I like spaghetti and meatballs. Sounds good.

What's your favorite thing to eat, Ben? I like pea and corn debris. Bro. The teacher would be like, okay, everyone take out your math books. Ben, I need to see you in the hallway.

Then you look out of the door and the teacher's just smacking me. No, the teacher's bowing down to me in the hallway. How you know you're so ahead of your time we're gonna have to move him up to eighth grade those people that fucking the the kids that were so smart in first and second second grade they moved up what planet are you from yeah i moved up I was in first grade but I was so smart I moved up to third I was like how so you just knew all this shit what the fuck she just picks up things a little differently and in uh it makes more sense to her I'm like okay so she's gonna be an x-man

like what the fuck can she hear my thoughts? I love some burnt shit, though. National tailgate day. Tailgates are pretty overwhelming. I love them. I love a good-ass tailgate, but they are like, wow, wow, wow, wow. I feel like I have to pay attention to everyone there for, like, ten minutes. You know? I I feel like I have to pay attention to everyone there for like 10 minutes. You know? I always feel like that.

Every time I'm at like a tailgate, I'm like, okay, I need to go to every tailgate and say hi to everyone and talk to them all for four minutes at least. And then I'm cool. Then I can just do whatever I need to do. There's so much shit going on. We got Corno. We got Honda. Everybody gives you a rundown of all the shit they have when you go to a tailgate. Everybody's truck.

All right, we got Braunwurst cooking. We're going to have the pig roast over there by Jerry's tent. Jerry's tent is they have when you go to a tailgate. Everybody's truck. All right, we got broth. We're cooking. We're going to have a pig roast over there by Jerry's tent. Jerry's tent is right down there. It has a big flag that has a bulldog on it. You see it. Come on. You've been here. We got spicy pickles, all the beer you want right there.

It's always so much food and drinks and shit. I'm like, where do we piss and shit? Because that's all. Anytime anyone's talking about all the drinks they have. Hey, cold beer in that cooler. We got water in that cooler. We got mixed drinks right there. We got bloody marriage right here and tequila shots for everybody on the, on the truck bed, on the, on the ledge. Yeah. We're getting ready to, I'm like, where are you guys pissing? Fuck half the, half the tailgate. I'm just walking. I'm just in the

line for the fucking port-A-J. The word Port-A-Potty just fucks me up, dude. Because my dad used to say potty when we were growing up. You go potty. Go potty before we take a walk. I'm like, oh! I'm not taking a walk anymore. That was fucked up.

Port-A-jay Sunday National be late for something day Fuck I wish that was a real day That's every fucking day Good god Is that even a thing anymore? Once you turn 25 it's like I'm good man Get there at 7 30 c at 9

what the hell's so important anyway unless it's like goddamn school even your job you can be late as shit it's like i'll just stay longer and help somebody clean up like I was never late growing up never when you're dude there's nothing better than when you get ready early and then you have like 12 minutes to sleep before you actually have to go those 12 fucking minutes are just like I've never had better sleep when all all your shit, your clothes are on. I wonder how many people fucking do that. Before they go to work, their actual job, they have like their uniform on and shit.

They're just passed the fuck out on the couch before they actually have to leave. That's my shit. Best sleep I've ever had. That extra 12. Those 12 minutes, bro. Your hair's all gelled. Your teeth are brushed. Everything's perfect, but you're just passed the fuck out.

Like you'll never wake up again. Right by the door. Then you wake up like, oh my god. I always pretend like I just fucking snapped my fingers and I was ready for work. Like, I'm already ready. It's like not hard to get up. Anyway. That's it, baby. Shot 174.

Espresso podcast with Ben Polizzi. Thanks for listening. Remember to follow on TikTok, YouTube, Instagram, Cameo, Twitter. All at Ben Polizzi. Join the Patreon. Special exclusive shots every week, plus we got more content. I'm thinking about doing, like, is there a recipe that you made when you were fucked up or something?

And you just threw some shit together that was in your kitchen, you made it, and it was actually good? Just a weird recipe that you like go to that you don't tell anybody about send it to me and trust me because i'm gonna make it if there's a weird recipe you have send it to me i want to try it that'll go on patreon subscribe to the pod tell the homies Join the Patreon The Patreon podcast is just loose man It's just We're going out of bounds on that shit

I'm telling everything I don't care Cause it's the fam And I love the fam But alright Thanks for listening Thanks for following On social media

Thanks for liking Thanks for comments It really means a lot man I love it I love you guys Thanks for listening. Thanks for following on social media. Thanks for liking. Thanks for comments. It really means a lot, man. I love it. I love you guys. But okay, I'll talk to you guys next week. IFM. Thank you.