Espresso - I'm on FBOY Island

Episode Date: July 14, 2022

🔒 𝗷𝗼𝗶𝗻 𝗺𝘆 𝗽𝗮𝘁𝗿𝗲𝗼𝗻 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗲𝘅𝗰𝗹𝘂𝘀𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗽𝗼𝗱𝗰𝗮𝘀𝘁𝘀 (𝗼𝗻𝗹𝘆 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗳𝗮𝗺)  https://www.patreon.com/benedictpolizzi 🟣 𝘀𝘂𝗯𝘀𝗰𝗿𝗶𝗯𝗲 𝗼𝗻 𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗹𝗲 𝗽𝗼𝗱𝗰𝗮𝘀𝘁𝘀: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/espresso-w-benedict-polizzi/id1514492317🟢 𝘀𝘂𝗯𝘀𝗰𝗿𝗶𝗯𝗲 𝗼𝗻 𝘀𝗽𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗳𝘆https://open.spotify.com/show/1Ka4dMrpfGxYPGZsUJ1Csf🔹𝙙𝙤𝙣'𝙩 𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙜𝙚𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙧𝙖𝙩𝙚 & 𝙧𝙚𝙫𝙞𝙚𝙬 ;)on this episode Ben answers the Espresso Question of the week: what is the dumbest thing you've done at work? (like f-ing a wrestling dummy) then Ben says he can't be trusted changing tires, questions why girls doesn't understand guys like breaking stuff and then talked with his buddy Derek James (@lolderekjames) spicy stuff about Fboy Island🔸𝗦𝗲𝗻𝗱 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗵𝗼𝗺𝗶𝗲 𝗮 𝗖𝗮𝗺𝗲𝗼 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗝𝗢𝗛𝗡𝗦𝗢𝗡: https://www.cameo.com/benedictpolizzi?_branch_match_id=1059857131674087933&utm_source=share&utm_campaign=profile_share&utm_medium=ios_app&_branch_referrer=H4sIAAAAAAAAA8soKSkottLXL9NLTsxNzddLzs%2FVdzWxcIpIzQ40sgQAEGzATh4AAAA%3D🔹𝗧𝗶𝗸𝗧𝗼𝗸: https://www.tiktok.com/@benedictpolizzi?source=h5_m🔸𝗜𝗻𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗺: https://www.instagram.com/benedictpolizzi/🔹𝗧𝘄𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿: https://twitter.com/benedictpolizzi

it's almost too much yeah it is yeah espresso shot 219 i'm your host ben palizzi along with me for the ride is derrick james hey at lol derrick james hey remember to join the patreon five dollars a month for an extra espresso episode every week and also tonight is the night is the night f boy island premiering on hbo max dude we'll talk about later we'll talk about later but we got we got some f boy island uh some stuff to tell you guys about like the whole how it happened the process of getting ready for it derrick was insane time we're gonna talk about at the end, but first we're going to go through the espresso. Quick,

quick, quick, quick question of the week. What's the dumbest thing you've ever done at work? Hmm. Are you asking me now? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. All right. Here's the dumbest thing I've ever done at work. I worked at this place called Aztec chemicals. I don't know if I should shout them out by name, but I don't think they're still around but we made because of you probably we made you know that orange cleaner oh yeah like people come you have talked about yeah people come yeah door to door and sell to you like to get the grease stain off your mom's drive

why does it work every time it worked, this time it probably doesn't work because we made 150,000 gallons of that. And I was just in college and I was working there this summer. And one time, none of the workers were there. I was just the only worker. And my boss came back. He's like, all right, man, we got to fill this order. You got to make as many of these. You got to make as much of this as you can today by yourself.

And I had not been paying attention at all about how to make as many of these you got to make as much as this as you can today by yourself and i had not been paying attention at all about how to make it so i'm just freestyling i'm mixing these chemicals together just making like a suicide of chemicals yeah like it's insane i mean so i make ten thousand gallons of this orange cream in one day trusting anyone to make ten thousand gallons of anything is crazy how old are you 19 i'm 19 all right what the i the day previously they would just let me put the stickers on the bottles and that was the only thing they let me do and now i'm up to bat how did you get that job dude my dad how do you get jobs like that your dad like knows the guy that's all he's just like he's like yeah i know this guy named bob you work for him until your dad like knows the guy that's all he's just like he's like yeah

i know this guy named bob you work for him so you're like 23 it's all this yeah you know but like why didn't any other workers show up they're like sick or something like that there's only three workers back there like it wasn't so they both went down their brothers just went together putting chemicals in a big vat that's your that's like the beginning of a villain origin story oh dude i should have fallen in but uh but yeah so i like made 10 000 gallons of this i was freestyling so now i just like i know for i think i just know that some kid is like selling it door to door he's like hey can i get that grease stain off your driveway he's doing and he's just like spraying on there it either did one of two things it either just melted a hole in somebody's driveway he's like wow okay it works i can see hell yeah or it's just him

scrubbing and not coming off he's like i swear it worked every single time before to this day to this day just in a driveway still just yeah just small circles but yeah i should uh that's yeah but nobody ever found out nobody ever found out um that was the dumbest thing i did i was just and here's the thing like i knew the chem like i knew the chemicals that went into it i just didn't know the ratio that went into it real well just so it looks like the color oh dude so to mask it i was just like if it smells like oranges then uh we're good so i just added more of the orange smelling scent but just put some fanta in there you're like we got it we got it yeah so uh yeah i wanna fanta don't you wanna i might be the reason that that place went under, but. The dumbest thing I've ever done at my job was, there's a lot.

