Espresso - LEGAL thing you're addicted to? | Espresso Podcast Ep. 373

Episode Date: June 26, 2025

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They were like, what other mix ins would you like? And I was like, oh, I can get more. But I just added like chocolate cake one time. And that shit went so fucking crazy. Every time I pass the covers. And I said, baby, yeah, you're amazing. Oh, this is on espresso podcast shot three seventy three. I'm Ashley filling in for Benedict or whatever.

He thinks he's hot and he has a bad back, that guy. Hey, upcoming standup comedy shows, Baltimore, September 25th, get your tickies. Everything down below and at bennypolizzi.com. Watch me on FBoy Island and Lovers and Liars on the CW app no login It's free. I don't know if I've told you guys tell your homies to join the patreon five dollars a month What do you get if you join you get every other espresso podcast in a live stream at the end of the week?

What's it? What's even on? What do you guys even talk about? We definitely don't talk about Washing your hands and going to the bathroom at a grocery store or that process or anything close to that but yeah five dollars that's it five dollars a month every other pod in a live stream join the fam I mean dude we just have a good time. That's it. We might cry a little bit. We might get nervous, but we have a good time. Five dollars a month. You get all your merch,

Benedict merch dot com. Tiss or hats. Who's buying this? Hoodies. Benedict pump covers. We got it all. Cringe hoodie. I mean, dog.

What's there not to buy, dude? Who's not buying this? BenedictMurch.com for everything. Get something for your dad. Let's get to the question. God dang, bro. This is one of those ones, babe. This is one of those ones.

What's something you're addicted to that's not illegal? What's something you're addicted to that's not illegal? I think I've been addicted to every peanut butter. Bro, I can't even keep, I have to ban peanut butter from my apartment. No, don't let him in! I don't care what kind. Even if it's one of those little Jason's packets from Starbucks. All banned.

Been addicted to it before. Spray tans? I don't know, dude. Kind of feels like I'm breaking the law. That second one of the week, I'm could I could I die from this no one says it's bad but also no one says it's good juries out better than normal tanning beds that's for sure normal tanning beds bruh I just I miss that I still miss that I still miss the lip stickers on my on my you you know what's, on my CG's.

Cum cutters. You're like literally gross. Shut up. Let's hear yours. What's the thing you're addicted to that's not illegal? Can't wait. I'm addicted to video games or music and food. I mean, the way I've the way I want to get addicted to a video

game, the way the way that that just when you got a game and in a You got a you got a homie That is just a hundred percent down to beat a game. There's no stronger bond Have I ever done it successfully? Absolutely not sometimes don't even get through the training level, but me and my one of my friends First thing in the morning. let's go to day off. Let's go to a blockbuster, get a game. You're like, oh, get a game. Family video, get a game.

Try to beat the whole thing before we have to return it. We might not even figure out the buttons before we quit, but it's the thought. It's just the, what if we did? Bro, there's been so many times. Max Payne couldn't beat one of the levels, but God dang, the journey. It's all about the food during the game too.

Eh. Why do I always feel like I can beat every game? I'm like, this isn't, like kids play this. Why is every video game the hardest thing I've ever done in my life? Even the video games from 1980 on Sega Genesis. I'm like, how the hell are you supposed to do this without like codes, bro?

Codes ran my life. First time my cousin showed me that website, cheatcodes.com. You mean I can't get shot? Changed my life forever. It's the only way I still would not be able to beat video games with God mode on. It's fun. Getting addicted to a game is so fun.

I was so addicted to NCAA football. No sports podcast. I was so addicted to that game in high school. I'd be talking to my high school girlfriend on the phone while playing my dynasty. So obvious. And I was like trying to sneak it. I would play, I'd come home from school, workout or I'd work out after school,

play this video game all night. All fake people. It was in like, I was playing games in like 2024 It was 2009 Never had more fun in my life Are you like doing something like what are you doing me send in send in receivers in motion across the formation? I'm gonna sit in here In my room?

Dangerous setup. Video game in your room? Who's not stopping you from playing that at 2 a.m.? Get a bag of popcorn. You like always have to involve food. All right. Let's keep going have you ever tried kaya toast with butter yeah I think you can get it here in Asia only but you should try it it's very addictive Heaven. Excuse me? Excuse me?

Kaya Toast. Kaya Toast. What are we doing on, what are we doing up in here? What are we doing on, what are we doing up in here? Bro, you, you give me any type of Bro, you, you give me any type of Toast. The unsung hero of breakfast, dude.

The unsung hero of breakfast, dude. Put some respect on Toast. Put some respect on toast! The waitress at the diner just plops it on the table before anything else. Everybody takes toast for granted. Kaya toast. Toast with coconut jam and butter. Bro, it's just amazing how good butter on toast really is. Srikaya, rich caramelized coconut egg jam and cold salted butter.

Warm toast, salted butter. Warm toast cold butter slap me across the face. Put me in a dunk tank. Throw a cantaloupe at the at the little knob thing. I'm going in. Often paired with hard-boiled eggs and black coffee. That's the type of breakfast I'm on. I don't want anything greasy. I don't want anything oily. Dry. Kaya toast. A little bit of butter. Black coffee. Hard-boiled eggs. Let's roll mommy. One of those under... you always talk about food. One of those underrated breakfasts. I'm telling you. I'm telling you, maybe it was just a my family thing, I don't know. But my grandpa served it up to me one time. And my mom always made it the first day of school.

You need brain food, that's what she would call it. Like I've never thought a day in my life. You need brain food, it's what you would call it. Like I've never thought a day in my life. You need brain food, it's the first day of school. First day of school, don't really have to think that much. It's more like the 28th day of school where you're like, oh, I gotta get this going. You know what I mean? First day of school is like, first impressions.

Once you get into the nitty gritty of school, remember that 100th day of school? We were celebrating that. I remember we started celebrating the, it's the 100th day, and I was like, do we have something else to do? Because this seems like we forgot our lesson plan a little bit. I was like, you decorated the whole cafeteria for the 100th day of school. I'm seven. I'm like,

who gives a shit about the 100th day of school? Is school ending tomorrow? How many days are in the school year? Cool. Hundredth day. Thanks for the effort in the tacos. That would make you a special little lunch. Was my school the only school? Anyway, first day of school, my mom, you need brain food. Chopped up a banana and eight pieces. How satisfying is it to cut a banana?

And it was always a banana that was about to just be mush. Just moms and bananas, they just know when. They just know, man. Is in the history of moms, have they ever given you a banana that's not been perfect? Do they ever given you a banana? That's not been perfect Do your mom hands you a banana? It's just prime time Picking

Peel falls off the bone They just know bro my mom's never given me a banana that's too ripe your dad Hey, let's not let's, let's not talk about that again. Your dad will give you a banana that's green and has a spider on it from Africa. Ah, what the hell? I don't know, it looked good to me. My mom would chop up a banana, eight slices.

Kk, kk, kk, kk, kk, kk, kk. Put it in a little bowl, eight slices. Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk. Put it in a little bowl, mini bowl. You know, you're growing up, you got the bowls, bowls. You got the bowls for cereal, then you got the mini bowls, just for other stuff. We put it in the mini bowl. Don't eat too much! Filled up with milk.

Bananas and milk? What was the secret? Nothing. Why was it so good? I don't know. Cause my mom made it. Pair that with some Kaya toast. It's all about black coffee dude.

Get you right. Nothing like it. No cream, no sugar. Just fuel, babe. You're like literally, you're insane. You drink black coffee, it's just pure cough, babe. I just need the beans. I don't need the frills.

