Espresso - ask me somethin

Episode Date: October 17, 2024

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I don't know what's happening with me at the gym, but I've had multiple people come up to me and be like, man, you're just so serious in here. There's nothing gayer than that, bro. Get out, leave right now. It's the end of you and me. Oh, this is on? Espresso podcast shot 337 i'm your girlfriend benny that immediately gets home from anything and has to take all of his clothes off don't know why just have to upcoming

stand-up comedy shows san diego november 7th buffalo november 14th phoenix december 5th get your tickies below or at bennypolizzi.com. Hey, watch me on FYI on In Lovers and Liars on the CW app. Have I told you guys I was on reality TV? Man, who knew? Tell your homies to join the Patreon. $5 a month for every other podcast and a live stream every Sunday. and that's a that's a that's a hobby lobby deal that's a that's a bargain in the back of the grocery store that's like why wouldn't you hey get all your merch at benedictmerch.com new stuff coming soon just saying espresso quick quick quick question of the week. Let's get into it. Hey, ask me something. I'm always asking. I'm always asking you guys stuff.

Dumbest way you almost died. What's the... Dude, I think I know everything about you guys. And now it's time for you to learn a little about me. Ask me literally anything. Let's see how this goes. Kind of scared, kind of nervous, but that's how we live life.

Benny boy, my question is, will you ever do another reality TV show? Or if it's not a reality TV show, just a show in general, game show, improv, sketch show, whatever it is, which one would you want to do? And also, when the fuck are you coming to the

D.C. area, Northern Virginia, Maryland, wherever it is? That's it. Alright, well, thanks, love you. Slap my ass with a Stephen Davis jersey and pop a jar of peanut butter right in my stupid ugly face dude that's a that's just a an og listener right there

fam knows fam don't know what that means but somehow it makes sense um would i ever do another show of course i would i'm not saying no to anything i can't really i don't really have a reason to say no to anything um i'd do a dating show low-key getting a little old so i don't know if i can even do those anymore but it does seem like guys like on The Bachelor are like my age. 33? 33? Yo. About to be 34?

Who is he? Who is he even? I don't know. I'm not saying no to anything. If they ask me, I'll do it. I'll host something. I would like to be in an actual tv show not just like a reality show like an actual like sitcom i don't even know hey who's

watching that i'd be in a movie but hey who's watching that i'd like to do uh i want to do a lot of stuff but um do I know how? Absolutely not. And people always get on me for this. They're like, bro, you need an agent and a manager and all that kind of... Okay? You don't just hit somebody up. Hey, bro, be my manager. Just got to keep going.

One day, it'll all work out. Is this therapy? Don't know. But to answer your question, yeah, man, I'm kind of down for whatever. If they asked me to be like on The Bachelor, I mean, I would have to say yeah, because yeah. But I don't know if I'm really the guy or bachelorette. I don't know if I'm really like I'm kind of made for F boy island

Like i'm not very serious Um, would I get married on tv? Absolutely for the bit. Come on And then divorce bro. I've been waiting my entire life to get divorced i'm a divorced dad without being married pretty much i can't wait to be a divorced dad would i be on the bachelor absolutely what if i fell in love with her forever it's a possibility honestly i might be just what that show needs or really any show i am a guy that will fall in love in three to five business days and i've done it you've seen it so yeah i'm not saying no to anything and even if it's like uh if it was like a fun reality show the challenge but like who's watching that you know what i mean are a lot of people i'd probably still do it

a baking show probably wouldn't do that though bro i think i've eaten honestly 60 eggs this week that's all that's the only thing i know how to cook and i don't even know if i cook them right if he's the same spoon in the same bowl every single time i eat divorce dad without being married or having a kid what was the other question When am I coming to the D.C. area I'd love to man I really would I've tried and I'm going to keep trying But I'll be there don't worry Save that Steven Davis for daddy

I'll wear a Jake DeLoman Fam knows fam Alright Would you make out With a guy of your choice for 20 seconds for $50,000? I'm talking one Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi. 20 seconds. $50,000.

$50,000. 50K. 20 second make out. I don't think I'm above that. Depends who it is. Obviously. Brett Favre. Start the timer. Brett Favre start the timer

who else am I secretly in love with that's a dude I kind of knew this podcast was going to go this way but like if they're in on it too you know because you don't have to make out well who does anyway apparently I don't

how do you know how I'm just in there i'm just in there willy-nilly guessing talking about kissing guys right now i just thought about kissing brett farb probably four times while i was talking about that and it's no different than any other day this is just normal standard a normal saturday for me. Um, if it came down to it, I might, I might be a little, I might be a little straight about it. My whole life. I'm just trying to be a little gay. Just be a little gay, man. When, when I'm being too straight, things aren't going well. I'm in a bad mood. Uh, I'm not being funny. I'm not being goofy, I'm not being loose, it's a thing I always say,

I'm like, man, I'm so straight right now, I hate that, like, every day when I wake up, man, I'm being so straight, just quit being so straight, bro, just quit being, just, just get loosey-goosey, man, I don't know, I've kissed a guy one time. One time. Hey, hey, hey. One time. Come on.

Live a little. My best friend. Spring break. Guy who looks like he still goes on spring break. There was a deal. This girl pulled up in a car next to us we were waiting outside of club la villa imagine that just the biggest nightclub in the world we wanted to see what it was all about

we're like 21 or something yeah whatever let's stand in this line let's you know we're always trying to do funny stuff we weren't just trying to stand in a line. We were like, alright. We were messing around. Two people were probably fighting. Two people were probably joking with each other. This girl pulled up. Hey!

