Espresso - Joe Dombrowski ‼️

Episode Date: February 24, 2022

👕 🔥 𝗠𝗘𝗥𝗖𝗛 𝗜𝗦 𝗛𝗘𝗥𝗘!🔥 🧢 ↓ buy some shit ;) influencedby.co/collections/ben-polizzi 🔒 𝗷𝗼𝗶𝗻 𝗺𝘆 𝗽𝗮𝘁𝗿𝗲𝗼𝗻 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗲𝘅𝗰𝗹𝘂𝘀𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗽𝗼𝗱𝗰𝗮𝘀𝘁𝘀 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮 𝙬𝙚𝙚𝙠 (𝗼𝗻𝗹𝘆 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗳𝗮𝗺) https://www.patreon.com/benedictpolizzi ♦️ 𝗦𝘂𝗯𝘀𝗰𝗿𝗶𝗯𝗲 𝗼𝗻 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗧𝘂𝗯𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXRwNZpU67AK24r5QGfIfCw 🔹 𝙙𝙤𝙣'𝙩 𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙜𝙚𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙧𝙖𝙩𝙚 & 𝙧𝙚𝙫𝙞𝙚𝙬 ;) this week the Espresso Vault opens again from 12/4/21 with the wildest pod eVeR. hilarious af Joe Dombrowski (@mrdtimes3) hangs out and the boys talk PICKLE bars, having psycho ass dads, rescue dogs vs purebred dogs, they make their top animal noises, talk toxic teacher industry and MR.D joins the 🔥BALD GUYS CHATROOM🔥 🔸𝗦𝗲𝗻𝗱 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗵𝗼𝗺𝗶𝗲 𝗮 𝗖𝗮𝗺𝗲𝗼 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗝𝗢𝗛𝗡𝗦𝗢𝗡: https://v.cameo.com/E48BXekQ29 🔹𝗧𝗶𝗸𝗧𝗼𝗸: https://www.tiktok.com/@benedictpolizzi?source=h5_m 🔸𝗜𝗻𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗺: https://www.instagram.com/benedictpolizzi/ 🔹𝗧𝘄𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿: https://twitter.com/benedictpolizzi

Espresso Patreon Exclusive For the Fam Shout 14 We're going to the World War 2 Yeah Yeah Downtown And it's Christmas time

Got my dude here Mr. D Yeah Around the Christmas tree He's a teacher And it's Christmas time. Got my dude here. Mr. D. Yeah. Run the Christmas tree. He's a teacher. But he's nasty on the stage. He's got long legs. Mr. D.

Talk to him real quick. Yeah. One, two. Suck that dick. Yeah. That's what we say. Hey. Oh, did the motherfucking thing

Oh we can swear on your podcast We can do whatever we want on this podcast That's all we needed from you man This is a Patreon exclusive This is a Patreon exclusive The best of the best Only the Espresso fam gets to hear the Patreon I am living and loving

Well let's talk about it What's up bro We got Mr. D Joe Dombrowski on Former teacher I am living and loving. Well, let's talk about it. What's up, bro? We got Mr. D, Joe Dombrowski on. Former teacher, now full-time comedian, touring at Helium Comedy Club in Indy this weekend. I'm fortunate enough to open up on his tour. How's it going? How do you like Indy?

Let's talk. Okay, Indy is surprising me, left and right surprising it is surprising me it is a lot of what i expected meets what i didn't expect what didn't okay break it down so let's start with what i expected i fully expected the uber experience that i just had someone lit up a sick fucking stogosity in his mouth. Is this my third grade carpool or an Uber? Straight up. He just fucking lights a cigarette, has it hanging out the window the whole time like that's going to help,

and is driving like a goddamn maniac. I thought I was going to die. Dude, I'm not kidding. I thought I was going to die. Then he went to make a turn. He goes, nope, that's one way. He can't i can't turn on a one way again okay not from here and he said that i'm like no no no no and then he's just weaving like a crazy dude so i was like you know what excuse me let me out here yeah sure did i was like let me out

of here earl at least he didn't ask him the famous question how long you been doing this oh my oh he had just started he told me oh and then trust me not long he asked me he asked me which which way am i going which way am i going i'm like you have a eating room out dude i could i'm okay things i didn't expect yeah great food yeah yeah i've had some great food when i was here you had some tie just a minute ago to just wreck my colon before the show tonight i am notorious for that and then uh ate at blue beard who knew listeners if you're ever in indie are they from all over the place yeah majority probably indie but all over the place in the indie folk must get to bluebeard it is chef's kiss what'd you get there again a hanger steak oh yeah sliced with some lemongrass if you're nasty yeah so you just had

steak and thai food already and washed it down with an old-fashioned, ready to party. I am a massive express. But I do love coming to the Midwest because it's a drinking town. Oh, yeah. Which I'm like, let's do it. And then I got to go home and get back on my reg. At least you get to ball out for a little bit in Indy. A little bit.

