Espresso - life hacks

Episode Date: June 1, 2021

MERCH IS SHIPPING OUT THIS WEEK On this shot Ben goes through the fam's Life Hacks that no one else knows about (ˡⁱᵏᵉ ʷᵃˢʰⁱⁿᵍ ʸᵒᵘʳ ᶜᵃʳ ⁱⁿ ᵗʰᵉ ʳᵃⁱ�...�?!) He realizes that the macarena is haunted, girls hiccup like they've never hiccupped before and that scones are a failed donut experiment. Later on in the pod Ben learns that he is the voice for many 90's commercials (Wonderball) and toys (BopIt) and if your friends called their parents by their actual names they are currently in jail, he explains why rotisserie chicken is the Mark McGwire of chicken and that absolutely everyone has a lilbitofshit in their pants, then he goes  #ViViViViral and does #DaysOfTheWeek but you already knew that 😎 𝘿𝙈 𝙤𝙧 𝙏𝙬𝙚𝙚𝙩 𝘼𝙉𝙔 𝙦𝙪𝙚𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝘽𝙚𝙣 𝙩𝙤 𝙖𝙣𝙨𝙬𝙚𝙧 𝙤𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙥𝙤𝙙 ! (@benedictpolizzi) →→→ 𝗗𝗼𝗻'𝘁 𝗙𝗼𝗿𝗴𝗲𝘁 𝗧𝗼 𝗥𝗮𝘁𝗲 & 𝗥𝗲𝘃𝗶𝗲𝘄! 𝗦𝗲𝗻𝗱 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗵𝗼𝗺𝗶𝗲 𝗮 𝗖𝗮𝗺𝗲𝗼 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗕𝗲𝗻!: https://v.cameo.com/E48BXekQ29 𝗧𝗶𝗸𝗧𝗼𝗸: https://www.tiktok.com/@benedictpolizzi?source=h5_m 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗧𝘂𝗯𝗲: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXRwNZpU67AK24r5QGfIfCw 𝗜𝗻𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗺: https://www.instagram.com/benedictpolizzi/ 𝗧𝘄𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿: https://twitter.com/benedictpolizzi

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Starting point is 00:00:00 The Espresso Podcast is brought to you by Wave 1 Media. If you want to start your own show, visit thewave1.com. Shot 161. Yeah. Okay, now. Uh-huh. Turn me up a little bit. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:00:22 Okay. Yeah. Shot 161, yeah In the studio drinking coffee Yeah, don't care Cause I'm clunky Yeah, said it Kyle from Indiana Menace
Starting point is 00:00:40 Yeah, fresh off the Indy 5 Now we live Shop 161 it's about to be a vibe somebody learned how to rap not even close he thinks he can rap now He had one rap about pizza And he thinks he can rap now Oh my god dude I'm the worst fucking You ever go to a party and they're like They start rapping and you're like holy shit I gotta go to the other room
Starting point is 00:01:14 I gotta take this call Dude whenever I'm in a situation where I have to rap I'm like I'll just drop the beat Every single time Dude you wanna rap I'm like oh my my God, I got it. No, you guys go ahead. I'll just, and it's always like, like I do it right the first two times and they're like, Hey, and then I like forget how I did it the first time. And I'm like, it just turns into the Macarena beat. Hey, Macarena! I love that part of that song.
Starting point is 00:01:47 We're already doing this shit, dude. It's early morning spress. I've never recorded the podcast this early. I've never recorded a podcast before 10 p.m. But this part of the Macarena... I don't even know how to spell fucking Macarena. I just typed in Macarama. That part where it's like,
Starting point is 00:02:11 Hi! Here. I'm number two and I'm a see my guy now. Here, this part though. How hard does this song actually go though? Like, when you hear this at a wedding, you're like, oh shit. Dude, who made, whoever made this song? Oh, nobody knows who made this fucking song.
Starting point is 00:02:38 Nobody knows who made the macarena. The macaroni. Can I have some macarena with cheese? Your mom by the oven wouldn't do it to me see any vagina Wow that wasn't me that life is creepy as shit What a straight heater dude dude. Off the jump. Hey, why the scary ghost kid laughs, though? Hey, what should we put in the beginning of the song?
