Espresso - lyrics you've been singing WRONG

Episode Date: July 11, 2024

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So you wanna play with magic? I thought it was, um... God, that's such a good song. Do you wanna play in my jeep? And I never questioned it, because, like, jeeps are awesome, so why wouldn't you wanna play in her jeep? Like, she was flexing, like... Oh, shit! Yeah, I do!

Yeah, I do wanna play in my... Walk on, brothers and sisters, walk on with a fucking walk on oh this is on what's up fam espresso podcast shot 323 i'm your girlfriend benny whose legs are still sticky for money poured pink lemonade all over them in the car car car can we talk upcoming stand-up comedy shows philly july 25th raleigh august 22nd buffalo september 19th and a lot more on benedict palizzi.com get your tickies below and i'll see you there hey watch lovers and liars all episodes available on the cw app i've never told you guys that before so one time only thing remember to watch lovers and Liars and FBoy Island season two and three.

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Subscribe to the YouTube. Remember to leave a rating and review on the Apple podcasts and follow on Spotify's. If I was my mom and dad saying that sentence. But can we talk? Espresso, quick, quick, quick, quick question of the week. What are the lyrics you've been singing wrong your entire life? For me? Alex Sosia.

Our lips Sosia. Same thing. You can't tell me she's not saying Alex. Alex Sosia. It might be a better song with Alex Sosia. I wish I could play the real song, but I can't because copyright, but it's okay. Yeah, dude.

And that Tony Hawk song. I actually talked about it on the last pod... Yeah, two podcasts ago. And like three people called me out. They're like, dude, they're not saying Tony Hawk. Big dog.

They're not. But I... I'm not the only one. Let's just say that. Just burped because he had two pink lemonade Kit Kats right before recording this. Ah, and a whole rotisserie chicken in his car. But that's okay. Right? Right. All right. Let's get going. What are the song lyrics you've been singing wrong your entire life? Just had a stroke. Here we go.

For me, it was Party in the USA. I thought she was saying, I can't wait. Welcome to the land of famous sex. Lit. welcome to the land of famous sex am i gonna fit in hey everybody thought that because i remember the first time i heard that i was like can she can she say that lit welcome to the land party in the usa what did what did she say though What did she say, though? What did she say?

Do we know? Welcome to the land of fame excess. You can't tell me that they didn't like plant that in there. Why are those the lyrics? Welcome to the land of fame excess. Whoa. Am I i gonna fit in she says famous sex and they scrubbed the internet and changed all the words can't tell me differently he's right type shit type shit let's keep going i love this already low by little john i always thought was let me see you get low two step two step

well I just found out like two years ago that it's you scared you scared not let me see you get low two step this sounds so white explaining oh black people lyrics let me see you get low

two step two step is what I thought Let Me See You Get Low You Scared You Scared Drop That Ass Up And Down And Get Low God what a song I would have thought that too because Two Step

kind of its own little vibe at that time too but if he said it in the song before the other song came out i know what you mean let me see you get low two-step two-step while i just found out like two years ago that it's um you scared you scared not let me see you get low two-step oh man god we're so lame but but who cares? Let's keep going. So the song that I used to always mess up the lyrics to is Buttons by the Pussycat Dolls. I first heard this song when I was like 10 years old when it first came out.

And this is how I would sing it for literal years. I'm telling you to hoosen up my buttons, baby. What the fuck is hoosen? Oh, hoosen. I don't know. But that's how I would sing it for literal years, probably to like my late teens. I don't know. But it's loosen, not hoosen. I don't know, but it's loosen, not hoosen.

I don't know where I got that from, but my little 10 year old brain told me it was hoosen. And I went with that for years until someone finally pointed it out that it's loosen. Not this made up word. That might be worse. I thought it was hoosen. Oh man. You never forgot where you were when you heard loosen up my buttons babe loosen up my buttons

husen i want to see you loosenosing up my buttons, babe. Yeah, my shirt's tight. Yeah, can you help me out? Can you hoosen this up? I can't believe the moment that somebody checked you on that. I would never forget that moment. Hey, it's not hoosing, you dumbass. Oh, man. I just want to go.

Okay. Another thing I want to know when I get to heaven. How many peanut butter and jellies I've had? One. I think that's kind of it. And then, oh, how many like bees I've killed? Probably. And then third thing.

How many times have I sang the wrong lyrics in front of somebody and then be like, and not tell me, not tell me. Oh, just let me keep being an idiot. Who sent up my buttons? How many peanut butter and jellies have I had? How many bees have I killed? How many times did I sing the wrong lyrics in front of someone else? And can I see it real quick? That's what I think when you get to heaven, brother, to show you like a highlight tape of three things you want. And that's, those are my three. They can just pull it really quick from like a, you're the hard drive of your life. They're like, okay. They like scroll through on the gods on the computer. He's like peanut butter and jelly file.

We got them all right here. You want to watch? I'm like, yeah, sure. He's like, okay. They scroll through on the gods on the computer. He's like, peanut butter and jelly file. We got them all right here. You want to watch? I'm like, yeah, sure. He's like, okay, it's two years long. And that's just smooth peanut butter. Crunchy is four years. Fuck! Loosen up my buttons, babe.

Loosen up my buttons. Keep going. Shaggy, it wasn't me. I'm 30 years old and until about two years ago i thought i had given her an extra key me too i had given her an estropy i googled what is an estropy oh so many times i thought it was a medical procedure, like a colonoscopy. Estrope. And then one day, I was listening to a song and it hit me. It's Extra Key.

I love this. Giving her an estrope. I love it. I did something similar with the Backstreet Boys. That one Backstreet Boys song that's like, You're the one for me. You're my ecstasy. You're the one I need.

Then it gets really 90s after that. But like the song in the beginning is pretty dope. But instead of ecstasy when I was a kid, I thought it was extra seed. I was singing it on just belting it out in my house one time. Twelve. You're the one for me. You're my extra seed. You're the one I need.