You make out with him right now. I'll show you a little something. Looked at my friend. Looked back at the girl. Looked at my friend, looked back at the girl. Looked at my friend, looked back at the girl. And I was like, dude, he made the mistake

and he goes, tongue or no tongue? And I was like, no. She goes, tongue. So I was like, I'll do it if you do it. And before he even had a chance to say no me went in caught a little tongue felt kind of weird but i was like it's gonna pay off

i look back she's gone wow i made out with my friend for absolutely no reason. Probably the best. I mean, it was the funniest outcome. I think if we would have seen what we were anticipating seeing, it wouldn't have been as good. It's a better story. Well, I was still...

Crazy. Don't care. I don't care. care my god it's my best friend i love you let's keep going yeah i'd do it for 50k like i know they take a long time okay so my question to you is are you going to come to australia and if you are will you go on a date with me that is all thank you bye I am so down Avi uh I just said Avi felt weird never really said that but now's the time yeah I'd go to Australia if we could pack a show out in Australia why wouldn't I go and I would go on a date with you because I'd like need a tour guide. I don't know anything.

I'd need somebody to kind of be like, that's that, that's that, that's that, that's that. I'm a little scared, a little nervous, you know? If I come into your house, I'm going to need some guidance. So I'll take you up on that. One of these days, DC, Australia. I'm coming. Yeah, I'm in. Three for three.

What was your favorite and least favorite thing about living in Indiana? Oh, man. Favorite thing about living in indiana pretty good question here for some reason it kind of felt like it was when i go back and forth now i feel like indiana's really slower paced you know i know the i know the answer, honestly. Like, not slow-paced, like people are dumb, but just like, I don't know. I feel more like chilled out in Indiana. When I'm in L.A., I'm like, I got like, dude, go in here, go in there, go in here.

Every time I get home in L.A., I take all of my clothes off. Every time I get in here, drop my i mean i just put like shorts on no shirt every single day i'm just wearing high school football clothes every day shorts no shirt just like this gotta take everything off i don't know it's just like overwhelming outside i gotta make i gotta do everything in one trip or else you're kind of wasting time. I don't know where everything is. That might be why everything's real fast-paced because every time I go anywhere, I'm like, I have no idea.

It could take two hours to get there. Or traffic, depends what time it is. Could take three. I don't know. But it's a good challenge. but it's a good challenge. My favorite thing about Indiana is that you can honestly do 12 things in one day and still not want to blow your head off. I don't know why.

Maybe it's because I lived there for 33 years, so I was just used to the pace. Least favorite thing about Indiana? God, I don't even know. I kind of love everything about it, honestly. Like I'm not one of those guys that's like, oh, I'm so sick of that. Like, yeah, I don't give a shit about LA really.

It's just kind of a place like i feel like i need to like conquer some stuff out here and we'll figure it out i'm not like i'm an la guy now no i think i think indiana is the best place to live downtown indiana what perfect right what didn't i like about it um i can't think of one thing. I like the seasons. Everybody in Indiana is so nice. Is there one thing that Hollywood has the,

okay. One thing I didn't like in Indiana. All right. Um, everything closed really early, but I didn't like in Indiana. All right. Everything closed really early, but that wasn't like that forever. Like a lot of stuff in Indiana was open late, but now it's...

Like now, I used to talk about it all the time. Everything closed in Indiana at 7 p.m. after quarantine. Everything here is kind of still open still. But, I mean, that's not that great. I mean, just get your shit done early. But here's one big difference between Indiana and Los Angeles. Maybe, honestly, this is a difference between Indiana, Iowa, Ohio, Michigan,

Kentucky, and the rest of the country, really. It's like the ramps to get on the interstate. When you're in the Midwest, the ramps to get on the interstate are, like, super exaggerated. Like, it's almost like they're for old people. A little bit, you know what I mean? But I prefer it because i'm like oh i'm getting on the interstate now okay i'm gonna like there's the ramp boom you take it it gives it gives you like a long slope and you're on you're good you're like

how would i ever miss that when you're like in new york um la the the exits and like on ramps to intersections are like there it's just like an alley it's just like an alley like the alley where batman's parents died that's how you get on the freeway or whatever the interstate it's so easy to miss i like them in indiana better they're probably a little more efficient here because it's like but i'm like how i don't know anything man oh what else do i like better in indiana you can be on your phone you can be on your phone while you're driving here you can't be on your phone i'm like super aware because i gotta take your boy got a ticket for being on his phone. I've talked about it before. I was on my phone, got a ticket, got back on my phone,

and the cop was like, put your phone down. He just got a ticket. I was like, I don't know where I'm going. It's one easy thing about Indiana that you don't even have. It doesn't even cross your mind. They've got their pros. They've got their pros they've got their cons Indiana's better though Midwest all day for sure seasons. All right. I got three questions for you first off Hair transplants do they hurt?

All right next one. You get a Netflix special. What's the name of it? Who's your opening act? And the third and most important one. In this universe, you're a YouTuber. You get into some beef. You're going to do a YouTube boxing match pay-per-view the whole

nine yards. Who are you taking on? You got Mercedes for $150k or prime ray lewis for 1.5 mil bonus if you last four rounds of a mil who you got this is this is amazing the first question was uh hair transplants they don't hurt man they put you out i don't know how they do it i don't know if it's legal it's i mean it's obviously illegal but they just put something in you and before you know it you're sleepy time but i don't know i think uh i don't think that kind of stuff works on me because i woke up in the middle of my hair transplant, literally woke up in the middle of my hair transplant after like an hour of

being asleep. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. I remember three seconds. Oh my God. What's up, man?

I go, Oh, I thought my alarm went off. And right after guy thinks he's going to be late to everything. They don't hurt. They just look like they hurt bad. After the fact, they don't even hurt. But I just had a problem with like, I'm always picking at stuff.

