Espresso - College QB I kissed at A Party Freshman Year (Missed Connections)

Episode Date: August 20, 2026

Today we go through the ones who got away 💔 it can be the blonde girl who wanted you on your business trip or literally when the timberwolves passed on steph curry 😭 is it the time you missed the Schwan's Ice cream truck outside? Or when the college QB kissed you at a party freshman year and never saw his sexy ahhh again?  If you fumbled your first kiss bc your homies kept calling you about your fantasy football draft it's not a missed connection it just means your for the boiiis😏 Love you fam ☕️ See you on Livestream Sunday Tahhaaa

And if you remember the NBA draft of 2009, the Wolves had not only the fifth pick, but the six pick two. And they decided to draft. I remember Johnny Flynn. And Ricky Rubio and Johnny Flynn and missed out on a little shooting guard named Steph Curry. Definitely a major. Oops. Baby, we don't need no script. Scrip finis.

Let me throw a couple thousand babies. Strip, stripp, finis. Let me turn the cameras off. Let's make a moose. Oh, this thing's on. Oh, can you imagine if I was stuck in my head for the last three years or something like that? That'd be crazy. Espresso podcast shot 433.

I'm your girlfriend, Benny, who looked his teeth in the mirror at LA Fitness and realized he has the most tartar in the world. Hey, that reminds me. If you think you like somebody, tell them to take a picture with their flash on on the inside of their mouth of their bottom row of teeth. try it you'll never see him the same again hey watch me on f y'boy island and f girl island on hbohmacks wait isn't f yisland like a top five bingeable reality

tv show to fill the void of love island i don't know it's what the people are saying wait are you just saying this because you're on people magazines instagram maybe i don't know you're gonna have to find out watch it with your ex on hbomac tell your homies you join the patreon for five dollars a month only $5.

What do I get? You get a live stream at the end of every week and every other espresso podcast. Wait, what do you talk about on the podcast? Do you just talk about certain dry the whole time?

No. God, do I need to tell you guys about that though? Do you just talk about Connor Cook the whole time? The Michigan State quarterback who seems like he's still playing there? No, we don't do that.

Or do you just talk about how Little Caesars and Domino's are the same exact guy. We don't discuss any of these things. They're all the most important. important things in my life, though. It's crazy you ask. $5 a month. That's it. Join the page. And get all your merch, benedictmerch.com. We out here being nice hoodies and hats feeling glonky merch, emotional support animal merch. We got it all. 50% off. Benedict's shirts.

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a quo, quo, quo, qu. The espresso, uh, question of the week. Hey, hey, hey, who's your misconnection? who's the one that got away? Remember that one time you locked eyes and you're like, I'm gonna be with you for the rest of my life. But then you actually got so scared and you never talked to him again or saw him again. Who are they?

There's something there. Amazing when you see somebody so like beautiful or something and you can't stop looking at them. God, that's so weird. It's so caveman. I saw like a really pretty girl at a music festival And I was like, oh my God I had to look at her like 17 more times That make sure I could believe what I was seeing

I was like oh my god is this are you everything I love She was kind of looking back at me She's kind of tall Intriging Never saw her again The one that got away I've got about a million of these Because every day I walk outside and fall in love 52 times

I fall in love like a divorce mom We lock eyes Boom We're going to TJ Max We lock eyes bang Seeing a future with you I fell in love of the girl at the airport She was in a wheelchair

I'm not even kidding Is that okay I'm thinking about it I'm like am I a bad person Or am I the best guy in the world I was like you can't be that hot And in a wheelchair I didn't know how to feel

I was like Let me wheel that ass around. What? I'll build you a ramp. What? I think guys are falling in love way more than girls, though. That's just a guy thing. I'm telling you, at the gym and stuff, I'm like, God, dang. I'll fall in love with guys. How embarrassing is it? When you see somebody so good looking, you like sprain your ankle. Ha ha! It's happened to me so many times. Oh my God. how come every time I see a hot girl I have to tear my meniscus

literally fall off a curb so embarrassing they know too they know they definitely know always got to drop my keys oh my god a girl that's literally somewhat attractive drops my keys

sprains my ankle dislocates my shoulder act like you've been there man describe the one that got away. Who's your misconnection? Went to the tanning bed before my show in New Jersey one time. Girl with dark hair. Jaw dropping. I don't know if I was in a vulnerable place.

