Espresso - dumb things you got fired for

Episode Date: May 12, 2022

on this episode Ben answers the Espresso Question of the week: what was the dumb thing that you got fired for (like almost getting arrested for credit card fraud) Derek talks about the time here stole a bunch of Baby Jesus' dolls while in an anti-christmas group, Ben says he is the most replaceable person in any job ever, and the boys get flashed by a topless dude outside the studio doing pushups

All right, shot to 10. Let's begin. There we go. Welcome to the Espresso podcast. I'm your host Ben Polizzi. This is Derek James right here. Follow me at LOLDerekJames on Instagram. Did you say it because I always mess it up? No, I was really proud to say it that time because it was the first time I remembered it. And right before I said it, I was like, I don't think it's it. No, it's it proud to say at that time. Cause it was the first time I remembered it. And right before I said it, I was like, I don't think it's it.

That was it. You're good. Cool. Yep. All right. So you already know, this is how we do it from now on the new pod. And we're just going to rip through these voice messages and the espresso

a quick, quick, quick question of the week. This week is what was the dumb thing that you got fired from your job for like for me i said uh i think i have a couple actually for me one day at work i think this is completely normal i applied for like eight jobs while i was at work on the work computer because i think it's a myth when people are like oh you did it on the work computer oh yeah I mean I didn't bring my laptop I still would have been

on their wife but they did find your resume like would you just leave your resume up on the browser no like I isn't it a thing like that there's somebody overseeing all the work computers or maybe this is just in my head I feel like at work there's a guy like in the basement like it looks like Bruce Wayne in the back cave with like 10,000 computer screens. He's just making sure people aren't watching

at your porn and shit at your busboy job. No, no, no. I'd like corporate job. No, I wasn't just at a restaurant. Yeah, you were just like like I minimize the restaurant software and I just like get on.

Yeah, I thought you were all where you put on chilies.com look for another serving job. I'm like, yeah, he had an Applebee's tab up, a Friday's tab up. I thought you were just like putting in mod sticks and then being like, yeah, work experience.

Indeed.com. Hey, did you bring those ketchup ramekins to table 52? No, sorry. I was applying at Friday's. But yeah, that's what i thought but they they were like you can't apply for jobs at work oh yeah but is that true like is there somebody like actively watching yeah like if it's a work computer they they can see in it but why were they i mean you gotta have a pretty big reason to like investigate somebody's search history at work

right what were you doing before that? Just nothing. No, but one time I actually got close to being like, okay, you know those ads at the bottom of a page that are super clickable? Yeah. I don't know how they do it, but it's very subliminal shit. And if you kind of glance at one, it almost looks like a vagina for two seconds. You're like, what was it? One time I forgot i was at work and i just clicked on one

thing and it was about sex robots and i was like well today's my last day but that was like in the back of my head i love how that gets you too you know you know it's like off limits you're like i was like i just i have to click this it was like a weird like thursday like we had the friday off type thing and i was like i'm just going crazy where was this at when i worked out when you're at liz yeah it was wild dude oh and also like we had this like thing where it was like job career thing where you just ask questions and stuff and i was like thank god i have so many questions and i didn't know anything about a 401k like i was like do you only have one at the job you're currently at like if i sign up for a 401k when i'm working on this place is it going to disappear like after and i i dude i i

didn't know who the ceo was of lids and i go how do you know i don't know i don't know anybody when i work anywhere yeah why would you know that yeah i don't know like everybody like i guess everybody else has like their pictures on flashcards before their first days. Oh no. I go up to the CEO and I go,

do I sign up for a 401k here if I don't, I'm not going to work here forever. And then I got laid off a week later and I was like, I think I,

yeah, I was like, it was either the porn robot or telling the CEO I didn't want to work there. Here's the funniest thing because we have a mutual acquaintance, a guy that you worked at.

