Espresso - insults you'll never forget

Episode Date: April 13, 2023

On this episode benny reacts to the insults that you'll never forget (like being called chicken nugget)🎟️ 𝗕𝗘𝗡𝗘𝗗𝗜𝗖𝗧'𝗦 𝗨𝗣𝗖𝗢𝗠𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗦𝗧����𝗡𝗗 𝗨𝗣 𝗦𝗛𝗢𝗪𝗦Tampa, FL Thurs 4/27 https://improvtampa.com/ShowDetails/d8ced7f0-fb31-41ba-86c6-14ef820cde86/86796be0-6fce-4955-94fc-cf1047b171ae/Benedict_Polizzi/Tampa_ImprovBoston, MA Thurs 5/4https://wl.seetickets.us/event/Benedict-Polizzi-800pm/532615?afflky=LaughBostonSupport Benny (get an extra episode and LIVE STREAM every Sunday!)🔒𝗣𝗮𝘁𝗿𝗲𝗼𝗻 https://www.patreon.com/benedictpolizzi 🔺𝗪𝗔𝗧𝗖𝗛 𝗢𝗡 𝗬𝗢𝗨𝗧𝗨𝗕𝗘 https://www.youtube.com/@espressowbenedictLeave a rating and review boo🎧𝗔𝗽𝗽𝗹𝗲 𝗽𝗼𝗱𝘀 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/espresso/id1514492317 

in high school i was a little more on the hefty side and some kid called me a walking mcdouble and to this day that is an insult that lives rent free in my head walking mcdouble it's so funny though did you laugh you have to laugh at that shit what's up hey upcoming stand-up comedy shows april 27th tampa i've never been this excited for a show in my life all right i just realized my eye was way smaller my other eye but april 27th tampa i cannot wait to see you guys posted the flyer a couple days ago your boy's excited let's have a fucking party okay I'm bringing some sexy people to Max Price is going to be there. Sarah Huntington is going to be there. It's going to be a hot show. Don't miss it, Florida. But, uh, and then Boston May 4th at laugh Boston. I can't wait for that either.

Never been to Boston. Kind of think you guys are going to be mean, but I'm going either way. We're just going to figure it out. Get your tickets at benedictpolizzi.com. Let's talk boo-boo. That was so corny. Shot 258. I'm your host, Benedict Polizzi. And hey, join the Patreon. $5 a month for an extra episode every single week. They're sexy little eps. And then we live stream on Sundays. Shut up. Yeah. yeah yeah just letting you know but a espresso question of the week we're gonna hear the insults that someone told you that you'll never forget or maybe they didn't even tell you maybe it just happened like for me when somebody broke into my car and didn't take anything in it and what was in there all my merch just everything i created over my whole entire life and worked hard for and put in so and i sewed it into actual

things to wear they're like nah bro fuck that it hurt what else oh somebody uh one of my friends was in the elevator in my apartment and these people that were in the elevator didn't know he was my friend it was derrick james and he was like comedian from indie and he was like yo ben benedict politzi lives here and he was listening to him and they were like he's this nice funny guy one of the funniest guys i've ever met comedy not for me though okay this girl went into my apartment one time and she was like oh i love your paintings and i was like thanks nobody says that and she's like yeah where'd you get them? And I go, I actually painted them. She goes, oh, I don't know if that's like good or if you're just a little bit autistic.

And if you saw the paintings, you'd be like, all right. So I didn't know what to say after. I was like, you mean artistic. Worst comeback ever. But yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what happened to me. What happened to you?

What did somebody say about you that you'll never forget? Here we go. One of my students decided it would be a good idea to dye his hair blonde. It's my boy. He was a light-skinned dude and one of his classmates told him he looked like an upside down chicken nugget dipped in honey mustard oh i don't know that's kind of that kind of sounds good too. That kind of sound, is that an insult? Why did that just make me hungry? I'd be like, thank you so much. You just called me a chicken nugget. That's what I want to be reincarnated as. Reincarnated.