Like, you know how it goes. You get outside your city all of a sudden everybody starts looking good. What's up at that? And something about New Jersey. I'm like, I think I'm supposed to be in love with you. I feel like there's a lot of Italian people here. I feel like I'm kind of supposed to live here. we met at a tanning bed

this is where I belong you're here, I'm here didn't say a word to her she goes have a nice tan I go you too how do you recover you don't saw on the way out didn't say anything

and then didn't see a step on the way out turned my ankle hopefully she didn't see that she definitely did though because girls can see through walls Orange County Fair a couple weeks ago

wait are you just gonna talk about girls you saw and never made a move on wait my son listen to this you're not giving him any good advice wait locked eyes with the girl probably three times and just walked away curly hair cowboy boots never gonna see you again

it was by the cotton candy taco stand girl in the mall nah just keeps just keeps talking about girls he's seen god you're like disgusting do something about it hey it doesn't always have to be about girls or whatever you're into either the shoes that

got away. Miss connection. Went to the Nike outlet. Wait, oh my God. This podcast is like all about him just being at the mall. That's because it's all I did growing up. I love malls. God, bring them back. What do we have to do? Not this again.

We went to the outlet mall like every like five weeks when I was growing up. We had a good rotation. This is all I did. every weekend growing up. And I want to go back to it so bad. He's going to cry again, isn't he? He's talking about his childhood. Every weekend, we would just go to Target, then go to the mall and listen to college football

the whole day on the radio in the car. Listen to new radicals. Listen to Sugar Ray. Listen to Ricky Martin and college football in between and just hit Target, oh, hit the stores in the mall. Boom. Joanne Fabb for a little bit It's okay, I'll roll

I'll play with the silly putty for a little bit You always find something We gotta go to TJ Max I'll find the chair How funny is it like when you're a kid And you're going to the stores like that You always low-key find like the toy aisle Like everybody has a toy aisle

One weekend One of every five weekends We go to the outlet mall Okay Road trip 45 minutes away Edinburgh, Indiana, what you know about it. And this is before outlet malls were played.

When the outlet mall was the outlet mall, you walk into the Nike store at the outlet mall, it's like a different planet. You don't see this stuff anywhere else. You walk into the outlet mall now, bro. You see like the Nike clothes that are at Dick Sporting Goods. Dick Sporting Good has got to be the lamest place I've ever been in my life.

I'm like, can it be more run of the middle in here? God. What happened to our edge? Anyway, Jesus Christ, get to the point. You never get to the point. First stop at the Nike outlet, you got to go to the shoes because you never know it's going to be back. There could be some heat back there.

I knew this at a young age. They'll just put some Jordans back there, and it's like, what? These are actual shoes shoes. Like, these aren't, these shouldn't be here. L.M. Moles make mistakes, bro. That's why Al Molls are so cool. We'll mess around to have a Supreme Jordan jacket at the Allot Mall. And you're like, what?

Anyway, I went to the Nike basketball section. I knew I wasn't getting anything. Stuff's too much money. Are they un-sale? My mom, every time I brought, you get a shoe you like, and you find your mom, and you run up to her. Hey, mom. Are they un-sale?

Brought these to her. Nike Air Break you down, up-tempo. God! Still hurts. Haunts me to this day. Jamal Mashburn had him on playing for the heat. I thought this wasn't a nostalgic podcast. They were so clean.

Black and white like this? I wanted to wear these at recess so bad and kick home runs. All you do is talk about your childhood. She was like, okay, you need basketball shoes. They're $85. I'll split them with you. My mom. I was like, all right.