Like singing it to my sister, like dramatically, like I was in the Backstreet Boys. And she just looked at me. She goes, it's not extra seed you're the one i need like singing it to my sister like dramatically like i was in the backstreet boys and she just looked at me she goes it's not extra seed and i was like then i don't know then i just don't know anymore and then i was just in like a whirlwind of like what the fuck is it then in my head i just pictured uh the Backstreet Boys' Nick Carter handing someone a watermelon seed. Thank you, Nick Carter, for the watermelon seed. I love you. Let's keep going. In Drake's Best I Ever Had song,

I always have thought he sang Baby, You're My A-Game instead of Baby you're my everything to this day I cannot even though I know it's baby you're my everything I'm still gonna sing baby you're my a-game and I kind of it still makes sense it's better baby you my a-game you you all I ever wanted and why does it make so much sense in your head like you don't even question it bro just said a game out of nowhere that's what i always think man god i hate when i look at i kind of hate looking at lyrics so i'm like i'm gonna i'm gonna be in shock when i see these lyrics baby you're my everything like why can't we understand anything anyone's saying baby you my a-game you all i ever wanted make sense to me

gosh man every single song i have no idea what they're saying and i'm just going along with it like i know a hundred percent confidence baby you're my a-game you all i ever wanted we can do it Like singing it Like with your friends around and shit They don't say A game you idiot Sorry I'm still gonna sing it like that though What a question

So mine is from Blink-182's Enema of the State album What's My Age Again It starts out saying I took her out It was a Friday night. I walk around to get the feeling right. No, it's not.

I walk alone. It's I work alone to get the feeling right. Still can't believe it. Really? I work alone to get the feeling right. I took her out. It was a Friday night. I walk alone to get the feeling right. Hold on. I took her out. It was a Friday night. I walk alone

to get the feeling right. No, it's not I walk alone. It's I work alone to get the feeling right. Oh, work alone? Still can't believe it. I thought she said work alone and I thought it was walk alone

because I walk alone and I walk like that. It's I war cologne. Oh my God. My whole life's a lie. I work alone to get the feeling right. And everything makes so much sense. And you realize how big of an idiot you are.

That's why I don't like listening to lyrics or reading them. like listening to lyrics or reading them so i used to think that love in an elevator by aerosmith was he was actually saying lumbity bum bum beto instead of love in an elevator i gotta hear that i know i don't want to you know what let's just let's just see what's going on I shouldn't do it I shouldn't do it love in an elevator who's heard that song song song love in an elevator Elevator. I can't. I can't. I can't.

We're going to get hit for copyright. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't get banned. But I trust you and I believe in you. And I think you're right. Okay. So, you know, that Jake Owen song is like just when i was jack and you were diane just

came out of the water okay okay so okay so you know that jake was under the water for 15 seconds okay so you know that jake owen song is like was getting dunked on the 4th of July by her cousin. Stop it! So, you know that Jake Owen song? It's like, when I was Jack and you were Diane. I used to sing when I was Jack and you were dying. Like, dying dead. And until one of my girlfriends was like, girl, it's Jack and Diane. No! Okay.

No. I sung that at the top of my fucking lungs for so long and i'm sure someone around me was like what the fuck is this girl singing i'm jack and you're dying they probably thought like you're being funny and make your making your own lyrics or something god i sing so much, bro. It's my whistling. It is. You know when somebody's whistling or humming and you're like, shut up. Who whistles or hums anymore? And then you like walk around outside and you're like, la-da-dee, la-da-da. Jack and dying.

It's my whistling. And it's so annoying. And I know I'm saying every word wrong. God, I'll never forget. My friend just looked at me and was like, bro, that's not,

is that, that's not the words. And I was just like, dude, I'm just like messing around. Can't comprehend anything. You never felt dumber than when your friend calls you out right there for that you're like um so me and my sister used to sing tiny dancer by elton john but instead of singing

hold me closer tiny dancer we would sing hold me closer tony danza so hold me close it was a joke but then we just kept doing it hell yeah people off there you go i like that it's pretty hilarious the boomers hate it so hold me closer t Tony Danza. Makes more sense. God dang it, I love that. I wish you would have sang it. Next time we do this, aka next week, because this is fun, sing it. So hold me closer, Tony Danza.

That's like the best. I think that's more fun than actually singing the lyrics. It's true. Let's keep going. On ride with me by Nelly. Supposedly he says, Oh, why must I live this away?

But everybody knows it's, Oh, why must I live this? Oh, you feel me? Oh no no i don't feel you oh man white guy podcast got even whiter there that's no good all right nelly oh why must i feel this oh hey must be the money. Okay, now I do. Now I know. Now I know.

Now I know. Now I know. Supposedly, he says. Thank God he said supposedly, right? Oh, why must I live this way? But everybody knows it's, oh, why must I live this? Oh, you feel me? I do feel you now.

Oh, why should I live this way? Must be the money. And I think, wait, is it must be the money or pass me the money? Holy shit, it just got white again. On Ride With Me by Nelly. Is it must be the money or pass me the money? Oh, my God. Oh, we got to look this up.

Ride with me. Nelly. What a good song though. Getting whiter. Hey, must be the money. Okay. Okay. That's what I thought.

That's what I thought. It's what I thought. Hey, we're back. We're back. Not as white. Not as white. Oh, why should i hey must be the money i thought it was pat i thought it was something be the money for so long because must be the money is it shouldn't be like the the top line of that song must be the money okay like when i figured that out it was must be the money i was like

all right i guess oh shit i love it when you guys put fake names for the anonymous names you can put your real name in here if you want doesn't matter but it's all anonymous i'm not going to say anything but this person put quentin jammer not that this is a sports podcast or anything. So there's one song I just truly do not believe that these are the lyrics at all. You got it bad. Usher, early 2000s bangers, you know, get it all in your feels, land on your covers and cry all fucking night. But like my money on my cars, you can have it all back.

