Espresso - guilty pleasures

Episode Date: March 12, 2021

what up espresshoes ;') it's not a religious podcast but it is this week cuz @benderjoey is back whoops Ben and Joey make fun of catholic school. They go through the Fam's guilty pleasure DM's (like eating..... toast..... lol) then they explain why they have the hardest confirmation names of all time AND the craziest shit their parents did to them when they got in trouble as kids. Ben gives Joey a periodic table and states and capital quiz, they breakdown how good held back kids were at kickball and decide to adopt a highway (jk this whole podcast about Mark McGwire) They go #ViViViViral and do #DaysOfTheWeek but you already knew that 😎 UPCOMING SHOWS: March 12/13 Wiley's Comedy Club (Dayton, OH) 𝘿𝙈 𝙤𝙧 𝙏𝙬𝙚𝙚𝙩 𝘼𝙉𝙔 𝙦𝙪𝙚𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝘽𝙚𝙣 𝙩𝙤 𝙖𝙣𝙨𝙬𝙚𝙧 𝙤𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙥𝙤𝙙 ! (@benedictpolizzi) →→→ 𝗗𝗼𝗻'𝘁 𝗙𝗼𝗿𝗴𝗲𝘁 𝗧𝗼 𝗥𝗮𝘁𝗲 & 𝗥𝗲𝘃𝗶𝗲𝘄! 𝗦𝗲𝗻𝗱 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗵𝗼𝗺𝗶𝗲 𝗮 𝗖𝗮𝗺𝗲𝗼 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗕𝗲𝗻!: https://v.cameo.com/E48BXekQ29 𝗧𝗶𝗸𝗧𝗼𝗸: https://www.tiktok.com/@benedictpolizzi?source=h5_m 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗧𝘂𝗯𝗲: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXRwNZpU67AK24r5QGfIfCw 𝗜𝗻𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗺: https://www.instagram.com/benedictpolizzi/ 𝗧𝘄𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿: https://twitter.com/benedictpolizzi

The Espresso Podcast is brought to you by Wave 1 Media. If you want to start your own show, visit thewave1.com. wave1media.com.com. Uh, yeah. Catholic boys Back again Yeah It's Ben Polizzi I was baptized when I was a little motherfucking baby

Uh Dip my head in the water Feels nice Now I'm about to turn up On the blood of Christ Oh, alright I baptized baby Ben His mom's a chicken hen 19 crimes we go out i need 19 limes 19 dimes yeah we're nice boys joey bender's here for the reunion reunion. We're well behaved. And we stay

after communion. No hosting coast. Benny P is the host with most. Now, shot 149. Let's toast. Somehow,

we fucking did it! We brought it back. Somehow We fucking Did it We brought it back I mean You were losing me I was losing myself I was losing myself I'm Eminem

You did lose yourself You gotta lose yourself You brought it back Alright thanks Espresso Shot 149 Comedian Joey Bender He's back

Again you guys might also know me from your DMs Remember to follow on TikTok, Instagram, Cameo All at Benedict Polizzi And all at Joey No Bender Joey Bender Joey Thank god there's an underscore When people have underscores I'm like

Dude how sick is it when people get like a Gmail account That's like benpolizzi at gmail.com? You can't ever get your real name. Dude, I work with like three people who have their real name. I'm like, who did you kill? Were you the first person on the internet? Who'd you kill? Yeah.

Is your real name Benjamin? Benedict. Bernadad. Bernadad Pelosi. Police. Stinging the Bernadad police. Remember to rate, review, subscribe Tell the homies and ting-tings about the Espresso Pod

Because it's a thing It's a thing Shows this weekend Wiley's in Dayton For Friday and Saturday Man, the janitor just walked by and saw me shirtless Not that we're shirtless, but he just looked at me And we're fully shirtless.

It's too hot in here for shirts. Shows this weekend for me. I just got a shower radio. I'm going to be doing a live one before I go out Friday and Saturday night. I come to get my followers live out of my shower. Oh. At Bender Jail. What's up, man?