Starting point is 00:03:13 Hurry, hurry. Some scary little girl laugh. Perfect. Perfect. But that part, right here. It's like That Goes so hard Bro what is this song
Starting point is 00:03:42 Is this a real thing Is this song haunted? Hey, my macaroni. Hi. What's up? Wow, what an intro. That song goes so fucking hard. Have people made a remix of that?
Starting point is 00:03:56 Yeah, Tyga for sure. Tyga's made a remix to every goddamn song ever. Shot 161. I'm your host, Ben Polizzi. Merch is going to be shipping this week. If you ordered some stuff, I got you. Oh, this is going on. Got shows June 16th, 17th, and 18th at Helium, Indianapolis. But what's up? One minute is actually like dancing in that line you know what i mean when it's one of those dances where everybody's dancing at the same time and you gotta like turn different ways that's my worst nightmare can't do them i am not in the zone during those dances i'm just like looking at
Starting point is 00:04:43 people and then i look at people for too long and I turn the wrong way. And I'm like, oh, I'm so silly. I'm really the worst at every dance party of all time. I'm just like, I don't know any of the moves. So I'm just going to like kind of freestyle. And then I'm going to go get some dessert from that table and sit back down. Him me homie seen in Macarena. Him me homie, him me macarena. Him me homie, see me macarena.
Starting point is 00:05:08 Him me homie, see me Velveeta. Hey, macaroni. So, yeah, that Kyle from Indiana video, best interview ever, jumped off. Thanks for sharing that and retweeting that. I did not think that was going to happen. It took me like four and a half hours to do the captions for that video. It might have taken me four hours.
Starting point is 00:05:34 What's your location? That one. That one got me. Here we go. Say what? I'm fine. I'm pretty fine. What? We're not good. How are you? took me forever to spell this part right here that whatever that was took me so long to spell this right here watch
Starting point is 00:06:01 no clue where's luke nation hit me home and sing the macarena all right so the question this week was what's a life hack you do that nobody knows about i don't know what it is but i hate the hiccups so much like for some reason I think girls enjoy having the hiccups like when girls hiccup they act like they it's it hasn't happened to them ever like every time every time a girl hiccups they act like they're completely shocked out of their mind they're like oh my god every single and I don't get that but when I have the hiccups I'm like I almost cut my head off
Starting point is 00:06:45 Every single time I'm like Like my whole body erupts On the inside Like if I die It's gonna be from like Holding in hiccups And sneezes and shit
Starting point is 00:06:53 Cause I hate when people Fucking sneeze in hiccup I wanna kill them Like you know when somebody Sneezes like seven times In a row And they're like Excuse me
Starting point is 00:07:02 Excuse me Excuse me Every time they're doing that I'm just behind them with a pistol I have it to their back but uh yeah I had hiccups all the time when I was a kid I still get them low-key because when I eat I don't drink any water because every time I'm eat I'm like the hungriest I've ever been in my life so I'll take like okay I have sushi I eat like seven rolls of sushi then I'm like I'm turning to dry dry ass spongebob and I need water so bad and at that point like when I'm looking for water I think
Starting point is 00:07:38 I'm gonna die but at the same time I get like four hiccups and I'm like, I think it's my body like gasping for air. But yeah, that's how I'm going to die. Choking on like a fucking scone that I don't even want. Dude, scones. Why? Like, I don't like, I don't think anybody really likes scones. How are scones still a thing? It seems like that's like a Like it's like a
Starting point is 00:08:05 Their first donut that they tried to make And they're like ah this fucking sucks Just keep it I don't know Just keep it for a test example And then they put it on the shelf and like one weird guy bought it With like a curly mustache And then they just kept it forever He's like mmm not bad
Starting point is 00:08:20 Like scones suck honestly but I love them It's such an adult ass food scones like if i was a kid and i ate a scone i'd be like what the fuck like and it just like falls apart it's like the messiest shit scones blow dude you can't dip them in anything but god damn i had one of those those unicorn cake pops yesterday from Starbucks no nobody does cake pops like Starbucks I know when I'm being a bitch when I get a cake pop at Starbucks that's like when I'm like okay I'm being a little bitch today okay honestly sometimes I get four at once how can you eat a cake pop in two? If you eat a cake pop in more than one bite, dude, grow up.