Damn, I'm really about to make this deal. Like, you know, when you have money when you're a kid, you got to be real wise with it. I mean, you obviously have to now too. But like, yo, I only have $40. I copped these shoes. Now I'm starting to overthink. This is where my overthinking set in.

It's like, man, if I buy these shoes, maybe I don't know if I can get that like, I don't know if I get that Backstreet Boys CD. You know, now I'm starting to think like, well, what else could I buy? I'm going to buy these shoes. And then your mom does that thing to you. And she's like, if you buy these shoes,

this is the only thing you're going to be able to get for the rest of the year until Christmas. And I'm like, oh my God. I'm like, you know, I'm a pass on them. I don't need them that bad. Kind of felt like a spoiled kid. I was like, I don't need them like that. It's all right.

I'll find something somewhere else. Closer to basketball season. You right, you right, you right. Basketball season rolls around. I think I'm going to have another shot at the Nike Air Break You Down Up Tempos. Nope, gone off the shelves. Next time we went back to the outlet mall. Not a chance.

off the rack. Nice knowing you. Snooze you lose. I still think about him every day. I really do. What kind of guy would I be if I would have just had those shoes? You know, because when you get shoes and you're a kid, it's just magical. You wear them in the house.

God. Bring back breaking in shoes. What happened to breaking in shoes? I'd trick my dad so hard because we are shoes off house. Shoes off. B, shoes off in the laundry room. I didn't step foot off that laundry room tile. You got a shoes off house.

You wouldn't be caught dead in there. You in the driveway? You leave something in your house. Shoes are all tied. Your mom's like, hurry, let's go. We're all waiting on you. What's your move? You're going to walk in there with shoes on it?

Clomping around? No, you get on your hands and knees and crawl. through the kitchen, through the living room, up the stairs crawl. I got to get my Velcro wallet. My knees were made a rhino skin. But when you had to break in shoes, bro,

that was the best. You can finally wear shoes in the house. My dad would come home. I'd be zooming up and down flights. Jumping. Jukin. Juking at the living room. running circles around the dining room table

Foof, foo, foo Can't catch me Playing two, three zone in the kitchen Hands up, let's gop Couldn't tell me anything bro Breaking in shoes was not You never broke them in enough though Because you're gonna practice the next day

I get so many blisters That's one of the pains you just gotta live through You get new shoes You get shoes you haven't worn before And you kind of just have to like let it ride You don't even check my shoes kind of hurt what the hell's going on dude 10 seconds later both your feet covered in blood I'm like oh I had a blister you ever just like cut your leg or you're bleeding down your like whole

entire foot and you don't even notice it those are the real ones right there how many times somebody's been like hey bro you're bleeding like half my arms chopped off I'm like oh yeah I didn't feel it I was doing something else the one that got away what's your misconnection Would you miss out on? We'll find him. Let's talk about it. Let's hear of yours. What was your misconnection?

Where, where are you tonight? Why have you left me here alone? I searched the world over. I thought I found you love. You met another and he was gone. Every week. And I want it to be every week for the rest. rest of my life. I don't care.

Waste my time. I want you to commit to the bit for just for the rest of my life. And if we ever meet in person, I want you to sing that same song to me. It's your misconnection. Hey, we're the party at. Girl, it's on the way with a Bacardi yet. I didn't know those words. Wait, I thought this wasn't some kind of early 2000s R&B podcast where all you guys talking about is Nellie and Jigat-Edge collabs are Nellie's beef with Jingy.

Anyways, what's up, Benny, you throwback wearing freaking beefcake. Uh-oh, it sounds like I start for the Portland Trail Glazers. Yes. Anyway, describe your misconnection. I know this isn't a sports podcast, but I've been a huge fan of the men of snow to Timberwolves since day one. And if you remember, the NBA draft of 2009, the wolves had not only the fifth pick, but the six pick two. And they decided to draft. I remember Johnny Flann.

and Johnny Flynn and missed out on a little shooting guard named Steph Curry. Definitely a major oops. So I could have been wearing some drippy dynasty Timberwolves merch right now instead of them fanning on Curry twice. Anyway, slap my ass with a Timberwolves howl towel for every time they missed out or been booted from the playoffs too early. So every season since 1989. Peace.

