Espresso - BEST OF ESPRESSO therapy session

Episode Date: September 7, 2023

On this BEST OF ESPRESSO episode benny gives his advice on some f*cked up situations 🔺𝗪𝗔𝗧𝗖𝗛 𝗢𝗡 𝗬𝗢𝗨𝗧𝗨𝗕𝗘 https://www.youtube.com/@espressowbenedictLeave a rating and review boo🎧𝗔𝗽𝗽𝗹𝗲 𝗽𝗼𝗱𝘀 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/espresso/id1514492317 

Best of Espresso. You ready? Hey. It's the Espresso Podcast, Shot 232, and... I'm your therapist, Benedict Polizzi. Haunted therapist. What's up, fam? Shot 232. Just said that, don't know why I said it again, but...

Here we go. Thanks for listening, patreon five dollars a month for an extra episode every single week and the patreons have been fire lately i don't know i almost think the patreons are better than this podcast so check it out it's a lot of real shit but uh yeah it's money and it costs only five dollars of your money so thank you very much and uh join please join the family join the espresso fam and remember benedictmerch.com for all things indianaland polite cat, feeling glonky. Who's buying this? And some surprises yet to come. Why am I saying all this shit? Like I'm a narrator for a really bad movie. I don't know. But today it's shot 232 for the third time. And I didn't say shot. I said shot because I'm going to have a

stroke, but yeah, let's get into this shit. Espresso therapy. You guys were so damn hesitant on sending your problems to me. Why? I get it. I get it. I get it. When I'm on this podcast and I'm like, I'm like, send me your shit and I'll talk about it on the podcast anonymously. It's not anonymous to me because I see who's sending it, but it's anonymous to everyone else. So you got to trust me. You should.

And plus, when I ask the question, what's bothering you? What do you need help with? I had glasses on. So if you don't trust me now, you should trust me with fucking gold frames on my face from warby parker why wouldn't you free shout out but yeah you guys were like i don't know if i want to i'd like beg on social media send me your shit it doesn't have to be life-threatening things that

are going on in your journey but like just some dumb shit that you're kind of like uh annoyed with just send them over i'll help you out or i'll give you my best advice and you know uh it's a win-win come on you get your shit handled you get to be on the espresso podcast and uh you know you get to make me think about my life a little bit when i put my feet in your shoes feet all right so let's do it here's the first one espresso therapy with benny what's wrong what can i help you with here we go there's a strange man that keeps breaking into my apartment eating everything everything in my fridge, taking a shower and then leaving. It's weird.

Just keep going. Oh, shit. I think I know who that was. But yeah. Dude, if you got you got you got to you got to get the ring doorbell, bro. Somebody's breaking you gotta get the ring doorbell bro somebody's breaking just get the ring doorbell those fucking ring doorbells the shit i do outside of my like door i don't want anything i don't want any video evidence of what i do outside of my door i'm in the worst fucking mood oh fuck i'm always carrying 64 like bags of shit, a box, shoes wrapped around

my neck, fucking three shirts on hangers. And I'm like, I'm looking at my door handle. If this is a ring doorbell and my keys are in the wrong fucking pocket. So I got to do this move. I'm getting a cramp in my fucking hamstring. I'm like, dude, if anyone saw that shit, I'm drooling and shit. My hands are like cold from outside. My hands are always fucking freezing. I think I got frostbite,

my toes and my hands. So they're like now when it's like below 50 degrees, I'm like, can't handle that shit, dude. If I had a ring doorbell, Oh my, I'm farting and shit

then i just drop everything i'm like fuck the wrong key in the door it's just like i can't what dude i kick my once the door's unlocked and the handle's down i kick that shit open. The ghosts in my fucking apartment have to be like, Jesus Christ, he's home. Heard him for 10 minutes outside the door, fumbelina out there.

