Espresso - immature things you won't stop

Episode Date: June 16, 2021

This week ben has comedian @lol_derek_james and internet celeb @liampineiro on the pod to discuss the immature things you'll never stop doing (ˡⁱᵏᵉ ᵗᵉˢᵗⁱⁿᵍ ᵗʰᵉ ⁱᶜᵉ ᵐᵃᶜʰⁱⁿᵉ ᵒⁿ ᵉᵃᶜʰ ᶠˡᵒᵒʳ ᵒᶠ ᵃ ʰᵒᵗᵉˡ ᵃⁿᵈ ˢᶜʳᵉᵃᵐⁱⁿᵍ ᵈᵒʷⁿ ᵗʰᵉ ʰᵃˡˡʷᵃʸ ᴵᶜᴱ ᵂᴼᴿᴷˢ) they break down the Adult Swim TikTok trend, talk about how bad Ben wants to be Bryce Hall, rank the hottest in-store mannequins, rate the movies that traumatized them as kids, and Derek performs "Listen To Your Fart" 👀 The boys research the origin of "choad", they all agree the Colts mascot should be in jail, they realize the Chuck-E-Cheese ball pit should be in a SAW movie, they figure out Garfield is definitely gay and come to a unanimous conclusion that Chris Angel is the hottest man alive. Then Ben Derek and Liam go #ViViViViral and do #DaysOfTheWeek but you already knew that 😎 UPCOMING SHOWS: Helium Comedy Club, Indianapolis, IN June 18,19,20 𝐒𝐔𝐁𝐌𝐈𝐓 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐎𝐖𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 𝐎𝐅 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐖𝐄𝐄𝐊 dm ben on instagram (@benedictpolizzi) →→→ 𝗗𝗼𝗻'𝘁 𝗙𝗼𝗿𝗴𝗲𝘁 𝗧𝗼 𝗥𝗮𝘁𝗲 & 𝗥𝗲𝘃𝗶𝗲𝘄! 𝗦𝗲𝗻𝗱 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗵𝗼𝗺𝗶𝗲 𝗮 𝗖𝗮𝗺𝗲𝗼 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗕𝗲𝗻!: https://v.cameo.com/E48BXekQ29 𝗧𝗶𝗸𝗧𝗼𝗸: https://www.tiktok.com/@benedictpolizzi?source=h5_m 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗧𝘂𝗯𝗲: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXRwNZpU67AK24r5QGfIfCw 𝗜𝗻𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗺: https://www.instagram.com/benedictpolizzi/ 𝗧𝘄𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿: https://twitter.com/benedictpolizzi

Hey, the Espresso Podcast is brought to you by Wave 1 Media. If you want to start your own show, visit thewave1.com. Shot 163. Turn me up a little bit. I feel like I'm in church. Yeah. Yeah. Take you to church, baby boy. Yeah, if you're good, we get in church. Yeah. Yeah. Take you to church, baby boy.

Yeah, if you good, we get donuts later. Okay, yeah. Yeah. Jelly filled. Jelly filled. Maybe long, long jump. But this is my song. Yeah.

Shot 163, it's BP, Liam Pinheiro, Derrick James, that's a shame, not really, Three Hillbillies, in the studio, with the stupid flow, shot 163, I bet you don't know Liam on the far right Derek in the middle My name is Benny P Listen to this riddle I'm on the far right Bitch I'm feeling alright Bitch

Shot 163 Derek James, Benny P Haven't had a carb since 2003 Damn Cause he shredded Damn Derek built like Jerome Bettis I'm just playing Damn

Derek, what you got to say, man? DJ On that mac and cheese deal. I don't even want to know. Over here on the right, everyone knows that he's alt-right. Bam! Oh, shit, my bad, my bad. Alt.

Not on the pod, dude. Not on the pod, my bad. Not on the pod, dude. What's up? What up, y'all? What's up? What's up? It's your 163 Espresso podcast.

I'm your host, Ben Polizzi. We got Derek James. Yep. What's the handle? LOL underscore Derek underscore James. We got TikTok E-boy Liam Pinero. Oh, he's blowing up. I love that.

That's my bill. That's my bill now. TikTok E-boy. TikTok E-boy. At Liam Pinero. You ain't lying, though. that's how I, that's my bill. That's my bill now. TikTok e-boy. TikTok e-boy. At Liam Pinero. You ain't lying though. On everything. Remember to subscribe,

rate, review. Leave a little review. Give me a little five star rating, you know? Shows coming up. Derek, you got shows coming up? I don't have anything coming up now. Low key.

Okay. Dope. We will though. We will. We're working on it. We're grinding. No shows coming up for you. No shows coming up.

We'll let you know. So that means I'm open. All right. Hit me up.'re working on it. We're grinding. Yo, hit us up. No show's coming up for you. No show's coming up. We'll let you know. So that means I'm open, all right? Hit me up. Follow me on Facebook. Hit me up on Messenger. I got one at Wiley's coming up in July. Damn.

There you go. I'm not performing. I'm just going to go watch. I'm just going to be there. There you go. I'll be at Helium this weekend, opening for Ali Sadiq. It should be good. Come through. Come through.

Come through. Dang. What's up, boys? All right, fine. Nothing. Just podcast stuff. Jealousy you for opening up to Ali Sadiq. Dude, is she a smoke show?

It's a guy. Oh, fuck. Oh, jeez. Is he a smoke show? Yeah. Okay, I was going to say. I mean, I didn't falter. I was still asking. Dude, so I want to do this new seg, all right?

All right, let's do it. TikTok of the week. You see a TikTok that kind of caught your eye throughout the week. We talk about it here. Oh. You know, I saw on the email it said TT of the week. I thought we were talking about something else. Mama.

I guess I have to change my notes. All right. This whole podcast is fucking around no uh tiktok of the week hmm i how about a trend of the week for me what you got for me be buddy buddy all i had on my for you page is the adult swim thing dude what the fuck is that i'll tell you what it's like the first time for me, for me. It's the first time for me. I've kind of felt old, dude, because people were like, what the fuck is Adult Swim? And I was like, wow, this is like the first time this has happened. I didn't explain that to somebody. Yeah, like they're like, I don't get this trend.

Like, what is Adult Swim? What's AS? And I was like, wow. Wow. Why is it coming up? To be young again. I don't know. I think it was the audio started it.

And then like they just made it, and then people realized it was kind of easy, and you could get some mad decent views on it. Did you guys watch Adult Swim growing up? Oh, yeah, dude. Yeah, yeah. Robot Chicken? Yeah. Were you allowed?

I hated Robot Chicken. You hated Robot Chicken? I love Robot Chicken. Once Adult Swim was around, my parents didn't know what I watched on TV and stuff. But when I was younger, I definitely would not be able to watch what else did they have on the day like aqua team the dude with the meatball yeah yeah yeah like the milkshake and the fries that show is just way too fried for that show i didn't like i did like robot chicken i'd uh robot chicken was like just a bunch of like like super high like skits and shit for half an hour.

Like the claymation type shit. Yeah, but then after Midnight Anime, all night long. True. I feel like I'm the only dude in the world that doesn't watch anime. I don't even really get it. All right. Is it just like... Dude, I love anime.

What is it? Like, what is it? It's a lifestyle is what it is. I don't... So, like, what... No, like, honestly, is it like superhero shit? No, I don't dislike It's a lifestyle is what it is. I don't. So like what? No, like honestly, is it like superhero shit? No, I don't dislike it. I just haven't watched it.

I don't know enough about it. Just do a deep dive. You'll be fine. Oh, man. Even the fries have the whole movies. I forgot about that one. Oh, wow. Me too.

The coach in that one. That one hit hard. That's a classic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But so Adult Swim is just like being promoted all over TikTok right now, just like for the hell of it? Just for no reason. Yeah, I think so.

Venture Bros, yeah, that's a good one. TikTok is all about... Oh, that really hairy dude with the chain. What show is that? That dude like is all... I think that guy's in my dreams a lot. Yeah, that's Aqua Teen Hunger Force. That guy, what is with that guy?

