Espresso - f’d up things you did as a kid

Episode Date: June 2, 2022

what up fam shot 213 espresso podcast i'm your host benedict palizzi still fear feel weird sitting down in here what um hey remember to join the patreon podcast for one extra episode each week it's five dollars a month to subscribe and to join. And I mean, you just should, you know, why not? All right. So, uh, um, we got a wild little shot. A good question of the week this week. I mean, they're all pretty good, but this one I just feel like is going to be majorly fucked up, which is also really good. What's the effed up thing. My voice is so raspy. We'll get to that in a second. What's the effed up thing you did as a kid, but didn't tell anybody. We'll get into the voice messages in a minute, but, uh, all right. So, Hey, thanks for coming to Indiana land 500.

And if you didn't, I mean, you should have, but I was asking, I think I DM'd every single person, You should have, but I was asking, I think I DM'd every single person in my phone to come to that party. And like it, that was, you can, you can hear the party in my voice still. I think my whole, like I'm a different person now after that party. Like I think I'll never be the same after that whole weekend. My whole face looks different. I'm like, why is my face like puffy now like i've like i just i looked like a different human i i'm just a different person now that's it but that party was so cool man thank you guys for coming out and hooking that up uh say thanks to joey molnero too because he was doing his thing out there i just it was so wild everything went perfectly i. I was like, wait a minute.

You get like six parties like that, like in your whole life. My dad was there. I was just on the, on the weird, like long shot of a chance. I was like, yo,

pull up dad. Two minutes later. He's like, Hey B. I was like, what the fuck? Oh, dude,

it was weird, but so many cool people were there. I was like, what the fuck? Oh, dude, it's weird. But so many cool people were there. DJ was killing. Oh, my God. We had VIP. We got a bottle. Who do you think we are?

I have race day voice now. This might be my voice forever. Hopefully I sound sexy as hell. Except for in the middle of the night. I wake up like this every 13 minutes. He'll never sleep again. But yeah, I'm still like, I'm, I'm low key still. I'm still not like back to neutral. I need to get my shit together, but all right, this is the time to do it. Espresso question. Quick, quick, quick, quick, quick question of the week.

What's the effed up thing you did as a kid that you didn't tell anybody about? What did I do? I don't even know if I should get into it, but I definitely humped a pillow, but who didn't do that? You know, who didn't do that? Right. I low-key saw my cousin doing it one time and i was like okay that's a thing that's a thing we're good we're good i was like we're clear we can all do it if you haven't humped a pillow sorry but uh time to go to jail if you didn't hump a pillow, get a life. It's 2022. Hump a throw pillow from your couch. All right. Yeah, I don't think I told anybody about that

except for everyone I know just now. But okay, let's go. From Anonymous. It's an effed up thing you did as a kid and didn't tell anybody about. When I was in second grade, I remember, and I don't know why this happened like i could not tell you but um we were in class and joking about like cutting our hair with scissors and

i wanted to impress this cute boy and so i was holding my hair out in the scissors and he was like do it so i snipped them when my mom saw my hair that night she was horrified and she was like oh my god who cut your hair? And I was so scared that I just told her that that guy did it, the kid in my class. And she called the teacher. Oh my God. And the teacher told the principal.

And then we were both, me and the kid were called into the principal's office. And I had to continue the lie and tell the principal that this kid cut my hair. And then I don't know how it came out. Like the kid's mom got involved. I don't know how it came out, but they ended up figuring out that I cut my own hair. So embarrassing. What is wrong with kids?

What's wrong with you? No, that's definitely some shit I would do, but I can't keep a lie up like that i'll fold i would keep a lie up until but i'd like have to make a secret deal with the boy like hey bro like just say you did it and i'll like buy you a slushy like the next week or two the kid would probably be like okay you know kids are boys are so. I can't keep a lie for shit. I can't even lie. Dude, that happened when I was in here yesterday.