That's what I want to be reincarnated as. The man who can't talk on a podcast. yeah chicken nugget with honey mustard dude i'm i'm just gonna say it dude black people have the best like insults they're so like they can say anything and you're like oh shit i better shut up you know like a black person just called like one time one time i had these shorts on and they were like a little too fun you know i'm always trying to wear some fun shit and i did something and this black dude goes all right swim trunks and i was like fuck dude you can get me so i'm pretty easy to make fun of but man dude black people just know how to just lay it on you right where it's not too much not too little white people will give you an insult and it'll fucking ruin your life

like making fun of your like personal life and shit yeah that's why you had to transfer schools you idiot i'm like damn dude nobody knows about that so you can you can you keep that on the deal actually actually come here for that can we talk i need to explain you the situation why i actually transferred okay uh i didn't like the the situation on the football team and then i had to leave because of that okay okay are we are we clear you gotta like you gotta you gotta have a con you gotta have a conference call with the white people when they fucking when they make fun of you black people though they'll just be like yo polka dots get over here and you're like oh shit i am wearing a lot of

polka dots let's keep going let's keep going in high school i was a little more on the hefty side and some kid called me a walking mcdouble and to this day that is an insult that lives rent free in my head walking mcdouble it's so funny though did you laugh you have to laugh at that shit you can insult me all day long if it's funny like i'm down it kind of makes me feel good when people insult you because it's like oh he knows i can take a joke you know it's when you're not getting insulted that you might need to switch some shit up like you ever about to insult somebody but you're like ah they can't handle it never mind that's my worst fear to be the guy that can't handle the insult i was gonna say something about, but I knew you'd get too upset. So we'll just move

on to somebody who can take a fucking joke. That guy, everybody knows that guy. You're like, don't want to sit down. It'll, it'll ruin, it'll ruin his fucking next three days. Dude, my dad's like that. You can't say shit to my dad. I'm like, bro, come on. I'm kidding. like that you can't say shit to my dad i'm like bro come on i'm kidding it's funny the amount of times i've said that to somebody i'm kidding bro there's always a little bit of truth to every joke yeah that's why it's fucking hilarious and that's why you need to shave the top of your nose i mean sorry sorry dad but uh yeah everybody knows a guy that can't take a joke. And you're like, he's going to get so mad.

We're probably going to get in a fight. And I was just kidding. Don't be that guy. Okay, boo-boo, don't be that guy. Just keep going. So the worst insult that I've ever received was when I was, like, 14. I got one of those nice swoop back haircuts and Twilight was all the rage.

And I remember I got into it with someone at the park. They called me Taylor Lautner on the spectrum. And I had to go home after that. On the spec'd. Yeah. Taylor Lautner. Taylor Lautner on the spectrum might be pretty hot too just saying taylor lautner is he the dude that kind of looks like hold on i was almost gonna make fun of him right there dark-skinned fella he's pretty hot he just looks like a normal guy though you know you ever think

about that like who's your celebrity crush i'm just like all the celebrities just look like normal ass people that aren't that hot to me there's not like a lot of hot ass celebrities i'm just like they just look normal who's your celebrity crush who's your celebrity crush i'm like i just like normal like indiana sixes the things i'll do for an indiana six boy oh you need a ride home gotcha oh shit just anything oh you know okay yeah i can i got yeah i think i can help are you an indian if you're too hot i'm like no way dude but if you're mid i'll do anything you want mommy i will do anything you want

i'll be your little bitch for the next two hours if you're six and you're from the midwest so hot don't know why probably because they just don't do girls that are like sixes and sevens are like they don't even know it they don't even know they're hot they'll do anything man they'll be like yeah i don't really care i'm like oh you don't know you're very attractive might be a problem let's keep going still icing my wounds from the previous one but uh last pod took a nail but this pod will bounce back on the big sean of podcasting here all right the biggest insult I've ever taken and I don't even think they know they did this.

And I think about it all the time for like seven years. A friend saw my Twitter for the first time and said, your ratio is bad. What does that mean? And then they started explaining, you know, you got to have more followers than the amount of people that you're following.

That's considered a good ratio. You're following 100,000 people. And in the followers, it says 19. So do you understand what I'm saying? And I said, sorry, I don't follow. Come on! This guy!