I was really hoping you'd be on one of those pickle bars that we talked about earlier. Dude, here's a thing i feel like you should like work on one of those pedal bars like as a guest host or something and people should pay you lots of money to dj those things did we just come up with a video concept oh shit like um it's like uh kind of like punked. Punk, kind of. Like the taxi game where you get in. Cash cab. Cash cab, only it's you.

Except the show's called Pickled. Come on. That was good. Pickled. You're in a pickle. But here's the thing, though. Okay, you guys, listen. Earlier today, Ben was like...

Because I have friends in town. They took me out to lunch and a drink. And he's like, you guys going to today Ben was like you because I have friends in town they took me out to lunch and a drink and he's like you guys gonna go in a pickle bar I'm like what the fuck are you talking it was like the worst thing to call it that's like but that's what you call it here yeah or it's like I don't know bar bike bar peddler no it's it's a it's a pickle bar it's essentially like uh the flintstones version of a car with a keg in the back can you please talk about that tonight on stage 100 well they lose it if i said pickle bar would everyone be like yes yeah pretty much okay cool but the flintstones thing done done done done yeah so uh that's an invention waiting to happen that's you know we don't have this in seattle youtube channel why not hills oh that's right done with the horsepower there

speaking of horsepower you guys have fucking sleigh rides in the city right now did you is this an all the time sleigh rides really wait. Wait, what? Oh, the horses in the carriages? Is that always? Oh, dude. That's every hour of the day. You pop your head out of the door at 8am, there's a couple rolling down the street. Just married. It's Wednesday. I'm not shitting. I want to roll up to the show tonight in a freaking car.

I'm not shitting you. You think I'm playing? Who do you think you are fucking with? I will do it. Just me. No date. Just just be like what up bitch yeah stand up in the back dude i'm thinking about it but here okay do they only go in a certain area or is it like an uber i can be like you take me here i need to go to caramel let's get out of here can i tell you something fucked up? What's up?

Yeah. My friends last night were telling me that like. This is a say anything. It is? Yeah. Oh my God. This isn't going out to the world. This is just a selective group. So my friends were telling me last night that they did a horse.

Do you know what Mackinac Island is by chance? I've heard of that a million times. It's a little island in. Michigan. Northern Michigan. Yeah. And there's no cars allowed. It's only horse and carriage only.

So I think except for their ambulance. Hopefully. No. Hopefully. We got to stick to the bit. They had a horse name. They kept telling me about what they rent. They got a driver, and his name was like Miguel or something.

So the whole time I thought that was like their taxi driver. It was the fucking horse's name. They rented a horse for the entire week to like be their horse. I thought they had a driver named Miguel. So the whole time they were talking about it he was like yeah he was kind of slow. He shit himself on the

ride. What a crazy driver. Isn't that wild? He started smoking a cigarette on the way there just right there miguel okay so i got off stage thursday night and you're you're like hey my dad is the same way same way as yours because i tell a joke about my dad being like real strict dude what uh what was like the worst yeah that chair sucks man just stand up I'm gonna bring this bad boy over sorry I'm making your editing a nightmare oh trust me it's we're just going straight up with it okay cool what was like the worst punishment you had as a child uh besides being locked under the stairs by myself with eight days and no food kidding kidding that was my apartment in new york

the worst punishment okay did you when did you start to like dabble with artsy stuff what do you mean? Like stage stuff. Were you young when you got into it? Not really. I started doing stand-up five years ago. That wasn't much stage crap I've done. Really? Talent shows here and there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Seventh grade. Yeah. I used to do the talent shows. I was a stand-up comedian in my third grade talent show as a third grader. Meant to be. And then I loved it. So my my parents were gonna put me in this like acting camp for the summer i don't remember what i did but i got grounded in the i got grounded in like the winter remember what you did don't even remember don't even remember got i got

grounded in the winter and the punishment was no acting camp this summer. And they stuck to that shit. I was like, they're going to forget. They stuck to it. And I got no acting camp ever. That could have changed it all. I could have been on a fucking movie. I could have been a little kid in the sixth sense. But you learned your way.

Yeah, for sure. I blazed my own trail, one would say. No acting camp, dude. What about you? My worst punishment? This is what my punishment was every time I got in trouble. If I didn't do the dumbest little thing, if I didn't look both ways before crossing the street

and my dad saw me, he would make me write it down like 1,000 times. No way. Yeah, that was our thing. Nobody else had that punishment. No, I feel like your dad was a teacher. No, that is, there we go. No, he's a football coach.