You're missing the point. If you're getting two shots of this, two shots of whatever. Just give me the gas, baby. That's all. That's all. Kaya Toast. I am addicted to sniffing my Chihuahuas Frito Toes.

Like when her toes give off the same smell that an opened bag of Doritos give. Heck yeah. What is that? What's the satisfaction of smelling stuff that just is disgusting? But it has to be something you own. Like if that was somebody else's dog, you'd want to put that dog down. But since that's your dog in your house, put those little piggies in my mouth. Just something so good about a bad smell. God. You gotta smell it dude. You gotta smell it's gross, but you

It's always in bed too, he's talking about flirting again You got to give it a you got to give it a hit what's going on down there? Oh my god That came from me that came from me. I Got I got to go across the country to do it I Do That came from inside of me that that whatever that was oh my god Did you ever smell another person's dogs fart you just want I'm telling you to do the most the most invigorating interesting smell it is Is when you sneeze and you get a hit of that on the way out You kind of every time I sneeze and smell it it happens like one out of every 18 you're disgusting I

Kind of I think it's like one tenth of what a dead body smells like I'm like, okay That's kind of it because you know everybody's talking about like, oh my god, you can tell your daughter it smells like nothing else when you smell something dead. They always say that. Dead body, you'll never smell anything like it. I think a sneeze is like one tenth of it. Because, lord.

I'm like, what's actually in my throat what's in there are there six dead raccoons in my throat dude if you took an axe to my sternum and ripped it open. I think it would just be a bunch of granola bar wrappers, Coke cans, and dead flies. Oh, God damn, what the fuck is this even in here? Espresso question of the week. If somebody chopped open your chest,

what would be in there? And like, oh my God, bro. I swear, I just, I got, and I know you do the same thing. I know you do the same thing. If you don't, like, how do you even live? You gotta smell stuff and I just I if I clean out my ears with a Q-tip I'm gonna smell it after. What is it first of all? Why is it there? Bro the smell of ear wax makes me want to punch a hole through a wall. I'm like, and the fact that you could actually

light it on fire, I'm pretty sure. Nobody makes more earwax than me. Things you have a special talent for that nobody else has. Dude, my earwax regeneration? Off the charts. You can't beat me. You cannot beat me. You can't eat more Whopper Juniors than me,

and you can't produce more earwax than me. That's just what it is. OK, I have a couple of things that I am addicted to. Love it. My number one would probably be working out. I just love it. There's a high I get from it. It's insane.

Something I have to do 100%. So that's probably number one. Love you. But then my really close second is I really love saving money. I love finding coupons. Ooh. And I love getting a good deal.

So like when I go to the register, the coupon goes through successfully, because sometimes, you know, you read it wrong or there's like other stipulations you didn't see within the coupon. But like when it just like works and it hits, there is just nothing like seeing that savings of how much money it is. That's some trolling. I'm definitely addicted to that. Addicted to that feeling of like getting a good deal. I'm addicted to the birds and the bugs in the background of your voice message. Did you hear that? Listen to the first two seconds of this. Take your ass all the way back.

two seconds of this. Take your ass all the way back. Why I wanna swing on a swing set now? Why I wanna call my neighborhood best friend, Jesse all of a sudden? Here we go. Okay. Let me hear one bug and let me hear that. Oh. one bug and let me hear that makes my heart warm makes my heart warm god those bugs when

it's like 95 degrees out and you know what type of 95 degrees I'm talking about in the summer 95 degrees on the summer 95 degrees in the summer but you know it's 95 because you went on AccuWeather.com AccuWeather.com I mean the most helpful website in the world. They would give you the forecast 150 days from whatever day that you were talking about. 150 days? That's when I think I realized like everything's fake. I'm like how the hell would they know it's gonna rain 150 days

Anyway though bro that Accu weather when you saw a week in the summer that was all blazing sun Clean slate all Sun no rain. Let's go What are we doing this week how many times are we going to the pool it's good target all sun in the summer. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. That bird pops out early. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. What's up, s'mores?

S'mores called. You got a reservation tonight, eight o'clock. Dirty feet in and out of the house. Sorry. It's too hot out. No shoes. It's summer. How many times, how many times did this happen

in the summer? Your feet were dirty from, you're just stomping around outside, running through the sprinkler. Playing some stupid game you made up, ball goes in the street, dude feet torched. I swear we've got the strongest feet our generation. Nothing's touching our feet bro. The way I would I think I had I could walk over those hot coals because I just had so much experience being barefoot in the summer.

All my, I'm like, why would I put on shoes right now? How did I not step on a knife or something once? Never. I can always remember almost stepping on a bee though. I'm like, oh my God, I didn't step on that. You know, there's like a bee on the ground. You're like, why the fuck is that on the ground? In for the night

You don't take a shower your mom just tells you to wash your feet You sit on the ledge of the bathtub, fill up the water this much. There are some shampoo in there, like, you know what you're doing? Does shampoo even clean skin? Rub your feet on the bottom of the tub. You know, it's like that texturized bottom of the tub. There's grass, you know, there's a bunch of grass on the bottom of your feet. It's all in the bath. Wipe them off.

You don't take a shower. You're a kid. Kids shed. Kids need to shower once every seven days. Kids you can get away with shower and twice every two weeks. That's fine. I don't know. Maybe not even that.

Clean feet, kinda grassy ankles still, under a blanket on the couch, best day of your life. Can we get pizza? No, okay. She said working out. Dude, being addicted to work, I can't live without it. I don't know what my brain would be. Some days I'm like, what if I didn't work out today?

I would be a complete, I'd be in a bad place. Today, if I didn't work out, horrible place. I have no, I would, I'd be freaking out. I have no, I'd be freaking out. I'd be walking around in circles biting my nails. My hair, I think all my hair would have fallen out of my head if I didn't work out this morning. It's the cra, it's just, you gotta do something crazy in the morning for me to like get my brain started.

My brain in the morning is a lawn mower and somebody's gotta a... I need that. Like I need somebody to beat my ass for me to be like, alright let's do stuff then. I have no idea how you can just not work out. It's because I never tried it. I have no idea how you can not work out and then just have like a super killer day that's that to me is like a Talent Like what you did all that you didn't like almost die at the gym. Oh

Yeah, yeah, yeah my bad my bad my bad for me to do anything productive forgot tell you this, I gotta almost die in the morning for an hour and a half. Like almost die, and then I'm ready. How crazy is that? Yeah, for me to do any, for me to reach, you know, to cross anything off my list for the day, I gotta almost crush my neck and skull. So I'll see you, I'll get started soon. Just gotta almost die.

I don't know, it's just something about, it's something about doing everything you don't want to do like in an hour and a half. Oh my God, I got to put on clothes? First step. Oh my God, I got to put on clothes. Oh my God, I gotta put on clothes. First step. Oh my God, I gotta put on clothes. Oh my God, I gotta go there. Oh my God, I gotta see all these people.

I wanna kill. You do. You don't really wanna kill them after you work out. You're like, I love these. These are my people in here, you know what I mean? These are my dogs. But when you get to the gym, you're like, I could cut all of your heads off right now. Oh, maybe it's me, but I'm like, here we go again.