But one time I ate a bunch of, there's a bunch of shrimp down in the kitchen at my serving job. And I was like, damn, like any food I could get my hands on. Yeah. At a restaurant. You told me that last night. You told me. You smash. Yeah.

You told me you would, once somebody was done and you cleared the you cleared the table if there was food available bro are you that shit is gone by the time you like especially if i knew the people at the table oh yeah dude and they got hush puppies and didn't eat two of them i was like yeah right when i turned the corners a wrap i think every time i came up to the table and greeted them i kind of had like a chip in my mouth a little bit. Oh yeah, I mean just crunching on some shit. There's a there's a server. I'll say his name

at the comedy club that we work, but he's always eating as he's walking up. It's so funny with with food to jump off the table and I'm like dude, you better finish whatever you're eating because it was my yeah, he definitely ate some of your fries. your fries well yeah like like even the deal as a server they're gonna think you did but okay there's a bunch of shrimp downstairs and i was like okay i'm eating

all that because i'm just starving at work the whole day and they're like don't do it and i was like whatever they're probably just messing with me because people downstairs in the kitchen just fuck with you all day at a restaurant and i just ate like six of them and ran upstairs i probably put like four in my pocket i always had like weird shit in the my server pocket oh yeah oh that front pocket oh yeah you got three pockets one for like your server book the other ones for like pens then you got another and then you just got a shrimp. That's for food. That's for croutons. That's for loose raisins and shrimp. That's just for like oyster crackers. You know, dude. Yeah, just to make sure the weirdest things it's like restaurant trail mix in that part, but okay, they said don't eat the shrimp. I did six seconds later. My face just

exploded and hives like for the first time since i was like 10 has that ever happened again uh no so what was it just old shrimp no i think it was just like undercooked because you eat like raw seafood like you can get fucked up yeah but you can eat raw shrimp huh you can eat raw shrimp i don't know what was going on with it uh i'm like yeah they were like don't eat it yeah but i was like you guys say that about everything down here like I'm eating it and dude, it was just crazy like everybody was like are you okay and I was like yeah, do you want to refill like my face was exploding my lips were here. You got like a you got like three four tops. You're like I can't I got to keep I got to stay in the game.

You know, no dude. It was it was busy like I couldn't hide. I couldn't give people my tables and like and at the end of the day just kind of looked like I had a really bad acne. I was like, God damn it. You're like like, well, what do you recommend? You're like not the shrimp, but if you want to try some, there's some in my pocket, but yeah, that's what happened to me. Yeah. All right, let's rip through these question of the week. What's the dumbest thing you've ever done at work from anonymous

um okay hi i went to purdue university and in like 2014 i was working at the discount den which was like our really like convenience store i guess um you tore through that i had an early morning shift on a saturday and everyone was tailgating so i was just bored and decided to do the milk challenge by myself oh and um that's when you chug a gallon of milk in an hour and i was already like ferociously hungover so bro i think i got like two sips down did you guys hear that the rest of my shift real quick one the milk challenge are you a dude yeah one are you a guy two why at work at work and three who drinks milk hungover that's what i'm the whole thing's a disaster but that bird in the beginning how soothing was that?

That's that bird you hear when you're outside at your grandma's house. Can you play it again real quick? Okay, hi. I went to Purdue University and in like 20... What bird is that?

What bird is that? I know it comes again. It's a really like convenient store, I guess. And I had an early morning shift on a Saturday and everyone was tailgating. So I was bored and decided to do the milk challenge by myself. And that's when you chug a gallon of milk in an hour. And I was already like ferociously hungover.

So milk hungover. That's insane. Everything hungover is's insane everything hungover is insane but milk yeah but milk like coating your stomach if you like it two sips in though you didn't you didn't do the challenge why would you do that at work you just had milk at work you're trying to get fired baby girl good for you and also the milk challenge has never not ended without... Horribly. There's been like two people ever to do it. Yeah, Joey Chestnut. Oh, bro. He's a guy who makes 63 hot dogs.

Oh, yeah. I know that. He's the only like... Part of me thinks I could do a hot dog challenge. There's no way. You don't think? No. I can put down some dogs, dude.

Dude, 63 of them. Not the bread, though. Yeah, it's 100%. What's his process with the bread? I think he just dips it in the water. Does he just go in? He does water, too? Yeah.

Because that was Kobayashi's thing for a while, wasn't it? That was. Dude, the Kobayashi shake. That was big in high school. What was that? I just would... He would, like, shake. So, like, when I was in high school and I was, like, just, you know, putting it down,

I would shake. Oh, like to get it down your stomach. To get it down your stomach, yeah. I would fuck up a little. Dude. A little like local eating contest. I think I'd win. Well, no, you wouldn't because he'd be there.

He lives in Westfield. Oh, he's not coming to a local eating contest. He's only on ESPN for his shit. Yeah. Dude, he just fucking like. Do you think he could like potentially die yeah probably but he's body like soon he bought in 70 i mean longevity is probably not not his game plan he probably is not thinking that probably not married but anyways uh during this year's hot

dog contest somebody like ran up on him on stage so that body slammed him straight up that's hey that's a, that's a pro. That's a pro athlete, you know? He really is. Just to refocus. There it is. He's in a different league. Yeah.