When I first met you, he's like, you know, Ben Polizzi guy. You like, you know, like I was like, yeah,

he's just like, he's like, yeah, he did not last long. I was there for a minute though. Yeah. Three months is at a minute. No,

it was like, it was like almost like two and a half years. Oh, there you go. But the only thing, designing hats, the only thing i look forward to at that job was eating oatmeal at like 12 30 i think this needs to stop i was like i need to move on yeah you were bigger than so they made me move on i need to work so they made the decision for you all right what about you i never got fired from a job but i should have been fired for a job yeah all the jobs all the jobs that i had i used to work at this place that made um

you know that like orange cleaner that people come to your house oh that smells so good it smells so good so drink that oh yeah why yeah exactly they're like don't drink i used to put the labels on dude and there's all the things you shouldn't drink why are they the best looking drinks well yeah why does it look like sun kiss yeah you know windex i'm like why would not just put transmission fluid oh god what that green transmission fluid oh just literally anything laundry goo gone yeah exactly laundry detergent you know i actually did drink laundry detergent one time i mean tide pods are like literally the biggest craze in america like that looks like candy but like the liquid looks

it looks satisfying it does yeah it looks like a thick gatorade that's grape fierce oh yeah that you're doing your laundry right that's great fierce is so thick by the way yeah it's a it's thicker it's the thickest and then lemon lime's the thinnest if you want to get separate it's like yeah you're like separating like craft brews yeah that's how your scrape is like the that's how you know you're a college athlete i used to do that when i was in school uh i used to work with the football team and they would get real shitty if you made bad gatorade i know it's It's such like, dude, like orange again. How about the trainers at your high school or college that would hook it up and

make a mystery Gatorade every day and just like, they're like a wizard in the training room and you're like, oh my God. So you get on every athlete's good side, just purple and what's the frost one? The Glacier Freeze. Glacier Freeze, yeah.

Glacier Cherry. That's the white one. Wait Glacier Freeze. Glacier Freeze. Yeah. No, but okay. The only Glacier Cherry. That's the white one. Wait a minute. Oh, Glacier Cherry is white. Anything that's white. I can't do it. The Mystery Sucker.

The White Airhead. Oh, yeah, dude. Or if you get a pack of fruit snacks and one of them is white, you're like, oh, shit. I'm eating that last. Yeah. You had White Starburst for a while. It was the Mystery Sucker. Shut up. Oh, dude.

Yeah. But what was it every was it different it was different every time because sometimes you taste it you're like can't wait and it's like butterscotch you're like well yeah anyways yeah so i made that orange cleaner for uh like what that people would sell door to door but one day all i was the only employee i was in college i was the only employee and the other two employees were there they knew how to mix it together the orange orange spray? The orange spray. I had to mix it all together. Chemically make it.

I had to chemically make it. Like pull all the chemicals out of it, mix it together. It doesn't seem like college kids should be doing that. I should not have been doing that. They'll also let me drive a forklift. I'd burn like half my face off and become a villain in Gotham City. I didn't know how to do it. And then my boss came back and was like, hey, you got to make this. We need

to make 150 gallons or hundred fifty thousand gallons of this and i'm in charge oh my god i'm 19 this is a batman origin i'm 19 i fell into a vat of it and i laughed like this for oh dude that was like three thousand gallons i would do it was so much money believe just can you take me to work one day? Dude, it was, it was crazy. All right.

And, uh, so they give you like the, it's called a bat sheet and it has no, this is bad. I know the batch sheet. It's called a batch. Okay.

And they give you all the like ingredients that you didn't need to mix together. And I didn't know what any of them were. So I kind of had an idea. Like, I would be like, Oh, I saw him pour that in there one time.

So I'm just like, it's like, you got to siphon it off 150 000 150 000 gallons right so so i like and he's like you need to make this many gallons by the end of the night or by the end of the day and it was like 3 000 gallons all right because we had an order to fill and so i'm like mixing together but i don't know the ratios so So I'm just mixing shit in there. Like I made 3000 gallons of this. So I know that there's some kids just knocking on like some mom's door and be like, Hey,

you got a grease stain in your garage that needs to be cleaned. And then you know how they do the, the in front of the test. Yeah. He's just like, and he's just scrubbing it and it's not coming. It just burns the cement to the ground. Dude,

he's just sitting there just like, like sweating. Cause it's not coming out. It just burns the cement to the ground. Dude, he's just sitting there just like like sweating because it's not coming out. He's like, I swear it worked last time. Oh, dude, I used to put the labels on and like there was a warning and for like the bottles and I like cut them wrong and I didn't want to reprint them. This sounds crazy.

