Espresso - f'd up christmas traditions

Episode Date: December 24, 2020

𝗠𝗘𝗥𝗖𝗛 𝗜𝗦 𝗛𝗘𝗥𝗘! →→→ https://www.benpolizzi.com/shop sup FAM! It's christmas bitch. This week Ben breaks down the fam's weirdest holiday traditions like having a family burping contest .... ʰᵘʰ He explains why if you didn't fight and cry in the McDonalds PlayPlace you're not a man, he talks about how overly-obsessed his dad is with fires to the point of being caveman. Ben discovers that if there's not one person in your family that HATES christmas then your family is fake, he wants you to know that your fart is safe with him and german food is really f*cked up. He does #ViViViViral and #DaysOfTheWeek but you already knew that 😎 𝘿𝙈 𝙤𝙧 𝙏𝙬𝙚𝙚𝙩 𝘼𝙉𝙔 𝙦𝙪𝙚𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝘽𝙚𝙣 𝙩𝙤 𝙖𝙣𝙨𝙬𝙚𝙧 𝙤𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙥𝙤𝙙 ! (@benedictpolizzi) >>>> 𝗗𝗼𝗻'𝘁 𝗙𝗼𝗿𝗴𝗲𝘁 𝗧𝗼 𝗥𝗮𝘁𝗲 & 𝗥𝗲𝘃𝗶𝗲𝘄! <<<<< 𝗣𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗦𝗵𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗼𝘂𝘁𝘀: https://v.cameo.com/E48BXekQ29 𝗧𝗶𝗸𝗧𝗼𝗸: https://www.tiktok.com/@benedictpolizzi?source=h5_m 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗧𝘂𝗯𝗲: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXRwNZpU67AK24r5QGfIfCw 𝗜𝗻𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗺: https://www.instagram.com/benedictpolizzi/ 𝗧𝘄𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿: https://twitter.com/benedictpolizzi

M. The Espresso Podcast is brought to you by Wave One Media. If you want to start your own show, visit thewaveone.com. Show 138. People don't really understand how obsessed I am with winning. It's not... I don't care about anything else hold on hold on this is me

when I walk up to a cookout and there's a badminton net and everybody's like yo come on Ben sit down have a drink and I'm like just a second and I pass all of them and they're like where is he going oh my god where is he what is going on I have like a killer instinct look in my eye. And I walk right to the backyard where there's like two older, like an older couple playing badminton. And I just start

taking off my shoes and socks. And I go to, I go to like the, the older guy, he's like 45. And I don't say anything. And I just rip the tennis racket out of his hand. He's like, ah! I go, go over there with your wife. He's like, okay. And they get in, like, doubles position. And all the guys that I pass on the way there are like, Ben, what are you doing, man? Get back over here. Explain yourself.

What are you doing? And this is all I say. People don't really understand how obsessed I am with winning. I don't care about anything else. Then I whisper into the shell cock, just me and you all day long. He looks back at me

and goes, okay. And I throw it in the air and right when it, right when it touches the strings on my badminton racket, that's me screaming. Every time I return a serve. Okay. Shout 138. What's up? What's up, fam?

Hey, it's Christmas. How you guys feeling? Huh? It's a Christmas episode. I look forward to this every year. We're not doing anything that involves Christmas, really, but we'll probably talk about it like 47 times. Remember to follow on Twitter, TikTok, Instagram, Cameo. Get a Christmas Cameo.

Had a couple last week, and they were really cool. I got good reviews. It's just like getting an A plus on a test baby and this girl uh this girl sent me like her friend's reaction that the cameo is for and it was like it was such like a almost cried but she was happy and it was like yes remember to tell your homies and homegirls about the podcast. It's good, man. We got merch dropping ASAP. I know I say that every week.

I've said that for the past four weeks, but it's on the tip of my fingers. It looks good. I'm proud of it, and you'll see it soon. But okay, Shot138, I'm your host, Ben Polizzi. Let's get to the question. I'm feeling this. Had some good DMs.

