Espresso - everyday super power

Episode Date: May 20, 2021

AYO ESPRESSHOES! on this shot Ben dives into the Fam's everyday super powers (ˡⁱᵏᵉ ᶠˡᵉˣⁱⁿᵍ ʸᵒᵘʳ ᵃᵇˢ ¹⁰⁰% ᵒᶠ ᵗʰᵉ ᵈᵃʸ) same, whoops. He talks about his colts cheerleading audition, dropping the bread during communion at church and why the vsexiest thing in the world is shuffling cards. Ben reveals is 100% honest Mount Rushmore of bands, realizes that if your dad didn't listen to Bare Naked Ladies growing up he isn't your dad, goes through the endangered species list and talks about how drinking games will eventually send him to hell, then he goes  #ViViViViral and does #DaysOfTheWeek but you already knew that 😎 𝘿𝙈 𝙤𝙧 𝙏𝙬𝙚𝙚𝙩 𝘼𝙉𝙔 𝙦𝙪𝙚𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝘽𝙚𝙣 𝙩𝙤 𝙖𝙣𝙨𝙬𝙚𝙧 𝙤𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙥𝙤𝙙 ! (@benedictpolizzi) →→→ 𝗗𝗼𝗻'𝘁 𝗙𝗼𝗿𝗴𝗲𝘁 𝗧𝗼 𝗥𝗮𝘁𝗲 & 𝗥𝗲𝘃𝗶𝗲𝘄! 𝗦𝗲𝗻𝗱 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗵𝗼𝗺𝗶𝗲 𝗮 𝗖𝗮𝗺𝗲𝗼 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗕𝗲𝗻!: https://v.cameo.com/E48BXekQ29 𝗧𝗶𝗸𝗧𝗼𝗸: https://www.tiktok.com/@benedictpolizzi?source=h5_m 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗧𝘂𝗯𝗲: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXRwNZpU67AK24r5QGfIfCw 𝗜𝗻𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗺: https://www.instagram.com/benedictpolizzi/ 𝗧𝘄𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿: https://twitter.com/benedictpolizzi

The Espresso Podcast is brought to you by Wave 1 Media. If you want to start your own show, visit thewave1.com. I don't know why I gotta whisper that every goddamn time. Show 159. I'm the best ever. There's never been anybody as good as me. I'm Sonny Liston. I'm Jack Dizzy. There's no one like me. I'm from Nashville. There's no one that can match me. Dude, imagine having Jack Dizzy. There's no one like me. I'm from Nairclaw. There's no one that can match me. Dude, imagine having that much confidence.

I'm the best ever. There's never been anybody as good as me. I'm Sonny Liston. I'm Jack Dizzy. There's no one like me. I'm from Nairclaw. There's no one that can match me. Meanwhile, my frozen pizza's in the oven.

I'm the best ever. There's never been anybody as good as me. I'm Sonny Liston. I'm Jack Dizzy. There's no one like me. I'm from Nairclaw. He's the best ever. There's never been anybody who's worse. I'm Sonny Liston. I'm Jack Dizzy. There's no one like me. I'm from Naircourt. He's the best frozen pizza cooker in the world. Show up if you know.

Yeah. I'm Benny P. Yeah. That P short for Benny Pizza First I preheat the oven 350 Then I slide that bitch in, make it crispy Yeah, yeah, put some pepperonis on top Let it get hot, check it like 47 times

Yeah, it's not ready Say my name three times, what? Ed, Edd n Eddy, yeah Then I might just broil it, what? Make the top extra crispy I don't care if I burn it, it was only $3.50 Not the preheat but the price Give give me a cup of sprite with some ice pizza night but don't care what you say i'll have it every day cheese on top maybe stuffed crust i don't know but i'm about to bust. God damn it. Has there been one podcast where he hasn't made a sex noise?

Oh. No, because it's a lifestyle. Shop 159. What's up? Espresso Podcast. I'm your host, Ben Polizzi. Remember to follow on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok. Cameo. All that Ben Polizzi. Remember to follow on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok. Cameo, all at Benedict Polizzi.