I got a problem, dude. I can't. If I've got like a hangnail, like I'm picking at it. If I've got a scab i'm sorry picking at it if i got a little bug that's coming out like i'm pick if i got stuff around my eyes it's coming my ears it's coming out like i pick at stuff in the back of your head they take all your hair from the back and it like scabs up back here because they slice it open, take the hair follicles, put it up top. In the back of your head, it scabs up like a dream.

One of my wishes, I think, is to just pick the biggest scab. If there was a scab on the wall, I'd pick at it all day. I'd pick at a scab, and wall, I'd pick at it all day. I'd pick, I'd pick, and it, it just like clusters up back here and I couldn't help it. I was like, you know, I just, I'd be like, I shouldn't be picking at this. I shouldn't be picking, but like days would go by and it'd just be like dried up scab on the back of my head. And I just be like i'd be i was like addicted to it didn't hurt but it was like one of the things it's one of the things you shouldn't do if you're getting a hair transplant rule number one getting a hair transplant no picky no picky

the medicine i had to take uh was the worst part i think you get a hair transplant. They give you, I forget what it is. I'm so bad. I don't know any like drugs. I don't know anything, but they give you something and I took it and it made me so mad. Like it just made me mad. I don't know what the, I'm just bad at like taking medicine. Like anytime I take like a, like a, like something that like makes your pain go away. Not even like Tylenol, ibuprofen.

I'm not talking about that, but like hydrocodone maybe. I don't know. It's in a future song. But every time I take something like that, I get so pissed off. Like my, my,

my like patients, I hate that part of it. It's probably just a me thing but like i'd be in the elevator like oh my god like you know you know when you're just so impatient when you're real straight when you're being real i felt like i was so straight all the time i was like ah i was like i could not chill out that was the worst about it. But that only lasted like not many hours. Best part about getting a hair transplant is that you get to take a whole entire week off. Because you look like you just got beat up. You look like somebody just curb stomped your face.

Did you get in a fight, everybody? But, uh, nah, it doesn't hurt at all. You just look bad. But you get to stay home all day. Kind of cool. Unless you're an extrovert. People that are extroverted, hey.

How proud are you? Um, what would my Netflix special be called? If I have a Netflix special, I'm going to do the complete opposite of what everybody, every Netflix special is exactly the same, and I cannot stand it. It's a guy walking through the back of a theater with his friends in the theater and it's like oh what's up oh ran into you oh something kind

of goofy happened and then he walks out on stage to the crowd like oh and they're always wearing the same thing they're always wearing that jacket that uh god what's it called that one that one stop is it a it's not a bomber jacket oh my god i'm just gonna do something completely different um it might just be called i don't know. I always have a name that I think of, and I'd be like, that'd be cool if that was called that,

just on some wish list. Might be called, Sorry I Got Nervous. Because who's not? Every second of the day, I'm like, God, why am I so nervous? It can't just be me.

Yeah, something like that. who would open for me that's a tough one probably my probably my day one dogs dude gotta be my homie derrick or joey molinaro i mean they've been with me i probably talk to them more than I talk to anybody. Yep. Maybe like... I can't even think. It's got to be one of the dogs. It's got to be one of the dogs. Maybe like... Katie Thurerison i don't know oh wait you had one more question

all right i got or prime ray lewis for 1.5 mil bonus if you last four rounds of a mil. Who you got? See, this is one thing I would really... Like, you could get me on this thing. I think I'll fight anybody. Because one, I don't think fights are real. I think they're all staged. But you will get hit, and I'm cool with that. If I get knocked out, like, I get knocked out.

It's just whatever. I'm not really scared of that for some reason. I'd fight anybody. I'll take Ray Lewis. Prime Ray Lewis. Bro. I would just play keep away the whole time. Maybe get one punch in.

I don't know. I boxed my dad a few times. Couldn't be any different, right? No, I'd go best of the best. Because, like, the bar is so low for you then. Like, if you kind of do okay, people are going to be like, man, that kid has heart. That kid has heart.

It takes a lot of guts to do that. But if you're fighting, like, somebody that's, that's kind of like, eh, you got to win. I think I'll fight anybody. And plus, I just want to train. I would train exactly like Rocky IV. I would go to Russia. The fight's in Chicago. I would go to Russia. The fights in Chicago. I'm going to Russia.

Me just like breaking logs. Oh my God. Don't get it. Don't stop, stop, stop. Or else I'll watch some movie and I'll turn into a psycho. I'm kind of in psycho mode right now. Don't let me watch that movie. 60 eggs in one week.

Is it okay? Am I going to die? I will. Yeah, definitely. watch that movie 60 eggs in one week is it okay am i gonna die i will yeah definitely scrambled just every day 12 eggs scrambled six in the morning six at night is that insane i feel like it's not that bad hey it's me my question for you is i'm'm just messing. I'm sorry. Did it scare you, though? Because I was trying to get into, like, the spooky season. We can do that. Ooh, spooky. My question is, does your toilet paper hang over the top?