No shit. So my ass was getting screamed at all day. Yeah. I don't put the fucking spoon away right. Get them chopping. No way. Okay, you were probably like me though. Like, I feel like if my dad didn't yell

at me i probably would not be alive because i would just like fuck with the wrong thing oh like stick my thumb in an outlet yeah for sure for sure for sure i would have ran in the street after like a baby duck and got hit like we weren't allowed to cut the grass we would have dude i literally wasn't because my dad at one time i went to cut the grass we would have dude i literally wasn't because my dad at one time i went to cut the grass with no shoes on i thought that was fine that happened to me too i was like what's the big deal me too my dad's like i think our dads thought the blade could somehow leave the lawnmower and cut his feet off yeah like that's not true my shoes gonna protect me when the blade does do that no it's off my feet are gone man dad what a dad little that is head game okay how old were you

when you started cutting the grass this is so funny don't tell me like five yeah i'm italian bro i was doing that shit at two no god probably fifth grade or something fifth grade yeah okay same was your dad was he a crisscross dad? Did you have to crisscross the lawn? Oh, shit. When my dad had time, he was crisscross applesauce all day. I want this thing to look like Tiger Stadium. Oh, my God, dude, seriously.

My dad was the same way. So I would go, and I'd just kind of like fuck around and do it the way I thought, like make turns where you make yeah like he would flip his shit if i took that thing like so if i finished and i'm in the corner yeah i would take the fastest way back to the garage which was across the backyard and then put in the garage so just like a a strip of a strip just like go dude one time i we had a big ass backyard right and i bro do you remember nickelodeon magazine hell yeah do you know i never got it i was never subscribed same but i used to read it like when i was at cvs right yeah the dentist doorway do you remember though

the commercials nickelodeon magazine please oh there was this one like person cutting the grass and they had a push lawnmower and they wrote the word nickelodeon in the grass did you i'm my name i did my name dude i was toast peace out yeah that's your worst punishment what'd you do to that beat the fuck out of me i don't know i never got hit i never got hit i did get chicken a couple times just chicken just shook i thought you said chicken no chicken well what a great reward shaken how about that shaken i did get a good shake down and i did get the wooden spoon a couple times from my mom but i did i was not hit physically no no i got spanked yeah i got a couple spanking i did the thing where like i knew i was gonna get spanked and i turned into the most agile man in

the world oh catch me around the table you can't you can't no i'll do this running up the stairs slap my hands high five dad i'm gone slap my hands high five dad i'm gone holy shit do you have a cat by the way no why you have a cat in one of your videos i was like oh fuck did he get this cat it took a lot of days to lock down that cat in a lot of ass i was like fuck i need a cat for thursday on monday i just started dming every girl i knew you got a cat i I had one girl. She was like, you can use them, but I'm going to be very nervous the whole day. Oh, God.

Was it her cat or someone else's? No, it didn't end up being her cat. I was like, I don't want her to be freaking out while I'm just taking her cat 25 minutes south to report a video of it. Yeah, no. But I got one of my friend's cats who's a comedian. It's like his girlfriend, and he was like there and had the cat cage. It was a process. That cat was actually like super chill.

Oh, you should have seen the other four takes. Oh, shit. I should put those on Patreon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bloops for sure. Yeah, need to. Need to. Just a lot of editing.

It is. Do you have a cat? No, but. Oh, the little did i show you yet you showed me yeah did i show you the most recent what's up sponsorships yeah no seriously what's up dog wearing pjs on christmas did i show you did i so i showed you the one where he's dressed up like santa i think i saw a close-up let me give you the real real let me see up let me give you the real real let me see is this your first time having a dog so I grew up with golden retrievers but this is my first golden like mine do you like golden retrievers because of

that yeah they're your fave oh Jesus Christ do people know about this yeah they do have you posted that a couple a little a little under on your story you want to know some shit though i gotta say this wish we could you might need to send me that so i can just throw it i'll text it to you right now so a lot of people are like in my shit about it when i whenever i post about them they're like you didn't go to a rescue here's the fucking thing please listen to this everyone first of all bitch you don't fucking know me which means you don't know that when i was five we rescued a pitbull from the detroit humane society like fucking idiots that we are and it bit me in the face which is why i wear fucking beard hair no i got a scar right up in here it's like right here it's small now but i got it beard's killing thanks man so

yeah so i'm not gonna fucking rescue a dog because i'm not trying those motherfuckers i'm sorry they come like not motherfuckers just fuckers come with a lot of trauma and they're harder to train and all this shit and i'm a busy guy i'm on the road i'm not i'm not trying it i'm not you did your rescue sorry i rescued it from the breeder goodbye goodbye miss me with that fucking bullshit they act like they're so much better than you because they rescued a dog too your dog's literally running in circles like it has autism and eating its own shit like i can't nothing wrong with autism by the way i'm pretty sure i have it um that's this whole podcast but i like can't am i gonna get canceled by your fans they're gonna write me no they're like excuse me guess what they're all gonna follow you and be obsessed

whoops I'm so glad that you were on the I knew and I'm like dude this guy doesn't even know we're about to be friends I knew it I saw your picture and I was like okay boom oh shit I just turned that off somehow or maybe did I

what do you want me to press? Watch your elbow. It's on now. Okay, cool. If you hit that little button, it'll turn off. Oh, shit. Behind the scenes. Did you have brothers and sisters?

Only. Just me. Only, baby. Can you believe that? Yeah. I feel like an only child. I'm the youngest. And I feel like that's pretty compatible there.