I'm ready. Weirdest Christmas family tradition. This one's from Joey Molinaro. Weirdest Christmas family tradition. Chuck E. Cheese on Christmas Eve. Like, even still? There's no way Chuck E. Cheese is open right now, is it?

I hate how, like, disgusting and dirty. Dude, Chuck E. Cheese tubes are COVID. Tubes. Chuck E. Cheese's tubes are so dirty. But I used to love places like that when I was a kid. Any place that had a tube I could crawl in.

I was like, what is that place? Oh my god, I was addicted. McDonald's Play Place? Low key was a bank. Dude, McDonald's as a kid? Who doesn't want to go? Happy Meals and those tubes and then you just get in that like there's

literally a fighting octagon in there like what more could you want as a kid honestly cheeseburgers fries toys fights that's my whole life and i was a kid just fighting people dude how many times i cried in there how many times I cried in there? How many times I cried in the McDonald's play place? Oh my God. My mom just let me run wild in there too. Like I'd always like peek through like one of those weird like bubble windows to see if my mom was looking. She was never there. I was like, yes. How did I not just break my legs Every time

Chick-fil-a's play place is kind of whack You gotta admit They're like we want the kids to have fun But let's do it in a really weird Religious way Ew But yeah Chuck E. Cheese on Christmas Eve

That's a pretty good one What did I. Cheese on Christmas Eve, that's a pretty good one. What did I always do on Christmas Eve? There was something. What did my family do on Christmas Eve? There's always a goddamn fire because my dad's like literally addicted to fires. Anything. Anything. Any event.

Yeah, it's like coffee for me. Anytime I do anything, I'm like, I better get a coffee before that. He's like, I gotta check my email, better make a fire. Gotta fold my socks, better better put a couple logs in. Dude, the amount of times my dad

burnt his fucking hand making a fire. And I'd always laugh my ass off and he'd be like, what? And I'd be like, you just burnt your fucking hand making a fire and i'd always laugh my ass off and he'd be like what and i'd be like you just burnt your fucking hand that's hilarious dude i hate it i that's the main reason i got in trouble just for laughing at people like if you laugh if you get mad at someone When another person, like, falls down. I hate you. Dude, when people fall down, why is that the funniest thing of all time? Undefeated, 100% laughing.

Even if it's not funny and you're like, oh, like one of those falls. Like two hours later, you're like oh like one of those falls like two hours later you're still like when people fell out of their chairs in school dude oh my i would literally pay people to fall out of their chairs because it was so funny and be like yo seven minutes in you ready they'd be like yeah i could slip on like a five dollar bill i'd'd be like, let's do this Hey, look at me Let's do this Like a weird bet Seriously, that's so funny when people fall What were we talking about?

Falling What did I Oh, my dad made a fire and he burned his hand Yeah, every single time he'd be making a fire, like, I'd just hear, And he'd do, like, a backwards somersault, like, on the ground. I'd be like, what the fuck? I've never seen him do that before. He must have really hurt it this time. Hey, B, I'm gonna make a fire!

Hey, B, I'm gonna make a fire! Two minutes later. AAH! Or he'd like make me talk about the fire he made. How weird is that? Dude he'd be like how about that fire look at that fire is it roaring or what? I'd be like yeah it's pretty good dad like literally the first man on earth can do that, but cool. You're so impressive. How about that fire? Is it roaring or what? I'm like, actually a caveman can do that. So slap him on the back twice.

Keep working hard, big guy. Oh, shit. What do I do on Christmas Eve god damn it um there was something I did no there wasn't there wasn't ever for a minute my mom was like taking me and my friends out to like a nice restaurant on Christmas Eve which was so weird or maybe it was just around Christmas I was like mom since when do you have like 30 bucks to spend? It was always like kind of a dope restaurant. I was like, wait a minute. Since when do you have any

money? A couple years ago, you wouldn't even buy me a piece of gum at Meijer in the quarter machine. Now we're going to Bonefish Grill with six of my jackass friends. Merry Christmas to you. But we'd go and she'd be like, uh-uh, no appetizers.

