Espresso - cup face

Episode Date: September 15, 2021

🔒 𝗷𝗼𝗶𝗻 𝗺𝘆 𝗽𝗮𝘁𝗿𝗲𝗼𝗻 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗲𝘅𝗰𝗹𝘂𝘀𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗽𝗼𝗱𝗰𝗮𝘀𝘁𝘀 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮 𝙬𝙚𝙚𝙠 (𝗼𝗻����𝘆 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗳𝗮𝗺) https://www.patreon.com/benedictpolizzi ♦️ 𝗦𝘂𝗯𝘀𝗰𝗿𝗶𝗯𝗲 𝗼𝗻 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗧𝘂𝗯𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXRwNZpU67AK24r5QGfIfCw 🔹 𝙙𝙤𝙣'𝙩 𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙜𝙚𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙧𝙖𝙩𝙚 & 𝙧𝙚𝙫𝙞𝙚𝙬 ;) on this episode Ben answers the Espresso Question of the week: what's something you'll never understand no matter how many times someone explains it to you (LIKE NOT KNOWING THE DIFF BTWN WINSTON CHURCHHILL AND WILT CHAMBERLAIN) Ben reveals why Matthew McConaughey's voice is the way it is, he impersonates his dad in a drive thru and remembers sucking a cup to his face every single day of his life as a kid 🔸𝗦𝗲𝗻𝗱 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗵𝗼𝗺𝗶𝗲 𝗮 𝗖𝗮𝗺𝗲𝗼 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗝𝗢𝗛𝗡𝗦𝗢𝗡: https://v.cameo.com/E48BXekQ29 🔹𝗧𝗶𝗸𝗧𝗼𝗸: https://www.tiktok.com/@benedictpolizzi?source=h5_m 🔸𝗜𝗻𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗺: https://www.instagram.com/benedictpolizzi/ 🔹𝗧𝘄𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿: https://twitter.com/benedictpolizzi

Shot 176 Oh shit Said 6 three times Espresso podcast Monkey Let's go Oh A sleepy beat

Yeah Espresso podcast Yeah Oh It's kinda relaxing, yeah Put this on before I, yeah, you know Put the blanket over my head, you know Yeah, it's Benny P on the track And I, and I smack, yeah

But this is a sleepy beat, yo So I get in the covers and rap Put the head under my blanket I wake up And I got a wet head It's not a bed head Cause I'm sweaty up there Yeah

You ever wake up when your head's real wet and somebody comes in they're like yo were you doing something weird or were you sleeping and i'm like that's not up for you to decide that's for me king yeah what's up shout 176 Espresso Podcast With Ben Polizzi What's good Dude thank god We're back

Remember to follow on TikTok, Twitter, Instagram Cameo All that Benedict Polizzi Remember to subscribe on YouTube Sub to my page. And definitely join Patreon for exclusive episodes of the pod. Only for the fam.

What's good, dude? Got a good question of the week this week. I'm excited. Oh, we got shows coming up October 23rd. Dayton, what's up? Ohio! Ohio! excited oh we got shows coming up uh october 23rd dayton what's up ohio dude people in ohio just look so much like they're from ohio this girl's a bartender at my work and she's like i'm from ohio and i was like you sound like ohio ohio's just got its own breed yeah but dayton wileyiley's October 23rd

I'll be with Sean Latham It'll be dope What's up man Dude I went to church for the first time last weekend In a long time And I forgot like all of the church moves Like you know how they changed up all the church sayings and shit like very recently i still haven't caught up with it but like i haven't been to church so long like

i went up to get communion and the priest was like body of christ and i completely forgot what to say i looked him dead in the eyes and i was like like he was like my girlfriend I was like I go yes It's the first time I ever said yes in my life Body of Christ yes Amen Dude I was first in line At church I've never been first dude