And yes, if you're wondering, yes, it's late night suppress. Dude, oh my God. First of all, I got called off of work today. I was like, oh my God, I need to record the podcast. I'm going to need to record the podcast. I'm going to need a podcast. I'm going to need to get rid of the pot. You know, when you're freaking out and you like underestimate the time you need to like do like 15 things.

You're like, Oh, I can get 15 things done that take like four days and two hours. I do that every single time. I'm like, I'm good. I'm good. Then I have to go to work and I'm like,

all right, I got half of one thing done. And so I was doing today and I was like, you got to record the podcast. Oh my God, I got to record one thing done That's what I was doing today And I was like I gotta record the podcast Oh my god I gotta record the podcast When am I gonna record the podcast And we got to work Worked for like two hours

And then the entire basement flooded And they're like you guys can just close out your tables And go home And then this Every time something like that happens This plays in my head When anything is like canceled or you have to go home something you don't want to do and then it actually falls through and You're like this plays in my head through and you're like this place in my head going going i'm gonna wait

while water's pouring into the basement at my job me holding hands with all my friends that work there hey guys you're gonna have to uh close out your tables and head home for the night our manager says that in my head. But this isn't bringing them down I'll just make tips Then clock out for the night Yeah, that was me. That was me an hour ago. Dude, that feeling. Anytime. Literally anytime anything happens.

You changed my whole life Dude, that feeling. Anytime. Literally anytime anything happens. They make you the wrong drink at Starbucks and so they end up giving you two. I'm fucked up that I could do this for 50 minutes and I usually do. When there's samples in Meyer when you're at Dick's Sporting Goods and you're in the basketball hoop section in one of the basketball hoops doesn't have the plastic cover over the rim so you can like shoot the balls in it and shit it's seriously like that though and when a dog puts just his head on your thigh Chained my whole life. Oh. I used to be like, I hate when dogs fucking lick me.

Dude, I let Joey's dog lick the side of my face for 25 minutes yesterday. Seriously, right when he started. Chained my whole life. When you get around a dog that's like kind of big and you can smack its ribs Why is that so dude if I can't smack your dog's ribs, I don't want to be around it right when I see a dog Hey buddy And they fucking love it. You could tackle a fucking dog and they'd be like, I love you. You changed my whole life.

When a cat lays on you. You changed my whole life. When Mark McGuire hits his fucking 60th home run. You changed my whole life. Oh. All right. Holy fuck. Seriously, though. All right. all right holy fuck seriously though all right so i gotta let's uh let's go through some shit i uh i got an email from the colts last weekend maybe and they're like hey uh you want to be a judge in our cheerleading competition our auditions for like the 2021 colts cheerleaders and i was like yeah what the fuck they're like we'll give you uh

i don't even think they said they'd give me anything but i was just like bet i was like where is it if it's like in fucking avon or something probably not but they're like it's on the circle i was like pulled up watch 48 girls do solo dances some of them were crazy like there were like 10 solo dances out of the 48 that i was like whoa i was like looking around at all the judges and I was like, is that? I mean, it was different, which is dope. But I was like, that's like me in my living room when I was in fifth grade. Just go like something.

They were off the wall. I was like, I don't know if she knows this is for the Colts. That's my voice inside my head when I'm nervous. I don't know if she knows if this dance is for the cults or not And then I just make out with the first person I see Some guy judge sitting next to me The hell, bro

Sorry, I got nervous Imagine that every time you get nervous You just make out with the first person you see HAHAHAHAHA Before a multiplication test in third grade MMMMMM What the fuck? Oh my god, I'm so sorry, I just don't know my eights

HAHAHAHAHA Tsk Oh shit, I'm nervous I'm nervous right now You changed my whole life Shit, I'm nervous. I'm nervous right now. When I'm serving a table at the restaurant I work at. Hey, what would you guys... Oh, sorry, I got nervous. Yeah, but...

