Espresso - hill that you'll die on

Episode Date: September 22, 2021

🔒 𝗷𝗼𝗶𝗻 𝗺𝘆 𝗽𝗮𝘁𝗿𝗲𝗼𝗻 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗲𝘅𝗰𝗹𝘂𝘀𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗽𝗼𝗱𝗰𝗮𝘀𝘁𝘀 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮 𝙬𝙚𝙚𝙠 (𝗼𝗻����𝘆 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗳𝗮𝗺) https://www.patreon.com/benedictpolizzi ♦️ 𝗦𝘂𝗯𝘀𝗰𝗿𝗶𝗯𝗲 𝗼𝗻 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗧𝘂𝗯𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXRwNZpU67AK24r5QGfIfCw 🔹 𝙙𝙤𝙣'𝙩 𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙜𝙚𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙧𝙖𝙩𝙚 & 𝙧𝙚𝙫𝙞𝙚𝙬 ;) on this episode Ben answers the Espresso Question of the week: what's the hill that you'll die on (LIKE DESTINY'S CHILD SHOULD HAVE NEVER BROKEN UP) Ben tells us the story of being heckled on stage bc of his tight pants, he reveals that he has no idea how to greet a woman, he raps like 2 chainz and bans all people who say VIBES and use ellipsis ...... 🔸𝗦𝗲𝗻𝗱 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗵𝗼𝗺𝗶𝗲 𝗮 𝗖𝗮𝗺𝗲𝗼 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗝𝗢𝗛𝗡𝗦𝗢𝗡: https://v.cameo.com/E48BXekQ29 🔹𝗧𝗶𝗸𝗧𝗼𝗸: https://www.tiktok.com/@benedictpolizzi?source=h5_m 🔸𝗜𝗻𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗺: https://www.instagram.com/benedictpolizzi/ 🔹𝗧𝘄𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿: https://twitter.com/benedictpolizzi

Shot 177. Espresso podcast. We just chillin'. Yeah. With the beat writer, Robbie. beat right out. Robbie, give me a go ahead. We just chillin'. Yeah, yeah. We just chillin'.

Vibe it. Yeah, just bein' ourselves. Yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah just vibes vibes people that say vibes way too much you're like okay fuck your vibe yeah bro just vibes Just vibes all night. And I fucking like broke my leg and then my fucking, uh, my shoe rolled down the road and there's fucking blood all over the place, but it was a vibe. Holy shit. People say vibes so much.

Vibes. How was the fucking, uh, how was the Halloween haunted house you guys went to with all the murderers and screams and fake chainsaws it was a serious vibe dude oh my god everybody's just so fucking

chill it was just a vibe I'm not that guy but it was just a vibe what's up Espresso Podcast With Ben Polizzi Shot 177 This is gonna be a good one yo

Remember to subscribe Rate, review Tell the homies To hop on board baby Espresso fam Remember to join on Patreon We got some vids dropping this week on Patreon. Don't miss it. At Benedict Polizzi on Patreon. And subscribe on YouTube. I don't know if you know,

if you're listening on Apple Podcasts or Spotify or any other streaming service for podcasts, but the live vids are on YouTube now and it's a fucking vibe. Yeah. So check it out. Straight up vibe. How come guys that fucking talk about vibes and shit, they're always so breathy? Yeah, it was a vibe. I'd hate for a vibe guy to leave me a fucking voicemail. Hey, what's up? It's Brian. Vibe's all right. And we're just chilling. But yeah, man, if you just call me back, when do you get a chance?

Number's 317-VIBE-VIBE-VIBE-24-VIBE-VIBE. So just call me. We can chill Alright peace Oh shit this is fried Oh I got a list of words That I can't say on this podcast Anymore god damn it

I kind of forget what they are I think it's bro Boo fried And dope Yeah so if I say any of those words today, I, I'll, I need like a change jar or something, you know, look at somebody like make gets a cuss jar. Then they, they cuss and they put a quarter in the jar. I don't know what they do with all that money, but I need that on on this show maybe i'll donate it to you guys or something donate donate it to the vibe center but yeah dude remember to follow on tiktok instagram twitter cameo all that benedict polizzi but all right what's up man the vibe I feel really I started doing all that vibe shit

because I feel the most like chilled out I've ever felt I don't know what it is but like I woke up this morning and I was like damn I'm like calm I've never been calm in my goddamn life I was like oh my god every time I wake up it a disaster. But I just woke up today and it was a fucking vibe. And I was like, I don't really care about anything today. You ever like, anytime there's a situation that happens and you're not like, you're like too chill for it? I love that shit. It happens like once every like two years for me. But today's one of those days where you're supposed to be all high strung.