I was never into Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Every time I see that guy, I'm like, why is he such a prominent character in my fucking head all the time, bro? I think of that guy like I was never into Aquatic Hunger. Every time I see that guy, I'm like, why is he such a prominent character in my fucking head all the time, bro? I think of that guy like once a day. You know what show sucked forever that's not on Adult Swim that's on the screen right now? American Dad. You hated American Dad? Bro, who

watched that? I did, dude. No one watched American Dad. Dude, American Dad, the reruns. Like, what was the funny part of it? Dude, they were just on when you were sick from school, you know that and judge Judy you just Mari when you're home from school I was like I've never been sick and horny did you ever see the

one this is the craziest that you'd never be able to get it would pull out like 30 women and then the audience had to guess whether the woman was a dude or a girl. Can you do that in today's world? No, that was my middle school upbringing. Is it a dude or a chick?

You pick. We'll be back. Remember when we could have fun like that? Jesus. That was like the big episode of the year. You know somebody that's ever been on one of those shows? Yeah, Tyson's brother. He's on Jerry Springer. Isn't that so crazy, dude? When, Tyson's brother. He's on Jerry Springer. Isn't that so crazy, dude?

When somebody's like, that guy was on Jerry Springer. You're like, oh. Can I get an autograph? Yeah, no shit. So is he cool in real life? Would you fuck up? Let's get fucked up.

Nah. Steve Wilkos, Jerry, Judge Judy. Steve Wilkos. Yeah. That was like the Jerry Springer bodyguard. And now he has his own show. What a come up, dude. He got the spin off, yeah.

From security to show host. Dude, I'm sweating in here. Yeah, when you walked outside, I was like, how does he not have ass sweat? That's all I'm talking about. You look like my uncle on 4th of July or something. I'm flopping right now. Dude, just under the arms. Be body, body, bop, b arms like that really is a scene anyway so

did you guys see the uh bryce hall oh i was gonna ask you about that yeah yeah yeah dude five million i didn't i only saw him getting punched in the face five he got his shit rocked but five million dollars he made five million dollars he made five million dollars stepping into that ring and he would have made six right if he knocked out yeah he would have gotten a one million dollar knockout bonus and like you believe that shit you know whoever gave him that knockout bonus was like he's not very he's not gonna he's gonna knock out anything i mean you gotta he's like did everybody know he's gonna lose i actually like bryce hall before he got like popular i was like that dude's just cool and like just did you want to be him kind of yeah do you still want to be him you still want to be

him i want to be him even more no but poor. Do you still want to be him? Do you still want to be him? I want to be him even more. Dude, his poor hairline, though. Yeah, did you see the shot where his hair went knocked back because he got punched in the face and his hairline was like back hair. He's got bad hairline. DM him and give him your regimen. Hey, bro, you want a hair treatment? His hairline was taking a southern vacation. That hairline took a beating.

Yeah, there you go. Get him to pull his hairline took a beating yeah there you go that's not dude he's gonna look rough bald look at that dude the tiktok haircut like e-boy haircut really does a good job of hiding your hair there's gonna be like 50 year old guys with the e-boy haircut and the dangly earring that's like two points that's like four points down for him. He's like a ten there and he is like a four there. It's a tough world, but you know. You kind of got that going. I just got my hair cut, actually. I should have just

let it grow out. There you go. I just shaved it on the... There it is. Sid the Sloth. Doesn't he kind of look like Sid the Sloth? You see that? Who would you fight if you could fight anybody? Dude, I would fight whoever would give me the most money. I don't give a shit about getting my ass kicked. I wouldn't even practice.

That's what half these motherfuckers do. First of all, I would box, and then my whole shtick would be, I'm not even practicing. Everybody that does the boxing, they show the clips of them practicing. They're like, oh, nobody's taking me seriously. Using the gloves. Yeah, yeah. I'm a real fighter.

Not me. No, I'd be like, I haven't practiced at all. Let's fucking roll. I'll fight anybody. Just pay me, whatever. And'd be like, I haven't practiced at all. Let's fucking roll. I'll fight anybody. Just pay me, whatever. And then that way, if I win, it's even cooler.

And then if I lose, everybody's like, oh, he didn't even practice. That's what that dude did with Jake Paul, that MMA fighter. That Ben Askren. Dude, when he showed up,

he looked horrible. He was just like, I'm just going to step in the ring and make $20 million. Yeah. What would somebody have to pay you to do like a little boxing thing?

I don't know, like $8? I would do that shit real cheap. You know, just give me clout. My whole life is Rocky IV, so I'd probably do it for free. Just give me a glass of wine, I'll do it for free. I swear to God.

I feel like doing it anyway. Cab Sav. You just can't make out, but you just try to make out with the ring. I know, the whole time. Hit me, hit me. I'd be like...

So nervous. Yeah, your little punching bag videos do well, right? The only thing I do. sad. You just can't make out, but you just try to make out with him the whole time. Hit me, hit me. I'd be like... Your little punching bag videos do well, right? The only thing I do. That sounded so condescending. Your little punching bag videos. Yeah, anytime you put little in front of anything. How's your little comedy career going? I actually think they're funny. That's like your little car fucking videos do great,

don't they, Liam? How's your little Eminem videos, man? Gotta act like somebody else? Yes. No, those videos aren't funny. Pull up the email. Where's the email? Didn't Sugar Sean

like that? Yeah, he does the same shit. He makes out with his man. He actually seems like a cool dude. Yeah, he's cool. I'd fight him. I'd fight him.

I would too. It isn't you two just fucking going at it making out in the ring. Just making out the whole time. So highly anticipated. 60 million views. Bell rings. We just run to each

other. You just stop after five minutes and he just punches you in the face. No, it goes ten rounds of us doing the same shit. Just Drake there like, what the fuck is going on? Oh shit. Okay, let's get to the question of the week what's the most embarrassing thing you do that you're not gonna stop doing i thought about this what is it when i'm in the store and i see

like a mannequin with no clothes on i'll smack it on the ass or like grab it grab its boobs i'm not gonna stop doing it doesn't it feel so weird like it feels less weird doing that to a human than it does a mannequin yeah they're so their bodies are you know they're just designed they're so they're they're they're really they're very inviting with the way they're positioned and i feel as though you know sometimes there's a hole in the bottom that's a different story it's always like in the back of the leg yeah it's like you know what you're doing are you just hoping that one time are you just hoping that one time they'll be nipples? Oh.

Don't get me started. Don't get me started. How crazy would that be? I wouldn't be allowed back in Target. Just one time they had nipples. They do. Bro, the ones in Dick's Sporting Goods do. Have nipples? The men do.

The girls do. Because I walked in there and I was like, damn. How do you know? I was like, I'm mine. Ben took an Instagram story. Cold in here? Panned over. God. Panned over. You took an Instagram story. Cold in here? Panned over. God.

Panned over. You're so fucking annoying. It's like, mom? Because I know. Yeah. Is the AC on? No, the mannequin of all mannequins. The final boss of all mannequins is that one.

And Dick's sporting goods before the Under Armour stuff. The fucking rock mannequin. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I always speak loudly in front of them and like it probably pisses people out is that the rock i'm like why is that guy so tall i'm like look at how the the the fashion industry perpetuates these unrealistic body expectations for men isn't that bullshit and then like a group of girls be like i'm like what it's true because they honestly think I'm being a dick, which I am. Yeah, each one of those male mannequins and dicks is a Division I football player, linebacker. You're just like, all right, my titties aren't going to look great in this fucking skin-tight Under Armour shirt. Yeah, thanks for helping me plan how this is going to look on.

Dude, it's like his belly button doesn't show. It's like mine is a crater. One of my friends stole his gloves one time. The mannequin? Yeah. We were like, oh! How's that mannequin get a skull? It's the craziest shit.

