Espresso - CRASH OUT about something

Episode Date: January 9, 2025

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Can we talk for a sec? Espresso quick quick question of the week. Just let it out. Just let it out. Just let it out. Part of the reason I love this pot is because people just go crazy. And now, we're crashing out. Crash out about something.

Crash out, babe. Let's hear it. The most passionate thing you wanna complain about. Some some people are like what does crash out me it just means The stuff that you scream to yourself while you're driving in your car That's that's that's crashing out about the stuff that you you literally would get canceled for if you said out loud That's crashing out to Crash out of us home. Hey, man, just one event. Love it.

I found my girlfriend. She's slid in the DMS of Mercedes from your season of F. Boy Island. No way. And she sent him some nudes and I think he's clapping her cheeks on the low. I haven't exposed her yet. I don't think I wanna air it out in the public eye, but yeah, definitely gonna be single now. What was that, Mercedes?

Mercedes clapping cheeks on the low. Yo, I don't think he would. Mercedes, the biggest villain on reality TV and took it over to Love Island. You guys see that? Dude, the dog Mercedes. Does it again. Does it again.

Wins again. He wins again. Went over to Love Island, Australia, I think. Yep. One broke up with the girl a day later. Hey. Sorry, Boo Boo, TV's TV. Yeah, do what you gotta do.

Hey, he might be clapping cheeks, we don't know. And if you're single, good for you, bro. Sometimes just being single will get your whole entire life in line I've talked about it before. I don't know why people take take breakups in the wrong way. I Kind of want to date somebody just heavy for a month and break up I kind of want to date somebody just heavy for a month and break up just so I can be like on top of my game. God, the feeling after, how driven. Have you ever been more locked in in your entire life?

Yeah, you go through it for like three days. Dude, I don't know why I've been going through it recently. Bro said he's probably gonna be single. I've been single for like an entire year almost, it seems like, well, less than that. But I don't know what it is about the holidays, maybe because I've been going through like reality TV stuff and like seeing myself like with another girl.

I'm like, why? Why don't, why, how come I kinda, how come I kinda, hey, do I miss her? Nah, bro, get the break up under your belt and go crazy. Just goes right to the gym. Goes right to the gym. Every guy's answer for a break up right to the gym Goes right to the right to the gym every guy's answer for a breakup right to the gym. Nothing else Yeah, bro. I got my shit together now. Just did one more set of curls

crash out lady isn't from out of town and I just don't know what her intentions are does she want to smash does she not want to smash? I don't want to ask directly. I know but I also want to know so I can prepare She's coming in. I should be greatly appreciated. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Let's run that back. Let's run that back Man, I got this lady visiting from out of town She's and I just don't know what her intentions are. Does she want

to smash? Does she not want to smash? I don't want to ask directly but I also want to know so I can prepare. Anyway any advice would be greatly appreciated. So she's coming in from out of town. She's coming in from out of town. from out of town. She's coming in from out of town. I mean, bro, you just gotta play it by ear. You can't, I mean, that's me though. That's me. Like, I, I wouldn't want to kill the vibe because what if she's not, you know? What if she just, why would, why else would she be coming though? Why else would she be coming in from out of town? To be friends? Yeah, bro prepare clean your apartment and pretend like your friends Because the only way to ruin that sitch man is to ask or just don't ask don't ask

And if it does it this is what I would do, if it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen. Yeah, I'd give it like a good ol' try, give it a good ol' 70% try, like and if that doesn't work, like balls in your court, girl. Now I'm just babysittin' you. Now you're just my roommate. But you gotta try at least once

so she knows what's going on. She'll get the alarm will go off in her head like, oh shit, he's trying to like, he's trying to like do stuff. Oh, he's trying to like. Why else would she have, nah bro, she wants you. She wants you. See how she acts. See where she puts her bag.

You always know by that where a girl puts her bag. She comes in your apartment. She puts her. She goes to your room. Which one's your room? If she says that puts your puts her bag in your room. Guess what? You're out of the friend zone. That means she's staying in your staying in your bed. You don't just sleep with, hey, it can go one of two ways. She thinks you're so gay. She thinks you're her gay best friend

and she's gonna get a rude awakening or you're gonna smash. Just where's the back where she drop in the back Hi, Benny, I hope you're doing well Love you anyway talking about what makes Hi, Benny. I hope you're doing well. Love you. Anyway, talking about what makes me crash out. I love sharing music with people. I think it's really nice

and it's a great way to get to know someone. And I'm totally the kind of person who's like, mm, I made you a playlist. You know what I mean? But I hate it when I'm talking to someone for the first time and they bring up music and they're like You're so you're a fan. Yeah, you're a fan. I bet you can't even like name three songs No, I can't name three people who like you

Thank you. And it's like it's always like my artists like I bet you haven't even like heard of them They're so underground and it's literally like Drake I just like no disrespect but like let me love what I love and So underground and it's literally like Drake. I just like, no disrespect, but like let me love what I love and shut the fuck up. Love you. That's just how I feel. And it's like, it's awful. Cause I just want to enjoy what I like and not feel guilty.

And it's super bad when I have to like wear a band T-shirt that I really like. And then I just start overthinking it. And'm like while I'm getting ready I try thinking of five songs on the spot. Just in case. And it's just like I hate having that headache it's just so silly. Anyway, keep being awesome, keep being funny and sweet. I can't wait to watch one of your shows soon. Hey. I thought you were amazing on lovers and liars anyway, bye Yeah, I don't listen to music like that either I don't know who's out here listening to albums of music Bird did you hear the new oh

You like you like whatever whatever, you like, you like, whatever, whatever shirt you're wearing, you like ACDC, dude? It's always a band like that too. Oh, you like them? Name five songs. No one's ever said that to me, but I'd be like, dog, I don't listen to music like normal people.