Anytime I'm first in line for everything I'm like oh shit Hey bro can I Chinese cut you I don't know if that's like racist or like pc but that's what we used to say when somebody cut you in line you'd be like oh you cut her be fine bro let me chinese cut you and you let the person go in front of you you're like yeah i almost chinese cut my cousin so i didn't have to go first for all the shit bro when i if i was ever like first in line for a drill in like a basketball practice i was was like, see, this is what's going to happen. I'm going to tie my shoe. And then you guys hop in front. Cause I don't know what the fuck's going on. It was a funeral. I went to

and like the guy, you know, there's always a guy that like runs shit at a funeral and he's like fucking talking fast and he like has all the, all his lines, you know what I mean? He's like fucking talking fast and he like has all the all his lines you know what i mean he's like okay yeah yeah yeah you're like he's he's fucking fast money guy tan guy with sideburns all the time dude this dude was fucking explaining everything like i was like a funeral major in college i was like okay and then when it came down to doing it, I was like, how does he think I even remember any of that? Yo, it was whack. My cousins were there, though. It was cool. Like, anytime my family gets together for, like, something sad, like a funeral like that, like, my family doesn't know how to be sad.

We just react and we're like, uh. Like, we just laugh at every single thing that happens because i got like little cousins and shit that are dope like they can't be sad it's not you're not supposed to be sad when you're a kid you can't force somebody to be sad even if they're sad they're not sad we rolled my we rolled the casket into the back of the hearse and like when it hit the back my cousin goes let's go i was like right now my whole entire family brings like like if you like it doesn't matter my whole entire family brings like a set it doesn't matter what kind of event my family's getting ready for it could be like a it could be like a wedding reception or like a wedding itself easter sunday doesn't matter

everybody in my family low-key always is stashing like a set of like extra clothes just in case like a game breaks out that's just like that's just unwritten rule. I'm like, dude, what's up? You got a, you're trying to play one-on-one after this. That's just like the whole vibe of the whole day. It's like, all right, we're about to do this and we get home. I'm about to play a little seven on seven in this fucking like church parking lot. Hot, hot, hot. No, but it was lit What's up, dude? I'm glad, bro I'm glad to be back I feel like it's been a minute since I've talked to you guys

I'm excited for this question What's something you'll never understand No matter how many times someone explains it to you This is my whole entire life like going like being the first person at a funeral no but for me honestly it's it's dead ass it's 100% euchre i'll never forget when i was just at my friend's house just chilling me and my in my friend's older brother tried to teach me how to play euchre right when he said here bro I'll teach you real quick I was like this night is over I'm always the guy like at card nights

Like your boys that have card nights I'd always be the guy that was just there like on the couch Like in the back like on his phone Everybody else is like a fold out picnic table Like just oh Oh what'd you have bro What's trump I don't know I'll never know bro

I cannot figure that shit out Like once I pass a certain age in my life Like I don't know. I'll never know, bro. I cannot figure that shit out. Like once I passed a certain age in my life, like I can't learn like shit like that anymore. Shit I like don't really care about. I can't learn now. It's fucked, but I got a really, I got a lot of really good responses. So we're going to see what it is. Something we're only doing voice messages. Now you guys have been on your shit with voice messages i like that here we go miss wink what's something no matter how many times it's explained to you you will not understand miss wink miss wink something i'll never understand how to do is blowing a bubble with bubble gum This week, the name. bubbles like it's nothing people have tried to explain the art of bubble gum blowing to me

and i get how you're supposed to do it it's just not going to happen for me dude that's just something you gotta fuck with like sometimes you can learn something and do it the first time and you're like oh that's like kind of rare but honestly like shit like blowing a bubble like you just gotta fuck around with it for like a day like once i learned how to blow bubbles bro it was over and then somebody told me it was like kind of like like like feminine like you blowing bubbles i was like yeah if blowing bubbles is girly i'm fucking sporty spice sis but blowing bubbles is like you gotta learn, you gotta learn your own technique. There's no like,

like I wanna learn how to whistle like without using my, I wanna learn how to whistle through my teeth. Like, you know how people, I wanna learn how to do that so bad, I'll never know,

but you just gotta fuck with it for like a day. Yeah, that's one of those things. And like gleeking. I always wanna know how to gleek, you know, when you eat like, when you And like leaking, I always want to know how to gleek, you know, and he like, when he like, uh, I don't know any like sour candy. And then you like do the, do something crazy with your tongue. And like, you like spray across the room, like a fucking lizard. You like accidentally do that. I like, I wanted to learn how to do