They probably watched us the whole time planning that out. You're going to get an email from Dix after this. Give us our 2007 Under Armour glove back. Vapor Max glove. What was the first thing you stole from a store? after this. Give us our 2007 Under Armour glove back. VaporMax glove. What was the first thing you stole from the store? You know,

I've never stolen anything. You know that? I swear to God. It's not because of some moral high ground. It's because I'm scared. I'm scared I'd get caught. I actually stole

some Red Bull. Accidentally? Yeah, dude. You just leave it underneath. Yeah, what's something you accidentally stole? I think I have

accidentally stolen things. I think I stole flowers once from Kroger. I got flowers once, and I bought regular groceries, and I didn't scan the flowers. And I think I just carried them out like that. I just thought you were the coolest thief ever. Like, wow, that guy's good. You made me steal that kombucha from Needler's the other day.

I made you steal it? Oh, yeah, the booch. I might have suggested it. Oh, yeah. Did you steal it? Oh, yeah. The Booch. I might have suggested it. Oh, yeah.

Why? Dude, okay. So he checks out like at like fucking, like he's in a race. He just hits the button. He just hits the button and he puts his fucking phone up there, right? Right? Yeah. And I'm like scanning and I'm freaking the fuck out.

I'm like, dude, I gotta scan it. He's just like, it's good. It's good. It's good. And he just walked out with the Booch. Dude, leave. With the Booch. The Boochy Boys?

The Boochy Boys. The Boochy Boys. The Spicy Boochy Boys. Ooh, spicy, huh? I can't do the Boo the booch man i can't do anything though i have the palate of a small child i eat what about uh chicken nuggets san pellegrino water some people really hate that water i don't do i hate it i still drink it it's for the people that taste like static static tv you taste like static i like that shit. You taste like static. I like that shit. I feel like it's helping my bad breath. They say that about seltzers and shit, too.

Yeah, I like it. I mean, you can't go wrong with the calories on them bitches. 100 calories. I don't give a shit what it tastes like. Here we go. Jay Fianaka, too. Fianaka. Nicely done, Ben.

Most embarrassing thing that you're going to keep doing. Every time my brother and I stay at a hotel and walk by an ice machine, we hit the button when the ice comes out and shout down the hallway, Iceworks! Why is that fucking lit?

Every floor, Iceworks! I'm doing that now bro every single time that that's good yeah fucking everybody has to know yeah they're doing it's a public service type vibe fuck i swear you got one derrick yeah i got one i will never stop replacing lyrics uh in songs with the word fart can you perform for us real quick is there a song listen to your far that's perfect huh yeah when they're queefing to you throw out the instrumental real quick can you throw up the answer? Whoa, whoa. Save it. Save it. Save it. I don't know where I'm pooping.

And I don't know why. And I need to fly. Listen to your heart. Right? We're on a YouTube trio, baby. He's like, I don't want to rap on your podcast. Well, now you're performing a solo. I'll sing.

Listen to your fart. Yes, the word fart still makes me laugh. That's immature. Listen to your fart. Yes, the word fart still makes me laugh. That's immature. I hate, I wasn't allowed to say fart growing up. What word was the replacement? Dude, this is what we did. This is what we did. Like if someone farted and we weren't allowed to say fart, I'd be like, hey, did you let one?

Stop. I swear to God, dude. And one time I said it at school and I was like, what the fuck? I'm the biggest loser here. My old boss wasn't allowed to say fart. He called it whiz-popping. His name in my... Because he's a doctor now.

His name is Dr. Whiz-Pop. That's what I call him. Dr. Whiz-Pop. Here we go, Derek. You ready? Oh, my God. When's the lyrics start? I don't know.

I think it's coming. I think it's coming. Yeah. Derek James in the studio. This number one new hit single. Listen to your farts. Listen to your farts. When they're que...

This is off. No, you're off. It's off the dome. This is like real karaoke, so... Listen to your farts. We need the chorus. Listen to your fire. There we go.

I'm going to back up vibes. Don't worry. Here we go. Listen to your farts. Calling for you. Listen to your farts. Yeah. There's nothing else you can do.

I don't know where you're queefing. I don't know where you're goingefing. I don't know where you're going to poo. Listen to your farts. Cause they're calling to you. Why did you, why did you, why did you crush? He kind of crushed. He kind of crushed. In the middle of it, I was like, he's doing a pretty good job.

Cause I was watering, my eyes were watering. I can't believe this is going to go out. It's the worst podcast of all time. This is getting real weird. Okay. Immature things

you can't stop doing. Jenny, Jenna held saying, that's what she said. I hate that so much. That's what she said? That's what she said.

I'm more of a your mom guy. I don't know. That's what she said. Then I'm like, who's she? You want to know who she said? That's what she said. I'm more of a your mom guy. That's what she said. Then I'm like, who's she? You want to know who she is? Yeah, come on. A lot of she's.

At least when you say your mom, you know who she is. It's like, and you picture him and you're like, yeah, you're right. Yeah, I need some clarity. Who is she? This is too vague. What do you do, Ben? We've been over this. The grocery cart thing, oh yeah are you kidding

me who's not doing that who's gonna really put their grocery cart away like a normal human it's like you're just denying yourself one of the best enjoyments in life like it's a win-win you can hit the pole right in the middle and it wrecks the cart you're still like yeah fuck that car that's why i'm and then every time i get a cart in the storm like why is this thing so fucked up the wheels like yeah all right here we go uh tolly baby most immature thing that you do but you you're going to keep doing. That, the card thing, plus slurp as loud as possible when I finish an iced coffee. Only when alone. Watch cartoons.

Make forts out of all 739 pillows on my bed. I was always too lazy. Avoid cracks so I don't break my mom's back. I still say avoid crack, but that is good. I still do the cracks thing, though. Very mature. avoid crack, but that is good. I still do the crack thing. Very mature. I do too, I'm not going to lie. Not when I'm just thinking about something else,

but if I'm just walking and looking down, why would I step on a crack? Why would I? Do you hold your breath past a cemetery? I used to when I was a kid. I don't do that, but I'm so good at holding my breath. If I see a black cat, I'm like, god damn it. You know what I mean?

Like, fuck. Dude. Imagine being popular and getting calls and shit. That's crazy, man. From Greenfield, Indiana. Like, who the fuck? What? I want you to know that this valet has been running past this window, and I'm sweatier.

More than them. And then I'm sweatier than him. I'll tell you what. It's a great way to stay in shape, though. Oh, my God. Podcasting? Yeah, you're right. Yeah, I do.

I'm going to work out right now. Yeah, right? Hey. Yeah, dude. The cemetery thing got super real, though, with me growing up. We had a cemetery on the way to our house, that one in Greenwood. I didn't breathe for... By the Dairy Queen?

I don't know what road it is. You didn't breathe for like 10 years. No, but there was like a stop sign. I was like, oh, dude, if I don't hold my breath, grandma's going to die. I was like, hit traffic. I was like, ah! dude, if I don't hold my breath, grandma's going to die. I was like, hit traffic. I was like, there's a train going by. There's the worst thing ever. But I got really good at holding my breath for some reason.

I don't know why. But like that underwater contest you do with your friends at the pool. Fuck everybody up. Yeah, nice. They'd be like, where'd Ben go? My family would leave and come back the next day. Yeah, dead as fuck. Floating.

Stupid ass face. Floating like this. I'm gonna die hot. I'm gonna die hot. I'm gonna die hot. Die hot, bro. What was the last thing he said? Sheesh.

What were his final words final words ice works fuck you that's so funny god immature thing you're never gonna stop doing iman underscore 280 picking your nose you guys still pick your nose

i do yeah every person in the world picks their fucking nose. Somebody tells me, like, what do you want me to get a Kleenex? Especially if I'm driving, I'll just fling it out the window. Why is picking your nose so... Why does it hit different in the car? Dude, because you're just vibing, man. Because you're like, even if they see me, they'll never know where I'm going and they'll never see me again.

I could eat this if I wanted to. Like you don't. High in protein. No, I do sometimes. Bro, you ever just on a hot day, just hang it out the window. You're just at a stop sign. You're just rolling it in between. Like it's a cigarette.

Yeah, everybody's like, what's this guy doing? What's this guy doing? This guy smoking a dupe? No, he's rolling a boog. It's fucking fun. Parts of boogers. There... Farts and boogers. This is a little worse than boogers.