But for some reason you're just to be all high strung but for some reason you're just like whatever love that shit that's what's happening right now but what's up yo the uh the question this week espresso question of the week week week week i asked on Instagram, what's a hill that you'll die on? And I don't think I explained it very well because I got like two messages back. But you know what I'm talking about? Like, what's a hill you'll die on? Maybe we can do it again next week or something. But like, something that you're 100% like in on.

I'll in. I'll die on this hill. Like, my backup option was was like cheese pizza is the best pizza I'll die on that fucking hill it is if there's just all cheese pizza you're like fuck it let's eat it but if there's like some pepperoni and some like weird mushroom and other shit, people start to get picky. Cheese pizza's the shit. I'll die on that hill. What I said on Instagram was like, the hill I'll die on is that you can call them crayons and you can call them crayons, but you cannot call them crowns. When kids called crayons crowns growing up, I was like, spell it. I'm surprised my dad didn't fucking call them crowns. Where's the W, huh?

Where's the W? Spell it. It should just be crayons, but I don't know. It just sounds too, like, douchey. When somebody says crayons, I'm like, what if... Where are we? The Sistine Chapel, bitch? Pass me some crayons.

Fuck off. Crayons are such... I don't know why I call them crayons. It's just a family thing. Blame it all on your family every time. Blame everything that's fucked up about you on your family. That's my way of going about life. Man, you're a real fucked up guy.

What's wrong with you? Nah, I, my family. Crayons, dude. And you know, you got a big box of, you got that big like tin popcorn holder that your grandma got for you like 35 Christmases ago. It's just filled with a bunch of broken fucking crayons. That's at your house. Whoops. And if you live at the Sistine Chapel, you've got a big popcorn tin of crayons. Can I have a crayon? Sound like such a dick. All right, let's get into these. I'll die on that hill. It's called a crayon or a crayon It's not called a crown Fkaaf Okay Damn I should not I should have had this pulled up That's the problem with the live

IG or not IG with the live YouTube pod Your boy's like hella hella delayed Here we go me saying all the words. I'm not supposed to say I Wish I had like a shot collar for the word dope Bro fried and boo. This is how it is. All right, here we go What's the hill you'll die on? Hey, oh mayo, Maine

Let's go, bro. He's back. What's a hill that you'll die on 100%? Boneless wings are better than bone in wings. Because the reason you get wings is the flavor. Like, nobody's like, man man i love the taste of chicken no like it's just a vehicle to get the sauce in your mouth and bone-in is the messiest way of doing that i mean if you have it you can have boneless wings and you can like shake somebody's hand afterwards because you don't have honey barbecue sauce all over your fingers and all over your face. So, yeah, I'll die on the hill.

Boneless over bone in. I'm with that. I hate people that are like You eat boneless wings? Fucking pussy Everybody knows a guy like that You eat boneless wings bro? You a fucking pussy?

Put the bone in your mouth And get that shit all over your fingers And shake somebody's fucking hand And wipe your face the whole time With sauce dripping from your face You fucking pussy. Like, why would that make anybody a pussy? You're a bitch, dude. You like boneless wings? Ha ha ha! Fuck off, man. Boneless wings are so much better. Like, get over it. They are.

