Espresso - BEST OF ESPRESSO worst names

Episode Date: July 27, 2023

On this BEST OF ESPRESSO shot Ben & comedians @RayHensleyComedy and @lol_derek_james bring back the segment DRIPPIN OR TRIPPIN and talk about the hottest animals they've ever seen. All 3 of them reveal their Sixth Sense and FINALLY figure out how to defeat movie quote guy. They breakdown the worst full names, the dumbest young kid names and realize the name DEREK sounds like a sneeze, car wreck, something hitler would say and a couch falling down the stairs, then Ben smacks the table in the studio for 10 minutes straight but you already knew that 😎Links (FOR TRANSISTOR)🔺𝗪𝗔𝗧𝗖𝗛 𝗢𝗡 𝗬𝗢𝗨𝗧𝗨𝗕𝗘 https://www.youtube.com/@espressowbenedictLeave a rating and review boo🎧𝗔𝗽𝗽𝗹𝗲 𝗽𝗼𝗱𝘀 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/espresso/id1514492317 

Best of Espresso. You ready? The Espresso Podcast is brought to you by Wave 1 Media. If you want to start your own show, visit thewave1.com come, come, come, come, come.

Shot 165. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Here we go now. Turn me up a little bit. Yeah. Es. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Here we go now. Turn me up a little bit. Yeah.

Espresso. With Ben Palizzi. When I drink a white car, I get tipsy. Yeah. Got Derrick James sitting next to me. Ray Hensley on the right of me. He's looking kind of sweaty. Got sweat dripping down his lip

That's slobber He just put it in his mouth Cause he's Always hungry Ray Ayo Ben and Derek It's time It's time

Ben and Derek Alright Ben and Derek begin Straight out of the ample dungeons of rap the pain drops deep as they does my angel i never laugh because i'm last been my uncle and my power angel what you got to explain yourself yeah hope the vein does some disdain my disdain it just rhymes disdain with disdain what is this in an indie state of mind, what more could you ask for than the scummy of pain? You compliment about random boners. Yeah, that was true, though.

What is this, a mad gap? Derek, pretty much, this is a mad list. Derek, Jay. It's on. Yeah, I don't know what you need to find the beat for, you white piece of shit. Hold on. You don't realize how white Derek is until you need to find the beat for, you white piece of shit. All right, all right. Hold on.

You don't realize how white Derek is until he has to find a beat. Hold on. I got to find the beat that's playing in my motherfucking ear. Right next to my ear. I got three different. He's like, is this in three four? Is this in three four? You got a fucking minute.

You got a minute. Put your hands in it. It's a six and one. It's time for Derek James. Hold on. Let me rap you. Make me rap. In the studio.

You know I got that booty flow okay that duty flow oh dimples on my cheek i'm a cutie though oh girls give me kissy call that cootie flow they always be like i only want to be with you that's that hootie flow you wrote that i don't know we gotta go let's start the show. Put me in coach. That's that Rudy flow. I did write that. I wrote that. I practice that. I can't tell if you know I practice that on the way here. I ran

out of B. I couldn't find the B and then when I found it, it was already gone. I think you wrote that more for like a salsa dude. I didn't know there was such thing as a rap generator. Yeah, I didn't need that was just a mad guy. That's we do at applebee's all right yeah so i had libs you guys play that's a mad libs yeah not a mad i fucking love mad list just uh lyric generator you put how much place indie how many times something you think about booty juices how many times you put

penis into that generator i didn't write it i wrote will random boners once okay something somebody might complain about i put random boners yeah who are you talking to ben and derrick and then just six nouns and i just got bored angel cord core you put cord in there twice i just hit suggest on all these so like i just bat apple handbag you didn't fucking hit suggest that was the shit you want to rap about. Yeah, yeah. I'm just like, cord, cord, cord, cord, cord. Every lyric is just like, the best cord. I was playing my B-flat chord

and I got stuck on this cord and then it was just... And then I got bored. You're the best cord rapper in Indie. You think so? Yeah. Thank you, bud. It's better than being the best corn rapper in Indie.