Dude, he's kind of big. Oh, he's huge. He was at the restaurant I worked at with shrimp in my pocket. He came one time. Yeah. Is he like a big dude? I was just like, is he going to order all the shrimp? Like all the shrimp in the

restaurant that same day all of it in one sitting he orders just a normal plate of food you're like wait what yeah he's like yeah i'm not training i just want an appetizer he orders just a side salad you're like hey man this isn't you what's wrong tell us there goes my tip let's keep going let's keep going the dumbest thing i've ever done at work is show up blacked out i didn't realize this until the end of my day was over and i was leaving and the other girls asked me where i had parked the car and i honestly could not tell them is there more yeah the dumbest thing i have done at work is lay under the travel trailer while we are open getting high oh multiple jesus doesn't do work well keep going yeah it sounds like you got three more you're just like i'm fucked up at work lay under the

the work trailer and get like a travel trailer yeah that sounds like a good idea i mean that's just yeah i mean unless it moved and crushed you while you were stoned that's what i'd be thinking the whole time if i was high under a trailer like this is the paranoia pick a more paranoid spot what was the first thing she did she just got hammered blacked out at work but then she was like i just don't realize whatever been a server then but it's like half of serving at a restaurant is coming in at 10 just completely just yeah bro i remember you ever had a when you were in when you were playing uh football did you ever like do like youth camps yeah like you had to do everybody's hung up oh god dude just you're above the age of 10 you're hung over dude just 7 30 at a youth camp teaching a kid hit a baseball off a tee just with a

hellacious hangover just like just leading stretches drunk i'm like i can't even count the 10 you guys got it there's nothing there's nothing worse than just the ting of a bat while you're just god just yeah no but like that's that's the reason for camps like grown-ups and people that are running the camp can't wait to get drunk the whole time like they party so hard the night before like i worked at a like a nfl like a camp and nfl guys were like teaching yeah and dude they were so fucked up every day. Right when we got off the field, God damn, I need a double. Like all of them, professional athletes. I was like, Jesus Christ.

All right, let's keep going. The dumbest thing that I've ever done at work is similar to yours. I ate something with shrimp in it after school. We had like after school when i was teaching we had parent teacher conferences that night and i ate something with shrimp in it and i broke out in full hives and had to keep running to the bathroom to throw up in between my parent teacher conferences and all of the parents were very concerned

to throw up i didn't know that was a symptom just go home any parent would be like my kid is not that important no chance dude the hive save you ever got hives from like shellfish i haven't no i'm not weak dude i like cracked open some kind of fish i can't even remember what it was and i touched my eye I couldn't see for like three days don't do that who are you? I don't know I look like a mutant let's keep going alright this isn't an injury in the traditional sense but it hurt

this is dumbest injury there you go alright dumbest thing I've done at work this is my first job I was working at my dad's diesel garage. So he had me taking this wheel off of a semi-truck. And I'm still fairly new at this job at this point. So I'm taking off the lug nuts so I can remove the wheel.

And once I get all of the lug nuts off, I start trying to pull the wheel off and I just can't. It's just, it's like it's stuck to the ground for some reason and I look at it and the entire truck is bowed down towards me

and I realize I haven't jacked up the truck at all and so now if I take the wheel off, the whole truck is going to fall over and I'm going to be out $120,000. Or dead. Luckily, I jacked it'm going to be out $120,000. Or dead. Luckily, I jacked it up in time before I ruined the whole thing. But that was an awfully close call.

I would have been fired immediately by my dad. That would have been so awkward. Ew. Yeah, every time I'm changing a tire, which is never. You call your dad? I call my dad. But when he's watching me with his arms crossed while I'm doing it, I'm like, how is this tire not going to fall off off the fact that you can just screw a tire on yourself and just

drive away it just seems illegal like damn like there's so much shit that can go wrong right now like this is the fact that i screwed in a tire and i'm just driving to another city like how's this bitch not gonna pop off i think that every time because you yeah yeah you know, yeah, I'm like, I wonder if that was tight enough. I would not trust you to change my tire. No fucking way, dude. That's crazy. Yeah.

Diesel garage, though. That's a he said diesel garage. That is a music garage and I was all messed up during that voice message. I was like, what's this have to do with the trumpet? I just want to let there there's been a garage and a diesel garage. It's just only Dodge Cummings. Oh, Cummins diesel garage.

Diesel gas. You ever pumped it in your life? No, I've never. I've never pumped the diesel. I don't get anything but that unleaded dog. I think you're crazy if you get anything else, right? One of my homies used to put like the best gas in his car just because he thought it would last longer.

And yeah, I was like, what, a Toyota Tacoma? It was just like an old ass SUV. I was like, I think it's over for that. Just a 1996 4Runner. And he's just like, I only put premium in it. That's why it's been lasting so long. That's why it lasts so long. Yeah, that's why I only get to buy an old change number 50,000 miles.