that so bad. Cause everybody could do it. Everybody's like, and I was like, I got to learn that shit. So just for a day, I just just like i just like looked at my tongue in the mirror for a good day and i was like for like seven hours and i just fucking all of a sudden i just just fucking sprayed all over the mirror and i was like oh and then for like two months i was doing that shit non-stop and my family was like stop it I was like all right something that you'll never understand no matter how many times it's explained to you here we go Liam Pinero hey Ben it's Liam Pinero from the New Year's Eve party. In the bathroom. Anyway, something I'll never understand, no matter how many times someone explains it, is traffic.

Like, just drive. You know? And then if there's like an accident or something, just like, move everybody off the street. And then just drive again. It should take like 15 minutes max. I don't know how there's like backup traffic for hours on end. Seems kind of fucked up. Anyways, love the show. Keep doing your thing dude i love liam such a fucking hardy guy just somebody you can fucking count on you know what i mean you got like i like you guys don't

know liam he's been on like five fucking episodes or shots yeah but traffic is so fraud. Bro. The worst experience of all time for me is being in traffic when my dad's fucking driving. Like, right when we hit traffic on a bridge, he's like, God damn it! I knew I should have taken the exit! Like, he always thinks... And he'll be like on his phone He'll be like on his phone like waiting Waiting, waiting

And the car will like speed up in front of him a little bit And then somebody will cut in front of him And he'll be like fuck It's because you were on your phone You don't get traffic either When it's like backed up to the max When there's like dude I was in a traffic jam That was fucking four hours

I was headed to St. Louis for a dude i was in a traffic jam that was fucking four hours i was headed to st louis for a show and there's a traffic jam so bad we couldn't even make it started playing football and shit on the side of the road anytime there's a traffic jam like that i started to get suspicious i'm like what the heck what the fuck is actually going on up there like it's that bad of a wreck i'm like a u Like, if there's not a fucking brontosaurus up there laying down in the middle of a fucking highway, I'm not buying this shit. What's that big of a deal? Four hours?

Dude, a UFO landed. A UFO landed. That's it. Sorry. All right, here we go. Wow. Okay. Okay.

All right, here we go. Wow. Okay. What's something you'll never understand no matter how many times it's explained to you? Carly Cairns. Okay, I honestly thought I was the only person that had no fucking clue how to play Euchre no matter how many times I was taught. But given every single time I was taught, it was at a bar, and I was, like, balls deep in whiskey.

And someone has the brilliant idea of going, oh, hey, let's show you this very intricate, detailed game, and we're going to play it, even though we're all just absolutely smashed right now. We're all idiot savants, apparently, and we're going to play this really really intense everybody wants to teach me a game that you have to really pay attention to also which i can't hold on hold on hold on this is it this is it i am absolutely shit piled given what i'm absolutely what's something i am what's something

you won't know how to do no matter how many times someone explains it to you? I cannot for the life of me fold clothes. I can't. It shows you how to fold. You put it on the board and you fold your fucking clothes on it. I was still like, um, well like where do you put the sleeves though and i i it's it's been a lifelong struggle and i'm gonna accept it if that's the only thing that i'm terrible at then so be it i'll shove my clothes in the dresser or in my closet whatever it all wears the same

you know? Dude, I've gone through like three phases of folding clothes differently. I usually just fucking fold that bitch in half and then fold it up. But there's always like one weird line. You know, I hate when people fucking wear shirts and shit that are real. That might be my biggest fucking like shit I don't like. When people have wrinkled ass clothes, I'm like'm like god damn I hate a wrinkled fucking shirt With a big line in it

Like dude especially when people do photo shoots And they're like They look all good and tan And there's a fucking big crease down the middle of their shirt I'm like cool dude Is this iron? Speaking of ironing I don't know how to do that shit either But I've gone through like three phases of folding in my life