I was, candy. Like, it definitely does not say flowers, cards, and candy, but I will just never change, ever. It's not cotton candy. Flowers, cotton, candy. Oh, he's so, one more time time he kind of killed that too but like my money on my cars you can have it all back flowers cotton candy like yeah it definitely does not say flowers cards and candy uh but i will just never change ever oh man that one got me that one shook flowers cotton candy

and nobody's ever thought twice about that lyric they just sang it but if you really thought about it you'd be like why the why was he getting his girl cotton candy maybe she really liked cotton candy maybe it was their thing yeah that's true that's what my brain did i was like that's why he's uh award-winning artist because he's putting like very specific things from his life in his songs. He's upset about his girl and he got her flowers and cotton candy. And that's cute. And that's why he's a millionaire and successful. Really real lyrics, flowers, cards, and candy. Like the most basic. I got to learn. I got to see what this really says. gotta stop cussing too I'm sorry I'm sorry dude command f do you guys know that trick right yep oh my god when you say that you love them

you all really know everything that used to matter don't matter no more. Like my money, oh my God, you can have it all back. Flowers, cards, and candy. Turns into a nerd. Flowers, cards, and candy for my girlfriend when she's sad. I do it just cause I'm. that's what they say after that i do it just cause like my money and my cause you can have it all back and flowers and cotton candy

okay he turned into a paper boy from the Civil War. Man, that's a fire one, bro. Thank you, Quentin Jammer, for everything you've done on the field and off the field. I got two songs that have stumped me for a long time. First one is Britney, Bitch. That I'm cereal That's my first one right there Always thought it was cereal Oh

Doesn't mean That I'm cereal Shredded Wheat That's my first one right there Always thought it was cereal After that Kind of a throwback But Goodbye Yellow Brick Road

Elton John I don't understand anything he's saying the entire time Relatable Let's hear it time mmm relatable is here I love it there's no idea I love it, dude. No idea. No idea.

I don't know. But hey, appreciate you. Dude, I love you, bro. Man, that was good. Hey, like they have to know, right? They're in the studio. Two producers on the other side of the glass are going in. They have to think of their head like no one knows what I'm saying at all right that must be like a known thing in the music but i bet they know i don't know i don't know anything about music you i bet there i bet like there's an

there's like a unwritten rule in the music world like yeah if they don't know what you're saying it just makes it even better so they're all right. What was he saying that whole time? This though. Tell me that I'm serious. Wheaties. But to lose all my heat. Oh man, Brit Brat just goes so hard. There's like 10 left.

And by 10, I mean 15. Because mommy can't count. Let's keep going. Mama say mama say mama goose. I learned that it was. Oh, God. I'm going to say it one more time. I'm not going to stop.

I don't know about that i'm not gonna stop there's a michael jackson song i forget what the song is called but i'm sure you got it are we sure man i'm still i'm still convinced it's mama say mama's out of my cusa isn't it's so much better that weird, like chant that no one knows. Mama say Mama Sada Makusa. Right. Like MJ said. I'm going to say it one more time.

I'm not going to stop. I'm going to say it one more time. I'm not going to stop. Mama say Mama Sada Makusa. It's that new like TikTok thingok thing you know every once in a while on tiktok it's like uh is it laurel or brainwash you know those it's like a like however you hear it are you left brain or right brain laurel or brainwash i hate those because one day i'm like, it's Laurel.

You idiots. Then I see it on my FYP the next morning at like 8.30 a.m. And it's like brainwash. And I'm like, God, I don't know. Same thing with this song. New TikTok trend. What are they saying? Mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say mama say Mama say Mama say Mama say Mama say Mama say Mama say Mama say Mama say Mama say Mama say Mama say Mama say Mama say Mama say Mama say Mama say Mama say Mama say Mama say Mama say Mama say Mama say Mama say Mama say Mama say Mama say Mama say Mama say Mama say Mama say Mama say Mama say Mama say Mama say Mama say Mama say Mama say Mama say Mama say Mama say Mama say Mama say Mama say mama say to Michael's heart or I'm going to say it one more time. I'm not going to stop.

What is it for real though? I think I'm going to say it one more time. I'm not going to stop. It's like I thought it was a lie on like a viral meme and everybody believed it. I'm going to say it one more time. Imagine thinking Michael said I'm gonna say it one more time I'm not gonna stop and not Mama say mama saw do my coo saw

Wait So what is it? Wanna be starting something later I'm sorry You guys probably know And you already found it on your phones Before I did I'm just acting like I'm just on the guys probably know and you already found it on your phones before I did.

I'm just acting like I'm just on the computer right now with nothing recording. Want to be starting something. You got to be starting something. Want to be starting something. You got to be starting something. Too high to get over. Command F. Hold on, I'm looking for it. Is it at the end? I'm sorry.

You're a vegetable. You're a vegetable. That was so weird in that song. They still hate you. I didn't know what they were saying there. Dude, I don't know. On this website, this is Google, and they're saying,

Mama say mama sadamakusa. Hoo hoo. Mama say mama sadamakusa. This is google lyrics i'm team mama say mama saw i feel like i'm saying like a like a slur over and over again and this is gonna get like this is gonna get like this is gonna get clipped and they're like he said it 17 times because what does that mean nobody knows i'm team mama say mama a song that i have been singing the lyrics wrong to my entire life is 100 and i believe that thousands and thousands of people will agree i hope that it is bone thugs crossroads for sure I know but what what part

bone thugs crossroads I'm gonna see you at the crossroads so you won't be lonely I didn't I didn't do I only I first heard of bone thugs in this song when I was in high school such a high school song for me wake up wake up I don't know which Which part of the song? He's whiny. He's being a whiner.