Never even touch diesel. There's no point no point all right let's keep going all right the dumbest thing i've probably done while working is i used to work at noodles and company like when i was in high school um and i was a manager there but i had to do some prep that day and I was slicing tomatoes in the tomato choppers and it's like a grate that's like meant for dicing and I was putting the tomatoes and dicing it putting the tomatoes and dicing it and all of a sudden I miss the fucking grate and my hand goes down on it and um let's just say uh there was blood shooting out of my hand everywhere. Luckily, I just have a gnarly scar there, and it tore off, like, a huge chunk of my skin off of the bottom part of my hand, and it was, like, a million inches away from, like,

hurting major arteries and, like, losing a finger and shit. But that was really dumb, and everybody thought I was high. Like, everybody thought i was high like everybody thought i had smoked i was sober okay and i did that shit like if i was high i've been way more careful um oh shit hey that doesn't sound great um i've always been afraid of that thing you know i'm kind of surprised either me or you just don't have one of our pinkies blown off somehow but they're both it kind of looks like i should have nine fingers yeah but do you have a bent pinky uh they're kind of all intact weirdly but you know how you used to like they're all

like definitely jammed well yeah like i mean like from reset i know like every athlete I've ever met has a bent pinky. Oh, just from like weird shit. Yeah. I've probably broken my finger once, but I'm like not known and just kind of like walked it off. Oh yeah, for sure. I wonder how many injuries you've had that you're just like, I'm not fucking with it. Yeah. Or you still have that you just don't tell anybody about like a hidden injury, you know?

Like sometimes my shoulder will like twitch and I'm like, I should get that checked out, but I never will. yeah or you still have that you just don't tell anybody about like a hidden injury you know like sometimes my shoulder like twitch and i'm like i should get that checked out but i never will yeah i never do yeah i got a bad shoulder uh you got a bent toe that's just from that's just from god has it all god given dude yeah. Ever since I was just a kid, that's just how they are. That's why I don't care. I'm like, I don't know. What do you want me to do?

You want me to break it and straighten it back out? Put it in a cast? You want to sign it? I'd sign your toe cast. You're like, all right, look, I just can't wear a toe ring. Just a Superman ass.

That's all your signature is. You look like that. Yeah, that's all your signature is you look like that yeah that's funny uh what was it yeah she sliced her finger open yeah she almost cut her hand off making tomatoes I am so blood would look like the tomatoes though so yeah I am scared of that thing I've always been scared I'm more scared of noodles and company you ever go there I've been there a couple times but manager at high school that's pretty impressive yeah you always look up to them you're like you know how to fill out paperwork that's all the only yeah you know how to count that's what you're the manager of a noodle company never not even today you know how to or back order cartons of shit how do you know

dude i was mad impressed by this kid in high school who could operate the fryer at the local dairy queen in zinesville people i was like dude you can you can make the chicken nuggets did you like ask for special stuff from them no but i was double fry mine i was just impressed i was like you can do this yeah it's like that's a lot that's a lot of responsibility that's a lot of response there's grease the fryer the fryer it's Yeah. It's like, that's a lot. That's a lot of responsibility. That's a lot of responsibility. There's grease. The fryer? The fryer.

It's the guy at Steak and Shake that's scraping off that grill that's always like 17. Yeah, dude. You ever see that guy just working his fucking ass off? Yeah, you're like- He needs a raise. If anybody's listening to this, give your grill guy at Steak and Shake a raise right now. You look at him, you're like, your dad definitely kicked you out at 18. He's like, I'm done.

I never feel bad for people that work at fast food restaurants. I'm like, you're eating all the food. Like that's so, you know, like how bad can it be if you just like work at Dairy Queen and then you get to have a blizzard every hour? That's true. Can't afford my rabbit. Yeah, I'll take an Oreo peanut butter. I can mix my own blizzards

that i'll do what's on the menu we knew a kid that worked at dairy queen and we just bombarded them like five of my friends one time and we're asking for them this is fucked up shit like suicide blizzards we just couldn't say no it's like okay all right just everything can you quadruple dip my chocolate cone please because i know yeah gummy bears and i don't know how gummy bears got into the ice cream situation you know you're like you're at like an ice cream bar and there's a thing full of gummy bears like how did you get who's using that uh dirt or whatever mud pie or whatever the thing but how popular is mud pie? True. If you put gummy bears on your ice cream, time to check in.

Dude, Max and Hermes, man. Gummy worms in every drink. That's an old Applebee's mud slide. All right. Let's keep going. I was at a board meeting and I started to talk about how people in advertising agencies were fat.

And I was in front of the CEO of the company who was chubby. Oh, no. Man. Oh, I couldn't understand anything she said. She said... Can you translate that? I don't know. She's got to be hot, though.

No shit. She said everybody in advertising is fat. And the CEO is fat. Oh, shit. Yeah. You can't fat shame people, especially in a board meeting. I was at a board meeting and I started to talk about how people in advertising agencies were fat. And I was in front of the CEO of the company who was chubby.

I do like how she still works there because she did double down. She's like, yeah, she's still chubby. At least it's anonymous. I liked it. All right. Let's keep going. What's up, Ben? So the dumbest thing at work I did came a couple years ago. When I was in high school, I worked at a baseball stadium. Let's keep going. it was the middle of summer it was so fucking hot outside and i had to go grab something from

one of the coolers so i went in there it felt so good i was gonna get a pop and then i saw the smirnoff red white and blue cans that they had uh stocked in there mind you i was like 17 18 years old at this time and i basically just said fuck it fuck the pepsi you know so i just went and cracked open one of those smirnoffs and you know looking back it probably wasn't all too bad but the fact that i was like 17 18 years old and drink alcohol it'd be bad if you were if you were 21 dude that's that's nothing dude okay you're like 24 doing that yeah dude get a life yeah but if you're 17 you're in head yeah dude you're working at a ballpark all right there's free booze yeah you have no responsibilities you just gotta fetch things i would be yeah

slamming just icing yourself on one knee dude i got yeah i got to self ice dude okay uh one time uh jay-z came to concert uh uh what is it now game bridge but it's consigo back then yeah and uh i had a buddy whose dad had a suite and i they they let me in they snuck me in and there's just a free fridge of michob Altra's free. Yeah. In the suite. And that's so dangerous. And I'm 18 and there's like, it's dark. Nobody is checking me. And, uh,

you know, his dad's having a good time. The kids have a good time. I'm like free Michelob Altra's. All right. And so they go back when he goes to get one. He's like, where are all of these?