I would just fold it in half fold it up And then one time I saw this girl folding shirts And she like took the arms in And then like folded it in the front. I started doing that for a while Then I got real fucking bougie. I got real bored is what it was I got bored as shit when I like had a corporate job. I just had nothing to do I had thousands of dollars, but I had nothing to do. I had thousands of dollars, but I had nothing to do with my time after. And I just rearranged, like this is some

shit I would never do. I rearranged my closet. Dude, I will never do that for the rest of my life. But I was so like, I don't know. I rearranged my closet and I fucking bundled all my shirts up into a little fucking like cylinder like it'd fit in a Pringles can and put it in my drawer and I could I saw some like DIY shit on YouTube and I like dude my clothes were fucking packed in my dresser and that shit was was actually kind of like nice but um it was only like that once and then I'd like start folding it the way I knew. And I'd be like, fuck it, I'm not doing this anymore. That's my way of ironing, actually.

Like, instead of ironing, I'll just fucking... I'll just get a spray bottle and spray the shit out of a shirt. And fucking whip it twice. Throw it on. It's ironed. I think I'm scared to iron stuff. I'm throwing up. One time when I was a kid, the iron was way too fucking hot. And I just like, I like turned my shirt bronze and like corners and shit. And I wore it to school and I was just like, I burnt the hell out of my shirt.

All right, here we go. Max Huber 727. I burnt the hell out of my shirt. All right, here we go. Max Huber 727. What's something that you'll never understand no matter how many times it's explained to you? One thing I'll never understand no matter how many times somebody explains it to me.

I love you guys reading back the question like this is a fucking eighth grade science test. Photosynthesis is when the sunlight is an engineer. What do they even do? Do they work on bridges? Some do. Do they build engines? Some do.

I don't know. The sad part is I am an engineer and I still have no idea what the fuck it is. Holy shit. An engineer? Yeah, that's pretty broad. Every time I think of like when someone's like, I'm an engineer, I'm like, oh, you work on trains. Why do I think that's what engineers do? I'm just like, oh, damn, all these guys are working on trains. Like there's fucking just trains everywhere. There's like three trains left in America. And

I'm like, damn, those must need some maintenance. Every time somebody says they're a fucking engineer, dude. All right, here we go. Yeah, I don't know what they do either. Louis sells Chicago with something you'll never understand no matter how many times it's explained to you. I will never understand income taxes. Goddamn. Yeah, I don't know I don't get taxes at all Pass that shit to

Pass that shit to my parents For the rest of my life You think I'm just gonna fuck around And learn how to do taxes one of these years? I'm gonna have to be down and out, bro TurboTax app on my phone I'll kill myself I've been giving my taxes

to my parents since i was like fucking i don't know what age is it 18 when you ever start making money i still don't know how to fill that shit out i'm like uh just one second i go outside and i'm like hey mom am i uh independent or dependent or do i circle one or zero And she's even like I don't really know What'd you do last time I'm like if Why would I call you If I knew I'll never know bro Taxes

The fact that it's even a thing It's just crazy to me Stuff that's so fucking far out Like that I'm like I have no idea Taxes Here we go do a couple more all right here we go step h 218 I'm feeling this gonna be funny what's something you'll

never understand no matter how many times it's explained to you something I will never understand is men who think they can have a say about women's bodies specifically abortion and just like anything that birth control just oh my god i get that literally no true like anytime uh anytime any of that like super women woman topic is brought up i'm like all right i'm out on this talk to you guys in 10 minutes i don't know hey ryan scully what's something we're getting too fucking throw me some bullshit ass answers like traffic i don't want to talk about abortion on this podcast unless.

Hey, Ryan Scully. Something you'll never understand no matter how many times it's explained to you. Literally taxes. Like, all right. No, I mean, let's do it. We already talked about it. How planes fly. Euchre.

Offsides in soccer. Offsides in soccer is so fried This isn't a voice message But somebody said offsides in soccer I don't get that either Like if the ball's going I'm gone bro Luckily I played soccer at a time When like the rules weren't that strict Or something but if there was like a break away

I was fucking gone. That's how I scored goals. I still brag about shit like that. Like I scored a goal every game when I played soccer when I was six. Want to come home with me? Oh shit, I was so stupid. Of course, bro.