Like, and come down from the top and roll down? Mm-hmm. the top, I can come down from the top and roll down? Or do you have it to the other side, like on the back side and underneath where you can't see it, you know, facing the wall? Because when I'm at somebody's house, I prefer it to be over the top. At my house, it's over the top. And when I go to other people's places, if I see it not on the top, I turn bad boy around god i love you oh my god espresso fam bro thank you for the voice messages thanks for listening to thanks for being part of the of the uh the psycho club it's waterfall my god if you have your somebody tried to argue with me

about that underneath because it's easier to rip you just i can't you do the same thing over the top now if you if you have toilet paper going over the top it just keeps coming down why can't i just take my other hand and it's just like it's all about the look it's all about the presentation toilet paper upside down is like it looks like the most careless i'm like how were you in a hurry when you you couldn't have been in a hurry when you switched the toilet paper because you were sitting down taking a deuce just put it on their right when there's no no toilet paper left in the bathroom man that walk you gotta do to the next bathroom don't don't act like don't act like you don't know what i'm talking about

the monkey walk just a lot of times i yelled for my mom when i was a kid how were we just always out of toilet paper it had to be at least 700 times waterfall all day if you're underneath toilet paper person like convince me why because i just can't it just doesn't no you're no i think you know you're wrong too deep down you're doing that on purpose how can you even like it's like people that wear jeans all day yeah you know you're you know you're wrong you know that doesn't feel good dude if we're done doing whatever we're doing in public because you're wearing jeans and you come in my house hey can you change your clothes you're making me uncomfortable it's the same thing as

toilet paper hey over the top babe when you do your who's buying this videos and you're like in the car and all the food that falls or whatever you have do you have like a tarp down or do you just let it fall and like hope for the best or I'd love to see a behind the scenes like after

I just want to know what do you do cause it gets pretty messy sometimes yeah you know god i love you guys um it's not a big deal it's not stuff like drips out of whatever and it just goes on my shorts and it's not that it's just like a couple couple drops have i dropped like a whole like hot dog before yeah but i just pick up the hot dog and i throw it outside it's never that bad i'll show you next time i'll take a picture next time in my car it It's never that bad. Yeah, I got to like rewash my shorts, but I always wear shorts that like I don't really care about.

It just gets on my shorts and I'm like, cool. And sometimes it gets on my cup holder, but I'm like, it all just comes down here. So I'm like, you know, oh, you know what? One time i did put a towel on my lap just in case because i was dealing with something kind of sticky bro it's always the worst conditions it's always so hot it's always the meltiest thing it's always like i'm so sweaty during those oh my god but i got one coming up and I think you know what it is. But nah, no tarp.

I go get my car cleaned like once every two months. There's a place inside of a parking garage and these dudes just hook it up. But otherwise, you know what I keep in there? I keep it strapped with baby wipes. Baby wipes. If there's anything. Cup holder a little messy? Baby wipes in the... Dude, I got...

In the side door, baby wipes, Listerine. I'm telling you. I'm telling you, fam. Get it together. Baby wipes, Listerine. In the car side door, you don't need anything else.

It's the only thing you need to keep your car clean. Oh, and every time I get out of my car, I take 10 pounds of trash with me. How come every time I get out of my car, open the door, there's 14 things I need to throw away and I have to pee so bad? So this isn't a question but your voice is so sexy there's no way just a typical hot guy i love it man i love you bro but i kind of sound like an idiot

he said i sound like a typical hot guy come on what do you say so this isn't a question but your voice is so sexy you sound like just a typical hot guy damn it i love it i sound like a hot guy how do hot guys sound like i kind of sound like... What does my voice sound like? To me, when I listen... You know, you hate your recordings of your voice. I've got to listen to myself a lot, and it drives me insane.

And I always sound like... I'm high. I think I always sound like I'm high i think i always sound like i'm high i'm like why am i talking so slow why am i talking so slow talking fast now thanks dog still insecure about it everybody hates their voice every time i listen to my voice i'm like what did i just wake up guy who just woke up guy who always just woke up that's what i think i sound like benny saw you in des moines you crushed um you are always talking about your dad and i want to know more about your mom dude my dad's just-key my mom my mom is my mom's cool but my dad is so overwhelming it's like

yo dude was a problem not even a problem well yeah definitely a problem psycho what was something that happened the other day what's happening now with my dad oh he won't shut up bro won't hey you know what my dad's doing now hey this guy won't stop love bombing me this dude tells me he loves me twice a day i'm like am i your wife okay all right i know i sound like um ungrateful but yo okay thanks do you think i did i miss it i miss when it? I miss when my dad acts like he didn't love me. Yo, that's true love right there.

Do we really need to be saying it? You need to tell your kids and parents and friends that you love them. Shut up. Bro, if I love you, you can tell. If you love me, I can tell. You don't have to say it you cornball bro's been telling me he loves me so much i'm like hey uh are you gonna die in eight seconds

what's going on here um more about my mom my mom's just kind of chill. Goes with the flow. She was at my show in Texas. C-c-c-cringe moment of the week. So my mom and my aunt came to my show in Texas. It was good. Had a good time. It's my mom's birthday. Today. Happy birthday.

Happy birthday. But happy birthday happy birthday but she's a she's a tennis instructor i pissed her off pretty much her whole entire life because i was just always around being an idiot why was i all i was never just like still i was always okay my mom's teaching tennis that's like my whole life grown up is my mom teaching uh instructing a tennis like uh like training somebody in tennis and I'm just at the park like trying to climb the fence that was my whole life or like and I never played tennis with her played tennis with her one time and every single time I just try to see how far I could hit the ball. But I forget what I was going to say. Okay, okay, okay.

So my mom and my aunt are like helping me sell merch at the show in Austin. Has a girl ever come up to you during meet and greet and whispered in your ear, but whisper screamed, you're so sexy on stage while your mom's selling your merch next to you and she could hear too? Cringe moment of the week. What do I say? Thanks. Huh?