We'd be like, okay, well. Can we get dessert? Just one thing. I'd be like, I don't think this is really a Christmas dinner. I know they hate when I talk about it, but my parents are cheap. It's funny though. I think my parents are so cheap

growing up, that's why I spend money recklessly now. Because my parents made me think we only had like $60 growing up, so now I'm like, yeah, I'll buy it. How much? I don't care. Ugh. Okay. Let's keep going

Weirdest family Christmas traditions all day J We always put up and take down the tree while watching Planet of the Apes Like the old ones Every single year of my life That is so weird the old ones there's old ones dude i don't know why but like me and my friends saw planet of the apes in theaters like twice i've seen like two movies and they're both planet of the apes i had no idea what was going on in either one i was just like oh. Like one of my friends really wanted to see it. And like me and Chiller, like,

we're like, we'll just go for some reason. I think he was like, I'll pay. We're like, all right. Like not into the movie at all. You ever go to a movie and you're just not into it? Oh, it sucks. That'll make you not want to go to the movie theater ever again. When you're like, I don't really want to go to this movie every time I go to the movies it's like one time every five years so I'm like movie day I'm like the most excited I've ever been

I'm like I'm not eating until 7.30 tonight with my big bucket of popcorn I'm such a bitch yeah but Planet of the Apes. Okay, let's keep going. Kindy Lynn.

Kindy Lynn. Candy Lynn. Weird Christmas family traditions. So us kids are all in our 20s. Sister is almost 30. We have to go to the rents in our christmas pjs and line up in the back hallway and wait for my dad to say ho ho ho to go into the living room my brother-in-law included it was a lot more fun as children thought it would be done with by now i don't know if I could.

I'm really glad I don't have one of those. Like Christmas morning type shit. It was like free for all. Like me and my sisters had to just shut the fuck up until it was like 6 a.m. on Christmas. Then it was like, all right, let him loose. Then we go downstairs like a pack of dogs. And it was like, all right, let him loose. And we go downstairs like a pack of dogs. Roar, roar, roar, roar, roar, roar, roar, roar, roar, roar, roar, roar, roar, roar.

Like at 5.59, we're like. And 6 o'clock, we do. All down the stairs and shit. Actually, that was just me and my younger of the two sisters. My oldest sister like Despises Christmas Everybody's got that person in their family That just does not give a fuck about Christmas That was my oldest sister

We'd be having the time of my life Like seriously I'd be like crying tears of joy Like I can't believe it Looking at my parents after I opened something I'd be like yes we know Now just be good I'd be like oh my, we know. Now just be good. And I'd be like, oh my God, Santa. My sister would be upstairs.

Seriously, if I tried to wake my sister up, she'd be like. I'd be like, okay, I'll come back in 15 minutes. Hey Tony, it's Christmas. It's Christmas. Time to wake up. Time to wake up. Oh my God. god and I do that thing to her eye you ever like when you're a kid you like do something weird to wake somebody up I'd always open their eyes and I said I can vividly remember this Christmas morning I was like Tony it's Christmas and I'd open her eye she didn't give a fuck about Christmas so bad. She was sleeping so hard, I couldn't even see her pupils.

She was so dead asleep on Christmas morning. Her eyes were rolled so back into her head. I lifted her eyelid up and it was just all white like a fucking zombie. Oh, she was dead on Christmas morning. Didn't give a shit. I didn't even blink. waiting the night before Christmas. But yeah, that was bad. I always wake people up like even now.

I'm that guy that's like when it's not even close to December, I'll still like shake somebody, wake them up and be like, Hey, come on. It's Christmas. The presents are down there. And they'll be like, what? And I'll be like, it's fucking July. Yeah, but that's me.

