Espresso - HA HOO ho HA

Episode Date: August 24, 2020

a drunk guy invented hockey | bob costas having sex | room raiders | praying mantis from hell | music teachers are psycho |

I don't know if this is good, but we're going with it. I kind of like it though. Yeah. I always have to do that. Oh. That pause. Talk about that pause. Right here.

Yeah. Way down right here. Yeah. Oh, shit. What's up yo 107 I like that That's all I do now Is just make sounds to songs I put that I posted that one thing That Damn I can't even think of the beat right now

Midnight City who knows you know probably everybody but me but this could not think of this for so long. Dramatic. Why'd I want to listen to that at 3 p.m.? I don't, I no no. It's such like a 10 p.m. song on a weird Tuesday. You're like, mm, yeah. But yeah, I don't know why I was listening to that, but I could not think, I would have, I still can't think of the name of that song.

Like 80% of people were like, that's Midnight City. Somebody said it was Yeah by Usher and Little James. Somebody said Yeah by Usher and Little James. And I was not supposed to laugh at that, but that was hilarious. Little James. It's like Little John's little brother. Yeah, okay, what? Yeah, by Usher and Little John is like...

It's pretty much the same thing. Because I was like, why would anybody... And then I listened to it and I was like, oh. Peace out, A-Town. Yeah! Uh-huh! Uh-huh! Uh-huh! God, just imagine if you had no idea what I was talking about. Oh, if you don't follow me,

and you're just listening to this like, okay. Sorry, but this is what we do on this pod. What else did they say? Darude Sandstorm? Me trying to do this. This is definitely something I should have rehearsed before I got on Nah bro It's definitely Yeah or Midnight City But yeah that was fun to actually

A lot of people were like Damn I know that song but I really don't know the name either So what's up man What's up The Jordan documentary's over That pretty much means it's the end of this whole thing Stuff's really starting to open up I'm kinda scared

I forget what my life used to be like I don't know if I like my old life. You know, like I'm so used to this. It's just like, yeah, this is it. Oh, what if it was this forever? Just buying stuff online and wasting time. Oh, I'm the king. I am. If you need some, oh man, I'm so good at wasting time. I swear to God. I can flip through apps on my phone. Like I can do that for eight hours and not get sick of it. I'm like, all right, I really need to stop doing this. And I do it for like eight more minutes.

How come every time I get out of the shower, I have to do that for so long? It's like, I can't, I'm like paralyzed. My body's like, no, no, you're not getting up and changing. No. I'm paralyzed. My body's like, no, no, you're not getting up and changing. No. Why is it so just towel on, sitting there on your phone in the worst posture of all time?

God, everybody take a picture of themselves after they take a shower on their phone. It's like the most caveman. Hold up. God, somebody from this radio station Just uh Messaged me I saw a pop up on my phone And it's always my worst nightmare That what I'm saying right now

Is like getting routed over the air Can you imagine if this whole podcast Was on a real network Yeah Jordan documentary is over the only thing I really I really didn't watch it like I should have I watched like the first two hours and I was like this is good this is so good this is good this is good and then after that I didn't watch it ever again two hours uh Excuse me, I have to be wasting time on my phone? Whoa. Bob Costas?

I couldn't really take any more of BC. Yes. Good. Yes. Costas. Bob Costas. Yes. Good.

Yes. Good. Yes. Costas. Yes. Good. Yes. Good. Yes. Castas. Yes. Two points. Nah, he's like never, he's only said good and yes. Bob Castas having sex.

Yes. Good. Yes. Good. Yes. Yes. Good. Bob Castas. Say my name. Say my name, honey. She's like, Bob Costas.

No, she just says Bob. She's like, Bob. And he's like, wrong. It's Bob Costas. Bob Cost Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Costas. So sports are going to start happening. Sports. Every time I say sports, I just feel so corny. Sports. So they're going to open back up in like a few states. The only sports we've had are like stop talking about sports if you guys haven't heard ashley our producer she's in here she just rolls her eyes and she's her gum really

loud and has like seems like are like, there's been some weird UFC fights with nobody there. Of course, you know? Just the weirdest sport would be like, we can do it. We can do it. Wrestling and stuff like that You can pick out a wrestler from 10 miles away Wrestling is such a different culture

Than any other sport Like when a kid in like high school was like You go around the room I play football I play basketball Kids like I wrestle Okay bro we know. They just got that wrestle face.