Starting point is 00:09:11 Reminds me of those kids. Remember those kids when you'd like, you'd have like those dum-dums or whatever the fuck? Those like bank suckers? Bank suckers. Bro, the suckers that were disgusting, and the bank always used them when they ran out of dum-dums. They were like a lot of different colors. They were like red, green, orange, blue, purple.
Starting point is 00:09:34 Like they were just like very vibrant colors. And the stick was like a loop. Those suckers, no, were suckers of all time. But those kids, like some of those kids like at the Would get those bank Like dum-dums And like pull Like somehow
Starting point is 00:09:51 Like pull the stick out of them And just be like Chillin' with a sucker ball in their mouth And I'd be like What the fuck Well I wonder wonder Well I really do How'd you get that sucker ball
Starting point is 00:10:04 The song that's always stuck in my head for zero reason at all. If you remember this song, you're my age. Here we go. Wonder ball! Oh, I wonder, wonder, who might do I? What's in my wonder ball? Who knows what surprises a wonder ball can hide? Yummy, nasty chocolate with candy shapes inside.
Starting point is 00:10:28 Wouldn't I wonder, wonder why I'd ever buy that bullshit? I wanted everything when I was a kid, dude. No wonder my mom didn't fucking take me anywhere or buy me shit. I asked for every goddamn thing, dude. Wonderballs? Why wonder, wonder who might do what? That might actually be my voice. I realize I'm the voice for a lot of shit.
Starting point is 00:10:50 This might be me. This might, like, be me. Wonderballs! I'm the voice of like every 90s commercial in toy without knowing it hey this knowing it hey this this is me that's me's my scream. Me when I step on a fucking hanger that's been on my bedroom floor for 14 days. Me when I'm standing too close to my friend's Honda Civic in high school and it runs right over my fucking foot.
Starting point is 00:12:06 Actually, I'd be like, do it again. Put it in reverse. Shit that hurts too good. When you get your foot ran over by a Honda Civic. Shit that feels good but shouldn't. When somebody slaps the shit out of your bare foot that's on a coffee table. Stuff that feels good when it shouldn't.
Starting point is 00:12:34 When you have a toothache. Okay, maybe not. But you know what I mean? It's something about your gums that it shouldn't feel good, but you're just like, oh, I can't get enough of that shit. feel like it shouldn't feel good but you're just like oh i can't get enough of that shit like something about like jamming my like nail into my like gum you know i mean like my bottom gum like something feels good about that what the fuck is that stuff that feels good that shouldn't when you're wiping the bottom of your feet in the grass you're just like in the side yard and you're just like wiping the like maybe you got something on the bottom of your foot but you're just like wiping both for way too long and people are like what's he still
Starting point is 00:13:11 doing over there well i wonder all right let's get to the question real quick life hacks what's a life hack that you do that nobody knows about oh shit this is what i was talking about wow dude the first 15 minutes of my podcast is the most add shit you've ever heard in your life people have to be like um i can listen after the 15 minute mark where he stops uh talking like he just woke up from a coma okay so yeah i had the hiccups all the time when i was a kid and my grandma was like hey drink out of this cup put a towel over the top and it was just like one of those like towels that like chills on your oven you know what i mean there's always like four towels in your kitchen just get one and like there's always two that are way better than the other two because
Starting point is 00:13:59 it's like came in a set and two you're like i love these and the other two you're like i don't know if i can even use this because your mom will get mad there's so much for show shit in my house growing up the whole front yard was for show my dad was like no front yard's for lux if i don't look at the front yard he's like hey look at the front yard it's for lux did one time our house lived on the corner and somebody drove through our fucking front yard like cut the corner like some drunk ass like 17 year old kid just cut the corner and i was like my dad's about to like get security footage from like a helicopter from like a ufo he probably like signed into like a ufo
Starting point is 00:14:45 software network and was like who fucking did it zoom in on the corner of my fucking house all right wow what am i talking about okay okay, okay. So yeah, question of the week, life hacks. I had the hiccups forever, and my grandma was like, yeah, fill up a cup of water, put a kitchen towel over the top, drink out of it. It worked every single time.