Everybody has so much fun, like, growing up and doing Christmas stuff. I was sad, like, when that started to, like, phase out. Like, my friends were, like, kind of getting over Christmas. I was like, god damn, can't you guys just believe? They'd be like, you're not doing anything on Christmas Eve, dude. Come on, you pussy. I'd be like, can you guys just believe in Santa real quick? Just two days. Just give me one night of believing in Santa. That's all. And then I'll fucking go out. Pussy. I was like, I just want to do my reindeer dance with my sister in the front yard and sprinkle reindeer food for blitz in all over the yard. But you guys want to go to Kilroy's?

Okay. What time are we going? I'm just kidding. Yeah. But like recently we have the most craziest Christmas. Cause I think it's like, we do it at my dad's house and like, it wouldn't fly if my mom was there, obviously. Like we would never do this at my mom's my mom's like more of like a fancy like fancy Christmas person because my grandma her mom my mom's mom was like the bougiest lady of all time and she was so dope so on Christmas morning we'd like have like brunch and like open presents presents were even bougie we didn't get like cool presents at my grandma's she was like too fancy for that so we'd open presents, listen to Frank Sinatra and stuff in the background. It'd just be like... But when you're at your home, family Christmas, it's kind of more of a, like, an F around, kind of.

You're just like, oh! You can, like, be yourself a little more. You know, not be yourself, but you can just, like, wild out a little more. But when you're at, like, your grandma's, you gotta be, like, a little more reserved. Like, yeah, I've had Christmas before, but at, like, your house, you're like, oh! See that? Your family's like, okay. But now, when we open presents at my dad's now, it's this.

Like, turn on the present music. My dad, like, does, like, a happy ass, like, little trot to the, like, sound system that we have from, like, 1994 in the living room. And it's just this. Turns around. Merry Christmas, everybody! Who's up first? Who wants to go first? How come nobody ever

wants to go first when you're opening up presents? I'm like, I'll do it. You gotta, like, make people open them. Like, our presents now are, like, not even that cool. They're just, like, a bunch of, like, dairy-free protein bars in a box. What'd you get? I got a shirt that I sent you on the internet two weeks ago.

Thanks. How Christmas is when you're not a kid anymore. Just shit you already know you're gonna get. And even if there is a surprise on Christmas morning, you're like, you're like, not that excited about it. Yeah, but that's our Christmas, pretty much. Alright, let's keep going.

Kel's Carol underscore weird family Christmas traditions we're all over 30 and we still get presents from Santa and separate presents that are from our parents I just like threw up during that but yeah

we always think it's funny to call each other different names so like instead of saying like to Benny from Santa it'll say like to Chris from Melanie and we'll just be like what the fuck who's like like instead of putting like someone's actual name on a present like I'm definitely putting like from Ethan like that's so stupid. To Chrissy from Ethan. Definitely.

Instead of their real names. Real names are so cringy. Okay. Weirdest family Christmas traditions, Jamie Brown photo. My ex's family used to give each other a box of their favorite Pop-Tarts every Christmas morning. Holy shit. That's pretty cool. That's a cool little tradition. Not that I like Pop-Tarts every Christmas morning. Holy shit. That's pretty cool. That's a cool little tradition.

Not that I like Pop-Tarts or anything. It'd probably be cooler if I didn't eat Pop-Tarts or think about Pop-Torts. Pop-Torts. It's like a judicial law firm. If a lawyer rented out a mall space by Macy's where nobody goes it'd be called Pop Torts Okay I'll shut up But

Holy shit Jill the Joy Weirdest Christmas family traditions We give out a rotten apple award. The last person picks the naughtiest person of the year. They have to give a speech in front of the whole family with a reason. I gave the award to my cousin last year because he needed to learn to not date his coworkers. At that point, he dated three and none of them worked out.