When I played soccer, of course, I missed the fucking day when they explained all the positions of course no shit so I got there for the like I never miss a practice probably because some weird ass shit I had to do

and I missed the day where they went over the important shit so my sister who played soccer had to explain all the positions to me at home and you know how she fucking did it the most like home way ever she got a fucking fruit roll up and that's at the time where you could like pull and pick shit out of it and it was all dots and she got a fruit roll up and put like midfielder forward defense. Like I can just remember looking at like a plate of just like fucking dots of fruit, fruit roll up. And I was like, okay, all right. And none of that shit made sense. I want to be a goalie so bad still. There's so many things in my life. I

want to fucking redo, man. But it's not, it's nothing like important it's always like damn I wish I was a I wish I would have played fucking golf when I was a kid it's nothing like that would change my future I'm just like fuck I wish I was a goalie I'd be so lit because you wear the different jersey Christine go 102 what's something you'll never understand no matter how many times it's explained to you I love these voice messages bro I don't know if the music 101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010I'I'I' It doesn't matter how many times I've been taught or told the difference. They will consistently and always be interchangeable to me. Well, let's talk about this real quick. One's white and one's black. Dude, there's like, that's all. That's it. You don't have to really know much else. Like one, I don't, I barely know what Winston Churchill did, but God damn, I know he's white. Wilt Chamberlain.

I mean, just, I, damn, that's so funny. I get it though. I get it. But not when it's like that. I mix people up all the time. Owen Wilson and Matthew McConaughey. I thought they were the same motherfucker till like last week they're not the same guy they're the same guy same nose same like fucking everything bro

only uh I think uh Matthew McConaughey just sounds like he always just woke up. Yeah. I can be sexy like Matthew McConaughey, too. Just fucking wake me up at 8 a.m. and ask me to explain what a Buick means to me. I'll be like, it's a nice car. That thing drives well. that thing drives well and to me it's more than a vehicle

it's a standard Buick I swear he just woke up and we need Matthew McConaughey to film a fucking commercial alright let's do it at 7.55am the feel good dingo

don't know if I said that right here we go what's something you can't make sense of no matter how many times this is explained to you I honestly want to explain what confuses me about counting change backwards, but I'm confused about what confuses me. So... Counting change backwards? What do you mean? Counting change backwards.

99, 98. I don't know. I'm fucked up on that one. I think that's it. But god damn, that was good. Good sesh, baby. Oh my god. How a plane flies. Bitcoin.

Holy shit, Bitcoin dude, fuck off Bitcoin, dude, even like stocks when people are trying to explain stocks to me I'm like um what, I don't know I don't know, stocks even the app on the stocks

right when I got my first iPhone I saw the stocks app I was like, how do I delete this shit I'm overwhelmed with this already alright, let's go Right when I got my first iPhone, I saw the Stocks app. I was like, how do I delete this shit? I'm overwhelmed with this already. All right, let's go viral. Viral. But first, the Espresso podcast is brought to you by Wave 1 Media. If you want to start your own show, visit thewaveone.com. Let's go viral.

And viral, by the way, by the way, by the way, viral if you haven't been listening to the pod every day since shot one. Shot one, bro. I want to listen to that so bad. But viral is a segment where I look up The most popular hashtags on the internet And I just talk about each one

So let's go V-v-v-v-viral Hashtag Tips my grandparents gave me Dude both sets of my grandparents were super strict Like, I couldn't get away with shit And I felt so bad You ever piss your grandparents off?

You're like, oh my god, just fucking execute me I don't know, whatever religion we are Just execute Dude I had a grandpa, like my mom's on my mom's side grandpa that if you said like the first thing i remember like ever pulling up to my grandparents house like when i was a kid when i could like realize shit and like figure stuff out a little bit my mom before we went in the house was like if grandpa is around you do not and you can't hear him you do not say huh and i was

like i don't really say huh she's like you do not fucking say it no matter what now and i was like okay dude so like that was like the biggest deal around my fucking grandpa was like and i think i let it slip one time and i think he kind of fucking let it slip too Like he said something And I was like huh And I was like oh fuck And he looked at me and he was like You know when somebody gives you a warning without saying it That you just look them in the eyes and they're like

And then he just repeated what he said I can't remember what he said though He was like what do we want for dinner Or like You want coleslaw or mac and cheese? My grandpa owned a KFC. How fucking lit is that? He owned a KFC.