You're like, damn. Just get your ass beat every single day. And like the weight loss thing. They're like, I got to cut like eight pounds in two and a half hours. I'm like, all right. Wrestling cheerleaders. half hour so I'm like alright so wrestling cheerleaders

hey dad I think I'm gonna be a wrestling cheerleader I'm gonna be like ah okay give me a hug she like pins you throws you over her shoulder I don't really wanna go off the deep end Hockey too

Hockey's a weird ass sport That's a different culture too I've never seen a hockey player with short hair They all have long hair I hate when girls are like Hockey players are the hottest I'm like what? The weirdest

Even if you play hockey Yeah you're like, yeah, it's weird. It's just weird. The whole sport. It sounds like a drunk dude made of hockey. Like, um... I'm making three periods. Right? He's like elbowing his friend.

Three periods long. I'm a glass around it. Fly a glass around it. Make them fight. Make them fight. I don't know if they're bad at gun time out. at a gun timeout. When they hit three shots,

I just throw a jellyfish on there. Dude, well, that's shit. Hockey shouldn't be a sport. That was a weird come up. Somebody had to really be drunk and make that. And somebody's like, yeah, that's a good idea. Yeah, throw a bunch of jellyfish on the rink. And then it's like a big party.

Sirens behind the goal. Hats all over the rink. Hockey. Hockey video games though Turn me up Those are fun That's like my only thing Like you want to go to this hockey game I've had that request like two times And I'm like it's going to be freezing cold isn't it I did go to one hockey game And it was lit

I went to one ice game And it was like college night. So they like, it was actually, it was actually really fun. Cause we didn't, when you don't give a shit about the teams or you have no like connection, we just went to this game and they're like dollar beers. You guys can stand on the glass. We just literally banged on the glass like cavemen for like 48 hours, minutes. Still drunk.

Just talking so much shit hey rotledge hey rotledge he's like looking back guys in college they're all the same. Guys in college, they're all the same no matter what. Every college too. It could be like the biggest college in the world or the smallest college. They're all like, oh, natties. They're all all like all beer olympics i've never done beer olympics yet what is that oh i'd kill myself no i'd probably love it anytime i say i don't like something on this podcast forever from now on it means i love it so that means I love FaceTime. Guys in college.

How come like frat guys in college all look exactly the same? When like a pretty girl's dating a frat guy I'm like, ah! God! When like a pretty girl's dating a frat guy, I'm like, ah, God. Yeah, I'm doing my like internship at Northwestern Mutual and you want to go on the boat? Guys in college. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do. High white socks and low bowed shoes I don't know what's going on this weekend

But it's gonna involve a lot of booze What else, huh? Damn Okay, there's this video on the internet Of this person acting like they fell asleep And they're just laying on their bed With their phone in their hand They were recording and this person's dog

Got their phone, put it out of their hand Covered them up And turned the lights off Creepy I don't like that dogs are that smart Like I just like a dumbass Like fun dog I don't like a dog that's like

Does really smart ass dogs I'm just like Is that smarter than me? Anything that surprises me I'm like yeah it's smarter than me Little cousins and stuff They like say one intelligent thing I'm like, yeah, smarter than me. Little cousins and stuff. They like say one intelligent thing. I'm like, holy shit.