This motherfucker, you know what I'm saying? I hate to cuss, but it is like that. You're like, I hate everybody here. By the end of the workout, I don't know what changes, but you're like. Good to see you today, man. It's just so crazy. Good. I don't know. It's about to tell you what. If I didn't go to the gym for two days in a row, there is part of me that may never go back again, just because it's like,

what? What a task. What a task. There's part of me that may never go back again, just cause it's like, what, what a task, what a task. Takes a lot to do. Big payoff though, feel you on that. Saving money? I love being in poor mode. There's just something, there's something that like, there's something that comes over me

that feels so good when I don't buy something. Oh God. It's like a very adult thing. But the dub I feel, this is so white. The dub that I get, the little victory I get when I go out the whole day, do all this dumb stuff. Go in here, go in there, go in here, go in there. And I don't buy a coffee. I get home and I'm like, we did it again!

I'm in this bitch! It's just, it's just what? Just four dollars wasted for what? What's the coffee even do? What's it ever done? Not into the coupons yet. But you know what hits different when you go to a store, Michaels. Mm-hmm, you already know what I'm gonna say.

You go to Michaels, just one of the stores I go to that do this. I'm sure there's other ones. You get what you need to get. Here we go, this is gonna be $13 for something I used once. Kind of annoying, might lose it on the way out. So insignificant. And you go to the register and the lady at the register goes,

do you have a coupon with us today? And you go, no I don't damn. If I was like really prepared and on it I would just have one loaded up on my phone because I knew I was gonna come here don't worry about it what do you mean I have it right here and they scan the coupon for you crazy I'm like are you sure you can do that are you gonna get fired for this you're like giving away money kind of or when you're at a grocery store buy all your stuff stuff. Do you have a Ralph's card? I don't. It's okay. And they like tell you to your face. I don't know if there's some catch behind it,

but they're like, you scan that. You tell us to scan that every single time. I don't care if you have a Ralph's card or not. You don't check out unless we scan that barcode, okay? You're saving all the money you can. You don't check out unless we scan that barcode. Okay? You're saving all the money you can. You don't wanna register? That's fine. We're scanning for you.

I'm like, I love you. Ah! It feels so good when they just do it though. Man, I'm like, hey, thank you. Just my lazy ass not signing up. I don't wanna sign up for stuff. Just keep going. Yo, Benny, you're the best, man.

Shout out to you always. I love you, bro. I'm addicted to Culver's concrete mixers. Dude! Which are essentially like a blizzard except with custard from Culver's. And they let you have mix-ins. So, initially I just went and got like Oreo

on some basic shit, it was fire. But then like I realized. You ever just hear somebody and you're like, I think we'd be best friends. That's everybody bro, but this guy. Just the experience I would have with this guy, just getting ice cream. Well, I we wouldn't even have to say a word. They were like, what other mixings would you like? And I was like, oh, I can get more.

But I just added like chocolate cake one time. And that shit went so fucking crazy. Every time I pass the coversver's, I have to stop and I get chocolate cake and Oreos and some other shit every time. Every time. Chocolate cake. Even on days where I don't even want ice cream

or anything, I'm not hungry. Gotta do it, dude. If I pass the Culver's, I just, my body turns into the drive-through and I get one. That's a special gift. I have fat fuck. Yo, A plus, dude. A plus.

A voice message so good, I wanna ask you to hang out. A voice message so good, I'm gonna find it. I'm gonna find you on Instagram and go, yeah, you wanna get some ice cream? We may never do it But it would be the best night of our lives

I've been on that grind. It's not Culver's. I've never really been to Culver's like that My homie Joey Molinaro big Culver's guy been with him with him before, I didn't dabble in the ice cream though, it was a business move. I was like, just get a salad, double chick, get out of there, get out of there while you can. Now if we're talking 10 p.m. Culver's, different story, different timeline, different story, what's up? You're gonna think I'm trolling you. You're gonna think I'm, if I walk into Culver's

at 10 p.m. on a summer night, no budget. There's never been a budget when you get ice cream. There's no threshold and there's no budget when you get ice cream. I'm sorry. If I'm you get ice cream I'm sorry If I'm getting ice cream, I'm thinking about it from the time I wake up. Am I getting ice cream tonight? It hits better when it comes like as a surprise But if I'm getting ice cream, I'm gonna have I'm gonna do it so hard

I'm gonna have I'm gonna do it so hard That I like I might fall down I might start seeing Triangles and little squigglies like I'm trying to almost die You're like always trying to almost die. What are you trying to tell us? Hey. But I've been on that. I had a bunch of Dairy Queen gift cards one time, like I'm talking like an insane amount. Used to broadcast high school football.

We give the player of the week a Dairy Queen gift card because we were partnered with the Dairy Queen that some dude on the team's dad owned. Not to brag, but I was a Dairy King. I was a Dairy Queen connect. I had the plug, bro. Like kind of unlimited ice cream I had a mole I had I had like 40 gift cards I think we used 20 during the during the season so I just had 20 gift cards in my car Dairy Queen and every time I passed one I was was like, why wouldn't I? Why wouldn't I?

It'd be so dumb to just not, right? Who are these going to? Me. I'm talking about, I'm talking about 10 a.m. after a workout on a Friday. Checking my phone aren't they open? That's gotta be the fattest mo, what's the fattest moment of your life?

New espresso question? When I just finished a workout on Friday and checked if Dairy Queen was open. It's a different feeling of fat when you're the first person at Dairy Queen and even the workers are like, what the hell? What are you doing here? Telling you, telling you, I'm telling you, I, I had that

peanut butter Oreo hot fudge with the core, the royal, they call it a royal blizzard. Cause Queen. Something I'll never forget. It's that one. They all the Blizzard flavor. There's never been one Blizzard flavor that I'm like, nah, I'm good on that. Even like the, even like strawberry short quake or whatever.

Oh! When they come out with that pumpkin pie joint around Halloween, god damn. It's got like, it's got like crust crumble. Come on, come on, you know what you're doing to me. You know what you do to me. You don't even understand. You know what you do to me, do to me.

Dairy Queen, I'm trying to get you out of my system. You know what you do to me. The peanut butter Oreo hot fudge. You know what you do to me with that long red spoon. I'm just trying to get you out of my system. I'm gonna burp you up for the next three hours I might need some time Dairy Queen I'm just trying to get you out of my system it's when they take the Blizzard off the mixer and it has that like messy hair look at the top.

Ah, I want my blizzard to look like a backstreet boy. All right. Hi. So I have a couple of things that I'm kind of addicted to that are not illegal other than coffee because I feel like a lot of people have an addiction to coffee and that's an obvious answer. But one of them is animals, especially dogs. Obviously I have to have some restraint. I only have one, but if I could own them all, I would. Cats are

growing on me, but I'm kind of allergic to those, so I can't really get close to them. But really any type of animals, I love them all, except for snakes and spiders. Keep those two things away from me. So scary. I don't want them anywhere near me. But yeah, animals and then the other is kind of obvious but chocolate. Thought she was going to say kind bars. But like I'm really particular about the chocolate that I like. I don't like just plain bars unless that's the only thing that's there. I like something that has like some sort of alternate texture to it, because I like the different textures. So whether it's like nuts or like dried fruit

or has some type of filling. And I'm more likely to go for dark chocolate than I am for white chocolate. But I mean, sometimes you have those cravings. But yeah, so animals and chocolate. I just love somebody that is so passionate about what they're talking about. I could listen to her talk for two days about chocolate. And I like, I don't even really agree with her, honestly.