And you know what I am on stage? Not sexy. Sweaty. So, I was seeing this guy, and we had seen each other like two years prior. And I had just ended all communication with him. And then I started talking to him again this year and you know things start to fizzle out and I'm switching careers so I'll be active duty for a while and I just don't know where we stand so we talk on and off but i mean he's spoken with me about a future and like having kids

and i'm just not in the place to be that so i there we go stop talking to him but now like he's all i think about and i just want him to be happy even if that's like not with me but now that i see him like he's so happy. I know I feel kind of sad. I don't know. We recently talked, and he was just telling me how he was single. He probably won't seriously date until next year or something like that, which was fine because I said I wasn't seriously dating anyone either. He's just always on my mind, and I don't know where to go. If I should just give it space and let him reach out to me

or if I should reach out to him. I don't know. I just feel like I'm always messing things up with this guy and I really like him, but I just don't want to put pressure on him or me to make things work, especially when I'm going to be out of, you know, not in the same state with him as him for a while so i don't know what should i do let him do the talking mommy you got your thing to do

sounds like he's got his thing to do doesn't want to date for a year mr doesn't want to date for a year okay what's going on in that year what you doing hmm let him don't even bro it's always better it is always better if you just focus on yourself and then good things happen to you but don't force anything sounds like you already kind of have a couple times just chill out you like him keep messing it up a little bit don't know what to do you're not ready you'll know when you're ready and he'll let you know if he's ready he might be one of those psycho guys every guy guy's a little weird. Every guy's a little weird when they're, like, if a guy likes a girl too much, I think it's weird.

Like, can we chill? Let it happen. And if it doesn't happen, probably even better for you. I just wouldn't even budge yeah let him approach you for sure for sure um i mean if it's if it's 10 years and you don't hear from him maybe reach out if you really still like him but like something else will happen before then but i'm dude i'm not the guy for relationship advice it's always better if you just focus on yourself man when's when has that not worked i just want to know when has not

focusing on yourself been the best option ever every time i've thought i've liked a girl and like gone after a girl disaster and i'm like what was i thinking i don't even know if she liked me to begin with every time i think i like a girl and i and it's like yeah let's date the in the first five seconds how am i getting out of this i can't be the only one. I cannot be. Maybe I, maybe I date the wrong people, but like, I mean,

I'm like, I'm like six for six on when I got to get out of this. Is it me? Definitely. But, um, I'm always the happiest when I'm not, um,

in a relationship. Maybe I haven't met the right person can't really say but when I'm just worrying about me and doing my stuff it just seems like I'm controlling what I need to control I think that's the best thing to do Wow is he serious maybe recently I've gained my body's like changed a lot and I feel like it looks good like all in the right places but now I'm starting to think people only want to date me because of how I look and they don't really want to get to know me so it's just putting me off of dating at all in general.

Maybe that's a sign where maybe I should just take a break and like focus on myself but I think that's what I should do but I'm not sure like I'm definitely confused I'm overwhelmed I mean I'm starting a new career and I just want to make the right decision I feel like a lot of change is happening around me and I should embrace the change I don't know why I'm thinking about the past so much you know I don't want to regret anything but at the the same time, you can't change the past. I want to learn from it, but I just feel like I don't know if I am learning from it. What's your advice?

How should I proceed going into next year, like after I come back? Should I just give it time? Should I start dating next year? I mean, I'm definitely not ready to date this year, so obviously it would have to be within a new year i'm just not sure if i'm you know you know everyone says you should go back to somebody you attempted to date you know but i don't know what would you do i want to expand my horizons i want to be open to new people and but i'm just so worried and closed off i mean i've been hurt a lot so i'm worried about loyalty

wow wow and you trust me with advice thanks means a lot for real for real um guy that's lost 15 reality dating shows what's my advice on dating huh um i would keep working you said you're looking good feeling good probably better than ever keep doing that um you don't want to date for a year just never force a date i don't even understand the people that are like i'm on the dating apps why nobody likes it have you ever gone on a date and liked it date idea let's not go on one i'm a little messed up in my brain though and but maybe that's what people need to be like because i think every time i'm focused on myself it turns out better you know people are attracted to a person that are like, you know, trying to excel and stuff like that.

So I think if you're worried about, so I think if you're concerned about like your goals and your focus and how your body looks and how you look and how you're acting and how your, you know, good habits and stuff like that, it gonna get better babe so do that you're on the right path but uh and i think if you're worried about loyalty and stuff like that jumping into a relationship is not a good move the right person will find you promise um yeah so keep uh just keep working on yourself you literally can't lose if you do that i don't i don't has anyone oh my god i worked on myself and got so good and i just has anybody ever regretted that i don't think so have you ever ruined someone else's relationship um else's relationship um someone else's i don't think so because it's kind of their fault if they let me in the door um i can't remember the most awkward thing that's ever happened to me

i think this this girl was like kind of dating me and like kind of dating this other guy which like is okay because she wasn't my girlfriend so i like it was none of my business but that's like the fishy part you know when you're like getting ready to date it's like who else are you talking to but it's none of my business so why should i even care but i was over at this girl's apartment campus apartment just like not just like sitting there because I like live close. And I was like just over there. And in comes her ex-boyfriend. And I'm like.

And I'm like. So in like me, dude, I'm not a good look. I'm not a good look i'm not a good look anywhere it's not good he was probably like dog and i'm like i don't know bro ask her don't come at me but and my dumb ass just stayed there i stayed there in there i was like uh i was like trying to like joke around i was trying to like you know like kind of like ease like break the tension like i was yeah right i mean i was just stopping but you know dude me trying to like trying to like ease drama i don't know if i ruined her relationship yeah i probably did yep yep yeah because he he went and dated somebody else. She dated me.

No, I'm just kidding. I don't know if I ruined their relationship, but she let me. Have I ruined anyone's relationship? Not intentionally. Say that. You got to be a devil to do that, right? Um. I'm trying to think.