Starting point is 00:15:18 It may have failed me like twice, you know what I mean? But that's like a pretty good rate for some shit like that. Because like, why would that ever fix hiccups? Drinking through a towel? Life hacks that nobody else knows about.
Starting point is 00:15:35 This is KLM538. For hiccups, have someone hold ears closed and chug a small glass of water. Works every time and no bad taste. Have someone closed and chug a small glass of water works every time and no bad taste have someone hold ears closed and chug a glass of water damn so i gotta like get a partner see that's how fucking stupid hiccups are oh my god what's wrong what's wrong what's wrong i have hiccups Can you hold my ears down?
Starting point is 00:16:07 Gunner underscore Gorton. People didn't understand this question or something. Bro, if I have the hiccups, I get a small drinking glass, fill it with water, and then put a butter knife in the cup and drink the water, and boom, they're gone. There's no way that's real. Here we go. Life hacks. There's no way that's real.
Starting point is 00:16:24 Here we go. Life hacks. Jamie and Carado. Put the empty toilet paper roll on the closed toilet lid so you don't forget to replace it. One time my friend on spring break, like, we didn't have toilet paper, so we just went to the bathroom and took a shower. i was like how come i'd rather do that than actually wipe wiping is so fucking weird to me i'm like what so this is just it that's so like not okay so you just wipe and then yeah uh-huh yeah i got a little bit of shit on my butt still But like it's just it's all good
Starting point is 00:17:05 Like it seems like you should shower every time After you go to the bathroom But it's just like no no I just wipe As good as I could yeah as good as I could And now we're good Just in public Like everybody just kind of got a little bit of shit on their ass This is so stupid to talk about
Starting point is 00:17:24 But like you know what I mean Like everybody Like cause you can't get it 100% You don't know You don't know So everybody's just like Yeah Like if you're at a party
Starting point is 00:17:34 Like everybody at that party Has a little bit of shit on their ass Everybody Everybody you know Everybody in the world Like Kanye West right now Got a little bit of shit on his ass. Seems like he would anyway. Jennifer Lopez, little bit of shit.
Starting point is 00:17:54 Little bit of shit. The priest at your church, little bit of shit. Joe Biden. Yeah, he definitely shit all over his fucking pants and shit all the time. Everybody. Everybody's just got a little bit of shit. Elton John. I don't know if he's still alive.
Starting point is 00:18:14 Is he? Is Elton John dead? I think he's still alive. Oprah right now? A little bit of shit. Oh, that's stupid. Little bit of shit. Okay, here we go.
Starting point is 00:18:34 Fly away by Lulu. Lifehacks. Wash my car in the rain. Does anyone else do this too? Game changer. Is that real? Wash your car in the rain. It's never been like pouring raining and me driving by and seeing somebody like hurrying the fuck up, washing their car down, putting soap on their car. Dude, that washing a car was a bitch. You ever have to like wash your parent that
Starting point is 00:19:05 was a quick that was a way to make some fucking money when you're a kid though you could run away with like i never got like 50 bucks for that though like when i was washing my parents car like you know my like somebody like my mom's friend was over and she was like wash our cars just so we'd shut the fuck up and they'd give us like they they'd give us like 30 dollars but that is like a good way to your kids are outside they're doing something uh wash our fucking cars no wonder my no wonder i've washed so many goddamn cars when i was a kid my mom was like shut up wash my car and shut the fuck up me every day in the summer my mom 8 a.m wash my car and shut the fuck up i'd walk day in the summer. My mom, 8 a.m., watch my car and shut the fuck up. I'd walk back in the house at 9 p.m.