Jesus Christ, dude. But if you got somebody breaking in your house, he's talking about me cats out of the bag uh every time i go to this dude's house he lives downtown we do videos together sounds kind of hot well it is i always eat everything in his house i wonder if i'm rude am i rude for that if somebody came to my apartment and was like eating all my food and shit i'd be like fuck yeah they feel at home maybe i'm just a mooch dude mooch it's like my it's like my lifelong like debate i'm like am i a mooch or not you ever go through that you ever do a little too much and

you walk out you walk out of somebody's house and you're like, am I a fucking mooch? I kind of don't give a shit. Cause I think it's like the Italian thing in me. Cause every time I go to like my aunts or something, they're like, take it, take it. And my grandma's are like, take that. Y'all take the Tupper, take an apple on your way out. Do you want the fucking whole fence? We just put it outside of our yard. Take the car. Oh, what do you need? Take, yeah, you could, you could actually have our fucking house. We just put it outside of our yard. Take the car. Oh, what do you need? Take? Yeah, you could, you could actually have our fucking house. We'll get out of here. Oh yeah. You just make yourself out. You can change all the front. Take the couch. Yeah, we don't look. Yeah, that's fine. You can take the whole upstairs off of our house, put it on your house. We'll go

roofless. It's fine. So now when I'm at somebody's house, I'm like, I'm taking all this fucking shit. So now when I'm at somebody's house, I'm like, I'm taking all this fucking shit. I'm eating it all. And yeah, like I will, I will do this thing where I'll just fucking, I'll just, I'll take a shower at your apartment. Like it'll just dawn upon me and I'm like, I could use one, you know? Cause if I'm somewhere for too long, I'm like, I probably am smelling, which is another one. Every girl I've ever dated in my life has been like, you smell like shit. I promise I don't fucking smell. Dude, I take showers at other people's apartments. What are you fucking talking about? Not that I care or anything.

out. Not that I care or anything. Starts crying. Literally every girl I've ever met, you smell. I'm like, yeah, well, when you fucking date somebody and you're around them all day, they're going to fucking smell. I don't know. Wow. What if I turned it back on them? I'm like, you know what? You smell like shit too. Imagine saying that to a girl. Oh shit, that would feel good for like five seconds and then you'd be like you're going to kill me. What if you said that to a girl straight up to her face? You smell like shit. You know a girl could smell like a fucking sewer and I'd be like the things you do to me. Oh fuck, they never get the truth. Whoops.

But you get it. Yeah, I'll eat all your food and I'll take a shower at your house. When you invite me over, it's pretty much like I turn into like your older brother, younger brother, probably. I'm not really an older brother figure.

Everybody I come in contact with, I'm like, oh, you're my mom now or my dad or my older brother. I've never been like someone's big brother, which is a very, very sexy quality. Get the ring doorbell, bro. That's how you solve that.

Just keep going. Hi, Ben. Long time listener, first time caller. My problem is I have tennis elbow. I do not play tennis. In in addition i have a bowling league starting tuesday and it's on my bowling arm what rehab should i do dude

dude tennis elbow i think i might fucking have that too right now or i got like you know i got like two like surges of pain in my elbow the other day and I was like yeah fuck something's happening you know you get like that that warning you get the warning that you might uh need reconstructive surgery on one of your joints it's like two weeks before you actually fuck something up your your heart beats like in your elbow and it's like hey this is fucked up don't do anything. And obviously the next day I like bench press. But yeah, what would I do if I had tennis elbow?

Fuck, that would suck. I guess I would just, this is such a stupid ass answer, but ice and elevate. Anytime anything is hurt, bro. I only know that because I played sports and you're an athletic trainer, dude. You could get shot in the fucking ribs with a 12-gauge shotgun.

They'd be like, ice and elevate. You're like, what the fuck? I'm bleeding out. Ice and elevate. I'm like, dude, I lost my ribs. I can Marilyn Manson myself right now. And you're telling me to fucking put an ice pack on it? That was really loud.

But, yeah, dude, I'd wrap that bitch up with ice all day long. And, hey, you know what? Hey, while you're icing, you know how you elevate? Crack a beer. Elbows up. Look at this guy. Athletic trainer Johnson has entered the building. I guess, dude.

You got a bowling league coming up? Well, I know you're not seriously bowling, so you're going to be drunk as piss when you're at the bowling alley, and you won't feel your elbow anymore, so don't worry about that bowling league. I'm so piss bad at bowling, I could bowl with my other arm. Wow, that whole entire chair just went down on me. Yeah, I would bowl with my left arm in that league, and what if you got real good?