Did I ever do it on TV? I never really tried to sabotage anybody on TV either. It just didn't seem like a thing I would do. Honestly, I've never liked anybody enough to ruin their relationship. I couldn't imagine intentionally ruining someone's relationship because you know, it's just going to come back on you. It's just going to be bad karma for you in the long run even on a show where you're trying to sabotage other dudes um relationships with the girl you're trying to date i was still like bro go yeah do your thing like i can't i can't talk shit about somebody else just

playing playing their game i can't do it no so i don't think i ever have when the sun shines we'll shine together told you we'll still have each other oh my god is this thing on under my umbrella questions number one if you were not pursuing comedy and doing acting and all of that, what career path would you choose? Number two, what is an ick for you? And then number three, on average, how long do you actually sleep for? I'm also a burpee girl. And I remember an episode of you and Joey talking about how he was like, man, I just can't imagine you sleeping. Like, I just don't know when you would do it. And I thought to myself, that's so true. Like, I can't imagine you actually sleeping. So on average, how long do you actually sleep for? I love this. Oh, man man i love going to sleep you guys have me all wrong um what was the first question you asked oh wait wait wait what would i actually do if i wasn't doing stand-up and in hollywood trying to be an actor and stuff i would

like coming out of college. My ideal job was to design football uniforms for Nike. It's all I wanted to do my entire life. And I actually was like doing it, not eat football uniforms for Nike, but I was like headed in the right direction. And I was like, in the right direction. And I was like, man, I just think I can do more than this.

Um, I would have been good at it because it is like, it's like my guilty pleasure thing. You know, you like it, you have your goals and your dreams, and then you have that one thing that you like, man, you know what I mean? you like man you know i mean like i can really just get like i can talk about uniforms i i will like if you if you were like i want to talk about nba uniforms all day i want to talk about college football uniforms all day nfl uniforms hockey jerseys all i'm i will talk to you about that is my favorite thing. No idea why. I just think it's so sick. The colors. They just... I don't know.

It's just like something I'm... My dad was a football coach growing up, so I was always around uniforms and stuff. If a team has bad uniforms, I'm like, man, the things we could do to make... It's just all about the presentation. I kind of, honestly, I'm thinking back on it, and I think I played football because of, like, everything but football.

Football's cool, and, like, it's, like, you know. But my heart really wasn't in football for, like, football. How many times can you say football? I just like looking cool. That's kind of half the reason. And, like, you know, too, if you're listening to this and you played football before, it's, that's kind of half the reason and like you know too if you're listening to this and you played football before it's like kind of kind of half of it but uh yeah that's what uh i think i would work for nike and like make shoes or

um stuff like that design like street i love the street look i love uh like street wear nike street wear nike like shoes nike uniforms that's like my guilty pledge but i was doing it and i was like i just think i just want to make i just want to be an idiot on the internet that's just so much fun and it's like the biggest challenge ever so yeah um i was like what if i pull this off you know not what if but like dude one day it's gonna happen i i cannot believe it but i'm actually confident because like what hey if you don't do anything wrong nothing can go wrong one day baby One day this thing will blow up. Promise. What was the second question?

You guys are saying it in your head. It's this one, you idiot. Shut up, Ashley. Number two. What is an ick? Oh, I don't know why. I don't like it when girls are like randomly hip-hop dancers you know it's always like the most unassuming girl i don't get it i'm just on a girl's instagram page she looks good i'm following her her story's

popping up i'm looking at. I'm looking at it. I'm looking at it. And all of a sudden, it's like, my goodies, my goodies, my goodies. I don't know. It's just like, where did that come from? Maybe it's because, like, I secretly want to be a hip-hop dancer. I don't know. But I'm always just like, that's so wild to me.

You? Since when? want to be a hip-hop dancer i don't know but i'm always just like what's so wild to me you since when it's not even like um it's just the like the baggy pants grabbing the fake dick it's just so like i don't know maybe it's because like when i was growing up and i was at like a high school basketball, the dance team, I was like, I cannot watch this. I feel like such a creep. Was that not the most awkward thing of all time? When you're just sitting by your dad at a high school basketball team, watching your friend play point guard, and then the dance team comes on, and they're just like 16 and 17, and you're like, dude, what is this?

So weird. That's my baby girl shaking and then number three on average oh how often do i sleep okay i try to go to bed at 11 o'clock now 11 p.m i never do but i'm like 11 like when when the clock hits 11 i'm like kind of done with the day i'm kind of like all right like i'm not i'm not worth a shit from 11 to 12 i'm kind of just like i don't want to do this anymore like uh even though it's like my dreams and goals what i'm working on i'm like i'm not worth a shit anymore. I used to be the guy that would stay up till like three, but I kind of have to be on it now. Because I like hit this, like before FY Island season three,

I had like two months to prepare for it. And I was like, all right, I'm just just gonna wake up at 7 30 a.m every single day and work out at eight o'clock and i'm gonna eat i'm not gonna eat sugar and i'm not gonna eat carbs and i kind of looked a little too insane honestly like like is he okay but ever since i did that i felt the best I've ever felt in my life. And I was going to sleep at like 1130 and I just wake up at 730. But yeah, so that's what I try to do. I try to go to sleep at 11.