Scared the piss out of me. I thought there was just a girl in the corner of the room the whole entire time. And then for the rest of the night, scary shit kept happening to me. You ever have one scary thing happen to you and then the rest of the night you're just fucked like even my tick tock was showing me scary dogs and shit. I was like, ah, and couldn't sleep because there's something in my throat that we'll figure out in two weeks. I was working out today and spit came out of my throat and I like it was the

weirdest looking. It looked like Crisco, you know, know crisco your grandma uses it for like cookies and shit like that i know i don't never see crisco anymore crisco really fell off but god damn yeah that's a crazy lie you just kept rolling with when you're a kid you do lie way too much dude i lied about everything when i was a kid i was telling people in my class i had like toys and shit at my house and then they'd come to my house and i'd be like oh damn i live in like a prison cell sorry made all that up making up toys that i had telling people i dude i told my best friend that i actually

live with right now that i played baseball for seven years oh my god i never played for one day told him i played for seven years and we had the yankees jerseys he's like no i was like yeah bro shortstop i'm an idiot all right let's keep going i hate this um i'm gonna try not to repeat the question in the week every single time i'm gonna try to switch this switch the flow up almost said swag but caught myself but admitted to it here we go basically me and my sister when we were about like 10 went out in the backyard and pooped in the gravel and blamed on our dog yeah that's the thing though pooped on the gravel blamed it on the dog that is the one positive to having a dog a lot of the time you can just who punched a hole in the drywall fucking spot feed them you can blame everything on a dog.

I was out here blaming Junior for everything, bro. Screen door. Junior. No, I actually just ran through it. Ooh. You ever just fuck yourself up on a door and hope to God nobody saw? Me neither. But yeah, pooping in the driveway sometimes you just gotta poop in a weird spot just to like feel something you know where's the weirdest spot

you've ever pooped let me know yours and i'll talk about on the podcast what if that what if all that's the question next week but it's not anonymous. What is the weirdest spot I've ever pooped? I can't believe I keep saying poop. It's a word. It's poop sounds worse than shit. Weirdest place. One time I just had to go so bad like I just couldn't take it

and I just just all over the beach just couldn't take it any longer. Just just all over some kids sandcastle that he couldn't wait to see the next day. I hope it's still there mom. Guess again, sunny.

All right, let's keep going. Jeez, wild. Nobody says Jesus much as me, by the way. Here we go. Next up. All right. Damn, dude. This is one of my good friends that was supposed to have a heater and it was this. What if he's doing it right there? That's just like the sound effects of the effed up thing. He didn't, didn't tell anybody about

what's he doing. Did you pretend to dress up as Darth Vader and like Rob a CVS or something? Is that what that breathing is? He's just taking life. See life. He's taking gummy bears from the checkout line. I'm like, yo, what was that voice message about when i see him in public he's like don't worry about it what the hell all right we're zooming through them oh this one's gonna be good

all right we're zooming through them oh this one's gonna be good effed up thing you did as a kid didn't tell anybody about all right so you probably remember growing up uh body hair the first person to get underarm hair was the king of the playground and would show it off you know instantly going sleeveless in gym class you know talking about their underarm hair. And then it was pubes. This was a big thing. Who got pubes? Who had the most pubes? I was late on all of it. So, you know, kind of like but I got this mole in my pubic region. And moles will grow long hairs. I hate it.

I hate you right now. I had about three or four long hairs that would grow out of this mole. Dude, I'm going to throw up. So anytime people would show pubes, I'd turn around, I'd get the four to stick. I wish it ended there. If you've ever seen like a,

if you've ever bought ginseng from Chinatown, usually the guy selling it has a mole on his face with about four long hairs sticking out of it. I think they keep that for luck, I'm told. I've always wondered how they wear a mask with four long hairs sticking out of their face. But regardless, I have an Asian man's face in my pubic region. That's essentially where I'm working.