Let's keep going. What lyrics was I singing incorrectly? You know that song by Akon called Smack That? Well, there's a line that says, maybe go to my place and just kick it like taibo maybe just go to place and kick it just like taibo fitness thing in the 2000s oh that makes sense that's clever well that's not what i was singing uh i was saying maybe go to my place and just kick it like tato nelly furtado i thought it was just a shout out ah that would have been so our own girl nelly furtado i mean she was big at the time and

proboscis was out so okay it's being suggestive it made sense to me uh and the other one is you know maybe just go home and kick it like tato bottoms up by trey songs i didn't do it right at the beginning it says it's mr steal your girl yeah i thought he saying, is Misty still your girl? Oh, shit. The hardest nickname. Is Misty still your girl? Just wondering so hard at the beginning of every song. Oh, wait a second.

Is Misty still your girl? No, okay. Oh, is Misty still your girl? You didn't answer me. You said yes. Okay. Confirmation one more time. She's not your girl.

Could be your girl. I don't know. Is Misty still your girl? Is KT still your girl? Is JD still your girl? Is Jasmine still your girl? Is KC still your girl? Is Casey still your girl? Bottoms up, bottoms up

What? Is Katie Thurston still your girl? Of course we got married Oh So good Katie Perry, Dark Horse The part where she's like So you wanna play with magic?

I thought it was... God, that's such a good song. Do you want to play in my Jeep? I never questioned it because Jeeps are awesome. So why wouldn't you want to play in her Jeep? She was flexing. Oh, shit. Yeah, I do. You want to play in my jeep like she was flexing like yeah i do play in my fucking jeep don't you and i drove a jeep i was like a junior in high school so i felt like

an extra bad bitch singing that song and the next line is even like boy do you know what you're falling for and i i thought it was boy do you know what you're fighting for so the whole time i was like yeah he's fighting to play in her jeep like who duh who wouldn't and um then my friend heard me singing it like that and ironically while i was driving her in my jeep and she was like you're an idiot that's not right and then um i actually crashed my je Jeep in total. It was so sad. It was red. It had like six cup holders. So it was the biggest loss of my life for sure, and there is no more playing in my Jeep for me. Oh, my God. I thought she was going to say, just kidding.

And I wrecked my Jeep, and I killed my friend that said that to me because I was so embarrassed. Do you want to play in my Jeep? Boy, you don't know it's a Wrangler. See, if I was your friend in that situation, I wouldn't have called you out because I was like, she's just being funny because we're like in a Jeep. I wouldn't have been like, no, you idiot. I don't know. Do you want to play in my Jeep? It's not mine, it's my dad's. He's letting me borrow it.

Do you want to play in my Cherokee? Isn't it kind of weird that Jeep can just say all those Native American tribes? I'm scared to say Indian. I don't know if we can i don't know what the rules we can't say washington redskins i guess that makes sense a little bit because that's very specific but and they're in honestly on some on some uh car talk jeep kind of starting to name their their jeeps other things i'm like keep the tribes dude keep the tribes liberty okay somebody got fired and they're like we gotta make up for this name the next one liberty and justice for all black old, won't you come on my face?

Benny, this is your mom and dad from Columbus show at Easton. Oh, I love you. From Toledo. We love you. We had a blast. That's our song. Oh, I love this guy. Oh, my God.

Hey. Clubhouse. But real quick. Black old son, won't you come on my face? Benny, this is your mom and dad From Columbus show At Easton The couple from Toledo We love you

We had a blast Love you more dog Love you more bro I don't know what song that is But I'll play it for the rest of the hour If you want me to Skip gone I used to think in the song

Glycerine by Bush He would say big boobed water gun. But he's saying bad moon wine again. Glycerine. Glycerine. Bad moon wine. Wait. God, see, I don't blame you, bro.

What does he say? Why would he ever say either of those? I used to think in the song Glycerine by Bush, he would say big boobed water gun. But he's saying bad moon wine again. Does it just mean or does bad mood wine again make less sense? That is a weird, that is definitely, that was, that was a trap. He did it on purpose. Say bad mood wine again. Just see what they think. They do that. They, they mess with us. You know, they mess with us. You ever hear hear like Welcome to the world of famous sex Dude I heard that in the car

One time with like My mom and I was like God damn She's like what If you didn't hear it I didn't hear it Drift Away by Uncle Cracker I definitely thought it was Give me the beach boys

And free my soul And then about 10 years after singing it that way, I was told it's give me the beat boys. Oh, I like that. Give me the beach boys and free my soul. I definitely thought that too. So I was like, God, he must have really liked the beach boys growing up. And like, that was like his inspiration. Give me the beat.

And he's finally saying it it giving them credit in a song what a guy uncle cracker is give me the bitch boys and free my soul i'm like oh yeah what i like uncle cracker it's give me the beat boys never mind mine i love you milky boy whoa it's been a minute it's been the longest time i don't know what i'm talking so um i don't know if this is recording either because my bluetooth is jacked up yeah i also don't know if i said this too late but if we did hey whose bluetooth isn't jacked up can we figure that out oh well we'll do it next time if we didn't oh baby girl it's off so my guy bonnie taylor i think is the uh the big haired broad from the 80s so this song is it's the one oh um i'm blanking on the name of it but it's the one that goes turn around i don't know those words but i always thought she was saying something like

the like the main part she said i'm with you 100% oh solar eclipse to my life okay so this really turned into I don't know any of the lyrics I do I just don't remember them now but there's a point in there

I always thought she was saying I think she actually says we're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks I thought she was saying, I think she actually says, we're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks. I thought she was saying something like living on the border egg and giving off sparks, which never made sense. But I Googled, threw it up in the Google for the lyrics, and found out it's actually, we're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks. Forever's gonna stay alive.

Just like Biebs from a year ago, my guy, baby girl. Okay. Whenever Beavy comes on, it doesn't really hit all the time. Well, it does hit all the time when it comes on, but if it's on every day, no. But when that song comes on, oh, I mean, Dollface, we are killing it. You're also blowing eardrums with how bad it is. Dollface. Totally clips of my heart.

Is that what she says, though? In that part? Total eclipse. Of the heart. It's a solar eclipse of my heart. Oh, definitely thought the... I didn't know she was white. God, that is so crazy.