All right. Espresso podcast. It's Ben Polizzi. I'm with Derek James. Hey. Underscore. what's your derrick you need to change your name tonight it's lol you know it's lol underscore derrick underscore james and ray hensley on my right at ray hensley comedy on everything on everything or everything all right so the bet awards were last night i watched it and we're gonna we're gonna do dripping or tripping i don't know if i've done dripping and tripping in a while but dripping

is like you know something you like tripping something you don't like all right let's do it we're gonna go through what they had on and rate it cool let's do it yeah like if we were doing dripping or tripping right now you guys are wearing the exact same fucking thing. We are. We're the same person. I got mine at Walmart. I got mine at Nordstrom's. Alright. I didn't know you were doing so well. I am. He's like Nordstrom rack. Can we tell the cameo story?

What? When you showed me your cameo earnings. Oh yeah. I was fucking bragging one time to Derek. I was like bro. Look how much money I made on cameo. What you say? I looked at him. I go. That's great. I make that. I made that today. I mean, that's

really like a couple hundred bucks or something. Yeah, pretty much. It was like six hundred dollars. I go, oh honey, my first time ever knowing what cameo was to send me a cameo yeah i like announced on instagram that i got on cameo i was really excited then i got a cameo right after i announced it i was like holy shit this really works

and it was a cameo from derrick and he goes just make fun of ray from for being fat call him a pig and say oink oink oink that's it sent me 30 bucks i was like deal i remember you can pull that shit up dude and i did and i put the number in so he sent it directly to ray like he didn't say it to me first he just shot it to ray i hadn't talked to ben all week and then all of a sudden i get a video from ben i'm like oh let's see what he has to say this is my buddy and all of a sudden you're just a little fatty right i'm just like oink oink oink oink oink oink big pig oink oink oink oink i was like what the fuck did i do to you i said ask him to oink like a pig yeah he had no idea that was just blindsided him he's like thanks yeah as i'm like eating a cheeseburger i'm just like all right

well i guess i'm putting that down did you ever see that kid who would always come way too drippy to school yeah like did you know that kid like you come in and like like a like like a four-piece or a three-piece suit with a chain and you're just like dude but you're like just dude like it's it's you got seven more periods like it's first period you got six more periods like there was a guy that dressed up every day he was a nerdy kid he dressed with a suit every single day at school. You're going to be so uncomfortable by fourth period. Yeah. Especially after lunch.

He always said, you got to dress for the part you want. I'm like, you're in fucking school, bud. You're like a B student. We don't even have theater today. He was a B student. It's not like he was like top three in our class or anything. He's just a fucking student. There you go.

Do you wear a fedora there's always a fedora kid oh yeah we saw a lot of those kids they always ran like fucking weirdos there was one kid he uh he always carried his guitar case with him i don't even think he knew how to play guitar nobody's ever seen him play guitar but he would just like pick it up every once in a while and pretend it was a bazooka and then run down the hallways yeah his what sorry his guitar case. He like, oh,

did I pretend everything's a gun? Like he was like Antonio Banderas and Desperado. I do love that movie. Ben doesn't know what that is.

Yeah. No movie references. All right. Malik just on the quick, on the quick pull right there. All right. What are we doing now?

Let's go viral. All right. Let's do it. He spelled Desperado wrong. Selma Hayek's in it though. selma hi get her most selma hi-x-ness hashtag unusual pets dude skunks nobody has a pet bro no possums you have a pet who's a pet possum you see them all the time on like the internet and stuff dude people really have those in their house have possums yeah i sat next to a wild animal dealer at a wedding one time and i asked him that question i said what's the best animal fox like an exotic animal he said skunk i heard skunk i want to get goats skunk you want a goat i want to go i guess i heard you can't have

just one goat though because they get like super lonely like they're like a pack animal so you have to have more than one goat. You have two goats. I heard if you have three goats, the two goats gang up on one goat and make them feel really bad. Really? Yeah.

Kind of like our situation. Yeah. It's kind of like I'm the third goat. You're the third goat. Yes. Exactly. Yeah. No, possums, I guess,

make like really good loving pets. Did you know that the possum is the U.S. Ferrets. I think ferrets are the dumbest animal. I was in the middle of telling a fact, but it's okay. Go ahead. North America is only marsupial. Don't we have mice and stuff?

Those aren't marsupials. Those are rodents. Oh. Damn, what a horrible name, like category to be under. Ferret? Rodents. Oh, rodents. You know what I mean?