I'm happy to report that I do have pubes now, though. And it is a mask. That mole area is just busting out. You can barely see the mole. So life really turned around for me me is what I'm trying to say I just noticed the first message cut off after a minute I turn around I get the four pubes

the four fake pubes to stick above my waistband and then I turn back around and show them and they were long thick black hairs and then everyone went whoa Brett's got the longest thickest pubes and instantly you know I was king they had no idea so much for anonymous but that's one of the funniest comedians I know he's from Canada if you couldn't tell but thanks homie actually never mind don't not whatever the opposite of thanks is

fuck off dude how what does it what's it mean if that's hilarious but what's it mean if i was the person that had armpit hair and everything when i was like seven but i had to shave it and do the opposite and fake that i didn't have pubes. Dude, I was so self-conscious. I swear to God. There's a kid that played for Mount Carmel when we were in sixth grade, and he was like a boss, dude, like so much more mature. Like, dude just ran it up when we played. I was like, oh, damn, we got to play that kid again.

Like, he's going to wreck our whole team. Played him in basketball. He just looked like he had a leaf under his armpit. I was like, oh my God. I can't be that guy. Kind of had zits on his cheeks. I was like, I don't want to be that guy.

Grew up with women, dude. I'm metrosexual as shit. My phone grew up with women dude i'm like my like i'm metrosexual as shit my phone plan pcs metro what do i take to go to work all right i'll shut the fuck up but you know what i mean dude i couldn't do i couldn't help it i had to trim everything i had i didn't like know what tweezers were at one point in my life, but my worst fear was to have a unibrow. So I would,

I would take scissors and like press them to my face and try to cut the hair. And I always had like a gash in the middle of my eyebrows and people at school would be like, sup Cyclops. They called people four eyes with glasses. They just called me three eyes. And I didn't cut any of the hair either. So I still kind of had a unibrow too.

Bro, having a unibrow really is my worst fear though. You ever let it slide for like two weeks and you look in the mirror without your contacts in and you're like, Oh, why didn't anybody tell me? It's crazy. What happened? Hold on. Oh no, no dude my worst fear ever is uh is getting like stranded on an island and not being able to pluck my unibrow like people are like starving and like trying to find fish and berries and shit and kill like wild animals i'm just like trying to pluck my eyebrows the whole time with like two rocks. I swear to God. Oh my God, the plane crash. Oh my God.

What are we going to eat? Oh, there's a creature out there trying to kill us. Oh my God, Ben's universe fucking crazy. Alright, let's keep going. Wait a minute. Here we go. So on AOL Messenger in the 90s i guess that was the early 2000s i was uh chatting with the lady i think i was like 12 oh and she was in her 20s you're taking

a shit and uh she picked me up and we went to a abandoned graveyard and she was in her 20s. You're taking a shit. And she picked me up and we went to a bandit graveyard and she gave me a old BJ behind the graveyard. Wait, why does he sound like he's telling a ghost story? And two weeks later she was my substitute bus driver. Oh, dude.

I haven't told anybody that before. I got to write this down oh my god got ghost dome by substitute bus driver what a title that should be like a newspaper title ghost dome that's a new that's a new thing bro you invented it scary head there's gotta be a better one peach graveyard graveyard ghost dome i don't know but that's crazy dog she was your substitute bus driver i don't even know bus drivers had subs wow imagine doing that you know you had like the staple staple substitute teacher growing up that was just like always game to sub you know everybody had that one that was just like oh this guy again he's so like ready to sub mr borst was our was our guy i don't know what's going on with him probably he he was he was a legit sub that was just his job like if it was seven if school started at 7 30 and it was 7 28 and they're like oh shit she didn't show up because she's

pregnant mr book he'd already be there teaching the worst was the substitute teacher that would actually teach the lesson you'd be like just give us the worksheet and shut up so we can all copy that's the one thing about all substitute teachers it's like a consensus between all of them like all substitute teachers in a meeting they all they they just let you cheat doesn't matter they just they have to they just let i've never gotten trouble one time and trust me i cheated on everything if you can't tell they did not they did not care they're like what okay i bet that it's a group assignment now yeah that's cool mr bors out here but i've never heard of a substitute bus driver like that because i feel like bus drivers already are a little flaky like

you gotta have some you gotta have some subs on deck dude dude i can't find that guy's voice. Okay, here we go. Let's keep going. Yeah, man. So one time I saw this robin's nest in my front yard when I was a kid. And being a dumbass, I was just like, yeah, I could probably roast this egg in the sun. So I literally cracked open the egg just to be mortified that there is a little baby bird's body in this egg. And I instantly panicked. And needless to say, I never got to fry the egg.