But still one of the toughest teams, around. Not sport. I thought this wasn't about sport. My son. I know, bro. I know. If you really that's like all I want to know. Not sports podcast, but all I want to know is like, yo, who were you like talking to the GMs from teams? Who

are you going to draft if you didn't draft him? That's all I want to know. Because then you imagine like that guy on your squad and you're like, ooh, that jersey exactly what you just said. Do nothing beats that Timberoles joint. And you know what I'm talking about. We talked about

last week. Many trees? Yeah, there's a grail out there. Mitchell and Ness made a Minnesota Timberwolves jersey. Actually, they made like five jerseys. All he talks about is jerseys. It's ridiculous. And no name,

no number, no team name. God, I want everyone. So there's a Jazz one. There's a Timberwolves one. There's a black Timberwolves jersey out there with nothing on it but the little trees. smack my ass and call me Sam Cassell. So the craziest misconnection I ever had

was I was in Chicago on a business work trip and I did the whole thing with going out with my coworkers and everything and then it became after hours I actually had a friend who lived in Chicago

so I met up with him we went out for a little I told him I had to get back because, you know, I had work meetings the next day and had to be on top of things. So I was walking back to my hotel, which wasn't too far from where we were at, the bar. And I got to the light, you know, it was about 1130 at night. There was this blonde chick that was across the street. She starts walking over.

She hands me this post it. It says, don't open it yet. And I was like, what? And I'm like walking, you know, to the other side of the street. she's walking the other side of street. I get to the corner. I look at the Post-it and says, for a good time, call this number.

I literally turn around and like the girl disappears. I was like, what the hell? Like, and she wasn't like some hooker looking girl or anything. She was had like a nice sundress on, a blue denim jacket, pretty blonde girl. And I'm like, what am I going to do with this paper? Am I going to call this girl right now and see what's going on? or am I just going to go back to my hotel room because I am in a different state. I am on a business work trip and I do have like obligations to like, you know, be good

and not get abducted by somebody or whatever is going to happen. So I took the piece of paper. I threw it out right in the street and I just walked to my hotel room. So I either missed the greatest time of my life. I know, bro. Or it could have been the worst day of my life. Who the hell knows what could have happened. but I couldn't risk, you know, getting fired or, you know,

seeing what the unknown would have been. But sometimes I regret it. Dude, how real is that? I love the honesty. Because some people would make up a story about that. You know, your boys are like, dude, last night. I'm like, why would you tell me the guys that have never gotten any play in their lives? Yo, do you see this girl that like me and her?

I'm like, raise up my phone as a picture. or Brady Quinn on it. Whoops. Never changing that. Dude, I'm with you 100%. I can't deal with it in my head. Like, I'd rather miss out than, like, be disappointed

and then your whole next day is wrecked. Has it ever been worth it? Never has. It's, hey. Hey, boys. I know we're 400 years old on this podcast, but it's just always better not to. but you will be thinking about it.

Damn, what could have been... There's been a couple, bro, that I'm like, just don't. Just don't. Like, why is it so much easier or not to, honestly? I just don't have that kind of dog in me. I'm like...

You know what I'd always rather be doing? Just sitting on my bed. God dang it, bro. That's got to be my downfall. Is that everybody, though? the second you go out and meet somebody I'm like I'd just rather be at home actually Oh snap my fingers right in my bed

Phone charging peanut butter and jelly in my hand Watching TikTok I need to live more Wait are you like having a midlife crisis Have been since I was 15 years old Good move though bro it's a good move It's always a good move It's always a good move

Bro's a good looking guy. I've seen bro in person. Bro's got incline bench chest. You know what I mean? Sturdy. Good hairline. Mean tan. Dude, when you're looking,

when you're a good looking cat or really anybody, you've got to give up probably 80% of those opportunities. Might even sound like, it might even be 90. Trouble, man. Just derail your whole life.