Marsupials. And they're also... A lot of people think they carry rabies possums can't carry rabies welcome welcome to espresso podcast now exclusively a possum podcast yeah all about rodents all about rodents you know welcome to national geographic rodents and movies we don't know ferrets ferrets stink that's what the guy told me why would a skunk be a good pet because they actually don't stink but they do they don't get there that's their whole personality they take the gland out and so it is dude they just the only thing you think of a skunk you're like fuck that probably smells like

shit no yeah when you take out their butt stuff all they do is like just like stamp at you and stuff oh it's cute it is cute look at it yeah look i'm getting a skunk get a skunk but there isn't it like inhumane to take out their their butts ass spray their ass spray no no i don't think i mean the captivity they're not going to use it bro what if they got super attacked though they'd be like fuck it on my any my fucking spider web you know and spider-man runs out of fucking he's like fuck oh shit And just any type of bird that doesn't talk. Like, why have it? You want a bird that talks?

Yes. A parrot? A parrot. I feel like a parrot would get me in trouble. Yeah, no, for sure. Yeah, you live with one of your friends and you're like walking around the house and watching dishes and talking shit about them.

Then they come home like five minutes later. Here's that fucking loser! Yeah. You're just like, oh, shut up shut up shut up i was listening to this song ray said your girlfriend has nice tits i think a skunk would be cool no skunk would be adorable look at it i need like a little tiny like little piece of shit bird we don't it. You can't play with it. Skunk would be cool though. I would love to just walk around downtown Indy. With a skunk?

With a skunk on a leash. No, not on a leash. Just next to me? I would think that you smelled like shit. For sure. You just blame it on the skunk? You have bad gas one day. You're like, come on skunk. We're going out on the town.

I got a date. I got a date. We're going to go out. You smell like shit. Did you? No. Nah, it's a skunk. I got a pet skunk.

There's my peppy lepew next to me. Do they usually smell like farts? And you're just like, yeah, this one does. Yeah, pretty much, yeah. They have their own custom scent. Yeah. Why don't you make it smell good? Skunk by Ray.

Why don't you put like curve in its asshole or something? Bod spray. Bod something? Bod spray. Bod spray. Nice bod. Every time. Sexy bod. All right. Hashtag.

Hashtag when I'm reincarnated. I just want to come back as a skunk. When I'm reincarnated? I just want to come back as a skunk. When I'm reincarnated? I don't know. Wait, is it saying that like, what would you come back as?

What would you come back as? Don't they get killed all the time? No, not anymore. Don't people poach this shit? If you kill a bald eagle, you're super fucked. Yeah, you might as well go join ISIS. Dude, the biggest crime in America of all time.

It is. No, it is for sure. No, I think a bald eagle would be super sweet. I think they're majestic looking, and they're like also top of the food chain kind of thing. You know what I mean? Do they ever die by other animals? Does a bald eagle have a predator?

I mean, besides us besides yeah no they took off the bald eagle off the endangered list that's good look at them yeah yeah good for them you don't want to be a bald eagle raccoons oh they just eat the the eggs oh man yeah they can't. Like a raccoon. Black-billed magpies. The fuck is that? Sounds like a dessert. For dinner, steak. Dessert, black-billed magpie. With whipped cream. Oh, they just... Come in.

Those are hot, bro. That's a hot-ass bird. That's a good-looking bird. That's a good-looking bird. Wow. Look at that. That one down there? I would fuck that bird.

That bird is a Gucci model. If you're a parrot, yeah. If I was a parrot. God, hot animals. Isn't it weird that parrots can just talk? We just glossing over that. That one down there? I would fuck that bird. That bird is a Gucci model. If you're a parrot, yeah. If I was a parrot. God, hot animals. Isn't it weird that parrots can just talk? We just glossing over that kind of as a society. How come no other animals figured that out? As much as dogs have been around us,

how come they haven't evolved into speaking? Some dogs can talk. Have you seen that dog that says, I love you? Yeah, but it's just like a- Everybody knows that fucking dog, bro. Fuck that. I love you.

I can't even say i love you to my fucking parents and friends and the dogs out here just fucking just dropping l's everywhere do you ever you probably don't have this but i mean i get i get upset when animals are better looking than me like so you're always upset? Like that deer. The hottest deer ever. Go back to that.

The hottest deer ever. Handsome deer. Or that handsome horse. God. Jesus Christ. Man, look at the jawline on that. The contouring on that deer. Yeah, seriously.