Watch parties. At Bender Jail, Abe What's up, man? Watch parties You've been doing a lot of watch parties? That's where you show off your collection Of Rolexes Yeah Watch parties What's up? I'm having a watch party come through Everybody comes through and you're like

These are the four I got This is the one I got from Christmas when I was 12 Still have it This is the one I got from What's the sacrament where you get to pick a name? Confirmation This is my watch from confirmation Hey, what's your confirmation name?

George Mine's dominic you got to pick it though right so you picked george yeah why uh because he was a patron saint at the time of police and firemen so like everyone hates me i mean i thought like when you're a kid you're like you think firemen and police are kind of tight you know they're like oh they go do tight shit and then uh so i was like ge George is the patron saint of police and firefighters. And I was like, you know,

I mean, those people at the time seemed like they were good dudes, but it's really just cause you liked Eddie George. Yeah. George Mirison. He was, you're wearing an Eddie George Jersey to the confirmation meeting. They're like,

what do you want your name to be? You're like George because he's a patron saint of cops. Yeah. They're like, are you sure? And you're like, for sure. Yeah.

Why, why would you think that Titans jersey on They're like so everyone Came ready with their Name today right And I was like Everyone had it written down And like why they wanted it

And I just like I mean this was before You had your phones and shit And I think it was like On the wall at the church It was like Patron George Pray for us

The priest is like Do you have a second choice? And you're like, Steve McNair. Do you have a third option? Jeff Fisher? Jeff Fisher, please. Jeffrey? Not even one name, just two names the whole time. The whole time.

I'm Joseph Eddie George Bender. Dude, I can't believe that's not a thing ben benedict mark mcguire polizzi they say it during a confirmation yeah everybody's name like you graduated from some just something you have to go up to the front geeky and they say everybody's name yeah pray for us for everyone who doesn't know we eddie george bender pray for us. For everyone who doesn't know. Eddie George Bender. Pray for us for all your sins. Benedict Mark McGuire. Pray for us. So for everyone who doesn't know what you know how it works is like there's a one of the eight sacraments is getting confirmed, I guess. It's like when it's similar to like when refs go to like a replay and they're like, we've confirmed that he is, in fact, Catholic. It has been.

It's basically you go into the replay for Catholicism. And the replay booth is just the confession booth. They basically just look at me baptizing Ben, and they see the dip, like the head touched the water, and they're like, there's a little... When my head comes up. How do you make that noise? Right in the fountain. Right when my head goes in the water. Right when one hair on my head comes up How do you make that noise? Right in the fountain Right when my head goes in the water Right when my

One hair on my head Touches the water Upon review He's in Touchdown I don't know why I'm so much older than you In all these stories But I'm like

That's my boy What'd you say Like when you When you had confession You had to do that for sure What was like your go-to sin? Lied to my mom and dad I said I talked back

Yeah I talked back I talked back Because the thing was You'd sit in the gym And everyone would sit at a distance And then there was like It was like social distancing Yeah yeah

It was even a thing Like ten chairs on the gym floor And everybody else sat in the bleachers That's what we did You'd sit close enough To where you were talking ear to ear But like The longer one of your boys It was even a thing. Like 10 chairs on the gym floor and everybody else sat in the bleachers. That's what we did. You'd sit close enough to where you're talking ear to ear. But like the longer one of your boys was sitting down there, you're like, my dude is a savage. He definitely stole something from Speedway last weekend because he's going in.

He was at Sam Goody and got that new 50 Cent album. Yeah, he stole T.I. Trap music. I always try to sit as close to the floor as I can during confessions so I can hear's lies you dude you're sick i can't hear anything so i never i would just dress up as a priest hey what's up what happened what'd you do huh no fucking way. No way, dude. You fucking cheated on that test? Just fucking dying. Guess what? Hey, me too. I'm just kidding.

I don't go here. I don't go here. They're like, dude, we hung out last night. I'm going to start doing that. Just going to every confirmation, dress up as a priest. What's good? I have no idea. Hey, I'm from Holy Rosary School.

So made up at school. You look way too chill to be a priest. Your feet are up on the chair. You're like shooting free throws and shit. Ball, ball, ball. During the confession. Okay. All right.