That was good. Okay, yeah. And then I'd rate it. You give them a score, five, three, or one. And they had like intro videos too. So it was cool to like rate those. Some girls were just like, I'm a dog mom. I love to dance.

It's my passion. And I have a dog. And I graduated from Butler. And I have a dog. Go Colts. I was like, you're moving on, Emily. But then at the end of the competition, they were like, hey, we're doing this live tomorrow. We're going to do the whole event again live.

Like we already have the scores from today, but tomorrow we're doing the whole thing again live. Let me repeat that one more time. I don't know why. But they did the whole thing live and they're like, hey, we have five minutes to fill at the end. Do you want to do something? And I was like, I don't know. Oh my God. What would I even do? But of course I was like, yeah, sure. Before even thinking of anything before even knowing if I had anything to do that night, I was like, definitely. And then, uh, they're like, okay, how about you just try out so i was like oh shit i was like oh that won't be bad i can just like dance i've like done some fucked up shit like on stage like danced

in front of dude i was at this comedy show one time for uh at iepy they had like a fraternity event and they were like just a bunch of like college dudes in the crowd it was just like a college show it was dope and like like three comedians went that were like college kids and then like they had like little things in between like one kid like was a dj or something i don't know and then another kid like just went out there and started dancing for like a minute. He was just doing like some like dance that was like kind of like hip hoppy and like kind of cool. Like, and the crowd was like, yeah.

And I went on after him and I just danced exactly like him for like two minutes. So I was like, okay, I've danced on stage in front of a bunch of people at a theater before for like way too long. I was just like sliding around my knees and shit so i was like i guess i could just do this and uh i thought i was just gonna have to do it for

like 30 seconds because it was like a real audience of like dance critics with like dance judges in the audience and they're thinking i can like really kind of dance so i was like fuck so i was like 30 seconds right because all the actual cheerleaders got 30 seconds. So like, you're giving me 30 seconds. They're like, oh, no, yours is a minute. I was like, I don't know if I want to do this anymore. Okay, that sounds good. And it was to a song I've never heard in my entire life. Couldn't practice it.

So I was like, all right. Like a cheerleader from a couple years ago introduced me, and I went through phase one, phase two, phase three of Colts dances, and they're like, and now you have to try out for the actual cheerleading squad. And I was like, let's just get this over with. Okay, let's do it. So I just started spazzing, dude. Just like TikTok dance style. Ass shaking, gyrating.

I blacked out for 45 seconds. And then I was like, oh yeah. It was dying down. The crowd was probably like, what the fuck is this guy doing? I turned around, ripped off my shirt and had a Colts sports bra underneath. And I was like. Thank fucking God. around ripped off my shirt and had a colt sports bra underneath and i was like and then i did that weird dance walk off stage dude every single like solo girl cheerleader dance like it was so funny to me they would do their whole solo let's do it

pop it pop it, hips, hips. And then it'd be like, and the crowd would be like, and then they'd do this awkward ass dance walk off the stage. They can't do a hustle off the stage, like a jog. They have to dance off the stage and smile. And it was so crazy.

I had no clue it was a thing. And the first like three girls that did, I was like, like as a judge and the other people in the crowd are probably like, who is that guy? Sir, we're going to have to ask you Get on stage and dance too. Hips, titties, ass, jiggles. So, yep, I'm a Colts cheerleader. First male cheerleader in the NFL, me. It's me. I did it. Dad, told you I'd make it to the NFL. Alright, anyway. The question of the week queen queen what's your everyday superpower like something that's not worth a shit but you're really good at

i said it on my story like i can i can cook a mean frozen pizza like it's just I don't know why but like I'll go up against anybody and like and this is fucked up though the pizza that I posted on Instagram did that look disgusting this is my whole life being like 100 positive that I'm that I did something great and then uh a day later being like, but was that fucked up? Because who knows? All right, let's get to the question though. What's your everyday superpower? Here we go.