That deer's got a smoky eye. No, you talked about pantsuits being like something that would take over a board meeting. If that thing walked in there, I'm like this is our new ceo can speak english dude how are we doing today fellas that deer has that deer knows how to do mergers and acquisitions that deer has no bullshit to him and he's just like a straight up bro good thing bro that deer is i want to see that what's on that deer's resume oh my god nose excel dude

some fluent in 12 languages that deer has an assistant that fetches a coffee that deer kills the hunter oh my god for sure that's your that deer fucks. All right. They're smooth, right?

That deer still ever. Are you guys trying to get me to say that it would feel good to sit on those antlers and just twirl down it? Yeah, I can see you spinning around. That deer has lips. Look at it. Like a little fucking mustache that deer has

fucking lips dude he looks like one of those girls that didn't draw their eyebrows on properly what if it would like wait do girl deers have antlers no that's not a girl deer how do you know there's no way some i think some female deer because it'd be a doe. Yeah. Yeah. That deer gets the doe. Girl deer. Girl deer. Let's see it. Just Googling girls. Let's see that ass.

It's showing us its ass. Of course. Jesus Christ. Girls these days. Yeah, always, man. Just clout. Even girl deer is clout chasing. Girl deer are like, holy shit.

Unreal. It's going to be like 40 likes. Oh my God. I think certain species of deers, of deers have antlers on females. Like I think antelopes have female horns, I guess. I don't know. I'm just talking on my ass.

You've been watching a lot of Nat Geo lately. This dude right here is just going to fucking fact check me. No, no antlers. Look at that. On-game female antelope. No, no, no. Wow. Look at that. Wow. Young female antelope right there. Dude, don't you think those horns, like those horns would get in the way, wouldn't they?

Like, isn't that kind of like. Are you talking. Wait a minute. Where are you going with this? Like, you know, when that deer is running, what if they hit a fucking branch? Oh, yeah. Like, isn't that kind of annoying? Yeah.

It's annoying when you stub your toe would you imagine stubbing your whole fucking head imagine if we had those walking around all our doors would have to be fucking 15 feet tall or we'd all walk through like this just i'm out of here guys later like you can't be cool like you're just better than everyone dude hot animals stupid so would you record the board now i'd come back as that deer for sure i'd definitely come back as a beaver it'd be something you don't want to be a hundred percent like you're not coming back like a fucking monkey or something you know i mean something lit you're not coming back as a fucking monkey or something. You know what I mean? Something lit. You're not going to come back. I would want to come back as a dog.

A dog? No. Yeah, I get it. You got dog energy, but you look like you were. You look like if I scratched your belly right now, you would enjoy it. Your leg would fucking kick. Get on the ground. So yours wouldn't?

No. I'll try it. You look like you just want somebody to scratch you behind the ear. I just want somebody to slap my fucking ribs when they see me. Motherfucker. I just want somebody to touch me. That's the next video. Greeting people like they're dogs. Oh, yeah, that would be good.

Just beating the fucking shit out of somebody. Walk into the room and you're just like, come here, Ben, come here. That into the room and you're just like come here Ben come here that's it and you're just like you just like go run who's a good boy get up on me and put your put your like yeah arms on my shoulders

I snag your pants start humping my leg I'm like get off fuck Ben we told you did you pull out a spray bottle just spray you in the face like no you try to catch it put your penis away hey no i'm like no what do we? No company's over. Hop his lipsticks out. Oh my God. All right.

Jesus Christ. All right, what else you got? Hashtag, if I had a sixth sense. What's your sixth sense? Like, what are you like? All right. Like my sixth sense is like when we're driving down the street and I see like a, like a mall, I'm like, there's a TJ Maxx around here. That's what his sixth sense wrote. I don't know.

I guess I can. Like, and there's a Marshall's because they're always near this and a Ross over there because they're all like three related. I don't know. Like, I don't know. I can like, I guess I can like pick up on sarcasm pretty quick. Oh, can you? Is that right? What does that mean? I'm't know. I guess I can pick up on sarcasm pretty quick. Oh, can you? Is that right?

What does that mean? I'm just kidding. Why are you being mean to me? I can't. Oh, really? You can? I'm sure you can, Ray. I don't get where this attitude is coming from at all, Derek. I don't know what I did to you. Knock it off.