Why is that like the most critical argument of all time? Oh! They're better. They're not like caveman shit. Bone-in wings. Dude, a guy eating a plate of wings at a restaurant is some straight fucking caveman shit. God damn, dude. You ever see that The whole experience

Dude when you're sitting by that shit It's so weird God bro Go shave in the river homie Go look at yourself in the fucking Canal river homie go look at yourself in the fucking canal all right here we go hey oh man uh said something else too we're gonna check that out bone in sounds like my friday night

sorry it was killing me that i didn't make any jokes for like 60 straight seconds i'm done now dude that'll make me laugh every time every time i don't know how people don't laugh at those jokes because they're not funny and they're bad oh yeah that's the fucking funny part because people really think shit like this is funny and it actually is bone in sounds like my friday night oh shit hey mayo mayo man strikes again all right what else we got in here we gotta have another voice message the voice messages are so turnt on this podcast i should probably stop saying turnt, too. All my slang is from, like, 2005. I say, like, hella and turnt still.

I don't think that'll ever change. Unless the vibes are right. What hill will you die on? This is Luke Sicko. Hey, Ben. The hill I'm willing to die on is fan bases should not be called nation Lakers nation Cowboys. Oh shit, sorry Hey Ben the hill I'm willing to die on is fan bases should not be called nation

Lakers, nation. Cowboys, nation. Like, how far away are you from the city? And if you're that far away, like, do you still even care? Are you still even a fan? So, yeah. It's not nation, man. It's not country.

It's just fans. Let me know what you think. I hate nation. It's just so played by every team ever. Nation! Night nation! Ha! Every single, book I nation!

The whole country is coming to the game tonight. I hate nation. I wish there was a different I wish there was a different word for that. There never will be though. It's like the saying let's go. Like that's never going to change. Let's go! After anything. Let's go! Sounds like somebody saying scones. I can't get that

out of my head. Joey told me about that a long time ago. He's like bro every time somebody says let's go. I always think they're saying, let's get scones. Like the most boring, the complete opposite. Imagine like fucking LeBron James hitting a game winner and turning to the crowd being like, scones. Just me and like eight moms being like, blueberry. He's right. Scones.

Scones. When wins the Super Bowl. Patriot Nation scones. Pumpkin. Blueberry. Yeah. Starbucks is like. I do fuck with some scones though. God damn. I fuck with some scones. I don't know why or how. I think I might be, I swear to me and four fucking other ladies that are 62 year old and they just, we all fuck with scones. That's it.

Four people in the whole world scone gang gang too it's kind of annoying i gotta stop saying everything i say on this podcast put in the tip jar rdo's 72 dollars all right jack e legs what's a hill you'll die on fam i'm not sure how to leave you a voice message but the hill that i will die on is that newsome sucks and should never be the governor of california nor any state for that matter all right i don't know shit about that he must not listen to the podcast he must like only like look at my stories or something because Because that's not the podcast shit I talk about.

Clay J. Seale. What's the hill you'll die on? The hill that I will die on is that Beyonce has never released any music that was worth breaking up Destiny's Child for.

That is such a fucking take! Damn! I don't know, bro. She has a lot of good single hits. But those groups only last so long. Those groups have like a three-year shelf life and then everybody splits off and does their own thing. God damn, what a heartbreaker when NSYNC broke up.

I was like, are you you sure can I write some fan mail in because like I got a soft spot for fucking JC Chazet fam knows about this bro JC Chazet that's my dude I like the fucking second best guy in the group I just do I just I just fuck with that that person more like in movies the guy that's like not the main role I'm like I like the other guy though that probably translates to a lot of weird shit but J.C. Shazay bro damn near he was up there with JT he was NS. NSYNC split apart, never heard of him again. If NSYNC would have stayed together. Plus his hair just looked like a big fucking bird's nest. Why you gotta try to classify the type of things we do? Fucking just pigeons

flying out of his hair. Why you gotta try to classify the type of things that we do? We're just wondering what you like so we can say the same for you. My hair's made out of straw and there's a couple eggs in it. The birdies fly out and then I swish it around and then they come back with worms, worms Got a feeling all around me

There's seven birds in my head We're just wondering what you like So we can say the same for you, you Yeah, but man I don't know Beyonce's had a lot of good hits by herself Probably a better business move for her I'm a businessman

But I do love groups I love some fucking groups I love music groups bro They're so lit They always have the best names B2K 98 Degrees. But it all is just centered around one guy. Like, name another guy in 98 Degrees besides Nick Lachey. Nick Lachey's tattoo on his arm. Do you guys remember that? Like, did somebody, like, hold a gun to your head in a tattoo shop?