Not talking to them anymore. Smarter than me. Did you know, blah, blah, blah, blah. Or like when they surprise you. I was like playing ping pong with my little cousin, like fourth grade. And I was like, what do you want to do next? want to go inside like i don't know and he was like nah let's go outside so we can cool down before we go in in there with all the people i was like okay smarter than me okay well see you never

um i saw somebody praying before they ate is that weird i wish it wasn't weird but that is that that is kind of weird right when people like just go into full prayer mode before they eat i'm like okay okay go to go back to the holy city sir i'm like startled you're sitting down with a bunch of people and you're like, alright, let's do it. And somebody's like, I don't know. You can pray, but just don't like make such a big deal about it. God, we used that to pray before we ate so much

when I was a kid. I'd literally get yelled at if I didn't pray before I ate. How weird is that? God, I'm lucky if I pray before I go to bed. God I'm lucky if I pray before I go to bed like dude we're just eating like you're eating a lunchable God didn't even make that that's Oscar

Meyer pray to Oscar Meyer dude it's just that whistle that Oscar Meyer weenie whistle. Oh, what movie was that in? That was overwhelming. I was like, what is happening with this?

Was it the Santa Claus? I got into this. I was in this like... This like groove. I don in this like, this like groove. I don't know what they call it. I was in this like, I kept doing this all the time or I kept saying amen after stuff

that people would say. Like somebody would make a good point and I'd be like, amen. I was doing that for like six months. I just thought it was so cool. Amen. Like because I saw it on a movie or something and everybody's like, ha. But it was really like the lamest, corniest thing of all time.

I did it at one. Oh, my God. We were like, we're up like, no, we're losing at halftime of a game. And my coach says something. He's like, and then we got to smack these guys in the mouth. And I was like, amen. And it was so out of nowhere. I looked around and I think, oh man, it was so embarrassing. I didn't even look at any of my friends. I literally, I was so embarrassed. I looked at another coach and they were like, what the fuck? I literally, I was so embarrassed, I looked at another coach, and they were like, what the fuck? We're losing!

Look at this scoreboard, it was like 77 to nothing. I feel like such an idiot. I think, growing up, up playing sports and stuff, I think my teams... I swear I was on... I don't think anybody's gotten blown out as much as me on my sports teams. Sports teams. I swear to God, some games I'd just be like, where are they getting these dudes?

I'd say I'm like B+. Back then I was like B+. B+. I can run with you guys. I can run with you guys. But if you're cutting pizza, you guys take a seat. Let daddy do the work. Getting blown the hell out of a game that your your girlfriend's at you're like oh my god

I would seriously call a timeout and be like hey leave you can't watch this coach is like amen alright that's enough that's enough growing up I'd always play like so much harder when there were girls there

the most me thing. One time my roommate, Chiller, called me out on it. He's like, why do you always play so much better when she's here? I'd be like... Story of my life. I have no idea. But what if you sucked while she was there, you know? Have like 20 points when a girl's there.

When there's no girls there and it's just like parents, I'd have like six. Wow. He's an actual lion. Let's go viral. Viral. Hashtag. Just burped everybody heard it Ew gross

Oh Ashley you're back Yeah Sick Can you like Ew Can you like Ew What do you like eat anyway

Hashtag I thought I was in the twilight zone Oh god Hashtag, I thought I was in the twilight zone. Oh, God. This one time I was like, I was walking around campus at UND when I went there. And I was like, I'd always be up. Oh, man, I was always doing the weirdest shit. I guess that's everything I do now. But I was like walking around really late, like after work, like going back to my dorm.

And I was cutting through all the buildings, you know, because it's like cold or you just don't want to be outside. So you just like go through all the buildings. But I was like looking at my phone, walking, like getting ready to go in this door. And I saw something out of the corner of my eye and I looked up and it was like a huge praying mantis. huge praying mantis like the size of like a like a like it like got my attention it was like and I freaked out like it was under my like it was right next to my foot and it like looked like a dinosaur it was like ah it was so it was like chills like so I didn't know what to do and it was like fight or flight and I just I straight up it was so big I jumped on it like looking back I should just like kicked it but I like just freaked the fuck out so uh I didn't want to kill it but it was so big I had to jump on it with two feet and before like as I as I jumped in the air I to God, and I was coming down, it was like, no. I swear to God, it was like, no.