Where? Where are you? tonight. Why did you leave me here all alone? I searched the world over and thought I found you love. You met another and pussy was gone. Yo, yo, if I like, what if I get, what if I get killed and then I hear that song? Now I'm like starting to think it's weird. Keep doing it though. My misconnection, man, I think back when I was a little kid, well, I was maybe like eight. And I remember we moved out, my dad, we moved out to the middle of Nevada. It was like a super small little town.

What the hell? Like 50 people. But every month, the Schwann's ice cream truck would come by. And like, you know, they swans, they would sell ice cream, but they'd also sell like steaks and chicken, all that other stuff if you needed it or whatever. and like we would get like we would always have money set aside for the swan's truck so it was like a thing and i remember one day i think we were like i don't remember like my mom was there and i was supposed to run out and i was supposed to keep an eye out for the schwant's truck anyways i was like in the bathroom or something and i remember coming out of the bathroom and

seeing it like driving by slowly but i couldn't get out fast enough and next and you know they hit the main highway and there I am just running outside you know yelling like with my little I wanted to get some of their they have like these gold nugget bars that were like chocolate covered and they had caramel and ice cream in the middle vanilla and it was really good they were like five bucks I remember running outside of my five dollar bill in my hand and just flailing you know scream and stop and it was too late he was like he was already gone and it was just it was just a depressing moment for the whole household because we just, we really needed that ice cream. Well, not needed it, but, you know, we wanted it.

Anyways, that's my misconnection. It was, it was rough. Dude, you let your fan, dude, there's nothing like letting your family down. Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. And it was all on you. Oh, why is that so sad? Why is that so real?

Dude, the way I was picturing that. Why was I at my aunt's house when I was picturing that in my head? Like, you know how dumb you are now? Imagine how dumb you were when you were a kid. Like, it just doesn't even make sense. What was I saying when I was like 12 years old? How were we even allowed in public? I remember for probably like two years I wanted to do karate every day.

I want to do karate. I want to do karate. I want to do karate. I thought it was so cool. I obsessed with Power Rangers. Action figures, Spider-Man. And there's a class you can go to and you just fight? Oh, my God.

I want to do karate. One of them all sweepstakes. Free karate class for like eight weeks. Free! I was about to do karate. They called my mom 6 a.m. Benny, do you want to do karate? You won.

You won the sweepstakes. Do you want to do karate? Me. No. Why? Like, just do the stuff. That's like the main reason I want to have a kid just to make them do stuff.

I don't think, I honestly, I did a lot of stuff, but I don't think my parents made me, do enough stuff. Like, God, I just want to send my kid to a, like a sick basketball camp. Like, dude, if I had a kid, he would be gone every day of the summer. See ya. Learn something. Go. Camps are the most valuable thing, man. You meet people. You like do stuff. What? Oh, I learned how to like do archery today. Almost got shot in the head with an arrow. Like, you got to do it, man. Regret it. So many times as a kid, I was just like, nah, I just want to stay home.

Always just wants to, this guy always wants to stay home. Why does it feel so good to stay home? Yearned for the days to stay home, but also should have done more. Just would give anything. Give anything to be in comfort, man. Those days where you went home after school and you didn't have any type of practice, bro. Oh my God. Or homework.

It was just like, it was heaven. 6 p.m. No practice, no homework. The sun's still out. Oh. Oh my God. Oh my God. You're living in a house and your, like your mom's still around? Oh my God, bro. Can you? I'm gonna cry again. No practice, no homework. 6 p.m. What are we having for dinner, mom? Chili. Yo, and you're all under the same roof. Crazy that ever happened. Crazy that ever happened. Hey, your dog's still alive. Oh! Oh! Oh! Are you like homesick? Why are you saying? Man, bro, it'll never be like that again. And we watched it go in front of our eyes.

How did I get talking about that? Oh, karate class. Jesus Christ. Summer has coming past. The innocent can never last. Wake me up when September ends. Oh shit, this thing's on. Hey, Benny, what's going on?