I don't know anything. I love you, Milky Boy. Oh, that's one thing I know. Total eclipse of the heart, babe. That's the song. We're not going to go 150 seconds, don't worry. In a moment for a time of storm. And if I haven't get a star tonight this is really

so sporadic but you know what it's a psycho fan baby girl what we do anywho hope you have a great day that's why we love milky bro always running off the highway I clipped that part of his voice message where at first everybody thought he ran off the highway and people and on youtube people

think like it's it's titled like caller uh like runs off of a bridge during voice message i titled that everybody watches it and hears it so everybody in the world knows kiss a tits bitch i love you milky boy whoa no one knows what i'm talking about right now except for like eight people and that's the psycho club um i used to think the lyrics to the song um barbie girl was come on barbie let's go potty which makes no sense a little though like why can ask barbie to go potty god you know hey was that like the like the most memorable song ever you think barbie girl like everybody knows that song ask your dad ask your grandpa everybody knows even ask like god that was so who was it by too it was by like aqua come on barbie let's go party ah ah ah yeah

i'm a barbie girl That was crazy. Late. Yeah. Aqua. God, what a crazy, you gotta be out of your mind to make a song like that. Come on, Barbie.

Let's go potty. I probably thought it was that for like two years. That sounds like fun to do together as men, but as woman, it makes sense. So I kind of thought like no one was perfected. Like, Oh girls,

you know, we go to the potty, you know, we go to the bathroom together. Like kind of makes sense. But like in thought like no one was perfective like oh girls you know we go to the potty you know we go to the bathroom together like kind of makes sense but like in theory like why did i think that like what was i thinking but looking back on it i'm like it's kind of funny and i kind of wish those were the real lyrics because that would be hilarious anyway like you know barbie can't even eat she doesn't even take a shower she doesn't do anything so like i don't think she's thinking about going in the bathroom but um you know sometimes in our minds the lyrics that we think that what it should be sounds so much better it is you know that was

my take potty all for a whole month when i was a little kid uh month for me it was probably like four years come on barbie let's go potty dude just that song in general though like whenever they play hey every dance you've ever been to they played that i'm a barbie girl and like all the girls are like laughing plastic it's fantastic like girls get it to that song i'm like yeah yep yep guys don't know what to do and when barbie girl comes on all the guys are like like there's like four guys that like try to like do it too i was one of them and then their friends are like bro you're so fucking you're annoying and i'm like ah ah ah yeah come on i'm like you be the guy i'll be the girl you be the guy i'll be the girl then like talking to your like really like cool friend you be the guy i'll be the girl

you can brush my hair and then then it gets the undress me part and they're like bro i don't want to do this anymore. There's that Smash Mouth song that goes. And so what's wrong with taking the backstreet? But when I was little, I thought he was singing. And so what's wrong with singing some backstreet? Oh, dude. What's wrong with liking the backstreet boys?

And what's wrong with singing some backstreet? You never know if you don't go sounds like scooby-doo though you never shine if you don't grow such such a happy song every song when we were like younger was so goddamn happy so what's wrong with singing some backstreet makes Makes sense to me, man. How wouldn't you think that when the Backstreet Boys are the next song that they're going to play on the radio? So what's wrong with taking the Backstreets?

Why are you saying that in a song? There's the song Little Black Submarines by the Black Keys. And no lie, we thought the lyrics were old can of beans, the voice is calling me. God, I wish I knew this song. I don't know.

Black submarines. Hold on. There's the song Little Black Submarines by the Black Keys. And no lie, we thought the lyrics were, Old can of beans, the voice is calling me. Old can of beans. Oh, can it be?

The voice is calling me. I don't know the song at all, so I'm just singing the most general tune ever. I don't want to look it up because there's this thing on youtube called copyright and if you get hit for copyright they suspend your account so i'm sorry but uh it's really the voice is calling me wait what do you think it was sorry there's the song uh little blackmarines by the Black Keys.

And no lie, we thought the lyrics were old can of beans. Old can of beans. Kind of hungry now. Beans and macaroni mixed together. Don't know why I always think about it, but now I'm going to think about it even more. All right. So you know the Blink-182 song, What's My Age Again? what's my age again it's my age again i took her out it was a friday night i always thought he said i walk alone like he's walking by himself yeah he says i wore cologne

oh spraying on cologne again so much more sense i work alone to get the feel in right i don't anyway first time i heard that, it fucked me up. It was about like a year ago. So you're the second person who said this lyric, and I still think he's saying I work. W-O-R-K, work alone. I work alone in a cubicle to get the feeling right. I work alone because I'm not a team player to get the feeling right.

I work alone. get the feeling right i wore cologne the way you put on your cologne as a guy says everything about you i forget to put dude i won't if i don't see the cologne before i leave i won't put any on i all forget every it's still a new thing to me it could be the the biggest night of my life i'll forget to put on cologne and forget about every i work alone i forgot to wear cologne and i remember that as i ran out the door so there's a song called keep on moving and i thought the lyrics were yellow is the color of some race Chinese people but it actually says the way she said that Chinese people Chinese people Chinese people Chinese people Chinese people, Chinese people. But it actually says, yellow

is the color of sun rays. For years I'd sung yellow is the color of some race. It's like, yeah, that's the Chinese people. I love it. I love you. I know, I know, I know.

Why did that seem racist? I don't know. Chinese people. Probably didn't help that I replayed that line 34 times. Yellow is the color of rice. That is the best rice. The yellow rice that looks like a little sexier than white rice. You're like, ooh.

I don't know. You can tell it's been through a little seasoning process. Whenever you see with the peas in it, I don't know the real name. I've never had Chinese food. I've never had it. I bought it for a skit one time, and I didn't even eat that. Never had Chinese food. But the yellow rice with the peas and carrots in it even eat that. Never had Chinese food.