I don't understand. Letting college kids do anything. I had a job painting houses in college oh yeah dude college pro painters bro that's what it was called oh yeah college propane and like it was cheap so like people would be like oh yeah whatever i just need like my porch and back of my house painted and just me and my idiot friend would just pull up there like hung over his shit eat all our lunch before we even get there because we're so pissed we have to do the job go in there and it's just like just guessing how to paint stuff oh yeah you we have no idea i should have died 12 times i would like dude i get a ladder across the house because i was too lazy to like go down and reset my lap i guess climbing a ladder

painting gutters two stories up in like the richest neighborhood in Center Grove and now you're pretending to be a firefighter. Yeah, dude, like I bet you don't even know what primer is. We didn't have to use it or maybe we do. Dude, but it was just wild. The fact that I didn't die that summer. Yeah, so I feel bad i apologize whoever got those 3 000 gallons of orange cleaner and couldn't move product dude i just feel bad because you know

like it was just some kids oh yeah shitty summer job worst like why doesn't this shit work and you gotta be some other idiot made it he thinks like some he thinks bill nye the science guy made that stuff and it was just you know just me fuck. No, just me hungover. In the back of a hot warehouse just being like, I think this goes in there. It was stupid. Yeah, let's get into some of these voice messages. Okay. What is the dumb thing you did to get fired from your job from Anonymous?

So I used to work at Best Buy in college and um there was this reward program i'm not sure if you're familiar with it but we're not it's pretty much you know you buy stuff you get points and then you can use that points for like real product um so you know me thinking i'm smarter than the entire world i um, I start a conversation with every customer that doesn't have a reward point. And if they don't have it, I'm like, fuck it. I'm going to scan my card. So it was working great.

Oh, so you're just getting hella points. Right, but it's his name on it. In the span of about two years. Finally, one day I come to work, just about to do my regular thing. And there's a police officer and the manager. And he's like, yo, you want to come to work you know just about to do my regular thing and there's a police officer and the manager and he's like yo Elon

come to my office he didn't say yo Elon he's like Elon come to my office and I'm like yo Elon what's up not anonymous anymore

so apparently someone who was committing credit card credit card fraud you, purchased a TV. I then scanned my reward. Oh, shit. That always happens when you're trying to be sneaky. So it looked like I was the one committing credit card fraud with someone else's credit card.

Long story short, I confessed right there for a smaller crime, and I got fired on the spot. But, hey, it was better than going to jail for real shit. Oh, my God, dude. There used to be a kid in my...

Actually, two kids. A kid in my high school got arrested for credit card fraud. So he just found a credit card fraud. He just like... So he just found a credit card and started sweating? No, dude. He got a bunch of fake credit cards. His dad was rich, too. He just wasn't...

He was just doing it to do it. That's so stupid. Just ordered them offline. You have to know you're going to get caught with credit card shit. Wow. But then there was a kid. He was lame. He didn't do anything in high school.

But his one like cool thing was that he would just steal as much shit as he could from best buy oh my god he'd roll in there with a knife like a special knife and he would cut xbox controllers shut up out of the packages yeah and just steal his controllers are such a big steal dude and they posted his face up on best buy like most wanted off of michigan road wanted like it's an old country western have you seen this guy yeah it's like yeah i have my hat on like he's like they have you have you seen this kid i'm like yeah like a hundred percent yeah he was wow dude there's always the kid in your high school that's just like an expert mode thief yeah dude and it's

like do you steal anything from best buys? Best Buy is like top level. That's like going into Area 51 and like taking a picture and leaving. Best Buy is like high security theft, dude. Yeah, there's like displays of security cameras. Oh, there's a cop at the door usually. During Christmas for sure, dude. They keep that shit on lock.

That's because people get trampled in Best Buy. Dude, waiting outside of Best buy at 3 a.m uh 3 a.m and 2008 just a punch an old lady for a tv i feel like it's still kind of does it happen like that i don't know because you can order it off of best buy.com now that's why it's gonna be out of business soon but uh have you ever gotten caught like stealing anything that's probably the question next week no i haven't i should have i i made the paper i made the local paper because we stole a bunch of baby jesus's out of nativity scenes one time nativity scenes nativity i'm gonna die all right nativity scenes yeah so they're they're like, what are you a goat?

So now they just put in the paper, they're like anti-Christmas group steals, uh, baby Jesus. Yeah. Or not. It's like, it's a Christian group. Steals baby Jesus.

I was like, that's a, that's a funny one though. Anti-Christmas group, dude. It's like Christmas. Just a funny one, though. Anti-Christmas group, dude. Anti-Christmas group. Just a big poster with Santa on it with an X through it. Oh, no, no.