And at the end, they're like, oh, my God, you're you're so your people i don't know why they would sound like that but the people in your on your team would be like fuck we can't beat him hey bitches i've been doing this with my left hand the entire time because i have tennis elbow why do they call it tennis elbow did andre agassi have it yeah dude ice and elevate make sure you got a cold one not just on your elbow this guy so when I moved to Los Angeles I got into a three way relationship

oh shit this is good I didn't expect this because your therapist shit together Benny didn't bring my glasses should have pretend i'm putting them on for this one very attractive men and we were all three three-way relationship two very intact attractive men dating each other we also all three live together and um that means i got dp'd every night shut up great you know either that or split roasted i don't even know what that is eventually i left them and i have not wanted to have sex since because why would i want one dick when I had two at the same time for so long?

One just isn't good enough anymore. So I don't know what to do. It's been like 13 months abstinent now because I can't settle. Damn, I don't know if she's like an actor or what, but that was way too smooth to be fake. At the end, she was like, it's been, I thought she was going to start singing

the Barenaked Ladies song. It's been 13 months since I've been double parked in a little bit, split roasted. Five days since I got slapped in the face and then 13 months till I've had sex. What a problem to have. I'm starting to feel like a bitch god damn guys just can't catch a break can they now i gotta have two dicks jesus there's no way that's real although guys would be like fuck it you know it could never happen the other way around a guy

living with two girls three-way relationship get the fuck out of town dude your tires are slashed the next morning no way but guys would be like yeah i don't care that's fine by me if it's fine by you just fucking What the hell does split roasted mean? That damn near made me hungry. I literally, when she said split roasted, I thought of Arby's. Hey,

and guess what? She has the meats. Split roasted. This is going to be so gross, but I got to know. Okay. An auto filled split roasted chicken, which made me even hungrier.

A vulgar slang. A sexual practice whereby two men service a single sexual partner at the same time from two different ends. Oh, shit. Oh, it's like we... It's like you're the fucking turkey on that... on that roller,

like in every cartoon that has an apple in its mouth. In this case, it wasn't an apple. Oh shit. Okay. I don't know. Here we go. What would I do? Okay. So sex doesn't satisfy anymore, bro. You got to find a three-way little thing going on here. That's what you got to do. And you got it made too. Cause what guy isn't going to want to do a three way with you? That's, that's easier to find. Like what we were talking about earlier. If,

uh, if a girl wants to do it with two guys, it's way easier than a guy wanting to do it. Two girls. You can find two fucking guys just anywhere. And they'd be like, Oh yeah, sure.

In line at the fucking BMV, DMV, license branch, whatever the fuck it's called, worst place on earth. Does anybody want to have a threesome? Fucking two guys would, I mean, I guess that's where you don't, that's not where you want to get your fellas. Yeah, I don't think it's going to be that hard. Just fucking, just do it again, wherever you live. Craigslist, you want my megaphone? Shout it down the block. That's all two or three. Some you'd have 16 people at your house.

I got you girl. Don't worry about it. Can't have regular sex again. What are we all doing? Why aren't we all getting split roasted? Put an apple in my mouth, baby girl. Just keep going. My boyfriend's dick is tiny. That sounded like a dude. Okay, if I'm a sex therapist. If I'm a girl and I'm pretending my boyfriend is too tiny,

you just got to, I don't know, you better fucking love him, one. Because if you don't like him too much, he's not going to be around much longer. But, okay, so you just got to, I hate hate it when people say this but it's always true you just have to communicate it's so annoying such a stock answer for every question in a relationship and then during sex too just talk anytime you look anything up on google that you're actually concerned with like with with your partner hate the word partner it's always like you just have to communicate i'm like that's the thing i don't want to do no i don't want to communicate what the fuck do you think i am a woman guys can't talk especially when weird shit's going on

it's all girls want you to do is talk why don't we talk about it because i'm scared why are you scared because you're you're gonna make fun of me can we write it down can we text it no god damn it okay fine my dick's tiny yeah just talk to him about it. Figure out a different way, you know. Does he like Arby's? Or they got a good split roast. Just keep going.