Yeah. Both kind of just doing whatever my own thing yeah i got grounded for like weird shit like doing too many accents yeah what you said something about that yeah i told you that yesterday i was just fuck i would fuck around all the time and my dad was like i can't take it so i got grounded no more accents i'd like practice accents. That's how bored I was. No, that's very comedian of you. I'm glad I did.

Still can't do Australian, but. You got everything else on lock. A lot of things. I'm not going to make you do them. I got grounded for not accents, but I would just make animal noises in the house. Oh, hell yeah. Dude, I got a good one. I would be like, shut the fuck up. Can you give me your best whatever animal? Oh the house. Oh, hell yeah. Dude, I got a good one. My mom would be like, shut the fuck up.

Can you give me your best whatever animal? Oh, shit. Do you want to go first? I think you should go first. Maybe you should just take the floor. I have two. Good. They're really good.

This is my turkey. Is that not... That's... People might think that was a soundboard it was that was a human throat that was my that was my esophagus um i worked at a zoo for a while too it was one of my part-time jobs and i oh yeah mastered a peacock you probably don't know what a peacock sounds like let's find out they sound like this now you remember see that kind of triggered i think i'm very good at making a uh an eagle noise not a screaming eagle but it's similar to that yeah yeah i literally just pictured that eagle. Screaming down the tree.

About to grab a goat off a cliff. I watched a video about that. Me too. So there's a type of eagle out there that can just swoop down and clamp goats and just fly off. Drop off a cliff. No stutter in the wings, nothing. They just glide with a goat. But did you see what happened?

No. the wings nothing they just glide with a goat but did you see what happened no they drop it because they can't they can't sustain the flight so they just fly a little bit off the mountain with it and then drop it to its death okay i think my add kicked in and i was like wow that's crazy closed the video i just thought they flew to a different city with it like oh there's an eagle carrying a goat jesus christ all right like i just thought they went to a different city with it like oh there's an eagle carrying a goat jesus christ all right like i just thought they went like miles i got i got so bored i probably closed the video no then they go down and then they eat the dead goat you fuck damn ben oh man i thought these things were so much more talented okay you used to be a teacher yeah you teach kindergarten did you ever you didn't dabble in first second third I've taught everything from

kindergarten to sixth grade with the exception of first and second. No, I taught. In sixth grade. Yeah. Oh, and that's when. My first job ever was sixth grade. I graduated early to pick up a job in sixth grade. Oh, baby. Crazy, right? What kind of school? Was it a good school? That one was, yeah, like an upper middle class suburb of Detroit. It was good.

What's the teacher's lounge life really like is it all drama yes is it really yes it is like the most backstabby shit talking thing you've ever been in like to the point where you walk in and it goes quiet and it's like y'all bitches were talking about me yeah goodbye turn around yep it's bad um what's the thing you hate the most about teaching kindergarten the parents or when you talk kindergarten the parents 100 percent like is that a nightmare yeah they'll say parent teacher conference they're just they've i feel bad for them too though but because they've never had a kid in school so they're also learning like what the boundaries are with a teacher so you are the first guinea pig right like I had a parent write to me they're like I think you do too much screen time in the

classroom so they brought a homemade chart that they made and they wanted me to mark a chart tally system to document every time their kid was exposed to screen time in the classroom like if you think i have fucking time for this when i have 20 of your kid in my class you're out of your goddamn mind to control like how many recesses do kindergartners get a day two and is that the best part of it like what's the best what's like the part of being a kindergarten teacher when you can just finally what's your break lunchtime but aren't you still kind of like sort of especially during covid because they have to eat in the classroom so i would turn on anything this

is why the parents are freaking out too they thought it was too much screen time well okay kids are like little fucking zombies for anything that you put on a tv so i would just put on youtube videos of like an aquarium and they'll just they just like zonk out zonk out and like eat their lunch like looking at the same little but it was great because it wouldn't do anything yeah just be like oh my god yeah and that's the time that you get to teacher life yeah teacher life is nuts what about when you were in high school how like when'd you know you want to be a teacher college so you went to college because you wanted to you're like i think i want to do this or you had no clue you are gonna die what the hell did you want to do i originally went to college to

be a herpetologist you know what that is no it is a reptile science like a fake it does it does it's a reptile scientist and i wanted my career to be i want i can't believe this is real i wanted to be a snake wrangler and i was gonna go out into the desert and wrangle snakes and extract their venom so that do that little thing where you squeeze like the weird part of their face into a like little balloon covered oh yeah what the fuck is that hey i don't know but it looks snake wranglers update your cups still using balloons on top wanted to do that and then give the venom to the doctors to make anti-venom that's what i wanted my job to be that's why i originally went to college okay but then i realized so you're into frightening jobs yeah snake wrangling and stand up but then the back