And dude, I just been dropping them in front of me. How many did you do? Like 15. He's like, where are all of these? And dude, I had just been dropping them in front of me. How many did you do? Like 15. He's like, you can't even talk. Dude, it was hilarious. It's just 50. And you know, you're just like caught.

You're just like, all right, well, what are we going to do about this? Did you get in trouble? No, he didn't care. I mean, he was just disappointed maybe, but like, then i got a beer at a pf chang's afterwards which was kind of crazy just mcglobe altar your first like yeah your experience yeah just 20 mcglobe alters at my feet the first time you go in a suite is like a different that was the first time i was in a suite yeah you act a fool bro because you're like i'm not used to all this good food at once and nobody just walked into an old country buffet and nobody's checking you nobody's checking you i was like

all right well thanks it's like put some candy in front of me i'm gonna take it just keep going because i'm fat so i worked at my high school after I graduated from there, actually. And when we worked, it was mostly just horsing around and not doing a whole lot of work because the summer crew is just a lot of fun. We didn't do a whole lot. But there's this one particular time when we went into a classroom and we were replacing ceiling tiles and we took one of the ceiling tiles and we used one of the crew members as a dummy and we each

proceeded to smash ceiling tiles over his head and kept doing it until he kind of felt weird and told us to stop but I did one more anyway just because it was funny yeah i had to but yeah that was probably the dumbest thing the shit guys do bro so yeah thanks ben for the podcast

really appreciate it dog love you homie keep up the good work man hey dude yeah just why is it so fun for guys to break stuff so do women not get that oh i just don't think it it doesn't tickle that part of their brain i don't know what he used the word horsing around all right like that's exactly what i would do with those ceiling tiles yeah we're gonna throw them away no you're gonna break them on your friend's head that said it was okay probably was slinging like a frisbee oh see how far they'll please most guy shit dude one time we we had a ping pong table and we needed to throw it out so we needed to break it into a bunch of pieces i called my friend that lived 40 minutes away he got probably to my house in half oh yeah i was like bro just run through this table he's like be there in five i had a buddy i had a buddy whose dad remodeled houses oh see

he's like he was just invited he's like we got a demo today and she's like you guys want to come over and knock out a wall it's like yeah for free for free yeah that's all you have to pay me for don't need anything i don't need anything else just give me just let me hold a sledgehammer dude yeah just the power you have. It's like a normal person. I just remember we would just start chucking the hammer at the wall. Just see it and feel sick. Anyway, since it's all guys listening now, let's keep going.

Yeah. Refer to leads as dog shit in front of the CEO. Oh, dude. Dude, I'm not going to name who it is, but like a comedian has a brother that worked for a big company and he was in charge of like sending this email to someone else and he accidentally sent the wrong one, but he sent it to everybody in the company and it was everybody's salary

and it was like a big it was like regions everybody's shit let's definitely do that have you ever had like a bad like send all experience can't take that back no not yet i just i'm impressed by all these people that have ceos that they're in front of i've never been in front of a ceo no thanks i wouldn't know who it was i'd be like who's this jackass like talking to him right yeah why is he talking never know who the ceo is why why would i like unless I'm up there, I'll never see them. Let's keep going.

In my office, they have Jif peanut butter cups. They're pretty small. But that's really the only snack that we have in the office. Where do you work? During the day, some people will take a spoon and eat out of those chef peanut butter where do i apply um anyways one day i find myself in the bathroom pooping and uh i've been there for quite some time and i hear somebody coming in time and turns out this guy's having an issue in the bathroom. And while he's going to the bathroom in the stall next to me, I can hear him eating from the jiff.

So before I left, I checked his shoes did he heavy side a fourth of the way through the story I know he's like he's really thinking about it he's ripping it right off the dome alright checked his shoes and made sure I identified

what shoes he was wearing it turns out he was wearing brown merrell shoes which is absurd in and of itself sure I identified what shoes he was wearing. It turns out he was wearing brown Merrell shoes, which is absurd in and of itself. The rest of the day there was about six of us on my team looking for

the culprit. We ended up finding it. Shout out Joe LaMonica, head of regional sales northeast. Yeah, the peanut butter pooper. What a story! It closed well. You had me on the edge of my seat.

It closed well. Yeah, that was good. The peanut butter pooper. That's just the work snack? Do you have peanut butter chips? Who's not going? Who's skipping a day at work? You don't have a 401k, but we've got Jif peanut butter snacks. All right.

Yeah. You can eat them while you're taking a shit. Sounds perfect. Yeah, but shit non-company time is different, dude. Like a solo bathroom. We had those in my office one time. Yeah. I would literally do like handstands in there and shit.