I can't stop eating rotisserie chickens. gone. I can't stop eating rotisserie chickens. Oh my freaking God dude. Was that me leaving a voice message to myself yesterday? I had a whole rotisserie chicken in four hours. Doesn't sound that impressive now

that I think about it, but usually it takes like normal people an entire week to eat a rotisserie chicken. No, bro. I thought I was captain. I thought I was captain not addicted to shit, and I went to Subway, which is weird. I went to Subway on purpose, which is even weirder. I want to try something new. I go, can I do the rotisserie chicken? I can't get it. It's the best thing. That's the best thing on subway. It doesn't look

weird. It looks the most normal at everything. Get it on a wrap. So it's not 7,000 pounds of yoga mat bread, lettuce, tomato, little bit of onion, just like a, like like a like a like like low-key four onion like tiny lines you have to say tiny line of honey mustard like make it make more small adjectives i'm like tiny almost invisible not even there not too much, very small line. Fastest way to point A to point B fastest, shortest amount of line, shortest amount of time of honey mustard. And they're still like, Oh my God, dude. I have to like, literally I have to like show them. I might bring my honey mustard, put it on, put a line on my hand and be like this much. I'm just going to start saying no honey mustard and just do it my damn self.

But anyway, yeah, I can't stop eating that shit either, bro. I got no advice for you on rotisserie chicken. It's fire. It's good for you. I think actually there's no way it's good for you. There's gotta be something going on with rotisserie chicken they just dunk that shit in butter they got it inject that shit with just like tons of whatever's whatever's in them they just have syringes full of movie theater butter that they're just sticking in that chicken. Because I can't stop. I can't stop, stop, stop. And the smell. Is there a rotisserie chicken candle?

I'm not helping you, bro. I'm sorry. My only advice to you if you can't stop eating rotisserie chicken would be to... What else do I eat salmon i eat salmon salmon and it's like low quality salmon but it's all the same shit i've never had a bad rotisserie chicken never really had bad salmon every time i eat salmon i'm like this is the

best thing i've ever had in my life it's like salmon fillets like from the freezer. I'm like, yeah. Fucking fire. Yeah, I guess my only advice is eat salmon. That's all I got, man. Because I'm going through it too. It's not a bad problem

to have, homie. Just keep going. I could use some advice. I don't have laundry in my apartment so we share a laundry room with the entire building and all of my clothes got stolen out of the fucking washing machine oh my god and the leasing office told me that it's not their responsibility so i feel like I'm pretty fucked dude that's my biggest fear because I'm like you man like I'll put my shit in the in the washer and I don't know if you did

this or not but I'm thinking probably you probably left for like a minute probably like two hours because every time I do laundry I forget that it's in there for like a minute, probably like two hours. Cause every time I do laundry, I forget that it's in there for like seven days. And I'm like, Oh, those shorts. And then I put it in the dryer for another seven days. I'm like, where is it? Oh God. And it's time to do laundry all over again. So you probably forgot or something, or maybe it was in there for like two hours and some weird ass guy took it all. But in the back of my head, every time I'm doing like laundry in a public place, I'm like, who's taking a bunch of wet clothes I already wore?

Yeah, you're kind of fucked, brother. It's definitely gone. But did you check every washer? Because I'd be the idiot that like washes my clothes, then like goes to a different washer opens it up and I'm like it's stolen that's what I think every time I can't find something I'm like they fucking stole it the last I'll call the last person that's been in my house and be like do you take my fucking uh beanie I know you did you bitch they're like dude no I'm like okay you

fucker just burn the bridge and then i fuck i find it seven seconds later in my car i'm like hey uh sorry i i i just uh i was on medicine and it's just been a rough one i'd be the idiot that like doesn't check. I like opened up the wrong washer and didn't see my clothes. So the first thing I would do would be to check every washer to make sure they're actually still there. They're probably still there, bro. Seven years later, you found them. You find them in the washer.

That's how long it takes me to dry my clothes after I wash them. Seven years. They're probably still good as new. They might have air dried. Save you a couple minutes on the drying process. But if somebody took your wet ass clothes that you already wore like seven times, it's just, if they want it that bad, they can have it type shit, you know? Like, it's theirs now.