Sorry. Farts and boogers. That's real life, bro. Please name that the podcast. Farts and boogers. 53, farts and boogers. God damn it.

Just my stand-up. You knew this was going to happen. And you're so sweaty talking about it. What's happening, dude? I love this fucking shit! It's just because I took a fucking shot

of like four espressos right to the fucking dome. Did you just say expresso? It's called passion. Expresso. Look at the passion on you right now, talking about boogers and farts. Fucking glisten. Yeah, but doing it in the car? People that clean out

cars, bro, they're just like, what do you do for me? So many rolled up boogers. That's all they do. What's your job description? I vacuum boogers. 20 hours a day. Nikki Skulls, what's the most immature thing you're going to keep doing? Yelling sheesh in public for no apparent reason.

Is it getting old, bro? It is. It's old, and I can't stop because I bet it's so much hey how old how old is how old is she because uh are he because back in when i was in high school we used to yell chode did you do that oh shit we did that like that means like what just chode nobody knew the real definition of a chode like if you look if you look it up it like penis is wider than it is long no i think i think that's like what we made up but like there's a real definition wait what does it actually mean i don't know wow you you put define in there every time i look up a word and on google i'll just put the is it elusive mythical specimen of a male genitalia bro i think i think we made

that up like our's our generation. We forced it upon Google to change the word. I have fucking boomers say we don't make a difference. You know what we did? Yeah. We used to scream that out car windows and one time we convinced one of our friend's moms to do it. No way.

We're rolling down Zionsville Main Street. She's yelling chode out the back of her car, the side of her car window. What's that mean? It's a new kind of wine. Pissed. What is this? Chode.

This is legit. This is in Webster? That's the archaic past tense of chide. Well, what's chide? Click on chide. Chide is you chided somebody to speak out angrily and displease rebuke. Wow.

So, dude, I had the chode banner earlier. Literally. I choded my son. Chide means to speak out angrily and displease. In the past tense, yeah. I had to chode those boys earlier. The realest shit. Your dad's just mad at you. I can't believe

you're gonna make me chode you guys. Do not make me chode you in front of your mother. My dad choded me right when he got to school. What's wrong? Dad hit me with the chode last night front of your mother. My dad choded me right when you get to school. What's wrong? My dad hit me with the chode last night. Straight to the counselor. Yeah. My dad slapped me with that chode.

Slapped me with it. Right when I walked in the room, my dad just hit me with the chode. God, every time. Ten minutes of just a chode. God dang it. Can I get any free time around here? He's choding me literally all night long. Chode it. Ten minutes of just a... God dang. Can I get any free time around here? It's choding me literally all night long.

Chode, man. Unreal. This guy's walking back. What the fuck? No, he doesn't even know what day it is. Never mind. He's like, no shit. All right.

All right. So now it's farts, boogers, and chodes. Oh, dude. It's a full circle, man. I like it. Okay. Okay. Okay. I like it. Okay, okay, okay. I got you.

Immature things that you'll never stop doing. Yeah, what I'm looking at... Hold on, hold on. Wow. What are you looking at? Well, some of these DMs are like other shit, so I'm just going through them. It's just middle-aged single mothers like, so, when's your next show in Oklahoma just girls that are like that used to be in

the army that ridiculous filters on their profile that used to be in the army enough like script tattoos on their hips and shit just that's all my do you infinity signs on the fuck you got any shows coming up in Fort Wayne? Me and the girls would love to come on. Fort Wayne, dude. Okay. We're going to do one more. All right. Because I can't find any.

I can't blame them. Okay. In return to things that you're going to keep doing, Dean Justeer, intentionally mispronouncing words when I order food. Oh, I like it. I think I've done that once at the Mexican restaurant. I called it Arroz Con Polo instead of Arroz Con Pollo,

just to make my girlfriend feel awkward, but I don't do it consistently. Yeah, that's like a big dad thing, right? Yeah. Yeah, and then I'm like... Chick-fil-A. Quesadillas. Who brought money?

Oh! Hey, you got this one, right? You're paying for this one, right? Yeah. You're going to take this one? Yeah. Quesadillas. Who brought money? Oh. Hey, you got this one right. You were paying for this one, right? Yeah. You going to take this one? Yeah, quesadillas, all that. You know, that type of shit. It probably always is at Mexican restaurants, too.

That makes it so much more lame. God damn it. Like, let's get creative somewhere else. You know what I mean? Okay, maybe one more. Where are we at on time? Oh, two minutes? on time? Two minutes? 21 minutes.

Two minutes left. You're like, thank God. Leo gets. The most immature thing you're going to keep doing. I'll fart into a fan. God damn it. I love that we paused for that. We waited 10 minutes.

I was like, this one's going to be good. Back to farts. We waited 10 minutes. I was like, this one's going to be good. Back to farts. We waited an hour. This whole thing is about... God damn it. Farts. Annabelle Schwarz, here we go. The most immature thing that you're going to keep doing.

I hang up on people when I'm bored of the conversation without saying bye. It doesn't matter who it is. It's so immature, but I won't stop. I think that's... That's the most adult thing you can do. Bro, I love that. I hate talking on the phone, so if you hang up, fuck yeah. Thank God. You're doing us a favor.

I wanted to do this all along. Thank you for having the balls to do it. Okay, this is the last one. Louis, Chicago. We're just going to do this the whole time. This is the last one. This is the last one. Louis, Chicago. What city do you live in? From Milwaukee. No Louis, Chicago. What city do you live in? From Milwaukee. No shit, dude.

Yeah. Location. I smack every exit sign in sight. I really do keep doing shit like that. I do stop signs. And when you crosswalk with a hand, I jump up and high five it like a fucking idiot. I do it. Only I act like I hit my head on it.

Walk by the dancing chick on Mass it. Walk by the dancing chick on Mass Ave. Walk by the dancing chick. See, that's the thing. It's just satisfying. It's just a loud doofing. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. Let's go viral. Viral. Viral. Hashtag These are all about farts, dude. Damn it.

Hey, what's a hashtag effed up childhood movie? What's a messed up, like what traumatized you as a kid? What movie? Dude, what's that one Disney movie? What was the first thing you saw and you're like, God damn, I just, I don't know what it is, but I can't watch this movie. Dude, Mufasa dying was pretty tough. That's saw and you're like god damn i just i don't know what it is but i can't watch this movie dude mufasa dying was pretty tough that's just you're normal for that i know but what was that one where that guy had that flying squirrel and uh like the this is definitely and then it farted yeah you know what i'm talking about what uh it was like a disney

movie and like there's a train and like get to the bottom of this. This is a dream you had, bro. Look at the super squirrel in the second photo. It was like a Disney movie. Trailer HD. Derek, I don't know, but it sounds nuts. I don't know. What's that? Rocky and Bullwinkle, dude.

Holy shit. That cartoon pisses me off. The name of it pisses, dude. Holy shit. That cartoon is just... It pisses me... The name of it pisses me off. How old is that cartoon? What? Is there a baseball involved? This might be our dream.

Is it a baseball? Is there a baseball? I can't remember. Squirrel with a train and a baseball. You know what I'm talking about, right? And like this fucking black goop like chases him down this hallway. Goop?

And I was all right. It's a... Wow. Jesus. down this hallway. It's a wow. Jesus. True colors come out. World train movie. What's that fucking

movie called? Dude, it was definitely a dream. Oh, look up the dream. See what it means. I don't know. Look up the dream.

It means you fart in your sleep. It's going to be Venom, right? Wait, two movies that completely freak you out. All right. That's probably where it's at.

Look at all these articles for black goo. Black goo. What's the black goo in Prometheus? This is it. We're close. We're real close. What have you clicked on? What have you clicked on?

The stuff of dreams. Over, over, over, over. That stuff of dreams over over over that's literally okay that one right there is that that's it that's it what is it oh yeah what is this movie i can't believe we found this shit there it is uh what is it what is that movie black ooze wait little nemo in slumberland yeah that's movie? Little Nemo and Slumberland? Yeah, that's it. Little Nemo Adventures in Slumberland. That shit was so fucking scary. Little Nemo. There's two movies with Nemo in the title.