Starting point is 00:19:46 Just like all wet and shit. The worst 10 minutes of my life was when you washed your parents' car, your dad's car, your mom's car, and they'd come out and check it. You'd be like, fuck. Oh, shit. I was always like, good, we're golden, we're perfect. And my mom would come out and be like, you didn't do this whole side and I'd be like, oh, yeah Dude fuck that but I never got like 50 bucks for that It was always like 20 like my mom would always lowball the fuck out of me
Starting point is 00:20:17 I'd be like I just detailed your car for 14 hours Inside now vacuumed all that shit. She'd give me like 16 bucks i was like okay here we go alexandra rollins life hack put olive oil on your knife before you cut an onion and you won't tear up why is that like the biggest problem in amer is crying during onions? I swear to God. Like how many people are cutting onions? I've never cut an onion in my life. There's like 15 solutions how not to cry. I'm like, okay.
Starting point is 00:20:54 I'll remember that next time I cut an onion. I still, I haven't cut an onion ever. What the fuck are you guys making? You guys just making fucking pico de gallo four times a day? Okay, here we go. Lifehacks, MEJ1379. I have a few. Use the latch part of a doorknob as a bottle opener.
Starting point is 00:21:18 I don't know, it might spill on the floor, but it works. If you need to hang a giant sign for something, use paint hangers. Also, put some bright colored tape on your luggage so it's easy to find at the airport. You're welcome. Sometimes life hacks are just more bullshit. The doorknob thing to open a beer, like, yeah, then I'm just going to fucking have to clean the rug, right? thing to open a beer like yeah then I'm just gonna fucking have to clean the rug right if I can't get the like if I can't get a cap off of a bottle after like 15 seconds like I'm not thirsty anymore let's do let'siral. I like turtles.
Starting point is 00:22:06 Turtles. Hashtag Odd ways to end a fight. Make out Hashtag only my scavenger hunt Do you remember like there'd be like groups of people Like grown up and shit Like in high school that would just like
Starting point is 00:22:36 It'd be like a group of like Eight people, four guys, four girls And they'd like do a scavenger hunt Like somebody would just make a scavenger hunt and they'd have to like drive all around the city and shit and like find different stuff. Low-key, I kind of always wanted to do that, but I feel like I'd get in a wreck.
Starting point is 00:22:53 You know what I mean? Like trying to like get to find the, find a, take a picture next to a barn. And then you got a fucking race over there. I feel like I'd get in a wreck on the way there. Cause like when, when your friends like, hey, I'll meet you there. Like it it's always it's low-key a race like when even when you're not doing a scavenger hunt and you and your friend are just like uh at your house and you're like
Starting point is 00:23:15 okay well uh i'll meet you at the mall and then we'll go get food like when you're driving to the mall, whether you know it or not, that's a fucking street race. Even if you're like with like two or three people, like in your head, you're like, I got to beat this motherfucker. It's like fucking six blocks away, taking shortcuts and alleys. We got to win! It doesn't matter who it's with. If it's you and your grandma and she's like, okay, I'll meet you at O'Charlie's. You're like, okay, see you there, grandma. Right when the window rolls up
Starting point is 00:24:11 And it like Goes into the Like the door of the car And your grandma puts on her sunglasses And you look straight ahead And put your car in drive Because you don't need sunglasses obviously Because only old women do
Starting point is 00:24:24 But this this place put your car in drive look to the left look to the right all right i'll meet you at o charlie's sounds good take your time be safe for sure grandma you too see you there look straight put it in drive. Like, kind of creep. Like, you go first. No, you go first. No, you go first.