at that point he dated three and none of them worked out how hard is it not to date your co-workers though it is it is it is it is it is i know if you're like it's not seriously not it's not like dude you fuck they get hotter every day they do like how can you not like you see them every day that's why you like date people like when you're growing up in school because they're just there every day and you're like damn she's kind of hot I guess like the first day you're like yeah whatever

the second day you're like is she kind of hot and then you're like one of your friends is like yo she's kind of cute and you're like that's it i like her once one of my friends confirms it i'm like holy shit i'm in love dating co-workers what a disaster but at the same time it's so flirty don't date somebody in the workplace I guess it is like super weird If you break up with them though Then the whole office is like Hey did you

What happened with hey That's kind of I heard It's just like But low keykey worth it. Luke Santa. Weirdest family Christmas traditions. My parents hid an ornament that's in the shape of a pickle in the tree,

and the first child to find it gets an extra gift. Half the time, the tree ends up on the ground because of us fighting each other to find it i heard about this tradition god damn imagine doing that with a real christmas tree just getting stabbed and shit by those needles dude my dad like fought for us to have a real tree of course he did like the oldest thing of all time he's like we have to it's just not right to have a plastic thing in our house i like the way the tree smells anyway i was like go build a fire bro you're a literal fucking cave man real tree in house real fire in house i want ribs for dinner

I want ribs for dinner Stupid Yep, real trees, bro. Are you serious dude one time? This is how like Italian my dad is, you know I always talk about how my dad, like, loves taking stuff back. He, like, gets off to taking stuff back. Like, one time, I swear to God, he took back our Christmas tree. Like, we, like, put, like, lights and, like, decorations on it and stuff. One time, and we were like, Dad, come downstairs. Look at it. Like, we were like, dad, come downstairs. Look at it.

Like we like hear him coming downstairs. We're all looking at each other like, yes, yes. Oh my God. Yes. And he just like got to the bottom of the stairs and look the tree up and down. And it was like, get in the car. Like, get in the car. Dude, we literally put the tree back in the twine that it came in and took it back to the store because there was a dent in it that he didn't see.

Dude, us picking out Christmas trees was like, I swear to God, we went to every Christmas tree lot in the city. We might have spent 17 hours just going to Ace Hardware looking for Christmas trees. And then it'd get kind of late and we'd be like, that's the one. Every year we'd somehow find one. If I did that now, if I had to find a Christmas tree now,

I'd be like, we're not going to fucking find one. They all suck. But every year I had so much hope when I was a kid. I was like, yes, that's the one. And every year I was like, it's perfect. It's better than last year. If I did that today, I'd be like, Oh God, it's a piece of shit, but we're going to have to roll with it. That's what we get for going on December 24th. Right? God. All right. Indigenous tyranny. Weirdest Christmas family traditions. We have to sit on the stairs and sing a Christmas song also before we can open our presents.

It's not quite the same now that we're adults. But my brother once made up his own song and hand actions. It was hilarious. Yeah, that's tight. Dude, somebody always pops off on Christmas and does something funny. Like, so there's always a funny moment on Christmas. Like, somebody always, like, takes the floor and you're like, Oh, that was the Christmas line.

One time, uh... I got these shoes from the Nike outlet. Like, sometimes... My dad will just buy us shit for Christmas that, like, we don't really, like... If it's, like, an I guess present, present like i don't know if i really want it like somehow it'll be under the tree for christmas that's like my dad's shit he's like that's what christmas is for getting stuff that you're not real sure about but you end up loving it i'm like dad are you like the fucking santa spokesman but like i had had we went to the Nike outlet like just mid-December

one year and I was like yeah I like those shoes. I tried them on but I was like I don't really know if I like need them though. Like low-key planting a seed for them and I unboxed them on Christmas and we played this song. Right when I put them on my feet it was this. Like I didn't really know what I was doing but this song was on the background and like my sisters looked at me and they were like like with their eyes and their blank faces

they were like go on and my dad was like kind of laughing so I was like oh shit I gotta live up to this So I literally put these shoes on while this song was like magically on in the background somehow And just did this I danced for like 10 minutes And my dad thought it was the funniest thing Best decision of my life I was like I'll do anything for my dad to smile on Christmas Why is he like in such a bad mood But every year he's like hey

Christmas dance remember Like every time I'm like yes dad I fucking remember Hey Christmas dance every time this is on But yeah Somebody always has a moment on Christmas. Jordy Jort Jort, weirdest Christmas family traditions. Eating takeout Chinese food every Christmas Eve and inevitably sitting on the toilet all Christmas Day.