Like, if you try that hard to steal something, it's all you, man. It is what it is. And hey, actually, bro, you might have needed some new clothes anyway. So now, take yourself on a little shopping spree. Trust me, you probably needed new clothes. Unless there was, like like one really new thing in there. I mean, you might have to take an L on that, but everything else you probably needed to

freshen up. Like if somebody stole a whole load of laundry and it was all my socks and shirts, I wear, I would be like, thank fucking God. Cause I need all new shit. Honestly, like look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you don't need new socks. Like look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you don't need new socks. I've had the same socks in rotation for like 17, like probably three years. Same socks. These socks I'm wearing right now.

2018. Nike.com. I got them off the internet. How bold am I? Why can I remember? Because I've only bought socks two times in my life. They might have done you a favor, homie. Just saying.

Skip gone. Why did little John go so hard in early 2000 and homie still holds up with his throwbacks? Always having every, this girl's a regular on the espresso podcast, but she's always bumping like some slow jams and shit in the background. And her voice is always like, yeah, I love you. You know that, but like, dude, dude it's such a it's such like uh fuck like you actually next time you leave a voice message can you leave a completely separate voice message that's not answering the question and just go just give me your best because i know you can rip that shit

what i'm saying is you should work for a sex hotline because you have the best voice not Because I know you can rip that shit. What I'm saying is you should work for a sex hotline. Because you have the best voice, not because of anything else. Why did little John go so hard in early 2000 and homie still holds up with his throwbacks? It's a hot voice. Does that make me weird? I don't know. It's a hot fuck.

Why does he still hold up? Because Little John, he didn't really, I don't know what kind of advice this is, but Little John didn't really rap. You know, he was just like hype. Everybody else rapped and then he'd be like, yeah. So like, that's always tight. You can put that. Let's go. Yeah. What else did he say?

Yeah. Okay. He only said fucking four words. That's why it's dope. You could put that shit in a John Mellencamp song. Little diddy. Okay, about Jack and I. Yeah. Two American kids in a heartland. Let's go. I swear, somebody do that. Jack, you're going to be a football star.

Okay. Playing the guitar. Let's go. Let's go. Who's not listening? Who's not listening? Jaggie gonna be a football star. Okay.

What else does Lil Jon fucking say? How am I going to look this up? What are the keywords for this? What are... I'm just going to look up a song. Lil Jon. I think I nailed them all oh oh you know what Jackie gonna be a football star shots shots shots shots shots everybody that actually is a very overlooked song because dude shots by little John

might be better than a get low. Jackie going to be a football star. Skate, skate, skate, skate. Playing a guitar. Let's go. I would listen to John Mellencamp featuring little John. Who's not listening that's a good voice that's good advice that's good i could do i can do this just keep going

dude i literally cannot stop dreaming about you oh my god like sexual dreams good they're like we're going to the grocery store together. We're seeing. Better than sex. City bunnies together. You better stop. We are like hanging out as friends. And it's so weird. And in my dreams, I'm like, dude, why do I keep hanging out with this guy?

So if you could just tell me how to stop dreaming about you. This is the crazy shit. And just like everyday activities I do in my regular life, that would be great. Because I'm happily married. Oh my God. With all my friends. And maybe it's just because I look at your Instagram before bed. But it's creeping me out.

Flattering. I can't imagine what I'm like in people's dreams. Probably the most annoying fuck of all time. My advice to you would be go and watch my Instagram from the, from the beginning. You'll never think of me again. You'll be like this fucking guy.

Whoa. In her dreams. I'm just dressed up like a girl with a wig on. My advice to you is you're actually a lesbian. But I've got one thing. My advice for you is, let's listen back to this. My advice to you is this. Dude, I literally cannot stop dreaming about you.

And they're not like sexual dreams. Dude, I literally cannot stop dreaming about you. And they're not like sexual dreams. They're like, we're going to the grocery store together. We're seeing city bunnies together. My advice to you is change the batteries in your smoke detector. I swear, if you rip a voice message and I hear that I'm gonna fucking talk about it. How do you live like that? Swap them out double A's go to CVS probably getting away. You can probably get away with stealing them and then swap them out. That's my advice to you but

thank you very flattering i'm telling you dreams about doing normal shit mean way more than dreams about sex i've had one sex dream in my life and i always have like something like happening there's always something weird going on like we're doing it somewhere we shouldn't be doing it or in like the cops are there or like it's like she turns into my best friend or like i don't i've got like a research paper due in like six minutes i'm like this is not what i wanted there's always some shit like that happening in a dream for me. But if I'm just at a grocery store kicking it, bro, I'll knock over all the fucking shelves in the store. Dominoes.