Starting point is 00:24:49 This place. In your car. Backroads. Cutting through neighborhoods no one even knew existed. That's not every time I get in a car or anything What were we talking about? Oh my Yeah yeah I feel like I would get in a wreck
Starting point is 00:25:34 During that scavenger hunt For sure Hashtag signs you were raised right Ew Whoa Signs you were raised right Ew Whoa Signs you were raised psycho Signs you were raised right You feel guilty eating
Starting point is 00:25:52 Sugary cereal Signs you were raised right You take your shoes off Before you go in somebody's house Dude taking your shoes off in a house Sets the tone You're like ew ew, my feet are gonna be kinda cold and I have to be like polite
Starting point is 00:26:07 this whole time? God damn it. It's such a vibe when you don't have to take off your shoes. My grandma's house, didn't have to take off my shoes. Oh. But my other grandma's house was a polar opposite. A complete opposite. Right when you walk in the front door, there's 30,000
Starting point is 00:26:23 fucking shoes right there. I'd be like, like fuck everybody's gonna fucking see my stupid socks I'd say Hanes on the toes fuck but my other grandma's house straight up gangster shit bro shoes on the whole time I was like yo we're about to do something crazy in here we're about to let loose we're about to let loose. We're about to do something insane. We're about to like... We're about to like spray paint something. Let's do days. Wednesday. National Rotisserie Chicken Day. Rotisserie chicken gotta be the weirdest damn thing. How it's like all tied up and shit. Is that not weird? Rotisserie chicken gotta be the weirdest damn thing how it's like all tied up and shit is that
Starting point is 00:27:06 not weird rotisserie chicken is fire why is it so fucking good it's just normal chicken right what do they do to that they like inject it with butter or something i feel like they have to there's no way why is anybody eating any other chicken than rotisserie chicken shredding that bitch up dude that maybe that's my everyday superpower what can you do that what can you do like really well that nobody else can just just fucking shredding a chicken up with your hands slimiest fingers of all time rotisserie chickens are so weird yeah do i really have eaten one in the car before you can't not bro this smells so good i feel like that's like a food that you can only eat when you're like
Starting point is 00:27:50 over the age of 20 every time i saw rotisserie chickens in like a store when i was a kid i was like mom and she's like no like it was fucking alcohol or something but it really it's better than alcohol. Whatever they do to those goddamn chickens. National Rocky Road Day. I'm starting less and less to like ice cream with a bunch of shit in it. I'm like, can we tone it down? National Bubba Day. What's Bubba stand for? Like, what's Bubba stand for?
Starting point is 00:28:24 Is a Bubba like your blanket? My sister calls me Bubba stand for? Like, what's Bubba stand for? Is the Bubba like your blanket? My sister calls me Bubba to this day. She's like 40, I'm like 38. She still calls me Bubba. Isn't that fucked up, the shit you call like your pets and your siblings and shit? Never their actual name. Imagine calling your pet by it's actual name
Starting point is 00:28:45 That'd be the lamest shit My dog's name is Junior I don't think I ever said Junior till just now I was like Junebug, Junieboy Lemonboy JR Never called it Junior Imagine calling your pet by it's actual name
Starting point is 00:29:02 Or a person We even give our Dude if you call your fucking mom or dad By their actual names calling your pet by its actual name or a person. We even give our dude, if you call your fucking mom or dad by their actual names, get out. See ya. People that call their parents by their names. Hey, Amy.