I listened to one song from like eight years ago, 10 years ago, 12 years ago. I never listened to anything new unless it's like popular on TikTok. Am I the only one who does this? I can't be the only person who's just not a full album? No. album? No, I listened to one song from 2004 84 times in a row in my car and then the next week there's another song like my playlists are so like bro what? Nothing makes sense.

I have no idea what's going on in rap. I used know I do I used to be the guy that like looked up like Hot new hip-hop calm I used to be the guy I used to be the I'll do the songs and it who cares Now I listen to like Celine Dion and that's the way That's the way it is definitely not Celine Dion is it That's the way it is. Definitely not Celine Dion, is it? One song 84 times around my car till I completely, it makes me wanna throw up. Then I'll find a new song from like 2008.

God dang dude, cringe moment of the week. You ever plug your phone in? Like somebody makes you plug your phone in at a party and you're like, all Alright, like you asked for it First of all, you do everything in your power not to be the person on the Bluetooth God dude, it's so much responsibility. Isn't it? You're like though. Now you're the DJ. You're like you should get paid for that That's why you gotta have shorty with the playlist Party playlist let it play. I don't know bro. That's why you gotta have shorty with the playlist. Party playlist, let it play.

I don't know, bro. It's not just let it play. You ever pick in songs from the hip? Just the weirdest assortment of songs from my phone. And I'll play the same one like nine times in a row, because I think that's normal. But I guess it's not. But I think it is still when you're by yourself bro let's hear that again runs it back let's hear it again runs it back did

one time cringe one of the week I was on Bluetooth played like it's six songs on my playlist recently added six songs I don't listen to music like that. Same six songs on repeat. Don't care. I like it. So you put you put me in charge, babe. Six songs in rotation. Friend looks at my other friends goes he loves like old old stuff still. He loves like old stuff still. I can't even imagine what was on. It's probably like it's probably like what's popping by Jack Harlow like three years ago.

Brand new whip just hopped in. OK, so my crash out. I am in my mid 30s and I am incapable of flirting with a guy that I think is actually hot and who I actually want to get to know. Kind of crazy. But who am I able to flirt with? Ugly guys, guys who I wish would not talk to me,

guys who I wish would not talk to me, guys who I wish would just like drown. I don't understand it, but it's bullshit. Straight bullshit. So that's why I'm going to be single. I'm going to crash out. I can't flirt for shit. Dude, that's when there's nothing on the table. Best conversation in your life.

And you attract the people you don't like either because you're just talking to them like just whatever. You ever just crush in a conversation with just a three? Just killing it. Cause there's nothing, there's no, you're not nervous. You're just, but when it's somebody you like, Sergeant Stutter ready for battle. When it's somebody I like,

I'm like looking in the wrong places. I can't do anything while anyone's watching me, ever. Never. What the hell is that? There's a decent looking girl I was doing stand up. There's a decent looking girl. I was doing, I was doing stand up. There's a decent looking girl that was just there. I think I just hit my head on the wall for five minutes. I have no idea what I said, but I was like, yo, just one girl like that will throw me off.

She wasn't even that great looking. It was just like the first like. Roomful of roomful of ugly people though? Slaughter. What is it? Anytime I do anything and someone's watching dude, I can't even crack an egg Midwestern six watching me crack an egg. No chance dude that yolks going all over the burner Can't get anything done Remember that one time you're the the teachers computer is plugged into the projector and you were on duty And you had to type while the whole class looked at the projector and watched you type

Top five scariest moments of my life, I'm like. Yeah, just type in. Google. Me typing like someone has a gun to my head. So weird, man. I don't know what that is, You just got to stop because like I'll never it never happens where you you're crushing a convo and you like them. When has that ever happened? Dude if I see if I see a girl I like I'm I know that I'm gonna bomb so bad I don't even look at him me

walking past a girl I'm attracted to just pretending in my head you know I'm doing every time I see a girl I'm attracted don't look at her don't look at her don't look at her don't look at her don't look at her don't look at her don't look at her to why part of me is like I know every dude in here has looked at her already and she's already like um yeah I'm the shit so I'm like don't even don't even fill up that ego don't even look don't even look but I'll take a little peek after you know after after the bullets are done flying She's moved on she's moved past she can't see after that. I'll tell you what's going on Is she really what I thought she looked like you know, he's sometimes you gotta check

That's why people stare you ever catch somebody staring. I'm like what every time I stare at somebody that's attractive I'm like, are you really the hottest person I've ever seen in my life? I'm just making sure you're the hottest person i've ever seen in my life? I'm just making sure you're the hottest person I've ever seen in my life that's why I'm staring. I'm rude no actually I'm amazed by the way you look right now honestly I it's I thought you were too good to be true because you're so hot that I have to keep staring a when you see somebody like that. It is actually insane. I got a stare Excuse me. No, you're just so beautiful that I have to just take it all in because I might never see you again And then while you're doing that little move, oh, she can't see me looking your reflections in a window like this How does anybody like us?