That's so fucked up. You're so dumb. I actually just thought of another one. What did I do when I was a kid? I think I actually got caught doing this. I ate like an ant. And it bit my tongue. And for some reason, my mom was... I was like, why am I doing this in front of my mom?

I got in trouble for eating an ant. I was like, how's this even me? Like, how am I getting in trouble for this? Like, it's just like me figuring out how the world works. An ant bit the shit out of my tongue and I was like crying and stuff. And I thought, oh yeah, that's how it happened. My mom was like, what happened? And I was like, an ant bit my tongue. I can't believe I just said crying and stuff. And I thought, oh yeah, that's how it happened. My mom was like, what happened? And I was like an ant bit my tongue. I can't believe I just said that four times.

Oh, we used to babysit this little girl. This is wild. And I was just bored as a kid. My mom always wanted me to go outside because I was like too like crazy in the house, probably in like break stuff. So she'd always be like, Benny, outside. Like I didn't have one second to be inside.

It was like every commercial break during a show. I had to like go like weed eat the grass. Can you air raid the backyard during commercials of Spider-Man Saturday morning? I'd be like, oh my okay. Jesus Christ. Is it back on yet? I'm in the background backyard with grass stains on my shoe on a John

Deere. Dude, I didn't have one second to be inside so I was outside I didn't have one second to be inside I was outside like jacking around like through a bat like I'd be outside making up games and stuff and we babysit these little girls and they're outside too. My mom's like planting flowers or something. My sister's like doing something dumb, probably like playing pepper with a volleyball against the garage. I'm playing basketball in the driveway and like the ball, you know, when you shoot, like you shoot from like the deep corner

and you get a bunch of air on it. It's like your three-point line in the driveway because your driveway is only like to the free throw line on a real basketball court maybe so like my post game was kind of kind of nasty but everything else bro nothing didn't have a three-point line my three-point line was just the third like sidewalk block after the driveway but i shot i heaved one from there just just butter. That's what I thought. But it clanked off the rim and hit something and just rolled so fast into the street. So I was like, oh shit.

And then you get in flash mode. You're like, you just take off Usain Bolt type shit. You're so fast. While the balls were only trying to catch up to it. You know what I mean? Then I turn around, stop it with my foot, turn around, look at the house and just boot the hell out of it, dude. Just kicking a basketball, but I kicked it the way like on the top of my laces. So it felt like, Oh, it felt good, dude. And it drilled that little girl right in the front of the right in the front like completely flat just

and she didn't make a sound and my mom didn't even look i was like i think i hugged her for four and a half hours my mom was like oh you're very caring i was like yeah so uh probably shouldn't have said all that, but from anonymous, that's something that happened. Let's keep going. Scrubbed my roommate's toothbrush up against my butthole. The way he couldn't wait to say butthole and kind of like emphasize hole too much.

Scrub my roommate's toothbrush up against my butthole. One more time on hole, just because it sounds like haul and it's even funnier. Butthole, which is what it is. Scrub my roommate's toothbrush up against my butthole. That's what you call the part after the doorway of your asshole. It's called the butthole. One more time. Scrubbed my roommate's toothbrush up against my butthole.

All right, I'm six, but all right wow that's serious though i've never been that mad at anybody ever we used to do some crazy shit like that too at like work not like that but like actually i'm not even talking about it but maybe i should now that i said i'm not going to talk about it like we'd there'd be insoles that you'd had to put in shoes when i worked at the mall like like like uh only the employees messed with them it wasn't like a thing that like uh customers ever saw but like inside of a shoe that's on the wall of a shoe store there's like a there's like a thing that like scrunches up and makes a shoe look like full on the wall. So, you know, you know, you have shoes at your house and they look all like loose and like flappy and shit. Well, this thing would like keep them sturdy.