God, this sucks. We've been doing it for about eight years now because my mom hates cooking big meals for my family. That's one of those veteran moms. Like when you're a young mom, you're like, I'm cooking. I'm bringing down the house for you fuckers. Let's go. It's like all this shit. And you're like, wow, you killed it, mom. And she's like, I know. But like, once your mom gets a little older, she's like, fuck that. Why is it always just the dishes that I'm like, oh, let's get pizza, dude.

Somebody always has to take the reins on dishes. You're like, I'll do it! Jesus Christ. Everybody else, enjoy your Christmas. I'll be here for the next seven hours with a wet shirt. Yeah, yeah. Sean Wilson 268. Weird family Christmas traditions.

On Christmas in our family, we do a burping contest. You should do one on the podcast. A burping contest? Dude, my mom would fucking clean house. All right, we ready? Benny, go ahead. I'd be like ah Oh, I can do better. I can do better. No no no no no no no you had your own chance I'd be like oh man my sister be like oh My god, I tried thought I had a big one and then but I couldn't and my other sister would be like

Then we'd all laugh real hard and we'd be like oh you gotta beat that one mom and my mom would be like just a second and take like one drink of like something weird like verners

or something just something that looks like a burp you know drinks you see them and you're just like damn that's a straight up burp in a bottle. Vernors. But my mom would be like, just a second. And she'd take a tiny little drink. It would just touch her lips. Like, you know when you're getting wine

at church, they're like, don't drink, just let it touch your lips. That's what she would do with the Vernors. She'd be like, and then right when she licks like the like like the little bit of verner's that's on her lips like after she took a drink after she goes like this this place we're like holy shit

We're all like, holy shit. She like stretches out and cracks her neck. She's like raising up like from, you know, like in concerts, people like raise up from like a platform out of the ground. She's doing it. She's getting taller. Mom, don't do it. Mom. Mom, you don't have to.

Mom. Oh shit. She's going to do it. Mom. Mom, you don't have to. Mom. Oh, shit. She's going to do it. You can see her like getting ready like a bird, like regurgitating. She's like, holy shit. She's going to do it. Then we all look up. Oh, oh, oh.

My mom just. Me, me, me. just me me ma windows ma ma we're all running away with our hands over our ears jumping under the beds the dog's like ma jumping under the beds, the dog's like, AHHHHH! MOOOOOOOM! Merry Christmas, everybody.

Our ears are all bleeding and shit. You too, Mom! Running down the sides of her faces. Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! You too, Mom! Running down the sides of her faces. Every time my mom burps, it's never like, It's always like, I don't know why it's Mimi Mop. Like, do you have a crush on Mimi Mop?

Who is that? Mimi Mop! The most random times when I was growing up, Meme mop? Who is that? Meme mop! The most random times when I was growing up, I'd be like doing doing playing with like action figures in my room. I just hear Meme mop! Downstairs I'd be like Mom saw a Mountain Dew It's the final burpdown! It's the final burp down. Let's go viral.

Viral, viral, viral, viral. That was a good song, though. Not the viral song. Actually, that is, too. But the final countdown. It was pretty like, wow, dude. You know, after they made that song, they were like, hey, fuck yeah. They were having such a good mood after they made that song. They were like, hey, fuck yeah. They were having such a good mood after they made that song.