It's your Niagara Falls correspondent checking. in here and Niagara. Now about misconnection? Station connection? Okay. Anyways. Misconnection.

Got a good one. Got a preface to say, happily married. You know, very happy with how my life has worked out. But back in the day, went to a Green Day concert, got pulled out of the crowd to play guitar on stage.

No. Did that and, you know, killed it. It was a good time. All this sort of stuff. Crazy moment. Crazest moment of my life. really overall.

Anyways, rest of the night. I'm in the pit. People are coming up high-five me, recognizing me from, you know, being the guy on the stage and all that sort of stuff. And there's this girl. They play like a slow song towards the end of the night. There's this girl beside me.

Oh, my God. And, you know, we're like kind of making eyes. We're kind of like checking them out, seeing what's up. Crazy, dude. End up slow dancing with her. Possibly even kissed her at the end. Did you? May have been tongue.

Don't we're 100% remain. member, but definitely know there was a dance there with some girl in the crowd, in the Green Day show in Rochester, never got her name, couldn't tell you what she looks like now. I have no idea, but kind of want to know, you know, kind of want to know. Who are you? Never will. That's the way she goes.

Never will. And you shouldn't. It's just one of those things. What a moment, bro. You're a confidence after that, you know? you just killed. Oh my gosh. You could have, you could have pulled anybody, my dog. Slow dance. Talk about pressure. Your first slow dance. Remember that? I had to practice my mom for real at my house. My mom would never let me go to a dance growing up in school. I don't know why. God, I couldn't do anything. But like, everybody was going. I was like, I got to go. And I didn't know how dance has worked. I was like, so what are we doing? We're just all going here.

like, what? I was like, oh my God, this is like, okay, okay, we're like, okay, like, like, girls are here. Like, this is like a matchmaking event. And then they started playing slow dances. I was like, this is how this goes. How come everybody knew like what was happening at a dance except for me? I'm like, have you guys been going to dances since you are 10 years old? I'm acting the same way I act now when there's music playing. Sweaty, trying to cowtip people like pranking dudes just trying just being loud

should have been kicked out then all of a sudden we are beautiful no matter what they say in words can bring me down oh don't you bring me down everybody's slow dancing

I'm like what pushing people together you dance with her you dance with her you dance with her the chaperones you too dance yes

it's like now I'm in love with this girl you really got to be feeling it's a slow dance because I'm like what are we doing you know a slow dance

it's so like it's actually when I think about it it's the only dance I know how to do a slow dance for a white guy it's kind of like

where the money's at Hey, just back and forth Hey, just keep yep No, you don't have to stay on beat for white guys Slow dance is it We're just going back and forth Baby little bend in the knee Little Z in the knee

Uh, uh, hands on hips Uh, hey she puts her head on your chest You're in big dog Slow dance for white guys Kind of the move Slow dancing the worm two white guy moves at a dance. That's all we got.

It's all we got. Never seen a black guy do the worm. Going to be honest. How's that look? I don't want to see it, actually. Black guy does the worm puts all the white guy worms out of business. I don't want to say,

I've never seen a black guy do the worm and I really don't. I really don't want my life to crumble in front of my eyes. So just forget it. I said anything. They would call it like a cobra or something. You know what I mean?

Like it'd just be like way cool. Brough did the Cobra. Yeah. We was at the reception. Bra pulled out the Cobra. She. I got to shut up. I got to shut up.

That's it. Low on voice messages this week. Hey, we're okay, bet. Hey, get them next time, babe. I haven't done one of these in a while. Coo, cringe moment of the week. Pulled up. Jiffy lube.