So the question of the week was, what's your guilty week was What's your guilty pleasure? What's your guilty pleasure? Uh It's when you Honestly my I thought about this Is when you would talk back to your mom And you knew that you like

You were right And you were right I hated that Dude I mean I was cool with it You're up in your room It's like alright Dude

Like when you're up in your room You're like I mean I You know I got spanked or whatever But like When she goes I'll never forget this.

This was before these types of things were so public, but I think I was the first one to say this. She's like, you're being a dumbass. And I was like, dude, you sound just like your mom. Yeah. Damn. She's like, you're being a dumbass. And I was like, or she goes, stop being a smartass. Sorry.

She goes, stop being a smartass. You're always being a smartass. I go, well, I'd be a smartass and a dumbass like you and i got you said that yeah are you still grounded i mean does she still have your phone she knows where i am right now she dropped you off yeah that was the fun you don't get to drive anymore she knows where i am because she dropped me off yep get in there you said that to your mom how old were you you? I mean, I was pretty old. I was like 12. But I thought it was like the most heat comeback.

Dude, but 12 years old, you've never gotten in trouble more than when you were 12. No. Dude, you can't do anything right when you're 12. It's like, dude, I don't know what to do. How about when you made your parents laugh and then got in trouble after? Your mom was like, don't say that. Go to your room. When I said that, she laughed.

But you know when you laugh, you get angry and you laugh? Like, you're so mad you laugh. It was one of those laughs. It wasn't like it was actually funny laughs. She's like, ha, you fucked up. I could tell deep down that she's like, that's not bad. Yeah, he's got a little something in the tank. I mean, I'm about to.

He's going to make the A team next year. So, her thing was to get me and my brother from running away, because my mom's six feet tall, she would grab one of our arms and hold us up like a pinata and spank us that way so we couldn't run you know it's like you'd be dangling in the air your mom's strong as she's dude she's so strong just tootsie rolls falling out of your pockets and so what the She'd spank us. Change. Everything's falling

out of your pockets. A little fucking blackjack. Blackjack games handheld falling out of your pockets. A Pokemon Go just shatters a window.

Your mom's like, holy fuck, I didn't know Yeah, I didn't know this was in there. Where'd you get all this? Guilty pleasure.

Yeah, that's a good one. Sassing back. Yeah, nothing, but when you sass back and you got what good one. Sassing back. Yeah, nothing. But when you sass back and you got what you deserved. When you got in trouble when you were a kid, what was the go-to punishment your mom did? The ass smack?

No, I mean, we rarely got spanked. I said that, and right away I was like. I'm already spanked. Yeah, but I was like. It came to my head right at the time. I wasn't smart enough to say something like that but I like it just came to me and I was like rather be a Smart ass and a dumbass and then she's like what I was like like you I can't believe you said like you I

Cannot believe it Yeah, I'm sorry, I mean mom's your regret it I don't know if I said that I might be making that up the whole thing Yeah I mean, mom's- Do you regret it? I don't even know if I said that. I might be making that up. The whole thing. Yeah. But it's what- You're like, I don't even have a mom. You know when you- I only have a dad. You know when you didn't say something that you wish you said? You tell people.

That you said it, but you didn't say it? Like, if I say something funny, I'll be like, yo, my friend said this. Yeah. And if they laugh, I'm like, all right, I'm saying it next time. No, no. See, yeah, like, that's other people's guilty pleasure that they take from me. It's like you say something, and then your friend says it louder. And then everyone laughs in the room, and they look right at you,

and you look right at them. And you can't be like, I said it. You look at your friend, and you're like, you owe me literally $1,000. You can't be the guy who's like, actually, I was the one that said it first. I said it first, guys. Dude, how? Dude. The disrespect from the guy that took it from you, though.

But then you look like such a, you know. I actually, no one's ever done that. Has anyone ever done that? I've never seen that live. To be like, quiet down, sucker laughter. Like in history class. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like ever.

Like on this day in 1846. George Washington said. Mark McGuire Polizzi stood up and said, nay. I saideth. Took his bifocal. I said it. I'd rather be a smartass than a dumbass. Before

Joey Steve McNair Benny George said it. Alright, let's go through these DMs. What the fuck are we talking about? I can't wait to edit this podcast. Anyway, DMs. What the fuck are we talking about? I can't wait to edit this podcast. Anyway. Here we go. Guilty pleasures.