Walking down the street. That's hilarious. Shit, dude. Oh, that's funny. I was with somebody that stole. It was my roommate in college. And we went to Kohl's for some reason. And on the ride there, I was like, bro, you ever been to cole's because he's like from out of town yeah type of thing and he's like

no i got everybody steals stuff from there and he was like really and i was like it's just like the hot spot to steal stuff because like cole's is like everybody used to do it yeah is there are you is that just my like community no those are my friends i take that back yeah we used to steal i didn't steal but they used to steal tech decks, those little skateboards from Kohl's. I stole money from my mom to buy one of those. Did you? Oh yeah, I had to.

I was like, there's no, I just have to have one right now. My mom knew too. She's like, this motherfucker. But okay, I was with this dude. He steals a wallet from Kohl's and we're walking out and I'm like, damn. Nice. And two guys come running after us to take us into like a

Kohl's interrogation. Do you ever been interrogated in the back of a Kohl's? Dude, that's hard. I grew up in the streets, dude. What's the hardest thing that's ever happened? Did you have Kohl's cash? Tell me! That's pretty good good I take that back we stole

now we're just talking about shit we stole well in high school dude there's the same Kohl's cops are gonna come up to us after this podcast I'm actually kinda proud of this

in my hometown the it used to be Marsh used to have liquor out on the on the floor like just that's hard like how it normally is and then our high school all of us collectively stole enough liquor to where they had to move it behind the counter we used to do the same way this kid uh he was

like he was like five four all right and uh we had one of those drawstring backpacks. This is crazy. This is a movie scene. One dude would walk in front of him. He would be behind us because the security camera couldn't see him because he was so short. He was 11. You would just see a random hand pop out, grab a bottle, put it in the bag, and we'd keep

walking. He'd go like that, and we'd just walk out the door. How many times did that work oh it was how we've got booze all through high school until they moved it to the back it's kind of nobody ever got caught but then when they moved to the back did you try no because then you had to just steal loose beers and you guys did that oh yeah jesus christ just so many heinekens just the beer you didn't want yeah just like just so many warm Heineken's. We got so fucked up on O'Doul's last night, bro.

So many warm Heineken's. It's alcoholic free, I know. On somebody's back porch. You know, it's like, oh, you get the liquor, and then you're like, oh, where are we going to go? It's like, oh, let's go to Dave's back porch. Because his dad's out of town. We don't even like Dave.

Yeah, we got to utilize it. Nobody named Dave went to my high school. There's not a kid named David. It's all David. It's David, yeah. All right, let's keep going. All right, what's the next one? Dumb things you got fired for.

Okay, so I got the memo after or before finishing watching your video. So I might as well just repeat it so I guess you could save it for your podcast. So in 2013, I got fired from Whataburger for not serving with the ketchup tray. Although I told the customers I'd be right back as soon as I got the other orders out because we were hella, hella swamped. But they really fired me because they didn't want me there anymore. They were just looking for an excuse. Even though Texas is and at will state, this rule gives employers the right to fire you for no reason at all and the reason why I had no reason in quotations because technically yes they can fire

you for no reason but they still have to give a reason so they can say like oh we really want to fire you because we don't like you we don't want you here anymore but they will look for something to fire you over like they can look like if it wasn't want you here anymore but they will look for something to fire you over like they can look like if it wasn't about the ketchup tray it could have been about yeah we get it yeah yeah it could have been about like your shoes stalking things properly or or not you know or cussing a customer out knowing damn well i didn't cuss a customer out it could they could have just basically fabricated a whole story just to get my ass okay yeah okay hold on let me say something at the end oh sorry the anal like oh my god

and like texas is fun and all we got good people here and there but like texas is no fun when it comes to laws like it's really fucking anal down here just wanted to say i just want to say anal i will say this i will say this any restaurant or anybody who when i order like a burger and fries are you give me like a mountain of fries if you bring me one fucking ramekin of ketchup, all right? It's so like- I'm furious. Like I want to throw the meal away. It's ridiculous. Because you want ketchup. Because I want a bottle of ketchup.

Yeah, so much ketchup. I'm about to drown these French fries. I know. It just becomes fry soup. Dude, oh my God, man. Like one ramekin. That's like, what, three ounces? It's like two fry dips.

It's an eight ounce burger. And then you're looking like a psycho cleaning it out. Yeah, and then you're going to look weird at me when I use my pinky to clean the rest of the ketchup out. Get the fuck out of here. Have you ever had bad ketchup before? Because I was so excited to eat ketchup one time. I was like, yes!

