Espresso - BEST OF ESPRESSO your wildest intrusive thought

Episode Date: August 24, 2023

On this BEST OF ESPRESSO episode benny reacts to the wildest and intrusive thoughts you had (like stealing a cop's gun)🔺𝗪𝗔𝗧𝗖𝗛 𝗢𝗡 𝗬𝗢𝗨𝗧𝗨𝗕𝗘 https://www.youtube.com/@espressowbenedictLeave a rating and review boo🎧𝗔𝗽𝗽𝗹𝗲 𝗽𝗼𝗱𝘀 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/espresso/id1514492317 

Best of Espresso. You ready? It's so weird. Do guys wash their assholes? Because I've been axing a couple of guys. I love this. So let me know. I fucking love this shit!

This is what my podcast is for, shit like this, dude. Espresso! It's shot 246. And dude, I can't wait to hear your guys' fucked up thoughts. Is that weird? Am I kind of a nosy little bitch for that? A little bit, but who doesn't want to know, bro?

Let's see if we're all on the same page here. What's your wildest intrusive thought? We'll get to that in a second. But first, remember to get your merch from benedictmerch.com. This is the best shirt I've ever worn. I'm not just saying that because it's my shit, but like it snuck up on me.

It's a Cinderella story because I wasn't wearing it for like three months. And then one day I was like, I need to wear a black shirt today. And it was this feeling glonky joint. I was like, it's probably not going to fit right. Because I just have like a bunch of stupid merch at my house and i threw it on and boy it's so soft it cut it's just the perfect shirt dude black and white i would i would i would i

would cop fire you not gonna not Not going to fool with you. Benedictmerch.com. Get all your stuff. Listen to the Patreon podcast. $5 a month for an extra episode every single week. Had a stroke just then. Let's not talk about it. These guys' podcast with me and Joey Molinaro drops every Tuesday.

Check it out on YouTube, Apple, Spotify, all that shit. And subscribe to my YouTube. Yeah? Yeah. Coming out with some hot shit on there. The 60 Minutes, the guy that makes porn titles,

full version on YouTube. It's better. It's good. Let's get into this, dude. Hey, thank you for all your voice messages too i know like people are like oh i sound so like annoying who cares who cares i hate the way i sound you just got to get over it remember the first time you heard your voice on a recording though you were like oh dude the first time i like left a voicemail greeting that's what it was it's like hey this

is ben can't come to the phone right now leave a message played it back it was like i was like am i fucking drunk and half sleeping why do i sound like that but then for like two entire years i didn't even listen to my voice once. I was like, fuck dude. I sound like I'm high all the time. All right, let's get, let's get going. What's your wildest intrusive thought? Mine's a, mine was a, oh yeah. Every time I'm talking to somebody, every football coach I've ever had in my life, this is to you. When you're yelling at me right in my face, this is what happens, bro. You're going to yell at me close to my face and spit a little bit on me? I'm going to think every single time I did I had a basketball coach in eighth grade that would

rip me to shreds, bro. Every practice, every day. Come on, Ben. Dude, just fucking nonstop. One hour of army drill sergeant screaming at me, bro. I'm not even kidding. Probably fucked me up. He's a good coach though, bro. He would get in my grill and just fucking lay into me. And after about the fifth time, I was like, what if I just fucking kissed him? And after about the fifth time, I was like, what if I just fucking kissed him? It can't be just me, dude. I've talked about on this podcast before. Okay.

Yes, sir. Okay. I will. Yeah. I'll get back on defense. I know. Cheeks to the basket. Two, three zone. I'll get there.

Yeah. Okay. Arms up. Fuck. Oh my God. What if, dude? You know, sometimes you deserve it if you're yelling at somebody that hard you deserve to get smooched they know we know you just got it coming to you bro you yell at somebody for five minutes my dad i've thought about it if did? What if I just laid one on them?