How does anybody find us attractive? God dang, that's the biggest mystery of my life. Maybe, maybe, you know how you get kind of caught in a really, you don't even really feel like dating, you don't even feel like doing anything with somebody else, guy or girl, whatever. But it's just the fact that they actually like dating, you don't even feel like doing anything with somebody else, guy or girl, whatever. But it's just the fact that they actually like you. You're just like a mate. You're just like, I guess we should just date then. Like you're not even trying to have a girlfriend or boyfriend, but they just like you and you're like, you like me?

Just off that alone. You're like, I guess we should then. Like, you really think that about me? Are you sure? Dude, I always wanna ask girls that. Wait, are you sure? Are you sure? Cause like, you don't know what you're getting into at all. Yeah, like I like you.

Really? Like what do you, like is somebody like, like is somebody making you do this? You ever think that? I'm like, who's paying you? Is, is my, is my family paying you? Wait, is my, is my mom paying you to like me? You ever think about some shit like that?

Like on some real, real inside info, you're like, yo, are you did somebody did somebody like did my grandma pay you or something to like me so I could see so I'm like a normal person or something like that. Insane. Just liking people because they like you back. Not bad reasoning. How about going after somebody that doesn't like you at all? How how how how fast do they shut that door? I'm like, I got no chance, but I'm going to shoot my shot. Oh, OK, couldn't be more obvious.

And shooting by shooting my shot, I I mean just fire emojis on their story I'm crashing out about all the fat people who use the scooters in Walmart. You're not disabled. You're just obese, bro This is perfect circle of a body and bounce Unless your legs broke. Hey, you fucking dialysis fell on the ground. You shouldn't be in that fucking cart Get your ass up. Tell them Bro, this is what I'm talking about right here. It's the people in Walmart on the scooters. You need to have like a handicap license or something.

Does it say, do handicap people have that on their ID? Like you, not everybody can just have a scooter, man. It's the same thing at the airport. Drives me insane. Half the airport getting drives me insane. Half the airport getting wheeled around by some 18 year old white kid. I'm like, dude, nobody's handicapping here.

I swear if I was handicapped, I would still try to like power through it. Walk it off. Just every time I get off of a plane, there's 17 wheelchairs ready to go for all these people. Everybody- Am I on the handicap plane? Everybody's h- Everybody. Everybody's h- No. You're just a lazy piece of shit. It's not even- The airport isn't even that big like just and you could hey

How come the people that are always getting wheeled around Could use the steps It's insane, bro. Can we regulate that airports? It is absolutely why am I always walking behind? You know those little those little like truck half truck things they're like they're like little motorcycles in the airport they're always wheeling there they got 14 people on them just walk there if you can't walk in an airport you shouldn't be flying anywhere it makes me sick, bro. Thank you.

So I crashed out today and quit going to work for today. I'll go back tomorrow. And then I was like, okay, I'll go to the store get, you know, some sake, you know, oh, I'm gonna quit dry January, you know, I got a huge thing of sake, a bottle, and I'm bringing it home, and I totally chipped my brand new town home, quartz countertop, and just totally, just neglected everything and just fucked everything up. Good night. Thank you. Good night. Thank you.

Dude, she hung up that like she was mad at me. She's mad at the world, bro. You don't just hang up like that. Listen, it's countertop and she's just neglected everything and just fucked everything up. Good night. Thank you. Dude, it's that feeling when you're talking to somebody, this used to happen with a girl like you said, right?

She used to hang up so quick. Dude, people that are quick hanger uppers, give it a rest. It's insane. All right, talk to you like boopop boop boop. I was like You don't even like me like just right there dude. I have so much doubt when it comes to relationships It's not even worth being in one In a relationship kind of sad out of a relationship kind of sad less sad, but still sad Kind of sad. Less sad, but still sad.

In a relationship, you hang up too quick. I'm like, she probably likes somebody else. Who's confident? How can he be confident when you're in a relationship? I've never met a person like that. That just made it. All right, yeah, I'll see you. Dude, I had a friend like that too. Every time he'd hang you dude He wouldn't even say bye. I was like we're literally 12 wouldn't say bye. I was like does this guy even like me Bro the way she hung up just I had flashbacks of every single Instance that my ex would do that to me. I'm like I'm the type of person that will stay, I won't hang up.

Hey, I gotta go, all right, see ya. I'll wait for you to hang up. And if you're one of those people that doesn't hang up, we'll be on the phone doing whatever we need to do around the house or in the car, leaving, putting on pants. Dude, I've been on the phone for 27 minutes with somebody. Oh, damn, you're still there? Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Dude that's when the conversation gets good though. You gotta fake hang up to get the conversation going. Hey bro, I'll talk to you later. All right man, see ya. Nobody hangs up, then you just start talking like normal. The old fake hang up. Yeah but baby girl's having a rough day broke dry January. With Saki.

If you're going to break dry January. Go crazy. Natty light white claw. Saki. I don't know shit about Saki, but that's what they pour in your mouth. I like the Japanese buffets. Is it a buffet? The squirt in your face with a bunch.

I hate that. Chip the counter. the pssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss The way I would color it in permanent marker the way I would just The way I'd glue it on You think I'm gonna call the company and have them just resurface the whole countertop No You go buy gorilla glue go buy, go back to the store. Buy Gorilla Glue. Fix that shit.

She's so mad, I know she is. She doesn't wanna hear that at all. I cannot just lock my car one time. Oh. Every time I leave my car, there's gonna be multiple lock occurrences. Whether it's pushing the button on the inside or the remote I do both times. I do both. It's just how it is. I

Do both dude. I lock it from the inside I get out of my car lock it Then when I'm walking away, I'm like it probably didn't lock Then I'm going up the stairs and I'm like, I don't know if I just locked it or not. That might've been yesterday. Beep, beep. And still right now, I think all four doors in my car are just wide open.