It's finally time. Fucking pines 57 that shit down. It tasted like lipstick. Oh, man. And I really couldn't eat ketchup for like a year after that yeah it's disappointing yeah no i all ketchup is good in my eyes but all the ketchup bottles out on every table in every restaurant this much ketchup oh for sure can you re-up dude now this is where i don't think you're allowed to do this but there's you

ever seen like a real shitty restaurant the waitress just like siphoning ketchup from one bottle to the other just with a spoon up there's like there's a funnel they have a ketchup funnel oh god i'd like to be that funnel dude just keep going yeah dumb things you got fired for my buddy and i got caught bringing game cube to work oh as lifeguards. Where'd they play? In the big ass chair. Do pools have break room?

Dude, in the big ass chair. Sunscreen on their noses. Fuck, dude. Three people drown. They're like, damn, dog. Dude, they did adult swim. Your pool do that where they blow the whistle every hour.

Just when shit was getting good, it was adult swim. It's like my mom doesn't even care. No, no adults were ever in there. There's out there an hour later. Adult swim's gone on for an hour because they're out there playing Super Smash Brothers. During adult swim. Yo, bro, Jerry, come on the break room. Let's play fucking Donkey Kong. Adult Swim's gone on for an hour because they're out there playing Super Smash Brothers. During Adult Swim. Yo, bro, Jerry, come on the break room.

Let's play fucking Donkey Kong. Dude, it's funnier than SSX Tricky Dog. That's PlayStation 2, bro. Or is it GameCube? Oh, it came out on the Cube. GameCube, very underrated. Most underrated gaming system of all time. I agree. Most underrated gaming system of all time. Dreamcast.

Do people remember how sick oh dude i remember playing that at my friend's house and i was like this is uh like next gen it was like xbox before xbox dude my sister's deadbeat boyfriend had a gamecube and it was like dreamcast all right sorry i dreamcast and uh it was i like i would like lobby for him with my parents. I'd be like, no, he's a good dude. He's a good guy. He's a good guy.

He also got 2K last night. So dude, everybody's older sister dated like a loser, but did like bring some life to that. I still, I think he's dead and I still have his PS1. I can see in my room right now. No, do you still play it? My sister dated some loser boyfriend. He'd always play football with me, always bring over munchies,

and he brought the and one mixtape over to my house and showed me. I was like, I love him. Your sister's worst boyfriend is your best friend. That's why they break up with a hundred percent. You remind me of my stupid little fucking brother.

Like he stole thirty thousand dollars for me. Yes, but he brought me fucking munchies munchies. No one ever heard of. Yeah, no, yeah, this have sun chips and cheetos and peanuts cheddar flavor and he made a tetherball pole and put in our backyard backyard i was like jesus

this guy is this guy is jesus yeah where have you been my entire life let's keep going yeah dumb things you got fired for hey ben it's heyo mayo main you want to hear about a time i got fired huh i got you bro so back in like 2015 i used to work at a shoe store in the mall it wasn't a very popular one and like nobody really wanted to work. Oh, fuck it. It was called The Walking Company. And nobody wanted to work there. So I quickly worked my way up to become a manager.

And it all went to shit, bro. As soon as I became a manager and learned how to give people discounts, I would give my friends pairs of shoes for like 14 bucks. Bro, I'd just be slinging like $10 pair. And there were like 120, $150 pairs of shoes for like 14 bucks bro i'd just be slinging like 10 pair and there were like 120 150 pairs of shoes uggs bro i'd be giving people fucking senior teacher veteran discount i'd give them a pair of shoes for a fucking handshake it was bad and they were like uh dude you're fucking fired and i was like yeah, yeah, that probably makes sense. I guess I've got some shoes.

All right, bro. Love this show. Keep up the good work. Love you, pal. Wait, I didn't get that. I didn't get that either. Oh, issues. Shoes. Yeah, he's got issues. Oh my god. Wow.

A Johnson joke that went over all our heads. That's the way he delivered it it the first one to ever go over johnson's head johnson and johnson but uh dude i love people who's buying shoes from the walking company like you can give a mean discount out at the walking company but they're like orthopedics yeah thanks dog just give me some new balance six when your friends got the hook up at the worst shoe store ever sick bro thanks for the new chelsea boot thanks for the new wilson's dude make sure i play tennis later this week oh my god uh i do like people that know they're gonna get fired but they just ride it out as long as i can uh yeah they'll hook your boys up like i had a buddy in high school

that knew he's gonna get fired uh mcdonald's but if you rolled in there at the right time he'd give you like five mcjiggins that's sick i know it's so good yo i had a connect i had a friend that worked at dairy clean yeah and that we went in that place one time when he worked and he was just not saying no he was one of my friends can i have the biggest cup with, he got a blizzard suicide, bro. Dude, that's insane. And it was just like, yeah, whatever. Like that you just down for it. Dude, when I was in college, there's a subway by my dorm. You didn't get a sub suicide, did you?