Pick one, motherfucker! Okay, okay, okay! Um, um, hurry! Uh, shit the sun! I don't know, just fucking... That's right! His tattoo sucks, dude. I've never seen a shittier tattoo. It looks like it's a joke

Like his buddy was just like Get it Vibes I don't know if I have another fucking one Man, this is fun, too I don't know if I have another voicemail It's just probably all my fault By the way, dude

I've been having some companies uh, companies send me some stuff to like shout them out on my Instagram and stuff like that. And I'm not even gonna, this isn't even an ad, but cuts like the shirt company I'm wearing one right now. This shit is fire. I have no idea how they, like, I was in an extreme shirt crisis, and they just sent four shirts that, like, in the colors that I'll probably wear every single day. But they sent me some shit. I put it on my story. You guys

maybe saw it. It was insane. They fit so good. This isn't an ad either, I swear. But I was like, thank God. Someone's listening out there. Alright, let's go viral. Viral.

But first, the Espresso podcast is brought to you by WaveOne Media. If you want to start your own show, visit thewaveone.com. Viral. And remember, viral is a segment where I find the most popular hashtags on the internet. And I just talk about them.

We just talk about them. Hashtag scare off celebs. Scare off celebs. Dude, I'm the worst person around celebs. I don't know why I have this. I can only talk to celebrities if I don't know they're celebrities. I'm the coolest motherfucker around celebrities if I don't know who they are. Like one, I forget what, what it was, but I was just like, I forget this. I might even be making this shit up. I don't know. It was, it was something,

but there was an important person there And I had no idea and I was just being Fucking normal jackass guy And just like all this stuff And then I left and the person was like You know that was that guy And I was like oh shit uh uh Thank god I didn't know that

When I know there's a celebrity going to be somewhere And I'm there I'm like I'm the weirdest guy I opened up for Tony Rock at Helium this past weekend He's damn near Just Chris Rock He's funny as fuck dude I think he

I haven't listened to Chris Rock lately but Tony Rock is That shit was on another level Anyway I went into the green room And I'm just awkward around I don't know what to say I'm like trying to be way too cool I'm dude, I'm just awkward around. I don't know what to say. I'm like trying to be way too cool. I'm like, the coolest thing I said was like, wow, it's like that. Like, you know, you know, you just don't say anything cool. You're like in your head about saying cool shit.

That's me around celebrities in a green room. Like, yeah, bro. Like I'll say some corny shit and be like fuck i'll be like yeah wop i'll say some shit like that and be like why the fuck did i say that i can't talk around celebs dude i can't do it because they kind of make it weird too like they're never that like some of them are cool. Damn. I blew it around. Every time I'm around somebody I need to impress, I blow that shit. I'm like, even like, well, I'll DM a celeb and like, fuck up. I'll stutter on the text message and be like, why did I put three spaces in between those two words, dude?

You ever stutter on a text message? Like, you know how you can read a text message and the tone of it's like, that's me, dude. You can so hear my voice in text. You can hear my voice crack in text messages. I'm just real polite and shit. If a celebrity is ever around me, I'm like, you need anything, man? Yeah, I got you. I got you. I'll like run to the store for it.

That's like my line. I'm like, I'll run to the store and get you one. And they're just like, are you on the show or are you like part of the staff? All right. Hashtag, that's like my default setting when I'm like nervous or anything I just get real polite like when I get in trouble I'm like ultra polite after I'm like

I'm quiet as fuck just like nodding my head somebody ever fucking like yell at you in traffic or something and then you're the rest of the way home you're like I gotta text all my friends back and say hi to my mom and my dad and my grandma

cause I'm a certified piece of shit dude should probably stop saying dude hashtag odd ways to introduce yourself I'm the worst bro I don't know how to uh I honestly don't know how to, uh,

I honestly don't know how to say hi to women that are just there. Like, if it's my friend and his girlfriend, I'm like, what's up, bro? And I'll, like, do the dap up with the guy. Ah, I killed it. And I'll just go to his girl and be like, hi. Like, I hate shaking hands with girls.