With doors wide open under the parking lot lights. Well, yeah, I don't know. It's so annoying, but how can you be sure? You ever just leave your car door open? Done it. Two hours. Wide open.

Nobody even touches it. Why do I think somebody is just waiting to break into my apartment and my car every second of the day? No one gives a shit, no one cares, no one cares about, no one's looking, no one's even ever thought about it. Nobody wants what you have. How come every single time, I just feel like there's a guy just looking over a fence every time I'm getting out of my car.

Oh yeah, what's he gonna take? What's he gonna take in your car, dude? All the receipts in the middle console whatever is in my middle console is the most worthless things to me four keychains two batteries a bunch of gift cards that like What do I think I have man? You know I'm the guy that will will see like When I lock my car I like make it personal too. It's so bratty

Anyone else in the world walking by my car and I see them I lock it 65 times They're gonna be like bro chill I don't want your shit it's all it's always three it's always three when I'm walking away New Year's resolution just lock your car once how come I never think it works Especially the lock on the inside. I'm like that shit didn't work So true I Get it That's a good one man

You think that was real honestly do you think now it's too good, it was too good to be true. Too good to be true. God, when you first realize you can make a fart noise, how different was your life as a kid? When you first realize... God, the way I could do that, and it would just sound like a motorcycle revvin'. It would just sound like a deck of cards being shuffled. I think that's our first fart. I wish it wasn't anonymous, but I think that's our first one. That's when I know I need to leave somewhere.

I was at a place too long the other day, and I let I let one out let one eat out And I was like I need to leave I've been here so long I think I think I I light it up like I Think I'm on the low spectrum You ever around somebody that just farts so much you're like how is that even possible I Feel like at times. I'm that guy But recently did he change you you you change your diet up? My roommate told me the other day most flattering thing I've ever heard in my life,

he goes, never heard you fart, bro. I think it's because I'm just a trained assassin. Because who's growing up in a fart house? Dude, if you farted in my house when you were a kid, you might get sent outside. Can't fart when your dad's home. Nope. Oh, dad's home?

Can't fart anymore. Dude, how about that? How about living two different lives when your dad was home and when he wasn't home? We are never ever ever gonna fart again. Hi Bonnie. So I fucking hate getting out of bed in the morning and I know that's really lame. No.

That's how I feel. So I just wish I could stay in bed all day. I kind of in both ways. There's just one like there's one hour where I'm like deciding between yo am I just gonna give up on everything right now or am I actually gonna get up? I need a subscription service where somebody calls me at 7am and cusses me out and I need that person to be my dad. Remember when your dad used to like

raise hell in your house? You'd close the microwave a little too hard, he'd punch a hole in the wall like that. That era of dad, I don't know if everybody had a dad like that, I think they did though. If you're like 30s. I think they did though if you're like 30s I think they did bro that era of dad was insane dad. You were like what bro? You're walking on eggshells couldn't fart

could not fart but um I Need that era of day I need crazy dad to call me at 7 a.m. But I'd get up and set I need I need crazy dad back everybody Oh my god, my like parents like ruin my life and like Trump. Nah, I need that I need that That's what I'm missing in my life is somebody just screaming at me all day. I just realized it That's what I'm missing in my life is somebody just screaming at me all day. I just realized it How come you didn't I don't know I can only operate if somebody's screaming at my head

That's true love But if you're not saying anything to me if you're telling me you love me now you don't but if you're screaming at me to wake up in the morning and get your shit together... I need to... I mean more to you than anything. That's true love, bro. I need that back. I need that crazy dad energy. Get going! What are you doing? You're wasting your whole entire life. 7 a.m. Who's not up?

Dude, I'm already up. I'm already brushing my teeth. Halfway through that call, I'm out the door. I know, but if it's just me, dude, the willpower you gotta have sometimes between like seven and 7.30 a.m. Or whenever you wake up. But there always is like six minutes where I'm like

What if I just like canceled that What if I just like moved and what if I just did that later and Then what if I just like tomorrow? I don't need to go to that either So I could realistically just like dude you start playing a shift and shit around move and stuff That's it. I don't know. I just don't get how people can just wake up and zippity doo-dah their ass It takes me a good a good like 12 minutes to like really really get my like head in the game. I'm like 12 minutes to like really, really get my head in the game. I'm like, am I gonna do this every day I wake up?

How am I gonna do this? Even if it's a day that I've already done it, how am I gonna do this, man? Now I feel you baby girl. A couple more. So it's 2025 and we haven't figured out a car battery that's not going to die. Oh, my light on just right. Like we have Waymo self driving motherfucking cars, self-driving cars. But we don't have a battery that can withstand me leaving my inner light on for six hours while I'm at work. It just seems like where are our priorities?

I think we skipped a few steps. We just, we're sending people to Mars, but we haven't figured this out yet. I mean, yeah, it was my fault, but still, car batteries are expensive. Let's figure this out. And how easy is it to leave a light on in your car? Bro, I've killed six batteries just by leaving a light. Just that?