And I did not look back. It was like I felt, and I felt like shit after. I felt like I killed a squirrel. Bugs are real, yeah, but we don't count. Killing a squirrel and killing a bug is like two different things, yeah, but, like, we don't count, you know? Killing a squirrel and killing a bug is, like, two different things. But I felt like I killed, like, a baby or something. I, like, ran away.

And I went back there the next day to see, like, what. I thought the next day there would just literally be a pool of blood everywhere. Oh! No! Yeah, that was... That was so weird. It, like, ruined my night. I, like, started sweating and, like... Like, I felt like I just, like...

You know when you feel really guilty? Like, when you're in traffic and somebody, like, gets mad at you. Like, the other car, like, gets so super mad at you and you're like, Oh. Like, did I really? Wow. And then for, like, 15, like, 10 minutes, you're like 10 minutes you're like super like do you like turn the radio off all 10 and 2 your posture is like totally opposite

hashtag is so confusing man growing up I did Ooh Growing up I needed Somebody just walked by the studio and looked in here Like what the fuck Sorry Sorry for party rocking

I'm probably on air like throughout this whole city Growing up I did not understand math on air like throughout this whole city. Growing up, I did not understand math. I just was not good at math. Like anything with numbers, I'm like, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, anything. Numbers are like taxes. I'm like, I'd rather not

talk about it. I have no idea. So bad at math. One time during like a during a multiplication like test how how how crazy were those though time test you always heard like the really smart girl flipper paper over she's like like seven seconds after it started you're like holy shit i'm stupid one time i freaked out i think it was during the during the eights we did multiplication the eights and i could not remember any of them couldn't remember any of them and i just like went up to the teacher's desk And I was like I don't know

I think I'm free I don't know what's going on She's like do you need to I was like I can't remember any of them And she's like do you need to use the restroom or something And I was like I don't know Cause time's running out you tell me Then I think I had to retake it

And I probably got them all right But I probably got like an 80. Hashtag if I could talk to, if I could talk to God, I wouldn't, I wouldn't ask God anything good. I would just ask him like, yo, what are like, how many grapes did I eat? What's up with my pillow under the pillowcase? Just the real shit. Hashtag the conversation was. I'm having the hardest time hearing people with like the masks on under their, over their mouth.

Like I can't hear people in general. If I can't see their mouths, I'm in trouble. I can't hear anything. But if I can't see somebody's mouth, bro, I got no idea. I was trying to talk to this girl that works at a whole food. She's like, kind of like, she kind of cute. she's like kind of like she kind of cute she was trying to talk to me and we were like standing there like five feet away from each other and we both had masks on i swear to god we talked for one minute and we both had no idea what we were talking about i was just going off like eyes and i was like i gotta get the hell out of here the weirdest like end of a conversation

i was like okay uh all right i'm gonna get out of here even though she probably asked me a question she's probably like what are you doing what are you doing why did you get those granola bars i was like i gotta get out of here she's like oh sore subject why do you always come in here and why do you always buy a bunch of grapes and coffee? Why do you always come in here and buy really expensive stuff

that you can just make at your house? Alright, I gotta get out of here. Why do you always come in here and look at the rotisserie chickens for 10 seconds and smell them all up and down the road and then just leave? I was like, alright, I'll see you later.

Why do you always come in here? Okay, I'm done. I'm done. Hashtag what I miss about the 90s God Everything The music Why is the music just like

Yes Music in the 90s was just like Those are hits Or am I just old Cause my dad would be like Music in the 70s Now that's living The 90s just seemed like Or am I just old? Because my dad would be like, music in the 70s? Now that's living.

The 90s just seemed like it was brighter outside, I swear to God. It was brighter outside in the 90s. Bands were so in. Bands are in now, but bands in the 90s were like, wow! I feel like every week there's a new goddamn band. MTV in the 90s was lit too. Maybe that was more like 2000 to 2005. MTV was on fire.

Although that whole line of MTV shows was just hit. It was bangers. Why could I watch Pimp My Ride for like nine years straight? I swear there are only six Pimp My Ride episodes and they just looped them. And I watched the same one like four times and I'd be like,

whatever, yeah. Alright, I'll watch it again. Just them ripping out the seats in cars. All those shows were nasty. Room Raiders? So fake.