Like, it's either a shake the hand or be like, hi. I hate shaking hands with girls. It's either a shake the hand or a half hug. And I'm like, I'm not going to hug your fucking girlfriend. I don't want to shake her hand either. I'm about to sell her a 2004 Honda Civic. How you doing? Amanda? Bad. Why don't you go check out the AC in that thing?

It's so fucking awkward, dude. I don't know how to do it. I always do this. I never, like, the dap up is weird with girls. Hey, like, are we at a fucking Colts game? Touchdown. It's so weird. Can some girl, like, come up with a formula for that?

What are guys supposed to do when we meet our friend's girlfriend? Hi! That two fucking foot away wave. So weird. I'll do the one foot away wave. Hey! I can touch your fucking shoulder, but I don't know how to say hi to girls.

Unless they're like my grandma and I give them a hug. Even though I'll hug a girl And still hug the girl Like it's Like Like I'm hugging my uncle Or something You know how you hug your uncle

And you're like What's up You like beat on their back I'll fucking hug a girl like that And be like God damn She probably just threw up Over my shoulder

I swear to god Oh my god I'll fucking hug a girl like that and be like god damn. She probably just threw up over my shoulder. I swear to God. Oh my God Ashley it's been so long She's over my shoulders Fucking tears coming out of her eyes blood coming out of her mouth. Gonna sue Coughing up blood and shit. Oh fuck. I can't do it, bro. I don't know. Somebody, I need a template. How to say hi to a woman. Hashtag a best friend's job is to literally never talk to you like if you're friends like if you're really friends with somebody you won't talk to them for

fucking seven years and then all of a sudden they'll just be like yo what's up man how's everything going good and they won't ask you to do shit after that either I swear it's the fake friends that just want to hang out all the time. You're like, My best friends don't even fucking text me unless there's something crazy

going on. I'm like, then they still don't expect shit out of me. I'm like, thank God, bro. Just leave me alone. No. No. No. me alone. Hey, you wanna? No. No. Best friends don't say shit. Hashtag other mandates we need Guac should be free Guac is just like ketchup or some shit

No it's a vegetable It's not just like ketchup Ketchup's a fucking vegetable too It's a tomato I think if like Yeah dude The sauce and shit Like at Subway guac is extra They actually the sauce and shit, like at Subway, guac is extra.

They actually have guac now or avocado at Subway. I always mix those words up because I'm seven. But like if the sauce is going to be free, the avocado should be free. That's the same shit. And sometimes the sauce is better than the avocado. Avocado's just taking over the fucking world, dude. How about the year avocados had? The marketing manager for avocados

Hey We're at Subway now We're at Chipotle And you're a dollar extra every time Yeah, we're getting that income Avocados had a fucking massive year Put it on everything Fuck it, toast fuck it

what other mandates do we need that's a good uh that might be an espresso question coming soon my best three word hashtag my best three word excuse word excuse? Every time. I don't know. I don't know. One sec. That's me. Then I just run off somewhere and I'm like, how the fuck do I answer them? I don't know. I don't know. Every single time growing up. IDK on AOL Instant Messenger. Somebody asked me a tough question. on AOL Instant Messenger. Somebody asked me a tough question. IDK. Hi, IDK.

That's it for me. I'll touch y'all. Hashtag difference between fall and autumn. Wow, what is it? Imagine someone saying autumn and you being like, like the only people that say autumn are like librarians and shit. Difference. Yeah, you got to be one bougie ass bitch to say autumn.