Just that kills a whole car. Come on. Just because I was fixing my contact. Just because I was looking at, just because I was trying to cover my bald spot in the rear view mirror with the light on The way that can just real dude, there's a lot of stuff like that there. I'm like we haven't figured that out yet Hey windshields Hey windshields

Dude if you live in a cold place and you like kind of forget, oh, it was like, I don't know the temperature every day. And I think if you do know the temperature every day, like you're, you need to, you need to do something. You need to like find a hobby or something. People that know the date and the temperature and all that, that all that I'm like, dude, you got to get a life or something like that, man. You know, you actually know. Remember tomorrow morning, it's gonna be frosty outside,

the windchill, windchill, what is windchill? Every time I was a kid and somebody said windchill, I was like, what are you saying? The windshield? Hey, windshields. Can we make like a, a, a, a, some type of glass that doesn't, that you don't have to scrape off in the morning when you're already five minutes late? Dude, then nothing worse than that. Ten minutes late, oh shit.

Now I'm, now I'm like, now I gotta call him. You walk outside like two minutes late, I'll probably be right on time. Am I the only one who does this? God damn it, dude. We're all the same, right? I get to every place like on time. Like just on time. Am I a piece of shit?

Cause early I'm like what am I doing just sitting here wasting my time. I think I've mastered, almost mastered like getting there like within one minute range. But I'll do it for everything. Cause doctor's appointments, bro, you ever get to a doctor appointment on time? Or a little early? You're there for two and a half hours?

I'm like, what am I doing here? I think I stopped getting places early, like 10 years ago. I was just like, bro, I'm not just going to sit here and wait for people. It's insane. I'll get there right like, right when I'm supposed to, and hopefully it goes down. If not, hey, I'm early! Kinda piece of shit. Kinda piece of shit. Kinda piece of shit. So, you ever feel like a... You ever feel like...

Kinda like a loser when you're early? This is some weird... This is some weird stuff coming down right now, but like you ever somebody's like alright Yeah, meet there at 3 You get there at 2 15. You're like I'm literally I'm honestly a Nerd what am I doing here? Nerd, what am I doing here? We're supposed to meet up at 3

Getting there at 2 59 to 58 and change if I'm like super on it to 58 Bro mirrors to Mirrors when they fog up in the shower. I'm like, we haven't, we haven't figured this one out? A mirror that doesn't fog because of heat. Please, someone. So I have to take a shower, walk out of my bathroom, and wait outside of my bathroom, go into a completely different room with it with a mirror soaking wet It's insane The things I have to do for my mirror not to get fogged up I've take a cold shower and open every door in my house and eat a pint of ice cream

For my mirror not to fog up. This is so crazy. The mirror will be fogged too for like 20 minutes. I'm like, I gotta go bro. I can't just, you ever in a situation where like you don't have another mirror? I guess I'll just go outside to the nearest pond. This is insane.

Let's get gone. Let's see. Let's get gone. So hi, this is my first time doing this. And I just wanna say that I'm like turning into an adult now and it's all new for me because like my family like we're having money troubles and I'm like paying rent at least half of it and like

i'm doing all these things at once being an adult. It's so Stressful, honestly And I feel like i'm alone Yeah, I just feel like It's too much, you know and uh, i'm struggling a little bit and I don't feel like it's too much, you know? And I'm struggling a little bit. And I don't feel like my struggles are like, they're valid. That's not valid. Crash out.

Because like my mom, like my family, like we have way more pressing troubles and stuff. We have more challenges and I just feel like mine isn't valid to even be considered a challenge because it's just like, just becoming an adult is hard for me. I feel like I'm weak to even deem these things as problems, you know? And yeah, I just need someone to talk to, okay? And I just found this. Yeah, I just found this and I just thought that I'd just let it out, you know?

Yeah! But thank you. Thank you so much for putting this on your story. I really appreciate it. Thank you so much Yo, I kind of love you for that That sounds that sounds rough but that that right there that tone and that attitude is me every time I wake up At least she knows that like There's bigger problems out there than what she's dealing with you know you always got to think about that And you always just got to go every day man you just got a a just keep going just keep going

I tell myself that dude everybody's thinking like that, too Everybody's got the most problems. Everybody's doing the craziest. What am I? Dude, no one knows what they're doing or how to figure it out. Did you know that? Especially me. Nobody knows anything.

How are we doing it? You got your car, you got your rent, you got your all this. Dude, what? How does anybody know? Nobody teaches you, you just gotta look it up on YouTube. What am I doing? Nobody knows, bro.

And if you think somebody knows, they don't. Just keep that in mind. You going through it? Hey, kinda everybody else's too. If you're not going through it, I don't even know. I don't know how you're not going through it like I don't even know I Don't know how you're not But just keep going every day you just got to keep you got to stack the days Keep getting better at whatever you're doing cuz dude for me for me too, I'm like, I should be,

tomorrow I should be 100% better at everything that I do. Nah, takes so long. Everything takes so long. It'll get better, just keep going. Wow, real crash out Sesh. Didn't know it was gonna get like that. Thank you, Lord, for leaving the voice messages. Dude if it's, if you, if you want to talk about something that isn't even the question of the week, just record one. We can talk. Just keep going keep going say to myself like seven times a day. I'm like keep going

It's hard man, everything is so hard no one knows how to do anything just remember that no one nobody knows Keep going dear diary I Thought I was I thought I was living, bro. I thought, hey, you know, what is it? It's January, it was January 1st. First day of 2025. Dude, I was feeling it. Just having a good day.