That'd be so much fun. Going to the grocery store in real life is fucking, is a blast. I can't believe I said a blast. I didn't want to say that at all but i didn't know any anything else to say let's keep going how do i get this man's who was on a reality dating show at white island to date me um sounds like to me you're talking about Brant. If you want to get him to date you, all you have to do is be invited to a wedding and take him as your plus one. Pretty much good to go from there.

I can't imagine who else it is. Yeah, that's all my advice there. If you're talking, I don't know who else you'd be talking about. Maybe Danny. Danny Louisa. Go to Bottle Blonde

in Miami. Split some wings with him. Might be on your way to Marriage Town. Making my way down to Marriage Town walking, and I see Danny Louisa. Shit, I'd date Danny. Got the best voice on this side of the Mississippi. No, seriously, dude.

Jesus Christ. I just want him to read me a damn story Danny from FBoyIsland just read me a story I don't care what it is he could say anything I'm about to hire Danny to do my comedy for me because of his voice

get up there and say it fucking crushes you don't know what to tell you if you're talking about me, to get me to date you, all you need is one bottle of wine, a rotisserie chicken, and ten little piggies.

Skip gone. This isn't a request for advice, but more so a request to be my husband. That's all. Well, that's a little... That escalated quickly. I can't talk today for shit. I almost said that escalated quickly.

I can't talk. But husband? That's a little much, man. I'm still working on the talking phase. Husband? Bruh. All right, I'll be your husband. Only requirements. We never talk to each other.

Except for like when it's super necessary. Like if there's a spider that you can't get, I'll be like, all right right but i'll be over in like three hours but that's kind of the only time i i'm down no i'm just playing hey baby girl i appreciate it let's keep going oh this won't load fuck This won't load? Fuck. Why do bars charge so much for alcohol?

I just want to get drunk for cheap. He sounded like he was fucked up. Off his seventh beer. Kind of like slurring. Why do bars charge so much for alcohol? I just want to get drunk for cheap. This is why bars charge so much for alcohol? I just want to get drunk for cheap. This is why bars charge so much for alcohol. All right. You get a beer at a bar.

Beer at a bar. It's six bucks. Three of it is the beer. The other three dollars you're paying is for how stupid you're going to be in the bar. You're paying the bar to be like, hey, this $3 is for the drink. I really appreciate it. This other $3 is for you to not talk to me while I'm standing on all fours on a table barking like a dog in two hours. That $3 goes into that fund where i'm just allowed to do whatever

the fuck i want here until i cross the line but that line that you don't like the the line where that is right there that's all your money that's what your money is paying for don't kick me out fund then up here like i had too much you're paying just to make up for being a jackass. That's why it's so expensive. Shit, dude. You ever been actually kicked out of a bar? I think it's happened to me a couple times, but I like talk my way out of it.

I'm like, was it really that bad? And they're like, yeah, dude. I'm like, you for real? I'm sorry. I won't do it again. And they're like, all right'm like you for real i'm sorry i won't do it again and they're like all right bet and then for the rest of the night i it's like my dad yelled at me and i'm like hey hey bouncer that almost fucking threw me outside i'm like how's it going remember me yeah a couple hours ago that was crazy right he's like you're even worse now i'm like i

know but a couple hours ago can you imagine if i was still doing that he's like you are i'm like oh oh i'll go back over here to the game that has the big boxing thing that you gotta hit so guilty after i get yelled at bro i'm so fucking i'm so like kind and stuff if you yell at me in a bar i swear to god i'll like i'll like start washing off tables and shit. You guys need anything? Everybody all good? Just trying to like make amends. We will throw you out.

I'm like, do you guys need any dishes washed or anybody need a massage? I'm not talking about, no, I'm talking about the guy. Yeah, the bouncers.