Autumn and fall are used interchangeably as words for the season between summer and winter. Both are used in American and British language, but fall occurs more often in American English because it's only four letters and we're lazy as fuck. Autumn is considered the more formal name for the season. Yeah, if you say autumn, bro, you might as well just fucking clock out. I love autumn. Autumn. Madam, do you like autumn? So foreign if you say autumn Let's do days Days of the week

This segment is where There's a national day for each day of the week And I just roll through them Wednesday day for each day of the week and I just roll through them. Wednesday. American businesswoman day. Businesswomen are straight up intimidating for me. I'll shake a businesswoman's hand. I don't know how to do it any other way. How you doing? Women with the suit on with the pads in their shoulders. Most terrifying thing I've ever seen in my life.

I'm like, holy fuck, you know too many rules. But I'll shake a businesswoman's hand. Put her there, baby. Fuck, what's on the agenda? They know so much shit, businesswomen. Holy shit, they're on their fucking... business women. Holy shit. They're on their fucking, they've got their schedule made up for three and a half years down the road. Yeah. But the pads and the shoulders, remember that was a look guys don't do that still do they pads and suits. I'll never forget. My

mom had fucking, My mom had a Suit coat with pads in the shoulders And I was like Wait a minute You play for the Eagles? Ha da da National Elephant Appreciation Day

I can't believe there's still National elephant appreciation day. I can't believe there's still elephants around, honestly. How are there still elephants? Those big motherfuckers. But there's not, like, I heard, I saw something on the internet that was like, they're going to bring back the mammoth. I don't know if that's a good idea, bro. I just get, like, very concerned when they're going to, like, bring back a species.

Like, they'll figure it out themselves in the jungles and shit like that, you know? There's already enough fucked up animals out there that we don't even know about. There's always like a fish that gets washed up on shore that has real human teeth and can speak English. And we're like, ah! It's always like every three years, they're like, the Frankenfish murders millions of sharks every year. Just by the things he whispers in their ears. And you're like, oh, my God, where did that come from? And scientists are like, we don't know. Ocean's fucked.

I hate that. Yeah, don't bring back the willy mammoth. That even sounds old. I don't know how elephants are still around, though. Those big-ass tusks. Tusks. Tusks. Tusks. You ever see an elephant, like, being born?

Whoa. Gonna have to take a day off. They, like, drop 50 feet from their off. They like dropped 50 feet from their mom like is that thing okay? National Girls Night. Girls night bro.

I always want to just tap in on a girls night to see what they're talking about. You know they talk about the juiciest shit at girl's night. You're like... Girls will say everything about everything they've ever done. Like if a guy... Like if it's a guy's night and like a guy's dating a girl and they're like hooked up or whatever.

Guys like won't really ask about it or anything they'll just be like oh dope was it like it depends what age you are if you're in high school you'd be like oh was it dope or was it like was it ah my dude there's like not many like specifics or anything in that conversation you're just like oh you scored dog ha ha emily, dude. That's tight. Girls night, if like a girl hooked up with a guy, they say fucking it. How big was his cock? You're like, oh!

Jesus Christ, that's like the first question that comes out of a girl's mouth once they hooked up with a guy. What's his dick like? Jesus Christ, can we like Can we chill out? No way. That's what he said. What a freak. Girls night. They'll expose this shit out of you. His dick's five inches like whoa okay um nothing held back at a girl's night i don't know why that that's crazy as fuck that's the first thing that's terrifying actually i wouldn't want to hear it would you like full

access to a girl's night hearing they won't know i'd be like no i don't want to know fuck i don't want to know god damn it That's way too much information. Rot my brain. National leg wear day. National white chocolate day. National leg wear day. I can't wait to slap some joggers on my ass. Except for my, all my, I need all new. I hate, every season that rolls around, I was like, fuck, I need all new winter clothes.

Damn it! My joggers, even my joggers, like, I'm so used to wearing big ass clothes from like 2008. All my clothes are still a little bit big. I got no, like, holy shit. I got no like Holy shit I'll either have like the tightest pants ever Because I'm trying to be like In style

Or I'll wear like the Most loose like What are those Like hammer pants MC hammer pants That's what all my pants look like from like 2009 That I still have and wear Dude I swear to god I got heckled At the show this last weekend.

Right when I walked out on stage, some dude in the front row, some black dude was like, I was like, what's up? How you guys doing? This dude was like, not with them tight ass pants on. I was like, oh shit. Then I said something else. He's like, with them tight ass pants? Nuh-uh.