Just, I kept going, kept, just having a good, you know what? I'm gonna go get some Chipotle. I'm gonna treat myself. I'm not gonna You know what I'm gonna go get some Chipotle. I'm gonna treat myself I'm not gonna drink tonight. I'm gonna do the right thing. I'm just gonna. I'm just gonna do the right thing I'm gonna go get some I'm gonna go get a bowl of chicken. I'm just gonna enjoy my night Solo Dolo, you know how we do it. You know how the fam does it we just stay in our apartment does it, we just stay in our apartment.

Maybe you watch the ball drop, maybe. Maybe it's on the other room. Get on my phone, just do whatever I want, bro, I don't know. I'm so much more comfortable being by myself that it's actually sickening. It actually might, I might do it to a fault. It's the people that can be alone that I'm worried about. But anyway, having a great night. Leave to go get some Chipotle.

Right when I pull out of my parking garage, I'm going three miles an hour. Hit this lady's car. I don't see her, bro. I just don't see her. I wasn't on my phone. Nothing. I just, I don't on my phone Nothing. I just I don't know. I was actually paying attention to like just Some lady was walking on the sidewalk and I was like, oh, I hope I don't hit her and then I just kept going

And just hit this other car that just randomly just went in front of me going three miles an hour Dent at her car the lady didn't speak any English Neither of us knew what to do because who knows what to do. Insurance? I don't know. Let me call my dad because what? Neither of us know. Her insurance didn't cover it I guess. It's kind of cold. We're standing out there for like 45 minutes. I hated it so much. She's what do we do and then I was like we just got a I turned into like dude I just this is what happened I accidentally hit this lady didn't know what to do so I just became her boyfriend for the next three days I was like okay we got to find a place that can give us an estimate. So

I'll pick you up. I guess hopefully you can drive home. If you can't drive home, I'll just, I'll just take you to your place. So I'm pretty much your boyfriend. And on the way there, like, I don't know, I kind of feel bad. Do you want to get something to eat? Like, I just like, hate your car. I could have killed you. So do you want to get somebody do you want me to do I walk you in to your apartment like I'm really sorry like when does it end we got to get estimate okay I'll drive I'll take you to the S I'll drive behind you real slow to the estimate place we get there I walk in with you you're my girlfriend you hit a girl's car you instantly become their boyfriend yeah okay let's take care of it do you want anything on the way you want to drink

do I gotta leave do you want to come with me do you want to I was honestly I was like your car has to stay at the collision place I'll give you a ride home at the gas station gotta feel you want you anything it's just since dude that's just every I owe you everything I don't know when the car is gonna be done but let me know I'll pick you up and we'll go see a moot dude I asked her she got in the car because I was driving her to her place after I hit her car and I go you want to drive why don't you take this thing for a spin just at someone's will when you're not going through insurance maybe I did it all wrong I have no I have no idea how any of that works

But I was like I guess I have to pay for your car now. This is all my fault. We're not right No clue, but I have a new girlfriend now She's from Russia Didn't really speak English. She was nice though. Hey. Show and tell. Show and tell. Live podcast.

Did these guys podcast with Joey Molinaro. We did it in Indianapolis live. Good turnout. All the homies were there. It was just, it was a good time, man. Uh, first time doing a live pod, but one of the OG fan members came out. One of the real OGs. Uh, and it meant a lot to me. She pulled up and was like, yo, got you a gift.

Bro, there's nothing that means more than me. It's a little stupid knickknack Are you seeing this right now? What should we focus This this right here this rotisserie Chickie magnet right here this rotisserie chicky magnet from magoo mcdude yeah this means everything to me you know if you pull up and you and you got a little dude one time i i had a comedy show and dude in the parking lot had a

plushie rotisserie chicken gave it to me before the show that's so sick bro I love you on the back says salsa 2024 because of that one remember that one time on the podcast I saw an attractive girl didn't know what to say to her saw her in the store

she had tortilla chips in her basket and I just go okay salsa why can't I do anything when there's an attractive girl next to me? It'll never change but uh Dude thanks to thanks to Magoo Mcdude this I tried to I did that on stage like it's a it's a whole thing And she's we always is okay salsa So stupid, but thank you It means so much to me

And if you guys have stuff if you guys have stuff you want me to try on the pod the stupid little like Candy like little chips, you know, just like weird food just and literally anything a picture of you You got a jersey you don't wear anymore? Bro, send it in. Got the P.O. Box. Been talking about it for a while. Got the P.O. Box. Send it.

7095 Hollywood Blvd. No. 581 Los Angeles California 90028 United States Avi isn't it kind of weird when you're filming something out and they ask you what country you're from you're like can't you just like we the locations locations turned on But uh, yeah send it in And I'll do that should be what show-and-tell is bro. You guys send stuff and I and I just show it and tell it Let's go cringe moment of the week cook cook cook cook cringe moment of the week. Hey, this is,

God, sometimes I love people when you do something embarrassing and they like address it, but they make you feel good about it. This is what happened. Every time I pack my bag for, you know, getting on a flight, going to a show, doing something like that, I always like pack it like 75%

Because I don't know who can pack their bag the night before a trip and then just take their bag and leave it I'm like you don't have to like check it again. I gotta keep checking. It's like it's like locking your car I gotta do like four times when I'm checking a Checking my suitcase before I leave I leave. I gotta look through it. My brain works like I need to see everything. I can't remember anything. So I leave my suitcase open, and then right before I leave,