But the yellow rice with the peas and carrots in it can get it. That's fried rice, you idiot. Okay. Is it, though? I don't know. I've never had it. Leave me alone, Ashley. Hey, should I turn Ashley, my producer, into my dad? i'm thinking about doing that so my dad's a producer hey b that's fried rice dude if you don't know my dad will will say

anything and just end it with b like i said like i'm doing a show in philly i made this flyer it's like me instead of rocky on the cover of Rocky IV, iconic in our family movie. It's the only movie I've ever seen. My dad's obsessed with it. I'm obsessed with it. I sent it to my dad thinking he'd be like, nice or just something. He goes, cool, B. That's fried. The yellow rice with the peas and carrots in it. That's fried rice, B. All right, dad. that's fried the yellow rice with the peas and carrots in it that's fried rice b all right dad okay i hope i'm not alone on this but the star spangled banner when they say oh say can you see i always thought it was jose oh my shut up shut up this is a prank oh because i get it but why would they ever in the most american song of all time say a mexican guy's name jose can you see jose Jose hey Zeus

can you see hey Nomar Garcia Parra can you see how many more Spanish names is he going to say oh hey Sammy Sosa can you

see just every Mexican guy oh hey Jose Cuervo can you see? Should we keep going? Should we keep? Should we keep? Oh, say, Don Julio, can you see?

No, because he had too many shots. Oh, God, yes! See you in double. I'll take a double. I haven't been singing this song incorrectly my entire life because this song came out when Vine was famous, I think. And I'm like 35. So it's Shawn Mendes' song, Stitches. And he sings, fallen onto my knees.

I'm pretty sure. Fallen onto my knees I'm pretty sure But when I hear it I hear and I sing Farted Onto monies That's great Farted onto monies

Oh my gosh That's one of those you say in your house When you're a kid like really and yell it And your mom's like shut up So many of those songs sometimes i know i know and you're not the only one vine was the biggest era though the biggest social media like craze was vine for sure right like instagram is having its moment when it's all said and done and we die the the biggest one is probably gonna be instagram dude it's just the king right

but vine was so like what i wanted to be a vine star so bad. Man, I just couldn't do it. Just too stupid. Man, my ideas were trash. How were they doing it? People on Vine were killing. I'm literally 20 years too late to the party. Just like every other time.

This guy. I used to think the song Black Widow by Iggy Azalea, I believe, I used to say, well, it does say Black Widow Baby, and I used to think it said like a black little baby.

Fucking idiot. I don't know, man. I don't know. Like a black little baby. Why not? Why wouldn't she? She's cutting edge. She's edgy.

She's Iggy Azalea. She might have a quarter African-American in her. We don't know. She might be able to say that. That's why she's a number one hit artist, Iggy Azalea. Oh, she wasn't saying that at all? Okay, yeah, yeah. Okay.

Black Widow. Little Black Widow black widow little black baby what was he saying black widow um by iggy black widow song black widow i believe uh used to say black widow baby why wouldn't she is my question thank Thank you for the voice messages, fam. I love you. We're coming in hard next week with another question. Leave the voice messages every week. Don't know how much it means. But let's keep going.

Dear Diary, I had a random thought the other day. Someone, I mean, I'm in every open mic ever, and someone always talks about school shootings. And I thought about this and I was like, you know what I did when I was eight years old? No, I actually, I was six. Six years old.

Couldn't go to school yet. This might be even weirder. I had a toy gun when I was six years old. And it was orange. Just because, obviously, it's not a real gun. It looked like the realest orange gun in the world. Bro, and I used to do that gun. Man, what a, oh, that gun changed my life get your kid

a fake gun man get your kid that's one well all the parenting advice i have for my whole life get your kid a fake gun bro the way i used to go around every corner of my house like i was james on come on you're good i don't know what happened to that orange gun. I think I chewed it all. I just bit it and shit. But one day before school, my sisters, both of their backpacks were by the door. Cause everybody's ready to go. Get ready to go. Gotta get your stuff out. Get ready to go.

And I was just being an idiot. Six years old. My school didn't start. My school. My school, they didn't start till like noon or something. because I was a baby and I was in kindergarten. But before school started, because I was up and everybody else was up, I put that fake gun in my sister's backpack. And I completely forgot about it. And she said when she got to school, she opened her bag in like science class or something and

just pulled out a pistol how bright is that my little brother put a gun in my backpack before school why wouldn't i is the thing i was just trying to protect her. Hey, got a bully or something? Somebody bothering you? There you go. Before attendance. Anyway, cringe moment of the week. cringe cringe moment of the week what happened okay this is so cringe okay this let's let's take it back to father's day june 15th maybe i don't know why i know the date for father's day but um this is insane but i haven't like played a sport in like so long, like recreationally. Obviously I haven't played a sport since like college officially, but I was like, I'm not going pro in football or basketball or anything. So why would I ever play it? And before a show, like all these can

be, one of these comedians had a basketball in his car and there's a hoop like outside and we're just playing i'm a nerd now i was like i've never felt like this in my entire life i was shooting like the biggest nerd i was like oh my god i just bricked like three times mean, I haven't shot a basketball in like two years, but still you kind of think you still got it. I can catch a football, obviously. I mean, obviously, come on. Have you seen me?

No, but like I can't throw, like the comedian, like some of the other comedians were like throwing tighter. Like they were better. I was like, damn, dude. I feel so unathletic. And on Father's Day, I went putt-putt with my dad and my sister. And I like hit the ball. I even sound unathletic.

I hit the golf ball. I putted. And it like got kind of close to the hole. I was like, whatever. And I ran to the hole. I was like, whatever. And I ran down the green. Like I like stepped on one part of the green, stepped on another, like jumped a little bit, like turn the corner. I'm not going to lie.

I felt pretty good. And my dad goes, hey, B, what have you done athletically lately? Meaning, I think you lost all your athletic ability. He's right. It's gone. And I'm not great. I'm not good. And I've been thinking about it every day of my life.