I was like, them tight ass pants Nuh uh I was like Oh my god And I was like Okay I gotta like Shut this heckler down What is this And I was like Are you looking at my dick And some people laughed

And I was like Please don't talk again sir With them tight ass pants on I was like Shit Right in front Front row Then uh

Tony Rock came out And he was like yo Give it up for all the comedians you've seen And this dude in the front was like Not to do with them tight ass pants And Tony Rock shut him the fuck up He's like why are you looking at his dick You should be listening to the jokes.

And the whole crowd was like, ah. I was like, I love you. Thank you, sir. Not with them tight ass pants on. Yeah, I'll either have the tightest pants or like the loosest pants of all time. God, my joggers right now are ass. I do love wearing a good ass hoodie outside though. There's not a better feeling than that.

A hoodie is just a blanket formed to your body. You ever think about that? That just like winter clothes are just blankets. No wonder nobody wants to do shit in the winter. We're just wearing blankets all goddamn day. Change my whole life.

Thursday. Thursday. National Great American Pot Pie Day. I haven't had pot pie in a long time. That shit was good, bro. That was definitely one of my mom's top five, top five, top five signature meals. My mom would fuck up some pot pie, yo.

You know pot pie's fire, too, when the fucking roofs caved in on it. Oh, shit. You know it's about to be heat. Like your mom didn't mean for the roof of the pot potty cave in but that shit was just so like ready bro just came out of i want my pot pie with the roof collapsed if i was a if i was a rapper that would be one of my bars that should be a two chains line roof off like a pot pie. Pot pie. The sailor man. If he can't do it, nobody can.

Yeah. Two chins. One of my favorite rappers. True. Yeah, but pot pie is good, but why does it always have to be 7,000 degrees? Fuck. Thanks for the pot pie, mom. I'll eat it in 2084.

It's good. It's so hot. I haven't had pot pie or meatloaf in so long. Those are two signature family dishes. Pot pie, meatloaf, sloppy joe night. Let's go! Scones! When it was sloppy joe night, bro,

because you know macaroni was just chilling on the side. Number one king of sides, macaroni. It's fries! No, it's not, Jessica! Fuck off! It's macaroni! I forgot about... I made this character on this podcast a long time ago.

It was like a fake girl producer. And she would always chime in on shit. Like if I was talking about sports for too long, I'd just made up a fake producer named Ashley, and she'd be like, Shut up! So if I was like, Yo, the number one side Of all time is macaroni Ashley would be like It's fucking waffle fries potato

I'd be like no it's not Ashley Macaroni bro on the side of some meatloaf Fuck me smack my ass and send me Right to bed I'll say my prayers Out loud God damn it restless leg awareness day on Thursday I definitely have that

I'm doing it right now fuck my whole leg I hate it when I can see people's legs bouncing up and down 300 miles an hour I was like damn you might as well power a fucking ferris wheel while you're fucking putting all that energy into nothing. I'm like, you want to leave so bad. Dude, this person at a comedy show was just fucking. Like they were playing the drums.

You know, that little foot pedal drum players have. It looks like they were just doing that. If they're playing the drums, it'd just be like this. I hate that. I'm like, what, what, what? What's wrong with you? I always, like, care too much about them. I'm like, where do you need to be?

What do you need to do? Why are you here, then, if your leg's bouncing like that? Nothing. I hate that shit. Friday. National Punctuation Day. Dude, one of my homies that I text all the time about shit just started

doing this today he started putting ellipses after everything he says I'm like what happened over the weekend did you like hear something weird about me text him four times a day after four of his responses I get like seven dots I'm like

are you calling me stupid what? I hate an ellipses texter. I'm like, who made you the king? Whoa, whoa, whoa. We need to have a talk in person because if it's not in person, you're just going to fucking ellipsy me all day. Solar ellipse. Johnson here. Did you see the solar ellipse last night? There's just three moons in the fucking sky. Solar ellipses. I never look outside during a solar ellipses, dude.