You know how good fucking chicken on the bone is when you're a kid? That's a treat, bro. Even right now, just a chicken leg. That's a special fucking treat when you're a kid, too. And my grandpa just happened to own a kfc own so every night was fucking chicken leg night i swear to god one time i ate i was so like we had chicken so much i didn't know how to i didn't know what to do with myself bro i ate the whole bone too i was like fuck it i don't know maybe it'll be good i literally ate the bone

it was like dusty and shit in my mouth i was like i don't know i just like feel like doing it i'll never forget that fuck me up for a minute you ever eat some shit like that and your body's like oh the fuck i used to do that with peanuts i used to eat the shell maybe that's why my stomach's a steel trap but um yeah my grandpa like if i said hunter and my grandpa he'd fuck you up i don't know what he would do like i can't remember getting in trouble with my grandpa but i think he just like there's no more worse feeling than your grandpa just being mad at you like he doesn't punish you he's just like you're scared to talk to him for like two days you're like wow he's like the chief of our family and i pissed him off fuck i feel like such an idiot when you fuck around with your grandpa all your cousins are like you're in trouble fuck dude

oh shit but then on the other hand like my my dad's mom, all she said ever was, holy shit. Like near the end there, bro. If I said anything to my grandma, she would follow up with what are we having for dinner? And I'd be like, you heard me. I know you fucking heard me. I'm make, I'm right next to you Stirring the sauce I'd be like what are we having for dinner And then like halfway through what are we having for dinner She'd be like spaghetti I'm like god damn it ma

If I had like a family reunion Both families came together It'd just be my grandma going Fuck Fuck How was the reunion Was it fun Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! How was the reunion? Was it fun?

Hashtag life advice from my inner child. What would I say to myself if I was a kid and I was a kid? What's some fucked up shit I did when I was a kid And I like hurt myself I remember one time my mom got so god damn mad at me Because I was so thirsty And Instead of going inside and getting a glass of water I just ripped open a fucking lunch box In the back seat

And I unscrewed a ice pack and just drank the water out of it dude no wonder my mom fucking had my ass dude I was just drinking like nitrogen and chemicals and shit it was so cold though bro I was like fuck it kill me this shit's fire yeah I guess don't drink, like, ice pack water. Don't suck on a cup. You ever do that shit when you were a kid? I swear to God, all I did was suck cups to my face when I was a kid. Just right over my fucking nose and on my mouth.

I'd have a ring on my face till Christmas, bro. Don't suck on a cup, you piece of shit. My mom. Hey, quit suck on a cup you piece of shit my mom hey what's sucking on that cup some shit dude I swear that ring was on my face I would suck that bitch so hard bro I just have a cup on my face for like five hours straight like what's up like when my mom wasn't home I just be old cup face low-key kind of like a dog cup face then my mom would be like take it off and it'd be like hard to take off because i sucked it on my face so hard she'd be like and i'd be like i'm trying she'd be like why'd you suck it to your face so hard and then

finally be like and i'd be like ah oh fuck in my face it would be like all red and shit and I just have this circle on my goddamn grill forever dude Right on my mug big circle looked like I had a kid goatee pencil line goatee I'd be like Just going to the store and shit with a cup ring on my face how we doing? Got samples? Damn, dude. I'm trying to read this screen. I look like I just realized that this whole thing's on YouTube now, and I'm trying to read this screen, and I'm reading it like...

That's the day I'm going to break down cry When I have to turn like the font size Of my phone all the way up That's so funny when somebody Dude you can read literally everything Did moms know that? It's always moms I think dads are a little more like aware I don't know how

But do moms know that the person behind them Can always read whatever they're saying to someone else At all times, bro. It's like crazy not to look. Like, I don't want to be rude, but I also, like, it's in my face. Your text conversation is fucking right here. And I'm like, um... Shit is so fucking big

Like bro If it needs to be that big You shouldn't be in public Hashtag Odd deodorant sense Odd deodorant sense Why does it take me so goddamn long Deodorant scents. Odd deodorant scents. Why does it take me so goddamn long to pick out deodorant no matter what?