Just anything else. Dude, I'd be in the bathroom for 28 minutes. Dude, in my company bathroom, okay okay there's just one of those like it's a single bathroom but one of those push locks all right oh and the toilet is parallel to the door and it's i mean every single time i have my pants down i'm like did i press oh yeah dude every time i like every time i sit down i stand right back up i do that little shuffle and i check oh the side shuffle yeah just because like basketball slide to the door no just yeah well you just kind of like shuffle like slide your feet yeah because i'm like i don't trust myself not to prep like yeah you gotta check it twice you have to it happened to me at helium one time in that upstairs secret bathroom and the lock doesn't work in that bathroom and i'm like that's

where i'm shitting well if it's not gonna go downstairs where all the but yeah but that's front on so if you're front and you're like oh but like side you gotta like turn like no it was front on i know but like from the side is you're just way more vulnerable oh you're just like bro this is this dude saw it all there well you take your pants off to shit i didn't know that yeah you gotta you gotta go around one foot for me yeah i gotta have a wide base yes you've got a sumo squat your shits dude yeah my legs like touching the sink my foot's on the wall dude because i have like ptsd from like having to go to the bathroom while you have football pants on oh yeah like this is i why am i even doing this right yeah i might i should have held it during the whole game yeah more pain trying to get off compression pants

to take a shit is one of the worst having just to go to the bathroom in sports it's like what am i doing yeah i hated that just mid i played baseball just the fourth inning you're like well you want to get everything out you know before the game it's just bad timing all right i played college basketball at this christian school and during the summers they made us work in this call center to try to get people to sign up for our school, like online and stuff. And one of my teammates, he also worked there, he threw a condom into my cubicle

and me just trying to be sarcastic. I acted like I didn't know what it was. And I blew it up like a balloon. It was like always just a balloon. One of my coworkers who wasn't on the basketball team got offended and ratted me out. And I got fired. And my coach found out about it. And I had to spend the next two weeks waking up at 5 in the morning to run five miles.

Over a rubber? Five miles. Yeah, it's such a college. That's such a Christian college thing it's just like oh birth control they probably never saw a condom there yeah chris there what is this you had a condom in your wallet it was it was suspension as instantly kicked off the basketball team. Five miles a day, though? In the morning? Dude. Worth it. Worth it. Seatbelt.

One time when I first got my very first job, I was playing with a little switch under the counter, and about 30 minutes later, four cop cars show up, and I realized it was the holdup alarm. Dude, she worked at a bank. Just. Do all banks have that?

Yeah. A holdup alarm? Yeah, just like. What did she think it was? Fidgeting. She's like, what light does this turn on? It's like red too. Yeah.

You have to press it. Anything red, I'm like, yep. Dude. What was she thinking? Do banks like by law have to have a gun under there too? I don't think so. Maybe that's just something I made up in my head. But like, you know, that's on like every movie. Like there's always somebody at a bank with a gun.

Yeah, they're robbing it. No, not the robber. The other person, you know? Yeah. Because it's always a weird like bank lady that shoots the robber in the back every movie i'm like oh there's guns and that's not true i that's not true at all but also i know you just made that up because i know you've never seen a single movie well like i'm thinking of the batman movie where joker like is blowing people's heads off and then

all of a sudden that guy just comes out and almost you know he has a gun and shit oh okay yeah i guess that is batman yeah and that guy just comes out and almost, you know, he has a gun and shit. Okay, yeah. Like I said, it's Batman. Yeah. All right, a couple more, a couple more. I think this is the last one. Okay. Oh. For a couple summers,

I worked with my high school maintenance department and you know, we were doing all kinds of dumb stuff. Mowing lawns. One time we convinced my buddy that we got him a sex doll for his birthday, and it was in the wrestling room waiting for him. You know those purple wrestling dummies that have short legs and arms?

Well, that was the sex doll that we referred to. So we get the buddy to go in the wrestling room. He sees it there, and we give him a closed door, a little bit of privacy, and we leave a little crack in the wrestling room he sees it there and uh we give him a closed door a little bit of privacy and we leave a little crack in the window 30 seconds later we look in and he's just going to town on that shut up on the clock shut up no the real wrestling dummy look he goes there's a video for con no wait what so he thought that was like, oh, yeah. Yeah, general. All right.

Hold on. What's he doing to it? Let me make sure this is on. Yo, are we going to watch this? All right, here we go. We got no choice. There's no way he's going to just get after this. Are we allowed to watch this?

Wait, is he a wrestler? No, this is just a maintenance guy. He's like trying it. He's testing it like testing it out trying to fuck it okay nah he knows he's fucking they're fucking with him all right purple wrestling i was like i didn't know that was a wrestling thing i didn't know that was a thing i would definitely try to hit that too what you never know that might be like one of those guys you know one of those kids that just like doesn't know he he knew that was i don't know the way the way he's moving those hips bro look pretty real look pretty real to me this is the biggest school scandal

to come out of pioneer indiana i don't like it dog i don't like it but i do want one of those wrestling dummies yeah just tossing one of those bitches like in a pond. Dude, just throwing it out your window on Mass Ave. Hit the street. Hit a pedal bar. Yeah. A pickle peddler. They would just keep singing Get Low by Lil Jon.

That wouldn't even bat an eye. That wouldn't. We said we would. All right. We got espresso question of the week thank you for uh all your dumbest things you've done at work but yeah next week still thinking the question could be good but okay f boy island dude tonight tonight the premiere dude that was a lot of work straight up job dude a straight up job so it started with uh them being like all right this is what you need for the show well dude also like you just remember that like they just dm'd you right right yeah which is wild i just remember being in the car you're like f F boy Island. Just DM to me.