They were like, bro, we got one. We got one. We got one. We got it all recorded. Yes. Oh, shit. Here we go. Hashtag, I can't play cuz. Hashtag, I can't play cuz hashtag

I can't play cuz I'll get hurt that's my thing every time somebody's like yo you wanna play I'm like no no why why

what's in it for me what's in it for me hey what's in it for me hmm hate to be selfish but what's in it for me? Hmm? Hate to be selfish, but what's in it for me? Bro, play on my flag football team. We need somebody like you, bro.

You'd be so good. You played and you're like, no. I'm like, what's in it for me? Are you guys going to pay me $1,000 a game? Still not worth it. Every step I take, I'd be like oh no no no no no no can you imagine being like ah yeah tore my acl mcl and pcl doing what going up for a layup at the y i can't play man i'll never play again i'll never play again that's gotta be like the darkest moment

for a guy that's like oh like over age 22 is like driving to a flag football game when it's dark out like trying to pump himself up to like some like pop smoke or something like actual real cool music and he's going to a flag football game. She want to fall with a whoa. Like pulling up in the parking lot with your music kind of loud, like I'm ready to play. That's so lame. In the car parking lot. Putting your cleats on outside your door, but you're still sitting in your car.

Ben, you're late, bro. We're running routes out here. Oh, shit, bro. I forgot. I got to go to my family Christmas Zoom after this. I'm going to have to leave it for the first quarter. I can't play. I can't play.

I can't. Dude, my't play. I can't. Dude, my last year of college football, I was like, I'm too old to do this. I literally thought that every game. That has got to be the worst thing to think before a game. Before every single actual real rivalry games. Number one in the country, number two in the country. I was like, I'm too old for this shit. Oh my god, that's so bad.

Hashtag is on my wish list. One thing on my wish list. For some reason, I want like a banging TV this year. Like one of those curved joints with like the lights behind it. Looks like an EDM party when you're looking through the windows, but like on the inside you're really just watching like Fox Sports Network Pacers games. And I'm Chris Denary. But from the outside it's like. Oh, dude, they're having a party in there.

Walk inside. They give it to Turner in the post. And he turns around and lays it in for two. Da-na-na-na-na-na! and he turns around and lays it in for two yep that's why I want a TV hashtag I can't function without hashtag I can't function without

literally though I can't function without I've noticed I've been doing this a lot and I don't know what it is. I don't know if it's like my diet or what's going on. I clear my throat like every nine seconds, like, like a, like a, like one of those, like I'm aggravated. Like, I don't do it. Like it just doesn't get it enough for me I have to like yell now I'm like every nine seconds especially when I'm doing something I don't want to do like me clearing my throat like at the mall I'm like for sure me clearing my throat like when I'm working on something or editing something, I'm like, Ah! Whoa! Whoa!

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Ugh! For real. Hashtag, The night went silent when. The night went silent when... The night went silent when... Every time I drop something off a tray at the restaurant where I work,

why is it always so quiet? Why is it always so quiet every time you fart, too? Even if it's loud when somebody farts, you're like... So heard that. Why is a fart just like the most distinct noise of all time? Could be at a symphony orchestra. If somebody farted, I'd be like, what the fuck? You can just always hear it.

And you always know what it is. Like there's never like a, it could have been this. It's always like that definitely came right from your ass, pal. Holy shit. Ass pal. never like it could have been this it's always like that definitely came right from your ass pal holy shit ass pal i heard that how about when somebody farts and you have to like you respectfully act like you don't hear it that's every time for me i'm like damn i don't want to like ruin life right now, but I definitely just heard them fart. I heard this girl fart, and I know she was so torn up about it that I was like, I could either say something

or just act like I didn't hear it, but damn, it'd be so funny to say something, you know? It's always the morning for girls Oh shit It's always that morning pee Mm-hmm. I'm so tired Just being yeah, yeah, yeah, I gotta do this Oh shit. Oh my god. and this oh shit oh my god oh my god oh my god i did not

expect and it like the the toilet like amplifies it for him it's like it's like a rolling fart neighbors are like everything okay we heard something this podcast that's only about farts i'm not i really am like my first instinct only about farts. I really am like my first instinct when somebody farts is to just be like, I'm going to pretend like it never happened. I'm your guy. I'm like your DL guy for farts. Like if you ever need to fart, like you can do it around me and I won't tell people.