I like going there with a game plan. I'm like, I'm getting the same kind. Like, I liked it. It's not like some girl told me one time. She's like, it's good to like switch up your scents. So your body doesn't get used to the deodorant or whatever and I'm like okay and I also heard it wasn't good to switch up your sense

cause like that's who you are some girl was like yo that's who you are like you don't wanna like switch your shit up but I'll fuck around and go into a grocery store and Oh fuck no way

But the thing is I like like 32 deodorants Like 32 flavors And I always end up getting like Axe chocolate from 8th grade I'm like whatever Didn't steer me wrong then Takes me so I'll be sitting on the ground With 42 deodorant

Like canisters around me Deodorant is so weird bro Let's do days Days of the week Days of the week Days of the week is a segment where Okay so every day you know how it's like National pizza day national donut day Oh my god you like see it on Instagram or something

Or like somebody will tweet it or somebody will just Bring in a bunch of donuts randomly and you're like What the fuck and they're like it's national donut day Well every day Has one of those days attached to it And sometimes like multiple Like damn, every day has one of those days attached to it. And sometimes, like, multiple. Like, damn near every day has, like, five national days

attached to it. So I just go through and, like, make fun of those low-key. So Wednesday. National Linguini Day. I can't even tell you. The most non-Italian man in the world. I can't even tell you the most non-Italian man in the world I can't even tell you what linguine is

oh fuck I hate linguine sounds like a cool last name though it's like that fat pasta ew bro who would ever eat that I'm a bitch when it comes to spaghetti. I'm like penne or nothing. Dude, I didn't know any of the Italian names for spaghetti or anything.

When we were at Fazoli's one time. My dad got so shitty. My dad's already on 10 in a drive-thru. He's like, what do you want? And I was like, fuck. He's like, hurry. Dude, people in drive-thrus are crazy like i swear the people uh like taking your order don't give a fuck

like just i know it's annoying to like take your time but like fuck bro i gotta get this shit right and like you know you're not the worst ones people that go through drive-thrus are probably like, um... Um... Um... Like, I always think of, like, that guy, and I'm like, I'm way, like, quicker than him. So shut up. But my dad would be on a million a drive-thru.

What do you want? Hurry! Oh, come on! One time we were at Fazoli's, and I was like, I don't know what they're called. And he's like, well, what is it? I was like the tubes with the, with the no lines. And he was like, holy shit. I don't even know like the technical word for that. I know Pene is like not it, but it is.

Is it like. Mastacholi or something? Dude, I didn't know any of the... I don't know any of those. Linguini Day. I hate that fat spaghetti. Angel hair too. It's like way too thin.

hair too. It's like way too, way too thin. National Tackle Kids Cancer Day. You ever seen that video of the Colts mascot just fucking kids up? That's gotta be one of the craziest things I've ever seen. I actually fuck with the Colts mascot. He like looks like he needs a haircut all the time, which I don't like. Actually, it's not bad. But he fucked three kids up. The mascots played the kids in football, and the Colts mascot was drilling people. Didn't give a fuck.

I was like, whoa, is he allowed to do that? I kind of thought he couldn't for a minute, but then I was like, wait a minute. This is like an organized game. So I kind of fuck with Blue colt's mascot named blue i swear i'd be a damn good mascot you know it too i would be a sick fucking mascot you know those mascots get paid bank like the 76ers mascot gets paid like heavy six figures i'm like damn bro just to be a monkey that sounds fucking awesome man what do you do imagine being a mascot. That would suck to tell people, though.

Yeah, what do you do for work? I'm Boomer. Oh, yeah, you're, like, not supposed to tell. You're a low-key superhero and you're a mascot. You're not supposed to say shit. I work for the Pacers. Next time somebody says they work for the Pacers or any NBA team, I'm going to be like, Here are the fucking...