Oh shit, dude. I love you fuckers. I never see that shit coming, bro. If you leave an away message,'s kiss it's time but uh yeah when anybody looks at your social media it is like uh they did like a that's so funny man i was that guy for a while too on instagram i followed so many people i followed like 14 000 people i think i like hit the limit and my account got suspended on instagram because i like wanted followers because i wanted to like sell tickets to shows and i was like how

the fuck do i get followers so i just i just started adding mad people that i just had like common interests with like oh he's friends with her. All right, fuck it. We're ad. Follow, follow, follow. And I just followed so many people. People were probably like, what the fuck is this guy following me for? But I was just like, they'll follow me back and then they'll see my shit.

So at one point I was following like 14,000 people and I probably had like 2,000 followers on some weirdo shit. It wasn't that weird, but people were probably like, because you know when somebody follows you, I don't know, this is what guys shit. It wasn't that weird, but people were probably like, because you know when somebody follows you, I don't know.

This is what guys think. When a girl follows me, I'll be like, oh God, like she's going to DM me and then we're going to have to do this. That's what I think. I don't know. Is that fucked up?

But if like a, like a decent looking girl follows me, I'm like, oh God, it's about to go down. But so I was just following randos. Who knows, dude? Just people that worked at Firestone and shit.

Just whatever. I was like, maybe they'll like dig my shit. But and I still follow them. I still follow some of them to this day like so you know when somebody random as fuck pops up on your feed and you're like who the fuck are they that's just because i randomly followed people a million like just so many people that i didn't know i'm like who's this guy who's like having a kid all right like i was falling mad people but yeah my ratio is bad but how about when somebody looks at your social media for how

about looking at someone's social media for the first time to just see who they really are or just see who they want to be you know how about somebody that looks totally different on their social media? Is that fucking terrifying? Some girls like, yo, look me up on it. Follow me on Instagram. And I'm like, that sucks because you're like, all right. They're like putting a gun to your head. And I'm like, here, type it in, I guess.

Jesus Christ. And then you look at their page and it already says following and you're like... I've almost done this a couple times and been like, who is this? It's totally different. I'm like, this is... You're a stripper? Like...

This is not... They're just totally different. I guess it's kind of how my shit is. If you saw me walking around, eh, I'm always doing some dumb shit, so you might be like, oh, yeah, he's an idiot. But they had to do that shit for us on FBoy Island.

Nicky Glaser just came down and was talking to us, and we were all like, hey. Because any time Nicky Glaser came on set for FBoy y island it was like a god was in the room we're like oh shut up nikki's here like oh my god it was the biggest she was a god we couldn't talk to her we couldn't we couldn't ever say hi really it was like it was like an angel came down from heaven every time she was with us. We were like, she looked good too.

Like every time she was on camera, like she was wearing some fresh ass dress, like the colors were popping, you know, it's a summertime dating show. Like her hair was like, boom, bitch. It looked like she was about to get married every time she was on camera you know and girls are about to get married they're like super like ready like they got ready for like four i mean that's some tv shit she looked good dude i have no idea what i was talking about oh and she came down she was like guys the girls look through all your social media. And we're like, I was like, oh, no.

I was like, that's it for me, boys. I'm going to go ahead and vote myself off the island. It's nice knowing you, fellas. Bro, my shit. Every other video, who's buying this? And then me like in a fucking bra and shit and a wig i'm like oh and then they came back and i was like yo uh so you looked at our social media first thing i asked i was like so you looked at our shit and louise was like oh my god you're so funny i was like okay wait really do you mean that say it again say it again write it down make sure it's on camera no i'm just kidding

but then she found like the weirdest tag picture of me of all time if you guys watched i don't know if you watch or not but it was me when i did like a fake wedding rehearsal uh photo shoot with a girl she thought i got married before yeah it was so funny because i literally haven't seen that picture in like four years and i was like why did i do that but uh she's like have you been married before and i was like uh if i've been married before bro uh that would have ended in 27 minutes if i would have been married gets married all right never mind i'm good wait you want to get divorced already yeah can you can you do that like same day is there like a same day return thing you know when you buy like a big ass car like a car like a washing

machine they're like you get 14 days can you do that with marriage if it's in the first hour you can revoke it, bro. I would chill that whole hour. I'd be like, you know, how much time do I have left? Do I have like 17 minutes left? All right. Yeah, let's do it.