The fakest show ever. Yeah, we're just going to pull up this guy's house and kidnap the shit out of him. And then we're going to look at his bed and see if there's sperm on it. Room Raiders. That was like such the climax of the episode. Literally. When they took the blacklight out. What is What an invasion

of privacy. Every time it was like, oh my god. God, whoever thought about that. Whoever thought of that. It's so gross. God, in teenage...

Ew, dude. Just all over the place. Room Raiders. They just literally threw him in the back of a van and drove off. And he's like, what? Oh, I didn't even know. Yeah, right, dude. If Room Raiders happened today, those people would get shot.

Right after they knocked. Hey, what are you doing here? I'm going to check your bed to see if there's sperm all over it. And then that's it. I don't even know the goal of that show. Next was lit too. How about when like

the girl was out there? Why are they always like pulled up like at a weird like field? They'd always be like having a picnic. How about when the guy would step off the bus and the girl would just be like next like immediately i was always like oh what a bitch but the guy was kind of ugly how would that make you feel going back and the guys always acted like such friends in the bus. Like, you guys aren't homies, man. After they, if they, like, didn't get picked, they'd be

like, you're lost. Every single time you're lost. That became, like, wow. That became, like, something to say. I think I've even said that. I'm like, you're lost. Hashtag sometimes late at night. Oh, God sometimes Late at night Oh god

Late at night's my time to shine From like From like 9pm to like 1am just Cut my fingers off No what I say from 9pm to 1am just don't What I say and do

What I eat What I say from 9pm to 1am Just don't What I say and do What I eat What I watch Just I should not be alive During that time period He's a maniac That's not me That's not me doing all that

That's uh God cut my fingers off What's up? Oh my God. Hashtag I forgot my manners when 9 PM to 1 AM last, last Saturday night. god Seriously cut my fingers off Last Saturday night I was on one I was so hungry I went to Needler's

I didn't even Like I had no idea If they're gonna be open or not I was like they're not gonna be open This is so stupid I'm just walking around outside For no reason Just praying to god

On the way there just praying to God. On the way there. Then right when I got to the automatic doors, they opened. I was like, oh, it's fake. I always think that when I think a store is closed and the doors open, I'm like, wow, this is my one chance. They're really not open. That just was a fluke.

Went in there, grabbed two frozen Zaz. Don't even know if I paid for them, honestly. Went back to the apartment did I was eating those pizzas like the I sliced it so sexy and I was eating those I don't even know it like I don't I can't remember where I was when I was eating that if I was at the kitchen table I'm sorry everyone I've never been so dialed in When eating I was like It's two days I had the time of my life

Wednesday National Be A Millionaire Day God I remember that show Of course I watched that show for so damn long I didn't know any answers And I watched that show for like half of my life Why was it so good?

Here we go. I don't remember that. That's not it. That's not my Who Wants to Be a Millionaire song. I know there's one on here for like 17 hours. That's the one I'm looking for. Here it is. Has to be it.

This is what plays in my head on a consistent, everyday basis. Do you think you can work today? I'm like, oh god. This is every decision I've ever made. You gonna get the dark green or the lighter green hoodie?

Can I call someone? Every time I'm deciding on anything, I'm like, can I phone a friend? National Pick Strawberries Day. I saw some tweet that was like, strawberries look like they should taste a lot better than they are. And that's true!

They do look so good. You have a good strawberry at like one out of every 84. The other ones just taste like... It's true. Strawberries overrated. I said it! I said it in a minute. Grapes are number one.

We know that. Went past those banana chips the other day, though. Those are only banana-flavored things I like, I think. Bananas are like... I only eat bananas because they're good for... I'm like, I should eat a banana. I'm not like, oh, I'm dying for a banana. I guess that's the only reason I eat fruit though unless

it's grapes or pineapples grapes and pineapples I'm like I need that apples and bananas I'm like alright just cause there's like nursery rhymes about them yeah but those banana chips like banana laffy taffy like

no if you really like those stop it that's gross creepy but banana chips can kind of go like one of the best underrated dried fruits like cranberries yes cranberries no probably number one dried fruit pineapples pineapple dried fruit is gross i'm like like, what? Is this pineapple? Banana chips? Yes. I know there's one more, but I have no idea what it is. Oh, raisins?