It's more dudes because it's like that's more dangerous. You know, it just be weird if I was like or like a weird old teacher, you know, just a weird like old kind of ugly people. I'm like, what if I just meet out with them? Can't just be me. But if it's like a hot person, I'm scared. i would never think about that because people i actually want to kiss i'm like they probably don't want to but the people i don't want to kiss i'm like well i could go in right now for a slop shop all right what's my other intrusive thought? Oh, anyone that's in my way walking, I want to shoot them

with a silence pistol and then fucking walk over their dead body. Just every time you ever in like a grocery store and somebody is going so fucking slow. You're like, okay, like there's no one else in here, dude. I just want to screw a silencer on a pistol and then fucking roll over their dead body with my cart. Howdy ho. That's what I'd say to after everybody. Howdy ho. Dude, people are, have never been more in the way Than in a store Traffic You know people are in the way but you expect it dude

There's dumbasses people have their turn signals on And I'm that person half the time I'm the one that's in the way But dude in the store I'm like bitch Move to the right or left You can't just have your slow ass in the middle of the aisle. Have some awareness in a store, dude.

I just want to... Fucking falls. Knocks 15 cereal boxes off the shelf. That's what I think in my head. But what did I do in real life? I'm like, excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Oh, excuse me, excuse me, excuse me.

Oh, no big deal. That's on me. I shouldn't even be in this aisle. What am I doing getting Raisin Bran Crunch? You know, you're fine. In my head, screwing on the silencer, baby. Let's hear yours. What's your wildest intrusive thought oh i cannot fucking wait anytime i'm at my parents house and i'm holding one of the cats or my sister's little chihuahua i always think what if i just put your head in my mouth? Oh! Just at first to see if it would fit. What if?

I swear to God I've done that to a cat. What if I put your fucking head in my mouth? Why do I want to do that so fucking bad? One time, this is the closest I've ever gotten to that with a dog one time i had like uh i ate like uh ritz bits peanut butter because my mom like cheese was just too good you know you got ritz bits ritz bits are like 17 ritz bits are fucking gold when you're a kid so we only got them like once every three years My mom would always get peanut butter

Because cheese was just like too much of a treat So I had Ritz bits peanut butter My aunt's dog was at my house Put a Ritz bits peanut butter in my mouth Chewed it up And I just had it sitting on my tongue like this In front of the dog I'm such a piece of shit for this

I was taunting the dog with the Ritz bits peanut butter In my mouth like this Like here's the dog's the Ritz Bitz peanut butter on my mouth like this. Like, here's the dog's face. I was doing this. And I held it out there a little too long one time because somebody was like talking and I was like... And the dog just went for it. Ate all the Ritz Bitz off my tongue.

I was like, we just fucking kissed! Jake? The dog's went for it. Ate all the Ritz bits off my tongue. I was like, we just fucking kissed. Jake. The dog's name is Jake. That's the closest I've ever been to a dog's head going in my mouth. Was it just making out with me? Which was perfectly fine. He was in the right. He was in the right.

I was in the wrong. I deserved it. I deserved it. I deserved it. He ate the food off my tongue it's like dog eucharist you take away the sins of the world now eat this ritz bits off my tongue i swear to god i think i've put something i maybe i put a cat's head in my mouth i did because cats have the most like edible head you know like a cat a cat's like snout like it's so easy i think i was just holding a cat it was like and i was like oh and i took my whole i took it out of my mouth and just looked at me like this

and was like like it was nervous for me I was like I get that I get that meow meow meow hold on close your ears I gotta wipe off this mic all right here we go wildest intrusive thought oh this is my first time ever doing this and but i'm like super fucking curious right about like it's so weird do guys wash their assholes because i've been asking a couple of guys to figure that out because some people say that they don't wash their assholes like they feel that it's like it's like gay it's too sus and like so their asshole is just dirty like this is the discussion that i don't know if you already had but i feel like we like i need to know i love this let me know i fucking love this shit this is what my podcast is for shit like this dude

i don't know it depends dude some some i heard some guys don't wipe because they think, they think it's too gay. They don't wipe. You smell like shit or you're gay. Pick one. Dude, I clean my asshole like it's fucking my iPhone screen. One thing is wrong with it. I'm like, dude, I clean my, I take way too much pride in cleaning my, I probably have a rash on my ass

because I clean it so much in the shower where I go in. I do a full fucking squat, catcher's squat in the shower. Me in the shower. Me in the shower Me in the shower That's how I take showers now Cause I'm spray tan shorty dude I don't want to get all the water on me cause my spray tan will drip off So I just hit the faucet Like I'm taking a shower in a well

In El Salvador Or some shit Pits, crotch, feet I'm out I wash it bro in El Salvador or some shit. Pits, crotch, feet. I'm out. I wash it, bro. But I heard, I have heard that some people don't. It's crazy to me.