We got any name in the world. What should we pick? Nemo. One of the most famous movies. I'm sure this is older yet. Oh my god. What should we pick? Nemo. One of the most famous movies. No, this is probably... I'm sure this is older yet. Yeah. Oh, shit. That's scary.

Anyways. Oh, my God. Anyways, mine's... What's yours, Liam? Mine's Human Centipede. I watched it when I was four. No, I was excited to watch that one. I was like, dude.

You really watched that? I think I did watch it. I don't remember shit about it. You have, like, posters in your room of it and shit. You're like, I think I did. I haven't memorized. Yeah. I follow all, I think I did. I've been memorized. Yeah. I follow all the cast members on Instagram.

No, I don't know, dude. A lot of the times those monsters that were supposed to be cute, like in that movie and like where the wild things are, they scared me. I didn't like them. I was like, what the fuck? When I was a little, little kid, I couldn't even go to Chuck E. Cheese. Because the band? The band, the animatronics, the fucking big mouse walk.

See, those fucking things were creepy as fuck i think they're supposed to be cute and fun i think we eat chuckie cheese band look that up chuckie cheese band dude i love chuckie cheese i did too i didn't give a shit about the band i was like i'm it's scary but i'm not watching that shit anyway i'm doing other stuff this is great how come the ball pit was always like so fucked up? Oh, the ball pit is where people... Why was there always like a dildo? See, look at that.

Fuck that. It's like 10% old Band-Aids in the ball pit. Fuck that. There's nothing worse than a ball pit, bro. That should be in the next Saw movie, a ball pit. There's like... If you survived the ball pit at Chuck E. Cheese. I want to play a game. You can't get COVID.

I want to play a game. Dude, and you would just swim in that ball pit. Get in the ball pit. Dude, yeah. Just dive in. You guys remember DZ Discovery Zone? Yes, I know. You're either a Chuck E. Cheese kid or your Discovery Zone kid. I was so DZ. Were you? Yeah.

My sorority. No. DZ. DZ. You? I was so DZ. Were you? Yeah. My sorority. No. DZ. You're going to rush DZ? You're going to rush DZ, bro? Dude, what the fuck? Look at that. I would go in that right...

Look at that! I say they should make a place like this for adults, dude. Everybody would be throwing up. Then they're... Dude, imagine that ball pit. What would be in the adult fucking DZ ball pit? Giant fucking balls. And Then they're, dude, imagine that ball pit. What would be in the adult fucking DZ ball pit? Giant fucking balls.

And then, yeah, dude, hey, I'm down. Dude, you could get lost in there for like four days.

I really did get lost in there. I cried so hard because I couldn't find my sister. That's where they filmed that. She's like, I'm by the slides. I was like, where the fuck are the slides?

There's like nine slides. There's so many slides. Yeah. Fucking discovery Zone. I always just wanted to get in a fight in there, honestly. I swear to God, bro. I got kicked out of there one time for throwing a kid in the ball pit.

You mean ball pit now. When he was nine, he was four. Fuck you. Dude, I swear to God. Just kick him straight into the ball pit. I was fucking kids up in there. This is for the big kids. It's big kid time.

Adult swim. It's full circle. If he didn't get a fight in the McDonald's little octagon thing that they had. That's how the UFC was started. That's where Bryce Hall trained. That's where Bryce Hall trained in the McDonald's Discovery Play Zone play zone dude that little thing it shit went down in there dude it was like a padded floor you had your shirt off no cat you had your shirt off for sure there's always a kid in the mcdonald's play place with a shirt off and you're like fuck that why was there always like a 40

year old dude and yeah i always had long hair acting like he was with a kid yeah i was like dude where's your son he's like i can't find my son i'm like well come down the slide well i'm not him all right which kid is yours i haven't picked yet that's your whole tiktok i hate you oh my god dude my movie that messed me up as a kid it was called problem child do you guys remember that at all? I don't think anybody really. It's going to be Jake Paul coming up now. It's his fucking... Yeah, it's like the one movie you've ever seen. Dude, it was...

Oh, I hate this kid, bro. I hate that kid. He looks like a bitch. Like, he would just fuck everything up. He's the kid that tails on you in the McDonald's play place. Dude, he was just always in the most trouble ever. When I got in trouble, my mom would be like, okay, problem child. She would call me that.

And I'd be like, hi. Don't you ever. Look at this little bitch. That wedding, he'd fuck up that whole wedding. And it'd be the worst time ever. I don't even know how it was a movie. Look at him dressed up as the devil. He was such a bitch. Look at him.

That's Ben's eyebrows. That's literally him. That's Ben's eyebrows. That's literally. That's your eyebrows, yeah. What about mine? Well, we actually know what Ben's next TikTok's going to be. It's right fucking here. We'll see Ben in October dressed up just like this. Just like this, yeah.

Like, keep calling me the problem child. Can we talk about what happened? Can we talk about what happened on our way home from the show? What happened? I killed the vibe so hard. You didn't. What'd you do? Okay.

We had a show in Russellville last weekend. Russellville. Yeah, in the middle of nowhere. So we're driving back, and all we're talking about is Taco Bell. We're just going to get some Taco Bell, so we stop. We wait 40 minutes in line, right? What? Your face.

We wait 40 minutes in line right what your face 40 minutes in line dude he is like he's like is there anything better than fucking taco bell at two in the morning like there's there isn't he's like he's like there's nothing better so we ordered he orders his with no meat and black beans right he orders a crunch wrap supreme it's but it's fire though it's fine he's like i believe it it's fire right he's so excited and then I believe it. It's fire, right? He's so excited. And then he orders a quesadilla with black beans, right? So we distribute it out. He eats his.

I eat mine. And halfway through, he's like, oh, shit, this one has meat in it. They both have meat. And I was like, oh, fuck. I look down. I have the black bean one. So I just hand him like, there's three bites left. You were like,

you want it, bro? I was like, no. You were like, he was talking about the black beans. You're like, no, it is fire. I was like, you've had it too. He's like, oh yeah, I guess I have. I've done that before.

You know, when you make somebody's a picky eater and they make a special request and then you eat it, you're like, fuck. Dude, but here's the thing. He's like, no, no, no. It's good. It's good. It's good.

And then the whole rest of the time, just vibe kill. Dead quiet. Dead quiet. Would not talk to me. He's like, no, no, no. It's good. It's good. It's good. And then the whole rest of the time, just vibe killed. Dead quiet. Dead quiet. Would not talk to me. He's like, no, dude. It's fine. I don't give a shit about that.

I swear. It was a pretty good trip. And then he turned. And then he just turned and looked out the window for 45 minutes. It started to rain. He had his fucking hand on the window. That guy's in a movie. And my dad died.

Same shit. And then I texted him when I got home. I go, yeah, that Crunchwrap Supreme did slap. I haven't texted him when I got home. I go, yeah, that Crunchwrap Supreme did slap. I haven't texted him back till then. He has to text me back now.

Great idea with the beans. I will get that order again. What, the black beans? Yeah. Dude, Taco Bell meat is just not okay. I don't even think it is meat.

Dude, you would've eaten that meat one. It's not real meat. I mean, I used it. That's kind of dude. He's like, am I going to a rave or a meeting

i couldn't find my business casual sunglasses right when he opens up his sunglasses it's like holy was he in x-men or going to a bank? Am I going to go file a loan? Bro, file a loan. Am I going to go apply for a loan or am I going to go play fast-pitch softball? Shit. That was right. I forgot they could hear us.

Those sunglasses were great. Those were tight-ass sunglasses. Wait, what were they called? The pit vipers? Yeah, the pit vipers. I don't even think they were. Yeah, I think they were Oakley's. Yeah, for sure.