Grapes? I need to stop talking about grapes. National Rescue Dog Day. Those dogs intimidate me. I swear to God, those dogs are smarter than me. It's just what it is. And they look at you like they're smarter than you too. They're like.

I feel like if you pet one of those dogs, you'd be like, what the fuck? WTF, mate? Dogs should not be that smart. No. That dog that tucked that lady in, that was weird. Turned off the light, like kissed her, sang to her.

He's like, Who let the dog out? In her ear, real quiet. Bow, wow, wow, yippee, oh, yippee, yeah. real quiet. She's like Thursday. National Wait Staff Day oh god that's me oh man

I'm weird like imagine me coming up to your table and being like welcome to it's so weird I'm always like oh good order Like when somebody orders something hype I'm like oh that's nice And they're like what I say that every time I'll take the macaroni

With the chicken in it I'm like oh turn up And they're like what excuse me And I'm like nothing I just didn't know you knew about that Wow working at a restaurant Wow Wow Working at a restaurant Wow National memo day

I didn't get the memo God every single time Oh it's white Every time you're wearing the same shirt As your co-worker at the office I didn't get the memo There's always Guaranteed there's always one girl

And her name's probably like Casey. Oh, it's wear your white shirt day. I didn't get the memo. People love the goddamn word memo. Memo. I didn't go to my grandpa's. I went to my memos. Friday,

National Craft Distillery Day. I don't think I could Craft beer That's such a weird obsession Craft National Solitaire Day Seems like people can play solitaire On their computers for

Years Hold on is this still going? Nah I never did. Those games that were already on your computer were so lame. I just played Minesweeper and tried to randomly guess and then get blown to pieces every time. I only played it because there's a bomb, oh, fight. I only played it because there's a bomb fight. National buy a musical instrument day. I can't

imagine. What the hell did I buy? God, instead of playing flutes, everybody had to play the recorder or whatever. God, how annoying to play that like what pick another like pick an instrument That's more annoying for just a bunch of like third graders to blow on

We played xylophones at my school Like we just had like 13 xylophones and we had to learn everything about them. I was like what? had like 13 xylophones and we had to learn everything about them i was like what i thought i could never take music class seriously i was like a xylophone you want to learn all these pieces and shit um and we had to go around the room and do like solos and i would fuck mine up so bad i like didn't know any of the notes or anything so i just like tried to memorize what the guy did ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding I like didn't know any of the notes or anything so I just like tried to memorize what the guy did before me

of course half a music class was just like watching Stomp and like that Disney movie that was like zippity doo da zippity day zippity doo da Zippity day Zippity doo da

Eat lunch right away We always had to like go by the Our teacher's piano and like sing Songs and people would sing them like solo It was so crazy Each and every One of us we like practiced the Songs that we were going to sing at church

That week each and every one of us is a wonderful work of art is a wonderful work of art signed by the hand god damn that was a cult but some of some he'd be like amelia do you want to try to sing he's like bait people into it that he knew would like our good singers and they'd be like fine each and every one of us and i'd just be i'd be in the back like laughing or something and get in trouble oh man when we got when we used to get in trouble in music class it used to be devastating our music teacher would get mad at us like you just killed his family make you straight up cry I think I did one time I think we like I wouldn't I like laughed at something and uh like everybody did but he's always like what anytime I did something like that

dude I think I definitely like probably cried and I was like trying to explain myself like what I was laughing at like while I was crying I was like, he's just... It's never funny. It's like when you tell a you-had-to-be-there story. It was like that every time. Bad like that, only I was crying on top of it. So he's like, what was going on? Penetrating my face with his eyes. I was like, I don't know.

He pointed and it's like, I don't know. It's like, shoot, it's dirty. And that's what was funny And I'm like dude Not right now It's not funny But like at the time When your ass is Singing

Yeah I mean not that Not that I didn't like Music class but No that happened every week Music class is so fun To just like mess around in. Because it's similar to PE.