Dude, no. Every fucking vegetable and meat. You'd live for one hour after that. Oh yeah, dude, you'd flatline. Didn't you say you'd get two subs or something? Oh yeah, no, I used to get like a cold cut and the tuna so you could get two bags of chips and not seem

like a fucking I told you that confidence bro. Yes, I will eat a second sandwich so it doesn't look so bad that I'm having a second bag of chips. No, I used to roll into this at like three in the morning because it's open 24 hours. We'd be out drinking and there's a guy behind there his name was derrick and he found out my name was derrick

so he was like dog i got you he's like what you want and i was like oh steak uh and chipotle he's like oh put banana peppers on that and he's like oh you want the banana peppers toasted with it shut up yes that's an artist yeah and then he would be like i'll cut the line he'd be like ah it's on me man and we just roll out so i rolled in there like four in the morning one time i was like oh and derrick wasn't there and i was like where'd derrick go he's like uh yeah they fired him for giving out free sandwiches i was like ah shit and for toasting banana peppers that's against subway policy even i know that damn dude yeah miss that hook up derrick wherever you are miss you man, man. What a guy. What a guy. That's the first time the name Derek has ever gotten you a perk for anything.

Yeah. Especially when somebody has the same name as you. Usually you don't like each other. We spelled it differently. Oh, wow. That's way different. Everybody named Ben I knew growing up, I was like, piece of shit. There can only be one Ben.

All right, bro. I'll fucking kill you. All right, let's keep going. Dumb things you got fired for. Well, I worked at a country club, and they were having a wedding there, and my job was to take the bride in a golf cart down to the reception area while I was driving too fast. Mind you, I was 16, and I flung her out of the cart and ruined her dress. So I got fired.

Dude. Oh shit. It's like you ever worked at golf outing when you were in high school or, and you got to do the beer cart. No, it's a, you serve beer in high school. I just like there was, okay. So like there was just like a golf outing. Right.

And yeah, my dad was like, all right, well you can't golf in this just find something to do so like they were like all right well you'll just ride on the beer cart with the girl and just drive the beer cart around all right sounds like it was great but yeah they're just like all right here you go here are the keys to the fucking beer golf golf everything about golf is cool except for actually doing it. Oh yeah, everything leading up to it. Yeah, I had to go to a golf outing this past. I don't know when the hell it was. I don't know the months, but I didn't play one hole and I just

drove the golf cart around the hole and hung out with like the golf club like moms and drink like 720 sprites hot dogs at the clubhouse. I know I was like this is great. Why are you guys playing? It's like it's a nice day. People love it here. Like what?

So what's the big deal? Why are you guys doing the boring part? Right? I don't know. Yeah. Sorry, I forgot. I thought that was just hey, Mayo Mayo and a different voice to be honest. Are you serious?

Yeah, I did. Holy shit. I was like, hey, Mayo Mayo is just doing a different voice. Let's keep going. Dumb things you got fired for. I was probably fired for one of the dumbest things ever. I was 23 and I worked at this used furniture store. And we didn't clean up anything.

Everything was bought and sold as is. So I delivered a bunk bed to a couple. And I set up the bunk bed. And I brought the husband in for an inspection. He was like, looks great, buddy. Gave me a tip and I set up the bunk bed and I brought the husband in for an inspection. He was like, looks great, buddy. Gave me a tip and I left. But his wife came home and she complained that the bed slats were dirty. So she made a complaint to the store. So when I got back to the store, my boss like cussed me out in the parking lot, fired me because the bed slats were dirty. Like no shit, they're dirty. They're bed slats.

Used bed slats. Oh, yeah. We didn't even have cleaning supplies on the truck. It wasn't our policy. Oh, he just hated you, Doug. Bed slats. I took him to court. Shut up.