Did you ever have those Oakley gas cans? Yeah, I did. Look, dude. Oh, my God. Those gas cans are right there. I lost them in the ocean at Siesta Key while I was in senior high school. Tell me you beat your wife without telling me you beat your i think there's more cringier than

than that hey type in gas can like actual g-a-s-c-i-n is that what they're called that was making that shit that is a tough one to spell i'm glad you broke yeah no those ones i had those the fat ones on the side literally everybody wanted those x-men one yeah yeah exactly that's what they were why why did those go hard? Dude. Why did those slap?

You could swim underwater with those on and nothing would happen. I swear to God, I'm psyched. Dude, with that patchy beard. Nothing's coming in. Nothing's coming in here. Imagine just walking into a Walgreens like that. Just full goatee. He needs a go-goatee. And a backwards fucking hat.

Yeah. St. Louis Cardinals backwards hat and a backwards fucking hat yeah st louis cardinals backwards hat and a cv walking into a walking into a circle k like with definitely thong flip flops on oh dude it's oh dude who's not fucking that guy god i swear to god bro just imagine him pumping gas dude that's everybody in michigan dude that was everybody i rolled up. This is a picture of all those dudes. Keep going down where you were. Yeah. Who's not fucking every single guy there? Oh, even the girl looks kind of hot.

I'm trying to decide who's the hottest. Definitely that skinny guy that has the V-neck on. These guys all kind of look like different versions of me. They all crush puss. Those are slam. Save every one of those. Every one of those guys is at Dave and Buster's. Dude, every one of those will leave a comment on your Twitter. The weirdest.

Fuck this guy. Yeah, all of those people will talk shit online. Dude, each one of those dudes' Twitters is just retweets of sports clips. Like, dog. And quote tweets talking shit. The fucking Yankees suck. And under, like, a hot girl, they're like, so beautiful. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You got links? Question mark. You have an OF? All right. Are you going to get so many comments like, oh, man, I wear gas cans. Hashtag greatest death in movie history. I don't know why this shit's all about movies, but it just is today, right?

Are we going back to The Lion King? You haven't even seen him. Yimmy yammy, yimmy yimmy baba. Let me guess, Ben, when Creed dies in Rocky, right? Fuck you. That's like, I can't wait to say it. I was so hyped to say yeah yeah yeah you're gonna recite my whole podcast nobody dies in adam sandler movies i knew it was gonna be

yeah it was either that or rocky and then when creed dies my dad still fucks me up my dad cried my dad's never cried it was you cried to your dad when when he died it was touching was it yeah did you cry when did you cry when apollo died yeah fuck yeah are you serious i cry every day because i don't even watch it i think about that shit in the morning i'm like damn i literally when i watch that movie i have to like fast forward through that part i'm like i'm not going through this again ben got a dog he'd name it creed or rocky if it was a bull, he'd name it Creed or Rocky. If it was a bulldog, he'd name it Rocky. Anything else?

No, I'd name it Drago so it runs down the street. I'd be like, Drago! What a fucking badass name for a dog. You should just quote Rocky at any time. That's it. Name him Drago. How annoying is that? Bichon Frise.

For your high school football hype video, is it just your hype? It's your high even me it's just a clip of rocky training it's just it's just your highlights was split with rocky clips the Ron Collins alright alright me like scoring from

the five yard line then rocky like throwing rocks into a crate punch that fucking catch a pass and his's Rocky chopping wood. Running up the bleachers. Running up the bleachers. Oh, Jesus Christ. I'm going to my CPA.

Gonna file a business loan. Look at those spreadsheets Bop bop bop bop bop bop I just filed a I don't know Drinking a Fuck He's drinking a mixed drink right now

Dude just a straight powerhead He comes back for a third time Just with a gun He's like Bop bop bop bop bop All of us That fucking dude hits dingers, though. You know he does.

Absolutely, dude. Hits dingers? Oh, like on the softball field? Oh, yeah. First round pick. Just fucking cigarette hanging loosely from his lip. Hey, how dope is that dude's deck at his house? Built-in grill.

Oh, shit. Melted TV outside. Two umbrellas. Two umbrellas. Yeah, two umbrellas. Hey, tiki torches everywhere. That fucking dude knows how to smoke a brisket. Oh, shit.

You want to use apple juice, all right? It's all about the wood. And you got to use apple wood. Connect me with that cedar bullshit. Is that from a movie? No. Oh, shit. That's what Liam calls his dick,

Applewood. Applewood smoked bacon. I'm like, what did it used to be? Applewood, that's when you airdrop someone a dick pic. Fucking A, dude.

Jesus Christ. It's like his headphones off. Fuck, dude. All right, this is actually turning into the greatest podcast ever. Okay, this is more shit. More shitting and farting on the Espresso Podcast. Hashtag shitting at your girl's house. I do that.

Yeah, 100%. Why do you just sound like a Muppet, though? Shitting at your girl's house. I do that. Someone's got their hands up. Why do you just sound like a Muppet, though? Shitting at your girl's house. I do that! Why'd you sound like Oscar, bro? I destroy my girl's house. I do that! I'm Whitey from 8 Crazy Nights every time I come here.

We have the same pod. Every time we're on the same pod. Shitting at your girlfriend's house. That's a technical foul. That's a technical foul. I destroyed my girlfriend's shit fuck that dude are you kidding what about you how do you do it door open no uh you know you just go in there you handle it take your phone i just don't are you shitting me you take your phone in there and you just scroll on TikTok for 45 minutes.

I'm in there for 40 at least. Yeah. I usually, I will strategically plan my shitting schedule because I'll do it when she's asleep because I take so long. And I'm like, I don't really want to feel like being a dick and being here for an hour and a half when we could be chilling. So I'll wait till she's asleep. My girlfriend gets mad at me just because I do it multiple times a day.

It's like, in the morning, it's like three or four times. It's like, I'll come up with any excuse to leave, bro. I'm like, you gotta do a podcast. I'll come to Wavehorn, take a shit, and go back there. Get shot on my way in. Oh my god. He's standing

there with the pit vipers on. Good luck giving him a... You have a shit... In your apartment? No. You give him a... Dude, my shit smells too bad to, like, do it anywhere. That's not a public place.

Which means it's probably very healthy. You know, it's probably a lot of, you know... Dude, if I shit... Look at this guy. Is there literally a business rave somewhere? Bro, the guy with the... Imagine you come back... That's the DJ of the r Bro, the guy with the... Imagine you come back. That's the DJ of the rave.

The guy with the pit viper shoots you. You got to give the police sketch. You're like, what did he look like? You're not going to believe this. Like a fucking badass. He's out of his mind. Suit? He looked just like this.

Google businessman? And then just put pit vipers on him. Dude, that guy looks like he could open a bank account for you. No, he pulled. That guy just left the snake pit. And then also rope some cattle. He definitely pulls. That dude could rope a calf.

He could rope me if he wanted to. Look at him. Let's do days. Days of the week. Tuesday. National Nickelodeon Day. Dude, slime me. I always wanted to get slimed. Dude dude who didn't want to get slimed you think it was like room temper kind of cold dude it was banana pudding

you think it was fucking banana pudding was it really yeah like facts facts dude but it was green it's dyed banana pudding dyed it bro when they would just slime the shit out of somebody and you had no clue it was coming like slime cannon remember that yeah do that unexpected when someone was like announcing an award to be like hey will you do me a favor hey do you think do you think they were like uh we gotta figure something out we gotta type in what what the fuck is pick boy doing now you remember pick boy he's gotta be doing drugs right hold on hold on hold on do you think let me get a mick pick too look do you think they were like hey they saw it first time when it was like white and they were like we have to turn it green they're like yeah

this probably won't be good for business we can't we get slime kids with white slime oh my god bro holy shit that's funny the first slime test you guys don't remember this guy pick boy no what did he do are you serious i don't remember wait is this stoop kid this guy he dressed up like a superhero he'd do like all the nickelodeon shit oh yeah i remember this kid i don't at all he's definitely does drugs now dude dude, for sure. Bro, that's your brother. What are you talking about? I do have a brother who looks kind of like that. Pickboy. Pickboy. Yeah, dude.