I watch TikTok for like 14 hours. Sometimes I'll go to bed at 230. But like in bed 11 30 range watching tiktok till sometimes i can't go to sleep sometimes i'm sitting there on tiktok for like three hours i'm like i'm not tired dude i get that tiktok notification every night when you're on tiktok and it's like it's time to take a break i'm like has it been that long dude i can time at night goes so fast you ever notice that dude time at night is like a blink time like from 10 a.m but 10 p.m dude 9 to 10 p.m is 17 minutes

but now 11 like i like i probably go to sleep for honestly i probably go to sleep for six hours a night six and a half seven i never really take naps i take a nap and then i wake up and i'm like what the fuck am i doing man every time i take a nap i feel so guilty when i wake up i can't be the only one i've never woken up from a nap and be like oh yeah so much more energy i'm always just like i feel like i missed a thousand things i'm all behind i'm all i feel like i'm at a disadvantage every time i take a nap but like yeah like seven hours and i sleep i don't move when i sleep my roommate says the same thing he's like what do you do when you close your door bro i just literally die die lay on my back die watch tiktok cool cool cool my whole tiktok feed right now is about diddy it's about uniforms

it's funny stuff every now and then die then i wake up never been more mad i wake up mad and i'm pretty much mad till 9 p.m mad every day bro i don't know is anybody happy i can't be what are we doing so my question benedict what song brings you out of character like rather you're having your best day or you're being a full-blown raging cunt what song just gets you out of whatever negative mood you're in or brings out the positive mood man one song that i just can't escape i don't know if this is bringing me out of my mood but it just puts me in a whole different like headspace something about one call away chingy what is that song doing to me i'm starting like i felt it in my eyes just now you ever like you that pre-cry when your eyes like get ready to cry just felt it something about that song something it's like the nostalgia it's like it was me and my first

girlfriend song you know what i mean and like chingy goes crazy it's like a good song actually i don't know that one gets me i've been listening to a lot of uh this is so whack, dude. This is so... For some reason, for some reason, Halsey. My voice almost cracked when I said it. Halsey. I don't know why. Who told me about... Oh, you know what it was? Dude, I think guys in prison listen to Halsey.

And I worked at a restaurant and all the guys in the kitchen would bang Halsey because they were all in jail. By the way, Halsey because they're all, we're in jail. By the way, everybody that cooks your food at restaurants is all in jail. They're all in jail. They're just on work release. Right after they make your chicken parm, right back to jail. But while they're like cooking and honestly not a bad life. Okay, you're in jail and then you come to a restaurant and you get to make

a bunch of food and listen to music i mean then you go back to jail but like bro i mean things could be a lot worse i thought when you're in jail you're just in jail bros are just going into halsey making like candied bacon i'm like dude you got that you got it made bro um they would play halsey all day and i'd go down to the kitchen and just be like yo this shit bangs and i started listening to halls i was listening to it when i worked out it's weird that kind of gets me that kind of gets me i'm not of gets me. I'm not going to lie. Tate McRae. I think I gave greedy 283 listens last week just on repeat. Because I'll be, like, editing something. And, like, I've got so much stimulation when I'm editing.

Because, like, I'll get up and go to the bathroom 47 times if I don't have anything going on. So I'm, like, editing something. And I got, dude, I was just greedy on a loop 200 times last saturday best time of my life don't know why i don't know i don't know what happened there's always something that happens with songs though there's never like a song that i'm like oh yeah i love that song just out of nowhere like there's got to be a moment when something happened with me and that song was on. Or it's got to take me back to a place, 21 questions when I hear that.

I'm just like, yeah, there's something. That reminds me of watching music videos after school. Something gets me with that. But yeah, usually really, really, really girly songs. I don't know. What do you consider to be an above average dick size? I don't know, man.

I mean, to be honest with you, I've seen a lot of them. Played football. I mean, nothing's gayer than playing football. You know that. But I don't. Dude, it's not up to me is the thing. It's got to be.

I mean, every. You know what? You know what it is? It's just. It's. It's like five be, I mean, every, you know what, you know what it is? It's just, it's, it's like five inches, man. Everybody, every white guy has the same dick. Sorry. Sorry. Hey, they're all the same. Oh, how do you know that? Because every dude's shoe size is 12. every dude's shoe size is 12 it's just science babe that's probably that's probably right about it right i mean right every guy is the same every guy that's all i got for that i think but like it's all pretty much the same, bro. Every guy. Every guy, same exact thing.

Let's keep going. Thank you for the questions. Why is it so much fun every time? I think I'm the most serious when we do this style pod. Let's keep going. Dear Diary. I don't know what's happening with me at the gym but i've had multiple people come up to me and be like man you're just so serious in here there's nothing gayer than that bro just and it's it's been four guys in my life that have come up to me and been like

you're just so hey i admire how serious you are serious what am i supposed to be doing in there i guess because i don't talk to a soul when i'm in the gym i hate it so much that i i gotta get it over with and i think that's why dude my roommate said it the student indiana said it to me one time another dude when i worked out in broader ripple told me one time man i just didn't mind dude you just you just get in and you go i'm like what else are we supposed to be doing in here i don't i don't i don't even know if i look around in the gym no headphones i can't i don't want to have fun and every time i'm in the gym no headphones i can't i don't want to have fun and every time i'm in the gym and i'm trying to listen to something like sometimes i listen to my own podcast in the gym

so i can like time stamp it and like make clips and all this and i just half listen to the podcast half workout just doing both and i'm doing both things bad. Every time I multitask, doesn't matter what I'm doing, this and that, I can't do either things well. So I'm like, who can multi, who can do this? Bro, if I'm cooking a pizza and working on something else and I'm going, it's both things are horrible. Texting someone and talking to, can't do it. I don't know what you're saying and i don't even know what i'm saying can't do two things at once i can't isn't i just can't be the only i can't be the only one can't do it this is bothering you every time i move my head

i can't do two things at once for anything that's's why I think I'm so serious in the gym. But this guy looks at me the other day and he goes, I have a nickname for you. He was real happy about it though. So I was like, and I didn't even know who he was. Great teeth. And I was like, what is it? And he goes, you're so serious when you're in here, very focused.