You guys need help checking ids i got your back i'm like captain your best friend after you yell at me you guys need me to write any specials on the wall or anything i've got really good handwriting i'm just trying to help i'm just trying to help sweating my ass off. Just keep going. All right, Ben. Advice time. I'm sure a lot of people could complain

about their bosses, but my boss is actually pretty great. It's his direct manager who's a total bag of dicks. He thinks he's this great influencer and I have to talk to him

on a semi-regular basis and I just loathe those days. Loathe. So, um, help me. Ta-ha. Fuck. Ay, first ta-ha fuck the whole day. Um, so you like your boss, but you don't like the boss above

your boss. You could put him in check next time he comes in. Does he not like you, I wonder? Or does he, you know? Anytime a girl really checks a dude, I guess it's not really in your place to check the fucking

regional manager. Yeah, you can't do that. But he would get his shit together if you did that. Or maybe if you like complained about something to him, you just skip over old boss that's there every day and go to the general supervisor. You'd get some mad respect.

Maybe do that. Maybe try to be friends with him. Even though you hate them the people you hate you normally you might have a crush on them you ever think about that uh-oh she's dating a regional manager flirt with them i would that's what you do at work you flirt until it's flirting so flirt at work right when you leave the door. Pretend the whole building crumbles. Don't ever date him, but flirt hard because your stock just skyrockets when you, when you, when you flirt, but you don't do

anything else. Maybe go to a yeah, yeah, yeah. Just, you know, don't go crazy with it. Just goes to work with no fucking shirt on. Just a bikini on. She's like, hey, heard the regional manager is going to be here today.

But you know what I mean. When I hate hate somebody it usually means i like them and i just don't know it yet that's how i know i like somebody oh my god i fucking hate that guy i'm like in like a day later i'm like oh i actually fucking like him damn it okay okay everybody you hate you actually like. I don't know. I'd check the temp on a whole regional manager. Talk to them a little bit. Never know. Yeah, that's my advice.

Skip Con. So, hello, Benedict. Here is my issue. So, you know, it's my first semester of grad school and for some reason like I just cannot stop focusing on men

including yourself like I I'm very I've been boy crazy my whole life and I don't know how to stop so please help all right let's see if i were you and i was in grad school i couldn't stop focusing on women i would

dude you gotta disassociate yourself if you're focusing on like uh dudes that much actually you know what it is you know what you should do if you're boy crazy so much go out with one of the guys do it date him not date him but go on a date with him go back to his apartment see what's going on there and then you won't be boy crazy anymore once you see a fucker's apartment and what's going down with their actual life in their car and like how they are outside of class and stuff it's ick central yeah you just you need to get the you need to you need to get icked you need to get the ick go on a date with one of them fuck it hottest guy in grad school go to applebee's see what he orders

something's gonna piss you off then then guess what you're back focusing on your shit. It's happened to me before. You're like, man, you're kind of like kind of all over the place. This girl, that girl, this girl, that girl. Hang out with one of them. You'll be like,

Jesus fucking Christ. That was a mistake. You're right back to where you need to be. Whoops. No, but for real, I would actually do that. Because every guy is the same. uh all their apartments look like shit so check that out and get back to me

let's keep going come on man y'all look exactly alike oh that's that's not real before before he fucking sent that he typed out you can't tell me nick bosa isn't your brother you guys look exactly alike fuck what's nick bosa look like i have to know everything about him i kind of know what he looks like but like not really this bitch looks just like me i wish uh he's jacked he's in the NFL has a fade on the sides of his hair has a little poof on top five o'clock shadow fucking Jesus Christ this guy's hot I mean thanks bro means a lot oh shit that's the last one up. Oh shit. That's the last one. Orders in Nick Bosa Jersey real quick. I'm like,

that's the last one. Yep. Got to go shipping two to four days express. Wow. Espresso therapy session with your therapist, Benny. That was good. We're going to do espresso therapy again. That was fun. It doesn't have to be that serious. Just what's happening with you, you know? I appreciate the DMs. And benedictmerch.com for all your espresso stuff. Who's buying this stuff? Indiana land stuff, feeling glonky stuff, and maybe some more surprises on the way. Patreon, $5 a month for an extra episode every week. But I got to get out of here, fam. I got a stupid video to make that you'll see later this week. But I love you guys, for real.

Thanks for listening. I love this podcast. The DMs mean a lot, dude, for real. You guys just think it's some bullshit, but honestly, it makes my week. Starts crying. Everything you guys do, I mean, is my shit. Love you guys, for real.

So now that I'm choked up, I'll talk to you guys next week. See you next time. All right, fam.