Starting point is 00:29:17 Ew, I was like at my friend's house and he would keep calling his mom by her actual name. I was like, this is definitely definitely shoes on house because this shit is insane jesus christ what's next shoes on calling your mom by her first name what are we doing now huh we're about to order girls gone wild or some shit warning i love houses like that though Wouldn't like your friends moms Would want you to call them by their real name
Starting point is 00:29:50 I was like you're kind of weird for that I was always like Mrs. Adams, Mrs. Evans, Mrs. Patterson Just call me Jenny I'd be like what the fuck No You're not my friend What the fuck are you talking about
Starting point is 00:30:04 Just call me Steve Like their dad I'd be like bro What the hell I'm fucking 12 I'm not calling you Steve That is weird as shit Hey Steve Imagine the disrespect
Starting point is 00:30:20 Hey Steve can you give me a coke He'd be like fuck you I'd be like yeah no shit you told me to do this though Hey Steve Can you give me a coke he'd be like fuck you i'd be like yeah no shit you told me to do this though hey steve can you give me a refill on the lemonade uh national national leave the office early day i always felt super weird leaving my corporate office when i was there you know what i mean you'd like I never knew if I could or not I'd be like I'm done I think but like there's no like school bell so I'd be like I don't know can I just leave like is it weird
Starting point is 00:30:54 national running day Jesus Christ I haven't ran in so long I started doing that thing where you everybody's like the new craze in cardio is like putting the treadmill up to like 15 incline and like walking. How much better does that sound than running? And it like, it's twice as many calories. It burns twice as many calories. I'm like, sign me the fuck up. That shit is not a game, dude. I felt like a complete piece of shit running up like a incline, walking and it was on like four and i was like i was like thank god nobody's in this fucking workout room way better than running though running's just so boring sometimes on a treadmill i'm like this is actual torture when you're running outside like going somewhere and like looking at shit not that bad but when you're
Starting point is 00:31:42 on a treadmill at la fitness with headphones in that's low-key torture i feel like a goddamn mouse friday national hug your cat day dude if you want to get your ass beat up cats are just so moody dude imagine having a cat that is just like chilling cats are so i'm I'm like, what happened to you? Like, did you, like, cats are, like, what happened to you when you were a kid? Like, what happened? Every cat's like, fuck you! Okay. And then when a cat's in a good mood, it's like, it's acting like it did something for you.
Starting point is 00:32:23 You're like, what the fuck, dude? Saturday. National gingerbread day. Right now? In the summer? Dude, gingerbread? Gingerbread's such like a novelty-ass bread. Nobody's buying gingerbread unless it's in the shape of a house. Gingerbread man. I actually kind of want to make a gingerbread
Starting point is 00:32:52 man for this Christmas. I'm already... Dude, yesterday I swear to God I go, well, Christmas will be fun this year. While like it's fucking 86 degrees and a motorcycle's right next to me like Like If Christmas doesn't Pop in your head randomly like throughout The day I don't know what to tell you National moonshine day Everybody's like had a little bit Everybody's like had a sip of moonshine at like some weird
Starting point is 00:33:16 House party dude have some try some It's 100% alcohol I'm like alright what the fuck I tried it and I was like Every single time I'm like alright what the fuck I tried it and I was like Every single time But you didn't even drink it cuz you thought I was like poison you just like let it touch your lips like the wine at church Did you drink it
Starting point is 00:33:39 Didn't even go down your goddamn ass off Sunday go down your goddamn esoph. Sunday! National Gardening Exercise Day? National Yo-Yo Day? I was a little... I can't wait for yo-yos to come back. When are they? It's like so... It's past due for
Starting point is 00:34:01 yo-yos to come back. Dude, you could really fuck somebody up with a yo-yo. I can't, first thing I think of. I can't believe I didn't like put a hole in a wall with a yo-yo. Bro, I was flipping around the world with a yo-yo. Like seven people know what I'm talking about right now, but yo-yos were hot as fuck when we were growing up. In third grade, if you had that yo-yo with a brain in it,
Starting point is 00:34:22 do you remember that? It was like, you could let that shit sleep for like two and a half hours. You could hang that shit up on a door, like the top of a door frame, and then go to Target and come back, and shit would still be... Not that I did that or anything yesterday. But yo-yos need to come back, bro. When you used to make that triangle thing and make it go through it walk the dog Dude if you brought your yo-yo to school and fucking walk the dog
Starting point is 00:34:54 In that smooth hallway, haha, what's up shit yo-yos were it All right, That's 161. Thanks for listening. Remember to tell the homies. Subscribe, rate, review. Merch will be shipped out this week. Got shows coming up at Helium
Starting point is 00:35:19 middle of the month, 16th, 17th, 18th. And got some other shit cooking too. Thanks for following. Thanks for subscribing. Thanks for sharing the vids and all that stuff. It really means a lot. And I mean that.
Starting point is 00:35:37 I'll talk to you guys next week. I fam. Auf WM!

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