Matty Cheek guilty pleasures. I fucking love toast. That's the most non-guilty fucking pleasure of all time. Toast That's the most non-guilty Fucking pleasure of all time Toast Toast

The first thing ever eaten What if she was just like White bread Food Guilty pleasure Dust on top of my VCR Cleaning it off Only the first thing

tadpoles guilty pleasure chase foster 10 guilty pleasure fazoles that's fair that might be the best one we have all night Perkins used to be mine

oh like your favorite pacer of all time no not Sam smooth Perkins the big smooth from the corner? Yeah. Nah, Perkins was. The one that wore a do-rag in an actual game? Not him. Not him.

Not a shooter's sleeve, but a do-rag? How hard was he? You know nobody fucked with him ever in the locker room. Dude, imagine fighting him. You know he was just like playing dice and shit. Yeah, like on the side. This is before they ever looked at the bench for reactions. So he was just shooting it.

How come he was on the Pacers and he was literally 62 years old? Dude, he was 62 and he was standing in the corner. And when the ball would go to him, everyone would go, smooth. No choice but to shoot a three. And then he was left-handed. And he had no, his vertical was like one inch. And he would just. Negative two.

He couldn't even jump over a dictionary. Dude, he's the same player. Depends, dude. Pocket or Merriam-Webster? Webster Pocket. Yeah, Webster Pocket, yeah. For sure, he couldn't jump over that. He shoots the same shot at LA Fitness to this day.

He made millions doing it. Never made a layup. Smooth. There could be five guys on him with their hands in. Yeah, yeah. And he's shooting it. That's mean. Fazoli's always kind of gas if you think about it.

A little bit? I mean, bottomless breadsticks goes way hard. But, I mean, you got to really look into how is that possible. You know that nothing, like, nothing. I used to get meatball subs at Fazoli's. Nothing compares. No meatball sub compares to Subway's meatball sub. I mean, from an Italian guy like yourself, that says a lot.

It's like saying a burger. Nothing really compares to the Big Mac, honestly. Yeah, I mean, dude, I ate that with a peel on. The cardboard? I ate the cardboard straight through. And he hit, like, how many home runs that year? No. I'm just kidding. I hit the cardboard straight through. And he hit, like, how many home runs that year? No. I just keep sending him out.

Mark McGuire. We're like, dude, we don't talk about sports. We're so in love with Mark McGuire. We're like, don't say it, don't say it. We didn't say we were going to say it this time. Mark McGuire. This is a Mark McGuire podcast. Dude, he listens.

I talk about Mark McGuire every single podcast, 148 weeks straight. Nine now. I'm done, dude. Go cards. I'm done. All right, here we go. All right, a couple more. T.M. Selya.

My guilty pleasure is being a huge Predators fan but watching all Blackhawks games. Is that like Chris Hansen? Huge Predator fan. To catch a Predator? I'm a Predator fan. Isn't that the craziest? That's their name?

Nashville Predators. Hey, who's their name? Nashville Predators. Hey, who's your mascot? Chris Hansen. It's just a guy. Just like a four-year-old single guy. With a black hoodie and a backpack? No, not even creepy. He's just like got a knee brace on. What up? Dude, I wore a knee brace to golf the other day.

Nashville Predators mascot. Just a white guy's face with a goatee and sunglasses chewing gum. Dude, he just says wanna chill. What's that? He's mascot, just a white guy's face with a goatee and sunglasses chewing gum. Dude just says, want to chill? What's that? He's just always texting. Their logo. Their logo.

He has a Motorola phone. Yeah, that big black, Blackberry, dude. All weird people out of Blackberry. Trying to hang out. The guy with all the nudes in high school, Blackberry. Blackberry. Of course, the rolly ball. Tits, tits, tits, tits. What are you, an executive assistant?

Yeah, to the Predators. That guy's so nice with the remote, though. Have a seat for me. The halftime show at every Predators game. Amazing. Who was like, that's our nickname? Predators. Halftime show.