Oh, you want me to knock it off? Just the whole time? He just doesn't understand the leaves. Fuck you guys. Why were you so mean to me on the podcast today? You're like, give us a start. I don't know. Were we though? He's like, I don't understand.

Alright, what's yours? That's a friend. So dumb. Oh. Oh. My. he's like i don't understand all right what's yours that's so frightened so dumb what's yours why is that so fucking stupid i don't know uh what's my six cents oh shit i don't... Let's see here. I can see dead people. I've never seen that movie. You haven't? You've never seen any movie. So? And? What's the only movie you've ever seen?

Fucking Rocky. By every podcast. It's Rocky IV. It's the only one he's ever seen. That's it. Rocky IV. You've not seen any of the other Rockies? The only movie that i'm like confident and you know when people watch movies like when i watch a movie with someone and the next day they're like remember that part when that guy did that i'm like i don't really remember that like i don't know but you were like but remember when drago you know yeah oh yeah

like when people recite movie lines i'm like do you have a life i think that's crazy i'm like you know this part what have you just so when that's crazy i'm like you know this part what have you just so when somebody quotes a movie you just start quoting rocky four back and you're like yeah i love that part you don't touch my drum set dude i will break you yeah i'm like if he dies he dies right and they're like, that's how I'm going to start defeating movie quick conversation.

Yeah. And then yeah. And then after the bunk beds smash each other, he was like, drag. They're like, this guy's crazy. Let's fucking talk. He goes. Yeah. You're just like, you remember that montage of them in the garage cutting up the watermelon? Just like, oh oh yeah when they're running on the beach with apollo creed i'm gonna racing him and the other guy they started they started hugging in

the ocean yeah i remember i was talking about yeah yeah they're like what that's not harry potter bro holy shit finally i figured it out all right i always give up and when somebody's like have you seen the nutty professor i'm like uh fuck i don't want to let this guy down so yeah and then he starts explaining i'm like fuck what did you watch as a kid nothing his dad wouldn't let him i watched like i watched a lot of superhero cartoons i watched uh like all the main nickelodeon shit cartoon network stuff here and there i like dexter's lab a lot i liked that's like my sleeper uh ed ed and eddie cartoon favorite show that's just lab i don't think my mom was gonna let me watch ed ed and eddie it was kind of like too like geeked out you know how

they're like it looks like they're tripping yeah yeah that's what i liked about it but ed and eddie they made a new one they look trash oh i see it oh that's our bad if the characters don't look good i don't want to watch it why do they have to soften it there's no jawbreakers and there was one where uh double d or ed got to run one of the scams and all right this is boring i don't even know i'll tell you this is explaining a movie yeah Wow. And then they fucking... I have a sixth sense. He was throwing rocks at a barrel. He chopped down a tree.

My sixth sense is... Rocky, poor shit. My sixth sense is when Ray's going to... I can tell when Ray's going to tell a shitty story. That's my sixth sense. Here it comes. Here it comes. Wait, hold on.

Hold on. You're like... Fuck. I can smell it. This is fucking six minutes. I'll never get back. So like the other day, I was just like. There it is.

Red alert. What's it smell like? A skunk. No, skunks don't smell. Oh, a ferret. It's a, yeah. I love the Google search bar that you got going on there. That's fun.

What do you mean? Ed, Edd n Eddy's sisters. Handsome deer. Girl deer. Rocky IV. My whole life and fucking seven Google searches. Hey, this is Ben's brain right now. This is just Google searches.

Exactly what's going on in Ben's brain. Girl deer. Why do I even go back and try to think about like the description of the podcast? So I can just do this. This is all that's in the description. Ed, Edd n Eddy sisters. Handsome deer. Ed, Edd n Eddy new. Ed, Edd n Eddy. Edited Eddie's sisters. Handsome deer. Edited Eddie.

New. Edited Eddie. Rocky IV. Rocky IV. Pit skunk. Why can parrots talk? Porn hub. I'd be like, I'm listening.

Fuck it. I'm subscribing. What's your Patreon? No shit. What's your Venmo? Jesus Christ. This is genius. All right. that's just funny

all right hashtag karen's summer plans they're just gonna hey what's a what's a guy what's a guy version of karen what's like it was kyle like a few years back it was kyle no remember kyle was like the guy punching drywall drinking monsters and all that shit like but a karen is like somebody that's like by the book you know what like by the book guy is it no karen's just like a scott scott yeah anthony no yeah well yeah you're right it has to be like a proper name, not like a Ray. Brian. Doug. No. What would be a...