I zip it up and take it downstairs, get in the car, go to the airport. All my lights on are in my apartment. I'm on the second floor. Uber's outside. And dude, if you order an Uber like ahead of time, like you have a certain window where you gotta get down there a little bit,

and it's happened to me before. Uber was leaving, I was like, yo! He's like, I can only be here for five minutes, it's like part of the deal. I was like, what? Five minutes? I can only be here for five minutes it's like part of the deal I was like what five minutes like you're not gonna wait for me I gotta go to the airport it's I'm gonna open my apartment suitcase is open I'm throwing stuff in it last minute zip in it bro suitcase won't close and I know it sounds insane. I never thought this would happen to me. But

I'm having like a cartoon suitcase moment. Zipping it up, sitting on it, like throwing it on top of stuff to get better leverage. I'm like, I'm like elbowing it. I'm like, it won't close. And I'm like in a panic because I'm like the Uber driver is going to leave like my roommates, like I don't want to Wake him up like it's it's literally like 338 a.m. Like this is insanity Fit and stuff in it is it gonna be too heavy when I get to the the bag check like dude Everything is is is annoying

I'm throwing this thing around I actually like sit on it. I sit on it like a cartoon and zip it up. It's like I'm sweaty. I'm like, oh there goes like everything, you know. Get down to the Uber and he goes, are you sure you're ready? I was like, what do you mean? Yeah, let's go. I didn't even think you were gonna do like, I really thought he was gonna be gone when I went down there.

He goes, I saw you wrestling with your suitcase up there. I'm like, you saw that whole entire thing? Bro, the way I, if I could just see what he saw, that's every bit of what you need to see if you wanted to know who I am was was just that five minutes or seven minutes seemed like 45 and I was up here doing that. You don't have to you don't have to know me for a number of years you don't have to I don't have to explain anything to you. I don't even have to speak to you But if you saw me Throw in my suitcase around

For seven minutes you would know everything about me, bro You you wouldn't even have to see me naked just okay. That's all I needed to know. Okay. All right that dude Bro, but he was a good sport about a cringe moment of the week man he was a good I saw you wrestling with your suitcase up there you saw that whole thing yeah is everything okay oh I was like are you making fun of me and then I had like the strongest bond with him because I'm like you know my whole wife man you're pretty you're basically my dad you see me packing suitcase zip it up in a panic you're my dad now you're my dad you're gonna take me on the way to the airport you're

gonna take me to McDonald's get some McGriddles you're my dad the pancake breakfast with the little sausage patty on there from McDonald's, you're my dad now. That's all. You gonna have a coffee for me waiting in the Uber? You're my dad. You gonna have an apple for me on the seat? You're my dad. When I land, wherever I'm landing, I'm texting you when I get there,

because you're my dad. God, the things people probably do that I underestimate it so much but the the I don't care and I should care and I shouldn't be shocked every time this happens but if anyone's ever seen me in my apartment like you've seen it all no secrets every time I take a shower the door is wide open because I don't want the mirror to fog up. Like if you look in my apartment when it's dark out, my apartment, I can only operate under the most lighting.

I don't know why, but if something's dark, I like I'm out. I'm good. I don't want. I don't care. I don't care anymore. That's all. And my apartment at I don't want I don't care. I don't care anymore That's all and My apartment at night is just lit up to the world every windows open Everybody everybody seen me naked the people that live with everybody see everybody seen everything they're watching me right now They hear everything they see anything everything I thought living like I Thought this is how it was. I didn't know that Hollywood was like a,

you gotta be quiet, you gotta be, I was like, we live in Hollywood, who gives a shit? Dude, the places I've been like kicked out of in the past year are insane to me. Times Square, I'm like, we can't act like idiots around, Hollywood, we got a noise complaint? Dude, me and my roommate, when we moved here, every single time there was a noise outside, a baby, and my roommate when we moved here every single time there

was a noise outside, a baby, a dog barking, a person, we live on like kind of a busy street like off of Hollywood Boulevard. Every time there's any noise I would yell out there, SHUT UP! OKAY! Dude, a dog, woo! OKAY! Dude, I would scream the top of my lungs, and I was like we're in Hollywood bro. Who cares this is crazy town We get a noise complaint. Are you shitting okay? All right never made a noise again Let's do days, and I'll shut up Hot air balloon day. Never in my life have I wanted to do anything less. Girl I used to date just obsessed with hot air balloons.

How come I don't have anything like that that I want to do? God dang, there's gotta be something wrong with my my brain I don't want to do anything ever. Oh my god my dream is to like be proposed to in a hot-air balloon. I'd be like isn't that a little much? I don't want to do anything. Although it would be kind of warm up there. Now that I'm thinking about it, got that open flame over your head. And there's always like another guy on the hot air balloon. Everything I want to do gets ruined by how lame it is. Oh, my God, I want to go like skydiving.

I don't want a dude strapped to my back while I do that. I just want to go solo. I want to jump out of a plane solo at the parachute. I want to go hang gliding. There's always a guy that has to be like tethered to you during it. I'm like what? This isn't any fun. There's some fucking 50 year old guy strapped I Don't know Apricot day This is a dangerous fruit dangerous fruit bro that apricots and mangoes Don't leave me around dried mango. I

Thought dried mango is just a good thing for you to eat remember I eat dried mango one time But I had 14 bags of it and accidentally like 895 full mangoes god damn this guy can't is he's got to be so extreme every time he does something It's the only way I live Static electricity day how come how come I haven't been shocked since I was like 12? Remember the last time you were like, oh my god, I haven't had that. What happened to that? Bring back getting shocked by metal shelves at the store. That hasn't happened to me forever.