I'm not that big on dark chocolate. Or texture, really. I like smooth milk chocolate. But the way she was talking that talk, you know what? I might go take my happy ass down the street and buy a dark chocolate dried fruit. It sold, dude, sold me. It's sold dude sold me Yeah, I will never ever ever

Understand how you don't like chocolate there are some people and not like a chocolate person. I just think you're lying to yourself It's so fire. It's so think about it. So fire. And I will eat the purest form. Remember when you ate that one time your mom just randomly made fudge and you're like, what the hell is this just blocks of chocolate and you took a bite and your mom looked at you like that's what I thought what the fudge? It's so good man. You eat some fudge, dude it's so dense. You've got a fake knocked out tooth from that fudge for two and a half weeks. Billy Bob. Take a bite

out of fudge. What's your name? Billy Bob. Billy Joel. ol' back tooth, bro, your tooth will be covered up with fudge forever. It's cold too. I don't get the Hershey's chocolate bar hate. I don't understand that either. It's just like the plain, but like it's so, it's so chocolate. It's just so, I will eat a thousand Hershey bars. It's so good.

Bro, when you make us some more and you just know how to do it, hey, this 4th of July, find the person at the bonfire that just knows how to do it and just they'll they're gonna love to hear you to hear you ask, but just say, will you make me one? Please? You're just so good at it. Dude, if somebody asked me that, if somebody came up to me, will you make me one? You're so good at it. I would be honored. You know what? I'm going to make you another one.

I'm going to put it into GoBox for you. Give it to your nephew or something. The way I would go in the lab for that s'mores Bossing people around two crackers give me two crackers. Hey, hey on the fly on the fly Let's go trips right Two gram crackers over here guys I break one Two graham crackers over here in case I break one. Let's go two Hershey bars. Don't know what I'm doing.

Gonna figure it out. Two marshmallows just in case. You put that big slab, that half bar of Hershey's on a graham cracker and then that perfect marshmallow on top it's all it's all sticky wicky gooey put it on top of that put on top of that block of Hershey's that how do you not eat I swear I'll eat four Hers she's bars before I've won some more and I'm like I'm good on the s'mores actually It's that pack they sell to of all those Hershey's for s'mores I'm like damn that's so much chocolate by three

Then you put that graham cracker on top and squeeze the marshmallow in between it. Everybody everybody chomping at the bit like like a dog who just got released from the kennel. And you got on a leash dude. Yeah you got to these are these are two of your cousins when you make us some more. You're holding them back by their collars. That's them. Hey, wait, hey, we gotta wait.

You gotta let it sit. Let it sizzle, let it melt, let it sit. So hard to let stuff sit. Perfect example. You're like literally talking about food again. Ice cream sandwich. You let that thing sit? I swear.

Or you just forget? You gotta forget. There's no way you're just letting that thing sit, bro, that thing is gone. You let it sit? The way you can take your finger around the whole thing. Old test it out. Everybody had that one uncle. Let me see if it's poison. How come every uncle, every uncle ever...

Oh yeah, let me see if it's poison. Always have a sun face on. Got an ice cream sandwich over there? Let me see if it's poison. It's good to me. Let me see if it's poison. Gangster line. Dude, cleaning your ears out of the shower with a cotton swab.

I always forget. Oh my gosh. It is the best. The best part of the day. Love this guy. Is when I do that. It is the best. The best part of the day is when I do that. It is incredible. People are like, oh, you're not supposed to clean. You're not supposed to stick the cotton swab in your ear because it's bad for you.

Just shut up, man. I'm going to do it harder. You think I'm going to get rid of the best part of my day because I'm not technically supposed to do that or whatever? I don't care. I don't care. I think it's fake too, right? It is incredible. I'm going to do that or whatever. I don't care. I don't care. I think it's fake too. It's incredible.

I'm gonna do it on the day I die. It is insane. All right, to the day I die. It's amazing. I love this guy. It is, it's just an unbelievable feeling. I'm like, why would that ever in the history of the world feel that good?

It's almost kind of gross how good it feels. I'm like, I just, for some reason it doesn't sit right with me, but I'm going to do it almost every day. I only clear, clean my ears out when I remember. I don't have a routine for it. I just see Q-tips. I'm like, oh, you know what, it's definitely time to do that. Never have I ever I just see Q tips. I'm like, oh, you know what? It's definitely time to do that. Never have I ever had a routine with cleaning my ears. And dude, if you forget, I swear I've forgotten for months, months and I hit it and I'm like, What? You get some crust on there. It looks like it looks like if you if you stuck a toothpick into a caramel popcorn, that's what it looks like, my ears. After two hours, I'm like...

Caramel popcorn on the end of the Q-tip. How did, how on earth, what have I been doing? Have I been mining for coal? What, what could have possibly, every night, who is just Who's putting four bees in my ear Dude it's just what am I doing? I'm not doing anything different than anyone else my ears straight tree sap It feels so good, and I think the you're not supposed to use Q-tips. I think that's a scam, man.

I mean, we've been doing it for how many years? How long have Q-tips been around? And I'm like, and now it's a problem? Come on. Here we go. So the thing that I'm addicted to that's not illegal, okay, so my mom is a extremely dramatic person for no reason.

So I enjoy fluffing her feathers to get her to be irritated, but not to a point where she's mad and it's ruining her day, that's just rude. I mean, it's just enough for her to call me by my government name and roll her eyes and do a little sigh and then kind of like, kind of low key chuckle, but not like a real chuckle,

just more of a this girl doesn't stop, I'm probably gonna smack her upside her head, chuckle. It's great, it really is. Parents should not be that easy to irritate. She's just edging her mom. Pause. It's gay. But you know what I'm saying?

Like everybody's parents has like a trigger, you know, and you get close to squeezing that thing all the way down. Oh, my mom can't stand the word Puss this is like a gross podcast Me and my friend we got to the line About four times in an hour because she was laughing so we kept going but she wanted us to stop but she kept laughing and what that means to people like us is Pedal to the metal baby if I got you laughing, I don't know

I don't care like it's pretty much impossible to get in trouble if you're laughing you can't be dying laughing and then Take my car for a week You know like it just doesn't work like you were just having a good time and take my car for a week, you know? Like it just doesn't work. Like you were just having a good time. She was right there, bro, the edge. Almost getting ready to send my friend home

and make me stay in my room the whole night. But bro, the way we were substituting out every other word for pus. Ah! Just one of those stupid games you play with your friend that's like not funny and it's not gonna sound funny when I explain it Pass an LA fit fitness LA pussness. Oh Yo Coffee and tea on the sign coffee and pus. Oh

Oh, coffee and tea on the sign. Coffee and puss. Oh, almost thrown up, dude. Hatter almost, it's fun, but it's, dude, it's just for some reason that little area, it's a good place to be. Yeah, what I'm addicted to, it's not illegal. Yeah, it's not a good thing, but Coca-Cola man like the straight-up regular like Thank God. I'm don't drink alcohol at all because if I did

I'd probably be the belligerent and drunk all the time because I can put down like if I really had the chance or opportunity I could slap down Like a whole 12 pack of Coke in a day. Like easy, easy, like no problem. Like I could slap down like, you know, three in the morning, another three in the afternoon, three in the evening probably, you know, that'd be nine. And then I'd figure out another way

to get those other three in there. But yeah, man, diabetes, up the yin yang, I gotta watch it, I'm out of control. But yeah, totally addicted, not a good thing, but love it. Dude, is Coke just a cig? Is Coke a cigarette? Diet Coke's a cigarette. What's Coke?