I'm good on this. Yeah. 17 minutes left. Or I'd be like, I'd never do that. And there'd be like two seconds left on the divorce clock. And I'd be like,

yeah, let's do it. I'd be like, sorry. I just. divorce clock and i'd be like yeah let's do it i'm like sorry i just 14 day return policy on marriages i might change a lot of shit for the better let's keep going before i got braces i was told i look like i eat corn through a fence corn through a fence before i got braces i was told i look like i eat corn through a fence trying to picture this shit right now corn through a fence oh were her teeth like the fence and she was just sucking up corn. It's tough to eat corn. How about when somebody insults you and you don't get it? That

kind of sucks. I'm like, sorry, I don't mean to be like this guy, but can you explain your insult? And I swear I'll laugh and shit, but like, what do you mean? Cause I got gotta figure this out for like my mental health you know like i need to explain this so i can like wrap my head around what i'm doing wrong here one time somebody told me i talk like the guy at my high school that was the slowest talker ever you know like some people are like yo he sounds like eeyore and shit on winnie the pooh and somebody told me i talked like him and i was like i'm doing it right now because i'm self-conscious i'm talking fast so you guys aren't like you do talk slow i'm doing that right now but like he was dude it just hurt so bad i was like oh my god that guy talks so slow and it's so uninteresting

and i'm i'm him i'm him i'm him who's him the guy that talks really slow at your high and I'm him. I'm him. I'm him. Who's him? The guy that talks really slow at your high school. I'm him. I'm him. That's gotta be the dumbest shit ever. I'm him. Who's, who's what? You're who? I'm the guy that his voice cracks every 27 seconds because he doesn't know if he went through puberty or not. I'm him. I'm him. Who's him? I'm the guy that doesn't vacuum his carpet because he thinks he doesn't spill anything on it. But in actuality, there's crumbs all over that bitch.

I'm him. Who are are you that's the next espresso question who are you really i'm him i'm him i'm the guy with bad breath all the time why because i used too much nasal spray when i was a kid and i can't really smell my own breath. I'm him. I'm him. I don't have smelling sense, so I can eat any food I want to. Yeah, I'm him. Eat corn through a fence.

It's so hard to eat corn. That was like the battle my whole life. It's shit, dude. Corn on the cob. Anytime somebody's like, we're having corn on the cob. I'm like, fuck, dude. Corn on the cob. Anytime somebody's like, we're having corn on the cob. I'm like, fuck, dude. Give me the floss.

Corn with a side of floss. How disgusting is eating corn on the cob? Like if you're around somebody you liked. Yeah, you want to get over your ex? Imagine them eating corn on the cob. Ah! Just typewriter that shit. Bing!

I will take down rows of corn on the cob. I never, I haven't seen anybody eat corn on the cob in like seven weeks. I mean years. Weeks. on the cob in like seven weeks. I mean years. Weeks. Why the fuck did I say weeks? This guy loves corn. But if you get the corn, like if you're the guy at the cookout that gets corn on the cob and everybody's like, oh shit, he's going to do it. And then you fucking turn that bitch vertical and cut the corn off.

How sexy are you? The sexiest cookout cookout move ever cutting that corn right off the cob letting it just fall on your plate what's another sexy cookout move a getting two plates this is a sexy cookout move right here getting two plate you know there's a line two plates double them up put your shit on one plate take that other plate from under it like it's a fucking magic trick when you're halfway through the line and then put your dessert on that plate and you're like walking back to your table like this like he thought of that wait he thought of that but wait wait wait wait his up he doesn't have plastic silverware he doesn't have enough hands to hold that but you thought ahead of time and you put the plastic silverware in your pocket so it's just in your pot set down the plates plastic silverware what about his drink he actually forgot the drink then you ask

somebody to get you a drink right there you forgot about the drink hey dog will you give me one thanks dude and you sit down because you don't need a drink immediately you just eat your food you only the real ones only drink while they're eating when they're about to choke and die. How much are you drinking while you're eating dinner? No. You're just drinking. You're just taking a couple swallows every now and then so you don't choke. I'll eat a five-course dinner without taking one sip of water.