You're not going to wash your ass? That's a thing that smells! Get out of the shower then! People don't wipe too? Come on, dude. You don't wipe too because come on dude you don't wipe bro wiping feels good it does you're lying to yourself you don't think it feels good you hit like three wipes and you're like damn you're like i get it i get it i'm not gonna but i get it you know you know just me but I get it. You know? You know. Just me.

Anyway, I gotta go take a shit. Wipes for 28 minutes while this is still recording. Comes back in. Just keep going. My worst intrusive thought is that anytime I see a police officer walking around or if I'm like standing behind one in line or something, I have this incredible desire to steal his gun and just run away and make him chase me. And then I would give it back, but I don't even like guns, but I just want to steal it and see what happens. I know who this is.

And I know you bitched out on that because I have the same fetish, dude. When I see if there's a cop standing in front of me in line for something i want to steal his gun so fucking bad but i don't want to run away i just want to shoot him 15 times in the fucking leg or like near his feet i want to do this to a cop so bad take his gun and be like this dance sonny so the cops like this it's my dream oh shit i want to tell a cop to dance so fucking bad you know how funny that'd be oh jeez oh god put down that weapon sir my horrible ass shot I'd be hopping back and fuck dance sonny oh my god dude that's why I can't that's why I can't be myself in public bro I

will get arrested in nine seconds stealing a cop's gun There should be a national day for that Oh jeez You're under arrest Stupid ass cop all out of shape and shit Shut up Yeah running away with it would be cool too I swear to god if I stole a cop's gun and ran away I swear to god they wouldn't catch me

I'd be so i'd be gone bro behind a car in an alley over a fence what are you doing what are you gonna do i got a tracker in my gun i can find you dance sonny just keep going whenever i'm driving and i see people on like the sidewalk or whatever i just really want to hit them like bowling pins oh don't feel bad for that don't feel bad for that shit bro oh my god how good would it feel to just straight up take out a corner full of people then just be on your way. Sorry, I was late. It'd be so easy to do that on accident.

Can't believe it doesn't happen more. This whole podcast is because of Grand Theft Auto because the amount of times I would just flatten people on that game. Yo. It'd be so easy to just fall asleep. Or like kind of just accidentally. You know? Just fucking one little inch.

No shame, baby girl. Skipcon. Every time I'm hiking or skiing and I look over the edge of a cliff, my mind tells me to jump. And it even happens when I'm walking along the edge of a balcony, whether indoor or outdoor. Something in my mind is like, hey, you should jump. And I'm almost scared that one day i might accidentally know like i might accidentally listen to the voice and jump and then as soon as i jumped i'd be like oh no i know i fucking know bro why is that why do you kind of wanna a little bit you know why it's just like it's so cool it's just

so like it's such a disaster you just kind of want to do it like what if i did just fucking oh my god he jumped dude i was i was filming a tiktok one time and I was just walking on this fucking ledge on the circle in Indianapolis. I just knew how to get out to the balcony and I was walking on this ledge for a TikTok, which would have definitely been taken down. But like 30 times, I was like, just tip over, just tip over, just tip over. What if you did? What if you did? What if you did what if you

did what if you did part of me is like i'd survive i'd land on my feet my ankles would hurt but i'd land on my feet and i stopped filming the tiktok and i got back down and uh there were 13 cops at the door waiting for me because i thought i was gonna jump off and i was like you were almost right but yeah bro there's just something about a cliff that you're like there's one wrong step but why would it feel so right so fucked up dude but is it let's keep going so my intrusive thought is you know when you're talking to someone and they have like this one beard hair or mustache hair

or eyebrow hair that's significantly longer than all the other ones and I want nothing more in life than to just pluck the shit out of that bad boy I don't know I cannot focus if you're talking to me if you have a facial hair that is longer than the other ones, my number one priority is to get that hair off of your face.