I mean, there's something going on with coke cuz everybody can we study the fall off of Pepsi when have you ever seen somebody in the wild drinking a Pepsi I think if I was into it I would be drinking diet Pepsi just just for the love of the game on some JC Chazé on some backup quarterback I just cuz like shows show diet Pepsi a little a little respect it had it had the game in a chokehold didn't it I swear Pepsi was on top at one point. Pepsi twist with the lemon. With the zipper. Oh man. That marketing, fire.

Jeff Gordon, I love you. I was on that. I was on the coat grind. For some reason, it was the best thing I've ever had in my entire life. Coke at a basketball camp. There was like snack time at this all day basketball camp I went to every day. Got a Coke and a huge subway cup filled with ice in a KitKat. Best 15 minutes of my life.

Dude, the way I'd slurp that coke up, it'd be in like a. It'd be in a cup, like a plastic cup, and I'd fold the cup. So you just have like this much to drink through. Cold Coke. I'd fold the cup so you'd just have like this much to drink through cold Coke It's just that I just hey summer can't explain it but summer I've never experienced this before but like Coca-Cola and pizza I've never had that combo I've just never I feel like five pizza I just gotta have pizza and I feel like if I'm having coke coke I just gotta have coke together it's just too much going on I'm like I don't I'm not worthy of this combo right now

I'm telling you a can of coke and any like can you know I mean just standard can three gulps It is I I bet you could drink 24 in a day, bro nothing in a day bro nothing nothing brother way have put down probably probably 24 LaCroix's in a day three gulps gone there's another gone it's three gulps. If you're thirsty, two gulps. See ya. Are there any more? That easy. I mean, bro, it's your hand is bigger than a coat. I was thirsty. I don't know, dude. I would always chug something too. You already drink it? Yes. I'm so thirsty like God dang. I

Don't know man. Do I have a problem? I feel like we're all like like No, I'm not gonna Save my coke in the can when I'm dying of thirst so it's not weird like a boy. He's I'm dead-ass chugging gone yep need another crush the can so easy to do tell me what tell me why Latina bitches or goth bitches are the two most attractive out of every single nationality, race, all that. It's just like, it's just like, I don't know, I can't explain it.

It's just Latinas just do it better and goth chicks just know how to keep you in line. I don't know. Am I the only one that thinks that? Let me know. I don't know what it is, but I've been through the phases, dog. Not really Latina. Till here recently.

Like, good Lord. It's just because, you know, you know why? Because Latina girls look like a caramel macchiato. because Latina girls look like a caramel macchiato and they got a little attitude and you're like what species are you it's just like on some different and like a like a hot white girl is like, she's hot. But a hot Latina girl, you're like, dog, I've never even seen that before, you know? You're just like, what the hell? How does that even happen?

It's like one of those. So it's like a unique experience for guys from Indiana. It's like a diff. It's like a unique experience from four guys from Indiana. And then there's some the same kind of thing for me is goth to. It's just so different. You're like, wait, wait, wait a minute. I used to think that was weird. But now. Why am I in love with you?

I don't know, I got, I don't know. Ew, pale, I'm like, nah, kind of, kind of, kind of. Just the contrast of like pale and, you're like, gross, pale and like dark hair. I don't know. Guy who's never had sex. Hello. Hello, Benedict.

Sir, I'm addicted to the cheap chicken Mondays at safely. You know, they're five ninety nine for the eight piece dark meat. I'm addicted to the cheap chicken Mondays at Safeway. You know, they're 5.99 for the eight piece dart meat. Yeah, just not my children. This is not illegal. Just fattening, but tastes so damn delicious. Like your chicken over there. Mm-hmm.

Run it back. Hello, hello, Benedict. Sir. I'm addicted to the cheap chicken Mondays, I'd say for you. Chicken Mondays? You know, they're 5.99 for the eight piece dark meat. Yeah, just not my children. This is not illegal.

Just fattening. But tastes so damn delicious. Like your chicken over there. Monday cheap chicken deal at Saveway. Is that what she said? Ooh. Chicken. Chicken. Chicken. Everybody is in love with it. Chicken. Amazing. What the hell. Bro, everybody loves chicken. And you know what I'm starting to think? I'm starting to think I'm starting to think dogs like chicken more than anything else I'm telling you you put you put a craft

single on the ground and a chicken on the ground right to the chip dude dog you say chicken around the dog it knows what you're talking about so huh what'd you say bro dogs and dogs and chicken dogs will pick a chicken over it new YouTube video line up a bunch of food with chicken see what the dog goes to chicken every time nobody's more real than a dog when it comes to eating I'm like he ain't eating that, bro. It's so crazy. The first time I thought dogs just ate everything.

But when they started getting picky, I was like, OK, oh, who are you? Mr. Curly Wurly. Oh, you don't like carrots. What a sophisticated palette you have. Bro, when a dog rejected a piece of celery in front of my face, I've never felt so disrespected in my life. Oh, excuse me, Prince. Just walked away pissed.

I was like, you're kind of a brat. But come here. Put your head on my lap. When dogs do that. Top feeling. Top, top three. Top two. Yeah, it's like it's like you feel like Thor with the hammer when a dog does that to you. Cats, it doesn't matter who you are, they're snake in between your legs. They know what they're doing. I'm like what do you want? Okay, what do you want? Alright. Two seconds later. But a dog? When a dog's like feeling you out like mm-hmm No, no about this guy no about this guy. I'm gonna keep my distance dogs are real, bro You give it you could just give it a look so bro, and then he's like all right. We're in we're in he's all he's gonna

Have fun with me He's gonna. He's gonna be a fun. He's gonna be good. He's gonna be good. You might throw me something. He might throw me a ball Dude, you can just not up a dog. So bro homies for life for life Dogs are boys girls are cats Dogs trying to figure you out Then he finally comes around on you. You're sitting on the couch. May have got, he may have given it a couple. Just let him know, Hey, we're going to be best friends.

Don't worry. You'll figure it out. But for now. He won't forget about that pat. And you're on the couch like an hour later. He sees ya, the dog sees ya. Oh, that's my boy. He's still here. And he comes up to your knee.

Then he comes up to your knee. Then he comes up to your other knee. Smells something he likes. Girl, you like it when you see. And then he does this move on top of your thigh. Top two feeling. Top two not to. When a dog, when a dog says,

that's when you know you and the dog are homeboys for life, this move. Looking at you, kind of looking around. There's just something, there's just something, there's something just fit together and it's at the underneath of a dog's chin on your, on your knee. Oh, I'm worthy. Then he leaves and you feel disrespected for the rest of your life. Let's keep going.

I'm certainly addicted to energy drinks. And I think it roots back to my childhood when my parents definitely didn't let me have them, but I found a way to get them like it was alcohol. And I would be chugging an energy drink at the halftime of my youth football games. Like I was different. I was built different. And then, you know, my brother and I, even as kids through our adulthood, now we get energy drinks to play video games together and we call them our PEDs. There are performance enhancing drugs. So much fun. Believe we perform better on video games when we're drinking energy drinks. Also, energy drink expert on Tic Tac.

Follow me. Say what's up? Oh, for your energy drinks are my addiction. And it's not illegal, even though it feels illegal. Yeah. Quincey Newmore. What is dude, that's such a cool niche energy drink expert. Dude, I love it when people come, yo, if you have something cooking on TikTok, put it up, put it on here. Let the people know energy.