I've just got experience, dude. I've got throat game. I do. I'm not going to lie. I have throat game. I do. I'm not going to lie. I have throat game. I do. I'll eat a pack of muffins in the car. No water.

Because I've been there before. I've got experience. I'm a head monster. Call me Becky. I don't care. I've gone through the worst times in my car where i'm like i could die and something happens my spit does something and it like pushes it down like it's like defense mechanism it's like fight or flight flight or fight either way it's one of those and my brain's

like oh shit dog you're about to die so my like, all right, put some spit in his throat. And it just like washes it down. Throat game. Anyway. So when I was 16, my boyfriend cheated on me with a girl from England. And I thought that I was friends with her too. So I was like really hurt from both of them. And when I confronted her and was like really hurt from both of them and when I

confronted her and was like hey we were supposed to be friends um she called me a streak of piss and I'll never forget it because who calls someone a streak of piss like she violated me I was so fucked up streak of piss how come that's like not the worst compliment ever i would be scared to get like roasted by somebody from what you say france or something europe somebody from another foreign person you know they could just decimate your shit and call you something just like super foreign and you're like oh god have you thinking about it the next day and shit you're like because they're so point blank dude foreign people are so like i can't think of one but jesus christ man they will ruin your soul with just one word oh oh one time i was uh i was working out this shoe store and this

mexican family came in and there's a mexican girl that worked like at the place we worked the shoe store and i was helping out this family and i was like fuck what are you guys saying they had like 10 little kids and measure all their feet like it was like bro and like i couldn't really understand them and shit and they were like we need sign they weren't even they didn't even know the numbers and shit they were saying like siete and i was like fuck dude this is my worst nightmare and i was like all right i'll be right back and i went in the back and i was like i had to like gather myself and then the mexican girl that worked at our shoe store went up to the family and was like what do you guys need and was speaking spanish to him and shit she came in the back

and she was like yo you know what they said i was like what'd they say they just called you the stupid white boy i was like god damn it that stupid white boy back there helping us i was like oh they're so right let's keep going you ever been called a fart knocker what is that one dude this girl at my school always called everybody a fart knocker and i'm like that's really and she never got in trouble so i was like it's not really an insult is it fart knocker a quantum quantum annoying person juvenile would describe a person who penetrates an anus in sexual intercourse she was saying that shit in like fourth grade

oh my god bro she was getting away with a murder. This girl called me a fart knocker in fourth grade. She was just calling me gay. Nobody knew, bro. She was getting away with it. No teachers were saying shit. They're probably laughing their asses off. In fourth grade.

You hitting it from the back, bro was pretty much her hey fart knocker i just always thought it meant like you know somebody farts and just like knock it out of the way i thought that's what she was saying nah bro she was calling you gay you hitting from the back dog fart knocker always wanted to know holy shit all right let's keep going streak of piss dude here we go so the one insult i'll never forget this like big birth of bitch when i was in high school told me that i was super obnoxious and annoying and loud and at the time i didn't see it but i really took on that personality and now i think her dude

this is the first episode you listen to and people are just yeah i get it usually when people call you annoying, like, they're not wrong. I'm annoying. People have said it. I'm like, yeah, 100% agree. Yeah, you really do change in the people you hate, though. I am not like that.

You're like that. And everybody you hate, you secretly love. Just got to come to grips with it i hate tim tebow deep down jesus christ i want to be him hated him fucking tim tebow bro tim tebow that's that's like a hundred percent the guy that my dad wants me to be tim tebow that's probably why like 100 the guy that my dad wants me to be tim tebow that's probably why qb religious fucking yoked best college football player of all time hate him deep down secretly want to kiss him probably you just gotta you just gotta know you just gotta you just gotta realize some shit sometimes anybody you hate you secretly adore anybody you hate you actually love is that like a lyric or something

let's keep going um an insult i'll never forget is i was talking to this guy and he admit to me that he had a foot fetish so uh he we got around to it and he asked for a photo of my feet so i sent it and his response was that he thought my feet looked injured and then just stopped talking to me and honestly my feet aren't that bad this guy was just a fucking dick see, that's some foreign shit right there. A dude from another country will just say, your feet look injured, and he won't think anything of it. And you'll just be like, injured?