And one time, dude, one time, one of the guys we worked with, who is the funniest person I've ever met in my life, put it all in his ass and gave it to our boss. It was like, hey, this this I don't know what's wrong with this thing. Have you ever did you did you is this a new one or something and our boss was just like well what the hell is I don't throw that away and we're just it we're just out here to laugh in our

dicks off like behind like shirts and shit. We're like that's my whole life in one story, but all right, let's keep going okay so when i was young it was my duty as the older sister to straight up torment my little sister so i got all the neighborhood kids the boys to pee in this cup and then i added like a tiny bit of like lemonade powder to the cup mix it up and I forced my little sister to drink it. And I don't really, I don't remember if she knew or not,

but eventually I told her it was pee and she was so mad, but I like scared her out of ever telling anyone what happened and like threatened to like dump more pee in her bed while she was sleeping or stuff like that. So, yeah. It's always pee dude like how come wasn't she like this is so warm but is that it is true though like you can't do shit when older people are like bullying you and the stuff you're just like all right damn i'll drink your pee just leave me alone isn't that that crazy? You have to result to that final drink

your pee. Did you put country time in it, though? Did you say that low key? Why does it sound not bad? Oh shit. Has anybody ever? I don't know. I've never done it. I did do that to somebody, though. I peed in a Mountain Dew bottle for sure, and like when my mom was gone one time i had like seven people over and i was like bro you want some mountain dew spit it all over me spit it all over the ground i was like wow sorry dog it's just a joke literally drank my bacteria i got mad at him felt so bad the next day though i did it whoops peeing country time lemonade though i'll have to try it this weekend that's some race day shit right there all right let's keep going

well the most fucked up thing i did as a kid well me and my sister growing up never really got along so one time when I was really mad at her I used her toothbrush to clean the toilet and I watched her brush her teeth with it after and also on April Fool's Day I

switched out her Reese's Puffs cereal with dog food and watched her eat it. Just ends it with a laugh. You evil ass. Have you ever just looked at dog food and been like, on my worst day,

wouldn't be too bad. Sometimes they make it look good. Like when dogs are eating dog food and cats are eating cat food, I'm like kind of making that look good, Shorty. Talking to a literal cat. Damn. Damn socks. Let me get a bite.

Let me get a bite, socks. Selfish ass. Like a cat would ever share food with you. Oh, my God. If you had a cat's food that would rip your face apart at night cats are just the worst things i said it but what was the first thing she said can't remember anything well the most fucked up thing i did as a kid well me and my sister growing up never really got along. So one time

when I was really mad at her, I used her toothbrush to clean the toilet and I watched her brush her teeth with it. And also on April fool's day, I switched out her Reese's Puffs cereal with dog food and watched her eat it how do your little sisters and shit not know she wasn't like this tastes like shit actually I probably wouldn't know either for sure I'd be like you know it's okay but like I thought it'd be better maybe somebody did that to me the first time I had cookie crisp because I had cookie crisp one time and didn't have it ever again. Cause I was like, that sucked.

Like literally, I was really probably eating somebody's dog food at their house. It was like a prank. Cause I know I didn't eat cookie crisp at my house. Cause my parents would not buy me cookie crisp for anything. It had to be like my friends and they had to switch it out with like dog biscuits. Cause it's really not that good it's like the

most underwhelming thing ever cookie crisp should be the most fire cereal but no not a chance it tastes like milk bones so yeah but so her toothbrush felt dude some so i wonder how many times something's fallen in the toilet and i've just been like whatever the water's clean like i think that all the time toothbrush my whole bottle of lotion fell in the toilet the other day i was like what am i gonna do throw it away this lotion was like 18 dollars there's just like toilet water in my lotion now. I'm like, probably works better, but toilet water is clean, isn't it? Once somebody, once somebody was like, you know, your dog's mouth or something's dirtier than your toilet. Oh, the dirtiest thing in your house isn't your toilet. It's like your sink. I don't know why