Thank you. Thanks, Ben. Love the pod. Detroit show was awesome. Come to the West Coast soon. Arizona. See you. Oh, I'm in love with you.

Dude, you could not be more my friend without either of us knowing each other. Why the fuck can't the person with the long ass hair poking out of their face see it in the mirror? You don't see that, you bozo? I probably have one on my goddamn face right now that extra long ass hair right by your nose in the center of your face you didn't see that this morning in the mirror you're crazy the first thing i'm looking for in the mirror is the first thing i think every day i wake up is is there a long fucking hair coming out of my face because that's the only thing i'm worried about in my life. Literally

worst fear, getting stranded on an Island and not having a mirror. Not because I want to look at myself. I just want to make sure I don't have a long fucking hair coming out of the top of my nose. Dude. If a girl ever came up to me and said, hey, you have a you have a really long eyebrow. I'm going to pull it out. I'd be like my system would shut down and I'd go on the ground and fucking start. I'd go on the ground. You know how cartoons like turn into a metal pole and they're like that's what that was. That's what happened to me. Want this girl ruined my soul one time actually this is like the

like three girls have done this and they go like this hey your ears are like kind of hairy that's happened three times and i will never forget where i was every single one of those times two of them were in the car girls just look at your fucking face in the car it sucks but ear hair is tricky if you have long ear hair like old guys and shit like you can't see that but i'm talking about the hairs that are like like right here it's my fucking dad bro my dad grows hair out of the top of his nose no one else does this i haven't seen anything in my entire life like it he's got four hairs on the bridge of his nose he's got a nose mohawk he's got a nohawk

and like it takes me so much courage to be like bro you're fuck can you shave your nose please it's all i look at and he's just walking around with the no hawk. I almost want to shoot him in the... I almost want to tranquilize him with a blow dart. He's passed out. And I just pluck his four nose hairs and leave him there. And he wakes up and he's like, Oh, okay.

All right. Checks for his keys in his wallet. Goes back inside. nose hairs and leave them there and he wakes up and he's like oh okay all right checks for his keys in his wallet goes back inside but i'm like i'm behind a tree with the four nose hairs in my hand and i blow them all they all plant in the ground and four evergreen trees grow three years later wow same here bro i'm on your page wildest intrusive thought just keep going hi ben my intrusive thought is that our cat has somehow escaped from the house even if no windows or doors are open i just get this panic feeling of like oh my gosh i haven't seen our cat in 30 minutes did he get out i'm nine months pregnant so i can only imagine what this feeling will be like when i have a child thanks for always making us laugh

oh my god i love you dude people you guys are so goddamn nice shit no one i I seriously love you so much. Thank you for that. But that cat does know how to get out of your house. It knows how to kill you. It knows how to steal your car and drive it to fucking PetSmart to buy a little mouse toy. It knows how to do all that shit. It just doesn't. Because it's a psycho, dude.

Cats are fucking psycho. It knows. because it's a psycho dude cats are fucking psycho it knows but it's just it's just waiting for the day it's just waiting for the right day bro i would not trust a cat around a baby i'd have to separate them because you know that cat would scratch the fuck out of that baby on some jealous shit cats are jealous bro i love when cat i love that cats are such pieces of shit but they never think about like the their consequences you know like when a cat falls down i'm like yes the world is getting what it deserves it knows how trust me that's an intrusive fact let's keep going i also have the like making out with whoever i'm talking to one oh wait i'm really happy that was two of two of two this is one of two my wildest intrusive thought happens a lot when i'm at work. People will come into the bar and I'll be getting their drink order. And I just start wondering what they look like when they're having sex.

Oh yeah. What their sex face is, what kind of noises they make. Okay. Never thought about that. It's really disruptive to my work ethic and like, it's okay if they're attractive but when they're not oh it's kind of just like why brain why are you doing this okay love you bye

she said i love you but seriously though don't you think about that all the time that's all i think about when i see two like hot people dating i'm like yo they have fire sex but i'm like good for them you know they're like that's tight but ugly people i'm like kind of want to see that more oh shit don't you don't you just want to like yeah because like you know like when like every like you look at it, like as a guy, you look at a girl's ass always because you just do. And it doesn't even matter if they're attractive or not. You just look, you just look.