Have a seat for me. The Nashville Predators halftime show is just the confession floor at your high school. Yeah. Ten priests come out. They slide ten priests out of the room. That's right. Luke McGrath.

Guilty pleasure. Listening to white girls sell essential oils. There's no, that's got to be from last week. What do you mean whistling? Listening. Did I say whistling? Yeah, I thought you said whistling.

Guilty pleasure whistling. I'm like, yeah. He's like, whistle while you sell. Guilty pleasure. Lion heart Tammy. I sometimes trip strangers on the subway Just a little swipe foot Nothing major And either duck away or pretend it was an accident

I even flat tired Once or twice Makes me giggle Flat tires aren't bad But into the subway Like into the tracks I was thinking like fast food i was thinking i'm gonna trip somebody right into into and do it right into the chips into a five dollar foot long

right into the fountain bro right into the trash can chips on drink uh what would he be having i talk about Subway every fucking podcast Subway and the fucking St. Louis Cardinals That's what this is about What's your podcast The Bio Comedy podcast about St. Louis Cardinals And Subway

Sandwiches Who's not listening Jared's from Indiana Nashville Predators Jared The Predators mascot's Jared from Subway With his jeans dude Their logo

Alright let's go viral. Viral. Viral. Viral. I like tadpoles. Hashtag I'm going to raise my kids on Have you ever like thought of something

You're gonna like do to your kids I mean I don't I'm not the Predators mascot now You're not a priest I'm not a priest no I was an altar boy though so I can imagine I have a feeling like my dad thought about this And he's like when I have a son

I'm gonna make sure I watch Rocky once a week. Once a week. And hopefully he just walks downstairs and sees a training montage. Because that worked. When they put the noise nodules on the kid thing, it's just like the Rocky theme song. First time I opened my eyes at the hospital, it was just... Drago! Like, right when you came out, you had a fresh haircut? I came out like this, on top of a fucking mountain with a leather coat on.

You're like, I'm from Philadelphia. Like, you're actually in New Palestine, Indiana. And we still need to cut your umbilical cord. You're like, I'll cut it myself. You're like, if I die, I die. Cut me, Mick. Cut me. You have a mouthpiece in?

Cut me, Mick. When his eyes do so, he's like, cut me, Mick. That's you. That was you when you came out. I came out like this. Cut me, Mick. Those are your first words. Cut me, Mick.

Cut me, Mom are your first words cut me cut me mom i was all taped up and they're like all right now we're gonna take them to the next room just punching me there's meat hanging yeah yeah you're not even a premature baby you're like a what's it called when you're born late? Like a post-mature baby? Post-Malone? Yeah.

We're just going to scratch all our name ideas. Call him Malone. Hashtag at my age. Hashtag At my age Hashtag at my age You can't eat anything anymore I can eat like one thing a day I can eat like four grapes You're plant based I can eat everything

You can eat like six donuts and feel like A million I eat as many Tums as I do meals I've never had Tums Tums dude you're out of, you're out of your lane. I'm on the interstate. I'm on the shoulder with that. You're literally on the shoulder with a car jack

trying to figure out how to get past that stromboli you just had. I've got AAA on. And they're like, oh, dude. I'm FaceTiming AAA. AAA comes up like, here's some Tums. Right back in your lane. Dude, at my age... Your knee ever buckle?

Buckle, I mean, does it not buckle? Do you work at the buckle? God damn it, we're not fucking funny. Your right knee ever buckle right And you ever buckle Then you gotta buckle the other one Just to make sure nobody saw it Yeah The other one too

Alright Yeah I just did that on purpose I look like Tom Hanks In Forrest Gump Before he busts out of his metal thing Like right before Like when they're still on You know I've never seen that movie

Oh don't be movie talk Fucking podcast We talk about two things here Subway And the fuckingah jazz okay how about this uh this podcast sucks my knee buckles so much i'm the fucking general manager at the greenwood park mall manager at the Greenwood Park Mall. The East Cape Mall. Fun fact about the Greenwood Park Mall.