Who cares that much? I just milked unemployment for like six months on end. No way. Dude, what an upswing think i've never heard the word bed slats so many damn times that's yeah some bed slats bed slats bed slats wait what are they though i don't know they're like something that holds a bunch of the wood panels that your bed stays on but i don't think anybody had those beds. They're the thing that break when you when you jump on your bed. Oh, that's so funny, dude. You

ever jump on your eyes. You hear that you're like, oh, you've never been in more trouble in your life and then your mom's cleaning one day and she lives. Why are they dirty? Jesus Christ. No, that's funny. He took him to court in mill and like got a bunch of money

for it. That's some shit. I'd never do. No, it's not worth You took him to court and got a bunch of money for it? That's some shit I'd never do. No, it's not worth it. I could never take anybody to court and go through with it. No, just eat a Subway sandwich and take a nap. You're good. Move on. All right, let's keep going. Dumb things you got fired for.

Murder. Part of me feels like he wasn't kidding, no can you play that again that should go at the beginning of like a rap song or something i was digging into his profile to see what's up what is it is it zero following one more time zero followers no it looks actually pretty uh upbeat yeah he's got joe Burrow connoisseur and is pretty normal. Murder. I don't know, bro. That's kind of scary.

If I heard that in the middle of the night, I'd be like, damn. I'd be like, I'm going to turn the closet light on. If I heard Joe Burrow connoisseur, I'd die too. In the middle of the night, I'd be more scared. Just more. Please murder me. Joe Burrow connoisseur. In the middle of the night, I'd be more scared. Just more, please murder me. Joe Burrow connoisseur. Let's get going.

Dumb things you got fired for. I got a talking to from my manager for leaving at 4.59 as opposed to 5 o'clock when I get into the office every day at seven 30, as opposed to nine too many numbers. Now management didn't like that and, uh, slapped me on the wrist. And I said, later, I love it. Later. I wouldn't ever be able to quit a job like that. See ya.

Your loss. I'd be like, sorry, bye. Good luck getting the password. Yeah, like you were any good at your job anyway. Every time I have a job, I'm like, man, I suck. Oh, yeah. The most replaceable person. Oh, for sure.

You got to go in just knowing that you suck. Dude, just assuming that you suck and that you're replaceable with all the fear. And then you're just like, all right. And then you get promoted. Shut up. I love this, dude. Okay, we do a podcast. Somebody get their phone out.

Oh, Jesus. Dude, you can't just flex in front of the podcast. You have to take your pants off. Oh, wow. I I love you more bro. You look good. That's good. Yeah. Is that LA fitness body body by YMCA? No, that's test. You know how to flex bro. That's TRT right there. What's up? Trin? Trinosaurus Rex. Tyrannosaurus Rex hell yeah alright we gotta keep doing this sorry alright

dumb things you got fired for I showed up to work drunk and my boss noticed and sent me to get a breathalyzer done I came back with a.36 blood alcohol content and got fired on the spot. It's like, wait, he's like, yeah,

I failed to mention that I drive an ambulance. And I drink on the way to an emergency, on the way to a heart attack. What was it? What did he blow again? 0.36. Is that a lot? 0.36 mafia. When he walked into work. to a heart attack. What was it? What did he blow again? Point three six. Is that a lot? Three six mafia

when he walked into work mafia. Okay. Yeah, let's keep going. Dumb things you got fired for. Sorry, I was looking at a blood alcohol level. Point.

Oh, yeah. Point. Yeah. Point ten to point twelve. And he was point three. He was point three six. I never know like illegal. Yeah,.10 to.12. And he was.36. And he was.36. I never know, like, what... Yeah, that's like complete loss of function and everything.

But he made it into work, which is also impressive. .08 is like two beers. Yeah, two beers. Isn't it funny how they just let you have two beers? You know? That's cool. But nothing after two. Nothing after after two but you can literally drive after two beers dude two beers yeah i know two beers and i'm like whoa i'll say anything

and you can drive a car and they're just like yeah that's cool as long as you don't have another one yeah just literally just there should be a breath there should be a breathalyzer not for driving cars, just to stop talking. Yeah, shut up, meter. Yeah. All right, you're.06. Shut the fuck up. Oh, yeah, it's time, dude.