Needed an oil change. I'm always like, all right. I need an oil change This could take 5 to 7 hours Remember when getting an oil change Remember when getting an oil change was like Just your day

The amount of times my mom was like The Jeep needs an oil change Go to Firestone And like An amazing thing to do To a dude who's 17 You need to learn this stuff go So I just take my mom's Jeep to the Firestone

that was by the Target like five minutes away from our house and I was like, yo, I don't know. Dude, they had to be like, your ass is doing this? Charging me. I was like, give it the high mileage and, uh, yeah. I'm gonna sit down and watch Born Supremacy on the TV. The oil changed place that you go to, Jiffy Loob, Firestone, whatever you go.

kind of like time stops when you're in that waiting room. It smells kind of good. You have no idea what's going on. You don't know how long you're going to be there. You have to like be alert. They might ask you, Hey, hey, hey, red jeep. Did you see there's like some corrosion by the battery?

I'm like, dude, not this. Not this. Hey, when's the last time you had your tires rotated? Oh my God. How would I ever know? I don't even know what that means. I forget every time right when you walk into the oil change place. How many miles do you have?

I'm like, let me go back out there. I have no idea. I haven't looked since last time I was at Jiffy Loop. Anyway, that's the old Jiffy Loop. You're drinking like stale coffee. You're like looking for food. There isn't any. There's always something on TV.

There's always a movie on Big Daddy. You're like, I guess I'll watch this. Why am I kind of sad? You know? Why am I kind of sad? you're on the phone every seven seconds with your mom. Hey, um,

they want to like change the battery. How much is it? Uh, $280. Don't do it. Okay. You're like, well,

this car, now you know, like, where you're at with your car situation at your house. I'm like, Jesus Christ, we need three new cars. It's going to be a tough year.

Now you go get your oil change, bro. Sit in your car. Got to be the craziest thing that's ever, happen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, how long is this going to take? They're like, uh, maybe like 15 minutes. I'm like, what? Yeah, drive over this hole in the ground. How come I got an in-car oil change and I turned into a 19 year old girl? He was like, put the car in

park. I was like, I can do that. But there's like a series of tests that don't tell you about that. You have to go through. They're like, can you flash the brights real quick? I was like, uh, how come I can't do anything when someone? one's watching me. I'm like, dude, I turned on the turn signal. He was like, no, no, yeah. And he just did it. And he's like, can you flip the screen to the, uh, the, the, uh, the kilometers or they, can you flip, can you flip to the, uh, to the temperature valve or something? I was like, bro, you got this. Can you pop the hood? I'm like, oh my God, bro. Are you doing this on, are you doing this on purpose? I opened up a little compartment.

in my car. I thought it was a hood thing. I opened up a compartment. There's literally red food coloring in it. I was like, ah, can you hit the brake and the gas at the same time? I'm like, we're not allowed to do that. He goes, bro, I was like, upcharge me for something. Every time I get my oil change, though,

hey, make sure you top off the fluids. Why do I say that every single time? Like, they're not going to do it. I think that's something my dad, like, drilled in my head. Ask him to top off the fluids after the oil change. It's your coolant. How many times I hear my dad say that? It's your coolant.

Totally forgot how to drive and work a car when the J-Fey-Loop guy is staring at me. Giving me orders. Never been so nervous. I'm like, yo, can you just get in here and do this, bro? I don't know any of your little tricks and shortcuts. Press the up arrow, the brake, turn your car off and on, press the ignition.

I was like, what is this doing? Did you just control, delete my car? It's two days. Thursday. National Bacon Lovers Day. Do this every week. Trying to think of a time when bacon was really hitting. And the only time I can think of is when it was on a junior bacon cheeseburger from Wendy's.

It's the only time I've been like bacon. Yeah. JBC's perfect amount. Wrapping steak and bacon. just overdoing it. I'll take bacon over sausage any day though if you're talking about breakfast sandwiches if you're talking about continental breakfast,

something about the sausage just doesn't sit right with me. You go to Denny's when you're a kid. Would you like bacon or sausage? I'm like bacon. It's like crispier, you know? You mix the bacon and you crumble up the bacon

and you're scrambled eggs. Now we're talking ball. Now we're talking, what do they call it? Denny's the triple. Denny's triple. Denny's grand. Now we're talking grand slam.

Now we're talking grand slam. Denny's kind of underhanded. Friday fantasy football draft day. That's happening. Never forget the time I got bullied into doing a fantasy football. Being on a fantasy football like, I don't even know what it's called. I sound like a girl right now.