Like, did you want to be on the show? I was like, uh, and you're like, you a hundred percent. I was like, yeah,

you have to like message them back. And then it was the thing like, okay, um, they send you like, uh, what's your type? Who did you date in the past?

When was your past relationship? But like, why did this happen? Why'd that happen? Like everything. And we like completely just made up it we were just being idiots on it right yeah what's your type girls with divorce parents and we're like there's no way this is gonna go through what do you what do you want what would your first date be like i was like uh like seriously talk through a baking show and like wear charcoal masks for the rest of the right yeah eat a rotisserie chicken in my car you know all those answers and they're like you know what we think we really like you we're gonna move on and this just kept being the same dude it was

the whole thing was a fucking joke dude i just remember like when it got serious and they're like okay you're like in the running right they were like we gotta do a zoom call okay, you're like in the running. Right. They were like, we got to do a zoom call. Okay. What were you going to say? I was just like, I just remember being like, you were like,

I've never seen the show. And I was like, can I, cause I had seen it. And I was like, you got to watch at least like one episode to get it. It's like, you're like, nah, man, I'm not, I'm just going to go in. I was like, no, dude, we have to prepare for this. I don't remember. I still kind of didn't want, like I was, I know we were in my living room. Because then I'd get in my head.

We were in my living room, and we were like breaking it down like game film. Oh, yeah. You had like a laser and a fucking hat on. Dude, I'm rewinding it. You were eating sunflower seeds. Yeah, you were running it back. You see what he said here?

Yeah. You see what he said? Like when you're in an approach, you need to do this. Dude, it was crazy. Don't wear that. Don't wear that. Dude, the wardrobe. That was to do this. Dude, it was crazy. Don't wear that. Don't wear that. Dude, the wardrobe.

That was the worst part. Did you? Okay. So I remember I'm like, so what are you going to wear? You're like, just like my normal. You're like, I'm just going to pack a bag. I was like, dude, you can't. It's HBO Max.

Right. They were like, we need. Well, you had to get all your fits approved, which is insane. So we're texting like 13 people about what they like or not. Dude. Well, you had to get all your fits approved, which is insane. So we're texting like 13 people about what they like or not. Dude, what do you think about it? Because me and you can pick out clothes to an extent. We need like a women's touch. Well, okay.

So we went to Nordstrom's for like four days straight. Oh, yeah. Shout out to Sarah Ferguson. 10 hours each day. 10 hours each day. We tore through a nordstrom the nordstrom's the people in the store were looking at us like like yeah who was the other i i was told i was gonna shout her out uh i think it's her name is uh arfa they're looking at us like

we were the like i was running for president dude uh people were people were like wait are they gonna be on like the bachelor like that's how crazy it was why we destroyed a nordstrom i believe you it was insane like i didn't wear any of it yeah i don't know like every night for that for to wear what i wanted it was crazy yeah how was that like today you had to have cult like loud colors on every night because it just looks good on tv i think especially when you're on an island and all i wear is black yeah dude so i fought every night to just be like yo let me wear black jeans black shirt and a black jacket just one night don't put me in a flowery hawaiian shirt that dude but there was a wardrobe guy there

so like if you if you fucked up and didn't bring the right shit like he kind of had your back and he'd be like hey i got three shirts he could wear tonight yeah but he liked your fit didn't he like did he yeah they were in on it but like i was borrowing and i took away a hell of shit from that show i ganked like seven shirts but uh yeah that was that was nice to have him because like if i because i wasn't just gonna ask like my homeboy that wanted to sabotage me the whole time like right yeah yeah like bro you think this looks good he'd be like yeah sure whatever yeah you should wear two different colored socks that look like crazy honestly so you had to ask ask uh the wardrobe guy and he'd be like yeah yeah don't wear that don't wear that he's like brutally honest it was perfect

i wish you could like i wish i could hire him i just i just remember leading up to that getting everything ready to go was one of the hardest things that i've ever done like you like it's the next level so i just remember like us like trying to get all your shit in line. Like, all right, what are the, what are we going to post while you're gone? What's the content going to be like, how are we going to do your Twitter? How are we going to like, and just a straight out,

just like up till 2am sweating for two straight weeks. Yeah. Didn't sleep the last two nights. I don't think before I left, I was having a mental break. You had a mental full breakdown. Oh yeah. Did you, okay. Can. You had a mental breakdown? Oh, yeah. Can you talk about when you got there?

Like what they did? Damn. Okay, I got to the airport and I had no idea what was going on, obviously. But on my plane was a dude that was jacked, had really long hair, a lot of tattoos, and a cowboy hat on. If that doesn't give anything away who it was, I can't say who it was, I don't think. No, not yet.

Maybe I can. Not yet. I mean, the cast is revealed. Oh, yeah, you probably could, yeah. All right, so I was like, that guy's definitely on the show. I think I took a picture and sent it to you. Yeah, you sent it to me. You're like, 100% on the show.