Did I lose my spark? Friday. That hasn't happened to me forever. Did I lose? Hey, I lose my spark Friday House plant appreciation day Dude this thing. I don't know how this thing's alive. How is this thing alive? Somebody tell me there's no way I Water it when I remember once every two months Just put three cups of water down there, let it ride. I kinda want another one.

Oh my God, he's the plant dad? Absolutely not, but I don't think I'll ever find, like if this thing died tomorrow, I'd be like, yo, that was well worth the money. I have no idea how this thing's, sometimes in the back of my head I'm like it's fake dude it's fake and ASMR hey get your next tree from Ikea thought it was gonna be a big mistake. Maybe the best purchase I've ever made It's great is it dead it's probably dead

Cut your energy cost day, how come I don't think How come it's never made a difference or not in my monthly like spending? Dude, I leave every light on. I love light. I love light. Yeah, I'll turn shit off when I leave, but when I'm home, bro, every light's on. I don't think I'll ever change the way I live. TV's on. Dude, I act like I live in a hotel every lights on I Love do when lights are off. I'm like, what are these doing off dude instantly better mood when the lights on And never once have I been like, you know, I need really need to conserve some power It's just like dude

If I gotta pay a little bit more to have some light and some heat like what am I? Like I'll save money, but to a point. I'm like brad. I just kind of want to be warm. Can I be warm? Can I be warm and happy? It's never made a difference to me. I'm not cutting costs, baby. Saturday, vision board day, kinda got my act together. I'm not one to really like, January 1st, what are your resolutions?

But I kinda got my shit together. This guy hung up a picture on the first try because usually when I hang up a picture there's 44 nail holes in the wall because because I'm like weird about shit being even I'm like it's just a little off and I'll mess it up again it's still just kind of mess it up again. First try? Hung up a whiteboard too? Who is this guy? Moved his bed? Dude, stuff like that.

It's insane how that will change your whole entire outlook on life. Maybe I'm just too much of a monkey. But I changed my bed from one side of the room to the other. I'ma come, I love my life. Move my bed from one side of the room to the other. I'ma come, I love my life. Move my bed from one wall to the other wall. I'm like, yo, I belong in this city. Because I moved my bed?

But it really does make me feel like that. It's so weird. It completely changed my whole mood. If I, I couldn't even, I can't even imagine my bed being where it was now. So I'm like, dude, I hated my room. I hated it. I was like, I hate, I hate the open space where I hate it. Now it's kind of like, now it's kind of like cozy.

Now I'm kind of like, maybe I will text that girl. Guy moves his bed gets confidence. Guy moves his bed gets smooth. Guy moves his bed has game now. Guy moves his bed sends a fire emoji. Milk day. I've been drinking milk, bro. I have. I've been drinking milk. I've been eating rice. He's on carbs. He's back on carbs. He's on clean carbs.

I just saw a picture of myself the other day and I was like, I look kind of like I have cancer. I need to hit the carbs. And that's usually a bad thing for me. Because what hit the carbs for me is like I'm getting pizza every night He's on clean carbs he knows how to make rice now

Changed my life Rice in a pot dude. I gotta be the most single guy of all time guy moves his bed and makes rice and gets happy Who is he? I'm crashing out. Sunday. Pharmacist day. Pfft. Pfft.

I'm so nervous every time I walk up to the pharmacist's counter because they always kind of make you feel like an idiot you know I'm like how does this even work so the doctor like how they emailed you and told you what I needed and now you know it's so confusing to me how do you know the pharmacist's and mail process. I'm like how is this even a thing? Yeah we'll call into your your prescription up. Which pharmacy do you go to? I'm like I can say any pharmacy in the world and you guys you guys will send it there? Are you sure they have it? Like I'm just so confused by all that stuff it takes so long takes so long Yeah, all good. We'll have it. We'll have it for you at three o'clock. I'm like what the fuck am I supposed to do till three o'clock die Sunday Supper Day

Sunday Supper Day. Sunday Supper Day, that's just a live stream. Sunday Supper, that's what we do. That's our supper. Supper. Supper. Who's saying it? It's always around Sunday Supper Time where I am the most, the most emotional person in the entire world. We know this. Hey, we know right Sunday six o'clock is like How we gonna do it how we gonna do it again, how are we gonna do this again Never been more overwhelmed in my life and this this past Sunday, I know it's hard to remember, but this past Sunday was like, yo, this is the most Sunday Sunday ever. You just know when Sunday's gonna happen, dude.

I could wake up randomly from a coma, and if it was a Sunday, I would know. There's just like a, there's just like an overwhelming feeling on Sundays. I don't know how, dude, how does anybody have fun on a Sunday? It's so weird, you know what, like, Sunday fun day, I could never.

I was like, are you sure? Sunday Sunday fun day who gave you the right? What about tomorrow? You're done for No, it's Sunday fun day You don't feel all that guilt The minute I wake up on Sunday, I'm like I've never been more guilty in my life I feel like I just killed four people last night Didn't do a damn didn't even leave the apartment What's going on

Screening all right fam. I love you. Yo Jersey. See you tonight, Chicago Rosemont. See you in February Valentine's Day week Yo, love you guys so much join the the livestream. Tell your homies about the Patreon. Almost 350 episodes of Spress. Thank you so much for helping me. And really like, pushing me along, dude. You guys don't know how much you mean to me honestly We're just gonna keep going we're gonna keep going Just like when you're having a hard time when you're really crashing hey Keep going keep going keep going keep going

One of these days, baby One of these days is gonna happen trust me But I love you fam for real. I'll see you at the shots See you on Instagram