Jay Hays Metzger. What's your everyday superpower? Catching stuff. Like the gold. Oh, God. Nothing within 50 feet of me falls down. I'm on that every time. Damn, bro.

That's a claim. He probably dropped fucking 19 things after he DM'd me that. I hate when people know that you, like, played sports and you drop anything around them. I thought you played fucking football. I thought you were a part of Wonder. I thought you played fucking... Or, like, they know you played sports and you try to, like, shoot a paper ball into the trash can you missed. I thought you played fucking basketball. try to like shoot a paper ball into the trash can you miss I thought you played fucking basketball

I thought you were a fucking athlete Jesus Christ dude Dude I had a day where I couldn't catch anything and I remember it like distinctly Like we were going up to the front of the class and stapling our papers one day in fifth grade And I dropped the fuck out of the stapler and broke it and I I was like, Oh shit, my bad. I don't usually do that at all. Like it was so loud and people were like, Oh, I thought you were, I thought you were. And I was like, damn. And then we had church that same day and I dropped the fucking Eucharist or the host, the bread. I dropped it on the ground and I was like oh fuck and in that like no one

ever tells you what to do at that point in time so i was like um and i just fucking picked it up real quick and put it in my mouth and ate it and did the sign of the cross and went back to my pew like i don't know if that was okay or if i'm gonna burn in hell like i didn't know if there was some like weird like catholic rule about that shit And then somebody told me like yeah if that happens You just uh You just give it back to father And he gives you a new fucking Uh host

For eucharist And I was like how would I ever know that And somebody else was like yeah when the host Touches the floor In church it means the devil kisses it. I'm like, God damn it. Okay.

I guess I'm Satan. J jam messel. Seven Oh seven. What's your everyday superpower? My superpower is I can laugh at anything, even shit that isn't funny. Same here. So people either think I'm crazy and leave me alone or they think i'm into what they're

saying i want to get engaged to conversation either way i can control the mind with my laugh that's kind of fucking weird that you want to do it because of that but i just think a lot of shit is funny i do the same thing like i'll laugh at a lot of stuff but like it's just a lot of stuff is funny to me. When people are like, that's not funny. Even the stuff that's like, that's not funny. I'm still like, I can kind of see where it was funny, and then it wasn't funny, though. I'm going to laugh.

You know what I mean? It wasn't funny, but I know what they were trying to do. Funny. You don't know what I'm talking about. Whatever, bitch. Here we go. The Mr. Lind. What's your everyday superpower?

Guessing travel times between cities I've never been to. Ah, I suck at that. Because I don't know anything about time zones. I fucking hate time zones, man. Like, ah. I'll fuck up a time change. I'll drive to Chicago 15 days straight and forget there's a time change. Be there at seven.

Hey, you missed it. EM Celery. What's your everyday superpower? Speaking to animals Really? I'd like to Fucking see that No way. I always used to try to talk to animals When I was a kid like bunnies and shit

City bunny I love you boy Like I talk to city bunny sometimes I see him and I'm like yo bro come on Like I'm not gonna hurt you Come on man I know you can fucking hear me, city bunny. Then I, like, go up to him and try to dap him up. Bunnies have to be the most elegant, beautiful, goddamn, like, creatures. Like, they're so much more lovable than, like, squirrels.

Squirrels are pretty dope when you think about it. But, like, bunniesnies are just like, whoa. You know when you see a bunny, you like freak out. You know what I mean? You're like, there's a bunny. Like when you see a deer, I don't know why every time somebody sees a deer, it's like the most majestic thing they've ever seen.

I've seen like seven. Like we literally, people literally blow their heads off for fun and people are still like, did you see that deer? Meanwhile, across the woods got him but still anytime i see a bunny i'm like shut the fuck up they're like ben we're in a we're literally in a parade float right now i'm like stop the fucking float there's a bunny right there shut the fuck up literally in a parade float right now. I'm like, stop the fucking float!