Annoying. I'd rather just FaceTime. You guys are like, what is happening right now on this podcast? This is the ADD kicking in, Bessie. I didn't know going into that horse noise, I didn't know how that was going to turn out. But if you're going to rate a horse noise, I think that's like an 8 out of 10 horse noise. That might have been, I can't believe I did it twice. That might be my fucking special skill I've been trying to figure out all my life.

Is it design? Maybe. Is it comedy? Well, we're figuring that out. Is it horse noises? Absolutely. Saturday. National quesadilla day.

I am addicted to fucking quesadillas. They're so much better than tacos, dude. Tacos or quesadillas? Quesadillas every time. Quesadillas every time. When it's like three tacos at a restaurant, I'm always like, tacos are so fucking tiny. If I'm going to eat tacos, I need like 97 tacos. And I'm like, okay, done.

Three tacos in that fucking tray that's like, you know what I'm talking about? That tray that looks like some weird stairs that'd be in your dream that you can't go up i'll fuck those tacos up and just my restless leg syndrome will kick in right after i'm done eating them need three more quesadillas though that taco bell quesadilla is just different as shit, dude That put me on quesadillas Like, you ever get a quesadilla at a real Mexican restaurant And you're like, not like the Taco Bell one Sorry, not that great

Fuck, those are good It's the way they cut them, too You know, they never cut them right So, like, the point on the quesadilla is never like a point There's always one that's just like And you're like i kind of want that one first i want the ugly one same same principle with the with the pot pie with the caved-in roof you're kind of like i kind of want the crumbles the pizza slice with the big bubble on top that looks exactly like a football stadium i I want that one.

I want the fucked up piece. It's my vibe. That's my vibe. I'm not that guy. National Lobster Day. Goddamn, I went to Rick's Boatyard the other day and ordered the lobster. I've never done anything like this. And yo, it's like a, not an easy thing to eat lobster. You got to crack, you got to pry, you got to

fucking put your life on the line to get that meat. And that shit is good too. God damn, that shit's good. But I'm not kind of like weirdo guy. That's just like, got to get all the meat. Fuck it. And I'll like go of like weirdo guy that's just like, gotta get all the meat, fuck it. And I'll like go, I'll be there for like four hours, skin ripped off my fingers. I got it all. I'm that guy when it comes to that. Sunday.

National Dumpling Day. That's the weirdest word for food. You want dumplings? Dumplings, honey? If you don't say the word honey after dumplings, then you're just not from Indiana. Chicken and dumplings tonight, honey. Sugar, deer. National Situational Awareness Day Situational awareness

I'm sick of people that don't have like spatial awareness People that like have no idea that you're behind them I'm like, ah, I should have the free right to just smack you in the back of the head I'm coming this way that's what I want to say every time people that are just like standing in the way you know like two year olds when they're like in the way and shit

you're like oh cute kid has no fucking idea I'm here it's all good but they're like those kids some of them don't grow out of that phase and they'll just be fucking standing in the way of some shit you're like those kids. Some of them don't grow out of that phase and they'll just be fucking standing in the way of some shit. You're like, move.

God damn. The amount of times I just want to smack people in the back of the head. Three people walking on a sidewalk. So fucking slow. I have no idea that someone's behind them. I'm like, what am I supposed to do? Depant you guys and crawl through your legs? I just want to smack them right here.

Excuse me. They're still not moving. Excuse me. Can I? Just trying to be all kind of weird on the side, hoping that they move over. They still don't. Excuse me. Then finally just. I got to go get my scones Alright

SpressoPod Shot 177 Thanks for listening Remember to subscribe on YouTube To see the video of the pod And a lot of other content Remember to join Patreon YouTube to see the video of the pod and a lot of other content. Remember to join Patreon to get free pods and free, not free pods, to get extra pods, extra VIP exclusive pods only for the fam and exclusive content only for the fam on

Patreon. Remember to hook that up man I really appreciate it I've got a good number of patrons right now That are joining And I love it man I love it so much It means a lot honestly

But okay Thanks for listening As always remember to rate, review, subscribe and I'll talk to you guys next week IFM Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,