I can't believe. Maybe, well, you know, maybe you know that dude pulled. Maybe it's because I'm so youthful. What was your show on Nickelodeon? It's classic. It's classic. Yeah, I would say Spongebob. Spongebob is honestly godly. Then there was that show Cat Scratch for a while. That was really funny. Cat Scratch?

Yeah. Are you fucking kidding me? They were all cats. These are all older than... Waffle and Gordon and Mr. Blick. Yeah. Dude, type in Cat Scratch on Nickelodeon real quick. Are you serious?

Or is this going to pull up a bunch of dicks or something? No, it's Cat Scratch. It was hilarious. Look at it. There's Waffle and Gordon and Mr. Blick. What are these? See, once cartoons started to look like this, I was like, fuck this. What did you watch?

Like, the thing is, this is your, like, what, 25? 24, yeah. Yeah, so this is a different generation. Go to, like, Rocket Power. That was a good one. Rocket Power. Let's see. I watched that, too.

Do you know why I liked Rocket Power? Because I identified with Sam so hard. I couldn't skate, and I was fat. Yeah, I'm more of a Tito guy. He was dope. Yeah. No, I liked Rocket't skate and I was fat. I'm more of a Tito guy. He was dope. Yeah. No, I liked Rocket Power. Rocket Power was good.

Was Hey Arnold Nick Laudan? Yeah, stupid kid, man. Hey Arnold was good, but it wasn't like... Rocket Power was just cool. Dude, what are you talking about? It was.

It was the coolest motherfucker on the block, dude. Look at Gerald. God. I just like their apartment complex, honestly. Yeah. I think that's why I lived down there.

It was lawless. Did his grandma? Oh, my goodness. She was a freak. Okay. Hands down, the dopest room in any cartoon. Just the dopest room that anybody could ever have. How did he score that room?

In his weird, unjointed family? How did he even live in that? Did he have a mom? No. I was going gonna give you the penthouse arnold you're fucking six the dopest room in the fucking universe all right i was so jealous of this fucking room yeah and like everything was like remote control the tv was like dude i bet in high school he tore up dude no we watched he didn't he didn't no

was he in like fifth grade or yeah dude he's like fifth grade yeah oh no yeah true what are you doing you think he's like a graphic designer now dude i don't know man but he you know he's sneaking people up on that rooftop just sneaking bitches in just he said hey my head ain't the only thing shaved like a football come on up come on up hey oh on up. Hey, hey, kablam. Kablam was good,

yeah. I know what it is. I didn't watch it like a lot though. It was so good my parents didn't let me watch it. Your parents didn't

let you watch anything. Dude, this shit was like on crack. This is like how Robot Chicken started I think.

How about like the Nickelodeon game shows or like the competition shows? You like those? Those are good. I always felt like I could do well on them. Hidden Temple. You know they're doing Hidden Temple again.

Is that what it's called? Yeah, Hidden Temple. Yeah, right? Yes, I'm on the Hidden Temple. What is it, Mount Midoriya? Yeah, Legends of the Hidden Temple. That was a good one. I almost said fucking Mount Fujiyama,

which is the sushi place. Jesus Christ. Legends of the Hidden Temple, Double Dare. They're doing a reboot. Yeah, all that shit. And they're casting for it. said fucking mount fujiyama which is the sushi place jesus blesses the hidden temple double dare they're doing a reboot yeah and they're casting for it and i was like dude you would be perfect for this i think we all would let's just put you in a pair of khakis bro let's just apply we should do a hidden temple apply as a trio we should with something else though yeah dare double dare double there was always on before church so i didn't like like it. It was fun to watch. You couldn't watch this before going and talking to the Lord? No, it was just

church pissed me off, and I'd watch Double Dare before and be in a bad mood because I had to go to church. Oh, yeah. I just want to sit at home and watch Double Dare. Can I ever just watch fucking Double Dare? The nose, man. They make you stick your face up a nose. That was so weird. Dude. So weird, but

how bad did I want to do it? Oh, everybody wanted to do everybody wanted to god i want to pull out all that shit in there back to fucking boogers boys back to boogers god comes full circle man thursday thursday thursday yeah we're skipping wednesday national global garbage man day you know I heard that garbage men have like a set area and they can like they don't have to work eight hours they can just go as fast as they can and they're done for the day I think that's why they're like and they make a shit ton of money

that's why they fucking what about the guy hanging out of the back of the I always wanted to I'm like that doesn't look too bad that was actually the coolest fucking thing in the world. Dude, yeah. He just jumps off, gets a running start. Jumps off.

But we can't ride in the back of trucks. Takes your fucking trash, completely body slams your trash can, jumps back on the fucking truck. He's out. Yeah, he's cool with that. Coolest shit ever. Dude, I watched a video of a kid who would hug his garbage man. He waved to his garbage man. He wanted to be a garbage man when he grew up.

If you're the mom of that kid, you're just like, fuck. What do you want to be, Harry? I want to be a garbage man. Go around the room in school. I want to be a president, astronaut. I want to throw your fucking trash away. What do my kids say now?

I want to be a YouTuber. I want to be a TikToker. I just want to make an audience. I don't know, just ask Ben. They're just like, I want to be Ben Polizzi. True. Dude, it's so funny. You want to be a youtuber i want to be a tiktoker i just want to make i don't know just ask ben they're just like i want to be ben polizzi true yeah dude it's so funny to like you want to be a comedian no i just want to look like him it's funny when you're like 14 year old boys walk up to ben and be like i know you yeah some kid did that to me in la fitness i was having like a fucked up day and i was like i don't know i was like in a hurry and shit. And some kid came up to me. He's like, bro.

I follow you on TikTok. I was like, yes. You're like, thank you so much. I was like. Somebody's going to come up one day and be like, dude, do the Johnson. You're going to be like, fuck. That's every time I work at the restaurant. Every single time. They're like, are you Johnson?

I'm like, god damn it. Now I got to do this whole entire table in Johnson. I don't know. It's like a whole language now. Yeah. I don't know. You tell me. You tell me.

National mascot day. Who's the best mascot ever? If you had to wear a mascot head around the whole day. You know, the mascot for the pacers that boomer dude i recently found out isn't he's like isn't he like almost 60 years old no way dude he's a former gymnast he was like a college gymnast right dude i don't i don't know he's 50s yeah he's wild but fucking blue all right uh the colts mascot um i was watching they do this thing where mascots versus peewee football kids. Have you seen this?

Have you fucking seen this? Oh, there it is. This guy right here will fuck up a 12-year-old. I watched him punt a 12-year-old 15 yards, dude. I like that. He doesn't give a shit. And then he'll stand over them and... Yeah, he'll stand over them and drop the nuts in them.

Is there a video of this? Yes, dude. There's 100% hundred percent of video of this yeah he drops the fupa they could do that every halftime for the colts oh for sure that mascot fucking up little kids people are dude he does not go for season tickets just for halftime dude this is fucking wild what this commercial how about this fucking guy man god, this commercial? How about this fucking GF code? This guy, dude. God, dude. He looks like the professor from X-Men. Dude, he's got longevity, man. I would kill for this dude's career.

Patrick Stewart. Wait, dude. This is... Yeah, no. Where is this game? This is in Minnesota. He's on the road? This fucking song, dude.

Look at this. Wow. Why is he... He doesn't give a shit, does he? Oh, my God. He's talking shit. Dude, this job is fucking dope. Right?

Dude, I watched him pick up a kid and toss him fucking 12 fucking yards. You apply for this job. What makes you think you'd be good for the job? Well, I beat my kids. Well, I'm going to curb stop a 12-year-old right now. I beat the shit out of my children. That shit's hilarious. He's fucking wild.

Amen. Whoa. Dude. God, I would love to do that. Did you do that? I'd love to fucking get up. I would love to just look to fucking stomp one of these fucking 12-year-olds. Friday. Okay.

National Go Fishing Day. I could get behind that. I haven't been fishing in a long time. I really haven't. Have you ever been fishing? Why can't it just be fishing? It always has to be fishing when you're talking about it. You've gone fishing. You had a bait a hook?