I used to work there, obviously. You still do, but you did then too? Still do. I work at Sephora now, but I saw somebody walking around with their shirt off at the Greenwood Park Mall. And no one said anything. And it was... No one made them buy a shirt.

No. They hired him Yeah They're like Yeah you want to work at the subway here The kid with the shirt off Like who's the manager And they're like

This is us and McGuire The guy with the shirt off Milk mustache But here's something Here's a fun fact for you Milk mustaches When they recorded them They would put like

Yeah it was paint Yeah it was like Yeah painted on It was like cream I was thinking that I was like That's gotta be like Vitamin fucking Z milk

Yeah Dude that's on the Periodic table of elements Yeah What's your favorite element Coffee creamer Potassium It's okay of elements. Yeah, it's like this coffee creamer. What's your favorite element? Potassium.

It's K. I'm pretty sure K is gold, isn't it? All right, fucking Bill Nye. Fuck, it might be potassium. I thought P-T would be potassium, but... It's definitely K, dude.

K has to be gold. Potassium's K. What's gold? Gold on the periodic? It's GD. A-U. Oh, shit. What is K?

Potassium. Real shit, it's potassium. K. Didn't you just... Like when people say, instead of saying K now, when someone's like, hey, I'm going to be at your house in a minute, instead of saying K, I just say potassium. All right, so we're one for one. Quiz me on one.

You're going to look at that. All right, no, no, no. I got one for you. It's easy. Ionic metals? Go. No, no, no. I got one for you. It's easy. It's easy. Ionic metals? Go. No, no, no. This is easy. All right. Periodic table quiz.

What is chlorine? It's either CH. You're close. CL. Is it one letter? CL. Okay. Here's one for you.

Keep your eyes on me. What's iron? This is Okay, here's one for you. Keep your eyes on me. What's iron? This is one I was going to give you. I mean, this is... I was hoping you'd give me one harder than chlorine. I mean, yeah, I didn't get it right, but... I think it's... I'll tell you what I think it is. I think it's FN.

FN Lucci? YFN? I don't know, man. JustN Lucci? YFN? I don't know, man. Just look it up. YFN? Oh, is that your rap name? YFN Lucci, yeah. Shut the fuck up.

What is it? Iron? Was that right? It was, wasn't it? What do you think iron is? FN. Is this a... Was I right? I was, wasn't I? What do you think iron is? FN. You're wrong. Was it FI?

FE. No. Yeah. Are you good at... No, I just read and watch movies and... Are you good at periodic table shit? No, I'm good at... Ask me anything.

Anything you want. What's the capital of Montana? Bozeman. No, I'm good. Ask me anything. Anything you want. What's the capital of Montana? Bozeman. Did you just say fucking Bozeman? Yeah. That's probably not it. Halifax.

That's a last name. Halifax. What is it? It's either Bozeman or Halifax. Look it up. I know what it is. They called me Halifax, bro.eman or Hella. Look it up. I know what it is. They called me Hella Fax, bro. That's almost correct.

Hella Faux. Is it Hella Faux? Like Hella Faux leather? Everything I have in my apartment? I'm pretty sure it's Helena. Yeah, yeah. It sounds flame. Hella Fax, though. Imagine.

Hey, where do you live? Hella Fax. You know how kids like big facts? or they say like facts i'm like yeah i grew up in i just say montana i'm like i grew up in hellifax are you sure montana imagine dude imagine arguing with a kid from hellifax hey go to debate class with a kid from Halifax. See if you pass. Montana! When one thing, dude, Halifax. And he works at Xerox. Where are you from?

I'm from Halifax. I sell fax machines. Do something about it Like Jeopardy the beginning Like Dan Played the thing Like They're like Up next Benedict

Mark McGuire Polizzi From Halifax Works at Kinko's Sells fax machines Imagine winning

A fucking argument with me. That never happened. You can't. Like, he hits a button and Trebek's like, correct. This guy is right 100% of the time. Doesn't he have a left arm or leg? Two right hands. That's it.

He's always right. Because he's always right Johnson Johnson Dude Nobody is more right Nobody He loses He doesn't take any left turns

He's just No never Just drives in circles All fucking day Three lefts make a right That's all he ever says Anyway Anyway what are we even talking about

Hashtag One more hashtag Hashtag Hashtag I never forgot the first time 9-11 Where were you 5th grade classroom 4th I held back in kindergarten first time? 9-11. Where were you? Fifth grade classroom?