Here are the fucking... You come down from the roof and fucking set the fireworks on me. Make him all nervous and shit like he's Batman. I know you. In front of a big group of people. Thursday. National Play-Doh Day.

I don't think I ever had Play-Doh growing up I do understand how people would eat that shit though Fuck Eating Play-Doh is exactly like eating like uh Cookie dough Holy fuck No shit cause it's dough I never made that connection

So I was like oh why is everybody eating Play-Doh I love how they had to make all the kids Like toys and shit edible Just cause kids just eat fucking everything I never ate glue That's weird That was like a whole movement when I was in grade school Kids eating glue

I was like you guys are fucked up Eat food It is like purple and sparkly though, so I get it. National Papaw Day. When people call their goddamn grandparents anything but grandma and grandpa. I'm only having kids so they can call my grandma and grandpa grandma and grandpa. You were talking to some kid in school. I to my papa's over the weekend i was like where you went to the diaper factory papa mama get out of here bro Like I was like

I thought that was so whack Like I called my Mom papa Imagine trying to like Fucking be hard and say that We're going to mom papas Like I called my grandparents that but like At school I just called them grandma and grandpa

Cause I'm not a bitch Like, I called my grandparents that, but, like, at school, I just called them Grandma and Grandpa. Because I'm not a bitch. Friday. National Professional House Cleaners Day. What I would do for somebody to just clean my house one goddamn time. That's what I want for my birthday. Somebody to clean my house. Just clean it. Just go! God, dude. The people who have nannies and shit? Fuck. Or

nannies. I mean, cleaning ladies? That's so legit. Dude, if you know if you're a cleaning lady, you're like looking through people's shit for sure. You know they look through people's shit. 100%. You know they look through people's shit 100% Looking under beds and cabinets, dude It's like what you do

It's what you do When nobody's home and you're in somebody else's house You look through all their shit It's rule number one You don't mind your own business You look through their shit Under the sink? What's under there, huh? What kind of problems do you have? look through all their shit. It's rule number one. You don't mind your own business. You look through their shit. Under the sink? What's under there, huh?

What kind of problems do you have? It's just like Rogaine. I'm like, oh. Me too. Saturday. Saturday. Responsible dog ownership day God damn bro Living above a Starbucks is dope But not It's only dope between like midnight and 6am

Dude I swear to god It's 7am every morning Dude dogs just go fucking wild bro because it's pup cup nation down there dogs slurping cups they all got cup face just like me when i was a kid dogs and whipped cream is serious dude it's up like he if you even gave a cat whipped cream it'd be like, no. There's so many dogs at a Starbucks downtown. It's just insane.

There's dog fights out there, bro. That's probably why all the homeless people post up at Starbucks. There's like literally dog fights. Shit, I would too if I didn't have any place to go. I'd be like, all right. Let's see who's going to win today Between these fluffy little bitches Dogs just like carrying girls around bro Most of the girls downtown And that have dogs

They don't know how to control them at all Those dogs will fucking run their asses It's so funny to watch I made a whole ass video about it Sunday It's so funny to watch. I made a whole ass video about it. Sunday. Talk like a pirate day. Ew.

Are you fucking getting me? National Butterscotch Pudding Day? That sounds good. Shit like that sounds... That's why grandparents have butterscotch candy on them all the time. When I was a kid, I'd be be like Butterscotch? What? Now I'm like butterscotch pudding? Sounds fucking good bro When I was a kid I'd be like

This tastes like a chair Butterscotch candies That shit's fire as shit Butterscotch ice creams That's some adult shit right shit Butterscotch ice creams That's some adult shit right there Butterscotch Alright That's it baby

Shot 176 Espresso Podcast With Ben Polizzi Thanks for listening Remember to subscribe on YouTube Gonna have some stuff popping for listening. Remember to subscribe on YouTube. Gonna have some stuff popping up this week. Remember to

join Patreon. There's some exclusive pods for the fam on there. Hop on, bro. Come on. Start the movement. Express movement. Remember to follow on TikTok, Instagram, Cameo, and Twitter. All at Benedict Polizzi.

Okay, y'all. I'll talk to you guys next week. I found... Winston Churchill, bro.