100%, yeah. Just sit right next to you. Anyway, so I it to me. You're like 100% on the show. 100%, yeah. Just sit right next to you. Anyway, so I just followed him. I just followed everything he did in the airport. If he was checking a bag or got his bags, if he was getting currency or switching, I just did everything this dude did. And I ended up getting in a van with this dude

and riding to a place before we went in the house. I'm trying to be like vague with it right yeah yeah but yeah we got there and they just literally locked me in a room for a while which was the best time that you've ever had in your entire life oh my god i would do anything to have that back people were like i gotta get out of here i gotta get out of the room but i was like dude this is awesome like i'm in a hotel room just watching like entertainment. Yeah. You're just like, I've never watched so much ESPN.

No, it wasn't even ESPN. I was like getting into different shows like the Jay Cutler reality show. I love this show. Yeah. You're like they deliver food to me. Dude, it was the best. It was the best week of my life. Yeah.

Yeah, it was insane. Like, like i mean i'm trying to remember i mean you why you were there what was it was it was getting the content because people were like so did you have someone like posting content for you are you able to get on your phone like i don't know how deep i'm able to dive into that but i had i just backlogged like 10 videos oh we yeah dude but we prepared only for only the 24 hours before it happened oh right yeah shit didn't get real till like the day before oh yeah i have to have to and then like so so as the show went on like we'd be able to get our phones periodically and I would check in with Derek and Wyatt. Yeah, we can say like Joe, you post that and they'd be like, yeah, yeah, we can

talk about like I like why did I ran your social media while you're gone and that one that one video that we did, the divorced dad interview. Yeah. I got taken down immediately. I was like, damn, I've never been banned from Instagram. But the minute you guys start running my account. Dude, nothing was funnier. Nothing was funnier than when I would get messages like on from your account and just people being like, bro, you're tweeting like a robot. Like, are you okay?

A mailman was like, are you being held hostage? Yeah. Yeah, they knew something was going on. Well, they just knew something was going on. Yeah. It was just no stories. Yeah, yeah. They picked it up pretty quick.

I just wanted to be like, dude, everything's okay. It picked it up pretty quick. I just wanted to DM be like, dude, everything's okay. It's going to be fine. Or just the exact opposite. Just be like, yeah, Ben's in my basement right now. Dude. I can tell though, every time you called me during the show, I can tell you were having

the time of your life. Dude, I called my mom one time. I called my mom once. Oh wait, I can't say this never mind it was a fire time though and because we never got our phones so when i got my phone i was like oh life yeah now i was proud of that i was proud that people still mess with your twitter and why and i could we got some pretty good videos out like that's like that was back when who's buying it was popping still you had like three fire who's buying it oh yeah that was good yeah

process when we were figuring everything out they required us to send like normal like pictures on your phone normal pictures and videos so i literally this is funny as hell they're like okay and it was on a time crunch if you want to move move on we need like 50 like natural pictures of you and i was like just everyday everyday everyday pictures and i was like okay i'll get to it but i was at work so i couldn't like get on my phone and find 50 pictures for a reality show to like judge me from. And I literally probably wouldn't have done it. But why I was like, bro, I'm coming to your work. So I drove there. I met you at the Eagle. It was like probably 10, 1030 at night. And I got your phone. And for like the next hour, two hours, I've never been more in the zone. And I've like,

that was insane. That's crazy. You saw my whole life. Oh my God. I know. I know. I knew everything. Oh my God. It was, it was like personal shit. Like I was like,

I was sending them videos of like you and your ex girlfriend laughing and like laughing and shit. Like just bro, everything. I saw everything. I sent them everything too.esus that's crazy yeah you see like everything was just like all right it's like do or die every decision was just like it has to happen now we have no time there's no time to wait dude yeah and i'm the motherfucker that would wait it was just a yeah i feel like we were just a dead sprint for like two straight weeks.

Oh man. Yeah. I'm excited for it to come out. Cause I want to talk about the episodes. Like, I don't know what happened. So like me neither anymore. I'm like brainwashed from that.

I can't, I can't remember anything. Like once we got here, I like have no memories, but I did. Uh, I wrote down what happened every day. Cause I knew I'd like,

you took a journal every day, bro. Every day. That's crazy. I got it every day because I knew I'd like. You took a journal every day? Bro, every day. That's crazy. I got it every day in the bank. That's awesome. What actually happened. I'll say it on this podcast, like when episodes drop and stuff, I'll explain them, I'll break them down. And we'll have guests from the show on too.

Oh, that's sick, dude. Yeah, no, that was, I mean, that's big time. I felt like after that that i was like oh shit we could do it we could do something big like we handled it perfectly i thought it's just a lot man that was very overwhelming but yeah you guys will love the show it's just insanity nikki glazer's awesome the girls are awesome the dudes are the best like we're it's i wish you could see the group message on my phone actually maybe not yeah you don't want to see that yeah just you hanging

out with like three girls and 26 dudes the 26 dudes you probably just fell in love fell in love yeah that's who i fell in love yeah for real though uh but yeah tonight tune in hbo max get your subscription from your mom you already know yeah do you want my password yeah yeah for sure i love how we just nobody even on the show like got one yeah i know yeah hbo max all that can't even give me a free trial? Can I get one month free? No. Yeah, I'll give you my password. Nice. All right.

Okay. Yo, that's shot to 19. Espresso podcast. I'm your host, Benedict Polizzi. My guest, LOL Derek James on Instagram. Remember to join the Patreon for exclusive content every week. I'll talk more about the show on there. I kind of did a little bit more in-depth

last week and we're just going to keep going week by week. But yo, enjoy the show tonight and I'll talk to you guys next week. Nice. Alright fam.