When you're in PE, it's just so total. It's like PE, light, diet PE. You're just singing and shit. Each and every one of us. One time this kid was sitting next to me that we always used to like. One time this kid was like sitting next to me that we always used to like kind of like, you know, just like he was just like a kid that he'd always get like hurt. We'd always make fun of him and stuff. But like we really liked him. You know what I mean?

There's always that kid that you're just like, dude, shut up. But like you really like him. And he knows that's like his role. He's like the hurt kid. He always like he'd always like get hurt and stuff. And you could like mess with him and he'd kind of get it but like low-key like one out of five times he'd tell on you and he'd be like damn all right i deserve it like one time he was uh he was filling out like a form or something in music class and i was like yo let me borrow your pencil real quick but i thought it'd be funny.

It wasn't like to hurt his feelings. And he let me borrow his pencil and I like finished working on my thing and I broke his pencil into like 17 different pieces. And I was like, all right, bro, here's your pencil. And I handed it back to him, like in his hand. It was, he was like, oh, and he started laughing real hard. And our teacher was like like what's going on and and like i was like oh shit i'm probably about to get in trouble for breaking his pencil but it's like not that big of a deal because who cares it's a pencil

and the teacher was like the funny part about this is i let him borrow my pencil that's mine. I was like, oh! It was like such a perfect music teacher pencil. They were one of those big fake erasers at the end. It was like a big heart. I was like, sweet pencil, dog. Here's your pencil, dude. Just dropped it in his hand had to have a talk after that one thank god it was friday i would have gotten super trouble if it was like a tuesday but it was friday

and he was like you've got so much going for you i just don't understand why you act like this sometimes I was like it's funny if it wasn't your pencil Talking about a pencil baby We talking about a pencil Okay anyway What the hell was I just talking about National Vanilla pudding day Vanilla pudding, pretty good. I miss pudding. I miss shaking it up in that container. Pudding was like a staple dessert in my house. When we

had pudding, it was like, ah, shit. You like layer it, like a little bit of chocolate pudding, whipped cream, chocolate pudding, whipped cream cream You ever make dessert like way too hype and then you like don't even really want to finish it you're like You're like acting like it's still really good Everybody's watching you. Oh, that looks so good. You're like, yeah, you take two bites and you're like shit I don't want this anymore, but I have to eat the whole thing because I made a huge deal about it at the beginning National don't fry day I've been doing this man I've been I've been going uh I eat the same thing like every night because I just don't know what to eat. My options are limited.

It's not the same thing every night. Well, yeah, it kind of is, but like, it's good. So I've like, and sometimes I'll ball out and go to Subway and get like a hype veggie wrap.

And I did this. I went to a, it's like the least hype thing in the world, but I think it's hype. Honey mustard on that bitch. What? But I keep going to Taco Bell. And I think I'm like a genius.

I know everybody already does this, but I keep getting like a Crunchwrap Supreme and substituting the meat for black beans. And that's how I laugh when they hand me the bag. Like I'm the only one in the world that knows it. At the speaker, I'm like, and can you, I like look around. Can you sub the meat for black beans? They're like, yeah, no problem.

I'm like, I'm like pissed that they're not like, oh, that's a good idea. Every single time I do it. And I eat it in the car on the way home Like No sour cream too Please I'm always like Should I get a Baja Blast?

I'm at TB Should I get a Baja Blast? I never got drinks at Taco bell because i don't like there's something about their straws i hope you guys know what i'm talking about but taco bell straws are different i haven't got a drink from there in like 10 years because of their straws so they might have changed the straws but their straw game used to be so whack and flimsy i'd be like i don't even want this drink and And their cups are so cheap. I hope someone knows what I'm talking about out there. Taco Bell cups, lids, and straws.