Hey B, when's the last time you did something athletic? Oh. Told you guys on the live stream I'd save this for the pod. Um, we're talking about, uh, God, I don't even know how we got on the subject, but it's the story about how me and this girl I used to date had this, like, we're like, Oh my God. We were like having a moment. It was like a, it was like a Tuesday and she was like, Oh, what if we like, it was like a, it was like a Tuesday and she was like, Oh, what if we like went to that new, like sushi place? And I was like, yeah. And I was just like messing around. And she's like, what if we went there and like, and I was like, and had a photo shoot beforehand. And she was like, yeah. Cause like I would do that. And I was like, no, but you're wearing a wedding dress

and I'm wearing a tuxedo. And she was like, yeah, like, yeah, but we, and then I go, but we have blood all over each other. And she was like, yeah, like you just kept going with it. It was funny. Like we just, it doesn't sound funny now. Cause you know what I mean? But like in the moment it was like, Oh my God. And like, Oh, we both have white contacts in. Yeah. Oh. And it was like hilarious. And I was like, Oh my God. Like we get picked up in a limo. Can you imagine that? Like if we were, this sounds like a fake story, but okay. So the, the, the thing is, this is what we're going to do. Fake date. We, uh, go to the sushi restaurant, dressed up real nice with blood all over each other. And we're going to have white contacts in and pull up in a Escalade limo. And it was just like the funniest thing in our heads. This is a really bad story.

in a Escalade limo and it was just like the funniest thing in our heads. This is a really bad story. And Saturday rolled around and I was like, let's go on a date. And she was like, okay. And I think she forgot about all of it. I didn't. Because when we were talking about, it was seemingly the funniest thing we've ever talked about in our lives revolving around a date. So I was like, okay, let's do it. I'm going to plan all this shit. And it, I thought about it while I was working out and I was going to hang out with her in like two hours. So I had like an hour to be like, all right, I got to go grab these contacts. I got to get in a suit. I got to rent a limo and pull up to this girl's house all in two hours. I did it. You give me a time crunch. Mommy's getting it done.

I ran 45 minutes away to a weird costume shop to buy some white contacts. I bought two pairs because I like if one didn't fit or I or one popped out of my stupid small eye, I was ready. Boom, got in the limo. Boom, I'm wearing a suit. Boom, pulling up. Boom, she has no idea. Boom.

Limo guy's like, all right, you want me to get out and let her in? I was like, absolutely not. You sit your little tight ass in the car i'm on the phone being all cool like hey i'm just parked out front because there's nobody here i got like the flashers on she's like okay i'll be right out she thinks we're going to like i don't know a steakhouse dude she comes out of the front door i roll roll down the window, tinted all black and a white Escalade, or it might have been a Hummer, not sure.

Just the most, like, dumb thing ever. She looks at me. I turn my head with white contacts in sup all I say gets in the limo she's like oh my god but like

I don't know if like I was like why isn't this hitting it didn't she was like oh my god and I was like are you embarrassed we talked about this why isn't this hitting? It didn't. She was like, Oh my God. And I was like, are you in bed? We talked about this. Um, and I kind of, I kind of, I was like, all right, well, let me change it to my backup clothes because I had a feeling even if, you know, I'd have a backup plan, whatever, whatever, whatever. So I put on normal clothes, but I was like, if, you know, I'd have a backup plan, whatever, whatever, whatever. So I put on normal clothes, but I was like, I'm keeping the contacts in. So, um, yeah, we just got a limo and I wore my white

contacts the entire time in this sushi place. And they were looking at me like absolutely nothing was wrong because they had no idea. And that's how it should be. But yeah, cringe moment of the week. I did this crazy date shit with my girl I used to date, and it was an L. I was like, no way, brother. I thought that was a no-fill. I was having so much fun. I can't believe it didn't work. That's coming from a guy that's going to be single

for the rest of his life. coming from a guy that's going to be single for the rest of his life. Throw in the white contacts and just fucking vibe for a little, you know, come on. Let's do days of the week. And now I kind of feel like she's right. Thursday, today, national 7-11 day. Oh, the way that place has changed my life living in LA. Baby girl. I can't even go buy a 7-Eleven anymore. I can't even look at one.

Dude, I treat 7-Elevens like a cemetery. If I see one, I don't even look. I say a prayer and hold my breath. I'm like, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't. 7-Elevens are so dangerous. How's it different than any other gas station, B? Well, I don't really know. It's kind of exotic because I've never been to one before. But, dude, for a hot minute, I was on some comfort food.

And when I would get a little frizzled or, you know, just not, I just needed something to get me back to neutral. I would eat four peanut butter and jellies from 7-Eleven. And I think I gained 23 pounds. But it was just what was hitting at the time. And do I still think about those peanut butter and jellies every single night? Yes. Did I stop eating them? Because my best friend Derek said I started looking fat. And I said, are you sure? And he goes, yeah, it's because you're eating so many peanut butter and jellies. So that's why I don't

eat them anymore. But 7-Eleven, baby girl, there's something about it. Hey, the coffee machines inside of a 7-Eleven. Comment below how much you think those are. Comment below. You know, they don't have normal pots of coffee anymore in 7-Eleven, in Speedway, in gas station, like supermarket things. They just have like an espresso machine. How much do you think those are? I'm thinking $8,000, but give me yours. Give me yours. You could like, you could just look it up

on the internet, B. I know, but it's more fun to not know. National Mojito Day. Me and my roommate don't drink just because. So me and my roommate don't drink just because I really have no reason to not drink. Nothing happened. I'm just like, I feel better if I don't. And I've been on this LaCroix kick. All I think about is LaCroix. Every single time I need to drink a water, I'm like, no. I'll wait for LaCroix at home. There's a mojito flavor.

Probably the worst thing you could do to two guys that aren't drinking is get mojito flavored LaCroix. I'm like, this has to have alcohol in it. I think I got drunk last night on accident. Maybe I tricked my brain on some O'Doul's, but yo. Mojito LaCroix. Could I blow numbers?