of your mind the whole time you were like in high school and college thinking about this you really wanted to do stand up because that's what you did for your talent show in like third grade or was it like maybe one day so my parents they were all about it right but they were always telling me you can do this but like you're not i'm not paying for you to go to college for this so no you're not majoring in theater or anything like that you're you have to pick a career for real because you can if you want to you will just be able to do that and i was like you don't fucking love me so yeah i did it all right i'm gonna squeeze snakes faces yeah but then i realized that there's not a lot of poisonous snakes in michigan so i should probably uh

i should probably change career path i got a garden snake yeah what do i do anyone allergic to this oh yeah that's a dope job though though. I know. I know. It would be cool. It would be cool. Cool you worked at a zoo. Yep, I worked at a zoo. But I figured out I wanted to be a teacher because I was a summer camp counselor at a summer camp for kids with terminal illnesses. And I had this one kid who was in a wheelchair, and I had to take all the kids on a um high ropes course in the trees tricky and

they made the high ropes course accessible for kids who are in wheelchairs too and this kid didn't know that so when we got down there i'm like you could still do it he's like no i can't like i i cannot i cannot do this and i like i was like yes you fucking can and he like really didn't want to do it and i was like this kid is gonna miss out on so much fun because he believes that he is incapable of doing it so i like wheeled his little ass over to the corner and just like reasoned with them i'm like look at all your buds right now they're having the time of their life we made this thing so that people who are in the situation like you can do it and you only have that opportunity right now because if you go to any other summer camp in the country you're not going to be able to do it so you either got it now or you don't and he did it and he was like his little face with so much just like uninhibited joy when he was up there just having

the time of his life i i was literally like teacher you have to like this is so cool career and i love i'm super cynical of it on stage because it needs to be changed but i did love it it needs to be changed what do you mean mean? Oh, it's fucking corrupt. The whole, the teaching system. Yeah. It's like, so corrupt. Flare pens.

Flare pens for sure. But like, if you think about it too, like we, I could go into like deep, deep on this too. Maybe for a little. Just for a second.

The disparate, the, the way that money is distributed to public schools. Yeah. That's why every time I had a teacher, they'd be like, I don't have to be teaching you guys. Yeah. At a Catholic school, we don't make shit. Right. Don't act like a bitch around me.

That's pretty much what I got told every single day. Yes. In class. Yes. But why wouldn't they just teach at a public school? It doesn't matter where. It's like private Catholic schools are the worst. Private schools pay even less, surprisingly, but public schools still really bad yeah but the the funding to keep this like the

government funding for the schools um you could have like a really well-to-do school right next to a school that's like underperforming even below that because of the way that funding works it's super technical but it's crazy. It's weird. You would be a dope teacher is all I'm saying. Mr. DJ at lunch? Yeah, lunchtime DJ, man. That's the best idea I've ever heard of to keep kids quiet.

What? Y'all can listen to that on my podcast. Ben's on it on Monday. When's this go out? This is going to go out Sunday night. You can listen to us tomorrow. depends on it on monday when's this go out this is gonna go out sunday night social studies was the name of it was the name of your podcast look that up also instagram name mr d times three and on all other platforms tiktok yeah you already know did you start tick tock in the pandy or before i did a little bit before and i was just posting everything because i had zero followers so i was

just like whatever and a couple things just erupted what okay you know those carvana big tall you know what those are no okay there's like a big like tall building and it has like 15 floors it's all glass and there's four cars on each floor okay and the thing is like you don't have to go to a dealership and fuck with the salesman and all this stuff you just go to carvana and you literally pick out your car that's a thing thing? That's a thing. And then you just pay for it. Yeah, well, I mean, you work something out with them and then it's just like

they take out the middle thing and I don't know. It's for rich people. It is. Oh, so it's more expensive. I don't know. I haven't like looked into it that much, but I was driving by

and I was like, that's like a vending machine for cars. 100%. So I set up my camera so I had the whole building in it and my little ass compared to the whole entire building walked up to it and I was like, my Lexus got stuck and I started kicking the building like it was a vending machine.

That's hilarious. I was like, what the hell? But it wasn't though. It got like 18 shares on Instagram and I was like, okay, half of those people were my family and then I I put on TikTok just to see what was going on and I guess like some I don't know where another country was like so fascinated by it I don't even know if they heard what I said it just blew up and it got like seven mil and I was like first video okay let's do it so I just kept going and people

just caught on eventually was that the first time so was your instagram already kind of doing it and you have a lot on twitter too no it was tick tock first and then instagram's tough for me i feel like i'm the closest with my instagram following just because it seems like you can message people on instagram it's like a closer platform tick tock like messages who does that yeah nobody nobody even when people send me videos on TikTok I'm like yeah same same don't do this text me and then uh Twitter my friend Joey who works for Barstool Sports we do a lot of things together and he shares my stuff I share his and that's how that happened but it was really tick tock and then maybe people from there followed me to Instagram but that's kind of where what jumped off my tick tock was just kicking

a building that's crazy how did you blow up online so hard online period or yeah on tick tock okay so um I was okay let's go back to stand-up I'm doing stand-up at the time and my stuff I was like it was working but then I started taking whatever happened that day in the classroom and writing about it and then doing it on stage for my set and like I was realizing this is really picking up the audiences are really liking this teacher-kid stuff. Oh, yeah. So then I started, I was like, well, you can make videos about this. So I made a couple videos, some funny ones.