How fucking, like, dude, when you're injured you are i feel helpless your feet look in my feet look hella injured my feet are injured what if you said what if you told somebody their face looks injured yeah he's kind of hot but when he took off his shirt he looked like injured i might start saying injured are you sure you're not like injured or something my feet are so injured if you saw them my feet look like hey did you just kick a wall for a year that's what my feet look like or hey this is what this is what i get for my feet hey did you just did you wear too small of shoes until you were 24 years old

i have no idea what happened to my feet no clue maybe i did wear small shoes when i was a kid i can remember wearing small shoes but it wasn't for like it wouldn't have done that you know everybody remembers wearing small shoes when they're a kid. It kind of like really, it's kind of like bumps up against your toes and you're like, ah, fuck, these shoes are too small. But I remember wearing big shoes more than small shoes. My shit's injured. And also if you ask for feet pics, like you can't come back with your feet are injured like that

you gotta take that l bro you gotta suck it up and you gotta be nice you can't ask for feet pics and then say hey your feet look like shit you asked you asked for them deal with it homie me it's like asking it's like asking somebody to make you food and then you eat it and you're like this is disgusting it's like yeah dog i mean yes so some breaks babe damn dude what a rude person what a rude dude i must have been like six or seven years old and this guy that my sister was dating at the time we were my dad came home with groceries so we were going outside getting all the groceries and even at a young age i was like i'm gonna get as many of the bags that i can't you gotta make a one trip you know I was part of that one trip gang.

And I was excited about it. And I was trying to get as many bags as I could. And this guy looks me directly in the eye and says, Dylan, you're a goofball. I went inside, had a little powwow with my sisters in the closet, in the pantry. And I said, can you believe this guy called me a goofball? And from that day, i wrote him off completely it was like when marty mcfly got called chicken goofball just triggered something in me at a young age even today when i hear it it's just like i get a little ptsd from it what a voice message that was really good man thank you he he had his shit together during that voice so you just gotta

appreciate a good voice message sometimes uh and it means something too dude when people call me goofy i'm like what do you really mean there's like a different there's like goofy and then there's like there's how you say it because like you like when somebody calls me goofy, I think of the Disney character Goofy. And I'm like, yo, he was kind of a bitch. He was kind of like an idiot. He just figured out his entire life before your eyes. He's an idiot. Yeah, he's goofy.

I've never called anybody goofy. Yeah, he's like Goof never called anybody goofy yeah he's like goofy goofy it doesn't sound good doesn't sound like i want to be goofy goofball that's like a worse version goofball ew that's like some shit your teacher would call you and you're like uh you guys just being goofballs out here it's like a horrible insult man you took that one you took that one you wrote them off forever that's so funny when somebody says something you don't like you just never talk to them again i think i've done that i would do that for sure i have no problem not talking to people ever again whoops i will have zero issue with it i'll never even think dude i'm so good i think as a guy thing i'm so good at deleting shit out of my brain guys are pros at that though guys will delete a whole fucking relationship out of their brain be be like, huh? Oh yeah. What was her name? Dude, guys are the master, the master at deleting files. Anything we don't want to think by didn't happen. What do you mean? Oh yeah. Sorry. Cleared the history earlier.

I don't think girls can do that girls will think about shit forever yeah girls keep it girls keep that fucking google drive up there a lot of folders dudes dudes are rocking like two folders at most what am i gonna eat who do i kind of want to bang on my instagram explore page two-folder teddy girls dude girls have girls have a file cabinet up there and that shit is organized they got it all big bold bold lettering. Folders are labeled. Guys' folders aren't even labeled. No way. Two blank folders. One's ripped open.