Probably. Should I have spent the night in jail? I think so. Mojito LaCroix. All American Pet Photo Day. Pet photos. I'm like, you look happy all the time, except for when I'm taking a picture of you. Can you just smile? Talking to your dog. Can you just smile? It's so crazy how they don't. How do they know? Looking around all weird and shit. I'm like, just smile. Like, don't you know, but don't you know by now, dog, that this is a camera. Like you see me all day, every day on

this thing, taking pictures, doing stupid shit. You don't know this is a camera by now. You have to know. They have to know, right? Taking a picture of your dog. I'm like, yo, you saw me shot a whole, shoot a whole video of this thing. You're not going to smile. Dogs in clothes though. Just take it, take the picture. You can send it to me. Send me an email. DM me on Instagram of your pet in clothes. Sounds a little weird. Sounds a little horny, but it's not. I just, there's something about dogs in coats. Put anything in a coat. I saw a video of a plane, an airplane with a jacket on, and I was like, oh, put anything in a cup Friday. National French Friday. I'll always take one off your plate. God, I'm that piece of shit, aren't I?

I won't take one before you take one, but like after you eat three fries and I'll take one and just be like, dude, come on, like shut up. take one and just be like dude come on like shut up but honestly if you get like kind of annoyed by that like bro you got you got 70 fries in front of you diva spread out the wealth eat your jello day a wine glass full of jello with cool whip on top. Slap my ass. Call me Barbie. Only the real ones ate jello out of wine glasses like a real bitch. My whole childhood.

Can we have jello tonight? It was such a luxury for my family to eat jello. Jello? Jello. for my family to eat Jell-O. Jell-O? Jell-O. My mom acted like Jell-O was $700. The way we only had it like twice a summer.

I was so gassed. You ever eat too much Jell-O? You're like, That's the exact noise too. You're on the couch watching TV and you're like, I had way too much jello. Green jello though?

That's a whole different thing. There's a couple things my mom acted like were $700. Flintstone push-ups, ice cream pops. My mom acted like those were cocaine when when i was a kid if i even look she'd be like no okay all right even though my childhood heroes on the front bam bam i won't even look at them saturday barbershop music appreciation day I don't know what barbershop you guys are going to but the barbershops I go to well now I go to one that's like super like yas so they play like just kick it like Nelly Furtado music and just kick it like Toto

but every other barbershop I've ever been in, I'm like, yo, uh, I'd love to get a haircut and not get stabbed in the ribs. Dude. Sometimes barbershops are so like, Whoa, it was just one. I went to an Indianapolis a lot. Like when I was like in college recently, not bad, but like bro, you walk in there, bro. I'm like something could happen in here probably. Right when you walk in,

I woke up in a new Bugatti. Get, get. I was like, OK, I just want a faux hawk. Anyway. Wait in line for two hours. I woke up in a faux hawk. Anyway, wait in line for two hours. I woke up in the new Bugatti. Get, get.

Three hours in there. Waited for three hours in that barbershop. So scared for my life. Just want a faux hawk because spring breaks tomorrow that's all never knew what to ask for i just show him a picture of ronaldo i was like not that i'm in love with him or anything but can you cut my hair like this not that I'm in love with him or anything, but can you cut my hair like this? There.

That's how, you know, ladies ask your man what picture he shows the barber. The picture of that man is the man that your boyfriend's in love with. It's the guy he loves, the guy he wants to look like the guy he wants to be for me brett farve i'm just kidding it's doug flutie sunday mac and cheese day boy mac and cheese mixed with a little baked beans. Hot dogs and mac and cheese.

God, there's something so good about that. You know what I did on the 4th of July? This is so stupid, dude. 4th of July in my new apartment. No furniture, still kind of new. Plus two guys live here. We don't really care. No one's coming in here and we're doing shit all day.

You know, we're just in and out. We don't really care. We have beds. here and we're doing shit all day you know we're just in and out we don't really care we have beds you know i mean sleeping the same one though but fourth of july 10 30 p.m rolls around firework fireworks in the sky i could go very high couples everywhere runyon Canyon right behind our apartment. Oh my God. What were me and my roommate doing? Sitting on the cold ground, no furniture, with the TV on the ground watching Priest Holmes highlights. priest holmes highlights what did i have to eat just bought a pack of turkey dogs made it in the skillet chopped them all up put ketchup and mustard on them best fourth of july i've ever had is that because i'm insane or is that just guy brain it's got to be guide brain because there's absolutely nothing wrong with that night i woke up and i was like yeah actually yeah it's great do i need to see firework no i can hear them they're right there i can hear

them i don't need to see them whoa i know everybody has yeah how many times did you see that on the internet on fourth of july don't take a a picture of the phone don't take a video of the phone okay bro we know yeah but honestly i didn't look out the window one time because why grand marnier day grand marnier if you work in a restaurant you know what that is if. If you work in a restaurant, you know what that is. If you don't work in a restaurant, you have no idea what that is. And that is what makes me so mad about people that work in a restaurant. I can't stand it. Cannot stand it. Everybody in a restaurant thinks that you should know every liquor and beer and everything that ever happens in a restaurant

the minute you step in the door never worked in a restaurant in my life i there it i the first day i walk in they're throwing all this this these this language at me what do you talk get the cam bro filled up with this with the i'm like, what are you talking? Get the cam, bro. Fill it up. With the, I'm like, what? Yeah, you have to get the Grand Marnier. It's like a thing that all the bartenders do. I'm like, what are you talking about? The Mariners? They played who?

I don't even know if they're a team anymore. The Grand Man, the what? Mariners. Ken Griffey Jr. played for, what are you talking about? How would I ever know anything? People just think, you know, everything. It's so crazy to me. So crazy. I could go on forever and ever. Amen. Walk on brothers and sisters. Walk on, brothers and sisters. Walk on, walk on. I love you guys.

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