Like what about? Just like I would use quotes from shows or songs or movies in my classroom. So I was giving a spelling test, and the word was sign so when i was giving it to the class i was like sign i saw the sign and it opened up my eyes i saw the sign like just went with it right yeah and uh just dumb stuff like that and it was picking up picking up and then i did i i pranked my students on april fool's Day and gave them a fake spelling test. I made up all the words. No words were real. And they were freaking out.

But then I doubled down, and when I had to tell them how to spell the words, I was like, the word is speaku. S-P-U-K-Z-S-L-M-N. They're silent letters at the end of that one. Just like, you know, messing with them. They're flipping. That video.

They didn't know though. They thought these were real words. Not until I told them at the end. Yeah. They were like, this is so hard. It was so funny. One kid's like, these are Chinese words. I'm like, no, these are real.

And then I had, and then I had 20 million views overnight on that one on that one overnight that was straight youtube that was straight facebook oh yeah you went in on facebook i need to do that and then facebook at that time too was still really like a lot of millennials still on it yeah and then that just led to every other platform and then when ellen put me on that was like game over game over what did you guys did you like perform i haven't even seen she just had so here's the funny thing she had me on just to talk about the spelling test video and the producers were like yo we know you do comedy but like we're trying to paint you as like this wholesome teacher that did this video and i'm like that i was like no problem so they're like don't try and be funny

i'm like i don't gotta try bitch i am right like done so i went on and i did really well just chit-chatting and bantering with her then she invited me back three weeks later to be back again and was that like still wholesome teacher yeah Yeah. Was that like, guess what? But I was still like shooting the shit. We like got along for real. Yeah. And then she made some special time for me when the cameras weren't on. And she's like, hey, I heard you're a comedian. I was like, yeah.

She's like, well, you're really good. I was like, well, thanks. And she's like, no, I don't think you understand. You're really good. You need to do something with this for real. And I was like, I'm sorry what um you're telling me and then i like then i went ham i had about 45 minutes at that time finished my hour rounded out to 60 and started cold calling clubs boom and then it went and we're off the story. That's right. Of Mr. D.

That is the origin story. I know that's right. Okay. I asked you about this via text message. This is the espresso question of the week this week on the podcast that's available for everyone. But we're going to do a little sneak peek with Mr. D. Okay. Espresso question of the week. available for everyone but we're gonna do a little sneak peek with mr d okay espresso question of the week something you do that seems illegal but isn't for me i'd have to say uh

this probably isn't shouldn't be illegal but it should be like okay if i saw myself doing this i'd be like he needs to enroll in some kind of program yeah okay okay when i'm bored sometimes specifically in school i don't know why i started doing this but i pull all my eyebrow hair out in just kind of sprinkle it on paper what would happen if i was in your i i don't feel safe can i leave is that dude i don't know i'll just be reading the paper and i'll just be kind of like messing you got one you're like oh shit you got two oh shit and i'm not gonna lie this is a gateway drug to doing it to your nose hair no stop ben what are you ever pissed off and

just kind of get a pinch i'm just saying and you just get it arrest me no stop it that does seem illegal that does it's not okay oh man i'm doing it in the public eye stop me i think i feel like i do that with my beard that hurts since i shaved my head i'm constantly rubbing my head yeah you're just newly bald yeah i love it i went full i'm getting bald up here so i'm getting a hair transplant dude me too that's why i shaved this because I was like, first, before I do it. Shut up. Swear to God. I was like, I want to.

That's why I shaved my head because this is the decision maker. I had to do the same thing. I've never had short hair. I shaved my head down just like yours. Did you do it just to see? No, no. I was like, I'm all in. And they're like, we're going to have to shave your head.

So you might as well just do it anyway before you come in. I was like, I don't think you understand. I've've never shaved my head before how long ago did you do it i did it like uh over a year ago is this just for your consult no you did it you went through with it oh yeah but it's done you had it i've i have new hair in the front it's from the back of my head yeah home boy i gotta see before and afters man yeah i will i'll show you you okay so i'll tell you everything bro we can do it right now so this head shave is because i got my consult right and this shit's not cheap right so it's a new car it's a hondai odyssey yeah yeah yeah yeah so i shaved my head to see this is my are you still sexy with a bald head yeah and then i

shaved my head and the first thing i said when my buddy cuts my hair so when he turned me around i looked in the mirror i was like i'd fuck me so i was like i think i'm okay with you're not thinking like that you're wrong so i'm gonna we're trying to buy a house right now too so i'm gonna i'm doing keeps i've been doing keeps for a while i'm just gonna keep doing it till we have the house then get it done because the consult i was like fuck my consult was bad dude like they took a picture at the top of my head no crazy camera no crazy lighting normal ass phone normal ass building and i was like so you were going in the front like really going in the front bad all throughout the top then what when when did you get it done i got it done july during pandy no yeah and i was like nobody's gonna see me i might as well do it july 2020 july 2020 oh so over a year yeah