I'm like, can you guys just upgrade? Taco Bell drinks are already sweaty as hell when you get them. You're like, oh, God. I feel like I'm drinking this out of like a paper towel. Saturday, National Lucky Penny Day. Anybody remember like, like your grandpa would like put like change and stuff on railroad tracks and trains would just smash the shit out of them is that like the oldest thing i just remember it said national penny day my mom had this like change basket in her closet that i always steal from loki i don't know if it was stealing i think it was like community change but like you know and like you're going to meyer or something when you're

a kid or like a grocery store when you're a kid you like i always wanted to hit those like 25 cent machines. Like I was like, damn, that's my, that's my shit. And I'd like take stuff out of that basket or like dig around in there to find like 50 cents so I could buy like a little toy. But I'd like be looking around in that change basket and my hands would smell like shit and I probably wouldn't wash them. And I'd look around in there and there'd always be like three pennies that were like the size of like a pepperoni. I'd be like in there and there'd always be like three pennies that were like the size of like a pepperoni I'd be like what the fuck hit my head on the mic again does anybody did anybody dm me if your pen if your parents had like smashed nickels and shit that was hype about going I'd be I'd be free if I didn't have like a, I'd be, I'd be free. If I didn't have like a quarter, I'd be freaking out at the store.

I'd be like, ma, I don't, I don't know. I got to buy a sticky hand. My mom would never let us buy those sticky hands. Cause they'd leave like oil on the wall. No, no, Betty. Betty, you can buy a mini football helmet. I'd be like all right lit one time i wanted madden so bad one year with vick on the cover that i just took that whole

entire change basket put it in those wraps and then took it to the bank and it was like 70 bucks and my mom got so pissed like once she figured out that that much money was actually in that basket She was like what the But like beforehand she was like yeah whatever See how much you can dig up You should get a job though I was like 7 Nah I was like 12 National road trip day

I can never like take a random ass road trip. I'm like the least spontaneous person of all time, I think. Like people are like, alright, yo, tonight I got this idea. You wanna like go to you wanna like go to Arkansas? I'm like, what?

Come on, we're all going. I'd be like uh I can't just get up to Arkansas? I'm like, what? Come on, we're all going. I'd be like, uh... I can't just get up. I was like, I must have something to do. I can't just leave the state for three days. National Taffy Day. That's funny. I was talking about

banana Laffy Taffy earlier. Yep, I was obsessed with Laffy Taffy for like... I still kind of am. I just haven't gotten it in a while. How good is Laffy Taffy earlier. Yep, I was obsessed with Laffy Taffy for like, I still kind of am. I just haven't gotten it in a while. How good is Laffy Taffy? It's like a wild card candy that you haven't had in a while. It's like those big ones,

not those mini Laffy Taffys. You can eat like 70,000 of them. The grape. But like when you get the big one from the gas station or like a concession stand and half of it's one color and half of it's the other.

When I first saw a kid with that, I was like, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom. There's one with watermelon seeds on it. Don't know if I like it, but it still kind of looks cool. And they're always way cheaper than you think. You're like, wow, that's definitely $5. And they're like, that's 16 cents. It's like when you go to long's bakery the first time i went into long's bakery i was like holy shit i'm i gotta bring like 20 bucks

it's gonna suck got like 55 donuts the the like most bougie donuts there are they're like your total is gonna be 71 cents i was like oh perfect here card. They're like, we only take cash. I was like, oh, okay. One of these places. Let me go get my mom's change basket and I'll be back in two hours. Two hours. Okay, y'all. Shot 107. I know we're not on Apple Podcasts right now

And I know I'm trying to figure it out I'm trying to figure it out I'm trying to figure it out I'm trying to figure it out So just chill So we're just gonna ride out On the website real quick

And then we'll get it back We'll get it back Jumping on Apple Podcasts I know it's like not as official But it still is Cause it's It's new shit every week So stop

Tell your homies about the pod let me know if anything hit if you're like if your mom had like a weird change basket with like flat pennies in it let me know that's the stupidest question follow me on Instagram at benedictpolizzi twitter at benpolizzi

and tiktok at benedictpolizzi I'll be posting. So, yeah. Thanks for listening and I'll talk to you guys next week. I have to.