Fourth. And I held back in kindergarten. Held back kid was always super sweaty. Well, I sweated a lot, but I didn't have any armpit hair like every kid from St. Barnabas. Were you just fucking rocking home runs playing kickball? I didn't. Yes. Dude, our held back kid was so bad. Well, I didn't get actually, I wasn't like the held back kid.

I think I did like Nobody knew I did Mother's Day out twice And then I went into kindergarten late Oh nobody knew No no one had any idea I was just What about

How fucking How crazy would it be To actually get You know that's your biggest fear In grade school Is to get held back Dude I mean Like imagine being in second grade twice

Every kid that was held back Is currently in jail Every kid Name one held back is currently in jail. Every kid. Name one held back kid that's not in jail. Can't. Name one held back kid that didn't ride the bus. Name one held back kid that doesn't know how to cover the spread.

Name one held back kid that isn't calling JG Wentworth tomorrow. For cash. When? No. JG McGuire. Name one hell bat kid who isn't a Falcons fan. That's so fried. Why does that make sense? I don't know.

They love the Raiders and the Falcons. Raiders fans. Dude, every Raiders fan. 90% of Raiders fans were held back. So good at sports until eighth grade. Still getting their GEDs. You never forget the first time someone gets held back. No, I remember Virgil.

Never forgot the first time your dad cried. I still. Still, your dad hasn't cried? No, I think we saw him cry one time, but he did. He, like, recovered? Yeah. Dude, dad's, dude, why is that a thing? Dude, his.

The dad's in our generation. I saw a tear coming out, and then I think, and then he redacted it, and it came out of my own, like, ear. Like, when, like, your grandpa's like, what's that behind your ear? And they put a silver dollar. Your dad did that to you? With a tear. I'm like, damn it.

I just go swimming. He's like, what's in your eye? I'm like, what is it? Oh, and then I was crying. Dude, I've got a lot of flute in my ears lately. Well, I saw my dad cry once. Yeah, me too. Our dog died, and my dad came to my school,

took me and my brother out of class because they were about to put it down, drove us to the veterinarians. We stood around the dog while they put the shot in it. We all cried. We don't talk about it. We still have never talked about it to this very day. My dad listens to this podcast. He somehow can hear it right now.

I mean, he's not going to be happy when he hears this portion but i mean we were there we cried yeah first time my dad cried though what happened it's fucked up well tell us about it i don't know if i can just say it man stop picking your eyebrows did you get nervous you get them waxed. It doesn't matter. There's nothing there. First time my dad cried was when we returned a video to Blockbuster and it wasn't rewound all the way. He got fined. Dude.

And they called him out on it. In front of me. And he was super embarrassed. And he rewound you? Yeah. And he was like, and that fucking tear came down. And then he rewound it back into his eye With his own

With the remote from home He pulled it out of his pocket Hit rewind and the tear went And then he was like No dude And he just held me up like a piñata And started smashing me That's my mom's move

Don't fucking take my mom's move My dad and your mom are related. Maybe. And they're both fucking Titans fans. Is your mom one of nine? Huh? Is your dad one of nine? Nine kids?

Yeah, how come everybody had huge families growing up? That's what I'm screaming at the top of my lungs. I'm like, dude, everyone's like, oh, how am I supposed to provide for my kids during these hard times? I'm like, don't have them. Maybe you shouldn't have 14. Yeah. Let's do days of the week. I hate days of the week.

Wednesday. National Mario Day. Mario Andretti. Mario Lemieux. Mario, the plumber. Mario, the R&B singer. Omarion. Mario and Joseph.

Had a son. Signed to Maria. Spaghetti and Mariana. Oh, my God. That's pretty good. You win that one. You win that one. I think we both won that one

I mean there's no losers No not on this podcast National pack your lunch day Never bought hot lunch Same I never bought hot lunch And then I would tell everybody Well I would tell everyone in school that I've never had it And they'd give me some of theirs

And I kept doing it I did that for like four years I'd be like how's that buff chick Cause buff chick was the thing And I'd be like, how's that buff chick? Because buff chick was the thing. And I'd be like, well, it's delicious. Obviously, I've never had one. They'd be like, you've never had a buff chick? I'm going to go get you one.