it's been a little over a year and are you satisfied yeah i mean you gotta you gotta take the keeps pills or whatever forever yeah do it too and i think that really helps yeah i think so too because i stopped taking mine because i just couldn't get a refill and the doctor was like booked and you had to get a prescription again and like i think like you can kind of tell some may fall out every now and then so you got to keep on that if you keep on the nasty nastoride your hair is gonna stay in did it hurt no shut up i didn't i always go on instagram live and i call it the bald guy's chat room and i just talk about this hair transplant on ig live and i post pictures of it i got pictures i gotta send you dude i i let's but

when we hang up here before before the fucking show tonight i gotta see you before and after i'm so i've been talking about this for years i'll show you it all i was thinking about it for a long time so i was like i'll never do that then i was like fuck it i have to do it did you get it done here in indy yeah okay so this is what's up to the guy that i went to the was it possibly it wasn't possibly did you do possibly no i was reading reviews like a bitch me too but i'm scared because a lot of these places do the whole thing where like, oh, well, we'll give you 5% off if you leave us a review. So half those reviews are fucking fake.

Oh, shit. So this guy that I went to, right? I was in. I was in. I was like, let's do this. And then I asked him in the chat because I was, okay, I was on his website doing my homework, right? And the before and after pictures that he had weren't fantastic.

So in my head, I'm thinking he's being honest. He's not going to put some fake ass bullshit. So I'm like, okay. And then I asked him in the chair right before he left. I was like, hey, can I see some before and after pictures? He's like, everything you need to see is on the website and just walked away. And I'm like, yo, if these are your best, I don't fucking want it oh so i called back and i was like no and i even told him here's why and that's what i did you told him like about here's why because you're you're you don't have

good before and after pictures it didn't sell me and i asked i even asked him i was like i'll talk all about your your your pro what is it called your i said the same him i was like i'll talk all about your your your pro what is it called your i said the same thing i was like i'll influence the procedure yeah i'll influence the fuck out of it give me like 2k off i don't think that's what i did too i don't get it no because i was posting some serious raw shit like during bad times of the hair transplant shit what's a bad time a bad time like okay you go in the day of, do you know how this works? Like kind of, well, I think I do, but honestly you are, I've talked to a couple of people, but this is real, real. Okay. So they take the hair out of here, back of your head because this hair, you did the follicle, the PCR. Oh yeah. Okay. Because

you had a little longer hair before. So I think I'd recommend that. Like, I'm a fucking doctor now. So you walk in, I'm your surgeon. You're like, okay, going back to the guy that didn't have good or before and after. Okay. So you take the hair out of here because this hair never stops growing. And they shave your head up top and implant all these new follicles from here into here. and implant all these new follicles from here into here.

Yeah. And so the top of your head is shaved, and it just has a bunch of, like, stab holes on top. I'll show you pics. Dude, it looks fucking nuts. It looks so crazy. Like Barbie. Yeah. Yeah.

Exactly like that. Like Angelica's doll head. Yes. Without the... Hair, yeah. Yeah. But I was like I'm gonna

I can't just not be on social media For three weeks Or however Long it takes to look normal Like I have to say shit So the first day I was What up

And then They have to numb your head To do this procedure So all that shit Your fluid All the fluid runs down I'm like Oh this isn't too bad

Like my face looks kind of weird because it's like numb up here but whatever it'll be gone in like three days or whatever dude it took three weeks and were your eyes just like fat it looks like somebody beat the shit out of me it looked like i was just there was oncoming traffic and i was just doing this just getting shit blown out of my face By like Honda Civics Nissan Pathfinder Ford F-150 Dude

People would DM me and be like Bro whose ass do I need to beat I was like Dude I got a hair transplant Like the less tough guy I've never been in a fight I just got a hair transplant like the less tough guy like i'm i've never been in a fight i just got a hair transplant shit man shit so did they wait so you they went from the front to the back did they

bring your hairline down a little bit too no they just kind of filled in from where it should have been where were you really going up front or in the back well at first i was like dude my hair back here is bad and they're like no bro it, all this is what you need to be worried about. And I was like, thanks, bitch. Seriously. I was like, I thought I was doing okay in the fucking front and top. They're like, no, dog,

that's what we're going to fix first. And I was like, well, can you get back to the crown? And they're like, you're going to have to pay like $20,000. And I was like, okay. And they're like, yeah. Wait, wait, wait. Just for that extension

or the whole thing would have been $20,000? I mean, to get it all done in one hit, it probably would have been around like $17,000, $15,000. But I did like, from kind of in the crown to all the way up here, it was like around $10,000. O' Okay. And I was hoping I could get some money up, but that did not happen because I was just posting all the things people didn't want to see just because i didn't care right but uh what are we

oh no they're like if we pull it down in the front like you're gonna look like a sixth grader and i was like okay that is a thick-ass hairline yeah hey they got me right in the front like right here it's just always been kind of bad for me is your mom's dad bald your grandpa he's got a full fucking fucking kidding dude is I got buried with a fucking head of lettuce no what an asshole. That motherfucker. He can hear me right now, too.