I might check that out because Because energy drinks are very interesting to me. Cause I'm like, I know they're bad, but are they? Like it can't be taurine. What the hell is that? It can't be good. But then again, like nobody's really saying they're bad and everybody's drinking them. I think if I had one of those white monsters, my eyes would roll back in my head for the next three months. And I would just, I would just be a cyborg One sip of white monster turns into the undertaker It's just all they all make it they make them look so good that you know bang energy was just

It's gotta be trash, bro Drinking it yeah, I drink a bang before I work out Ben's 725 today no shit, dude Dude, I drink a bang energy drink, I'll punch a hole through a car. Like you're unstoppable. Don't send me some free energy drinks, bro. I'll go through them. Remember one time C4 just sent me a box of energy drinks and I was like dog not good. Strawberry pink Starburst C4. You think I'm not blasting that first thing in the morning? Crush the can right in the trash

Easy money they make them look so good that screw a screw off cap on the monster How come I automatically get a flavor saver after I drink one sip of a monster? Chocolate starfish. It's just one of those days. I can totally see how you can get addicted to energy drinks. Remember the first time you had one? I think everybody remembers that moment. addicted to energy drinks. So remember the first time you had one? I think everybody remembers that moment.

I think my vision went 2020 for the first time ever. Never been more alert. Smellin' colors. Oh, an energy drink? I'll try it. Pfft. Mm, mm, mm, mm. Seeing things in slow motion.

Reflexes on a hundred. Never been more alert, bro. It's it's almost scary. Ears up like a husky. Huh? So many throw something out. You can like move around it. You're kidding. I get it into the sunrise. Do a 90 and a 65. Windows rolled down screaming I'm peep peep peed I'm so peed. Number one hustler get money. Why you wanna count my money?

Oh this thing's on. Honti, Honti. What do you wanna do over the summer Oh, this thing's on. Hunty, hunty. What do you want to do over the summer, Hunty? Do you want to go backpacking in Europe, Hunty? Or do you want to go tour tour de France? Hunty, I don't even know what that means. Backpacking. Oh, what's the question? God damn. The question is, what am I I addicted to everything? I'm addicted to everything but what came to mind is

Door-dash Door I curse the person who ever introduced me to door-dash because they owe me a lot of money I blame them. I have spent if I think about this quite often as you can see I'm very passionate If I could get back every penny I've ever spent on door dash these past I don't know five years. I feel like I've been using it forever. I feel like I could do a whole backyard renovation I could get the pool. I want I could do a grilling area. I could get landscaping in my backyard. I mean, I'm talking thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars. DoorDash, gone, gone, bye.

Also Instacart, never get it. I know you like going to the grocery store and that's a great quality to have. Benny, just never, just keep that. Hold on to that. I will, I will. Because once you get Instacart, once you experience the luxury of groceries

being placed on your front stoop, there's no going back. I just feel like they won't get the right stuff. And I can't get out of the Instacart app without spending $400, DoorDash, without spending at least 100. And like, for what? I'm just getting necessities on Instacart app without spending $400. DoorDash without spending at least 100. And like for what? I'm just getting necessities on Instacart.

I'm getting some Dove soap, you know, some milk, eggs, some yogurts for the week, you know what I mean? Like just the necessities to get by bread. It's so true though. Anyway, I wish I just, just stay where you can. Don't get Instacart, Benny. Okay. This is Nellie Fortado signing off ESPN.

It's true though. When you think about it, you're like, why am I driving to the store to buy milk and eggs like a Neanderthal when I can just spend what $15 more to have somebody drop it off at my convenience? It does make sense. How much time am I spending going to the store, grabbing eggs, buying all that for eggs? I go through 18 eggs in one day. I'm so sorry about everyone.

I just, it's just part of the game. But as much as I go to the store, little Instacart, that sounded too bad. Uber Eats though, man. It's just so expensive. I can't wrap my, the pour in me is like bro. You know you get that pour alert like dog. This isn't you. This is not you dude. The pour in me, oh but the pour alarm always goes off when I'm about to buy Bdubs

I'm like I want it real bad. It's chicken. It's not bad for you. It's like it's good. It is still bad for you, but There kind is anyway I'm like it's right there. I just go pick it up Kind of a treat you've been strict, you've been good on your diet. Get some beat-ups, fine, you're staying on track, you're good. Okay, but I talked myself into it. Boom. Yell, buy it.

You're getting 65 wings, because you're gonna eat 40, and then those wings the next day? Slap a little harder, just saying. 65 wings, $100? I'm like, I just, it just doesn't make, my poor alarm. Ooh! Poor alarm, sound the alarms.

Just the poor kid in me is just like, you know you shouldn't do this. And I'm like, he's right, he's always right. Poor kid's always right poor kids always right The poor kid the kid that that grew up inside of you the kid ever we're still kid. Everybody's still kid And don't act like you're not That's my favorite thing ever is people that pretend like they're not still a kid Okay

Okay, sir. You got a suit on? The poor kid in me that had like $50 every year, still kinda does, would be like, dog, shut up, shut up. Eat something else, dog. Shut up. Shut up. Eat something else, idiot. Same feeling I get when I get Uber eats. I'm like, all this.

I only get Uber eats when it's like. What else am I going to do? Because shit, dude, you we already we shit. The way stores close at 10 p.m Like everybody in the world just dies at 959 is will just always amaze me It's closed Is it Christmas tomorrow What do you miss?

Open 24 hours. That feeling when you walk up to like a Walgreens, CVS, Walmart, one of those places that's like, maybe there's a shot and those doors open, that feels illegal. Something you're addicted to that feels illegal, walking into stores that are open 24 hours in today's world. Wait, what? You feel like it's a fluke.

You look around, you're like, are you guys open? They're like, yeah, we're open. They're not happy about it. We are. I'm like, it's 2.30 a.m. and I'm just in the M&M's aisle. I'm just in the candy aisle, looking at a pack of yellow M&M's, the family bag that looks like a purse. I'm like, what if I bought that right now?

Can you even do that right now? But if there's no open stores around and I'm hungry, bro. Tuber Eats, Tu Uber Eats o'clock. And just don't do what I did in, be in Texas and order it to your hotel in Philadelphia. Check the deeds, dog. Just keep going. What up?

So something that I'm addicted to that is not illegal is baby powder. And I can't tell you when I started using baby powder on my own because I literally have been using it my whole entire life. Because you know when you're a baby they put it on you and then when you're a little kid you always got baby powder. Especially when you're active. The way he said baby hold up. And I've been, especially when you were active. The way he said baby, hold up. I've been using it my whole entire life. The way he said baby. Because you know when you're a baby.

Why is it so funny when people say the word baby? I'm just saying get your dad to say baby. ...the entire life. Because you know when you're a baby Espresso question that we get your dad to say the word that he doesn't like to say For me Rudy to D fresh and pretty alright everybody sounds stupid and they say baby But I can't get over the way And then when you're a little kid you always got baby powder Especially when you were active like like in the summertime, swimming or doing sports.

And then you would get those bad ass rashes that were like raw in between your legs. And guys know the most, like we always get that. And like, you don't get as much as an adult, but when you're a kid, you're gonna rash all the time. And like, I would always have to sleep with like an extra large shirt, or I even had this Ronnie Hampton nightgown.

It was just a Jersey that was like a large men's Jersey that I would wear with no underwear underneath it to bed to let my junk air out. And that's the times where you put like medicated powder on too, which had telk in it, which that should be illegal because they say it's cancerous. My mom would be giving us that for like my whole entire life Anything called telk bro, you're gonna die always using manicure powder. But yeah to this day

I can't take a shower without using you know after using baby powder I got put a powder at all times for go to the gym anywhere I go on vacation I keep it big powder in my car. I keep baby powder in my work bathroom. Somebody once said, who's baby powder is this in the work bathroom? I'm like, that's me. It's just like, I'm obsessed with baby powder and I need it and you gotta chalk it up.