Never forget when I was in a fantasy football league because I got bullied into it from the guys in my German class. Upperclassmen. Come on, Politi. Be in our league. I was like, dude. And of course,

I'm at my dad's house with a girl. First time ever. I don't know how this happened. Girl that lives by my dad's house comes over. I think we're going to like play basketball or something.

We end up going inside. My dad's like, hey, I'm going to leave. I'm just in my house or the girl for the first time ever. I'm like, bro. I'm like a freshman in high school. Like, my dreams are coming true. I'm like, I don't know what's about to happen.

I don't even think. Like, I don't know. But nobody's here. And we got like at least 30 minutes to like, I wonder if he left on purpose. I think about this all the time. I'm like, this dude. The strictest dude in the world

who like wouldn't even let me in the house with a girl was all of a sudden like I'm gonna step out what is this brocode like are we boys is this for all the times you yelled at me for walking in the front yard after you mowed it front yards for looks but of course

I get a call it's like it's like we're getting there like I'm about to I think we're about to kiss on this couch at my in my childhood home this is a big deal miss her lookie of course like when things

like you know I'm starting it's gonna take me a while to get there but like I'm getting there like we're on the way like I said if you think you know

we're trying to lead up to the kiss trying to set it up that I'm getting a little closer uh uh uh maybe my hand goes under the leg you know what I'm talking about this guy's got game by the way

get a call on my phone hey we're doing the fantasy draft today so like I'm trying to make moves I got a 30 minute window. Who do you want to draft in the second round? You can get, well, Danian Tomlinson. You can get the Cardinals defense.

I'm like, bro, like not now. I'm just like, just pick whoever for me. He calls back again. It's the third round. Who do you want to say? I'm like, yo. Fifth round rolls around. I hear the garage door.

I'm like, my dad's home. It's over, bed. God. I think that's why I don't play fantasy football. Hey, the one that got away. The one that got away. Sunday Spongecake Day. I did something bad.

Y'all want to know some fat stats? Just real quick, all right? Okay, we're locked in. We're locked back in on the diet. I know. Hey, for a while, I was going to look crazy cheesecake cookies. It's just so hard not to. What else do you have to look forward to, you know?

When you're Kobe Bryant locked, when you're Michael Jordan locked, like we are as fam really not much to look forward to your grind all day the best part honestly like the sugar on top the cherry on top the icing

on the cake is just going to sleep at night you have a horrible life you're depressed so when you get to eat some and wild out a little bit your brain explodes it's going a little too wild

all right looked in the mirror a little too goopy around the edges a little too goofy A little too much. A little too much. Hey. Hey. Hey, let's lock it back down. All right.

So this is my thing now. Sundays, this is what we do real quick. Hey, you get a bag of granola, protein granola. I know there's no protein in it. Nature Valley family size. We don't play. You poured in this cup.

We've been down this road. Cereal in a cup. Oats and honey cereal in a cup. layer it with peanut butter. I'm talking three stops of peanut butter. Bang, bang, bang. Pour some milk in there, crunch it down with a spoon. You'll never be the same.

God, it's the only thing I want. It's like a big peanut butter cookie in a cup, and that's the only thing I dream of, and that's the only thing I want to do with my entire life. All right, fan. Hey, quick, quick episode this week. Hey, quick turnaround. Love y'all.

For real. Coach P. Court of the week. In bold. Got this today. 9.20 a.m. Pacific time. Make no mistake. Life is a war. It's a war against time. It's a war against weakness. It's a war against ego. It's a war against distractions. Stay on high alert and win every day. God, man.

Every day I'm thinking about that stuff. What are you even doing if you're not thinking about how much time I have left? All the weakness. All the times I'm being selfish ego distractions, bro. All I want to do is the thing I'm not supposed to be doing. Be alert. If you want to change, if you want things to change yourself. Love you all.

For real. All right, fam. See you on the live stream. Thank you for the voice messages. It's ha ha.