Hey. Sorry, I'm so sorry. Pass the jeans down one of these days. Yeah, I'm sorry, Paolo. That dude. That dude had the best head of hair. So all my life in high school and shit, I was like, I don't need to worry about all that. Then one day I was getting my hair cut at great clips and the barber was like hey uh guess

what you might need some of this hair regrowth stuff and i was like that's when it all started how old were you then when that happened no one like when they said in yeah i think i was like 25 yep when i was 25 is when i really started to worry about it yep yeah it was in my head ever since for sure gonna do it just gotta find a new guy in my head ever since. For sure going to do it. Just got to find a new guy. I think I'm going to go to Chicago to do it because two of my buddies got it done in Chicago and theirs look great. That's all, every single billboard in Chicago is like Brian Urlacher.

But they didn't do it with that. I know. I know. I see those all the time. In my head, maybe. Yeah. But, or come here. Maybe.

All homeboy here can get it done maybe he i guess he had the best like scar work out of a lot of people in the midwest i guess there's like scar work like okay they gotta they gotta cut you back here yeah yeah and take all those follicles but he's like people were saying like you won't be able to see that scar wait hold on very good at so they didn't take individuals no they slice you back here oh we were i'm big smiley face type shit i'm doing a different procedure oh and an individual follicle procedure i see yeah there's two i think that's the second one or you're going to some crazy some crazy guy new shit i still didn't like it yeah i do i'm looking at this new shit shit and they just go follicle by follicle plug it in just like you said back to front

fix this recede up a little bit and then they fucking give you injections of stem cell dude where are you going dr frankenstein no but i'm like i should be on like a show right now like a plastic surgery show yeah for sure that's cool i didn't know about that one yeah uh yeah but i mean you didn't do it it looks great worth it yeah shit always gonna be worth it though yeah 100 it could have got 10 better and i would have been like oh worth every time yep damn it okay i'm gonna do it have to guaranteed now but real quick before we jump out of here what's uh the thing you do that seems illegal but it isn't and we'll get it and we'll bounce i fall down like deep deep rabbit holes oh i thought you just meant like the stairs no that to you no i fell down deep rabbit holes and i'll get sucked into things and i'll like learn everything about it

and then probably start doing it unless it's a cult i do found fall down cult rabbit holes though a lot anyway what's the thing i get into into health and fitness stuff really, really deeply. Have you ever heard about the benefits of bone broth? I've heard of this, but I have no idea. So apparently the collagen in it is so good for you, and I am constantly throwing my back. I told you something. I've got to change some shit.

Definitely the way that I eat. I'm hearing all about this bone broth so i now cook and make my own chicken feet soup 9-1-1 what's your emergency yeah this guy's cooking chicken feet chicken feet soup chicken feet soup yeah it tastes just like chicken soup so what do you it's like the procedure to get that done you go so first of all chicken feet and like bones are stupid cheap like a a huge bag for i'm not shitting two dollars and then i you put it in the crock pot just literal chicken feet chicken feet they look like dinosaur talons it's crazy no joke put it in the crock pot with a chopped up carrot chopped up celery chopped up onion a bay leaf if you nasty

some peppercorns and salt fill up that wah-wah-wee-wah 24 hours on liggity low oh and you got yourself some thumbs up but like their fingernails and like all that stuff just melts into it. So then you make this soup and you put it in the fridge, right? It turns into. The top of it. Now the whole thing turns into jello. I'm going to die. Like a jello.

Like a thick jello. Dude. And you scoop that jello. And when you reheat it up it goes back to soup and i eat that soup every single day and it helps that for that refrigeration process has me fucked up it's nuts and also on top of that i don't like eating breakfast necessarily like it's just like i don't have time 100 if you're still eating breakfast get a job so for the past like yeah for sure for the past seven years i've ate two raw eggs every morning easy and everyone's like raw it doesn't do shit to you no people are like you're

gonna get salmonella haven Haven't. So how about that? I do the same shit. I'll eat anything. Raw eggs, fuck it. Dude, you're fucking disgusting. I saw your video where you were eating drunk people's recipes. Oh, that was crazy. That was... No, I didn't cook any of that shit right.

Nothing. Some of it was horrific. Popped art and water, though? Not bad nothing some of it was horrific pop tart and water though not bad yeah it wasn't bad all right mr fucking bone broth whoops sorry mr d times three follow him on all social media and listen to his podcast social studies and i might i may or may not be on it soon monday if you're listening to me on this right now d i'm a big dm guy i'm active tell me you found me from here we'd love to hear from you he'll leave some messages too my espresso fam knows what the fuck is going on but all right mr

d can't wait for the show tonight thanks for coming on love ya and i'll talk to you soon yeah see you in like an hour god damn it