So you wonder that about sex too. Like two kind of unattractive people. You're like, still would watch. Let's go to two of two kind of unattractive people you're like still would watch let's go to two of two happy that i'm not the only one who's crazy i also have the like making out with whoever i'm talking to one and i'm really happy that i'm not the only one who's crazy but maybe just because we're both scorpios and scorpios are supposed to be horny as fuck oh didn't know that do now but um that's all i used to think about like when i'd see uh like like i tweeted this one time this is so stupid bro my tweets used to be insane and i have a like i've like a family that follows me my own family one time i was like just saw so-and-so's parents in church

and then just thought about how they have sex for the rest of the hour of church i tweeted that sorry just honest just thinking about one dude's parents having sex for an hour while i'm kneeling Sorry. Just honest. Just thinking about one dude's parents having sex for an hour while I'm kneeling and genuflecting and eating Eucharist. Taste and see. Motherfucking taste and see. You're thinking of two 40-year- olds banging when they get home. If that's not what church is for, I don't want to go to church anymore. Only thinking about bad shit in church. So my most intrusive thought is in my job as a makeup artist whenever i get to doing

lips on people like applying lipstick or lip gloss or whatever i have this thought about just kissing them oh yeah how do you not it's really hard to get past hasn't happened yet though if you're just fucking with somebody's lips on their face bro oh my god wouldn't you just want to kiss the shit out of them you're smashing their lips around and shit with your how do you not fucking kiss them did i swear if i was giving somebody a haircut i'd fucking kiss the top of their head love you fuck my bad somebody's neck oh my bad dog shit that's on me what if you did that though what if the barber what if you're a barber and that was like a prank you pulled that's how i think bro i think in pranks like what if i pretended to be a barber for the day

and i just saw i just just tried to see how many people i could kiss and be like my bad dude me as a barber oh shit dude my bad i was just trying to see something oh fuck just keep kissing them as a makeup artist though real close to their face how you not making out with somebody i don't even care what they look like you're kissy getting kissy with it no no no no no no i'm so glad you guys are like this it's how it should be dude these are just all normal thoughts to me so sometimes whenever i'm driving with someone i get this intrusive thought always like what would they do if i just threw their wallet out the window through their phone out the window what would they do still want to do it one day do it to me that is dirty talk to me yo i almost i i pretended

to throw my fucking phone that was like my party trick growing up i'd grab my phone from the middle console or someone else's phone rolled out my window and act like I threw it out the window every single time. It's so much fun, bro. God, off a highway, like an overpass. What are you going to do, bitch? The shit I want to do every single day. I think has anyone. Okay, I guess when you act on an intrusive thought, that's when you go to jail.

But, you know yo one time it was in high school my i don't know my friend was pissing me off and we always fucked with each other like like one time one time like we were in my car and he just spilled a fucking milkshake all over my car and i was like you bitch you know like fuck all right i'm gonna get you back this is how i got him back i took his phone and just fucking threw it over three yards and i knew it was gonna be okay because it's gonna land in grass and this is neighborhood grass so it's like fluffy and like scott's turf builder type shit so nothing was gonna happen to it but bro when that phone was in peak flight oh the serotonin coursing through my veins to my brain has never been higher just a flip phone in the air

seven stories up bro i threw it so fucking far a phone dude he was like dude he audibly was like oh never heard him make that noise in my life known him for fucking ever oh i was like it's okay you piece of shit while i still had milkshake on my face from cleaning it off my car and licking it bro i love you guys so much you have no fucking idea i could do that i think we need to do part two next week this shit is fire just keep going so this is definitely probably the most common intrusive thought but you know driving down the highway and you're like dude i could totally just yeet right off this fucking you know bridge intersection whatever and like kill everybody in the car including myself and it's

like no i don't want to die like why does that thought come to mind so so fucking prominently in common like it's fucked right like it's not normal though we all have that thought right finally yo can we start can we start tagging the end of our voice messages was again not that i care or anything but yo i think about all the time isn't it weird like when you're driving a group of people, you could die at any minute. I used to always be like, I'll drive. And then I thought about that and I was like, never driving again.