I said sink like that, but it's true. The dirty sink in your house isn't your toilet. It's your sink. And that's where you walk. Like that's where all your shit is that you eat with. Once I heard that, I was like, damn, what are we doing here? Why aren't we washing our dishes in the toilet? When dogs drink out of the toilet, I'm like, bro, be more desperate. Like like just tell me you're thirsty you don't have to go to those lengths so annoying when dogs drink out of the toilet my dog would like take the toilet paper and like put it in its mouth and then like run laps around the house so i'd get home and be like all right, living rooms mummified.

A hemotep is in the kitchen now unraveling. Yeah, but shit, I'll do anything. The toothbrush in the toilet wouldn't bother me too much. That's why I don't brush my teeth because I don't know what the fuck you guys are doing. My toothbrush. All right, let's keep going. Hey Ben, love the show. Oh, I love you.

The fucked up thing I did as a kid. I was in first grade and I went to use the bathroom. This guy's voice is on point. And I brought a paper clip into the bathroom with me, unfolded it, and you're a little kid you're

pretty curious um maybe a little too curious um i uh unfolded the paper clip and stuck it directly in my dick hole not too far because i didn't want to really fuck something up why did i'm getting a call can't do it i gotta put my my computer on airplane mode but i just wanted to see what it felt like and it was definitely very unpleasant and i don't recommend doing that at all and i never really talk about it because of how stupid it was and i just hope i can have kids today and i hope it didn't really fuck up anything internally for me. Um, but yeah, that would have to be it. Love the show, man. Keep it up. Oh man. I love you, but damn dog all the way in. I wonder how far he went. Cause I think about that

sometimes you ever see that video that like circulated on the internet. I think it was called something in a sandbox, kids in a sandbox, probably not kids, but it was called like something in a sandbox. And this dude was just jamming something up there. And I was like, is that? And he said,

he looked like he liked it. So ever since I saw, I'd like cringe and throw up when I saw it. It's like one of those things you look up when you're in like seventh grade. You're like, oh! You like send it to your friends. You're like, watch this. And they open it and watch it.

You're like, oh. Not that I still do anything like that, but. But ever since I saw that video, I was like, does that feel? A paperclip though? Bro, you should have definitely gone like Q-tip with it. Ever since I saw that video, I was like, does that feel a paperclip though? Bro, you should have definitely gone like Q-tip with it just in case that might hurt more though. It's a lot of cotton going on in there. That happened to me one time.

This is a crazy. I'm just going to say it. One time me and this girl like and I felt weird after like down there. And I was like, what the, I was like, I swear to God, like this, this girl, did she like have something like this? I was so freaked out about it. And I went to go get like, I went to like the clinic the next day and this was like early clinic, like, like it was like emergency run at like 5 a.m.

Like when, when you don't have to sign up, you just go in there. It's the worst thing ever. But I was like, I got to figure this out. Cause I'm not just going to be like dealing with this. Cause it's in the back of your head. And I was like, I can't. So I just went ASAP to this clinic and the way they tested you then they took like a, they took like a sharp looking

q-tip with no cotton it's just like a sharp rim and they just dude they went in and i was like are you sure and she's like yeah we gotta like get the and i was like have you ever had your life flash before your eyes with a razor going into your dick me neither the the feeling i dropped to my knees because it was such like an overwhelming overwhelming traumatizing thing for me i was like are you done i was seriously like i could not believe it and the nurse had to be like, I'm so sorry. She was saying it the whole time. And I was just like,

and she goes, if you need to go do anything or any, just go ahead. I'll be in here and we'll get you out of here in a second. And I was like, did you just kill me? And I went in the bathroom and peed, fell to my knees,

hands on my face. Anyway, it's okay. Your boy was negative. Thank God. But Jesus Christ. So I kind of feel you, bro. And if you can't have kids, me neither. Paperclip though, still kind of dangerous. I think I thought he was going to say he's going to put that up his ass and I was kind of hoping that and then at the last second I was like if he says dick is going to be horrible. Yeah.