Yeah, and they'd give me one, and then I kept doing them. We're Beach Grove Lunches Fire. That's where you went, I thought. I went to Decatur Central. That's right, D.C. Yeah, but I packed my lunch every day. One time my mom just gave me two pieces of bread forgot to put dude here's the thing is my me and my brother were six eight and

six six and uh like we were growing obviously like at some point during high school believe it or not and we were so fucking hungry all the time and you couldn't eat in class and so like we would take like my mom would give us two pb and j's some scoops, Frito scoops, some carrots. That was it. I can't believe you got scoops, though. That's like a Super Bowl party thing. I know, dude. You guys had that on the reg just on a Wednesday in April?

We were eating scoops. With nothing, though. No dip. That's the catch, dude. The Ronza sale rag didn't have any cheese. Yeah, they're always on clearance. Pretend there's cheese Act like there's buff chick dip

BCD And then we'd eat it during class And the teachers would yell at us for eating in class I'd be like dude look at my Look at my knees Feel my knees They hurt so bad Thursday

National Worship of Tools Day so bad. Thursday. National Worship of Tools Day. It's the day people pray for us. Because we're mechanics, not because we're douchebags. What were you guys thinking? I was thinking about that song.

He's not the sharpest tool in this show. Can you fire that up for us? I said, hey, I could use a little... Hey, what was your first CD? Pink. Actually, it was 3LW. No more. It was No More by 3LW.

It was the song I remember listening to first that I had bought with my own money. So much to see, so what's wrong? We're taking the back streets? You'll never know if you don't go. My favorite part of the song. You'll never know if you don't go. Ruh-ruh-ruh-roh.

Sounds like Scooby-Doo. What did he say? What did he say? You're not the sharpest tool in the shed. Hey now, you're an all-star. Get your game on. Go play. What did everybody say? You're not the sharpest tool in the shed. Get your game on, go play That's all I'm saying This isn't a day of the week I'm just listing my favorite centers of all time Except Jeff Saturday

Favorite centers of all time Saturday Name one other center Kevin my way Jets 99 It's my way Gonna take the highway

And there's gotta be a better way Better way My way My way Send me on my way Every time Kevin on my way Better in the way. Better in the way. Hey, yay, yay. My way. Send me on my way. Every time. Kevin on my way.

Oh, how many highways has he adopted? Yeah. My way or the highway? How many? It's my way. Okay, I didn't know where you were going with that. You brought it back. You lost me?

All I do is adopt highways. You ever see one and just be like. Your chromosome flared up? That 23rd flared up for a second and then you brought it back. You lost me. All I do is adopt highways. You ever seen one and just be like your chromosome flared up that 23rd flared up for a second. And then you've ever seen a median. This is adopt a highway. And you're like, damn, maybe I should. What would I call it? Kevin, my way. It's my way. Sunday Sunday National potato chip day What's your favorite chip? I was at the checkout line at CVS They had rotisserie chicken Pringles Just rotisserie chickens are so weird Why are they like all rubber banded up and shit?

But dude, it's like... Like I'd rather just buy a rotisserie chicken for the same amount as this entire tennis ball can. Yeah. Let's not give it more than it deserves. Rotisserie chicken Pringles. Where were they? I was in... How much were they?

It was like $2.39. Do they still have them there? Yeah Alright let's go Alright yo Shot 149 Espresso podcast Ben Polizzi

Joey Bender Remember to follow at What's your username? I'm just fucking with you Dude I know Everybody knows it's Joey Bender. BenderJ underscore dot dot dot PDF. At PDF dot JPEG.

At Halifax. At Halifax.org dot fax. That only right. Never left. That only fan. Never left Remember to follow on Instagram TikTok, Cameo And Twitter

All at Benedict Polizzi Thanks for listening I'll see you guys next week I have him I have him Cool so send her a published ad. Thank you.