And there's all the other shit is just scattered around. Yeah, bro. We're deleting files up here. We got a lot of storage. Our storage management on point girls are getting that that warning you know you have you need to buy storage from apple you need to buy more iCloud storage that's that's always happening with girls guys are like oh fuck bro i can take off

i got some room to work up here Fuck, bro. I can take a... I got some room to work up here. Let's keep going. I love you, Milky Boy. Whoa. We're back, baby. Yeah, so the worst insult I've ever heard

and I've gotten, both were to me, in college, we were watching film and, yes, I'm driving. Sounds like a wind tunnel, I know. But anyway, we were in college watching film, and the offensive line GA turns to me and goes, your mother should have swallowed you. I was like, noted, coach, noted.

And, yeah, I was kind of down over here. So that happened. And then if you didn't know, like, a play concept within, like, a minute of him telling you, basically he would say, it's one of three things. You're stupid as fuck, you don't know a play concept within a minute of him telling you, basically he would say, it's one of three things. You're stupid as fuck, you don't give a shit, or you're just plain old retarded. So he would say, he would always go,

I know you're not retarded, I know you're not stupid, so you just don't give a fuck, do you? And they'd be like, no, coach, it's been 40 seconds. I don't understand the concept yet. So those are the remarks, and ha-ha, fuck! up yet. So those are the remarks and Taha Fuck! Dude, this guy's some kind of

this guy's a genius. He just explained my entire life in that voice message. It takes me 17 hours to understand something. It's probably why I couldn't like excel in sports in college. Hold on, there's more.

Also, that could have had a little better door frame action. So let me redo that. That's more like it. Who is he? So good. So fucking good. So good. So good.

That door just closed on the end of the voice message. Yeah, that was fire. But I know exactly what you mean. Hey, coaches, wait a second, dude. I can't. I don't know shit immediately. I'm not smart. So you got to chill out.

Every coach I've ever had in my life. Hey, this is what happens. This guy goes here. This guy goes here. This guy goes here. This guy goes here. And then you go back there and you go back there. Now do it right now.

I'm like, dude, well, hold on. Fuck. Hold on. Damn. One more time. Holy shit, bro. What kind of pop quiz? Like quiz like are we supposed to do this i don't mean i think i'm just stupid as fuck i could not remember any plays

nothing is there anybody out there that couldn't remember any plays in basketball please please message me i i know there's a secret little club out there somewhere, an underground little fucking little cellar that just has four people in it that just couldn't remember any plays. I want to come down there and I want to talk because I need you guys. I need to know.

I need to know if i'm the dumbest person in the world i need to bro i didn't and we might have had 30 plays when i was playing basketball i was like you guys know all these are you fucking kidding me just like that do you guys like i was honestly like do you guys make flashcards and shit? Or like, how do you know this shit? This is amazingly like confusing. Where do I go? And you're thinking about it. You're doing it.

What? Are you a dog or something? I'm like, hold on, bro. I have just give me one. Where am I supposed to fucking go right now? And by that time where you think when i thought of it the play would be over and i'd be getting yelled at i know there's a secret fucking tree house out there with a couple dudes that don't know any of the plays

give me the password to the club because i want to be in it man i so relate so the biggest insult for me was back in elementary school i got bullied a lot and the kids used to call me butt chin because i have a butt chin and so i became really conscious about it but it doesn't bother me anymore but now i work with kids and one day one of them came up to me and said why do you have a butt chin and I had like a war flashback oh shit you heard a gunshot from the butt chin war of 1922

oh god that happened to me when kids say some shit about you you know it's true dude little 7 year old girl get the when kids say some shit about you you know it's true dude a little seven-year-old girl get the i just want to slap the shit out of a seven-year-old they're so right no one is smarter than like a girl from like 10 to you know in that eight i'm like

what now my little cousin come up to me you're kind of stupid i'm like i know but you don't have to say it out loud we pretend that i'm not stupid we all know but everybody just pretends that we're not you don't have to say it and like so they remember okay now go get some dessert it's like at my family thanksgiving now go get some fucking, some of grandma's pie and shut up. Oh my God, dude. No one more intimidating than a fucking 12 year old girl. I'm like, get away. Get away.