You can just fucking kill everybody in that bitch and it's all your fault. Whoopsies. You're literally responsible for their lives in a car. Couldn't be me.'ll fucking around i'll fuck around and drown the car into the neighborhood pond before we even hit the fucking highway yeah i don't know why it's so common dude but it sounds good doesn't it don't know why but it sounds fucking good here we go

so my most intrusive thought is um basically when you're talking to your friends um how big they are what what it might look like sizing up the competition oh yeah but without it being a competition so it's it's fairly wild and quite weird now that i say out loud thank you he said thank you after like he performed no thank you bro oh my god yeah everybody thinks about that right maybe i don't know Probably more guys than girls. I don't even think girls give a fuck. Girls aren't out here being like, I bet his dick's huge.

It's only dudes. And it's the most straight alpha dudes ever that are like, I bet he has a big dick. I don't know. Can you tell? Can you tell just by looking at a guy? Low-key It's always like the skinny like skater guy you're like fuck I gotta get out of here

I'm gonna go kill myself. This guy's a hog Alright we got a couple more. This is the best fucking time of my life. I love this. Into the message requests. Here we go. Strap up, people. What's your wild, intrusive thought? So, one intrusive thought is...

What's going on with the fucking accents? Hold on. What's my demo? Australia only? An intrusive thought is when you're on the underground in London and there's loads of people on the escalator in front of you that you just feel the need to push them so they all domino to their demise at the bottom.

Demise. And the other one is when I'm walking around a supermarket and I see like packs of pre-packed meat, I feel like I have to poke it. So people are purchasing, you know, brand new meat that's been poked. Yo, is that the cutest fucking death note you've ever heard in your life

about people dominoing down an escalator? Can we just listen to that? How do you talk that goddamn good? That was fake dude listen to this so uh one intrusive thought is when you're on the underground in london and there's loads of people on the escalator what the fuck movie is that from this this girl is this an actress bro if somebody talked to me like that i would have no choice but to make out with them on sight. Actually, I have too much respect.

I would kiss their hand and walk away and never talk to him again. And I wouldn't walk away. I'd frolic. Wow. Yeah. wow yeah when you're on an escalator like in a busy fucking mall christmas time mall vibe everybody's there packed aunts moms dads last minute shoppers kids fuck them. Get to the top of an escalator. I just want to do this. All the way back, yo.

All the way back. Oh, my God. Oh, Jesus. Breaking legs, fucking people up, man. That's all I want to do. Yeah, but the other thing she said poke the meat yeah that's every day i actually want all that like ground ground up meat dude i just want to fuck fuck i would sit in a store and do that for 10 minutes, maybe 10 hours. Oh God, the meat slappers back just in the fucking in the meat department or whatever that is. What department is that? In the butcher fucking whatever, where all the Oscar Meyer and Tyson chicken and red meat is

just slapping the fuck out of it. Fuck. Yeah. Oh, shit. Just making weird noises. That's all I want to do in a store. It's my last day on earth. That's what I'm doing. Ah, fuck. The meat smacker's back.

It's two hours. I can do it if I want. Just standing there being a weirdo. My wildest intrusive thought is sending a J-O during your podcast and sending a mega kumbaya. Wait, what? A J-O Jackoff during your podcast? Mega kumbaya? Does he mean like, uh?

You could if you wanted to, bro. I've always thought about that, too. Just busting in a room. Ew, Iusting shouldn't have said that i'm i'm not even gonna continue with that thought but dude i used to do this all the time too i'd like uh on aim growing up like i click on a girl's name that was online like because you know on aim girl's name that was online because you know an AIM. That's some old ass shit. You know, I don't say fucking aim because you're stupid. If you say aim, it's AIM obviously because it's an acronym.

Something instant message. AIM instant message. AOL instant messenger. That's what it is. It's a fucking acronym. So why would you say aim? But everybody used to huddle around the computer, like three dudes, four dudes, five dudes, sleepover type shit. We'd be talking to girls and shit. This is the only way you could talk when I was like in eighth grade and shit like that.