You ever been fishing? No, but I've gone fishing. The G just deletes when you're talking about fishing you had a bait a hook you ever been fishing not when i'm going fishing g just deletes when you're i've been fishing i've been fishing no i i don't know like the fish scare the shit out of me a little bit they're like sharp yeah dude how do you do that gotta like peel the i just want to smack a fish sometimes. In the past 30 seconds. Wouldn't it make a good sound? Yeah.

He wants to beat up a kid and smack a fish. Like wouldn't it just be like, I think I kind of like it. Like when you pet a dog and smack its ribs. It's kind of like. They love that shit. Dude. Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy?

Just tackling a dog. Seriously. What the hell happened, dude? Just get up and start beating the shit out of them. They love it. The rougher you are, the happier they seem. Drop an elbow. Fuck it. Sorry.

Saturday, Garfield the cat day. How fucked is Garfield, dude? I don't know. I always thought he was kind of lazy. I guess he'll be eating lasagna. Fuck it. He's lazy. He's a fucking... Didn't it seem like it? I don't know. I always thought he was kind of lazy. I guess I'll be eating lasagna. Fuck him. He's lazy. He's a fucking...

Didn't it seem like it? Didn't it seem like he always... Yes, that's the whole point. He had like a... I feel like he had a really bad... That was the whole part... I always felt bad for the dog in that cartoon. Oh, Odie?

Odie. Odie. That was an abusive relationship. And it always looked like Odie. I always thought he had like a... You are fucking... Like a racquetball stuck between his leg and his body right there racket ball every time i was like why do you have a ball right there you are fucking od dude what is that i mean just like liam would be garfield you would be od what

what is it though like it's just like a fucking dog with adhd complete piece of shit yeah just an absolute complete piece of shit. But he is cute. Garfield, man. Didn't he always eat lasagna? Lasagna, yeah. Lasagna was the fucking Garfield shit. He's got a day? Yeah, he's got a day. How come he's got a day? Dude, don't give a day to everybody. That'll be the day.

Look at him with the lasagna. We're Spongebob's day. For real, he deserves a day. Motherfucker ran shit for 20 years. Gay Garfield. He still is. Gay Garfield. Oh my God. Yeah, Liam is just like Garfield.

Lasagna. Dude, that shirt's definitely on back order. Who doesn't want that? I just ordered it. My man, will you get one of those? You would never take... You'd sleep in the XL. That's so funny.

Buy three of them right now. Oh my God. Happy Pride Month, everybody. All then. What are the reviews? I only read, sleep in this company

straight away. Four orders. That's the most staged comment ever. That's so good. Like, she didn't even say anything about saying gay Garfield on it.

Right. Yeah. Well, we're just going to bring up the gay cat in the room. All right. The shipping was awesome. Excellent quality. Not gay enough.

Not gay enough. Not enough cock. What's he sharing the day with? Huh? What's his gay... National Watch Day. Yeah, all right. So I guess we should watch Garfield on Saturday.

Oh, my God. Fuck. I'll have it every time with that shit. Oh, all right. So I guess we should watch Garfield on Saturday. Oh, my God. Fuck. I'll have every time at that shit. Oh, my God. Sunday, American Eagle Day. Like the store? Yeah, like what we thought it would be. I highly doubt that's what it means, right?

No, it's got to be the bird, right? Dude, American Eagle apparel. When I think of American Eagle, I don't even think of the bird anymore. I think of the fucking store in the mall. I get all my jeans from there. Dude, what shitty clothing. Really? It was, yeah.

American Eagle was kind of the vibe if you didn't have enough money for a holster. Back in the DZ. Dude. Remember when holster employees would run after you in the mall and be like,

hey, do you want to work here? Do you want to be a model? Do you want to be a model? I was like, oh, she thinks I'm hot. I'm surprised you didn't do that, the shirtless stand outside holster. Yeah, it's like,

all you have to do is fucking stand there. Yeah, but he was like 12. Yeah, true. There it's been that's actually been right there and back when you had the locks yeah you used to have long hair didn't you you could do that yeah you could definitely do that long hair for sure for American Eagle put you in a pair of board shorts. I'd want to do it for like... Free? I'd want to do it for like the buckle though. Dude, the buckle. I applied for a job there.

No way. I hate the buckle. Fucking affliction, bro. Remember when those shirts went so crazy? You're an affliction guy? That's my most embarrassing thing probably. Affliction shirt. Affliction guy. And Ed Hardy.

With the gas cans. the gas cans i had that shirt right there yeah you were so annoying dude i had a white belt too i had a white belt i had a white belt too yeah some girls like those are hot on the next day yes for sure at the mall white belt affliction shirt with gas cans did you ever have the white gas cans no i had i had the white the white gas cans are more douchey to see dude somebody stole somebody stole my dad's credit card my stepdad's credit card like a year ago and bought like seven grand worth of affliction guys look at the first related shirt. On the back, it's this picture of Garfield. I think it's come at me, bro.

There was a typo. Dude, I watched Criss Angel, and I wore these shirts, bro. I watched Criss Angel a lot, too. Was that real? Mind frame. Was it real? You bet your ass it was real. Some of that shit, like the reaction.

Fucking bet your ass yeah some of that shit like the react fucking bet your ass okay all right all right that's it look at that you could be chris angel dude dude look at him down there look at that how is anyone hotter dude let's just put a smoky eye on you imagine being hotter than that oh God. No one's hotter than that. Those chains with the handcuffs? Bro. Didn't he stay underwater for like two and a half years? I am Criss Angel. Dude, he could fuck up a cemetery driving by that thing.

Dude. Longest cemetery ever, Criss Angel. That is you right there. Criss Angel, Ricky Martin, love child. You even got the same chin. They Photoshopped that in. Now Ben's the brawny man. Oh yeah.

Yeah, you are the brawny man. Do we need to dress you up like Criss Angel? Mine freaked the shit out. Dude, your girlfriend would be like, I've never been more in love with you in my entire life.

No shit. That's who my girlfriend wants me to be. Dude, she started doing magic. Her apartment. That's who my girlfriend wants me to be. Just start doing magic. Just start shuffling cards one day. She's like, oh, fuck. Here we go.

Just put her mascara on. Here we go. Shuffling cards. It's like I've never been more turned on. Criss Angel. The name. I wonder if that more turned on. Chris Angel. The name. I wonder if that's his real name. Dude.

Mind free. Chris. Chris Alakadabra. Alakadabra. Alakadabra. I was trying to say Alakazam and Alakadabra. I wonder if that's his real name. Chris Alakadabra. Chris Alakadabra Angel.

Saran Tacos. I can abracadabra angel. Saran tacos. I can see why you went with angel. That's what I do with my leftover tacos. I just saran. Saran my tacos. Saran them bitches.

Just keep it going, fellas. Saran my tacos. Hey, he's from New York. Hey. Hey. What are you going to do? Dude, you should get some knuckle tats.

What are you going to do? I've kind some knuckle tats What are you gonna do? I've kind of always wanted them Have you ever drawn them On your own fingers in school? No What have you put on there? What I put on Fuck you

One two three four Is that an exclamation point? Because it didn't fit You always gotta spell something wrong Because it doesn't fit You know what I mean? Yeah Fuck you

Fuck you With a question mark i don't know fuck you i wasn't sure when i got this tattoo you show it to your teacher i wasn't sure if it was a question or a statement you look you all right let's bounce. Shot 163. That's it. I'm sick of this shit. Thanks for listening. At Ben Polizzi, or Benedict Polizzi, at LOL underscore Derek James. Yeah. Underscore comedy?

No, just. At Liam Pinero. Easy to spell. Okay. Remember to review, rate, subscribe. Man Man this is so dead now Like Like Yeah like

Like it No for real Write a review It'd be It doesn't have to be serious either All they talk about Is farts And boogers

And Chris Angel And butts And how hot they think Chris Angel is And how hot they How they secretly Just want to make out With Chris Angel

You have to listen Okay Talk to you guys next week Yeah I've been