There's a bunny right there. Shut the fuck up. Shh, shh, shh, shh. Let me go talk to it. Nah, but there's some animals like that that'll just stop you in your goddamn tracks. A squirrel? Fuck a squirrel. I gotta say, though, squirrels in the Midwest are

huge. Then you go to Florida and see a squirrel you're like oh there's a little mousy holy shit here we go a couple more Eamon Stiles what's your everyday

superpower when a friend touches my stomach like out of a joke or teasing i instantly flex so they get the idea that's my default mode bro i've been flexing my stomach i think constantly for 15 years and i think that's just how my stomach is now because i was so terrified one time i was i think some girl like very unexpectedly some girl like very unexpectedly like fucking hit me in the chest and my tit was like and i was like holy fuck that was so weird i like almost brought i was almost like i'm sorry like my tit like went 15 different directions and I was like, oh my God. But like, I swear to God, I like, it's my fear.

Like, oh dude, that is, that is the worst fucking thing when somebody hits you in your stomach and you're so unprepared. And it just, it just feels like they hit a sack of fucking jelly. You're like, right. Hopefully she didn't fucking remember that. Oh my God. Oh my God. I swear. I fucking have abs. Oh my God. Oh my God. I swear to God. I've even been like, Hey, hit me again. Ow, that hurt. Hit me again. And they do it in that time. I'm flexed up and I'm like that's right I swear to god I have abs oh my god my tits still moving from when that girl hit me that one time

still going dude it was insane I was like holy shit I feel like a woman alright let's go viral hashtag Alright. Let's go viral. Hashtag

turn me on in three words. Honestly, turn me on in three words. Shuffle some cards. I swear to God, dude. If we're at a table and somebody's just... My face is right next to their face, to their cheek.

And I go, hey. And they turn to the left and immediately... While they're doing... I'll never be able to shuffle cards, but goddamn, that shit looks good. And people are just smacking those bitches around. That shit is... I guarantee I would start playing cards if I knew how to do that that's one of those things

like I'm just starting to realize I might have played football all my life just to wear all that shit and I think I might start playing cards just to shuffle I'll be the dealer every card game it's like damn you can shuffle cards

kiss my ass or kiss me on my ass i can't think of uh another one another one of those weird things that you're like damn oh uh when when okay this always got me fucked up. When people are dope numbers, like in their sport, God damn, that will fuck me up. Some numbers look good, bro. Like when you're playing football and you look across the field and there's a dope, like there's like a dude that looks tight and he's like number one, you're like, fuck!

He might be shitty. But since he looks tight and he's number one, you're like fuck he might be shitty but since he looks tight and he's number one you're like damn dog we better watch out for him it's just that something about the number man uh what else is hot i don't know hashtag Mount Rushmore of bands I don't know shit about bands But My Mount Rushmore of bands I don't know anything about bands

You guys are gonna be like You must not fucking ever listen to music Were you even alive In the 90s bands i guess uh damn dude oh rob zombie i don't know if that's a band or not but that's definitely my number one that shit goes so hard i'll never forget what my dad turned this shit on on Christmas, bro. On Christmas, this shit.

It's like a tradition. We would listen to it every Christmas. Like, most families are like, Chestnuts roasting on the open fire. When I walk down on Christmas, it's just this. Who is this irresistible creature who has an insatiable love for the dead? that shit goes hard that's my number one uh three two three and four there's something that no doubt no doubt's my number two on Mount Rushmore. I don't know if it matters what order they're in, but this song goes hard.

I'm not going to lie, me and my dad used to listen to this shit on the way to Colts. This shit goes so hard Why is it This song has no business Going to start I can't think of any bands Right now If your dad doesn't like this song He's not your dad anymore I can't

I can't even fucking tell you How many times my dad would listen to this in the car. It was like the closest my dad ever was to admitting he liked rap. and shake it like vanilla it's the finest of the flavors gotta see the chokers and you'll know the vertigo is gonna go because it's so dangerous you'll have to sign a waiver i can't help it if you think you're funny when you're mad try it hard not to smile when you feel bad i'm the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral when i heard that the first time i was like i was like shut up stop it b i don't know the third one fourth one yeah? Yeah, low-key, man, these are the worst fucking bands. Damn. Ah, damn.