Dude. And I type out some weird ass shit like in the in the text block and i i put my my finger over the enter button and be like and everybody be like no no no no no no no no and i'll be like oh you're like so close i'll be like don't push me don't push me don't push me what's um what's the other most fucked up thing i almost did oh one time we had these little like bottle rockets like they look like tnt sticks but they're like small like dynamite but they're small and you light the wick and throw it and it's like sits there and like sizzles and then it's like dude i light the wick and put that bitch in my mouth for three seconds. And throw it.

So fucking stupid. I should be dead. Okay, this is really terrible. But sometimes if I'm like eating a snack in public and I just think to myself, like, what if I just took these peanuts and I just threw them into the crowd of people? Like, what would their reaction be? And I was like was like no that's crazy that would be like i would be a serial killer i don't know but it just always comes to my mind oh yeah i feel guilty about that no don't bro that is the most normal shit you know how bad

i want to take a bite of an apple outside in public and just fucking throw it like a baseball at somebody's head oh my god like sorry that's what you get that's my dream to walk around with a bag of apples take one bite and just fucking just yanking that shit just woofing that shit at people i can never say throwing i to say like a cooler word. Just direct contact with somebody's head, like fucking 200 yards away. What the fuck? And I'm like,

that was a fucking, that was a, that was a granny Smith dog. That was a Macintosh to just hit you in the skull. Just keep going now. But peanuts, bro, those won't do anything,

but a handful like a handful of trail mix just whipping that at somebody point blank that'd be fun feel you hello what happens to me is that every time i'm talking to someone i imagine bunching the face well you choose love i choose violence what a fucking crazy person i love people like this um other intrusive thoughts i sometimes have is like in a conversation or in any situation to say like the worst thing I could say like that thing that someone says and well they can go to jail or everyone punch them it's like oh I imagine the situation in which I say the worst thing I can say and I just laugh but I I'm sometimes afraid because I think that maybe one day I won't control that intrusive thought and I will just say it out loud and everyone will think that I'm fucking crazy man are we all the same person god damn what if you just said it you know not that one

but just anything else you know what if you actually did just drop it oh my god what a freak you know those people are just as fucking bad, you gross human. Whoever says that is the worst piece of shit. Oh! The lady that does this in the corner. Oh! Horrible fucking person.

Probably has bodies in her backyard. Oh! Disgusting! Send her to jail, bro. She's a horrible person. That's it. In case you hear this, I absolutely love you.

Bye. All right. Well, love you more. Last one. I'm serious. Fuck. Last intrusive thought. This is the most fun i've ever had in my life i love this fucking podcast thank you guys for these voice messages this is what i'm

talking about bro this is the fucking espresso fam podcast dog this is the click bro all you freaking all you crazy ass people i love you bro, bro. Cause we are the, we are one, one family. Here we go. My most intrusive thought has got to be anytime I'm walking behind somebody, regardless how big they are. I'm like, I could definitely jump on their back and just break their neck. I got a one hold on and no i'm not a crazy psychopath murderer but yeah you are i just watch a lot of spy shows spies oh and break their neck oh yeah if somebody's sitting down i do just want to go up to them and do that one that movie neck break that's like and then they're dead i'm like like, I bet I could pull that off. How about chiropractors?

Chiropractors are already fucked up people. And just to think that they could kill you at any second, wouldn't put it past them. That's why all this shit is why anytime anyone does something like crazy, I'm like, not going to say I'm too shocked. Anytime anyone jumps off a bridge or fucking anything wild i'm like yeah totally understandable wildest intrusive thoughts we might have to run this back yo that shit was crazy i love you fuckers but that's it fam i gotta get out of here remember get the merch benedictmerch.com.

Thanks for all the interaction on social media. Remember, subscribe on YouTube. Listen to these guys. Listen to one of my other 96 podcasts. And join the Patreon, because that shit's even weirder. $5 a month for an extra episode every single week. Talk to you guys next week. I love you guys for real.

Fuck, that was fun.