And I was like, thanks. You too. I call you iron man i just said i loved him and then and then i every day i look at him you know after he called me iron man pointed at him every time i see him now hey and he knows it's so weird girl dm me from the gym hey um i'm not even sure i've seen you at my gym multiple times not even sure if you've seen me because you're always really focused what am i doing just staring at a wall? I hate it. I'll never talk to anybody at the gym though, so maybe that's what it is. Iron men. I call you iron men. All right, let's do days Pasta day. Man. I don't know any names of pasta.

I'm the fakest Italian ever. I don't know. I don't know if I'll ever eat spaghetti again. Last time I ate spaghetti, I ate a whole entire pan of it. Probably two pounds of it. It was just at my friend's house. It was like we were on some like low budget living and he just made a pound of spaghetti and he's like bro eat all that let's eat all no sauce kind of sticky spaghetti too it was great i kind of live like a poor person i don't know why, but I prefer it. It's just where I'm at right now. I don't

really need all that stuff. I don't, what do I need? Nothing. I got it. I need to do this is what I need to do. And everything else, a little bit of a distraction, especially um pasta day the best the best spaghetti rigatoni he does know the names the little tubes the little mini a mini penny i got mini penny i got mini penny instead of plenty money plies i got mini penny. I got mini penny. It's the best spaghetti. It's the best pasta. Other than that, dude, I hate fettuccine Alfredo. The fat laces. Get out of here, bro. Ew.

I'll probably never eat spaghetti again. It's kind of worthless. Like, can I be honest? It's kind of worthless. Italian guy. It's just eating, like, why don't I just eat a loaf of bread and drink a bunch of beer? It's the same thing, right? Is there anything different? It's just a, it's honestly a loaf of, it's a bowl of cereal, right?

I can't be, what does it do for you? It gives you carbs, give you energy. Sleeping gives me energy. I don't know. I'm just kind of out on carbs. They're need carbs well do you do you for what what am i okay maybe if i was like running a marathon every day but like dude i think if you're not if you're done playing sports like you're you don't need they kind of just make me sleepy pasta day Makes me sleepy just thinking about it. Probably never eat it again. Friday? No beard day.

Been thinking about it. Been thinking about it. What do we think? What do we think? Comments? Comments? Do I take it? Hey, do I go military?

Do I shave it? Only reason I'm thinking about it is because i've seen pictures of me and do i look weird a little bit does it look clean though yes and like my clippers broke so i'm like i think i gotta shave my face god it would feel so good to shave start getting zits again dude i've had facial hair for like three years. Never thought I'd be the guy. But it just kind of... You know what it is? People told me they liked it.

That's what it is. What's not to keep? I like it when you have facial hair. Every girl. What is that? Girls love when dudes look so old. I'm like, I look 48. Girls love beards.

Every single girl. You should keep your facial hair. Okay. Then I do it all right if i if i gotta be honest kind of looks like i i just forgot to take a shower for a long time i don't know you guys like it you like i don't know what to do i don't know what to do long time i don't know you guys like it you like i don't know what to do i don't know what to do girls will tell you some stuff that you just had no idea you even you had no idea about yourself girls will say stuff to you that i had no idea oh really girl told me uh she likes my green eyes the other day i didn't know i had green eyes until last week when she said that.

I thought I had brown eyes my whole entire life. Every ID, every driver's license, eyes brown. I'm looking in the mirror. I'm like, I guess my eyes are green. My eyes are green. I didn't know I had green. 33 just figured out he had green eyes. I swear. Did my. Did you just. I was like, did 33 just figured out he had green eyes. I swear.

Did my, did you just, I was like, did you just change the color of my eyes? Girls tell you stuff that you had no idea was even physically possible or going on with you. Oh, I didn't even know. Take your shirt off in front of a girl bro the things they'll say

and we're supposed to it like i'm good i can take criticism but bro they will say some stuff to you that you're like wow aren't you supposed to look better after a breakup you ever man what if you said that to a girl? I'm telling you. You guys always get a good deal. Girly pops, you get the best deal. We will never say anything like that.

But hey, that kind of stuff always helps. Have I ever gotten better one time when someone was nice to me? No. You gotta be mean. God, I love mean honest ass people. Make you so much better. You make me better. Whole hog

barbecue day. That's gotta be the weirdest thing. When I see videos on the internet of people like roasting alligators and pigs over an open flame, I'm like, how can you just eat that after that? I'm like, sorry, I gotta have my tits like, I can't see his head, alligator, I bet if I had it, I'd really like it, weird, but, uh,

we're having a hog roast, I'm like, I gotta get out of here, I gotta leave this tailgate. Put an apple in my mouth. Fucking spin me over a fire. Tie me up and throw me into traffic. Sunday. Whoops. This thing's still on. Brandied fruit day.

What are we talking about here? Is this fruit soaked in alcohol? I can't do it anymore. Because you make me better. Okay, okay. What's national brand? You know what I will go? Yeah. It's fruit.

It's fruit and alcohol? Yeah. Yeah. You know what was hidden for a while when i was drinking was um god what are they called i can't even think of the name it's like whiskey and it's like it has like fruit in it i can't remember god God dang. The way I'd get a hangover. Bro. Whoa. But.

Dude, I'm a little. I'm a little whore for some dried fruit. You guys can't even see that. Oh, there it is. Oof. Ooh, ooh, ooh. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Give me a dried.

I will eat a whole bag of dried raisins. No problems. But no. Alright, fam. Wild. Thank you for the questions. We gotta do Ask Me Anything again. If you guys ever need advice on stuff,

I'll give you my best, girly. Or I'll give you the worst. But either way, I got you. Send it. If it's not, like if the question of the week is like, you know, how'd you break your leg? And you have a question about what you should do with your ex just toss it in your fam all right love you guys thanks for the voice messages live stream sunday san diego november 7th buffalo november 14th phoenix december 5th talk to you next time