Like I'm your fart plug. Like if you need to fart, you can fart around me. Also, like if you need to tag people in giveaways, you know, and like Instagram accounts are like, Hey, tag four people. I'll be one of those four. I'll I'm that kind of friend. You know what I mean? That's fine. You can tag me in all of them. I get like 75 comments on Instagram. I'm like, Oh, something, one of my videos blew up. It's just like 75 comments on like charcuterie giveaways. I'm like, fuck. No, but seriously, I'm your guy. If you need to tag people and stuff, and if you need to fart, you can chill with me, bro. I won't say anything. I'll keep that shit locked away in my heart promise the most serious

I've ever been on this podcast I swear to god dude if you need somebody to be with when you got you anyway anyway it's two days Wednesday National Pfeffernuss Day what the fuck is Pfeffernuss Day. The fuck is Pfeffernuss?

German ice spice cookies. Anything German, I don't like, honestly. Why is German food so disgusting? You ever think about that? German chocolate cake. I'm like, that looks like a baby threw up all over it German sausage I'm like who would ever eat that Pfeffernuss

Is like a cookie that looks like dry as fuck Gingerbread is German maybe That's okay but still like not Who cares about it Gingerbread is only a thing because Christmas made it a thing Sorry gingerbread Hate to break it to you German food is gross Who cares about it? Gingerbread is only a thing because Christmas made it a thing. Sorry, gingerbread. Hate to break it to you.

German food is gross. Sauerkraut. I can't eat foods that have names that are gross. You want to try some grits or the sauerkraut? I'm like, I'm going to be starving until later. I'm going to get a sub on the way home. How about that? Cheese curds. How can somebody be like mmm cheese curds.

Like that doesn't make those two things mmm and cheese curds isn't the same. It's a clash. Spam. The word spam. Actual spam. It's literally the name of all the shit you don't want to read in your email let's call it that people love it

sauerkraut who the fuck's eating that that's so weird ew kraut with a k like could they make it any more, like, disgusting? Thursday. National Eggnog Day. I've never had an eggnog. Eggnog.

I don't know why I just can't get into it. If I tried it, I'd probably love it, though. I'm like, eggnog's so gross. That's gross. That's gross. Next week, I'm gonna be like, I can't get enough of eggnog. I get into it. If I tried it, I'd probably love it, though. I'm like, eggnog's so gross. That's gross. That's gross. Next week, I'm gonna be like, I can't get enough of eggnog. I keep buying it. It's like the summer, and I'm like, you guys want some eggnog? I have like a milk mustache.

That's my whole life. Everything I hate, I love. National re-gifting day. I don't think I've re-gifted anything. I feel bad if I re-gifted something. I'd be so obvious about it if I re-gifted something. I'd be like, here you go! Just all normal

gift stuff. Yep. It's from me. Remember, it's from me. I bought it. It's from me. It's from me. Yeah, so in case me. I bought it. It's from me. It's from me. Yeah, so in case you didn't think so for some reason, it's from right here. This guy. This guy. I bought it at the store.

They'd be like, okay, I get it. That's what a president is. I'd be like, uh-huh, glad you know because I'm the one who did it. All right. That's it. That did it. Alright. That's it. That's it, fam. Shot 138. Thanks for listening.

Remember to follow on Cameo, Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, all that Benedict Polizzi. Get a Cameo. Get a Cameo for the holidays. And I hope you guys have a good one for real yeah merch is coming out be on the lookout it's gonna be dope

I'm really excited about all of it remember to rate share review the pod tell your friends because I'm telling you

this is the best podcast in the world in the world I promise I promise. I promise, fam. But okay, okay, okay. I'll talk to you guys next week. I fam.