Yeah. You're going to start admitting things. Oh, God. People are going to know who you actually are. All right. Dumb things you got fired for. going to know who you actually are. Alright. Dumb things you got fired for. So I used to work at a bingo hall and the lady was a miserable

non-dating single 55 year old woman who needed sex in her life because she would always talk about sex because she would work with a bunch of younger people who were getting laid 24-7 and she wasn't. So she pissed me off one day severely

to the point where I went on Facebook and I kind of called her out, called her a fat bitch. And she approached me about my status the next day. I got fired, ended up getting a job the next day anyway to rub it in her face, kind of motivated me to get a job because she thought she like owned me i got another job long story short and i got to call her a fat bitch happy monday cheers sounds like she's an oh 69 it's a bingo hall oh 69 yeah i didn't listen to a word of that voice message.

I'm not gonna lie. Yeah, because there's a kid with a shirt off doing push-ups in front of you. I know. Damn. I mean, I've never been this nervous in my life. You're sweating. What is happening? So crazy. I've never been this red in my life.

You're so sweaty. don't i couldn't stop staring i can't like on no home yeah yeah no homo but like i can't what's up boy dude it's a monday and you have your shirt out bro why does your buddy's car have a spoiler on it like you're from fast and furious oh my god okay diet vin diesel okay let's keep going how many are left three all right perfect let's do it dumb things you got fired for all right so the dumb thing i got fired um, my first ever job was at a grocery store, got it when I was in high school. Um, rather than going back and working during the summer and just

kind of taking a leave of absence, I had to go back to that same store once every six weeks while I was in college so I could retain my employment. I did that for about a year and a half. And then there was one weekend I wasn't able to do that so they just kind of fucking fired me but the crazy thing was the weekend I was supposed to go back they got robbed

so guess you could say I really dodged a bullet with that one oh god I love it, dude. The effort. The committing to the bit. I didn't tune into that one

until he said somebody got shot or robbed. Did they even say that? What have I learned about this podcast that people just don't know how to tell stories? It's funny, though. It is. Can you run that back? I kind of want to hear it.

Alright, so the dumb. I mean, yeah. Can you run that back? I kind of want to hear it. All right. So the dumb thing I got fired for. Good setup. My first ever job was at a grocery store. Got it when I was in high school. Rather than going back and working during the summer and just kind of taking a leave of absence, I had to go back to that same store once every six weeks

while I was in college. Why can't I pay for that too? He lost me at leave. I know. I't I pay attention? He lost me at leave. I can't do it. He lost me at leave. I can have this memorized. After the first five seconds, my brain just automatically turns up.

I can't pay attention to this guy. Leave of absence. I just can't sit through that one. I'm sorry, man. I get it. I'm sorry you got fired from Marsh or whatever. I didn't remember. You know when you read a page and you're like, what the fuck did that say?

That's that. I have nothing in my brain now. I don't know what happens. Alright, two more. What's a dumb thing you got fired for? So I've only ever been fired once but it was a pretty epic way to go out so i was a video editor last summer and i had this insanely crazy boss so we got into sort of

like an argument about how something is done and i literally all i said was that's not how you do it and then he slapped me in the back of the head, threatened to sue me, and then fired my ass. And I walked out of there happier than I've ever been in my life. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. When you... You ever been let go or quit a job and been sad? Has that ever been the thing? No, never.

It's always like, thank God. I've never quit a job and been like, I wish I hadn't have done that. I know. or you get fired you're like fuck yeah you did yeah dude i got fired on my birthday and i was like yes from what job from lindsay i worked at the city of carmel can you imagine me wearing like a like a tie and a shirt every day like walking around the mayor of Carmel, like doing stuff for the city, like in a real building.

Oh no. I was the biggest idiot. Just pit stains. I was so sweaty. You think I'm sweaty now? Just so sweaty. My back during work was just... Just like I laid on a wet bench.

Oh my God. Just lean up against a damp car. The lady just goes goes i don't think you're that good of a fit and i was like i couldn't agree more this is dude and i'd work out and then go there for work and i'd put all like the clothes i wore when i work out on top of my car the whole day so it didn't make my car smell and they're looking at the window and they're like who keeps putting clothes and towels on top of their car and I was like as you're looking up new jobs on the computer

indeed apple bees bus boy. All right, last one. That's it. Oh damn. This is insane. This is why I'm trying not to i'm trying to focus bro but there's like a party happening outside of the studio and i in a dodge neon yes hey rev that thing up vroom vroom there you go i wish you would have hit the car that thing got a turbo uh Let's get out of here. Shot 210. Benedict Polizzi, Derek James. Remember to follow on Patreon for an extra episode every single week.

Love you guys. Thanks for the comments, the shares. Remember to rate, review, tell the homies, and tell the tings. But okay. Talk to you guys next week.