I really gotta think about this last one. Low-key, is Black Eyed Peas a band? That's so lame. Boom, boom, boom. He has band that's so lame boom boom boom he has no culture boom boom boom um hey I'm gonna be I'm gonna be dead ass honest

this band brings me to tears on the regular. Real shit. This is my whole childhood. Mount Rushmore best bands. What it is? All nice and decent, slip of the curl this is mr captain sugar ray riding through spread your love on motherfucking fly hey

that shit bro all around the world statues crumble for for me Motherfuckin' dude I think I But honestly I think I just like him Cause the band And I wanted Mark McGrath's hair So goddamn bad Blonde spiky hair

Everywhere we go People stop and they sing So yeah those are my top four bands Rob Zombie No Doubt my top four bands. Rob Zombie. No Doubt. Bare Naked Ladies, which is very fucked up. And Sugar Ray. Not one band from

the new millennium. Alright, let's do Let's do Days. Wednesday. National Devil's Food Cake Day. Let's do days Wednesday National Devil's Food Cake Day I can't believe they can still call it that But devil's food bro

The first time I saw and had devil's food I was like I'm a bitch for chocolate Everywhere we go People stop and they sing. Devil's food cake. Who's not eating that? Isn't it funny? People are like, do the devil's, no, do not. Do not encourage the devil.

And then you're eating devil's food cake at like a fourth grade birthday party. Anything with devil in the name of it i'm eating it literally we had probably probably had devil's food cake at our catholic school cafeteria and dessert satan's pie anything with a fucked up name blood orange martini i'm like give me that fucking shit there could be real blood in that bitch and i'd be like i'll take a double thursday national be a millionaire day i'd be so bad at that goddamn game. Who wants to be a millionaire? Millionaire.

International. Why did I type that in? I typed the dumbest fucking shit in. I was looking for the Who Wants to Be a Millionaire song, and I typed in Regis Philbin. Who Wants to Be a Millionaire soundtrack for 17 hours straight who puts that together on youtube anyway hold my boombox what the fuck remember who wants to be a millionaire was such a big show that like

your aunt the next day would be like somebody went all the way last night you'd be like what on who no i know i never like caught one of those episodes that somebody went all the way last night. You'd be like what on who no I know I never like caught one of those episodes that they went all the way I was like what the fuck they always bailed out. I was like yeah, I would too This this When you're looking for your keys in your house and you're already five minutes late Checking under pillows and shit Why is it always the couch? The first thing I check every time I lose something Is flipping the couch inside out

Like I probably didn't even sit on it for like two days And I'm like Alright Friday National Endangered Species Day What species are even endangered right now? I feel like they say like it species are endangered They're like there's two more cheetahs and then there's like they don't like ever get to none

I'm like those cheetahs were fucking huh? Endangered Isn't that the saddest thing that every time you like somebody like, there's only three more whales You're like, oh fuck I care more about that than my own dog I'm like, oh my god There's three more fucking whales What are we supposed to do though, you know? What are we supposed to do about it?

Um, there's like Some article comes out every year and they're like There's three more bears! And you're like, oh fuck, that's sad What do you want me to do though? Like make a bear out of clay real quick? I guess not shoot it. Imagine

being, like, the biggest fucking hunter ever and seeing one of those bears and having to, like, refrain from blowing its fucking brains out. You're like, ah! That's so weird to think about. Dude, people just love killing shit. I don't think that's a, I don't think that's I don't think that's like literally

okay, honestly. When somebody can't when somebody has to kill shit, I'm like uh, you're gonna kill me next. I wonder how many what's the percentage of hunters that kill people? Uh, don't want to talk about it anymore.