Devin. No, too young. Oh, okay. It's got to be like an older... I've never met an old... I've never met a 50-year-old named Devin. It's Chad. Michael.

Michael. Bruce. Just anybody with the same... Or just any other than Jesus' disciples' names. Joseph. Joseph. All' names. Joseph. Joseph. All those names. Yeah.

Karen. So Karen's having a hot girl summer. If you're a grown man and you go by your full name, like I'm, hey, what's up, Tim? She's like, it's Timothy. I think full names are so weird. I'm not calling you. Yeah. If I called you Benjamin.

Benedict. Or Benedict. Oh, it's Benedict. Yeah, it's fucking weird i think it's weird like if you guys call me raymond wouldn't that be weird to you if i was like that guy is no fun yeah raymond um actually it's raymond i go by raymond you guys like get the fuck out of here seriously anthony joseph. Yeah. Fucking shorten it up. You're an adult.

I'm not going to call Timothy or Tim Timothy. I'm not going to fucking do it. But do you call an older guy Timmy if it goes by Timmy? No. There's got to be a point

where you grow up out of that kind of shit. You know what I mean? So like you wouldn't call me Benny? No. I have a hard time calling wyatt wyatt i don't think it's like a he needs to fucking find an adult name when he hits like 25 you change your name to like bruce bruce rick any presidential name

frederick or some shit but yeah could you imagine like you imagine going over to Grandpa Wyatt's house? Grandpa Wyatt's cutting the grass again. He goes, I was just thinking that. Do you know what I mean? Like at some point you have to grow up out of those kiddie nicknames. Wyatt is an adult name. I don't know what you're talking about. All right. wyatt erp i forgot about wyatt it's not a competition all right put the fucking google away that guy doesn't look like a wyatt to me all right

he does like a fucking bruce you know it's yeah he looks like a rick for sure ray is such an older guy name but ray doesn't sound like if you're in kindergarten i'd be like hey can ray come over that sounds weird yeah hey can raymond come over yeah yeah but like raymond and like andrew and andy like all that kind of stuff i guess andy's andrew dude yeah you can't andy's kind of a different you can't have a cold and you can't have an old drew like a 90 year old what's uh oh that's uncle that's uncle grandpa drew grandpa drew i have a hard time calling wyatt why it's funny why i think i think there's gonna be like some of these like younger kids names that are out right liam liam yeah grandpa liam can you imagine saying that or like a brayden dylan

old dylan there's gonna be 90 year old dylan's holy shit cody i'm going to grandpa cody is the worst fucking name dude cody i don't even know if i know a cody i can't think right now but fuck your name that's so dude the name cody sounds it sounds like trashy it sounds like way too young it sounds i don't know bro it sounds kind of dumb tanner yeah i'm going to grandpa tanner's house that kind of sounds like yeah i'm going to grandpa braden's house tan's house grandpa bryce and i'm now i'm trying to think about grandpa bryce you know what i mean like don't these just sound like weird yeah it's a new age dude grandpa ben grandpa derrick grandpa ray was it good yeah derrick's a terrible name

it is no it's not derrick sounds like a good name you think derrick sounds like a sneeze that just fucking comes out hard the horrible thing is that like if you go on instagram if you go on instagram sounds like something hitler screamed what i had that it is a scream name bro you can't just say derrick you gotta say it like you're mad at nobody's ever's ever whispered. Derek! Derek! Dude, the worst part is dad probably had your ass when you were a kid. Hey, clean up the garage, Derek! Fuck! Fuck you, Derek! Even if you were doing something good.

Yeah. Good job on the straight A's, Derek! Fuck! You're such a smart kid. I fucking love you, Derek! God damn it! Congrats, Derek. You won the fucking championship.

There's a... There's a meme. You're MVP, Derek! Son of a bitch! When they called your name for your college diploma, they were like... Derek James! He's like, fuck yeah!

Derek said, dude, your name should just have exclamation points after it. He's like panicking. Signed right here, it's Derek. Right after it. Derek James White. Fuck. Every time he sneezes. Yeah, I don't want to walk in a dusty house with you, bro. I'd be like, stop!