That's it. Yo, I think big baby powder got your ass, literally. No, but it's like chapstick, you know? You use chapstick a little too much, hey, can't go anywhere without it. All of a sudden, my lips don't even know what to do anymore. You got baby powder, dude. You need to ease off.

Ease off! I don't know, I've been on the grind, I've tried it. Because I know you guys are just, try it though, you gotta try it. I've tried it. I was chafe, doctor. I was chief chafe. Couple of times. Whoa, first time you chafe Halloween night. Hold on.

I can't even walk anymore. You ever wear the wrong underwear and at an amusement park Chief chafe reporting for duty Roger rub legs I Don't think girls will understand but man when you yeah, I don't know if girls get it between their legs I know you get it though. I don't know where Yeah, I don't know if girls get it between their legs. I know you get it though.

I don't know where. But if you're Chief Chaf, and you get a long day ahead of you, guess what? You better hit the gift shop and buy something. They need to have pairs of compression shorts at every gas station. That's the only way to solve pairs of compression shorts at every gas station. That's the only way to solve this, compression shorts.

And if you blow your compression shorts open in the thigh, which is all mine after like three months, and then your skin starts chafing through compression shorts, blow it open like a can of biscuits skin from both your thighs right chafe during a football game felt it chafe warning first quarter I was like and this is again that I'm a sophomore I'm not playing dude I'm not playing I'm just on the sideline walking around. Ah, every movement. Ah. Whole teams down on the 20 yard line. I'm on the opposite 40.

Just standing there. You good? Yeah, I'm good. I hate the smell of baby powder. It's so baby. There's nothing more baby. I smell baby powder, I'm like, God, dude, can we make it odorless? The smell of baby powder pisses me off.

I'm just like, why does it smell like 72 babies? All like, oh my God. It's so big. I'm like When a guy walks by at the gym with baby powder smell I'm like bro Super you know his compression shorts super powdered Come on Yeah, I feel you though it does it did work the one time I did it it did work, but I just I Try to go all natural so I have to depend on it one of those guys I don't know

purple skittles You know the ones very flavor as Of today June 24th, those are still legal and I'm addicted. I mean that is the juiciest candy out there. God dang bro. Just get a handful. Give me about 20 of those in one handful. That big handful. And just chewing on that incredible experience.

Yeah man. It's the juiciest candy out there. Damn, he knows. He knows. I mean, I will eat them at any time, any place. It's so... I'm going to somewhere, going out with friends, social event. I don't care if people are going to see my blue tongue.

In fact, that's a badge of honor right there. It is. That's showing me and the other addicts out there. Yeah. One of us. Jacksonville Jaguars tongue any size Give me the shareable size gone within minutes Don't even get me started on the travel size That's my addiction dude, I love that that a somebody who gets it

Fam first book dude. That's that's a that's blood right there God just that the the distance between purple skittles and Red Skittles is just... You can't even measure it. It just doesn't even add up. And Red Skittles are the quarterback. Red Skittles are the face of the franchise. Purple Skittles, everybody knows, right? Everybody knows about Purple skittles.

God, even the package. Is talking to you right when you see wild berry. Hey, all of a sudden Dude Wild berry who's not eating. What's it? What is it? What are the red skittles say on them? original Get out of here man get out of here dude man. Get out of here, dude. Hey, red Skittles. Take a back seat.

Take a day off, red Skittles. Dude, purple Skittles. And then blue thought they were about to do something. They really did. And sometimes, and they do get you a little bit. I've gotten got by tropical skittles. The blue, you're just like, they feel a little crunchier, honestly. I'm like, I don't like to work this hard, honestly.

Blue skittles, I don't. Ease up. Red skittles are all, they think they're the boss. They're not, they're not. They're good. But you hit the purple Skittles. They almost feel a little melty. They almost feel like they're going to fall off the shell. Soft.

So exciting. That family size bag. You know those big bags of salt they use for icy driveways? That's the size of the Purple Skittles family bag and it should be bigger. If you've ever had the luxury of just doing this inside of a bag of skittles and feeling the abundance around you. Am I allowed to put my hand in this? Am I allowed to have this many skittles in my house right now?

Are the cops, you feel like you have a bunch of drugs in your house? or like Or like money someone's you like you you're like you have something you have illegal weapons in your house all those Skittles in your hand and then it's just Every single one's going in. If you've never had a whole entire mouth full of skittles, here's your homework tonight. So many skittles in your mouth that you can't even close, you're playing chubby bunny with it. so many skittles in your mouth that you can't even close your plan chubby bunny with it oh and you're doing this every two seconds cuz you your body can't

even fathom your body can't even control what's going on just so much saliva bro. Your Skittles are just taking over your brain. It's the best, it's the best. Best, best fruity candy up there with Laffy Taffy, up there with Airheads, Purple Skittles in the convo. In the convo. Man, they might be number one too.

They never have an off day. They don't take any days off. Purple Skittles are knocking at your door. Hey, we're still here! Yeah! Always! Only drawback. You eat some Skittles rest the day

Jesus Christ yes skittles mouth I Mean You can't want them all but the skittles spit after it's so thick you could paint a whole bathroom with skittles spit still not bad okay I tried sending this like twice so I apologize if you hear me like four times but I'm addicted to sending memes, reels, videos, whatever it is to people and it like fits their personality and I know that they're gonna like love it. And I just am so addicted to that high of just knowing

that they're gonna laugh out loud or they're gonna send me a good response or when I even receive a meme or a reel or video and it just suits me I just I'm so addicted to that feeling of laughter or whatever it is oh I love it mm-hmm it's fun bro they really got us on that didn't they I never knew how big of a part of the internet that was, like sending reels, it's such a thing. And you got those people, like you don't even,

that's how you talk to like your, that's how I talk to my sisters. Like I don't, my dad's like, you do, you talk to your sisters? I'm like, oh my God, bro. Like you have no idea. The way you talk to people now and keep in touch is just by sending them reels and Instagram posts.

And it's like, hell yeah. Like dude, that's all my best friend and two of my sisters, and both my sisters. Yo, you remember this? Just two weeks, every two weeks dog, this shit right here though. That's how you talk now. It's so funny. What'd you have to do? You had to call somebody back in the day and talk to him. Shut the fuck up. Bro, if my best friend called me I'd be like, all right, you better be dead. But if he sent me like 84 reels me I'd be like, all right, you better be dead But if he sent me like 84 reels, I'd be like man. I

know exactly what you mean I Just don't like the feeling of like I Don't send a lot of reels cuz I'm like, what if he saw it? I'm so I feel so lame Cuz you know what you feel like when somebody sends you a reel you already saw like two weeks ago? You're like... Okay. Alright.

Hey, get with the program. The way I want to be like, saw that two weeks ago. But I don't want to be a dick, so I just laugh. But I am like, can you get it together a little bit over there? Hey, wake it up! You're sending reels from two weeks ago? Get it together. I always have that fear.