Wow bro at school too. You got balls dog. I mean not that they're going to work or anything but you got them all right let's keep going a fucked up thing i did as a kid i was in fourth grade my teacher had a bird's egg that we were trying to hatch and it was blue and shiny and i just like wanted to touch you guys are fucking birds up by the way someone was looking

i went over to touch it and it totally cracked and ruined the project and no one saw so i just ran to my desk and sat back down nobody knew who cracked the egg it was me and the teacher tried to find out who did it and no one ever found out and i still feel bad about it to this day rest in peace blue jay whatever you are oh my god take it easy on the bird kingdom birds do be dying though what i did some oh dude you're not going to believe this shit. All right. I was walking from like, I used to work in the weight room in college just because it

was a do nothing job. All you had to do was rack weights and I just did homework the whole time because all I did in college was homework. No, I didn't. I did one thing and I went to one party and it's just all homework after that. I don't understand how no one else had homework, but I was always doing it. So I took this weight room job

and I was walking from the weight room to the cafeteria and then I was going to go to my dorm and I was going into the cafeteria and I was just like on my phone, like just whatever, minding my own business, like about to like walk in the doors. Dude, and there's this praying mantis that I didn't see. And it's just like looks i look

up kind of and i thought it was a cat i was like and i look up and it's a fucking praying mantis and my first reaction was just instant kill dude i i was like i gotta kill it and like i jumped on it with two feet. Like, you know how a praying man is. He'd be like, God, get away. Get out of here. I went like this. And right before I landed, it goes.

I swear to God. I felt like I killed a baby. I ran inside so fast. I don't think I ate for the next two. I didn't even get food. I was like. It literally said no, and I heard it, and I'll never forget it. Wow.

Maybe I set myself up for this podcast. I'm going to get like arrested by someone. I had to kill it. It was going to get like arrested by someone. I had to kill it. It was going to kill me. All right, let's go. In a prank, Mantis, you know, damn. Young Mantis is like the reincarnation of it. He's going to ruin my life.

Love you, twin. All right, let's keep going. One of the most fucked up things I did as a kid was whenever I leaked Hillary Clinton's nudes on MySpace. Whenever I, like, because I found them in a barrel during the Boston Tea Party. And it was me and my buddies. I think it was LeBron James. We were hanging out.

We found them. We're like, oh my God, dude, everyone needs to see this. Actually, we got in a fight with Bill Clinton right after, but I mean, it was worth it, but that was really fucked up. I didn't tell anyone. It was me who leaked the nudes on MySpace. LeBon took all the blame but besides that um another fucked up thing i did was this was i accidentally pulled the chair out of um the george washington whenever he was sitting down for dinner one time at albeck steakhouse and um ended up can we always get one of those though i know it was like he was good he was pretty good with it he was pretty nice with it but can i think i think that should be like a week like someone should do that every week but like make it like killer when he said george washington i was

sold anytime you bring up a war reference or george washington along with like a an object from today's world I am on the floor dude I'll run to Cincinnati it'll be so funny you you give me a war reference I'm in Ohio Boston Tea Party for I I hate how at the beginning I was like, oh damn, he's the one who leaked those. I think that's actually it. Yeah, wow, that's it. It kind of ended good. Wow.

All right, Spresso, quick, quick, quick, quick question of the week. Another success. But okay. If you got any suggestions for questions in the future or something next week, hit me up, DM me. Thanks for liking the posts. Thanks for a million followers on TikTok. Love you guys. We're going to keep riding it out on the Espresso podcast, though, because it's the best pod in the world. But thanks for listening, guys. We're going to keep riding it out on the Espresso podcast, though, because it's the best pod in the world. But thanks for listening, guys.

Okay. Talk to you next week. I have fam.