Endangered species list. Wolves? Shut the to talk about it anymore endangered species list wolves shut the fuck up what are the 10 endangered animal species giant panda tiger yeah bro that's gonna be fucked up when tigers are gone you know what i mean like when the last tiger dies like that's gonna hurt like i've ever even fucking seen one in real life but like tigers tigers are so fucking badass whooping crane whatever there's like animals on this list i'm like fuck them blue whale all right that's kind of a big deal huge deal uh i don't know though because you never see whales i don't know how every whale hasn't doesn't just die whales are like the size of fucking missouri how are they not

just like somehow always accidentally dying and running into shit asian oh and elephants die that's gonna be really fucked up damn when elephants give birth have you seen that? I'm like that baby's probably fucked up sea otter yeah you can have them I'm just playing but there are so many goddamn sea otters

I'm like damn though really? or maybe that's a walrus I'm thinking about snow leopard and gorilla and those are some those are some low-key like all-star animals like if i was gonna make a team like an all-star team of animals like i definitely like tigers on there elephantphant? Fuck dude When elephants are extinct

I'm taking a day off Change my whole life Animals that are recently extinct Let's see Here's a look at a species recently declared extinct or extinct in the wild. Poison frog. The cover animal is like a giant tortoise. Whoa.

How do they know, you know? Like, how long do they give these like animal people all right look around if you don't see a big ass tortoise in two days it means it's extinct like those motherfuckers could be anywhere western black rhino oh shit dude rhinos just look like they're about to be extinct you know they're like so vintage that big ass horn like dude like that's so fucking bc of you that thing should be fucking like gold by now you know dogs in the past 300 years dogs i saw this or someone told me this In the past 300 years, dogs were developed the ability

to move their eyebrows. That's crazy. 300 years? That's quick. Dogs can wink at us and shit and move their eyebrows. They're like, 2,000 years of humans and we still are hiccuping and shit.

I think it's so weird that we hiccup. Like, that hasn't been fixed yet? If humans are going to have, like, an adaptation, like, can we just fix fucking hiccups? I get so fucking mad when... Or at least, like, weird hair. Like, we've been shaving hair on our body and stuff for so long. Like, can we just not grow it anymore, please?

All right. shaving hair on our body and stuff for so long. Can we just not grow it anymore, please? Alright. National Solitaire Day. No clue how to play Solitaire. But when somebody would win on the computer game and all those cards shuffled on the screen I'd be like, let me see what you miss you missy. I Can't play card games. I can't do any of that shit when I'm drinking

I hate dude I honestly I can't stand when people want to play games when I'm drinking like when when there's like nine people drinking We're all having a good time and somebody's like let's play a game. I'm like, holy fuck a game I'm like holy fuck I'm like dude like why do we have to interrupt this moment of us having a good time to like start memorizing fucking rules

that's gotta be the biggest vibe kill for me everybody's having like a good conversation talking yeah right true I know yeah same here oh my god yeah exactly let's play a game fuck and then everybody feels like they have to i'm like no no no you don't have no no oh and the whole time you're playing a game like when you're like with a group of people that have been drinking, everybody's just like, so when is this,

uh, if I have green, do I, does that mean I flip or does that mean that we go again? Um, does that, oh, that's me anyway.

I'm like, I don't know any of these fucking rules. Why am I trying to memorize these shapes when I'm drunk? You're going to make me memorize rules to a game I've never played in my life after I just had four shots of Jaeger. Just had two mixed drinks. Let's memorize some shit. You having a good time?

Been drinking a little bit? All right. Let's do some math worksheets. You having a good time? Been drinking a little bit? Alright Let's do some math worksheets Alright That's it Shout 159 Change my whole life Thanks for listening

Remember to follow At Benedict Polizzi on Twitter Instagram, Cameo, TikTok, all that. I kind of figured out what we're going to do with this pod, and it's going to be nice. But I somehow cracked my laptop, and it's getting fixed right now, so I'll have the update next week. Thanks for listening. I'll talk to you guys next week FM