And I also don't want to be the guy that's like, I saw that two weeks ago. I'm chronically on the internet, but I think we're all kind of on the internet a lot. Like every second, every second. I don't think it's, I honestly, deep down, I believe it's, it's not a bad thing to be on the, cause there, you're're always like you've taken so much information It's like now or how our brains are supposed to our brains change, babe Like this is what it is now We have brains that like are

Allowed to change and develop with what's going on around us. That's like the beauty of it We're getting software updates every second, babe That's our brain is a 1970 brain forever This is how it is We take in a lot of info cool, I think it's made us better honestly, dude, we know everything that's going on dog And the algorithm algorithms do a pretty good job of like promoting stuff that is Like good, you know

I'm listening on my 4g page Just FSU football from 2003 whoops, all right, that's it. Gas voice messages, I love you guys. Always, one thing about the fam, always deliver. Gotta get going though, Dear Diary. Bro's got a cyst on his knee, cannot stand it. It does kinda hurt when I sit like a gargoyle. It does a little bit, not gonna lie. It doesn't hurt, but I'm like, this doesn't feel right.

Trying to get it removed. Got an x-ray. Doctor looked at my knee in the x-ray just to see if it was like fracturing anything in my knee. He goes, your knee is astonishing. I fell in love with that dude. No one has ever said anything so nice to me in my life. Your knee is astonishing. I almost went to, hey, where you at, dog? I gotta come over there, give you a hug, pat you on the back three times, kiss your neck.

What a nice thing to say to somebody. I made him say it to, it's what? Astonishing. I made him say it's what astonishing All right, bro, you got me for life now primary physician All right, you want me to take the high cholesterol pills send them over bro. You got I'm sold It's all you gotta do it's all you gotta do say a big word to me fall in love Kuk kuk kuk cringe moment of the week She's in my room the other day my roommate. Hey, yo, did you get a call? I was like from what?

From who I thought it was like, you know, an apartment situation. From LA Fitness, what do you mean? Why would they, did I leave something there? Yo, did you get a call? I'm like, from what? He goes, LA Fitness. I'm like, what'd they say, did I leave something there? They go, nah. fitness like what they say did I leave something there they go no they asked if

mean you were in there like dressed up and hit me did remember that video when I stuffed my ass with footballs and put a hat over my eyes and ran into every wall at LA Fitness. I was like, oh shit, we're gonna be banned from LA Fitness. And my roommate was like, just being like, what do you mean? What happened? He goes, I saw you guys in here the other day. You looked like you were dressed up in Europe. You looked like someone that was augmented augmented smashing into walls bro not holding back

at all did someone say something my roommate they go yeah I made people uncomfortable he goes all right they go just don't do it again now every time I They go, yeah, I made people uncomfortable. He goes. All right. They go, just don't do it again. Now, every time I walk into L.A. fitness. They look me in the eyes and they just know everything. Every morning, seven o'clock. Hey,

all football ass is back Would I do it again absolutely bro god dang And by the way every person in that LA Fitness looks exactly like that Big fake asses. It doesn't look good, right? I mean, I can't wait till we're over that. But I'll probably fall in love with the girl next week that has one. All right.

Those two days Thursday. Today. All right, those two days, Thursday, today. National barcode day. No more helpless feeling when you're at the self check out and you're scanning stuff and something goes wrong. You just look at the one person manning the whole operation, go like this. They're so quick with it. Tap that bottom right hand corner of the screen. Put their code in, I know all their codes.

Hey, why don't you just do this whole thing for me then? Oh, quick on the screen. Ring it all up then. Did I take so much pride into just dominating the self-checkout? Like I quickest, most alert, I'm energy drink alert when I'm at the self-checkout. Beep beep beep beep beep. Beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep I'm energy drink alert when I'm at the self check up Gone No, no time wasted no false steps just Calculated movements bag

Steals the bag Everything locked loaded bang. I should work in a grocery store. That's like not saying much New YouTube video Who can self check out the fastest? I think I think I might place I might play I know there's somebody that's better than me that's worked at a grocery store but I think I might I'm dialed and if I mess up I'm so mad! Friday. Ice cream cake day. Don't get me started baby.

Don't do this again. Don't do the national onion day. I don't know what's going on. I eat half of an onion. I've had half of an onion every day for the past two months. Is it gonna kill me? I mean if it does it does. Bro you start, I started, we had an onion one day for no reason. I sliced it up, started putting it in my ground turkey and eggs. Put that pig slop on another level.

Dicing up onion. What is it? What is it? It's just free seasoning, I guess. Does it give you any nutrients? I don't know. I don't know. But but Lord heavens, put some onion in some ground turkey. Put some eggs in there. Oh, I'm eating a pepperoni pizza from... I'm eating a pepperoni sausage pizza, okay. From the local pizza chain. Not Papa John's, not Pizza Hut. I'm eating a pizza from Big Kahuna's now. Alright. Just cause onion. Changed my life, love it.

Used to be no onion, no onion. Used to be that guy, I'm good on onion. Kind of the unsung hero of the burger. Now I go to In-N-Out, used to be no onion, no cheese. Cheese is too much. The In-N-Out cheese is too much for nothing. Not a big return on the cheese. But now, make sure there's onion on there.

Guy can't get enough of it. Are we team onion? Let me know in the comments. Actually though, I'm not kidding. Are we team onion? Why, why not? Is it okay? Am I gonna die?. Are we team? Are we team? Comment? Are we team onion? Why? Why not? Is it? Is it okay? Am I gonna die? Are we gonna die?

Should we should we die from this because I'm okay with it Saturday Alaska Day This might this might be a little Selfish but do we need it? Alaska, do we need for what? Who's out? What are we doing out there? How come I still think of Alaska as three Eskimos live there in a tent and they ice fish? Have you ever met anybody from Alaska?

Oh salmon Ain't from Alaska- Alaskan salmon. Hey, is that where all the fish hang out? We're gonna eat salmon from Alaska. Ain't no way Alaskan salmon shut up Do we need them dude Alaska and Hawaii the the most last minute pickups of all time. Like the most, I mean, yeah, yeah, we'll take them. It's just such an afterthought. When people live in Hawaii, I'm like, okay.

I don't know. Like there once maybe but to live in Hawaii Why I just so what if you have to go somewhere go somewhere. Live in Fiji. If you're gonna live in Hawaii, if you're gonna live in Hawaii, live in Argentina, I think. Like just make the whole commitment. I don't know.

Hawaii. I live in Hawaii. For what? Do they have like a Walgreens out there? What's going on out there? I feel like any second here. You're just covered in lava, but man Cool I'm just I've always been a little confused on that. I live in Hawaii shut up

literally disrespect I Guess it's the same thing when people talk shit about like, Ohio Why would you ever live there? It's the best place in the world. Hawaii. Yeah, I guess. I guess you guys have a theme. You guys have a.

You guys have a DQ out there like we got the same stuff Sunday darts day see those are the type of games that I just can't I Just can't get down with I'm just not good at shit like that. It's like not a sport, but it is kind of I guess So bad at that, but if I played darts, I would throw one, throw three at your TV. Gotta stay behind the line. I don't wanna play anymore. While I get in such a bad mood from being so bad at darts, I'll break up with my girlfriend. I don't know, I just like, I just.

No, you literally were a dick. It's cause of the darts. Okay That's what you said last time. I just Can't stop thinking about purple skittles. Alright fam Share size If you don't get purple skittles after this ep done,'t know what to tell you. Love you. Thanks for the voice messages Gonna be in Nashville again Maybe in Indiana, don't know

But I'll see you soon Baltimore September 25th. See you on the internet. Thanks for listening I love you the The voice messages pure You don't know how much you mean to me grab the merch Like a vid send a DM send a real Love you so much See you next time