You're like, what? I'd just fucking sneeze, I have allergies. Stop, stop I have allergies. My allergies. So much pollen in the air. There's a meme on the internet. When you stub your toe, just like fucking Derek. There's a meme on the internet.

You guys got more? Keep going. Yeah, keep going. When I'm cleaning out my ears. Derek! That's the one you geeked at? Fuck you, Derek. What did I just say? I really said it. Fuck you, Derek.

That sounded good. Fuck you, Derek. Bro, okay. Then go to the fucking fuck you, Derek goat meme, alright? Wait, there is one? Yes, dude. Awesome. No, D-R-E-K. I don't spell it. I'm not Derrick, alright?

Fuck you, Derek on Reddit. Oh my god. No, it's just a meme. It's just a fucking picture. Go to images. I like how we were sitting here joking that's a whole wow it's always so fun but they're typing goat after it like there's uh aren't that whole fucking podcast yeah there is bro man fuck derrick where's turkey teddy bear man that's so dead on dude this

is our whole podcast in one picture. What the fuck just happened, dude? We just talked about all this shit. Yeah, but there's only one. So he is going to kill himself when he jumps off a fucking hill. Dude, this is my whole college right here. Just, man, fuck you, Derek. That's crazy. My baseball coach.

Can you imagine your girlfriend leaving you for a dude named Derek? And you're just like, Derek! You shit me? Fucking Derek! It does sound like when you fucking get in a car accident and you hit something, the noise it makes when you hit the car.

Derek! Is it any smashing sound? You drop a couch. You drop a couch down some stairs and just like, derk, derk, derk, derk, derk, derk, derk! Every fucking stair. Every stair. Derk, derk, derk, derk, Dirk, Dirk, Dirk, Dirk.

Ninja Dirk. What the fuck? This is like four stories. Yeah. Like it teeters. It teeters on the curve. It's like, ah, Dirk, Dirk, Dirk, Dirk. The couch is gonna...

See, my name is when you open a door. Ray. So that's when the couch is is falling he's like all right we played this out god i'm not done no i'm sweating right there yeah hey i'm on the podcast myself and raised to my right and to my left. You motherfucker. You motherfucker. It's LOL underscore James. James. Instead of calling your name.

Hey, what do you think about that? Who should we get for that show? It should be me, you, and... Yeah, sounds like a good lineup. He's walking down the road, he can't hear us saying his name. What? WHAT?! I heard you the first time!

You have a stupid fucking name. I'm about to wreck my fucking car on the way home just so you come running after me. Somebody call? What'd you need? I just fucking totaled my car. But thanks, Eric. Fuck you.

I'm sweating. Oh, fuck you guys, dude. Just bring me up next time. Next time you host. Next time you host. Just bring me up that way. All right, coming up next. Give him a big round of applause for James.

Holy shit. He does shows all around town. My hands hurt from saying your name. Oh, God, I'm dying. All right. My hands hurt from saying your name. Oh God, I'm dying. All right. I hate to hear it from saying your name. That's so stupid. Oh, fuck.

Oh, shit. Okay. Holy fuck. Holy fuck. Where are we? I think that's shot 165. Fuck yeah. I'm over it. Ben Polizzi with Derek. I think that's shot 165. Fuck yeah.

Ben Polizzi with Derek. I can't believe I almost fucking said it after all that. I ruined it, bro. You want to try again? You want to do five more minutes so that you can do that closer? You fucked it up. Derek James! Man, fucking Derek. Follow us. I fucked it up. I cannot believe i fucked it up like the setup

and then i just butchered the punchline literally been 10 minutes of setup for that one joke all right follow us on twitter instagram cameo at benedict polizzi oh should we talk about july 30th oh yeah talk about the show that i'm not on yes no just don't we'll do it you're good july 30th me and ben maybe yeah he might be on the show too we're uh we're doing a show at the Sterling Event Center in Greenwood. July 30th. Tickets go on sale today. So go get your tickets.

It's going to be a fun show. Me, Ben. Southside. Sarah Huntington. It's going to be a fantastic show. Come out. Come out. Yeah, I'll be there.

Holler. I'll watch. Holler. Go to LaughTonightComedy.com for tickets. We'll put it open in the description of the pod. or reach out to one of us we got you all right talk to you guys next week i found later well that didn't even sound like you later