Get away. Don't tell me the truth about myself. I don't want to know it's cringy and i don't want to know go away that's what i say at the beginning of every holiday all the girl cousins don't speak yeah i'm dead ass serious you have have a double chin. What'd you say, bro? They're so honest that it's like it almost wants to make me. I want to throw up. How about the double chin is rough.

How about that one time in your life when you thought you are a butt chin is rough. How about that one time in your life when you realized you had a double chin? Tough day for us all. Yep. Everybody has a double chin. So don't, don't be all, I don't have one. Fuck you. Let me see it. Look that way. Look to the right. Look to the right. Let's see what's going on there. Oh, I ate too much for lunch. You can tell when you have a double chin too. You know, you eat like one red potato more than you should have. You start doing this a little too much.

Fuck. Oh my God. Oh my God, it's there. Now I'm around people. Fuck. I think I did this for a year. What's up? Anytime I talk to a girl I liked.

Yeah, yeah. Uh-huh. Oh, that's so crazy. I know. What are you looking at uh just the clouds like there's a cumulus one up there there's a cumulus one up there cumulus yeah i just learned that today i just uh yeah yeah anyway uh what's what would you draw an art hmm what'd you uh what'd you do what are you doing what are you doing tonight it's dope that's tight dude me and me in the car when i was growing up just this do i oh my god is the only thing i thought about i'd bring a mirror into my bathroom and look at the side of my face like to see what other people saw and i'd be like every time i'd be like fuck it's still there god damn there's a dips down it dips down

that fucking that double chin reveal is a hard one. And then you ask somebody if, if you have one, like I'd ask my mom or my sister and they were cold hearted bitches. I'd be like, do I have one? My sister would be like, sometimes I'd be like, and there's certain foods too that make you think you have a double chin.

There's double chin food out there. It's never cold. It's always warm food. Mashed potatoes. Chili. Shit like that. Here I go. This is double chin food. This is going right to my chin. You know, people are like, oh, I can't eat sweets. They go right to my hips. I'm like, bitch, I can't eat soup. Can't eat chili. I bitch. I can't eat chili. Goes right to my chin. Old chili chin walking down the hallway, swinging left or right like a fucking

rooster. Chili chins back. He had too much chili at lunch. Now he's got four chins. Came and look me in the eye. What's wrong with him? What happened to him? Oh, he just ate chili. He's looking at the sky again. He's acting like he's going to fix the ceiling. He just had chili. Why is he looking at the ceiling like that? Oh, he has a double chin.

He's making sure we don't know, but we all know he just had way too much chili for lunch. You looking at the stars, chili chin? Nah. Just thinking. for lunch you looking at the stars chili chin nah just thinking what the fuck bro last one last one last one somebody once told me i look fatter with clothes on oh i know who this is and i was there and yo it is so true so true this person that's got to stay anonymous but this person lifted up their shirt one time and the person i was with goes, Oh, that's not that bad at all. And he put his shirt back down and that person goes, damn,

he looks way bigger with a sweatshirt on. I was like, what a harsh fucking reality. Cause he always wore clothes to hot dude. People, when people take their shirts off, it's like, what the fuck? Everybody. If I took my shirt off, if i took on my shirt off right now you'd be like could use uh you know a couple more days in the gym

but clothes are really saving our ass if you think about it especially a hoodie he was wearing a hoodie dude hoodies are like everybody looks great in a hoodie you kidding me you haven't looked better when you wear a hoodie you look mysterious you look warm you look cozy nobody's thinking you're a fat piece of shit he's just walking around wearing a hoodie looking overweight like piece of shit mode had too much chili chin overweight so funny how does that happen all right fam that's how we gonna end it hey remember tickets in tamp Tampa, April 27th. Kiss you then.

Boston, May 4th. We're going to party. Get your tickets at benedictpolizzi.com. And I love you guys. Remember that. Thanks for the messages. For real. Thanks for coming out to the shows and taking pictures and shit.

You don't know how much that means to me. Honestly. It's kind of all I think about. It's real. It's real love. And I love you guys for that. I'll see you next time. All right, fam.